So happy with my poly relationships 😊 I feel supported and loved and protected by my partners. I’m glad I looked away from monogamy for long enough to realize it wasn’t what worked for me.
@@micheletaskey5796 you may be an animal but I am a human being, created by The Most High God! I don’t believe in that evolution foolishness which they taught us in school, trying to convince us that we belong to the “animal” kingdom.
It should be obvious to even the most amateur observer,, that monogamy is not natural to the human species. It should also be obvious that marriage isn’t for everyone either. Legal Marriage is a made up concept. Whereas pair bonding comes natural to the human species. Cheating happens when people break agreement. So I highly suggest that people do not enter any intimate relationship without making it crystal clear (to a potential partner) what their sexual, kinks, fantasies, and desires are. As well as their relationship goals truly are. Where there is ethical communication and consent,, there is no cheating. Obviously polyamory/ethical non-monogamy is not for everyone. It takes a lot of inner work on oneself to even explore polyamory/ethical non-monogamy. But it should be just as obvious that monogamy and marriage is not for everyone. Although there are some people that are naturally monogamous. For me,, the benefits of polyamory/ethical non-monogamy (keyword ethical) is,, that i can customize my intimate relationships in a way that best suits my authentically Self. I am all about quality over quantity. That’s what I Call Freedom!
I "got the point" but in practice being romanticaly and sexually involved in one relationship is already complicated so I don't even imagine being involved with many people at the same time,even if I had the money to. Maybe if you're retired without nothing else to do except taking care of the people you're dating that could be possible but I don't believe in it. From some way or another you will always have more feelings for one of them(not constantly maybe but "on average") and maybe that one of them will have more feelings for another...Too complicated. Trying to find the person you match on time and on future with,feeling loved but uncaged, looks more secure to me.
I'm poly. If you have not tried poly you don't really know anything about how it works in practice so I'd be careful about talking confidently about what it is like. In some ways it is less complicated because people are honest with each other. After a while you discover an emotion called comperson, which is the opposite of jealousy. I feel happy when my partner is on a romantic getaway with another partner because I feel secure in our relationship. Their happiness only strengthens our bond.
I'd also add the you don't need money to be poly. Poly women don't place the same economic expectations on men. They don't want traditional expectations on their men anymore than on themselves. It's a different game that is about love and not social expectations.
@@greyrock9747 Thank you for sharing your own experience. Maybe my point of view about practical things is mistaken by the fact I was raised surrounded by men who dated many women at the same time because they had money and lots of "Friends" . Sometimes they were big arguing about the money factor and the places they have even at dinner. Maybe they were just unfaithful and the women were forced to be poly despite the fact they were mono?
@@julie8461 That makes sense. A lot of people sleep with lots of people while avoiding talk about the future of the relationship. With poly everyone is honest about their expectations or lack of expectations. I have 2 girlfriends and a third person I'm dating. All of them know each other and hang out. If I start dating anybody new I inform them prior to sleeping with them that I am poly and inform them about my partners. In this way I don't waste anyone's time, and nobody gets the wrong expectation. That's consensual non-monogamy (CNM), or ethical non-monogamy(ENM). I don't want to hurt monogamous people by withholding information. Poly people tend to be amazing communicators too! It's so much easier when nobody is afraid to express their feelings.
Theory, so not a fact, I just want to be clear that this is not factual, just my opinions: I think that the majority of people are ambiamorous, just like I believe most people are actually bisexual or pansexual, because the amount of people who claim to have choice, are able to choose, and want to be explorative in orientations and try new things, are all just so constant in comparison to those who say they are born a certain way and it’s not a choice. I’m not saying that homosexuals, heterosexuals, monoamorous, and polyamorous people don’t exist and that some people aren’t born that way or that everyone has a choice, I’m just saying that what I see most online is that people believe these things are a choice, or they feel like they can choose between multiple things. It makes me think that most people are in the middle of these orientation spectrums.
I'm not here to complain or anything (happily monogamous but interested in poly representation etc). I do have a very casual theory on whether people are bi though. In my experience, the level of physical attractiveness of people of the opposite gender varies as I get to know them better, whereas people of my gender remain as handsome (or otherwise) as when I first spotted them. Idk if I could stretch my perception and 'become' bi... but the fact that, if at all possible, it'd also be effortful (beyond stigma), to me confirms that I am straight.
@@GoPieman Idrk. I’m demisexual, but other than that, I’m not certain about my own sexuality. I know that I’ve experienced attraction with the opposite gender, but I don’t know if my lack of attraction to my same gender is due to trust issues from past experience, so an avoidance of my same gender, or if I genuinely don’t feel attraction to them. Since I’m demisexual, it’s really hard for me to tell. I don’t really find people attractive unless I’ve gotten to know the individual person pretty well after a while and then form a close bond like friendship. This means that to me everyone just looks like a blur. I never think, “oh he’s hot,” or “she’s beautiful,” it’s just another person with non defined features. A demisexual is on the asexual spectrum, so just think of it as not experiencing or caring about attraction unless you get to know someone as a friend. So, due to past trauma, I avoid women because women in my life have hurt me and I’ve had relationships with men. I’m finally healing and no longer avoiding women, but it does mean that I’m still cautious and don’t know if I’d have an attraction to them. It’s quite confusing for me, but that’s why Irdk. My guesses on the majority sexuality are not based on actual personal experiences, but rather just on my observations of the amounts I’ve seen online and the attitudes of some of my family and friends. Despite this, I obviously am aware that some people are oriented on one end or the other. It isn’t hard for me to fathom because I’m polyamorous oriented. My relationship orientation was easier for me to figure out than my sexual orientation because with my sexual orientation, I have both trauma and being a demisexual causing a blockage to knowing my sexuality. I don’t have a blockage with my relationship orientation because I’ve always felt that I loved differently. That said, it is easy for me to conceptualize when a person is on one side of the spectrum or the other of an orientation. You may be straight/heterosexual, and I’d find that easy to believe. What I’m saying is that it wouldn’t surprise me if the majority of people are actually in the middle of the spectrum and are able to actively choose which gender to date or how many people to date. This is simply because so many people truly believe they have a choice. If you feel it was a choice, you may not actually be straight or heterosexual. Ambiamorous people who don’t recognize that they are ambiamorous make this mistake a lot. They call themselves “polyamorous,” but then turn around and call it a “choice” as if polyamorous people choose to be that way. As someone who is polyamorous, I can say that’s not true. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, even in my childhood. I can’t actively choose if or when I fall in love and with how many. It just happens. An ambiamorous person is able to choose between people when a partner wants a monogamous relationship. I imagine this is what it’s like for homosexuals and heterosexuals. I imagine that, like me with polyamory, they simply are who they are and they don’t get to decide the fact that they feel attraction to one gender or the other. I think you have to experience an orientation on one side of a spectrum so profoundly that you literally cannot choose it in order to comprehend that someone who has the choice MUST be a different orientation from you. For me, being polyamorous oriented is what helped me understand that monoamorous people and ambiamorous people exist and are valid. It’s also what helped me understand that homosexuals and heterosexuals also exist and are valid. Understanding ambiamory also helped me understand bisexuality. Being polyamorous, hearing that people had a choice genuinely confused me until I recognized the spectrum and understood That ambiamorous people exist. You say you have a theory on whether or not people are bisexual. The truth is that there’s a very simple way to find out: know your spectrum extreme. I didn’t understand homosexuality, heterosexuality, pansexuality, or bisexuality before I learned about relationship orientations because my sexuality is demisexual and I don’t know anything else about my sexual orientation. So, I had no extreme (which means I’m probably bisexual, but I’m still trying to determine if I can feel attraction towards women or not). However, after a lot of stress and heartache, I found my extreme orientation on the relationship orientation spectrum. My extreme is polyamory. That is my strongest orientation and it helped me understand that not everyone sits on the same part of my spectrum. When I say “extreme” I mean you’re on only one end of the spectrum and you don’t feel it’s a choice to be on that side. You questioning whether or not bisexuals exist, leads me to believe that your extreme orientation is not on the sexual orientation spectrum. Not everyone has an extreme, which means you basically must just choose what you believe: do you believe that other people have a choice or not. In most cases, though, most people will have an orientation extreme on some spectrum. Gender identity orientation, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or romantic orientation. These are at least 4 of the orientation spectrums. Bisexuals, ambiamorous people, gray-romantics, and agender people may not realize their orientations until much later in life because being mid-spectrum means the feeling of choice. When a person feels like they have choices that they can make, it is easy to assume that others have those same choices. That is why I say to find your extreme orientation, because that is something that appears in earlier childhood. Examples: I have a cousin (this story was told to me by a family member and I’ve also met this cousin in his adulthood) who insisted he was a boy when he was 4 years old. He is in his 40’s or 50’s now and he took testosterone along with surgeries to match his gender identity (trans man). He was only 4 years old when he said he was a boy. I had a friend in high school who was gay and had known he was gay even in kindergarten. As for myself, I had my first crushes when I was 7 years old and I can still remember them. Yes, multiple crushes at 7 years old. I’ve never understood jealousy over people, have never been able to choose between people I like or love, and have always felt natural compersion even for people I would want to date. For my cousin, his extreme orientation was a gender identity orientation: he is a trans man. For my friend, his extreme orientation was a sexual orientation: he is gay. For me, my extreme orientation is a relationship orientation: I am polyamorous. Extreme orientations identify who you are generally in childhood, if not you are simply born that way. It is something you know without questioning it. You don’t feel you ever had the choice, it’s just a part of who you are whether you like it or not. Extreme orientations are one side or the other (heterosexual vs homosexual, polyamorous vs monoamorous, romantic vs aromantic, or transgender vs cisgender). They are extremes because they are “either or” and do not sit in the middle of a spectrum. Like I said, some people can be bisexual, ambiamorous, gray-romantic, and nonbinary all at once, in which case, the only way they can know that orientations are not a choice is through pure belief or scientific research. However, if you have an extreme on an orientation spectrum, and you find it, you may learn and understand that if some people say they have a choice while you clearly never had a choice on an orientation spectrum, then you’ll understand that we are all different and all orientations are valid. To find out, though, you need to find out if you have an extreme and on which orientation spectrum. Romantic orientation: How you give and want to receive love (your love language); as well as your desire for romantic relationships Sexual orientations: The gender or genders you are attracted to based on your own gender (a man who’s attracted to men is gay, but a man attracted to women is straight); it can also be the desire or lack of desire for sex, such as an asexual who may not want sex nor experience attraction. Gender identity orientation: The gender you feel you are based on traits and characteristics that you view as feminine or masculine (sex is about genitals while gender is about identity) Relationship orientation: How much love you can give and to how many people
@@GoPieman Basically, you seem to be questioning whether or not bisexuals actually exist and you claim to be heterosexual (straight), but a true heterosexual doesn’t have a choice to be heterosexual, so they will view anyone who says that they have a choice as bisexual or pansexual. It makes me wonder if you’re as “straight” as you might think you are. A person in the middle of the spectrum is the most likely to question the middle of the spectrum’s existence because they view the whole spectrum as a choice for everyone. A person who has and knows their extreme orientation(s) knows that if people claim to have a choice when they don’t have that choice themselves, it MUST mean that there’s a middle. Basically, from how you sound, I don’t think you’re as straight as you think you are. I think that regardless of whether it’s because of societal norms and pressures or if it’s because you genuinely favor the opposite gender slightly more, you have still CHOSEN to be in and crave heterosexual relationships. That would make you bisexual or pansexual, but preferring the opposite gender. Bisexuality is a spectrum, so just because you favor one gender over another in attraction, doesn’t mean you can’t find another gender attractive, it’s not always 50/50 to be bisexual. To be heterosexual, however, you’ll have 0% attraction to your same gender. To be homosexual, you’ll have 0% attraction to the opposite gender. Just like as someone who’s polyamorous, it’s impossible for me to fall in love with one person at a time or choose between two or more people that I’m in love with. There’s a 0% chance of me being in a successful monogamous relationship. An unsuccessful one, yes, but not successful. That’s what I mean by extreme. You either are or you aren’t. Being in the middle gives you the thought that there is choice. Like I said, I think most people are actually in the middle of orientation spectrums, but I only believe that through observations of what I’ve seen online and heard from family and friends. People constantly say they feel like they can choose these things, or call orientations “choices and lifestyles.” Since so many people do this, it leads me to believe that most people are probably nonbinary, bisexual, ambiamorous, and gray-romantics. That doesn’t mean that extremes don’t exist, I’m living proof that they do exist, and I can name some other people who are also proof of the extreme orientation spectrums existence, but I think most people are in the middle. I can’t prove my observations, of course. However, you are kinda just affirming my point. You say you’re straight, but you have a theory on the existence of bi people and you experience attraction to both genders, but with different intensities. Bisexuals don’t have to be 50/50, though, so you can be MOSTLY heterosexual (10/90, where 10% of attraction goes to the same gender and 90% to the opposite gender), and you’d still technically be bisexual because you experience attraction towards both genders. I’d say, just find your extreme orientation. Which orientation doesn’t feel like a choice to you, that no matter how hard society tried to change you, you CAN’T change?
@@elisakrivas I would like to clarify a few things. I believe bi and pan people exist and are valid, I believe we should respect how people label themselves, and I also believe that where people perceive themselves to _choose_ an orientation (sexual or any other), that they are potentially bi or pan. So I basically agree, just emphasising I wouldn't force the label bi on anyone. In my comment I also wanted to be careful in expressing that I do not know whether I _could_ be bi (or pan). I was explaining why I currently am not, and in my explanation I was actually trying to explain that it is _not_ a choice. My sexual orientation wasn't the point, and I am not here to 'defend' it (what's there to defend?). To be fair, I don't know if most straight-identifying people feel any homosexual attraction. I just have an idea based on personal experience of how someone can give some thought as to their sexual orientation. It was my mistake if I gave the impression of knowing what most straight people experience. I really do support society transitioning and normalising _all_ the stigmas as long as it's among (any number of) consenting adults, or you know, representation for kids, and relationships happen among minors too so I want across the board the same standards and representation that straight monoamorous kids get. Only then will people feel free to not only be themselves - but to be human instead of perfect: to feel supported and safe enough that they don't have to hide cracks in their relationships, gender identity or aro/ace life, nor feel pressured to pursue a heteronormative cis nuclear family etc.
@@GoPieman yes, I agree, I think I misunderstood you. I also tend to be over explanatory, that's just how I am, so I'm sorry if it comes off as rude or strong, that's not my intent.
Polyamory is the glutonnous consumerism of relationships. If a relationship with one person is unfulfilling, just learn to be less of a dopamine fuelled hedonist. Also if your partner suggests polyamory, they're cheating on you. Dump 'em.
Maybe not, but I know how to live a fulfilling life. No human being needs any more than one soul mate. I'm single. For the longest time, I wallowed in misery about it. Then I did some personal growth and honestly I'm happy at the moment. I have a sense of self. I have ambition, purpose and direction. I have a mission in life that doesn't involve materialism or hedonism. A gf would be nice, but I can go without for the time being because I'm focussed on my goals. Can you say the same?
@@ElliotFWThat's great you are happy single. I was also single for a long time while getting my PhD. I am poly. I have two girlfriends and another flame on the side. The idea of a soulmate is purely a monogamous concept that our culture is obsessed with but it's a myth. There is no one person out there for us. Healthy relationships take learning how to communicate, and adapt to respect boundaries and help each other grow as people. It has nothing to do with finding the perfect one. There is no perfect person for anybody. Poly people recognize that we can have multiple healthy relationships, that are very deep. Since going poly my connections are deeper and more honest than they ever were as a monogamous person. There are many people out there for you. It might be a monogamous relationship and that works for you. That's great. You don't speak for what people need, and a mythical soul mate is not realistic. I don't need one of those. I need people who are kind, loving and help me live a happy life. That's what I have. Consider that you live in a culture where all the vocabulary around love is dominated by your way of seeing it. The things you feel confident about are the things that are probably what you should examine. If you want to know about poly, I suggest you do so without judgement, otherwise you are only reinforcing your views, not learning. Knowing what fulfills you has zero to do with what is or isn't fulfilling for others. The idea that we are materialistic or hedonistic is rather silly. My poly friends are all anti-materialistic. I know asexual poly people who have almost no sex drive. Asexuals are often poly with other people who don't care about sex. It frees them from being with people who expect lot of sex. There is nothing good or bad about libido either way. My sex drive is average.
@@ElliotFW I might have said the same at some point in my life but I've been in a lot of monogamous relationships where needs were not met for either partner. The stats back up my anecdotal experience. Most relationships have some kind of problem that seems unsolvable, hence the divorce rate being over 50%. Of those who stay together, many aren't happy but stay anyways. Most monogamous relationships end with needs not being met by that person. In poly relationships those needs can be met by other people. Most people have not tried poly, and so they don't know what it is like to have needs truly met. They are used to a scarcity mindset with one person determining if you have sex that month, or if you get hugs, compliments, cuddles or whatever makes you feel loved. If you have a partner who has a higher sex drive than you, they don't force drama on you to meet that need. If you want to cuddle a lot but the other person doesn't you don't sacrifice that need. You might have a partner that cuddles with you. Sometimes that person might not even have sex with you. They fulfill a need. If you love camping and your partner hates it, you might have a partner who loves camping. You don't give up parts of yourself. When you aren't giving up on your needs, and instead have them filled, the concept of going back to depending on a single person to fulfill them seems logistically difficult. Poly isn't for everyone, but it can be marvelous. I am surrounded by more kindness, less jealousy, and more honesty than I could have ever imagined prior. Also, movie plots don't make sense anymore. All the love triangles lose meaning when you stop being monogamous.
Think cara is looking for her deep other love but doesn't have the correct attributes at hand, so it's like net fishing when she's also looking for the true safe feelings that you only get with finding the right one.
It'd be good for her to talk to people who are poly so she can see it's normal and how happy they are. But for it to work, she's got to want this, too. For herself, not just for you. When someone does this as a favour to their partner when they don't actually feel comfortable with it, chances are it'll end badly. Talking about both your needs is the key
Don’t. Don’t do it. If she’s not comfortable with polyamory, you should not convince her. Polyamory is an orientation. If you feel like you are willing to try it, but you also feel it’s a choice for you, then you are probably ambiamorous oriented, which just means that you feel you have the choice between monogamy and non-monogamy, but not everyone feels they have that choice. A polyamorous oriented person won’t feel comfortable in a monogamous relationship. A monoamorous person won’t feel comfortable in a non-monogamous relationship (usually, there are some monoamorous people who are okay with their partner dating other people, but they themselves only want to date just that one partner, but monogamy is the most comfortable relationship structure for a monoamorous person). If your girlfriend has already told you she’s not comfortable with polyamory, then you need to figure out your relationship orientation: You’re not monoamorous because you crave polyamory. So, are you ambiamorous or polyamorous? If you’re polyamorous, then I’m sorry to say this, but it’s time to end the relationship with your girlfriend because it won’t work out. If you’re ambiamorous, then you must decide the level of importance of this relationship: Do you love your girlfriend enough to continue monogamy with her? Or have you moved on or plan to move on and you’d rather end your relationship with her and have a polyamorous relationship with other people? By rejecting non-monogamy, she has already given you her relationship orientation: she’s monoamorous. You need to respect that. The question isn’t how to convince her, the question should be “What’s best for myself now?” Should you end the relationship? Or should you make monogamy a part of your life with your girlfriend?
No such thing you always like one more than the other😂 like don’t fool youreself. Someone is more appealing than the other. This is just an excuse to be selfish
![Summer Walker - Heart Of A Woman [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SFddctbZzw8/mqdefault.jpg)
So happy with my poly relationships 😊 I feel supported and loved and protected by my partners. I’m glad I looked away from monogamy for long enough to realize it wasn’t what worked for me.
As long as everyone is talking about it & making sure the others involved are okay, go for your life!
Apply SAME logic to In-est.
Oh good....now do pee dough feel ee ya.
Where does it end? How about human animal "relationships"?
This is a downward spiral to misery.
Cara, I hope your doing ok….
No she definitely not this garbage girl is totally waste
We’re not animals!! I would think humans have more self control, but maybe not! 🙄
Um, but we are an animal tho lol if we're not an animal wth are we? Lol
@@micheletaskey5796 you may be an animal but I am a human being, created by The Most High God! I don’t believe in that evolution foolishness which they taught us in school, trying to convince us that we belong to the “animal” kingdom.
@@trueheart8739 fam we're mammals lmao wtf that doesn't have to do with God what
@@micheletaskey5796 you’re an animal. You just proved it! 😑
We are animals.
Monogamy sure isn't for me!
It should be obvious to even the most amateur observer,, that monogamy is not natural to the human species. It should also be obvious that marriage isn’t for everyone either. Legal Marriage is a made up concept. Whereas pair bonding comes natural to the human species. Cheating happens when people break agreement. So I highly suggest that people do not enter any intimate relationship without making it crystal clear (to a potential partner) what their sexual, kinks, fantasies, and desires are. As well as their relationship goals truly are. Where there is ethical communication and consent,, there is no cheating. Obviously polyamory/ethical non-monogamy is not for everyone. It takes a lot of inner work on oneself to even explore polyamory/ethical non-monogamy. But it should be just as obvious that monogamy and marriage is not for everyone. Although there are some people that are naturally monogamous. For me,, the benefits of polyamory/ethical non-monogamy (keyword ethical) is,, that i can customize my intimate relationships in a way that best suits my authentically Self. I am all about quality over quantity. That’s what I Call Freedom!
Well Saïd💯👏👏
I "got the point" but in practice being romanticaly and sexually involved in one relationship is already complicated so I don't even imagine being involved with many people at the same time,even if I had the money to. Maybe if you're retired without nothing else to do except taking care of the people you're dating that could be possible but I don't believe in it. From some way or another you will always have more feelings for one of them(not constantly maybe but "on average") and maybe that one of them will have more feelings for another...Too complicated. Trying to find the person you match on time and on future with,feeling loved but uncaged, looks more secure to me.
I'm poly. If you have not tried poly you don't really know anything about how it works in practice so I'd be careful about talking confidently about what it is like. In some ways it is less complicated because people are honest with each other. After a while you discover an emotion called comperson, which is the opposite of jealousy. I feel happy when my partner is on a romantic getaway with another partner because I feel secure in our relationship. Their happiness only strengthens our bond.
I'd also add the you don't need money to be poly. Poly women don't place the same economic expectations on men. They don't want traditional expectations on their men anymore than on themselves. It's a different game that is about love and not social expectations.
@@greyrock9747 Thank you for sharing your own experience. Maybe my point of view about practical things is mistaken by the fact I was raised surrounded by men who dated many women at the same time because they had money and lots of "Friends" . Sometimes they were big arguing about the money factor and the places they have even at dinner. Maybe they were just unfaithful and the women were forced to be poly despite the fact they were mono?
@@greyrock9747 Thank you for this add. I didn t see things that way during my first comments,now it seems more clear to me(truly,not joking).
@@julie8461 That makes sense. A lot of people sleep with lots of people while avoiding talk about the future of the relationship. With poly everyone is honest about their expectations or lack of expectations. I have 2 girlfriends and a third person I'm dating. All of them know each other and hang out. If I start dating anybody new I inform them prior to sleeping with them that I am poly and inform them about my partners. In this way I don't waste anyone's time, and nobody gets the wrong expectation. That's consensual non-monogamy (CNM), or ethical non-monogamy(ENM). I don't want to hurt monogamous people by withholding information. Poly people tend to be amazing communicators too! It's so much easier when nobody is afraid to express their feelings.
Theory, so not a fact, I just want to be clear that this is not factual, just my opinions:
I think that the majority of people are ambiamorous, just like I believe most people are actually bisexual or pansexual, because the amount of people who claim to have choice, are able to choose, and want to be explorative in orientations and try new things, are all just so constant in comparison to those who say they are born a certain way and it’s not a choice.
I’m not saying that homosexuals, heterosexuals, monoamorous, and polyamorous people don’t exist and that some people aren’t born that way or that everyone has a choice, I’m just saying that what I see most online is that people believe these things are a choice, or they feel like they can choose between multiple things. It makes me think that most people are in the middle of these orientation spectrums.
I'm not here to complain or anything (happily monogamous but interested in poly representation etc). I do have a very casual theory on whether people are bi though.
In my experience, the level of physical attractiveness of people of the opposite gender varies as I get to know them better, whereas people of my gender remain as handsome (or otherwise) as when I first spotted them. Idk if I could stretch my perception and 'become' bi... but the fact that, if at all possible, it'd also be effortful (beyond stigma), to me confirms that I am straight.
@@GoPieman Idrk. I’m demisexual, but other than that, I’m not certain about my own sexuality. I know that I’ve experienced attraction with the opposite gender, but I don’t know if my lack of attraction to my same gender is due to trust issues from past experience, so an avoidance of my same gender, or if I genuinely don’t feel attraction to them. Since I’m demisexual, it’s really hard for me to tell. I don’t really find people attractive unless I’ve gotten to know the individual person pretty well after a while and then form a close bond like friendship. This means that to me everyone just looks like a blur. I never think, “oh he’s hot,” or “she’s beautiful,” it’s just another person with non defined features. A demisexual is on the asexual spectrum, so just think of it as not experiencing or caring about attraction unless you get to know someone as a friend. So, due to past trauma, I avoid women because women in my life have hurt me and I’ve had relationships with men. I’m finally healing and no longer avoiding women, but it does mean that I’m still cautious and don’t know if I’d have an attraction to them. It’s quite confusing for me, but that’s why Irdk.
My guesses on the majority sexuality are not based on actual personal experiences, but rather just on my observations of the amounts I’ve seen online and the attitudes of some of my family and friends.
Despite this, I obviously am aware that some people are oriented on one end or the other. It isn’t hard for me to fathom because I’m polyamorous oriented. My relationship orientation was easier for me to figure out than my sexual orientation because with my sexual orientation, I have both trauma and being a demisexual causing a blockage to knowing my sexuality. I don’t have a blockage with my relationship orientation because I’ve always felt that I loved differently.
That said, it is easy for me to conceptualize when a person is on one side of the spectrum or the other of an orientation. You may be straight/heterosexual, and I’d find that easy to believe. What I’m saying is that it wouldn’t surprise me if the majority of people are actually in the middle of the spectrum and are able to actively choose which gender to date or how many people to date. This is simply because so many people truly believe they have a choice.
If you feel it was a choice, you may not actually be straight or heterosexual. Ambiamorous people who don’t recognize that they are ambiamorous make this mistake a lot. They call themselves “polyamorous,” but then turn around and call it a “choice” as if polyamorous people choose to be that way. As someone who is polyamorous, I can say that’s not true. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, even in my childhood. I can’t actively choose if or when I fall in love and with how many. It just happens. An ambiamorous person is able to choose between people when a partner wants a monogamous relationship. I imagine this is what it’s like for homosexuals and heterosexuals. I imagine that, like me with polyamory, they simply are who they are and they don’t get to decide the fact that they feel attraction to one gender or the other.
I think you have to experience an orientation on one side of a spectrum so profoundly that you literally cannot choose it in order to comprehend that someone who has the choice MUST be a different orientation from you. For me, being polyamorous oriented is what helped me understand that monoamorous people and ambiamorous people exist and are valid. It’s also what helped me understand that homosexuals and heterosexuals also exist and are valid. Understanding ambiamory also helped me understand bisexuality. Being polyamorous, hearing that people had a choice genuinely confused me until I recognized the spectrum and understood That ambiamorous people exist.
You say you have a theory on whether or not people are bisexual. The truth is that there’s a very simple way to find out: know your spectrum extreme. I didn’t understand homosexuality, heterosexuality, pansexuality, or bisexuality before I learned about relationship orientations because my sexuality is demisexual and I don’t know anything else about my sexual orientation. So, I had no extreme (which means I’m probably bisexual, but I’m still trying to determine if I can feel attraction towards women or not). However, after a lot of stress and heartache, I found my extreme orientation on the relationship orientation spectrum. My extreme is polyamory. That is my strongest orientation and it helped me understand that not everyone sits on the same part of my spectrum. When I say “extreme” I mean you’re on only one end of the spectrum and you don’t feel it’s a choice to be on that side.
You questioning whether or not bisexuals exist, leads me to believe that your extreme orientation is not on the sexual orientation spectrum. Not everyone has an extreme, which means you basically must just choose what you believe: do you believe that other people have a choice or not. In most cases, though, most people will have an orientation extreme on some spectrum.
Gender identity orientation, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or romantic orientation. These are at least 4 of the orientation spectrums. Bisexuals, ambiamorous people, gray-romantics, and agender people may not realize their orientations until much later in life because being mid-spectrum means the feeling of choice. When a person feels like they have choices that they can make, it is easy to assume that others have those same choices. That is why I say to find your extreme orientation, because that is something that appears in earlier childhood. Examples: I have a cousin (this story was told to me by a family member and I’ve also met this cousin in his adulthood) who insisted he was a boy when he was 4 years old. He is in his 40’s or 50’s now and he took testosterone along with surgeries to match his gender identity (trans man). He was only 4 years old when he said he was a boy. I had a friend in high school who was gay and had known he was gay even in kindergarten. As for myself, I had my first crushes when I was 7 years old and I can still remember them. Yes, multiple crushes at 7 years old. I’ve never understood jealousy over people, have never been able to choose between people I like or love, and have always felt natural compersion even for people I would want to date.
For my cousin, his extreme orientation was a gender identity orientation: he is a trans man. For my friend, his extreme orientation was a sexual orientation: he is gay. For me, my extreme orientation is a relationship orientation: I am polyamorous.
Extreme orientations identify who you are generally in childhood, if not you are simply born that way. It is something you know without questioning it. You don’t feel you ever had the choice, it’s just a part of who you are whether you like it or not. Extreme orientations are one side or the other (heterosexual vs homosexual, polyamorous vs monoamorous, romantic vs aromantic, or transgender vs cisgender). They are extremes because they are “either or” and do not sit in the middle of a spectrum. Like I said, some people can be bisexual, ambiamorous, gray-romantic, and nonbinary all at once, in which case, the only way they can know that orientations are not a choice is through pure belief or scientific research. However, if you have an extreme on an orientation spectrum, and you find it, you may learn and understand that if some people say they have a choice while you clearly never had a choice on an orientation spectrum, then you’ll understand that we are all different and all orientations are valid.
To find out, though, you need to find out if you have an extreme and on which orientation spectrum.
Romantic orientation: How you give and want to receive love (your love language); as well as your desire for romantic relationships
Sexual orientations: The gender or genders you are attracted to based on your own gender (a man who’s attracted to men is gay, but a man attracted to women is straight); it can also be the desire or lack of desire for sex, such as an asexual who may not want sex nor experience attraction.
Gender identity orientation: The gender you feel you are based on traits and characteristics that you view as feminine or masculine (sex is about genitals while gender is about identity)
Relationship orientation: How much love you can give and to how many people
@@GoPieman Basically, you seem to be questioning whether or not bisexuals actually exist and you claim to be heterosexual (straight), but a true heterosexual doesn’t have a choice to be heterosexual, so they will view anyone who says that they have a choice as bisexual or pansexual. It makes me wonder if you’re as “straight” as you might think you are. A person in the middle of the spectrum is the most likely to question the middle of the spectrum’s existence because they view the whole spectrum as a choice for everyone. A person who has and knows their extreme orientation(s) knows that if people claim to have a choice when they don’t have that choice themselves, it MUST mean that there’s a middle.
Basically, from how you sound, I don’t think you’re as straight as you think you are. I think that regardless of whether it’s because of societal norms and pressures or if it’s because you genuinely favor the opposite gender slightly more, you have still CHOSEN to be in and crave heterosexual relationships. That would make you bisexual or pansexual, but preferring the opposite gender. Bisexuality is a spectrum, so just because you favor one gender over another in attraction, doesn’t mean you can’t find another gender attractive, it’s not always 50/50 to be bisexual. To be heterosexual, however, you’ll have 0% attraction to your same gender. To be homosexual, you’ll have 0% attraction to the opposite gender. Just like as someone who’s polyamorous, it’s impossible for me to fall in love with one person at a time or choose between two or more people that I’m in love with. There’s a 0% chance of me being in a successful monogamous relationship. An unsuccessful one, yes, but not successful. That’s what I mean by extreme. You either are or you aren’t. Being in the middle gives you the thought that there is choice.
Like I said, I think most people are actually in the middle of orientation spectrums, but I only believe that through observations of what I’ve seen online and heard from family and friends. People constantly say they feel like they can choose these things, or call orientations “choices and lifestyles.” Since so many people do this, it leads me to believe that most people are probably nonbinary, bisexual, ambiamorous, and gray-romantics. That doesn’t mean that extremes don’t exist, I’m living proof that they do exist, and I can name some other people who are also proof of the extreme orientation spectrums existence, but I think most people are in the middle. I can’t prove my observations, of course. However, you are kinda just affirming my point. You say you’re straight, but you have a theory on the existence of bi people and you experience attraction to both genders, but with different intensities. Bisexuals don’t have to be 50/50, though, so you can be MOSTLY heterosexual (10/90, where 10% of attraction goes to the same gender and 90% to the opposite gender), and you’d still technically be bisexual because you experience attraction towards both genders.
I’d say, just find your extreme orientation. Which orientation doesn’t feel like a choice to you, that no matter how hard society tried to change you, you CAN’T change?
@@elisakrivas I would like to clarify a few things.
I believe bi and pan people exist and are valid, I believe we should respect how people label themselves, and I also believe that where people perceive themselves to _choose_ an orientation (sexual or any other), that they are potentially bi or pan. So I basically agree, just emphasising I wouldn't force the label bi on anyone.
In my comment I also wanted to be careful in expressing that I do not know whether I _could_ be bi (or pan). I was explaining why I currently am not, and in my explanation I was actually trying to explain that it is _not_ a choice. My sexual orientation wasn't the point, and I am not here to 'defend' it (what's there to defend?). To be fair, I don't know if most straight-identifying people feel any homosexual attraction. I just have an idea based on personal experience of how someone can give some thought as to their sexual orientation. It was my mistake if I gave the impression of knowing what most straight people experience.
I really do support society transitioning and normalising _all_ the stigmas as long as it's among (any number of) consenting adults, or you know, representation for kids, and relationships happen among minors too so I want across the board the same standards and representation that straight monoamorous kids get. Only then will people feel free to not only be themselves - but to be human instead of perfect: to feel supported and safe enough that they don't have to hide cracks in their relationships, gender identity or aro/ace life, nor feel pressured to pursue a heteronormative cis nuclear family etc.
@@GoPieman yes, I agree, I think I misunderstood you. I also tend to be over explanatory, that's just how I am, so I'm sorry if it comes off as rude or strong, that's not my intent.
The Final Boss of Nepo Babies, Cara
The argument for polyamory is always about showing the animal kingdom. Why do humans always compare themselves to cows?? So strange.
6:06 oh she tweaking.... someone should help her
Well, if there’s money involved?? 😂🤷🏾♂️
Don’t do it for money, you’ll be miserable
I 👀🔮
Mahogany, aah! Mahogany
She looks beter now good Four her
Polyamory is the glutonnous consumerism of relationships. If a relationship with one person is unfulfilling, just learn to be less of a dopamine fuelled hedonist. Also if your partner suggests polyamory, they're cheating on you. Dump 'em.
You know zero about poly.
Maybe not, but I know how to live a fulfilling life. No human being needs any more than one soul mate. I'm single. For the longest time, I wallowed in misery about it. Then I did some personal growth and honestly I'm happy at the moment. I have a sense of self. I have ambition, purpose and direction. I have a mission in life that doesn't involve materialism or hedonism. A gf would be nice, but I can go without for the time being because I'm focussed on my goals.
Can you say the same?
@@ElliotFWThat's great you are happy single. I was also single for a long time while getting my PhD. I am poly. I have two girlfriends and another flame on the side. The idea of a soulmate is purely a monogamous concept that our culture is obsessed with but it's a myth. There is no one person out there for us. Healthy relationships take learning how to communicate, and adapt to respect boundaries and help each other grow as people. It has nothing to do with finding the perfect one. There is no perfect person for anybody. Poly people recognize that we can have multiple healthy relationships, that are very deep. Since going poly my connections are deeper and more honest than they ever were as a monogamous person. There are many people out there for you. It might be a monogamous relationship and that works for you. That's great. You don't speak for what people need, and a mythical soul mate is not realistic. I don't need one of those. I need people who are kind, loving and help me live a happy life. That's what I have. Consider that you live in a culture where all the vocabulary around love is dominated by your way of seeing it. The things you feel confident about are the things that are probably what you should examine. If you want to know about poly, I suggest you do so without judgement, otherwise you are only reinforcing your views, not learning. Knowing what fulfills you has zero to do with what is or isn't fulfilling for others. The idea that we are materialistic or hedonistic is rather silly. My poly friends are all anti-materialistic. I know asexual poly people who have almost no sex drive. Asexuals are often poly with other people who don't care about sex. It frees them from being with people who expect lot of sex. There is nothing good or bad about libido either way. My sex drive is average.
I suppose, but I just don't get how one can have a significant other and still want more.
@@ElliotFW I might have said the same at some point in my life but I've been in a lot of monogamous relationships where needs were not met for either partner. The stats back up my anecdotal experience. Most relationships have some kind of problem that seems unsolvable, hence the divorce rate being over 50%. Of those who stay together, many aren't happy but stay anyways. Most monogamous relationships end with needs not being met by that person. In poly relationships those needs can be met by other people. Most people have not tried poly, and so they don't know what it is like to have needs truly met. They are used to a scarcity mindset with one person determining if you have sex that month, or if you get hugs, compliments, cuddles or whatever makes you feel loved. If you have a partner who has a higher sex drive than you, they don't force drama on you to meet that need. If you want to cuddle a lot but the other person doesn't you don't sacrifice that need. You might have a partner that cuddles with you. Sometimes that person might not even have sex with you. They fulfill a need. If you love camping and your partner hates it, you might have a partner who loves camping. You don't give up parts of yourself. When you aren't giving up on your needs, and instead have them filled, the concept of going back to depending on a single person to fulfill them seems logistically difficult. Poly isn't for everyone, but it can be marvelous. I am surrounded by more kindness, less jealousy, and more honesty than I could have ever imagined prior. Also, movie plots don't make sense anymore. All the love triangles lose meaning when you stop being monogamous.
Monogamy take character and you have to practice the correct internal attributes....for the correct outcome...
Isn’t that any relationship? 🤔
@@jasonyoung5923 comeback? What comeback? What didn’t I understand exactly?
@Elisa Rivas sorry thought you were trolling me. But yes that is the basics.
Think cara is looking for her deep other love but doesn't have the correct attributes at hand, so it's like net fishing when she's also looking for the true safe feelings that you only get with finding the right one.
It's a thing
How can you convince your GF to both become poly?
It'd be good for her to talk to people who are poly so she can see it's normal and how happy they are. But for it to work, she's got to want this, too. For herself, not just for you.
When someone does this as a favour to their partner when they don't actually feel comfortable with it, chances are it'll end badly. Talking about both your needs is the key
@@job5236 I've never had a GF who'd consider trying it.
@@davidz3879 Be open about your polyamory from the start, polyam women will come along
Don’t. Don’t do it. If she’s not comfortable with polyamory, you should not convince her. Polyamory is an orientation. If you feel like you are willing to try it, but you also feel it’s a choice for you, then you are probably ambiamorous oriented, which just means that you feel you have the choice between monogamy and non-monogamy, but not everyone feels they have that choice. A polyamorous oriented person won’t feel comfortable in a monogamous relationship. A monoamorous person won’t feel comfortable in a non-monogamous relationship (usually, there are some monoamorous people who are okay with their partner dating other people, but they themselves only want to date just that one partner, but monogamy is the most comfortable relationship structure for a monoamorous person).
If your girlfriend has already told you she’s not comfortable with polyamory, then you need to figure out your relationship orientation: You’re not monoamorous because you crave polyamory. So, are you ambiamorous or polyamorous? If you’re polyamorous, then I’m sorry to say this, but it’s time to end the relationship with your girlfriend because it won’t work out. If you’re ambiamorous, then you must decide the level of importance of this relationship: Do you love your girlfriend enough to continue monogamy with her? Or have you moved on or plan to move on and you’d rather end your relationship with her and have a polyamorous relationship with other people?
By rejecting non-monogamy, she has already given you her relationship orientation: she’s monoamorous. You need to respect that.
The question isn’t how to convince her, the question should be “What’s best for myself now?” Should you end the relationship? Or should you make monogamy a part of your life with your girlfriend?
@@elisakrivas She takes it as an insult, as though I'm saying that she's somehow not good enough or that I'm being greedy.
That is not a good looking dude. The long hair makes him look a little effeminate too.
Nothing wrong with a man with long hair, and who cares if they look femme. Some of us like it.
Red flag 304 cara totally damaged goods for the streets 😝
No such thing you always like one more than the other😂 like don’t fool youreself. Someone is more appealing than the other. This is just an excuse to be selfish
Just because it’s true for you, doesn’t make it true for everyone else. That’s not really a hard concept to grasp.