I kind of went off the rails by the time I got to telling, but hope this helps you regardless! TIMESTAMPS: Dialogue issues (tags, white room syndrome, telling) 02:59 Scene function & filler 09:45 Writing a lot while communicating very little 18:06 Repetitive, basic sentence style 28:16 Varied sentence examples 31:50 Wall-to-wall telling (distance in your writing) 36:31 Narrate vs. dramatize example 39:20 Final pep talk 46:45
How do you know if a critique partner or beta reader is just trolling you or throwing you off or is actually serious about their criticisms? Thank you, this was a wonderful video! Very helpful 😊
But what if the story is a slice of life that is suppose to have those cute filler-like scenes while the plot goes forward little bit? For example: a family has gathered around a dinner table talking about this and that until someone of the family slips an information of an old unsolved murder case which seems to have no meaning then but later on the same old unsolved murder case comes into play again when something happens. Or example 2: characters are in the festival, all dressed up nicely. They play games, tell jokes and such. Nothing of much related to the plot. Then one of them has a vision about what has happened a long time ago. Example 3 is tied to the first two: seeminly meaningless to the plot is death of a woman who is later found by police and they don't think much of the death either. You would think she was just a very minor character until later on it is found she had more important role to the story. Can you quess what?
@@razariasat3295 The best way to have words is to start! I’m also working on my first story and it took me a while to actually get started. See if you can write just one word or scene that inspires you and go from there if you have to! We got this :)
@@Aeiouaaaaaaaaa I completely agree, once I get a basic outline of the plot, I do intend to start immediately and see where it goes, also best of luck to you chum.
I like longer videos like this too. It allows me to listen while doing mindless lab work. This i am able to see my book in my head and changes I may need to make. Thanks Alexa
I allow myself to use filter words and lazy adverbs in the first draft 😁- it helps me tell the story and keep up with it as it tumbles out and then I go back through the draft upon editing and craft better sentences, eliminate the lazy adverbs, repetition and working on making the descriptions better where I might have used cheap filter words just to get through the scene. Maybe my first drafts just function as very in depth outlines? I love getting through that first very rough draft so I can spend more time on craft- it’s the best part!
I wanted a character to react emotionally to something she SAW and to how it contrasted with everything else she SAW earlier in that scene. So I used that filter word a few times. I couldn't just say "There was this thing, and she reacted" because the thing was offscreen and implied.
Yes! I over describe EVERYTHING in my first draft so that way lager I can choose what I actually need and what is not needed but I can rest easy knowing I have alot of options for descriptions or the way someone says something.
Not even too far into the video and I'm already chuckling. I've had more than one debate with an editing client over strengthening their writing by addressing these things. Some authors are so fixated on "their style" they can't see there are better ways.
Does that mean you’re an editor? I’m curious about writing and kinda took a peek behind the curtains at the writing/editing/publishing side of things and it kind of spooked me ha ha. There’s so much going on that I don’t know of
I love “purple language” confusing and ineffective sentences can be pretty powerful sometimes Personally I think Lovecraft stories use the flowery and confusing complex sentences to instil a feeling of madness in the reader. Especially if his stories are heard not read, the reader can’t follow it all easily its sort of becomes a meta narrative that parallels the descent into madness that so many of his stories are about
Yes, but in the case of lovecraft it appears to be on purpose (for the most part. Some of his language is blatantly there to show off his vocabulary, cause by all accounts he was a stuck up elitist). The purple language in his case was deliberate, to give a sense of the alien. It isn't enough to say 'big' because the english language doesn't have words to describe this thing, but cyclopian is a sufficiently weird word to convey "dude this thing is bigger than I could possibly describe" lol. I think what Alexa was refering to is putting flowery words in when ordinary words would suffice just to make the reader go "this guy's really smart" (as I said Lovecraft is definitely guilty of this in places haha). For me it comes down to "can you explain the thing using less words?" then break out the thesaurus. "does this sentence need five, four syllable words to convey the action of turning on the television?" lol then don't do it haha
A noob mistake I have discovered is introducing a billion characters at once. Like, calm down. Let me get to to know these three first, THEN introduce the rest later. Jeez... Oh, the ineffective sentences. That's me! *raises hand* I have, in editing, realized just how much I'm repeating myself, basically saying the same thing again and again but in different ways, or needlessly reminding the reader about stuff that's apparent anyway. At least I have learned to spot those things and I'm cutting down my novel in length by hundreds of words per day I edit. XD Which is good, because a lot of my overwriting problems come from this ineffective writing.
I see what you did there. Which means I saw your joke and now I'm commenting on it. Because I understood your joke, so I had to tell you that I liked it.
Don't be the one that writes any of these: "Yes," she confirmed, nodding her head in agreement. Suddenly, and without warning, ... He sprinted as fast as he could. felt like an eternity. The sword sliced his arm which caused him to let out a yell that was very loud.
Quick fix’s. She nodded. “Yes.” It was sudden, He catapulted forward Moons went by The bite of the sword caused him to howl out in pain, the blood dripping like hot lava down his shoulder.
Purposed fixes: "Ok" It happened super dooper very extremely quickly He ran super dooper very extremely quickly What just happened wasn't super dooper very extremely quick Sword hit arm he go "ow" I'll be seeing you from the top of NY Times Best Sellers
I’ve been writing for a while and I’ve found that taking a break by watching a show or reading a different authors work, is a great way to refresh your brain. Great video, I took a lot of notes.Thank you for the tips!
I'm beta reader. Every time I take a new novel to read, its crazy bc they have the SAME mistakes. Sometimes I have to literally give the same advice twice. Adjectives, info dumping, exposition, dialogue and narration. The big five. Classic.
You could make a copy/paste list of advice for different mistakes. Tailor it to the specific mistake, of course, but maybe that’ll save you some time and frustration.
Me _before_ watching this video: "I think I'm doing pretty well with my first novel." Me _after_ watching this video: "Oh dear god, I'm going to have to rewrite the whole thing, aren't I?"
Oh my goodness, yes! The dark side of show don’t tell. Writing effectively. I see this ALL THE TIME as a book editor. Writing concisely and saying what you mean instead of trying to sound flowery is sooooo much better and waaaay less confusing! Thank you for highlighting this!
I am trying to write a first novel, finishing a career as a physician and trying to do something different and creative. As a non writer, i did not realize how much detail there is below the level that you absorb but only on an unconscious level and you as a writer must bring it to the foreground. your video was fantastic and the lacing of examples made your lessons so much more effective. i had scrivener up and was adding to my novel writing mistake folder (a big one even before starting the actual novel). Thank you for this.
I don’t know why but I thought this was going to be 15mins long but I burst my fetters when I realized it’s nearly an hour of insight. You’re amazing, thanks for your hard work and wisdom.
There was once when I commented on a person's description of a voice and I said something like: This voice is strong, soft, booming, dark, powerful, loud, etc... is this person God? Because the voice was everything! XD It can get too much sometimes. lol. In editing my own novel, I've removed SO much he felt, she realized, they saw, they heard, etc. It's often not needed.
I just did my first BETA reading a few weeks ago. The first few chapters were hard to read because of overuse of purple prose. I let her know that and the criticism was well received. I hope she chooses to tone it down.
I'm trying to judge whether or not I use too much prose and stray into the use of _purple_ prose instead, what did you recognize in their writing that almost always appears when prose becomes too thick?
@@ferrin6326 sorry. Just now got to this comment. Basically, I had to stop and re-read sections multiple times because I couldn't catch her meaning at times. She used too many words when one would do, or used descriptions that could be replaced with straightforward words (like blue eyes instead of comparing them to something in nature... just say blue! ). I'm a Brandon Sanderson fan, so I definitely prefer straight forward language. Too many metaphors, similes, etc and I feel removed from the story.
You really called me out on the info dumping lmaoo. I started a new project and I felt it being info dumpy when I wrote it but I condensed it thank god
Scene function was by far by biggest struggle when I embarked on writing my first book in my teens. I wasn’t someone who plotted out my story and its details. As such, I was always mesmerized when I read people’s work where the characterization was driven forward in each scene to an eventual payoff at the end where the writing choices in each scene felt deliberate. Outlining extensively has helped me with this TREMENDOUSLY and my scenes hold deeper meaning for the characters and narrative as a while now rather than just being “okay gotta fill some space in my book now”.
I was writing a fic while watching this, and I realized I was doing so many things that would make it harder to read. For example, I just wrote this sentence: "He was then able to grab the linens and dress himself in them" which could be changed to "He dressed himself in the linens" I am definitely guilty of long, meandering sentences that don't do much.
The thing I love and appreciate most about this video is that you actually give advice on how to fix and improve the mistakes mentioned. There are countless videos on youtube that cover all these amateur mistakes, which is fine. However rarely do any of them give constructive ways to improve. I am the type of learner that needs examples. So when a youtuber says, "don't do this" I think, "okay, give me a bad example and tell me why that example does not work. Now show me a good example and tell me why it does work." People cannot get better if you just tell them they are doing something wrong. They also need solutions. So thank you for taking so much time to do this!
I know that I believe a lot of amateur writing comes from writers that watch more than read. We are flooded with shows, movies, and entertainment, as well as packages to be able to afford all of them. I believe if writers want to improve their writing, watch less and read more, do writing exercises, and listen to mentorship. This video serves as great coaching! thank you!
I was just thinking how rain can mean vulnerability (The Notebook, ‘I wrote you everyday,’ and the proposal from Pride and Prejudice), and how I myself feel uncomfortable if the rain is too warm because I only really feel that way in the shower, so I rewrote the sentence to read, “The summer shower is so warm, I feel like I’m bathing. I look down to check that my clothes are still there, that he can’t see right through to my core.”
It doesn’t rain during the proposal scene in pride prejudice, I think you are thinking of the movie. Not really important, just thought I would mention. Good luck with your book :)
It's been three years since your comment and I still haven't finished this video. Today I'm determined to go the distance & I'm nearly there. Edit: I've completed the challenge yellow towel buddy! A heartfelt 100% cotton high-five!
There is one particular case in which I actually LIKE passive writing. If, for instance, you put it there on purpose to put mystery. For instance: "Yes, Anna had worked really hard on that project, and when she sent it in she was practically sure it would be a hit. But, somehow, months passed - winter came, then spring, and at some point during that time her work must have been put aside, forgotten, (gotten rid of), and in June she recieved a letter telling her that, since she had failed to apply, she was taken out of the competition. " (put the stuff in parenthesis in strike-through) In that specific case, since the passive voice is used, the reader is led to wonder who in particular did all this - because it sounds very deliberate
Alexa, I think this is hands down the best video you've done to date, and might be one of my favourite writing craft videos on youtube. I love that you included examples. Also how in depth the entire video is. Seriously, fifty minutes?! This took effort and time. Thank you so much for this incredibly helpful video. I feel like I won't be the only one rewatching while I edit my manuscript.
You look gorgeous! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all you do for us. 50 minutes of help is exactly what I need, and it mustn't be easy to do with a full-time job and books to write. You're brilliant.
I control f'd my document and searched for "Had" after listening to the part at around 22 minutes, and I found 25 "Hads" in around 20 or so pages. After closer inspection, most of them were unnecessary. Thank you so much :)
This was an amazing and thought provoking video. I *know* I have telling issues but having these specific examples is so helpful. I was mentally pinpointing problem areas and possible fixes the entire time already. These are definitely some of my favorite videos, they're so motivating!
This is very useful. There are lots of lists out there that talk about what a writer should or shouldn't do, but not nearly as many talking about how to fix it. I had to learn so many of these fixes the hard way, through trial-and-error, and it is not fun.
I love this! I have literally done...all of these. 🤦🏻♀️ 🤣 Probably because I started as a Fan-fic writer. I went into my own projects knowing I had SOOO MUCH to learn, but at least this shows me some of what to be aware of. Very helpful. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
Recently found your channel while I was doing research for my current writing. Now I'm stuck and love your videos. You have brought a lot of light to things I have been struggling with. I have no one and know nobody who are into writing so ive always blindly fiddled around with my writing with no real clue what to do. I had stopped writing for awhile after highschool and recently got back into it, and now with a different mindset, I just am not satisfied with my work. Or at least was not, after watching your videos it has helped me come out of the block and self doubt I've had. Absolutely love you
This was such an effective video, i really got so much out of it. The examples helped me so much in seeing what was wrong with my writing, which mistakes I make, and what I can use as examples of writing correctly. Thank you Alexa!
25:13 *Same.* This was extremely informative and I found myself unable to stop listening (a big deal for me - lately - with longer videos). Thank-you so much for this. :)
We have tons of guides about writing available to us these days. So I came here and started watching without expecting much. I thought to myself "Awww, I need to write this down! Right, that one's true as well... and this one bit here!". I clicked on "Suscribe" button, toward the middle of it. Much faster that way! 🤣 Thanks a lot for this content. It's fresh and reaaaally helpful.
Thanks for this Alexa, just wrote a ton of notes. I had to laugh at your second point, since I just finished a scene last night that pretty much serves no plot related point, but just is a nice moment between two characters. Now I'm itching to get into edits, but I want to finish the draft first.
@@iferawhite7661 it's worth the wait. it is soooo satisfying, because otherwise you'll keep finding more bits you want to fix.... but you can always put in a big fat highlighted note/comment saying FIX THIS with some general idea on what to put in it, without having to rewrite yet :D
Really good video, I especially liked it when you used examples to showcase the principle or the point. It's easy to say "show, don't tell" but to really aprecciate what it means you need to compare and analyze. Really like your timestamps as well because I often want to skip back and re-hear something that I missed or found interesting.
One thing I’ve found that helps for “showing” is to write about something in relation to what you want to show. For instance, if I want to show that a character is bantering violently to his friend I would write about how the friend’s eyes light up in shock, how he backs uncomfortably in his scrunchy seat to the overbearing bashing of a friend he knew too well to not be surprised. Or if someone is smiling you could write about how the room seems to light up. You can tell someone about how nice it is outside or you can show them the door and the lukewarm breeze waiting for them.
I am a new writer but just like many, I have thought about for years. I have decided to write more about historic places and in a curriculum style but about topics that are interesting and I know that their is a market for people who want to know this information. I have thought in the past to write stories but I never got the concept down fully. It wasn't until I became a English Language Teacher in the Middle East that I really found my passion. Now I'm putting my passion of teaching and writing together. Your advice in these videos is excellent. I do have questions about publishing companies and I am investigating into that now.
I feel called out during the info-dumping part. In my current WIP I fleshed out two whole chapters of flashback in act 1 because I wanted to reach a specific word count... I'm itching to edit it right now but I know it'll halt my drafting progress.
Thank you for these videos! Also, I have realized that I'm actually pretty good at dialogue. I always thought I didn't use tags enough but now, thanks to you, I know that's actually better.
Thank you for this video. Being a highly sensitive person I thought - oh my goodness somehow she's read my book and this is all about my writing. I'm going back and forth on rewriting at least the first three chapters because that's what you send agents and I find my writing in the rest of the book is tighter because it's new material (I rewrote a book in 2019 that I penned in 2010). Even though it's hard to hear sometimes, your advice is on point. I'm thankful I stumbled across your account. You're funny, humble, and honest about your challenges in your own writing. I love your videos.
This was such a great video. You have done an excellent job of explaining everything, and the examples you used were very helpful. As a side note, I love seeing Battlestar Galactica on your shelf.
The thing is, there are successful writers out there who are doing some of the things you caution against. I started reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I found the first fifty pages a horrible experience. There's a massive info dump of backstories about characters that don't even feature in the main story. I can't process a story which introduces fifty different characters. So I gave up. I find that Lee Child's Reacher books are the exact opposite. He tells us almost nothing about a character's back story. All we know about them is what we see of them in the scene.
Thank you! I'm writing my first book and this video was very instructive! English is not my mother tongue, and I can still apply all your tips and fixes to my writing. I cannot thank you enough.
I liked the description of rain on her skin. "Ooh, she's naked!" I may adapt your line: She shook her head as if to clear it. I shook my head to clear it. It didn't work. I write crime fiction, not YA, but I know the rules and break them if I need to. When I used to line edit for other writers, I'd always ask, "Do you want me to be brutally honest or be delicate?" Most would go for the former, but wish later for the latter. Such is life and egos bruise so easily. One noted, "I send you a page to read and you send back three of comments." I don't edit anymore. I'm 70 and really have to get on with my own writing while I have the time and energy. ~ Jon in rural BC, Canada
when they say brutally honest, they probably don't expect you will critique them so much to the point of basically having to change their entire writing style.
@@katgreer6113 Of course, but if their writing is full of grammatical and spelling errors, they really have to buck-up and learn. But I always say at the beginning of a critique: These are suggestions to help you, take and leave what you want. Most take and are grateful for the help.
I happen to complete my first book, not gone through edition but then I uploaded it in my youtube channel for free reading. Maybe I had most of your notions but then reading my written book again n again made me check where I was wrong and then corrected it. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Great info! I realize this is the style of the time, but I've always found it strange that in modern commercial writing complicated verbs are encouraged everywhere except in dialog tags. If "I raced home" is preferable to "I ran home swiftly," shouldn't "He whispered" be preferable to "He said." I realize it's not, but it seems like there's more going on here than a simple rule can encapsulate.
I think in the case of “I raced home”, it’s a smarter use of language than tacking an adverb, ie. “swiftly”, onto a verb. As for dialogue tags, my philosophy is that complicating the tags a) undermines the ability to indicate emotion and tone in the actual line of dialogue, and b) detracts from the actual content of the dialogue and the flow of the scene. You’ll find in lots of books that an extended conversation only uses about two tags and then just has the dialogue back and forth with no tags. It’s entirely instinctual (and a personal and stylistic choice), so it’s just about developing it, tbh.
@@jjaacckkmm I agree with everything except it being entirely instinctual. I think there's got to be a good technical reason behind it. Like sports announcers tend to use the same verb for the same action "he shoots... he scores." It would get annoying if they said it differently everytime. And I think it's interesting that we've adopted the convention that in a paragraph were someone takes an action, and it's followed by an unattributed quote, it's understood that the subject of the previous sentence is the one speaking. Virtually every writer does it, but I've never seen it explained formally when teaching writing.
New to your channel and I have to ask, where have you been my whole writing life?? I am SO glad I found you. Your tips and pointers are already so helpful. I think my favorite take away is having two programs open, the original document, and a blank one, and go paragraph by paragraph. What I have been doing is just spacing in enough space to start over and rewriting that way. But I think I'm going to try your method. Thanks again for the time and advice. I'll be checking out more of your content soon.
🤔Oh man, I have noticed recently HAD is definitely one of my crutch words lol yay for first draft of first book construction and editing 🤣 still lovin it! Thanks Alexa for such a nitty gritty great vid with examples!
Yes , for me I hate repeating “said”, it sounds so lame lol- even when I’ve also shown the emotion, I have a habit of using a descriptive word. When I read it back, I don’t even “see” it.
Ah, many of these are indeed familiar. At least I have a quite strong sense of pace, so often I can intuitively feel many of these mistakes and fix them afterwards or while writing. I do however still struggle with the "white room" issue, especially in more dialogue heavy scenes. My beta-reader on the other hand is more familiar with fanfic over-writing style and we had conversations about when is description enough and when too much, but in the end her "describe a lot" and my "describe too little" mode worked well enough for me to find a more reasonable middle ground. Your list and explanation on these issues confirm that I'm heading in the right direction and it is nice to know. Thank you.
Hey, I really like this video since I struggle with these but I have a question, is there any video that you've done with more visual examples? I felt like when you showed basic examples (specially with the telling and not telling) it gave me a sense of what it could look like. Thank you!!
i watched this at 1.5 speed lmao. i definitely do a couple of these, and a couple are things i've been actively working to fix for a while and I like to think I've grown a lot from it! Anyway, this was great for revision and I'll definitely be revisiting it once my draft is done. I loved how you gave actionable advice so instead of feeling stressful (overwhelmed at all the bad writing habits i have) it feels more empowering (I can find these mistakes and fix them and my writing will be better!!!) Thanks Alexa!
Thank you for these. I’ve spent the last 2 years working on a story, and editing it is far harder than writing it. I found it curious how little you mention adverbs in this video though. I have no formal education in creative writing, but I love listening to the advice of the professionals. Steven King, in ON WRITING, is very critical of the adverb. “Never enough, but never them all.” Something like that. I’ve found some software (I prefer Hemingway) does a great job at identifying adverbs and passive voice, and my story is much (MUCH!) better because of it.
Thank you for your hard work Alexa! This was both helpful and motivating. I’m going to be diving into revising my first draft soon and I’m not looking forward to it honestly lol I just want to be on my third draft already!
I kind of went off the rails by the time I got to telling, but hope this helps you regardless! TIMESTAMPS: Dialogue issues (tags, white room syndrome, telling) 02:59 Scene function & filler 09:45 Writing a lot while communicating very little 18:06 Repetitive, basic sentence style 28:16 Varied sentence examples 31:50 Wall-to-wall telling (distance in your writing) 36:31 Narrate vs. dramatize example 39:20 Final pep talk 46:45
How do you know if a critique partner or beta reader is just trolling you or throwing you off or is actually serious about their criticisms? Thank you, this was a wonderful video! Very helpful 😊
Thank you! This helped me assure a few points. :D
I really like the openness and honesty you portrayed towards the end. 😊👍
All so valuable. Made notes and have an added mode of attack as I go through edits when 1st draft is finally done! Thank you!
Off the rails is when you spill the good stuff for us :))
But what if the story is a slice of life that is suppose to have those cute filler-like scenes while the plot goes forward little bit?
For example: a family has gathered around a dinner table talking about this and that until someone of the family slips an information of an old unsolved murder case which seems to have no meaning then but later on the same old unsolved murder case comes into play again when something happens.
Or example 2: characters are in the festival, all dressed up nicely. They play games, tell jokes and such. Nothing of much related to the plot. Then one of them has a vision about what has happened a long time ago.
Example 3 is tied to the first two: seeminly meaningless to the plot is death of a woman who is later found by police and they don't think much of the death either. You would think she was just a very minor character until later on it is found she had more important role to the story. Can you quess what?
"writing a lot but communicating very little" *sweats nervously with my 200k word count*
"sweats nervously with my 200k word count" me: *sweats nervously with my 0 word count*
@@razariasat3295 The best way to have words is to start! I’m also working on my first story and it took me a while to actually get started. See if you can write just one word or scene that inspires you and go from there if you have to! We got this :)
@@Aeiouaaaaaaaaa I completely agree, once I get a basic outline of the plot, I do intend to start immediately and see where it goes, also best of luck to you chum.
would love to read that... have you had it published yet?
@Kiyo Takeda exactly the same problem with me!
I like longer videos like this. Sometimes I just need to hear someone talking at me for 50 minutes to calm myself down xD
I like longer videos like this too. It allows me to listen while doing mindless lab work. This i am able to see my book in my head and changes I may need to make. Thanks Alexa
@Freddie Buckenham I saw this comment and just had to say same! I have an interview in an hour and watching this video to calm down!
right lol. we gots this, keep writing!
Saaaame. The anxiety to be awesome right away is scary!
Clara Bryant I bet you're lonely
I allow myself to use filter words and lazy adverbs in the first draft 😁- it helps me tell the story and keep up with it as it tumbles out and then I go back through the draft upon editing and craft better sentences, eliminate the lazy adverbs, repetition and working on making the descriptions better where I might have used cheap filter words just to get through the scene.
Maybe my first drafts just function as very in depth outlines? I love getting through that first very rough draft so I can spend more time on craft- it’s the best part!
Same!
I think this is a good method!
I wanted a character to react emotionally to something she SAW and to how it contrasted with everything else she SAW earlier in that scene. So I used that filter word a few times. I couldn't just say "There was this thing, and she reacted" because the thing was offscreen and implied.
Yes! I over describe EVERYTHING in my first draft so that way lager I can choose what I actually need and what is not needed but I can rest easy knowing I have alot of options for descriptions or the way someone says something.
exactly this, I thought I was weird for doing this 😅
Not even too far into the video and I'm already chuckling. I've had more than one debate with an editing client over strengthening their writing by addressing these things. Some authors are so fixated on "their style" they can't see there are better ways.
Poor thing, everyone thinks they’re Nabokov 🤣
Some writing "styles" are just bad writing :P
Alexa Donne TEA
Does that mean you’re an editor? I’m curious about writing and kinda took a peek behind the curtains at the writing/editing/publishing side of things and it kind of spooked me ha ha. There’s so much going on that I don’t know of
@@MonikaNelisDupont I am a freelance editor. My clients are a good mix of those seeking self-publishing and those who are querying agents.
I love “purple language”
confusing and ineffective sentences can be pretty powerful sometimes
Personally I think Lovecraft stories use the flowery and confusing complex sentences to instil a feeling of madness in the reader.
Especially if his stories are heard not read,
the reader can’t follow it all easily its sort of becomes a meta narrative that parallels the descent into madness that so many of his stories are about
Yes, but in the case of lovecraft it appears to be on purpose (for the most part. Some of his language is blatantly there to show off his vocabulary, cause by all accounts he was a stuck up elitist). The purple language in his case was deliberate, to give a sense of the alien. It isn't enough to say 'big' because the english language doesn't have words to describe this thing, but cyclopian is a sufficiently weird word to convey "dude this thing is bigger than I could possibly describe" lol. I think what Alexa was refering to is putting flowery words in when ordinary words would suffice just to make the reader go "this guy's really smart" (as I said Lovecraft is definitely guilty of this in places haha).
For me it comes down to "can you explain the thing using less words?" then break out the thesaurus. "does this sentence need five, four syllable words to convey the action of turning on the television?" lol then don't do it haha
A noob mistake I have discovered is introducing a billion characters at once. Like, calm down. Let me get to to know these three first, THEN introduce the rest later. Jeez...
Oh, the ineffective sentences. That's me! *raises hand* I have, in editing, realized just how much I'm repeating myself, basically saying the same thing again and again but in different ways, or needlessly reminding the reader about stuff that's apparent anyway. At least I have learned to spot those things and I'm cutting down my novel in length by hundreds of words per day I edit. XD Which is good, because a lot of my overwriting problems come from this ineffective writing.
Funny how long this comment is, too.
@@0FynnFish0 XD
I see what you did there. Which means I saw your joke and now I'm commenting on it. Because I understood your joke, so I had to tell you that I liked it.
@@artlove1007 Haha! XD
Same. Can’t stand when a bunch of named characters step into the room.
Don't be the one that writes any of these:
"Yes," she confirmed, nodding her head in agreement.
Suddenly, and without warning, ...
He sprinted as fast as he could.
felt like an eternity.
The sword sliced his arm which caused him to let out a yell that was very loud.
These are traumatic lol
Quick fix’s.
She nodded. “Yes.”
It was sudden,
He catapulted forward
Moons went by
The bite of the sword caused him to howl out in pain, the blood dripping like hot lava down his shoulder.
Purposed fixes:
"Ok"
It happened super dooper very extremely quickly
He ran super dooper very extremely quickly
What just happened wasn't super dooper very extremely quick
Sword hit arm he go "ow"
I'll be seeing you from the top of NY Times Best Sellers
@@behnzo1988 Your words make my eyes go "ow" and my ears super duper bleed a lot of blood
@@behnzo1988 this is actually a interesting way of writting
I’ve been writing for a while and I’ve found that taking a break by watching a show or reading a different authors work, is a great way to refresh your brain. Great video, I took a lot of notes.Thank you for the tips!
Its always great for an artist to get inspired.
I do that too.. when I get frustrated I watch a movie or read
True, tho I tend to use breaks as procrastination and I steal(very heavily) from the media I’m consuming(aka character names, dialogue, whole plots😂)
reading books in the genre i’m writing is always very helpful
I'm beta reader. Every time I take a new novel to read, its crazy bc they have the SAME mistakes. Sometimes I have to literally give the same advice twice. Adjectives, info dumping, exposition, dialogue and narration. The big five. Classic.
Hey
Hey
(Make a chain)
You could make a copy/paste list of advice for different mistakes. Tailor it to the specific mistake, of course, but maybe that’ll save you some time and frustration.
@@zetjet9901 Hey
sorry, broke the chain
@Samara Hamilton heyy, I do portuguese only :/
Me _before_ watching this video: "I think I'm doing pretty well with my first novel."
Me _after_ watching this video: "Oh dear god, I'm going to have to rewrite the whole thing, aren't I?"
If it’s your first novel ever, this video was probably a checklist 🤣 Mine was, too
Oh my goodness, yes! The dark side of show don’t tell. Writing effectively. I see this ALL THE TIME as a book editor. Writing concisely and saying what you mean instead of trying to sound flowery is sooooo much better and waaaay less confusing! Thank you for highlighting this!
This is a whole podcast
I am trying to write a first novel, finishing a career as a physician and trying to do something different and creative. As a non writer, i did not realize how much detail there is below the level that you absorb but only on an unconscious level and you as a writer must bring it to the foreground. your video was fantastic and the lacing of examples made your lessons so much more effective. i had scrivener up and was adding to my novel writing mistake folder (a big one even before starting the actual novel). Thank you for this.
how did it go? 😲
You stared directly into my soul with that section on filler scenes...
Your makeup is so pretty!
It almost always is wow
Oh so when she said 'in depth' she really meant it lmao 🤣 love the topic btw
I don’t know why but I thought this was going to be 15mins long but I burst my fetters when I realized it’s nearly an hour of insight.
You’re amazing, thanks for your hard work and wisdom.
There was once when I commented on a person's description of a voice and I said something like: This voice is strong, soft, booming, dark, powerful, loud, etc... is this person God? Because the voice was everything! XD It can get too much sometimes. lol. In editing my own novel, I've removed SO much he felt, she realized, they saw, they heard, etc. It's often not needed.
What?
I just did my first BETA reading a few weeks ago. The first few chapters were hard to read because of overuse of purple prose. I let her know that and the criticism was well received. I hope she chooses to tone it down.
I'm trying to judge whether or not I use too much prose and stray into the use of _purple_ prose instead, what did you recognize in their writing that almost always appears when prose becomes too thick?
@@ferrin6326 sorry. Just now got to this comment.
Basically, I had to stop and re-read sections multiple times because I couldn't catch her meaning at times. She used too many words when one would do, or used descriptions that could be replaced with straightforward words (like blue eyes instead of comparing them to something in nature... just say blue! ). I'm a Brandon Sanderson fan, so I definitely prefer straight forward language. Too many metaphors, similes, etc and I feel removed from the story.
I absolutely LOVE using "incomplete" sentences. since my current project is in first person, it really does spice up sentence structure!
You really called me out on the info dumping lmaoo. I started a new project and I felt it being info dumpy when I wrote it but I condensed it thank god
Scene function was by far by biggest struggle when I embarked on writing my first book in my teens. I wasn’t someone who plotted out my story and its details. As such, I was always mesmerized when I read people’s work where the characterization was driven forward in each scene to an eventual payoff at the end where the writing choices in each scene felt deliberate. Outlining extensively has helped me with this TREMENDOUSLY and my scenes hold deeper meaning for the characters and narrative as a while now rather than just being “okay gotta fill some space in my book now”.
Every time I watch an Alexa video I come away with a surge of creative writing energy. She's a wizard, lads.
I was writing a fic while watching this, and I realized I was doing so many things that would make it harder to read. For example, I just wrote this sentence:
"He was then able to grab the linens and dress himself in them"
which could be changed to
"He dressed himself in the linens"
I am definitely guilty of long, meandering sentences that don't do much.
The thing I love and appreciate most about this video is that you actually give advice on how to fix and improve the mistakes mentioned. There are countless videos on youtube that cover all these amateur mistakes, which is fine. However rarely do any of them give constructive ways to improve. I am the type of learner that needs examples. So when a youtuber says, "don't do this" I think, "okay, give me a bad example and tell me why that example does not work. Now show me a good example and tell me why it does work." People cannot get better if you just tell them they are doing something wrong. They also need solutions. So thank you for taking so much time to do this!
I know that I believe a lot of amateur writing comes from writers that watch more than read. We are flooded with shows, movies, and entertainment, as well as packages to be able to afford all of them. I believe if writers want to improve their writing, watch less and read more, do writing exercises, and listen to mentorship. This video serves as great coaching! thank you!
Even avid readers make these mistakes. Understanding the craft is a separate skill than enjoying someone else's work.
My first draft is always full of all these mistakes 😂 i never noticed until now but this video was really helpful and i know what to look for now
I was just thinking how rain can mean vulnerability (The Notebook, ‘I wrote you everyday,’ and the proposal from Pride and Prejudice), and how I myself feel uncomfortable if the rain is too warm because I only really feel that way in the shower, so I rewrote the sentence to read, “The summer shower is so warm, I feel like I’m bathing. I look down to check that my clothes are still there, that he can’t see right through to my core.”
It doesn’t rain during the proposal scene in pride prejudice, I think you are thinking of the movie. Not really important, just thought I would mention. Good luck with your book :)
Were his eyes pointing in the direction of your core?
I'm using these videos for my fanfiction and I appreciate them a lot, thank you
This is a class and I'm taking notes! Excellent advice, always helpful to keep in mind.
*raises hand slowly to everything*
Hey early buddies. No one has finished the video yet right when I'm typing. Let's get through the 50 mins guys! Lol
It's been three years since your comment and I still haven't finished this video. Today I'm determined to go the distance & I'm nearly there.
Edit: I've completed the challenge yellow towel buddy! A heartfelt 100% cotton high-five!
THIS is a veritable wealth of information and advice!!? I have to watch this a second time and take notes. DAMN! Thank you!
There is one particular case in which I actually LIKE passive writing. If, for instance, you put it there on purpose to put mystery. For instance: "Yes, Anna had worked really hard on that project, and when she sent it in she was practically sure it would be a hit. But, somehow, months passed - winter came, then spring, and at some point during that time her work must have been put aside, forgotten, (gotten rid of), and in June she recieved a letter telling her that, since she had failed to apply, she was taken out of the competition. " (put the stuff in parenthesis in strike-through)
In that specific case, since the passive voice is used, the reader is led to wonder who in particular did all this - because it sounds very deliberate
Alexa, I think this is hands down the best video you've done to date, and might be one of my favourite writing craft videos on youtube.
I love that you included examples. Also how in depth the entire video is. Seriously, fifty minutes?! This took effort and time.
Thank you so much for this incredibly helpful video. I feel like I won't be the only one rewatching while I edit my manuscript.
You look gorgeous! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all you do for us. 50 minutes of help is exactly what I need, and it mustn't be easy to do with a full-time job and books to write. You're brilliant.
I keep coming back to this video, it’s so helpful when I’m editing! I can’t recommend it enough!!
I control f'd my document and searched for "Had" after listening to the part at around 22 minutes, and I found 25 "Hads" in around 20 or so pages. After closer inspection, most of them were unnecessary. Thank you so much :)
RE: Inner dialog.... written in cursive?
As always Alexa, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
Clicked so fast! Needed this to motivate me to write today!
spill the hot chocolate thank you so much!!!
We love you and your laugh is delightful, this video has already given me many ideas. As always, thanks!
This was an amazing and thought provoking video. I *know* I have telling issues but having these specific examples is so helpful. I was mentally pinpointing problem areas and possible fixes the entire time already. These are definitely some of my favorite videos, they're so motivating!
5 Pages of notes written. Now back to writing because the best advice you have ever given for me was JUST WRITE; so I will. Thanks Alexa xxx
Thank you for this. I've drafted my first book and am writing a second already while my first sits for future revision and this is all unreal helpful.
This is very useful. There are lots of lists out there that talk about what a writer should or shouldn't do, but not nearly as many talking about how to fix it. I had to learn so many of these fixes the hard way, through trial-and-error, and it is not fun.
I love this! I have literally done...all of these. 🤦🏻♀️ 🤣 Probably because I started as a Fan-fic writer. I went into my own projects knowing I had SOOO MUCH to learn, but at least this shows me some of what to be aware of. Very helpful. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
This video is so detailed and amazing! Thanks Alexa!
Recently found your channel while I was doing research for my current writing. Now I'm stuck and love your videos. You have brought a lot of light to things I have been struggling with. I have no one and know nobody who are into writing so ive always blindly fiddled around with my writing with no real clue what to do. I had stopped writing for awhile after highschool and recently got back into it, and now with a different mindset, I just am not satisfied with my work. Or at least was not, after watching your videos it has helped me come out of the block and self doubt I've had. Absolutely love you
This was such an effective video, i really got so much out of it. The examples helped me so much in seeing what was wrong with my writing, which mistakes I make, and what I can use as examples of writing correctly. Thank you Alexa!
25:13 *Same.*
This was extremely informative and I found myself unable to stop listening (a big deal for me - lately - with longer videos). Thank-you so much for this. :)
We have tons of guides about writing available to us these days. So I came here and started watching without expecting much. I thought to myself "Awww, I need to write this down! Right, that one's true as well... and this one bit here!". I clicked on "Suscribe" button, toward the middle of it. Much faster that way! 🤣 Thanks a lot for this content. It's fresh and reaaaally helpful.
Thanks for this Alexa, just wrote a ton of notes. I had to laugh at your second point, since I just finished a scene last night that pretty much serves no plot related point, but just is a nice moment between two characters. Now I'm itching to get into edits, but I want to finish the draft first.
Gah same it's taking every bit of my soul not to go back and redo the shitty beginning of my book but I want to finish the first draft before I do--
@@iferawhite7661 it's worth the wait. it is soooo satisfying, because otherwise you'll keep finding more bits you want to fix.... but you can always put in a big fat highlighted note/comment saying FIX THIS with some general idea on what to put in it, without having to rewrite yet :D
Really good video, I especially liked it when you used examples to showcase the principle or the point. It's easy to say "show, don't tell" but to really aprecciate what it means you need to compare and analyze. Really like your timestamps as well because I often want to skip back and re-hear something that I missed or found interesting.
I love the advice and your dazzling eyeshadow. 😍
I love the deep dive and truly enjoy how you took the time to get into it.
One thing I’ve found that helps for “showing” is to write about something in relation to what you want to show. For instance, if I want to show that a character is bantering violently to his friend I would write about how the friend’s eyes light up in shock, how he backs uncomfortably in his scrunchy seat to the overbearing bashing of a friend he knew too well to not be surprised. Or if someone is smiling you could write about how the room seems to light up. You can tell someone about how nice it is outside or you can show them the door and the lukewarm breeze waiting for them.
I am a new writer but just like many, I have thought about for years. I have decided to write more about historic places and in a curriculum style but about topics that are interesting and I know that their is a market for people who want to know this information.
I have thought in the past to write stories but I never got the concept down fully. It wasn't until I became a English Language Teacher in the Middle East that I really found my passion.
Now I'm putting my passion of teaching and writing together.
Your advice in these videos is excellent. I do have questions about publishing companies and I am investigating into that now.
I liked that example of sentence fragments from your story, that was a great way to shortcut through a scene
this video is a lifesaver ! i needed some writing motivation today and this has been helping !
I feel called out during the info-dumping part. In my current WIP I fleshed out two whole chapters of flashback in act 1 because I wanted to reach a specific word count... I'm itching to edit it right now but I know it'll halt my drafting progress.
The point on scene significance around 11:40 was super helpful
Well, now I know I need to work on my show don't tell. This was a really informative video.
Thank you for these videos! Also, I have realized that I'm actually pretty good at dialogue. I always thought I didn't use tags enough but now, thanks to you, I know that's actually better.
Thank you for this video. Being a highly sensitive person I thought - oh my goodness somehow she's read my book and this is all about my writing. I'm going back and forth on rewriting at least the first three chapters because that's what you send agents and I find my writing in the rest of the book is tighter because it's new material (I rewrote a book in 2019 that I penned in 2010). Even though it's hard to hear sometimes, your advice is on point. I'm thankful I stumbled across your account. You're funny, humble, and honest about your challenges in your own writing. I love your videos.
Thank you Alexa. Your videos have given me insight and lessons that are making my new found rekindling of writing so satisfying.
This was such a great video. You have done an excellent job of explaining everything, and the examples you used were very helpful. As a side note, I love seeing Battlestar Galactica on your shelf.
I loved this video, Alexa! As an amateur writer, this is super helpful for me to be able to pin point what I need to work on! Thanks for the help!
No one:
“Mama always said gardening was the root to happiness”
Me :
I found a pun 🤣 👁👄👁
The thing is, there are successful writers out there who are doing some of the things you caution against. I started reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I found the first fifty pages a horrible experience. There's a massive info dump of backstories about characters that don't even feature in the main story. I can't process a story which introduces fifty different characters. So I gave up. I find that Lee Child's Reacher books are the exact opposite. He tells us almost nothing about a character's back story. All we know about them is what we see of them in the scene.
Dostoyevski does this in karamazow brothers😂 i tried to imitate him but it went so bad and i learned my lesson
You’re a spectacular teacher. Just discovered you today. Going through all your videos.
A lot to think about here! Very helpful - thank you!
Thank you!
I'm writing my first book and this video was very instructive! English is not my mother tongue, and I can still apply all your tips and fixes to my writing.
I cannot thank you enough.
Hi Alexa, it would be cool to have you analyse a bad piece of writing, just going through it and making it better, bit by bit.
I liked the description of rain on her skin. "Ooh, she's naked!"
I may adapt your line: She shook her head as if to clear it.
I shook my head to clear it. It didn't work.
I write crime fiction, not YA, but I know the rules and break them if I need to.
When I used to line edit for other writers, I'd always ask, "Do you want me to be brutally honest or be delicate?"
Most would go for the former, but wish later for the latter. Such is life and egos bruise so easily.
One noted, "I send you a page to read and you send back three of comments."
I don't edit anymore. I'm 70 and really have to get on with my own writing while I have the time and energy.
~ Jon in rural BC, Canada
Nice.
when they say brutally honest, they probably don't expect you will critique them so much to the point of basically having to change their entire writing style.
@@katgreer6113 Of course, but if their writing is full of grammatical and spelling errors, they really have to buck-up and learn. But I always say at the beginning of a critique: These are suggestions to help you, take and leave what you want. Most take and are grateful for the help.
Great video! I can tell I'm going to be coming back to this one!
I am laughing so hard at your action tags because it's ALWAYS done in rping dialogue LOL. I am crying laughing! I love your videos
This was an amazingly helpful video, will be of great use when editing. Thanks so much for taking the time to film it.
I happen to complete my first book, not gone through edition but then I uploaded it in my youtube channel for free reading. Maybe I had most of your notions but then reading my written book again n again made me check where I was wrong and then corrected it. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Great info! I realize this is the style of the time, but I've always found it strange that in modern commercial writing complicated verbs are encouraged everywhere except in dialog tags. If "I raced home" is preferable to "I ran home swiftly," shouldn't "He whispered" be preferable to "He said." I realize it's not, but it seems like there's more going on here than a simple rule can encapsulate.
I think in the case of “I raced home”, it’s a smarter use of language than tacking an adverb, ie. “swiftly”, onto a verb. As for dialogue tags, my philosophy is that complicating the tags a) undermines the ability to indicate emotion and tone in the actual line of dialogue, and b) detracts from the actual content of the dialogue and the flow of the scene. You’ll find in lots of books that an extended conversation only uses about two tags and then just has the dialogue back and forth with no tags. It’s entirely instinctual (and a personal and stylistic choice), so it’s just about developing it, tbh.
@@jjaacckkmm I agree with everything except it being entirely instinctual. I think there's got to be a good technical reason behind it. Like sports announcers tend to use the same verb for the same action "he shoots... he scores." It would get annoying if they said it differently everytime. And I think it's interesting that we've adopted the convention that in a paragraph were someone takes an action, and it's followed by an unattributed quote, it's understood that the subject of the previous sentence is the one speaking. Virtually every writer does it, but I've never seen it explained formally when teaching writing.
What an AMAZING resource. Thanks for making this video!
Thanks, I hoping to see more videos where you make more examples. Especially how to make text crisp and punching.
New to your channel and I have to ask, where have you been my whole writing life?? I am SO glad I found you. Your tips and pointers are already so helpful. I think my favorite take away is having two programs open, the original document, and a blank one, and go paragraph by paragraph. What I have been doing is just spacing in enough space to start over and rewriting that way. But I think I'm going to try your method. Thanks again for the time and advice. I'll be checking out more of your content soon.
This was really helpful! Thank you!!!
Thanks for the tips! It'll really come in useful when I get on to writing myself. :)
🤔Oh man, I have noticed recently HAD is definitely one of my crutch words lol yay for first draft of first book construction and editing 🤣 still lovin it!
Thanks Alexa for such a nitty gritty great vid with examples!
AN HOUR!? I'm so excited.
Hugely helpful for revision. Alexa clarifies the questions that writers have to ask themselves.
I feel like this entire video was directed at me 😂 Thank you for giving me a kick in the ass to be more mindful of these pitfalls!
Yes , for me I hate repeating “said”, it sounds so lame lol- even when I’ve also shown the emotion, I have a habit of using a descriptive word. When I read it back, I don’t even “see” it.
Ah, many of these are indeed familiar. At least I have a quite strong sense of pace, so often I can intuitively feel many of these mistakes and fix them afterwards or while writing.
I do however still struggle with the "white room" issue, especially in more dialogue heavy scenes. My beta-reader on the other hand is more familiar with fanfic over-writing style and we had conversations about when is description enough and when too much, but in the end her "describe a lot" and my "describe too little" mode worked well enough for me to find a more reasonable middle ground. Your list and explanation on these issues confirm that I'm heading in the right direction and it is nice to know. Thank you.
Hey, I really like this video since I struggle with these but I have a question, is there any video that you've done with more visual examples? I felt like when you showed basic examples (specially with the telling and not telling) it gave me a sense of what it could look like. Thank you!!
i watched this at 1.5 speed lmao. i definitely do a couple of these, and a couple are things i've been actively working to fix for a while and I like to think I've grown a lot from it! Anyway, this was great for revision and I'll definitely be revisiting it once my draft is done. I loved how you gave actionable advice so instead of feeling stressful (overwhelmed at all the bad writing habits i have) it feels more empowering (I can find these mistakes and fix them and my writing will be better!!!) Thanks Alexa!
I found this so helpful. I would love more like this!
Thank you for these. I’ve spent the last 2 years working on a story, and editing it is far harder than writing it. I found it curious how little you mention adverbs in this video though. I have no formal education in creative writing, but I love listening to the advice of the professionals. Steven King, in ON WRITING, is very critical of the adverb. “Never enough, but never them all.” Something like that. I’ve found some software (I prefer Hemingway) does a great job at identifying adverbs and passive voice, and my story is much (MUCH!) better because of it.
Thank you for your hard work Alexa! This was both helpful and motivating. I’m going to be diving into revising my first draft soon and I’m not looking forward to it honestly lol I just want to be on my third draft already!
Thanks for the great advice alexa... 😀
I have been told I use fragments very well, especially to enhance my action scenes. :)
analyzing beta feedback today and going in for my 3rd revision, this video is invaluuuuuuuable. thank you always Alexa!
Love it, just took a ton of notes on what to address on my next edit.