For me , Letting him pays child support has nothing to do with vengeance. A child is involved and he feels that he can walk away free from his responsibilities is a no no. Even if is a penny per week, you can save it for her college.
Sann Stark It was for me. I needed to not be angry or bitter. For the record, I will absolutely leaving that case open and have no intention of letting him off the hook.
You have such a beautiful spirit and kind heart, he didn't deserve you anyway. By releasing the anger you are placing yourself in a position to receive love and be in a healthy relationship when the time is right. Blessings to you and your beautiful little angel 💞
I like the idea of "forgiveness is for you". Being angry is only hurting you because you're the one that's angry. Not saying that this situation wouldn't warrant anger. I am sure it's very hard to be a single mother, but if he didn't want to be in your child's life, it's probably for the best. She is still your baby and making your life more amazing, with or without him. Take care
Midlife Mamma here it is my son will be a year old next month and we just left child support court last week the judge 👩⚖️ swung the entire hammer 🔨 on his low down azz ‼️ I’m trying to forgive but he literally makes it impossible like I don’t know who he is anymore ‼️
Thank you so much for posting this currently pregnant and going through a breakup. your videos are definitely motivating me to stay strong during this.
Yes! What Crafty Mommy 85 said! You can do it. Be strong, take care of you, so you can take care of your baby! Keep in touch! Let me know how you’re doing 🤗🤗🤗
I can relate to the forgiveness aspect. My sons father left him behind when he was a year old. He left without a phone number or address to be contacted. This was in 2001, it's weird but my son says that he remembers the last time he was with him, they were playing with a new toy truck he had bought him. My son is now eighteen, and was raised without his father. At one point, I searched online for him as well. The US isn't his native country. My son is very intelligent and balanced, but I would never be able to fully understand the effect this has on him as a young man. I don't hold any animosity towards his father. I just did what I had to do to make sure my son was ok. You have a beautiful blessing, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your baby girl!
Tanisha Newby It’s an unpopular opinion. I don’t think it’s black and white. At face value it would seem like child support is a no brainer, but every situation has unique undertones that change it below the surface. Ultimately we move forward and take care of our babies. Yes? Be blessed. Thanks for sharing! 🤗🤗
There are so many children without fathers today it's sad. A lot of men don't want the financial responsibility or just don't even seem to care about knowing their children disturbing. I can't imagine not having a relationship and taking care of a child I help create. You're so right we gotta forgive people for their actions or hurting us grudges just bring us down but it takes time and prayer to get to forgiveness when we've been hurt. You're so right in how you're handling this and moving forward 😊
Yeah. I see people always always ALWAYS bashing women over the head to make them accountable and not the men. Yes anyone you lie down with can be the father. No you shouldnt have sex with someone who youre not even engaged to or married to. But that father still has the responsibility to 1) also use protection and 2) take responsibility himself and take care of his kids.
This was really profound and I commend you for your honesty! Yes anger and bitterness affects you and spills out onto other relationships... I will pray for you and your daughter is so cute!
I know its none of my business but I feel like not pursuing child support based on your feelings about the father overlooks the fact that any money he would be providing could go to extra food, clothing and activities etc for your child. Im sure your daughter is well taken care of but letting him off the hook financially does her a disservice in the end when she could have the benefit of 2 adults providing for her instead of 1. Now if hes already spread thin I understand not going through the trouble but otherwise I would get every penny my child was entitled to from him, who cares if I was mad or not lol. Anyway no shade here and god bless 💖
Papillon Noir Totally see that point of view. I actually feel like he should pay child support. The case remains open and I have no intention of withdrawing it or letting him off the hook. I can’t depend on it though, because he is unwilling to cooperate. So for my own sake I had to move on with the business of taking care of my little one. I simply didn’t want to remain angry and bitter and chasing him while he dodged it was contributing to that. I hope that makes sense. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. 😊
If anything the child support money can go into her college/adulthood fund. He definitely needs to be held responsible in some way since he is emotionally and physically unfit
I don't know what state you're in, but in Maryland, if child support is not paid or dodged, the government will take their license and even go as far as incarcerating them
Your such a great mama im so happy god blessed you with a miracle you will meet a wonderful man who will love you and your beautiful daughter but i can tell you have enough love for her with or without him your so lucky to have each other you will be best friends forever 💝
Were you two in a serious committed relationship? Had you two discussed having a future together with children and each other? It is very important for young ladies and women in every type of relationship to know where the man you're with really stands with himself and you. Your perspective is healthy and it's great you moved on with some self respect.
We discussed future. We did not discuss children other than I had accepted that I couldn’t have them, because I believed that I wasn’t able to get pregnant. Particularly at my age. It was a surprise for both of is when I got pregnant. We both reacted in completely different ways. Thank you for your comment and I agree. 🤗
It is very sad when a man won't step up to the plate and be a father. I will say though that unfortunately we sometimes invite these kinds of situations in our lives. We should definitely have self care for ourselves in being wise in our choices. We need to stop selling ourselves short to men who will sleep with us, but won't honor us enough to marry us. We in no way should be having sex with them, have babies and then expect all of a sudden that they are going to be the happy father. Just watch paternity court and we see the aftermath of these kinds of relationships. 30+ year old people dealing with the hurt of the rejection of a father. Have these conversations about "what if" before you sleep with them. Find out what kind of man he is and if he will be around if you get pregnant. Don't just discuss birth control. Stop wasting ourselves on dead beat men who of course will make dead beat fathers. I applaud the single men who step up to the plate and are outstanding Fathers. But women lets be smart.
Thank you for sharing. That is excellent advice for preventative measures. I will say that in my case, I had reason to believe that, while this would be a surprise, he would still be the man I knew him to be, which was a man with a great sense of honor. His reaction completely blindsided me. So in cases where we find ourselves unexpectedly hurt by someone forgiveness is the way to respond. We learn from our experiences and we move on. I don’t regret my relationship with her father because I my daughter was born from it. Thank you again for watching and for taking the time to respond with your wisdom.
Midlife Mamma the point is that you were not married to him. why have a baby when you are not even married to the guy. you are 45. you very well knew about condoms and other forms of birth control. or even not having sex at all.
Great video. I went through the same process. Pursuing child support is a personally decision. However, I decided to pursue child support but I felt financially I am responsible for making sure my son was financially secured even though I didn’t need it. The financial support can be saved and used for college tuition and buying a car once the child becomes of age. On the other hand, going back and forth to child support court is emotionally exhausting, not to mention time consuming, and standing in front of a judge explaining the need is overwhelming. The last day I walked out court I let it all go and felt free. So do what makes you feel free and stay on the path of forgiveness. Brace yourself because the day will come when the child ask for “daddy” but speak life into the situation and you will do well. Unfortunately the child is the one who will have to deal with a broken heart and so prepare for the conversation. Finally, having a mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally healthy mom is the best you can give. Strong moms make strong kids. People will try to push the stigma of single homes on you and let me tell you... I have had not one single issue out of my son, he’s an honor roll football player and on his way to college. God is! You’ll do well with the lord on your side.
My thoughts are that we chose who our children’s fathers are. So I think there is some guilt associated with our choices and it’s easier to say it’s all him versus our choices having a part in it. This is coming from a girl who grew up without her dad like you. We don’t understand how someone could not want to be a part of our lives. And I’m glad you left the door open. You prayed for this child for years, he didn’t so while you were ecstatic and he may have thought it was virtually impossible based on your conversations so his reaction would have been shocked.
I’m sure he was. Neither one of us thought kids were an option. Of course I share in the responsibility. He is, however, completely responsible for his own actions. Thank you for sharing 🤗😊
Flory James Some men and women chose not to co parent. It’s looked at as an adoption. Same family planning decision except men are shamed as a deadbeat.
Thank you for sharing this video! So many women do/or have done all of the things you discussed out of anger. You will continue be blessed and a better mother to Nevaeh because you have freed yourself from the bondage you were once in.
I had a bit of an emotional realisation watching this video. I've always wanted kids, but I was very sick in my twenties and thirties and that stopped play. Even if I could have kids during that time I didn't think it would have been fair on the little ones. I've spent a lot of time working on forgiving others. I've spent a lot of time improving all aspects of my life. I've just realised I've got to forgive my body now. Simple, but profound realisation. The worst kind of war is an internal one. Thank you very much for sharing your journey.
+excel04 This is not a plug. But I mentioned forgiving my body in my video about coping with infertility. It was essential in me getting to peace. I mentioned that to say that I totally understand where you are. Be kind and patient with yourself. It’s a journey. 🤗🤗🤗
@@MidlifeMamma plugs are welcome if they guide me to helpful content! Thank you for sharing and your kindness. It's one thing to make it out of the woods. It's another to have the courage and ability to articulate your journey to an audience - and you're doing that admirably well. Nevaeh is a lucky girl to have such a lovely mum ♡
I’m a new subscriber. Your journey is amazing and inspiring. I’m glad you forgave! Forgiveness makes you a better woman and a better mom. You are blessed to have Nevaeh! She is the answer to your prayers. You show us all that the period of pain, frustration and bitterness we face in life is was worth it in the end.
Thank you this helps a lot I’m a young mother I still struggle with these things but your videos helps me realize that it isn’t worth the fight especially if the other parent isn’t willing to do they’re part.
Wow, what an awesome video! I am new to your channel - you were a recommendation when I was searching for pregnancy at age 40+. Although my story is different than yours, your message of forgiveness transcends any specific situation. I think all of us have been hurt in one way or another and your approach will help so many people to move forward. I have many times heard that forgiveness is for the self - not for the person who has hurt you. But, the way you have expressed the method by which you got to that point somehow made a lot more sense to me. So, thank you! Bless you and your little girl! :-)
I needed to see this, I’m pregnant with my first child and while her father isn’t “absent”, he blames me for leaving the relationship. We couldn’t agree, and he was treating me like I wasn’t equal to him. He talked down on me ALOT, so at 4 months pregnant I left. I don’t know if I’ve forgiven him yet or if I’m just ignoring the way he treats me. I’ve prayed and prayed and I think that’s why I’ve been able to still communicate with him about our unborn child. I feel at peace even though I’m confused. He hasn’t helped with anything for her so far, so I’m waiting to see what happens. I don’t ask him for anything, I don’t feel like I should have too because he knows he has a child coming. He continues to blame me for every decision that I’ve made down to her name, I’m honestly fed up and I know all I can do is pray for my strength and sanity to be the best mom I can.
I'm curious if he has a relationship with his other children? Were there any warning signs while your were dating? Meaning was he off hands with the other kids.
@@lunajd98 these kind of men benefit on some level from being present or active in the other children's lives. Whether that's for their image or whatever the Dynamics of the relationship they have with the other mother or other family members of those children. But don't be fooled. . any man who would treat one child lesser than or disregard all together is really an evil individual and messed up in the head. This person probably never gave a rats ass about the mother at all and sad to say when a child is created in the midst of the fake love/lust its very clear that the guy didn't plan on being who he is to those kids or that woman to you or your kids. And to make matters even worst or to add insult to injury they blatantly neglect their responsibility of the child making the mother have to struggle and pull all the weight financially and mentally. Creating a toxic situation for a child to be raised in. It takes a strong woman to get through that kind of pain and to be that anchor for the child that the dad chooses not to be yet is the complete opposite to the other kids. Sad sad sad situation.
Can you do a video on how you will explain this to your daughter and what tools you will provide to her to heal the hurt. Children who grow up in this situation usually end up very hurt and do things to look for that love. I know for me i didnt do anything persay however i dont trust men at all and i really cant stand my father. In fact i just went off on him the other day. the hurt i feel is indescribable and my mother thinks i should "just get over it" because he aint never going to change but it HURTS like hell. Im in therapy and the tears i cry because i cant scream is real.
I will do a video like this. I went through the same thing and I feel your pain. I do know that there is a healing that needs to happen. Forgiveness is the first step to healing. Know that that comes from someone who knows that hurt. I’ll be praying for you.
Good for you. You came to that place a whole lot quicker than I did. May God bless & keep you both always!!! On another note... I like to think there is a special place in hell for absent parents. 💁🏾♀️
Thanks for your transparency on this subject, I had my daughter at 40 and was heartbroken when her dad choose not to be there. I’m now 45 and Lear to let go and let God, I’m happier for it
Thank you for this video. I’m 34 weeks and the father hasn’t been involved at all. I’m still in disbelief that someone doesn’t care to know how their baby is developing ect. I have been also on the fence about child support. I don’t want no ties with this man so I more than likely won’t pursue child support.
+Joanna First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!!!! I know how you are feeling. Having my mom around helps me. Hopefully you have a good support system. Sending you big hugs! Let me know how you are doing!
The courts tend to skew in favor of the mother when it comes to custody etc. Child support is mandated by law and it is your child's right to receive money to improve their quality of life. If he doesn't even want to see the child, it's doubtful they would exercise their "rights" anyways. Meanwhile, you would have child support coming in.
I’m not sure why I was pleasantly gifted with your video but anyway....I would just like to say I watched two of your videos this one and another and I appreciate ones candidness regarding your circumstance. If you haven’t already done so can I suggest you ‘define’ the characteristics and qualities of Navaeh’s father and/or your husband to be and continue to give thanks for having the experience of that being everyday. #OnlytheBest #ForgivenessisSoWonderful 😊 Sending one and ones family continue vibes of love, harmony, limitless prosperity and well-being. Thanks for sharing.
Midlife Mamma You’re welcome! Although, intuitively I feel that the thought to take such an action would come to you much sooner than later. #GenuineBeing #GoodVibes
You are a beautiful person inside and out. Many blessings in your life. They are truly good men out there who would feel so blessed to be in you and your daughter’s life. His loss.
Your video came up in my YT suggestions and I'm glad I clicked. New subbie here. I'm so rigid, stubborn and unforgiving. I need to learn from people with beautiful and forgiving hearts like yours on how to forgive. THANK YOU!
You 45? Girl you look 30 so beautiful and your daughter is so very cute. I'm new here and I'm glad I found your channel. Going through my own battles but your positivity has helped me a lot. Your daughter is a gift from God no matter what. God bless you and your family.
Many blessings to you & your beautiful daughter❤️Thanks for sharing I have been there. My daughter is 24 & I have to say I have her the best that I could. I wish you the very best always❤️
I wish I could like this video 1000 times. You are strong, inspiring and intelligent. Everything you said about forgiveness is so true. You will pass these truths to your daughter and she will be a phenomenal young lady as well. Thank God for the wisdom He has given you! How I wish more parents were like you, and understand that truly raising your child is the most important thing. Focus on what's important. We only get one chance at raising our children.
Great video you enlighten me tremendously thank you. Your right forgiveness is good for us , and I’m very happy you are able to forgive so you can focus on being a great mom to your daughter❤️
Taking the emotion out of it, child support is what it is. Support for the child he created. It's the law. Angry or not. But I understand you want to work through your feelings about it first so you can have clarity of mind. But really, even if you were rich, that money could go into a trust for your daughter. It's more about her than you. If he can't manage to be there for her physically, as a Father, then at least she can have some benefit from the situation down the road.
I have just gotten some time to watch this video and men and women both needs to realize that the seed is from the man a child can't be made without that seed so whom ever he is he hates himself by denying his child God forbid that he may one day need the dribble to be wiped from his mouth because what goes around comes around Glad you forgave load of you blessing
You sound like an amazing, truly loving mom. You have every right to forgive her father for his abandonment of you, if that's what you want to do, but the fact remains that he is her father and he is legally responsible for her financially until she turns 18--child support serves the needs of the child and has nothing to do with the relationship of the parents.
Are you dating? Is that tmi? Maybe one day you and Naveah will find the right man for that role. You have such a beautiful spirit and I can imagine that you will attract a beautiful new man into your life
Keep up the good work is his loss not yours you're really regret this later on down the road you are a gorgeous young lady and you have a beautiful daughter
Why do you need to forgive someone that is telling you honestly that they don’t want to parent or co parent with you? Many women terminate pregnancies for the same reason. It’s not right to trap someone with an unwanted pregnancy. I’m glad you came to your senses.
Thanks for sharing ☺ Stay strong , we are the same age with some what simulator life experiences . You are a strong woman with many blessings to come .
First I commend you on this journey. Question : I'm a new subscriber so I don't know if you mention this already but you said he had other children, do they know about your daughter? If their mother initiates contact and wanted them to at least know her sister . Would you be willing to open that door?
I'm sooo surprised by some of the ladies in this comment section. I mean no shade to you either lady but in my opinion he did nothing wrong. It's no different to women who have unplanned pregnancies or give a child up for adoption. His just making his choice and that is to not be a father just like women who give children up for adoption. What's wrong with that? However if I got pregnant at 45 I would keep my child too, it's a tough lesson. However these things should be discussed before a child is created. Beautiful child and all the best for the future
I know I'm late on this video,cause it's a good video. You having a child where for you to go through to tell others women's how they can forgive. God use you to ministry to us women's. Thank you ,and be bless. New stubby.
Please hold him responsible for child support dont let him get away. I hope u find a real man to marry, a mature family orientated man who will play a role as a step father. That man does not like responbility and he will keep making babies and run because he has issues.
Good for you sweetheart. God bless you and Nevaeh. She is indeed a beautiful gift from God, as you too are to her. I have placed you two on my prayer list and will be standing with you in spirit. New subbie :).
Has he ever seen his daughter? When was the last time that you spoke to him? Do you plan to allow your daughter to get to know her other siblings? Perhaps a relationship between you and the other mother(s) can be fostered without the father in the picture.
He has seen her once. I haven’t spoken to him since she was 1 month old. I’m for sure open to letting her get to know her siblings. Hopefully she gets that chance.
She opened that door like an adult like "Mama you didn't hear me crying!!!" with the binky in her mouth LOLOLOL....awwww how she plays with your ear. I miss when my 6 year old daughter was a baby.
I wrote another comment in another one of your videos. I am 43 and going through IVF as a single woman so I am using a donor. If some guy came along and got me pregnant now as long as it was not rape or violent I would feel so grateful to him weather he wants to be in their life or not. It makes sense how you felt because you are not in my situation but what if you were. What if god just placed in him your life to make you a mother and not to create a family with him but a family with you and her. What if you were a single mother by choice. Its just a perspective and another way of thinking about it and letting go.
Did you ever reach out to him? Some say I should reach out to my daughters father but I'm a little resistant because I feel like we are both adults and if he wanted to be apart of her life ...he would..... but I also don't want her to feel mommy never tried. 🤷🏽♀️
Praise God for forgiveness!!! Our heavenly father tells us in his word that we must forgive in order for him to forgive us of our sins. Now that you have entered the place of forgiveness please be sure to seek the father and break the curse of abandonment off of your life and your daughters life. A lot of time when a parent abandons there can be a curse of abandonment that is generational. Ask me how I know? The Heavenly father delivered me from a similar situation. God bless you and your little one. She is a blessing and so adorable.😀
You have a beautiful heart & I really hope & pray that he changes his mind. At the end of day your little miracle is all that matters.❤️New sub here. Take care great content.
How can women have abortions or give children up for adoption? We know most of those don't do it cause they were raped. They should just stop having sex then and "woman up" their responsibilities no "real woman" would abandon her child. Sense the sarcasm
Bravo for you and baby girl. I hope your favored with s man that will be a good dad to your daughter and the best man for you to love and love you and her both. YHWH favor you. Amen!
Iam so happy you have forgiven for the sake of your own sanity. Sister please please please take his ass to child support! Sorry it was a bit vulgar but its the best I can give! Its one thing to not physically be present, which he will definitely regret that! But he has a financial responsibility and he can and should at least do that! Thank you for being an inspiration and sharing your journey with us all!
This vlog is an entire blessing. I appreciate your transparency and how you were completely vulnerable and honest. You gave me chills! God bless you. I'm a new subbie and I'll be checking out your other videos. I've also had to forgive someone who never apologized for hurting me and it's made me a better person. It's not easy though. Check out my channel when you can. This video needs to go viral especially the pursuing child support out of anger aspect.
Forgive him for what? He didn't propose marriage and didn't tell you he wanted children with you so I can't view him as a bad guy that needs forgiveness.. only if he gave you false hope as is if he wanted you and kids 💯💯 you seem like a good woman wish you the best though
He didn’t need the forgiveness. I did. As I said in the video it was for me. Whatever the circumstances, I needed to work through what I was feeling. It doesn’t matter if he is the bad guy or not. Good people do things that hurt sometimes. I was hurt so I had to work through it. For me. Not him.
@@MidlifeMamma I think you're dope and a good woman and mother end of the day it just looks kind of sad you let a dude give you a kid when you should've been getting locked down instead of just a statistic just my opinion
Y’all are coming through with the comments again! Thank you everyone! I appreciate every last comment!!! 🤗🤗
For me , Letting him pays child support has nothing to do with vengeance. A child is involved and he feels that he can walk away free from his responsibilities is a no no. Even if is a penny per week, you can save it for her college.
Sann Stark It was for me. I needed to not be angry or bitter. For the record, I will absolutely leaving that case open and have no intention of letting him off the hook.
Thank you for the vedio you are such a kind Mom with Good heart God bless you dear💝💝💝💖💖💖😘💖
You have such a beautiful spirit and kind heart, he didn't deserve you anyway. By releasing the anger you are placing yourself in a position to receive love and be in a healthy relationship when the time is right. Blessings to you and your beautiful little angel 💞
Thank you so much. I appreciate that 🤗😊
This child is entitled.to emotional and financial support from both parents. Your child at 45, was a blessing. God meant for it to be that way.
I like the idea of "forgiveness is for you". Being angry is only hurting you because you're the one that's angry. Not saying that this situation wouldn't warrant anger. I am sure it's very hard to be a single mother, but if he didn't want to be in your child's life, it's probably for the best. She is still your baby and making your life more amazing, with or without him. Take care
I definitely needed this 🙌🏽 this is deep and millions of women should view this video
Thank you!! I’m hoping my story can inspire someone else to forgive 🤗
Midlife Mamma here it is my son will be a year old next month and we just left child support court last week the judge 👩⚖️ swung the entire hammer 🔨 on his low down azz ‼️ I’m trying to forgive but he literally makes it impossible like I don’t know who he is anymore ‼️
Oh, you are a Phenomenal Woman! I had to hold back from crying because I am at work. Love love love to you and Neveah! ✨💚✨
Thank you for all the love! Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts. It makes it all worth it when I here things like this!! 🤗🤗😊😊
Thank you so much for posting this currently pregnant and going through a breakup. your videos are definitely motivating me to stay strong during this.
That must be very scary, but you can do it! There are so many resources for single mothers. Your love for your baby will help you stay strong. 💓
Yes! What Crafty Mommy 85 said! You can do it. Be strong, take care of you, so you can take care of your baby! Keep in touch! Let me know how you’re doing 🤗🤗🤗
I can relate to the forgiveness aspect. My sons father left him behind when he was a year old. He left without a phone number or address to be contacted. This was in 2001, it's weird but my son says that he remembers the last time he was with him, they were playing with a new toy truck he had bought him. My son is now eighteen, and was raised without his father. At one point, I searched online for him as well. The US isn't his native country. My son is very intelligent and balanced, but I would never be able to fully understand the effect this has on him as a young man. I don't hold any animosity towards his father. I just did what I had to do to make sure my son was ok. You have a beautiful blessing, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your baby girl!
Thank you for sharing, more women need to take this step when parenting alone.
finally someone who feels where im coming from about child support. Me and mine are good. no need to be greedy.
Tanisha Newby It’s an unpopular opinion. I don’t think it’s black and white. At face value it would seem like child support is a no brainer, but every situation has unique undertones that change it below the surface. Ultimately we move forward and take care of our babies. Yes? Be blessed. Thanks for sharing! 🤗🤗
There are so many children without fathers today it's sad. A lot of men don't want the financial responsibility or just don't even seem to care about knowing their children disturbing. I can't imagine not having a relationship and taking care of a child I help create. You're so right we gotta forgive people for their actions or hurting us grudges just bring us down but it takes time and prayer to get to forgiveness when we've been hurt. You're so right in how you're handling this and moving forward 😊
Yeah. I see people always always ALWAYS bashing women over the head to make them accountable and not the men. Yes anyone you lie down with can be the father. No you shouldnt have sex with someone who youre not even engaged to or married to. But that father still has the responsibility to 1) also use protection and 2) take responsibility himself and take care of his kids.
This was really profound and I commend you for your honesty! Yes anger and bitterness affects you and spills out onto other relationships... I will pray for you and your daughter is so cute!
Thank you so much. I always like to keep it honest and from the heart 😊
I know its none of my business but I feel like not pursuing child support based on your feelings about the father overlooks the fact that any money he would be providing could go to extra food, clothing and activities etc for your child. Im sure your daughter is well taken care of but letting him off the hook financially does her a disservice in the end when she could have the benefit of 2 adults providing for her instead of 1.
Now if hes already spread thin I understand not going through the trouble but otherwise I would get every penny my child was entitled to from him, who cares if I was mad or not lol.
Anyway no shade here and god bless 💖
Papillon Noir Totally see that point of view. I actually feel like he should pay child support. The case remains open and I have no intention of withdrawing it or letting him off the hook. I can’t depend on it though, because he is unwilling to cooperate. So for my own sake I had to move on with the business of taking care of my little one. I simply didn’t want to remain angry and bitter and chasing him while he dodged it was contributing to that. I hope that makes sense. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. 😊
I agree 100%
If anything the child support money can go into her college/adulthood fund. He definitely needs to be held responsible in some way since he is emotionally and physically unfit
Customcalendars4u2 this is exactly why I don’t want to pursue child support
I don't know what state you're in, but in Maryland, if child support is not paid or dodged, the government will take their license and even go as far as incarcerating them
This is a monumentally powerful video that I think every person should watch, because we all could use more forgiveness in our lives. Thank you. 🙏
Indeed we could! Thank you!!!!
Your such a great mama im so happy god blessed you with a miracle you will meet a wonderful man who will love you and your beautiful daughter but i can tell you have enough love for her with or without him your so lucky to have each other you will be best friends forever 💝
Christina sexy mama Thank you so much 🤗
Yoo your voice is so SOOTHING 😍😍 I know this had nothing to do with your video but I appreciate your transparency 👏
You are so mature and I love your sprit.
Were you two in a serious committed relationship? Had you two discussed having a future together with children and each other? It is very important for young ladies and women in every type of relationship to know where the man you're with really stands with himself and you. Your perspective is healthy and it's great you moved on with some self respect.
We discussed future. We did not discuss children other than I had accepted that I couldn’t have them, because I believed that I wasn’t able to get pregnant. Particularly at my age. It was a surprise for both of is when I got pregnant. We both reacted in completely different ways. Thank you for your comment and I agree. 🤗
@@MidlifeMamma thank you for your peaceful spirit and moving forward gracefully for your daughter🤗
It is very sad when a man won't step up to the plate and be a father. I will say though that unfortunately we sometimes invite these kinds of situations in our lives.
We should definitely have self care for ourselves in being wise in our choices. We need to stop selling ourselves short to men who will sleep with us, but won't honor us enough
to marry us. We in no way should be having sex with them, have babies and then expect all of a sudden that they are going to be the happy father. Just watch paternity court and
we see the aftermath of these kinds of relationships. 30+ year old people dealing with the hurt of the rejection of a father. Have these conversations about "what if" before you sleep with them.
Find out what kind of man he is and if he will be around if you get pregnant. Don't just discuss birth control. Stop wasting ourselves on dead beat men who of course will make dead beat fathers.
I applaud the single men who step up to the plate and are outstanding Fathers. But women lets be smart.
Thank you for sharing. That is excellent advice for preventative measures. I will say that in my case, I had reason to believe that, while this would be a surprise, he would still be the man I knew him to be, which was a man with a great sense of honor. His reaction completely blindsided me. So in cases where we find ourselves unexpectedly hurt by someone forgiveness is the way to respond. We learn from our experiences and we move on. I don’t regret my relationship with her father because I my daughter was born from it. Thank you again for watching and for taking the time to respond with your wisdom.
Midlife Mamma the point is that you were not married to him. why have a baby when you are not even married to the guy. you are 45. you very well knew about condoms and other forms of birth control. or even not having sex at all.
@@seanparker2243 Who are you? get this, you are PISSED but you need a mirror. Judgement within will reek on the out.
sean parker agreed
This was a wonderful lesson and a great testimony. It really helps for you to break it down!
Great video. I went through the same process. Pursuing child support is a personally decision. However, I decided to pursue child support but I felt financially I am responsible for making sure my son was financially secured even though I didn’t need it. The financial support can be saved and used for college tuition and buying a car once the child becomes of age. On the other hand, going back and forth to child support court is emotionally exhausting, not to mention time consuming, and standing in front of a judge explaining the need is overwhelming. The last day I walked out court I let it all go and felt free. So do what makes you feel free and stay on the path of forgiveness. Brace yourself because the day will come when the child ask for “daddy” but speak life into the situation and you will do well. Unfortunately the child is the one who will have to deal with a broken heart and so prepare for the conversation. Finally, having a mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally healthy mom is the best you can give. Strong moms make strong kids. People will try to push the stigma of single homes on you and let me tell you... I have had not one single issue out of my son, he’s an honor roll football player and on his way to college. God is! You’ll do well with the lord on your side.
My thoughts are that we chose who our children’s fathers are. So I think there is some guilt associated with our choices and it’s easier to say it’s all him versus our choices having a part in it.
This is coming from a girl who grew up without her dad like you. We don’t understand how someone could not want to be a part of our lives.
And I’m glad you left the door open. You prayed for this child for years, he didn’t so while you were ecstatic and he may have thought it was virtually impossible based on your conversations so his reaction would have been shocked.
I’m sure he was. Neither one of us thought kids were an option. Of course I share in the responsibility. He is, however, completely responsible for his own actions. Thank you for sharing 🤗😊
Stfu
He will be sorry about it much later in life when he finds himself alone!
Afrocentric AnatomyTV It sounds like he already had other children
Afrocentric AnatomyTV He won’t. He made his choice. He’s cool with it.
Some men make a choice is happy with it and some regret later in life. Leave it to the universe.
Flory James Some men and women chose not to co parent. It’s looked at as an adoption. Same family planning decision except men are shamed as a deadbeat.
I want to thank you this can apply to many situations of learning to forgive.. Much Love.
For sure!!! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this video! So many women do/or have done all of the things you discussed out of anger. You will continue be blessed and a better mother to Nevaeh because you have freed yourself from the bondage you were once in.
Yes! Thank you! It’s so good to be free of it! I hope it inspires someone else to do the same!
You are the definition of a real woman. I do not have children, but this video taught me about letting go of things and not being so angry.
Thank you!! I’m glad it helped. I try to apply this throughout life, but this one was hard. Worth it to get there though. 🤗😊
I had a bit of an emotional realisation watching this video. I've always wanted kids, but I was very sick in my twenties and thirties and that stopped play. Even if I could have kids during that time I didn't think it would have been fair on the little ones. I've spent a lot of time working on forgiving others. I've spent a lot of time improving all aspects of my life. I've just realised I've got to forgive my body now. Simple, but profound realisation. The worst kind of war is an internal one. Thank you very much for sharing your journey.
+excel04 This is not a plug. But I mentioned forgiving my body in my video about coping with infertility. It was essential in me getting to peace. I mentioned that to say that I totally understand where you are. Be kind and patient with yourself. It’s a journey. 🤗🤗🤗
@@MidlifeMamma plugs are welcome if they guide me to helpful content! Thank you for sharing and your kindness. It's one thing to make it out of the woods. It's another to have the courage and ability to articulate your journey to an audience - and you're doing that admirably well. Nevaeh is a lucky girl to have such a lovely mum ♡
I’m a new subscriber. Your journey is amazing and inspiring. I’m glad you forgave! Forgiveness makes you a better woman and a better mom. You are blessed to have Nevaeh! She is the answer to your prayers. You show us all that the period of pain, frustration and bitterness we face in life is was worth it in the end.
Thank you so much! I have to admit that having Nevaeh was another big part of me being able to forgive. 🤗😊
Thank you this helps a lot I’m a young mother I still struggle with these things but your videos helps me realize that it isn’t worth the fight especially if the other parent isn’t willing to do they’re part.
Wow, what an awesome video! I am new to your channel - you were a recommendation when I was searching for pregnancy at age 40+. Although my story is different than yours, your message of forgiveness transcends any specific situation. I think all of us have been hurt in one way or another and your approach will help so many people to move forward. I have many times heard that forgiveness is for the self - not for the person who has hurt you. But, the way you have expressed the method by which you got to that point somehow made a lot more sense to me. So, thank you! Bless you and your little girl! :-)
Thank you! I really wanted this message to help 🤗😊
I'm so glad to have found your channel. Your positivity shines through. ❤
Thank you! I’m glad you found it too! 🤗😊
I needed to see this, I’m pregnant with my first child and while her father isn’t “absent”, he blames me for leaving the relationship. We couldn’t agree, and he was treating me like I wasn’t equal to him. He talked down on me ALOT, so at 4 months pregnant I left. I don’t know if I’ve forgiven him yet or if I’m just ignoring the way he treats me. I’ve prayed and prayed and I think that’s why I’ve been able to still communicate with him about our unborn child. I feel at peace even though I’m confused. He hasn’t helped with anything for her so far, so I’m waiting to see what happens. I don’t ask him for anything, I don’t feel like I should have too because he knows he has a child coming. He continues to blame me for every decision that I’ve made down to her name, I’m honestly fed up and I know all I can do is pray for my strength and sanity to be the best mom I can.
@SpankBuda .......
Women and men are equally dysfunctional.
You do have a point but couldn't you have chosen to express it a better way?
I'm curious if he has a relationship with his other children? Were there any warning signs while your were dating? Meaning was he off hands with the other kids.
honeychild713 Yes. In fact, one of the things I admired about him was how hands on he was as a father.
Midlife Mamma sheesh! Same situation here! He is a very involved father with his daughter that is why I was so shocked by him treating me this way.
@@lunajd98 these kind of men benefit on some level from being present or active in the other children's lives. Whether that's for their image or whatever the Dynamics of the relationship they have with the other mother or other family members of those children. But don't be fooled. . any man who would treat one child lesser than or disregard all together is really an evil individual and messed up in the head. This person probably never gave a rats ass about the mother at all and sad to say when a child is created in the midst of the fake love/lust its very clear that the guy didn't plan on being who he is to those kids or that woman to you or your kids. And to make matters even worst or to add insult to injury they blatantly neglect their responsibility of the child making the mother have to struggle and pull all the weight financially and mentally. Creating a toxic situation for a child to be raised in. It takes a strong woman to get through that kind of pain and to be that anchor for the child that the dad chooses not to be yet is the complete opposite to the other kids. Sad sad sad situation.
Can you do a video on how you will explain this to your daughter and what tools you will provide to her to heal the hurt. Children who grow up in this situation usually end up very hurt and do things to look for that love. I know for me i didnt do anything persay however i dont trust men at all and i really cant stand my father. In fact i just went off on him the other day. the hurt i feel is indescribable and my mother thinks i should "just get over it" because he aint never going to change but it HURTS like hell. Im in therapy and the tears i cry because i cant scream is real.
I will do a video like this. I went through the same thing and I feel your pain. I do know that there is a healing that needs to happen. Forgiveness is the first step to healing. Know that that comes from someone who knows that hurt. I’ll be praying for you.
Good for you. You came to that place a whole lot quicker than I did. May God bless & keep you both always!!!
On another note... I like to think there is a special place in hell for absent parents. 💁🏾♀️
Thanks for your transparency on this subject, I had my daughter at 40 and was heartbroken when her dad choose not to be there. I’m now 45 and Lear to let go and let God, I’m happier for it
Thank you for sharing...what a freeing journey of forgiveness. The way your baby was rubbing your ear made my heart melt! She loves her mama! ♥️
Thank you! My ear is her security blanket and I’m happy to oblige 😉🤗😊
I realized I would be a single mother before my son was born 13 yrs I had to except it
Thank you for this video. I’m 34 weeks and the father hasn’t been involved at all. I’m still in disbelief that someone doesn’t care to know how their baby is developing ect. I have been also on the fence about child support. I don’t want no ties with this man so I more than likely won’t pursue child support.
+Joanna First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!!!! I know how you are feeling. Having my mom around helps me. Hopefully you have a good support system. Sending you big hugs! Let me know how you are doing!
You don't need to keep contact with him to get child support.
S. AB going to child support comes DNA ect. Once paternity is established he has rights.. that’s a can I rather not open.
The courts tend to skew in favor of the mother when it comes to custody etc. Child support is mandated by law and it is your child's right to receive money to improve their quality of life. If he doesn't even want to see the child, it's doubtful they would exercise their "rights" anyways. Meanwhile, you would have child support coming in.
Hello my beautiful sister! This video is so amazing and very encouraging for all single parents living this out. I admire your strength and tenacity
Thank you!! Love you!’
I’m not sure why I was pleasantly gifted with your video but anyway....I would just like to say I watched two of your videos this one and another and I appreciate ones candidness regarding your circumstance.
If you haven’t already done so can I suggest you ‘define’ the characteristics and qualities of Navaeh’s father and/or your husband to be and continue to give thanks for having the experience of that being everyday.
#OnlytheBest
#ForgivenessisSoWonderful 😊
Sending one and ones family continue vibes of love, harmony, limitless prosperity and well-being. Thanks for sharing.
That is great advice. I have not done that. Thank you so much!
Midlife Mamma You’re welcome! Although, intuitively I feel that the thought to take such an action would come to you much sooner than later.
#GenuineBeing #GoodVibes
You such a loving Mom and good heart God bless you sweet Mom
Maybe what happened is that having a child was your hearts desire but it wasn’t his.
Maybe not 😔
You are a beautiful person inside and out. Many blessings in your life. They are truly good men out there who would feel so blessed to be in you and your daughter’s life. His loss.
+Scorpio Moon Thank you for this! 🤗
Your video came up in my YT suggestions and I'm glad I clicked. New subbie here. I'm so rigid, stubborn and unforgiving. I need to learn from people with beautiful and forgiving hearts like yours on how to forgive. THANK YOU!
You 45? Girl you look 30 so beautiful and your daughter is so very cute. I'm new here and I'm glad I found your channel. Going through my own battles but your positivity has helped me a lot. Your daughter is a gift from God no matter what. God bless you and your family.
Many blessings to you & your beautiful daughter❤️Thanks for sharing I have been there. My daughter is 24 & I have to say I have her the best that I could. I wish you the very best always❤️
🤗🤗
I wish I could like this video 1000 times. You are strong, inspiring and intelligent. Everything you said about forgiveness is so true. You will pass these truths to your daughter and she will be a phenomenal young lady as well. Thank God for the wisdom He has given you! How I wish more parents were like you, and understand that truly raising your child is the most important thing. Focus on what's important. We only get one chance at raising our children.
I really appreciate this. Thank you 🤗🤗🤗
Her little arms so precious!!!!!
Great video you enlighten me tremendously thank you. Your right forgiveness is good for us , and I’m very happy you are able to forgive so you can focus on being a great mom to your daughter❤️
I feel you!!! Excellent video. Thanks for sharing!!!
+Live2Inspire1 Thank you 🤗🤗
Taking the emotion out of it, child support is what it is. Support for the child he created. It's the law. Angry or not. But I understand you want to work through your feelings about it first so you can have clarity of mind. But really, even if you were rich, that money could go into a trust for your daughter. It's more about her than you. If he can't manage to be there for her physically, as a Father, then at least she can have some benefit from the situation down the road.
I completely agree. 😊
I have just gotten some time to watch this video and men and women both needs to realize that the seed is from the man a child can't be made without that seed so whom ever he is he hates himself by denying his child God forbid that he may one day need the dribble to be wiped from his mouth because what goes around comes around Glad you forgave load of you blessing
Awwh you're a beautiful and amazing woman. Thank you for taking care of her. You both are blessed💕
Thank you 🤗
You sound like an amazing, truly loving mom. You have every right to forgive her father for his abandonment of you, if that's what you want to do, but the fact remains that he is her father and he is legally responsible for her financially until she turns 18--child support serves the needs of the child and has nothing to do with the relationship of the parents.
Are you dating? Is that tmi? Maybe one day you and Naveah will find the right man for that role.
You have such a beautiful spirit and I can imagine that you will attract a beautiful new man into your life
Not tmi at all. I am not dating. I’m focused on her right now. I would love to get married. I’m leaving that up to God. Let’s see what He does. 🤗😊
She's precious.
Keep up the good work is his loss not yours you're really regret this later on down the road you are a gorgeous young lady and you have a beautiful daughter
I'm praying also that this guy will come around for your daughter and you also
Thank you! 🤗😊
You are so intelligent and I know you’re a wonderful mom. God bless you 🙂
Yaas🙋♀️ had to subscribe. Thanks for the transparency.
Why do you need to forgive someone that is telling you honestly that they don’t want to parent or co parent with you? Many women terminate pregnancies for the same reason. It’s not right to trap someone with an unwanted pregnancy. I’m glad you came to your senses.
Thanks for sharing ☺ Stay strong , we are the same age with some what simulator life experiences . You are a strong woman with many blessings to come .
Thank you so much!! 🤗😊
First I commend you on this journey.
Question : I'm a new subscriber so I don't know if you mention this already but you said he had other children, do they know about your daughter? If their mother initiates contact and wanted them to at least know her sister . Would you be willing to open that door?
rico suave I absolutely would.
I need advice. I am 46 I take anti depression medicine and I haven't had my period, im late, what should I do?
You are so smart and beautiful!
Aww thank you 🤗
I just started watching your videos and I love with your spirit and wisdom.🤩🤩
Aww thank you!!!
I'm sooo surprised by some of the ladies in this comment section. I mean no shade to you either lady but in my opinion he did nothing wrong. It's no different to women who have unplanned pregnancies or give a child up for adoption. His just making his choice and that is to not be a father just like women who give children up for adoption. What's wrong with that? However if I got pregnant at 45 I would keep my child too, it's a tough lesson. However these things should be discussed before a child is created. Beautiful child and all the best for the future
Interesting take on it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🤗
I know I'm late on this video,cause it's a good video. You having a child where for you to go through to tell others women's how they can forgive. God use you to ministry to us women's. Thank you ,and be bless. New stubby.
Welcome to the family! I’m happy you’re here 🤗😊
Please hold him responsible for child support dont let him get away. I hope u find a real man to marry, a mature family orientated man who will play a role as a step father. That man does not like responbility and he will keep making babies and run because he has issues.
No plans to close the case. Just needed to change my approach. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🤗🤗
Right
Good for you sweetheart. God bless you and Nevaeh. She is indeed a beautiful gift from God, as you too are to her. I have placed you two on my prayer list and will be standing with you in spirit. New subbie :).
Has he ever seen his daughter? When was the last time that you spoke to him? Do you plan to allow your daughter to get to know her other siblings? Perhaps a relationship between you and the other mother(s) can be fostered without the father in the picture.
He has seen her once. I haven’t spoken to him since she was 1 month old. I’m for sure open to letting her get to know her siblings. Hopefully she gets that chance.
She is so beautiful!
She opened that door like an adult like "Mama you didn't hear me crying!!!" with the binky in her mouth LOLOLOL....awwww how she plays with your ear. I miss when my 6 year old daughter was a baby.
T.J. Johnson LOL!! She did!!! How funny! They grow up so fast don’t they?
I wrote another comment in another one of your videos. I am 43 and going through IVF as a single woman so I am using a donor. If some guy came along and got me pregnant now as long as it was not rape or violent I would feel so grateful to him weather he wants to be in their life or not. It makes sense how you felt because you are not in my situation but what if you were. What if god just placed in him your life to make you a mother and not to create a family with him but a family with you and her. What if you were a single mother by choice. Its just a perspective and another way of thinking about it and letting go.
Did you ever reach out to him? Some say I should reach out to my daughters father but I'm a little resistant because I feel like we are both adults and if he wanted to be apart of her life ...he would..... but I also don't want her to feel mommy never tried. 🤷🏽♀️
Praise God for forgiveness!!! Our heavenly father tells us in his word that we must forgive in order for him to forgive us of our sins. Now that you have entered the place of forgiveness please be sure to seek the father and break the curse of abandonment off of your life and your daughters life. A lot of time when a parent abandons there can be a curse of abandonment that is generational. Ask me how I know? The Heavenly father delivered me from a similar situation. God bless you and your little one. She is a blessing and so adorable.😀
Exactly where I am right now. Thank you! I hope you are well!
By the way, I did give you a like because you seem lovely and your baby is precious.
You have a beautiful heart & I really hope & pray that he changes his mind. At the end of day your little miracle is all that matters.❤️New sub here. Take care great content.
Thank you! Welcome to the family🤗😊
Thanks for sharing I needed this
I respect your choice to forgive. But I would never forgive him!
And if I am 44 years old and wanting to try for a baby?
Go for it!
AMEN
This is like going to church, I needed this so much and you confirmed to me that I truly don’t need to pursue child support at this time.
Very nice video 😍
Great video 😍😍😍.
Beautiful video🤗
Thanx alot for this video
You are so sweet
How can a man abandon his own child. He needs the love of Jesus in his heart. If you dont like kids you must not even have sex. Period!!!
How can women have abortions or give children up for adoption? We know most of those don't do it cause they were raped. They should just stop having sex then and "woman up" their responsibilities no "real woman" would abandon her child. Sense the sarcasm
I feel every word you said in this video. I can totally identify.
Bravo for you and baby girl. I hope your favored with s man that will be a good dad to your daughter and the best man for you to love and love you and her both. YHWH favor you. Amen!
Thank you so much 🤗😊
❤️❤️❤️
Life's not perfect enjoy whats in front of you!😙
Iam so happy you have forgiven for the sake of your own sanity. Sister please please please take his ass to child support! Sorry it was a bit vulgar but its the best I can give! Its one thing to not physically be present, which he will definitely regret that! But he has a financial responsibility and he can and should at least do that! Thank you for being an inspiration and sharing your journey with us all!
Thank you for commenting! No plans to drop the case. Just needed to change my frame of mind. 🤗😊
Smart I need to take mines of of child support because he still has nothing
😘😘💝💖💖
This vlog is an entire blessing. I appreciate your transparency and how you were completely vulnerable and honest. You gave me chills! God bless you. I'm a new subbie and I'll be checking out your other videos. I've also had to forgive someone who never apologized for hurting me and it's made me a better person. It's not easy though. Check out my channel when you can. This video needs to go viral especially the pursuing child support out of anger aspect.
Very inspiring . Forgiveness is the most important thing. I subsc. I hope to see more
Thank you!!! And welcome to the family!!
Forgive him for what?
He didn't propose marriage and didn't tell you he wanted children with you so I can't view him as a bad guy that needs forgiveness.. only if he gave you false hope as is if he wanted you and kids 💯💯 you seem like a good woman wish you the best though
He didn’t need the forgiveness. I did. As I said in the video it was for me. Whatever the circumstances, I needed to work through what I was feeling. It doesn’t matter if he is the bad guy or not. Good people do things that hurt sometimes. I was hurt so I had to work through it. For me. Not him.
@@MidlifeMamma I think you're dope and a good woman and mother end of the day it just looks kind of sad you let a dude give you a kid when you should've been getting locked down instead of just a statistic just my opinion
@TerryKnight Are you the child’s father? Because your comments sound very “personal”
What is your zodiac sign
Libra