Sister Wives #33 - (Knock It Off) - Therapist Reacts
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Sister Wives. Includes clips from Sister Wives.
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Notice that Kody was in Janelle's house listening when Gabe, Garrison and Paedon had their meltdown. Kody did nothing. He hid in the big chair in Janelle's living room like a little kid trying to stay out of the drama hoping that no one would notice him. He abdicated the role of a Dad who helps their sons grow up to be strong, well-adjusted men. He abdicated from involvement from all aspects of their lives. Kody only wanted the fun moments. This clip was a reminder of why Garrison said years later that he doesn't have a dad, doesn't need a dad and he was going to stop expecting Kody to step up as his dad. Kody laid that expectation down early in all of his OG3 children's lives. I want to cry knowing Garrison's fate.
Single mothers raised the Brown kids.
This is so spot on!!!
And that is exactly why the kids are so fond of and protective of their mom's and have no respect for their dad.
Major spoilers in this comment...
Wait what's Garrisons fate?
Concerning Christine and her comment about abuse. I can only speak from my own personal experience, but I was in an abusive relationship for almost 40 years and came from an abusive family. I did not even realize it as abuse until someone else started pointing it out to me. I’m just trying to say that there’s not always a conscious awareness that abuse is happening. I slowly awakened to it and it was like peeling back the onion to truly see what was going on. I had an illusion of what my reality was that really wasn’t based in truth.
I'm so sorry to read this. Hope you are now enjoying life.
Same, @sandigoguen4616. It’s been a year since I had a wake up moment that completely flipped my “reality.” There are still new realizations every day. Today it was the realization that I can’t name any of my childhood favorites… but can tell you my dad’s favorite cartoons, shows, movies, hobbies, foods, etc from when I was a child. Literally never occurred to me that was the case, let alone realized how bizarre that is.
totally resonate with this. my best friend was raised in abuse. her first long term relationship was abusive. it took me years to get her out because she didnt understand it as abuse. im proud of you and hope your happier now xxx
@@toni5543 Thank you! I am doing better but still it’s a process. I have times that I get triggered, I have vivid dreams of my ex and get flashbacks of so many things that were red flags I missed. I believe he’s a sociopath and I’m thankful that I have a permanent order of protection.
@@AnnK.-vu2yp I wish you the best as you go through the healing process. Unless you’ve gone through it it’s hard for others to understand. Sometimes in a group of women that I don’t know well I feel that I’m different because my life has been so extreme. It feels like I left a cult and need to be deprogrammed. I’m 7 years contact free and it’s still a process for me but I don’t let it define me anymore. I realized that It’s not who I am, it’s what I went through.
The reason Meri said Kodi doesn't get it, is because she is infertile and not able to have more children, kodi can have children with other people. He truely doesnt get it.
Came here to say this. His experience was vastly different to hers because he didn't struggle to have kids. Just her. Having been through infertility myself, I can totally understand why this is a sticking point for her.
As a mother of a toddler who is just reaching the developmental "terrible twos" stage, I can't express enough how helpful it was to hear your advice at the end on how to model emotional regulation!! I hope when my kids are older,I will have the pleasure of hearing those differentiated and well regulated little emotions come out and know I helped them learn how to do that 🙏 I'm doing my best. Some days are harder than others, but I'm committed to the gentle(but still disciplined) parenting approach. Thanks Dr K for being such a great teacher 😊
I agree that it’s helpful to hear him discuss ways to parent without judgement. I too was/am committed to gentle parenting but found once my twins turned 3 I am getting more triggered and less regulated. All the tantrums and crying were easier (for me) to manage when they were so little and I could ‘help’ more, but now they can and DO straight up refuse to do things that need to be done and have such strong wills. When I am at the end of my toolkit I find myself less and less able to regulate my frustration and say things that I wish I didn’t, I revert to the way I myself was parented, with bribes and threats. It was great to hear Dr Honda discuss parenting to put me back on track.
Check out the Nurtured Heart approach by Howard Glasser. Gentle parenting is good as long as it is not permissive parenting - most parents confuse the two and this is a terrible outcome. Best to aim for authoritative NOT authoritarian big difference.
@@Lucky2bYou That sounds so great! Thank you for recommending 🙏
While Christine and Janelle were studying hard for their real estate licenses so they could earn money independent of the family for the family. Robyn was trying to take them away from their studies to staff her idea of a family jewelry business. Robyn had a startup hobby business. Christine and Janelle were trying to establish lucrative careers. Meri wanted to go back to school to improve her employability ability to earn a higher salary too. Kody let Robyn hobble all of them. He reprimanded Meri, Janelle and Christine for not 'doing enough for Robyn' and let Robyn try to bully them.
I actually think kody truly doesnt understand what Mari is going through with the infertility. While she spend her time being so disappointed he had kids with other people. I dont think its the same
Also, the mom holds all the responsibilities for the child rearing alone, medical bills alone, food alone. Kody might see your child a few hours a night 2x a week at the most. Children will be taught to admire Kody & make those 2 evenings as pleasant as possible with a lovely dinner & they watch only shows & movies Kody wants to watch. If she has a boy, Kody might be interested in some of their sporting events eventually but if she has a girl, they must be absolutely sweet & beneath him.
You said absolutely nothing about KODY'S sons upstairs having a huge fight, Janelle doing her best to deal while it, while father of the year hides downstairs texting Robyn and pretending not to notice? I think this was far less about Janelle's response to this argument than it is about Kody's LACK of response. "Hey, they're your kids Janelle. I just donated the sperm!"
Neither Kody or Janelle know how to parent, honestly. It's too bad that these kids didn't have healthy upbringings with attentive parents.
Thank you! He spent more tome talking about dogs for some reason.
@@kimm6589 Fortunately, they had Logan and Christine to parent them, and they all turned out to be wonderful, hardworking, responsible adults.
No notes on what Kody could have done differently re: the boys fighting? Someone other than sitting his butt in a chair like a bump on a log and leaving Janelle to handle the situation?
In truth he was probably texting Robyn to say how he couldn't wait to leave this insanity and come back to her and her oasis of love.
@@becky9103 Right?! 😂
Christine was upset that there was no one to help with Truely while she was studying. In they're old house, the mothers all helped each other. In the individual houses, that's not possible.
Don't forget Robyn had help.
The jewelry business was Robyn’s idea and the rest just went along to keep Cody happy. They all had other jobs and things to do while Robyn wanted them all to follow her instructions as that is what she did best…give orders. As for the kids behaviour it is pretty normal. They all grow up to be wonderful adults and love each other.
Christine is looking cold? Well she was the primary caregiver for the majority of the kids and most of them kept the relationship with her.
yeah she had so much responsibility, meeting the needs of all those kids exhausted and studying holy cow
I honestly think people give Christine too much credit. She's no saint, either. She kept preaching and was a leader in the church long after her brothers and mother left the faith because of the horrid nature of it all. And it doesn't sit well with me how she wanted to be the last wife, and then Robyn came along and took her role and she got mad. I'm no fan of Robyn either, but Christine sets off my BS alarm as well.
@@kimm6589imagine being the last wife and pregnant and then a new one comes along….shes a fucking human and allowed to feel that way. Especially when they weren’t really planning (only meri and Kody were) to add another wife. Then again, add that this all was happening WHILE SHE IS PREGNANT, you know the time in a woman’s life where her emotions are literally haywire and uncontrollable.
They technically do have a choice, in regards to the comment about the businesses. But this is where you really start to see Kodys favoritism of Robyn. The ladies have to go along with everything and anything that Robyn wants if they want to stay in the favor or good graces of Kody, because Robyn is Kodys favorite. Janelle wanted to open a gym, and there were other business ideas they came up with but Robyn won out with a jewelry business that was a complete waste of time and money!
Also, Robyn just wanted to be the "creator" and wanted to get the other wives to do that actual work.
To be fair Robyn did ask Janelle to do the plus size holy line 😂
First hard disagree with Dr Honda. You can train reactive dogs OR put them away so they don't overwhelm your guests and friends. Contain over aroused dogs in a playpen and avoid rehearsing unwanted behavior. There is also a way to instruct the guests to make the dogs sit and take a cookie, and if they can't, they march back into their confinement. No one likes to be jumped on.
Love the dogs to kids comparisons 😂 Maybe more accurate than we'd like to admit (signed, a mom of 3)
Why don’t you acknowledge that Kody just sat there! He has made himself useless to these women and kids.
There’s seems to be some kind of feud between Janelle and Meri….
Chiiild just wait 😅😮
What you don’t realize or remember is that Janelle wanted to open a gym because people working out don’t care if they are polygamist. But Robyn came out of nowhere wanting to have a jewelry business. And Kody did a 180 and went with Robyn’s wish. It was Janelle’s 401k that they were using to start a family business. And….no one in the family ever saw a dime of any proceeds from MSWC. Robyn wanted to rule over everyone in this business as her baby, but she wanted everyone else to do the work. This is a pattern and becomes more pronounced over time. Wait till you see Robyn fat shame Janelle while Janelle is on her weight loss journey. Robyn didn’t want a family Gym because she didn’t want the other three wives to improve their bodies. Then Robyn would loose her edge. She wants to lord over the other wives.
1:11 this is not ever talked about in the show, apologies if it is a spoiler. Jenelle was married to Meri’s brother before Kody and Meri were married. That’s how they knew her.
Jenelle divorced Meri’s brother, became interested in polygamy, and then they brought her in as the second wife.
That's interesting. I thought that Kody initially didn't want to date Robin because she was a divorcée. That's weird, if he was already married to one
@@Stormy575maybe it was because there were kids in the picture? idk tho
@@Stormy575 I saw somewhere that it's typical for the church to place a divorced woman (with kids) with another family so that everyone is taken care of. The church usually dictates these things, as long as everyone agrees.
You may want to see if there is a cliffnotes available for their book about the family. Other channels that react to the show have not only read it for more insight but also found inconsistencies in their stories.
The guests that were featured that talked about their abuse in polygamy were not from the same group. Kody and family were part of the AUB. The guests featured were from the Kingston group or FLDS that’s under Warren Jeffs. Those two groups have been known to be extremely abusive, more so than the AUB.
Christine's aunt Kristyn (whose father was Owen Allred the prophet of AUB after Rulon) was also on that panel.
I wish you had reviewed the episode of Kody yelling and broken that down
Which time?
Crying is a manipulation tactic in mormonism. It’s because you’re so moved by “The Spirit” so it’s supposed to be a signal that someone is being sincere
Season 14 is a good place to get caught up to bc that is where things start to really show up.
I love these reactions! I have been a fan of the show since it first aired and I prefer you getting into the weeds of each season and episode. YES, there is crazy interesting drama happening now but these backstories are important details. You're not going to lose our interest in taking your time but you know better than I on that regard I just thought I'd give my two cents!
Actually I find it really interesting to rewatch it. I see a lot of things I didn't notice the first time around.
Christine is basically a single mom even though she's married because Kody can't provide for the whole family and can't effectively parent his kids. I can understand her frustration with trying to be Super Mom and get a job while also meeting her kids' attachment needs.
It's really helpful when you role play how different dialogues could go e.g. 35:50
I’m so excited. I really wanted you to watch this show to talk about relationship dynamics. The show goes through a few transitions but interestingly enough people have always disliked kody and Robyn, that’s long standing. But kody and Robyn do eventually make strong cases for why they should be disliked lol just saying 🤷🏽♀️
My little dog will go from ignoring me to laying across my lap and getting in my face, asking for kisses if one of my human children even walks in the room to ask me something. It’s called jealousy.
As often happens, Gabe and Garrison do become best buds.
Christine & Janelle were studying for their real estate licenses and balancing caring for children to benefit the whole family with no help from Kody. Kody spends most of his time w/ Robyn and her kids. Robyn’s jewelry business was as Janelle described it a hobby.
Watching the sister wives have parenting struggles helped me empathize with them, some things, no matter what the family structure, is universal, and one thing is siblings will but heads.
I remember when I used to think Kody seemed like a pretty decent guy in the early seasons 😂 you will see what your audience means once you're caught up.
Yes me too
The description of how to handle emotions was excellent!! We ALL need to learn how to deal with them! Very important in this time with the domestic violence crisis in our society!!?
I might be in the minority, but I haven't seen this show at all, so I would appreciate maybe 2 or 3 episodes per season to understand the highlights. I know you have a lot to get through, but I feel a bit lost as to what is happening with the changing family dynamics, and I don't have any prior knowledge to go off of
I'm in the same boat as you, but he did a small recap and it might just be that nothing really worth showing happened otherwise so he would only have repeated the same things to reinforce them
I don't think we re losing too much important context
Hold your britches because Kodys awful side starts soon
He already talked about the “prequel” where he didnt record but Kody yelled about control and not being listened to…fucking textbook abuse beginnings
I'm curious what Christine's definition of abuse is. (I'm watching the show as Dr. Honda is, so maybe this is answered in later seasons). I'm from an area with a lot of conservative Christians (not too many Mormons, so I know this is a bit different) and some of them only see physical abuse as abuse. They believe things that I would definitely consider abuse are acceptable inside a marriage.
That part. I also grew up in a conservative Christian household and experienced abuse from the church and family members without even knowing it for many many years. This is immediately what I thought about when he talked about Christine.
Janelle is a laid-back parent. The kids could've been swinging from the ceiling, and she wouldn't blink an eye. Lol. I couldn't imagine trying to raise that many boys.
Was Christine crying because she didn't know that "Men could be bastards"? Or, was she crying because she did not realize that women could view men as abusive or bastards? That is what I am wondering.
Gosh, I agree so much with you on your parenting approach and wonder where you learned what you know. For me, I had to hit some books (Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen), read some blogs (especially Janet Lansbury), listen to some podcasts (Dr. Becky), follow Attachment Nerd and Raised Good on social media, and practice, practice while trying my own variations of some things. It's been a journey, but I consider myself a cycle-breaker in my family. Not to brag 🙂
Seeing this parenting scene was so cringe yet so familiar...the kids are having their emotions, then the parents come in and have even bigger emotions, punishing, judging, and trying to control rather than trying to understand, guide, and be empathetic. Glad I didn't go this direction but so easily could have.
Anywho, I just wondered which, if any, parenting resources you recommend to people to guide them toward your style.
You do a deep dive on Christine’s family of origin, abuse is their middle name.
Parenting is pretty easy if you sit downstairs and let the other parent do all of the work. 🙄
70's dogs were better. Today's dogs have no respect. Make Dogs Great Again. 😹
things do not hit the fan in season 14. they start to unravel around season 6 and the boring seasons are important context. Thank you Dr Honda!
Just hang in there, the wheels fall off the cart rapidly. I thought Kody was overall a loving father until the Flagstaff move. It gets rough.
I feel like as a parent my role is mostly to referee between all the kids 😂😂
Love your honest reactions! The bit about emotional regulation was great also.
That Jimmy Kimmel example at 26:30 ish might make a good short
Edit: or the last minute there where you describe the parents modeling?
the comparison to the beatles is a good one.
What is the difference between emotional regulation and emotional suppression? It seems to me that trying to get a kid to regulate all the time, could just be getting them to suppress (especially with crying).
Emotional suppression = cutting off, ignoring, pushing away your emotions. Emotional regulation is about experiencing your emotions without becoming dysregulated (either over or underregulated). So there has to be some form of experiencing and processing of emotions, understanding why you're feeling those emotions (without judging the emotion or yourself) and ultimately letting emotions pass without getting attached/stuck to them (as all emotions come and go). So emotional regulation requires both being able to fully experience the emotion, and letting go of the emotion once it's served its purpose.
2:23 it was from members of the FLDS (Warren Jeff’s group), The Kingstons, and her Aunt Kristin, from the same AUB group.
Season 19 starts on Sept 15.
I really appreciate your thoughts on SW. You vary from many of the other youtubers who fall into the same tropes. I will say as a single working mom. Many times I am not the Perfect mom. I love my child as Much as Anyone But I do Not have time to do Everything. As a working mom, you will Never be perfect and Society Loves to remind you of this.
When I think about the contract signing, yes it is Hard living your life on tv as a kid. On the other hand this family was very very poor before the $$ of the tv show. This family benefitted ALot from the $$ of TLC. its a give & take
Thanks, I am enjoying these
Re: commentary around 12:30: this is my experience growing up with immature and authoritarian parents. I still struggle to say no or express disagreement in a group
AppreciTe you pointing out the abuse of filming the kids without consent and the nasty relationships Christine and janelle have with their kids. Meri is a BPD nightmare
Sorry I’m distracted because you look especially good 😮 something about this beard is really doing it for me and you look so well groomed and hydrated and that blue is nice on you. Anyway I’m loving the sister wives series 😂
My Take on " kody and abusive or not abusive behaviour:
Hes not Angela Deem, or Dangerous tiny Eddie ...
He seems immature, chauvinistic, he seems emptionally unavailable to all the women he choose to have relationships with, i also see he seems manipulative...like a 14 yr old little boy...
But "quote" abusive ...noooo... more so immature and egotistical 😂😂😂
Are you sure about this?
@@AnnK.-vu2yp no Ann...I'm not sure...just a guesstimate...
Do you know?
If so,I'm so sorry ...and yes I can be deemed abusive behaviours, I put a lot of his grandiose behaviors, on the cult lifestyle he lived...
Yes definitely not Angela Deem level!
Just because someone isn't physically abusing people doesn't mean they aren't abusive. Verbal and financial abuse exist.
@@nicolemensch4343 that's very true
Poor little 31:ish
Guy with the stripped shirt... his face was so sad and frustrated...not sure which child he is...
😢❤peace and love toball of us parents😂😂😂it definitely was something to take on lightly ...and its hard...mine is now 48 yrs ...i wish i knew back then, what i know, and understand ,now🫂✌🏼🇨🇦👵🏼👏🏽❤️❤️☮️
Lets teach with the essence of guidance....discipline, for me...means to walk like a disciple, guidence, patience, honor, and respect...
They are not our properties ❤❤❤❤
Ok, thanks for letting me share ✌🏼🇨🇦👵🏼
the group of former polygynist were from all the sect not just the AUB
There are indeed many seasons ahead for Kody to show his booty. Tbh I think the television show was very bad for his mental health and Covid compounded everything. The majority of his really unforgivable behavior happens later. But I think you’re right on your general reads on people, I think they mean well and they behave within different roles that have been established already. Robyn is looking for a role because she’s doesn’t feel that she fits in with the way the family has functioned prior.
Dr Kirk- love your insight. Please react to Michaela from married at first sight season 13 I believe. Other people have posted she shows classic borderline behavior, but I am not versed enough to know either way. Would be interesting to hear your thoughts.
I'm going to need Dr H to watch "secret lives of Mormon wives" there's a lot to unpack there! As I watched, I only thought wow so much content here lol
Polyamory is also bad. They should go to prison.
why is that?
@@deny2294 financial scams one in the big house and another in the trailer and the vulnerability of people wanting to leave but some in the group holding onto their assets. The fact that they hold onto people they are not really treating as full spouses during and beyond the fertile period meaning men go partner less and are unable to procreate themselves. It’s bad for public policy you will always have more men with multiple women than women with multiple men. It was even out. So Kody has 4 women who are still technically at an age they could naturally or with assistance have a baby. That meant with a 50/50 boy/girl birth ratio 3 men are without a partner. If they women finally are let go it’s after the fertile period. One man is neglecting the needs of some of his spouses. Clearly. So it’s a waste as well.
The jewelry business was Robyn’s idea and the rest just went along to keep Cody happy. They all had other jobs and things to do while Robyn wanted them all to follow her instructions as that is what she did best…give orders. As for the kids behaviour it is pretty normal. They all grow up to be wonderful adults and love each other.