I heard that and can’t quit trying. My 28 year old son is in ICU with a brain bleed. He doesn’t care about himself. Makes awful choices. Blames me for his issues and I constantly try to fix him. I can’t do this.
@@debir4111any loving caring Mother would try help/fix their child when the child is destroying themselves, most mothers would feel partly responsible for the way their own child turned out, so then also feels responsible for 'fixing' the problem they helped create, There is NOTHING wrong with you Stop listening to so called Dr experts they create labels disorders that aren't really there to MAKE/TAKE BIG MONEY OFF OF YOU, always remember that when taking so called Expert advice. Also remember this Truth : MORE than half of what the experts have taught us to be truth to be true, WILL be Proven WRONG completely WRONG within your own lifetime! Remember that always 💯
I have always refused to accept that I am an enabler.....until I watch something like this and realize how codependent I am and how very few boundaries I have
Truth. This happened to me. I mentally had a breakdown being codependent. I was fulfilling all their needs and wishing that my needs were met. I was exhausted and lost track of reality. God brought me out and showed me how I was loosing my soul to this person.
@KarenDelores you just described what I went through well! And trying to detach from the narc has been so much resistance on their part; when you want to obey God and get healthy the devil and the narc throw a fit! But Greater is He who is in me!God bless you!🙏🏻❤
This is so true. I’ve been a codependent all my life, and finally on breaking totally away it’s my son 42 years of being codependent, and he is now 58 years old. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel the fear at first the anticipation of whatever I don’t know, but now I feel such a relief, and gave it all to God cause I can’t do no more, and I’m so happy that I saw this this morning. God bless you sir and thank you.❤
I was not the main enabler, my mother in law is. Once I understood what a trauma bond and codependency was I immediately started on getting out of it. What happened as a result was severe violence and abuse from my husband. I no longer played the role of his apologist and enabler and he couldn’t stand it. He got arrested many times and his mother would pay attorneys to get ‘em off or plead to a lesser charge and he wouldn’t be in jail long enough for me to do anything fully, except I did get full custody when he was locked up and that was a big win. I should have done more but his mother and sisters and aunts and grandmother were constantly threatening me and harassing me every time he went to jail, even when he went for drugs and drinking. I was in a world in which I was afraid and I didn’t recognize. But I’ve grown so much and I know his family can’t do anything to hurt me and my children. I was taken from my mother at five years old and I couldn’t let anyone do that to my children, but I’m not a disabled gullible woman like my mother was and my father and his family were just as ugly to her because my father is a drunk who likes to hurt people too. So they used that trauma against me and I fell for it for 20 years. Now I know I hold all the cards and there’s nothing they can don to change that. I’m not going to be cocky about it though because it’s not me, but the Lord whom holds all the cards. He gave me everything I have and I’m just turning right when he says and answering that call when he says and so on. God have me life twice and the second time was a straight miracle.
This hits home. I am from a long line of female descendants that were conditioned to believe codependency and being subservient are normalcy. It's not! Thank you for sharing this content. It brings awareness and encourages change for the chain breakers!
Just escaped this toxic cycle and SO TRUE I was literally TRULY bed-ridden depressed for the first time in my life at age 50. At the beginning of my golden years!!! Thank goodness for wonderful friends old and new who stood by me and walked me into the light ❤❤❤❤❤
The codependency starts with feeling compation for your partner. Being an empath atracts narcissist and if you have a genuin loving heart they despise you instead of apreciating. Some people cant bear the light of somebody and try to dim it instead of enjoy it and be iluminated with it...Marìa
@@ssboschkynever heard it described as feeling sad for them. Empaths feel empathy, which means feeling the other person's feelings. The lack of reciprocal empathy is the problem.
@trollsneedhugs I never hear of empaths just feeling joy though. If it was purely based on other people, you would just go to the happiest people and live vicariously/vampirisitically, taking on the energy of joy. Empaths are talking about feeling the burden.. in my experience anyway, and it's never their burden to carry, it's a false weight.
I was co-dependent but sought God and broke free from that relationship...very painfull but necessary. I then got baptized at 26. I was single 7.5 yrs and then platonically dated. God showed me to keep my distance and cured me of my co-dependance. I am now in a healthy marriage almost 24 yrs. Thank you Jesus!
The codependency starts with feeling compation for your partner. Being an empath atracts narcissist and if you have a genuin loving heart they despise you instead of apreciating. Some people cant bear the light of somebody and try to dim it instead of enjoy it and be iluminated with it...Marìa❤
I kept doing this until i got scammed by someone with NPD/ASPD. Then i became aware of it. Now i can barely meet up with a new person in case they come to expect something from me which i cannot give. Any kind of expectation upon me now feels like torture or any kind. I had every last breath sucked from my body. Now i have nothing and recognise how protective i must be over what i have. I thought i had nothing and now i realise i do because it was all taken from me therefore i clearly had a lot, he couldnt take something if i never had it
The author of this video temperature has a series called back to basics for complex PTSD you might want to look at up I know exactly how you feel but that video series might help you some of the videos aren't available unless you are a member but they're on youtube The ones that we can see
This is so distuctive for a person to be born into! I still at 61 don't know how to get my needs met, and I am so isolated because everybody has sickness in the US! It's affected my whole life!
@@esterriesparabetrue 👍. And God sees our heart, if we spend our lives trying to get our needs met in the empty hole in her heart filled with everything else but a relationship with god, then God continues to allow it to fail until it guides us to him then we understand that him and him alone can fill all our needs, not only does the rest become a bonus, but because we have a source of Supply in God now, we become a bonus to others
@@esterriesparabe No, humans can certainly meet your needs. God and Jesus can only gaslight you to a certain extent about it. But we need actual people.
Thanks for this message and information. I knew I was in a codependent relationship when I had broken up with him for the 14th time! I thought I was healed from this before I met him and then my son died. (my onl y family. It soon became apparent and vital for me to take care of myself and my own healing. He is an alcoholic I discovered, as was my mother and brother (both had died) Changing my priorities and being accountable for my choices and positive directions in life was part of the "withdrawal " and recovery I had to face.
I became so sick I was dead, literally. I wanted and was trying to die. I gave him everything, he refuses to ever return any kind of love or kindness. Saying the entire time I'm the person who has the problem. He doesn't think cheating for years should be a problem.
He's a narcissist. You cannot change him and you are not is savior. Quietly begin to detach from him physically, emotionally and mentally and work on yourself. Don't tell him what you're doing or your plans. Create a plan of escape, stick to it and when you are gone, DON'T LOOK BACK OR GO BACK! He will never change and if he does, he may be different for another person but not for you. Save yourself before years go by that you can't get back wasting on him, hoping that he'll change or get better. 🙏🕊
Holy F! That uncannily describes what was happening with me with one of my ex-s. I would literally wake up and my first thought would be about her problems, which since she refused to take my advice when they were just starting, I now had to find a clean-up solution for now that she was neck high in them. It ended with me getting a heart-attack - age 37 - at which point I just knew I had to get out of that relationship. But then she'd constantly somehow keep getting into more and more inexplicable crap and was so helpless and defenceless and needed my help that I stayed on for another two months until I caught her cheating and I used that as a justification for why this relationship had to end and there was no going back. Fuuuuuuuuuu
Yes, so many of us were taught as children that we were not important, that our needs were not important, and that even caring about ourselves or our own needs/desires was just selfish and wrong. To this very day I am embarrassed of my own needs. Ashamed of my desires, ashamed that I even want to be loved. Because how could anyone love someone like me.🙈
My mom and me... She didn't want life and I was tasked with making her live.. dying inside, I kept trying till she died.. and now I am left wondering, was it even worth it? Sicker, and sicker and sicker, and everyone around you... So true.
Thank you God for the inspiration courage and desire to -seek -understand -implement and always hope to continue working towards bettering myself for You ...my kids others and myself❤🙏❤️... for answering most all of my prayers for help and delivering me from many such.things as codependency..when I was in my twenties❤even though I've lived in much suffering sacrifice and service for most of my life❤️at least it is mostly for... You❤️ sweet little children that I love❤others❤️ and probably even myself as well...mwybe sometimes 🙏❤️🙏 not just for an 🙏obsession to help sone selfish person(s)🙏❤️😘😘😘😘😘😘❤️ ❤🙏❤️
Lost my colon to this. Yeah. Narcissism all my life drained me completely. Struggling to survive just each day was kind of crazy. Still is but it's normal now.
Wow....This was me.......bible helped me see....moving away from this thinking...focusing on me....more than on others , us a slow deliberate process. 😊 Thank God I can see it now.
I was a senior citizen before i started to realize my needs were as important as other people's. I'm very glad Codependency, and the harm to the individual, is being brought to light.
She cost me tens of thousands of dollars and I don't know where she is. I told her I'm out of money, that I'm not going into debt. I don't want to be here anymore, I'm so tired.
Please start educating yourself about co dependency and narcissistic abuse. You are trauma bonded which is much harder to break than love, it’s an addiction. Life gets so much better once you stop personalizing the abuse and start healing your core childhood wounds. You’ve got this!
Yes, you do want to live, but you can't ignore your inner feelings anymore. You know she does not love you. Read books and go to therapy if you can. Heal and understand. That is your mission in your life. Take care of yourself first!
yup, that was me. untill I figured out that the crap that kept coming on her path was contracted by her in order to keep me occupied with saving her. While she got more rude and more jealous, telling me how I ought to behave as her friend.... Sudden cold turkey no contact ended that.
Some people never listen, I know. But sometimes talking to the other person and seeking the means available ( such as government helps ) can help them live more independently. It can be very hard to know which road to take. Some things happen coincidently. Always choose the road that is best for the other person. 'You can't do it', let somebody else. It is always best ( I hope ) I'm sure it is
Yep! The "dying inside" was the exact feeling I had when I was dating my ex (who has NPD and ASPD). He was the only one that mattered in the relationship and if I only tried to detach myself, he would fake illnesses or incidents just to regain attention. But if I needed him, he would never show up. And it got only worse with time.
Excellent explanation of this issue. My friend a hoarder in original home of eventually blind Dad, 4 much older girls. All fell on him. I was enabling him & he asked me not to do anything. I freaked of failure. His Daughter visited n left food n candy, tons. Now a mice 🐁 infestation. He’s ADHD, also diabetic, drinks less, but so very overwhelmed, depressed. Wants no company. Sad ordeal.
All so that you can get no pleasure out of it, nor results, nor growth, nor life, nor respect, nor anything even coming close to what you think you're fighting for. You're dead because you chose death. That is the way of the scapegoat, knowingly or not, you chose. Pray to get out of this destructive cycle. It kills.
This is sad. You make it sound like you’re doomed if you’re with a codependent. Haven’t they suffered enough. These are among the kindest people you’ll ever meet. Sure they have issues, but it only seems to be a problem when they are paired with people who take advantage of them or guilt-trip them often. But once away from all of that, they undoubtedly make for excellent partners. Codependents are givers. We all have insecurities, but some people are just takers, and that is where it becomes toxic.
Codependency is a toxic trait in itself. But, I don’t think you realize how much it can and does affect the people in their lives. Codependency isn’t just giving, it’s more than that. Codependency is being dependent on another person for living.-so to speak. It’s not just giving the other people. It’s having to have another person do stuff for themselves they can’t /won’t do otherwise. 🌟It’s about not being able to make a decision, for themselves. Another person has to make that choice. It’s giving everything to someone else, for any reason! Whether or not it’s healthy. It worrying, thinking and doing things for someone else, instead of doing something for you. It’s pushing aside your 🌟needs and wants. It’s giving everything to someone else, even before you get to sit down and eat food or something. It’s giving up, hopes and dreams for another person, because you feel so bad and worthless, your stuff doesn’t matter. You become a shell of who you are. You forget who you are. Everything is tied into another person. When that happens, like it did to me. I was on the path of being so sick, I could have died from it. This affects all area of your life, and all the people in your life. Not just family. You can have a hard time saying no to anyone. It’s not having any boundaries with anyone else. Any, person can take advantage of you. It doesn’t just have to be family.
The irony is that the codependent person isn't attracted to situations where their needs are met. They have an urge to be the fixer. If someone isn't a problem then they will search for someone who is. Hence, the sickness. It's true, they are compassionate, but they need to become aware of this cycle so they can change their situation; so they can learn to love what is healthy instead of what is twisted. From what I understand, it's a very unhealthy level.of avoidance. The aim is to focus on others do that you can avoid what's broken in yourself.
This describes my situation perfectly 😕 the mother of my kids, I've tried so hard to get her "back on track". But she clearly has zero interest in that.
Need and want are often confusing because boredom has the need or want of something new. Running around a windmill is as enduring as gone with the wind. Compliments are complimentary as personalities that compliment the other half of a relationship. Weather a fitting or a load bearing enabler we are all just bricks in the wall.
I'm not a victim. I loved the person and did my best by them. He was a covert narcissist and I was unable to see through his lies and manipulations. I'm not writing off my love and support of somebody as codependancy. Once I figured out what he was I left him.
My wife I think is very codependent on her parents. And she's used a LOT of gaslighting and mental abuse to keep me compliant with her family dynamic. I would try to understand her and she would use my moments of listening as an open door to just beat me down and take me around a mountain of psychological tactics to shut me down, shame me, make me feel evil for even questioning how tight knit her family is. But I woke up and decided im only going to do what's rewarding for me. I'm going to call her on her bullshit now. No matter how ugly it gets. I'm calling it out. Not gonna live with it anymore. Not gonna cater to her family and their needs anymore. I'm just gonna do me and do whatever I see benefits me.
I have just gone through exactly this and currently trying to break the bond, 4 weeks in. Feeling not too bad, went through hell for the initial 3 weeks. Was in a relationship with NPD BPD ADHD partner 🤯🤯🤯… my body started to break down and I was getting sick regularly with various conditions, the universe tried to tell me I was at the wrong place
You’re not the reason you’re broken. But you’re the only one who can put yourself back together. Taking responsibility for our own healing is the first step towards making it happen. With respect & good vibes from someone in-progress of healing 🙏🏼
Dying inside trying to give life to someone who doesn’t want life. It’s so 💯true. 😢
That’s it right there!
Broke me down hearing that. I've been there.
I heard that and can’t quit trying. My 28 year old son is in ICU with a brain bleed. He doesn’t care about himself. Makes awful choices. Blames me for his issues and I constantly try to fix him.
I can’t do this.
@@debir4111any loving caring Mother would try help/fix their child when the child is destroying themselves, most mothers would feel partly responsible for the way their own child turned out, so then also feels responsible for 'fixing' the problem they helped create,
There is NOTHING wrong with you
Stop listening to so called Dr experts they create labels disorders that aren't really there to MAKE/TAKE BIG MONEY OFF OF YOU, always remember that when taking so called Expert advice.
Also remember this Truth : MORE than half of what the experts have taught us to be truth to be true, WILL be Proven WRONG completely WRONG within your own lifetime!
Remember that always 💯
Let go - let God. x@@debir4111
I have always refused to accept that I am an enabler.....until I watch something like this and realize how codependent I am and how very few boundaries I have
Truth. This happened to me. I mentally had a breakdown being codependent. I was fulfilling all their needs and wishing that my needs were met. I was exhausted and lost track of reality. God brought me out and showed me how I was loosing my soul to this person.
Yes, I lost my soul and have been having nightmare and daymares that the devil is holding my soul captive.
Lovely coment Karen. I went through the Same . I am sure you are a grate empath and deserve love and peace. ❤
Horrible thing tp experience! How to solve that? @@arianebennion
@KarenDelores you just described what I went through well! And trying to detach from the narc has been so much resistance on their part; when you want to obey God and get healthy the devil and the narc throw a fit! But Greater is He who is in me!God bless you!🙏🏻❤
Exactly what happened to me. I won't do it anymore.
You don’t realize it until you realize you’re exhausted and don’t know why … 😔
This is so true. I’ve been a codependent all my life, and finally on breaking totally away it’s my son 42 years of being codependent, and he is now 58 years old. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel the fear at first the anticipation of whatever I don’t know, but now I feel such a relief, and gave it all to God cause I can’t do no more, and I’m so happy that I saw this this morning. God bless you sir and thank you.❤
Thank you. This happened to me. I gave up everything for my partner. I was so sick, but I didn’t realize.
I was not the main enabler, my mother in law is. Once I understood what a trauma bond and codependency was I immediately started on getting out of it. What happened as a result was severe violence and abuse from my husband. I no longer played the role of his apologist and enabler and he couldn’t stand it. He got arrested many times and his mother would pay attorneys to get ‘em off or plead to a lesser charge and he wouldn’t be in jail long enough for me to do anything fully, except I did get full custody when he was locked up and that was a big win. I should have done more but his mother and sisters and aunts and grandmother were constantly threatening me and harassing me every time he went to jail, even when he went for drugs and drinking. I was in a world in which I was afraid and I didn’t recognize. But I’ve grown so much and I know his family can’t do anything to hurt me and my children. I was taken from my mother at five years old and I couldn’t let anyone do that to my children, but I’m not a disabled gullible woman like my mother was and my father and his family were just as ugly to her because my father is a drunk who likes to hurt people too. So they used that trauma against me and I fell for it for 20 years. Now I know I hold all the cards and there’s nothing they can don to change that. I’m not going to be cocky about it though because it’s not me, but the Lord whom holds all the cards. He gave me everything I have and I’m just turning right when he says and answering that call when he says and so on. God have me life twice and the second time was a straight miracle.
Hearing you feeling you sending many Blessings and much love to you ❤️
I'm so happy you got through that. Thankful to our Lord, Jesus.
Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you.
I wish you well. xxx
Congratulations! Well earned. Praise the Lord! ❤
This hits home. I am from a long line of female descendants that were conditioned to believe codependency and being subservient are normalcy.
It's not! Thank you for sharing this content. It brings awareness and encourages change for the chain breakers!
Just escaped this toxic cycle and SO TRUE I was literally TRULY bed-ridden depressed for the first time in my life at age 50. At the beginning of my golden years!!!
Thank goodness for wonderful friends old and new who stood by me and walked me into the light ❤❤❤❤❤
The codependency starts with feeling compation for your partner. Being an empath atracts narcissist and if you have a genuin loving heart they despise you instead of apreciating. Some people cant bear the light of somebody and try to dim it instead of enjoy it and be iluminated with it...Marìa
The truth!! Well said
So true. NIce reminder. Thank you ~
An 'empath' feeling of constantly being overwhelmed with sadness for other people isn't actually from God. Those feelings are demonic.
@@ssboschkynever heard it described as feeling sad for them. Empaths feel empathy, which means feeling the other person's feelings. The lack of reciprocal empathy is the problem.
@trollsneedhugs I never hear of empaths just feeling joy though. If it was purely based on other people, you would just go to the happiest people and live vicariously/vampirisitically, taking on the energy of joy. Empaths are talking about feeling the burden.. in my experience anyway, and it's never their burden to carry, it's a false weight.
It literally drove me to a breakdown. Still recovering
Even if the other person does want life, it still won’t be what they need. I’m so glad I know now and am working to be healed from this.
Cheers 🎉❤
I was co-dependent but sought God and broke free from that relationship...very painfull but necessary. I then got baptized at 26. I was single 7.5 yrs and then platonically dated. God showed me to keep my distance and cured me of my co-dependance. I am now in a healthy marriage almost 24 yrs. Thank you Jesus!
Thank you for your testimony. It gives hope for the "poor in spirit" through Jesus 😊
The codependency starts with feeling compation for your partner. Being an empath atracts narcissist and if you have a genuin loving heart they despise you instead of apreciating. Some people cant bear the light of somebody and try to dim it instead of enjoy it and be iluminated with it...Marìa❤
I kept doing this until i got scammed by someone with NPD/ASPD. Then i became aware of it. Now i can barely meet up with a new person in case they come to expect something from me which i cannot give. Any kind of expectation upon me now feels like torture or any kind. I had every last breath sucked from my body. Now i have nothing and recognise how protective i must be over what i have. I thought i had nothing and now i realise i do because it was all taken from me therefore i clearly had a lot, he couldnt take something if i never had it
The author of this video temperature has a series called back to basics for complex PTSD you might want to look at up I know exactly how you feel but that video series might help you some of the videos aren't available unless you are a member but they're on youtube The ones that we can see
thank you, i will. Tim is probably the best practical break down on trauma and coping mechanisms and behaviours ive ever come across @@SparkingLife111
YES, FINALLY SOMEONE SAYING THIS OUT LOUD! 🙋🙏🙏🙏🙏
Something I needed to hear...to be told. Thank you, so many things are becoming clearer about how my life has been
Mine as well.
This is so distuctive for a person to be born into! I still at 61 don't know how to get my needs met, and I am so isolated because everybody has sickness in the US! It's affected my whole life!
Rosemary@ love God and Jesus. Only Them can meet your needs and the love as big as you deserve, the rest is a bonus😅❤
Rosemary@ love God and Jesus. Only Them can meet your needs and the love as big as you deserve, the rest is a bonus😅❤❤
@@esterriesparabetrue 👍. And God sees our heart, if we spend our lives trying to get our needs met in the empty hole in her heart filled with everything else but a relationship with god, then God continues to allow it to fail until it guides us to him then we understand that him and him alone can fill all our needs, not only does the rest become a bonus, but because we have a source of Supply in God now, we become a bonus to others
Not everybody, but it does tend to happen in clusters of people I think. You gotta go way outside the people you see now.
@@esterriesparabe No, humans can certainly meet your needs. God and Jesus can only gaslight you to a certain extent about it. But we need actual people.
People pleasing
Thanks for this message and
information. I knew I was in a
codependent relationship when I had broken up with him for the 14th time! I thought I was healed from this before I met him and then my son died. (my onl
y family. It soon became apparent and vital for me to take care of myself and my own healing. He is an alcoholic I discovered, as was my mother and brother
(both had died) Changing my priorities and being accountable for my choices and positive directions in
life was part of the "withdrawal " and recovery I
had to face.
This hits. How do we forget about ourselves? Or worse, become belittled when we do want to do something for ourselves.
In childhood
I became so sick I was dead, literally. I wanted and was trying to die. I gave him everything, he refuses to ever return any kind of love or kindness. Saying the entire time I'm the person who has the problem. He doesn't think cheating for years should be a problem.
You type well for a literally dead person
He's a narcissist. You cannot change him and you are not is savior. Quietly begin to detach from him physically, emotionally and mentally and work on yourself. Don't tell him what you're doing or your plans. Create a plan of escape, stick to it and when you are gone, DON'T LOOK BACK OR GO BACK! He will never change and if he does, he may be different for another person but not for you. Save yourself before years go by that you can't get back wasting on him, hoping that he'll change or get better. 🙏🕊
Fuck me 😅 the truth an it’s unbiased strike to the face… truth doesn’t pick sides.
I was in this position before, and the best thing I’ve ever done was leave it.
This is hitting HARD.
This was me .The enabler, or co-dependent when I meet and feel in love or became totally addicted to a NPD
Perfectly said Sir Amen 🙏🏻
Yep. That's why I live alone, for myself now. And always will, since yes, I have no idea how to let others support me.
Thank you for sharing . . That is a long hard road to bear on your shoulders . . This took, time, will power, resources, love and I am inspired 🙏❤️🩹
that's a great description
Holy F! That uncannily describes what was happening with me with one of my ex-s. I would literally wake up and my first thought would be about her problems, which since she refused to take my advice when they were just starting, I now had to find a clean-up solution for now that she was neck high in them. It ended with me getting a heart-attack - age 37 - at which point I just knew I had to get out of that relationship. But then she'd constantly somehow keep getting into more and more inexplicable crap and was so helpless and defenceless and needed my help that I stayed on for another two months until I caught her cheating and I used that as a justification for why this relationship had to end and there was no going back. Fuuuuuuuuuu
Absolutely one of the reasons I got out.
Yes, so many of us were taught as children that we were not important, that our needs were not important, and that even caring about ourselves or our own needs/desires was just selfish and wrong. To this very day I am embarrassed of my own needs. Ashamed of my desires, ashamed that I even want to be loved. Because how could anyone love someone like me.🙈
Absolutely solving every one else’s problems sucks the Life out of you till you have nothing left inside and have a nervous breakdown
Oh my gosh that’s what happened to me over most of my life😮thank you great explanation care giver empaths need to hear that❤
My mom and me... She didn't want life and I was tasked with making her live.. dying inside, I kept trying till she died.. and now I am left wondering, was it even worth it?
Sicker, and sicker and sicker, and everyone around you... So true.
Thank you I needed to hear this ❤
So very true. Dying inside 😢
Loving is giving of yourself
We have just been loving the wrong person
Yuppers. Opening the heart light and learning I tuition and listening to ur gut instincts is practice.
This is a beautiful message -Thank you so so much!❤
Thank you for teaching us about unhealthy behaviors.... They suck Life from their caregiver or person...😢
Thank you God for the inspiration courage and desire to -seek -understand -implement and always hope to continue working towards bettering myself for You ...my kids others and myself❤🙏❤️... for answering most all of my prayers for help and delivering me from many such.things as codependency..when I was in my twenties❤even though
I've lived in much suffering sacrifice and service for most of my life❤️at least it is mostly for... You❤️ sweet little children that I love❤others❤️ and probably even myself as well...mwybe sometimes 🙏❤️🙏
not just for an 🙏obsession to help sone selfish person(s)🙏❤️😘😘😘😘😘😘❤️
❤🙏❤️
Well spoken.❤
I’ve had a rough time with this, but gosh it could have been SO much worse 🙏🏼✨
Lost my colon to this. Yeah. Narcissism all my life drained me completely. Struggling to survive just each day was kind of crazy. Still is but it's normal now.
Very true. THANK YOU
Wow....This was me.......bible helped me see....moving away from this thinking...focusing on me....more than on others , us a slow deliberate process. 😊 Thank God I can see it now.
Why would the bible make you focus on YOU? The bible is not about you. The bible is sacrificing you.
Yes it has been eroding me away for years . . Finally I am in therapy for self preservation boundaries
Truth, been there. Amen I am free now.
Exactly - well said. So accurate.
Yes so true! Well said.❤
I did for everyone my entire life, and I am extremely disabled 😢. I married a man with 3 boys, who never appreciated me 😮
Wow! I never really saw it this way.... I only saw it from the perspective of I was trying to help the other person.
This is the best explanation of this I've ever heard
its not worth it, run away and remember God even has boundaries!!!!
I was a senior citizen before i started to realize my needs were as important as other people's. I'm very glad Codependency, and the harm to the individual, is being brought to light.
She cost me tens of thousands of dollars and I don't know where she is. I told her I'm out of money, that I'm not going into debt. I don't want to be here anymore, I'm so tired.
Please start educating yourself about co dependency and narcissistic abuse. You are trauma bonded which is much harder to break than love, it’s an addiction. Life gets so much better once you stop personalizing the abuse and start healing your core childhood wounds. You’ve got this!
Yes, you do want to live, but you can't ignore your inner feelings anymore. You know she does not love you. Read books and go to therapy if you can. Heal and understand. That is your mission in your life. Take care of yourself first!
Tim Fletcher is so accurate in his descriptions
Amen to this truth.
Yes Tim I totally understand.
yup, that was me.
untill I figured out that the crap that kept coming on her path was contracted by her in order to keep me occupied with saving her. While she got more rude and more jealous, telling me how I ought to behave as her friend....
Sudden cold turkey no contact ended that.
This is so true. I was dying but Im living now cause i left him.
Some people never listen, I know. But sometimes talking to the other person and seeking the means available ( such as government helps ) can help them live more independently. It can be very hard to know which road to take. Some things happen coincidently. Always choose the road that is best for the other person. 'You can't do it', let somebody else. It is always best ( I hope ) I'm sure it is
Sadly I'm guilty of charge, been there, done that. I'm free of that
Yep! The "dying inside" was the exact feeling I had when I was dating my ex (who has NPD and ASPD). He was the only one that mattered in the relationship and if I only tried to detach myself, he would fake illnesses or incidents just to regain attention. But if I needed him, he would never show up. And it got only worse with time.
Excellent explanation of this issue. My friend a hoarder in original home of eventually blind Dad, 4 much older girls. All fell on him. I was enabling him & he asked me not to do anything. I freaked of failure. His Daughter visited n left food n candy, tons. Now a mice 🐁 infestation. He’s ADHD, also diabetic, drinks less, but so very overwhelmed, depressed.
Wants no company. Sad ordeal.
Thank you!❤
Superb explanation.
Well said. Thank you! ❤
Me with my narcissistic mother. Exactly like this.
Amazingly explained 😮
Love your work!
The enabler dying inside trying to give life to somebody that doesn't want it. Whewwww!!! ❤❤
All so that you can get no pleasure out of it, nor results, nor growth, nor life, nor respect, nor anything even coming close to what you think you're fighting for. You're dead because you chose death. That is the way of the scapegoat, knowingly or not, you chose. Pray to get out of this destructive cycle. It kills.
This is sad. You make it sound like you’re doomed if you’re with a codependent. Haven’t they suffered enough. These are among the kindest people you’ll ever meet. Sure they have issues, but it only seems to be a problem when they are paired with people who take advantage of them or guilt-trip them often. But once away from all of that, they undoubtedly make for excellent partners. Codependents are givers. We all have insecurities, but some people are just takers, and that is where it becomes toxic.
So much Truth in this comment 👏 🙌 ❤
Codependency is a toxic trait in itself. But, I don’t think you realize how much it can and does affect the people in their lives. Codependency isn’t just giving, it’s more than that. Codependency is being dependent on another person for living.-so to speak. It’s not just giving the other people. It’s having to have another person do stuff for themselves they can’t /won’t do otherwise.
🌟It’s about not being able to make a decision, for themselves. Another person has to make that choice. It’s giving everything to someone else, for any reason! Whether or not it’s healthy. It worrying, thinking and doing things for someone else, instead of doing something for you. It’s pushing aside your 🌟needs and wants. It’s giving everything to someone else, even before you get to sit down and eat food or something. It’s giving up, hopes and dreams for another person, because you feel so bad and worthless, your stuff doesn’t matter.
You become a shell of who you are. You forget who you are. Everything is tied into another person.
When that happens, like it did to me. I was on the path of being so sick, I could have died from it.
This affects all area of your life, and all the people in your life. Not just family. You can have a hard time saying no to anyone.
It’s not having any boundaries with anyone else. Any, person can take advantage of you. It doesn’t just have to be family.
Yep
The irony is that the codependent person isn't attracted to situations where their needs are met. They have an urge to be the fixer. If someone isn't a problem then they will search for someone who is.
Hence, the sickness.
It's true, they are compassionate, but they need to become aware of this cycle so they can change their situation; so they can learn to love what is healthy instead of what is twisted.
From what I understand, it's a very unhealthy level.of avoidance. The aim is to focus on others do that you can avoid what's broken in yourself.
@@kellycurtis4483 that’s an excellent way of explaining what codependency is.
So much truth! 😭
They really don’t want life.
They want magic.
Really wish i could bookmark this
You can click save under the video and it will save it to your utube in a playlist 😊and if you go to history it will be there
@@moonkatmagic5599 thank you for the advice!
or you can hit share then select copy then put utube link it on your notes App
This describes my situation perfectly 😕 the mother of my kids, I've tried so hard to get her "back on track". But she clearly has zero interest in that.
THANK YOU
Sooo true!!!
All they want life they want yours they'll suck it up day by day Moment by moment I know I was on the other end of that for 28 years.😢
Me and my mom i want to live authentically for myself
Need and want are often confusing because boredom has the need or want of something new.
Running around a windmill is as enduring as gone with the wind.
Compliments are complimentary as personalities that compliment the other half of a relationship.
Weather a fitting or a load bearing enabler we are all just bricks in the wall.
This was me. Had to get alot of help to break free. I still have to stay very aware of this.
can't afford to do that. must take care of my own balance or else I have nothing to share when they need it.
Well put!
I'm not a victim. I loved the person and did my best by them. He was a covert narcissist and I was unable to see through his lies and manipulations. I'm not writing off my love and support of somebody as codependancy. Once I figured out what he was I left him.
👌👍💯
Man i feel like in therapy and its working 💪 ❤
Overstated.
Loving someone more than God is idolatry. I felt my self doing that. Just detached with love.
Amen 🤍
SOOOO TRUE!!!
Lived it for 20 years.
My wife I think is very codependent on her parents. And she's used a LOT of gaslighting and mental abuse to keep me compliant with her family dynamic. I would try to understand her and she would use my moments of listening as an open door to just beat me down and take me around a mountain of psychological tactics to shut me down, shame me, make me feel evil for even questioning how tight knit her family is. But I woke up and decided im only going to do what's rewarding for me. I'm going to call her on her bullshit now. No matter how ugly it gets. I'm calling it out. Not gonna live with it anymore. Not gonna cater to her family and their needs anymore. I'm just gonna do me and do whatever I see benefits me.
I have just gone through exactly this and currently trying to break the bond, 4 weeks in. Feeling not too bad, went through hell for the initial 3 weeks. Was in a relationship with NPD BPD ADHD partner 🤯🤯🤯… my body started to break down and I was getting sick regularly with various conditions, the universe tried to tell me I was at the wrong place
I never realized how much I gave up until I had a complete meltdown. I had to walk away to save what was left of myself.
Exactly 💯
wow! 👍🏼
Perfectly said. Still havnt recovered, a decade later
You’re not the reason you’re broken. But you’re the only one who can put yourself back together. Taking responsibility for our own healing is the first step towards making it happen.
With respect & good vibes from someone in-progress of healing 🙏🏼
Thanks.