It kinda echoes a lyric by Jordan Dreyer of La Dispute "And it causes you to shake in the shape of my mistakes Buried it behind the brightness built like poison in you"
I came here because the thumbnail made me giggle and caught my curiosity, and now I'm sitting here bawling because I feel deeply seen. :') The desire to be an animal really resonated with me. I remember when I was younger I used to fantasize a lot about being a werewolf, because the idea of throwing my ill fitting human skin off for a night and just running around in the woods for a night felt so freeing. I know now what neurodivergence is, and how its shaped me and the way I experience life, but for a long time I felt like I had missed the memo and my brain had mistakenly ended up in a human body when I should have been frog sitting on the bottom of a pond somewhere.
Before I was diagnosed with autism, I would tell people that not only did I have problems "Seeing the forest from the trees", but I was stuck at looking at each individual leaf, much less a tree. I also felt that people had a secret hand guide to being human that everyone else got but me. But thru trial and error I developed "scripts", which I then learned is masking.
O boy do I feel your message, especially the last part. I got so far for me, that I don’t even recognize my thoughts and motives as being part of those scripts. I now often think that that’s really what iam feeling, but when I dig deeper, I find that I really don’t feel that way of a certain situation. Rather that’s the way the person I mimic would feel.
@@KarateWiesel You explained it very well. I'm autistic (high functioning) and both my kids are too. My wife has issues understanding my kids especially the youngest one. He get's annoyed after a rough day at school and she can get very pushy with him. I explained to her that he is trying to impersonate a normal person all day and if you stress him or he is tired he will eventually drop the facade and get mad. I eventually decided to start developing a small game to help people understand how this works. It's still in development and I hope someday it will help some people understanding.
Your thoughts about wanting to be an animal has given me a lot to think about for my own craving. I love the therapeutic spin on your return to this format. I hope it helps you because I for one love it
this video has everything - cool music - op1 strategies - fun dragon animations - asmr typography and editing - thoughtful thoughts i like to read that inspires self reflection - book recommendations neat!
Hey, I love everything about this video. Im an AuDHD-er. This means that I have ADHD and Autism, which occurs in about 50% of Autistic people. You've described what life is like for a neuro-divergent person who is still living in a neuro-typical bubble. My mental state improved drastically when I surrounded myself with fellow neuro-divergent people. There is a peace that comes from an entire community accepting neuro-divergence. "I feel like shit and am gonna go be alone" "Amazing idea. Me too!" It feels nice to have people understand you.
Can I ask how you came to surround yourself with other neurodivergent people? I'm AuDHD too, recently diagnosed and I would love to find community that understands me, I just don't know how.
@@Nat4Brendan I think I am probably lucky. I have several siblings who are neurospicy, and we all live in a large communal dwelling. As the community grows, its ability to grow increases as you have more nodes. Also, if you find yourself "clicking" with someone, there is a more than fair chance they are neuro-divergent, we tend be self sorting. I would recommend finding activities that you find enjoyable and meet people in that context as they will have likely sought out the experience for the same reasons as you. A common problem for AuDHD-ers is that public venues have a tendency to be a little repellent. Many AuDHD-ers find their communities online. Sorry that my information isn't more helpful than, "have fun" and "Check the internet."
"I feel like shit and am gonna go be alone" That's actually perfectly concise and any neurodivergent person would immediately understand that. I always had a hard time conveying how my social battery has run out and that I want to be alone without others miscontruing that I don't want to be around them. I DO want to hang out, but I literally do not have enough mental energy to handle another human being right now. I think I'm gonna use that line from now on.
i'm autistic. you have successfully put into words a nameless and lonely feeling i've been trying to explain for YEARS. 'if my brain makes me act in ways i don't like, where is free will?' and 'if i have to be alive, i would rather take instinct over free will' are so powerful and i feel so incredibly understood by another being. rewatching this. sending this to my partner.
Honestly this track and its context are like a hymn for late discovered neurodivergency, which I too am very much a part of. Thank you so very much for putting it like that.
I think this is my new favorite video. The way you manage to convey so much of the experience growing up as an undiagnosed autistic is incredibly visceral to me. As a kid I would sit in front of the mirror for hours practicing different faces and vocal inflections until I sounded more "normal", and I had absolutely no idea how to describe the way I felt. It was a very isolating experience that I never felt like I could share with anyone, and I wish a younger me had seen a video like this. + It's ok to not perfectly match up with all of the symptoms of ASD. Just because you don't have some traits, doesn't negate the ones you do have, and in fact it's less common for someone to fit every single criteria for autism. + + your style of editing, with the subtitles changing in time with the music and the "Red is recording" coming back like a chorus is a delight to watch and listen to.
The threading between music production and personal essay has been a part of your work for a while now. This particular video has, in my opinion, pushed it to a new level. Thank you for your candor and openness.
Jeremiyaha, these videos really feel like sitting on a lawn chair outside when its almost freezing and talking about the darkest deepest thoughts with that one friend who understands, and sometimes when it gets a bit too much maybe, you just jam out. Thanks a lot for these!
In regards to better understanding our relationship with animals, I found "Animal Languages" by Eva Meijer and "The Genesis of Play" by Gordon M. Burghardt has truly changed the way I see both people and animals. To know that ants play for fun, that bats like to gossip, that trees sleep, that peppers can tell who their family members are...it's made the aspects of humanity that are hard to understand easier to reason about. Anyway, fantastic work! Love these videos, the way they're edited, the format, it's fun watching people work.
I've lost count of how many months I've felt lost, questioning what it is I really want to do with my life, questioning if I'm capable of achieving what I desire to achieve, questioning if the lifetime of mistakes I've made so far are too much to bear, if opportunities are for others and not for me. One certainty that gives me clarity in this time of confusion and feeling lost, is that I wish, from the radiance of my soul suffocated by the expectations of others for so long, to express myself creatively - I don't know how exactly I wish to do this yet, but I've narrowed it down to 3 paths: music creation, creative writing, and possibly something to do with film. I'm still undecided. More questions, inevitably. More weight upon my proverbial shoulders. More things I - should - be building towards but simply am - not -. The algorithm suggested me this video, likely from my interest in Synthwave and digital music composition. My only background in music playing/creation is years of playing my guitar along to my favorite songs, alone in my bedroom. That's the extent of my knowledge on music, at least from a technical perspective. I do listen to a lot of it. And yet, the interest persists. In regards to music, I continue to tell myself "I can't do it. It's not my thing. I don't have the talent". But the interest remains. I decide to watch this video. I don't have a MIDI controller, nor do I know how to use one. I know nothing about music composition. And yet I click, and yet I watch. And to my surprise, to my astonishment, this - isn't - just a video on music production. The subject of autism, the notes of existential suffering, and most of all, the feeling of someone else's experience relating to my own, shocks me. Suddenly, I feel ever so slightly less alone, in my bedroom, feeling a little bit less anguish and guilt about struggling to do anything with myself. This too shall pass. But I don't want to forget. I hope I don't forget, that I'm not truly alone, I only feel this way. It's a heavy feeling, and I acknowledge it, but it is still simply a feeling. Thank you for this. I am glad I have stumbled upon your content. I hope you know that artists like yourself have and continue to inspire others into artistic creation. I am forever grateful.
Aran - I am so moved by this video and your work on this project - and by you and Jeremy’s way of putting the complications of your minds and incredible creativity into art. ❤
I have a lot going on upstairs. Autism, ADHD, depression, and anxiety plague my day to day. This video has crushed my soul and I couldn't be happier. There are so many words that I could never say, that you articulated so perfectly into how I've felt my whole life without knowing it. So thank you, truly, from the depths of my heart. Banger track btw.
Also autistic and have been musing about this my entire life. Just last night i stumbled across an interview with Robert Sapolsky titled "The brain, determinism, and cultural implications" where he beautiful tears apart the myth of free-will in a surprisingly validating and liberating way. Highly recommend. Really loving your videos and tracks by the way. Thanks for sharing with us.
As someone who is autistic and struggles with masking in various parts: autism is called a spectrum for a reason. You might not have all the traits that other people who are autistic have. That doesn't mean you aren't autistic. I, for example don't have visual overstim, and my thinking is mixed focus between conceptual and details. Its okay to self-diagnose. In addition, being human means we are animals. Neglecting that part means we neglect certain needs because we're supposedly better than that. When you mask, consciously or unconsciously, you are utilizing inhibition. When done too much, it will hide from you and others who you actually are. And that is very rough on you.
100% this. And as a consequence: If you find the people who will allow you to be exactly as you are, and even perhaps love you BECAUSE of it, then there's a whole lot of mental body armour you don't have to carry around; At least not in that particular safe space. But it's scary as FFFFF at first, especially if u had abusive partners.
Yeah for me it's finding ways to "not mask", finding people and places that are safe and supportive, and being okay displaying my autistic traits in the presence of these people in these places.
Honestly, it's less a spectrum and more dozens of interrelated spectra. Autism can make someone avoid loud noises, seek them out, or neither. And there are many other traits any given individual with autism can have or not have in varying degrees, and none of them are fully unique to autism. It's the pattern of how those traits combine that is used to diagnose autism.
Your story reminds me of the Karl Marx quote "We make our own history, but not under conditions of our own choosing." Awesome video and track, and great direction for a video, I hope you had as much fun making it as I did watching it!
Been on this "am I autistic?" journey forever. Getting diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar helped a lot. Things like hyperfocus and and impulsiveness end up looking a lot like similar behaviors in people with autism, especially to other people who don't know what's going on inside of you when you exhibit them. Combine that with a mood disorder that creates feedback loops with your ADHD, detachment from the outside world, and cycling hypersensitivity to overstimulation, and basically everyone thinks I'm autistic even though I think I'm missing some of the important traits. I still constantly wonder if I just explain those traits away though. Maybe they're there and I ignore them, maybe I have strategies to work around them, maybe I really don't have them. I have no idea and it kinda sucks, but at least I have an alternate explanation. I don't know if having the correct label even matters.
Correct labels matter for some but not others. I think the ones who had a reasonably accepting and accommodating home environment growing up, will be less likely to feel the need for a label. Or perhaps rather a User's Guide and Manual for their minds. Whatever helps you, helps you.
@@SnakebitSTI yep. Something like 80% of folks with one will have the other, research is increasingly finding now they're not mutually-exclusive diagnoses. Not just that, but ADHD traits often mask autistic ones and vice-versa. For instance I was diagnosed autistic very young, but plenty of my issues in school were "confusing" or "inexplicable" through that framework (especially my time management and page layout issues), yet they had to hammer those square pegs into the round hole of "autism" anyway. Thankfully I'm seeing an ADHD clinic now though.
@@kaitlyn__L I strongly believe screening for developmental disabilities should be a regular thing for reasons like this. Same as is often done in schools for vision and hearing disorders. The model of seeking explanations for problems first off misses people without "obvious" problems (obvious to those who aren't even looking), and second often stops at the first diagnosis. My school caught that I needed glasses. And utterly missed that I was struggling pretty badly with ASD and ADHD. I managed to get good grades, so there was no concern. I was only diagnosed as an adult.
I am... glad that you're doing this. I missed the old format, and while this is close it's not the same thing. It's better. The nostalgia of the old format kicks in on top of this deeply personal essay and the results are beautiful. When you interrupt the journalizing to cut to RED MEANS RECORDING, it's like this powerful impact, all while a gorgeous song takes shape before us.
As a fellow neurodivergent (ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety Crew) and fan of philosophy, you're going through it right now. The question at the root, to me, is between your ability to effect change in the world and the influences and predetermined paths that it often feels like we are going on without any control. Adam, from the fantastic Relentless Picnic podcast, once described it as (paraphrased) that your consciousness is sitting in your brain next to the guy who is actually pulling the levers, and just making up reasons for why you are doing what you're doing. And consciousness just keeps whispering to you that everything you are doing is alright, and normal. Jeremy, you are a delightful, creative, and soul filled person. Whether autism or a different neurodivergent diagnosis fits you, or if you don't ever get the truth of what is going on inside of you from without, by seeking the answers within yourself, you are already acting as an agent of free will. Listening to a therapist, seeking change and help for cognitive difference, and recognizing that this world is deeply fucked up are not the projects of a person who has no hand on the wheel. It's not your responsibility to fix the world, and giving music and art, joy and knowledge is a gift that few are able to give, but that does not mean that you are responsible for the material, social, economic, and political nonsense that you've been born into. This is all to say, you're doing that thing that actually matters, which is figuring out what you can about yourself, and asking the questions of the universe that we all should struggle with, but will (probably, barring any intervention from some higher power) never be able to find the entirety of the answer. I know, however, that your animal self, and the videos and ideas you have put out into the world have made my life better, and I am trying to make sure I am passing the gift you've given me to the next person. Keep pushing, and thank you for everything you do. And fuck anyone who comes negatively at you. They are not part of the project. A better world is possible.
Dude, I feel like so much of my life has been trying to figure out the unseen rulebook everyone else. You're not alone in this! Unmasking autism is an amazing book, glad you got good things out of it Great beats as always dude :3
You don't know how much these videos mean to me. I know you don't want to be reduced to these kind of videos and explore other types of content creation and I do like your other content too. But there is something magical about seeing and hearing you build a track without talking, it conveys so much more than words could. This has a special place in my heart.
After 12 years in recovery I am able to look back at the last 10 years of active addiction and see how little agency I had in my actions. I was operating on a subhuman level, guided only by my demons. Great video
this video sent me going back through ALL of your OP-1 videos. I'm also incredibly grateful that your music is streamable. I listen to your music ALL of the time. I have been binge watching you for the last week since this video. Please, never stop. Thank you, for existing.
Thanks for sharing all of that with us, brother. Definitely some heavy thoughts, and I’m sorry for the pain you’ve dealt with. Sending love. The song was one of my favorites from you yet btw. Really loved it
Aww Jeremy. Long time fan, and late diagnosed autistic here wants to take you for tea, give you a hug and talk all this through. Your output never fails to engage and impress. Thank you. 🙏🏻
That's so wild because I started watching your channel in 2020 shortly after I was diagnosed and found it really comforting. I think the attention to detail in your videos, the way you share your process and even the choice not to have a voiceover drew me in. A lot of the things you described about accessing a diagnosis and questioning if it's the right answer are things I went through, being late diagnosed, and despite feeling like it was 100% wrong some days, the more I have learned, the more convinced I am that it's the right answer. Even all the things you described after questioning things - not having control over being born and that sort of thing are literally the exact thoughts I had around the time I was diagnosed. I encourage you to seek it out further, knowing that the struggles may be worth the reward eventually. For me, the two biggest positives of getting a diagnosis were as you said, permission and reason for the reason my life has been so difficult - and more recently - access to occupational therapy and other supports that are changing my life dramatically. Regarding Unmasking and the complex diagnosis process in different parts of the world (it was fairly straightforward for me) I think it's important to keep in mind that one person's experience of autism is one person's experience of autism, and research into what autism really is is still relatively new all things considered and we a learning new things about it every year.
Welcome to the Neurospicy side of the world. Just got diagnosed with AuDHD at age 47. Ended up explaining alot of what you just said you were experiencing. It helped me to not stop beating myself up so much finally. You’re definitely not alone. Badass song too 😏
I'm obsessed with how you'll be sharing something and then RED MEANS RECORDING or another brief tangent that may or may not be directly related to anything. That's how I talk normally to the people around me. Its frustrating to do, but reassuring to know I'm not alone in that.
I don't know how I got here, 2h after my bedtime. I am utterly blown away, stimulated, almost hypnotized. I want to cry, to laugh. I am sitting still but out of breath.
It’s so satisfying to hear the final product after sharing your story with us. Thank you! This honestly felt comforting, as I’m also going through an unstable time in my life.. yk, feeling like I’ve lost myself and all that.
This video really came to me at the right time- I've known about how my brain works for a good chunk of time now, and I thought I had figured out ways to live that made me feel as right and as safe as I could be, considering it all. And despite how much I've grown, and hopefully continue to grow, I still have all of those years of behaviors that I never really figured out, and so I never really found a way to dig them out of myself. I recently lost a friend because of a mistake I made while concussed, where I wasn't able to check myself as hard as I do when I'm in the right headspace. And it really super sucks because I'm stuck with this extreme guilt of having hurt someone I care about, along with this contrasting feeling that it was all just because of the situation, and that was something I could not have controlled or prepared for. Of course, neither extreme is true, and navigating this in-between space of an area that I have strong moral feelings about is really hard right now; seeing this video helped. Definitely going to keep trying to figure out what my gray area looks like.
Just wanted to say some nice words to you, brotha. Nice words. Congrats on Determinism. I had your videos on my iPad several years ago and your humor flavored editing and genius brain at work brought many smiles and musical stank faces. ❤
thanks, i hope things feel better... i'm loving that you've return to the op-1 (field) and i have to say that it's hard to say what you do, myself, and some of my kids have similar feelings, and it's amazing that you feel able to say it to others. thanks!
Everything about this video/song/presentation was brilliant. I so appreciate you sharing your thought processes and journey - it's very relatable and refreshing - it means a lot. And the song was amazing - your collaboration was beautifully executed.
I've been watching some of your OP-1 videos (those without narration) some years ago and it feels really heartwarming to see this video pop up in my recommendations. I love this tool/synth/sampler, and your style!
Unexpectedly raw and honest video of something very personal. Thanks for making it, listening to someone else's experience made me look at my own issues differently.
Something about watching you build these songs up from nothing and putting all the pieces in place is very soothing. Each time you start looking for a sound I’m like “oh, where’s that going to go?” Then you put it all together and it’s like “oh course it goes there!” It’s definitely the audio equivalent of watching someone paint or something. It’s so great to watch you work. Thank you for making these videos.
Came for the thumbnail, stayed for the existential challenge this piece demands of my AuDHD/cPTSD brain. I have never known "nornal" and never will. Growing up, i was taught to mask and ignore my instinct, so I replaced it with instruction and called it "healthy instincts.". Now that i am unmasking in a myriad number of ways, i find myself once again leaning into my instincts, except this time through therapy and shadow work and EMDR and a huge amount of trial and error, i now remember what MY instinct looks, sounds, and feels like. And when i dip into that well, and interact with the world from that place... the world is finally responding in a way that i can work with. Life isnt any "easier," but getting rid of the second guessing and internal (and external) gaslighting has my life in a beautiful place. This piece reminds me of that journey. Not just the song and the lyrics, but the journey of creation, collaboration, throwing a part of myself out into the world, then bringing back into myself what the world sees in me, and then using that information to create true beauty. Once again the algorithm leads me to that which i am seeking without knowing what it is i am looking for, and my life is richer for the experience.
This was majestically one of the few greatest music video I've seen. The entire video was so perfectly paced and kept my attention. RED MEANS RECORDING felt like the perfect pause for my brain to accumulate what Im soaking in. Brought up topics I've been wondering myself for a long time, questions and answers I scoped out for while following a sick ass beat. I think and follow thoughts through rhythym more easily, and I wanted to see this kind of genre of discussion. Im so glad this dropped in my feed, being so caught up in surviving life and I found this gem. I cant wait to binge the rest of your channel after this.
In 2023 I also got told that I'm probably autistic, my therapist and I had several sessions talking about it and then I made a comment where he responded saying 'if you had said that sooner we wouldn't still be wondering if you are or aren't because that statement alone tells me you are." Being told that the way my brain works isn't my fault and now having an answer for all the frustrations I've felt in my life has been so freeing for me. It's made masking so much harder but I no longer feel the need to hide who I am to try and be normal. I understand now why I got so stuck in the 'all or nothing' ideology in school and why turned in or done is good enough. I've been watching you off and on for years now and to see someone also find out the same (possible) answer as to why they feel the way they do is comforting in a strange way. It's not easy to be open and honest with people when all your life you were told that it wasn't okay to be the way you are. Best of luck on your journey through all of this and hopefully it brings some comfort at the end of the road.
Wow, everything about this is incredible. Watching your process, your candor and self-reflection, your incredible music... and I really think everything you've touched on here is relatable to everyone on some level. Absolutely beautiful.
Loved this. Thank you for sharing. I always felt like an NPC watching the main characters go about their lives wondering how they got the cheat codes. Which book did they read, what did they know that I didn't, how can they move 10 spaces without even considering which dice to roll. Thank you again for this you spoke to me and I really appreciate it.
I’ve just completed a 6-month trip where I used Tarot cards as guides to choose what intentions or signs I would look for every week. I didn’t plan in advance for any of the towns I visited, I travelled hitchhiking when I could and I asked strangers to host me. Everyday was an experiment. The correlations between the symbols of the cards and the events and people manifesting were crazy, to the point where I questioned self-will, prophesizing and whether I became utterly crazy or not. I managed to film the whole thing so I could show with a vlog I wasn’t mad… My understanding of determinism is now different. I think we’re all part of a great scheme that forces a role onto us that we’re not even aware of, but that doesn’t contradict having to decide ourselves what we do. I compare that to what the cells of our organism might “think” in comparison to what our big brain computes and plans. Every cell probably has its own intelligence and volition, but doesn’t realize (cause it can’t communicate with a much larger intelligence) that it’s been driven to play a certain function at the same time. We’re equally determined and shaping our own existence. And I believe this is because time is an illusion and things already have happened anyway. “Choosing” means the way we perceive time in a linear progression forces us to discover the path along the way, but the path is already there.
Congratulations on creating such a beautiful video. It is a perfect balance of insightful and creative writing with incredible music production skills.
Really appreciate how you're willing to explore such honest topics with these videos. It's nice to get to sit down for a OP-1 video and come away from it feeling like I understand both myself AND others a little bit better
Thank you for everything you do, Jeremy. For those of us who struggle with mental health issues, it's wonderful to have a brilliant creator sharing their thoughts/experiences/feelings knowledge with us. Oh, and also the OP1-F videos. Never stop either, please! Love you, J.
Hi Jeremy First off, thanks for sharing your concerns and thoughts with us. On the other hand, I'm surprised as heck to see you make another OP1 video! Oh, but what a great track you and Aran have made!! One heck of a track and will definitely check out your new album in February.
The last two OP1 videos were wonderfully creative, intensive, and thought provoking. I've always been going back to the old ones to find peace in your aesthetic and creative process. But I understand that it must be weird being driven by this invisible all powerful audience to *not* do certain videos because "it's not the 'red means recording I know and love'. I'm happy you're doing better and I'm sure you will find a way to feed the invisible audience as well as you creative need.
hey jeremy, long time viewer first time commenter here. thank you for making the content you do, discussing the topics you do, and making some super good music in the process. everything you touched on in this video resonated with me, and i want to especially thank you for being vulnerable and willing to talk about it, because it really is a lot to sit with by yourself. i hope that putting these things out there brings you some solace, and if nothing else know that youve helped me work through some of it vicariously. love ya red ❤
34 year-old self-diagnosed autistic here. I’ve been following you for years. A lot of pieces of your journey mirror mine: the difficulty getting professional assessment, the doubt, but seeing my mind through the lens of the autism spectrum has made it a lot easier to understand myself and my behaviors and made it a lot easier to know how to care for myself and to understand my needs and how to communicate them to other people. Self-diagnosis is valid. My therapist keeps telling me, “What we know is that the strategies that work for people with autism work for you”
Ive never been this early. I just want to say, thank you for providing your creativity on display. You provide a valuable source of inspiration and entertainment. 🤘
Great tune, brilliant work from both of you. I sympathise with how you are feeling, I am waiting for an ADHD assessment (I have been waiting over a year already), I am in my 50s and have always suffered with anxiety and depression. I have often said to doctors that something else must be causing it, but you get anti depressants and sent on your way. Hope that the world starts to make more sense for you soon.
honestly, watching along as you discuss what you've been working through while also making sick music is very therapeutic even if what you're discussing is heavy or unpleasant, the genuine emotion behind it resonates with me and makes it feel like a heartfelt talk with a close friend
That was amazing, the deeper content, together with your established format is just.. chefs kiss. Thank you and I hope you find your way. I know I have.. (finally)
The best analogy I’ve heard of free will is: I explain it like a video game. Your previous karma generates your character and the world. The decisions you make day to day are like the decisions you make during gameplay. Now and then you have times in your life (like cutscenes in a game), over which you have little to no control. But, just like a game, those small decisions you made whilst you had control determine what Cutscene you get. Dope track!😊
As you wrote in the video, with you feeling seen through by the book, I feel very seen through by your last two videos. I'm a 22 year old autistic adhd furry, and your last two videos have been speaking right out of my soul. I can't really figure out where I'm going with my life currently, tho I can say for certain that life is much more in control than I am. What I know for certain is that my current situation is wrong, and that if I was an animal, I would probably be happier than I currently am. Thank you for what you do, your videos have helped me through a lot of dark times. Let's hope life gets better.
i honestly think this is the best music channel that exists. combining extreme knowledge about the gear, creative ways to present the videos and keeping it personal and real at the same time, with none of the pompous attitude sometimes youtubers get. nevermind the comments, the content is really next level.
thanks for the video. my son is 15 and high functioning on the spectrum. super smart but struggles with socialization and the nuances to interactions. he loves making music on the computer and his electronic drum set tho. i'll send the video to him.
Song was sooo cool to me up until the 13:47. It was just perfect, moody, vibey. Could you maybe release also "raw" version without vocals. Final mix just feel too busy in my opinion. Anyway great video(:
Thanks greatly for the book reference and talking about autism. Really helped me on my journey and the book was great. Very much appreciate it and keep making great music and sharing your passion.
This video reminded me of an idea I had last year: If there is energy that represents me across universes then maybe the actions I take in this universe affects the me in the others. A call/response sort of sloshing of my higher dimensional self. I haven't done anything with that idea, but it's kinda comforting that maybe I'm in this together. If quantum mechanics et al. is to be believed every time a quantumly entangled event is experienced all possible outcomes happen and we find ourselves in just one of them. I don't know what that says about free will, though I'm inclined to believe that not every quantum entanglement will be broken, and that the energy that represents across universes us is itself not deterministic
![Blox Fruits Dragon Rework Update [Full Stream]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EqDAp8udhm0/mqdefault.jpg)
This song is now available everywhere under the new project name "LEASHES": fanlink.tv/leashes_instinct
Ace videos, as always!
“How often do you have dark thoughts?”
“The normal amount…”
The darkness is cozy with company, thanks for sharing yourself and your music. ❤
Hello, I'm doing a bit better now that there's a new rmr vid, thanks for asking! Hope your gas passes joyfully.
Tbh that makes these videos even better; it’s part of the artwork, and I’m here for it ❤
"Every choice becomes a corridor conforming to the shape of my mistakes" is such a BANGER of a lyric
preach
Bloated
Particularly proud of this one.
@AranPerInk You should be proud. Fucking dope as hell.
It kinda echoes a lyric by Jordan Dreyer of La Dispute
"And it causes you to shake in the
shape of my mistakes
Buried it behind the brightness
built like poison in you"
I came here because the thumbnail made me giggle and caught my curiosity, and now I'm sitting here bawling because I feel deeply seen. :')
The desire to be an animal really resonated with me. I remember when I was younger I used to fantasize a lot about being a werewolf, because the idea of throwing my ill fitting human skin off for a night and just running around in the woods for a night felt so freeing. I know now what neurodivergence is, and how its shaped me and the way I experience life, but for a long time I felt like I had missed the memo and my brain had mistakenly ended up in a human body when I should have been frog sitting on the bottom of a pond somewhere.
I can 100% relate.
Before I was diagnosed with autism, I would tell people that not only did I have problems "Seeing the forest from the trees", but I was stuck at looking at each individual leaf, much less a tree.
I also felt that people had a secret hand guide to being human that everyone else got but me. But thru trial and error I developed "scripts", which I then learned is masking.
O boy do I feel your message, especially the last part. I got so far for me, that I don’t even recognize my thoughts and motives as being part of those scripts. I now often think that that’s really what iam feeling, but when I dig deeper, I find that I really don’t feel that way of a certain situation. Rather that’s the way the person I mimic would feel.
@@KarateWiesel You explained it very well. I'm autistic (high functioning) and both my kids are too. My wife has issues understanding my kids especially the youngest one. He get's annoyed after a rough day at school and she can get very pushy with him. I explained to her that he is trying to impersonate a normal person all day and if you stress him or he is tired he will eventually drop the facade and get mad. I eventually decided to start developing a small game to help people understand how this works. It's still in development and I hope someday it will help some people understanding.
@@LustraGaming wow thats my story too xD, except im the youngest son.
Your thoughts about wanting to be an animal has given me a lot to think about for my own craving. I love the therapeutic spin on your return to this format. I hope it helps you because I for one love it
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this video has everything
- cool music
- op1 strategies
- fun dragon animations
- asmr typography and editing
- thoughtful thoughts i like to read that inspires self reflection
- book recommendations
neat!
The dragon got me every time. I love him so much.
was that a dragon?
@@rokko_fable Dragons are just lizards with Ambition
- *red* means recording
@@rokko_fable im pretty sure it's toothless from How To Train your Dragon
"My future is approaching fast and the past has a nasty way of catching up" that hit somewhere in me pretty hard
Hey, I love everything about this video. Im an AuDHD-er. This means that I have ADHD and Autism, which occurs in about 50% of Autistic people. You've described what life is like for a neuro-divergent person who is still living in a neuro-typical bubble.
My mental state improved drastically when I surrounded myself with fellow neuro-divergent people.
There is a peace that comes from an entire community accepting neuro-divergence.
"I feel like shit and am gonna go be alone"
"Amazing idea. Me too!"
It feels nice to have people understand you.
Idk y but I was able to focus adhd autism
Can I ask how you came to surround yourself with other neurodivergent people? I'm AuDHD too, recently diagnosed and I would love to find community that understands me, I just don't know how.
@@Nat4Brendan I think I am probably lucky. I have several siblings who are neurospicy, and we all live in a large communal dwelling.
As the community grows, its ability to grow increases as you have more nodes.
Also, if you find yourself "clicking" with someone, there is a more than fair chance they are neuro-divergent, we tend be self sorting.
I would recommend finding activities that you find enjoyable and meet people in that context as they will have likely sought out the experience for the same reasons as you.
A common problem for AuDHD-ers is that public venues have a tendency to be a little repellent.
Many AuDHD-ers find their communities online.
Sorry that my information isn't more helpful than, "have fun" and "Check the internet."
"I feel like shit and am gonna go be alone"
That's actually perfectly concise and any neurodivergent person would immediately understand that. I always had a hard time conveying how my social battery has run out and that I want to be alone without others miscontruing that I don't want to be around them. I DO want to hang out, but I literally do not have enough mental energy to handle another human being right now.
I think I'm gonna use that line from now on.
i'm autistic. you have successfully put into words a nameless and lonely feeling i've been trying to explain for YEARS. 'if my brain makes me act in ways i don't like, where is free will?' and 'if i have to be alive, i would rather take instinct over free will' are so powerful and i feel so incredibly understood by another being. rewatching this. sending this to my partner.
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Beautiful. All I ever managed was to tell normies to watch Neon Genesis Evangelion
Its a beautiful celebration of it
@@RaineErasmusWalkerneurotypical normies*
why you making no sense
“I gave them everything they wanted”, that line cut me to my soul. Thank you for helping me feel less alone today.
Honestly this track and its context are like a hymn for late discovered neurodivergency, which I too am very much a part of. Thank you so very much for putting it like that.
I'm so glad the track resonated with you! It's very much a topic that's near and dear to both Jeremy and me.
Oooh... your comment made me think this: RMR/Aran + exurb1a + Shayne Koyczan = ????
Also makes me think of "gifted kid" burnout, especially the first verse
@@kaitlyn__L Yes!!
Its beautifully a celebration of it
I think this is my new favorite video. The way you manage to convey so much of the experience growing up as an undiagnosed autistic is incredibly visceral to me. As a kid I would sit in front of the mirror for hours practicing different faces and vocal inflections until I sounded more "normal", and I had absolutely no idea how to describe the way I felt. It was a very isolating experience that I never felt like I could share with anyone, and I wish a younger me had seen a video like this.
+ It's ok to not perfectly match up with all of the symptoms of ASD. Just because you don't have some traits, doesn't negate the ones you do have, and in fact it's less common for someone to fit every single criteria for autism.
+ + your style of editing, with the subtitles changing in time with the music and the "Red is recording" coming back like a chorus is a delight to watch and listen to.
The threading between music production and personal essay has been a part of your work for a while now. This particular video has, in my opinion, pushed it to a new level. Thank you for your candor and openness.
Jeremiyaha, these videos really feel like sitting on a lawn chair outside when its almost freezing and talking about the darkest deepest thoughts with that one friend who understands, and sometimes when it gets a bit too much maybe, you just jam out.
Thanks a lot for these!
Exactly like that!
Man, that chorus is such an earworm - track is on repeat right now
Thank you Geoff ❤️
Hell yeah. 👍
Aran I think we live in the same town
@@GeoffPlaysGuitarOh, cool! Hello, neighbor. :D
In regards to better understanding our relationship with animals, I found "Animal Languages" by Eva Meijer and "The Genesis of Play" by Gordon M. Burghardt has truly changed the way I see both people and animals. To know that ants play for fun, that bats like to gossip, that trees sleep, that peppers can tell who their family members are...it's made the aspects of humanity that are hard to understand easier to reason about. Anyway, fantastic work! Love these videos, the way they're edited, the format, it's fun watching people work.
I love book recommendations! I’m excited to check them out based on your take aways. Thank you 🙏🏽
Mom he's oversharing again on the internet......and I'm so fucking glad! Thanks for opening the music mind portal as always. Love this format so much
I've lost count of how many months I've felt lost, questioning what it is I really want to do with my life, questioning if I'm capable of achieving what I desire to achieve, questioning if the lifetime of mistakes I've made so far are too much to bear, if opportunities are for others and not for me.
One certainty that gives me clarity in this time of confusion and feeling lost, is that I wish, from the radiance of my soul suffocated by the expectations of others for so long, to express myself creatively - I don't know how exactly I wish to do this yet, but I've narrowed it down to 3 paths: music creation, creative writing, and possibly something to do with film.
I'm still undecided.
More questions, inevitably. More weight upon my proverbial shoulders. More things I - should - be building towards but simply am - not -.
The algorithm suggested me this video, likely from my interest in Synthwave and digital music composition. My only background in music playing/creation is years of playing my guitar along to my favorite songs, alone in my bedroom. That's the extent of my knowledge on music, at least from a technical perspective. I do listen to a lot of it.
And yet, the interest persists. In regards to music, I continue to tell myself "I can't do it. It's not my thing. I don't have the talent".
But the interest remains.
I decide to watch this video. I don't have a MIDI controller, nor do I know how to use one. I know nothing about music composition. And yet I click, and yet I watch.
And to my surprise, to my astonishment, this - isn't - just a video on music production. The subject of autism, the notes of existential suffering, and most of all, the feeling of someone else's experience relating to my own, shocks me. Suddenly, I feel ever so slightly less alone, in my bedroom, feeling a little bit less anguish and guilt about struggling to do anything with myself.
This too shall pass. But I don't want to forget. I hope I don't forget, that I'm not truly alone, I only feel this way. It's a heavy feeling, and I acknowledge it, but it is still simply a feeling.
Thank you for this. I am glad I have stumbled upon your content. I hope you know that artists like yourself have and continue to inspire others into artistic creation. I am forever grateful.
It was such a joy to work on this track with you, Jeremy! Thanks for trusting me to help you bring this one to life. 💖
You did such a great job on this!
You kick so much ass
Aran - I am so moved by this video and your work on this project - and by you and Jeremy’s way of putting the complications of your minds and incredible creativity into art. ❤
Frikkin awesome sound production. And so catchy. 100% win. Well done.
Wait .. Aran of Celeste ?! Love that game so much. Hell yeah!
I have a lot going on upstairs. Autism, ADHD, depression, and anxiety plague my day to day. This video has crushed my soul and I couldn't be happier. There are so many words that I could never say, that you articulated so perfectly into how I've felt my whole life without knowing it. So thank you, truly, from the depths of my heart.
Banger track btw.
oh man. this is some of the best work you’ve ever done.
i LOOOVE this journal-to-song approach. makes everything hit harder.
😳
Hard yes
Also autistic and have been musing about this my entire life. Just last night i stumbled across an interview with Robert Sapolsky titled "The brain, determinism, and cultural implications" where he beautiful tears apart the myth of free-will in a surprisingly validating and liberating way. Highly recommend.
Really loving your videos and tracks by the way. Thanks for sharing with us.
As someone who is autistic and struggles with masking in various parts: autism is called a spectrum for a reason. You might not have all the traits that other people who are autistic have. That doesn't mean you aren't autistic. I, for example don't have visual overstim, and my thinking is mixed focus between conceptual and details. Its okay to self-diagnose.
In addition, being human means we are animals. Neglecting that part means we neglect certain needs because we're supposedly better than that.
When you mask, consciously or unconsciously, you are utilizing inhibition. When done too much, it will hide from you and others who you actually are. And that is very rough on you.
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100% this. And as a consequence: If you find the people who will allow you to be exactly as you are, and even perhaps love you BECAUSE of it, then there's a whole lot of mental body armour you don't have to carry around; At least not in that particular safe space. But it's scary as FFFFF at first, especially if u had abusive partners.
Yeah for me it's finding ways to "not mask", finding people and places that are safe and supportive, and being okay displaying my autistic traits in the presence of these people in these places.
Honestly, it's less a spectrum and more dozens of interrelated spectra. Autism can make someone avoid loud noises, seek them out, or neither. And there are many other traits any given individual with autism can have or not have in varying degrees, and none of them are fully unique to autism. It's the pattern of how those traits combine that is used to diagnose autism.
These OP-1 format videos, the creative process, and your musings over reality as viewed through the focus that is a human - They speak to me.
Your story reminds me of the Karl Marx quote "We make our own history, but not under conditions of our own choosing."
Awesome video and track, and great direction for a video, I hope you had as much fun making it as I did watching it!
That's a great quote
Karl was kind've a hypocrit, but many of his type often are.
Even the universe itself demonstrates that fatalism is deeply flawed.
You are an animal in a world that consistently asks you to act like you’re above and inherently different than all other animals.
Been on this "am I autistic?" journey forever. Getting diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar helped a lot. Things like hyperfocus and and impulsiveness end up looking a lot like similar behaviors in people with autism, especially to other people who don't know what's going on inside of you when you exhibit them. Combine that with a mood disorder that creates feedback loops with your ADHD, detachment from the outside world, and cycling hypersensitivity to overstimulation, and basically everyone thinks I'm autistic even though I think I'm missing some of the important traits. I still constantly wonder if I just explain those traits away though. Maybe they're there and I ignore them, maybe I have strategies to work around them, maybe I really don't have them. I have no idea and it kinda sucks, but at least I have an alternate explanation. I don't know if having the correct label even matters.
Correct labels matter for some but not others. I think the ones who had a reasonably accepting and accommodating home environment growing up, will be less likely to feel the need for a label. Or perhaps rather a User's Guide and Manual for their minds. Whatever helps you, helps you.
Autism and ADHD often occur together. It's all too common for people with both to be diagnosed with one and then treated in the context of only one.
@@SnakebitSTI yep. Something like 80% of folks with one will have the other, research is increasingly finding now they're not mutually-exclusive diagnoses. Not just that, but ADHD traits often mask autistic ones and vice-versa.
For instance I was diagnosed autistic very young, but plenty of my issues in school were "confusing" or "inexplicable" through that framework (especially my time management and page layout issues), yet they had to hammer those square pegs into the round hole of "autism" anyway.
Thankfully I'm seeing an ADHD clinic now though.
@@kaitlyn__L I strongly believe screening for developmental disabilities should be a regular thing for reasons like this. Same as is often done in schools for vision and hearing disorders. The model of seeking explanations for problems first off misses people without "obvious" problems (obvious to those who aren't even looking), and second often stops at the first diagnosis.
My school caught that I needed glasses. And utterly missed that I was struggling pretty badly with ASD and ADHD. I managed to get good grades, so there was no concern. I was only diagnosed as an adult.
@@SnakebitSTI 10000% agreed!
I am... glad that you're doing this. I missed the old format, and while this is close it's not the same thing. It's better. The nostalgia of the old format kicks in on top of this deeply personal essay and the results are beautiful. When you interrupt the journalizing to cut to RED MEANS RECORDING, it's like this powerful impact, all while a gorgeous song takes shape before us.
As a fellow neurodivergent (ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety Crew) and fan of philosophy, you're going through it right now. The question at the root, to me, is between your ability to effect change in the world and the influences and predetermined paths that it often feels like we are going on without any control. Adam, from the fantastic Relentless Picnic podcast, once described it as (paraphrased) that your consciousness is sitting in your brain next to the guy who is actually pulling the levers, and just making up reasons for why you are doing what you're doing. And consciousness just keeps whispering to you that everything you are doing is alright, and normal.
Jeremy, you are a delightful, creative, and soul filled person. Whether autism or a different neurodivergent diagnosis fits you, or if you don't ever get the truth of what is going on inside of you from without, by seeking the answers within yourself, you are already acting as an agent of free will. Listening to a therapist, seeking change and help for cognitive difference, and recognizing that this world is deeply fucked up are not the projects of a person who has no hand on the wheel. It's not your responsibility to fix the world, and giving music and art, joy and knowledge is a gift that few are able to give, but that does not mean that you are responsible for the material, social, economic, and political nonsense that you've been born into.
This is all to say, you're doing that thing that actually matters, which is figuring out what you can about yourself, and asking the questions of the universe that we all should struggle with, but will (probably, barring any intervention from some higher power) never be able to find the entirety of the answer. I know, however, that your animal self, and the videos and ideas you have put out into the world have made my life better, and I am trying to make sure I am passing the gift you've given me to the next person.
Keep pushing, and thank you for everything you do. And fuck anyone who comes negatively at you. They are not part of the project.
A better world is possible.
thank you for this comment
Very enriching read; thank you!
This instrumental is so beautiful and the song lyrics are so relatable. I love watching your workflow on the OP-1.
Dude, I feel like so much of my life has been trying to figure out the unseen rulebook everyone else. You're not alone in this!
Unmasking autism is an amazing book, glad you got good things out of it
Great beats as always dude :3
You don't know how much these videos mean to me. I know you don't want to be reduced to these kind of videos and explore other types of content creation and I do like your other content too. But there is something magical about seeing and hearing you build a track without talking, it conveys so much more than words could. This has a special place in my heart.
After 12 years in recovery I am able to look back at the last 10 years of active addiction and see how little agency I had in my actions. I was operating on a subhuman level, guided only by my demons. Great video
this video sent me going back through ALL of your OP-1 videos. I'm also incredibly grateful that your music is streamable. I listen to your music ALL of the time.
I have been binge watching you for the last week since this video. Please, never stop. Thank you, for existing.
Thanks for sharing all of that with us, brother. Definitely some heavy thoughts, and I’m sorry for the pain you’ve dealt with. Sending love.
The song was one of my favorites from you yet btw. Really loved it
I still can't get over the vocals of these last two OP1 videos. It's so refreshing! i'm so stoked for more!
Aww Jeremy. Long time fan, and late diagnosed autistic here wants to take you for tea, give you a hug and talk all this through. Your output never fails to engage and impress. Thank you. 🙏🏻
I didn't know what to expect when I clicked on this, but I'm so glad I did. Wonderful vid and a bomb track, im a fan now
"The greatest gift a creature can share is kindness" - those are beautiful words. Love your videos. Wish you the best!
That's so wild because I started watching your channel in 2020 shortly after I was diagnosed and found it really comforting. I think the attention to detail in your videos, the way you share your process and even the choice not to have a voiceover drew me in. A lot of the things you described about accessing a diagnosis and questioning if it's the right answer are things I went through, being late diagnosed, and despite feeling like it was 100% wrong some days, the more I have learned, the more convinced I am that it's the right answer.
Even all the things you described after questioning things - not having control over being born and that sort of thing are literally the exact thoughts I had around the time I was diagnosed. I encourage you to seek it out further, knowing that the struggles may be worth the reward eventually. For me, the two biggest positives of getting a diagnosis were as you said, permission and reason for the reason my life has been so difficult - and more recently - access to occupational therapy and other supports that are changing my life dramatically.
Regarding Unmasking and the complex diagnosis process in different parts of the world (it was fairly straightforward for me) I think it's important to keep in mind that one person's experience of autism is one person's experience of autism, and research into what autism really is is still relatively new all things considered and we a learning new things about it every year.
Welcome to the Neurospicy side of the world. Just got diagnosed with AuDHD at age 47. Ended up explaining alot of what you just said you were experiencing. It helped me to not stop beating myself up so much finally. You’re definitely not alone. Badass song too 😏
seeing older neurospicy folks makes me so happy bc it reminds me that we're all in this together. Thanks for your comment :)
Absolutely!@@Jepysauce
I'm obsessed with how you'll be sharing something and then RED MEANS RECORDING or another brief tangent that may or may not be directly related to anything. That's how I talk normally to the people around me. Its frustrating to do, but reassuring to know I'm not alone in that.
its mind boggling how someone is able to connect so well with both their music and thoughts, your work is fantastic
I don't know how I got here, 2h after my bedtime. I am utterly blown away, stimulated, almost hypnotized. I want to cry, to laugh. I am sitting still but out of breath.
It’s so satisfying to hear the final product after sharing your story with us. Thank you! This honestly felt comforting, as I’m also going through an unstable time in my life.. yk, feeling like I’ve lost myself and all that.
This video really came to me at the right time- I've known about how my brain works for a good chunk of time now, and I thought I had figured out ways to live that made me feel as right and as safe as I could be, considering it all. And despite how much I've grown, and hopefully continue to grow, I still have all of those years of behaviors that I never really figured out, and so I never really found a way to dig them out of myself. I recently lost a friend because of a mistake I made while concussed, where I wasn't able to check myself as hard as I do when I'm in the right headspace. And it really super sucks because I'm stuck with this extreme guilt of having hurt someone I care about, along with this contrasting feeling that it was all just because of the situation, and that was something I could not have controlled or prepared for. Of course, neither extreme is true, and navigating this in-between space of an area that I have strong moral feelings about is really hard right now; seeing this video helped. Definitely going to keep trying to figure out what my gray area looks like.
Just wanted to say some nice words to you, brotha.
Nice words.
Congrats on Determinism. I had your videos on my iPad several years ago and your humor flavored editing and genius brain at work brought many smiles and musical stank faces.
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Wow this is such a masterpiece. The mix between personal essay and music/tension is super beautiful.
thanks, i hope things feel better... i'm loving that you've return to the op-1 (field) and i have to say that it's hard to say what you do, myself, and some of my kids have similar feelings, and it's amazing that you feel able to say it to others. thanks!
Danke!
0:54 is just bro setting down grass blocks in minecraft and i love that
Hahaha!
Everything about this video/song/presentation was brilliant. I so appreciate you sharing your thought processes and journey - it's very relatable and refreshing - it means a lot. And the song was amazing - your collaboration was beautifully executed.
It was so much fun! I can't wait to do this again.
I've been watching some of your OP-1 videos (those without narration) some years ago and it feels really heartwarming to see this video pop up in my recommendations. I love this tool/synth/sampler, and your style!
Unexpectedly raw and honest video of something very personal. Thanks for making it, listening to someone else's experience made me look at my own issues differently.
This is a masterpiece from lyrics to music theory to the videography all of the components compliment each other.
God, i love these videos. The music is always fantastic, and i love the personality in them. And damn, i still want an OP-1.
Something about watching you build these songs up from nothing and putting all the pieces in place is very soothing. Each time you start looking for a sound I’m like “oh, where’s that going to go?” Then you put it all together and it’s like “oh course it goes there!” It’s definitely the audio equivalent of watching someone paint or something. It’s so great to watch you work. Thank you for making these videos.
Came for the thumbnail, stayed for the existential challenge this piece demands of my AuDHD/cPTSD brain. I have never known "nornal" and never will. Growing up, i was taught to mask and ignore my instinct, so I replaced it with instruction and called it "healthy instincts.". Now that i am unmasking in a myriad number of ways, i find myself once again leaning into my instincts, except this time through therapy and shadow work and EMDR and a huge amount of trial and error, i now remember what MY instinct looks, sounds, and feels like. And when i dip into that well, and interact with the world from that place... the world is finally responding in a way that i can work with. Life isnt any "easier," but getting rid of the second guessing and internal (and external) gaslighting has my life in a beautiful place.
This piece reminds me of that journey. Not just the song and the lyrics, but the journey of creation, collaboration, throwing a part of myself out into the world, then bringing back into myself what the world sees in me, and then using that information to create true beauty.
Once again the algorithm leads me to that which i am seeking without knowing what it is i am looking for, and my life is richer for the experience.
This was majestically one of the few greatest music video I've seen. The entire video was so perfectly paced and kept my attention. RED MEANS RECORDING felt like the perfect pause for my brain to accumulate what Im soaking in. Brought up topics I've been wondering myself for a long time, questions and answers I scoped out for while following a sick ass beat. I think and follow thoughts through rhythym more easily, and I wanted to see this kind of genre of discussion. Im so glad this dropped in my feed, being so caught up in surviving life and I found this gem. I cant wait to binge the rest of your channel after this.
In 2023 I also got told that I'm probably autistic, my therapist and I had several sessions talking about it and then I made a comment where he responded saying 'if you had said that sooner we wouldn't still be wondering if you are or aren't because that statement alone tells me you are." Being told that the way my brain works isn't my fault and now having an answer for all the frustrations I've felt in my life has been so freeing for me. It's made masking so much harder but I no longer feel the need to hide who I am to try and be normal. I understand now why I got so stuck in the 'all or nothing' ideology in school and why turned in or done is good enough. I've been watching you off and on for years now and to see someone also find out the same (possible) answer as to why they feel the way they do is comforting in a strange way. It's not easy to be open and honest with people when all your life you were told that it wasn't okay to be the way you are. Best of luck on your journey through all of this and hopefully it brings some comfort at the end of the road.
Wow, everything about this is incredible. Watching your process, your candor and self-reflection, your incredible music... and I really think everything you've touched on here is relatable to everyone on some level. Absolutely beautiful.
Loved this. Thank you for sharing. I always felt like an NPC watching the main characters go about their lives wondering how they got the cheat codes. Which book did they read, what did they know that I didn't, how can they move 10 spaces without even considering which dice to roll.
Thank you again for this you spoke to me and I really appreciate it.
I’ve just completed a 6-month trip where I used Tarot cards as guides to choose what intentions or signs I would look for every week. I didn’t plan in advance for any of the towns I visited, I travelled hitchhiking when I could and I asked strangers to host me. Everyday was an experiment. The correlations between the symbols of the cards and the events and people manifesting were crazy, to the point where I questioned self-will, prophesizing and whether I became utterly crazy or not. I managed to film the whole thing so I could show with a vlog I wasn’t mad…
My understanding of determinism is now different. I think we’re all part of a great scheme that forces a role onto us that we’re not even aware of, but that doesn’t contradict having to decide ourselves what we do. I compare that to what the cells of our organism might “think” in comparison to what our big brain computes and plans. Every cell probably has its own intelligence and volition, but doesn’t realize (cause it can’t communicate with a much larger intelligence) that it’s been driven to play a certain function at the same time. We’re equally determined and shaping our own existence. And I believe this is because time is an illusion and things already have happened anyway. “Choosing” means the way we perceive time in a linear progression forces us to discover the path along the way, but the path is already there.
Congratulations on creating such a beautiful video. It is a perfect balance of insightful and creative writing with incredible music production skills.
Really appreciate how you're willing to explore such honest topics with these videos. It's nice to get to sit down for a OP-1 video and come away from it feeling like I understand both myself AND others a little bit better
Thank you for everything you do, Jeremy. For those of us who struggle with mental health issues, it's wonderful to have a brilliant creator sharing their thoughts/experiences/feelings knowledge with us. Oh, and also the OP1-F videos. Never stop either, please! Love you, J.
All of this.
This is the first video of yours i've ever watched and i am entranced. the whole thing is a work of art, not to mention the banger at the end
Hi Jeremy
First off, thanks for sharing your concerns and thoughts with us.
On the other hand, I'm surprised as heck to see you make another OP1 video!
Oh, but what a great track you and Aran have made!! One heck of a track and will definitely check out your new album in February.
The last two OP1 videos were wonderfully creative, intensive, and thought provoking. I've always been going back to the old ones to find peace in your aesthetic and creative process. But I understand that it must be weird being driven by this invisible all powerful audience to *not* do certain videos because "it's not the 'red means recording I know and love'. I'm happy you're doing better and I'm sure you will find a way to feed the invisible audience as well as you creative need.
hey jeremy, long time viewer first time commenter here.
thank you for making the content you do, discussing the topics you do, and making some super good music in the process.
everything you touched on in this video resonated with me, and i want to especially thank you for being vulnerable and willing to talk about it, because it really is a lot to sit with by yourself.
i hope that putting these things out there brings you some solace, and if nothing else know that youve helped me work through some of it vicariously.
love ya red ❤
This is so good!! The lyrics are awesome and deep too. And the context in the beginning makes them even more beautiful.
Deep, but heartfelt. Banger track, too. I hope you work through your emotions. Thank you again :3
Thanks
34 year-old self-diagnosed autistic here. I’ve been following you for years. A lot of pieces of your journey mirror mine: the difficulty getting professional assessment, the doubt, but seeing my mind through the lens of the autism spectrum has made it a lot easier to understand myself and my behaviors and made it a lot easier to know how to care for myself and to understand my needs and how to communicate them to other people. Self-diagnosis is valid. My therapist keeps telling me, “What we know is that the strategies that work for people with autism work for you”
I love how you make your videos. so simple, but you delve into deeper aspects of mind just through texts. Love it
Ive never been this early. I just want to say, thank you for providing your creativity on display. You provide a valuable source of inspiration and entertainment. 🤘
so many golden nuggets your videos everytime man! keep them going and wish you all the best!
Great tune, brilliant work from both of you. I sympathise with how you are feeling, I am waiting for an ADHD assessment (I have been waiting over a year already), I am in my 50s and have always suffered with anxiety and depression. I have often said to doctors that something else must be causing it, but you get anti depressants and sent on your way. Hope that the world starts to make more sense for you soon.
This was beautiful. It tracks with my own journey with neurodivergence, and you make *me* feel seen. Thank you.
honestly, watching along as you discuss what you've been working through while also making sick music is very therapeutic
even if what you're discussing is heavy or unpleasant, the genuine emotion behind it resonates with me and makes it feel like a heartfelt talk with a close friend
That was amazing, the deeper content, together with your established format is just.. chefs kiss. Thank you and I hope you find your way. I know I have.. (finally)
Has a very Bonobo-ish feel to it. In the good way. Love it!
The video gave me a lot to think about, and the final track brought tears to my eyes.
It was a good cry. A cathartic one.
Thank you.
Good man, you make this world a better place. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and this banging track! 🧸💕
Super cool video. Thank you for sharing this with us!
The best analogy I’ve heard of free will is:
I explain it like a video game.
Your previous karma generates your character and the world.
The decisions you make day to day are like the decisions you make during gameplay. Now and then you have times in your life (like cutscenes in a game), over which you have little to no control. But, just like a game, those small decisions you made whilst you had control determine what Cutscene you get.
Dope track!😊
RMR thank you so much for making this kid os videos again!! We miss so much!!
This song is so incredibly good why isn’t it on Spotify D:
edit: NEVERMIND LETSGOOOO im going to have this on repeat for days!!
i just discovered this channel, and all i have to say is red means recording and i love it.
As you wrote in the video, with you feeling seen through by the book, I feel very seen through by your last two videos.
I'm a 22 year old autistic adhd furry, and your last two videos have been speaking right out of my soul.
I can't really figure out where I'm going with my life currently, tho I can say for certain that life is much more in control than I am.
What I know for certain is that my current situation is wrong, and that if I was an animal, I would probably be happier than I currently am.
Thank you for what you do, your videos have helped me through a lot of dark times. Let's hope life gets better.
i honestly think this is the best music channel that exists. combining extreme knowledge about the gear, creative ways to present the videos and keeping it personal and real at the same time, with none of the pompous attitude sometimes youtubers get. nevermind the comments, the content is really next level.
thanks for the video. my son is 15 and high functioning on the spectrum. super smart but struggles with socialization and the nuances to interactions. he loves making music on the computer and his electronic drum set tho. i'll send the video to him.
"every choice becomes a corridor conforming to the shape of my mistakes" is a fucking HECK of a line.
"Oh shit I might be autistic- DAMN THIS BEAT GOES HARD!"
bro youtube hasn't shown me your stuff for literally years... so good to watch this one, really loved it :)
Song was sooo cool to me up until the 13:47. It was just perfect, moody, vibey. Could you maybe release also "raw" version without vocals. Final mix just feel too busy in my opinion. Anyway great video(:
Same! Hope Jeremy will hear us 🥹
Thanks greatly for the book reference and talking about autism. Really helped me on my journey and the book was great. Very much appreciate it and keep making great music and sharing your passion.
Wow, well that was moving. Thank you for sharing, truly.
This video reminded me of an idea I had last year: If there is energy that represents me across universes then maybe the actions I take in this universe affects the me in the others. A call/response sort of sloshing of my higher dimensional self. I haven't done anything with that idea, but it's kinda comforting that maybe I'm in this together.
If quantum mechanics et al. is to be believed every time a quantumly entangled event is experienced all possible outcomes happen and we find ourselves in just one of them. I don't know what that says about free will, though I'm inclined to believe that not every quantum entanglement will be broken, and that the energy that represents across universes us is itself not deterministic
This has become a comfort video for me, I come to this every time I feel overwhelmed or understimulated with the world we live in