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Brother, let me tell you, I used to be that kind of person. When I was a little younger (my teenage years), I learned that it was normal behavior to stretch the truth to maintain peace, but it took a failed marriage to help me realize that I was wrong. Now, even though I sometimes slip up, I'm working on being truly honest with people. It's so worth it.
Or in Some cases Offensive, But yeah nothing is more cathartic that yelling at someone all that you want to say and truly think XD. OH and do not think for a moment that i mean Obscenities, you can hurt someone with the truth more than with Insults.
The WORST is when you are completely honest and open from the start. Your partner pretends to feel exactly the same way. Then, over time, you realize that you don't even know this person. That they were faking it. It's a lonely feeling.
If you aren't honest from the start, lies will pile upon lies and you waste years of your life on a relationship you doomed to fail from the start... be honest and sincere, even when it requires a bit more patience!
@@EmperorZelos Looking at life as "winning and losing" will only have you constantly hurting emotionally, no matter how much you may win in a materialistic sense. Better to be honest, even when its hard and even when its embarrassing. If you can be honest even under those conditions, you'll come to understand how strong and courageous you really are. It even takes courage to be honest with yourself.
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way it's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up, be the boss today by investing in binary option and earn uncountable profit for yourself. Communicate with Mr James Hamilton to guide you.
I told him ALL my damage on date one. Fourteen years of marriage later, I'm glad I can never hide. He knows me too well and why I am the way I am. There's never been any hiding or passive aggression for long. He has all the info to call.me.on my BS. I gave him the playbook on my issues and thank goodness he's used it to make our marriage stronger. I surely am blessed. I suppose daring to be embarrassingly and brutally honest has it's benefits. 🥰
This is a wonderful story and it gives me hope for myself to find someone equally grounded and loving as your husband seems to be. Thank you for sharing it :)
@Ashley C becuz you're operating in "lack" ur dude is outhere BUT first u have to put in work ON YOURSELF TO ATTRACT HIM. Cuz I'm sure if he came now u wouldn't kno what to do with him. I say all that to say NEVER be jealous or envious of others it is a waste of ur time. Only person who can change ur circumstances is U. What u do with it is all up to you, so u won't be able to blame anyone but urself. Self improvement.
Nothing is more damaging to a relationship than pretending. This is also why those people who are desperate for relationships almost always find that they fail (because they aimed to please), whereas those that weren’t desperately looking for a relationship find compatibility (because they presented a truthful version of themselves up front).
When you start to be honest with how you feel as soon as feelings arise, you're beginning a practice of asking for what you want without even realizing it. Although it may not always work out in your favor, the act of being vulnerable in this way often strengthens the level of intimacy you feel in your relationships.
With all due respect, every single time I’ve been honest in relationships and voiced my true feelings such as female friends of the man I’m seeing being very disrespectful and too suggestive in their behaviour around him - such as calling a guy that I was previously engaged to at 11:30pm and he answered (regardless of the fact that he was with me) to have her tell him that she felt lonely 🙄 he spent half an hour talking to her to “calm her down” and that is when I realised that being engaged to someone doesn’t mean they own you and I left that relationship- which I’m so thankful I did. Definitely dodged a bullet and I’ve been happily single by choice ever since!
@@ChanelCoco-pk7mp yeah, you had some serious boundary issues with that guy, but it doesn’t mean every guy would be like that and it doesn’t mean you can’t change… in other words, you don’t need to be happily single if you don’t want.
@Pink Salt I'd say I'm pretty secure. Not a super healthy childhood but I've adapted since then! Just always try to live in the moment and not personalize other peoples feelings if possible. Emotional management is the key I'd say! Emotions are sneaky! Hope you have a great night. feel free to ask more questions!
When you are honest, things (including yourself), feel so much more stable. We often think that being honest about how we feel/who we are, will ruin things, causing instability. But it is actually lies that cause instability, the shaky foundation caused by untruth. Truth sets us free by allowing us to reveal ourselves rather than hiding, and providing sure footing on which to move forward in relationships and in our lives. Basically, when you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said!!
@Maiahi oh I know exactly what you mean. It was only when I decided to stop lying that I realised how much I do it. It's like it's instinctual for me, I don't even think about it. It's just easy I think? So easy to make something up to make yourself look better, and it's scary to tell the truth and deal with what people will think of the real you
@Maiahi Yup. It's one of the key things about growing up/maturing, right? Sacrificing the easy, more-pleasurable-in-the-moment thing, for the thing that's going to bring you and those around you more lasting happiness down the line.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” ― Harvey Fierstein
If someone victimizes you, you are a victim. Wheter or not you "allow" that to happen means fuck all. It's not like your intentions are somehow magically changing reality.
My marriage is currently unraveling before my eyes. My partner completely lied about himself in all aspects. He very much so had a double life. This is the worst kind of let down.
@Pink Salt Pink listen here @alicia is dealing with a narcissis and. Those come in both genders Male and Female. There is studies showing its higher in females becuz females tend to invest more into society. So ur answer directly geared towards men is not accurate cuz she is not dealing with a regular human being. A narcissis, sociopaths and phsycopaths are not a regular ppl.
I was very jaded when I first met my now husband. I felt at the time I had wasted 3 years on the wrong man. When my now husband showed up i told him like it was and what I wasn't going to put up with. Namely, jealousy. It may have worked out for the best because we've been together 10 years with no end in sight.
So true! My former partner and I spent five years together just to realize we were, in the end, so different. Things would have been much simpler and we would've avoided a hurtful and messy breakup if we both would have been just honest from the start... But, hey, lesson learned!
it's about what a fruitful patient-therapist relationship should be, and if you think about it, it really doesn't apply to all and every encounter you might have
To do this we need to be comfortable with the rejection which inevitably follows. The rejection is a result of our actions, so it is harder to do it than to just go with the flow, but it is much better in the long run and saves larger suffering as well as time.
The mirroring is only the first stage to learn about each other. Noone is exactly like another person. The matching helps people understand each other more easily and come inside each other deeper.
@@plog9572 nobody’s mind is exactly the same as someone else’s. You can agree with each other on the mentality but when you go in details you will have your own creative opinions which are not like others’ ones. A good conversation with like-minded people can even help you even go further than your original opinions. People become boring only when they have nothing else to talk about which mostly is not true to thinking minds. Actually any mind that is not thinking is boring af, you can detect it within seconds.
@@plog9572 are u talking about a narcissis cuz that's who "mirrors" ppl normal ppl actually try to get to know other ppl. There is a reason you said "you have to spice things up" cuz it's true. Narcissis don't spice up anything.
On the premise of being honest, it seems like this is an amazingly simple solution to a complicated problem. However, this is predicated on both parties having the same goal -- a fulfilling relationship. Furthermore, this is complicated by the fact that many of us are lonely and are willing to, at the time, make concessions to placate that feeling of loneliness. It is only after that uncomfortable feeling disappears that we realize that we have made one concession to many and are unhappy. I find it difficult to make a connection with anyone -- romantic or not -- so I do my best to accommodate anyone that will give me attention. Inherently, this leads to unhappiness because I cannot ever be who I really am but the alternative is to potentially be 'forever alone.' In the current age, I feel people are easily discarded as if they are only things for our entertainment and not living, feeling beings. We claw desperately at intimacy when, at most, a veneer of ourselves is seen for half a second before we're swiped left on. This engenders the feeling that we must be agreeable or risk losing a connection. As much as I agree with this video and philosophy, I find it hard to put into practice as life is much more complicated.
Hear ya. Funny, reading all of these comments, everyone agrees. If we're all so committed to honesty from the start, why is this video so popular with those that agree, and also behave congruently?
I hear you, I’m struggling with that too that kind of mentality is codependency and it’s not healthy neither for you nor for the other person being with you instead, work on overcoming codependency and forming a secure attachment get a professional help or research online some tips which help me - instead of seeking attention give attention to yourself (positive self-talk, journaling about feelings and anything that comes to your mind, focus the energy on hobbies), learn how to be complete alone without other person to complete you
I'm so glad I started this new relationship in complete honesty. I told her my past mistakes and my flaws. Same with her, she told me everything about her past mistakes and flaws and vulnerabilities. It also helps that we have been friends for a while about 10 years. We have a lot of the same views and interests we have a ton in common but we obviously like different things too we even make light hearted jokes about our interests if we don't like something. It's nice that we are able to joke around and not get offended by each other's jokes. I never had that with any partner. They took everything way too seriously.
This is how my first and only relationship was. It’s been over since 4 months. I had to pretend that I loved everything that he loved. And he might have done that too at times. What was destructing wasn’t only that we haven’t been honest, but the thing really is that you just feel like you’ve been so in rush, to make things work, to make things perfect and compatible, to make a project of perfection and acceptance and compatibility, but finally discovering you made no time to be in love.
Just about the same for me in my situation. I’m sorry it played out the way it did, but now being a bit over a year since, how are you doing? How’s the relationship between you two?
Like a lot of guys, my problem has always been the opposite of this -- I'm usually "too honest", or let's say "too blunt". The basic dynamic, for me and many others, is pretty simple: the more we like someone, the more we feel the need to tell them exactly what we think, the more unnecessary conflict ends up being generated. Needless to say, this is a very bad thing. You can end up losing precisely those friendships you value most, because these are the relationships where you most feel the most need to speak your mind. My advice to anyone else who has this problem is to be strategically diplomatic. Wait until the relationship has progressed to the point where the desired level of honesty feels "safe" from the standpoint of the other person. Keep in mind that simply withholding your opinion is not lying, and that strategic omission is a legitimate tool for promoting the healthy development of any relationship, especially in the early days.
Great video. This is exactly the reason why the divorce rate is so high today; people are too busy creating a perfect life to show on social media, they never stop to ask themselves if they're really compatible with their partner. Love on social media and in film rarely show the complexity of what it means to be in a long lasting relationship, how to grow with one another, and allow each other the freedom to express ourselves.
That’s true, so many people don’t want to know the truth, they are not ready. Truth threatens our illusions about ourselves and others. Truth frees us when we accept it and live a life by it.
I do that all the time because of my anxiety and my tendency to overshare too much. Nvr had a proper relationship but I feel better having shown my true self than feel guilty.
This video popped up in my feed a year and a half ago, when I met my former ex partner. I did not bother to watch it back then. Our relationship ended yesterday, I couldn’t put up the the incompatibility anymore, and so did he feel it as well, even thought he pushed it so hard to make me change. None of us were ready for a commitment, i réalise it now, both him and I. I am watching this video now thinking that from now on, I shall be no one else but myself, and I will demand this from anyone who wishes to share my life, and if people aren’t themselves, then I won’t accept them.
I always try to be straightforward whenever i meet someone new - respectful, kind, and would tell i like to have dates in parks rather than in a fancy restaurant. It may be odd but you'll repel those who don't vibe with you and attract those who do. 💙
This is important in every relationship not just romantic ones. When I first met my boyfriend I was extremely honest with him and was true to who I am instead of hiding myself. Now we are in a happy loving relationship. ❤
If the relationship starts with the foundation of honesty. Then there's nothing more like it. Of course, not honesty alone. But, heck yes! It saves a lot of time!
If you're dishonest from the beginning, then the other person may start liking (or even loving) a false version of you. That means that they don't actually like the real you, but the highly agreeable version of yourself that you have created just for them. Would you even truly want someone to fall in love with anything but the real version of you? This is the importance of being honest from the beginning in relationships.
The Universe is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired, it’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours, will be yours Unrush yourself. Hope our channel helps you on your journey !
@@MattySquared but why? I liked the comment by HC (because it’s so wise). When I opened the replies I realized that it’s a channel. I clicked on the channel and the content is really useful and I have subscribed. What’s so bad about that?
Shure this comment is meaningful if it comes from an Elf or a Dwarf or some Long Lived Sentient Entity, but humans are rushed and anxious by nature our time is limited in this plane and even if the reincarnation process is true we forget all we do not recover our memories likes Thaos Ix Arkannon.
I realised that honesty is probably most important, because when you don't say it out loud, it brings out in other actions how you feel truly, not even years later but almost immediately. It's the scariest thing to be honest, especially when you're coming from a very vulnerable place.
I really tried going into my last relationship stating my true feelings about everything from the beginning. But even requesting honesty from my partner brought a lot of trouble. He simply wasn't ready for that much vulnerability (and still isn't). So, over time, I started lying to myself and others, that this was what I wanted. If you want an honest relationship, don't settle for the broken, dishonest one. You can't save everybody.
I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, but be yourself, have opinions, have stances on some things and have personality. You are main character in your life and everybody else is side characters. Dont be a people pleaser
It is so fulfilling to be honest, and to be on a level of maturity to admit to each other genuine self and needs even by presenting it might not work out in the end but the only thing we can do it put in the time and give respect by being genuine.
very good. One reason I fell in love with my husband was because he was always just himself. He was loud and annoying to a lot of people, but I liked that he didn't change who he was to fit in.
I agree, instead of being something in an attempt to be what they might like, just be yourself, You will attract people who like the real you that way.
Well,In some places you are 8 and you carry a rifle and kill people, and in olden times 14 years old you either were aprentice or worked somewhere, or if lucky and had education you lead armies XD.and if you were a girl you were forced to marry an old creep :S. PLEASE feminist do not jump it was not like that but an example, not all had that end,it is to illustrate that things vary, you could have 14 but that is no limit, If I do remember it was Aristotles that as a Kid started his "Career" as a Philosopher. well Most started when they were kids or their path was seen in such journey.
This happened to me, I let it happen for so long. It ended in so much pain and sorrow for the both of us. You need to allow yourself to be your true self on the couple, the other person might not actually like you when you reveal your true self. And that's GOOD. Don't make my mistakes.
This realization was huge for me. My goal was always to keep someone for as long as possible, which often meant editing my true self. Now I know that my goal is for find the right person for me, which requires that im honest with others about who I am. It has led to more genuine connections.
Bruh, can we all take a moment to appreciate the animations lol..I definitely enjoy licking priceless statues at museums! This was their best one yet! 🤣
@@kashyapvariyani4037 Well... I do not agree with Some of the things he says, but some are accurate, and they helped me understand some things, But the Media Bias Against Him is Stupid and Unfounded, On the Other Hand most self Help is dumb as I have seen it, If you do not have the will to do it, no matter who comes to counsel you, you won't do it in the end we help ourselves.People Make things in a Effort to save themselves or at least that is what Odasaku said.Oh and yeah I hate the kinda cult some people have, almost like the Emperor and he hated that.
I already knew this concept. On a reddit video about relationships/first dates, I commented, "on a first date, sometimes theres no such thing as TMI (too much information, about yourself)" I believe first impressions should be raw without conforming, but possibly compromising, especially when youre looking to date for the long term
Thank you! I dated a guy for nearly a year who lied from the start. He claimed he was 48, I was 40 at the time, he was really more than 10 older than 48. He told little lies to get me to do what he wanted. He wanted me to help him at a gym he occasionally works for by lying about how long we would be at The Chicago Marathon. He claimed that we would spectate for 4 hours maximum. He had me volunteer for him for 10 hours. I could have volunteered for a run club instead, which was what I originally wanted to do. I got tired of his lies, and stopped seeing him. He lied to his friends and said he broke up with me.
I started watching your videos like 2h ago. For some reason it hurts to watch...physically. It makes me feel, it hurts so much and yet im greatful. Guess thats the pain that comes with truth and how it sets you free.
I never had any problems being honest in the first place until anxiety comes along. Then goes my honesty covered in fear of vulnerability. I won't lie, but I won't open up either. You will never get true honesty unless I feel safe around you.
I feel like kids need to be taught these valuable lessons at schools whilst they’re young so that they can approach life and relationships with a proper perspective
I agree wholly to the ideas in this video, but it makes me wonder: what about our physical appearances? Should we try to look our best whether that be through clothes or makeup, or should we just try and look “natural” or, better put, “true to ourselves”? I’m sure this is also about finding a healthy balance but the video made me wonder about just how much our visual representations play into short-term and long-term sexual/romantic attraction. Would love to hear any thoughts on this!
I think it is very misleading unless your groomed look is how you look all the time. Sexual attraction or lack there of is a huge part of a healthy relationship. Do not lie in the beginning.. including about your appearance. I was actually just thinking about this idea the other day.....After your potential mate sees you how you are the majority of the time (i.e. your natural state) you can work on the balance..but initially it is important to present yourself honestly.
Currently going through a breakup and I am very distraught about it. Could you guys maybe do a video in the future about timing? About how sometimes even though everything is alright in a relationship, you both love each other, the timing is off and it's best to break up and be alone for a while.
I like that the characters look like the ones from Dumb Ways to Die. It's like this video is also indicating that the dumbest way to die is to be with someone you're not compatible with.
Recently i have been troubled with dating, guys who were even interested in me walked away because I told them rightaway that I'll wait for marriage to have sex. I thought, i should have waited till they started liking me way too much to walk away when they hear it and can actually compromise. But thanks for the video, i like it. It's freeing and yes it saves everyone a lot of time and mental health 😂 Honest from the start
It's good to be honest about this soon, because there are not many guys who will take the risks involved with having sex so late and getting married so early.
@@Aakash_Goswami1 No she's not actually. Not wanting to have success before marriage doesn't mean she's prudish. After marriage, she can be seen as hell.
I have incredible troubles with this. For me, adapting to other people is a deeply engrained survival mechanism. I don't feel like I really have tons of control over it.
You are not alone. There's a whole lot of such people out there with you. Just be aware that any of them might feel the same, and only present themselves like they do because they copy each other. Or/and have been loud on social media about how "adapted" they are, and are now in too deep to go back.
Unfortunately this is all too true. I had 3 friends tell me that my bf was NOT a good fit for me. They could see it from very early on. Too bad I couldn't....
Hey you, *designers from School of Life* , your work is awesome and *the way you have chosen to illustrate Alain's explanation was brilliant* . *Keep going with the people licking statues* , please! ;)
One has to fully be honest with ourselves first in order to be honest with others...Humans should really take more time to spend...also relationships are based on trust..that's not to say we can't enjoy ourselves with our friends. A great relationship depends on truth and also being our own selves within the relationship. We can still be our individual selves as long as we are honest. Thank you for this reminder!!
i sometimes worry i overshare or worry i've said something a bit weird or overly deep when i meet someone, but like i do those things all the time and if that's a problem for someone then we probably aren't going to get on - good to figure that out sooner rather than later imo!
I’ve learned that lying at the start is just a waste of time. Your investing in someone for them to find out the the truth and break your heart later. Whereas at the start if you tell the truth, you haven’t caught feelings yet and can easily get over the fact that they don’t like you because you don’t have anything in common.
But I do like him, I love him...the foundation is riddled with question Mark's, and tainted from the start, killing any magic to grow, at 1 year into it. 💔
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You’re the best
thanks boss
Relatable content 😂 :3
I'm so DONE with lies now...
Well done.
Honesty might lead to conflict, but honest conflict has more value than dishonest harmony.
Well said 👏🏽
Brother, let me tell you, I used to be that kind of person. When I was a little younger (my teenage years), I learned that it was normal behavior to stretch the truth to maintain peace, but it took a failed marriage to help me realize that I was wrong. Now, even though I sometimes slip up, I'm working on being truly honest with people. It's so worth it.
@@jdstearman what is success in a marriage for you? I mean.... didn't it just worked for sometime and then it didnt anymore?
I fear that so many people are in this dishonest harmony.
More like less burden,
Honest conflict has less burden than dishonest harmony
Nothing is more freeing than telling the truth
Or in Some cases Offensive, But yeah nothing is more cathartic that yelling at someone all that you want to say and truly think XD. OH and do not think for a moment that i mean Obscenities, you can hurt someone with the truth more than with Insults.
Love this! I agree completely
@Xi Jingping second
@P. S. I dunno, what if there is an after life with Bureaucracy like that in BettleJuice XD.
Unless you get trapped by an insecure narcisst as I did..
For 26 years, emotionally abused...
I've never had this problem. Girls are always honest with me from the start, "I don't like you."
Lol
You also don’t need to learn from this clip, you’re honest af lol
Uh-oh! Why is that I wonder? I'm truly curious...
Amen to that, I can see Immediately by their words and body language that’s telling me to pound sand.
Sorry xD this made me laugh hard 😂
The WORST is when you are completely honest and open from the start. Your partner pretends to feel exactly the same way. Then, over time, you realize that you don't even know this person. That they were faking it. It's a lonely feeling.
FACTS!!!
Or you can see it as a whole new experience to see it again :P
@@EmperorZelos I'm not quite following.
@@meadowrae1491 its a new person to get to know, a new adventure
@@EmperorZelos Oh, I see. At this point I'd rather not. I'd rather be single. The financial aspect of that will be tough, but it's worth it.
If you aren't honest from the start, lies will pile upon lies and you waste years of your life on a relationship you doomed to fail from the start... be honest and sincere, even when it requires a bit more patience!
thats why you lie about things that they cannot ever find out through any means but you and there, you remain silent
@Scarecrow Fields It's only a liar if you find out :)
@Scarecrow Fields lose if you're honest, win maybe if you lie, I only got things to win ;)
@@EmperorZelos Looking at life as "winning and losing" will only have you constantly hurting emotionally, no matter how much you may win in a materialistic sense. Better to be honest, even when its hard and even when its embarrassing. If you can be honest even under those conditions, you'll come to understand how strong and courageous you really are. It even takes courage to be honest with yourself.
@@Leoo117 you're right it takes courage to be true, those who lies are cowards. They rather choose to live a life full of lies.
Honesty is crucial for all stages of relationships, whether romantic, platonic, professional. 👌🏽
Try telling that to the UK Government..
@@sockdip69 ...To any careerist, congenitally lying politician anywhere, actually.
@@sajjadhusain4146 I stand corrected..
Strong lasting relationships aren't built on honesty, rather they are built on the decency of merciful lies.
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way it's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up, be the boss today by investing in binary option and earn uncountable profit for yourself. Communicate with Mr James Hamilton to guide you.
I told him ALL my damage on date one. Fourteen years of marriage later, I'm glad I can never hide. He knows me too well and why I am the way I am. There's never been any hiding or passive aggression for long. He has all the info to call.me.on my BS. I gave him the playbook on my issues and thank goodness he's used it to make our marriage stronger. I surely am blessed. I suppose daring to be embarrassingly and brutally honest has it's benefits. 🥰
You are sooo pretty!
This is a wonderful story and it gives me hope for myself to find someone equally grounded and loving as your husband seems to be. Thank you for sharing it :)
That is a great way of doing it.
Plus taking care that not too much (avoidable) damage piles up in the first place.
@Ashley C becuz you're operating in "lack" ur dude is outhere BUT first u have to put in work ON YOURSELF TO ATTRACT HIM. Cuz I'm sure if he came now u wouldn't kno what to do with him. I say all that to say NEVER be jealous or envious of others it is a waste of ur time. Only person who can change ur circumstances is U. What u do with it is all up to you, so u won't be able to blame anyone but urself. Self improvement.
What about the other way around?
Nothing is more damaging to a relationship than pretending.
This is also why those people who are desperate for relationships almost always find that they fail (because they aimed to please), whereas those that weren’t desperately looking for a relationship find compatibility (because they presented a truthful version of themselves up front).
needed to see this! thank you for such a succinct explanation.
💯
As much as this goes for dating, this also goes for friendships.
yeah, I guess, I am done pretending for my so called friends
If you're honest about yourself, you're allowing the right person to join the party :)
Word Antonio, well said
When you start to be honest with how you feel as soon as feelings arise, you're beginning a practice of asking for what you want without even realizing it. Although it may not always work out in your favor, the act of being vulnerable in this way often strengthens the level of intimacy you feel in your relationships.
With all due respect, every single time I’ve been honest in relationships and voiced my true feelings such as female friends of the man I’m seeing being very disrespectful and too suggestive in their behaviour around him - such as calling a guy that I was previously engaged to at 11:30pm and he answered (regardless of the fact that he was with me) to have her tell him that she felt lonely 🙄 he spent half an hour talking to her to “calm her down” and that is when I realised that being engaged to someone doesn’t mean they own you and I left that relationship- which I’m so thankful I did. Definitely dodged a bullet and I’ve been happily single by choice ever since!
What are people with alexythemia to do though? Like what if you just can't tell what you feel?
@@ChanelCoco-pk7mp yeah, you had some serious boundary issues with that guy, but it doesn’t mean every guy would be like that and it doesn’t mean you can’t change… in other words, you don’t need to be happily single if you don’t want.
Telling the truth has always helped me more than lying had.
@Pink Salt it still can have a negative reaction, but then you don’t have to cover any tracks up and it’s easier to move on from 👍🏼
@Pink Salt I'd say I'm pretty secure. Not a super healthy childhood but I've adapted since then! Just always try to live in the moment and not personalize other peoples feelings if possible. Emotional management is the key I'd say! Emotions are sneaky! Hope you have a great night. feel free to ask more questions!
When you are honest, things (including yourself), feel so much more stable. We often think that being honest about how we feel/who we are, will ruin things, causing instability. But it is actually lies that cause instability, the shaky foundation caused by untruth. Truth sets us free by allowing us to reveal ourselves rather than hiding, and providing sure footing on which to move forward in relationships and in our lives. Basically, when you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said!!
words come easy when they're true.
@Maiahi oh I know exactly what you mean. It was only when I decided to stop lying that I realised how much I do it. It's like it's instinctual for me, I don't even think about it. It's just easy I think? So easy to make something up to make yourself look better, and it's scary to tell the truth and deal with what people will think of the real you
@Maiahi Yup. It's one of the key things about growing up/maturing, right? Sacrificing the easy, more-pleasurable-in-the-moment thing, for the thing that's going to bring you and those around you more lasting happiness down the line.
@Maiahi Why thanks :D Might have to give that some thought...
I don't know, I'm pretty sure if I told friends how I feel about and towards them it would ruin my relationship with them.
Lying only generates more lying, and a relationship built on lies is not a ship but the silence before the storm.
Or it's a ship with lots of holes in it 🌊
Honesty makes the wrong people leave your life. It's the best way!
to love at all, is to be vulnerable.
And sharing that vulnerability with someone is awesome
In all Simplicity
@@santicruz4012 both of you are right. Don't know who to agree with.
🥺
@@rishabhyadav3137 gogeta is the better fusion
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein
If someone victimizes you, you are a victim. Wheter or not you "allow" that to happen means fuck all. It's not like your intentions are somehow magically changing reality.
the guy licking the statue xD
that is not how you handle historical artifacts
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato
Source?
@P. S. Which book?
@P. S. chill out lol
My marriage is currently unraveling before my eyes. My partner completely lied about himself in all aspects. He very much so had a double life. This is the worst kind of let down.
That's very sad to hear, I hope you can solve matters for yourself :)
I’m sorry to hear this Alicia, that sounds very hard. You deserve to live and love a life in Truth. I hope you get that.
You can do it Alicia!!
@Pink Salt Pink listen here @alicia is dealing with a narcissis and. Those come in both genders Male and Female. There is studies showing its higher in females becuz females tend to invest more into society. So ur answer directly geared towards men is not accurate cuz she is not dealing with a regular human being. A narcissis, sociopaths and phsycopaths are not a regular ppl.
@Pink Salt Know ur place.
I was very jaded when I first met my now husband. I felt at the time I had wasted 3 years on the wrong man. When my now husband showed up i told him like it was and what I wasn't going to put up with. Namely, jealousy. It may have worked out for the best because we've been together 10 years with no end in sight.
So true! My former partner and I spent five years together just to realize we were, in the end, so different. Things would have been much simpler and we would've avoided a hurtful and messy breakup if we both would have been just honest from the start... But, hey, lesson learned!
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
― Carl Gustav Jung
Isnt he the inventor of the moderne 82mm anti-tank RPG?
it's about what a fruitful patient-therapist relationship should be, and if you think about it, it really doesn't apply to all and every encounter you might have
Miss Gorl how many times are you going to comment lmao
To do this we need to be comfortable with the rejection which inevitably follows. The rejection is a result of our actions, so it is harder to do it than to just go with the flow, but it is much better in the long run and saves larger suffering as well as time.
Honesty is a must in the beginning, but it must stay present throughout every stage for the relationship to be truly healthy and happy.
I can't imagine a date where you simply mirror each others interests and views being very fun? You need that spice
The mirroring is only the first stage to learn about each other. Noone is exactly like another person. The matching helps people understand each other more easily and come inside each other deeper.
@@TrangNguyen-tn9pb No I don't mean to disregard the pros. I'm just wondering what you talk about if you don't have differing opinions on things?
@@plog9572 nobody’s mind is exactly the same as someone else’s. You can agree with each other on the mentality but when you go in details you will have your own creative opinions which are not like others’ ones. A good conversation with like-minded people can even help you even go further than your original opinions.
People become boring only when they have nothing else to talk about which mostly is not true to thinking minds. Actually any mind that is not thinking is boring af, you can detect it within seconds.
@@plog9572 are u talking about a narcissis cuz that's who "mirrors" ppl normal ppl actually try to get to know other ppl. There is a reason you said "you have to spice things up" cuz it's true. Narcissis don't spice up anything.
@Martha Speaks you can have your own opinions without being a jerk about it
One of the most important lesson
Don't be shy let her/him know who you really are.
Learned that the hard way.
On the premise of being honest, it seems like this is an amazingly simple solution to a complicated problem. However, this is predicated on both parties having the same goal -- a fulfilling relationship.
Furthermore, this is complicated by the fact that many of us are lonely and are willing to, at the time, make concessions to placate that feeling of loneliness. It is only after that uncomfortable feeling disappears that we realize that we have made one concession to many and are unhappy.
I find it difficult to make a connection with anyone -- romantic or not -- so I do my best to accommodate anyone that will give me attention. Inherently, this leads to unhappiness because I cannot ever be who I really am but the alternative is to potentially be 'forever alone.'
In the current age, I feel people are easily discarded as if they are only things for our entertainment and not living, feeling beings. We claw desperately at intimacy when, at most, a veneer of ourselves is seen for half a second before we're swiped left on. This engenders the feeling that we must be agreeable or risk losing a connection.
As much as I agree with this video and philosophy, I find it hard to put into practice as life is much more complicated.
Hear ya. Funny, reading all of these comments, everyone agrees. If we're all so committed to honesty from the start, why is this video so popular with those that agree, and also behave congruently?
Spot on.
I hear you, I’m struggling with that too
that kind of mentality is codependency and it’s not healthy neither for you nor for the other person being with you
instead, work on overcoming codependency and forming a secure attachment
get a professional help or research online
some tips which help me - instead of seeking attention give attention to yourself (positive self-talk, journaling about feelings and anything that comes to your mind, focus the energy on hobbies), learn how to be complete alone without other person to complete you
I'm so glad I started this new relationship in complete honesty. I told her my past mistakes and my flaws. Same with her, she told me everything about her past mistakes and flaws and vulnerabilities. It also helps that we have been friends for a while about 10 years. We have a lot of the same views and interests we have a ton in common but we obviously like different things too we even make light hearted jokes about our interests if we don't like something. It's nice that we are able to joke around and not get offended by each other's jokes. I never had that with any partner. They took everything way too seriously.
This is how my first and only relationship was. It’s been over since 4 months.
I had to pretend that I loved everything that he loved. And he might have done that too at times. What was destructing wasn’t only that we haven’t been honest, but the thing really is that you just feel like you’ve been so in rush, to make things work, to make things perfect and compatible, to make a project of perfection and acceptance and compatibility, but finally discovering you made no time to be in love.
Just about the same for me in my situation.
I’m sorry it played out the way it did, but now being a bit over a year since, how are you doing? How’s the relationship between you two?
by lying, you take away the freedom of the person that you lied to, to choose.
Like a lot of guys, my problem has always been the opposite of this -- I'm usually "too honest", or let's say "too blunt". The basic dynamic, for me and many others, is pretty simple: the more we like someone, the more we feel the need to tell them exactly what we think, the more unnecessary conflict ends up being generated. Needless to say, this is a very bad thing. You can end up losing precisely those friendships you value most, because these are the relationships where you most feel the most need to speak your mind.
My advice to anyone else who has this problem is to be strategically diplomatic. Wait until the relationship has progressed to the point where the desired level of honesty feels "safe" from the standpoint of the other person. Keep in mind that simply withholding your opinion is not lying, and that strategic omission is a legitimate tool for promoting the healthy development of any relationship, especially in the early days.
true
Or just say the truth with kindness...nobody likes brutal honesty ...we all want partners to be honest yet kind enough to not hurt us...imo
“Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”
-Uncle
Only by being honest we'll find an honest match
Only if we are lucky
creepy
Great video. This is exactly the reason why the divorce rate is so high today; people are too busy creating a perfect life to show on social media, they never stop to ask themselves if they're really compatible with their partner. Love on social media and in film rarely show the complexity of what it means to be in a long lasting relationship, how to grow with one another, and allow each other the freedom to express ourselves.
You appreciate directness, but a lot of people don't. It's a choice that sometimes threatens people, but I agree with your philosophy. Excellent.
That’s true, so many people don’t want to know the truth, they are not ready. Truth threatens our illusions about ourselves and others. Truth frees us when we accept it and live a life by it.
I do that all the time because of my anxiety and my tendency to overshare too much. Nvr had a proper relationship but I feel better having shown my true self than feel guilty.
This video popped up in my feed a year and a half ago, when I met my former ex partner. I did not bother to watch it back then. Our relationship ended yesterday, I couldn’t put up the the incompatibility anymore, and so did he feel it as well, even thought he pushed it so hard to make me change. None of us were ready for a commitment, i réalise it now, both him and I. I am watching this video now thinking that from now on, I shall be no one else but myself, and I will demand this from anyone who wishes to share my life, and if people aren’t themselves, then I won’t accept them.
I always try to be straightforward whenever i meet someone new - respectful, kind, and would tell i like to have dates in parks rather than in a fancy restaurant. It may be odd but you'll repel those who don't vibe with you and attract those who do. 💙
This is important in every relationship not just romantic ones. When I first met my boyfriend I was extremely honest with him and was true to who I am instead of hiding myself. Now we are in a happy loving relationship. ❤
The animation.. unbelievably cute and on the spot all at the same time. Brilliant.
If the relationship starts with the foundation of honesty. Then there's nothing more like it.
Of course, not honesty alone. But, heck yes! It saves a lot of time!
If you're dishonest from the beginning, then the other person may start liking (or even loving) a false version of you. That means that they don't actually like the real you, but the highly agreeable version of yourself that you have created just for them. Would you even truly want someone to fall in love with anything but the real version of you? This is the importance of being honest from the beginning in relationships.
The Universe is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired, it’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours, will be yours Unrush yourself. Hope our channel helps you on your journey !
@@MattySquared let them be they aren't causing anyone harm.
@@MattySquared but why? I liked the comment by HC (because it’s so wise). When I opened the replies I realized that it’s a channel. I clicked on the channel and the content is really useful and I have subscribed. What’s so bad about that?
Shure this comment is meaningful if it comes from an Elf or a Dwarf or some Long Lived Sentient Entity, but humans are rushed and anxious by nature our time is limited in this plane and even if the reincarnation process is true we forget all we do not recover our memories likes Thaos Ix Arkannon.
Of course the universe isn't ina hurrz but we are. Humans live like what? 80 years? Now look how old the universe is.
I realised that honesty is probably most important, because when you don't say it out loud, it brings out in other actions how you feel truly, not even years later but almost immediately. It's the scariest thing to be honest, especially when you're coming from a very vulnerable place.
I really tried going into my last relationship stating my true feelings about everything from the beginning. But even requesting honesty from my partner brought a lot of trouble. He simply wasn't ready for that much vulnerability (and still isn't). So, over time, I started lying to myself and others, that this was what I wanted.
If you want an honest relationship, don't settle for the broken, dishonest one. You can't save everybody.
What if you're the one not ready for so much vulnerability and you want a honest relationship?
@@toni2309 then you won’t have an honest relationship. You will be self sabotaging. Wait until you are emotionally healed
@Pink Salt Well, I'm trying to. A lot of common advice isn't working very well for me because I'm neurodivergent though.
@@pepedomingo4061 Well, it's too late for that. I'm already in a relationship where frankly I masked as heck at the beginning.
I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, but be yourself, have opinions, have stances on some things and have personality. You are main character in your life and everybody else is side characters. Dont be a people pleaser
Thanks I needed this
It is so fulfilling to be honest, and to be on a level of maturity to admit to each other genuine self and needs even by presenting it might not work out in the end but the only thing we can do it put in the time and give respect by being genuine.
Staying true to one another. Don't wear the mask, let them see and love you as you are.
But.... covid
Hai yeah.. truee
No, definitely wear the mask right now!
But dude, What if we get Corona? (^_-) so Wearing Mask is a MUST now
@@ricardoalcaraz1081 take it off after the threat clears
How great the world would be if it was run by this “School of Life”...
I always regret lying, never the other way around.
very good. One reason I fell in love with my husband was because he was always just himself. He was loud and annoying to a lot of people, but I liked that he didn't change who he was to fit in.
I agree, instead of being something in an attempt to be what they might like, just be yourself, You will attract people who like the real you that way.
I don't know why I am watching this?? I don't even know what is life. I am 14 and this is deep.
you gone learn today.
Life.. is a Dream within a Dream...
it's what we are looking for on Mars
Well it's great if you can learn this lesson now before you start dating.
Well,In some places you are 8 and you carry a rifle and kill people, and in olden times 14 years old you either were aprentice or worked somewhere, or if lucky and had education you lead armies XD.and if you were a girl you were forced to marry an old creep :S. PLEASE feminist do not jump it was not like that but an example, not all had that end,it is to illustrate that things vary, you could have 14 but that is no limit, If I do remember it was Aristotles that as a Kid started his "Career" as a Philosopher. well Most started when they were kids or their path was seen in such journey.
Thank God it’s just important at the start! My wife and I have been together for 44 years
good one
This happened to me, I let it happen for so long. It ended in so much pain and sorrow for the both of us.
You need to allow yourself to be your true self on the couple, the other person might not actually like you when you reveal your true self. And that's GOOD. Don't make my mistakes.
This realization was huge for me. My goal was always to keep someone for as long as possible, which often meant editing my true self. Now I know that my goal is for find the right person for me, which requires that im honest with others about who I am. It has led to more genuine connections.
Being honest is only part of the difficulty. The real challenge is knowing what you really want and how to give word to it.
can honestly say i am happy that all my relationships started with honesty:) hope everyone else is doing well!
Bruh, can we all take a moment to appreciate the animations lol..I definitely enjoy licking priceless statues at museums! This was their best one yet! 🤣
Rule #8: Tell the truth or at least don't lie.
Hahahahahaha
I see you know the Gospel of Mr Peterson, not bad but not useful in this world, use a Bit of Machiavelli too XD.
@@bernhardvonbarret1729 Lol I agree. That guy made me give up on self help.
@@kashyapvariyani4037 Well... I do not agree with Some of the things he says, but some are accurate, and they helped me understand some things, But the Media Bias Against Him is Stupid and Unfounded, On the Other Hand most self Help is dumb as I have seen it, If you do not have the will to do it, no matter who comes to counsel you, you won't do it in the end we help ourselves.People Make things in a Effort to save themselves or at least that is what Odasaku said.Oh and yeah I hate the kinda cult some people have, almost like the Emperor and he hated that.
A mind enlightened by Dr Petersen, I see
Plain and simple, just be honest
It can be very hard when you don't really know what you honestly want.
@Ben That's too late for me now though. I'm already in a relationship.
After listening to many of these films , I'm falling in love with the narrator voice 😅😅❤❤
His name is Alain De Botton.
@@soumyasingh7736
Are you sure? The narrator voice is different . Is more soft than Alain's voice .
@@Anqaa-Soul yes :)
I already knew this concept. On a reddit video about relationships/first dates, I commented, "on a first date, sometimes theres no such thing as TMI (too much information, about yourself)" I believe first impressions should be raw without conforming, but possibly compromising, especially when youre looking to date for the long term
I had to download and save this one, to rewatch later a few times. This couldn't be more important.
"The truth will set you free"
Honesty isn't always the best policy. Learned that one the hard way.
Thank you! I dated a guy for nearly a year who lied from the start. He claimed he was 48, I was 40 at the time, he was really more than 10 older than 48. He told little lies to get me to do what he wanted. He wanted me to help him at a gym he occasionally works for by lying about how long we would be at The Chicago Marathon. He claimed that we would spectate for 4 hours maximum. He had me volunteer for him for 10 hours. I could have volunteered for a run club instead, which was what I originally wanted to do. I got tired of his lies, and stopped seeing him. He lied to his friends and said he broke up with me.
I began reading Alain’s books after watching this channel and cant help not reading in his voice
I started watching your videos like 2h ago. For some reason it hurts to watch...physically. It makes me feel, it hurts so much and yet im greatful. Guess thats the pain that comes with truth and how it sets you free.
I never had any problems being honest in the first place until anxiety comes along.
Then goes my honesty covered in fear of vulnerability.
I won't lie, but I won't open up either. You will never get true honesty unless I feel safe around you.
Thank you so much for sharing this Aiseruchan, it really helps me ❤️🙏
Not being honest from the beginning only leads to running circles, not moving forward.
You don't need a good memory if you tell the truth (Mark Twain). Peter
I really enjoy this animations. I find my self smiling as I digest the message... Great work.
I feel like kids need to be taught these valuable lessons at schools whilst they’re young so that they can approach life and relationships with a proper perspective
It's always best to be honest and upfront from the start.
I agree wholly to the ideas in this video, but it makes me wonder: what about our physical appearances? Should we try to look our best whether that be through clothes or makeup, or should we just try and look “natural” or, better put, “true to ourselves”?
I’m sure this is also about finding a healthy balance but the video made me wonder about just how much our visual representations play into short-term and long-term sexual/romantic attraction.
Would love to hear any thoughts on this!
-The More Wisdom and Knowledge the More Miserable you will be...
-Blessed be the Mind so Small to Harbor Doubt...
I think it is very misleading unless your groomed look is how you look all the time. Sexual attraction or lack there of is a huge part of a healthy relationship. Do not lie in the beginning.. including about your appearance. I was actually just thinking about this idea the other day.....After your potential mate sees you how you are the majority of the time (i.e. your natural state) you can work on the balance..but initially it is important to present yourself honestly.
Radical authenticity = Radical honesty with yourself and others. Vital in partnerships
we need to be honest to _ourselves_ from the start. Rest will follow.
Currently going through a breakup and I am very distraught about it. Could you guys maybe do a video in the future about timing? About how sometimes even though everything is alright in a relationship, you both love each other, the timing is off and it's best to break up and be alone for a while.
I love this video, this is so hard to do but I’d rather be liked for who I am then an overinflated or touched up version of me
Animation feels disturbing, yet I love it
I like that the characters look like the ones from Dumb Ways to Die. It's like this video is also indicating that the dumbest way to die is to be with someone you're not compatible with.
Recently i have been troubled with dating, guys who were even interested in me walked away because I told them rightaway that I'll wait for marriage to have sex.
I thought, i should have waited till they started liking me way too much to walk away when they hear it and can actually compromise. But thanks for the video, i like it. It's freeing and yes it saves everyone a lot of time and mental health 😂
Honest from the start
It's good to be honest about this soon, because there are not many guys who will take the risks involved with having sex so late and getting married so early.
You're the definition of a prude
@@Aakash_Goswami1 No she's not actually. Not wanting to have success before marriage doesn't mean she's prudish. After marriage, she can be seen as hell.
*_I'm a single guy and this goes on the top on my watch later playlist._*
True that
Lol
I like the way you think Alain. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I have incredible troubles with this. For me, adapting to other people is a deeply engrained survival mechanism. I don't feel like I really have tons of control over it.
You are not alone. There's a whole lot of such people out there with you.
Just be aware that any of them might feel the same, and only present themselves like they do because they copy each other.
Or/and have been loud on social media about how "adapted" they are, and are now in too deep to go back.
Better to tell the truth than a thousand lies that become the foundation of a relationship
Thank you for this. I needed this as I prepar to come out again and look for a partner.
I hear the narrators calming stoic voice yet the visions on the video tell me alarming stories.
Unfortunately this is all too true. I had 3 friends tell me that my bf was NOT a good fit for me. They could see it from very early on. Too bad I couldn't....
An interesting by-product of being honest at the start of relationships is that it prevents relationships from starting with 100% effectiveness.
Orange was a big time freak 😈
Hey you, *designers from School of Life* , your work is awesome and *the way you have chosen to illustrate Alain's explanation was brilliant* . *Keep going with the people licking statues* , please! ;)
This is such an important concept I think so so many people miss it. Causing probably most of the divorces in this country.
I told way too much of the truth immediately. Turned out to work really well.
One has to fully be honest with ourselves first in order to be honest with others...Humans should really take more time to spend...also relationships are based on trust..that's not to say we can't enjoy ourselves with our friends. A great relationship depends on truth and also being our own selves within the relationship. We can still be our individual selves as long as we are honest. Thank you for this reminder!!
i sometimes worry i overshare or worry i've said something a bit weird or overly deep when i meet someone, but like i do those things all the time and if that's a problem for someone then we probably aren't going to get on - good to figure that out sooner rather than later imo!
I’ve learned that lying at the start is just a waste of time. Your investing in someone for them to find out the the truth and break your heart later. Whereas at the start if you tell the truth, you haven’t caught feelings yet and can easily get over the fact that they don’t like you because you don’t have anything in common.
But I do like him, I love him...the foundation is riddled with question Mark's, and tainted from the start, killing any magic to grow, at 1 year into it. 💔
I think we are both broken hearted tonight...