it a big world, filled with small minds.its ok if they wanted to be more rather holding iligitamate beliefes based on feeling depressed. meth causes that in people. mind control through inoculus "habits" GOD complex?
I was visiting a friend in a mental institution and another woman was talking with me about her meds. I thought I was just being sympathetic towards her but she got so stirred up that she was restrained and taken to another floor of the facility separated from the general area. I didn’t feel good about that.
I have learned the hard way that just because I CAN help everyone in a positive way doesn't mean I SHOULD. Once I stopped INFJing everybody, I had a lot more energy for myself and am much happier.
Exactly. I've been doing INFJing people from childhood. Partly because the adults noticed I was good at it so I got this role of helper of troubled or restless kids all the time. I saw even then how much needed it was and that I had "talent" but I put my own goals on the back burner all the time. It was and is a struggle to draw the right boundaries because INFJing is also me, it belongs to my tools and talents.
When I’m authentic, I’m a more accurate mirror for everyone around me. Most people don’t want that, they want a mirror skewed to show them only what makes them feel good. When I’m an accurate mirror I’m blamed for their feelings.
My sister once told me, "You know you have great power to manage people in the family but I've never seen you use your powers for bad. So it's fine with me." It was only then that I truly looked at it. 😂
As a counselor who is an INFJ, I look for examples in a client's life where they are actually doing the thing they say they can't do or don't know how to do. When I bring that into their conscious awareness, it's a lightbulb moment for them. It's awesome to watch!!! If that's manipulation, I'm guilty!!!
That's not it, that's just being a skilled and knowledgeable therapist or counselor. She's talking about things like: When it cold outside and instead of asking my 9 year old son to take out the trash, I say "Sam, this bag is sooo heavy....... But you're getting strong, do you think you can take it to the trash. Do you think your strong enough .... It really is heavy." He was indeed strong enough to take out trash, every time.
@@stepfaniehawkins205- Back in the 90’s when managing a Youth group for high risk teens, I posted a rule on the front door: The following words are not allowed here- “ Shut up “ - “ Stupid “ or “ Crap “! My kids assumed it meant other bad words were not allowed and they rarely swore around me or staff! Also explained that the word “ FUCK” was actually an acronym coming from the Bible that means F.ornification U.nder C.arnal K.nowledge and one of my youth informal leaders told me,” You take all the fun out of swearing and swearing kinda makes us verbal cripples “! Bless this wise young man at time who was sadly named after a gram of coke if you can imagine! He went on to become an expert in refrigeration and owns his own business! 👵🏽✌🏾🩵 I learned so very much from these young people that made me realize how more they gave me than I could ever offer them!
As a teacher, I'm always giving people new information in a classroom setting. Of course, that is what a teacher does, and it might not fit the idea of "manipulation." But I often find myself offering new information to friends in non-classroom settings as it applies to whatever we're talking about. In as much as I want to produce a positive effect on them, perhaps this could be called "positive manipulation." I've often had people tell me they learn a lot from me, even when I'm not in a teaching situation. I read this definition on the internet, and liked it: "Positive manipulation by a manager is purposeful behavior directed at positively meeting the needs of those involved in the interaction." ( from PUBMED). I agree that we have to be careful not to take on too much responsibility. There's a limit to how much we can do for another person, both positive and negative. I'll often catch myself when going through a lot of explanations and then wonder why I'm doing it! I'll often say to myself, "Lindakins, you're not in the classroom! Give it a rest!". 😄
One of my most potent examples of not getting over being a teacher was when I was at McDonald's and a gal I met some time back was sitting at the next table. I am a bilingual teacher and she didn't speak English. She was asking me about some aspect of the English language and I grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and moved over to her table and started writing and explaining things. That was the first time I realized that maybe sometimes I should relax a bit. But I think what I showed her helped her a lot.
What I took from this, is be yourself, don't dim your light, doing so can bolster others into doing the same, and in doing you you're healthying yourself at the minimum.
Yes. I have learned to suppress the need by saying to myself "i am not Mother Theresa" or "I am not a babysitter ".. it took me a very long time to learn that..
Thank you! Wenzes. I hope these videos aren't ending anytime soon! The INFJ community is special to my heart. I think advocacy for INFJs is important because they are rare, and because of their complex nature, it can be hard to co-exist in society being so uncommon, rejected, and misunderstood. INFJ needs more leaders like you! I will be signing up for the boot camp soon!
I recall someone calling me out on this. I said.. well it's for the greater good! It's a positive thing 😊 but it still is manipulation... maybe that word doesn't have to have such negative connotations (it was on reference to me saying i can bring peoples anxiety down into a calm and trusting place)
Seems to me, we are tempted to BE manipulated. When we say yes, we mirror, want to parallel process the other so they feel understood. It’s a moment in time to say yes or no to it. You are only manipulated or manipulate when you’re driven to help and when you are on auto-pilot yes-yes person. Reactions and feeling obligated are clues YOU are being manipulated. Something is being expected of you. It’s your job to bring subconscious tensions to the surface and clearly choose yes or no. Otherwise, we stay in a manipulated cycle and we need to be free of this manipulative cycle-being the person who keeps it going. INFJs have a hard time saying no, so are prone to responding positively TO manipulation. Or, project that someone needs them to “x” and can’t say no. Rather than respond, step back and negotiate the space, whether a response is required, whether you have enough energy, what both of you need, how to help that’s mutually agreeable, whether you help at all. Have you chosen? If you haven’t processed your and their part, you are in a cycle.
@@shawndouglas9605 no, only if you don’t choose and feel obligated. Your MO is different in manipulation response. I don’t think responding is necessarily being manipulated unless you are operating out of subconscious in a relating cycle that’s completing the 2nd person manipulation part. If person 1 is manipulating and you submit, it completes the unhealthy issue. If the person actually isn’t manipulating and clearly states needs and makes it clear you have a choice to respond yes or no, this is healthy, transparent communication that leads to mutuality. My reflections.
That's why it's so important to be mindful and check in with ourselves often. Gotta prioritize ourselves or we won't be able to give our most productive and efficient foot forward in any situation. Fyi; every interaction or relationship we enter into is all about manipulation. It's how we grow and evolve. Fortunately, we are light workers, so our side of the manipulation comes from genuine love for others. For their growth is in the best interests of us all. ❤
I think I’ve done this by framing things as questions to volley the feeling of empowerment to the other party when I know precisely what the answer/solution is (and simply could have led the other party by confidently stating the answer/solution, but chose to defer to them in the scenario). This also can get me in trouble, unfortunately, because the feeling of empowerment in the other party is cultivated instead of intrinsic.
Most people live in a state of societal hypnosis, so an INFJ with that information can use suggestions to benefit others. I'm a retired therapist, and I spend my days curing simple neurosis in people without them even knowing. And the payoff for me is watching them change for the better.
I had noticed I had this skill and wondered what was going on. Didn't realize it was an INFJ thing. Thanks so much for clarifying this process and offering a healthy perspective.
We must be very careful as we can be the dark empaths or a narcissist’s worst nightmare and we do not want these folks to hurt others if they cannot get to us! As a Clinical Therapist and Social Worker narcissists can be helped through therapy and by not enabling their destructive behaviours! Dark empaths are different kettle of fish and are often deeply wounded INFTJs-Turbulent who need loving support and therapy to reconnect to their true nature-just my opinion of course- interventions include rational /emotive therapy and paradoxical therapy for the dark empath! Cognitive Behavioural Therapy works best in my experience in terms of working with narcissistic personalities! However, I have worked and still work part time in Aboriginal/Criminal Justice and have for over 40+ years so my experience both culturally and practically may be different than other therapeutic approaches! I am in my 70’s and semi- retired! 👵🏽✌🏾🦅🌸🦅🌸🦅
When I find myself pausing the video, and taking notes its me saying yes, what is current in the moment, being validated of what I’m sensing. I smile at what I hear, because of the support of another INFJ not another other. Focus is upon me, you bet and why not! Does make a difference going through the eye of the needle is it tough? Not really of what is being shed to reduce the burden. But what has helped me much to recognize me, is you, this community and the many others who seek upon their journey of self value and self respect through unconditional love as an INFJ. Rhyme reason in everything, always the high road near the light.
I don't wanna be crutch for anyone anymore. I'm promising to choose me..thank you. This video broke me in a great way... thank you Please keep going with this. You are amazing .
Hmm I don’t see it as manipulation. I see it as being empathetic. If I act a certain way that is unconscious, it’s not manipulation, it’s literally seeing the best in people and what’s good for them, this is love. I believe a lot of us carry light due to the introvision and working on ourselves that we end up channeling the high frequency love energy and spreading it to the world. We are gifted with empathy and kindness, it’s very simple.
I'm very grateful for your videos; they helped me understand my INFJ persona. Based on our personality traits, I think one day we might face all kinds of prejudice, like people trying to avoid being around people like us.
Hi Yanny! Thanks for your insight... what do you mean when you say people wanting to avoid us because of our personality traits? Do you mind explaining the reason you think they would do that?
@@Abulina09 Some people find INFJs hard to trust, particularly due to the aspects explained in this video, such as the potential for misunderstandings, our intense passion, and the need for solitude, all of which can create communication barriers. Additionally, INFJs' sensitivity to criticism and aversion to conflict might cause hesitation in some individuals when it comes to engaging with us. I can envision a future where HR departments classify candidates for specific positions based on their personality types, and INFJs could be considered the type that managers would prefer not to deal with because they might not feel comfortable with someone they can't quite figure out. What do you think? Things could get to this point?
@@yannyrocha5289 oh yes, that makes alot of sense, and I definitely agree.. it worries me a bit about people finding out about personality types and judging me too soon because of it
I would definitely NOT call it manipulatuon though, this term is not adapted if you consider what manipulation is that is to say twisting reality only for the manipulator's benefit while having no respect of the other person! So in no way it is manipulation... and yes manipulators do make people do something they do not really want actually.
This vid came just in time. I haven't met a lot of INFJs only a few of them, but I always have the feeling I've been abused by a covert narc or pw/AvPD afterwards. Lured with deep convo then betrayed. This ENFP INFJ compatibility is nonsense. At least for me.
Yeah agree that manipulation has such a pejorative connotation to it - but done for the greater good to get things done at work or get people to do their jobs or help you do your job - it is a very useful skill to have. It is a great skill to have for building relationships at work so for me that's a win-win. Given I am not a psychopath or sociopath, my over-developed conscience prevents me from using it to take advantage of people.
i whole heartedly support the notion of inspiring others and helping people actualise their potential. but as an infp i don’t understand how this is manipulation, it’s a straight forward process of inspiring and helping another. the ego that comes with many of the ideas in this video such as this quality being a “superpower” exclusive to this personality type and that’s just so easy and unintentional for them is toxic imo. especially that it’s the convincers “powers” that produce results but the person themselves that did the work. i’ve been inspired by infjs, entps, esfps, entjs and seen many ppl be supported into growth in their own ways.
Even B4 watching I had to say this power just kills me (good and bad). Sometimes on purpose, for their benefit, etc., but sometimes I wonder what happened? I believe it is always for mutual benefit, but if it just happens...which it often does...so me. Who I am. I recently went to a conference and talked about how I would encourage someone to help during a merger via this power who was very independent and would want to hold on to their power. Wow! What timing for this video! This time it will be my intention, but almost always it is by chance. Maybe just getting older...If it helps them also...He is going to be at least 2nd so likely my help will be useful. I just really prefer being behind the scenes. Puppet master?
I do that with my Mom everyday she doesn't even realize and even with my grandma I care about them but I still do that without any intention of doing it
Manipulation is a matter of perception by those you’re trying to inform. Sticking to Solid FACTS that can be quickly proven keeps the instruction out of harms way. Ignorance vrs stupidity are tricky until enough detail is given by the student. This is when the teacher will be able to either backtrack with more detail or assign homework. My SIGMA INFJ personality allows this to happen naturally with quick decisions in front of crowds and judgement administrators on the fly. It does require prep and quick feedback from those being taught. Keeping the message in step while talking takes practice. Being myself is part of my magic. Either it’s going to work or I’m going to wear it! The SIGMA INFJ traits and characteristics always offer a winning edge. Marty Didier
Weeenz i watched an old video recently where you said people don’t “hate” much on your channel they either get it or not and leave it alone. I think maybe you’re doing stuff now people want to put down. THATS A GOOD SIGN. best best best.
I don't hate, hate is very much the wrong term. I look for academically accredited evidence based content as a mental health prof, typologist & due to the predilections of my cognitive type. I'm all for freedom of speech but when someone is spouting pseudo science & making a mockery of Jungs work, in contrast to the likes of CPT that is solidifying typology into the academic community then that's where I feel the need to be outspoken, plus, taking peoples money for such pseudoscientific projections is not ethically viable in my opinion. If Wenzes admitted that she's not a cognitive INFJ but the ubiquitous behavioural manifestation & I doubt I'd have as a bigger qualm with it but she's damaging typologies credibility. You do raise a pertinent point however that she may perceive such critiques as a triumph so to speak, especially since she fosters a very 'us vs them' mentality, so maybe I am just propping her up. I honestly mean no disrespect to you as a person or Wenzes, I simply just can't abide the misalignment in Jungian theory & people potentially paying money for that which is predicated on behavioural stereotypes as opposed to actual cognition. I'm no troll, I simply have a dissenting opinion predicated upon a vast understanding of Jungian theory & don't want to see people being sold a lie (even if that's not intended) as inadvertently it can harm people. Believe me I could be a lot more disrespectful in my comments; Wenzes is the laughing stock of many a typological discord server and I'm not needlessly nasty or personal in my comments I'm purely coming from an objective critically engaging perspective. A few people have contacted me and asked to be pointed to more credible sources for which I'm happy.
@@Tified967 Interesting if i understand you correctly, i see your biggest concern is wenz "take" on Jungs work (that she never mentions) and labeling her self-help methods directed specifically towards "INFJs". I dont think you have to worry about what Jung thinks. Anything thats being spoken can both help and harm? Freedom of speech you are correct :) When it comes to the money aspect i think the only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. And sure, i can end with why don't you just shove off if it bothers you so much...? Hehe just kidding. My point was, it's fun to see more "hate" in the comments the same time as wenz seem be looking and feeling better than ever. Like i said I thought your opinion was interesting. Personaly i think wenz cool. Peace!
An ex once told me that I manipulate without realizing I was manipulating. On a lighter note...I've had 2 ex's say they'd have preferred that I was physically abusive rather than dropping that end of the world truth bomb at the end. Sadly as much as I want to be done with that. I know I'll tell the next ex that it will happen if I'm betrayed, and she'll still do it. Can't win. 😂😂
Seems to me, we are tempted to BE manipulated. When we say yes, we mirror, want to parallel process the other so they feel understood. It’s a moment in time to say yes or no to it. You are only manipulated or manipulate when you’re driven to help and distance from choosing. Reactions and feeling obligated are clues YOU are being manipulated. Something is being expected of you. It’s your job to bring subconscious tensions to the surface and clearly choose yes or no. Otherwise, we stay in a manipulated cycle and we need to be free of this manipulative cycle-being the person who keeps it going.
I am an INFJ and in my experience many young and not that young people that I found myself ‘mentoring’ or ‘coaching’ in a lay manner were responding when they did not know which direction to take in their lives and not those who know where they want to be in life. I am distancing myself from a person ‘ I think with narcissistic traits’ it is not going smoothly but I was getting sick from him. I feel better but not totally over it. One thing I did not experience is the lack of love or appreciation growing up, to the contrary bI could not have a better childhood. On the other hand my parents were refugees who build themselves up. Never poor, neither rich but always a stranger in the different countries I lived in starting with my birth country. I wonder whether my interest in mentoring young people is related in a way or another to that. However I want to believe that this UNFJ trait is not necessarily because of personal problems but rather stems from our nature, for some we may have it more than others.
@@prettyblaqgirl Hmmm. You could be right. _"Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others. People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. The person doing the manipulating, called the manipulator, seeks to create an imbalance of power. They take advantage of you to get power, control, benefits and/or privileges"_ Personally, yes, this is a NO for me. Personally, yes, I do have a problem with the use of manipulative tactics in relationships. Manipulation involves both deception & deviousness. . However, i do understand that there are many, unfortunately, who think this is OK & guess you're one of them! 🧡
I tend to think I may be INFJ, but I'm an artist, a performer, so I think I'm an ENFJ when I'm performing. And the Meyer system says artists are ESFJ, so the whole system is flawed and wacky IMO. I also took the test but it's confusing and IMO pretty dumb. But that's just my egotistical iconoclasm. I'm inwardly rebelling against the authoritarianism of matrix bullshit masquerading as intellectualism and true knowledge. I don't fit into any of the 16 personality types, I'm a combination which morphs into what I want and need to be to fit the circumstances. Why do people feel the need to stuff themselves into limiting categories? We are spirit and we can be what we want to be. I'm a super empath, and that's about as much categorizing as I'll tolerate, lol. Am I an INFJ, who knows, and ultimately, does it matter?
Say 'actually' one more time, I dare you. ;) lol ... I lost count but I think the word was said like 20 times or so. It was 'acutally' very distracting for me ...
I love that this started an inner dialogue of, can empathy be used as a tool to serve a goal 🤔 How about we stop saying "superpower"? We are HUMAN after all. Could merely state that this is a tendency, phenomenon that is unique marker of an infj experience. Here again, speech that's OBSESSED with POWER. Whyyyy? I can't focus onu your message 🤣 I have a Female Hitler meme in my head, and us going to power boot camp. Am not hating, just observing and communicating what I observe... Also some humour. Andddd you make some good points, useful stuff. I do love a lot of your content, just not sure why the need to inflate traits, tendencies, mechanisms. I'd prefer a balanced/ objective way of talking about things. Feeding the ego, not cool. It is the Internet, everybody is opinionated, as I'm doing lol. Has the ability to listen to the message behind the words 🤐 Could just be grateful for how well you articulate a lot of infj Ness. Am irked by the whole POWER /EGO /CRUSHING /DESTROYING. Not avoidant of my dark side but perplexed as to why don't address turning darkside into guardian angel. If we can see, anticipate things, we can see and anticipate ourselves too and choose to build, create, repair, enlighten in a way that doesn't hit people's defences right?
Your video pardon the language was bullshit! That's not how infj's work that's how narcissists work, I infj's don't look for weak people, see you can't bring that nonsense over here, I call it out everytime, In order to manipulate you have to make people believe, and sorry I just believe you tried to feed your own ego, while trying to keep others down that's narcissistic, not manipulating, it's a difference, now I just manipulated your narrative, and called it out, that's how you do it. No big deal.
I see your point re I think there's a very 'us good' vs 'them bad' dichotomous splitting/cognitive dissonance going on here. Cognitive INFJs are quite simply in Jungian terms, NiTi convergence (CPT accredited source) meaning they are abstract cerebral conceptualises and this says nothing about their capacity to manipulate others. Indeed anyone can be a narcissist. I really don't know why I bother to try & educate people on here when it's honestly meant with good intentions save for the few that have actually asked me for legitimate reading material/content pertaining to typology.
They irony it that everyone here isn't a cognitive INFJ in a Jungian sense; I don't see Ni-Ti convergence anywhere. This is pseudoscience. I agree with your sentiments entirely with all due respect 😊
Sorry if i laugh so hard to this video, oh boy how many times have i been stuck with others who tried to just take the advantage to manipulate me. I just feel sorry for the ones who fall for it. Be careful with this, if you overdo this you might be suck in a corner where you have nowhere to go. Hence what the dictatures tried to do.
I love to untie knots... BUT not every one likes that.. Actually, nobody likes it.. Look, i wear a medical watch just to see how my health is... My health is ofcourse great because i,m only just 70... So if i offer my watch to un-healthy people they ofcourse refuse... Ofcourse, otherwise they would have been healthy...
I have the ability to quietly listen, observe, and read them. I then play chess with their minds because I am already 2 moves ahead. I only manipulate them should they disrespect me, cheat on me, try to take advantage of me, etc. Once I have them set up on the chess board, I move and respond in a calm, cool manner, breaking them into a thousand pieces. But because of self pride, I make the effort to hand a broom and dustpan to the janitor so he or she can sweep up all of the broken pieces. Women get it 10 times harder.
Have you felt like you have manipulated someone without it even being your intention?
Hehe, :)
Yes, I feel like some people need it for self.
it a big world, filled with small minds.its ok if they wanted to be more rather holding iligitamate beliefes based on feeling depressed. meth causes that in people. mind control through inoculus "habits"
GOD complex?
I was visiting a friend in a mental institution and another woman was talking with me about her meds. I thought I was just being sympathetic towards her but she got so stirred up that she was restrained and taken to another floor of the facility separated from the general area.
I didn’t feel good about that.
No, not unless it was my intention…………….
I have learned the hard way that just because I CAN help everyone in a positive way doesn't mean I SHOULD. Once I stopped INFJing everybody, I had a lot more energy for myself and am much happier.
I just infj myself
Exactly. I've been doing INFJing people from childhood. Partly because the adults noticed I was good at it so I got this role of helper of troubled or restless kids all the time. I saw even then how much needed it was and that I had "talent" but I put my own goals on the back burner all the time. It was and is a struggle to draw the right boundaries because INFJing is also me, it belongs to my tools and talents.
When I’m authentic, I’m a more accurate mirror for everyone around me. Most people don’t want that, they want a mirror skewed to show them only what makes them feel good. When I’m an accurate mirror I’m blamed for their feelings.
My sister once told me, "You know you have great power to manage people in the family but I've never seen you use your powers for bad. So it's fine with me." It was only then that I truly looked at it. 😂
I don't think we manipulate. I think we use positive guidance 💖
"We're INFJs we can do hard things" Noted.
Leadership by example. You don't even have to speak a word. Action speaks loudly.
"With great power comes great responsibility." I always say that.
With Great Power Come Great Responsibility BUT BALANCE IS KEY
As a counselor who is an INFJ, I look for examples in a client's life where they are actually doing the thing they say they can't do or don't know how to do. When I bring that into their conscious awareness, it's a lightbulb moment for them. It's awesome to watch!!! If that's manipulation, I'm guilty!!!
That's not it, that's just being a skilled and knowledgeable therapist or counselor.
She's talking about things like:
When it cold outside and instead of asking my 9 year old son to take out the trash, I say "Sam, this bag is sooo heavy....... But you're getting strong, do you think you can take it to the trash. Do you think your strong enough .... It really is heavy." He was indeed strong enough to take out trash, every time.
That's the reason for counseling! 😊.
Excellent methodology here 🦅🌟🦅💚
@@stepfaniehawkins205- Back in the 90’s when managing a Youth group for high risk teens, I posted a rule on the front door: The following words are not allowed here- “ Shut up “ - “ Stupid “ or “ Crap “! My kids assumed it meant other bad words were not allowed and they rarely swore around me or staff! Also explained that the word “ FUCK” was actually an acronym coming from the Bible that means F.ornification U.nder C.arnal K.nowledge and one of my youth informal leaders told me,” You take all the fun out of swearing and swearing kinda makes us verbal cripples “! Bless this wise young man at time who was sadly named after a gram of coke if you can imagine! He went on to become an expert in refrigeration and owns his own business! 👵🏽✌🏾🩵
I learned so very much from these young people that made me realize how more they gave me than I could ever offer them!
As a teacher, I'm always giving people new information in a classroom setting. Of course, that is what a teacher does, and it might not fit the idea of "manipulation." But I often find myself offering new information to friends in non-classroom settings as it applies to whatever we're talking about. In as much as I want to produce a positive effect on them, perhaps this could be called "positive manipulation." I've often had people tell me they learn a lot from me, even when I'm not in a teaching situation.
I read this definition on the internet, and liked it: "Positive manipulation by a manager is purposeful behavior directed at positively meeting the needs of those involved in the interaction." ( from PUBMED).
I agree that we have to be careful not to take on too much responsibility. There's a limit to how much we can do for another person, both positive and negative. I'll often catch myself when going through a lot of explanations and then wonder why I'm doing it! I'll often say to myself, "Lindakins, you're not in the classroom! Give it a rest!". 😄
Gosh...it applies to me as well.I have stopped this habit to some 90 %.
@@riyajacob2909 we never really get over being teachers. And that's the way it oughta be! 🙂
One of my most potent examples of not getting over being a teacher was when I was at McDonald's and a gal I met some time back was sitting at the next table. I am a bilingual teacher and she didn't speak English. She was asking me about some aspect of the English language and I grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and moved over to her table and started writing and explaining things. That was the first time I realized that maybe sometimes I should relax a bit. But I think what I showed her helped her a lot.
What I took from this, is be yourself, don't dim your light, doing so can bolster others into doing the same, and in doing you you're healthying yourself at the minimum.
❤💯✌️😎 6:31
Does anyone else want to give a fellow infj a hug after watching this? I feel y’all at a deep level.
Yes. I have learned to suppress the need by saying to myself "i am not Mother Theresa" or "I am not a babysitter ".. it took me a very long time to learn that..
"It's a skill, it's not who we are"
Thank you for this ❤
Thank you! Wenzes. I hope these videos aren't ending anytime soon! The INFJ community is special to my heart. I think advocacy for INFJs is important because they are rare, and because of their complex nature, it can be hard to co-exist in society being so uncommon, rejected, and misunderstood. INFJ needs more leaders like you! I will be signing up for the boot camp soon!
I recall someone calling me out on this. I said.. well it's for the greater good! It's a positive thing 😊 but it still is manipulation... maybe that word doesn't have to have such negative connotations (it was on reference to me saying i can bring peoples anxiety down into a calm and trusting place)
Seems to me, we are tempted to BE manipulated. When we say yes, we mirror, want to parallel process the other so they feel understood. It’s a moment in time to say yes or no to it. You are only manipulated or manipulate when you’re driven to help and when you are on auto-pilot yes-yes person. Reactions and feeling obligated are clues YOU are being manipulated. Something is being expected of you. It’s your job to bring subconscious tensions to the surface and clearly choose yes or no. Otherwise, we stay in a manipulated cycle and we need to be free of this manipulative cycle-being the person who keeps it going. INFJs have a hard time saying no, so are prone to responding positively TO manipulation. Or, project that someone needs them to “x” and can’t say no. Rather than respond, step back and negotiate the space, whether a response is required, whether you have enough energy, what both of you need, how to help that’s mutually agreeable, whether you help at all. Have you chosen? If you haven’t processed your and their part, you are in a cycle.
So if I feel compelled, like I *should* do something for someone, THAT is the tipoff I'm being manipulated?
@@shawndouglas9605 no, only if you don’t choose and feel obligated. Your MO is different in manipulation response. I don’t think responding is necessarily being manipulated unless you are operating out of subconscious in a relating cycle that’s completing the 2nd person manipulation part. If person 1 is manipulating and you submit, it completes the unhealthy issue. If the person actually isn’t manipulating and clearly states needs and makes it clear you have a choice to respond yes or no, this is healthy, transparent communication that leads to mutuality. My reflections.
@@shawndouglas9605 I think feeling compelled needs to be surfaced and questioned so you can make a choice on it.
That's why it's so important to be mindful and check in with ourselves often. Gotta prioritize ourselves or we won't be able to give our most productive and efficient foot forward in any situation.
Fyi; every interaction or relationship we enter into is all about manipulation. It's how we grow and evolve. Fortunately, we are light workers, so our side of the manipulation comes from genuine love for others. For their growth is in the best interests of us all. ❤
I think I’ve done this by framing things as questions to volley the feeling of empowerment to the other party when I know precisely what the answer/solution is (and simply could have led the other party by confidently stating the answer/solution, but chose to defer to them in the scenario). This also can get me in trouble, unfortunately, because the feeling of empowerment in the other party is cultivated instead of intrinsic.
Most people live in a state of societal hypnosis, so an INFJ with that information can use suggestions to benefit others. I'm a retired therapist, and I spend my days curing simple neurosis in people without them even knowing. And the payoff for me is watching them change for the better.
I had noticed I had this skill and wondered what was going on. Didn't realize it was an INFJ thing. Thanks so much for clarifying this process and offering a healthy perspective.
We must be very careful as we can be the dark empaths or a narcissist’s worst nightmare and we do not want these folks to hurt others if they cannot get to us! As a Clinical Therapist and Social Worker narcissists can be helped through therapy and by not enabling their destructive behaviours! Dark empaths are different kettle of fish and are often deeply wounded INFTJs-Turbulent who need loving support and therapy to reconnect to their true nature-just my opinion of course- interventions include rational /emotive therapy and paradoxical therapy for the dark empath! Cognitive Behavioural Therapy works best in my experience in terms of working with narcissistic personalities! However, I have worked and still work part time in Aboriginal/Criminal Justice and have for over 40+ years so my experience both culturally and practically may be different than other therapeutic approaches! I am in my 70’s and semi- retired!
👵🏽✌🏾🦅🌸🦅🌸🦅
When I find myself pausing the video, and taking notes its me saying yes, what is current in the moment, being validated of what I’m sensing. I smile at what I hear, because of the support of another INFJ not another other. Focus is upon me, you bet and why not! Does make a difference going through the eye of the needle is it tough? Not really of what is being shed to reduce the burden. But what has helped me much to recognize me, is you, this community and the many others who seek upon their journey of self value and self respect through unconditional love as an INFJ. Rhyme reason in everything, always the high road near the light.
I don't wanna be crutch for anyone anymore. I'm promising to choose me..thank you. This video broke me in a great way... thank you
Please keep going with this. You are amazing
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No I don't think I have ever done that.
Imma share this with my cutesies Infj's. Thank you Wenzes!!
The other thing we do is mirror… nothing wrong with that… I’ve experienced a spiritual master do this and it’s a sign of light.
Hmm I don’t see it as manipulation. I see it as being empathetic. If I act a certain way that is unconscious, it’s not manipulation, it’s literally seeing the best in people and what’s good for them, this is love. I believe a lot of us carry light due to the introvision and working on ourselves that we end up channeling the high frequency love energy and spreading it to the world. We are gifted with empathy and kindness, it’s very simple.
I'm very grateful for your videos; they helped me understand my INFJ persona. Based on our personality traits, I think one day we might face all kinds of prejudice, like people trying to avoid being around people like us.
Hi Yanny! Thanks for your insight... what do you mean when you say people wanting to avoid us because of our personality traits? Do you mind explaining the reason you think they would do that?
@@Abulina09 Some people find INFJs hard to trust, particularly due to the aspects explained in this video, such as the potential for misunderstandings, our intense passion, and the need for solitude, all of which can create communication barriers. Additionally, INFJs' sensitivity to criticism and aversion to conflict might cause hesitation in some individuals when it comes to engaging with us. I can envision a future where HR departments classify candidates for specific positions based on their personality types, and INFJs could be considered the type that managers would prefer not to deal with because they might not feel comfortable with someone they can't quite figure out. What do you think? Things could get to this point?
@@yannyrocha5289 oh yes, that makes alot of sense, and I definitely agree.. it worries me a bit about people finding out about personality types and judging me too soon because of it
@@yannyrocha5289 thank you for explaining!
I would definitely NOT call it manipulatuon though, this term is not adapted if you consider what manipulation is that is to say twisting reality only for the manipulator's benefit while having no respect of the other person! So in no way it is manipulation... and yes manipulators do make people do something they do not really want actually.
Wonderful ending 😭❤️! 18:18
This vid came just in time. I haven't met a lot of INFJs only a few of them, but I always have the feeling I've been abused by a covert narc or pw/AvPD afterwards. Lured with deep convo then betrayed. This ENFP INFJ compatibility is nonsense. At least for me.
you the best, wenzes!
Love you so much❤
She's a smart lady. 💯✌️😎 18:02
I like the part when you said "with great power comes great responsibility" I am an infj too and I used to tell myself that quote from Spiderman 😅
Life changing video, thank you so much Wenzes ❤
Yeah agree that manipulation has such a pejorative connotation to it - but done for the greater good to get things done at work or get people to do their jobs or help you do your job - it is a very useful skill to have. It is a great skill to have for building relationships at work so for me that's a win-win. Given I am not a psychopath or sociopath, my over-developed conscience prevents me from using it to take advantage of people.
❤❤ feeling overwhelmed!
Thanks so much!
i whole heartedly support the notion of inspiring others and helping people actualise their potential. but as an infp i don’t understand how this is manipulation, it’s a straight forward process of inspiring and helping another.
the ego that comes with many of the ideas in this video such as this quality being a “superpower” exclusive to this personality type and that’s just so easy and unintentional for them is toxic imo. especially that it’s the convincers “powers” that produce results but the person themselves that did the work.
i’ve been inspired by infjs, entps, esfps, entjs and seen many ppl be supported into growth in their own ways.
Even B4 watching I had to say this power just kills me (good and bad). Sometimes on purpose, for their benefit, etc., but sometimes I wonder what happened? I believe it is always for mutual benefit, but if it just happens...which it often does...so me. Who I am.
I recently went to a conference and talked about how I would encourage someone to help during a merger via this power who was very independent and would want to hold on to their power. Wow! What timing for this video!
This time it will be my intention, but almost always it is by chance. Maybe just getting older...If it helps them also...He is going to be at least 2nd so likely my help will be useful.
I just really prefer being behind the scenes. Puppet master?
You've served as a formulator of yet another suffering turning blessing - Thank you for illuminating and flipping the polarity on my illusions! Legend
Not gona lie, I think your cool 😎.
I do that with my Mom everyday she doesn't even realize and even with my grandma I care about them but I still do that without any intention of doing it
Manipulation is a matter of perception by those you’re trying to inform. Sticking to Solid FACTS that can be quickly proven keeps the instruction out of harms way. Ignorance vrs stupidity are tricky until enough detail is given by the student. This is when the teacher will be able to either backtrack with more detail or assign homework. My SIGMA INFJ personality allows this to happen naturally with quick decisions in front of crowds and judgement administrators on the fly. It does require prep and quick feedback from those being taught. Keeping the message in step while talking takes practice. Being myself is part of my magic. Either it’s going to work or I’m going to wear it! The SIGMA INFJ traits and characteristics always offer a winning edge.
Marty Didier
Weeenz i watched an old video recently where you said people don’t “hate” much on your channel they either get it or not and leave it alone. I think maybe you’re doing stuff now people want to put down. THATS A GOOD SIGN. best best best.
I don't hate, hate is very much the wrong term. I look for academically accredited evidence based content as a mental health prof, typologist & due to the predilections of my cognitive type. I'm all for freedom of speech but when someone is spouting pseudo science & making a mockery of Jungs work, in contrast to the likes of CPT that is solidifying typology into the academic community then that's where I feel the need to be outspoken, plus, taking peoples money for such pseudoscientific projections is not ethically viable in my opinion. If Wenzes admitted that she's not a cognitive INFJ but the ubiquitous behavioural manifestation & I doubt I'd have as a bigger qualm with it but she's damaging typologies credibility. You do raise a pertinent point however that she may perceive such critiques as a triumph so to speak, especially since she fosters a very 'us vs them' mentality, so maybe I am just propping her up. I honestly mean no disrespect to you as a person or Wenzes, I simply just can't abide the misalignment in Jungian theory & people potentially paying money for that which is predicated on behavioural stereotypes as opposed to actual cognition. I'm no troll, I simply have a dissenting opinion predicated upon a vast understanding of Jungian theory & don't want to see people being sold a lie (even if that's not intended) as inadvertently it can harm people. Believe me I could be a lot more disrespectful in my comments; Wenzes is the laughing stock of many a typological discord server and I'm not needlessly nasty or personal in my comments I'm purely coming from an objective critically engaging perspective. A few people have contacted me and asked to be pointed to more credible sources for which I'm happy.
@@Tified967 Interesting if i understand you correctly, i see your biggest concern is wenz "take" on Jungs work (that she never mentions) and labeling her self-help methods directed specifically towards "INFJs". I dont think you have to worry about what Jung thinks. Anything thats being spoken can both help and harm? Freedom of speech you are correct :) When it comes to the money aspect i think the only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. And sure, i can end with why don't you just shove off if it bothers you so much...? Hehe just kidding. My point was, it's fun to see more "hate" in the comments the same time as wenz seem be looking and feeling better than ever. Like i said I thought your opinion was interesting. Personaly i think wenz cool. Peace!
An ex once told me that I manipulate without realizing I was manipulating. On a lighter note...I've had 2 ex's say they'd have preferred that I was physically abusive rather than dropping that end of the world truth bomb at the end. Sadly as much as I want to be done with that. I know I'll tell the next ex that it will happen if I'm betrayed, and she'll still do it. Can't win. 😂😂
Is manipulation the correct word?
I was wondering that, too. How can it be manipulation if you aren't consciously trying to manipulate people?
‘Strategy’ or how we naturally ‘function’ is more fitting.
Seems to me, we are tempted to BE manipulated. When we say yes, we mirror, want to parallel process the other so they feel understood. It’s a moment in time to say yes or no to it. You are only manipulated or manipulate when you’re driven to help and distance from choosing. Reactions and feeling obligated are clues YOU are being manipulated. Something is being expected of you. It’s your job to bring subconscious tensions to the surface and clearly choose yes or no. Otherwise, we stay in a manipulated cycle and we need to be free of this manipulative cycle-being the person who keeps it going.
Seems more like persuasion or positive reinforcement
Influencing?
A small amount of tinkering, that’s not coincidence , that’s strategy… 🐞
I am an INFJ and in my experience many young and not that young people that I found myself ‘mentoring’ or ‘coaching’ in a lay manner were responding when they did not know which direction to take in their lives and not those who know where they want to be in life. I am distancing myself from a person ‘ I think with narcissistic traits’ it is not going smoothly but I was getting sick from him. I feel better but not totally over it. One thing I did not experience is the lack of love or appreciation growing up, to the contrary bI could not have a better childhood. On the other hand my parents were refugees who build themselves up. Never poor, neither rich but always a stranger in the different countries I lived in starting with my birth country. I wonder whether my interest in mentoring young people is related in a way or another to that. However I want to believe that this UNFJ trait is not necessarily because of personal problems but rather stems from our nature, for some we may have it more than others.
When it comes to relationships with other humanbeings, *_manipulation is never a good thing_* in my book. Let's look for a better word, pls.
That sounds like a personal problem ❤
@@prettyblaqgirl Hmmm. You could be right.
_"Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others. People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. The person doing the manipulating, called the manipulator, seeks to create an imbalance of power. They take advantage of you to get power, control, benefits and/or privileges"_
Personally, yes, this is a NO for me.
Personally, yes, I do have a problem with the use of manipulative tactics in relationships. Manipulation involves both deception & deviousness. .
However, i do understand that there are many, unfortunately, who think this is OK & guess you're one of them! 🧡
I would use ‘direct’ or ´guide’.
My stepfather (seconds before seeing this video,) makes an Austin Powers impression. Oops, I did it again baby!... XD the title just played on that.
Manipulating implies lying. We can pursuade without lying.
oh, that hit hard 😢
I choose me now
Let's get into it
Loud and clear and accurate
I tend to think I may be INFJ, but I'm an artist, a performer, so I think I'm an ENFJ when I'm performing. And the Meyer system says artists are ESFJ, so the whole system is flawed and wacky IMO. I also took the test but it's confusing and IMO pretty dumb. But that's just my egotistical iconoclasm. I'm inwardly rebelling against the authoritarianism of matrix bullshit masquerading as intellectualism and true knowledge. I don't fit into any of the 16 personality types, I'm a combination which morphs into what I want and need to be to fit the circumstances. Why do people feel the need to stuff themselves into limiting categories? We are spirit and we can be what we want to be. I'm a super empath, and that's about as much categorizing as I'll tolerate, lol. Am I an INFJ, who knows, and ultimately, does it matter?
Just to say thanks I appreciate you
Say 'actually' one more time, I dare you. ;) lol ... I lost count but I think the word was said like 20 times or so. It was 'acutally' very distracting for me ...
Turn it into a drinking game. She is awesome, she won't mind
She can say actually as much as she likes in my book ❤❤... I have to say it's better than a thousand "ums" or "like" 😂
wah wah cry about it
This is my story
I love that this started an inner dialogue of, can empathy be used as a tool to serve a goal 🤔
How about we stop saying "superpower"? We are HUMAN after all. Could merely state that this is a tendency, phenomenon that is unique marker of an infj experience.
Here again, speech that's OBSESSED with POWER.
Whyyyy?
I can't focus onu your message 🤣
I have a Female Hitler meme in my head, and us going to power boot camp.
Am not hating, just observing and communicating what I observe... Also some humour.
Andddd you make some good points, useful stuff.
I do love a lot of your content, just not sure why the need to inflate traits, tendencies, mechanisms. I'd prefer a balanced/ objective way of talking about things.
Feeding the ego, not cool.
It is the Internet, everybody is opinionated, as I'm doing lol.
Has the ability to listen to the message behind the words 🤐
Could just be grateful for how well you articulate a lot of infj Ness.
Am irked by the whole POWER /EGO /CRUSHING /DESTROYING.
Not avoidant of my dark side but perplexed as to why don't address turning darkside into guardian angel.
If we can see, anticipate things, we can see and anticipate ourselves too and choose to build, create, repair, enlighten in a way that doesn't hit people's defences right?
Thank you Wenzes.
1:39 manipulation is not bad at all it's like a double edged sword.
Good one so true
Sounds like manifestation to me.
I feel bad now as infj
I manipulated a person to believe their potential :)
🤘🥳🖖
Your video pardon the language was bullshit! That's not how infj's work that's how narcissists work, I infj's don't look for weak people, see you can't bring that nonsense over here, I call it out everytime, In order to manipulate you have to make people believe, and sorry I just believe you tried to feed your own ego, while trying to keep others down that's narcissistic, not manipulating, it's a difference, now I just manipulated your narrative, and called it out, that's how you do it. No big deal.
Are we making progress yet ? 🐛
I see your point re I think there's a very 'us good' vs 'them bad' dichotomous splitting/cognitive dissonance going on here. Cognitive INFJs are quite simply in Jungian terms, NiTi convergence (CPT accredited source) meaning they are abstract cerebral conceptualises and this says nothing about their capacity to manipulate others. Indeed anyone can be a narcissist. I really don't know why I bother to try & educate people on here when it's honestly meant with good intentions save for the few that have actually asked me for legitimate reading material/content pertaining to typology.
IDK why this channel is al about showing INFJ a God - It's weird - they are human
They irony it that everyone here isn't a cognitive INFJ in a Jungian sense; I don't see Ni-Ti convergence anywhere. This is pseudoscience. I agree with your sentiments entirely with all due respect 😊
Sorry if i laugh so hard to this video, oh boy how many times have i been stuck with others who tried to just take the advantage to manipulate me. I just feel sorry for the ones who fall for it. Be careful with this, if you overdo this you might be suck in a corner where you have nowhere to go. Hence what the dictatures tried to do.
❤️💯 8:30
I love to untie knots... BUT not every one likes that.. Actually, nobody likes it.. Look, i wear a medical watch just to see how my health is... My health is ofcourse great because i,m only just 70... So if i offer my watch to un-healthy people they ofcourse refuse... Ofcourse, otherwise they would have been healthy...
I have the ability to quietly listen, observe, and read them. I then play chess with their minds because I am already 2 moves ahead. I only manipulate them should they disrespect me, cheat on me, try to take advantage of me, etc. Once I have them set up on the chess board, I move and respond in a calm, cool manner, breaking them into a thousand pieces. But because of self pride, I make the effort to hand a broom and dustpan to the janitor so he or she can sweep up all of the broken pieces. Women get it 10 times harder.