The fact he admitted that its not always a screaming match is so important. Sometimes were silent and wishing it would stop. And that is still not consent.
"Love is so much bigger than “let’s spend our lives together” it is also “let’s spend this moment together” as two (or more) people, present, electric, the opposite of grey-the embodiment of human-hands, eyes, lips, everything."
If anyone is interested, I posted the text, along with some additional links and commentary, here: www.guante.info/2015/04/guante-consent-at-10000-feet-new-video.html
***** "I’m not saying the water can’t be cloudy. I’m just saying: we are under no obligation to swim through it. Have you ever not had sex?" Seems pretty straight forward to me man, it's the right answer to. Grey areas do exist, and they're a fantastic place to stop and talk. If the situation demands that you cannot speak then walk the hell away. Prefer to go home blue than be a boogieman, a shadow in someones doorway or the reason they can't get to sleep at night. Between mincing words and wringing hands and that, well, your grey areas start to look awfully black and white.
@jay man I recently completed a sex ed course at my school and I asked a slightly different question than yours, about a married couple having sex when both drunk. Even though they are married and together, it is sexual assault. No one can give consent when they are under the influence of drugs (alcohol is a drug as well). And so, in the first example, it's rape. If a couple are going to have sex and one partner isn't sure if they want to, doesn't say anything about it, and the other partner continues, it is still sexual assault. The other partner has the responsibility to ASK to make sure that their partner is comfortable and okay. If the partner is not consenting verbally or nonverbally be by saying some form of "yes" or "don't stop", etc, the other person must stop. Sometimes, one must stop what they are doing and ask "do you like this"? "Do you want me to stop?" "Is this okay"? To get the answer they are looking for. It's not sexy and a bit awkward to say "yes *insert partner's name here* I give you my consent". So sometimes, the other partner has to clear up that gray area. Consent is the responsibility of BOTH partners. So instead of deciding "I'm not going to stop until *insert parter's name here* tells me to", the RIGHT thing to do is decide "I'm not going to continue until *insert partner's name* tells me to OR until I ask *insert partner's name* if I can continue". That is what I was taught and believe that it is the most effective area for clearing up what grey areas anyone may have, reasonable or not.
I LOVE this poem. I usually don't like poems about sexual assault. They make me uncomfortable and feel like I'm being pushed around and like I shouldn't trust people when I want to. But this poem was amazing. It made me feel...I don't even know. It made me feel appreciative...thoughtful...so much more than both of those words combined.
I play you for my students all the time and it gives me hope, for the minds of the future, every time, that they always ask for more. Even those kids who pretend not to care about anything.
I was going to turn it off at the beginning because I thought it was going to be one of those really out there performances thatd go over my head, but just as I was gonna click away, it got good ^.^ And quite honestly I was close to tears... My best friend was sexually assaulted while she was drunk last month, and now both the guy and his friends are threatening her, and he has the audacity to swan around near us and her... So yeah, it kinda hit home tbh ...
***** Make sure to check out some of Guante's other work! ruclips.net/video/QFoBaTkPgco/видео.html ruclips.net/video/WOt3Pp0LU2o/видео.html ruclips.net/video/0R_RmGKg6c0/видео.html
This is such a beautiful piece. It made me properly reflect on some trauma I dealt with in my first relationship and how, yes, that was in fact r*pe/sexual assault. And I love how it’s so inclusive
I often have trouble with poems that discuss rape. A lot of them seem to say the same thing, but I suppose people should be more upset about the number of rapes than about the number of rape poems. This poem is good. I think consent is entirely about understanding. I don't think drunk people can understand much of anything.
You also have to realize that the number of poems is just from poetry you are seeing through one outlet (RUclips, in this example). Not the reports to authority figures, police or otherwise. Not the hushed, ashamed way you finally tell your friend or you come over right after it happened all anger and needing to scream. Nor (and probably the most personally important one) the silent crying where only your pillow holds any evidence. The amount of rape poems is because the ripple FINALLY began. People used places where they can be vulnerable, such as poetry like this where nothing is too dark or too bad to be spoken of. Poets can speak up for those who are afraid to, still worried, still IN the situation, those who were not believed when they tried to tell someone. These poems (especially "One Color" by Neil and Ollie) helped me SO MUCH. And after 14 years, I finally confided in my mother what happened when I was 13 and why I haven't dated seriously in years... It's still a huge stigma, much like mental health, suicide, and quite a few other things are. I think that could be a partial reason as for your trouble with poems about rape and the growing number of them? It is natural for a lot of people to be kind of uncomfortable with subjects like these as long as the problem itself is not ignored.
Wow, to be honest with you guys I was a bit like that guy sweet guy from class Guante has mentioned. I kinda felt like it is a responsibility of both parties to be proactive and show if they are consenting or not. But the ending says it all. You have to be pulsing in all the colours which make you alive in the moment of sex. Why would you like to fuck a fish which is not clear about its intentions... when you can get a wonderful experience with the same person or anyoone else who is actually willing, all you need is a bit of patience.
No means no. Sometimes people will decide before hand to do roleplay, where one partner may say no, but in that scenario that partner is meant to have a safe word in place of the no.
Never when discussing consent. Consent is a legal term. You could not stand up in court and say 'she didn't say no' as a response to a rape charge. It's about the consent being an active process, not an absence of rejection.
The fact he admitted that its not always a screaming match is so important. Sometimes were silent and wishing it would stop. And that is still not consent.
yep it's called peer pressure.
force against someone's wishes. pushing.
"Love is so much bigger than “let’s spend our lives together” it is also “let’s spend this moment together” as two (or more) people, present, electric, the opposite of grey-the embodiment of human-hands, eyes, lips, everything."
I'm glad he pointed out that rape is always portrayed as but rarely ever is a violent stranger or "predatory frat boy". It's someone you know.
I fucking adore the parachute metaphor. Such a clever and efficient way of explaining consent.
This is the BEST consent poem I have ever heard 👏👏👏👏
He's got a voice you just don't forget
If anyone is interested, I posted the text, along with some additional links and commentary, here: www.guante.info/2015/04/guante-consent-at-10000-feet-new-video.html
GUANTE Amazing poem, powerful deliverance. Keep doing what you do, man
***** For curiosity's sake, what kind of specific gray areas?
***** "I’m not saying the water can’t be cloudy. I’m just saying: we are under no obligation to swim through it. Have you ever not had sex?" Seems pretty straight forward to me man, it's the right answer to. Grey areas do exist, and they're a fantastic place to stop and talk. If the situation demands that you cannot speak then walk the hell away.
Prefer to go home blue than be a boogieman, a shadow in someones doorway or the reason they can't get to sleep at night. Between mincing words and wringing hands and that, well, your grey areas start to look awfully black and white.
@jay man I recently completed a sex ed course at my school and I asked a slightly different question than yours, about a married couple having sex when both drunk. Even though they are married and together, it is sexual assault. No one can give consent when they are under the influence of drugs (alcohol is a drug as well). And so, in the first example, it's rape.
If a couple are going to have sex and one partner isn't sure if they want to, doesn't say anything about it, and the other partner continues, it is still sexual assault. The other partner has the responsibility to ASK to make sure that their partner is comfortable and okay. If the partner is not consenting verbally or nonverbally be by saying some form of "yes" or "don't stop", etc, the other person must stop. Sometimes, one must stop what they are doing and ask "do you like this"? "Do you want me to stop?" "Is this okay"? To get the answer they are looking for. It's not sexy and a bit awkward to say "yes *insert partner's name here* I give you my consent". So sometimes, the other partner has to clear up that gray area.
Consent is the responsibility of BOTH partners.
So instead of deciding "I'm not going to stop until *insert parter's name here* tells me to", the RIGHT thing to do is decide "I'm not going to continue until *insert partner's name* tells me to OR until I ask *insert partner's name* if I can continue".
That is what I was taught and believe that it is the most effective area for clearing up what grey areas anyone may have, reasonable or not.
+JAY MAN
I LOVE this poem. I usually don't like poems about sexual assault. They make me uncomfortable and feel like I'm being pushed around and like I shouldn't trust people when I want to. But this poem was amazing. It made me feel...I don't even know. It made me feel appreciative...thoughtful...so much more than both of those words combined.
I got triggered but it was ok because he wasn’t just going for shock value. He was teaching a lesson. I stuck through it because he is truly amazing.
I play you for my students all the time and it gives me hope, for the minds of the future, every time, that they always ask for more. Even those kids who pretend not to care about anything.
This guy is my hero. All his poems are moving for their passion and their inherent rightness. Such a huge fan!
This is so inclusive oh my god I love it
I was going to turn it off at the beginning because I thought it was going to be one of those really out there performances thatd go over my head, but just as I was gonna click away, it got good ^.^
And quite honestly I was close to tears... My best friend was sexually assaulted while she was drunk last month, and now both the guy and his friends are threatening her, and he has the audacity to swan around near us and her... So yeah, it kinda hit home tbh ...
I know I'm 4 years late, but I hope your friend got help and that her rapist was brought to justice.
YES I love Gaunte and his poems. They are so powerful and how he delivers them just gives you goosebumps
this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Wonderful and right on the mark. Thank you!
Everyone needs to hear this
He is absolutely my favorite poet
Look at his hands shaking. God, this is powerful.
this remains one of my favourite poems
Love this guy!
Wow! How powerful. I can totally feel every word acknowledge it, and after from personal experience. Thank you
gave me goosebumps. great work, really powerful.
God bless this man
One of my favorite Poets of all time :)
Its not just the words. Its how he presents them too :D
I think this is the best poem about rape I've ever heard. Wow.
This is incredible! Thank you!
I hope on everything good in the world my son grows up to have your heart and mindset.
Guante is so good
first poem I've heard by u and I'm in love babyyyy
***** Make sure to check out some of Guante's other work!
ruclips.net/video/QFoBaTkPgco/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/WOt3Pp0LU2o/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/0R_RmGKg6c0/видео.html
Button Poetry You guys chose the three best from him :) Small talk should be on there, too. Guante is my favorite poet.
Absoloutly - thank you for making this
I don't understand why this poem doesn't have a million views...
This is such a beautiful piece. It made me properly reflect on some trauma I dealt with in my first relationship and how, yes, that was in fact r*pe/sexual assault. And I love how it’s so inclusive
YES! ♥️
I don't know what to say. Bravo!
This is effing beautiful! Love
that was simply amazing
This was really dope. Even with thelyricsthere,the performance was spot on
he's so wise
This guy is cool.
ALL.OF.THIS. ❤️
yes yes yes. i fucking love you.
I often have trouble with poems that discuss rape. A lot of them seem to say the same thing, but I suppose people should be more upset about the number of rapes than about the number of rape poems. This poem is good. I think consent is entirely about understanding. I don't think drunk people can understand much of anything.
A lot of them say the same thing because the same thing is happening to a lot of people, and they still aren't being listened to.
You also have to realize that the number of poems is just from poetry you are seeing through one outlet (RUclips, in this example). Not the reports to authority figures, police or otherwise. Not the hushed, ashamed way you finally tell your friend or you come over right after it happened all anger and needing to scream. Nor (and probably the most personally important one) the silent crying where only your pillow holds any evidence.
The amount of rape poems is because the ripple FINALLY began. People used places where they can be vulnerable, such as poetry like this where nothing is too dark or too bad to be spoken of. Poets can speak up for those who are afraid to, still worried, still IN the situation, those who were not believed when they tried to tell someone. These poems (especially "One Color" by Neil and Ollie) helped me SO MUCH. And after 14 years, I finally confided in my mother what happened when I was 13 and why I haven't dated seriously in years... It's still a huge stigma, much like mental health, suicide, and quite a few other things are. I think that could be a partial reason as for your trouble with poems about rape and the growing number of them? It is natural for a lot of people to be kind of uncomfortable with subjects like these as long as the problem itself is not ignored.
i love how inclusive he i in this case
Nice.
Perfect.
Very interesting video I learned something new
This is so amazing :D
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 absolutely amazing
yes omg yes yes yes
Cool
Its like my body came to life
Damn
W000t! Thanks for the shout out to polyamorous couples!
Hi I like your videos
Wow, to be honest with you guys I was a bit like that guy sweet guy from class Guante has mentioned. I kinda felt like it is a responsibility of both parties to be proactive and show if they are consenting or not. But the ending says it all. You have to be pulsing in all the colours which make you alive in the moment of sex. Why would you like to fuck a fish which is not clear about its intentions... when you can get a wonderful experience with the same person or anyoone else who is actually willing, all you need is a bit of patience.
Fuck yes man fuck yes
THIS
He somehow fit polyamory in there as well!?
7 people missed the like button
Is this Channing Tatum or John Cena?
Jzkna
Some times not a no IS a yes. And sometimes a no is a yes too. For a poet he has a lot to learn about communication, verbal and non-verbal.
wtf
a no is not a yes that's an oxymoron they're opposites like rlly
No means no. Sometimes people will decide before hand to do roleplay, where one partner may say no, but in that scenario that partner is meant to have a safe word in place of the no.
Cece Burton As a kinkster, yes and no still flows outside of a scene. A safe word is for a kinky scenario, not everyday sexual negotiations!
Never when discussing consent. Consent is a legal term. You could not stand up in court and say 'she didn't say no' as a response to a rape charge. It's about the consent being an active process, not an absence of rejection.