ENDLESS (ft. kasane teto)

i dreamt that i had ripped apart the very atoms of that building, exploding people into blood and viscera and swallowing them into a swirling abyss, larger than life and blithe and unfeeling, listening as families screamed eachothers names and tear filled pleas for a savior filled the air before they were silenced all at once.
i remember feeling so empty, almost objectified in the same way you'd think of the sun or a black hole, devoid of conscience and all knowing yet so singular that it was less as if i was a person and more as if i was a force of nature. and i collapsed the earth into myself and devoured it, iron taste from metals, dirts, and blood filling my senses as the darkness grew thicker.
it felt as if this was a form long dormant from within my previously helpless and mortal body, free from all constraints, a trueness and oneness that i could never achieved trapped inside of a human shell or a human society. unnamed, featureless, genderless, and unresponsive.
and yet from within me a conscience formed in the aftermath, someone more resembling my body, shining and all white, glowing through the darkness. and he sat there and told me that i needed to stop, to get a handle on myself, that what i was doing was wrong and harmful and terrible. he told me i needed to feel something and that i was hurting millions of people.
and it got to me, broke into my heart and reanimated me, and through my remorseful tears the world was reborn, and i was reduced back to my body. and the building returned, as did all of its residents, who remembered the tragedy but not who had started it, allowing me to sneak past their defenses.
and i lived out a normal life still hungry for devastation but no longer willing to act on the impulse, forever resigned to however close to human i could pretend to be.
excerpt from my dream diary