Dealing with Stalkers... Some Advice for You All when the Law & Courts Become Involved
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- Опубликовано: 13 июн 2024
- My friend Adam has been dealing with a stalker for years and years. This person has made unhinged statements toward Adam across social media, via email, and even in person. The harassment was not mild; it included violent threats. Threats serious enough that the police and the courts (who are generally reticent to ever become involved in such matters) have treated them as genuine and actionable.
Adam summarizes the entire matter here...
shostack.org/blog/why-i-dont-...
Upon advice of counsel and law enforcement, Adam is directing no attention towards his stalker and making a point to not engage with him or any of the sock puppets and other chatter that comes with the territory. The story of how our circle of close friends and other notables in the community are offering support to Adam (not mere words of support, but meaningful measures) may be helpful to some of you if you ever face the same situation.
Stalking and harassment are never OK. They are an unfortunate consequence of being prominent and successful, but it is never OK and should not be taken lightly. Look out for each other, support each other through difficult times, and know that the law and the courts are always at your disposal... even if it can be a challenge to engage the authorities.
Best of luck coming through this, Adam. Hopefully the massive outpouring of support from the community is a sign that this whole awful affair may finally become a closed chapter.
- -- ----- ----------
Here's a small collection of my and other's statements and messages of support for Adam...
defcon.social/@deviantollam/1...
defcon.social/@Tarah@infosec....
• I support Adam Shostac...
x.com/shehackspurple/status/1...
defcon.social/@mattblaze@fede...
x.com/tcannoy/status/18016592...
shellsharks.social/@shellshar...
infosec.exchange/@j0hnnyxm4s/...
infosec.exchange/@ljean/11261...
rigor-mortis.nmrc.org/@simple...
defcon.social/@rmogull/112615...
0:40 🌟 Prominence on the internet can attract stalkers.
0:53 🧑⚖ Friend Adam has faced a violent stalker for decades.
1:07 🧑🤝🧑 Adam is a valued friend and community icon.
1:24 📧 Stalker sends violent threats, involves police and lawyers.
1:49 ⚖ Ignoring harassment only works for so long; legal action taken.
2:15 👥 Community support and safety are crucial.
2:37 📵 Trusted friends can help monitor social media to reduce stress.
3:07 🛡 Preserve evidence of threats; prioritize health and safety.
3:24 🤝 Community rallying around Adam.
3:48 ❌ Harassment is not the victim's fault; even micro-celebrities can face it.
4:14 🧠 Society's lack of mental health support exacerbates issues.
4:36 🆘 Resources and support systems are available for those affected.
4:46 💪 Adam is not facing this alone, thanks to a supportive community.
Harassing someone with a friend group who can access nearly anywhere and has an appreciation for firearms…..bold move Cotton.
"Let's see if that strategy pans out for them'
@@DeviantOllam ~The strategy did not pan out for them~
My thoughts exactly. These people are like second on the list of not to mess with if only because they choose to be ethical and law abiding. Would be first if the law abiding thing went out the window because they were really pissed.
Yeah, that's some waking up taped to a chair bolted to the inside of a shipping container territory.
"Stay safe out there" is the best sign-off.
Appreciate you sharing what you share.
A friend once told me that he "would appreciate a stalker as a form of flattery because that way he would know there was always someone in the world who cared."
Keep that friend close, reach out and see how they are doing from time to time.
Ahh yes, the old "well actually I've never had that experience and don't think it'd be bad", Dunning Kruger would be proud.
I'm not saying your friend isn't a good person, but its a complete and utter lack of empathy to minimize peoples situation like that, and completely hollow, a stalker leads you to constantly be watching for what they do next, not a feeling a stability. They don't normally know or understand, let alone value, their target so much as desire to possess some part of the status associated with that person, making both ownership and destruction more acceptable than their continued independence/personal adjacency.
Simple fact is a stalker is a traumatic event, you wouldn't do it to that friend to even prove them wrong.
Stalkers don't care about the person they're stalking. That guy doesn't know what stalkers are actually like. Stalkers are entitled brats. They try to spy on your personal life and then eventually try to worm their way in, and if you reject them they'll try to cause trouble, just like an entitled hellspawn brat. Do not take them as innocent. They are self entitled shit lickers who try to see what they can get from you.
@SheepInACart While your take is possible, my read on the situation was that the person in question isn't un-empathetic, but *extremely* lonely. I've known a couple people (acquaintances, not friends) that had similar issues. They each had their own complex situation, but mental health combined with a ton of contributing factors made them feel completely disconnected from everyone and everything. A stalker, to them, would be a sign that they mattered to someone, even if only in a bizarre, twisted way.
Regardless, the situation that Deviant discussed is just disturbing and frustrating on SO many levels.
Dev, the more I watch your videos the more I realize what a caring friend you are. How lucky your circle is to have you! 😊
Hey Deviant,
My wife and I are dealing with a ‘friend’ from high school that is bipolar and off his meds. He is now threatening to break my wife’s legs. He is also cyberstalking her twin sister in Arizona (I’m in the burbs of Philly).
We have spent countless hours dealing with this. Our local police chief, his patrolmen, attorneys, Psyche docs. It is fucking exhausting!
I have been out of work for three years. I was in a coma for a week. I’m still relearning how to walk. I need this assholes shit like a hole in the head.
Thank you for spreading the word!
Reach out if you have time. I know that you can find me.
Be well and stay safe!
Obviously I’m not Dev but I just wanted to say I am so, so sorry for you and for what you are going through mate!
As someone who does have bipolar, please just know we aren’t all violent people! Even when our realities may differ, a lot of us are only ever a danger to ourselves 🤗 It always just hurts my soul to hear of situations like this as I know they absolutely do happen more than I would like 😔
As for what you can do to fix this situation, unfortunately I don’t know for sure sorry 😞 I don’t know what the laws are where you are but I would recommend getting a restraining order (if you haven’t already) and trying to get him committed (here a family member can usually do that pretty easily and that is the simplest route).
Truth is, a lot of the time we just don’t realise how unwell we are until we get better so he may not realise how messed up his actions are (not that that excuses them though).
My thoughts are with you and your wife and I really, really hope you get it sorted and you never have to deal with anything like this ever again 🤗
I support Adam as well.
Thank you for speaking out on Adam's behalf, and those who face similar situations
I really appreciate that you, and so many other wonderful people, continue to engage with a community of weird anonymous randos despite things like this happening.
Once again, Dev, thank you for all you do for this community.
I don't know Adam personally but we've interacted over Mastodon and email a few times. I've never got the impression he was anything but a certified good dude so hearing about this just irks the shit out of me. I really hope this shit gets resolved for him sooner rather than later. Nobody should have to deal with this garbage.
Thanks big guy
👍😁👍
It's rough seeing a lot of my favorite people go through this. I didn't know Adam til now, but for as small as it is, he now has one more supporter. Once I have my next little bit of play money, I'm following Tarah's lead and donating to Safe Escape too.
Thank you!! You're awesome :-) I love finding ways to transmogrify bad shit into good shit :-)
@@TarahWheeler Thanks Tarah. Just doing what I can to play my part. ☺ I love that you two are so good at leveraging your platforms for all the best reasons.
Even having a stalker that hasn't made threats (an ex that hasn't learned it's very over after 10 and a bit years) has made me extra careful with certain things. I can only extrapolate from there given the even longer time and some very violent and visceral threats, and I wish luck with an often uncaring at best legal system.
Very well said Dev.
Whoa. First of all, my sympathies to anyone going through this.
Coincidentally, even though I am not subbed to his personal channel, just yesterday a vid from Matt from Demo Ranch popped up in my feed describing several "unexpected home visits" from randos, and similar online stalkers.
Is it the season?
2 Decades!!?? I can't imagine. :(
As my channel has grown I have attracted the “trolls”..
from “your teaching people to break into houses” to comments about my voice and even ‘sniffing”
Nobody should feel unsafe just by doing something they enjoy and expressing themselves.
My channel is like an alter ego for me.
Hope Adam is doing well.
Thanks Dev for being there ⭐️
I feel you friend I am sorry to hear that? It sounds like it is being handled at least...
Hey, “let’s be careful out there”. Stay safe, watch out for each other! ❤️👍✌️
A good friend of mine was a victim of stalking, and just talking to them in a normal conversation, you can see how much it affected them. This shit isn't fun, and just seeing how it affected them, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I would love to buy a "We protect us" t-shirt!
I’ve had an off an on stalker since around 2001. It’s never turned into anything serious, but I know how frustrating it can be. I feel terrible for Adam, but at least he’s in good hands.
I'm glad he is and I hope you have plenty of good people around you, too
@@DeviantOllam absolutely do. I could also probably teach a class on how to deal with stalkers at this point.
thank you
that's a nice message
Having dealt with my own armed offline stalkers my heart goes out to everyone who has to deal with this scary situation. I very much appreciate you addressing it, be safe and well, have a good night!
Deviant Outside
yeah i hate it. too much sun.
We now live in a world where one's morals become a weapon against another (or maybe we always did).
It's easy to have empathy for the victims.
It's a little harder to get away with asking what they did to piss someone off so badly.
I've spent a lotta time online: it takes genuine work to make someone mad enough to bring back the oh sht factor to IRL.
It takes more than just an unstable person targeting fame for this to happen, else you're assuming humanity's baseline is its worst.
No: this is a well-fed troll. They're getting something outta this.
IT is just a numbers game... sadly.
One more reason why I’m glad I have zero fame (not that I’d be interesting enough for that anyway).
My heart really goes out to those who have zero fame or resources and still have to deal with stalkers.
I guess my point is: don’t be a creep.
Some people are not deranged, they just like being jerks, like it's their game. In irc days you could pick up stalkers by merely having a couple of friends.
You'll probably never see this but i'm hoping you do. Please get and read Gavin de Becker's Gift of Fear. That book saved my life. He is one of the foremost experts on stalking
i know de Becker well, yeah. a solid resource.
Isn’t his stalker pretty infamous for harassing atheist writers in Quebec and has been in jails and mental hospitals repeatedly for it?
that is a decent idea, because I had a hard time getting people to listen... but actually the cops sim swapped the phone and that's how I finally got the FBI to listen... It was Napa County Sheriff and if you look up FBI Napa you find that there is crazy stuff going on there... also I was working for a high value target at the time.... so I think that is how it started... your advice is pretty good... honestly there is not resources... I had to face it all alone and still am for going on 3 years... I literally had to scream at the FBI after calling so many times... this situation was unique because it involves a prison gang, and police and public corruption, racketing and stuff like that... but when that was happening to me.. that is how I found your channel and got into hacking myself... they stole my identity and all this stuff... and then the cops helped them... and then tried to frame and murder me but I got out... just barely and got to the FBI in Virginia... and there is stuff going down in California right now... I think I got in over my head... guess we will see, also some of your videos... they honestly helps save me when those people were chasing me... it got me into some places that I shouldn't have been but I was able to evade and hide effectively... so in a way you might have saved my life... you cant make this stuff up... I am sorry about your friend... at least you guys know the stuff that is possible with tech... my friends and family didn't believe me until the very end... but I think I set something off with the FBI and I am proud of that... it would be good advice to have someone to take over the devices and witness... its hard when you are chasing ghosts on the application layer
bruh been there done that, and it is still unresolved it got to the FBI level, I feel for you... I can tell you a nightmare Bay Area story about gangs, hackers, police corruption... it was internet stuff... but it was more like pretext teams and social engineering and really freaky shit
The best way to avoid real-world stalkers is to live in a vehicle, and the best way to deal with online stalkers is to post SPARINGLY. By "sparingly", I mean few and far between. If you go on a trip away from home, do NOT post about it until AFTER the trip is OVER. People could break into your house if they KNOW you are NOT home.
Those tactics might be a method of preventing interactions with undesirable folk, but unfortunately I think we can all acknowledge they are not feasible means of living the kind of life that most of us have. 👍
I do this all the time! I don't like to post unless I am back and feel safe to do so or its been a couple of days and I don't plan on going anywhere for awhile.
@@DeviantOllam True, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't come in handy in a pinch.
@@ColtonRMagby indeed, indeed
This doesn't really work when your income and career relies on posting online, like security bloggers. You can't hide from problems forever
With anonyminity people are much more capable of being evil. As cool as doing youtube/streaming would be, I don't want to ever draw attention to myself.
That's awesome!! But I can say from experience from the LGBT side that you can't even trust your family and friends. Most are very toxic and most don't really care. I just report the individual post and hope for the best from the platform provider. I know it's probably not the right way to handle it but these companies need to do better with this stuff.. Idk just my thoughts! Hope all is well.
::hug:: I’m sorry if most of your friends and family are toxic and indifferent. There’s a supportive community out there for you, and found family can be better than biological family at times.
It's definitely important to be cautious about this, but it's also important to note that not everyone has it in for you. Yes, be careful who you trust. Don't trust family only because you're related, don't trust friends only because you've known each other for a long time. Trust people because they've proven themselves to be trustworthy. Not because you feel obligated to.
And family who doesn't support you isn't family at all. They may be related, but they aren't family.
Involve the pigs when you have a problem and now you have two problems.