Thank you for the reminder to not make decisions out of Fear! Fear has ruled me most of my life as the adult child of an alcoholic, and often now too being married to an alcoholic. I fear that reinstating and sticking to my boundaries will cause him to abandon me if I push too hard.
I was struggling with alcohol addiction, it all started in highschool because I wanted to be part of the crowd and feel some validation, not feeling uncool, then used it to scape reality and even though this is not as deep as the full story I can tell you this, Amber helped me to recognize that it wasn't the alcohol what was bothering me in a deep level, there are patterns, behaviors and mindsets I had to take care of, I had to take care of my emotional needs and look into what I knew (unconsciously or subconsciously) I was lacking in a deep level and wanted to, not effectively at all, fill up with alcohol and other external things. One day I was looking one of your videos and remembered the day when I started to drink, I was feeling so sad, overwhelmed and angry cause of family issues and let myself get into alcohol to feel like something was going well at the time. Before that I would only drink green tea and ginger, you could say I was an addict too cause I drank 2 cups a day but they're just not the same lol I ended up losing control of it someday and guess what, I felt even worse than before, it is ALWAYS like it when you try to solve a problem by covering up with anything, alcohol or drugs, food, sex, love etc, it's just the same. I had to look into myself and I knew it was a lot of work, but I was in a place where I also knew that by keep on drinking I was only going to go down and soon enough going up would be worse than dead. So, there was a time no alcohol was doing no help even in my mind and decided to just live again, solving the issues within and guess what, one day I was having a relapse, went to the supermarket to get some beer and when I was there I ended up buying A can, food and fruits with the same money I spent in beer time ago, I actually didn't want to drink, I needed the walk and some nourishing. So, after that the need to drink fade and fade, I was taking care of myself in a deep level. All the high of alcohol is nothing as this joy, nothing. Take care of you then addiction just fades away. That's my experience
My son has an alcohol problem he is in and out the hospital all the time I also think he has Mental Health issues to he is now in detox and then straight to rehab what do you do when they get out
@@melissabarrier4253 It's heartbreaking to read this and I do wish your son a godspeed recovery, I have a complete believe that emotional health is the priority and that Amber can help you for sure 🙏😔♥️
Amber every single video i listen too, you nail it. i made a brreak through yesterday! i was living in shame the laat year, and have not posted on FB. i faced my fear and my first post after 1 year wss a post about being sober.
I'm watching from Buffalo, NY. Thanks for the content. I been trying to figure my addiction and looking for the secret cure to this. Lol i know there is no cure but i can dream. I have been sharing your videos with my family hoping I can start to heal my family from all the damage done from all of our addictions. Thank you for giving me a place to start!
I see from what you're saying that if we let in that "other" entity that's overriding them right now, the addiction, and don't set definite boundaries on that entity, who they really are won't have a chance to come through. If we don't let that "thing" have its way, then it may retreat, allowing room for the real person we know and love to come back to life.
This video reminds me of a hypnosis show I saw in college. The entertainer guy said don't volunteer unless you're honestly open to it. If you say 'you can't make me', well, you're right! It won't happen. Surrendering to the process of maturity, and just life in general, is hard for everyone. Addicts, codependents, children, parents, teens, young adults, senior adults... Like Brené Brown said in one of her books: 'You can't skip Act 2'
Hey Amber ~ I am in this playlist trying to look for a good video I could send to someone i know that is in denial of their addiction. I have heard from their friends that they do want to change, and they will acknowledge sometimes that they "know" its an issue. But i cant be sure in the moment if its always genuine, or just to get out of the conversation or conflict. I've started healing and working on my boundaries and ways to talk to them since finding your channel (which is a GODSEND, THANK YOU for ALL of your expertise!!!!) I know maybe they arent ready for it yet & i have more learning to do, but have you thought about creating a playlist of videos you think could be recommended to people with the addiction? It's hard to go through and seperate which ones might be too difficult for them, with my knowledge. I would love the advice on which to pick!!!
I am losing hope that my husband will ever quit his addiction to nicotine. He has tried tools (ie nicotine patches), but never tried counselling. I’m feeling hopeless and frustrated. I also feel powerless, because he tells me he just wants me to leave him alone (when I ask what he needs from me). I am currently in counselling, but feeling frustrated he won’t take that step.
Can an actie addict actually love people? Feel love for other, feel peoples love for them or are they too wrapped up, insulated by addiction and the lies it tells them every day?
I was watching a video you had about specifically building trust in a relationship again, and that’s what the cover photo said too. I can’t find it!! I really really want to finish watching it, if you could point me in the right direction. It mentioned that both parties are in some way causing distrust, the other partner excessively communicating despite frustration for them. About sticking it out regardless of how long it takes that person to start trusting again. Hope that helps recall the video. Thanks!
@@PutTheShovelDown I don’t think it is! That one doesn’t seem familiar. I believe that title of the video actually had trust in it in particular. I can’t believe I didn’t save it
I've put my 34 yo son out of the house 2 years ago. He is homeless n living on the streets. I am now in the middle of relocating to FL from NY. I fear I will loose him forever to the streets. When I told him I was moving to FL, he said take me with you n I will go to rehab there. I said, Anthony, we've already done that 7 years ago n the addiction still took over. I told him you need to be clean at least 6+ months n I will send you a ticket to join me. He got angry n said I didn't love him.( trying to make me feel guilty) I again told him I loved him. Help I'm scared to leave NY. In 2wks I'm leaving.
If he’s saying he will get help, I’d offer to help him find a treatment place. Just because he did it 7 years ago, doesn’t mean it won’t work for him. However, That doesn’t mean you have to let him move with you.
@@PutTheShovelDown Should I offer to help him find a rehab, now before I move to FL?? Most times I have no clue what to do or say to my son anymore. So Sad. I love him very much but , I don't know anymore.Im emotionally spent n have reached my bottom.
Offer to help him and go down to fl but of course if he doesn't do it.. try to find out about marchman act. I know u can do it for free. Find out about it going to court... I know 2 people who their lives werevsaved by their relatives, its amazing the changes that can be done after this, one of my friends, she was 50 years old when her sister did this for her and now adter only 2 years she is an amazing and loving mother.. And I believe that can be done only in florida... think this is something may save his life.... my best wishes to you ❤
What if your addicted grown child has children & you set the boundary that she can't live with you; what about the innocent grandchildren? They are affected. They could all wind up living in the street. I wrestle with this continuously!
That definitely adds a huge layer of complication. I had a similar situation with my sister. Ultimately I’d stick to your boundaries. If you feel the children aren’t being cared for then I’d take action on that specifically.
My 33 yr. Old grandson is an addict now in rehab. He lives with me, did have a good job for 8.months then relapesed. He takes suboxone, an ran out of med. . Help in knowing what to do when he gets out of rehab.?
How to help a bing drinker that continues to relapse. She did recovery 3 different times. Last time she was there for over a year. She also lived in a house of hope and worked.
Our son was addicted to opiates at first...kicked that with drug court....but now, has been drinking and when we expressed our concern....he has cut us out of his life...stating I don’t need you in my life if you don’t approve of my lifestyle...,it’s been killing my husband and I....we have two small grandsons that are paying a big price....not sure what ,if there is anything we can do at this point😔
How do you deal with betrayal? My girlfriend is hooked on meth and vanishes for days... Then she comes back every time. She had an affair with a "friend" addicted to the same but she says the main thing was the drug and that she wasn't herself.
@@PutTheShovelDown So then, WE are being illogical when we're angry with, resentful of, and hurt by someone whose amygdala is running the show and their true self is not what we see! They are, essentially, mentally ill. We expect them to see what they're doing, at least when sober, but they're probably not able to. What a conundrum. We, too, are illogical!
What do u do when the addict says hurtful things to me like he knows I couldn’t fall pregnant and he sent me a msg on fb saying why don’t u go have a baby, oh that’s right u can’t have kids haha. That is the most hurtful thing he’s ever said to me when I’ve been there for him for 10 years. He tells people Sharon kicked me out but doesn’t tell them why. That he used meth and cheated on me. So these people no longer talk to me.
But if my fear is that he’ll get arrested or have a car accident, that fear is still there. He hasn’t already crashed the car with the kids in there. So #1 feels un addressed.
🙋♂️To learn how to HEAL A RELATIONSHIP THAT'S BECOME TOXIC because of addiction, watch this next: ruclips.net/video/rg-7WtstD9M/видео.html
❤ thank you for making these!!
You hit it on the head, I'm scared of losing the person I once had in my life so joyfully. And I'm scared that she's going to destroy her life.
Same fear here. Hard to believe he was swayed away so easily after seeing him work so hard and achieving so much. Heartbroken 💔
@@TapIntoAlignment i know the heartbreak.
It's so true... they aren't themselves when they are in active addiction and no longer pursuing a sober life.
Yes. I often feel like I love with a ghost. There body is there but the core person is not.
Thank you for the reminder to not make decisions out of Fear! Fear has ruled me most of my life as the adult child of an alcoholic, and often now too being married to an alcoholic. I fear that reinstating and sticking to my boundaries will cause him to abandon me if I push too hard.
I love the you can accurately identify your fear!
I was struggling with alcohol addiction, it all started in highschool because I wanted to be part of the crowd and feel some validation, not feeling uncool, then used it to scape reality and even though this is not as deep as the full story I can tell you this, Amber helped me to recognize that it wasn't the alcohol what was bothering me in a deep level, there are patterns, behaviors and mindsets I had to take care of, I had to take care of my emotional needs and look into what I knew (unconsciously or subconsciously) I was lacking in a deep level and wanted to, not effectively at all, fill up with alcohol and other external things. One day I was looking one of your videos and remembered the day when I started to drink, I was feeling so sad, overwhelmed and angry cause of family issues and let myself get into alcohol to feel like something was going well at the time. Before that I would only drink green tea and ginger, you could say I was an addict too cause I drank 2 cups a day but they're just not the same lol I ended up losing control of it someday and guess what, I felt even worse than before, it is ALWAYS like it when you try to solve a problem by covering up with anything, alcohol or drugs, food, sex, love etc, it's just the same. I had to look into myself and I knew it was a lot of work, but I was in a place where I also knew that by keep on drinking I was only going to go down and soon enough going up would be worse than dead. So, there was a time no alcohol was doing no help even in my mind and decided to just live again, solving the issues within and guess what, one day I was having a relapse, went to the supermarket to get some beer and when I was there I ended up buying A can, food and fruits with the same money I spent in beer time ago, I actually didn't want to drink, I needed the walk and some nourishing. So, after that the need to drink fade and fade, I was taking care of myself in a deep level. All the high of alcohol is nothing as this joy, nothing. Take care of you then addiction just fades away. That's my experience
That you so much for sharing your story! It’s beautiful!
My son has an alcohol problem he is in and out the hospital all the time I also think he has Mental Health issues to he is now in detox and then straight to rehab what do you do when they get out
@@melissabarrier4253 It's heartbreaking to read this and I do wish your son a godspeed recovery, I have a complete believe that emotional health is the priority and that Amber can help you for sure 🙏😔♥️
@@melissabarrier4253 sober living
Amber every single video i listen too, you nail it. i made a brreak through yesterday! i was living in shame the laat year, and have not posted on FB. i faced my fear and my first post after 1 year wss a post about being sober.
Loving this Addict is the Hardest Thing I Have Ever Been Thru!!! I’m Angry and Trying to Figure it Out!!! But Thank You For All Your Help!!!
I'm watching from Buffalo, NY. Thanks for the content. I been trying to figure my addiction and looking for the secret cure to this. Lol i know there is no cure but i can dream. I have been sharing your videos with my family hoping I can start to heal my family from all the damage done from all of our addictions. Thank you for giving me a place to start!
Looking forward to the Sunday topic!
Me too🥰
I see from what you're saying that if we let in that "other" entity that's overriding them right now, the addiction, and don't set definite boundaries on that entity, who they really are won't have a chance to come through. If we don't let that "thing" have its way, then it may retreat, allowing room for the real person we know and love to come back to life.
Beautifully said!
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you.
Yeah but how does that happen in reality?
I can relate to this tremendously. How can we even move on?!
This video reminds me of a hypnosis show I saw in college. The entertainer guy said don't volunteer unless you're honestly open to it. If you say 'you can't make me', well, you're right! It won't happen.
Surrendering to the process of maturity, and just life in general, is hard for everyone. Addicts, codependents, children, parents, teens, young adults, senior adults...
Like Brené Brown said in one of her books: 'You can't skip Act 2'
Those are wise words Dora!
Love your work girl!!
You're the best!
You are AWESOME.. thank you 😊 💓
Right back at ya, Gadd!
Help ,this is not day one .. love your reality ..
Thanks Sharon😀
Good wisdom; Thank you.
Thanks for listening
@@PutTheShovelDown ❤️
Never again ! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Hey Amber ~ I am in this playlist trying to look for a good video I could send to someone i know that is in denial of their addiction. I have heard from their friends that they do want to change, and they will acknowledge sometimes that they "know" its an issue. But i cant be sure in the moment if its always genuine, or just to get out of the conversation or conflict. I've started healing and working on my boundaries and ways to talk to them since finding your channel (which is a GODSEND, THANK YOU for ALL of your expertise!!!!) I know maybe they arent ready for it yet & i have more learning to do, but have you thought about creating a playlist of videos you think could be recommended to people with the addiction? It's hard to go through and seperate which ones might be too difficult for them, with my knowledge. I would love the advice on which to pick!!!
I am losing hope that my husband will ever quit his addiction to nicotine. He has tried tools (ie nicotine patches), but never tried counselling. I’m feeling hopeless and frustrated. I also feel powerless, because he tells me he just wants me to leave him alone (when I ask what he needs from me). I am currently in counselling, but feeling frustrated he won’t take that step.
Can an actie addict actually love people? Feel love for other, feel peoples love for them or are they too wrapped up, insulated by addiction and the lies it tells them every day?
I was watching a video you had about specifically building trust in a relationship again, and that’s what the cover photo said too. I can’t find it!! I really really want to finish watching it, if you could point me in the right direction.
It mentioned that both parties are in some way causing distrust, the other partner excessively communicating despite frustration for them. About sticking it out regardless of how long it takes that person to start trusting again. Hope that helps recall the video. Thanks!
Hi Audrey, I think this is the video you're looking for: ruclips.net/video/ED6vqEj6Tv0/видео.html
@@PutTheShovelDown I don’t think it is! That one doesn’t seem familiar. I believe that title of the video actually had trust in it in particular. I can’t believe I didn’t save it
I've put my 34 yo son out of the house 2 years ago. He is homeless n living on the streets. I am now in the middle of relocating to FL from NY. I fear I will loose him forever to the streets. When I told him I was moving to FL, he said take me with you n I will go to rehab there. I said, Anthony, we've already done that 7 years ago n the addiction still took over. I told him you need to be clean at least 6+ months n I will send you a ticket to join me. He got angry n said I didn't love him.( trying to make me feel guilty) I again told him I loved him. Help I'm scared to leave NY. In 2wks I'm leaving.
If he’s saying he will get help, I’d offer to help him find a treatment place. Just because he did it 7 years ago, doesn’t mean it won’t work for him. However, That doesn’t mean you have to let him move with you.
@@PutTheShovelDown Should I offer to help him find a rehab, now before I move to FL?? Most times I have no clue what to do or say to my son anymore. So Sad. I love him very much but , I don't know anymore.Im emotionally spent n have reached my bottom.
@@VictoriaRodriguez-by3fs I’d ask him if he’d like for you to help him look
Offer to help him and go down to fl but of course if he doesn't do it.. try to find out about marchman act. I know u can do it for free. Find out about it going to court... I know 2 people who their lives werevsaved by their relatives, its amazing the changes that can be done after this, one of my friends, she was 50 years old when her sister did this for her and now adter only 2 years she is an amazing and loving mother.. And I believe that can be done only in florida... think this is something may save his life.... my best wishes to you ❤
very helpfull
Where you are 2 years ago?
I've been around a long time, but really just got started on RUclips a couple of years ago.
What if your addicted grown child has children & you set the boundary that she can't live with you; what about the innocent grandchildren? They are affected. They could all wind up living in the street. I wrestle with this continuously!
That definitely adds a huge layer of complication. I had a similar situation with my sister. Ultimately I’d stick to your boundaries. If you feel the children aren’t being cared for then I’d take action on that specifically.
What is the 5 steps ahead?
My 33 yr. Old grandson is an addict now in rehab. He lives with me, did have a good job for 8.months then relapesed. He takes suboxone, an ran out of med. . Help in knowing what to do when he gets out of rehab.?
I recommend a good Sober living program.
How to help a bing drinker that continues to relapse. She did recovery 3 different times. Last time she was there for over a year. She also lived in a house of hope and worked.
Long term accountability
Our son was addicted to opiates at first...kicked that with drug court....but now, has been drinking and when we expressed our concern....he has cut us out of his life...stating I don’t need you in my life if you don’t approve of my lifestyle...,it’s been killing my husband and I....we have two small grandsons that are paying a big price....not sure what ,if there is anything we can do at this point😔
Goodness, that is hurtful to you and the grandkids 😥
Prayer! Turn to God. Don’t stop praying until the prayer is answered. I am praying for you and your son!
How can I find the invisible intervention?
Here's the link to learn more about the Invisible INtervention: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/invisible-intervention
How do you deal with betrayal? My girlfriend is hooked on meth and vanishes for days... Then she comes back every time. She had an affair with a "friend" addicted to the same but she says the main thing was the drug and that she wasn't herself.
Wow mine too
In active addiction, do awful behaviors and illogical thinking present themselves between drunken episodes?
For sure! 💯
@@PutTheShovelDown So then, WE are being illogical when we're angry with, resentful of, and hurt by someone whose amygdala is running the show and their true self is not what we see! They are, essentially, mentally ill. We expect them to see what they're doing, at least when sober, but they're probably not able to. What a conundrum. We, too, are illogical!
What do u do when the addict says hurtful things to me like he knows I couldn’t fall pregnant and he sent me a msg on fb saying why don’t u go have a baby, oh that’s right u can’t have kids haha. That is the most hurtful thing he’s ever said to me when I’ve been there for him for 10 years. He tells people Sharon kicked me out but doesn’t tell them why. That he used meth and cheated on me. So these people no longer talk to me.
But if my fear is that he’ll get arrested or have a car accident, that fear is still there. He hasn’t already crashed the car with the kids in there. So #1 feels un addressed.
You CANNOT fix the addict or alcoholic!
Ugh so hard
It sure is!