Just having met a very nice man, I realize the best thing for me these past few weeks has been staying home and getting to know him on the phone. This has kept my run-away idealistic emotions in check; it has slowed down the train so I can enjoy the ride for once.
In August, I will be a widow for 28 years. I've dated briefly over the years, maybe 2 or 3 times, but never remarried. When I fell in love with my husband, it was like jumping off a cliff into a pool filled with magical dreams-come-true. I didn't step back and use objectivity. There were flags, but I ignored them. I was pure mush. And I floated into a marriage that turned out to be extremely stressful for me because he didn't love me the way I loved him. I devoted my life to him. He did not devote his life to me. But I stuck it out, navigated waters of betrayal and heartbreak, which eventually, in the end, led to numbness coupled with rage that ended, in my case, in the ultimate loss: death. He died of AIDS and never told a living soul, other than me, not his children, his parents, his brothers and sisters. But I loved him and stayed with him to the end. And I still love him. It may not make sense...but that's the point. My marriage wasn't balanced...ever...and while my husband physically died, I too died in ways I can't even measure. There's a lot of truth to what you share in this video, David. You are wise beyond your years. No doubt about that. What you say, even the way you share things, resonates with me so completely that I could swear, at times, that looking at you, I'm looking at myself. We truly are empaths, and we put others wants and needs before our own and flick off our own like they don't mean a thing. All your videos in this series have been excellent. Well done, my friend. As young as you are, and as old as I am, I consider you someone worthy of my attention.
Thank you Barbara - for sharing that heartfelt bit of your life and for the kind compliments. It is all a journey, and like any journey there are going to be good times and bad. I'm grateful that you are here in this moment though, sharing with this community. Thank you, and I appreciate you!
Really diggin' the tie :-) I've been super lucky. I was single for fifteen years, never even dated because I had a hard time meeting people. Finally met my ENFP soulmate who is in every may my best friend. For ten years we've spent every possible minute together, and if there's ever anything I'm grateful for on a constant basis, it's her. (Truthfully, I think she's the only one crazy enough to have me.)
Thank you, this one hurt (in a good way lol). Learned this lesson through self awareness and reflection on my past relationships. I was chosing partners based on a " need" (trying to fill a void in my life, from childhood), an attachment, rather than a true connection. This left me feeling alone and dissatisfied in my relationships. Truth is you have to love YOU first before you can expect the same from someone else.
Well...this particular one will be my favorite. Clearly,infjs are capable of love that is unconditional and amounts that can't be measured.so,here is me, sending you biiiiggggg hug.Thank you for making such such videos. And all my fellow mystical unicorns here,I am glad that you exists and hugs and loads of love to y'all too! Stay safe and healthy in this time...💙
Thank you david, I feel Im not alone like a crazy one I cried inside, since all my relationships always hard. When he said I have kind of mood that appeared in sudden and destroy all present joy Or he said Im too much and too in demand if I said we are getting longer but I don‘t feel getting deeper Then depression swallowed me inside my room for days when I feel I can not understand the whole world anymore Nice to know there are a lot of INFJ here (:
I got a pub quiz question right which I was really proud of. I used my INFJ intuition thinking. The question was “when did Phillips launch their first flat screen TV in the UK”? The answer was 1998. I got this by thinking of a conversation I was having with my husband in a department store and looking at TVs and I said to him “who would pay £2500 for a TV. That department store closed at a certain date and I counted back the years in my head to that time looking at the TVs and got the correct answer of 1998. 📺👏🏼
It's pretty spot in that we want to bond with those who enjoy meaningful experiences. I've been playing the new Ori and the Will of the Wisps game and there are some sublime moments that I would love to share with others, but inside I know that few would feel it as much as I do. That reality hurts a little more than I would like to admit.
I just started the video but that point about feeling good and looking put together hit SO close to home I could cry. This is a lessons that took me many years to learn and I still sort of struggle with not sitting in my PJs all day because I know I won't be productive.
I love you David. This episode really touched my heart. I even cried in some parts. it just came in the right time. I'm handling now a broken heart and your words were like a consolation for me. Thank you so much. ❤ PS: I get myself dressed up, wear my makeup, get myself ready everyday while working from home. 😀 Stay safe and peaceful my friend.
These five videos are the most intelligent and spot-on discussions of the issues surrounding INFJs that I've ever seen. Thank you very much! The biggest issue for me remains to be finding people who I can really connect with emotionally and form a real bond, and that they can understand and relate to my feelings. They are out there, but are very, very hard to find. A related issue is connecting with someone who shares some of the same interests which are often tied into my feelings. Take, for example, music. I react to a lot of music (like symphonic/operatic metal, for example) very deeply, with physical and emotional reactions. A shared musical experience is probably the most gratifying experience possible for me. But, they just sit there, motionless, often with a blank stare in my direction, no matter what genre of music we're listening to. They're not feeling much, if anything. I don't get this, and it is very depressing.
Oh man I hear that in terms of music. Very moved by it (always have been a big fan of progressive/complicated music be it heavy like Tool or more like Radiohead or Trip Hop like Portishead, or even straight up jazz fusion). Sometimes you find people it resonates with, sometimes you get the blank stare. It's hard always seeking the deeper meanings and feelings in a society that's so focused on surface-level stuff!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks, David. Glad to hear that I'm not alone here. I'm curious - is this "strongly feeling music" trait a common one of INFJs? Or, is it non-specific to personality type?
It’s taken me about a week to get through this whole series for several reasons and rewatching a lot of the videos, but this video felt like you were literally taking exact scenarios and thoughts from me, but instead of with a romantic relationship it’s with a friend. I’ve never had any lasting close relationships and it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot. I have a friend now that I thought was becoming that but it’s becoming clear that I have idealized it and it’s all caused myself so much hurt. I want to say your video was helpful, but I’m having a really hard time leaving the denial stage I guess. Regardless, great video and amazing series. I love what you do here on RUclips. It’s truly amazing content.
It's all a process, right? Just take the time to step back, big breath, look at the big picture, and realize that all of the overthinking and idealizing will be there every day, so focus on the concrete stuff, you know? Stay strong, I believe in you!
Dude...my logic decided to leave me completely in my 20s...got tired of never being invited to the party I guess. Thankfully it eventually came back with a vengeance and saved me from a very bad relationship. #relatable BTW, very cool pen (coming from an odd pen loving gal). 👽🖤
Hei! So I just found your channel and wanted to leave a comment on how much I love it. I have been looking for likeminded people for a long time and it gives me a HOUGE joy now that i have found someone. I express myself through writing as you do and you give a place to find guidance. Personally I never had people thinking like me that i could look up to, so it means a lot to me that i found this place. I am also a huge fan of self-development, i try to be a better version of myself every day. Looking at how far you have come in that area is so joy-full for me. I should comment something relevant; I am scared of feelings because the they are so overwhelming, learning to embrace tem again after ignoring them for many ears due to emotional trauma. Thats that. So, thank you!
Thanks for this series David. When people say to respect your elders, this is how I imagined it would be like, to shed some wisdom just because they had more time on this planet. I can't say I 100% have my feet in the waters of MBTI theory but I relate to INFJ vloggers the most. My life experience is just so consistently portrayed within a frame of empathy and it is really hard to radically accept that you cannot fix everything. I will take your advice to heart. Be smart. Be safe. In extension to all your family members during these times. Much love from NYC.
First, I LOVE the analogy of the analogy of the stars you've used and the supernova effect - very beautiful. Two, this video has been a trip down memory lane. I remember when I was Star stricken (no pun intended) in college by a close friend and later fell in love. Unfortunately at the time I was not aware of the cognitive functions so there was this epic team up of the Ni-Fe and logic went completely out the window. I made sacrifices for this friend and went out of my way to ensure that I showed my love and gave it my all. It was completely one sided and self destructive on my part (I remember blaming myself when things went wrong and trying to help fix them even when it had nothing to do with me and was completely beyond me). In the end unfortunately it turned out to be an unrequited love and that friendship shattered and broke and would never be the same again (though we are still kinda friends up to date). If ever I should feel that again, I'll be quite vigilant and ensure there is no Ni-Fe teamup and I will ensure Ti is definitely in the loop. B.T.W: amazing outfit...you look good. Finally I dont know why but this video and particularly the star analogy has helped bring me peace and above all hope so thank you and I appreciate you.
I appreciate you too, my friend! Thank you! I think the tie suits me well! I'm glad the stars analogy resonated! It's something that's on my mind ALL THE TIME - how we connect and how we feel so strongly a pull toward other people. So glad you have the clarity now! Asante rafiki!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks, they always are just having a moment feeling better after listing to all my videos on here today and remembering this too shall pass, ugg.. INFJing out today I need my blanket and my favorite movie in a dark room for the rest of the day. I doubt my kids will agree!
It's kind of funny how I found this video series just as I'm going through a breakup---not a romantic one, but an important friendship with someone I thought of as my best friend. I fell so deeply in love with her, I just didn't see all the signs that she didn't love me the same way and that our core values are too different. I've never even had a romantic relationship, but I imagine what I'm feeling now is what getting dumped by a boyfriend feels like, and strangely I'm grateful I'm going through this pain now because it's teaching my so much about myself. A lot of the things you said in the video are resonating with me deep in my soul right now, and it's honestly hard navigating my way through my feelings. Just to use a simile to help me work through my thoughts, this experience is like an ever-changing storm. Sometimes it's calm and the rain is soft enough that I can navigate down the road that is my daily life. Other times the torrential downpour and the swirling dark clouds above are making me doubt whether or not I can survive long enough getting back home where I know I will be safe. As painful as this was, it's preparing me to handle future romantic relationships (if I can ever find somebody I can trust enough to put myself out there), and your advice too is much appreciated. God I'm terrified of my future.
Oh, don't be terrified, just try to step back and even out those ups and downs a little bit. As an intense feeler, you just need a little logical check on you from time to time to balance things out. I say that like I'm some kind of expert, but I'm ALL ABOUT INTENSE FEELING, 24/7/365 haha. Sometimes I let logic in to hang out though. I'm so, so glad these videos are resonating, truly hope they help you! I appreciate you!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks for the advice, and I appreciate you too! It might sound weird, but you're like an older brother I can trust has good advice and cares. I always thought I was a logical person because of who I was growing up, but getting older and meeting different people taught me to be more expressive and outspoken--and although I think I needed that, I think I forgot to reign it back in when my emotions became too much. I will figure out this balance of logic and emotion. I don't think I need to tell you this, but I don't know how else to end this comment: keep making videos! Okay bye :D
Alot of food for thought! I love the 'step back' advice to look at yourself from another point of view. My greatest downfall in any relationship is I am 'overly helpful' to the point of being controlling. So I need to revisit boundaries as it applies to self. I am off for some reflection/pondering time!
David, Have just watched all 5 parts. Have recently visited my sister and brother (3,000km away), main objective was to sort out a storage shed of my stuff. Time limit 2 weeks. I read some of the old love letters that I either sent or copied by hand before I sent them. Had walls around my emotions with other people. I read a journal entry from 1981, by chance opened at that page, the two things that I enjoy doing now was a part of my life then. Though now it is a more expanded version. I work with people from different parts of the world. I often say thank you in their native tongue. One of these people said to me one morning "That I have some of the same looks as my partner", I sent him a text to tell him that. In her country that is a sign that we are meant to be together. Star dust from the same star. He allows me the freedom to do what I need to do and challenges me to stretch my boundaries. I love him. I appreciate you for the insight and thank you for 5 parts.
On the topic of not getting your needs met in a romantic relationship... I watched many videos talking about the “supposed victim” not getting enough attention from their other half. What is your thought in a situation where your partner do not respect your need to have some time alone to focus on your own goals and personal objectives. After two years I realised I was in a toxic relationship but even after we broke up I can’t help feeling like I’m a selfish person because the reason we didn’t work is not because I needed more affection I just wanted some time to take care of myself. For the whole two years my ex couldn’t hold a job for more than 3 months, wasted his days smoking weed, used my bank card without my permission and focused too much on checking on my whereabouts, who I talk to and what I do in my free time. My life had to turn around that person. Instead of breaking up right when I saw the red flags I continued in the relationship feeling more and more resentful. I blamed myself because I knew I was numb to the relationship and I also knew I was probably scared of being alone. Some days now I wake up and I doubt my decision to let that person go despite the evidence it was not good for me. I feel guilty I left him when things were not going well for him, at the same time I dont feel he was making much effort to get his shit together. As an ambitions, organised and very dedicated person I just wanted someone to be on the same page as me or at least someone who was genuinely trying to get better. Why we INFJ feel so guilt when we feel we deserve better. It’s so confusing . Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for all your videos, it has been helping me a lot and im sure a lot of other people can say the same. Take care man.
Hi Daiane! First off, thank you and I'm really glad that the videos resonate with you, that's all I'm trying to do. Secondly, that's a very familiar sounding story. I think one of the biggest things in any relationship is a mutual understanding that you are both individuals first and that your individual goals need to be respected, and you are deciding to take that journey with a partner that should be supportive and helpful. In my experience, once you start identifying as a single unit (yes you're a couple, but it drifts into codependent territory), those sacrifices you make that are against your own ideals and ambitions tend to eat away at you. Then, resentment. I've been that person - sacrificing a lot in order to appease. Lastly, thank you for being here, I appreciate you!
I guess selfish is to put another person needs before your own, the result is always bitterness and resentment. At least that was what happened in my situation. I’m trying to love myself more and hopefully one day I will find someone who I can give and receive love that flows naturally without feeling like I have to make sure the other is happy.
I'm only at the beginning of the video where you are talking about wanting a bond, and I just want to say, the text you used for each point is a beautiful aesthetic. The red background, type font, and outline. I am living for it! The last person I was talking to did not see things as deeply as I did. I was oblivious/in-denial of what I was seeing. The direct, honest, and harshness of anything he said, rubbed my intuition or my whole being was rubbed the wrong way. It took too long and an embarrassment of being and pleading for it to work out. I knew it from the start, it wasn't going to work out, but I wanted to feel wanted. As you said, my logic was out the window. We are still friends, even after separating last week, but goodness, the damage was done, and never again with him. I absent-mindedly sent a text last night to him, and this morning, I felt the regret, and all I said was, "Hi, how are you?". He responded this morning, and I even told him I shouldn't have sent the text because I still had feelings for him. Regardless, I am glad I expressed in the moment how I felt, but I finally realized he never changed, I just didn't want to see it. "Are you making excuses for the other person?" Yes sir, David. You were hitting the nail on the head. I am filling in the gaps. No more. I wasted my time. I got to be careful next time. Thank you David. ❤ As one, sweet, sweet, INFJ, thank you. 😊
So nice to have someone appreciate the aesthetic! I like when I accidentally get things right! :-) And thank you for this sentiment and the comment, truly. I'm sad to hear you've had a hard time through it, for sure, but that you've got clarity and a hold on logic again is everything! I'm proud of you!
You made this when i guess you too were needing to socially isolate to protect your health and the health of others. Where i live we are going back and forth with rules about we can go out and meet in small groups and then the return to the idea we need to stay home. Anyway im also going to and fro from where i want to be connecting with people again and also to i dont want to be hurt again emotionally by being kicked to the kerb. People who i thought cared about me ghosted me over the last few months. Im trying to decide if the pain of people disappearing hurts more or less than becoming a hermit forever.
Nah, I had planned on these videos for a long while. I think it was before all the insanity hit. I don't know about hermit forever, but it is definitely that time to look at and prune down the list of people taking your time and energy for little return!
Thank you David that now I don‘t Im alone :D I cried inside my heart to see this video. I always have issue with my relationship. When I talked to my bf that I feel I got longer but not getting deeper he got disappointed. He complained that I have kind of destroyer character, like tantrum to suddenly moody in good condition :(( That Monster of feeling x logic x experience always suddenly came at random time and destroy the recent joy
I was just pondering a past relationship as I was driving and thinking of how it turned out to not be mutual in love and loyalty. I believed we had a closer bond and affection for each other than we actually did...Your video and topic was right on time. 🎯
Hi David, Congratulations and well done... 👏 👏 👏 ... Thank you very much for the five very helpful videos. I'm so glad my "Chasing After Love" days are long passed.... If only 20 yo me could have seen this videos, she would save a lot of heartbreaks and tears. Thank you again for another piece of great advice. Take care, stay safe 🤗
Thanks again for a thought provoking video...and YES...you look rather impressive !! I have found over the years, I'm getting slowly better at listening to those 'alarm bells'. My 'gut' usually screams after about 3 seconds either 'No' or ' yeah, lets check this one out'. Through all this madness, it's been interesting to observe how people Really think/respond to their relationships. I think true friendships/relationships are sustaining people right now and making us think more than we would normally about how we interact with others.
I can relate to this in my past relationships. I realized my issues way to late much like Barbara's situation. The heartbreak is real. After my mistakes I have self taught to look at life more logically. Needless to say, I don't expect to find my soulmate during my lifetime but I am trying my best to keep an open mind. There's always that sparkle of hope that glimmers ever so slightly in my heart no matter how much logic battles it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us David. Your kind expression and compassion shine bright.
1 min & 20 secs into watchin' this and I can totally relate to the Fe thing . Oh my goodness ! - Bein' an INFJ is so hard under times of (dis) STRESS ! Don't worry about it David , No need to explain it to Us :-) We UNDERSTAND You , We LOVE ♥️YOU♥️ and APPECIATE YOU & What You are doin' with HELPING US ♥️INFJs ♥️ OUT 😊 YOU Are a GOD SEND to US !! THANKS David ! GOD BLESS YOU !!!
My sweet, sweet INFJ friend....you are speaking my truth💔. Might as well be my life. Before you even gave the star example, I was thinking that you seriously are my soul twin! (But seriously, that star example!!??) You never fail to amaze me at how well you word, it's like you're a writer or something 😜 I had so many feels through this that I can't express. But I will say, I see you...it pulled at my heart fiercely watching you hold it together through most this video.
This one was definitely more mild in terms of holding it together, for that whole series the focus is definitely more on helping everyone by sharing some experience. Haha, it IS like I'm a writer or something! So weird!
No I don’t believe that my husband feels as deeply about me as I do about him. But I do believe he gives me all the love that he is capable of in his own way. It is what it is, and I have learned to accept him as he is.
Perfectly said! Like you are reading my thoughts?! LOL This is why it’s so important to find those to grow with. And if they do not we can have empathy but they may not brings us what we really need. It’s not right to hold onto something hoping it will come one day and not be honest with them. Allow them to find someone they too can connect with on a deeper level. Of course that’s finding a life partner and then there are other relationships. But honestly is the way to go. They may not like it but in the end we have to live with ourselves. It’s not meant to sound harsh but each of us is meant to have joy. We are all worthy. 👌🏻❤️ I can’t wait to get that book! I only recently discovered you and now I’m binge watching?! Hahaha Thanks for sharing your gift with us!
Your dating advice is solid. I'm currently in the scene, oh help me. I now express my needs sooner, and actually someone responded quite well. Still I have my doubts just by the online interaction, but I'm going to see how a walk together turns out.
I like how you have a box named “The Awesome Box”. Is it just for decoration or is going to be used at some point? On the topic of how I think about things and keep my thoughts from overriding everything, well....it’s a little complicated..... I usually compartmentalize my thoughts. I like to imagine it as if I was sitting in a large room with a mixer of picture frames and mirrors hung on the walls. The mirrors represent my self. The picture frames represent everything else and are titled in my mind. These picture frames and mirrors act kind of like a note book except visually in my mind. So I can designate a mirror to my relationship with my mom and continue to update it as time passes. Same thing with everything else. I guess thinking like this helps me see that everything can be manageable. I can get overwhelmed with anxiety and stress really easily and this kind of thinking calms me down because I’m not having to think about everything else at once. This has been a good thing and a bad thing. Mostly a good thing though. It’s the weirdest thing and I’m probably the only person on this planet in this universe that thinks like this. I don’t know. But whatever I can’t help that. Anyway that’s all I have to say.
The Awesome Box was used in my karate dojo for many many years as a horrifying workout box. Box jumps, exercises, all kinds of things. My Father built it, and it will outlast me! And thank you for your thoughts on this! It's good to think in a way that makes everything feel manageable!
Being taken over by intuition feeling monsters while a slam drunk librarian messes with my files, ending up running a one woman relationship - done that! I'll be sure to follow your excellent checklist if I ever manage to retract my spikes🦔
Where was this video back in 2011? I had 4 relationships that fell apart after a while because I used that external look at myself (using Fe, apparently!). Today I'm in a much healthier place with myself and with my partner, which I feel has the same stardust as mine. Thank you for putting so much great energy in your videos, love watching them! Oh and btw - love that hat-glasses-tie style! You should dress like that more often if it makes you feel good :)
Haha in 2011 having a YT channel was the last thing on my mind! But I'm glad you found it now! So glad you've recognized some stardust! :-) And thank you! I'll get myself dapper a little more often!
Hi im 44 just found outi am a infj i am also a virgo and i have a 9 life path and i wisg to thank you for your vids they are helping me understand my self more xx
Just when i needed it most. I am going through something and I want to dismiss this feeling.. I have so many questions and yes, It doesn't feel right. Thank you.
the heart is a burning coal of desires...the more u feed the burning coal...the more rocks of ur river's flow(train of thoughts) u'll need to contain, control, restrain ur burning coal...but when there not much rocks(limitations) left in ur river's flow the limitation of ur mind become less focused n directed to where the flow has to go...after time u loose grip because the current of ur flow is too strong n u get lost in the river's flow get sunk in under the water n u start to suffocate...fear's come into play because its a basic instinct...n when u fear ur mind's not thinking straight...making illusions that u'll believe n u'll go insane after a while...bottom line...know how many rocks u have in ur river so u will know the quantity needed in ur river's flow to keep focus..n u won't go insane...well that's all for me today...I'll watch some more tomorrow....hope that could help at least a lil...one thing u could also learn but its really hard to is to swim the strong current to safety...but ur river's flow will always need some kind of limitation(rocks) to keep focus n direction of the flow...swim to safety but don't jump back in until u replaced all the needed rocks in ur river(mind).
That’s a great look for you. You should dress like that more often. 😊 Thanks for this video. I can soooo relate. In the past, I’ve been very blind when in love. I’ve thrown my true self right out the window before in a relationship. So not cool to do. As INFJ’s we really DO need to step back and take a better look when we know we’ve fallen, or are falling in love. Great advice in this video! 💜
As in soulmate and true love, I do believe in them but I am afraid to put my trust on another person other than my family. I've been betrayed. I don't want to feel that pain again so I create a barrier between me and the others by using a lot of personas. So people often mistook me as an extrovert but my roommates see me as an introvert. I often overthink and I am truly afraid once I fully give my trust and heart, I can never stand back up again. Because when I love, I will truly love that person and I'm scared of that. So, in conclusion, as for now, I will focus on my career to achieve my dream. Spouse or no spouse. I will be happy in my own way. Sure I do sometimes feel like I want to have someone who can understand me but at the same time I don't. Knowing full well how weird I operate hence why people often call me weird. So, I'll just focus on something that I can control and be prepared for.
Yeah good opening words. We all need a purpose. I myself hate to stay lazy and do nothing, it ruins my motivation. When it come's to relationship I'm like an unstable overheated nuclear reactor moments away from a massive explosion. It's like you say, take it easy, take a deep breath and try to overanalize the things you do and the things you intended to do and ask yourself is this the way it shoud be or not. As Dave Mustaine says: Life can only be understood in reverse But must be lived forwards: ruclips.net/video/WwpMp7ZEjXc/видео.html In everyone of us INFJs there's a wild fire always ready to burn as alive from the inside so it's constant battle to keep it under control.
Does any other infj feel like you need to represent yourself with your clothes, hair, etc because we are so misunderstood in every other way that dressing ourselves is the ONE way we can somewhat communicate to who we are in 'their' language and we want to at least get That right? I kinda feel I'm still misunderstood in that regard, but that seems to be the one universal language that we all should know? Or am I on my own here? Edit: I wear a hat everyday 😂
I don't know if that's common or uncommon, or maybe just something a little more related to insecurities or personality. I'd be curious to hear other INFJs chime in though!
I honestly don’t care about how I look on the outside and worry more about how I portray my personality to others. But I will most likely wear nice looking comfy clothes. I will wear soft long sleeve shirts and pants as well as take my blanket around the house a lot. I’d love it if I could take my blanket out and wear it like clothes but I can’t. So I wear a cape. It’s the closest thing to a blanket that I can take out. It’s weird. But that’s me.
What you say about clothing does resonate with me. I also wear a hat every time I go outside. I have a wide collection of flat caps. Warm tweed for the winter, soft linen for the summer. I don't know what it is, but I don't feel comfortable outside without a hat.
@@missdenim6590 If it was uncomfortable why would we want to wear it !!!. As for neat and clean well that's a must. Always a properly ironed shirt & clean shoes.
If I could just add one thing to your list. TIME. A narcissist will “love-bomb” you, and be all those wonderful things In return. But they cannot do it for very long. The real person will show up eventually
So I started watching your videos because my boyfriend is an infj. all of my tests have come back saying that an infp but I really really feel as if I am an infj. Is there any large differences that could help me figure this out ?? Thanks so much if you get back to me and I love all of your videos
It's one of the most common and more difficult things to figure out. Might I suggest checking out a channel called Cognitive Personality Theory. My friend Harry runs it and he is really good at that sort of nuance between types!
What is sane? There's 2020 for starters, kinda makes me wonder who opened Pandora's box? And, naturally, why? Anyway, just to say David i appreciate your talks. K cool
You know, I am truly disappointed, mister Badurina. The other day you said “no shenanigans in the Romance room”, now you’re saying “no extreme flirting” or however you’re saying it... Pffff 😒, really? Just pfffff... Booooriiiing sir! Boooorrrrriiiiiinnnggg! 😜 But seriously, it has been a great series. THANK YOU! Looking at yourself from the side so to speak and showing yourself the same empathy and grace you so freely show others is what really helps. It definitely helped me at least. Also, I think there’s a tendency for us to think “OMG! I may lose that person!” and we often act out of that fear forgetting that we are the prize too, and that that other person is also at risk of losing us. These mindsets help me... I think ). ...But no extreme flirting just turned me off lol 😂.
Haha okay okay Irene ... maybe SOME shenanigans are okay. Certainly don't want to bore anyone to sleep! And YES there is that "OMG! I may lose that person!" tendency and I think it is that attachment that puts us into many situations that can be really bad for us. ;-)
I'm starting to learn myself through your channel and I understand what I want from a relationship now. As I have been growing my bestfriend has kept trying to get me to do a quick hook up so I can have sex for the first time. Im 20 years old and I have finally let go of all those anxieties I get from people around me putting their expectations upon me but my best friend insists that all guys go through this "wanting a genuine relationship before sex" stage but after you will want to have sex more i geuss, and be more open to those kind of relationships. I do not think this is the case for me as an INFJ one bit. Im scared that this might be something thats going to ruin my relationship with my best friend when he does invite me to hang out and put me in a situation to where he is gonna try to convince me to partake in a hookup and cross my boundaries. Should I just be up front that he's hurting my feelings everytime he disagrees with what I say i want? I don't want stop being close friends with him he's always been there for me.
I think if you're honest about what you feel, and this person is truly your best friend, they should understand and respect what you say. If they don't, what is the motivation and what are they after other than a hookup? Try to look at it with some of that logic. You don't want to mess up a great friendship because you think your friend might feel bad if you're just being honest about what you feel, right? You are worth more than that!
Hey David I am no MBTI expert but I have been thinking a lot about this video and relating it to a recent experience I had. I am not sure of this is right or not but I am wondering if the issue with INFJs and love has more to do with our very underdeveloped Se. So my thoughts are that logic (Ti) can get in there and it does work with what Ni and Fe has brought in and it's role is to provide a logical picture. I think without any Ti no conclusion would be reached and no vision created because Ni is not a concrete function. The trouble with us INFJs is that we like to distill distill so that any new information provided by Se ( what is actually really going on right now in the real world) is rejected. So any little cues and things that would allow us to shift our Ni Fe vision is disregarded. So we can live in our little Utopian dream for longer. It is only when something huge and harsh that Se can't ignore that we get our NiFe bubble burst and logic (Ti) has to readjust the picture. That is when we feel awful. In my situation it was actually I did not have enough Se information (in my case a reference point in how this person interacts with others not just me) to form an accurate picture so guess what...NiFe loop! I don't know..this is my guess. What do you think?
Interesting thoughts, for sure every situation is going to be different with different percentages/shades of how much overthinking is going on, right? Ti typically saves me from the overthinking, but when I start ignoring Fe it all goes sideways!
David I could use ur help. Went from serious to "casual" with my infj. I'm infp. So similar yet different. Anyway. How do I show him how much I care without freaking him out. How r infj's with grand gestures or long letters? A mix tape? Any suggestions? Love ur content.
Eek no grand gestures! Haha. Usually just time together, or something small and thoughtful. A mix tape (so classic, love it) is a great choice, especially if they are meaningful songs. More than anything, talk and listen and get into great conversations. That's really all it takes!
Hm Im not sure I’ll be ever able to really creat romantic relationship...my logic even fairly good and helpful in other staff just not romantic...first serious relationship I ever had was abusive and I didn’t even felt by intuition that’s the one...second intuitively the strongest I ever had just by timing and outside circumstances never really happened although we both cared for each other...but as you say maybe not the same way...I couldn’t for years get over of that one even I dated other people until recently as I was just fooling myself with feeling and intuition that it just can’t be finished for how it felt when we never even got a chance to start....and I just always pick unavailable guys really...either emotionally or they are on the other site of the planet....there is this fear of abandonment which as much I’m working on doesn’t seam to be possible to overcome and I constantly put myself in impossible relationships or ones which exactly leave me abandoned 🤷♀️ well once actually few times I was told I will meet my real ‘partner’ well lets see if in this life 🙈
It's all a process, Eva! Recognizing some of your patterns helps you to become a little healthier, and helps you foster better relationships. Don't be too hard on yourself! :-)
David Badurina thats very sweet David...thanks sorry for such long text and pouring my heart out haha I feel as being recognising my patterns whole dam life 🤣😅 I guess that’s not something ever ending really 🙈😇🙂
Be careful following your heart because according to the bible the heart is the most decievable part of your body. Just sayin not looking for an argument.
Just having met a very nice man, I realize the best thing for me these past few weeks has been staying home and getting to know him on the phone. This has kept my run-away idealistic emotions in check; it has slowed down the train so I can enjoy the ride for once.
That's great! Definitely slow down the Idealism Train!
In August, I will be a widow for 28 years. I've dated briefly over the years, maybe 2 or 3 times, but never remarried. When I fell in love with my husband, it was like jumping off a cliff into a pool filled with magical dreams-come-true. I didn't step back and use objectivity. There were flags, but I ignored them. I was pure mush. And I floated into a marriage that turned out to be extremely stressful for me because he didn't love me the way I loved him. I devoted my life to him. He did not devote his life to me. But I stuck it out, navigated waters of betrayal and heartbreak, which eventually, in the end, led to numbness coupled with rage that ended, in my case, in the ultimate loss: death. He died of AIDS and never told a living soul, other than me, not his children, his parents, his brothers and sisters. But I loved him and stayed with him to the end. And I still love him. It may not make sense...but that's the point. My marriage wasn't balanced...ever...and while my husband physically died, I too died in ways I can't even measure. There's a lot of truth to what you share in this video, David. You are wise beyond your years. No doubt about that. What you say, even the way you share things, resonates with me so completely that I could swear, at times, that looking at you, I'm looking at myself. We truly are empaths, and we put others wants and needs before our own and flick off our own like they don't mean a thing. All your videos in this series have been excellent. Well done, my friend. As young as you are, and as old as I am, I consider you someone worthy of my attention.
Thank you Barbara - for sharing that heartfelt bit of your life and for the kind compliments. It is all a journey, and like any journey there are going to be good times and bad. I'm grateful that you are here in this moment though, sharing with this community. Thank you, and I appreciate you!
Really diggin' the tie :-) I've been super lucky. I was single for fifteen years, never even dated because I had a hard time meeting people. Finally met my ENFP soulmate who is in every may my best friend. For ten years we've spent every possible minute together, and if there's ever anything I'm grateful for on a constant basis, it's her. (Truthfully, I think she's the only one crazy enough to have me.)
Score on the tie! And that's WONDERFUL David! So great!
You actually just made the best video ever! When you look good you feel good 😸
It's truth, Kate! At least for me!
Thank you, this one hurt (in a good way lol). Learned this lesson through self awareness and reflection on my past relationships. I was chosing partners based on a " need" (trying to fill a void in my life, from childhood), an attachment, rather than a true connection. This left me feeling alone and dissatisfied in my relationships. Truth is you have to love YOU first before you can expect the same from someone else.
Good hurt works for me! I'm glad it resonated!
Wise, wise words!
Well...this particular one will be my favorite. Clearly,infjs are capable of love that is unconditional and amounts that can't be measured.so,here is me, sending you biiiiggggg hug.Thank you for making such such videos. And all my fellow mystical unicorns here,I am glad that you exists and hugs and loads of love to y'all too! Stay safe and healthy in this time...💙
So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!
Thank you david, I feel Im not alone like a crazy one
I cried inside, since all my relationships always hard. When he said I have kind of mood that appeared in sudden and destroy all present joy
Or he said Im too much and too in demand if I said we are getting longer but I don‘t feel getting deeper
Then depression swallowed me inside my room for days when I feel I can not understand the whole world anymore
Nice to know there are a lot of INFJ here (:
Definitely among friends here! That depression is really rough, but it's something you can navigate with a little bit of time and patience!
I got a pub quiz question right which I was really proud of. I used my INFJ intuition thinking. The question was “when did Phillips launch their first flat screen TV in the UK”? The answer was 1998. I got this by thinking of a conversation I was having with my husband in a department store and looking at TVs and I said to him “who would pay £2500 for a TV. That department store closed at a certain date and I counted back the years in my head to that time looking at the TVs and got the correct answer of 1998. 📺👏🏼
Haha what a great way to connect the two!
It's pretty spot in that we want to bond with those who enjoy meaningful experiences. I've been playing the new Ori and the Will of the Wisps game and there are some sublime moments that I would love to share with others, but inside I know that few would feel it as much as I do. That reality hurts a little more than I would like to admit.
I've never played it but heard great things. An emotional game? Sign me up!
@@DavidBadurina It goes without saying, but be sure to play the first game first, the start to the second game has major spoilers for it.
I just started the video but that point about feeling good and looking put together hit SO close to home I could cry. This is a lessons that took me many years to learn and I still sort of struggle with not sitting in my PJs all day because I know I won't be productive.
I am RIGHT THERE with you! Glad that resonated!
I think this is great advice in general, not just in love and romance. Thanks again, David for the clarity you bring. You’re wonderful!
I love you David. This episode really touched my heart. I even cried in some parts. it just came in the right time. I'm handling now a broken heart and your words were like a consolation for me. Thank you so much. ❤
PS: I get myself dressed up, wear my makeup, get myself ready everyday while working from home. 😀
Stay safe and peaceful my friend.
Much
Omg you’re like my future healthy self telling me what i need to know in order to be a healthier infj
You can do it!
These five videos are the most intelligent and spot-on discussions of the issues surrounding INFJs that I've ever seen. Thank you very much! The biggest issue for me remains to be finding people who I can really connect with emotionally and form a real bond, and that they can understand and relate to my feelings. They are out there, but are very, very hard to find.
A related issue is connecting with someone who shares some of the same interests which are often tied into my feelings. Take, for example, music. I react to a lot of music (like symphonic/operatic metal, for example) very deeply, with physical and emotional reactions. A shared musical experience is probably the most gratifying experience possible for me. But, they just sit there, motionless, often with a blank stare in my direction, no matter what genre of music we're listening to. They're not feeling much, if anything. I don't get this, and it is very depressing.
Oh man I hear that in terms of music. Very moved by it (always have been a big fan of progressive/complicated music be it heavy like Tool or more like Radiohead or Trip Hop like Portishead, or even straight up jazz fusion). Sometimes you find people it resonates with, sometimes you get the blank stare. It's hard always seeking the deeper meanings and feelings in a society that's so focused on surface-level stuff!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks, David. Glad to hear that I'm not alone here. I'm curious - is this "strongly feeling music" trait a common one of INFJs? Or, is it non-specific to personality type?
It’s taken me about a week to get through this whole series for several reasons and rewatching a lot of the videos, but this video felt like you were literally taking exact scenarios and thoughts from me, but instead of with a romantic relationship it’s with a friend. I’ve never had any lasting close relationships and it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot. I have a friend now that I thought was becoming that but it’s becoming clear that I have idealized it and it’s all caused myself so much hurt. I want to say your video was helpful, but I’m having a really hard time leaving the denial stage I guess. Regardless, great video and amazing series. I love what you do here on RUclips. It’s truly amazing content.
It's all a process, right? Just take the time to step back, big breath, look at the big picture, and realize that all of the overthinking and idealizing will be there every day, so focus on the concrete stuff, you know?
Stay strong, I believe in you!
Dear David thank you for this amazing series. Stumbling over words will for now just say love what you do with the plants 🌱
Thank you so much Erika! I appreciate you!
Its true, personal grooming is an awesome start of the day! Productivity boost +40%
Dude...my logic decided to leave me completely in my 20s...got tired of never being invited to the party I guess. Thankfully it eventually came back with a vengeance and saved me from a very bad relationship. #relatable BTW, very cool pen (coming from an odd pen loving gal). 👽🖤
Well helloooo there! It's a great pen. And yeah, I've straight up kicked logic out when I didn't want to listen. That was dumb. :-)
I absolutely love that star connection analogy. Beautifully put!
Thank you so much! It's an important one to me!
I can relate to all the above.
I enjoy dressing up for my benefit alone.
Absolutely!
Hei! So I just found your channel and wanted to leave a comment on how much I love it. I have been looking for likeminded people for a long time and it gives me a HOUGE joy now that i have found someone. I express myself through writing as you do and you give a place to find guidance.
Personally I never had people thinking like me that i could look up to, so it means a lot to me that i found this place.
I am also a huge fan of self-development, i try to be a better version of myself every day. Looking at how far you have come in that area is so joy-full for me.
I should comment something relevant; I am scared of feelings because the they are so overwhelming, learning to embrace tem again after ignoring them for many ears due to emotional trauma. Thats that.
So, thank you!
So glad Renate! You're so very welcome! There's an amazing group of people here, I hope you find this to be a 2nd home! :-)
Thanks for this series David. When people say to respect your elders, this is how I imagined it would be like, to shed some wisdom just because they had more time on this planet. I can't say I 100% have my feet in the waters of MBTI theory but I relate to INFJ vloggers the most. My life experience is just so consistently portrayed within a frame of empathy and it is really hard to radically accept that you cannot fix everything. I will take your advice to heart.
Be smart. Be safe. In extension to all your family members during these times. Much love from NYC.
Much
I'm not meeting anyone now, as much as I'd like to have a romantic relationship I'm just focusing on my friends and family. Stay well guys X
Stay well James!
Let's learn to love ourselves brother
First, I LOVE the analogy of the analogy of the stars you've used and the supernova effect - very beautiful.
Two, this video has been a trip down memory lane. I remember when I was Star stricken (no pun intended) in college by a close friend and later fell in love. Unfortunately at the time I was not aware of the cognitive functions so there was this epic team up of the Ni-Fe and logic went completely out the window. I made sacrifices for this friend and went out of my way to ensure that I showed my love and gave it my all. It was completely one sided and self destructive on my part (I remember blaming myself when things went wrong and trying to help fix them even when it had nothing to do with me and was completely beyond me). In the end unfortunately it turned out to be an unrequited love and that friendship shattered and broke and would never be the same again (though we are still kinda friends up to date).
If ever I should feel that again, I'll be quite vigilant and ensure there is no Ni-Fe teamup and I will ensure Ti is definitely in the loop.
B.T.W: amazing outfit...you look good.
Finally I dont know why but this video and particularly the star analogy has helped bring me peace and above all hope so thank you and I appreciate you.
I appreciate you too, my friend! Thank you! I think the tie suits me well!
I'm glad the stars analogy resonated! It's something that's on my mind ALL THE TIME - how we connect and how we feel so strongly a pull toward other people.
So glad you have the clarity now!
Asante rafiki!
You ask the hard logical questions that put a strain on my brain!
I have so much to say but let me just say "Thank You!", I am not doing well right now but listening to you helps me not feel so alone..
You're welcome, and I hope brighter days are ahead for you! I appreciate you!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks, they always are just having a moment feeling better after listing to all my videos on here today and remembering this too shall pass, ugg.. INFJing out today I need my blanket and my favorite movie in a dark room for the rest of the day. I doubt my kids will agree!
It's kind of funny how I found this video series just as I'm going through a breakup---not a romantic one, but an important friendship with someone I thought of as my best friend. I fell so deeply in love with her, I just didn't see all the signs that she didn't love me the same way and that our core values are too different. I've never even had a romantic relationship, but I imagine what I'm feeling now is what getting dumped by a boyfriend feels like, and strangely I'm grateful I'm going through this pain now because it's teaching my so much about myself. A lot of the things you said in the video are resonating with me deep in my soul right now, and it's honestly hard navigating my way through my feelings. Just to use a simile to help me work through my thoughts, this experience is like an ever-changing storm. Sometimes it's calm and the rain is soft enough that I can navigate down the road that is my daily life. Other times the torrential downpour and the swirling dark clouds above are making me doubt whether or not I can survive long enough getting back home where I know I will be safe. As painful as this was, it's preparing me to handle future romantic relationships (if I can ever find somebody I can trust enough to put myself out there), and your advice too is much appreciated. God I'm terrified of my future.
Oh, don't be terrified, just try to step back and even out those ups and downs a little bit. As an intense feeler, you just need a little logical check on you from time to time to balance things out.
I say that like I'm some kind of expert, but I'm ALL ABOUT INTENSE FEELING, 24/7/365 haha. Sometimes I let logic in to hang out though.
I'm so, so glad these videos are resonating, truly hope they help you! I appreciate you!
@@DavidBadurina Thanks for the advice, and I appreciate you too! It might sound weird, but you're like an older brother I can trust has good advice and cares.
I always thought I was a logical person because of who I was growing up, but getting older and meeting different people taught me to be more expressive and outspoken--and although I think I needed that, I think I forgot to reign it back in when my emotions became too much. I will figure out this balance of logic and emotion.
I don't think I need to tell you this, but I don't know how else to end this comment: keep making videos! Okay bye :D
That explains why I'm dressing up to walk the dog. Thank you
Haha right! That's it exactly, Connie!
Alot of food for thought! I love the 'step back' advice to look at yourself from another point of view. My greatest downfall in any relationship is I am 'overly helpful' to the point of being controlling. So I need to revisit boundaries as it applies to self. I am off for some reflection/pondering time!
Glad you enjoyed the videos Barb! I'm so happy to hear I've made people think! :-)
David,
Have just watched all 5 parts. Have recently visited my sister and brother (3,000km away), main objective was to sort out a storage shed of my stuff. Time limit 2 weeks. I read some of the old love letters that I either sent or copied by hand before I sent them. Had walls around my emotions with other people. I read a journal entry from 1981, by chance opened at that page, the two things that I enjoy doing now was a part of my life then. Though now it is a more expanded version.
I work with people from different parts of the world. I often say thank you in their native tongue. One of these people said to me one morning "That I have some of the same looks as my partner", I sent him a text to tell him that. In her country that is a sign that we are meant to be together. Star dust from the same star. He allows me the freedom to do what I need to do and challenges me to stretch my boundaries. I love him. I appreciate you for the insight and thank you for 5 parts.
You're very welcome! And these are wonderful thoughts, thank you!
On the topic of not getting your needs met in a romantic relationship... I watched many videos talking about the “supposed victim” not getting enough attention from their other half. What is your thought in a situation where your partner do not respect your need to have some time alone to focus on your own goals and personal objectives. After two years I realised I was in a toxic relationship but even after we broke up I can’t help feeling like I’m a selfish person because the reason we didn’t work is not because I needed more affection I just wanted some time to take care of myself. For the whole two years my ex couldn’t hold a job for more than 3 months, wasted his days smoking weed, used my bank card without my permission and focused too much on checking on my whereabouts, who I talk to and what I do in my free time. My life had to turn around that person. Instead of breaking up right when I saw the red flags I continued in the relationship feeling more and more resentful. I blamed myself because I knew I was numb to the relationship and I also knew I was probably scared of being alone. Some days now I wake up and I doubt my decision to let that person go despite the evidence it was not good for me. I feel guilty I left him when things were not going well for him, at the same time I dont feel he was making much effort to get his shit together. As an ambitions, organised and very dedicated person I just wanted someone to be on the same page as me or at least someone who was genuinely trying to get better. Why we INFJ feel so guilt when we feel we deserve better. It’s so confusing . Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for all your videos, it has been helping me a lot and im sure a lot of other people can say the same. Take care man.
Hi Daiane!
First off, thank you and I'm really glad that the videos resonate with you, that's all I'm trying to do.
Secondly, that's a very familiar sounding story. I think one of the biggest things in any relationship is a mutual understanding that you are both individuals first and that your individual goals need to be respected, and you are deciding to take that journey with a partner that should be supportive and helpful.
In my experience, once you start identifying as a single unit (yes you're a couple, but it drifts into codependent territory), those sacrifices you make that are against your own ideals and ambitions tend to eat away at you. Then, resentment. I've been that person - sacrificing a lot in order to appease.
Lastly, thank you for being here, I appreciate you!
David Badurina thank you
I guess selfish is to put another person needs before your own, the result is always bitterness and resentment. At least that was what happened in my situation. I’m trying to love myself more and hopefully one day I will find someone who I can give and receive love that flows naturally without feeling like I have to make sure the other is happy.
I'm only at the beginning of the video where you are talking about wanting a bond, and I just want to say, the text you used for each point is a beautiful aesthetic. The red background, type font, and outline. I am living for it!
The last person I was talking to did not see things as deeply as I did. I was oblivious/in-denial of what I was seeing. The direct, honest, and harshness of anything he said, rubbed my intuition or my whole being was rubbed the wrong way. It took too long and an embarrassment of being and pleading for it to work out. I knew it from the start, it wasn't going to work out, but I wanted to feel wanted. As you said, my logic was out the window. We are still friends, even after separating last week, but goodness, the damage was done, and never again with him. I absent-mindedly sent a text last night to him, and this morning, I felt the regret, and all I said was, "Hi, how are you?". He responded this morning, and I even told him I shouldn't have sent the text because I still had feelings for him. Regardless, I am glad I expressed in the moment how I felt, but I finally realized he never changed, I just didn't want to see it. "Are you making excuses for the other person?" Yes sir, David. You were hitting the nail on the head. I am filling in the gaps. No more. I wasted my time. I got to be careful next time. Thank you David. ❤ As one, sweet, sweet, INFJ, thank you. 😊
So nice to have someone appreciate the aesthetic! I like when I accidentally get things right! :-)
And thank you for this sentiment and the comment, truly. I'm sad to hear you've had a hard time through it, for sure, but that you've got clarity and a hold on logic again is everything! I'm proud of you!
@@DavidBadurina At least as I was typing this comment everything you were saying was resonating immensely. I look forward to the next video!
Thank you David! You are teaching me so much.
So happy to hear that Lea!
Great perspectives and suggestions, all! Thank you
Omg, I do this to. The days I feel crummy and in a mood. I dress up. And it makes me feel better.
Absolutely right Liliya!
You made this when i guess you too were needing to socially isolate to protect your health and the health of others. Where i live we are going back and forth with rules about we can go out and meet in small groups and then the return to the idea we need to stay home. Anyway im also going to and fro from where i want to be connecting with people again and also to i dont want to be hurt again emotionally by being kicked to the kerb. People who i thought cared about me ghosted me over the last few months. Im trying to decide if the pain of people disappearing hurts more or less than becoming a hermit forever.
Nah, I had planned on these videos for a long while. I think it was before all the insanity hit. I don't know about hermit forever, but it is definitely that time to look at and prune down the list of people taking your time and energy for little return!
Very daper outfit, excellent 5 part series! Very helpful. Looking forward to buying your book.
So glad you liked it John, thank you!
Thank you David that now I don‘t Im alone :D
I cried inside my heart to see this video. I always have issue with my relationship. When I talked to my bf that I feel I got longer but not getting deeper he got disappointed. He complained that I have kind of destroyer character, like tantrum to suddenly moody in good condition :((
That Monster of feeling x logic x experience always suddenly came at random time and destroy the recent joy
I appreciate you sharing on this video, and glad it resonated with you!
This is a spot - on wonderful video. Relate so much to what you are saying and hope this has helped me learn.
I was just pondering a past relationship as I was driving and thinking of how it turned out to not be mutual in love and loyalty. I believed we had a closer bond and affection for each other than we actually did...Your video and topic was right on time. 🎯
Glad to hear it resonated and with impeccable timing!
Hi David,
Congratulations and well done... 👏 👏 👏 ... Thank you very much for the five very helpful videos.
I'm so glad my "Chasing After Love" days are long passed.... If only 20 yo me could have seen this videos, she would save a lot of heartbreaks and tears.
Thank you again for another piece of great advice.
Take care, stay safe 🤗
Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed them!
Thanks again for a thought provoking video...and YES...you look rather impressive !! I have found over the years, I'm getting slowly better at listening to those 'alarm bells'. My 'gut' usually screams after about 3 seconds either 'No' or ' yeah, lets check this one out'. Through all this madness, it's been interesting to observe how people Really think/respond to their relationships. I think true friendships/relationships are sustaining people right now and making us think more than we would normally about how we interact with others.
Glad you liked this one Susan! It's definitely just a matter of LISTENING to make sure you stop yourself going crazy with the heart!
Thank you so much for this video. You explained our thought process so well and tied the prior videos together. I needed this.
I can relate to this in my past relationships. I realized my issues way to late much like Barbara's situation. The heartbreak is real. After my mistakes I have self taught to look at life more logically. Needless to say, I don't expect to find my soulmate during my lifetime but I am trying my best to keep an open mind. There's always that sparkle of hope that glimmers ever so slightly in my heart no matter how much logic battles it.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us David. Your kind expression and compassion shine bright.
Thank you so much, and keep that open mind and open heart, but protect yourself always! I appreciate you!
#IFM
intuition feeling monsters!
Gosh, I adore your brain. These 5 vids were great🙌
Awesome! Thank you!
1 min & 20 secs into watchin' this and I can totally relate to the Fe thing . Oh my goodness ! - Bein' an INFJ is so hard under times of (dis) STRESS ! Don't worry about it David , No need to explain it to Us :-) We UNDERSTAND You , We LOVE ♥️YOU♥️ and APPECIATE YOU & What You are doin' with HELPING US ♥️INFJs ♥️ OUT 😊 YOU Are a GOD SEND to US !! THANKS David ! GOD BLESS YOU !!!
Thanks so much Julie, I appreciate that! And you!
My sweet, sweet INFJ friend....you are speaking my truth💔. Might as well be my life.
Before you even gave the star example, I was thinking that you seriously are my soul twin! (But seriously, that star example!!??) You never fail to amaze me at how well you word, it's like you're a writer or something 😜
I had so many feels through this that I can't express. But I will say, I see you...it pulled at my heart fiercely watching you hold it together through most this video.
This one was definitely more mild in terms of holding it together, for that whole series the focus is definitely more on helping everyone by sharing some experience.
Haha, it IS like I'm a writer or something! So weird!
No I don’t believe that my husband feels as deeply about me as I do about him. But I do believe he gives me all the love that he is capable of in his own way. It is what it is, and I have learned to accept him as he is.
Perfectly said! Like you are reading my thoughts?! LOL This is why it’s so important to find those to grow with. And if they do not we can have empathy but they may not brings us what we really need. It’s not right to hold onto something hoping it will come one day and not be honest with them. Allow them to find someone they too can connect with on a deeper level. Of course that’s finding a life partner and then there are other relationships. But honestly is the way to go. They may not like it but in the end we have to live with ourselves. It’s not meant to sound harsh but each of us is meant to have joy. We are all worthy. 👌🏻❤️ I can’t wait to get that book! I only recently discovered you and now I’m binge watching?! Hahaha Thanks for sharing your gift with us!
The advice got more credible with the tie somehow...
So I can see the screen he says, what's the excuse for the grandpa hat?😜💙
That's exactly what I was going for. I had on sweatpants though, so I'm still doing me.
@@DavidBadurina I like your star stuff ... just saying
@@DavidBadurina that is Not a grandpa hat! Not in the least!
Your dating advice is solid. I'm currently in the scene, oh help me. I now express my needs sooner, and actually someone responded quite well. Still I have my doubts just by the online interaction, but I'm going to see how a walk together turns out.
Finally, on the last series, I have got your slap, a good one!
Thanks
You're welcome!
I like how you have a box named “The Awesome Box”.
Is it just for decoration or is going to be used at some point?
On the topic of how I think about things and keep my thoughts from overriding everything, well....it’s a little complicated.....
I usually compartmentalize my thoughts.
I like to imagine it as if I was sitting in a large room with a mixer of picture frames and mirrors hung on the walls.
The mirrors represent my self.
The picture frames represent everything else and are titled in my mind.
These picture frames and mirrors act kind of like a note book except visually in my mind.
So I can designate a mirror to my relationship with my mom and continue to update it as time passes.
Same thing with everything else.
I guess thinking like this helps me see that everything can be manageable.
I can get overwhelmed with anxiety and stress really easily and this kind of thinking calms me down because I’m not having to think about everything else at once.
This has been a good thing and a bad thing.
Mostly a good thing though.
It’s the weirdest thing and I’m probably the only person on this planet in this universe that thinks like this.
I don’t know.
But whatever I can’t help that.
Anyway that’s all I have to say.
The Awesome Box was used in my karate dojo for many many years as a horrifying workout box. Box jumps, exercises, all kinds of things. My Father built it, and it will outlast me!
And thank you for your thoughts on this! It's good to think in a way that makes everything feel manageable!
Being taken over by intuition feeling monsters while a slam drunk librarian messes with my files, ending up running a one woman relationship - done that! I'll be sure to follow your excellent checklist if I ever manage to retract my spikes🦔
I hear that!
@@DavidBadurina and by the way-I too dress up for home office👗
Thank you....always giving me something new to ponder. I appreciate you. ❤️
So glad Sheila! Thank you!
I needd this last week.... My love left me Saturday.... So upset.
So sad to hear that Sunny! I hope you can find your way out of that darkness and start shining again so soon!
Super important ❤
Absolutely, Mia!
When my mood is yucky I wear something RED. Especially if I don’t feel good.
Sometimes that's all it takes!
Where was this video back in 2011? I had 4 relationships that fell apart after a while because I used that external look at myself (using Fe, apparently!). Today I'm in a much healthier place with myself and with my partner, which I feel has the same stardust as mine. Thank you for putting so much great energy in your videos, love watching them! Oh and btw - love that hat-glasses-tie style! You should dress like that more often if it makes you feel good :)
Haha in 2011 having a YT channel was the last thing on my mind! But I'm glad you found it now! So glad you've recognized some stardust! :-)
And thank you! I'll get myself dapper a little more often!
Hi im 44 just found outi am a infj i am also a virgo and i have a 9 life path and i wisg to thank you for your vids they are helping me understand my self more xx
Glad you enjoy the videos!
Cool pen. Great series, it helped a lot. Looking forward to the next thing.
Thank you! On with the next things! :-)
Just when i needed it most. I am going through something and I want to dismiss this feeling.. I have so many questions and yes, It doesn't feel right. Thank you.
So glad it hit at the right time for you! You're very welcome!
the heart is a burning coal of desires...the more u feed the burning coal...the more rocks of ur river's flow(train of thoughts) u'll need to contain, control, restrain ur burning coal...but when there not much rocks(limitations) left in ur river's flow the limitation of ur mind become less focused n directed to where the flow has to go...after time u loose grip because the current of ur flow is too strong n u get lost in the river's flow get sunk in under the water n u start to suffocate...fear's come into play because its a basic instinct...n when u fear ur mind's not thinking straight...making illusions that u'll believe n u'll go insane after a while...bottom line...know how many rocks u have in ur river so u will know the quantity needed in ur river's flow to keep focus..n u won't go insane...well that's all for me today...I'll watch some more tomorrow....hope that could help at least a lil...one thing u could also learn but its really hard to is to swim the strong current to safety...but ur river's flow will always need some kind of limitation(rocks) to keep focus n direction of the flow...swim to safety but don't jump back in until u replaced all the needed rocks in ur river(mind).
Thanks again man!
How is your quest to amass an armored capybara army coming along?
Self-Isolation is putting a severe damper on my plans for Armored Capybara Conquest.
Thank You! ♡
You're welcome 😊
I think you look real nice in glasses 🤓 and a hat 🎩
That’s a great look for you. You should dress like that more often. 😊
Thanks for this video. I can soooo relate. In the past, I’ve been very blind when in love.
I’ve thrown my true self right out the window before in a relationship. So not cool to do.
As INFJ’s we really DO need to step back and take a better look when we know we’ve fallen,
or are falling in love. Great advice in this video! 💜
Yes! Thank you! I'll get some more ties! ;-)
As in soulmate and true love, I do believe in them but I am afraid to put my trust on another person other than my family. I've been betrayed. I don't want to feel that pain again so I create a barrier between me and the others by using a lot of personas. So people often mistook me as an extrovert but my roommates see me as an introvert. I often overthink and I am truly afraid once I fully give my trust and heart, I can never stand back up again. Because when I love, I will truly love that person and I'm scared of that. So, in conclusion, as for now, I will focus on my career to achieve my dream. Spouse or no spouse. I will be happy in my own way. Sure I do sometimes feel like I want to have someone who can understand me but at the same time I don't. Knowing full well how weird I operate hence why people often call me weird. So, I'll just focus on something that I can control and be prepared for.
Yeah good opening words. We all need a purpose. I myself hate to stay lazy and do nothing, it ruins my motivation. When it come's to relationship I'm like an unstable overheated nuclear reactor moments away from a massive explosion. It's like you say, take it easy, take a deep breath and try to overanalize the things you do and the things you intended to do and ask yourself is this the way it shoud be or not.
As Dave Mustaine says: Life can only be understood in reverse But must be lived forwards: ruclips.net/video/WwpMp7ZEjXc/видео.html
In everyone of us INFJs there's a wild fire always ready to burn as alive from the inside so it's constant battle to keep it under control.
Wise words indeed!
Does any other infj feel like you need to represent yourself with your clothes, hair, etc because we are so misunderstood in every other way that dressing ourselves is the ONE way we can somewhat communicate to who we are in 'their' language and we want to at least get That right? I kinda feel I'm still misunderstood in that regard, but that seems to be the one universal language that we all should know? Or am I on my own here?
Edit: I wear a hat everyday 😂
I don't know if that's common or uncommon, or maybe just something a little more related to insecurities or personality. I'd be curious to hear other INFJs chime in though!
I honestly don’t care about how I look on the outside and worry more about how I portray my personality to others.
But I will most likely wear nice looking comfy clothes.
I will wear soft long sleeve shirts and pants as well as take my blanket around the house a lot.
I’d love it if I could take my blanket out and wear it like clothes but I can’t.
So I wear a cape.
It’s the closest thing to a blanket that I can take out.
It’s weird.
But that’s me.
What you say about clothing does resonate with me.
I also wear a hat every time I go outside. I have a wide collection of flat caps. Warm tweed for the winter, soft linen for the summer. I don't know what it is, but I don't feel comfortable outside without a hat.
I've always been told... 'You always look so comfortable, but neat and clean'. Shouldn't we all be comfortable? And.... Neat and clean is a bonus!
@@missdenim6590 If it was uncomfortable why would we want to wear it !!!.
As for neat and clean well that's a must. Always a properly ironed shirt & clean shoes.
Any other single by choice infjs feeling like maybe having someone close isn't a bad idea? Or I'm sorry for everything. I feel sad with the world.
Can't speak to this one!
I think you look very handsome! 😍
Shuuuucks. Thank you. 🥴
If I could just add one thing to your list. TIME. A narcissist will “love-bomb” you, and be all those wonderful things In return. But they cannot do it for very long. The real person will show up eventually
Absolutely right!
David Badurina I married my narc after 4 weeks of love bombing. 3 weeks after we got married he had a girlfriend. Hard lesson learned. 💔
❤
Right back at you, Amber!
So I started watching your videos because my boyfriend is an infj. all of my tests have come back saying that an infp but I really really feel as if I am an infj. Is there any large differences that could help me figure this out ?? Thanks so much if you get back to me and I love all of your videos
It's one of the most common and more difficult things to figure out. Might I suggest checking out a channel called Cognitive Personality Theory. My friend Harry runs it and he is really good at that sort of nuance between types!
What is sane? There's 2020 for starters, kinda makes me wonder who opened Pandora's box? And, naturally, why? Anyway, just to say David i appreciate your talks. K cool
You know, I am truly disappointed, mister Badurina. The other day you said “no shenanigans in the Romance room”, now you’re saying “no extreme flirting” or however you’re saying it... Pffff 😒, really? Just pfffff... Booooriiiing sir! Boooorrrrriiiiiinnnggg! 😜 But seriously, it has been a great series. THANK YOU! Looking at yourself from the side so to speak and showing yourself the same empathy and grace you so freely show others is what really helps. It definitely helped me at least. Also, I think there’s a tendency for us to think “OMG! I may lose that person!” and we often act out of that fear forgetting that we are the prize too, and that that other person is also at risk of losing us. These mindsets help me... I think ). ...But no extreme flirting just turned me off lol 😂.
Haha okay okay Irene ... maybe SOME shenanigans are okay. Certainly don't want to bore anyone to sleep! And YES there is that "OMG! I may lose that person!" tendency and I think it is that attachment that puts us into many situations that can be really bad for us. ;-)
I'm starting to learn myself through your channel and I understand what I want from a relationship now. As I have been growing my bestfriend has kept trying to get me to do a quick hook up so I can have sex for the first time. Im 20 years old and I have finally let go of all those anxieties I get from people around me putting their expectations upon me but my best friend insists that all guys go through this "wanting a genuine relationship before sex" stage but after you will want to have sex more i geuss, and be more open to those kind of relationships. I do not think this is the case for me as an INFJ one bit. Im scared that this might be something thats going to ruin my relationship with my best friend when he does invite me to hang out and put me in a situation to where he is gonna try to convince me to partake in a hookup and cross my boundaries. Should I just be up front that he's hurting my feelings everytime he disagrees with what I say i want? I don't want stop being close friends with him he's always been there for me.
I think if you're honest about what you feel, and this person is truly your best friend, they should understand and respect what you say. If they don't, what is the motivation and what are they after other than a hookup? Try to look at it with some of that logic. You don't want to mess up a great friendship because you think your friend might feel bad if you're just being honest about what you feel, right?
You are worth more than that!
Snipah X
Listen to self. He is trying to manipulate
Lol Poor, poor, logic. Just lost and runnin around my head frantically trying every door. Bass pumpin and the parties been locked down like a rave 😝
Hey David I am no MBTI expert but I have been thinking a lot about this video and relating it to a recent experience I had. I am not sure of this is right or not but I am wondering if the issue with INFJs and love has more to do with our very underdeveloped Se. So my thoughts are that logic (Ti) can get in there and it does work with what Ni and Fe has brought in and it's role is to provide a logical picture. I think without any Ti no conclusion would be reached and no vision created because Ni is not a concrete function. The trouble with us INFJs is that we like to distill distill so that any new information provided by Se ( what is actually really going on right now in the real world) is rejected. So any little cues and things that would allow us to shift our Ni Fe vision is disregarded. So we can live in our little Utopian dream for longer. It is only when something huge and harsh that Se can't ignore that we get our NiFe bubble burst and logic (Ti) has to readjust the picture. That is when we feel awful. In my situation it was actually I did not have enough Se information (in my case a reference point in how this person interacts with others not just me) to form an accurate picture so guess what...NiFe loop! I don't know..this is my guess. What do you think?
Correction Ni-ti loop.
Interesting thoughts, for sure every situation is going to be different with different percentages/shades of how much overthinking is going on, right? Ti typically saves me from the overthinking, but when I start ignoring Fe it all goes sideways!
David I could use ur help. Went from serious to "casual" with my infj. I'm infp. So similar yet different. Anyway. How do I show him how much I care without freaking him out. How r infj's with grand gestures or long letters? A mix tape? Any suggestions? Love ur content.
Oh and I didnt think infj's could do casual. Infps arent awesome at it.
Eek no grand gestures! Haha. Usually just time together, or something small and thoughtful. A mix tape (so classic, love it) is a great choice, especially if they are meaningful songs.
More than anything, talk and listen and get into great conversations. That's really all it takes!
Thanks for taking time to reply! Hope you are doing ok. Lots of energy in that series. Good stuff
Hm Im not sure I’ll be ever able to really creat romantic relationship...my logic even fairly good and helpful in other staff just not romantic...first serious relationship I ever had was abusive and I didn’t even felt by intuition that’s the one...second intuitively the strongest I ever had just by timing and outside circumstances never really happened although we both cared for each other...but as you say maybe not the same way...I couldn’t for years get over of that one even I dated other people until recently as I was just fooling myself with feeling and intuition that it just can’t be finished for how it felt when we never even got a chance to start....and I just always pick unavailable guys really...either emotionally or they are on the other site of the planet....there is this fear of abandonment which as much I’m working on doesn’t seam to be possible to overcome and I constantly put myself in impossible relationships or ones which exactly leave me abandoned 🤷♀️ well once actually few times I was told I will meet my real ‘partner’ well lets see if in this life 🙈
It's all a process, Eva! Recognizing some of your patterns helps you to become a little healthier, and helps you foster better relationships. Don't be too hard on yourself! :-)
David Badurina thats very sweet David...thanks sorry for such long text and pouring my heart out haha I feel as being recognising my patterns whole dam life 🤣😅 I guess that’s not something ever ending really 🙈😇🙂
I have to encourage you to stop this. Peace, Strength, Love
Run away freight train 😊
You got that right!
I relate to you so much I don't like you.
That’s excessive.
@@DavidBadurina you're right. It's my problem
Be careful following your heart because according to the bible the heart is the most decievable part of your body. Just sayin not looking for an argument.