I was the family caregiver for my dad for 3 and 1/2 yrs after my mother died. He was in assisted living, still, there were many things I did for him. I took him to his appts with his 9 doctors, I bought all his personal needs, I ordered his medications, I went to dinner with him 3 or 4 days a week, because he really enjoyed that. It was exhausting at times, but I’m so glad I did it.
MIL in care facility, with Alzheimers still needs hugs, I make sure her bills are paid, her loved ones are able to call her on her new Grandpad. I replace clothing that gets stained or lost. I visit almost every day so she knows we are close by. My kids help her come over during special family events. She is wheelchair bound. I have brought special puzzles for dementia patients. I brought paints, but have yet to engage her in painting. I bring her packs of her favorite cookies with enough to share. I keep her room stocked with kleenex, candy bars, as gifts for helpers, pens and paper. I go on the facility bus with her if there are outings she enjoys. Their bus is wheelchair assessable. She has almost no short term memory, so if she asks for something that she can’t do, my response is just “Okay”. Knowing she won’t remember what she had asked for. I help her walk with a walker rather than be in the wheelchair all day. I don’t feel capable of caring for her at home. She has a team of 8 or 9 helpers, Doctors and Nurses, caregivers. I just can’t do all that for her by myself. I so much enjoy sitting and talking about things from long ago, share dessert or sit out in the facility courtyard. If she were in my home, I think things would be very different, and it would not be the same experience.
Just what I needed! I visited my mom today for the first time in a week since I had knee surgery last week. She hadn't noticed that I hadn't been there. I have learned to just sit and knit with my mother. I listen and agree. I stay for a certain length of time and she is agreeable with that. My life is less stressful.
As my son recently said to me when I come home stressed out after visiting my mom at the mental section at her facility because she wouldn’t get a bath again ( and I had come all prepared) or other things I would bring to hope to occupy our time together. When most days I get conversation often delusional at 1st I would often correct her but I realized quickly that nothing I said sunk in anyway! So now, I respond to her thinking it’s her birthday with something like-It may not be your actual date but it’s definitely always your birthday! Of she will think she’s seeing many of her good friends ( some still living others passed away years ago) walking un the hallway! She’ll call out to them and in the past I would say gently “ mom that’s not so n so, cause she would have surly visited you .” Her reply was always “ that’s because they don’t want me to see their in here too!”….THEN when my son recently said” as long as she’s having these good delusions of seeing all her friends, or it’s her birthday, ect….why not look at it the way I do- she’s living in a happy little world in her mind! So now that I changed trying to change her- I too have much more peaceful visits as well as I’m sure she does! They definitely pick up on our energy- so always go in with high energy!
Good video. I care for my husband who has dementia as well as peripheral neuropathy. His immobility makes his care a struggle at times. I envy those who have their loved ones in a facility that they’re happy with and also gives them a break from daily caretaker responsibilities.
Thank you Martha for talking about things I deal with too. I'm glad to know my worries are shared by other careblazers. I appreciate hearing how you resolved some of your concerns and learned how to focus on what's important and let other things go. Also, keep your loved one physically active, using physical therapy services if available, or just taking walks with your loved one (indoors or outdoors), or doing chair exercises. Losing physical strength and stamina only gets worse over time. Eventually your loved, due to muscle weakness, will become physically dependent on others for all her care. It will lead to no longer being able to live independently! Being immobile, sitting in a chair all day, or laying in bed all the time, will lead to skin breakdown, hygiene problems, etc. So as much as we are concerned about mental stimulation, we must not ignore physical activity and movement. If they don't use it, they will lose it! Thank you Natali for sharing Martha with us!!
Being a retired nurse, I freaked out when my husband went deaf suddenly. Dr. Google said it could be a hearing stroke related to vascular dementia. Turned out it was wax in both ears. I tend to go to worst case scenario 😅
Ooooh, I'm a must fix things right away and I get myself into immediate overwhelm. Thank you Martha for validating that some things don't have to be taken care of right away. My brain feels better already!
Can you make a video on how caregiver can brush teeth of a patient with dementia/Alzheimer’s? And which products are safe (recommended toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash). Patient has difficulty realizing she needs to spit and instead swallows.
This is so helpful. Many things sound similar to my Mum, I have tried taking all sorts of things in to her at her care home to improve her life, books, a radio, tv, etc, she says she uses them but I don’t think she does. It gives us something to chat about. She is semi paralysed from a stroke and I have been paying for a physio to see her weekly, I was going to cancel it as I don’t think it will help motive her situation, but other than me, it is the only visitor she has every week so I am keeping it going until my Mum says she no longer wants to do it. Thank you for this video, I feel as if I am doing things okay ❤
So encouraging! What a wealth of wisdom Martha has! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Martha. And Dr. Natali thank you for having her on. Great idea! 💟
Appreciate this video. Like her, I’m so “on top of things” and always checking to see if my FIL is doing activities. Just chill, lol, sitting watching John Wayne makes him very happy. He’s fine. Everything is fine…..
It's always so amazing to listen to a sharp mind of an angel person when their wisdom level is as rich as Martha's. What a great show.... I remember discovering a lot of her revelations regarding agendizing for the first times and flowing more freely from just relaxing my interests a little differently. Martha's insight is the type that succeeds in our care work.
I am the care giver for Hubby ❤️ I tried a long term facility 😢 He was very neglected 😡 I brought him home He is mobile and most times pleasant to be with 👍 Short term is the serious prob , He wants to be Independent but most things aren’t safe for him to do 👍 He is 85 yrs old and looks 75 ❤️
Thank you Dr. Natali for this much needed video. I wish she did have an answer to the question you asked about when your l/o doesn’t seem to be engaged or doesn’t have much to say. While it’s sometimes a respite from the overly talkative obsessive days, it’s sometimes hard to find things to talk about with my mom. She lives with me and I sometimes struggle with keeping some sort of conversation or engagement. Thank you for all you do! God Bless you and your family and all the care blazers out there. 🙏🏻❤️
Wow…thank you so much for insights into this complicated and very individual experience with a loved ones dementia! I found Martha’s sharing helpful and validating as I came to the same conclusion…I can’t do everything but what I can do is prioritize any issues AND enjoy every visit I have with my sister. One thing that helped me accept and feel more relaxed about the way I care for her is finding the right living situation for her. I trust the caregivers there and keep the lines of communication with them open. Thank you again!
I thought I would get a shower today and layed out my fresh clean clothes in the bathroom than went to get my towel out of the dryer than heard my husband screaming out that Mom was naked in the living room putting on my underwear saying that she had to get dressed to go home.😂❤
I feel like I have the opposite problem and would love some input from people. My mom constantly has her own agenda when I visit. Never just sit and talk or watch a show. She always wants me to open her mail or write something for her or take her somewhere or this or that and then sadly she constantly is putting herself down for forgetting her words. I visit 3-4 times a week at her independent living home and she is always complaining that her neighbors family visits every day. I invite her over to my house all the time but she won't go she wants me to just sit with her for several hours. She brings her dinner back to her apartment and she wants me to sit with her during her dinner but I have my family to cook for. I invite her over for dinner but she "doesn't want to interrupt". I am so frustrated I really need some suggestions. If anyone has any similar situations let me know how you are handling it. Thank you!!
I was the family caregiver for my dad for 3 and 1/2 yrs after my mother died. He was in assisted living, still, there were many things I did for him. I took him to his appts with his 9 doctors, I bought all his personal needs, I ordered his medications, I went to dinner with him 3 or 4 days a week, because he really enjoyed that. It was exhausting at times, but I’m so glad I did it.
MIL in care facility, with Alzheimers still needs hugs, I make sure her bills are paid, her loved ones are able to call her on her new Grandpad. I replace clothing that gets stained or lost. I visit almost every day so she knows we are close by. My kids help her come over during special family events. She is wheelchair bound.
I have brought special puzzles for dementia patients. I brought paints, but have yet to engage her in painting.
I bring her packs of her favorite cookies with enough to share. I keep her room stocked with kleenex, candy bars, as gifts for helpers, pens and paper.
I go on the facility bus with her if there are outings she enjoys. Their bus is wheelchair assessable.
She has almost no short term memory, so if she asks for something that she can’t do, my response is just “Okay”. Knowing she won’t remember what she had asked for.
I help her walk with a walker rather than be in the wheelchair all day.
I don’t feel capable of caring for her at home. She has a team of 8 or 9 helpers, Doctors and Nurses, caregivers. I just can’t do all that for her by myself. I so much enjoy sitting and talking about things from long ago, share dessert or sit out in the facility courtyard.
If she were in my home, I think things would be very different, and it would not be the same experience.
Just what I needed! I visited my mom today for the first time in a week since I had knee surgery last week. She hadn't noticed that I hadn't been there. I have learned to just sit and knit with my mother. I listen and agree. I stay for a certain length of time and she is agreeable with that. My life is less stressful.
As my son recently said to me when I come home stressed out after visiting my mom at the mental section at her facility because she wouldn’t get a bath again ( and I had come all prepared) or other things I would bring to hope to occupy our time together. When most days I get conversation often delusional at 1st I would often correct her but I realized quickly that nothing I said sunk in anyway! So now, I respond to her thinking it’s her birthday with something like-It may not be your actual date but it’s definitely always your birthday! Of she will think she’s seeing many of her good friends ( some still living others passed away years ago) walking un the hallway! She’ll call out to them and in the past I would say gently “ mom that’s not so n so, cause she would have surly visited you .” Her reply was always “ that’s because they don’t want me to see their in here too!”….THEN when my son recently said” as long as she’s having these good delusions of seeing all her friends, or it’s her birthday, ect….why not look at it the way I do- she’s living in a happy little world in her mind! So now that I changed trying to change her- I too have much more peaceful visits as well as I’m sure she does! They definitely pick up on our energy- so always go in with high energy!
"50 First Dates" boy I can relate to that! Thank you for all of this!!
Good video. I care for my husband who has dementia as well as peripheral neuropathy. His immobility makes his care a struggle at times. I envy those who have their loved ones in a facility that they’re happy with and also gives them a break from daily caretaker responsibilities.
Thank you Martha for talking about things I deal with too. I'm glad to know my worries are shared by other careblazers. I appreciate hearing how you resolved some of your concerns and learned how to focus on what's important and let other things go. Also, keep your loved one physically active, using physical therapy services if available, or just taking walks with your loved one (indoors or outdoors), or doing chair exercises. Losing physical strength and stamina only gets worse over time. Eventually your loved, due to muscle weakness, will become physically dependent on others for all her care. It will lead to no longer being able to live independently! Being immobile, sitting in a chair all day, or laying in bed all the time, will lead to skin breakdown, hygiene problems, etc. So as much as we are concerned about mental stimulation, we must not ignore physical activity and movement. If they don't use it, they will lose it! Thank you Natali for sharing Martha with us!!
I'm a carer and find being a good listener is an asset and never correct a person with dementia.
Sometimes we force distractions on our loved one not just for their stimulation, but for ours. Some days are so repetitive and BORING!🥱
Being a retired nurse, I freaked out when my husband went deaf suddenly. Dr. Google said it could be a hearing stroke related to vascular dementia. Turned out it was wax in both ears. I tend to go to worst case scenario 😅
Ooooh, I'm a must fix things right away and I get myself into immediate overwhelm. Thank you Martha for validating that some things don't have to be taken care of right away. My brain feels better already!
Can you make a video on how caregiver can brush teeth of a patient with dementia/Alzheimer’s? And which products are safe (recommended toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash). Patient has difficulty realizing she needs to spit and instead swallows.
I really needed to hear this today. It can be so hard. Thank you for helping me navigate this challenge with love.
This is so helpful. Many things sound similar to my Mum, I have tried taking all sorts of things in to her at her care home to improve her life, books, a radio, tv, etc, she says she uses them but I don’t think she does. It gives us something to chat about. She is semi paralysed from a stroke and I have been paying for a physio to see her weekly, I was going to cancel it as I don’t think it will help motive her situation, but other than me, it is the only visitor she has every week so I am keeping it going until my Mum says she no longer wants to do it. Thank you for this video, I feel as if I am doing things okay ❤
So encouraging! What a wealth of wisdom Martha has!
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Martha. And Dr. Natali thank you for having her on. Great idea! 💟
Appreciate this video. Like her, I’m so “on top of things” and always checking to see if my FIL is doing activities. Just chill, lol, sitting watching John Wayne makes him very happy. He’s fine. Everything is fine…..
This video was great! Very helpful, thank you.
Wow! So much helpful info. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Martha for your wisdom You are an Angel
It's always so amazing to listen to a sharp mind of an angel person when their wisdom level is as rich as Martha's. What a great show.... I remember discovering a lot of her revelations regarding agendizing for the first times and flowing more freely from just relaxing my interests a little differently. Martha's insight is the type that succeeds in our care work.
Great information
I am the care giver for Hubby ❤️ I tried a long term facility 😢 He was very neglected 😡 I brought him home He is mobile and most times pleasant to be with 👍 Short term is the serious prob , He wants to be Independent but most things aren’t safe for him to do 👍 He is 85 yrs old and looks 75 ❤️
This is so helpful.
I share the same story as Martha! loved listening along
Martha, You're a gem! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
And thanks to Dr. Natali for bringing this program to us.
Thank you Dr. Natali for this much needed video. I wish she did have an answer to the question you asked about when your l/o doesn’t seem to be engaged or doesn’t have much to say. While it’s sometimes a respite from the overly talkative obsessive days, it’s sometimes hard to find things to talk about with my mom. She lives with me and I sometimes struggle with keeping some sort of conversation or engagement. Thank you for all you do! God Bless you and your family and all the care blazers out there. 🙏🏻❤️
Wow…thank you so much for insights into this complicated and very individual experience with a loved ones dementia! I found Martha’s sharing helpful and validating as I came to the same conclusion…I can’t do everything but what I can do is prioritize any issues AND enjoy every visit I have with my sister. One thing that helped me accept and feel more relaxed about the way I care for her is finding the right living situation for her. I trust the caregivers there and keep the lines of communication with them open. Thank you again!
This was the video I needed to see at this time 😊 thanks !
Glad it was helpful!
I thought I would get a shower today and layed out my fresh clean clothes in the bathroom than went to get my towel out of the dryer than heard my husband screaming out that Mom was naked in the living room putting on my underwear saying that she had to get dressed to go home.😂❤
😂
I soo identify with neglecting myself 👍 I only worry abt hubby ❤️
I feel like I have the opposite problem and would love some input from people. My mom constantly has her own agenda when I visit. Never just sit and talk or watch a show. She always wants me to open her mail or write something for her or take her somewhere or this or that and then sadly she constantly is putting herself down for forgetting her words. I visit 3-4 times a week at her independent living home and she is always complaining that her neighbors family visits every day. I invite her over to my house all the time but she won't go she wants me to just sit with her for several hours. She brings her dinner back to her apartment and she wants me to sit with her during her dinner but I have my family to cook for. I invite her over for dinner but she "doesn't want to interrupt". I am so frustrated I really need some suggestions. If anyone has any similar situations let me know how you are handling it. Thank you!!
❤❤❤
I have music help us during our visit.
Free Dementia Care Class: www.dementiacareclass.com/yt
Does this woman EVER take a breath!
I was thinking the same thing, but I think it also appears that way because of editing!
😂😂😂