You can be with someone and still feel alone. I have my days where I feel alone, and other days ,I am perfectly content. Life is what you make it. I do fail at it sometimes, I am always working on myself, meditating ,play pickleball, dance, and feel rejuvenated and happy. We all go through ups and downs.
Don't you feel depressed at times, Not talking with people? I know I go to the gym , I sleep , I meditate also , I travel alot but I also make time talking with my homies.
DITTO right there with you. I tend to attract (unintentionally) a certain type of men and I worry to the point of staying single because I don't want to go through that again.
@@misslanapaulford Ditto. Am scared to go out with a man again as they either lie to your face, have you as one of many, value work over you etc. My trust is just gone.
@@deliapasqualini970 I’m guessing you’re fairly young? Try thinking that when you’re in your sixties or seventies and lonely. Different story, trust me.
This conversation ties in really well with a Dr. K video I watched just a couple days ago (he’s a psychiatrist with a RUclips channel called “Healthy Gamer GG”). He was talking about how confidence is actually the default state of being and that we’re taught insecurities over time, so the process of “gaining confidence” is actually about unlearning our insecurities. It makes total sense because as babies, we have all the confidence in the world to fall flat on our butts thousands of times as we learn how to walk but now we’re afraid to try something because “we might look stupid” or whatever your garbage insecurities are telling you.
The loneliest time of my life was when I was in a marriage that wasn't working. Being in a relationship doesn't always mean being happy and being single certainly doesn't mean being lonely. I think society has to step away from the notion that a relationship is the be all and end all.
For the first time ever… I cannot relate to what you’re explaining Matthew. I’m 55/f and I’ve been single for several years. I’m finding it quite difficult, if not almost impossible to meet quality men. They’ll describe me as “exactly what I’ve been looking for“, But then tell me the very same things about me is why they leave. I don’t want to end up alone… I’m perfectly fine being by myself, I’ve come a long way since a very terrible break up four years ago. Keeping to my standards is very important to me since leaving my ex, so because I won’t settle now, it’s very lonely. I have no idea what quality men (in a new state for me) want? It seems the more grown they are, the less fun or mature they become. 5:18
Love this video and great points! To me is not the fear of power. It’s just the fact that it’s nice to have a partner to share your life experiences with. I know that I can do life alone as I have done this far. And I know no one will ever end up alone as we have so many options in today’s world (as of family or relationships in general). Like adopting, host family or volunteering. So you have a community.But there’s always part of me that wants that person who’s gonna be by my side and becomes my teammate. I know that not finding your person is not end of the world but it really sucks as us humans are designed to be together and we seek relationships. Everyone has a different story and purpose in life. But it would have been a beautiful world if everyone would end up with the perfect partner for them in a happy and healthy relationship. 🙌🏼 Real life is a different story though.😅 That’s all, not to be dramatic or negative about it. It’s just my perspective.
100% on point. I recently went through a phase of feeling helpless, partly due to my environment. I've been doing little things to build back my confidence, and finally caught momentum today. And also as luck would have it, I was invited to interview for the kind of job that I've been aiming for. Part of what was keeping me stuck was overthinking things, to the point where I took action on nothing. Action beats anxiety! Unexpected side effect = from being confident my neediness to have a relationship has decreased. I deeply want one, but I'm not longer feeling desperate.
I had "crappy wiring" when I was younger. It took almost 3 years of partial paralysis from GBS to re-wire my brain and outlook on life. Sometimes it takes something extreme to nail the ideas of gratefulness and resilience into our own heads. I'm lucky to be with my soulmate now but the years I was alone, I never feared loneliness. I'm just grateful to be alive and able to move again! If we have that, we've won the lottery. Everything else is extra.
I'm actually in a chronic pain program that is supposed to be helping me rewire my brain. I'm aware of Joe Dispenza and his rewiring the brain pgm through Gaia and Abraham Hicks, and Feldenkrais and Tai Chi and some about Hertz frequencies. Can you please share with me anything you feel worked for you? I'm thinking I've got to work on relaxing my nervous system. I know it's a process, but if you can share anything I'd really appreciate it. I'm a year into my pain syndrome. Thank you!
@@SowingSeedsWithChristy sorry you're going through that. I'm not sure if I have any solid advice since different things work for different people. When it first happened to me, I was panicked and operating from a place of fear because I thought I was either going to die or be permanently disabled. You're right in searching out methods to calm your CNS. Stress and panic makes things worse. I listened to my gut and stopped listening to doctors. They only wanted to prescribe anti-anxiety pills to me, which helps immediately but messes up GABA receptors, leaving you dependent on these drugs in the long term. I'm glad I never took what they prescribed. I found taking vitamins like B12 helped a great deal. VItamins B complex, D and magnesium supplements helped a lot. Also, being patient with myself, meditating, surrendering and being grateful for any small thing helped calm me enough to heal. I hope you find a method that can bring you relief and healing 🙏
As a guy who had a helicopter mom who was very controlling, and a step dad who said my way or the highway, I grew up without knowing my own voice and this really resonates with me.
I think you’ve missed the point. As someone that’s been given great wiring, the fear of never finding love has nothing to do with helplessness. It’s a very real fear of never experiencing something that you can see brings so much joy to those around you, like what you and Audrey have found. It’s valid because many people die without ever experiencing true romantic love. Normally you’re on point but ‘go to the gym’ is definitely missing the mark.
Hey there! Don't let the fear of ending up alone control you. Take back your power by focusing on the things you can control. Invest in your personal growth and self-care. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. And remember that being alone is not the same as being lonely. Embrace your independence and find joy in your own company. You are in control of your own happiness, and you deserve to live life on your own terms.
AMEN! WOW! What an amazing response! I love and agree with everything Matthew said in this clip. Thank you for both seeing and speaking the truth!!! Your wisdom is incredible! 👏👏🙏
Mic drop lol brilliant answer. I felt my emotional momentum building just through listening through your response. So much bad advice floating around this sphere, Matthew is always a breath of fresh air. It’s amazing how truth and wisdom inspires you when you hear it
She was not asking for a boss! She was afraid of ending up ALONE (so am I and millions). Its got nothing to do with "learned helplessness", its a VERY REAL FEAR
I agree! That my husband of 45 yrs died shortly after I had MAJOR concussion and the kissin’ cousins large family of my youth have all passed away in last 10 yrs… that’s not learned helplessness tho net effect is I’m alone & not flg at all powerful (& I used to be-big time). Unimaginabily alone & ahem not doing nearly as well as I’d prefer (major understatement!)
I usually have positive comments but I'd have to agree on this one. I'm anything but helpless. I run a Hobbie farm of horses and a dog boarding facility, built my own house by hand, so ju jitsu and other hobbies. I do pretty much whatever I set my mind to, but it's still a huge fear. I think it's based more in being tired and missing the joy of having the comoradory and fun of someone to share your life with. Finding that someone that has the same energy and drive and the hope you're not doing it all alone forever. I actually think the more driven you are the harder this becomes at times finding that person that has the similar mindset. Idk if that makes sense but at least in small communities I find that people with that drive are already settled in their own lives.
Just out of a narcissistic abusive relationship where I was given encouragement then within hours I’d be diminished.. after years of this abuse I learnt it was easier not to try, I spend most of my day now laying down, not moving… I’m paralysed
Dont let him win. Dont let your narc ex control your life. You are giving him power. Go to therapy...force yourself to get out....start small go to the end of your street then back...increase the distance...i know how it feels. Oh do i know. You will overcome. 🙏
I feel the exact same way and I've never been able to explain this to someone in a way that is taken seriously. I don't know how else to explain it to people without saying I am paralyzed. My brain has completely disconnected from my body for its own safety and I'm miserable because of it.
He is correct, you girls, young women even now in 2023, still have there mothers, friends, relatives always with the when are you going to met someone, why haven't you got a boyfriend or when you having babies. It's like a women we can be whole complete or happy unless we are in a relationship. We celebrate getting in to relationship engagement weddings, but women don't celebrate other women growing or getting out of that toxic, abusive, shitty relationship. I had a friend text me and I've know her since 2000 and the first question was am I seeing someone, I thought " I'm sorry can I or do I not exist unless I'm with someone, she didn't say how's life, how am I feeling, how is my kid. Just straight to ' are you seeing anyone'. We don't do or say the same to young men at any age. It's just go on my son. So your oats, sleep around, get around, go on holiday, work, had a good time. Such a fucking double standard and I think MOTHERS are to blame.
Ending up with narcissist number 5. No more narcs. that's my fear. Alone can be beautiful if you are happy. 10,000 x better than being held captive by an abuser
If I end up being without a life partner in this lifetime, then I guess the one thing I can be grateful for is the amount of friends I have that I can trust. This can be friends in my personal life or in my professional life... I want to gain more friendships as opposed to romantic relationships because those kinds of relationships have provided more security, honesty and love in my life in a positive way ❤
Great video! I just started 75 Hard Challenge...it's a mental challenge with physical benefits too. So far, it is amazing! Makes me feel focused, disciplined and successful!
I've been alone for several years now just focusing on myself and my young child. I have grown and learned so much during this time for the better, it feels great! I feel WE are almost ready to let in a father/husband. 😁🤗
Its my 52nd birthday today and I'm off to get my bloody momentum back....and in but in big ways too.... I am bloody confident and I need to remember that.
Also, one of my work friends has a similar mindset to what I have, but he says that his friends don't make wise decisions in their own romantic lives (granted, most of his friends are female). It's an ironic situation and I know that this has something that has led us to bond in a way. I just wish he would learn that his opinions and views aren't the only ones that exist in this world 🙄
I think weather you’re scared or not it has nothing to do with weather you’ll end up alone or not. It is a possibility for everyone, even those married can get divorced or become widowed. Also even grandpas and grandmas couple up sooooo 😂
Didn’t really address the video’s title, though ….. People with no family DO walk the Earth, Matthew - about time you stopped giving ‘generic’ advice (kind-hearted though it is) and realise that not every sole has people they can rely on.
Life is like throwing Darts. Telling a Joke, asking someone out... you can't win, unless you play. You aren't going to always win. ...but you if you don't try, you know you lose.
I can relate to this so badly. Got married at 26, and divorced at 30. Started a serious relationship at 34 that ended when I was 36. Both left my heart broken. I took therapy and I'm taking medications to control the severe anxiety and depression. I'm better but not the person I used to be. I have been trying date apps, but 7 guys tried to scam me by selling cryptocurrency, yeah it is a thing now so be careful. And I have been dealing with very difficult situations. I don't know how to address my mental health issues, what if I need to take my meds in front of my date and he ask me what they are for, but if I hide it it would be worst. Also, Im getting some lab tests because there is a huge chance I have Lupus. Who would like to be with a sick person? I truly feel I'm going to die alone
Happy women’s international day to all,just like the the beautiful song that I love from Johnny Hates turn back the clock the “Meaning”. I will finish the comment tomorrow to be continued…Blessings
I make a lot of independent decisions in my life (and I train regularly at the gym) and yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I feel so powerless, and yes, deficient. I don’t think any amount of training some decision-making muscle is going to solve that. 🙁
Yes i don't think it's about a decision making muscle, it's more about training rejection muscles so things don't phase you that much and going for what you want.
Love yr videos, they're awesone, and this one as well... However, the woman's worst fear in her letter was "ending up alone"... = not finding the one/the partner.. trying her very best and not finding in spite of all her efforts!!! That was the key problem.. snd not helplessness... And I can understand why you haven't understood that desperate question... having seen your beautiful Audrey! 😊
I did. 30 years since divorce from a narcissist before narcissists were a fashion. Some people do. Ya pretty people usually get it all. I got to be an artist though.
sorry for the long post, just need some advice. I am a guy in my late 20s who has been looking on the dating apps for over a year. I normally don’t get hung up whenever things don’t work out with a girl, it just happens. I don’t say this to brag, actually it’s quite the opposite- I’ve met with over 30 girls in person. But I usually just move on to the next one when things dont work out. But idk I really just felt a connection with this one. Being that I have experience with many different girls, I knew this just felt different. Like I knew this girl from before. She was serious about a relationship. She had a stable job, and she even lived close by so I could meet with her frequently with no issues. Personality- check. Sense of humor- check. Similar interests-check. Beautiful face, lovely smile, cute laugh. We went on four dates. And we talked basically every day. I just saw her just siz days ago Wednesday night, she wanted to celebrate me passing a big exam. We both had a great time, made plans to go hiking on Saturday-two days ago. I was so excited.... I never could have imagined what happened next. All of a sudden Thursday night she says things aren’t working out, that she’s feeling depressed because she’s not over her last boyfriend not working out. I was stunned. Everything was going so well. I tried to reason with her (without being pushy) to no avail by saying "i know you were hurt, but you shouldnt let that hold you back" She basically said she wants 1-2 months for herself to think and work on herself and that "shes very depressed" and that she "doesnt know what she wants in life" and then we could “continue talking” after 1-2 months. I was heartbroken but wished her well. The last thing she said was to "God will bring that person into my life….be patient and take care.” The last message made it seem like she was done with me whereas the 1-2 months comment left the door open a bit. Confusion, mixed signals. But obviously even one month of not talking to her is time that she may be spending talking and meeting other guys, for this reason I know that it’s effectively over. I told her that I would be blocking her on text messaging to move forward, just as a last ditch effort. She reciprocates by blocking me on IG, the only other way we can reach each other. IMO it is all but over at this point for us, which is INSANE when I think about how recently she was just in my car making weekend plans. Any advice?
It’s too late now but from reading the situation, you should have listened to her and waited the 1-2 months without blocking her, lashing out or contacting her. If she was honest about her feelings, she was actually being considerate by not wanting to hurt you by jumping into a relationship while she still has hurt feelings over someone else. Now I’d wait for the 1-2 months to let the emotions cool down first and then unblock her and send a short apology message. Something along the lines of “I really care about you and the thought of losing you forever made me upset and lash out. It’s no excuse for my behavior but I thought you should know why I did what I did and that I regret it. I’m sorry.” Then don’t message again unless she replies. If it’s meant to be then it will work out, if not then you’ll have some more knowledge and experience to learn from for the next one.
@@danzam40 thanks. but to be clear I did not "lash out." All I said was I was going to be blocking her number to help me move forward and cope, then wished her good luck
I see, well I wish you the best of luck anyways. Remember if you avoid contact and give her what she wants, it will give her time to reflect and change her mind about you. If you push it and pester her for a relationship now, it will only drive her further away. I recently made that mistake myself. Just be patient and she’ll remember the good times.
@@danzam40 nvm we are completely done. I recently got back on the dating app we met on. Just to show her that I'm still here without messaging her directly. But not even 30 minutes after she sees my profile she unmatches me. So i wonder if her little story about being depressed and finding herself was ever true because shes clearly still on the dating apps looking for someone.
@@somerealnews6312 yeah but sometimes when someone is in emotional pain they are just looking for someone else to fill the void so they don’t have to face their own feelings. It always catches up with them though.
Hi guys, I had to grow my power back, I was left alone a few yrs ago and it sucked, as I had no idea this would happen! In my experience I had to talk to myself and I had to 'try'. So feeling like a scared little mouse I got jobs, am studying and doing good now, but I had to grow my power.
Great video! But where do I see these conversations? I look up the podcast on Spotify and it’s just guests and no video of this. I want long form Matthew and family all the time 😢
For all the women feeling lonely, wanting a quality man, and can't find one... I feel like dating coaches are completely ignoring a serious paradigm shift in our culture. Women's rights has increased financial independence. Women in our culture have evolved to not only bear children, nurture/raise a family, cook, clean, provide sex, nurture their partner, work and make income all while balancing their many responsibilities and hats. Men's roles have not changed. Men are meant to provide emotional partnership more than anything else like physical protection. It's all still evolving but right now it's uneven and the conversation around it and between sexes are currently volatile. Men and women are untrusting of each other now. We are not getting married now for the same reasons so dating behaviors are changing. Women had to put up with very bad behavior from men in private, now women are encouraging to raise their standards and not expect things like cheating. Men might feel a lot of pressure from women who are scrupulous in the dating process and it makes them feel like they are under a microscope. So they look to date younger where there's less pressure. Idk exactly what it is I'm just saying that there's a paradigm shift and we need to acknowledge it. This short video is a great example of what I'm talking about. She's talking down to men and I don't blame her for feeling this way but this is the energy women are projecting towards men right now. ruclips.net/user/shortsw73q-ybJ0-U?feature=share
I don't give a fuck. We are all born alone and die alone. And as long as the men act like players and scammers, being single and staying single is very sensible. I have All of them on a piece of paper. I'm glad when there's peace because this crap they've done for the last at least 15 years isn't even worth a tear and I've always treated everyone well and I de Not that all men are bad, there are also bad women and I'm now both on the cheek that's annoying because only the door helps.
That scene in SATC where Miranda chokes on piece of food … and no one is there to help her. Thats what scares me about being alone, I know I’m capable but when something happens … illness, choking! Who will be there.
I just feel hopeless at the moment. I think im a fairly good looking guy who has alot to offer but I've never been pursued by anyone before. And I just have the feeling that I'm a lost case at this point.
I feel like he addressed a different issue than what the person was asking. I agree with him, but it sounds like the person is afraid of ending up alone when they’re old and infirm. This is a common issue that women face, because often they are their husband’s caretakers at the end of their lives and then end up alone themselves.
Matt...whatever you just described about the woman getting less opportunities than her Brother ... story of my life. I thought that was more middle eastern like where i come from. So it happens everywhere else too?
My partner doesn’t give time properly and doesn’t contact with me propeproperly that's why my bestu said to me block him.I Don't like his activities he's so careless.& he talk to other women but I Don't talk to other men for him.I'm loyal & I'm also want him not to talk to another woman and being loyal in LDR.
I am so sad and confused. I had one guy on FB that was so so interested in me but couldn’t seem to follow through. He wouldn’t call when he said he would call. He didn’t follow up on the dates like he said. I was patient with him but when I said let’s be friends cuz this just isn’t working he blocked me. I know it’s for the best but WOW. It’s hurtful and confusing not to mention immature.
mate you should be preparing women of every generation to be alone…men have woken up to the lies and impossible demands put on them from being in a relationship with a women…its over ladies
Matt, I am very appreciative of the depth of insight you typically exhibit, but I think you’re way off base in this instance. Your perspectives that anyone can overcome their particular wiring, or that the feeling of being helpless to create the lives that we desire are purely issues of learned helplessness, are very privileged and ableist.
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You can be with someone and still feel alone. I have my days where I feel alone, and other days ,I am perfectly content.
Life is what you make it.
I do fail at it sometimes, I am always working on myself, meditating ,play pickleball, dance, and feel rejuvenated and happy. We all go through ups and downs.
Don't you feel depressed at times, Not talking with people? I know I go to the gym , I sleep , I meditate also , I travel alot but I also make time talking with my homies.
@@terrylasin3709 its great when you have homies 😅
@@luna84_ 😊😊😊
afraid of ending up with someone wrong!
DITTO right there with you. I tend to attract (unintentionally) a certain type of men and I worry to the point of staying single because I don't want to go through that again.
Better alone than in bad company.
But also not having a full life experience of having a family, kids, all the love and happiness that comes with it
@@misslanapaulford Ditto. Am scared to go out with a man again as they either lie to your face, have you as one of many, value work over you etc. My trust is just gone.
@@deliapasqualini970 I’m guessing you’re fairly young? Try thinking that when you’re in your sixties or seventies and lonely. Different story, trust me.
This conversation ties in really well with a Dr. K video I watched just a couple days ago (he’s a psychiatrist with a RUclips channel called “Healthy Gamer GG”). He was talking about how confidence is actually the default state of being and that we’re taught insecurities over time, so the process of “gaining confidence” is actually about unlearning our insecurities. It makes total sense because as babies, we have all the confidence in the world to fall flat on our butts thousands of times as we learn how to walk but now we’re afraid to try something because “we might look stupid” or whatever your garbage insecurities are telling you.
Love that :)
Dr K is amazing!!
He gives solid advice. Almost always 😎
Love Dr. K. Here’s hoping him and Matthew collaborate soon.
I think a lot of us put our worth on having someone or having a successful relationship
The loneliest time of my life was when I was in a marriage that wasn't working. Being in a relationship doesn't always mean being happy and being single certainly doesn't mean being lonely. I think society has to step away from the notion that a relationship is the be all and end all.
Just turned 40 2 days ago and got out of a 10 year relationship yesterday. Perfect timing, thank you as always for your amazing advice! ♥️
I can only imagine what you're going through right now
Sending hugs🥺
yes it hasn’t been easy unfortunately. This video helped though’ Thank you for your kindness ♥️
Congratulations on leaving behind something that didn't work and opening a new and probably chapter for yourself ❤️
Take care Samantha
Sending u much love! ❤
For the first time ever… I cannot relate to what you’re explaining Matthew. I’m 55/f and I’ve been single for several years. I’m finding it quite difficult, if not almost impossible to meet quality men. They’ll describe me as “exactly what I’ve been looking for“, But then tell me the very same things about me is why they leave. I don’t want to end up alone… I’m perfectly fine being by myself, I’ve come a long way since a very terrible break up four years ago. Keeping to my standards is very important to me since leaving my ex, so because I won’t settle now, it’s very lonely. I have no idea what quality men (in a new state for me) want? It seems the more grown they are, the less fun or mature they become. 5:18
Thank you witchy poo❤ best wishes for luck to you as well !
I can totally relate to what you’re saying. Unfortunately Matthew’s advice didn’t really resonate with me either this time. 😕
Love this video and great points!
To me is not the fear of power. It’s just the fact that it’s nice to have a partner to share your life experiences with. I know that I can do life alone as I have done this far. And I know no one will ever end up alone as we have so many options in today’s world (as of family or relationships in general). Like adopting, host family or volunteering. So you have a community.But there’s always part of me that wants that person who’s gonna be by my side and becomes my teammate. I know that not finding your person is not end of the world but it really sucks as us humans are designed to be together and we seek relationships. Everyone has a different story and purpose in life. But it would have been a beautiful world if everyone would end up with the perfect partner for them in a happy and healthy relationship. 🙌🏼
Real life is a different story though.😅
That’s all, not to be dramatic or negative about it. It’s just my perspective.
100% on point. I recently went through a phase of feeling helpless, partly due to my environment. I've been doing little things to build back my confidence, and finally caught momentum today. And also as luck would have it, I was invited to interview for the kind of job that I've been aiming for. Part of what was keeping me stuck was overthinking things, to the point where I took action on nothing. Action beats anxiety! Unexpected side effect = from being confident my neediness to have a relationship has decreased. I deeply want one, but I'm not longer feeling desperate.
I had "crappy wiring" when I was younger. It took almost 3 years of partial paralysis from GBS to re-wire my brain and outlook on life. Sometimes it takes something extreme to nail the ideas of gratefulness and resilience into our own heads. I'm lucky to be with my soulmate now but the years I was alone, I never feared loneliness. I'm just grateful to be alive and able to move again! If we have that, we've won the lottery. Everything else is extra.
I'm actually in a chronic pain program that is supposed to be helping me rewire my brain. I'm aware of Joe Dispenza and his rewiring the brain pgm through Gaia and Abraham Hicks, and Feldenkrais and Tai Chi and some about Hertz frequencies.
Can you please share with me anything you feel worked for you? I'm thinking I've got to work on relaxing my nervous system. I know it's a process, but if you can share anything I'd really appreciate it. I'm a year into my pain syndrome.
Thank you!
@@SowingSeedsWithChristy sorry you're going through that. I'm not sure if I have any solid advice since different things work for different people. When it first happened to me, I was panicked and operating from a place of fear because I thought I was either going to die or be permanently disabled. You're right in searching out methods to calm your CNS. Stress and panic makes things worse. I listened to my gut and stopped listening to doctors. They only wanted to prescribe anti-anxiety pills to me, which helps immediately but messes up GABA receptors, leaving you dependent on these drugs in the long term. I'm glad I never took what they prescribed. I found taking vitamins like B12 helped a great deal. VItamins B complex, D and magnesium supplements helped a lot. Also, being patient with myself, meditating, surrendering and being grateful for any small thing helped calm me enough to heal. I hope you find a method that can bring you relief and healing 🙏
As a guy who had a helicopter mom who was very controlling, and a step dad who said my way or the highway, I grew up without knowing my own voice and this really resonates with me.
I want that true love. But I’m so scared because of all the trauma I went through. It’s a double edged sword for sure. Oh well… life.
I think you’ve missed the point. As someone that’s been given great wiring, the fear of never finding love has nothing to do with helplessness. It’s a very real fear of never experiencing something that you can see brings so much joy to those around you, like what you and Audrey have found. It’s valid because many people die without ever experiencing true romantic love. Normally you’re on point but ‘go to the gym’ is definitely missing the mark.
What happens if you end up alone , how to cope ? Question not answered.
Hey there! Don't let the fear of ending up alone control you. Take back your power by focusing on the things you can control. Invest in your personal growth and self-care. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. And remember that being alone is not the same as being lonely. Embrace your independence and find joy in your own company. You are in control of your own happiness, and you deserve to live life on your own terms.
AMEN! WOW! What an amazing response! I love and agree with everything Matthew said in this clip. Thank you for both seeing and speaking the truth!!! Your wisdom is incredible! 👏👏🙏
Mic drop lol brilliant answer. I felt my emotional momentum building just through listening through your response. So much bad advice floating around this sphere, Matthew is always a breath of fresh air. It’s amazing how truth and wisdom inspires you when you hear it
She was not asking for a boss! She was afraid of ending up ALONE (so am I and millions).
Its got nothing to do with "learned helplessness", its a VERY REAL FEAR
True that. I think Matthew kind of missed the point this time.
I agree! That my husband of 45 yrs died shortly after I had MAJOR concussion and the kissin’ cousins large family of my youth have all passed away in last 10 yrs… that’s not learned helplessness tho net effect is I’m alone & not flg at all powerful (& I used to be-big time). Unimaginabily alone & ahem not doing nearly as well as I’d prefer (major understatement!)
i so agree with you no helpless ness at all
I usually have positive comments but I'd have to agree on this one. I'm anything but helpless. I run a Hobbie farm of horses and a dog boarding facility, built my own house by hand, so ju jitsu and other hobbies. I do pretty much whatever I set my mind to, but it's still a huge fear. I think it's based more in being tired and missing the joy of having the comoradory and fun of someone to share your life with. Finding that someone that has the same energy and drive and the hope you're not doing it all alone forever. I actually think the more driven you are the harder this becomes at times finding that person that has the similar mindset. Idk if that makes sense but at least in small communities I find that people with that drive are already settled in their own lives.
@@succulentlife3343 100%
I prefer to b on my own really. Saves heart breaks an disappointments
Just out of a narcissistic abusive relationship where I was given encouragement then within hours I’d be diminished.. after years of this abuse I learnt it was easier not to try, I spend most of my day now laying down, not moving… I’m paralysed
Dont let him win. Dont let your narc ex control your life. You are giving him power. Go to therapy...force yourself to get out....start small go to the end of your street then back...increase the distance...i know how it feels. Oh do i know. You will overcome. 🙏
I feel the exact same way and I've never been able to explain this to someone in a way that is taken seriously. I don't know how else to explain it to people without saying I am paralyzed. My brain has completely disconnected from my body for its own safety and I'm miserable because of it.
Better to live alone and end up alone than be with someone who doesn't respect you or is wrong for you
The timing of this… it’s exactly what i’m wrestling with right now. Thank you.
Me too!
He is correct, you girls, young women even now in 2023, still have there mothers, friends, relatives always with the when are you going to met someone, why haven't you got a boyfriend or when you having babies. It's like a women we can be whole complete or happy unless we are in a relationship. We celebrate getting in to relationship engagement weddings, but women don't celebrate other women growing or getting out of that toxic, abusive, shitty relationship.
I had a friend text me and I've know her since 2000 and the first question was am I seeing someone, I thought " I'm sorry can I or do I not exist unless I'm with someone, she didn't say how's life, how am I feeling, how is my kid. Just straight to ' are you seeing anyone'.
We don't do or say the same to young men at any age. It's just go on my son. So your oats, sleep around, get around, go on holiday, work, had a good time.
Such a fucking double standard and I think MOTHERS are to blame.
Me three! Painfully on target. Grateful it’s being brought up. Praying for healing & healthy resolutions for all of us!🙏🌿🌷🌿🖖
Ending up with narcissist number 5. No more narcs. that's my fear. Alone can be beautiful if you are happy. 10,000 x better than being held captive by an abuser
If I end up being without a life partner in this lifetime, then I guess the one thing I can be grateful for is the amount of friends I have that I can trust. This can be friends in my personal life or in my professional life... I want to gain more friendships as opposed to romantic relationships because those kinds of relationships have provided more security, honesty and love in my life in a positive way ❤
Great video! I just started 75 Hard Challenge...it's a mental challenge with physical benefits too. So far, it is amazing! Makes me feel focused, disciplined and successful!
I will look into this. Thank you.
I've been alone for several years now just focusing on myself and my young child. I have grown and learned so much during this time for the better, it feels great! I feel WE are almost ready to let in a father/husband. 😁🤗
@@Iloveuniverse222 thank you for your kind words.
Its my 52nd birthday today and I'm off to get my bloody momentum back....and in but in big ways too.... I am bloody confident and I need to remember that.
Also, one of my work friends has a similar mindset to what I have, but he says that his friends don't make wise decisions in their own romantic lives (granted, most of his friends are female). It's an ironic situation and I know that this has something that has led us to bond in a way. I just wish he would learn that his opinions and views aren't the only ones that exist in this world 🙄
happy international women's day..great video Matt and team as always
I think weather you’re scared or not it has nothing to do with weather you’ll end up alone or not. It is a possibility for everyone, even those married can get divorced or become widowed. Also even grandpas and grandmas couple up sooooo 😂
Didn’t really address the video’s title, though ….. People with no family DO walk the Earth, Matthew - about time you stopped giving ‘generic’ advice (kind-hearted though it is) and realise that not every sole has people they can rely on.
Life is like throwing Darts. Telling a Joke, asking someone out... you can't win, unless you play. You aren't going to always win. ...but you if you don't try, you know you lose.
You should also Q whether the ppl you have chosen to be around instill these fears in you artificially. Altering your own perception of reality.
Isolation and loneliness do not have to be the same thing... Use the time wisely
But I’m not afraid ❤
I can relate to this so badly. Got married at 26, and divorced at 30. Started a serious relationship at 34 that ended when I was 36. Both left my heart broken. I took therapy and I'm taking medications to control the severe anxiety and depression. I'm better but not the person I used to be. I have been trying date apps, but 7 guys tried to scam me by selling cryptocurrency, yeah it is a thing now so be careful. And I have been dealing with very difficult situations. I don't know how to address my mental health issues, what if I need to take my meds in front of my date and he ask me what they are for, but if I hide it it would be worst. Also, Im getting some lab tests because there is a huge chance I have Lupus. Who would like to be with a sick person? I truly feel I'm going to die alone
Happy women’s international day to all,just like the the beautiful song that I love from Johnny Hates turn back the clock the “Meaning”. I will finish the comment tomorrow to be continued…Blessings
I make a lot of independent decisions in my life (and I train regularly at the gym) and yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I feel so powerless, and yes, deficient.
I don’t think any amount of training some decision-making muscle is going to solve that. 🙁
Yes i don't think it's about a decision making muscle, it's more about training rejection muscles so things don't phase you that much and going for what you want.
Love yr videos, they're awesone, and this one as well... However, the woman's worst fear in her letter was "ending up alone"... = not finding the one/the partner.. trying her very best and not finding in spite of all her efforts!!! That was the key problem.. snd not helplessness...
And I can understand why you haven't understood that desperate question... having seen your beautiful Audrey! 😊
My greatest fear is getting “stuck” with someone who is bad for me.
I did. 30 years since divorce from a narcissist before narcissists were a fashion. Some people do. Ya pretty people usually get it all. I got to be an artist though.
This is incredible. This was so helpful to me.
The worst thing in life is not to end up alone. The worst thing is to end up with people who make you feel alone. RW
First to like & comment! Love Matt’s work. He’s so real & relatable.
sorry for the long post, just need some advice.
I am a guy in my late 20s who has been looking on the dating apps for over a year. I normally don’t get hung up whenever things don’t work out with a girl, it just happens. I don’t say this to brag, actually it’s quite the opposite- I’ve met with over 30 girls in person. But I usually just move on to the next one when things dont work out. But idk I really just felt a connection with this one.
Being that I have experience with many different girls, I knew this just felt different. Like I knew this girl from before. She was serious about a relationship. She had a stable job, and she even lived close by so I could meet with her frequently with no issues. Personality- check. Sense of humor- check. Similar interests-check. Beautiful face, lovely smile, cute laugh.
We went on four dates. And we talked basically every day. I just saw her just siz days ago Wednesday night, she wanted to celebrate me passing a big exam. We both had a great time, made plans to go hiking on Saturday-two days ago. I was so excited.... I never could have imagined what happened next.
All of a sudden Thursday night she says things aren’t working out, that she’s feeling depressed because she’s not over her last boyfriend not working out. I was stunned. Everything was going so well. I tried to reason with her (without being pushy) to no avail by saying "i know you were hurt, but you shouldnt let that hold you back"
She basically said she wants 1-2 months for herself to think and work on herself and that "shes very depressed" and that she "doesnt know what she wants in life" and then we could “continue talking” after 1-2 months.
I was heartbroken but wished her well. The last thing she said was to "God will bring that person into my life….be patient and take care.” The last message made it seem like she was done with me whereas the 1-2 months comment left the door open a bit. Confusion, mixed signals.
But obviously even one month of not talking to her is time that she may be spending talking and meeting other guys, for this reason I know that it’s effectively over.
I told her that I would be blocking her on text messaging to move forward, just as a last ditch effort. She reciprocates by blocking me on IG, the only other way we can reach each other. IMO it is all but over at this point for us, which is INSANE when I think about how recently she was just in my car making weekend plans. Any advice?
It’s too late now but from reading the situation, you should have listened to her and waited the 1-2 months without blocking her, lashing out or contacting her. If she was honest about her feelings, she was actually being considerate by not wanting to hurt you by jumping into a relationship while she still has hurt feelings over someone else.
Now I’d wait for the 1-2 months to let the emotions cool down first and then unblock her and send a short apology message. Something along the lines of “I really care about you and the thought of losing you forever made me upset and lash out. It’s no excuse for my behavior but I thought you should know why I did what I did and that I regret it. I’m sorry.” Then don’t message again unless she replies. If it’s meant to be then it will work out, if not then you’ll have some more knowledge and experience to learn from for the next one.
@@danzam40 thanks. but to be clear I did not "lash out." All I said was I was going to be blocking her number to help me move forward and cope, then wished her good luck
I see, well I wish you the best of luck anyways. Remember if you avoid contact and give her what she wants, it will give her time to reflect and change her mind about you. If you push it and pester her for a relationship now, it will only drive her further away. I recently made that mistake myself. Just be patient and she’ll remember the good times.
@@danzam40 nvm we are completely done. I recently got back on the dating app we met on. Just to show her that I'm still here without messaging her directly. But not even 30 minutes after she sees my profile she unmatches me. So i wonder if her little story about being depressed and finding herself was ever true because shes clearly still on the dating apps looking for someone.
@@somerealnews6312 yeah but sometimes when someone is in emotional pain they are just looking for someone else to fill the void so they don’t have to face their own feelings. It always catches up with them though.
All I can say is Thank you💞
Hi guys, I had to grow my power back, I was left alone a few yrs ago and it sucked, as I had no idea this would happen!
In my experience I had to talk to myself and I had to 'try'.
So feeling like a scared little mouse I got jobs, am studying and doing good now, but I had to grow my power.
Great video! But where do I see these conversations? I look up the podcast on Spotify and it’s just guests and no video of this. I want long form Matthew and family all the time 😢
For all the women feeling lonely, wanting a quality man, and can't find one... I feel like dating coaches are completely ignoring a serious paradigm shift in our culture. Women's rights has increased financial independence. Women in our culture have evolved to not only bear children, nurture/raise a family, cook, clean, provide sex, nurture their partner, work and make income all while balancing their many responsibilities and hats. Men's roles have not changed. Men are meant to provide emotional partnership more than anything else like physical protection. It's all still evolving but right now it's uneven and the conversation around it and between sexes are currently volatile. Men and women are untrusting of each other now. We are not getting married now for the same reasons so dating behaviors are changing. Women had to put up with very bad behavior from men in private, now women are encouraging to raise their standards and not expect things like cheating. Men might feel a lot of pressure from women who are scrupulous in the dating process and it makes them feel like they are under a microscope. So they look to date younger where there's less pressure. Idk exactly what it is I'm just saying that there's a paradigm shift and we need to acknowledge it. This short video is a great example of what I'm talking about. She's talking down to men and I don't blame her for feeling this way but this is the energy women are projecting towards men right now.
ruclips.net/user/shortsw73q-ybJ0-U?feature=share
@AP-gg7ep Louise Perry deep dives into the "paradigm shift" you are referring to in her book, "The Case Against the Sexual Revolution."
@@v9b23j no I haven't read any books on a dating paradigm shift. It's just a clear change that will never go backwards.
Very interesting video, really relatable even as a man. Thanks for covering :)
Invest in cat food everyone..
and books!
probably the best video recently, thanks a lot😊
I'm not afraid, I am alone , no one checks on me , no texts , just me any my taught.
That is my fear too ,on tje wrong work, kepp wasting times, not to found someone
I don't give a fuck. We are all born alone and die alone. And as long as the men act like players and scammers, being single and staying single is very sensible. I have All of them on a piece of paper. I'm glad when there's peace because this crap they've done for the last at least 15 years isn't even worth a tear and I've always treated everyone well and I de Not that all men are bad, there are also bad women and I'm now both on the cheek that's annoying because only the door helps.
That scene in SATC where Miranda chokes on piece of food … and no one is there to help her. Thats what scares me about being alone, I know I’m capable but when something happens … illness, choking! Who will be there.
I’ve been alone my whole life and now I lost all my close friends as well
Is there any way to give it a thousand more likes to this one all at once!♥️♥️♥️
❤ this video by the way Matt your a star that always makes excellent points.
Thank you for your great advice on this!!
Loved this 🌸
I just feel hopeless at the moment. I think im a fairly good looking guy who has alot to offer but I've never been pursued by anyone before. And I just have the feeling that I'm a lost case at this point.
Offfff this one went home hard. Thank you 🙏
Try finding ANYONE you can trust...
Maybe Matthew you are right but I didn't understand a lot from your response at this video
I feel like he addressed a different issue than what the person was asking. I agree with him, but it sounds like the person is afraid of ending up alone when they’re old and infirm. This is a common issue that women face, because often they are their husband’s caretakers at the end of their lives and then end up alone themselves.
Loved this one
Yes afraid of ending up with someone mad so much angry difficult pain head problem
This is so powerful
Matt...whatever you just described about the woman getting less opportunities than her Brother ... story of my life. I thought that was more middle eastern like where i come from. So it happens everywhere else too?
My partner doesn’t give time properly and doesn’t contact with me propeproperly that's why my bestu said to me block him.I Don't like his activities he's so careless.& he talk to other women but I Don't talk to other men for him.I'm loyal & I'm also want him not to talk to another woman and being loyal in LDR.
I am so sad and confused. I had one guy on FB that was so so interested in me but couldn’t seem to follow through. He wouldn’t call when he said he would call. He didn’t follow up on the dates like he said. I was patient with him but when I said let’s be friends cuz this just isn’t working he blocked me. I know it’s for the best but WOW. It’s hurtful and confusing not to mention immature.
Didnt really address the question..
I have bin singel for 16 years im nott butiful and im not so smart its hard to find som one 😢 i hate my self
I miss my wife and need her, can you help?
Momentum
mate you should be preparing women of every generation to be alone…men have woken up to the lies and impossible demands put on them from being in a relationship with a women…its over ladies
There's bad women and bad men out there it's not a gendered thing. Just choose more wisely
Matthew could you let Audrey speak a lot more ...
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Matt, I am very appreciative of the depth of insight you typically exhibit, but I think you’re way off base in this instance. Your perspectives that anyone can overcome their particular wiring, or that the feeling of being helpless to create the lives that we desire are purely issues of learned helplessness, are very privileged and ableist.
No I know I will die alone!!! I gave up already! 🤷🏻♂️
This is so true…its about having that momentum that will get u going to pursuing bigger things. 🫶🏼
❤❤❤