After line about the statue maybe keep the imagery like. So people they observe me like a statue His effect on me the epithet read on the plaque below The foundation holding me upright and hardening my sorrow like Stone
hey i need a lil advice my friends say my poem is kinda dry so i kinda want to know what you and other people thing about it If he was to die my stone cold heart would melt melt into a pool of despair and I would drowned in it if he was to die I would follow suit for my heart cannot beat without him if he was to die I would be frozen with heart ache and pain so people may observe me like a statue and know the effect he had on my life if he was to die if he was to die if he was to die "if" I say if because he is not dead yet I say if because I still have time with him so I will spend every moment I can making new memories each and every day never forgetting the day, time, place making sure that just when he dies I will remember every moment I had with with him ik its a bit morbid 😅
I’m by no means a professional at this, but perhaps it seems dry because of the metaphors used. The poem itself is well written but drowning and freezing heart are somewhat cliche and used often in poetry. This is meant to be genuine advice, though, not an insult! I think the feeling of overwhelming anxiety at the fear of your loved ones death is a very interesting topic
this is so good, thank you!
After line about the statue maybe keep the imagery like.
So people they observe me like a statue
His effect on me the epithet read on the plaque below
The foundation holding me upright and hardening my sorrow like Stone
hey i need a lil advice my friends say my poem is kinda dry so i kinda want to know what you and other people thing about it
If he was to die
my stone cold heart would melt
melt into a pool of despair and I would drowned in it
if he was to die
I would follow suit
for my heart cannot beat without him
if he was to die
I would be frozen with heart ache and pain
so people may observe me like a statue
and know the effect he had on my life
if he was to die
if he was to die
if he was to die
"if"
I say if because he is not dead yet
I say if because I still have time with him
so I will spend every moment I can
making new memories each and every day
never forgetting
the day, time, place
making sure that just when he dies
I will remember every moment I had with with him
ik its a bit morbid 😅
I’m by no means a professional at this, but perhaps it seems dry because of the metaphors used. The poem itself is well written but drowning and freezing heart are somewhat cliche and used often in poetry. This is meant to be genuine advice, though, not an insult! I think the feeling of overwhelming anxiety at the fear of your loved ones death is a very interesting topic
@@ahhnxiety thank so for the advice i do see that now thank you