Best HFY Reddit Stories: On Humans: A Primer - Part III (r/HFY)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Very important information!
An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/Eay7712
Original Post: / on_humans_a_primer_man...
Please consider supporting me on Patreon here: / netnarrator
I am also available on SubscribeStar here: www.subscribes...
If you fancy buying me a coffee so I can keep this up please do so here: ko-fi.com/netn...
Discord Link: / discord
I can be contacted on discord for business proposals, or under the reddit name u/Spartawolf
NetNarrator HFY Merch Store here: teespring.com/...
Now sponsored by SkarfZone, a store selling a wide variety of affordable neck tubes which can be used as scarves, facemasks and bandannas! Use coupon code 'NetNarrator' to get 20% off your entire order when you shop at skarfzone.com/
Sponsored by Resistance Armory, a politically left leaning store catered to left wing merchandise and protest equipment (Both I and this channel are politically neutral)
resistance-arm...
Click the bell next to Subscribe so you never miss a video!
LIKE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE if you are new on the channel!
I am the Net Narrator. I will be narrating various tales from around the internet, which may be spooky, may be creepy, may be funny, may be awesome or may be something else. Stick around and play me while bored at work and enjoy!
I run a Tshirt store which can be accessed here:
www.redbubble....
Current Patreons:
Jim Flint
koollman
Dank Matter
Joshua Stone
Shadow Sword001
Turnip Hunter
Lorry Yrrol
John Meek
Thomas Panis
Chandler Riley
some wierd guy
iamblt
Joey
Jordan Simmons
Spencer Smith
Burnt Toast
ShadaePrajschet
Viridity one
Wln424
Daniel Malik
CLOROX D VIKING
Michael
Richard Green
Logan Kuhlman
Arin Storm
Andrew
the sober viking
ReyTey
Brice Abbott
Juliano De Luca
Riokan
Jonathan Torrez
Dragonking
Oofmaigoof
julekule
DebautcheryDecanter
Merlin Morgan
Roy Nicolaysen
Peter
Barrage balloon
king vice
eyes downfield
trey spencer
Pascal Kessler
Tyler Bremer
Dalmenuis
Danial Zujkowski
OTTO DBS Gaming
nick davie
Jeran Davenport
Corbin Mcneill
DragenDragoon
Tyler John Williams
Danger N00dle
matthew baker
Nathan west
NightVision
ryan landry
Craig Anthony
Scythe967
Imp erishable
PATRICK JAN JOSUA DAVIDSEN
Mitchell Taylor
Caleb Sawyer
Nick Devor
Michael Morse
Sturlaugur Arnar Kristinsson
Roland Rose
Devara Saira
Sami Piirainen
fara basaldua
(No name)
Nathaniel Krauss
Mark
JordKriger
Ricky Burnett
Chris Hogg
Alexander Romero
Ice Bear
Yahsho Jinn
john
chaosdays
Drakos
Xaphos
OyBoy413
James Gregory
Thirteenth Angel
Tech Priest Toaster
Logan Jacobsen
Rusty Shackleford
Carl
Joshua brown
Adrian Iwański
daniel mayo
Peter Crane
Interior Crocodile Alligator
Poul Jørgensen
Quakes
None ya
Willem
C Slimm
Tradainian
Enterprise
Barak Reeves
Shaun Jacobs
Ivan Castillo-Davidson
but span
Kimball Boyd
Darian Viveiros
Mr.Monical
daniel john gerhart
Javier E
Andrid9
chzoe warford
UncaringCash0237
Chris McKee
Snk_Gorro
Mīonikoi
Andrew Rapala
Vanopolis
Richard Smith
Sapient_table
Possibly Here For Plot
chaoticPopo
Davin Smith
Maria Johansson
juan ruvalcaba
#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan
![[Limbus Company - Teaser] Season5 - Oblivion](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8anKuEeZLeI/mqdefault.jpg)
I love how Dave made a laser cutter that most would consider a high grade military weapon hand held, and for fun. Humans.
a bored human is a dangerous human
If it is not hand held it is not compact/advance enough.
I mean, if i had the tools and skill, I'd do it. I made a crossbow for fun as a kid once. As in, a full crossbow, not a pen one. It was garbage but it worked.
@@deefdragon aw yis a fellow maker of dangerous things
@@baronvonkaiser9912 any human is a dangerous human
The specialist hands you a book named "How to handle, and survive, human mating."
y-you mean meeting right? RIGHT?
specialist: i know what i said
That's a chapter I'm curious to hear lol
I’m curious about the “survive” part, but not the “mating” part
@@atticusbulan3508 how to survive a human lesson one make friends don't eat their food without them saying it is okey if it is a teenage give them food and listen to them most human brains are under stress from school so just listen to their problems (if you make human friends and are "cool" you might make more friends)
By far the most important thing to learn for when the bards arrive.
A note on boredom: it is unwise to repeatedly give a human tasks without reason. This is referred to as "busywork" by humans, and can in fact cause boredom to set in faster. Ensure that any tasks given to a human have a purpose and need to be done.
can this improved laser be made in the shape of a sword or saber?
.... just asking....
@Paul Bedford but not impossible.
@Paul Bedford But the Human weapons engineering Corp. Has stated that it is highly likely and only need a few fine toning.
Screw that ... weld 6 of the buggers together, make them go "BBBRRRRRRZZZZZZT!" as they spin in a circle blasting laser bolts!!!
HAHAHAHAH!!!! A new tool in furthering the Terran Supremacy ...
Now to harvest "Blood for the Blood God!" "For the Emperor!"
But can it sync with alexa and play "sea shanty"?
Don't give Dave ANYMORE IDEAS YOU FOOL!!!
I'm just going to say it. Dave has anger management issues 😂
Or a lack of coffee issue.
That or he can't handle his caffeine. Or a combination of both.
I'd say all of it but in a Mild condition as to some people i know personally stretch the spectrum comparatively
*additional note: under no circumstances should a human ingest 100 cups of coffee. furthermore, if your human hails from 'eng-land' or 'ind-dia' refrain from using the word 'coffee'. they injest a substance called 'tea'.
I would want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in his car like his passengers
i thought it was bus
Lol
Hold up
Reminds me of a joke my friend made. “My father died in 9/11, he wasn’t a great pilot”
angry dave is such a chaotic. i love it. i dont think most humans wpuld resort to such extremes BUT i have been wrong befor.
An unspoken rule in my line of profession, "Never tell an engineer something is impossible or unsafe."
Most humans wouldn't, but any human could....
About the sleep I can confirm, when we are tired we can become VERY aggresive and not even notice. You sometimes need to be very careful to convince them.
“All of them are still eating through tubes in a federation hospital “
Hehehehe
"we just found them like that we swear........."
Ok, i NEED this special ehm.... attraction chapter. For research purposes ofcourse.
ofc ofc
Yes yes ....reasearch.....>.>
See addendum "Furries"
@@Navy89SEALs w h e r e
This notion is seconded...in a totally reasonable and not at all overly enthusiastic way.
It seems the general tone of this series is leaning towards “the universe sees humans as overactive children or toddlers”
Or cats
I like it, it makes more sense than the common "humans are total chads at whatever they try to accomplish" spiel.
This is "Humans are Murderhobos part 3"
So, this story is different from the "On Humans" series
I made the reverse mistake haha.
I wonder if aliens can see these signs with a tsundere?
They're gonna need a special chapter for that... I think most humans will, too.
I will notify the counsel about this tsundere you have mentioned. I myself will conduct a quick research on this manner.
My goodness thank you for talking about such a personality if not I would have never thought such a complicated personality that shows the opposite of what they meant even existed.
Hehehe, that laser part, only thing you can do worse, is to actually help human tinkerer with their antics, its going to be A LOT of various ideas and concepts going your way, every new one even crazier as time goes on))
And last part made me giggle badly))) just imagine alien species of catgirls and human loving anime with Neko XDDD
Are you referring to "A job for a deathworlder"?
@@alexandrub8786 that, and in general, hehe, about humans and us being able to easily pack-bond with anyone, roughly speaking -- any non-xenophobic human, in theory can get interested in a partner from different species if said partner gets into their understanding of a potential mate
The point about "Job for a deathworlder" is, that such situation is kinda perfect example of that "pack-bond with anyone". Also, catgirls and anime are kinda one of most universally recognize-able things to anyone who's been using Internet not only for E-mails and cooking recipes))
I love the thought of us basically being the hyperintelligent great ape version of an Interstellar raccoon.
I assume that all of us, here, are of one mind in wishing for a continuation on that last and specific Human interspecies mating handbook?^^
Alien's Declassified Human Survival Guide
8 hours of sleep? Don't sleep that long unless I'm really sick.
Dave: casually makes handheld laser capabpe of cutting a military vessel in half.
Col. Decker will never catch them now that they have ftl space capability.
These are oddly reminiscent of the "Safety Briefs" they gave us in the military...
I can't wait for chapter 2
Human Bunkmate? I wonder if it’s referencing something
Humans should eat when they are hungry, not 3 times a day
Dave sounds like someone you want as a freind. Just want him a few parsects away from you is all.
Alien: "How would you prefer to die."
*I S H A L L A R I V E A T T H E*
*G A T E S O F V A L H A L L A*
*S H I N Y A N D C H R O M E !*
*W I T N E S S M E !*
what about humans called the introverts?
LOL
"Humans MUST be given 8 terran hours of sleep, and 3 meals per terran day"
LMAO LMAO LMAO
Bruh, this author has never suffered a day in their life without three meals or less than eight hours have they? LMAO
Well it is the most optimal meal and sleep plan, lately myself I have around 9 hours of sleep with 5 cups of coffee and two meals with light snacking here and there
@@elijahaitaok8624 The most optimal sleep plan would be the Dymaxion sleep pattern, but that's one that most people cannot do because of genetics and societal norms
"An actor who plays a villain MUST be an actual villain"
I get 4 or six hours of sleep and only one or two meals a day with my factory job lol fortunately as I post this I’m on a day off
human: takes extra sipp of coffee
also human: *I C A N N O T S E E T H R O U G H S P A C E T I M E , I T R E Q U I R E S M O R E H O L E S !*
Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Gg mate
A note to aliens: The negative "Human Dave" examples should not be taken as normal human reaction to what we perceive as rudeness or condescension. However, they are common enough both to warrant this guide and for us to have a few choice phrases for this behavior. Most of us are not selfish pricks, like Human Dave, but it it does help things run smoothly to err on the side of caution, per the examples here. We call it "manners".
They are the writer's idea of a worst case scenario, and oh how I pity the fool whom finds out how light the examples are.
I am Human Dave more often than I should, I'm afraid.
@@hdufort aren't we all?
Human juveniles are more likely to act in such rash ways to situations. And Human elderly are more likely to have calm reactions though I’d still suggest taking precautions, especially if those elderly are dealing with aging diseases.
*err, not air
"I just need to outrun you" ahhh. Humanity's resourcefulness and morbidity summed up so perfectly.
I do believe there is joke about two hunters out on safari that deal with exactly this lol
Well seems like someone deserves to get out ran (who ever wrote those instructions lol) - I mean, if they just think to pack bond with a human for to be saved by set a human... not worth the bond.
”Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.”
"It's called a chill pill, genius, and I wouldn't need one if you didn't talk down to me! I can probably snap your spine, accidentally, with both hands tied behind my back!"
You need to specifie that Tellnig a "Dave" to calm down is vastly less dangerous than saying the same to a "Darla".
Compare it to accidentally dropping your omni tool into the hyperjump reactor core whilst in transit.
@@alexs5814 the best course of action when one has angered a human is to RUN.
wow dave is a tad bit agressive
Note on humans. A human can survive for days on the fat reserves on their body. But if their insulin is high they wont be able to utilise these energy stores, making them "hangry". There is even one man from a territory called Scot-Land had exceptionally large stores and survived for over a year without eating food. But trying this with your human is not recommended, even if they have large energy reserves.
While many suggestions can be offered as the next topic of focus, I strongly recommend the primer include a critically necessary chapter focused on a survival topic: Dealing with Karen (and I'm not referring to the nice ones whose company people genuinely enjoy).
Wait? This is chapter 1 part 3? How many chapters and parts are there XD
Hey, is there a reason this series isn't in a playlist like the others? I just noticed that and accidently went to the other 'on humans' series before noticing this one included primer in the title.
I love this it’s the all the worst takes
Gotta love how murderous Dave is when mildly inconvenienced
@@dwarvernbard9782 the bit at the end is correct though everyone knows to outrun a bear you only need to outrun the guy behind you
@@RunningOnAutopilot okay but what if there is no one behind you but the bear?
Simple, substitute "guy" for "bear".
I really like these stories.
Ship AI - Captain, I have noticed one of your humans sitting alone. His leg is shaking and his eyes are wandering.
Captain - Bosun. See this human. Tell him to find the hull leak on deck 5!
Bosun - That deck is nothing but pipes and wires... protected by 3 feet of armor belt...
Dave - 6 fuckin days, how far am I... 1/4 done... fuck... What the fuck did I do to deserve this?!
chapter 2, if you ever find yourself on the human home world, never visit Australia as they have the most dangerous wildlife that seems to just exist to just to kill you or damage your psyche and also do not visit the North Sentinel island that is located in the Indian Ocean, there’s a tribe of indigenous people that attacks anybody who attempts to visit, I do not know how such a tribe have remained in its tribal stages of civilization considering Humanity is now a space faring species and could easily wipe out the tribe as they have done to many tribes in their history, We do not ask this question due to the fact that humans can be extremely random to the point that one might have assumed them to be another species at first glance only to have said human punch them in their face and calling them rude, (and don't ask about the punch, that still hurts)...
It would only be a matter of time, until this book is sold with improvements and human professional comments and scenarios. Why? Because the book never said not to talk about it, duh!
Bruh
LuLz, I really love HFY content, best science fiction written in decades.
*smooth jazz starts playing*
The zenos: none of that now, that's for a different book
*record scratch*
I like dave
aliens be like... '' ...i have one human that wants to kill me for something...and one that loves me T_T either one will be my death ''
For the Narrator
Hmm 8 hrs of sleep you say? I don't know of many humans that do that....
This guide fails to point out that had you not sufficiently pack-bonded with the Human Dave, then you are likely to find his sidearm destroying your ambulatory limbs as Human Dave flees to a cave ...
SMACK
Dave is bipolar as fork.
I love dave
Moar
Human: *sips coffee*
Human 5 minutes later: *frenziedly mapping something out on a cork board* I CAN HEAR COLOURS AND TASTE SOUND!!!!! ITS THE SQUID PEOPLE, THEY TURNED MY NOODLES INTO SPAGHETI HOOPS!!!
Please Note : These Advisories only apply to Humans in the Age Range of 14 to 17 Human Diurnal Cycles .
I just need to Outrun You.............. Truth at its Purest .
For the algorithm
F.T.A.!
I mean, on the sleeping bit I wonder how they deal with insomniacs who physically can not get that many hours of sleep?
This is to say nothing about human children…whatever adults can do to get into trouble, hoo boy…
Second person to comment!
This entire comment section is now a study course in human-xeno studies and is a required course in life.
Dave is a mood
Lol 😂 aliens please remember humans are incredibly determined and will go to extremes.
This is a great little series. Extremely entertaining.
I need chapters 2 through 87
I neeed moooore. Where are the rest? XD
Wow, Dave has issues
"Greetings citizen! I see you have survived human contact thus far!"
The name Jones here is actually a reference to a Sci-fi song called Sam Jones if anyone is interested.
Where is part one and two?
Part 1 ruclips.net/video/GcymxijZ1L4/видео.html
Part 2 ruclips.net/video/gpTVmeplPH4/видео.html
@@alexandrub8786 yea just finished part two wen i got your help thanks for that thoughts
👍
What does HFY stand for?
Humans, (explitive) yeah.
Or Humanity f**k yeah, to split hairs
Found it through the old Humans are Space Orks stuff on RUclips where the guy would voice act conversations between a Human and a Xeno living on earth. With people making suggestions in the comments