Transgender vs Gender Non-Conforming? ft. MILES JAI | Stef Sanjati
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Hi everyone! Thank you for visiting my video - I no longer do work like this but wanted to let you know I now stream on Twitch and make RUclips videos about gaming!
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I no longer produce content about beauty or fashion, or produce educational content around my own transness or traumas, as I have learned I need boundaries for my own well-being. However, my new work is dedicated to creating safe, inclusive, cozy spaces for folks of all backgrounds with a zero tolerance policy towards bigotry.
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Hi #breadsquad! I hope this video helps to clarify the difference between the gender expression of someone like me and the gender expression of someone like Miles! You can view Miles' channel and related video here: • READING HATE COMMENTS ...
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Hi there! My name is Stef Sanjati and I'm a RUclipsr, transgender activist, and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. I live my entire life online through videos documenting my transition and spontaneous live streams and strive to educate, enlighten, and brighten lives every day. Breadmom of the #Breadsquad! For business enquiries, email ssanjatimanagement@gmail.com.
It was so lovely hanging out with you bread mom
MilesJaiProductions My favorite youtubers being hilarious and beautiful and intelligent and insightful together I LIVE
You look so fucking goooood like fuck!!!!
MilesJaiProductions loved your wig in this video😭😭😭
I hope to see you two do another collab in the future ! :D You two are such a good combination, I literally squealed when I saw the thumbnails.
Another great collab, loved the one on your channel too, you two should make more videos luvz them!!!!!
Family and friends: Be yourself, you can be whatever you want when you grow up!
Me: *Is trans*
Family and friends: No wait-
Not like that! Haha typical
pigeon this is too much lol
My mom told me to tell her everything that's bothering me, even if I murdered someone I could tell her. Tried telling her I'm bi. Didn't work. Sad.
Kou ! i feel you on that.
Kou ! I remember being outed as bi by a friend and had to listen to my grandmother acknowledge gay and lesbian people as real while bi was not; two other sexualities she didn't think were real or good or as something someone just chose like when people choose to be assholes. Christianity.
My son is three and his interests are the movie Frozen, eye shadow and nail polish, trains, trucks, race cars and dresses. I have been accused of forcing him to like feminine things but like, people don't understand that a three year old likes what they like and if they don't like it, it is VERY clear. I don't push him to like "boy" things or "girl" things. I just hate how much people try to label things for BABIES. He doesn't know the difference!
Lexi Rampage let your child be a child! it's great you don't feel the need to pressure. who gives a damn as long as they are happy ❤️
I Find most people who say that to parents either don't interact with children or are very forcible and treat them like they are not there own person when they do interact :/ my daughter is 4 & a half and she likes everything from kitchen play, to lego, all sorts of super heroes and villains, transformers, World of warcraft frilly dresses climbing trees playing in mud lol, there just interested in stuff ^_^ Also on the same topic, im trans and people usually think were out to "Make more trans people" like assuming i would force a gender on my child >_> like wtf. thats the exact thing that happened to me why would i do that to anyone :/
i know this might sound strange. but have you ever heard of, projecting?
these people yelling at you for forcing gender, are the people actually doing that.
these are some of the same people that call lgbt people pedophiles.
and trust me.. they are still projecting.
+Liz02498biz wow you managed misinterpreted the entirety of Lexi's post *Fairyclaps for you*
she never said anything about him being trans and was bringing up the issue that people think that parents force there kids into things and we shouldn't be pushing them one way or another, People like me (Who are trans) will have the feeling All there life and have plenty of time to make that discussion on there own, Everyone else can just Like what they like. don't accuse people of stuff when you don't even comprehend what there saying :/
Liz02498biz Whoa there! She never said anything about her kid being trans or putting him on hormones. She said she lets him be interested in whatever like Nail polish or Trucks and trains or Pink heels that's all she said. I don't see how you figure she said anything about Hormones when she didn't even mention it.
As a gay cis man I have to say that all of these videos are so entirely fascinating. I'm appalled with myself by how ignorant I was about the trans community (and similar communities) but now I feel like I'm understanding this all so much better. LGBTQ isn't just about finding your letter and running with that, we're all in this together really
Zoom! :3 I'm right there with you. I'm a cis lesbian gal who ran a gsa in high school with a wonderful trans guy and there's still so much I don't know. it's the whole reason I subscribed to stef in the first place.
same here. i'm a cis straight girl and was questioning my sexuality when i developed a crush on my trans male friend, but once i found stef i realized i was straight uwu
You'd think we're in it together, but as soon as someone doesn't tote the line, the rest get viscious.
@@nyah258 ur dumb asf of course u are straight and weird...
@@ElectricNikkiGames a lot of times in the LGBT+ community, people lash out because they've had a rough go of it. And I think, when you've faced a lot of backlash for who you are, especially if it's taken you a long time to figure out exactly where you fit, when you do find a place to belong and really fits you? That can make it REAL easy to get defensive if you feel like someone is trashing you.
We all just sort of need to be more gentle and understanding with each other. And that's a two way street - sometimes, it's not because someone didn't "tow the line", but because they were genuinely being a dick about something they didn't understand. Sometimes, they get a "vicious" reply because they just asked the wrong question on the wrong day and someone reacted badly. If both parties there make a conscious effort to approach each other in good faith, treat each other kindly, and don't engage whenever one person is not emotionally in a good place to do so.... a lot of that would cease to be an issue.
I have muscular arms and legs so people thought I was a guy on the those days I didn't dress femme. And my mom would yell at me if I went to the boy section to buy something but like it's just clothing and I didn't understand why I couldn't buy what I liked and I found this cool black shirt with white straps at the sleeves and I was forced to give it to my brother because I got get at the guy section and that really got me mad because it's ridiculous when it's just fabric.
NNC it's literally just fabric that lays on your body. humans are weird. I'm glad you have come to this healthy mindset 🌹
:c im sorry booboo, you're so strong for not letting that change your true self! much love to you hun x
I can totaly see that ^-^ I'm a cis girl and even I go to the boys section from time to time because I love bandshirts and most of the time there in the boys area also I feel like the stuff there is cheaper and I'm a broke student so that makes sense for me
I'm femme and masculine girl.
IchLiebeDichTom1 guys clothes are cheaper and sometime they have better material to last loner and the jackets are amazing (forever 21 man section is some much cheaper) and the mans shoes at Walmart at good because they last longer because most on my shoes end up with holes on the bottom (I'm a speed walker and do nature trails)
god, miles is so gorgeous
Becks ikr? I can't take my eyes away!
Becks I think it's his eyes!! They really suck you in.
was literally about to write this. he's absolutely stunning.
nah, his hair's real gorgeous and he's got some pretty eyes. his makeup is a+
i'm not delusional for thinking someone is pretty lol. and anyways there's nothing wrong with being trans and he still looks pretty. so, yeah, if you're gonna come here with a bunch of nasty negativity don't bother speaking at all. ;)
I never knew I needed that collab before seeing it but it just filled a hole in my heart 💕
I just call myself Genderfluid if I have to give it a legit label, I usually just go whatever 🤷 and when people ask me what pronouns to use I'm just like "Whatever your heart desires, IDC"
RyRy Peach me too! My partner usually uses gender neutral terms like significant other or partner or date but will call me both handsome/beautiful depending on the day and if I'm presenting more fem or masc and most of my friends use she or they as pronouns but will say things like "this is my boy Lo" when introducing me. I love it!
ajmc1990 what about just letting people do what they fucking want and stop caring so much
ajmc1990 kinda sounds like you're what's wrong with the world honey💁🤔
Same here, THOUGH my own language doesn't have gendered pronouns so when I'm speaking English I would secretly prefer male pronouns just because female pronouns are the "obvious choice" and usually mean that the person doesn't acknowledge the fact that I'm genderfluid, but will also continue to make other assumptions. You know? I would like to say "I don't care" but it doesn't mean the same to the other person.
Like you tell someone you don't care about the _pronouns_ and then they totally forget who you are and getting to know you as a PERSON and say things like "you would look beautiful in this dress", completely ignoring the fact that you do not wear dresses or use makeup (which is obviously harmful to CIS women and men alike, to assume they do/don't). I hate using the label gender-non-conforming myself though because it sounds like I'm taking part in a demonstration (just my personal feeling) while I'm just quietly living my life TRYING not to be special.
I'm not talking about people that barely know me, I'm talking about people I could call friends who know this stuff, but forget it because it's easier for their brain to process me and my interests as a female. And if I tell them "male" they will again assume that I could never like this or that and may even revert back to thinking of me as a female just because I bought something pink. Life :D
And for anyone saying I'm asking too complicated things, I honestly don't think so, I'm asking for people to remember things about me and treat me like I'm ME which I'm actively trying to do myself.
You can be what you want in your head, but gender isn't fluid. What is with all of these people thinking that if they wear a dress they're a girl, or a suit and they're a guy yet in the same breath say "clothes have no gender". Gender is biological, trans people have a biological difference in their brains that cause them to be trans. Gender fluid people, by their own self admission, don't experience body dysmorphia and are therefore not trans. You can do whatever you like, but pushing people to call you something that doesn't exist is stupid.
I AM DAZZLED AND FRAZZLED
soundlyawake [Nicola Foti] honestly same 🤷🏾♀️
I just had this conversation yesterday! I keep my head shaved, never wear makeup and hate my boobs, but I don't want to be male either. I just do 'me' and it's the best thing. :)
OMG girl, 12:55 about there not being pockets in women's pants so that we buy handbags and stuff? MIND. BLOWN. That's some straight up good conspiracy theory shit worthy of it's own video. Now you got me thinking.
Frances Bedoya I personally thought it was a little obvious, but I think generally women prefer their silhouettes to not include bulky stuffed pockets. Thinking about it... feminine products already take up a lot of space and that doesn't include wallet, phone, make up, perfume, keys,....I could go on forever *-*
I Loved that! I think you are on to something for sure! I Love Purses! Lol. You are so pretty! Xo
Frances Bedoya Actually, the pocket thing is because women don’t normally want extra bulk around the lower abdomen. All throughout history women have tried to be as small waisted as possible. To keep the profile, pockets got to go. The purse industry filled the need to hold your stuff. Purses, as we know it, are much younger than pockets.
Miles' lipcolor omg so beautifuuuuuuul
miles looks like a complete born woman even "her" hands an fingers are femme, that's one thing alot of trans can't surgically change, beautiful just really pretty, reminds me of Donna Summer, beautiful skin!💖
Recently I've gotten in to the habit of referring to everyone as "they" without really even meaning to, just naturally, and at first it was strange. People think it's really weird, and get offended that I don't call them the correct pronoun. I take the same view with others as I do with myself, in the nicest way, I just don't care. I don't know my sexuality, or really even my gender identity, I try to label them, but I'm just me. I identify so much with you two, just being you, just being "whatever".
I had a conversation with my mom the other day, and she said: "for me, it just doesn't seem right for a man to dress up and say that he is now a woman. So much of being a woman is our history, the oppression we've dealt with. No matter what, I can't see these people as 'women.'" I couldn't disagree more with my mom -- stef is just as much a woman as I am. It's like my mom feels threatened by trans women. I haven't necessarily dealt with the same oppression my mom talks about, and that doesn't make me any less of a woman.
eshire- Stephen is not a women not at all! I hope "he" never needs life saving medical attention because that very lie could cause him his life or anyone alike! You still want to tell that lie when their life is on the line? Riiiiiiight!!!!
Dr. Alan Rothschild bitch you know you’re not a doctor 😂 you sure tried it though
Lol if she'd know how trans women are treated. Even worse than cis. No offense
I just want to thank you, Stef. I was having a very dysphoric day at work, and I almost broke down on the bus on my way home. But just before the tears started rolling I got a notice that you had released a new video and I began watching it. about halfway through I realised that I wasn't going to cry anymore and I felt much better than I had all day. Your voice always calms me down and I wanted you to know how grateful I am that you are among the many voices of trans women on RUclips.
El'Li Zaethe sending you hugs sweetie
Thank you! Hugs are most welcome these days.
i wish we could all move past assuming or needing to know a stranger's gender. like. hey look at that cool person. cool. dont know who they are or what they're doing but they look cool. y'know???? just. chill.
Sepia Smith my new school is so afraid of people misgendering me. and I was also like: what if they just wanna chat and get to know me? like does it even matter?
oh really? does that mean your school administration knows you're trans and tries to help out? that's pretty awesome. but yeah i can see how everybody being way too tense about it can be extremely difficult.
Yep they know it and are surprisingly supportive :) so I think the chances are high I won't have any problems there
I can relate so much to the "whatever" gender identity xD
Also I think strangers are more interested in ones sex not gender because of primitive instincts to identify strangers...
Edit: I do NOT mean reducing someone to their genitals. I'm just saying there is natural primitive curiosity (like having a "first impression" of someone). That does not mean one has to act on it!!! I think we are evolved enough to not act on all our urges and use our intellect to see that some things might be natural and "normal" but are not the right thing to do .
Exactly. I think that is especially common among cis straight or gay people, because they tend to be the ones attracted to a particular sex. Like they reduce everyone down to their genitals.
+Rose I think that's common with all cis people, not just gay or straight people. I've even met pan people guilty of it - and that's generally attraction regardless of gender. It's what we've been taught to do so most people do it without thinking - it's the conclusions people come to when they spend time thinking about it that's more indicative of the person I think!
People also do it to people they're not attracted to. (Cis straight men are arguably the biggest threat to trans women, and most of the transphobic ones won't see them as women - it's their reduction of trans women to their genitalia (or the genitalia that they assume they have) that makes them such a threat. That'd not an indication of attraction though.)
Idk, it just rubs me the wrong way when people assume bi and other multi-gender attracted cis people cannot be guilty of this (and I'm bi myself) - same with asexual people too. It's a commonality among cis people because they don't HAVE to care, though LGBT+ people tend to be more likely to want to educate themselves.
+Rose is this the "your gender preferences are discriminatory" line of thinking
momojackandluke well listening to primitive instincts are important when it comes to things like biological reproduction. It is the force underpinning most people's sexuality even if they choose not to have kids. I'm interested in cis-women, whether they are a tomboy or a stereotypically feminine woman. Biology and genitals do matter, sorry.
Even some trans people openly admit they won't date other trans people. Secretly, I think most trans prefer and seek out cis to date because they crave validation from the cis community to confirm their gender. I think being with a cis person helps them to feel cis themselves, which is what they want
Ruru
Hell yeah! That's the fight I'm fighting!
My child (not really a kid, 21 years old) is non binary...I feel like it's a really hard thing to be non binary. Most people don't know what that is, and when I try to explain, they just get confused! We love and accept them 110%! But so many of our family and friends just don't get it. It's so frustrating. And OMG... We were just talking about the pockets. They (my kids goes by they/them) never got why women's pants don't have good pockets, I had to explain how the fashion industry makes it that way because women are supposed to carry purses! So now they wear men's jeans and that makes them so happy to have a simple thing like functional pockets!
I get so happy when I read things like this. KEEP SUPPORTING TRANS YOUTH YAS!
FINALLY FINALLY FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Melanie Baez Yassss Garnet
Two of my favs. I adore you both and I'm so happy you both met and made this video. I learned a lot and had a great time watching this! Keep on being adorable y'all!
I can relate to Miles so hardcore, but as a female who likes to present masculinely!
I'm a transboy. I really am. I'm not out properly but some friends know. My vagina doesn't mean anything, I like it, it suits me. I like feminine stuff, if anything I would call myself a feminine boy. I NEED mastectomy. But I'm so afraid to go to a transclinic, what do they think? How do they tell if I am trans and in need of financial help for the treatments? This is scary! So scary!! But I want to live my life like I want to and I can't and won't wear a binder for years and years :(((
pinkunicornheaven you cannot be trans boy and feminine you're supposed to be masculine if you're trans boy
Lana Del Raider well i'm glad you don't effect my life or the way i am
Lana Del Raider are you serious lol
Lana Del Raider, there are fem trans men. Just look at Chase Ross.
ruclips.net/user/uppercaseCHASE1
I gravitated towards the toys that were meant for boys... but... I always got them as gifts... later my mom realised I am nowhere NEAR being a girly girl... so now a lot of non straight girls gravitate towards me because I sometimes act very manly but can be very sweet, I guess? ... it's weird... and I'm mostly straight... but I've had girls here and there... say what you'd like but I don't label myself. Whom ever I fall in love with, male or female, I'm gonna love them no matter what.
Big YAASS for this video!!!!
Roly hey
I haven't watched this yet but i am about too! i'm actually really glad you made this though (just based on title) because i am actually confused about this and would like to be informed!
Tbh I'm still confused
Alex G just ask questions and learn more? :)
Alex G TBH anyone who isn't confused about gender just hasn't really thought about it yet
nonbianary, agender, non-gender-identifying friends that possibely use they them pronouns, join meeeeee
TheWildJake my comrade
TheWildJake 😀😀
Your identities will fade as you grow up. Being gender non-conforming is NOT a gender in and of itself. I can already tell you are a white female, who dyes her hair, is under 21 and thinks they can be "trans" without dysphoria. Give it a rest and get off of Tumblr.
^lmaoooo shut the fuck up! go get educated on what gender actually is. it's obvious you have no idea what it really is. give it a rest and get off of the internet. go do something productive with your life ;-)
CEREYZA Shutting down tumblerinas like you is my past time. You probably follow that nutcase Milo/Quinby huh? Lol Define what gender is that *isnt* a stereotype. I'll wait snowflake.
I love see people live their truth. So I'm definitely subscribing!
I love seeing this video! So many gender non conforming people who get dismissed. Thank you. My wife is non conforming, her term for herself is IDGAF (I don't give a f***) lol
Im here for these long wine sips!
Thanks as always for the informative videos! My two thoughts: while I agree with the need to not force people into neat little categories, the confusion for me is when I don't know how to address someone. I don't know if
this is just where I live (Southern BC), but not everyone is as cool as Miles when it comes to getting someone's gender wrong! I don't like putting my foot in my mouth, so I want to know if there is a way to learn whether to address someone as male or female without making the situation uncomfortable!
My second thought is that, while I am SO EXCITED to live in a time where our society is becoming more and more accepting toward all our differences, it's gonna take a minute. Mankind has been well recorded as not quick to change. Keep spreading the information and the love. We'll get there.
THERE IS NO BOX!! That was us! Love you Miles! Love you too Stef!! Been checking in since the Waardenburg syndrome video!
Stef sanjati, I love you and your channel it's very positive ❤️
I have a final due tonight but here I am watching Stef instead ❤
Dude Everyone bitch you better put Stef on pause and go study
ME TOO
Hope you manage to finish your thing though !!
Dude Everyone omg samee,I have a practical internal medicine exam 😂😭
Stef letting Miles sip his wine like a car motor in such a non-judgement filled way is a MOOD
Miles! Has good manners, and that's what matters. Miles! Has good manners, and that's what matters.
Wow. That "you're gonna be just fine kid" was really helpful. I've been having a ton of dysphoria stuff lately so that was great!
so excited to find new brilliant people to follow if you're doing loads of collabs stef - I found chase ross through your collab with him and now he's one of my fave channels
"Gender whatever" is the best thing I've heard so far about all of this. I wish is was so easy, that we sould not have to label ourselves.
People who don't fit in the gender binary (non binary / genderqueer people) fall in the trans umbrella though, some people who are gender non-conforming use this word to mean a non binary gender (so they fall under the trans umbrella) and others use it just about gender expression and not gender itself (so they are cis). The title would have been more accurate like that : "trans woman vs gender non conforming" I think.
What you said at around 10:45 is SO important to me. I've been questioning myself a lot lately but I'm not sure if I'm trans* so you saying you can have gender feelings and be unhappy with how your expressing yourself, but not being trans* is so critical to me. Thanks
I love you bread mom❤❤❤
Watching videos by trans and other LGBTQ RUclipsrs has helped me considerably with sorting out the feelings I have about (my) gender. I've always felt a little disconnected with the gender I was assigned at birth, but I never knew that was a thing with a specific name. So I learned that I would best be described as demigender / demigirl - I partially identify with the female gender, but another part of me feels entirely genderless. This does not cause my dysphoria or anything, but it's helped me realize that I am more comfortable being seen as not super feminine, maybe even androgynous. I would love to go by they/them pronouns if they existed in my language and I think about adopting a more gender neutral name (at least among my friends and family members). Just thinking about it feels right and adds something to my self-perception that I never knew existed before. So that's cool. Yay for gaining new knowledge about yourself that enables you to feel more comfortable in your skin.
omg miles was the 'there is no box' person i knew i recognised them
There's something about the sporadic zooming in on faces that kills me!! Love you both, you're so good at talking about more serious subjects and being lighthearted as well as informative!
Who cares how someone else decides to express themselves? Be you. No one should care how others choose to live their lives if it doesn't harm them or affect them in any way
I'm non-binary, and people assume that I'm a girl, and it doesn't help that i sometimes adhere to things considered feminine. I also don't correct my family and friends any more when they call me a girl bc I just... stopped caring tbh. It's REALLY REALLY exhausting, and I'm not particularly dysphoric about people using the wrong pronouns and calling me a girl and whatnot. It does make my heart soar when people use they/them and use gender neutral things, though. To sum it up, I don't particularly care what gender people think I am. *This does not apply to all non-binary/gender non-conforming people!!!!*
So, the point I'm trying to make, is everyone's experience is different! A lot of people think I just use my identity as a means to "get a attention" since I don't care what people see my gender as, and idk what that's about, bc people shit on gender non-conforming, genderqueer, etc. people. Like, yes, I love being insulted for being myself! But anyway. Just wanted to share that, thanks for reading lol.
So, I think the reason strangers feel the need to "know" peoples genders is because of how offended people get nowadays. People are just scared of stepping on eachother toes so they want to make sure they are using the right pronoun. But its a very confusing world. A non-binary person might get super offended when being referred to as a specific gender, but at the same time, for example, I as a cis-gendered female who considers herself to be quite feminine, would actually get offended if someone suddenly assumed I was male. So I actually WANT people to know my gender, as I suppose the majority of people also want. So I guess my point is, the reason "strangers" feel the need to know a persons gender, or pronoun, or what they catagorize themselves as is because they are scared to offend people. At least I know thats how I feel. If anyone disagrees, please tell me and explain your thoughts! I find this very interesting
MyGreenCrystals there is a VERY simple solution to that. y'all need to just use "them" if you are not sure. y'all cisgender people don't NEED to know what other ppl's genders are. you just need to know their pronouns. respectfully ask if you are well acquainted and if not use "them." not that hard.
I totally understand! I've been is several situations where I've accidentally offended someone by using the wrong pronouns. It's like people just expect you to know, they get offended if you use the wrong pronouns but also get offended if you ask what pronouns they would prefer (in my experience most people are offended by using 'them' as default if you're unsure). It's like you're wrong for not knowing, you're wrong for asking, you're wrong for using a gender neutral term.
I WISH people just asked me as a trans man what my pronouns were or what I identify as. I don't care if somebody knows I'm trans as long as they're not going to be violent or nasty to me. Unfortunately instead of questions about my gender identity people seem to segway into questions about my genitals instead. I do not want to answer questions about what genitals I have or what genitals I want.
Ye, I think some people misinterpret asking what your preferred pronouns are for asking what genitals you have.
It's totally understandable that people would be a bit uncomfortable with questions about gender/sexuality because you never know if someone might be unkind to you based on that info.
I don't care what genitals you do or don't have, I just want to know what you prefer being referred to as so I don't say the wrong thing and hurt you.
People these days are just a bit nosy when it comes to other people lives because it's not something they have personally experienced so they might ask some personal questions about your gender/sexuality if it's new to them.
Nah, most strangers don't understand the importance of using the correct pronouns for somebody. Most people have never even heard of there being nonbinary and nonconforming genders or they/them pronouns. The reason strangers feel they need to know the gender of other people is because the majority of their lives, every where they go, they only ever see feminine girls and masculine boys. So the moment they see someone they cannot identify the gender of (while they think they can correctly identify the gender of nearly everyone they see), they become curious, and often times frustrated. That frustration leads to aggression and is one of the main causes of trans and genderqueer oppression.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!! I am a straight GUY that loves feminine style. I LOVE skirts, long hair, heels ect, and was drawn to the goth subculture. I find gender on things, and such when it comes to who can do them to be absurdly limiting for no good reason. I realized my styles is "feminine/androgynous". I am NOT mentally ill as too many seem to think. It does not affect my ability to do my jobs, I like cars, airplanes, and so on, but I also LOVE fashion, especially the "gothic" styles. My mother did not like any of my style preferences, and I am sure thought I was gay. I do think too many automatically think people that do as myself and Miles and others do is that we are automatically trans. There is waaaaay too much association with clothing and biological sex. IT is beyond annoying.
YOU WERE ON BESTIES FOR CASH YAY
Recently figured out I'm trans and Stef has been a huge part of helping me accept myself. Thank you both for showing us all how to be ourselves.
Yes this makes me so happy!! Miles and Stef!! "Hey girl, you know that bitch named Deeeeltrease?"
Im one of the people who thinks both. You can be whatever, and figure out what makes you most comfortable, but also, find a term, whether umbrella or specific that you can identify you.
(Also a good reason for people to want to know peoples terms is because it describes a persons experiences, something that helps describe that person)
the lumberjack part made me lol
This is beautiful.
Raw and uncut.
AND YES WITH THE LOUD FERMENTED GRAPE JUICE DRINKING NOISES!
I love the utter heck out of you two!!!
idk what Miles did with their makeup but oooommmggg Miles looks fucking goooood 😍 Also, Ive been waiting for this collab since i subscribed to Stef's channel!!! So happy!! 💙💙💙
I wish they had answered why they each decided they were NOT like the other. I.e., what made Miles decide they weren't trans and what made Stef decide she wasn't gender nonconforming.
wait stefffff are you gonna be at dragcon this weekend?
she's in not in la anymore
while its so incredibly easy...
i notice that as i dont think about it, when i just live my own genuine life without any insecurity, people feel and acknowledge that energy, and i DO change things...
My little girl likes Batman she is Batman she is 4 ...and I made her a cape.. Gender is just another term a label. 😘😘
Very true. BTW.... I'm Batgirl!
WebVMan yes u are!!
"Fucking Shit!" is what I said when you startled me with your intro.
Notification squad WASSSUP YALL ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Miles doesn't even need to explain anything....like Miles is just this adorable being fluttering around the world. Eyebrows are fleeked outttt
Any Gay Knows Those Two Weeks Where You Thought You Were Bi haha 😂
I love that "I WIPED YOUR ASS" is the go to parent phrase whenever you try to be grown
Ahahaha I'm gender non binary and thinking about gender it's hilarious to hear someone say "fitting into the genderqueer box" cause like were totally against that whole sort of concept but however you explain it to yourself that's fine ;)
~~There is no box~~ I believe is Miles' own saying XD
Yeah stop being a gatekeeper, if I fit into the genderqueer box I do, transtrending doesn’t exist stfu
I feel like along with categories we grow up learning how to interact with and treat people based specifically on those categories, so when we come across someone who doesn't quite fit, we suddenly feel like we don't know how to interact with them and we get uncomfortable and all that. breaking down those categories is easier said than done tho
Wait so what are Miles' pronouns?
Scott Smook they/them and she/her 😊
Scott Smook On Braless, Miles said she/her or he/him, both are okay.
Scott Smook I haven't watched this vid yet so unless something has changed he has always identified as male but as far as I know he doesnt really care
Dr. Alan Rothschild wtf is wrong with you?
Aaaahhhh all the makeup skills present in this video are killing me!!! I love you both thank you so much for clearing so much up and helping us to understand! I know it can't be easy but keep up the great work, education is key
You both should write books
I learned so much thanks. Like I've been getting confused as to what being transgender means, separating sexuality and gender is not something I've heard someone say before. Never really thought about it
except that doctor didn't make that assumption, they don't assign you anything, they see your genitals and tell your parents how it is, is the baby biologically male or female. they don't say how to raise them or anything else, that's up to the parents. if someone later turns out to not fit the sex that they are biologically, it's not the doctors fault. they didn't assume anything about you, all they did was state a fact.
ok but how do you explain intersexed individuals? doctors pick their sex at birth and sometimes it's wrong.
Stef was making a broad statement about how we are socalized. Yes the doctor didn't assume she would grow up and be a lumberjack, but somewhere in the back of their mind they subconsciously assumed that Stef would grow up and be a man. That's how all of us are socialized to think. It's not the doctor's "fault" she's trans, she was just saying that she was assigned male at birth and that happened to differ from what she identifies as
they don't pick the sex of intersexed babies, the parents do.
yes 100%
luciano tapia I also want to add that Gender and Sex are two different things. Sex is the anatomy and Gender is a spectrum.
This is the kind of positivity that I need in my life. I'm glad you both are alive at the same time as me, and I got to meet you two through this awesome plataform. Thank you very much for everything, really. I feel so much better after this amount of nice vibes. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
queens
Thank you. I just found this video and it covered an important topic for me. I've see so many people afraid from both ends (ngc and trans) afraid that one cancels out the other, or that one side invalidates the other. Both sides have this fear.
I'm glad to see a discussion that validates both sides and shows that both can co-exist. It's really really important. Invalidating GNC people is an argument that can often be used by people who are transphobic to try and get people who are ngc and suffer a lot of bs from society to side up with them. It can be effective without proper information available. So this is very important to discuss.
I love you bread mom to she is so awesome
The reason people try to place a persons gender and ethnicity as well, is conditioning specifically for social hierarchy. A cis gender, heterosexual, caucasian male is at the top of the social hierarchy. By figuring out these 2 factors an individual is trying to figure out their own social "worth" in relation to you, and therefor how to interact with you. Unfortunately when a human cannot figure this out, the reaction tends to be unpleasant at best. The worst is if they have a cognitive dissonance reaction which is still fairly common.
Y'all are gorgeoussss!!
XOXO
To add about the bit where people can watch youtubers to figure themselves out, also don't feel pressured to be like the people you watch. If you only watch trans people who are super duper fem, love skirts and makeup but you're more of a tomboy then don't pressure yourself into a role that you might not be comfy with.
Use that as a sort of example of someone else's experiences, rather than a mold that you have to fit into, I kinda fell into that whole "Ok if I'm trans I gotta be XYZ" thing, now I just do whatever's comfy with me :D
I totally understand what you guys are saying and where you're coming from. I just don't understand why we have to class everyone in specific categories. Why do we have to place labels on peoples gender / sexual preferences? (gay, straight, trans, Asexual, genderqueer etc..) Can't we all just consider each other as HUMAN BEINGS??? why do we have to point out gender? As far as i'm concerned, we are all just human beings with our own personal preferences....
martianmartinis sometimes people find comfort in labels. because it gives them a sense of belonging and just helps them put things in perspective. and some don't care. :)
Comfort, community, concise!
1) Other people are like me/there's a name for that??!?!
2) I'm having trouble: who are the people who will accept and support me (easy to find with labels)
3) I want to convey certain feelings without going on a ten minute rant, if there's an accurate label I might as well use it.
It's also worth nothing that in some cases, people really don't see LGBT+ people as human beings - and they don't have to be using a label, it's the behaviour. That's why being out, proud and loud is so important - and why labels can be useful not only on a personal level but for education, awareness and activism! I hope this helped
You two are awesome! 😊 I usually get too bored to sit through a video this long lol but this was packed full of humor and useful information. I'm going to have my older kids watch this. I think it will help younger people who are struggling and those who aren't, to understand those who are. Great video!
I believe everybody has the right to identify themselves however they like, and I am not one to rain on anyone's parade. However, in my honest assessment, I don't believe that anyone can truly define what it means to be a man or a woman. I don't think gender is actually ~objectively~ real. I believe people do or do not identify with the gender *roles* expected of them since birth. It all comes down to the personality of an individual. I agree that gender dysphoria is absolutely real, but I don't think it's because the person is really a "woman" or "man" on the inside: I believe that transgender individuals cannot see themselves living their happiest, truest lives in the body they were born in because of the intense societal pressures placed on their biological sex. Social pressures and rules they are not willing and/or not able to sustain. For this reason, I think trans people have personality types that mesh better with the *societal expectations* of the opposite sex. Transitioning just alleviates the dissociation one feels when their biological *sex* is a betrayal of their inner personality type. In conclusion, I have yet to be given any concrete evidence as to the veracity of the claim that "gender" is innate.
Missy Teree That is, for me, absolutely untrue. I did not want these feelings of being a boy, never, I hated it... I feared and hated all men due to childhood abuse. I never got to know any men, or what they or their lives were like. When I transition, I will absolutely despise people stereotyping me when I appear to them as a straight white male, thinking I'm privileged and not a part of the LGBT community. Yet, to try and heal from years and years of mental health problems, I will transition. When I look in the mirror and don't allow my brain to view me as male, I break down, I see a stranger. My whole life, my brain tried to tell me something was off, even though I lived completely by female gender roles without trouble (I kept those stereotypical female things in my job and relationship, because they are just who I am and have nothing to do with gender. I am very feminine!). I was used to being female for 18 years and didn't once question it, didn't ever think that maybe it played a part in my mental health going downward. But now that I see myself, now that I have this identity, I am getting better at last... And if I imagine a society without gender roles and privilege, I would have transitioned even earlier, I am 100% sure of that. So maybe that's the other side of the story! I hope it helps you to think about gender in a different way, although I would never claim to understand it. I just experience it, as something very pure and personal. (Pardon my English, it's not my native language!)
Kira Kitsune Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I just have a few follow up questions. Firstly, are you familiar with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)? It is a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. This can range from something small like thinking ones own nose is horrible to loathing ones whole body. I am not trying to conflate BDD with gender dysphoria (previously gender identity disorder), I am just pointing out that both disorders create intense self loathing, stress, anxiety and depression towards one's own body. People with BDD are equally as likely to get extensive surgery and medical intervention to change their appearance as people with transgender conditions. What I am ultimately asking is, why don't we take the word of those who suffer from BDD, but we do with transgender individuals? Those with BDD are just as *sure* as Trans-folk (who transition) that there bodies (or parts) are unacceptable, gross and incorrect.
Note: I am not saying that medical transitioning is the wrong treatment (it has in fact proven beneficial). I only question the validity of treating transgender issues differently to BDD.
Missy Teree shut up terf
Have you read any scientific studies on transgenderism? I think you'd find evidence in there.
Trust me when I say there's a very real feeling behind gender that you are acutely aware of when you're trans. It's true that gender labels and roles are made up, but the EFFECT of them is very, very real. Being referred to as my sex/assigned gender feels like a physical punch in the gut. It's got nothing to do with "betrayal" (ew) of my inner self - SOCIAL transition is actually more accurate to who I am.
Listen, I feel like your hearts in kind of the right place, but you have a very wrong view of what being trans is. I assume you yourself are cis since you referred to trans people as "they" rather than "we". I think you'd benefit from listening to trans people on this matter.
doc mairet You can't silence an opinion by shouting "terf" at it, you brainless troglodyte.
to everyone: just remember to be happy with yourselves guys, you dont need negativity to weigh you down cuz that noise can just be put into an outlet like art or music
People really need to get the fuck over being assigned a sex and gender at birth. We live in a world of mostly straight people and cis people so it's only natural for any doctor and parent to assume their childs sex and gender. What are parents supposed to do? Use non gender, non labels for their kids until they those children tell them what they are? I can totally get behind parents listening to their kids and allowing them to be themselves when they reach an age where they can say for themselves what they are.
As a gay man, I was raised to be straight, I am not angry at my parents for assuming my sexuality, it's only natural. They accepted me for me when I came out and that's all I ever wanted. I do hope as time goes on, parents and children can have better dialog about gender, sex and sexuality. But Marry, please, what are parents supposed do these days, raise their children in a non binary, non gendered, non sexuality assigning, non masc or fems names until that child decides for themselves?
The answer to your questions is: Yes.
Manami Keel Lmao over 90% of the world's population are cis.
We are expected to believe that using the incorrect pronouns are an act of violence. That means that using non-gender pronouns for all children will be wrong 90% of the time. Meaning that you have a 90% chance committing an act of violence against your child by using the wrong pronouns. That seems like a terrible idea.
If the kid has male genitalia and chromosomes, until he exhibits behaviors to the contrary he is a male and should be treated as such. Because gender is fluid and on a spectrum, right? So as an infant and until told otherwise that kid very well could identify as a male. The odds are highly in the favor of him being male after all.
You people keep going around in circles here. It's kind of funny honestly
Stef youre so articulate and eloquent I really appreciate your speech skills! Its's refreshing how nice you express yourself
I want a collab with Gigi Gorgeous. 💋
exactly !
i'm so tired of people saying ''well we cant change the whole world''
like, who ever said thats what its about ?
i dont think about the ''whole world'', i just think about me...
like when i get up and i havent shaved yet, i just go and buy make up... i genuinly dont think about being a man or woman at all anymore...
i just live my own life as who and what i am and as how i see the world... not because of ''the whole world''
I'm a lesbian so I'm obviously supportive of the LGBT community, but I just can't deal with all these new sexualities and genders. It makes it way too complex for anyone to understand, if people aren't ready to accept gay people then how can anyone expect them to be okay with 70 more sexualities or genders? If I were to pick and choose between all the new terms and labels my list would be pretty long aswell, but for my own and everyone elses sake I call myself a lesbian, otherwise I'd go crazy while trying to find words for every sexual, romantic, non-sexual and non-romantic feeling I have or don't have. I can't even imagine how scary it would be for a questioning kid to try to find a label or description for the feelings they're having and find things like "monogomously homosexual bi-romantic gender non-conforming female". I mean it took me until I was 24 to accept myself as a lesbian!
Whether you are part of the LGBT community or not, you're beautiful and valid no matter what. Noone expects you to have an intricate fancy label, so please don't feel like you have to have one to be accepted. Don't lose yourself in trying to label your sexuality or gender. Just wear whatever clothes you want and date whoever you want, that's perfectly fine and noone should be judging you for it.
shocker: you can be in the lgbtq community and still be phobic. if someone identifying as "monogomously homosexual bi-romantic gender non-conforming female" makes them comfortable, why the fuck would you let that bother you? they're hurting nobody and making themselves happy.
Eucis93 the frustration is understandable but you're literally blaming lgbt people for homo and transphobia lmao:"your existence and you labeling it is stopping progress". no cishet people are stopping progress, so maybe you should go talk to them because all you're doing is being -phobic. being a lesbian doesn't excuse you from that.
The fact that you see more than 2 genders and sexualities and assume there are 70+ tells me you really don't care to learn about them. There aren't THAT many.
Gender is as follows: Male, female, agender (neither), genderfluid/queer (both/male-feminine/female-masculine)
Sexuality is: Straight (girl+boy), gay/lesbian(boy+boy, girl+girl), Bisexual (attraction to both genders), asexual (no sexual attraction, or conditional attraction, for example needing romantic attraction to be present, or they need preparation for sex because it does not come naturally to them. Asexuality is fluid also, is doesn't mean no sex ever!) and pansexual (personality matters, gender and genitalia do not).
There are people who wish to use clarifying words in addition to these terms to express their sexuality or gender. Such as a person who is asexual but experiences sexual attraction if they have a strong emotional connection to their partner. They could identify as demisexual.
Judy Carter also a reminder that gender and sexuality exist on spectrums, not everyone fits nicely into these labels. I do agree though, just being annoyed at all the labels and not willing to understand or learn them is not a good move.
there are no "new" sexualities or genders. there is just more communication and connecting right now for people across the globe to create words and labels for these sexualities and genders that didn't have names 20 years ago.
it's okay if you don't have a bachelor's degree on gender and sexuality studies or whatever, but even just learning the basics of these "new" labels, and understanding and respecting that some people hold them very seriously to their identity, is important. if someone tells you their identity and it happens to be something you've never heard before, just accept the label and maybe even ask what it is (politely of course) so you learn.
As someone who identifies as panromantic demisexual ace/aro-fluid (romantic attraction to any gender, sexual attraction after emotional connection, both romantic and sexual attractions fluctuate between the previously stated and absolutely no attraction), of which I started figuring out at 17 and am close to fully understanding, my label that I just provided is very important to me. It happened to be what made me realize I was putting my pieces in the wrong puzzle (provided by society). If someone were to tell me "labels are so confusing and aren't important, don't just shove yourself in a box, just love whoever you want and be free" I would be rather upset and possibly uncomfortable with talking about my experiences with them. A statement like that tells me the person is uninterested in me or my story, and that anything I discuss in regards to my identity would be dismissed.
I get it, these labels are confusing and sometimes overwhelming. But Understand that, while they arent important to you, they might be important to someone else.
Also worth noting that it was thanks to the overwhelming amount of labels that I happened to find the term demisexual, and when that day happened it was probably the most eye-opening and euphoric moment. I realized WHY I felt the way I felt about relationships and romance and sex. I found a name for what I experienced and met hundreds of others with similar stories and experiences. I've made friends who are Demi and joined groups online with demis and bonded with friends in my town who identify as demi or ace or pan. I found a boyfriend who understands my attraction is always fluctuating and respects me, which I had troubles with in the past (mainly because I didn't even understand my own fluctuating attraction back then so how could they?).
Finding a word for my attraction literally changed my life and future and gave me a much clearer understanding of my body and my mind rather than just "flowing and feeling". while it's great for people who can do that, don't forget that there are people like me who are strongly tied to their labels.
I'm so happy this exists! When I asked for a video about non binary genders I got shat on so I'm glad there's mostly positive positive comments at the moment ✨💕🌸🌙
It makes me soo so happy when you guys say stuff like 'it doesn't mean your kid is trans! They can like the toys they like it's whatever!!!' basically, because so many people are thinking that trans people are 'forcing' something on people - when no. It's about getting rights and respect for people who DO want to transition, as well as for people who are gender-non-conforming, whether they're trans or cis. Miles Jai was one of the first people I saw on youtube who was gender-non-conforming, and I wondered if he was trans too, but I thought it was really neat he identified as male anyway. Now I realize it's because I really appreciate this fierce femininity in EXPRESSION but personally, my gender is a bit more trans-masc. Which is really hard to explain to people!! But hopefully vids like this will broaden people's horizons a bit. :)
I have been seeing those "My kid is not trans" videos and honestly i was a little surprised by your reaction to them! That does happen, maybe not often, but that was my experience growing up so when I first saw them I was like "Oh cool someone finally said it".
As a kid I was into all kinds of things, my family didn't do the whole this is for girls, this is for boys thing and so I never thought about it though I tended to gravitate towards more traditionally "boys" things I still loved my barbies and whatever. Then when my family situation changed and my new step mom was all about that gendered life I rebelled hard and started feeling so uncomfortable with feminine things, they started to have a negative association for me. I hung out with guys in middle/high school, I wore men's clothing, I had a few girl friends but mostly I was pretty masculine and I was bombarded with people wanting to label me as gay or (because we didn't have the word trans) "wants to be a boy". It was a really confusing time and up until I was like 19 I really thought I might actually be trans because my mental image of myself is not as a girl. But that was probably just because for so long that's how people saw me.
Turns out I like guys and I'm alright with my female body. I even dress a touch more feminine now that I'm handling some of the underlying issues but I still view myself as more gender neutral than anything and once I put on a dress and I guess the word is dysphoria but I felt dizzy and I vomited when I looked in the mirror.
Anyway the point of that rambling was to say that that scenario happened at least once and I can imagine it happens more now that trans is a well known word. Most people are probably well meaning but I can understand parents frustration, it can be confusing enough for kids who are a little different to understand what's up without people throwing assumptions at them.
It just made me realise, something id never thought of before, but to become a 'man' is more acceptable than to become a woman. I knew this obviously, but really thinking about all aspects of humanity, gender, sexuality etc. it really hit me that to be a woman is to be less in a lot of bigots eyes. For decades it has been less dangerous for a woman to dress and act like a man (be they trans, gay, queer etc.) than for someone AMAB to express themselves through becoming more feminine.
Ive always known this, Ive just never fully realised it, as a cis white girl I have never been able to understand why people cant just let other people be, why be bothered that someone wants to transition, you dont have to, you dont have to be friends with them, because i can assure you they dont want to be friends with you. It seems like a waste of passion and breath to speak out against something that does not affect your life but makes someone elses even just bearable. Its frustrating for me that I have family around me who disagree with the choices other people make, people they dont even know, I dont get it, so I cant even fathom what it is like to be in your position.
I love you Stef, I love all good people, Im crossing my fingers for the day, somewhere in the future, where everyone regardless of colour, creed, gender, sexuality can just live in peace, without fear, and get on with their beautiful lives. I will work hard with my future children to teach them tolerance, patience, love, courage, compassion, empathy, that there is nothing wrong with being themselves, and the values of all of these things so they can pass them down to theirs.
I get that urge to know a stranger's gender because I want to understand their experience to expand my understanding. Then, for me, the experience is more important than what they're gonna do with their body. I may be curious about that aspect, but it's not the focus of my interest. It's so much more interesting to hear about someone's journey of self-discovery and get to know how they express and feel and just what they're into. :)
I would have liked to see you both discuss the differences in how dysphoria is or isn't experienced and pronouns that felt/feel comfortable
I really liked this video and I have several favorite bits but the best for me is when you said the thing about Canada and South America being America too. That was music to my ears.
People ask me sometimes, "Are you a boy or a girl?" and I'm like "Not really," and I think me and Miles can vibe with that
This video makes me so happy. In my circle I haven't really seen/heard of many "whatevers", so it brings me some peace to hear more about others like this. Thank you both for sharing ♥
I guess strangers want to know what you identify yourself as because so many terms and situations are new to the general public, I think it just shows that people are more aware of the diversity and get interested in trying to understand. For someone who never went through any sort of "identity crisis" (like I'm a cis woman and never thought it didn't feel right for me), it's hard for us to completely understand all the subtlilities and everything someone can identify as! Gender fluid, gender non-conforming, etc, I've never heard of those terms and reality going back 3-4 years ago! And that's why your videos are so interesting. Because we can learn and understand more, and be more equiped for support when having a friend going through these questions! Knowing who you identify as help us use the good pronouns too! Of course, in a way, it's not our business, but I think people really want to show they're open mind (even if sometimes it sounds completely the opposite, some people go from very far in understanding this reality!) The key is education ^^
As for clothing, I always shop in both sections for my daughter, they never have cool dinosaur shirts in the "girl" section :P
I often see comments on videos or photos of non-binary/non-gender conforming where people are like "im so confused about my sexuality now" is that offensive or how is the viewed? I'm never sure if I should be defensive of my non-conforming siblings or if I should even do anything
When I saw that you two made a video together, all my stress faded away and I just got so happy to see you both and hear you talk!
Omg, Stef! I had to subscribe to Miles' channel bc of this video. I've got love for you, Stef, and now I've got love for Miles, too! Please, don't ever stop being so honest and open :) You're helping to make the world safer and better, y'all.