I relate to the self-permission to say no boundary issue - when I know very well that a situation won't be good for me, learning to allow myself to say no to it instead of going/doing it anyway is very liberating. I tihink for me it's a hangover from childhood, the notion that other people shoudl always come first, what they want to do is more important than what I want to do, therefore if someone asks me to do something, I should do it no matter whether I want to or not, because what they want is important, and what I want isn't. Unpacking core beliefs like that is certainly a work in progress for me, but realising that default settings which were programmed such a long time ago exist and can be brought into vision and renegociated is an exciting and liberating notion. At least I tihink so! The over explaining myself - that almost made me laugh out loud, considering how much over explaining of myself I've been doing in the last day or two! The thoughts you raise in my mind about that is that perhaps there's a nuance as far as who we might be trying to explain outselves - does the other person actually have the sincere curiosity to want to try and understand, in which case maybe it's more worth the investment to come to a mutual understanding. Or is the person just not really interested in trying to understand, so then, absolutely, its not worth the effort. For some time I've given up trying to interact with most other people. Because I had a number of situations where I grossly misjudged the intentions of the other person. That made me close myself off socially and start reading books on psychology and stuff to try and understand what on earth happened and why I just didn't see it coming. For a good long time I was suspicious of everyone, paranoïd, I social isolated myself and didn't expose any od my thoughts or ideas. But, after long enough, that can get pretty lonely. So, I've decided that I want to change the boundaries a little (i.e. lower the fortress wall a little so I can see out and put some WD40 on the drawbridge locks so I can open the door and allow the people in who seem like a good fit) and try again. What I'm hoping is that by being a bit more selective about who I try and interact with, perhaps it will work out better. Learning how to recognise good people from malintentioned people and reconstructing boundaries appropriately was/is a key thing for me. That started by pulling up the drawbridge and building the walls higher, stocking the moat with pirana fish and not going out at all. That's a safety mecanism when things have gone wrong enough to make the problem visible. But then working on the issues to enable mutually fulfilling interaction with other people seems like the right thing to focus on, for me at least. So, I'm trying 😊Im might not get everything right, I'm sure I won't. But I think it's worth a try. Seeing myself as autistic and realising that the people who are autistic and make videos, like you, see to come across in ways which make sense and communicate in ways which seem to be on my wavelength gives hope that there are people with whom I can be myself and mutually understand. Your point on isolation is interesting. Alone time is really helpful. And giving myself permission to insist on that is a liberating thing when I can pull it off. It's difficult to allow myself to do it because of the "pop-up" voices and routines in my brain which tell me it's not OK to do things I want to do when there is a list as long as both my arms of other stuff I "should" be doing - again comes back to childhood learned default routines - put others first. Perhaps that's more a problem for an autistic brain? Perhaps an NT brain would hear the same mantra and then nuance it throughtout life so that it becomes, put others and their needs first... from time to time, or sometimes, or when it suits you, or when you can without compromising your own needs. A black and white operating system hears a clear mantra like always put other people first as just that. And then wonders decades later where all the joy and pleasure in living went. Put together lots of little pleasing things and you make a period of joyful time, and that much less down feeling time. Thank you for articulating that. I am surrounded by natural beauty where I live and have realised that much of the time I don't see it, because I don't really look at it. For me, giving myself permission to enjoy the world and do things which give me pleasure is a huge thing. So, setting appropriate boundaries to cut out things which don't fit properly; not bothering with trying too hard with people who just don't get us or want to understand our way of thinking/being; doing things which makes us feel good and make life worth living; and isolating ourselves from people and data overload which is not helpful. That's a good plan for starters. Thank you for your thoughts 🙂
Moving to NC from Chicago meant I couldn't commute via bicycle any longer, and I didn't realize how much of a loss that was going to be. It's now my dream to get back to bicycle commuting one day.
@@Broken_robot1986 It’s disappointing that NC doesn’t offer that, at least in the cities. Seems like a great place for bike trails & multi-use greenways. We even have those here in the Ozarks (though not as far out as I live).
Agree about everything, and thanks for reminding me how self-isolation can be therapeutic. The problem is I'm not single and we're both working from home. But when I do manage to have some alone time in my space (at home), I think it's such a bliss. Also, I liked traveling on my own just to live in a hotel all alone 😀. Though traveling is stressful for me, it has its benefits. This year, I've also started mindful walking as I live in a place where nature is welcoming. As for a street workout, I find jump roping, plus some pull-ups, push-ups are more soothing for me than running or bicycling. It's just unbearable to see how the scenery changes, and I prefer to stay in the same beautiful spot when I workout. Special thanks for mentioning Amorphis. I liked them when I was in my early 20s, and it felt nostalgic. I miss the time of my youth when music cured almost every pain. As for setting boundaries and overexplaining, there's still work in progress, but your words motivate me to continue.💪 I see that your life and health is in pretty good hands (your own) 🙂
I used to travel alone with my dogs & it was wonderful! I miss those times. Solo travel can be great because you can set your own pace & schedule. It’s traveling with others I find challenging. I run on a treadmill inside my house due to temperature sensitivity and hyper-mobility issues. That way if I hurt myself, I don’t have to worry about getting back home.😆 Setting boundaries and trying not to over-explain are relatively new additions & a work in progress for me as well! It’s necessary though & I’m happy with the results so far. Thanks for watching & for the encouraging words! 😊
I have an exercise bike; it really helps with depression. I added a small table to the handlebars; large enough for a laptop. I set my phone on it, and watch music videos. (I tend to watch the same videos over and over, but it occupies my mind.) I also have a count-up timer. I set it after I exercise; then I can look at it and it shows how long its been since I've exercised. (I have issues with object permanence and time blindness.)
I’ve thought an exercise bike might be easier on my joints than running on my treadmill. I listen to the same playlist on shuffle. I tried audiobooks, but that didn’t work. I need something upbeat for running. The count up timer is a good idea! I have issues with time as well.
@@Sensory0verlord The count-up timer I use counts up to 999 days. (As opposed to kitchen timers which only count up to 99 minutes etc.) Also has 1 inch high letters on the display. So far, I think its helpful.
I also turned off the sound for notifications a couple months ago!! 😂 It helps SO MUCH. I can turn it back on if there's something I need to be available for, but otherwise I get so much more space to think. It's amazing what a difference it made. What's your favorite frozen pizza? That no-cheese roasted veggie one from Amy's is killer
Do you ever wonder if we were really rich that we would be seen by neurotypicals as quirky and not weird? I think about this all the time -the fine line from weird to quirky with them. Only a perception. Yes on phone notifications or even ringing. I hate it. So my ringer is always off. Yes on over-explaining. Ugh. I hate it. Yes I go thru this huge rumination if someone doesn't like me and I don't understand why. I love to be outside and watch birds, the trees and bugs. Or the sunset. I have this theory that the trees absorb our negative energy and put it into the ground :) Exposure therapy and overload yes...clicking the mouse and pinwheel of death...yes great visual. Your honesty and vulnerability is very moving. Thank you
@@sl5311 Yes! I’ve always assumed that if I were then I’d be called “eccentric “ and not weird. I love your theory of the trees absorbing the negative energy. I breathe out, they breathe it in, & it gets filtered out from there.
@@Sensory0verlord Oh wow you are correct, we breath their oxygen they breathe our CO2. I was thinking in terms of raw energy. Asking them if they would take it and put it back into the ground. 🌳🌴 That would have sounded crazy to me when I was younger.😆 I have had times in my life when I seemed very neurotypical. I was adopted at birth and masked so heavily that I wound up at 30 having no idea who I was. Strange situation. 😕 Anyway, I could pass for NT until I was exhausted then I couldn't. So when that happened, I would tell people that I was really tired when I saw them get that look in their eye like he's weird. 😞 But I basically had a well-rehearsed persona and come-backs and comments for every situation. I had no idea this was unusual at the time. Anyway, back then I was probably seen as eccentric. Now I think I'm seen as odd. (I found my birthfamily and they were all Mormons from Utah. Whoa. It was weird.) You know, I have a greenhouse and I grow tropical plants, I am interested in virtually everything all the time. I like sunsets. I am always trying to become a master at what I am doing-which is usually about 10 things at a time. Anyway... ramble control kicking in 🤣
Thanks for posting this video. Sharing information about your experience coping with stress and depression may stimulate others to find their own way of dealing with personal difficulties involving stress and emotions.
Amy's! I like the enchillada ones (can't think of the names.) Also, the veggie meatloaf. About 10 years ago, they used to make a chili & cornbread dinner but they discontinued it. I really liked it.
The chili mac is currently my favorite! I occasionally buy the canned chili & put it on Fritos with cheese & make it really unhealthy. 😆 The enchiladas are good too. I haven’t tried the veggie meatloaf, but it’s probably bc I used to have an issue with regular meatloaf before going vegetarian.
I apparently have difficulty sensing certain types of physical discomfort. That has led to three dangerous tooth abscesses and recently found out I had some food allergies causing gut issues and body wide inflammation. It also created some neuro inflammation that made it difficult to think and rest. My decision to pursue better health and listen to some health professionals instead of my body sensation, allowed me to function much better.
@@MVance-k9p I sometimes get physical sensations/discomfort & emotions confused. That or my emotions cause physical sensations, I’m still figuring that out.
@Sensory0verlord Emotions have physical sensations attached to them. Pupil dilation, heart rate changes, muscle tension, sweating... Sometimes it's difficult to tell which emotion you may be experiencing. Especially if you process things deeply. Your processing of emotional states may be slower or delayed, leaving you with a physical sensation of emotion out of context. If you don't have the sensation at the time of the event that generated the emotion, you might have difficulty identifying the proper emotion.
Thank you for the video. I also find that staying hydrated is really important especially as you get older. Its a good idea to invest in some Nalgene bottles and developing the habit of having one with you all the time.
Thank you! 😊 And yes- here’s one from their album Queen of Time, (which is awesome in its entirety) ruclips.net/video/q3vKweB6exM/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Loving this whole discussion! Just having the inspiration to mention something I've realized from my own experiences that's related to what you said about over-explaining and the comment someone said to you about "I will never understand you"... I've found that I grew up learning to think it was my fault that the other people in my family/life didn't understand me. But after living into my 20s and then 30s I have finally been able to take the hint from all the ways they've expressed (and explained! 😂) that they're not really interested in understanding me, they would just prefer to have me the way they want me without understanding. I realized that I wasn't imagining all this when it sank in how often they would respond to me explaining something about myself (either volunteering or, often enough and ironically because they asked as if they were interested) with telling me that I'm wrong. LMFAO OK... 😳 I guess I can find other people who do actually want to TRY to understand. I don't actually have to keep banging my head against brick walls and blaming myself that I get a massive headache while they still persist. 😖🥴 Oh, whew...🙇♂️🏞️
Yes!!! Totally relate to the thinking it was your fault then realizing they just didn’t want to understand, that maybe they didn’t want to make the effort or even that truly understanding would conflict with the idea of you that they’d formed in their mind, meaning that they’d have to change their perception. Anyway, it’s definitely less painful to just let it go & sometimes quite a relief. 😅
I relate to the self-permission to say no boundary issue - when I know very well that a situation won't be good for me, learning to allow myself to say no to it instead of going/doing it anyway is very liberating. I tihink for me it's a hangover from childhood, the notion that other people shoudl always come first, what they want to do is more important than what I want to do, therefore if someone asks me to do something, I should do it no matter whether I want to or not, because what they want is important, and what I want isn't. Unpacking core beliefs like that is certainly a work in progress for me, but realising that default settings which were programmed such a long time ago exist and can be brought into vision and renegociated is an exciting and liberating notion. At least I tihink so!
The over explaining myself - that almost made me laugh out loud, considering how much over explaining of myself I've been doing in the last day or two! The thoughts you raise in my mind about that is that perhaps there's a nuance as far as who we might be trying to explain outselves - does the other person actually have the sincere curiosity to want to try and understand, in which case maybe it's more worth the investment to come to a mutual understanding. Or is the person just not really interested in trying to understand, so then, absolutely, its not worth the effort. For some time I've given up trying to interact with most other people. Because I had a number of situations where I grossly misjudged the intentions of the other person. That made me close myself off socially and start reading books on psychology and stuff to try and understand what on earth happened and why I just didn't see it coming. For a good long time I was suspicious of everyone, paranoïd, I social isolated myself and didn't expose any od my thoughts or ideas. But, after long enough, that can get pretty lonely. So, I've decided that I want to change the boundaries a little (i.e. lower the fortress wall a little so I can see out and put some WD40 on the drawbridge locks so I can open the door and allow the people in who seem like a good fit) and try again. What I'm hoping is that by being a bit more selective about who I try and interact with, perhaps it will work out better. Learning how to recognise good people from malintentioned people and reconstructing boundaries appropriately was/is a key thing for me. That started by pulling up the drawbridge and building the walls higher, stocking the moat with pirana fish and not going out at all. That's a safety mecanism when things have gone wrong enough to make the problem visible. But then working on the issues to enable mutually fulfilling interaction with other people seems like the right thing to focus on, for me at least. So, I'm trying 😊Im might not get everything right, I'm sure I won't. But I think it's worth a try.
Seeing myself as autistic and realising that the people who are autistic and make videos, like you, see to come across in ways which make sense and communicate in ways which seem to be on my wavelength gives hope that there are people with whom I can be myself and mutually understand.
Your point on isolation is interesting. Alone time is really helpful. And giving myself permission to insist on that is a liberating thing when I can pull it off. It's difficult to allow myself to do it because of the "pop-up" voices and routines in my brain which tell me it's not OK to do things I want to do when there is a list as long as both my arms of other stuff I "should" be doing - again comes back to childhood learned default routines - put others first. Perhaps that's more a problem for an autistic brain? Perhaps an NT brain would hear the same mantra and then nuance it throughtout life so that it becomes, put others and their needs first... from time to time, or sometimes, or when it suits you, or when you can without compromising your own needs. A black and white operating system hears a clear mantra like always put other people first as just that. And then wonders decades later where all the joy and pleasure in living went.
Put together lots of little pleasing things and you make a period of joyful time, and that much less down feeling time. Thank you for articulating that. I am surrounded by natural beauty where I live and have realised that much of the time I don't see it, because I don't really look at it. For me, giving myself permission to enjoy the world and do things which give me pleasure is a huge thing.
So, setting appropriate boundaries to cut out things which don't fit properly; not bothering with trying too hard with people who just don't get us or want to understand our way of thinking/being; doing things which makes us feel good and make life worth living; and isolating ourselves from people and data overload which is not helpful. That's a good plan for starters. Thank you for your thoughts 🙂
And I feel better meat-based and no grains. Like you said, we are all different. ❤
Moving to NC from Chicago meant I couldn't commute via bicycle any longer, and I didn't realize how much of a loss that was going to be. It's now my dream to get back to bicycle commuting one day.
@@Broken_robot1986 It’s disappointing that NC doesn’t offer that, at least in the cities. Seems like a great place for bike trails & multi-use greenways. We even have those here in the Ozarks (though not as far out as I live).
@@Broken_robot1986 Just saw the flooding in NC- hope you’re ok!
@@Sensory0verlord We're okay except they closed the state parks. I guess that's for the best 😂. Ty!
Agree about everything, and thanks for reminding me how self-isolation can be therapeutic. The problem is I'm not single and we're both working from home. But when I do manage to have some alone time in my space (at home), I think it's such a bliss. Also, I liked traveling on my own just to live in a hotel all alone 😀. Though traveling is stressful for me, it has its benefits.
This year, I've also started mindful walking as I live in a place where nature is welcoming. As for a street workout, I find jump roping, plus some pull-ups, push-ups are more soothing for me than running or bicycling. It's just unbearable to see how the scenery changes, and I prefer to stay in the same beautiful spot when I workout.
Special thanks for mentioning Amorphis. I liked them when I was in my early 20s, and it felt nostalgic. I miss the time of my youth when music cured almost every pain.
As for setting boundaries and overexplaining, there's still work in progress, but your words motivate me to continue.💪
I see that your life and health is in pretty good hands (your own) 🙂
I used to travel alone with my dogs & it was wonderful! I miss those times. Solo travel can be great because you can set your own pace & schedule. It’s traveling with others I find challenging.
I run on a treadmill inside my house due to temperature sensitivity and hyper-mobility issues. That way if I hurt myself, I don’t have to worry about getting back home.😆
Setting boundaries and trying not to over-explain are relatively new additions & a work in progress for me as well! It’s necessary though & I’m happy with the results so far. Thanks for watching & for the encouraging words! 😊
I have an exercise bike; it really helps with depression.
I added a small table to the handlebars; large enough for a laptop. I set my phone on it, and watch music videos. (I tend to watch the same videos over and over, but it occupies my mind.)
I also have a count-up timer. I set it after I exercise; then I can look at it and it shows how long its been since I've exercised. (I have issues with object permanence and time blindness.)
I’ve thought an exercise bike might be easier on my joints than running on my treadmill. I listen to the same playlist on shuffle. I tried audiobooks, but that didn’t work. I need something upbeat for running. The count up timer is a good idea! I have issues with time as well.
@@Sensory0verlord The count-up timer I use counts up to 999 days. (As opposed to kitchen timers which only count up to 99 minutes etc.) Also has 1 inch high letters on the display.
So far, I think its helpful.
I also turned off the sound for notifications a couple months ago!! 😂 It helps SO MUCH. I can turn it back on if there's something I need to be available for, but otherwise I get so much more space to think. It's amazing what a difference it made.
What's your favorite frozen pizza? That no-cheese roasted veggie one from Amy's is killer
Amy’s spinach one is my current fav, but I like the roasted veggie too! All of those are great, actually
Do you ever wonder if we were really rich that we would be seen by neurotypicals as quirky and not weird? I think about this all the time -the fine line from weird to quirky with them. Only a perception. Yes on phone notifications or even ringing. I hate it. So my ringer is always off. Yes on over-explaining. Ugh. I hate it. Yes I go thru this huge rumination if someone doesn't like me and I don't understand why. I love to be outside and watch birds, the trees and bugs. Or the sunset. I have this theory that the trees absorb our negative energy and put it into the ground :) Exposure therapy and overload yes...clicking the mouse and pinwheel of death...yes great visual. Your honesty and vulnerability is very moving. Thank you
@@sl5311 Yes! I’ve always assumed that if I were then I’d be called “eccentric “ and not weird. I love your theory of the trees absorbing the negative energy. I breathe out, they breathe it in, & it gets filtered out from there.
@@Sensory0verlord Oh wow you are correct, we breath their oxygen they breathe our CO2. I was thinking in terms of raw energy. Asking them if they would take it and put it back into the ground. 🌳🌴 That would have sounded crazy to me when I was younger.😆 I have had times in my life when I seemed very neurotypical. I was adopted at birth and masked so heavily that I wound up at 30 having no idea who I was. Strange situation. 😕 Anyway, I could pass for NT until I was exhausted then I couldn't. So when that happened, I would tell people that I was really tired when I saw them get that look in their eye like he's weird. 😞 But I basically had a well-rehearsed persona and come-backs and comments for every situation. I had no idea this was unusual at the time. Anyway, back then I was probably seen as eccentric. Now I think I'm seen as odd. (I found my birthfamily and they were all Mormons from Utah. Whoa. It was weird.) You know, I have a greenhouse and I grow tropical plants, I am interested in virtually everything all the time. I like sunsets. I am always trying to become a master at what I am doing-which is usually about 10 things at a time. Anyway... ramble control kicking in 🤣
Thanks for posting this video. Sharing information about your experience coping with stress and depression may stimulate others to find their own way of dealing with personal difficulties involving stress and emotions.
@@MVance-k9p Thanks for watching! I’m hoping others will find it helpful.
Amy's!
I like the enchillada ones (can't think of the names.) Also, the veggie meatloaf.
About 10 years ago, they used to make a chili & cornbread dinner but they discontinued it. I really liked it.
The chili mac is currently my favorite! I occasionally buy the canned chili & put it on Fritos with cheese & make it really unhealthy. 😆
The enchiladas are good too. I haven’t tried the veggie meatloaf, but it’s probably bc I used to have an issue with regular meatloaf before going vegetarian.
I apparently have difficulty sensing certain types of physical discomfort. That has led to three dangerous tooth abscesses and recently found out I had some food allergies causing gut issues and body wide inflammation. It also created some neuro inflammation that made it difficult to think and rest. My decision to pursue better health and listen to some health professionals instead of my body sensation, allowed me to function much better.
@@MVance-k9p I sometimes get physical sensations/discomfort & emotions confused. That or my emotions cause physical sensations, I’m still figuring that out.
@Sensory0verlord Emotions have physical sensations attached to them. Pupil dilation, heart rate changes, muscle tension, sweating... Sometimes it's difficult to tell which emotion you may be experiencing. Especially if you process things deeply. Your processing of emotional states may be slower or delayed, leaving you with a physical sensation of emotion out of context. If you don't have the sensation at the time of the event that generated the emotion, you might have difficulty identifying the proper emotion.
@ I have alexithymia, so identifying & describing emotions can be pretty difficult indeed.
Thank you for the video. I also find that staying hydrated is really important especially as you get older. Its a good idea to invest in some Nalgene bottles and developing the habit of having one with you all the time.
Thanks for watching and yes! Hydration is extremely important, especially if you’re prone to headaches.
absolutely agree. you've got to be the main character in your life story!
The story makes so much more sense that way! 😆
Thank you again, always looking forward to watching your videos.❤
Thank you for watching! 😊
I like listening to your thoughts thank you for sharing them :)
Thanks for watching! And I like reading your thoughts on my thoughts 😃
Love this video! Something I need to work on.
Thank you!😊 It’s not always easy, but it can help!
Great video! I'm looking for new music to listen to can you link a vid of the band you like😁
Thank you! 😊 And yes- here’s one from their album Queen of Time, (which is awesome in its entirety)
ruclips.net/video/q3vKweB6exM/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Loving this whole discussion! Just having the inspiration to mention something I've realized from my own experiences that's related to what you said about over-explaining and the comment someone said to you about "I will never understand you"... I've found that I grew up learning to think it was my fault that the other people in my family/life didn't understand me. But after living into my 20s and then 30s I have finally been able to take the hint from all the ways they've expressed (and explained! 😂) that they're not really interested in understanding me, they would just prefer to have me the way they want me without understanding. I realized that I wasn't imagining all this when it sank in how often they would respond to me explaining something about myself (either volunteering or, often enough and ironically because they asked as if they were interested) with telling me that I'm wrong. LMFAO OK... 😳 I guess I can find other people who do actually want to TRY to understand. I don't actually have to keep banging my head against brick walls and blaming myself that I get a massive headache while they still persist. 😖🥴 Oh, whew...🙇♂️🏞️
Yes!!! Totally relate to the thinking it was your fault then realizing they just didn’t want to understand, that maybe they didn’t want to make the effort or even that truly understanding would conflict with the idea of you that they’d formed in their mind, meaning that they’d have to change their perception. Anyway, it’s definitely less painful to just let it go & sometimes quite a relief. 😅
@@Sensory0verlord Well put! And yes, what a relief!! ☺️
I've read that exposure therapy doesn't work for autists. Isolation does work for us.
That makes perfect sense to me! I need to read about that.