Suppression = Depression = What I have been experiencing. I haven't found anything to replace drugs, cigarettes, that I quit. Well, overeating. I was raised by narcissists. This is lifelong work.
Personally my story was also drugs to an extent, much more alcohol and cigarettes and lust, and narcissist parents alcoholic mom...I started with very harsh discipline every day - meditate, write, learn french, train a bit, read, learn french again, paint. When I began reading I couldn't remember last two sentences I read or sometimes understand them. Now I read anything easily. And ofcourse all the stuff you have to do like eat and clean. Kept the house pretty tidy. After some time I started to get a hold of me, even my eyes kinda opened physically and began shining again which I never thought can happen again. Started to enjoy life...loosened up my discipline when I felt stronger, and then other interests and stuff to enjoy popped up...just my story maybe it helps. Persist. In the beggining it was only stubborness which kept me going. After some time when you actually feel and see the results its a bit easier...
The crave will come and the crave will go away...and it will return but the more of self you have and feel the more you know you have to lose and when you buy a pack of cigarettes after a pause and feel like shit immediateli you know ur on right track...and yeah walks on nature helped me a lot....not rushing things helped me, beggining literally with my own movement...GL everyone
Finding therapy is always good...even if it doesn't work at least u tried, and move on to a dofferent therapist. Fight for your life, make thr universe remember you😂kinda cheesy but yeah
m.ruclips.net/video/kNzESIKUQhw/видео.html&pp=ygUUQ2llc2xhayBsYWJvcmF0b3JpdW0%3D This is the kind of training I like...maybe a tad too fast to begin with. Starting slowly can be nicer, but basically stiff into relaxed exchange
I love that you wear the same shirt almost every time. It feels familiar and comfortable and makes it easier to listen to your wise words. Thank you for that!
We should all be like this, like cartoon characters. I'm lazy so I wear the same clothes everyday for weeks/months until they reek. People don't pay any attention to me anyway, so why shouldn't I stink like Rasputin?! 😂
I didn’t clock my mother’s weird behavior as jealousy until recently (I’m 37 now). When I was kid nothing she did made sense, but as an adult woman it’s so clear now.
Yes, it took me a long time to realize how abusive my mother is mentally and recognize the verbal abuse of my younger sister even though I'm well read on abuse dynamics. You can be so used to family member's behavior you don't see it for what it is.
Oh yeah, I didn't start learning till my late forties that my whole family especially my mother have always been very psychopathic and narcissistic to me my whole life, abused and neglected me very badly my whole life , robbed me of many things and my mother especially did things that never made any sense IF she gave a crap about me, her only child. I know now she never cared about me what so ever, she wanted me dead, my whole family did. I'm in my late fifties now all messed up trying to figure out how to get some things back, some reparation. I could prove everything she ever did my whole life she had no business doing
Growing up in a dysfunctional family makes one have to fight for a self, so a sense of self is often particularly strong in them if they get out and heal. It’s the bitter fruit of such a tough childhood
@@movementlifedeathstyle failed Narcissism. You have a complete hole inside like NPD but fill in different ways. You can manage the symptoms and lose a lot of the emptiness and problematic behaviour that ruins relationships. You can gain a truer sense of self and value system. The difference is also with some amount of self awareness and insight, NPD even after years of therapy tend to have problems with this. BPD people can learn to love themselves. It's not that different but the coping mechanisms are, which makes the ability to change different and harder.
16:47 "The healing process. The process of healing from psychological trauma. The grieving process. It's hell. Absolute hell. Any one who's says it's not hell, hasn't done it. The rewards are wonderful." Yes and yes. Thank you Mr. Mackler for your service to humanity.
I found so much value in your talk. I like to call the self a touchstone, something you can return to. Check in, reinforce, nurture, reject others' inaccurate labels for you, etc.
Hey Daniel, I recently started repeating “I love you” close up in the mirror as soon as I wake up, even when I really don’t feel like it, and it’s been extremely effective in activating that Self. It doesn’t happen right away, it’s more like a slow release over days.
Nobody needs to maintain relationships with abusive people…even though the majority goes with flow, it’s not because they are many that they are right ! Thank you for sharing Daniel.
I've thought I could handle verbal abusers when I knew what they were doing but they always wind up in my head til I downplay how bad they are as well as how negative the effects on me are. Best to avoid abusers completely.
The strongest "self" is one that's beyond comparison and relation to "other selves" in terms of validity of its own being. It can really be seen as less "self" or even no self in extreme, but really it's self-less being. It deeply respects what one is and what one experiences so ironically this self-lessness is most true to all involved.
Beauty of the having a self, you are virtually describing me from childhood to adult. Though it took me longer to realize my self, your presentation of it is beautiful and spot on. Thank you for mirroring back to me what I've been thinking and how I've been living.
I call it my "Bestie" when l call out and need to centre. Having found that source in me solitude has been bliss. Cause l am not alone anymore. Not as empty. Human with my bestie l can continue.
The Self is a construct, it can be learned to be strong. If its weak, you dissociate or grab on to things or people around you. So if its created during young life, it slowly dissolve before death as your brain loses capabilities of self-reflection. Children have urges, biology moves them around through the space cause their body grows. But it cannot be called "The Self". I would define "The self" as a quantity of consciousness of your surroundings and more importantly your own connections with things and people around you, your interactions with them, respect of boundaries. Boundaries and your own rights, all kind of them (material, financial, emotional, physical), gives you also "The Self" - because they reflect YOUR limits in time and space. I have made my "Self" stronger thanks to material things and by listening my own boundaries towards other people. Sadly, my parents had very weak sense of Self and couldn't help me grow in that way.
I can't put into words how much I appreciate and value the wisdom you present in your videos Daniel. Thank you so much for sharing your truth and wisdom with us ❤
The most important issue of our day is child mistreatment and it doesn't get enough attention. Most adults acting up in adulthood weren't treated right as children. There are so many consequences when parents don't do their job right.
I feel blessed to have witnessed your video today. Bless you for having the courage and strength to share yourself with us. Exactly spot on for me. Articulated very well. Much appreciated. Thank you
Its solid what you say as people are deserting the idea of a self as real, or unreal. Even if you are moody and reactive a consolidated sense of self through deep self honesty and discovery is real. You do not need to be pure or well behaved, just authentic, vulnerable and formidable.
Yes. And the ego is not always an issue either. . These days it's touted as the new devil akin to the worst in human kind. But it is also playful, funny, ironic and creative. See kids acting out. Its cute and we know where thats at. They dont give a fig about the no self concept. Who cares. We stiil wake up and look in the mirror and know who we are and 'there I am ' Cant take that away. . But identity confusion exists until we do know. The BS around being zero or no body is a highly misleading trend. It zeros in on nothing but then must admit it all manifests as the cosmos of which we are at least transient creations. Not to be diminished. Everyone individual and not another like me or you. And these neos non duelists don't seem to want none of it. I agree with you.
We are blessed to have access to our Self. I fell into way too many traps because I felt sorry for people who seemed so detached from their Self. I finally learned in retirement to do a better job protecting myself from some of them now. TY for being here to help bring balance to my confusing world in Millionaire's Paradise. You're a true gift & delight for someone like me who always wanted a brother or sister.❤🙏🥰
I hope you talk more about this topic. You talk about this in a way that feels true. It's hard to find. I can read about the true self false self theories all I want but hearing someone talk about it with such deep, felt sense of experience is what actually helps me, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling.
I agree - so much of Western society wants conformity as it makes it easier for people to be manipulated for their labour, money, bodies. All sorts of threats of being judged as selfish, lazy , troublesome or being ostracised and alone keep us with our noses to the grindstone of the myth of " normality". none of it really makes sense if you stand back and critically think about it. But probably the most pressing argument for a unique Self is we feel like shit when we conform to someone else's ideas/values/preferences/neurotiscism . That growing feeling of loving and increasing our relationship with our very best friend - our Self expressed through our bodies and energetic vibe is in contrast one of pleasure and great satisfaction. I am starting to see that when I feel like shit, it is mostly because it is some old conditioning message that believes this "negative" thing that has occurred in the outside world is proof of punishment or negativity about me. Whereas it is clearer and clearer to me that when people behave badly in relation to me that it is almost always their own stuff, their own struggles not some confirmation of my wrongness. It has also become clearer to me that a certain amount of loneliness is necessary in order to move within to develop the relationship with oneself even more. Because kids who have been traumatised within their families crave connection with others to try and repair those unmet needs and haven't had the chance to learn that that can only come from themselves.
Clearly articulated with piercing perception, as usual! We love you! ❤ Looking at your subscriber numbers, I'm thrilled that even this many people can hear, acknowledge, and understand your messages. It looks pretty bleak out there most days.
This video brought tears to my eyes at the end. Very powerful and I don’t think I would’ve begun the healing process when I did without support from your videos Daniel so thank you very much.
It's such a dangerous, braindead statement to tell people to forgive their parents and keep a relationship with them when they don't even know what the situation between them is. I'm happy to see millennials and younger turning against this old nonsense.
Wow, that hit hard. Thank you for this video and all the other videos. I ended up chuckling a lot , so many truths, the non BS truths. Youve helped me and my gf along our journey, thank you so much! Hope to see you in Nepal one day! Much love and peace
Daniel. This is one of the best videos you've ever done. It's so true but really its only people who have done the work to have self that understands this the most.
“Exhuming the self” is the perfect way of putting that. Feels like that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to get through trauma. As always, your videos are very helpful. Please keep up the good work.
Very valuable Information you deliver! I can relate to the part how people treat you, when they like that you listen, but they are not capable of it. You gave me an answer why it could be that way. A chance to look more on my self. That was a missing link for me! Thank you!
You have a beautiful, passionate self, Daniel. You are so right about the importance of often sitting with another person who knows their self. Thich Nhat Hanh said that when mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. To give this kind of rapt, mirror-like attention to others, and receive it back, is so precious and rare. People jump so quickly to advice-giving, as you said; the art of open listening is unknown to most people, yet it’s something we all crave so much. Thanks for this one, Daniel!
Thank you Daniel, I just turned 52 after some years of separation and going through a divorce and a host of sad things during a break-up process. A lot of very old stuff has come up and this message almost seemed timed to what I needed to hear. Thank you again for your work. I am healing far from the land of my origin currently in South America. Sending you the best of wishes...
I can relate to seeing who has a self. And I find it so difficult to keep my self when around this people. I feel like I unconsciously loan myself to them and have to work so hard to reengage myself after such encounters. That is where my work is. To hold onto myself. It is best for me to minimise contact with such people. It's sad
Thank you for sharing this. I want to say I feel my life looks similar to yours. No one to talk about these things that are at the same time the most important, vital things, and also the most reviled, terrifying, destabilizing things for anyone who doesn't realize how out of touch with their self they are. About holding on to family, I've slowly been dissociating from my parents for two years or so and it is devastating. I feel like my foundation is crumbling, like I can collapse any moment. I also feel proud and strong to have the ability to face the truth and take these hard decisions, but it's tearing me apart. I think it's very natural to just recoil from ever questioning one's relationship with one's mum, or dad, or anyone who took care of us as a small child. It goes back too far, and has shaped our deep deep self so strongly that it's painful to even look at it with the intention of changing anything. That is surely why almost noone I know personally - my therapist, and one or two persons but very timidly - want to engage in the conversations you have here on your channel. So thank you for putting yourself out here, and to your unending inspiration
I would just like to say you’ve helped me come back to my true self. Still in process. Coming to med school i had completely forgotten why i had chosen to come here. To give back to people whatever knowledge and care i had to offer. Got sidelined by society and hardships. Completely forgot what ‘I’ wanted to do. Thank you for bringing this humility back. Past few years of adulthood i had often felt i fell short of how to behave in the society, the way one is expected to. That this is how the world works and you must conform to it. Watching your videos have made my emotional quotient back after years of being suppressed by the people around me. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to be kind. Thankyou.
You have made great videos that make sense to me for the last several years because of how your ideas cut through the nonsense of society and cut to reality. This really resonates with me. We are the same age (getting up there!), but it seems that my parents treated, and treat, me better that your's did to you. My parents still had big problems, attachments to societal norms, and created enough chaos back in the day to cause me what is only now seen as childhood trauma. Your videos have been a constant source of perspective.
@danielmackler you are such a gift and love when i get the notification of a new video. truly the most authentic human in this crazy trauma world! grateful for you
I really want to know your thoughts on something Daniel... Who/what is the 'other' self that can be aware of the 'self', can hide it, can notice it, can feel it inside of itself? How can the true fundamental nature of what we are be outside of itself in a way to notice it from afar? Beautiful message as always. I have been a fan of yours a few years now but have never commented. I see a lot of my 'self' in yours ;) much love from thailand
Is there any hope when there is no one that can understand the quest for the true self, the looking for the root of all the suffering, not even one friend and the relationship with oneself is not yet strong to support someone during the painful times of grief? 🖤
This video was so illuminating. …. and chimes with my own experience; so much I can relate to. Thank you. Greetings from England. PS. May I recommend a book that I have recently discovered “Essays in Idleness and Hojoke” by Kenko and Chomei, beautifully written and wise, and the Introduction is wonderful too.
I admire your ability to put into words what seems ineffable to many people. Are there many therapists who have a similar depth of understanding regarding the issues that Daniel talks about, specifically family? If so, I would appreciate it if someone could share...
My true self told me to work hard in school, get good grades, do extracurriculars, save money, then work hard and get my own apartment so at least I would bave safety in my home.
@@theallforone6240 I agree. I did sense a self that wanted to give in, obey, beg for acceptance, stay in that town, live in filth, buy lotto tickets, basically succumb to who they told me I was. I felt a deeper safe that did believe I could get away and do something with my life. So maybe 3 selves?
Hi Daniel. I would be interested to hear your thoughts on the idea of "seflessness" as a moral virtue. Thanks for sharing with us on YT, your vids have been a resource to me for years now.
That may mean that feeling like a child although you are a well grown up adult may be a sign of the deep hidden Self trying to become aware of itself. A bit sad that it took so many years to come out from lethe, but also a glimpse of hope that it can wake up even late and find its own truth (a-lethia).
7:50 the normal people had different kind of parents. A lot of people who had affectionate protectors as parents project their experiences and duty to their parents on others.
the self is has no location in one sense but it isn't felt in the brain in my opinion. the drop down into the solar plexus is probably a better felt self
Thanks for video. Some questions: how can one know if they have a 'self'? Is 'self' something to be discovered or something to be constructed? Maybe a third option? This may be specific to me but I get confused with the notion of 'self'. If someone talks about the colour 'red' my mind makes a connection with the experience of seeing something red. When someone says 'self', my mind interprets that as a 'catch all' term to describe someones personality traits, behavioural patterns, memories etc.
Hey Daniel, could you make a video on children with an intelligent expression? And how disastrous it can be for them to be born to deeply damaged/evil parents?
Is freewill and self an illusion. life feels like a chaotic rollercoaster that you don't have much control over. and some people ride the easy coaster and some ride the hard but there is no choice in the matter.
the pivotal ''Point'' of that ''special Self'' is, that ''oneself, is that 'special Self' also known as 'Anima' in Latin, 'Atman' in Sanskrit'', and this is nurtured by ''Pater'', a ''Neuter'' Noun in Latin, for ''spiritual, Nurturer'' actually, that was ''misinterpreted'' lately, and the Word ''Patriarchy'' took it ''over'', and it ''was defamed'', thereafter ''neglected'', for ''ignored'' first and ''disqualified'' afterward, while ''Matriarchy'', as the ''Opposite of 'Patriarchy' so named'' took ''over'', that is actually, ''literally'', ''the Domination of 'Mater' in Latin, literally 'Matter' in English'', and the ''long, long, indeed 'too long' and 'very much too long' Domination of 'Materialism', without 'Spirituality' took 'over' the 'existential Life Style' of everyone'', and ''Depression'' won the ''Heart and Brain'' of anyone who was ''provided with a 'Conscience', especially the 'perceptive Conscience' that he, she was a 'Soul' first, embodied in a temporary and local 'Personality', from Greek for 'Mask', a 'Body' or 'Soma' so named in Greek'', provided with ''Intellect and Affection'', that are the more ''paternal'' Part of oneself, and provided with ''Generativity and a material Body'', afterward, that are the more ''material'' Part of oneself (also ''Sex and Food' so to put it: for ''Sex'' there is an Example in Movie ''Triangle of Sadness'' by Ruben Östlund, to be appreciated at Site filmingo.ch, and for ''Food'' there is Tale 2 of 2, in ''Talks with a Devil'' by Peter D. Ouspensky, to be ''freely'' downoladed on-line), while, ''Intellect is 'Vir' in Latin, 'Virility' so named, a 'masculine' Quality of the 'Brain' so to put it'' used to describe ''truthful and strong Thoughts and Words'' and, ''Affection is 'Gratia' in Latin, 'Graciousness' so named, a 'feminine' Quality of the 'Heart' so to put it'', used to describe ''good Feelings and Emotions''; altogether, whatever was ''above the Navel, also 'Nabi El' in middle eastern Language for 'd:vine Prophet' and 'noble' is a 'Quality' of 'd:vine Prophets', as well as 'Nobility' is a 'spiritual Condition' of the 'human' Creature, conceived and forged by 'G.d the Absolute', 'Elhim' biblically'', was ''neglected'', and anything that was ''below the 'Navel' was cherished'', probably since some 500 Years ago, cfr. also so named ''Lurianic Qabalah'' and the ''Sexualization'' of the so named ''mystical Qabalah'' (conceived and forged some 800 Years ago, upon the ''spiritual, Work of Science and Art'' by ''Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai'' of some 1800 Years ago, in the ''holy Land''), as presented in Work of ''Science'' and Art by ''Shaul Magid'', at Site academia.eu, titled ''constructing Women from Men: the Metaphysics of Male Homosexuality among Lurianic Kabbalists in sixteenth-Century Safed; jewish Studies Quarterly 17:1 (Winter 2010): 4-28'', and a ''Critique'' to ''Feminism as 'Matriarchy' for 'atheistic or G.dless Materialism, 'Paterless' so to put it'', and a ''Presentation'' of ''Virility'' as an ''intellectual masculine Quality'' so to say, can be found in the artistic ''Work of Science'' titled ''Gender'' by ''Genius'' and very much ''multiethnically and multiscientifically'' cultivated ''Ivan Illich'' of the recent Past; and the ''Navel'' also named ''Omphalos'' in Greek, was already ''pointed out, as a 'very important Site' of oneself'', during ancient Greece of the ''original Philophers'' of some 2500 Years ago, in the ''Qabalah'' above mentioned, is that Site named ''Tipheret'', is also connected to the ''Sun'', and for the ''Sun'' as a ''Gate'' to the ''most higher spiritual Dimension'', cfr. Video titled ''Earth sized UFOs using the Sun as a Stargate - Nassim Haramein'', to be appreciated at youtube Channel ''Howskii'', and the ''Navel'' is the ''Site'' where the ''Conscience, d:vine'', who one is, eternally, infinitely, ''met'' and ''meets'' the ''Body, 'Soma' in Greek, 'Naäl' for 'Shoe' in middle eastern Language and from the 'qabalistic Tradition' above mentioned, 'Personality' from Greek, that is made of a given 'Name and Family Name'' and that is ''temporary and local'': just ''focusing'' on ''Sex and Food'' so to put it, ''just'' lowers oneself to the ''bottom Level'' of oneself, that is the ''inferior, also 'infernal' Part of oneself'' and of ''everyone's existential Life'', while biblically in the Book of ''John'', Chapter 3, Verses 3 onwards, it is indicated the Need to ''resurrect'' to the ''higher Levels'' of oneself, ''Water'' is for ''Affection, Feelings and Emotions of the 'Chest' so named'' and, ''Air'' is for ''Intellect, Thoughts and Words of the 'Head' so named'', that are ''2 Elements'', related to the same ''Levels of oneself, 'the Heart and the Brain' so named'', indicated in the ''Science and Art'' called ''FëngShuî'' from the far East, also used to ''rebalance'' the so named ''Energies'', within a given ''Environment'', that is otherwise almost ''materialistic'', and ''Air and Water'' bring the ''Remind'' of the ''spiritual, 'paternal' Dimension'', within everyone's ''existential Life''; eventually in ''Work of Science and Art'' by ''Ivan Illich''above mentioned, titled ''Conviviality'', it is possible to ''learn, aknowledge'' when and ''how'' so named ''Materialism and Sexualization'' so to say ''entered the Room'', especially within so named ''western Society'', that ''lost'' so called ''Spirituality'', also ''the Conscience of the 'Fact' that everyone is a 'd:vine Conscience, Soul' or 'Psyché' in Greek of the 'ancient, original Philosophers' from Greece'', that caused the so to say ''Death'', of everyone, that need thereafter to be named ''whitened Sepulchers'', as it was already done by ''Jesus Christ'', a ''religious Character'' from the middle East, some 2000 Years ago (and some 2090 Years ago, there was still some ''living Philosopher'' in the middle East, as it was the Case of ''Hillel and Shammai'', the former also known as ''Hillel HaZqn'', for ''Hillel the Elder'', for ''someone that is wise'', also from ''wissen'' in German for ''to know''). ''Shlom'' in biblical Language, or ''Salve'' in Latin, for everyone, simultaneously, through ''Tzdqh'' biblically, or ''Caritas'' in Latin, ''Agape'' in Greek, for ''universal Love'' or also, for ''correct Judgement'', to be ''practiced'' in all ''Occasions'' of anyone's ''existential Life'', so that it is possible to ''act, react'' consequently.
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Suppression = Depression = What I have been experiencing. I haven't found anything to replace drugs, cigarettes, that I quit. Well, overeating. I was raised by narcissists. This is lifelong work.
Yoga works well.
Personally my story was also drugs to an extent, much more alcohol and cigarettes and lust, and narcissist parents alcoholic mom...I started with very harsh discipline every day - meditate, write, learn french, train a bit, read, learn french again, paint. When I began reading I couldn't remember last two sentences I read or sometimes understand them. Now I read anything easily. And ofcourse all the stuff you have to do like eat and clean. Kept the house pretty tidy. After some time I started to get a hold of me, even my eyes kinda opened physically and began shining again which I never thought can happen again. Started to enjoy life...loosened up my discipline when I felt stronger, and then other interests and stuff to enjoy popped up...just my story maybe it helps. Persist. In the beggining it was only stubborness which kept me going. After some time when you actually feel and see the results its a bit easier...
The crave will come and the crave will go away...and it will return but the more of self you have and feel the more you know you have to lose and when you buy a pack of cigarettes after a pause and feel like shit immediateli you know ur on right track...and yeah walks on nature helped me a lot....not rushing things helped me, beggining literally with my own movement...GL everyone
Finding therapy is always good...even if it doesn't work at least u tried, and move on to a dofferent therapist. Fight for your life, make thr universe remember you😂kinda cheesy but yeah
m.ruclips.net/video/kNzESIKUQhw/видео.html&pp=ygUUQ2llc2xhayBsYWJvcmF0b3JpdW0%3D
This is the kind of training I like...maybe a tad too fast to begin with. Starting slowly can be nicer, but basically stiff into relaxed exchange
I love that you wear the same shirt almost every time. It feels familiar and comfortable and makes it easier to listen to your wise words. Thank you for that!
The Mr. Rogers effect.
While i don't disagree, in one of his videos daniel said it's mainly for the comfort of the microphone
We should all be like this, like cartoon characters. I'm lazy so I wear the same clothes everyday for weeks/months until they reek. People don't pay any attention to me anyway, so why shouldn't I stink like Rasputin?! 😂
I didn’t clock my mother’s weird behavior as jealousy until recently (I’m 37 now). When I was kid nothing she did made sense, but as an adult woman it’s so clear now.
Yes, it took me a long time to realize how abusive my mother is mentally and recognize the verbal abuse of my younger sister even though I'm well read on abuse dynamics. You can be so used to family member's behavior you don't see it for what it is.
Oh yeah, I didn't start learning till my late forties that my whole family especially my mother have always been very psychopathic and narcissistic to me my whole life, abused and neglected me very badly my whole life , robbed me of many things and my mother especially did things that never made any sense IF she gave a crap about me, her only child.
I know now she never cared about me what so ever, she wanted me dead, my whole family did.
I'm in my late fifties now all messed up trying to figure out how to get some things back, some reparation.
I could prove everything she ever did my whole life she had no business doing
@@russellm7530I relate to what you say
You said: my Self is my best friend.
Worth living for.
I agree.
Thank you.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family makes one have to fight for a self, so a sense of self is often particularly strong in them if they get out and heal. It’s the bitter fruit of such a tough childhood
How to heal in long term ? How to find peoples who really love us? Not the toxic shits.
@@movementlifedeathstyle failed Narcissism.
You have a complete hole inside like NPD but fill in different ways.
You can manage the symptoms and lose a lot of the emptiness and problematic behaviour that ruins relationships. You can gain a truer sense of self and value system.
The difference is also with some amount of self awareness and insight, NPD even after years of therapy tend to have problems with this.
BPD people can learn to love themselves.
It's not that different but the coping mechanisms are, which makes the ability to change different and harder.
@@YuvrajSingh-yg7sn ACA 12 step groups. You learn to be your own loving parent. ❤🤗
16:47 "The healing process. The process of healing from psychological trauma. The grieving process. It's hell. Absolute hell. Any one who's says it's not hell, hasn't done it. The rewards are wonderful." Yes and yes. Thank you Mr. Mackler for your service to humanity.
I found so much value in your talk. I like to call the self a touchstone, something you can return to. Check in, reinforce, nurture, reject others' inaccurate labels for you, etc.
The self is the most unstable, unreliable touchstone of all time. It constantly wants contradictory things. Self sucks.
The most honest and real person I have ever listened to to
This Mr. Mackler could actualy be your most important video so far. Thank you
Whys that you feel?
Hey Daniel, I recently started repeating “I love you” close up in the mirror as soon as I wake up, even when I really don’t feel like it, and it’s been extremely effective in activating that Self. It doesn’t happen right away, it’s more like a slow release over days.
Nobody needs to maintain relationships with abusive people…even though the majority goes with flow, it’s not because they are many that they are right !
Thank you for sharing Daniel.
I've thought I could handle verbal abusers when I knew what they were doing but they always wind up in my head til I downplay how bad they are as well as how negative the effects on me are. Best to avoid abusers completely.
Thank you daniel for still being here and giving you're pure wisdom for FREE !!
Thank you, Daniel. You matter in our lives.
The strongest "self" is one that's beyond comparison and relation to "other selves" in terms of validity of its own being. It can really be seen as less "self" or even no self in extreme, but really it's self-less being. It deeply respects what one is and what one experiences so ironically this self-lessness is most true to all involved.
Love this. I think of this as secure attachment anchored in a healthy adult self
Beauty of the having a self, you are virtually describing me from childhood to adult. Though it took me longer to realize my self, your presentation of it is beautiful and spot on. Thank you for mirroring back to me what I've been thinking and how I've been living.
Compliments greatly newest Patrick Teahan's video: Goodness and Power - How to Rebuild a Lost Sense of Self ~~
I call it my "Bestie" when l call out and need to centre. Having found that source in me solitude has been bliss. Cause l am not alone anymore. Not as empty. Human with my bestie l can continue.
but this person has your back too?
The Self is a construct, it can be learned to be strong. If its weak, you dissociate or grab on to things or people around you. So if its created during young life, it slowly dissolve before death as your brain loses capabilities of self-reflection. Children have urges, biology moves them around through the space cause their body grows. But it cannot be called "The Self". I would define "The self" as a quantity of consciousness of your surroundings and more importantly your own connections with things and people around you, your interactions with them, respect of boundaries. Boundaries and your own rights, all kind of them (material, financial, emotional, physical), gives you also "The Self" - because they reflect YOUR limits in time and space. I have made my "Self" stronger thanks to material things and by listening my own boundaries towards other people. Sadly, my parents had very weak sense of Self and couldn't help me grow in that way.
This guy is a legend. People don't realise. What a brave and crafty fucking man. The real gangster, the pioneer, the antidote Daniel M.👏👏👏
Your videos are more positive/real than therapists I’ve met in the community. Maybe the community I’m in is just really toxic
I can't put into words how much I appreciate and value the wisdom you present in your videos Daniel. Thank you so much for sharing your truth and wisdom with us ❤
The most important issue of our day is child mistreatment and it doesn't get enough attention. Most adults acting up in adulthood weren't treated right as children. There are so many consequences when parents don't do their job right.
True Joy and Life when you have your Self❤
Valued work as ever Daniel, thank you
I feel blessed to have witnessed your video today. Bless you for having the courage and strength to share yourself with us. Exactly spot on for me. Articulated very well. Much appreciated. Thank you
Its solid what you say as people are deserting the idea of a self as real, or unreal. Even if you are moody and reactive a consolidated sense of self through deep self honesty and discovery is real. You do not need to be pure or well behaved, just authentic, vulnerable and formidable.
Yes. And the ego is not always an issue either. . These days it's touted as the new devil akin to the worst in human kind. But it is also playful, funny, ironic and creative. See kids acting out. Its cute and we know where thats at. They dont give a fig about the no self concept. Who cares. We stiil wake up and look in the mirror and know who we are and 'there I am ' Cant take that away. . But identity confusion exists until we do know. The BS around being zero or no body is a highly misleading trend. It zeros in on nothing but then must admit it all manifests as the cosmos of which we are at least transient creations. Not to be diminished. Everyone individual and not another like me or you. And these neos non duelists don't seem to want none of it. I agree with you.
We are blessed to have access to our Self. I fell into way too many traps because I felt sorry for people who seemed so detached from their Self. I finally learned in retirement to do a better job protecting myself from some of them now. TY for being here to help bring balance to my confusing world in Millionaire's Paradise. You're a true gift & delight for someone like me who always wanted a brother or sister.❤🙏🥰
I hope you are well & they didn't actually remove you from the physical plane. TY for trying to help all those trapped in the system.🙏
I hope you talk more about this topic. You talk about this in a way that feels true. It's hard to find. I can read about the true self false self theories all I want but hearing someone talk about it with such deep, felt sense of experience is what actually helps me, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling.
I agree - so much of Western society wants conformity as it makes it easier for people to be manipulated for their labour, money, bodies. All sorts of threats of being judged as selfish, lazy , troublesome or being ostracised and alone keep us with our noses to the grindstone of the myth of " normality". none of it really makes sense if you stand back and critically think about it.
But probably the most pressing argument for a unique Self is we feel like shit when we conform to someone else's ideas/values/preferences/neurotiscism . That growing feeling of loving and increasing our relationship with our very best friend - our Self expressed through our bodies and energetic vibe is in contrast one of pleasure and great satisfaction.
I am starting to see that when I feel like shit, it is mostly because it is some old conditioning message that believes this "negative" thing that has occurred in the outside world is proof of punishment or negativity about me. Whereas it is clearer and clearer to me that when people behave badly in relation to me that it is almost always their own stuff, their own struggles not some confirmation of my wrongness. It has also become clearer to me that a certain amount of loneliness is necessary in order to move within to develop the relationship with oneself even more. Because kids who have been traumatised within their families crave connection with others to try and repair those unmet needs and haven't had the chance to learn that that can only come from themselves.
All of Daniel’s videos are very enlightening but this one rings louder than most. It hit the spot in a big way.
Clearly articulated with piercing perception, as usual! We love you! ❤ Looking at your subscriber numbers, I'm thrilled that even this many people can hear, acknowledge, and understand your messages. It looks pretty bleak out there most days.
Thank you for this reminder.
This video brought tears to my eyes at the end. Very powerful and I don’t think I would’ve begun the healing process when I did without support from your videos Daniel so thank you very much.
It's such a dangerous, braindead statement to tell people to forgive their parents and keep a relationship with them when they don't even know what the situation between them is. I'm happy to see millennials and younger turning against this old nonsense.
if you don't have a self it comes to pleasure forcing a child to distance himself from his own self. This is called caring. Ηell
Wow, that hit hard. Thank you for this video and all the other videos. I ended up chuckling a lot , so many truths, the non BS truths.
Youve helped me and my gf along our journey, thank you so much!
Hope to see you in Nepal one day!
Much love and peace
Daniel. This is one of the best videos you've ever done. It's so true but really its only people who have done the work to have self that understands this the most.
“Exhuming the self” is the perfect way of putting that. Feels like that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to get through trauma. As always, your videos are very helpful. Please keep up the good work.
Very valuable Information you deliver! I can relate to the part how people treat you, when they like that you listen, but they are not capable of it.
You gave me an answer why it could be that way. A chance to look more on my self. That was a missing link for me!
Thank you!
You have a beautiful, passionate self, Daniel. You are so right about the importance of often sitting with another person who knows their self. Thich Nhat Hanh said that when mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. To give this kind of rapt, mirror-like attention to others, and receive it back, is so precious and rare. People jump so quickly to advice-giving, as you said; the art of open listening is unknown to most people, yet it’s something we all crave so much. Thanks for this one, Daniel!
thanks Daniel
never stop doing this videos, always good to hear your thoughts. wish best from central europe, Poland 😊
Thank you for being you
Thank you Daniel
Godbless
Thank you Daniel, I just turned 52 after some years of separation and going through a divorce and a host of sad things during a break-up process. A lot of very old stuff has come up and this message almost seemed timed to what I needed to hear. Thank you again for your work. I am healing far from the land of my origin currently in South America. Sending you the best of wishes...
Lovely Daniel❤ thanks for that
this is the most impactful videos of yours that i have seen thank you for making these 💗
Lots of love❤
I can relate to seeing who has a self. And I find it so difficult to keep my self when around this people. I feel like I unconsciously loan myself to them and have to work so hard to reengage myself after such encounters. That is where my work is. To hold onto myself. It is best for me to minimise contact with such people. It's sad
Thank you for sharing this. I want to say I feel my life looks similar to yours. No one to talk about these things that are at the same time the most important, vital things, and also the most reviled, terrifying, destabilizing things for anyone who doesn't realize how out of touch with their self they are.
About holding on to family, I've slowly been dissociating from my parents for two years or so and it is devastating. I feel like my foundation is crumbling, like I can collapse any moment. I also feel proud and strong to have the ability to face the truth and take these hard decisions, but it's tearing me apart. I think it's very natural to just recoil from ever questioning one's relationship with one's mum, or dad, or anyone who took care of us as a small child. It goes back too far, and has shaped our deep deep self so strongly that it's painful to even look at it with the intention of changing anything. That is surely why almost noone I know personally - my therapist, and one or two persons but very timidly - want to engage in the conversations you have here on your channel.
So thank you for putting yourself out here, and to your unending inspiration
I would just like to say you’ve helped me come back to my true self. Still in process. Coming to med school i had completely forgotten why i had chosen to come here. To give back to people whatever knowledge and care i had to offer. Got sidelined by society and hardships. Completely forgot what ‘I’ wanted to do. Thank you for bringing this humility back. Past few years of adulthood i had often felt i fell short of how to behave in the society, the way one is expected to. That this is how the world works and you must conform to it. Watching your videos have made my emotional quotient back after years of being suppressed by the people around me. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to be kind. Thankyou.
You have made great videos that make sense to me for the last several years because of how your ideas cut through the nonsense of society and cut to reality. This really resonates with me. We are the same age (getting up there!), but it seems that my parents treated, and treat, me better that your's did to you. My parents still had big problems, attachments to societal norms, and created enough chaos back in the day to cause me what is only now seen as childhood trauma. Your videos have been a constant source of perspective.
you are very insightful
Thank you Daniel 😊
This was beautiful ❤️!
Thanks! Another great one.
@danielmackler you are such a gift and love when i get the notification of a new video. truly the most authentic human in this crazy trauma world! grateful for you
Thank YOU 🙏🏼 for existing Daniel ♥️
I really want to know your thoughts on something Daniel... Who/what is the 'other' self that can be aware of the 'self', can hide it, can notice it, can feel it inside of itself? How can the true fundamental nature of what we are be outside of itself in a way to notice it from afar? Beautiful message as always. I have been a fan of yours a few years now but have never commented. I see a lot of my 'self' in yours ;) much love from thailand
Very interesting you talk of your inner self not having a certain gender. That was certainly my feeling too as a child. Even sometimes today.
Yes, the healing process is painful but so worth it.
Is there any hope when there is no one that can understand the quest for the true self, the looking for the root of all the suffering, not even one friend and the relationship with oneself is not yet strong to support someone during the painful times of grief? 🖤
Thank you, Daniel
This video was so illuminating. …. and chimes with my own experience; so much I can relate to. Thank you. Greetings from England.
PS. May I recommend a book that I have recently discovered “Essays in Idleness and Hojoke” by Kenko and Chomei, beautifully written and wise, and the Introduction is wonderful too.
Home is where your heart is.
Can anyone provide a few names of any in depth books about self-mourning and grieving? I have a background healthcare. Just not psychology.
I admire your ability to put into words what seems ineffable to many people. Are there many therapists who have a similar depth of understanding regarding the issues that Daniel talks about, specifically family? If so, I would appreciate it if someone could share...
My true self told me to work hard in school, get good grades, do extracurriculars, save money, then work hard and get my own apartment so at least I would bave safety in my home.
Sounds like a good slave.
that's not your true self, that's the voice of society or the fear of not having a safety and home and money, the true self doesn't have any needs
@@theallforone6240 I agree. I did sense a self that wanted to give in, obey, beg for acceptance, stay in that town, live in filth, buy lotto tickets, basically succumb to who they told me I was. I felt a deeper safe that did believe I could get away and do something with my life. So maybe 3 selves?
Those would be manager parts. Self has no needs i agree. Self has nothing but love and compassion
@@willd6215 which is the manager?
Hi Daniel. I would be interested to hear your thoughts on the idea of "seflessness" as a moral virtue. Thanks for sharing with us on YT, your vids have been a resource to me for years now.
I wish I knew you in real life dude. It's hard to have these thoughts and feelings but be largely alone
I just have this philosophy that friends and enemies are the same thing
Thank you!
That may mean that feeling like a child although you are a well grown up adult may be a sign of the deep hidden Self trying to become aware of itself. A bit sad that it took so many years to come out from lethe, but also a glimpse of hope that it can wake up even late and find its own truth (a-lethia).
Saludos desde Argentina Daniel...
Saludos Sonja :)
Beautiful
having or merely being the self 😊
7:50 the normal people had different kind of parents. A lot of people who had affectionate protectors as parents project their experiences and duty to their parents on others.
Ya I have a ideal imaginary role models. That helps me feel more confident. In my opinions, perspective and more.
the self is has no location in one sense but it isn't felt in the brain in my opinion. the drop down into the solar plexus is probably a better felt self
Agreed!!
Daniel do u have instagram? I love your channel, I just discovered it today, find your essence so interesting! Love it!
Everyone has a self its just we have parts that are often blended with self that are running the show. We can all be in self if we do the healing
Does anyone know how to overcome shame? I’m ashamed of how I was brought up and of my parents etc.
Sounds nice to have, maybe I can work towards that
Thanks for video. Some questions: how can one know if they have a 'self'? Is 'self' something to be discovered or something to be constructed? Maybe a third option? This may be specific to me but I get confused with the notion of 'self'. If someone talks about the colour 'red' my mind makes a connection with the experience of seeing something red. When someone says 'self', my mind interprets that as a 'catch all' term to describe someones personality traits, behavioural patterns, memories etc.
Can you define what you mean to not have a self?
Whenever I meditate, I personally take solace in myself not having any name or identity whatsoever, just a being. Il mio nome è Nessuno.
Hey Daniel, could you make a video on children with an intelligent expression? And how disastrous it can be for them to be born to deeply damaged/evil parents?
Right on, man. I find the recent wave of "no self" and "emptiness" teachings to be very dangerous and escapist.
May a suggest doing a video on Schizoid Personality? I feel it has a lot of relevance to your channel.
Hello can you please make a video about uncertainty
How would a person with a disrupted sense of self start the healing process?
Is freewill and self an illusion. life feels like a chaotic rollercoaster that you don't have much control over. and some people ride the easy coaster and some ride the hard but there is no choice in the matter.
Aren't we habitually taught to not love one selves (especially men) by the society at large?
I probably dont have self yet, i get it tho why etc. but u know, im not mad because i know whats going on. centre.. good point.
the pivotal ''Point'' of that ''special Self'' is, that ''oneself, is that 'special Self' also known as 'Anima' in Latin, 'Atman' in Sanskrit'', and this is nurtured by ''Pater'', a ''Neuter'' Noun in Latin, for ''spiritual, Nurturer'' actually, that was ''misinterpreted'' lately, and the Word ''Patriarchy'' took it ''over'', and it ''was defamed'', thereafter ''neglected'', for ''ignored'' first and ''disqualified'' afterward, while ''Matriarchy'', as the ''Opposite of 'Patriarchy' so named'' took ''over'', that is actually, ''literally'', ''the Domination of 'Mater' in Latin, literally 'Matter' in English'', and the ''long, long, indeed 'too long' and 'very much too long' Domination of 'Materialism', without 'Spirituality' took 'over' the 'existential Life Style' of everyone'', and ''Depression'' won the ''Heart and Brain'' of anyone who was ''provided with a 'Conscience', especially the 'perceptive Conscience' that he, she was a 'Soul' first, embodied in a temporary and local 'Personality', from Greek for 'Mask', a 'Body' or 'Soma' so named in Greek'', provided with ''Intellect and Affection'', that are the more ''paternal'' Part of oneself, and provided with ''Generativity and a material Body'', afterward, that are the more ''material'' Part of oneself (also ''Sex and Food' so to put it: for ''Sex'' there is an Example in Movie ''Triangle of Sadness'' by Ruben Östlund, to be appreciated at Site filmingo.ch, and for ''Food'' there is Tale 2 of 2, in ''Talks with a Devil'' by Peter D. Ouspensky, to be ''freely'' downoladed on-line),
while, ''Intellect is 'Vir' in Latin, 'Virility' so named, a 'masculine' Quality of the 'Brain' so to put it'' used to describe ''truthful and strong Thoughts and Words'' and, ''Affection is 'Gratia' in Latin, 'Graciousness' so named, a 'feminine' Quality of the 'Heart' so to put it'', used to describe ''good Feelings and Emotions''; altogether, whatever was ''above the Navel, also 'Nabi El' in middle eastern Language for 'd:vine Prophet' and 'noble' is a 'Quality' of 'd:vine Prophets', as well as 'Nobility' is a 'spiritual Condition' of the 'human' Creature, conceived and forged by 'G.d the Absolute', 'Elhim' biblically'', was ''neglected'', and anything that was ''below the 'Navel' was cherished'', probably since some 500 Years ago, cfr. also so named ''Lurianic Qabalah'' and the ''Sexualization'' of the so named ''mystical Qabalah'' (conceived and forged some 800 Years ago, upon the ''spiritual, Work of Science and Art'' by ''Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai'' of some 1800 Years ago, in the ''holy Land''),
as presented in Work of ''Science'' and Art by ''Shaul Magid'', at Site academia.eu, titled ''constructing Women from Men: the Metaphysics of Male Homosexuality among Lurianic Kabbalists in sixteenth-Century Safed; jewish Studies Quarterly 17:1 (Winter 2010): 4-28'',
and a ''Critique'' to ''Feminism as 'Matriarchy' for 'atheistic or G.dless Materialism, 'Paterless' so to put it'', and a ''Presentation'' of ''Virility'' as an ''intellectual masculine Quality'' so to say, can be found in the artistic ''Work of Science'' titled ''Gender'' by ''Genius'' and very much ''multiethnically and multiscientifically'' cultivated ''Ivan Illich'' of the recent Past; and the ''Navel'' also named ''Omphalos'' in Greek, was already ''pointed out, as a 'very important Site' of oneself'', during ancient Greece of the ''original Philophers'' of some 2500 Years ago, in the ''Qabalah'' above mentioned, is that Site named ''Tipheret'', is also connected to the ''Sun'', and for the ''Sun'' as a ''Gate'' to the ''most higher spiritual Dimension'', cfr. Video titled ''Earth sized UFOs using the Sun as a Stargate - Nassim Haramein'', to be appreciated at youtube Channel ''Howskii'', and the ''Navel'' is the ''Site'' where the ''Conscience, d:vine'', who one is, eternally, infinitely, ''met'' and ''meets'' the ''Body, 'Soma' in Greek, 'Naäl' for 'Shoe' in middle eastern Language and from the 'qabalistic Tradition' above mentioned, 'Personality' from Greek, that is made of a given 'Name and Family Name'' and that is ''temporary and local'': just ''focusing'' on ''Sex and Food'' so to put it, ''just'' lowers oneself to the ''bottom Level'' of oneself, that is the ''inferior, also 'infernal' Part of oneself'' and of ''everyone's existential Life'', while biblically in the Book of ''John'', Chapter 3, Verses 3 onwards, it is indicated the Need to ''resurrect'' to the ''higher Levels'' of oneself, ''Water'' is for ''Affection, Feelings and Emotions of the 'Chest' so named'' and, ''Air'' is for ''Intellect, Thoughts and Words of the 'Head' so named'', that are ''2 Elements'', related to the same ''Levels of oneself, 'the Heart and the Brain' so named'', indicated in the ''Science and Art'' called ''FëngShuî'' from the far East, also used to ''rebalance'' the so named ''Energies'', within a given ''Environment'', that is otherwise almost ''materialistic'', and ''Air and Water'' bring the ''Remind'' of the ''spiritual, 'paternal' Dimension'', within everyone's ''existential Life'';
eventually in ''Work of Science and Art'' by ''Ivan Illich''above mentioned, titled ''Conviviality'', it is possible to ''learn, aknowledge'' when and ''how'' so named ''Materialism and Sexualization'' so to say ''entered the Room'', especially within so named ''western Society'', that ''lost'' so called ''Spirituality'', also ''the Conscience of the 'Fact' that everyone is a 'd:vine Conscience, Soul' or 'Psyché' in Greek of the 'ancient, original Philosophers' from Greece'', that caused the so to say ''Death'', of everyone, that need thereafter to be named ''whitened Sepulchers'', as it was already done by ''Jesus Christ'', a ''religious Character'' from the middle East, some 2000 Years ago (and some 2090 Years ago, there was still some ''living Philosopher'' in the middle East, as it was the Case of ''Hillel and Shammai'', the former also known as ''Hillel HaZqn'', for ''Hillel the Elder'', for ''someone that is wise'', also from ''wissen'' in German for ''to know'').
''Shlom'' in biblical Language, or ''Salve'' in Latin, for everyone, simultaneously, through ''Tzdqh'' biblically, or ''Caritas'' in Latin, ''Agape'' in Greek, for ''universal Love'' or also, for ''correct Judgement'', to be ''practiced'' in all ''Occasions'' of anyone's ''existential Life'', so that it is possible to ''act, react'' consequently.
❤👏
What is an ethical inheritance?
Can you do a video about hoarding and the show 'hoarders'? It seems ripe for your kind of perspective.
The Self can be quite elusive.
I felt like I died.