I am so glad that Namjoo and Chorong are learning to film and edit the videos themselves. The videos feel more natural that way. Back when Namjoo was using a youtuber agency, the videos felt like mass produced stock videos with very stereotypical editing with very little creativity. I think these self edited videos are much better!
드디어 깜짝 선물이 도착했어요~ 다시 인도네시아에 와주셔서 정말 고마워요 에이핑크 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 이번에는 건강 때문에 못오지만.. 다음에 또 에이핑크가 오면 꼭 건강관리해서 만날 수 있도록 할게요!! 콘서트든 팬미팅이든 팬콘서트든 기다릴게요!!🤩 언니와 멤버들이 인도네시아에서 즐거운 시간을 보낸 것 같아 기쁘네요 😊 다음에 언니가 인도네시아에 또 오면 'Soto Betawi'와 'Rawon'을 꼭 먹어보세요! 저 Soto Betawi (소토 베타위) 정말 좋아요! 추천👍👍 이번에도 브이로그 열심히 찍어 해주셔서 고마워요 쥬언니💜💜 언젠가 인도네시아에서 또 만나요.. 완전체로! 그날이 올때까지 항상 건강하세요 핑순이들💝
Soto ayam 👍🏻👍🏻 bawa oleh" saos ABC dong 🤗 when come back to indonesia?? Yesterday you only sang 6 songs, still want to see you guys ❤❤❤❤❤ but thanks for coming 😇
@@rifkidya5954 pas mau manggung mereka istirahat di hotel lido liat di postingannya ig chorong dan namjoo kelar manggung balik ke jkt. Hotel megahnya lido blm jd masih proses pembangunan
Oink Oink. To tell you that My Heart is dying.. it is dying became My Heart wants to love YOU.. but to say.. to tell YOU something will Not be enough for this Heart to smile once again.. as I am looking at your Picture.. I can't stop these tears that is coming Out.. rolling Out of my eyes.. LOOKING at your Picture drives me crazy.. it makes me crazy because I know that right Now my Heart is dying.. I want to put your Picture away.. PUT it out of my Life but the More I try to push your Picture away.. I can feel it telling me to bring that Picture Back.. and I am Looking as I turn to this Empty Glass Jar.. which is sitting on this Table in the room.. and I know that when I look at this Table.. and I turn to look at the Glass Jar.. when it is Empty.. I want to put something into this Empty GLASS JAR and I want to shout Words and say something because it is what I am Seeing when I lift to LOOK at the desktop Computer monitor.. I look at the screen.. and ALL I can do is look at the key board.. what AM I TO DO.. what AM I to say to YOU.. what can I SAY to make it right.. for YOUR HEART to know what I feel that when I LOOK at my Heart.. My Heart is screaming inside of Me.. and tells me that I AM DYING.. dying for the Love that I need from YOU.. will you Please accept these words of mine that I am telling YOU that I know I still love YOU.. does these WORDS means anything to YOU YET.. I am hoping that as Much I can tell YOU.. would it really matter when YOU receive it.. do you accept these Words.. DO you believe that it is ME who has been loving YOU or you still thinks that this is ALL a JOKE.. I would lift UP my head looking UP the Desktop computer screen.. before my Hands touch the keyboard.. before my fingers pushes into the key boards of this Desktop Computer monitor.. I needs to see Your Picture.. or my Heart says I am dying.. My eyes needs to grab HOLD UNTO your Picture and I would turn and I would LOOK at the Empty Glass Jar sitting next to the Key Board of the desktop computer.. but when I LOOK at the empty Glass Jar.. I can't see anything.. I can't find anything.. what if YOUR HEART was inside this Empty Glass Jar.. would I need to LOOK at the Keyboard to type and write to YOU.. would I turn to lift UP my Head to LOOK at the desktop computer monitor screen.. it always starts with a Blank screen.. and I would have to put.. say and type and write.. but there are times that when I want to say something to YOU more than LOOKING at the Blank computer Monitor screen.. that is why I would have the Empty Glass Jar close to me.. it goes with me.. and when ever I want to see something.. I would place the Empty Glass Jar even though right NOW.. it may be nothing in it.. I want to ask YOU.. I need your Heart.. I need your Big Heart.. I want to have your Big Heart.. all this time I been wanting.. all this time I been asking and needing your Big Heart.. that is why even in the room.. JUST in Case.. even though I have the Key Board.. I have the Pen and the Pencil.. Papers.. even I have the Desktop computer Monitor with me all in One ROOM.. I would have this Empty Glass Jar with your Picture near to Me.. most of the times I be typing and writing on the Keyboard.. LOOKING UP at the Desktop computer Monitor and LOOKING at the White Sheet of paper.. but when I want to LOOK for something More.. I would LOOK at your Picture.. and Close my two eyes.. and I would Picture in my Head.. Your Big Heart.. I see your Big Heart slowly coming Down and sits inside this Empty Glass Jar.. and I would smile when I look at your Big Heart.. My arms would stretch Out.. as it wraps around the Glass Jar.. I would place my cheek and can feel the coldness glass of the Jar and I would turn so that My ear.. I would ask.. I would like to hear your Big Heart beating.. can YOU Please give me the sound.. will YOUR BIG HEART beat when I get close to your BIG HEART.. and I would turn.. and I would whisper looking at the Glass Jar.. LOOKING at the BIG HEART.. can Your Heart Hear me.. Can YOUR HEART hear my voice.. can I tell YOUR HEART that I love you.. that I been missing YOU for such a LONG TIME.. Please tell your Big Heart.. I love you.. Please tell your Big Heart how much I missed YOU.. missed you so Much that Even with looking at your Picture.. it seems like you are so Close when I look at your Picture but I know that deep inside my Heart.. YOU are not here.. and I would ask your BIG HEART looking at the Glass Jar.. when can I see YOU.. because I know that YOU are still Not here.. do you know how much I am aching when I don't see YOU.. can't feel you so Close.. that It hurts me.. in so much pain I can feel this ache.. because I know that YOU belong in my arms.. YOU belong with me.. in my arms you know that I can love you always.. YOU Know that I can love you forever and ever and tell YOU thousand years goes BY.. that I love YOU.. even ten years even twenty years.. thirty years.. sixty years goes by one hundred years goes by as long as I can live.. I know that I can love you still.. but I don't want to open my two eyes.. I can't open them yet because I know what will happen when I do.. when I open both eyes.. and IN MY ARMS I am still holding.. this Glass Jar.. when I open both eyes I be holding.. but I will NOT see your Big Heart.. I will only see the Empty Glass Jar and what happens to my eyes when I can't see your BIG HEART.. I get more emotionally about it.. I needs to cry because without YOUR BIG HEART.. I know that I can't say the words to YOU that I love you.. I want to tell YOUR BIG HEART that I been loving YOU.. do you believe the Words.. and when I open both of my eyes and I look at the Glass Jar.. I do not see your Big Heart.. my hands grabbing unto the Glass Jar.. and I am crying for your Big Heart.. I love you.. where are you.. Where is Your Big Heart.. I just saw your Big Heart inside this Glass Jar but now I don't see Your Big Heart any more and I am shaking the Empty Glass Jar.. and sobbing and crying as I am looking for your Big Heart.. and I turn to LOOK at the Key Board.. looking UP at the desktop computer monitor is the white screen.. now I am missing YOU.. and Now I needs to tell you something because I know that I will suffer.. I will drown in despair.. I will die if I can't tell you what is in my Heart.. that I need you right Now.. that I need you.. but I am LOOKING and asking for Your Big Heart.. I need to see your Big Heart so that I can tell YOU that I love you.. am I still allow to tell YOU without I am seeing your Big Heart.. OH PLEASE.. give me Your Big Heart.. OH PLEASE.. tell me where did you Hide your BIG HEART.. I need to now because it is Killing me right Now.. do you want me to die.. do you want me to dig my own grave and bury myself alive.. then please.. OH PLEASE tell me where are you hiding your Big Heart.. I need Your Big Heart.. send your BIG HEART to my direction so that I can tell YOUR BIG HEART that I love you.. to tell you that I love you still and that I am dying in missing you right Now.. as I would look at the desktop computer monitor screen.. I would look at the Key board to type to you my Heart and I would say to YOU.. I feel like I am so Lost and so Confused.. that whenever I would close both eyes of Mine and I would turn to LOOK at the empty Glass Jar.. when Both eyes are Open.. I would LOOK and I would Not see anything inside.. and I just don't understand that when I close both of my eyes.. it is when I can see YOUR BIG HEART.. it floats down slowly and Enters in the Glass Jar and I am able to look at HOW BIG that Heart of Yours are.. and I would smile Looking at the Big Heart.. I want to touch your Big Heart.. I would even think of putting my hand inside from the TOP of the opening of the Glass Jar.. to see How would it feel to TOUCH your Big Heart.. can I pull your Big Heart and IN MY ARMS hold it.. I want to hold your BIG HEART in my arms and to watch it snuggle.. can I kiss your BIG HEART holding in my arms and LOOKING at it with a BIG SMILE.. of course I don't want to scare your Heart.. your BIG HEART.. so the only thing that I can do is look at your BIG HEART through the Glass of the Glass Jar.. I want to keep my both eyes closed because that is the ONLY way I can see your BIG HEART sitting inside the Glass Jar.. when my eyes are opened.. I am so sad.. and Missing YOU so Bad.. and I want to say because I would pull to hold unto your Picture.. when I LOOK at your Picture.. My Heart just burns and I look at the Glass Jar which is empty.. I look to look for YOUR BIG HEART.. that is why I get so upset when I have to open the two eyes NOT TO see your BIG HEART anymore.. but when I do close the two eyes.. I see your Big Heart inside the Glass Jar.. I am able to get close to the Glass.. and I am able to say some words.. like I love looking at this BIG HEART.. YOU have a BIG HEART.. so BIG makes me smile even bigger.. because YOUR BIG HEART has enough room for me to say a lot more than I can.. to able to say much more I am so much happier because I can tell you that My Heart.. that it is ME who is loving YOU.. I am loving YOU more.. do you know that.. but once I have to open two eyes.. I am LOOKING at the empty Glass Jar in front of me.. in the ROOM this empty Glass jar sits on top of the table.. My hands holding on the sides of the Glass Jar.. I don't see your Big Heart.. My Tears running down.. I am missing YOU.. I miss YOU.. I miss your Big Heart.. and I would pull out your Picture and LOOK at you through the Picture.. and I would turn to LOOK at the Key Board.. my hands on the key board and fingers starts to push into the Letters of the keyboard and I am able to tell you HOW my Heart is feeling and my mind of thinking of you.. and missing you as I am looking UP at the desktop computer monitor screen.. and I am able to read a Letter I am writing to YOU that I love you and I am missing you
I am looking at the Wall of this Work Shop.. it breaks my Heart that YOU are not here any More.. you told me and YOU have promised Me that YOU would come visit Me and I would be waiting for YOU.. I could Not even close this Work Shop because I would think about that what IF YOU would stop By and YOU told me.. even after YOU broke My Heart leaving me Speechless as you went with another Man.. when I find OUT and HE came to this Work Shop and I would remember picking UP the Phone and I heard his voice which was a very familiar voice and wanted me to bring some Flowers out of the back of this garden.. telling me that HE wanted to give to the Special Person who he loved and wanted to show ME who and this FLOWERS in the back of the Garden.. I started this Flower shop because It was meant to show YOU that I loved YOU first.. I wanted to surprise you that I gave my whole Heart.. I put my whole time building this Work shop but it is a FLOWER shop just to remind YOU that I loved YOU first.. and I remember you came IN.. and wanted to help.. wanted to work with me and I would show YOU the Garden.. what these seeds that I would sow into the grounds meant to me.. and the Seeds would grow and produce and reproduce as it brought forth a FLOWER.. I remember you telling me when you saw the Flowers.. Those were.. these FLOWERS were your most favorite flowers and it was YOU who gave them the Names to each Flowers.. it was the day when the friend of Mine came to pick UP the Flowers.. I would cut the leaves off and he wanted a DOZEN of these Flowers and I was so happy for this friend of mine.. and I put into the Flowers Box.. the Door opens and He comes to pick up the Boxes.. and I wanted to see the Person he wanted to present to me but YOU did not come.. of course YOU came that Night and when I saw YOU coming into this Flower Work Shop and YOU telling me that YOU wanted to stop working and had to quit.. and that YOU are moving far away and with the man you told me you loved.. and I had to hear all this at once.. I saw you bringing back the Flower's Box and I knew who he was because I am the One who gave the Dozen of these Flowers and put into this same Box.. I just could not believe this.. why Must I have to find it this Hard to believe.. why do I must be the ONE to be hurt the Most.. YOU know that I am the One who Loves you the Most.. I can Love you so Much Better and so Much stronger because I know that I started to love YOU when I was at the Orphan house.. we were very young.. and never thought that I would start to love you then.. I wanted someone to Love.. for understand that I can Love you more and More and It seems like you never get it.. I know that I am Poor.. and seems Like I have nothing to give.. to be Honest truth.. Material things and Money is NOT my fit.. I may be very poor and Broke.. I may not have the Lavish things that YOU can dream of.. but I know what Love is and what happens when a MAN truly understand HOW to love a Woman Like YOU.. but It hurts me and breaks me when we are NOT in the same page together.. I am not asking for YOU to Love me back.. when did I ever forced YOU to say LOVE ME.. I have never wanted because I just wanted to Love you as a MAN can Love a WOMAN.. YOU have showed UP when My Life was torn into pieces and when it seems like everything that I loved has been taken away from Me.. I lost my family.. and had to move into this Orphan Home.. I had NO HOPE.. NO DREAM.. I had NOTHING but just everything TORN apart and I wanted to DIE.. I did Not want to Live anymore.. there was NOTHING FOR ME TO LIVE for and I was with Bunch of these Children who was broken as MUCH as ME.. how can these others LIKE myself can help Me.. and I was crushed.. my spirit and my soul.. my Heart was crushed and I would be crying in the Night.. asking why am I still breathing.. why am I still be living For.. that is when YOU came with your Both Parents.. WHY did you come when I was helpless and hopeless part of my Life.. when everything seems like there is NO WORTH in my Life.. but YOU came.. I did Not want to talk to anyone.. just wanted to be a Loner instead.. I remember YOU came and YOU sat next to me.. there was NOT much of words of exchange.. but It is Your Presences.. YOU do NOT have to say much because YOUR SMILE is all I needed at that time of my despair.. I remember Your parents would keep on bringing you over to visit.. and the Poor Children who had NO family.. they started to want to get close to YOU.. YOU would be sharing a lot of stories.. especially going to the Private school.. and How the Best of the teachers were the ones teaching YOU.. and How you fell in love with this One Art Class and many of these Children who came from the Broken world.. just wanted to listen to what YOU had to say.. I would be turned the other way.. did NOT wanted to be a Part.. but wanted to sit Outside alone.. I would be crying most of the time because I felt everything is NO FAIR for Me.. and I do remember YOU came Over and YOU sat next to Me.. and YOU told me this as YOU show me this One Picture You drew in the art class.. asking me why I was NOT inside with the Other Children who loves to listen to the stories that YOUR PARENTS would be sharing as missionaries of the poor countries and I just could not be a part if what I would say to YOU.. that My Heart is hurting me so Much.. and YOU gave me this ONE GIFT.. that Picture hit the Number ONE in your Class as the Art Teacher gave YOU and How it went into the Nationals and YOU have won the Prize.. of course I saw it on the News because it was broadcast every where and I would look at it.. in my hands is the Art Sketch Paper.. that YOU drew this One Flower.. a SUN FLOWER but it was so Unique.. it was different the want YOU drew and colored It and YOU telling me that ONE DAY.. you will find this ONE UNIQUE SUN FLOWER and as I would look at this Picture.. the more I looked at it.. the More I started to Love it for some reason.. and I had never felt this way Before.. I remember after YOU gave me this Art Sketch Paper.. YOU were gone for awhile and YOU just got so Busy with schooling and for YOUR Future of becoming a Surgeon.. I remember I left the Orphan HOUSE and started to travel.. Looking for a way I can find this Kind of Wild Flower.. this Unique SUNFLOWER and I was able to go to a Far land where a MAN would sell this Seed.. the MAN tells me that HE was Not sure but can be true.. I would open this Work shop which is all about selling Flowers.. and I wanted to show YOU that this FLOWER is real because I know it came from YOU.. I believe it because I loved YOU then.. I know that I could Not say a word then because I was shy and the TIME was Not right then.. but I had to wait.. when I saw the Flower.. the Unique Sun Flower YOU drew which went to the Nationals and WON the grand prize I wanted to show YOU that when YOU love as much as YOU believe that IT can happen and it exist.. the believe of Loving YOU.. it does comes true.. but I know that IT has to be at the right TIME.. or I can mess up everything I have waited.. When I saw YOU coming to help Me.. and YOU wanted to help me to build this Flower work shop.. It got so Popular.. and A lot of people noticed who you were because the SAME UNIQUE SUN FLOWER went Out into the News and was known everywhere.. when the People find Out where it was many people came to this Work Shop and as I would show YOU.. it was my dream come true when YOU were with me helping Me.. I watched YOU leave after YOU told me the Breaking News about How you have some Other Man to Love.. and YOU left.. I wanted to close this Work shop.. this Flower Shop because If felt abandon without YOU.. I would see you everywhere even though you were Gone.. and I reached a Point that I was so sick.. that I needed to close this SHOP and just could not work for a while.. of course many years went down the Line since I would come across YOU.. which I remember I had to go to the Clinic and I would be waiting quietly siting for My Name to be called after making the Appointment.. I remember I went into this One ROOM and Sat down waiting.. I would never thought that I would see you again.. as I was sitting on the chair in the room of where YOU came in.. I saw YOU.. and I just wanted to cry.. because I missed YOU so Much.. I missed you to Death and to endure this pain of missing.. this suffering of this Heart ache inside of Me.. I could Not say a WORD to YOU.. I just wanted to get rid of My Heart.. I would see you stand there.. and asking why I am here and I would finally Tell YOU.. even though many times I wanted to say it back Then.. I would say it in my dreams.. every time I saw you in the dreams and YOU would be at the Work Shop of the Flowers or In the Orphan House when we were YOUNG.. I would come Out as bold.. but in reality I just could NOT say a Word.. and I knew that this was the Only chance to tell YOU before it is going to be TOO late to ever come across you again.. and I would look at YOU and I would say.. I came here to get a surgery.. that My Heart is dying inside of Me and My Heart is sick.. I really Need a New Heart.. a Healthy Heart which does NOT cause me to be sick anymore like this.. I feel like I needs to CUT my Heart Off and that is why I came to the Heart surgeon.. and I would say to YOU as you are the Heart Surgeon.. I have kept this Inside of me For a Long time.. because I did NOT want to ruin our friendship.. always wanted to be close to YOU.. and I started to Miss you more and More.. when YOU left the Workshop.. the Flower Shop.. I started to Miss YOU.. I would close my eyes and I would see you there.. even when My eyes are wide Opened I still see you there.. what do I do.. I had to wait
More years to go by to KNOW what is WRONG with the Heart of Mine.. I been missing YOU as soon as YOU left and could NOT tell you the WORDS that I needed to say then.. that I loved YOU when I was very young.. and I would see you stop.. the Day YOU came close to me when I was Out side alone.. and YOU sat next to me.. YOU gave me this One Picture.. the Art sketch Picture YOU drew of the Unique SUN FLOWER.. when YOU gave me this Picture.. it was truly special in my eyes and I felt something that NIGHT.. I felt ALIVE that It was YOU who gave me even something that seems to be so SMALL.. but How that One Picture was broadcast to the News and even won the Grand Prize in the National stage.. it shows me something.. I would tell myself that ONE DAY I am going to surprise YOU and it be the DAY when I find this ONE UNIQUE SUN FLOWER and let you see what happens when a MAN truly Loves a WOMAN like YOU.. and I made a Journey after I left that Orphan House.. going and finding the seeds and also researching about this Seed what I must do to grow it into and the Kind of soils that I needed to use for it to help it to grow.. to produce and reproduce into this UNIQUE SUN FLOWER.. I know that I hid this feeling from you for a long time but before I get rid of this Heart and I came to YOU as the Heart surgeon and I believe YOU are the right person to Take this Heart of Mine away and give me a New Heart.. which that Heart may never Love again.. It hurts me to love YOU because I can't eat right.. I can't sleep in the Night.. I am always thinking of YOU and just missing YOU and the Best thing I can do for NOW is for YOU to remove My Heart away from YOU.. and as I am looking at the One Picture.. the Unique Sun Flower I even brought to Show the Heart surgeon.. it is YOUR DRAWING and the Painting.. I wanted to look at it for the last Time before I removed My Heart.. but I see that YOU are the right Artist.. I have tried everything.. even you saw years back HOW it made the Hit.. and How so many people came to the Flower Work Shop for this UNIQUE WILD SUN FLOWER.. people went crazy when It was true.. when I showed it to the people and you were there helping ME and working together in that Flower Shop.. NOW YOU are gone and has moved On.. and My Heart is so SICK that I came here to get the Heart surgery.. I want to give this Back to YOU.. because NOW I know how much I love YOU.. I have never stopped believe that ONE DAY YOU will know how much I love YOU.. never thought it would be this very day.. the day I came to get my Heart Surgery.. and I know I came to the right place.. to the right person because IT IS YOU who I love.. I been loving YOU for such a LONG TIME.. I am Not afraid to let My Heart to GO.. I was scared to lose you then and Maybe that is the reason why YOU have left.. but NOW.. I know I am going to remove this Heart away so I can say it before I let this Heart GO.. Please give me a NEW HEART.. so I can start everything from the scratch.. Please help my Heart to rest in Peace because YOU know that I never stopped Loved YOU and I still love YOU now.. maybe even More because after I saw the Flower WORKSHOP Flourish and how the BUSINESS of selling Flowers Boomed into success.. I know that I have loved the right Person because loving YOU means everything to Me and forever to Me.. I am looking through the Window.. In the Work Shop.. I see YOU.. I remember I grabbed your wrist.. and I told YOU.. I love YOU.. for a Long time.. I just could Not take my Mind Off of YOU.. asking YOU.. can I be the One who can Love you for the rest of My Life.. will you let me.. I know that I made the situation worst when I grabbed your wrist.. I just wanted to express my Heart but did not mean to come out that strong to You.. I saw you turning your Head away from Me.. and Looking towards another direction.. I knew that I had to let Go.. YOU told me that YOU did not want to work here any more.. of course I knew the answer clearly.. as I open my hand and let go of your wrist.. you wanted to tell me something.. and told me that YOU were seeing someone else.. but I knew that person well.. and my Heart.. I just knew that My confession of telling you came too late.. But I was holding in for so long.. why did YOU not wait.. why did you tell me that YOU wanted to be loved by someone else.. But.. I know that I bee here all along.. YOU knew that I felt something towards YOU.. even though I did Not have to say the words.. by the smile and my actions should of told YOU already.. but Now.. is it really late for me to tell YOU that I love YOU.. can you please receive My Love.. can you please open your heart just a little for Me.. I need to know.. I need a chance you know.. if I am the One for YOU.. did YOU not ever think about that.. I can really be the One who can love you for so long.. but if you do not give me that Chance.. you will never know How far I can truly love YOU and tell YOU how much I love YOU.. are you really going to let this Chance go.. and I would turn.. trying to look at YOU.. but.. I see that YOU are moving and pushing me away.. but.. I know I can too love YOU.. WHY can't you just reconsider.. and please give a time for yourself.. Let me know that I can too love YOU.. is it that Hard for you to know.. I know that I can Love YOU too.. maybe I can be a Better Lover.. I can love you more because YOU brought this Inspiring of Love to Me.. will you please consider and think about what I have said to YOU.. I see you turning away and telling me you have already made it known and made it clear to me that YOU love another man.. and I would watch you walking away.. and I would turn away toward your Direction.. wait.. do you have to end it like this.. can you not give me a Chance too.. if you do not open your heart.. if you keep it close.. you will know that I have loved you More.. so Please.. open your heart.. I know I can Love you better.. I can Love you More.. only please.. stop and wait.. I watch the Door open.. and I see you walk out the Door and the door closes.. I am thinking about the day you left me.. I was building this work Shop just for YOU.. YOU told me that YOU loved Flowers.. I asked you what is your Interest.. what makes you smile.. what do you like to see.. what makes you cry.. what makes you happy and as a friend you told me many things.. I collected and gathered.. YOU told me that YOU wanted to see a lot of Flowers.. Out of the woods.. some of the trees had to be cut Down.. and the builders came and helped me to build this Work Shop out of the woods.. and I would ask what kinds of seed would bring Flowers to Life in the Garden.. and I asked few of the Plant specialists and they helped me to get these seeds and started to help me to plant.. Once these things were established I remember I asked you if you wanted to work.. and YOU told me where.. and I gave you the address.. it is a Flower Shop.. and I work there too.. and I do remember you did take the offer and started to work.. I would show you different flowers.. I would think about the flowers you loved.. when we were young.. when YOU came to the Orphan House.. I do remember you coming with your parents.. and they would always bring you Flowers.. and share to the children who had NO Parents.. I member I would see the kinds of flowers in your Hands.. each time you would bring a New Flower in your hand.. I would look at the flower.. going into my room.. I have me a Note Book.. and start to write down flowers you would bring.. it be so different.. and I have kept the Note Book for a Long time.. from Page to page.. I would smile.. as I would feel my tears roll down.. my hand touch the words of the Names of each Flower.. and I would ask the Specialist can any of these Flowers.. do you have the seeds of these flowers so that I can plant in the garden too.. I do remember some of the farmers who lived around the Area comes to help.. I would be asking if they can help me to Plant these seeds and help me to grow.. and the older People started to help as I would watch the Plants.. I saw Flowers blossom time after time.. and when the Flowers would grow.. I would think of YOU.. each has a special place in my Heart.. I would touch my Chest looking at each Unique Flowers and I wanted to show YOU.. I wanted to tell YOU something.. But I was afraid to ever tell YOU.. Just like what has happened.. YOU told me that YOU love someone else.. YOU telling me that I am Not the One.. that I am Not allowed to Love YOU.. how can YOU tell me this when I been thinking of you all this TIME.. you brought so much tears in my eyes.. My Heart was breaking.. I could not see you from the distance.. I could not believe you would say.. and just walked away.. Now I am here.. back at the Work Shop.. I have left the work Shop because of these memories causing me to Die inside.. but.. what am I suppose to do what YOU are the Love of my Life who brings me back here.. and I would stand here.. the room is dark.. I know that It is time to start over.. I am going to build this Shop again.. this Flower shop because I know that I love YOU.. does Not matter if you ever return back to me or Not.. But.. I know that I love this Place.. why because I always loved YOU.. your scent still is here.. I can still smell your scent.. and I just wanted to hold YOU near when I smell you.. so sweet and so beautiful.. as I am looking at the Window.. and I look through.. I see the tree I was standing.. and I am not sure.. but I see someone.. I am hoping it is YOU.. I want it to be YOU.. but Not YOU who breaks my Heart.. YOU who is coming back to Me.. YOU who knows how much I love YOU.. YOU who knows that I have build this work Shop.. this Flower Shop because I was inspired by Loving YOU.. to show you how much I love YOU.. and as I am getting closer toward the window and I look through.. I see YOU.. but.. is it YOU who loves
Man.. because YOU should always know that I love you first.. I watch YOU turning around and I see you looking.. I am standing by the window.. YOU are standing by the tree and My tears.. it starts to flow down.. two lines.. I know I missed YOU.. YOU know how much I miss YOU.. and YOU should now that this whole place.. It is because of YOU.. How much I love YOU.. LOOK at the flower Shop.. Look at the farmers who and helping the flowers to grow.. look at the each Flowers which has been planted.. if YOU can go back.. Do you not remember when we were young.. YOU came to a house like this.. I was at the Orphan House.. YOU came with your parents.. but you brought flowers.. different times YOU came to visit.. I would stand there.. I see you smile so Big and YOU would tell me.. too look at the Flower.. and YOU would run straight direction toward me and with a BIG SMILE.. showing me the name of the Flower.. where YOU got it.. and you be moving the Flower around.. telling me that Some day YOU are going to have your Own garden.. and In that garden grow Your flowers.. and begin to show me the different kinds of flowers you wanted to plant to grow.. of course.. I would run to the room.. and would write that on the Note Book.. and I would tell myself.. One Day I want to give you a Garden with full of flowers YOU showed me.. and give you the gift of this Garden and that is WHY I am here.. so that I can give YOU the Garden with my Heart inside.. too tell YOU I love YOU.. and I have missed you so Much.. that I have remembered that Promise.. I wanted to run away.. go as far as I could.. I try to run.. go to a different country.. different place.. but.. I could not GO.. and I ended up coming back here because I have made a Promise to myself to YOU.. I wanted to keep my Promise of giving you this Garden First.. as I would be looking through the window and YOU are standing by the tree.. I am wondering.. why are you just standing there.. YOU told me that YOU love some other.. I came here to keep my Promise I have made to YOU.. but YOU told me that YOU have some where to go.. to be loved by another.. are you still thinking about the chance.. are you going to open your heart for Me.. are you going to see if I can be a Better Lover.. who can Love you more.. are you giving me a Chance.. and I would close my eyes.. and when I open.. I look through the window across.. I don't see you any more.. I would look one more time.. and I see that YOU are gone.. as I look at your Picture.. I would smile.. I know that YOU are happy.. of course who don't want to love YOU.. I know that you have many young men who wants to love YOU.. but.. I know that I can love YOU more.. I can love you better.. because I know my Heart.. I understand my Heart knowing what Love truly is.. and to Let YOU know how much I love YOU.. I just wanted to share and tell YOU.. I never stopped loving YOU.. Only YOU who I love.. YOU are the Only One who I think of the Most.. always on my mind.. and always loving YOU first.. I just wanted to say I love you.. and always I will love YOU..I am waiting at the Doctor's office.. I am getting sick.. something has happened to my Heart.. I am wondering if My Heart is broken.. as I am sitting down.. waiting for the Doctor.. I am holding your Picture in my Hand.. I have been looking at this Picture for a Long time.. since I have lost you.. and it is the Picture of YOU.. you are standing by the Wall.. with a beautiful Smile.. I gave YOU a flowers and YOU are holding in your hand.. showing me in the picture of you.. I was so happy when I gave you those flowers in the work shop.. I surprised you that night.. it was before I wanted to ask YOU out.. I wanted to ask if we can be lovers.. and before the questions came about.. and I gave YOU the flowers.. I would watch you holding in your hand.. and I saw you smelling the flowers.. it touched my Heart.. Your nose so close and I saw both of your eyes closing when YOU brought the Flowers closer to your nose.. and right after.. you opened your eyes.. I be holding the camera.. zooming in to get a closer Picture.. I asked if YOU could just smile for me.. YOU are the Most Beautiful when I see you smile.. so I asked.. looking through the lens of the Camera.. I saw you holding the flowers closer and my finger presses and it clicked to take that Picture.. I would put the camera down and I came closer to YOU and I wanted to say but.. YOU told me Not to say it.. Because YOU knew what I was going to say and told me that YOU already have some one who you love.. and that I knew the person well.. I would just stand there.. No words to tell YOU because.. I have been holding this for a long time.. I wanted to tell YOU for a long time.. but I guess holding too long.. and I just could not hold it back.. I want to know.. DO you love Him.. do you think that man can love you more than Me.. if He can love you more than me.. I can back off and just pretend I never told you this.. I want to know what if I can love you More.. I know that I can love you where YOUR Heart can be truly touched.. I know that I can love you because I am already loving YOU.. but pushing me away is not going to solve anything.. but if you know that He can love you more and can make you more happier.. than I have nothing more to say.. But How about my Heart.. how about the Love I have for YOU.. will you please consider this before you can.. and it is the Picture before I wanted to ask.. but I do remember you be telling me that YOU love some one else.. I wanted to walk out of that work shop.. I wanted to leave at that moment because My Heart couldn't handle this kind of pain.. and to heal it takes a long time for me to get over it.. but.. I felt like I should stay.. that may be you would change your mind.. so I just stood and waited.. but I saw YOU looking at me.. giving me back the flowers and I saw YOU walking out of that work shop.. I heard the door behind me shutting down.. holding the flowers in my hands.. why am I holding these flowers for.. I am the one who gave you these flowers.. these are not for me and when I turned my head to look back.. I stood there.. the door was closed and YOU left.. I wanted to cry.. but I wanted to hold my own emotions in and I kept it inside for a while before I wanted to lead it out.. I stood there in the silence.. holding the flowers in my hands.. just did not know what to do any more.. as I am sitting on the chair.. just waiting for the doctor to call my name.. I am looking at the Picture of YOU.. holding the flowers and just smiling.. Now I am thinking.. and wondering.. what if I did Not say anything.. did Not mention and just stood there and smiled back.. I know that YOU would not left the work shop that night.. you could of still be there with me.. but would I ever be happy just watching you on the side line.. just loving YOU alone.. while YOU have someone who loves YOU and you be loving him back.. What am I suppose to do if I am just another shadow of passing through.. It would be breaking my heart into pieces.. I remember I open my hands and the Flowers all fell to the floor.. hitting the ground.. I dropped to my knees.. beating against my chest and started to cry loud.. wailing louder because of the pains of hitting me so Hard that night.. I did not even leave that work shop.. I would be crying for hours.. just feeling the pain deep within me.. sitting by the wall.. I would be leaning.. and I would sit until the Sun would rise Up.. I just could not work any more.. and wanted to take some time off.. but I could not get up.. sitting there.. looking at the flowers all over the floor of the ground.. I can't believe that this Hurts.. it hurts me much more.. why did I even mentioned if it going to end UP like this.. hurting me like this.. this ache.. this pain of just loving you.. why can't you love me back.. I would yell.. out loud.. why can't you love me back.. what must I do for YOU to notice HOW much I love YOU.. and I would sit still.. could not get up.. just did not want to move.. I did not want to eat anything.. even though I was hungry.. but I sat there.. leaning against the wall.. just thinking of YOU.. am I going crazy.. am I losing my mind.. what is wrong.. matter with me is what I would be thinking.. and I would suddenly lay on the floor.. maybe sleeping will help me.. get me better.. and I lay on the floor.. both eyes closes.. and it hurts so bad that I just could not sleep.. as I am still waiting for the doctor.. the door opens and I am looking at your Picture.. I hear foot steps and someone sits next to me.. and I put the picture down.. I am wondering.. who is sitting next to me and as I turn to look.. I see you next to me.. I am thinking.. all this time.. did you know that I am here so you came.. or you just came because YOU are sick too.. and I looked at YOU.. why are you here.. Why are you sitting next to me.. YOU told me that YOU have someone who loves YOU.. you told me you love him.. but why are you here.. I am here because I love you too much.. I think I can't bear this pain.. take this pain any more.. I am going to get me a New Heart.. I don't like the Heart I have with me.. this Heart is always hurting me so I want a new Heart.. a Heart who does Not know you any more.. as I looked at YOU.. are you hurt just like me.. or is it for something else.. as I raised my arm.. my hand is holding your Picture.. and I would show YOU this picture and I turned to look at YOU and I would say.. do YOU remember this time.. Do you remember the day I gave you those flowers.. I am so sorry that I told you that I loved YOU.. I did not meant to say it in a way that YOU wanted to walk off.. but Do you want to see this Picture.. I think you never got the chance to look at it because the Picture came after YOU left.. Do you know how many times I cried looking at this Picture.. I would tell myself.. I regret letting YOU know.. I would tell myself many times.. I regretted because.. If I never mentioned it to YOU
You.. and I see you smile.. as I am waiting for the doctor.. I would look at the picture again.. looking at YOU.. when I would turn my head to look.. I don't see you any more.. I am wondering.. was this just a dream.. why did I saw you here.. maybe I do miss you just too much.. I am aching in my Heart.. I feel like I am dying inside.. the door opens.. and I see the doctor.. I hear the Doctor calling my Name.. I get UP out of the chair and I would walk into the patient room.. and I would sit on patient chair.. I would show the picture to the Doctor.. and the Doctor looks at the picture.. and I am telling the doctor.. I need a new Heart.. if you can give me a New Heart.. I think I can live again.. I am suffering just too much with the Heart who is inside of me.. if YOU can please take my Heart.. put that heart away.. and replace with a New Heart.. I think I can live again.. I just can't live with this Heart.. it is killing me and driving me insane.. Please.. can you do a surgery so that I can breathe again.. to live again.. something is wrong with the Heart I am having.. giving me just too much pain.. and my eyes gets watery and I turn to look.. looking at the doctor in the eyes.. when I looked at the eyes.. it looks like your eyes.. and I would look.. and you are holding the picture in your hand.. and I can't believe I am asking YOU to get rid of my heart.. I am wondering.. and of course.. I remember you told me when we were young.. that YOU had dreams.. you wanted to be a Heart doctor and help healing wounds.. you told me once.. your dreams was to be a doctor who would save lives.. and I am sitting down.. as Your hand is holding that picture.. this is the picture YOU never saw.. but it was when YOU were working with me at the Work Shop.. and do you not remember.. the flowers I gave YOU.. and Yes.. you gave me the flowers back and I dropped the flowers on the floor.. as I looked at YOU.. I would smile at you.. I am glad that YOU have fulfilled your dreams of becoming a Doctor.. at least I came to the right person because if I were to die tonight.. at least YOU are the last person I got to see before I die.. but I did come here so that I can remove my Heart.. I have made an appointment and have given a date for the Heart surgery.. will you be the doctor who can do the Heart surgery for Me.. YOU can at least see my Heart.. can touch my Heart and pull away this Heart from me.. I am much more happier if it is YOU.. because I know that I can give YOU MY Heart.. I know you are telling me that I can die if I get this surgery.. but I need this surgery.. I do not want this Heart any more.. it is killing me Now so Please.. get rid of this Heart which is killing me.. I rather die with YOU holding my Heart then to live without you when I keep on loving YOU.. why can't you be the doctor for me.. YOU know that I have been loving you just too long.. see the Heart who loves YOU.. and then I can finally let go.. because I can't live when YOU are gone and out of my life.. so please let me speak to the one who is in charge of this surgery.. because I can't live without you.. LOOK how you have made me cry.. as the two lines of tears would drop.. I just can't live without you.. or please let me have a chance to love YOU.. you can make a choice.. be the One to do the surgery to my Heart.. or let me please just keep on loving YOU.. because I just want to love you more and more.. tell me why can't I love you more.. as I am looking at you as the doctor.. I see you turning away.. with the picture in your hand.. I see you leave the patient room.. why can't you get rid of my Heart.. get rid of this Heart so that I don't love you any more.. make a choice for me.. Please.. tell me which way for me to go.. I been waiting for YOU.. but YOU never came.. the door was never locked because it is YOU who I been waiting for.. I would be working in the Flower Shop.. waiting if YOU would ever show UP.. but you would never come.. It broke my Heart because what If YOU would stop by.. even just for Once.. I was Not asking for a long time.. even just for few seconds.. it would been enough for Me.. but YOU never came.. working in the Flower Shop without YOU was the most difficult thing for Me because I would be waiting.. even though I knew deep in my Heart that YOU would never show UP.. just hoping that it would be you who would knock on the door.. asking for me to open that door in the Work Shop.. in that flower Work Shop.. I would cry many nights of thinking of YOU.. just remembering all of the memories we shared together in that Shop.. I would watch YOU with the camera.. lights flashes as YOU would take pictures of the Flowers.. asking me about how it grew.. the place where I would planted in the soil.. I would even take you to the spots.. back in the garden.. where YOU would see the flowers in full bloom.. matured and sprung UP for YOU to take a look.. YOU would smile.. I would watch YOU holding that camera in front.. as I would watch YOU looking through the camera Lens and taking pictures of the flowers back in the Garden.. I wanted to Hold YOU.. I wanted to Pull you closer to me.. around my arms I wanted to feel YOU inside.. but I would stop myself of getting closer to YOU.. I wanted to get close.. I wanted to walk and stand beside YOU.. just to feel for seconds.. How you would feel in my arms.. How would you breathe.. How about the sound of the beating of Your Heart.. can I hear it.. will my Heart also make the same sound of Your Heart.. I wanted to get close.. just to see how it would feel.. YOU in my arms.. I wanted you near.. I wanted you close.. I was so close because I would walk but I would stop to step back.. It hurts me because I wanted to feel YOU in my arms.. But I just could not get closer.. Because I knew that YOU would push me to say Back Off.. Just Now How it feels.. Just thinking about YOU.. brings so Much Joy and happiness.. I would smile a lot.. My Heart be moving in a way I just can't control.. my emotions just wants to pour Out to YOU.. I want to stop.. I can't control myself because It has been Hard lately.. Missing YOU is so Hard.. at the same Time.. it brings me a lot of tears.. that I can't stop myself crying.. I don't want to show YOU any more tears.. but It hurts to know that YOU don't want to come close.. so Far.. so Near.. so Close.. the distance between Us.. leaving me to Be hurt.. missing YOU all the time.. but I want to get close.. NO Matter How I feel.. as long as it is YOU.. I will always Love YOU.. don't ask me why do I keep on hurting myself but still loves YOU.. as I am sitting on the Chair.. I am looking at Your Picture.. it is YOU when YOU were with me at the Flower Shop.. holding a flower in Your Hand.. with such a Beautiful Smile.. I remember that it was the day I wanted to show YOU the New Flowers that has been reached the Full Bloom stage.. it was back in the Garden.. the Same camera you were using to take many pictures of the flowers.. I would ask YOU.. take one of the Flowers from the Bed in the back of this Garden.. I watched you lower yourself.. grabbed and pulled the Flower Out.. and telling me that it is this One.. that it is the Most Beautiful One.. Your Favorite and I do remember leading YOU back into the Flower Work Shop.. YOU were standing by the wall.. and Holding the flower in your Hand.. I would have the Camera in my hands.. My eye would look through the lens of the Camera.. I would see YOU.. my finger stopped at the Button.. because what if this be the last picture I could take from this Camera.. this Fear came all over me.. shaking and trembling from the Inside.. I stopped my finger to press.. YOU were wondering why I could not click the Button.. My Heart would skip.. trying to find if there is a Beat.. I would take a deep breathe and my finger presses the Button and the light switches and it takes the Picture of YOU.. when I put the Camera Down.. I am looking at the Wall.. in the Flower Work Shop.. I only see the wall.. I don't see YOU there.. and with me is the Same Picture.. it was the last time I took the picture of YOU because the Next day.. YOU told me that YOU are not going to work with me at the Flower Shop.. that YOU have find someone that YOU love.. and that YOU are going with Him.. and I felt my world turn upside down.. I felt that everything be crumbling.. I saw YOU leave as the Door closes behind me.. I would sit on the Floor.. I would cry Loud and wail More.. I just couldn't control these emotions when it is torn apart.. I would Beat with my hand on my Chest.. I would Hit it so Hard.. I just couldn't stop hitting my Chest.. wanting to Pull my Heart out.. It hurts me because all I see is YOU.. YOU leaving me behind and I am left alone at the Flower Work Shop.. everything began to fall apart.. I started to drink a lot.. heavy into drinking.. crash and burn.. falling apart and falling down.. I just don't wanted to get UP any more.. I just couldn't handle this Kind of Pain.. it was killing me from the Inside.. How can I erase this Pain that is eating me from the Inside.. How can I get rid of this Kind of Hellish Pain.. I just wanted to Die.. for years I felt this way.. I felt like I wanted to give UP.. but.. for some reason.. if I truly love YOU.. I know that I needs to get back UP and try to live.. try to live the best I can.. so that One day I am able to see YOU again and the Day I see YOU.. I will never let YOU GO.. I decided to go and get my Heart check.. if something is wrong with me.. is it My Heart who has the Problem.. or is it just Me.. I came to the Clinic.. just to check my Heart.. I feel so ill.. I feel so Sick.. because I been thinking about YOU too much lately.. I wanted to forget.. I wanted to erase YOU off my Mind so I called to make an Appointment.. so that I can get a Heart surgery.. and I been sitting down on this chair.. waiting for the Doctor to call my Name.. for the Doctor to see me.. I wanted the Doctor to Know that I want to get rid of this Heart.
Into a room.. NOW.. I go into the Room.. waiting for the doctor.. and as I sit patiently waiting for the Doctor.. I am looking at your Picture.. Looking at YOU holding the flower in your hand.. standing by the wall.. Before I came to this Clinic Office.. I went over this Moring to the Flower Work Shop.. as I walked inside the Work Shop.. I would stand there alone.. LOOKING at the Wall where YOU would stand.. I would look at the empty Wall.. looking at the picture of YOU holding.. the same spot.. you were standing with a smile holding the flower.. the Last time I saw YOU is when I took this Picture.. it hurts Me more.. I would.. the Flower Work Shop was dark and I would be standing alone.. crying looking at the Picture of YOU.. which it was the last time YOU stood by this Wall.. and I just can't let YOU go.. WHY is it me who has to let it Go.. why is it YOU who has to hurt Me.. why can't I ever hurt you and I would look at the Wall.. where YOU would stand the last time and I would scream because my Heart.. It wanted to shatter into pieces.. WHY did YOU have to leave me for someone else.. WHY can't YOU ever know how much I love YOU.. why don't you see me.. WHY can't you see me as the Person who loves you the Most.. and I would again cry.. looking at the wall.. after looking at the Picture of YOU where YOU once stood by this wall.. I would fall to the ground.. and I just can't.. why can't I just let YOU GO.. it is killing me so Bad.. why can't I let YOU GO.. what is it about YOU holding unto me.. like a stronghold.. and I would cry loud.. wailing.. hitting my hand against my chest.. It hurts me just too much because I want to be loved by YOU.. why can't YOU see me for once.. HOW ABOUT ME.. you know that I can love YOU better.. YOU know that I can love YOU more.. I can even love you stronger.. just please give me a chance.. just one chance.. as I am waiting in the Room in the clinic Office.. I know that I may not live for Long.. because My Heart is broken.. It has been shattered into many little pieces.. YOU have broken my Heart.. If I can't fix my Heart.. what am I going to do with this Shattered of pieces broken Heart that is in me.. If I can't fix it.. Maybe the Doctor can help me to fix IT.. what if the Doctor can't fix my Heart.. I am going to ask the Doctor to go me a Surgery.. because what am I going to do with this Broken Shattered Heart.. I can at least donate it to someone else.. give me a New Heart.. someone else can take my Place.. can Have this Heart.. that someone else can Love YOU instead because I know that I can't.. I don't even know where YOU at so how can I love YOU when YOU are NO where to be found.. and I am lost somewhere.. and I would be sitting on this Chair.. LOOKING at the Picture of YOU.. I sit in silence just thinking of the Flower Work Shop.. I want to go back with YOU.. can YOU please go back with me to this Flower work Shop.. I want to live again.. I want to feel that I am alive again.. I want to breathe again because without YOU.. just look at me at this Point in my Life without YOU.. and as I am looking at the picture.. waiting for the doctor to come into this room.. I am looking at your Picture and speaking to the Picture.. the door Opens but it stops.. I am thinking.. maybe it is another patient who just came into the wrong room and I would open my Mouth.. as I am looking at the picture of YOU.. can we please go back to the Flower Work Shop.. do YOU know that I am still there.. I just could Not move on because I would think about.. what If.. Just in case YOU show UP one day.. what If you come.. what if YOU change your Mind.. what if I come across Your Mind one night.. One Day.. what If you miss Me.. how about if YOU love me.. Not sure why I would think of it that Way but what if you show UP.. I had many chances to leave that Flower work shop.. My friends came.. trying to convince me.. telling me to leave it behind me.. let it be my History.. and I would try to leave that Flower Work Shop.. but always in the back of my Head.. I would be thinking of YOU.. if I do leave.. what if YOU show UP when I do really leave.. then I know that I can't never see YOU again.. I don't want that to ever happen because I miss YOU and I love YOU.. that is why I just can't let it go now.. because I love YOU just too much.. I have been there.. just waiting for the Door to be opened.. for YOU to knock on the door and when I open the door to that Flower Work shop and WHEN I open to see who it is.. I wanted to smile to see YOU there.. standing there.. just giving me even few seconds of your presences.. just to say I love YOU.. just to say I missed YOU.. or to say welcome back.. because I just can't let YOU GO.. Because I never stopped loving YOU.. even now I love you still.. I been waiting so that I can tell YOU how much I love YOU.. as I look up.. I hear the door closed.. and I am thinking.. this whole time the door was opened.. I wonder who it is who hear me speaking to Your Picture.. I wonder who it is.. and the door Opens.. my hand opens and the picture falls to the ground because it is YOU who is standing by the door.. That YOU are the Doctor.. My Doctor there.. I am looking at you.. I just could not believe that YOU are now a doctor.. a Heart surgeon.. of course I came here to get my Heart to be removed.. I wanted another Heart Surgeon because.. Can you handle doing the surgery.. planting into a different Heart.. a Heart from someone else.. What would you do if I don't recognize YOU any more.. what will you do if I start to love another whose Heart has been loving.. But.. I don't want to lose YOU.. How can I live without YOU.. How can I breathe if I can't love YOU any more.. but all this Time.. I have been only loving YOU.. YOU are the Only One who I been missing.. I been crying over looking at the empty wall.. walking into the Work Shop.. I been missing YOU.. missing your Presence.. just missing your smile.. can YOU handle me.. putting me into the deep sleep.. as YOU cut my chest wide open.. I know that YOU are more experience in this kind of work.. If you are the Doctor.. because I asked for a well experienced.. well established with multiple years of experience.. I don't want my Heart to be broken.. I don't want my Heart to be dropped on the floor.. It has been with me all of my life.. ever since I was born.. ever since I was a young Boy.. when I first saw YOU.. I cried.. I started to cry after YOU left.. YOU promised me that YOU will be back.. and I felt my Heart.. I did not know what it was at the first touch.. I just could not stop.. but I would kept on crying through the Night.. that is when I could Not sleep.. I kept on thinking of YOU.. over and over.. turning and tossing.. all of the children at the Orphan House.. they were all sleeping good.. I sat on top of the bed.. wondering.. why couldn't I sleep like the Other children.. I do remember you gave me your picture.. I saw both of your parents with YOU.. and I do remember.. being so Poor.. without any parents.. living with bunch of poor children.. who had No homes.. only could gather with each other.. I looked at YOU.. I would smile.. I could never smile living with bunch of these children.. they were all dirty like Me.. pushing and shoving.. kicking and screaming.. and there was No peace.. When I heard the Old Woman.. the Care taker says to the Children.. a Missionary family is coming.. to help Us.. to help educate and give Us books to read.. and toys to play with.. of course.. it was YOU and your Parents who came.. I knew that I should of stopped myself right when I met YOU.. I don't know why I asked for your picture that day.. before YOU were leaving.. and as I was crying.. I wanted to be a Part.. so I asked for YOUR picture.. when YOU told me that YOU are going to give me One.. and That smile.. you pulled out and told me that this is the Only One.. the best Picture you have taken.. I saw your Smile.. and YOU told me.. behind the Picture is your Address.. and If I wanted a friend to share my Heart.. to write YOU a Letter.. I do remember watching YOU leave.. Your Father and Mother holding your Hands as YOU leave.. I would be waving with tears in my eyes.. I felt so Alone.. I felt so cold.. I felt so Poor.. and I would fall both on my knees.. and Weeping as I take a Look at your Picture.. why do you have to leave so Soon.. Are you going to come to visit me and the children.. and both hands holding the side of the Picture.. YOU are so Beautiful.. and I be looking with tears.. wiping my tears with my hand.. I feel so Alone.. I feel so sad because My Heart.. is it going to break like this.. My Heart keeps on breaking because YOU know how much I love you right.. and I do remember that Night.. I just could not sleep.. and sitting on the top of the Bed.. I pulled out Your Picture.. and I would look.. and I do remember what YOU said.. to write YOU when I needed a friend.. and I would get Out of the Bed and I walked to the desk.. and I sat down to write.. as I am laying.. I am looking at YOU.. as a Doctor.. as the Heart Surgeon.. I should of Not come to this Hospital.. What are you going to do with My Heart.. I don't want you to take my Heart away.. if I can't love you any more.. I rather ask for another Doctor.. I guess the main reason is to forget YOU.. and Let my Heart be taken away and Let someone else have My Heart.. But when I saw YOU.. if YOU were another Doctor.. another Heart Surgeon.. then I think it would been so much easier to go with the proceed to do the surgery but.. I feel like My Heart Now just can't go.. it has been such a Long time since I saw YOU.. and for the longest Time.. I have been missing YOU.. but Now.. I just can't give My Heart away with YOU becoming the Doctor.. the Heart Surgeon.. I been to the Work Shop lately.. and started a Project.. to rebuild that Work Shop.. it has been broken and abandoned for a Long time.. I just could Not work there any more
Cute Hayoung 🖐️👩
11:10 너무웃곀ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ역시 모여있을때가 짱👍
한국에서의 콘서트도 너뮤 기다리고이써용 온니🤭
MISS YOU ALREADYYY
대박 예쁘다 와우
와~남주세끼다 ❤❤❤
남주 하영 초롱 보미 사랑과 미의 여신들이 모이니 눈이 부셔요
Welcome to Jakarta beauty queen ❤❤❤
남주 누나 이쁘다
남주의 스케줄 세끼 브이로그 짱잼!! 오늘 부여 공연도 즐거웠어요 ㅎㅎ 조심해서 들어가고 연휴 마무리 잘하길 바라요 💜💜💜💜💜
I am so glad that Namjoo and Chorong are learning to film and edit the videos themselves. The videos feel more natural that way. Back when Namjoo was using a youtuber agency, the videos felt like mass produced stock videos with very stereotypical editing with very little creativity. I think these self edited videos are much better!
넘 힐링❤❤❤❤
Namjoo hayoung love you both ❤
Welcome to jakarta onniee❤
i'm so happy to see u in jakarta 💖 please come with eunji nuna next time hehe
남주님 ^^ 아름다운 휴가이네요^^
광양 공연 기대할께요
예쁜 남주님 영상 잘 봤습니다
날이 온도차 있으니 건강조심하시고 남은 추석연휴 행복하게 보내세요
남주 넘 이쁘다!! 러블리 남주!!
인도네시아 미로써 평정하고 돌아왔네요
Got to hear Chorong Bomi and see Hayoung in this content ❤
우리 언니 왜 점점 더 이뻐져 ㅠㅠㅠ
잘 챙겨먹는 남주언니가 조아요😍😍
드디어 깜짝 선물이 도착했어요~
다시 인도네시아에 와주셔서 정말 고마워요 에이핑크 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 이번에는 건강 때문에 못오지만.. 다음에 또 에이핑크가 오면 꼭 건강관리해서 만날 수 있도록 할게요!! 콘서트든 팬미팅이든 팬콘서트든 기다릴게요!!🤩
언니와 멤버들이 인도네시아에서 즐거운 시간을 보낸 것 같아 기쁘네요 😊 다음에 언니가 인도네시아에 또 오면 'Soto Betawi'와 'Rawon'을 꼭 먹어보세요! 저 Soto Betawi (소토 베타위) 정말 좋아요! 추천👍👍
이번에도 브이로그 열심히 찍어 해주셔서 고마워요 쥬언니💜💜 언젠가 인도네시아에서 또 만나요.. 완전체로! 그날이 올때까지 항상 건강하세요 핑순이들💝
Enjoy working While on Holiday 🏊🏻♀️ in Jakarta, Indonesia ❤🤍🍂🛬🧃🍨🍦🍝🍜🍕🥤🎒👚👕👗👖👒🩴🩱🧋🍧🍹
기다리고있어요❤남주세끼❤에이핑크 사랑해요❤
❤️✨
셀이: 웅니 수영실력 수준급🏊♀️👏
자카르타 공연 정말 고생많았어요❤ 음식들 진짜 맛있겠당....
남주 진짜 편집 너무잘해요. 다음에 편집하는 브이로그 찍어주면 잼있을거같아요😊
역시 해외가면 조식도 먹고 수영도 하고 쇼핑도 하고 마사지도 받고 룸서비스도 시켜야하는 파워J 김냄Jㅠ ㅋㄱㅋㄱㅋㄱㅋㄱㅋㄱㅋㄱ 추석 선물같은 남주세끼로 와준 쮸랑둥...고마워..사랑해..❤
기다리고 있었어요! 자가르타로 공연 간 여행이었구나 너무 재밌게 잘 봤어요 호텔에서 먹은거랑 기내식 너무 맛있어 보여요 남쥬언니 수영도 꽤할줄 알아서 놀랐어요😄공연하는 모습은 너무 예뻤고요 에이핑크도 남은 연휴 잘 보내요~!
기다리고 있었어요❤❤
인도네시아에서 즐거운 시간 보내셨다니 기뻐요 언니 ❤
남주 오랫동안 에이핑크여서 고마워 사랑해
❤❤❤❤
남주님 역시 복스럽게 잘 먹네요😋 항상 에이핑크랑 행복하게 활동하고 건강하게 잘 지내길 바라요🤍 계속 응원할게요!!!
인도네시아 팬미팅 해주세요 😭😭 너무 부족해요 이거는 😭😭 에이핑크 또 보고싶다 😭😭 사랑해 😭😭
Wahh, Namjo eat Soto Ayam
Please, comeback to Indonesia again for concert ❤
Thank you for coming to Jakarta❤ glad to see you enjoy Indonesian food 😊
요즘 해외자주가넹 부러워 해외간적없는나는 그저 대리경험중;);)😝😚
So happy seeing you eat so much & enjoy it. Stay healthy namjoo~ssi💜
자카르타 공연 고생많았어요! 오늘도 좋은영상 올려줘서 고마워요 남주님 행복한 남은 추석연휴 보내길 바라요💜💜
Namjoo noona, please visit indonesia again soon
Definitely one of the prettiest and sweetest member of Apink. 💜
너무재밋어요 ❤❤❤❤❤
Halo dari Indonesia, terimakasih apink❤
해외스케줄편 시작과 끝은 역시 라면ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ이제 비행기라면 안나오면 서운함ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Wish you had great memories in Indonesia!!!
I'll wait for complete Pinks to come to Indonesia!!❤
거하게의 기준은 뭘까..??ㅋㅋ 언제나 맛있게 먹는 남주가 좋다
おはよう♬ナムジュ💕Jakartaお疲れ様！可愛いナムジュ💕今日もファイティン💕
자카르타 남주가 넘 예뻐서 심쿵했지만💓💓💓 두손으로 음식을 움켜쥐고 많이 먹는 김먹쥬를 보고 마음이 안정되었어요😌ㅋㅋㅋ
아침 정말 맛있겠어 지금 당장 자카르타에 가고 싶어요😍
❤❤
Yeayyy 😆💞
콘서트 하시느라 수고 많으셨습니다앙~츄석 잘 보내시고 늘 팬으로 응원할게요 편히 쉬시고 안전하게 하게 오시길 바랄게욤💖💖💖💖🥰
Thank you for the vlog Namjoo 💜
하ㅠ 남주세끼 진짜진짜 내 힐링❤❤❤❤❤
Namjoo love you a lot ❤
Soto ayam 👍🏻👍🏻 bawa oleh" saos ABC dong 🤗 when come back to indonesia?? Yesterday you only sang 6 songs, still want to see you guys ❤❤❤❤❤ but thanks for coming 😇
지민:남주야 예쁘다 😍
누구랑 갔어
인도네시아
남주님 즐거운 추석명절 되세요
Love you Namjooo!! ❤❤ APINK JJANG!! ❤
Hopefully apink coming to Indonesia again someday.
안녕하세요 ^^에이핑크 찐팬입니다♡♡
에이핑크가 광양에 온다해서요 마음속이 두근두근합니다
남주 님 크로와상 피자 먹으로오세요^^
부모님께서 운영하시는 가게입니다^^
카페 인 시애틀^^♡♡
남쥬 반지 잘 끼고있넹🥰🥰
namjoo APINK 😊😊😊🐼🐼🐼❤❤
I love this vlog❤
언니 해외스케줄 너무너무 수고해떠요💜
추석잘보내세요 남주님❤
Soto ayam with chili sauces, that very Indonesian. Hope you and Apink come back here to Indonesia soon 🎉
So pretty Nanjoo! ❤
유난히 지치고 길었었던 하루에 남주세끼 덕분에 맛있는거 넘치고 눈도 호강하네요 사랑해요 남주 L❤O❤V❤E
해외공연가서 맛있는 거 많이 먹고 일하러 갔지만 즐기고 오는 모습보니까 좋네요❤남주 덕분에 인도네시아 음식들도 많이 봐서 좋았고 재밌었어요❤자카르타 공연 수고했어요!!❤😊
남주세끼 오늘도 재밌어요❤ 자카르타 재밌게 다녀온것같아 보기좋아요🫶🏻 남은 연휴 언니두 행복하게 보내요~>.
드디어 남주 누나의 에이핑크 해외 브이로그를 기다렸습니다. 남주 누나 추석 연휴 잘 보내세요!💜
성균관대 고다기 영상 내려갔나요? ㅜㅜ
그 영상 자주 보러왔는데 없네요 ㅜㅜ
진짜 잘먹어ㅋㅋㅋ
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Te amo Apink
Te amo Namjoo
어휴 기여워
5:35 잠깐만... 초롱이 유튜브 해? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
롱인 아직 안해요 만약 한다면 대박날껄 나부터 매번 들락거릴거예요
Love you namjoo!! english subtitles pleaaase
Dia ke plaza Indonesia tahu gitu kesana kemarennnnn😂😂
와 진짜 엄청 드시네여
How can she eat so many and have a body like that I'm jealous! 😂
fans of places need subtitles 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
뭔가 자극적인 제목 하지만 먹방이지 ㅋ 갑분 메간폭스 대신 차 브랜드 ㅋㅋㅋ
❤❤❤❤
쥬 맛나게 잘 먹네 ❤❤
💗
Aku cinta kamu ❤
비키니 섹시해요
비키니에 씨스루 커버업이죠?
Tolong bilangin mba Namjoo, itu bukan Jakarta tapi Bogor/Sukabumi 😂
Oh sempet ke Park Hyatt dulu ternyata haha
Manggung nya di lido bogor nginep nya di jakarta 😇
@@likdeirma1717 iya ternyata nginepnya di Jakarta, blm nonton lgsg komen haha. kirain tuh waktu itu hotel di sekitaran venue
@@rifkidya5954 pas mau manggung mereka istirahat di hotel lido liat di postingannya ig chorong dan namjoo kelar manggung balik ke jkt. Hotel megahnya lido blm jd masih proses pembangunan
You who with Da looks dat could kill can chu hear da wit wills😝haaaaaahhhh😜💨✌
🖐️habbang
Where's Anhnny😎
Tickle me cuddles Acky🙈
몸매 ㅁㅊㄷ
🤤🤤
anjay 👍
Oink Oink. To tell you that My Heart is dying.. it is dying became My Heart wants to love YOU.. but to say.. to tell YOU something will Not be enough for this Heart to smile once again.. as I am looking at your Picture.. I can't stop these tears that is coming Out.. rolling Out of my eyes.. LOOKING at your Picture drives me crazy.. it makes me crazy because I know that right Now my Heart is dying.. I want to put your Picture away.. PUT it out of my Life but the More I try to push your Picture away.. I can feel it telling me to bring that Picture Back.. and I am Looking as I turn to this Empty Glass Jar.. which is sitting on this Table in the room.. and I know that when I look at this Table.. and I turn to look at the Glass Jar.. when it is Empty.. I want to put something into this Empty GLASS JAR and I want to shout Words and say something because it is what I am Seeing when I lift to LOOK at the desktop Computer monitor.. I look at the screen.. and ALL I can do is look at the key board.. what AM I TO DO.. what AM I to say to YOU.. what can I SAY to make it right.. for YOUR HEART to know what I feel that when I LOOK at my Heart.. My Heart is screaming inside of Me.. and tells me that I AM DYING.. dying for the Love that I need from YOU.. will you Please accept these words of mine that I am telling YOU that I know I still love YOU.. does these WORDS means anything to YOU YET.. I am hoping that as Much I can tell YOU.. would it really matter when YOU receive it.. do you accept these Words.. DO you believe that it is ME who has been loving YOU or you still thinks that this is ALL a JOKE.. I would lift UP my head looking UP the Desktop computer screen.. before my Hands touch the keyboard.. before my fingers pushes into the key boards of this Desktop Computer monitor.. I needs to see Your Picture.. or my Heart says I am dying.. My eyes needs to grab HOLD UNTO your Picture and I would turn and I would LOOK at the Empty Glass Jar sitting next to the Key Board of the desktop computer.. but when I LOOK at the empty Glass Jar.. I can't see anything.. I can't find anything.. what if YOUR HEART was inside this Empty Glass Jar.. would I need to LOOK at the Keyboard to type and write to YOU.. would I turn to lift UP my Head to LOOK at the desktop computer monitor screen.. it always starts with a Blank screen.. and I would have to put.. say and type and write.. but there are times that when I want to say something to YOU more than LOOKING at the Blank computer Monitor screen.. that is why I would have the Empty Glass Jar close to me.. it goes with me.. and when ever I want to see something.. I would place the Empty Glass Jar even though right NOW.. it may be nothing in it.. I want to ask YOU.. I need your Heart.. I need your Big Heart.. I want to have your Big Heart.. all this time I been wanting.. all this time I been asking and needing your Big Heart.. that is why even in the room.. JUST in Case.. even though I have the Key Board.. I have the Pen and the Pencil.. Papers.. even I have the Desktop computer Monitor with me all in One ROOM.. I would have this Empty Glass Jar with your Picture near to Me.. most of the times I be typing and writing on the Keyboard.. LOOKING UP at the Desktop computer Monitor and LOOKING at the White Sheet of paper.. but when I want to LOOK for something More.. I would LOOK at your Picture.. and Close my two eyes.. and I would Picture in my Head.. Your Big Heart.. I see your Big Heart slowly coming Down and sits inside this Empty Glass Jar.. and I would smile when I look at your Big Heart.. My arms would stretch Out.. as it wraps around the Glass Jar.. I would place my cheek and can feel the coldness glass of the Jar and I would turn so that My ear.. I would ask.. I would like to hear your Big Heart beating.. can YOU Please give me the sound.. will YOUR BIG HEART beat when I get close to your BIG HEART.. and I would turn.. and I would whisper looking at the Glass Jar.. LOOKING at the BIG HEART.. can Your Heart Hear me.. Can YOUR HEART hear my voice.. can I tell YOUR HEART that I love you.. that I been missing YOU for such a LONG TIME.. Please tell your Big Heart.. I love you.. Please tell your Big Heart how much I missed YOU.. missed you so Much that Even with looking at your Picture.. it seems like you are so Close when I look at your Picture but I know that deep inside my Heart.. YOU are not here.. and I would ask your BIG HEART looking at the Glass Jar.. when can I see YOU.. because I know that YOU are still Not here.. do you know how much I am aching when I don't see YOU.. can't feel you so Close.. that It hurts me.. in so much pain I can feel this ache.. because I know that YOU belong in my arms.. YOU belong with me.. in my arms you know that I can love you always.. YOU Know that I can love you forever and ever and tell YOU thousand years goes BY.. that I love YOU.. even ten years even twenty years.. thirty years.. sixty years goes by one hundred years goes by as long as I can live.. I know that I can love you still.. but I don't want to open my two eyes.. I can't open them yet because I know what will happen when I do.. when I open both eyes.. and IN MY ARMS I am still holding.. this Glass Jar.. when I open both eyes I be holding.. but I will NOT see your Big Heart.. I will only see the Empty Glass Jar and what happens to my eyes when I can't see your BIG HEART.. I get more emotionally about it.. I needs to cry because without YOUR BIG HEART.. I know that I can't say the words to YOU that I love you.. I want to tell YOUR BIG HEART that I been loving YOU.. do you believe the Words.. and when I open both of my eyes and I look at the Glass Jar.. I do not see your Big Heart.. my hands grabbing unto the Glass Jar.. and I am crying for your Big Heart.. I love you.. where are you.. Where is Your Big Heart.. I just saw your Big Heart inside this Glass Jar but now I don't see Your Big Heart any more and I am shaking the Empty Glass Jar.. and sobbing and crying as I am looking for your Big Heart.. and I turn to LOOK at the Key Board.. looking UP at the desktop computer monitor is the white screen.. now I am missing YOU.. and Now I needs to tell you something because I know that I will suffer.. I will drown in despair.. I will die if I can't tell you what is in my Heart.. that I need you right Now.. that I need you.. but I am LOOKING and asking for Your Big Heart.. I need to see your Big Heart so that I can tell YOU that I love you.. am I still allow to tell YOU without I am seeing your Big Heart.. OH PLEASE.. give me Your Big Heart.. OH PLEASE.. tell me where did you Hide your BIG HEART.. I need to now because it is Killing me right Now.. do you want me to die.. do you want me to dig my own grave and bury myself alive.. then please.. OH PLEASE tell me where are you hiding your Big Heart.. I need Your Big Heart.. send your BIG HEART to my direction so that I can tell YOUR BIG HEART that I love you.. to tell you that I love you still and that I am dying in missing you right Now.. as I would look at the desktop computer monitor screen.. I would look at the Key board to type to you my Heart and I would say to YOU.. I feel like I am so Lost and so Confused.. that whenever I would close both eyes of Mine and I would turn to LOOK at the empty Glass Jar.. when Both eyes are Open.. I would LOOK and I would Not see anything inside.. and I just don't understand that when I close both of my eyes.. it is when I can see YOUR BIG HEART.. it floats down slowly and Enters in the Glass Jar and I am able to look at HOW BIG that Heart of Yours are.. and I would smile Looking at the Big Heart.. I want to touch your Big Heart.. I would even think of putting my hand inside from the TOP of the opening of the Glass Jar.. to see How would it feel to TOUCH your Big Heart.. can I pull your Big Heart and IN MY ARMS hold it.. I want to hold your BIG HEART in my arms and to watch it snuggle.. can I kiss your BIG HEART holding in my arms and LOOKING at it with a BIG SMILE.. of course I don't want to scare your Heart.. your BIG HEART.. so the only thing that I can do is look at your BIG HEART through the Glass of the Glass Jar.. I want to keep my both eyes closed because that is the ONLY way I can see your BIG HEART sitting inside the Glass Jar.. when my eyes are opened.. I am so sad.. and Missing YOU so Bad.. and I want to say because I would pull to hold unto your Picture.. when I LOOK at your Picture.. My Heart just burns and I look at the Glass Jar which is empty.. I look to look for YOUR BIG HEART.. that is why I get so upset when I have to open the two eyes NOT TO see your BIG HEART anymore.. but when I do close the two eyes.. I see your Big Heart inside the Glass Jar.. I am able to get close to the Glass.. and I am able to say some words.. like I love looking at this BIG HEART.. YOU have a BIG HEART.. so BIG makes me smile even bigger.. because YOUR BIG HEART has enough room for me to say a lot more than I can.. to able to say much more I am so much happier because I can tell you that My Heart.. that it is ME who is loving YOU.. I am loving YOU more.. do you know that.. but once I have to open two eyes.. I am LOOKING at the empty Glass Jar in front of me.. in the ROOM this empty Glass jar sits on top of the table.. My hands holding on the sides of the Glass Jar.. I don't see your Big Heart.. My Tears running down.. I am missing YOU.. I miss YOU.. I miss your Big Heart.. and I would pull out your Picture and LOOK at you through the Picture.. and I would turn to LOOK at the Key Board.. my hands on the key board and fingers starts to push into the Letters of the keyboard and I am able to tell you HOW my Heart is feeling and my mind of thinking of you.. and missing you as I am looking UP at the desktop computer monitor screen.. and I am able to read a Letter I am writing to YOU that I love you and I am missing you
I am looking at the Wall of this Work Shop.. it breaks my Heart that YOU are not here any More.. you told me and YOU have promised Me that YOU would come visit Me and I would be waiting for YOU.. I could Not even close this Work Shop because I would think about that what IF YOU would stop By and YOU told me.. even after YOU broke My Heart leaving me Speechless as you went with another Man.. when I find OUT and HE came to this Work Shop and I would remember picking UP the Phone and I heard his voice which was a very familiar voice and wanted me to bring some Flowers out of the back of this garden.. telling me that HE wanted to give to the Special Person who he loved and wanted to show ME who and this FLOWERS in the back of the Garden.. I started this Flower shop because It was meant to show YOU that I loved YOU first.. I wanted to surprise you that I gave my whole Heart.. I put my whole time building this Work shop but it is a FLOWER shop just to remind YOU that I loved YOU first.. and I remember you came IN.. and wanted to help.. wanted to work with me and I would show YOU the Garden.. what these seeds that I would sow into the grounds meant to me.. and the Seeds would grow and produce and reproduce as it brought forth a FLOWER.. I remember you telling me when you saw the Flowers.. Those were.. these FLOWERS were your most favorite flowers and it was YOU who gave them the Names to each Flowers.. it was the day when the friend of Mine came to pick UP the Flowers.. I would cut the leaves off and he wanted a DOZEN of these Flowers and I was so happy for this friend of mine.. and I put into the Flowers Box.. the Door opens and He comes to pick up the Boxes.. and I wanted to see the Person he wanted to present to me but YOU did not come.. of course YOU came that Night and when I saw YOU coming into this Flower Work Shop and YOU telling me that YOU wanted to stop working and had to quit.. and that YOU are moving far away and with the man you told me you loved.. and I had to hear all this at once.. I saw you bringing back the Flower's Box and I knew who he was because I am the One who gave the Dozen of these Flowers and put into this same Box.. I just could not believe this.. why Must I have to find it this Hard to believe.. why do I must be the ONE to be hurt the Most.. YOU know that I am the One who Loves you the Most.. I can Love you so Much Better and so Much stronger because I know that I started to love YOU when I was at the Orphan house.. we were very young.. and never thought that I would start to love you then.. I wanted someone to Love.. for understand that I can Love you more and More and It seems like you never get it.. I know that I am Poor.. and seems Like I have nothing to give.. to be Honest truth.. Material things and Money is NOT my fit.. I may be very poor and Broke.. I may not have the Lavish things that YOU can dream of.. but I know what Love is and what happens when a MAN truly understand HOW to love a Woman Like YOU.. but It hurts me and breaks me when we are NOT in the same page together.. I am not asking for YOU to Love me back.. when did I ever forced YOU to say LOVE ME.. I have never wanted because I just wanted to Love you as a MAN can Love a WOMAN.. YOU have showed UP when My Life was torn into pieces and when it seems like everything that I loved has been taken away from Me.. I lost my family.. and had to move into this Orphan Home.. I had NO HOPE.. NO DREAM.. I had NOTHING but just everything TORN apart and I wanted to DIE.. I did Not want to Live anymore.. there was NOTHING FOR ME TO LIVE for and I was with Bunch of these Children who was broken as MUCH as ME.. how can these others LIKE myself can help Me.. and I was crushed.. my spirit and my soul.. my Heart was crushed and I would be crying in the Night.. asking why am I still breathing.. why am I still be living For.. that is when YOU came with your Both Parents.. WHY did you come when I was helpless and hopeless part of my Life.. when everything seems like there is NO WORTH in my Life.. but YOU came.. I did Not want to talk to anyone.. just wanted to be a Loner instead.. I remember YOU came and YOU sat next to me.. there was NOT much of words of exchange.. but It is Your Presences.. YOU do NOT have to say much because YOUR SMILE is all I needed at that time of my despair.. I remember Your parents would keep on bringing you over to visit.. and the Poor Children who had NO family.. they started to want to get close to YOU.. YOU would be sharing a lot of stories.. especially going to the Private school.. and How the Best of the teachers were the ones teaching YOU.. and How you fell in love with this One Art Class and many of these Children who came from the Broken world.. just wanted to listen to what YOU had to say.. I would be turned the other way.. did NOT wanted to be a Part.. but wanted to sit Outside alone.. I would be crying most of the time because I felt everything is NO FAIR for Me.. and I do remember YOU came Over and YOU sat next to Me.. and YOU told me this as YOU show me this One Picture You drew in the art class.. asking me why I was NOT inside with the Other Children who loves to listen to the stories that YOUR PARENTS would be sharing as missionaries of the poor countries and I just could not be a part if what I would say to YOU.. that My Heart is hurting me so Much.. and YOU gave me this ONE GIFT.. that Picture hit the Number ONE in your Class as the Art Teacher gave YOU and How it went into the Nationals and YOU have won the Prize.. of course I saw it on the News because it was broadcast every where and I would look at it.. in my hands is the Art Sketch Paper.. that YOU drew this One Flower.. a SUN FLOWER but it was so Unique.. it was different the want YOU drew and colored It and YOU telling me that ONE DAY.. you will find this ONE UNIQUE SUN FLOWER and as I would look at this Picture.. the more I looked at it.. the More I started to Love it for some reason.. and I had never felt this way Before.. I remember after YOU gave me this Art Sketch Paper.. YOU were gone for awhile and YOU just got so Busy with schooling and for YOUR Future of becoming a Surgeon.. I remember I left the Orphan HOUSE and started to travel.. Looking for a way I can find this Kind of Wild Flower.. this Unique SUNFLOWER and I was able to go to a Far land where a MAN would sell this Seed.. the MAN tells me that HE was Not sure but can be true.. I would open this Work shop which is all about selling Flowers.. and I wanted to show YOU that this FLOWER is real because I know it came from YOU.. I believe it because I loved YOU then.. I know that I could Not say a word then because I was shy and the TIME was Not right then.. but I had to wait.. when I saw the Flower.. the Unique Sun Flower YOU drew which went to the Nationals and WON the grand prize I wanted to show YOU that when YOU love as much as YOU believe that IT can happen and it exist.. the believe of Loving YOU.. it does comes true.. but I know that IT has to be at the right TIME.. or I can mess up everything I have waited.. When I saw YOU coming to help Me.. and YOU wanted to help me to build this Flower work shop.. It got so Popular.. and A lot of people noticed who you were because the SAME UNIQUE SUN FLOWER went Out into the News and was known everywhere.. when the People find Out where it was many people came to this Work Shop and as I would show YOU.. it was my dream come true when YOU were with me helping Me.. I watched YOU leave after YOU told me the Breaking News about How you have some Other Man to Love.. and YOU left.. I wanted to close this Work shop.. this Flower Shop because If felt abandon without YOU.. I would see you everywhere even though you were Gone.. and I reached a Point that I was so sick.. that I needed to close this SHOP and just could not work for a while.. of course many years went down the Line since I would come across YOU.. which I remember I had to go to the Clinic and I would be waiting quietly siting for My Name to be called after making the Appointment.. I remember I went into this One ROOM and Sat down waiting.. I would never thought that I would see you again.. as I was sitting on the chair in the room of where YOU came in.. I saw YOU.. and I just wanted to cry.. because I missed YOU so Much.. I missed you to Death and to endure this pain of missing.. this suffering of this Heart ache inside of Me.. I could Not say a WORD to YOU.. I just wanted to get rid of My Heart.. I would see you stand there.. and asking why I am here and I would finally Tell YOU.. even though many times I wanted to say it back Then.. I would say it in my dreams.. every time I saw you in the dreams and YOU would be at the Work Shop of the Flowers or In the Orphan House when we were YOUNG.. I would come Out as bold.. but in reality I just could NOT say a Word.. and I knew that this was the Only chance to tell YOU before it is going to be TOO late to ever come across you again.. and I would look at YOU and I would say.. I came here to get a surgery.. that My Heart is dying inside of Me and My Heart is sick.. I really Need a New Heart.. a Healthy Heart which does NOT cause me to be sick anymore like this.. I feel like I needs to CUT my Heart Off and that is why I came to the Heart surgeon.. and I would say to YOU as you are the Heart Surgeon.. I have kept this Inside of me For a Long time.. because I did NOT want to ruin our friendship.. always wanted to be close to YOU.. and I started to Miss you more and More.. when YOU left the Workshop.. the Flower Shop.. I started to Miss YOU.. I would close my eyes and I would see you there.. even when My eyes are wide Opened I still see you there.. what do I do.. I had to wait
More years to go by to KNOW what is WRONG with the Heart of Mine.. I been missing YOU as soon as YOU left and could NOT tell you the WORDS that I needed to say then.. that I loved YOU when I was very young.. and I would see you stop.. the Day YOU came close to me when I was Out side alone.. and YOU sat next to me.. YOU gave me this One Picture.. the Art sketch Picture YOU drew of the Unique SUN FLOWER.. when YOU gave me this Picture.. it was truly special in my eyes and I felt something that NIGHT.. I felt ALIVE that It was YOU who gave me even something that seems to be so SMALL.. but How that One Picture was broadcast to the News and even won the Grand Prize in the National stage.. it shows me something.. I would tell myself that ONE DAY I am going to surprise YOU and it be the DAY when I find this ONE UNIQUE SUN FLOWER and let you see what happens when a MAN truly Loves a WOMAN like YOU.. and I made a Journey after I left that Orphan House.. going and finding the seeds and also researching about this Seed what I must do to grow it into and the Kind of soils that I needed to use for it to help it to grow.. to produce and reproduce into this UNIQUE SUN FLOWER.. I know that I hid this feeling from you for a long time but before I get rid of this Heart and I came to YOU as the Heart surgeon and I believe YOU are the right person to Take this Heart of Mine away and give me a New Heart.. which that Heart may never Love again.. It hurts me to love YOU because I can't eat right.. I can't sleep in the Night.. I am always thinking of YOU and just missing YOU and the Best thing I can do for NOW is for YOU to remove My Heart away from YOU.. and as I am looking at the One Picture.. the Unique Sun Flower I even brought to Show the Heart surgeon.. it is YOUR DRAWING and the Painting.. I wanted to look at it for the last Time before I removed My Heart.. but I see that YOU are the right Artist.. I have tried everything.. even you saw years back HOW it made the Hit.. and How so many people came to the Flower Work Shop for this UNIQUE WILD SUN FLOWER.. people went crazy when It was true.. when I showed it to the people and you were there helping ME and working together in that Flower Shop.. NOW YOU are gone and has moved On.. and My Heart is so SICK that I came here to get the Heart surgery.. I want to give this Back to YOU.. because NOW I know how much I love YOU.. I have never stopped believe that ONE DAY YOU will know how much I love YOU.. never thought it would be this very day.. the day I came to get my Heart Surgery.. and I know I came to the right place.. to the right person because IT IS YOU who I love.. I been loving YOU for such a LONG TIME.. I am Not afraid to let My Heart to GO.. I was scared to lose you then and Maybe that is the reason why YOU have left.. but NOW.. I know I am going to remove this Heart away so I can say it before I let this Heart GO.. Please give me a NEW HEART.. so I can start everything from the scratch.. Please help my Heart to rest in Peace because YOU know that I never stopped Loved YOU and I still love YOU now.. maybe even More because after I saw the Flower WORKSHOP Flourish and how the BUSINESS of selling Flowers Boomed into success.. I know that I have loved the right Person because loving YOU means everything to Me and forever to Me.. I am looking through the Window.. In the Work Shop.. I see YOU.. I remember I grabbed your wrist.. and I told YOU.. I love YOU.. for a Long time.. I just could Not take my Mind Off of YOU.. asking YOU.. can I be the One who can Love you for the rest of My Life.. will you let me.. I know that I made the situation worst when I grabbed your wrist.. I just wanted to express my Heart but did not mean to come out that strong to You.. I saw you turning your Head away from Me.. and Looking towards another direction.. I knew that I had to let Go.. YOU told me that YOU did not want to work here any more.. of course I knew the answer clearly.. as I open my hand and let go of your wrist.. you wanted to tell me something.. and told me that YOU were seeing someone else.. but I knew that person well.. and my Heart.. I just knew that My confession of telling you came too late.. But I was holding in for so long.. why did YOU not wait.. why did you tell me that YOU wanted to be loved by someone else.. But.. I know that I bee here all along.. YOU knew that I felt something towards YOU.. even though I did Not have to say the words.. by the smile and my actions should of told YOU already.. but Now.. is it really late for me to tell YOU that I love YOU.. can you please receive My Love.. can you please open your heart just a little for Me.. I need to know.. I need a chance you know.. if I am the One for YOU.. did YOU not ever think about that.. I can really be the One who can love you for so long.. but if you do not give me that Chance.. you will never know How far I can truly love YOU and tell YOU how much I love YOU.. are you really going to let this Chance go.. and I would turn.. trying to look at YOU.. but.. I see that YOU are moving and pushing me away.. but.. I know I can too love YOU.. WHY can't you just reconsider.. and please give a time for yourself.. Let me know that I can too love YOU.. is it that Hard for you to know.. I know that I can Love YOU too.. maybe I can be a Better Lover.. I can love you more because YOU brought this Inspiring of Love to Me.. will you please consider and think about what I have said to YOU.. I see you turning away and telling me you have already made it known and made it clear to me that YOU love another man.. and I would watch you walking away.. and I would turn away toward your Direction.. wait.. do you have to end it like this.. can you not give me a Chance too.. if you do not open your heart.. if you keep it close.. you will know that I have loved you More.. so Please.. open your heart.. I know I can Love you better.. I can Love you More.. only please.. stop and wait.. I watch the Door open.. and I see you walk out the Door and the door closes.. I am thinking about the day you left me.. I was building this work Shop just for YOU.. YOU told me that YOU loved Flowers.. I asked you what is your Interest.. what makes you smile.. what do you like to see.. what makes you cry.. what makes you happy and as a friend you told me many things.. I collected and gathered.. YOU told me that YOU wanted to see a lot of Flowers.. Out of the woods.. some of the trees had to be cut Down.. and the builders came and helped me to build this Work Shop out of the woods.. and I would ask what kinds of seed would bring Flowers to Life in the Garden.. and I asked few of the Plant specialists and they helped me to get these seeds and started to help me to plant.. Once these things were established I remember I asked you if you wanted to work.. and YOU told me where.. and I gave you the address.. it is a Flower Shop.. and I work there too.. and I do remember you did take the offer and started to work.. I would show you different flowers.. I would think about the flowers you loved.. when we were young.. when YOU came to the Orphan House.. I do remember you coming with your parents.. and they would always bring you Flowers.. and share to the children who had NO Parents.. I member I would see the kinds of flowers in your Hands.. each time you would bring a New Flower in your hand.. I would look at the flower.. going into my room.. I have me a Note Book.. and start to write down flowers you would bring.. it be so different.. and I have kept the Note Book for a Long time.. from Page to page.. I would smile.. as I would feel my tears roll down.. my hand touch the words of the Names of each Flower.. and I would ask the Specialist can any of these Flowers.. do you have the seeds of these flowers so that I can plant in the garden too.. I do remember some of the farmers who lived around the Area comes to help.. I would be asking if they can help me to Plant these seeds and help me to grow.. and the older People started to help as I would watch the Plants.. I saw Flowers blossom time after time.. and when the Flowers would grow.. I would think of YOU.. each has a special place in my Heart.. I would touch my Chest looking at each Unique Flowers and I wanted to show YOU.. I wanted to tell YOU something.. But I was afraid to ever tell YOU.. Just like what has happened.. YOU told me that YOU love someone else.. YOU telling me that I am Not the One.. that I am Not allowed to Love YOU.. how can YOU tell me this when I been thinking of you all this TIME.. you brought so much tears in my eyes.. My Heart was breaking.. I could not see you from the distance.. I could not believe you would say.. and just walked away.. Now I am here.. back at the Work Shop.. I have left the work Shop because of these memories causing me to Die inside.. but.. what am I suppose to do what YOU are the Love of my Life who brings me back here.. and I would stand here.. the room is dark.. I know that It is time to start over.. I am going to build this Shop again.. this Flower shop because I know that I love YOU.. does Not matter if you ever return back to me or Not.. But.. I know that I love this Place.. why because I always loved YOU.. your scent still is here.. I can still smell your scent.. and I just wanted to hold YOU near when I smell you.. so sweet and so beautiful.. as I am looking at the Window.. and I look through.. I see the tree I was standing.. and I am not sure.. but I see someone.. I am hoping it is YOU.. I want it to be YOU.. but Not YOU who breaks my Heart.. YOU who is coming back to Me.. YOU who knows how much I love YOU.. YOU who knows that I have build this work Shop.. this Flower Shop because I was inspired by Loving YOU.. to show you how much I love YOU.. and as I am getting closer toward the window and I look through.. I see YOU.. but.. is it YOU who loves
Man.. because YOU should always know that I love you first.. I watch YOU turning around and I see you looking.. I am standing by the window.. YOU are standing by the tree and My tears.. it starts to flow down.. two lines.. I know I missed YOU.. YOU know how much I miss YOU.. and YOU should now that this whole place.. It is because of YOU.. How much I love YOU.. LOOK at the flower Shop.. Look at the farmers who and helping the flowers to grow.. look at the each Flowers which has been planted.. if YOU can go back.. Do you not remember when we were young.. YOU came to a house like this.. I was at the Orphan House.. YOU came with your parents.. but you brought flowers.. different times YOU came to visit.. I would stand there.. I see you smile so Big and YOU would tell me.. too look at the Flower.. and YOU would run straight direction toward me and with a BIG SMILE.. showing me the name of the Flower.. where YOU got it.. and you be moving the Flower around.. telling me that Some day YOU are going to have your Own garden.. and In that garden grow Your flowers.. and begin to show me the different kinds of flowers you wanted to plant to grow.. of course.. I would run to the room.. and would write that on the Note Book.. and I would tell myself.. One Day I want to give you a Garden with full of flowers YOU showed me.. and give you the gift of this Garden and that is WHY I am here.. so that I can give YOU the Garden with my Heart inside.. too tell YOU I love YOU.. and I have missed you so Much.. that I have remembered that Promise.. I wanted to run away.. go as far as I could.. I try to run.. go to a different country.. different place.. but.. I could not GO.. and I ended up coming back here because I have made a Promise to myself to YOU.. I wanted to keep my Promise of giving you this Garden First.. as I would be looking through the window and YOU are standing by the tree.. I am wondering.. why are you just standing there.. YOU told me that YOU love some other.. I came here to keep my Promise I have made to YOU.. but YOU told me that YOU have some where to go.. to be loved by another.. are you still thinking about the chance.. are you going to open your heart for Me.. are you going to see if I can be a Better Lover.. who can Love you more.. are you giving me a Chance.. and I would close my eyes.. and when I open.. I look through the window across.. I don't see you any more.. I would look one more time.. and I see that YOU are gone.. as I look at your Picture.. I would smile.. I know that YOU are happy.. of course who don't want to love YOU.. I know that you have many young men who wants to love YOU.. but.. I know that I can love YOU more.. I can love you better.. because I know my Heart.. I understand my Heart knowing what Love truly is.. and to Let YOU know how much I love YOU.. I just wanted to share and tell YOU.. I never stopped loving YOU.. Only YOU who I love.. YOU are the Only One who I think of the Most.. always on my mind.. and always loving YOU first.. I just wanted to say I love you.. and always I will love YOU..I am waiting at the Doctor's office.. I am getting sick.. something has happened to my Heart.. I am wondering if My Heart is broken.. as I am sitting down.. waiting for the Doctor.. I am holding your Picture in my Hand.. I have been looking at this Picture for a Long time.. since I have lost you.. and it is the Picture of YOU.. you are standing by the Wall.. with a beautiful Smile.. I gave YOU a flowers and YOU are holding in your hand.. showing me in the picture of you.. I was so happy when I gave you those flowers in the work shop.. I surprised you that night.. it was before I wanted to ask YOU out.. I wanted to ask if we can be lovers.. and before the questions came about.. and I gave YOU the flowers.. I would watch you holding in your hand.. and I saw you smelling the flowers.. it touched my Heart.. Your nose so close and I saw both of your eyes closing when YOU brought the Flowers closer to your nose.. and right after.. you opened your eyes.. I be holding the camera.. zooming in to get a closer Picture.. I asked if YOU could just smile for me.. YOU are the Most Beautiful when I see you smile.. so I asked.. looking through the lens of the Camera.. I saw you holding the flowers closer and my finger presses and it clicked to take that Picture.. I would put the camera down and I came closer to YOU and I wanted to say but.. YOU told me Not to say it.. Because YOU knew what I was going to say and told me that YOU already have some one who you love.. and that I knew the person well.. I would just stand there.. No words to tell YOU because.. I have been holding this for a long time.. I wanted to tell YOU for a long time.. but I guess holding too long.. and I just could not hold it back.. I want to know.. DO you love Him.. do you think that man can love you more than Me.. if He can love you more than me.. I can back off and just pretend I never told you this.. I want to know what if I can love you More.. I know that I can love you where YOUR Heart can be truly touched.. I know that I can love you because I am already loving YOU.. but pushing me away is not going to solve anything.. but if you know that He can love you more and can make you more happier.. than I have nothing more to say.. But How about my Heart.. how about the Love I have for YOU.. will you please consider this before you can.. and it is the Picture before I wanted to ask.. but I do remember you be telling me that YOU love some one else.. I wanted to walk out of that work shop.. I wanted to leave at that moment because My Heart couldn't handle this kind of pain.. and to heal it takes a long time for me to get over it.. but.. I felt like I should stay.. that may be you would change your mind.. so I just stood and waited.. but I saw YOU looking at me.. giving me back the flowers and I saw YOU walking out of that work shop.. I heard the door behind me shutting down.. holding the flowers in my hands.. why am I holding these flowers for.. I am the one who gave you these flowers.. these are not for me and when I turned my head to look back.. I stood there.. the door was closed and YOU left.. I wanted to cry.. but I wanted to hold my own emotions in and I kept it inside for a while before I wanted to lead it out.. I stood there in the silence.. holding the flowers in my hands.. just did not know what to do any more.. as I am sitting on the chair.. just waiting for the doctor to call my name.. I am looking at the Picture of YOU.. holding the flowers and just smiling.. Now I am thinking.. and wondering.. what if I did Not say anything.. did Not mention and just stood there and smiled back.. I know that YOU would not left the work shop that night.. you could of still be there with me.. but would I ever be happy just watching you on the side line.. just loving YOU alone.. while YOU have someone who loves YOU and you be loving him back.. What am I suppose to do if I am just another shadow of passing through.. It would be breaking my heart into pieces.. I remember I open my hands and the Flowers all fell to the floor.. hitting the ground.. I dropped to my knees.. beating against my chest and started to cry loud.. wailing louder because of the pains of hitting me so Hard that night.. I did not even leave that work shop.. I would be crying for hours.. just feeling the pain deep within me.. sitting by the wall.. I would be leaning.. and I would sit until the Sun would rise Up.. I just could not work any more.. and wanted to take some time off.. but I could not get up.. sitting there.. looking at the flowers all over the floor of the ground.. I can't believe that this Hurts.. it hurts me much more.. why did I even mentioned if it going to end UP like this.. hurting me like this.. this ache.. this pain of just loving you.. why can't you love me back.. I would yell.. out loud.. why can't you love me back.. what must I do for YOU to notice HOW much I love YOU.. and I would sit still.. could not get up.. just did not want to move.. I did not want to eat anything.. even though I was hungry.. but I sat there.. leaning against the wall.. just thinking of YOU.. am I going crazy.. am I losing my mind.. what is wrong.. matter with me is what I would be thinking.. and I would suddenly lay on the floor.. maybe sleeping will help me.. get me better.. and I lay on the floor.. both eyes closes.. and it hurts so bad that I just could not sleep.. as I am still waiting for the doctor.. the door opens and I am looking at your Picture.. I hear foot steps and someone sits next to me.. and I put the picture down.. I am wondering.. who is sitting next to me and as I turn to look.. I see you next to me.. I am thinking.. all this time.. did you know that I am here so you came.. or you just came because YOU are sick too.. and I looked at YOU.. why are you here.. Why are you sitting next to me.. YOU told me that YOU have someone who loves YOU.. you told me you love him.. but why are you here.. I am here because I love you too much.. I think I can't bear this pain.. take this pain any more.. I am going to get me a New Heart.. I don't like the Heart I have with me.. this Heart is always hurting me so I want a new Heart.. a Heart who does Not know you any more.. as I looked at YOU.. are you hurt just like me.. or is it for something else.. as I raised my arm.. my hand is holding your Picture.. and I would show YOU this picture and I turned to look at YOU and I would say.. do YOU remember this time.. Do you remember the day I gave you those flowers.. I am so sorry that I told you that I loved YOU.. I did not meant to say it in a way that YOU wanted to walk off.. but Do you want to see this Picture.. I think you never got the chance to look at it because the Picture came after YOU left.. Do you know how many times I cried looking at this Picture.. I would tell myself.. I regret letting YOU know.. I would tell myself many times.. I regretted because.. If I never mentioned it to YOU
You.. and I see you smile.. as I am waiting for the doctor.. I would look at the picture again.. looking at YOU.. when I would turn my head to look.. I don't see you any more.. I am wondering.. was this just a dream.. why did I saw you here.. maybe I do miss you just too much.. I am aching in my Heart.. I feel like I am dying inside.. the door opens.. and I see the doctor.. I hear the Doctor calling my Name.. I get UP out of the chair and I would walk into the patient room.. and I would sit on patient chair.. I would show the picture to the Doctor.. and the Doctor looks at the picture.. and I am telling the doctor.. I need a new Heart.. if you can give me a New Heart.. I think I can live again.. I am suffering just too much with the Heart who is inside of me.. if YOU can please take my Heart.. put that heart away.. and replace with a New Heart.. I think I can live again.. I just can't live with this Heart.. it is killing me and driving me insane.. Please.. can you do a surgery so that I can breathe again.. to live again.. something is wrong with the Heart I am having.. giving me just too much pain.. and my eyes gets watery and I turn to look.. looking at the doctor in the eyes.. when I looked at the eyes.. it looks like your eyes.. and I would look.. and you are holding the picture in your hand.. and I can't believe I am asking YOU to get rid of my heart.. I am wondering.. and of course.. I remember you told me when we were young.. that YOU had dreams.. you wanted to be a Heart doctor and help healing wounds.. you told me once.. your dreams was to be a doctor who would save lives.. and I am sitting down.. as Your hand is holding that picture.. this is the picture YOU never saw.. but it was when YOU were working with me at the Work Shop.. and do you not remember.. the flowers I gave YOU.. and Yes.. you gave me the flowers back and I dropped the flowers on the floor.. as I looked at YOU.. I would smile at you.. I am glad that YOU have fulfilled your dreams of becoming a Doctor.. at least I came to the right person because if I were to die tonight.. at least YOU are the last person I got to see before I die.. but I did come here so that I can remove my Heart.. I have made an appointment and have given a date for the Heart surgery.. will you be the doctor who can do the Heart surgery for Me.. YOU can at least see my Heart.. can touch my Heart and pull away this Heart from me.. I am much more happier if it is YOU.. because I know that I can give YOU MY Heart.. I know you are telling me that I can die if I get this surgery.. but I need this surgery.. I do not want this Heart any more.. it is killing me Now so Please.. get rid of this Heart which is killing me.. I rather die with YOU holding my Heart then to live without you when I keep on loving YOU.. why can't you be the doctor for me.. YOU know that I have been loving you just too long.. see the Heart who loves YOU.. and then I can finally let go.. because I can't live when YOU are gone and out of my life.. so please let me speak to the one who is in charge of this surgery.. because I can't live without you.. LOOK how you have made me cry.. as the two lines of tears would drop.. I just can't live without you.. or please let me have a chance to love YOU.. you can make a choice.. be the One to do the surgery to my Heart.. or let me please just keep on loving YOU.. because I just want to love you more and more.. tell me why can't I love you more.. as I am looking at you as the doctor.. I see you turning away.. with the picture in your hand.. I see you leave the patient room.. why can't you get rid of my Heart.. get rid of this Heart so that I don't love you any more.. make a choice for me.. Please.. tell me which way for me to go.. I been waiting for YOU.. but YOU never came.. the door was never locked because it is YOU who I been waiting for.. I would be working in the Flower Shop.. waiting if YOU would ever show UP.. but you would never come.. It broke my Heart because what If YOU would stop by.. even just for Once.. I was Not asking for a long time.. even just for few seconds.. it would been enough for Me.. but YOU never came.. working in the Flower Shop without YOU was the most difficult thing for Me because I would be waiting.. even though I knew deep in my Heart that YOU would never show UP.. just hoping that it would be you who would knock on the door.. asking for me to open that door in the Work Shop.. in that flower Work Shop.. I would cry many nights of thinking of YOU.. just remembering all of the memories we shared together in that Shop.. I would watch YOU with the camera.. lights flashes as YOU would take pictures of the Flowers.. asking me about how it grew.. the place where I would planted in the soil.. I would even take you to the spots.. back in the garden.. where YOU would see the flowers in full bloom.. matured and sprung UP for YOU to take a look.. YOU would smile.. I would watch YOU holding that camera in front.. as I would watch YOU looking through the camera Lens and taking pictures of the flowers back in the Garden.. I wanted to Hold YOU.. I wanted to Pull you closer to me.. around my arms I wanted to feel YOU inside.. but I would stop myself of getting closer to YOU.. I wanted to get close.. I wanted to walk and stand beside YOU.. just to feel for seconds.. How you would feel in my arms.. How would you breathe.. How about the sound of the beating of Your Heart.. can I hear it.. will my Heart also make the same sound of Your Heart.. I wanted to get close.. just to see how it would feel.. YOU in my arms.. I wanted you near.. I wanted you close.. I was so close because I would walk but I would stop to step back.. It hurts me because I wanted to feel YOU in my arms.. But I just could not get closer.. Because I knew that YOU would push me to say Back Off.. Just Now How it feels.. Just thinking about YOU.. brings so Much Joy and happiness.. I would smile a lot.. My Heart be moving in a way I just can't control.. my emotions just wants to pour Out to YOU.. I want to stop.. I can't control myself because It has been Hard lately.. Missing YOU is so Hard.. at the same Time.. it brings me a lot of tears.. that I can't stop myself crying.. I don't want to show YOU any more tears.. but It hurts to know that YOU don't want to come close.. so Far.. so Near.. so Close.. the distance between Us.. leaving me to Be hurt.. missing YOU all the time.. but I want to get close.. NO Matter How I feel.. as long as it is YOU.. I will always Love YOU.. don't ask me why do I keep on hurting myself but still loves YOU.. as I am sitting on the Chair.. I am looking at Your Picture.. it is YOU when YOU were with me at the Flower Shop.. holding a flower in Your Hand.. with such a Beautiful Smile.. I remember that it was the day I wanted to show YOU the New Flowers that has been reached the Full Bloom stage.. it was back in the Garden.. the Same camera you were using to take many pictures of the flowers.. I would ask YOU.. take one of the Flowers from the Bed in the back of this Garden.. I watched you lower yourself.. grabbed and pulled the Flower Out.. and telling me that it is this One.. that it is the Most Beautiful One.. Your Favorite and I do remember leading YOU back into the Flower Work Shop.. YOU were standing by the wall.. and Holding the flower in your Hand.. I would have the Camera in my hands.. My eye would look through the lens of the Camera.. I would see YOU.. my finger stopped at the Button.. because what if this be the last picture I could take from this Camera.. this Fear came all over me.. shaking and trembling from the Inside.. I stopped my finger to press.. YOU were wondering why I could not click the Button.. My Heart would skip.. trying to find if there is a Beat.. I would take a deep breathe and my finger presses the Button and the light switches and it takes the Picture of YOU.. when I put the Camera Down.. I am looking at the Wall.. in the Flower Work Shop.. I only see the wall.. I don't see YOU there.. and with me is the Same Picture.. it was the last time I took the picture of YOU because the Next day.. YOU told me that YOU are not going to work with me at the Flower Shop.. that YOU have find someone that YOU love.. and that YOU are going with Him.. and I felt my world turn upside down.. I felt that everything be crumbling.. I saw YOU leave as the Door closes behind me.. I would sit on the Floor.. I would cry Loud and wail More.. I just couldn't control these emotions when it is torn apart.. I would Beat with my hand on my Chest.. I would Hit it so Hard.. I just couldn't stop hitting my Chest.. wanting to Pull my Heart out.. It hurts me because all I see is YOU.. YOU leaving me behind and I am left alone at the Flower Work Shop.. everything began to fall apart.. I started to drink a lot.. heavy into drinking.. crash and burn.. falling apart and falling down.. I just don't wanted to get UP any more.. I just couldn't handle this Kind of Pain.. it was killing me from the Inside.. How can I erase this Pain that is eating me from the Inside.. How can I get rid of this Kind of Hellish Pain.. I just wanted to Die.. for years I felt this way.. I felt like I wanted to give UP.. but.. for some reason.. if I truly love YOU.. I know that I needs to get back UP and try to live.. try to live the best I can.. so that One day I am able to see YOU again and the Day I see YOU.. I will never let YOU GO.. I decided to go and get my Heart check.. if something is wrong with me.. is it My Heart who has the Problem.. or is it just Me.. I came to the Clinic.. just to check my Heart.. I feel so ill.. I feel so Sick.. because I been thinking about YOU too much lately.. I wanted to forget.. I wanted to erase YOU off my Mind so I called to make an Appointment.. so that I can get a Heart surgery.. and I been sitting down on this chair.. waiting for the Doctor to call my Name.. for the Doctor to see me.. I wanted the Doctor to Know that I want to get rid of this Heart.
Into a room.. NOW.. I go into the Room.. waiting for the doctor.. and as I sit patiently waiting for the Doctor.. I am looking at your Picture.. Looking at YOU holding the flower in your hand.. standing by the wall.. Before I came to this Clinic Office.. I went over this Moring to the Flower Work Shop.. as I walked inside the Work Shop.. I would stand there alone.. LOOKING at the Wall where YOU would stand.. I would look at the empty Wall.. looking at the picture of YOU holding.. the same spot.. you were standing with a smile holding the flower.. the Last time I saw YOU is when I took this Picture.. it hurts Me more.. I would.. the Flower Work Shop was dark and I would be standing alone.. crying looking at the Picture of YOU.. which it was the last time YOU stood by this Wall.. and I just can't let YOU go.. WHY is it me who has to let it Go.. why is it YOU who has to hurt Me.. why can't I ever hurt you and I would look at the Wall.. where YOU would stand the last time and I would scream because my Heart.. It wanted to shatter into pieces.. WHY did YOU have to leave me for someone else.. WHY can't YOU ever know how much I love YOU.. why don't you see me.. WHY can't you see me as the Person who loves you the Most.. and I would again cry.. looking at the wall.. after looking at the Picture of YOU where YOU once stood by this wall.. I would fall to the ground.. and I just can't.. why can't I just let YOU GO.. it is killing me so Bad.. why can't I let YOU GO.. what is it about YOU holding unto me.. like a stronghold.. and I would cry loud.. wailing.. hitting my hand against my chest.. It hurts me just too much because I want to be loved by YOU.. why can't YOU see me for once.. HOW ABOUT ME.. you know that I can love YOU better.. YOU know that I can love YOU more.. I can even love you stronger.. just please give me a chance.. just one chance.. as I am waiting in the Room in the clinic Office.. I know that I may not live for Long.. because My Heart is broken.. It has been shattered into many little pieces.. YOU have broken my Heart.. If I can't fix my Heart.. what am I going to do with this Shattered of pieces broken Heart that is in me.. If I can't fix it.. Maybe the Doctor can help me to fix IT.. what if the Doctor can't fix my Heart.. I am going to ask the Doctor to go me a Surgery.. because what am I going to do with this Broken Shattered Heart.. I can at least donate it to someone else.. give me a New Heart.. someone else can take my Place.. can Have this Heart.. that someone else can Love YOU instead because I know that I can't.. I don't even know where YOU at so how can I love YOU when YOU are NO where to be found.. and I am lost somewhere.. and I would be sitting on this Chair.. LOOKING at the Picture of YOU.. I sit in silence just thinking of the Flower Work Shop.. I want to go back with YOU.. can YOU please go back with me to this Flower work Shop.. I want to live again.. I want to feel that I am alive again.. I want to breathe again because without YOU.. just look at me at this Point in my Life without YOU.. and as I am looking at the picture.. waiting for the doctor to come into this room.. I am looking at your Picture and speaking to the Picture.. the door Opens but it stops.. I am thinking.. maybe it is another patient who just came into the wrong room and I would open my Mouth.. as I am looking at the picture of YOU.. can we please go back to the Flower Work Shop.. do YOU know that I am still there.. I just could Not move on because I would think about.. what If.. Just in case YOU show UP one day.. what If you come.. what if YOU change your Mind.. what if I come across Your Mind one night.. One Day.. what If you miss Me.. how about if YOU love me.. Not sure why I would think of it that Way but what if you show UP.. I had many chances to leave that Flower work shop.. My friends came.. trying to convince me.. telling me to leave it behind me.. let it be my History.. and I would try to leave that Flower Work Shop.. but always in the back of my Head.. I would be thinking of YOU.. if I do leave.. what if YOU show UP when I do really leave.. then I know that I can't never see YOU again.. I don't want that to ever happen because I miss YOU and I love YOU.. that is why I just can't let it go now.. because I love YOU just too much.. I have been there.. just waiting for the Door to be opened.. for YOU to knock on the door and when I open the door to that Flower Work shop and WHEN I open to see who it is.. I wanted to smile to see YOU there.. standing there.. just giving me even few seconds of your presences.. just to say I love YOU.. just to say I missed YOU.. or to say welcome back.. because I just can't let YOU GO.. Because I never stopped loving YOU.. even now I love you still.. I been waiting so that I can tell YOU how much I love YOU.. as I look up.. I hear the door closed.. and I am thinking.. this whole time the door was opened.. I wonder who it is who hear me speaking to Your Picture.. I wonder who it is.. and the door Opens.. my hand opens and the picture falls to the ground because it is YOU who is standing by the door.. That YOU are the Doctor.. My Doctor there.. I am looking at you.. I just could not believe that YOU are now a doctor.. a Heart surgeon.. of course I came here to get my Heart to be removed.. I wanted another Heart Surgeon because.. Can you handle doing the surgery.. planting into a different Heart.. a Heart from someone else.. What would you do if I don't recognize YOU any more.. what will you do if I start to love another whose Heart has been loving.. But.. I don't want to lose YOU.. How can I live without YOU.. How can I breathe if I can't love YOU any more.. but all this Time.. I have been only loving YOU.. YOU are the Only One who I been missing.. I been crying over looking at the empty wall.. walking into the Work Shop.. I been missing YOU.. missing your Presence.. just missing your smile.. can YOU handle me.. putting me into the deep sleep.. as YOU cut my chest wide open.. I know that YOU are more experience in this kind of work.. If you are the Doctor.. because I asked for a well experienced.. well established with multiple years of experience.. I don't want my Heart to be broken.. I don't want my Heart to be dropped on the floor.. It has been with me all of my life.. ever since I was born.. ever since I was a young Boy.. when I first saw YOU.. I cried.. I started to cry after YOU left.. YOU promised me that YOU will be back.. and I felt my Heart.. I did not know what it was at the first touch.. I just could not stop.. but I would kept on crying through the Night.. that is when I could Not sleep.. I kept on thinking of YOU.. over and over.. turning and tossing.. all of the children at the Orphan House.. they were all sleeping good.. I sat on top of the bed.. wondering.. why couldn't I sleep like the Other children.. I do remember you gave me your picture.. I saw both of your parents with YOU.. and I do remember.. being so Poor.. without any parents.. living with bunch of poor children.. who had No homes.. only could gather with each other.. I looked at YOU.. I would smile.. I could never smile living with bunch of these children.. they were all dirty like Me.. pushing and shoving.. kicking and screaming.. and there was No peace.. When I heard the Old Woman.. the Care taker says to the Children.. a Missionary family is coming.. to help Us.. to help educate and give Us books to read.. and toys to play with.. of course.. it was YOU and your Parents who came.. I knew that I should of stopped myself right when I met YOU.. I don't know why I asked for your picture that day.. before YOU were leaving.. and as I was crying.. I wanted to be a Part.. so I asked for YOUR picture.. when YOU told me that YOU are going to give me One.. and That smile.. you pulled out and told me that this is the Only One.. the best Picture you have taken.. I saw your Smile.. and YOU told me.. behind the Picture is your Address.. and If I wanted a friend to share my Heart.. to write YOU a Letter.. I do remember watching YOU leave.. Your Father and Mother holding your Hands as YOU leave.. I would be waving with tears in my eyes.. I felt so Alone.. I felt so cold.. I felt so Poor.. and I would fall both on my knees.. and Weeping as I take a Look at your Picture.. why do you have to leave so Soon.. Are you going to come to visit me and the children.. and both hands holding the side of the Picture.. YOU are so Beautiful.. and I be looking with tears.. wiping my tears with my hand.. I feel so Alone.. I feel so sad because My Heart.. is it going to break like this.. My Heart keeps on breaking because YOU know how much I love you right.. and I do remember that Night.. I just could not sleep.. and sitting on the top of the Bed.. I pulled out Your Picture.. and I would look.. and I do remember what YOU said.. to write YOU when I needed a friend.. and I would get Out of the Bed and I walked to the desk.. and I sat down to write.. as I am laying.. I am looking at YOU.. as a Doctor.. as the Heart Surgeon.. I should of Not come to this Hospital.. What are you going to do with My Heart.. I don't want you to take my Heart away.. if I can't love you any more.. I rather ask for another Doctor.. I guess the main reason is to forget YOU.. and Let my Heart be taken away and Let someone else have My Heart.. But when I saw YOU.. if YOU were another Doctor.. another Heart Surgeon.. then I think it would been so much easier to go with the proceed to do the surgery but.. I feel like My Heart Now just can't go.. it has been such a Long time since I saw YOU.. and for the longest Time.. I have been missing YOU.. but Now.. I just can't give My Heart away with YOU becoming the Doctor.. the Heart Surgeon.. I been to the Work Shop lately.. and started a Project.. to rebuild that Work Shop.. it has been broken and abandoned for a Long time.. I just could Not work there any more