it's so nice to see all these examples of characters who dissociate being presented in a sympathetic light, it seems like in western media, dissociation is always a characteristic of these cackling villains, who are scary because they are "crazy." I'm sure that happens in anime too, but it seems as though in the english speaking world, being a hero, or even a good person, is mutually exclusive with spacing out, being stuck in the past, losing track of your surroundings, or experiencing plurality.
Spot on with your Anthy analysis! Understanding how all of Ohtori Academy is propped up by the perpetuation of and mimicking of Anthy's abuse is integral to the show. But the other characters, the the show's direction, and even Anthy herself go out of their way to obfuscate that fact. It's not until you look past all the foppery and whim that it starts to sink in why Anthy is so desperate to escape into those dissociative periods.
man this woke up some core memories. unpleasant ones, but. wow. honestly, i think of denji in chainsaw man part one. manga spoilers below. - - - - - - - - after denji kills aki, i thought about the scene when he was going through the motions, until he was abruptly awakened when seeing the popsicle stick declaring him a ‘winner’… and how that was the last straw that allowed him to submit to makima. great video!
I was a big fan of your content when you were still Digibro. Your anime analysis videos and GoatJesus too was some of the best I’ve ever seen. You inspired me to blog and take writing more seriously and eventually I grew enough courage to now be a content creator myself. You made me think more analytically and look at life differently. Concepts like lateral thinking you introduced were ingenious. Ironically YOU were the one who helped me grow out of anime for the most part. I’ll watch it a little bit here and there now but you inspired me to grow and try out different things in life. I also went through lots of stages and versions of myself. I can now safely say I’m a different person than who I was back then when I was watching your old videos but you were apart of my journey indirectly to get here. I also understand now Digibro was just a persona you created. I get it now since I had to make a creator persona for myself too. This video really does take me back to golden age anime RUclips. Thank you for everything and I real hope you’re doing better now.
Hey. This isn't my original account, but I thought a personal video deserves a personal response. I was a big fan during the mid 2010s of your anime channel and your after dark channel. I was too shy to say it to you or anyone back then, but you were my favorite anituber. I hope this is okay to say in a general sense. I know now that Digibro was a character, but back then I didn't. I know it was a very particular flavor, but it impacted me a lot. You made me think about anime and life differently. You made me think about things more analytically. You made me think what it is to be a good writer or a good youtuber. (still need to work on being more concise!) I think sometimes about what you said about being a human content machine, and a gonzo journalist. While I try to keep things passionate and personal, I don't think creators should be viewed as content machines. (More so with AI being around nowadays) I think part of why I was afraid to reach out again is I didn't want to seem like I liked the "wrong" thing or was being rude. I look at youtube and things have changed so much. I'm not as hardcore into anime as I used to, although US execs are certainly trying their best to push me back into it. Through cancelling all the shows I'm interested in, trying to get rid of animation in favor of live action remakes, and stretching things out so slowly by the time a show is back all the hype is gone. I still never found an anituber that was like you, though I tried. Someday in the future I might try reviewing shows myself. I figured if I can't find what I want, maybe I should create it too. I even started blogging too! But I wanted to say thank you so much for being there for me back then. Even if it was only through videos parasocially. I hope you're doing better now, and I know you went through a lot. (I did too unfortunately) Sometimes I still rewatch some of the greatest hits and think about life. Something I learned about myself that I didn't know back then I struggle with some form of DID. I don't know the exacts. But I realized through the internet I've gone through various selves, and continue to do so. I know it's not always healthy to indulge, but there's something about it that helps me feel better. That if I wear a digital mask, maybe people will like it more than IRL me. I understand that's hypocritical, but it's the way things are right now imo. I've always been drawn to mental health stuff and anime/media about it, but it was more of a subconscious thing I had trouble understanding why. But I think it's because I found comfort and understanding there that I couldn't find in my real life. Speaking of looking at things differently after DID, I think how the When They Cry franchise handles it is interesting. Both Higurashi and Umineko. It's like each entry got more and more into it. I heard in Ciconia it is canon, but I haven't read that one yet. I saw you mentioned it in this vid and would love to hear more about your thoughts on it. For me I related the most to Rika. (Higurashi spoilers) That sense of being torn between the false cheery self that you must perform to everyone, and the hidden depressed jaded self that feels like they have existed for eternity. Not knowing who you are, or if any of it even matters, that life is an endless loop of suffering you can't stop no matter how hard you try. I still go back to it a lot when I'm feeling down. Because of what is acceptable to talk about in society, I often feel like I can't process what happened to me. I related a ton to Lain in high school, but I can't seem to remember what exactly happened in the anime... Life is funny like that lol I think Homura from Madoka is also an interesting example as (spoilers) ... she goes from her original self, to Homura, to Akuma Homura. And Rebellion impacted me a lot by how deeply they get into what it's like inside her head while all of this is going on. Dissociation has been with me my whole life. Some of it was intentional like zoning out to TV and gaming. But some of it was not intentional like being unable to focus on the present. At the time I viewed all of it as normal and me being a bad person, and only as I got older through therapy and understanding did I better understand what was happening. DID is probably both for me, where part of it is to protect myself from crippling trauma, while other parts of it is intentionally to help me move forward and get out of my head. And you bet I have no idea who I am! But thankfully I have some people who like me, even if they understand it better than I do. Who knows, maybe someday I will be one of those people known as an adult example of what it's like to struggle with these issues. I have a strong desire to help others struggling with mental health, because I used to be one of those people who felt completely alone and only had anime and youtube to cope with it all. Some other media I find interesting connected to DID is Steven Universe (when it comes to fusion), Persona, Bunny Girl Senpai, Batman (the civilian identities vs hero/villain identities), and Doom Patrol. I adore Doom Patrol so much and I feel like none of the big youtubers are talking about it. I would be forever grateful if you ever give it a shot, as I hope you would appreciate it as much as I do. It's legit 10/10 fav superhero thing ever for me. The character with canon DID is called Jane. While at first it seems like a gimmick, they get more into her backstory as the show goes on (no spoilers here but it does have a proper ending too!). There are some outdated terms as it was based off a 80s comic run, but from what I heard they took inspo from someone IRL who had it and wrote about it. I don't want this to get any longer than it already is, but thank you for making this video. It brought back memories of the old anime vids you used to do, and gave me more things to think about. lol Damn I really need to finish Utena! But this vid sent by the algo feels like a piece of the internet I haven't seen since then. I felt like all the people who cared about super deep anime stuff got replaced with generic seasonal rankings... For obvious reasons I cannot be open about having these DID struggles with most people. (thus why this is on a side account) And the people who are open about it, well... Gives me loads of impostor syndrome. So hearing someone talk about it outside of dedicated communities means a lot. I don't know maybe I'll try to pop in more often. Would love some anime reviews under the lens of experiencing trauma, as I feel like it's often a big theme in anime. I hope this comment wasn't too weird or blogpost-y... It's probably the most intimate essay comment I've written before.
Thank you for saying all this. I don’t have to say as much now. I think a lot of people are afraid of this level of earnestly, from themselves and others. Sometimes I worry about the fact that I’m not. More and more, it feels like I don’t exist, but am just feeding off of people like you, willing to share their lives. The bit about Spike hit hardest for me. That I can’t reconcile with what’s happened to me, or with what I’ve done to others. It took me a long time to understand hurt people hurting people isn’t as balanced as the phrasing implies. And now, I feel like I’m fighting to want to live, to want to exist, let alone for any goal. I keep thinking, if I could get away, if I could spend time outside of everything, I could catch my breath. I could recenter, and I could be someone again. Every new thing that happens, some irrationally small, seems to dash me against the rocks, when I just want to be out at sea, floating. I know this is wrong, but I haven’t produced or consumed another way to live and grow as I should. Even now, whatever level of earnestly or openness or sharing this is, I’m only doing out of reaction. And it’s fervent, as if this is a solution to everything that will die before I can achieve anything with it. There’s probably another problem there. I guess Im glad you shared. I hope im not overstepping your boundaries. I wish I cared enough to find something better to do. But I’m glad you’re still here. I hope you continue to be.
@@KanonoPuddle I'm happy you appreciated my comment! I was originally going to post it and run but since you replied I will reply to you and maybe others if they decide they want to as well. I am only emboldened to share this much because I am on a side account. I'm not brave enough to say it on my main one(s) yet. I realized that this desire to say these things will be there whether I say them or not. But if others can benefit from my thoughts I'm glad. Sometimes I worry I overthink and ruminate too much, which is basically any time I have free time and don't fill it with something. lol I spent a long time lost and confused. It took me time and effort to get to this current level, and for a long time I hid away because I was too afraid to do anything. (Kind of like is mentioned in the video examples) It's because other people were brave first that I felt inspired by them to do more. It was after that I realized what it meant to have a role model. lol I often use the example of it being holding onto anything, trying not to lose against the waves crashing over and over again. I hear the siren's call, and even if I know it could lead to doom, I follow it anyways. I understand that regardless of which path I take there will be danger. So I'd rather take the choice I won't regret, even if it's more risky. For a long time I wanted to be anyone else but me. Really. I thought if I did that I could have a redo. But I am the only person I can never escape from. Not in a despair way, but I have to learn to live with myself. Ugly flaws and all. Distorted and warped and broken. But there are people out there who find beauty in that. I long to be like the art of kintsugi, and turn my scars to gold. I was rewatching The Hunger Games this year, and I agree that hope can spread like fire. Maybe it's a bit cheesy, but I believe that. I consider creation the art of passing the torch from one person to the next. It gives meaning to the madness. I'm fine! No worries! Thank you. It's an interesting paradox. When I hated myself, I wouldn't show myself to anyone. But because of that I couldn't hear anything else. But as I love myself more, and show that more, others validate that. I see that there can be positive things in life again.
@@MusicAlt-kt9gu damn, just… Ditto. Really, I wish I had better, but that’d just be restatement. I’m with you on all of this. Tho I worry sometimes my scars can only become gold when I finally let them fade. I’m certainly down to connect further, but you ain’t gotta dox urself. Plus, RUclips comments sections are weirdly comfortable for this kind of thing.
There are so many anime/manga in the "Two characters in a love triangle because one of them is two people" kinda genre, both shoujo and shounen. It's an enduring format. My favorite is Ergo Proxy.
Wow, this video really helped contextualize my feelings on disassociating, which is a tool I've used since childhood. I think falling under the intersection of being indigenous, (likely) trans/queer, and possessing schizoid traits has caused my social withdrawal from the "polite society" into a place all my own. While I cannot give a succinct account of my experience (seeing as I'm still in the weeds on this), I want to thank the mother of anitube for the sincere navigation of concepts that have so thoroughly sculpted my mind...
Not an anime, but the manga Inside Mari by Shūzō Oshimi captures the essence of dissociation and gender incongruity in a way that's hauntingly relatable. As discussions about mental health evolve, it seems like the awareness of dissociation as a widespread yet unacknowledged problem is slowly coming into focus. Frankly, you did an excellent job of describing the what and the why, and you're right - most people who've never experienced the far end of the dissociation spectrum it don't "get" it. Also thank you Trixie for offering some closure to your audience that originally watched your Digi persona. Now with the mask off, you're still insightful, just more authentic. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!
Thanks, there's never enough media explaining mental health issues and almost no mention of disassociation or derealization in common media at all. As I've grown up, I've come to recognize when somebody "shuts off" and it happens all over the place. It seems to be a far more common coping mechanism to over-stimulation and overwhelming. Many people dissociate when waiting, when they sort of "zone out" and need to be brought back to the present. It can be entirely involuntary and make interacting with the world and fulfilling basic tasks nearly impossible. For me, in shows as extreme executive dysfunction, where I can't move or talk or react to the outside world for hours at a time. I can sometimes be encouraged out of this state, but its very uncomfortable and can be painful. It's almost like my nerves are protesting movement. Or movement sends feedback that overloads my nervous system. I might be describing a completely separate disorder from DID or DDR, but many mental illnesses carry common symptoms to one another, even if the root cause is separate. Sometimes knowing that other people relate and have overcome similar symptoms gives me ideas for how to cope, or just unlocks a new word or idea that leads me to my own solutions. In any case, talking about it, at length, is some of the best medicine for all life's problems. Humans are a neural network that gets stronger through communication and sharing media.
This is a really good takeaway. When I started going to cons, I felt this wall between myself and the guests I came to talk to. I couldn’t explain it, but it just felt like they were guarded. Chalked it up to the environment. Years later, working with those people more intimately, I thought I might see that wall disappear, but it didn’t. If anything, I started to see it more, everywhere. People would check in and check out of moments in a way I couldn’t understand. I guess that’s adaptive dissociation?
Isn''t disassociation derealization disorder caused by trauma? So that kind of makes perfect sense for Shina.From what my therapist(who helped with research of disassociative disorders) says, how deep the rift, or how distant things feel can be correlated with how young your brain needed to start escaping reality or protect you from trauma. We see the most extreme version of disassociative disorders thus far with refugee syndrome(also known as resignation syndrome.) Children born in refugee camps such as islands off of Australia are completely unresponsive, and need to be hydrated and fed with an IV and tubes. People who are 3-6 usually develop DID, and once youre 8-12 its more of a DPDR disorder kind of situation. Not always 1:1 but its kind of a reliable metric due to how set in stone our our states of development are. Which is a good thing as it makes treatment for these disorders much easier to research. dunno if this is at all interesting, but I hope it helps/gets the noggin joggin. I am very glad I come across this video.
Oh holy shit, that digibro segment completely got away from me lmao. I remember 'you' kind of being a weirdo but you did always have good analysis. This video is actually exceptional and maybe I will give you another chance.
Would you say that's where the literally me for real for real phenomenon comes from? Some people seem to watch anime or anything else looking for faces to wear. I've wonder if creating characters is just a soft version of that. As a kid I had a day dreaming problem and I wouldn't say I cured it but creating characters helped me by compartmentalizing different
I recently learned the term "interject" that describes personalities you pick up from media that sort of inform how you are for a while and usually fade
I suffer from DD and MDD, PTSD. Its not DID but its heading in that direction. Sometimes ive veiwed myself from outside my body and have felt like im half in half hanging out my body. My fight or flights got a hair trigger.
Loved your video, edition and analysis. Now I have a bunch more anime to enjoy. Noted how the name of your youtube channel also relates to your history. I'll sub. I hope, however, that you don't face your situation alone. Self diagnosis and self treatment is never enough, I learned it the hard way. Again, thanks you so much for your work, and for the close personal focus you share with us.
Wowow, running into this channel is like stumbling into an old friend. Watched sooooo many of your videos years ago, feels pretty cool and stumble upon your new work years later.
I really love this video! I never thought about Spike that way but it makes so much sense. Also when Rei I started playing it almost brought tears to my eyes because it's such a perfect song to discuss a topic like this.
I'd describe dissociation as falling half a step out of the world, into a world that is the same but muted. Everything feels distant. weaker, off. Including myself. I know when it happened. I remember the day. About 6 months before i started puberty. I didnt experience physical trauma or abuse. I just fell out of the world and then after a while of getting depressed because of that dullness and sense of nonreality I just got used to it until it became my new normal, never really understanding why the only intense feelings I would get were the urge to self harm. well and also ignoring that as soon as my body started to change I got like severe issues with my chest but like puberty sucked already and in a sense society teaches women to hate themselves and I thought i was one, then. Now i know that the DPS/DRS are a very frequent (about 20%) but underreported symptom of gender dysphoria. They were for me too. The trauma was that my body betrayed me. It became not me. It became weak and different and that change was traumatic enough that it caused the DPS/DRS even months before and visible change was happening, because I think my brain couldnt deal with teh whole increase in estrogen, progesterone etc. HRT fixed it my depersonalisation. Took maybe 3 days. That shit saved my life
As someone who discovered you Trixie when they were also stumbling through their twenties barely aware of their life, I think all the examples and experiences you listed are really sympathetic to me. Similarly, I had a long-time fascination with psychology and how people worked (even though I could never say why, my brain was just so screwed in) and I only got through life by just detaching as much as I could when things got difficult. It was only until after I transitioned that I began to realize that it's just not normal to feel like you're broadcasting from the far side of nowhere! I'm doing a whole lot better now, comparatively, but this video in a way helped me connect to these shows I watched so long ago that I could barely parse them when I felt so far away, so thank you for bringing me closer to them in a way!
Ok so what the hell do I do if I’ve related to you you’re entire career and every anime you mentioned here has been something of the interest to me. It’s shocking how often you’ve Capture my entire psyche within a video I’ve the years.
@@WeWatchAnime1 I tend to not make a presence online at all for career reasons but i do get what you mean. I’ve been sure I’d have a fun time talking to you if I ever got the chance for a while.
@@johnynoway9127 Lmao no but it’d be cool if I could get a national security clearance or at least have a small digital footprint, life’s easier if you’ve said literally nothing online
Absolutely phenomenal video Trixie. Ive always found interest in disassociative characters, I certainly felt I do so often as a child. Wondeful script and presentation! Anime forever 💜
great video \o/ its hard to talk abt this without losing reality also important to talk abt it cause its representation n ppl already gravitates toward these chars even without realising why u even brought up Kara no Kyoukai wich is a show that we dropped cause we couldnt stop dissociating >.< feel like this should be an endless twt thread some chars that jumped into my mind when u asked for it: Harumi / Maria (Paranoia Agent) maybe they even spelled out "dissociative identity desorder" Senjougahara (literally had to remember trauma to get her weight back)(lack of material reality, like araragi speaking of a child she couldn't see) Yuki Nagato (Suzumiya Haruhi)(who wouldnt be dissociating after 16000 same-ish summers O.o")
This was a bit too relatable. Maybe this is the reason I just cannot force myself to finish my degree. I have been avoiding it for years now at this point, falling into a almost catatonic stage whenever stuff gets too real. Also thanks for using the Lain OST in the background :) it is some of the most soothing music to me
I have DID and have yet to find an anime that portrays it realistically for a couple decades. The ones where the character is supposed to have DID are usually the worst. But somehow, the characters who are not written to be a depiction of DID but are dissociative in nature catch the reality so much better. I personally can’t stand the trope of having supernatural abilities, but that seems to be the case a lot of the time when people without DID write characters with DID. Anyway, I appreciate how you handled this chat. Thanks for treating dissociative disorders in a neutral way
APTLY worded on Lain's character. She is the character I related heavily because I watched it when I was deep into my internet identity. In many ways, that dissociation feeling never left and I feel it time-to-time. (need to watch Utena now)
This is such an awesome topic to cover. Now that you mention it, they really do all share that common link. I really want to see an anime about moving on from dissociation as well.
Brilliant video, loved every second. I keep the same username across all mediums in an attempt to solidify the self. I’m sure this will bite me someday, hahaha. Volo from Pokémon is my most relatable autistic/dissociative anime character. What’s interesting is the way japanese vs. english-speaking fandom perceives his split personality. In the English fandom, I notice more people shipping his two personalities as if they’re two separate people. This concept is surprisingly difficult to find in the Japanese side of the fandom. Meanwhile, the Japanese fandom seems more fascinated by his ability to switch between personalities. I’d guess that the English fandom is more on board with the concept of ‘two souls in one body’ for Volo. Or perhaps feeling less endeared/conditioned to the “-dere” switch. Either way, there’s a lot of exploration around his sense of self. The theory that he’s secretly a time traveler is persistent in both sides of the fandom. It’s an interesting fantasy concept for feeling out of place.
thanks for making this video, because i so rarely see DPDR talked about ! it did make me realize that my experience with derealization is quite different from what you described, and what might be the norm for DPDR experiences tho (i am also self-diagnosed, so i might also be wrong, even though i know i experienced DP and is still experiencing DR right now) personally, i just feel like things aren't real all the time, but slightly it's like being in a dream but seeing and thinking clearly, i just don't have that specific feeling of reality i remember having. for exemple, i know people are real, but i have trouble truly grasping what it means, and realizing that. i will treat you as real, but i won't actually feel like you are. kinda like trying to be a good person in game dialogues because you don't wanna hurt your blorbos. as for DP, i distinctly remember looking in the mirror when i was younger, and wondering who i was seeing, i felt like the body i was inhabiting was not who i was, or at least not how i pictured myself (although i'm also trans so it didn't help)
I liked March comes in like a Lion more than I expected. Especially because of Rei. The way he behaved sometimes felt like something I’d do too. It was weird to see myself in him, because I rarely ever felt like that about any character. I enjoyed the video and your insights :)
Highly recommend reading Mitsuru Adachi's Touch! The anime is pretty good as well but will take a lot longer to get to the great psychological explorations than the manga. Also the anime's ending somewhat misses the point. I think Tatsuya has an incredible narrative arc of depersonalization and is a fantastic example of a character with a less over-the-top depiction of DID. While I think the anime isn't quite as perfect as the manga, there's still a lot of charm if you wanna go that route.
I don't understand why people hate Shinji Ikari in fact Shinji is depressed and anxious. A lot people who suffering a depression and anxiety similar situation doesn't mean he getting upset and pissed off. I think many audience very uncomfortable and upsetting by Shinji's character. Some people arguing Anthy doesn't have personality why she act like that being the rose bride in fact She is a victim and ab*se when she be through. When she was very young she got stab by millions of swords become witch. I think Shinji is okay (I guess) but my personally favorite character is Anthy. (I finish Revolutionary Girl Utena and movie. But I didn't finish Rebuild of Evangelion movies, I ready finish Neon Genesis Evangelion.)
Lol I keep forgetting that this is your channel. Anyway, great video. These are some of my favorite anime’s and having felt with mental problems you really articulated some of the feelings I’ve had about these animes but haven’t quite been able to put into the right words.
I can’t help but feel like this is just like the ADHD fad with people using these diagnoses’ (plural) to build their identity out of. Yes it is easy to feel like you are “disassociated” when you spend a lot of time on the computer.
@@WeWatchAnime1 referring to the tiktok discourse around ADHD. many influencers make it their entire brand that they have ADHD and offering all kinds of potential symptoms, and advice
I love that Evangelion is basically saying that Shinji should fuck off and find something better to do if he doesn't have a reason for piloting that comes from within.
You have a lot of dedicated fans who care about you, I think you should make more introspective or psychoanalytical videos about yourself in relation to anime.
if i fallout and turn to static in the wired i found my mind discomforting thoughts of futility if i breakdown and fade out in time this is going nowhere oh, no-no, don’t tell me, please that these fields aren’t dreams and the screams are to be oh so deafening her being can’t take the martyring think of how she feels having to suffer in yours her crying is so-called deafening to him and in time of this existential existence all those synchronizing disconnections he does not know how it feels how it feels to be on heroine she can’t take it every single second if i burnout and fall to ash in the wired i lost myself everlasting reflections of nothingness in time this is going nowhere oh, no-no, you aren’t god everything is connected this alienation is oh so lonely i’ve seen so much, i can’t anymore you’ll never understand me, sigh… all these paradoxical ideals and in time we’ll never be all these weird and ego drives to become god and be forgotten he does not know how it feels how it feels to be on heroine
Hey, I’m not a licensed psychologist yet, but I’m training to become one. I do some low-level practice in my work, and should be licensed in about two years. If you have not been formally diagnosed, or at least told by a licensed professional who knows you well that you have a particular disorder, then change the way that you frame it. Say “I strongly suspect that I have” or “I have traits of” rather than saying that you have a disorder. I’m glad you clarified that you were self-diagnosed early in the video. Self-diagnosis can be problematic because the symptoms of mental illness overlap. If you have the traits of one disorder, it’s possible that it can be better attributed to something else. As an internet personality with a dedicated audience, I think you should be incredibly careful and not give people the impression that they can self-diagnose and treat themselves without professional input. I’d have a list of resources for getting professional help at the beginning of your video as well as in your description or in a pinned comment. Now, people cannot be completely and accurately defined with rigid categories. The DSM is incredibly flawed. Diagnoses are just tools for understanding and treating people. In America, a diagnosis mainly serves to tell insurance companies that you deserve a particular kind of treatment, so don’t feel invalidated if your symptoms have not been given a diagnosis. Also, say whatever the fuck you want about fictional characters so long as you’re providing sources for the information you used to say it. If you’d like, I can list some resources in the replies.
That being said, this was an amazing video. I do think that there is a through line between who you were in the past and who you are now, at least in your ability to articulate some borderline ineffable feelings. I’d like to depict someone becoming more associative in my own work.
doesn't saying that a diagnosis is mostly just a tool to tell insurance companies to cover a certain kind of treatment like, directly contradict the idea of self diagnosis being bad because it might better be attributed to something else? the only way i can really think of to square these two positions in to one coherent worldview is to just be against identifying with a diagnosis at all, which doesn't seem to be your point. it's also really bold of you to go around giving instructions to random strangers on the internet about how they should be talking about their own brains, and by bold, i do of course mean rude.
@@13eaewe7m3thso I’m not going to act like I’m the ultimate authority on mental health topics, but I have seen this sentiment expressed by my professors and supervisors, most of whom have the credentials and decades of experience. I’m sorry if I came off as rude, and I understand that these points are somewhat contradictory. The best way that I can explain it is that diagnoses are useful as tools for understanding, but can never stand on their own as a complete assessment of any one person. My point with the insurance thing wasn’t to say that diagnoses are invalid, but that the American system for applying them to people is flawed. That’s why I think it’s enough for a licensed professional to say that you qualify for a particular disorder even if it doesn’t appear on your paperwork. Trixie made a great video about characters in anime. I just think that public or semi-public figures should be careful when discussing mental health topics as they apply the real world. I don’t think that she should change any of her points, only the way that she framed them. Just saying “I have traits of - disorder” instead of “I have - disorder” does a lot if your suspected condition was never confirmed by an expert. I also just think that it’s a good idea to spread the right resources wherever possible, especially in a video about a mental health topic, and especially if your audience is likely to be struggling with mental illness. I’m just talking helplines, websites with good information, places to find therapists, etc..
@@Rinkje when you admit that these points are contradictory, but continue to support them anyways because your experienced professors and supervisors have said the same, that's kind of the definition of an appeal to authority. I'm not trying to belittle your work or your intelligence, but i do think you would be well served by taking a more critical eye to the things you're being taught, and expressing these questions and concerns to your supervisors. i agree that the framing of these issues is very important when people have a sizable platform, but i also don't think there's much of a difference between saying "i have self diagnosed with x" and "i believe i have traits of x." they are more or less synonyms, but for a slight difference in connotation, that difference being that the former conveys that you are confident in your knowledge of yourself, while the latter conveys that you don't feel like you can really know without being double checked by an expert on the subject. personally, my experience with being diagnosed by professionals is that they do so by asking me a bunch of questions about my own perception of my own mental state, that they are effectively deferring to me in my diagnosis, so self diagnosis feels less like doing something different, and more like doing the same thing but without the safety net of having someone to point out gaps in my logic.
This is a very important disclaimer for this video, and for approaches to mental health as a whole, but I wonder if something might be missing the forest for the chlorophyll here. It would help a lot if I could remember the roots of the self-diagnosis rhetoric, but it mostly comes from people using self-diagnosis to self-medicate, right? Is that a danger here? Are there others I’m forgetting?
I use to love anime dearly in middle school. God I loved the stories, the art, and characters. Made me feel there was so much to life. Then I saw how easy it was to criticize it. The toxic dark humor of the internet was alluring. Did no favors to my ego or self consciousness. I always wonder if I had endured being branded as a weirdo by people around me. And just accept that my desires, interests and joy are worth being a part of me
If you're willing to play a JRPG that deals with characters' dissociation amongst other psychological hangups, I would recommend you try playing Xenogears for PS1. The game is pretty fun imo and its story was gripping to me pretty much the whole way through. It has a pretty interesting development history as well - but in any case, I think Fei could join the club of characters mentioned in this video.
Realizing that my dissociative tendencies are why my favourite episode of Evangelion is the one that's just Shinji in a dissociative fugue for 20 minutes 5 years after i should've. Oops. Also GOD Anthy hurts me every time I think about her. *(UTENA SPOILERS TO FOLLOW)* Just the fact that she didn't need to be there, she never needed to be there, and she probably could've left at any point in the last god-knows-how-many years instead of dealing with _that fucker_ makes it one of the realest portrayals of the psychological aspects of abuse I've ever seen. Maybe I should go watch _Gaslight_ and see if it measures up.
Hello idk where to put this but I think I have mild DPD. It's really mild but I've always had it. I'm trying to kind of fix it and I think I disassociated all of my emotions and I'm finally finding out how much I have gender dysphoria
Holy fk I just misclicked on this video without even looking but I relate to the topic very much I can't say if I've ever dissociated before but I have felt depersonalization and derealzation (like I've been living in a dream) for most of my life, where it's as if I'm unable to fully acknowledge my existence so I stick to roleplaying almost as this person I've made in my head. It's very hard for me to explain. Anyways thanks for video
it's so nice to see all these examples of characters who dissociate being presented in a sympathetic light, it seems like in western media, dissociation is always a characteristic of these cackling villains, who are scary because they are "crazy." I'm sure that happens in anime too, but it seems as though in the english speaking world, being a hero, or even a good person, is mutually exclusive with spacing out, being stuck in the past, losing track of your surroundings, or experiencing plurality.
"She's literally me" - Me watching Lain
This made me understand why you had to kill digibro
Wait what??
Can't be a dead name unless you kill it 💀
Oh man I thought I recognized his voice
@@spunkinator5000 *her
Spot on with your Anthy analysis! Understanding how all of Ohtori Academy is propped up by the perpetuation of and mimicking of Anthy's abuse is integral to the show. But the other characters, the the show's direction, and even Anthy herself go out of their way to obfuscate that fact. It's not until you look past all the foppery and whim that it starts to sink in why Anthy is so desperate to escape into those dissociative periods.
man this woke up some core memories. unpleasant ones, but. wow.
honestly, i think of denji in chainsaw man part one. manga spoilers below.
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after denji kills aki, i thought about the scene when he was going through the motions, until he was abruptly awakened when seeing the popsicle stick declaring him a ‘winner’… and how that was the last straw that allowed him to submit to makima.
great video!
0:10 Not me being called out 10 seconds into this video
I was a big fan of your content when you were still Digibro. Your anime analysis videos and GoatJesus too was some of the best I’ve ever seen. You inspired me to blog and take writing more seriously and eventually I grew enough courage to now be a content creator myself. You made me think more analytically and look at life differently. Concepts like lateral thinking you introduced were ingenious. Ironically YOU were the one who helped me grow out of anime for the most part. I’ll watch it a little bit here and there now but you inspired me to grow and try out different things in life. I also went through lots of stages and versions of myself. I can now safely say I’m a different person than who I was back then when I was watching your old videos but you were apart of my journey indirectly to get here. I also understand now Digibro was just a persona you created. I get it now since I had to make a creator persona for myself too. This video really does take me back to golden age anime RUclips. Thank you for everything and I real hope you’re doing better now.
Hey. This isn't my original account, but I thought a personal video deserves a personal response. I was a big fan during the mid 2010s of your anime channel and your after dark channel. I was too shy to say it to you or anyone back then, but you were my favorite anituber.
I hope this is okay to say in a general sense. I know now that Digibro was a character, but back then I didn't. I know it was a very particular flavor, but it impacted me a lot. You made me think about anime and life differently. You made me think about things more analytically. You made me think what it is to be a good writer or a good youtuber. (still need to work on being more concise!) I think sometimes about what you said about being a human content machine, and a gonzo journalist. While I try to keep things passionate and personal, I don't think creators should be viewed as content machines. (More so with AI being around nowadays) I think part of why I was afraid to reach out again is I didn't want to seem like I liked the "wrong" thing or was being rude.
I look at youtube and things have changed so much. I'm not as hardcore into anime as I used to, although US execs are certainly trying their best to push me back into it. Through cancelling all the shows I'm interested in, trying to get rid of animation in favor of live action remakes, and stretching things out so slowly by the time a show is back all the hype is gone. I still never found an anituber that was like you, though I tried. Someday in the future I might try reviewing shows myself. I figured if I can't find what I want, maybe I should create it too. I even started blogging too! But I wanted to say thank you so much for being there for me back then. Even if it was only through videos parasocially. I hope you're doing better now, and I know you went through a lot. (I did too unfortunately) Sometimes I still rewatch some of the greatest hits and think about life.
Something I learned about myself that I didn't know back then I struggle with some form of DID. I don't know the exacts. But I realized through the internet I've gone through various selves, and continue to do so. I know it's not always healthy to indulge, but there's something about it that helps me feel better. That if I wear a digital mask, maybe people will like it more than IRL me. I understand that's hypocritical, but it's the way things are right now imo. I've always been drawn to mental health stuff and anime/media about it, but it was more of a subconscious thing I had trouble understanding why. But I think it's because I found comfort and understanding there that I couldn't find in my real life.
Speaking of looking at things differently after DID, I think how the When They Cry franchise handles it is interesting. Both Higurashi and Umineko. It's like each entry got more and more into it. I heard in Ciconia it is canon, but I haven't read that one yet. I saw you mentioned it in this vid and would love to hear more about your thoughts on it.
For me I related the most to Rika. (Higurashi spoilers) That sense of being torn between the false cheery self that you must perform to everyone, and the hidden depressed jaded self that feels like they have existed for eternity. Not knowing who you are, or if any of it even matters, that life is an endless loop of suffering you can't stop no matter how hard you try. I still go back to it a lot when I'm feeling down. Because of what is acceptable to talk about in society, I often feel like I can't process what happened to me. I related a ton to Lain in high school, but I can't seem to remember what exactly happened in the anime... Life is funny like that lol
I think Homura from Madoka is also an interesting example as (spoilers) ... she goes from her original self, to Homura, to Akuma Homura. And Rebellion impacted me a lot by how deeply they get into what it's like inside her head while all of this is going on.
Dissociation has been with me my whole life. Some of it was intentional like zoning out to TV and gaming. But some of it was not intentional like being unable to focus on the present. At the time I viewed all of it as normal and me being a bad person, and only as I got older through therapy and understanding did I better understand what was happening. DID is probably both for me, where part of it is to protect myself from crippling trauma, while other parts of it is intentionally to help me move forward and get out of my head. And you bet I have no idea who I am! But thankfully I have some people who like me, even if they understand it better than I do.
Who knows, maybe someday I will be one of those people known as an adult example of what it's like to struggle with these issues. I have a strong desire to help others struggling with mental health, because I used to be one of those people who felt completely alone and only had anime and youtube to cope with it all.
Some other media I find interesting connected to DID is Steven Universe (when it comes to fusion), Persona, Bunny Girl Senpai, Batman (the civilian identities vs hero/villain identities), and Doom Patrol. I adore Doom Patrol so much and I feel like none of the big youtubers are talking about it. I would be forever grateful if you ever give it a shot, as I hope you would appreciate it as much as I do. It's legit 10/10 fav superhero thing ever for me. The character with canon DID is called Jane. While at first it seems like a gimmick, they get more into her backstory as the show goes on (no spoilers here but it does have a proper ending too!). There are some outdated terms as it was based off a 80s comic run, but from what I heard they took inspo from someone IRL who had it and wrote about it.
I don't want this to get any longer than it already is, but thank you for making this video. It brought back memories of the old anime vids you used to do, and gave me more things to think about. lol Damn I really need to finish Utena! But this vid sent by the algo feels like a piece of the internet I haven't seen since then. I felt like all the people who cared about super deep anime stuff got replaced with generic seasonal rankings...
For obvious reasons I cannot be open about having these DID struggles with most people. (thus why this is on a side account) And the people who are open about it, well... Gives me loads of impostor syndrome. So hearing someone talk about it outside of dedicated communities means a lot. I don't know maybe I'll try to pop in more often. Would love some anime reviews under the lens of experiencing trauma, as I feel like it's often a big theme in anime. I hope this comment wasn't too weird or blogpost-y... It's probably the most intimate essay comment I've written before.
Thank you for saying all this. I don’t have to say as much now.
I think a lot of people are afraid of this level of earnestly, from themselves and others. Sometimes I worry about the fact that I’m not. More and more, it feels like I don’t exist, but am just feeding off of people like you, willing to share their lives.
The bit about Spike hit hardest for me. That I can’t reconcile with what’s happened to me, or with what I’ve done to others. It took me a long time to understand hurt people hurting people isn’t as balanced as the phrasing implies. And now, I feel like I’m fighting to want to live, to want to exist, let alone for any goal.
I keep thinking, if I could get away, if I could spend time outside of everything, I could catch my breath. I could recenter, and I could be someone again. Every new thing that happens, some irrationally small, seems to dash me against the rocks, when I just want to be out at sea, floating. I know this is wrong, but I haven’t produced or consumed another way to live and grow as I should. Even now, whatever level of earnestly or openness or sharing this is, I’m only doing out of reaction. And it’s fervent, as if this is a solution to everything that will die before I can achieve anything with it. There’s probably another problem there.
I guess Im glad you shared. I hope im not overstepping your boundaries. I wish I cared enough to find something better to do.
But I’m glad you’re still here. I hope you continue to be.
@@KanonoPuddle I'm happy you appreciated my comment! I was originally going to post it and run but since you replied I will reply to you and maybe others if they decide they want to as well.
I am only emboldened to share this much because I am on a side account. I'm not brave enough to say it on my main one(s) yet.
I realized that this desire to say these things will be there whether I say them or not. But if others can benefit from my thoughts I'm glad. Sometimes I worry I overthink and ruminate too much, which is basically any time I have free time and don't fill it with something. lol
I spent a long time lost and confused. It took me time and effort to get to this current level, and for a long time I hid away because I was too afraid to do anything. (Kind of like is mentioned in the video examples)
It's because other people were brave first that I felt inspired by them to do more. It was after that I realized what it meant to have a role model. lol
I often use the example of it being holding onto anything, trying not to lose against the waves crashing over and over again. I hear the siren's call, and even if I know it could lead to doom, I follow it anyways. I understand that regardless of which path I take there will be danger. So I'd rather take the choice I won't regret, even if it's more risky.
For a long time I wanted to be anyone else but me. Really. I thought if I did that I could have a redo. But I am the only person I can never escape from. Not in a despair way, but I have to learn to live with myself. Ugly flaws and all. Distorted and warped and broken. But there are people out there who find beauty in that. I long to be like the art of kintsugi, and turn my scars to gold.
I was rewatching The Hunger Games this year, and I agree that hope can spread like fire. Maybe it's a bit cheesy, but I believe that. I consider creation the art of passing the torch from one person to the next. It gives meaning to the madness.
I'm fine! No worries!
Thank you. It's an interesting paradox. When I hated myself, I wouldn't show myself to anyone. But because of that I couldn't hear anything else. But as I love myself more, and show that more, others validate that. I see that there can be positive things in life again.
@@MusicAlt-kt9gu damn, just…
Ditto.
Really, I wish I had better, but that’d just be restatement. I’m with you on all of this. Tho I worry sometimes my scars can only become gold when I finally let them fade.
I’m certainly down to connect further, but you ain’t gotta dox urself. Plus, RUclips comments sections are weirdly comfortable for this kind of thing.
There are so many anime/manga in the "Two characters in a love triangle because one of them is two people" kinda genre, both shoujo and shounen. It's an enduring format. My favorite is Ergo Proxy.
Wow, this video really helped contextualize my feelings on disassociating, which is a tool I've used since childhood. I think falling under the intersection of being indigenous, (likely) trans/queer, and possessing schizoid traits has caused my social withdrawal from the "polite society" into a place all my own. While I cannot give a succinct account of my experience (seeing as I'm still in the weeds on this), I want to thank the mother of anitube for the sincere navigation of concepts that have so thoroughly sculpted my mind...
Not an anime, but the manga Inside Mari by Shūzō Oshimi captures the essence of dissociation and gender incongruity in a way that's hauntingly relatable. As discussions about mental health evolve, it seems like the awareness of dissociation as a widespread yet unacknowledged problem is slowly coming into focus. Frankly, you did an excellent job of describing the what and the why, and you're right - most people who've never experienced the far end of the dissociation spectrum it don't "get" it. Also thank you Trixie for offering some closure to your audience that originally watched your Digi persona. Now with the mask off, you're still insightful, just more authentic. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!
What a cool thing to release the moment I'm off work!
Thanks, there's never enough media explaining mental health issues and almost no mention of disassociation or derealization in common media at all. As I've grown up, I've come to recognize when somebody "shuts off" and it happens all over the place. It seems to be a far more common coping mechanism to over-stimulation and overwhelming. Many people dissociate when waiting, when they sort of "zone out" and need to be brought back to the present. It can be entirely involuntary and make interacting with the world and fulfilling basic tasks nearly impossible. For me, in shows as extreme executive dysfunction, where I can't move or talk or react to the outside world for hours at a time. I can sometimes be encouraged out of this state, but its very uncomfortable and can be painful. It's almost like my nerves are protesting movement. Or movement sends feedback that overloads my nervous system.
I might be describing a completely separate disorder from DID or DDR, but many mental illnesses carry common symptoms to one another, even if the root cause is separate. Sometimes knowing that other people relate and have overcome similar symptoms gives me ideas for how to cope, or just unlocks a new word or idea that leads me to my own solutions.
In any case, talking about it, at length, is some of the best medicine for all life's problems. Humans are a neural network that gets stronger through communication and sharing media.
This is a really good takeaway. When I started going to cons, I felt this wall between myself and the guests I came to talk to. I couldn’t explain it, but it just felt like they were guarded. Chalked it up to the environment.
Years later, working with those people more intimately, I thought I might see that wall disappear, but it didn’t. If anything, I started to see it more, everywhere. People would check in and check out of moments in a way I couldn’t understand.
I guess that’s adaptive dissociation?
Isn''t disassociation derealization disorder caused by trauma? So that kind of makes perfect sense for Shina.From what my therapist(who helped with research of disassociative disorders) says, how deep the rift, or how distant things feel can be correlated with how young your brain needed to start escaping reality or protect you from trauma. We see the most extreme version of disassociative disorders thus far with refugee syndrome(also known as resignation syndrome.) Children born in refugee camps such as islands off of Australia are completely unresponsive, and need to be hydrated and fed with an IV and tubes. People who are 3-6 usually develop DID, and once youre 8-12 its more of a DPDR disorder kind of situation. Not always 1:1 but its kind of a reliable metric due to how set in stone our our states of development are. Which is a good thing as it makes treatment for these disorders much easier to research. dunno if this is at all interesting, but I hope it helps/gets the noggin joggin. I am very glad I come across this video.
Oh holy shit, that digibro segment completely got away from me lmao. I remember 'you' kind of being a weirdo but you did always have good analysis. This video is actually exceptional and maybe I will give you another chance.
An example in fiction of character that grows and overcomes similar challenges might be Musashi from Vagabond
Agreed! So glad someone commented this already, else I would've.
Would you say that's where the literally me for real for real phenomenon comes from? Some people seem to watch anime or anything else looking for faces to wear. I've wonder if creating characters is just a soft version of that. As a kid I had a day dreaming problem and I wouldn't say I cured it but creating characters helped me by compartmentalizing different
I recently learned the term "interject" that describes personalities you pick up from media that sort of inform how you are for a while and usually fade
Thank you algorithm. I've missed my niche anime content. Glad to see you're still at it. Long time fan, I've missed you
More to come!
I suffer from DD and MDD, PTSD. Its not DID but its heading in that direction. Sometimes ive veiwed myself from outside my body and have felt like im half in half hanging out my body. My fight or flights got a hair trigger.
Loved your video, edition and analysis. Now I have a bunch more anime to enjoy.
Noted how the name of your youtube channel also relates to your history.
I'll sub.
I hope, however, that you don't face your situation alone. Self diagnosis and self treatment is never enough, I learned it the hard way.
Again, thanks you so much for your work, and for the close personal focus you share with us.
Wowow, running into this channel is like stumbling into an old friend. Watched sooooo many of your videos years ago, feels pretty cool and stumble upon your new work years later.
Welcome back!
"a lot of them are doing it right now!" 😃don't look at me
I really love this video! I never thought about Spike that way but it makes so much sense. Also when Rei I started playing it almost brought tears to my eyes because it's such a perfect song to discuss a topic like this.
Glad to see this video doing well.
seeing this in anime as a kid was the only way I was able to identify something like this was happening to me 🙃
good to see decent numbers on this video
thank you, content like that is definitely missed these days.
I'd describe dissociation as
falling half a step out of the world, into a world that is the same but muted. Everything feels distant. weaker, off. Including myself.
I know when it happened. I remember the day. About 6 months before i started puberty. I didnt experience physical trauma or abuse. I just fell out of the world and then after a while of getting depressed because of that dullness and sense of nonreality I just got used to it until it became my new normal, never really understanding why the only intense feelings I would get were the urge to self harm.
well and also ignoring that as soon as my body started to change I got like severe issues with my chest but like puberty sucked already and in a sense society teaches women to hate themselves and I thought i was one, then.
Now i know that the DPS/DRS are a very frequent (about 20%) but underreported symptom of gender dysphoria. They were for me too.
The trauma was that my body betrayed me. It became not me. It became weak and different and that change was traumatic enough that it caused the DPS/DRS even months before and visible change was happening, because I think my brain couldnt deal with teh whole increase in estrogen, progesterone etc.
HRT fixed it my depersonalisation. Took maybe 3 days.
That shit saved my life
As someone who discovered you Trixie when they were also stumbling through their twenties barely aware of their life, I think all the examples and experiences you listed are really sympathetic to me. Similarly, I had a long-time fascination with psychology and how people worked (even though I could never say why, my brain was just so screwed in) and I only got through life by just detaching as much as I could when things got difficult. It was only until after I transitioned that I began to realize that it's just not normal to feel like you're broadcasting from the far side of nowhere! I'm doing a whole lot better now, comparatively, but this video in a way helped me connect to these shows I watched so long ago that I could barely parse them when I felt so far away, so thank you for bringing me closer to them in a way!
Ok so what the hell do I do if I’ve related to you you’re entire career and every anime you mentioned here has been something of the interest to me. It’s shocking how often you’ve
Capture my entire psyche within a video I’ve the years.
It helps that I tend to draw people like me toward my content and then I get to examine them.
@@WeWatchAnime1 I tend to not make a presence online at all for career reasons but i do get what you mean. I’ve been sure I’d have a fun time talking to you if I ever got the chance for a while.
@@kylerharris4246 are you a hitman or something? lol
@@johnynoway9127 Lmao no but it’d be cool if I could get a national security clearance or at least have a small digital footprint, life’s easier if you’ve said literally nothing online
I hope that's a fake name you're using lol
Absolutely phenomenal video Trixie. Ive always found interest in disassociative characters, I certainly felt I do so often as a child. Wondeful script and presentation! Anime forever 💜
Thank you so much!
great video \o/
its hard to talk abt this without losing reality
also important to talk abt it cause its representation n ppl already gravitates toward these chars even without realising why
u even brought up Kara no Kyoukai wich is a show that we dropped cause we couldnt stop dissociating >.<
feel like this should be an endless twt thread
some chars that jumped into my mind when u asked for it:
Harumi / Maria (Paranoia Agent) maybe they even spelled out "dissociative identity desorder"
Senjougahara (literally had to remember trauma to get her weight back)(lack of material reality, like araragi speaking of a child she couldn't see)
Yuki Nagato (Suzumiya Haruhi)(who wouldnt be dissociating after 16000 same-ish summers O.o")
07:11 FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT
Also the Anthy mention at the start 👏
This was a bit too relatable.
Maybe this is the reason I just cannot force myself to finish my degree. I have been avoiding it for years now at this point, falling into a almost catatonic stage whenever stuff gets too real.
Also thanks for using the Lain OST in the background :) it is some of the most soothing music to me
I relate to that a LOT haha...
i see anthy himemiya i click
As effective an introduction to Abnormal Psyche as a community college, only with anime instead of movie clips. Would audit again.
I have DID and have yet to find an anime that portrays it realistically for a couple decades. The ones where the character is supposed to have DID are usually the worst. But somehow, the characters who are not written to be a depiction of DID but are dissociative in nature catch the reality so much better. I personally can’t stand the trope of having supernatural abilities, but that seems to be the case a lot of the time when people without DID write characters with DID.
Anyway, I appreciate how you handled this chat. Thanks for treating dissociative disorders in a neutral way
I just stumbled upon this and I am glad to know that you still make anime analysis :)
Glad you enjoy it!
thank you for this, this hits so close to home
APTLY worded on Lain's character.
She is the character I related heavily because I watched it when I was deep into my internet identity. In many ways, that dissociation feeling never left and I feel it time-to-time.
(need to watch Utena now)
Wandering the fields while dissociating is the best past time, I never had one but I think it's sometimes as intense as a trip
This is such an awesome topic to cover. Now that you mention it, they really do all share that common link. I really want to see an anime about moving on from dissociation as well.
Thank you for making this video !! I relate to a lot of it in a different way so I'll do more researches on the subject
As someone who’s never really experienced dissociation this is an interesting look on the concept.
0:10 fr I just showered and it made mr feel dizzy and dissociative lol
How does this RUclipsr have so few subscribers? He deserves a lot more *subscribes*
Very good content
You have a comforting, sincere voice that carries us through even dark subjects. After all these years, I'm still a fan of yours!
Been watching you since I was a kid, keep up queen this vid is pretty excellent and very relateable 🙏
Thank you! Will do!
This is one of the most important and relatable videos I've ever seen from you. Thank you for this Trixie
Glad it was helpful!
Brilliant video, loved every second.
I keep the same username across all mediums in an attempt to solidify the self.
I’m sure this will bite me someday, hahaha.
Volo from Pokémon is my most relatable autistic/dissociative anime character.
What’s interesting is the way japanese vs. english-speaking fandom perceives his split personality.
In the English fandom, I notice more people shipping his two personalities as if they’re two separate people. This concept is surprisingly difficult to find in the Japanese side of the fandom. Meanwhile, the Japanese fandom seems more fascinated by his ability to switch between personalities.
I’d guess that the English fandom is more on board with the concept of ‘two souls in one body’ for Volo. Or perhaps feeling less endeared/conditioned to the “-dere” switch.
Either way, there’s a lot of exploration around his sense of self.
The theory that he’s secretly a time traveler is persistent in both sides of the fandom. It’s an interesting fantasy concept for feeling out of place.
thanks for making this video, because i so rarely see DPDR talked about !
it did make me realize that my experience with derealization is quite different from what you described, and what might be the norm for DPDR experiences tho (i am also self-diagnosed, so i might also be wrong, even though i know i experienced DP and is still experiencing DR right now)
personally, i just feel like things aren't real all the time, but slightly
it's like being in a dream but seeing and thinking clearly, i just don't have that specific feeling of reality i remember having.
for exemple, i know people are real, but i have trouble truly grasping what it means, and realizing that.
i will treat you as real, but i won't actually feel like you are.
kinda like trying to be a good person in game dialogues because you don't wanna hurt your blorbos.
as for DP, i distinctly remember looking in the mirror when i was younger, and wondering who i was seeing,
i felt like the body i was inhabiting was not who i was, or at least not how i pictured myself (although i'm also trans so it didn't help)
this got me to dust off the ol' differential diagnosis handbook and open it to memory loss
I liked March comes in like a Lion more than I expected. Especially because of Rei. The way he behaved sometimes felt like something I’d do too. It was weird to see myself in him, because I rarely ever felt like that about any character. I enjoyed the video and your insights :)
Highly recommend reading Mitsuru Adachi's Touch! The anime is pretty good as well but will take a lot longer to get to the great psychological explorations than the manga. Also the anime's ending somewhat misses the point. I think Tatsuya has an incredible narrative arc of depersonalization and is a fantastic example of a character with a less over-the-top depiction of DID. While I think the anime isn't quite as perfect as the manga, there's still a lot of charm if you wanna go that route.
Another one I'd like to include is Harumi from Paranoia Agent!! It's an amazing series, I highly suggest you watch it sometime
Everyday I am thankful that I'm afflicted with an annoying mental illness instead of a debilitating one.
I don't understand why people hate Shinji Ikari in fact
Shinji is depressed and anxious.
A lot people who suffering a depression and anxiety similar situation doesn't mean he getting upset and pissed off.
I think many audience very uncomfortable and upsetting by Shinji's character.
Some people arguing Anthy doesn't have personality
why she act like that being the rose bride in fact
She is a victim and ab*se when she be through.
When she was very young she got stab by millions of swords become witch.
I think Shinji is okay (I guess) but my personally favorite character is Anthy.
(I finish Revolutionary Girl Utena and movie.
But I didn't finish Rebuild of Evangelion movies, I ready finish Neon Genesis Evangelion.)
Lol I keep forgetting that this is your channel. Anyway, great video. These are some of my favorite anime’s and having felt with mental problems you really articulated some of the feelings I’ve had about these animes but haven’t quite been able to put into the right words.
I can’t help but feel like this is just like the ADHD fad with people using these diagnoses’ (plural) to build their identity out of.
Yes it is easy to feel like you are “disassociated” when you spend a lot of time on the computer.
What do you think the "ADHD fad" is, exactly?
@@WeWatchAnime1 referring to the tiktok discourse around ADHD. many influencers make it their entire brand that they have ADHD and offering all kinds of potential symptoms, and advice
A normal person talking about normal dissociation without sensationalizing it? Unheard of
yeah a normal person >.>
@@WeWatchAnime1we’re all trying our best. That’s normal.
Brilliannnnt! This is just the type of essay i want 🎉❤
(I might rewatch Kara no Kyoukai AND finish Boogiepop cuz of this video)
As someone who heavily disassociates (as a schizophrenic) this essay seems specifically catered towards me
This is for my core audience, in a sense!
One recommendation for this type of character exploration too: the phenomenal Shinichi Sakamoto manga Kokou no Hito (or The Climber).
I love that Evangelion is basically saying that Shinji should fuck off and find something better to do if he doesn't have a reason for piloting that comes from within.
You have a lot of dedicated fans who care about you, I think you should make more introspective or psychoanalytical videos about yourself in relation to anime.
if i fallout and turn to static
in the wired i found my mind
discomforting thoughts of futility
if i breakdown and fade out in time
this is going nowhere
oh, no-no, don’t tell me, please
that these fields aren’t dreams
and the screams are to be oh so deafening
her being can’t take the martyring
think of how she feels having to suffer in yours
her crying is so-called deafening to him
and in time of this existential existence
all those synchronizing disconnections
he does not know how it feels
how it feels to be on heroine
she can’t take it every single second
if i burnout and fall to ash
in the wired i lost myself
everlasting reflections of nothingness in time
this is going nowhere
oh, no-no, you aren’t god
everything is connected
this alienation is oh so lonely
i’ve seen so much, i can’t anymore
you’ll never understand me, sigh…
all these paradoxical ideals
and in time we’ll never be
all these weird and ego drives
to become god and be forgotten
he does not know how it feels
how it feels to be on heroine
Not an Anime - but it feels very appropriate to recommend the video game Omori here!
Another really great video
reallly great
Thanks again!
Hey, I’m not a licensed psychologist yet, but I’m training to become one. I do some low-level practice in my work, and should be licensed in about two years.
If you have not been formally diagnosed, or at least told by a licensed professional who knows you well that you have a particular disorder, then change the way that you frame it. Say “I strongly suspect that I have” or “I have traits of” rather than saying that you have a disorder. I’m glad you clarified that you were self-diagnosed early in the video. Self-diagnosis can be problematic because the symptoms of mental illness overlap. If you have the traits of one disorder, it’s possible that it can be better attributed to something else. As an internet personality with a dedicated audience, I think you should be incredibly careful and not give people the impression that they can self-diagnose and treat themselves without professional input. I’d have a list of resources for getting professional help at the beginning of your video as well as in your description or in a pinned comment.
Now, people cannot be completely and accurately defined with rigid categories. The DSM is incredibly flawed. Diagnoses are just tools for understanding and treating people. In America, a diagnosis mainly serves to tell insurance companies that you deserve a particular kind of treatment, so don’t feel invalidated if your symptoms have not been given a diagnosis.
Also, say whatever the fuck you want about fictional characters so long as you’re providing sources for the information you used to say it. If you’d like, I can list some resources in the replies.
That being said, this was an amazing video. I do think that there is a through line between who you were in the past and who you are now, at least in your ability to articulate some borderline ineffable feelings. I’d like to depict someone becoming more associative in my own work.
doesn't saying that a diagnosis is mostly just a tool to tell insurance companies to cover a certain kind of treatment like, directly contradict the idea of self diagnosis being bad because it might better be attributed to something else? the only way i can really think of to square these two positions in to one coherent worldview is to just be against identifying with a diagnosis at all, which doesn't seem to be your point. it's also really bold of you to go around giving instructions to random strangers on the internet about how they should be talking about their own brains, and by bold, i do of course mean rude.
@@13eaewe7m3thso I’m not going to act like I’m the ultimate authority on mental health topics, but I have seen this sentiment expressed by my professors and supervisors, most of whom have the credentials and decades of experience. I’m sorry if I came off as rude, and I understand that these points are somewhat contradictory. The best way that I can explain it is that diagnoses are useful as tools for understanding, but can never stand on their own as a complete assessment of any one person.
My point with the insurance thing wasn’t to say that diagnoses are invalid, but that the American system for applying them to people is flawed. That’s why I think it’s enough for a licensed professional to say that you qualify for a particular disorder even if it doesn’t appear on your paperwork.
Trixie made a great video about characters in anime. I just think that public or semi-public figures should be careful when discussing mental health topics as they apply the real world. I don’t think that she should change any of her points, only the way that she framed them. Just saying “I have traits of - disorder” instead of “I have - disorder” does a lot if your suspected condition was never confirmed by an expert. I also just think that it’s a good idea to spread the right resources wherever possible, especially in a video about a mental health topic, and especially if your audience is likely to be struggling with mental illness. I’m just talking helplines, websites with good information, places to find therapists, etc..
@@Rinkje when you admit that these points are contradictory, but continue to support them anyways because your experienced professors and supervisors have said the same, that's kind of the definition of an appeal to authority. I'm not trying to belittle your work or your intelligence, but i do think you would be well served by taking a more critical eye to the things you're being taught, and expressing these questions and concerns to your supervisors. i agree that the framing of these issues is very important when people have a sizable platform, but i also don't think there's much of a difference between saying "i have self diagnosed with x" and "i believe i have traits of x." they are more or less synonyms, but for a slight difference in connotation, that difference being that the former conveys that you are confident in your knowledge of yourself, while the latter conveys that you don't feel like you can really know without being double checked by an expert on the subject. personally, my experience with being diagnosed by professionals is that they do so by asking me a bunch of questions about my own perception of my own mental state, that they are effectively deferring to me in my diagnosis, so self diagnosis feels less like doing something different, and more like doing the same thing but without the safety net of having someone to point out gaps in my logic.
This is a very important disclaimer for this video, and for approaches to mental health as a whole, but I wonder if something might be missing the forest for the chlorophyll here.
It would help a lot if I could remember the roots of the self-diagnosis rhetoric, but it mostly comes from people using self-diagnosis to self-medicate, right? Is that a danger here? Are there others I’m forgetting?
Interesting topic, was a good watch
Much appreciated
i see anthy in the thumbnail, i click
Half my favorite anime are in the thumbnail and I don't know how to feel about that...
Great video! You are Great at what you do
Thank you! Cheers!
I use to love anime dearly in middle school. God I loved the stories, the art, and characters. Made me feel there was so much to life. Then I saw how easy it was to criticize it. The toxic dark humor of the internet was alluring. Did no favors to my ego or self consciousness. I always wonder if I had endured being branded as a weirdo by people around me. And just accept that my desires, interests and joy are worth being a part of me
Such a sick video idea
Glad you think so!
Im so glad im not the only one recognizing March comes in like a Lion. Hit me like a truck.
If you're willing to play a JRPG that deals with characters' dissociation amongst other psychological hangups, I would recommend you try playing Xenogears for PS1. The game is pretty fun imo and its story was gripping to me pretty much the whole way through. It has a pretty interesting development history as well - but in any case, I think Fei could join the club of characters mentioned in this video.
20 seconds into the video and I've already been called out 😭
FLASHING LIGHT WARNING !!! After 00:19 - 00:29
wish i could say something thoughtful about the video. kind of dissociated through the entire thing lmao
I've been watching Nana lately and Nana start dissociating in episode 34.
Boogiepop and others mentioned! No one cer talks about the anime or the series😭
the first book is maybe my biggest influence as a writer!
WE'RE SO BACK!
This blew up!
Realizing that my dissociative tendencies are why my favourite episode of Evangelion is the one that's just Shinji in a dissociative fugue for 20 minutes 5 years after i should've. Oops.
Also GOD Anthy hurts me every time I think about her. *(UTENA SPOILERS TO FOLLOW)*
Just the fact that she didn't need to be there, she never needed to be there, and she probably could've left at any point in the last god-knows-how-many years instead of dealing with _that fucker_ makes it one of the realest portrayals of the psychological aspects of abuse I've ever seen. Maybe I should go watch _Gaslight_ and see if it measures up.
Spike is kinda me ngl 😂
It feels like nobody understands (or cares) about dissociation so this video was nice
Hello idk where to put this but I think I have mild DPD. It's really mild but I've always had it. I'm trying to kind of fix it and I think I disassociated all of my emotions and I'm finally finding out how much I have gender dysphoria
I zoned out while watching this video
Finally some anime characters I can relate to lmao
oh look! trixie!!!
Homura akemi for sureee
I wonder if Shinpei of Summertime Rendering has a case of depersonalization? 🤔 I truly think so.
i know how it feels to be something on… it hurts… it really hurts…
I’m sorry.
one ought not to run from the thought of what they love
Oooh you’re digi pony, I watched a bunch of your videos when I was a kid
Literally me
Hey me too!
and my axe
@@WeWatchAnime1 and a good scrunchy that doesn’t fall off
Well that was fast!
i have no clue what dissociation is thanks for this video
Holy fk I just misclicked on this video without even looking but I relate to the topic very much
I can't say if I've ever dissociated before but I have felt depersonalization and derealzation (like I've been living in a dream) for most of my life, where it's as if I'm unable to fully acknowledge my existence so I stick to roleplaying almost as this person I've made in my head. It's very hard for me to explain.
Anyways thanks for video
What anime is the music from? It's all so familiar
Strange that you killed Digibro. I was hoping to as well, but I don’t think I did. I’m sorry.