As an INFP I'm just gonna say that my need for alone time is a factor of capacity and not insecurity. I like people. I like being in crowds. But when I'm in social situations, there's something in the back of my mind that's spinning at 3000 rpm. It's not a matter of shutting people out or staying emotionally safe. It's about interpreting the emotional state of everybody else in the room and shaping my behavior to reach them. Not as a people pleaser, really, but to meet them where they are. I'm not happy with being told that I shut people out in social situations. The opposite is true. I'm wide open and listening. But here's the thing: I can't keep it up. After a while I hit what I call "social exhaustion" (NOT social anxiety. STOP! ... exhaustion). And the physical symptoms are real: I start stuttering. I can't finish sentences. I become very sleepy. These symptoms can develop in a matter of seconds, and once they occur, I'm pretty much done with communicating. But I often stay present. I sit there with my friends, glassy smile on my face, hardly able to say a word. Because I still like people. I won't recover until I get a ton of sleep and a nice long walk. But I'm not hating on people. I'm recovering. I go to folk dance weekends and I always plan in a time to crash, a time to get away. That way I can be engaged with my friends the whole weekend. And I love these people to pieces. So I'm asking youall to consider the possibility that alone time is not about insecurity or selfishness or misanthropy, but about recovery. Consider that that quiet person who's listening to you is actually thinking quite hard about what you say, and reading everyone else at the table concurrently. Have mercy on us after we crash, okay?
Jeff Laurence I completely resonate with this SO much!! As another INFP, I believe we have this deeply intuitive experience when we’re around and engaging with people! For me it’s not just what they’re saying but it’s like I can read all of their emotions at once! And sometimes this is communicated just within their eyes! And we do need to recover from this process, it can be very draining but it’s also connective and sometimes healing... but that time to recover is a necessity... we need time away to gain peace within in order to make sense of ourselves... we are our own mirrors. And other people can be interesting for sure! But there is a boundary, it’s not selfishness if we are only protecting our internal wellbeing!
I know this SO well. I'm not afraid of people at all. When I'm in the right mood I love meeting up with people and even strat a conversation with new people. But after a while my brain just runs out of questions although I'm pretty good with smalltalk actually, it's the concentration. Sometimes I even forget what they just asked me what sometimes makes the whole situation just very weird. And that although I just got warmed up with a person. That's why I'm not always feeling a 100% secure in such social situations cause I never know when it happens in advance. Anybody who feels familiar whith that and knows a good way how to deal with it :)? And yeah, INFP too.
uhh not to forget: I don't react the same when I'm feeling drained, physically and also with my speech. I really don't feel as I would be with myself, I can't tap the whole potential of my social capabilities, which is very annoying :)) Just makes it so difficult to meet the right people and have the chance to get to know them better when you have to say "well, I'm out" after an hour.
I love being alone. I do feel guilty sometimes because I worry what other people are thinking... that I'm lazy, boring, antisocial or that I don't like them. The people who love and know me best accept me for who I am and understand my need for alone time... but often enough I will make up an excuse so I can be alone doing "nothing"
As an INFP, I know that the more time I spend alone, the healthier I feel. The problem is that any time I isolate myself or try to assert boundaries, people either worry about me or guilt trip me. The balance I've found is to be with someone while you both do whatever you want individually. I haven't found many people to do this with yet. If it's just me by myself, I feel guilty, and it just makes everything worse. Which honestly makes me really angry at people who don't understand this concept. And then I feel guiltier. This boils down to: taking care of *my* needs helps *me* feel better and I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do.
I hear you. I've felt a million times happier and more secure in myself since I realised that people were projecting their own fear of loneliness onto me. I internalised their messaging until I became aware of this and realised that those feelings of loneliness were very rarely my own but those of my surroundings and their discomfort in seeing me comfortable in my own state of being. Nowadays I refuse to absorb such feelings but it's taken a lot of work over decades to get here. So it's really important to have good emotional boundaries to help you make sure you only take on your own feelings rather than other people's. It's all part of our individuation process.
INFP here. I love people and find them super interesting, but I feel soooo peaceful when I'm alone working on a project, or even just doing chores while listening to a podcast or an interesting RUclips video.
@@SoManyColours Sorry, I just saw your answer. Both! She is super considerate and easily picks up on my mood. We can just chill together and watch a movie, but she is also understanding and not offended when I tell her I'm staying home today. She just gets me, I never have to worry about offending her 😁
Yeah... one on one I enjoy being with extroverts, and usually in groups they ignore me, but I can’t stand it when they tell me I need to talk more and be more entertaining, they are asking me to do something I literally can not do and am really self conscious about lol
A lot of Infp's wants to be helpfull and meet the needs of others. But we quickly notice that you cannot pour from an empty cup. We must first fill it, or we can't be as giving/helpfull or we will even start to 'take damage' and we can tell that we are in a bad headspace. We struggle to be giving while in this headspace because we're simply mentally exhausted, so much so that it makes us physically exhausted. It becomes harder to reach the empathic side while in survival-mode (and people start to get on our nerves, we try save our limited energy from what we may now percieve as "life-sucking leeches") But then we get a break from the constant stream of information and demands, process all of this deeply, get the chance to be creative, and then we come bouncing back with new energy and replenished love for all.
I think it's probably our Si (Specifically the kombination of Fi-Si) that teaches us about our personal limits (perceiving our bodies from the inside out, constantly checking in on our emotions and authenticity- eventually it becomes a great tool for understanding the feelings and inner workings of others by knowing ourselves. And of course we need Ne, Te to counterbalance so that we realize that people are different and may not function exactly like we do). Anyway, we soon notice that people do not seem to pick up our limits and so we have to to tell them, no one else can do it for us. We need to stand up for ourselves just like everyone else (being natural people pleaser makes that hard, but we have to learn). And personally I want to know the boundaries of others so that I may honor them :-)
When I was a kid my best friend would come over in the middle of the night and discover my "one person party." She would always say, "how can you party by yourself?" I need that time to express myself, freely, not having to pretend to be normal. In my everyday life I am calm and controlled, but inside I am tightly coiled. I need time to grow and fragment into different directions, so that later I am collected. ☀🌑
I’m 100% relaxed by myself. People generally feel like to help me they need to talk with me etc. However, for me when I’m super low on charge “any” kind of human interaction during my processing time actually slows the process of me bouncing back into the world with my Ne goggles shining bright. Boundaries are something I still struggle with as I’m a sucker for people in need so I will continue to give myself outwardly to those people. I feel this is a big reason why we tend to have such a small close circle of friends due to limiting the draining interactions that can come non-stop from people desiring your attention. I can sustain a lot, but when I can’t get those blips of “me time” in then I can become snappy towards others which I extremely dislike that state when I’m in it.. Great vid Erik! Sean
Thank for your video Erik. I am an older INFP and I used to not honour my need to process Life. I only recently say 'No' when I feel I am too tired. I try to have pauzes in my daily schedule. I try to not make promises I can not keep, because when I make a promise I tend to keep it, even if I exhaust myself in the process. You call it alone time, I call it time to listen to my intuition, do my creative writing, enjoy my musings... It seems to me that balancing time for taking in Life's information and after that actually letting it 'sync in' fully is not dependent on personality type only. There is health issues and family issues involved in that balance.... and, in my view we live in crazy times. In the Western world we should have more time for ourselves than 50 years ago instead of less. I have the impression being 'busy' as in 'how much you rush through life' appears to have become a status symbol. A sign of 'success' instead of seeing to the quality of life, to depth of experience and maturing in a conscious way.... I would say: respect what your bodymind tells you about you, what you need, what makes your body hum, your heart sing and your mind clear. Others can't know you as well as you can when you would honestly pay attention to your physical sensations and to your inner, intuitive messages.... and don't blame or shame yourself into fitting into someo else's box of beliefs and expectations..... Enjoy life :) Mar
The part about how we should have more time because of technology is so true. It's ironic. I often think about quieter times, of course life was harder back then, but you also talked to people more, were outside more, did more manual labor. Seems more natural somehow to me. I get anxiety from walking in a loud, bright, Supermarket nowadays. Not natural.
I think the older I get as an INFP the clearer and more precise I can get about needing my alone time. I know now that I truly couldn’t function without it! And if others understood exactly the intense emotional processing we do everyday, they would be more understanding about just allow us this time without question. We are emotional processors... at least I know I am... I’m continually grateful for this gift but it can come at a cost! As a young girl I was constantly drained by it, and didn’t understand why no one else felt the way I did?! Why they didn’t take on other people’s internal thoughts and deep emotions like I do? But as an adult I’ve learned that it’s my only way of surviving through my gift of deep intuition... that my alone time is completely necessary for inner reflection and calming my mind! We see the world through a different lease and that’s 👌 we just need space in order to revive and emerge stronger! It’s not selfish it’s a healing tool... I refuse to feel guilty about it anymore!! Most of my family and friends are similar to me and so we all have a usual understanding of this! But trying to tell a new trusted friend about it is always a toss up, in hopes that they get it! Thanks for the topic!🙏🏻 Hope everyone has a great weekend✨🍁
My alone time is often used to analyze , reflect, and try to understand the events of my day / week / life with fewer distractions. Outsmart the conflict.
You've verbalized what I didn't have the ability to express]. "Masters of personal boundaries" is the perfect explanation of why others think we're standoffish and unpersonable. People think I'm aggressive and mean, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
This video is particularly interesting right now because alone time is currently seen as the most selfless act one can do. Now the tables have turned on this ESTJ world and everyone's forced to do things the INFP way. I love it haha
My dream is a tiny self sustainable house..if i have time to reflect only then can my best self, to give back to society and the world around me. I am working with people in need every day and if i am not connected to my beliefs I could not be intuitive around them. Being trapped in the hamster wheel is hell for an infp. An infp has to find their calling in their work life, thats why it takes ages to decide 😉but when we do what we really love.. Watch out 👊🤩
I betrayed my need for alone time for far too long. God only knows how many hours I spent collectively at parties, events, or friends houses past my social limit🤯. From now on I’m letting my first or second yawn be my que to head home and respect my boundaries. For me, ample alone time/privacy has become at least as important as eating, brushing my teeth, or sleep. The more often I can be alone, the greater my personal gifts have room to blossom.
With time I think we become kinda shameless .people already think i am selfish. It kind of sad but also liberating because they are not gonna expect much from a selfish person. But the secret is if someone comes to me for some help or my time . I would be ready for action as long as I am able to
I'm an INFP with Tritype 459. I'm not sure but I think the reason for others not enjoying or needing alone time might be due to when you are alone then they are left alone with their own thoughts. This can sometimes be overwhelming for some. I read somewhere about how INFP's feel useless. I think that could be a result of being an observant type. You see things that just don't sit right with you and feel like you are incapable of making an impact with others. I think our need for so much alone time has to do with our ability to internalize how we personally feel about a situation and how it affects us while also trying to put ourselves in their shoes. You can only do that for so long before it drains you. You have no control over others or events. Alone time is like a safe haven to peace and serenity.
I am an INFP-T aaand I struggle to set boundaries for myself, I'm a very anxious and self conscious person, and am a bit of a people pleaser who hates confrontation. Sure I can handle expressing my feelings online and even arguing with strangers online, usually when they say something awful or utterly ridiculous. But when it comes to the majority of the time, especially in real life and around people I like. like friends and family....I am always worried about embarrassing myself or sounding mean or stupid. But I can give good advice for others and how to set boundaries to an extent. I know this stuff it's just something I really struggle to do for myself. I take care of others better than I do myself....at least I hope I help others in some way.
As a teacher, I really need my alone time to have my mind at rest or to be able to think things through. I like having lunch with my colleagues but only for the first half then I need to gather my thoughts for the afternoon. I even turn the lights off in my room because they're buzzing and glaring florescent bulbs. If I don't get time alone, it's almost like I start feeling claustrophobic and a bit panicky. I love to drift and daydream which is hard in this world.
Thanks for expressing this. I am a teacher also. I too work in my room with the overhead lights off, before & after school. I can feel them when they are on & it exhausts me. Just having them off helps me save a bit more of my energy. Also having lunch with colleagues tires me; having to listen to all the talk & be present to the conversation. When I find myself alone in the lunchroom on rare occasions it's such a relief. I prefer eating alone. I need that time to rest my mind & regroup for the afternoon. 😊
@@mysticat7652 It's like your words are falling from my mouth! I, also, think it needs to be said that there are many students who like a quiet classroom where they can think and do their best work. It's unfair for any introvert to be made to feel "odd" - it's just the way we are. I'm social to a point, and then I need some quiet space.
interesting that you said infps Can disengage even in a crowd, I found myself doing that often growing up. I came from a large family where alone time was nonexistent, so I thought it was kind of neat that I could disengage from the clamour and noise of being around a lot of people. I often now think about it and feel like it was a superpower. My alone time now as an adult is so important to my physical and spiritual well being as much as to my mental well-being. I've gotten better at setting boundaries about how much time I spend with people. I no longer feel guilty when I need to be alone.
I love being alone and do not feel it’s selfish. Alone time is essential. i love people but it’s often sort of exhausting being with them. It’s easier with close friends. When I’m alone, I can just relax. No guilt! Your videos are awesome!
Thank you for this insightful video :) I have to admit, being an INFP myself, this alone time issue is far more difficult than simply going into “boundary guru“-mode. I value deep, honest relationships more than anything else, so I always feel I miss the opportunity to nourish those really important relationships when I spend time alone. This bad feeling gets worse when someone asks me out on a day I wanted to spend alone. I HATE hurting other people and the choice between hurting loved ones and keeping my own sanity is... hard. To be honest, I do the weirdest stuff to avoid this situation... Do not laugh about me, but sometimes I hide, I ignore the phone, I make up other appointments, work... I make compromises and shift the date (just to feel awful when this date approaches)... it is no fun at all and I do feel horrible each time I behave like that. So why do I do it? If I do not have enough aöpne time I feel even worse :(. It is an every day struggle.
INFP here- used to feel anxious alone. As I've healed, become healthy, I am completely at peace and happiness when alone. Far as seeing boundaries I don't really have any friends so it's not hard. Occasionally a family member will visit. In this case I spend extra time alone, making sure I have a full charge. Knowing it's only temporary I can get through a few days without my coveted alone time.
Why do we crave to be alone? I believe it is because alone time gives us time to be selfish and to focus on our own feelings and needs. Often, around other people. it can be hard to tune out and think for yourself. You might find yourself adjusting your behaviour and actions to other people, so much that you start neglecting yourself. That's why even the most extroverted types, like ENFJs, find the thought of alone time so liberating. And that's why INFPs love alone time more than almost any other type in the Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator Universe.
Is your example not mostly the way it works with particulary the Fe as 1st or second function? (INFJ/ENFJ/ISFJ/ESFJ), which basically "forces" them to adapt to the group and it's harmony and such? I am not sure if other extroverted functions have that same mechanism?
I don't feel like I adapt much to the group at all. Instead, I hope to inspire the individuals who make up the group to be their authentic selves - by leading by example. But I'm older so maybe this comes with experience and greater self-confidence.
Hm, partially true for me. But first and foremost, I crave alone time to process emotions, experiences and new insights on life in general and to calm down my nervous system which gets overwhelmed way too fast :)
I get the best thoughts and insights when i am alone. I am very sensitive to extroverted sensing and feeling and feel an sense of unease or overwhelm( for example in an environment like the military where i was or playing soccer). But when i am alone i not only think about myself but people close to me ( how they think, feel), trying to understand them and how i can communicate with them in a better way. And also philosophising about the big picture of the world. I have to be careful to not become too disconnected from reality but when it’s done in balance , solitude is very relaxing and refreshing. :)
As an intp, I do find I 'need' to be a reliable friend to my intimate friends. It's probably due to that Fe in 4th slot. If a bestie needs me at 3am, I'm there. Yes, I need alone time, but I do sacrifice it in service of loved people in my life, which is probably why I choose to have a few and not many.
I personally feel like that's a major factor for me. I just have no clue how to have that type of forward momentum unless there's something critical going on. Most people around me are STs--they have no problem telling me what I lack or suck at, and those things happen to neatly relate to Se.
I am an infp and you are right I need so much alone time. And sometimes people push me in social situations even if I know that it can't work because I need to be by myself. And it is always as I expected it to be that I can't be the best of myself because I couldn't recharge.
I want my family to be around. I just want them to leave me alone. I'll make dinner and chat. Watch a movie and chat. If they need me I'm there. But please don't ask me what I'm reading. Dont ask me what I'm watching. You don't really want to know what I think. You think you do but you don't like it when I tell you. Just leave me be.
As an infp, I can say the alone time is more of a necessity to survive. When I was younger as an infp t I was more stressed and overwhelmed so would have to take long stretches going off the grid. And switching off to get my anxiety balanced. As I got older, meditation helped a lot cos the alone time would be used better. I’m not a routine type of person but I know there are some things that work and don’t work for me. And now being in my 30s I know alone time is essential to recuperate. Infps take a lot of information and emotions in when being around people. I can meet someone and within 2 mins get exhausted and now I have to just let that feeling pass. But I know I can’t do weeks of hanging out with people like others. And if you’re an infp in flow you can be around people easily but what I’ve found is no matter what, you need that alone time to be a better person around others and be in flow. We contribute in different ways, somewhat like a spark or kind of reminder for others to look at details of life away from material but closer to nature and creativity and imagination. It took me years to be ok with being an infp cos I just didn’t wanna be considered a waste and I guess to not be a bother. But now I love it.
I used to feel bad about it, but as I got older I learned that there was no other way for me. If I don’t want to truly help or be there I won’t be able to hide it. I would hurt myself and whoever I’m “helping” or being there for as well. I have become far more honest about my love for alone time and how much I truly need it.
Erik, I'm a 40yr old INFP, I think, and I can't tell you how relieved I was when I discovered that I wasn't crazy or the only person in the world who feels or behaves the way I do. When I 1st viewed your videos on INFP, especially the stages of an INFP, it brought me to tears. Maybe all the potential people saw in me at a young age vanished when I became an opiate addict @ 17 & struggled with hardcore until around 10yrs ago & I'm 40 so that's a little over 20 yrs. An INFP in addiction magnifies your negative traits times 100. So now I'm in the process of trying to find what it is I am meant to do. At the moment I have an 8yr old & 18mon old daughters so I can totally relate to what you're saying about how you can handle more than what you think you can. It is amazing how much you grow & how much wiser you become the more life experiences you have. The more you force yourself to venture outside of your comfort zone the more diverse experiences you will have & thus a better understanding of how life & people work & where your attributes can best be utilized to achieve whatever g7joal you set out to accomplish. I am so
I crave aloneness so much right now. Family and taking care of my loved one has swallowed my life (won't go into particulars). There is real and vital needs I am meeting.... But I find it hard to breathe. The good news is that I am having to grow through this. I am accepting that I am not so much stuck as held in this place. I am looking to learn my limits and patience is being grown. I am still carving out time for myself a little here and there. I am having belief that this is a season that has come and will go. Thank you for the videos. I find you very calming and encouraging.
I am am INFP and I have learned how to be unapologetic about needing alone time. I like what you said about being alone in a group of people. I zone out all the time and my friends ask of I'm ok. I tell them I'm introverting. It's good to have friends that understand and don't get upset when I turn down invitations.
I adore being alone, I can listen to the music I love as loud as I like. I can create for as long as I want without interruption, no awareness of time, no stopping because people need me to cook, clean or drive them somewhere. But when I've had enough of that creative space, I absolutely LOVE cooking, clean or driving people places. I fill my tank, then I can fill other's.......but....I'm terrible with boundaries. I usually don't put my needs first and can only get this fill up time when I've actually pushed myself too hard, fulfilling needs of my family...and I burn out/or feel like I'll have a breakdown if I don't stop soon, then I'll screech to a halt and completely withdraw, if I'm allowed to. INFJ (but after your story about your friend, maybe ENFJ......but I really don't recharge around people, I feel the sucking of dnergy, so I'm not sure....)
Hi! Fellow INFP here, I'm being led by the Holy Spirit to say this everythere....But if you haven't believed on Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please i urge you to do so, for we are living in the final moments of the last days and Jesus's return is right around the corner! Please give your life to Christ before it's too late! Jesus loves you so much that he died for you! Just hand all your worries, depression, circumstances, emotions and cares to Him and he will take you in His loving arms and console you! Believe on Jesus today and be saved!
Thank you for this!!!! I have spent my ENTIRE life running around people please because I am an INFP who was brought up in a dysfunctional and abuse home. I am 28 years old and ONLY over the last few month have I been doing my best to be authentic and unwavering with what is good for me!!!! Your videos have truly left me feeling like a superhero rather than a just a misfit ( I actually LOVE being unique and would NEVER have it any other way) but it can be FUCKING EXHAUSTING ‼️❤️ Thank you thank you thank you for helping me Release the GUILT I feel around doing what’s RIGHT FOR ME! I am so looking forward to being unapologetically authentic while still being loving and compassionate. BUT I will and am currently putting myself first because I KNOW that that is how I recharged my superpowers 🤩🙏🏻🌈😂
Great video Erik and it is a question I been asking myself a lot lately as an infp. Just turned 28 yesterday and I’ve spent the past few years following friends I’ve perceived to be mentors to give me advice on how to live my life. While it was good to humble myself and listen and serve others, I was also doing it from a place of projecting my unmet fatherly needs unto them and therefore idolizing them and losing myself inside them. As an infp, this can be very damaging and traumatic when expectations aren’t met and things go south as a result. In the past couple years I been getting this sense of comfort from the idea of spending time alone and doing things on my own. Slowly and surely I started to do that and would receive some backlash as being labeled “selfish” by certain extroverted concrete types. I had a lot of guilt and still do have some level of guilt and heavy emotions toward spending time with myself. Paradoxically, it is precisely why I should spend time with myself to feel these emotions and reflect on my belief systems and who I’m being and to sit with my shadows in order to let go and integrate these things in ways I can’t necessarily do when I am involved with others. And there are moments of peace and serenity that come with being alone at times too. Im leaving my codependent phase of life and I’m now learning independence and Individualism therefore I’m at a point where I value alone time more than anything and I’ve accepted any judgements from others toward having solitude and just let it be regardless. Pretty soon there will be a point of interdependence where there’s a healthy line between serving others and self and I’m not at that point yet in my life. Solitude is what you make of it and to me it’s natural and beautiful. Peace
There's a huge overlap in this regard between ENFJs and INFPs (especially since many people exist in between these two orientations) - the INFP can often rather easily prioritise their emotional-processing time, wheareas while the more ambiverted ENFJs can need an equal amount of alone time they will often struggle to do this when in the midst (or vicinity) of human interaction. For this reason, as you say, the extraverted varient is in far more danger of burnout (whereas the INFP burnout tends to come from over-tolerance rather than overactivity/socialising). The supposition of evil as the manifestation of a 'cognitive opposite' is very interesting, and I imagine this perspective/experience correlates with the extent to which someone overvalues (or even over-relies on) their dominant stack. Many INFPs I know have a great relationship with their Te-Ne axis, and these individuals would have a harder time reconcilising with unconscientiousness (various archetypal Ne and Se dominants, for example) than the ESTJ.
Our unhappiness arises from one thing only, that we cannot be comfortably alone in our room. ... That is why the pleasure of solitude is seen as so incomprehensible. --Blaise Pascal, Pensees, 9. Diversions
I think with me it's because most places where I usually am are places I have to be, not necessarily want to be. And if I do want to be there, I usually prefer a much shorter time than I wind up being there. At home I don't HAVE to engage, interact or "perform." The feeling of obligation isn't there, and that's freeing.
I think it also has to do with the fact its hard to find a flow that we can synergize with and charge up with people But we do crave social interaction its just we have to... kind of go against our flow to try to alleviate feelings of a lack of human interaction.Atleast in my case.. its hard for me to find a mind that will actually write a book back every once in a while. Its rare to find those people in our day to day lives.. Or someone to research things with and share our discoveries and talk about our interests in the topic. Its hard to find people to match my flow. I guess really im the one who's against the flow. So when im alone and away from the people that are flowing in the opposite direction. Im charging up.. but if I could find that one person to match my flow I'd want to be around them because there would be a synergy and generating positive energy. I'm dealing with a couple people now in my life who don't understand me and won't respect my need for space and keep making things worse and causing friction because I'm going crazy and they just keep trying harder and harder to get approval by giving me gifts and making me food and basically forcing their way into my heart and im like GO AWAY STOPPPPP JUST STOPPP LEAVE ME ALOOONE GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. driving me out of my own house basically
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Morality is concerned with doing the right towards people, with respecting their needs. You are a person. Therefore your needs need to be respected aswell. :) Or if you want a more group-oriented argument in favour of alone time: as you said, people do need alone time to function well. If they don't, their help becomes counterproductive. So if your sole goal in life is to take care of others, even then you need to take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of you for others. Or to use a metaphor: if you want to support someone, you need to make sure you are supported yourself. If you are the chair with a broken leg, don't offer support your you'll both fall and be off worse. Take care of that leg first! Anyways, thanks for the vid. This INFP was touched watching it. ^^
I am the queen of alone time as INFP, this year even managed to drop my parents of at the Christmas party with the whole family (for which I was invited), say hello to everyone without taking my coat of, go immediately back home in my car, read a good book at home with my two dogs on every side of me, and after 6 hours, to go back to the Christmas Party to go and pick up my (slightly drunk) parents....the last years they have been very accepting of my sometimes odd behavior, cause this way, there is more peace and harmony in the family. I do go to movies in my hometown by myself. IF I go shopping, I always go by myself. I have a lot of matches on Tinder, but cannot seem to get myself actually meeting one of them. I think I will be without a relationship for a long time still, or have a distant relationship. When I am alone, I can fully engage in my quirky activities, reading fantasy, learning all weird things, study psychology, sleep, read more books about how to actually write, sing, make music...and just contemplate everything. I am a psychologist, and I give a lot of myself in the week, with clear boundaries, and this makes me not guilty at all when I take a lot of alone time.
My good value as an INTJ is self-development. So my instinctive judgement of INFP etc is not if they be alone but how they spend that time. I judge myself if I waste my life and the same with others.
I am kinda interesting, (still not sure) I do need to be alone but its to create my dreams and if i want to be alone alone ill do an alone camping which is my favorite thing to do!!! and honestly one thing i have been doing is understand why i want to be alone don't want to do something is it cause im lazy is it cause im scared or comfortable. Sometimes i just need to do something new push myself. go to the club sober with my closest friends. Scare yourself and dare yourself. idk i have been happy by doing so
4 months into my self isolation and I finally feel ready to talk to my loved ones again 🙃👌 Honestly i needed that time though. Almost everything in my life dramatically changed in the last year and I've been in an emotional hurricane the whole time. I felt like I'd never known my own identity to begin with and this pandemic has only magnified that problem with the only visable solution being to either ignore my lack of self and wander through life in agonizing aimlessness or to hole myself away with nothing but my thoughts and time. I don't recommend anyone do this for nearly as long, though, because I did feel more depressed and anxious than usual and I'm sure going that long in relative isolation isnt good for anyone. But hey,...self discovery??
I agree with your ideas on needing time alone. its basically recharge time. Infact, the only reason( most of the time at least) I go out with family or friends is because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I do it out of a sense of duty, rather than a genuine interest in the event. If I try to explain why I don't feel like going out, it usually ends up in a an argument/confrontation which I try to avoid at all cost....so instead I just tag along to avoid all the drama.
I like being alone because I can posses what i thinking but when I am alone for more that a day I start over thinking everything exsoecholy friendships and I get in these moods where I feel like I need to be alone but I need the opposite i need to be with friends
thanks for appreciating infps. Came to ur channel on days I feel misunderstood for being my natural self. And I’m learning to see my quirks in a positive manner 💜 Alone time is part of my hierarchy of needs :) If I don’t get any, I grow frustrated and easily annoyed 😄
As an INFP, I sometimes get the impression a lot of extraverts criticize those of us that want alone time and claim we are being selfish because they are projecting their own fears rather than there being anything intrinsically bad about spending time alone. I mean, are monks and nuns evil for spending their entire lives in seclusion from all other humans? If so, then St. Francis of Assisi etc., were the worst human beings whoever lived. I exaggerate, of course. I imagine many extroverts get rather antsy when they are forced to spend time alone and so our love of solitude reminds them of their own weakness which is why they are so quick to label our choice as bad or selfish. They may also be looking at those of us that actively seek to have time alone a bit like how some people look at a person with a disfigurement or disability. You know, they fear what they don't understand or that seems strange or different so automatically demonise it rather than trying to see if there might be something they could learn from our approach. In the end, we just have to follow our own values and intuitions and take as much alone time as we need because to do otherwise would be to betray ourselves, to live inauthentically. And we would pay a much bigger price for inauthenticity than what we suffer from the ignorance of others. After all, anything we do that feels inauthentic is like stabbing ourselves in the stomach. So, it's better to suffer the insults we get from others than inflict psychological wounds on ourselves. We will wound ourselves more deeply than anyone else ever could. So take your alone time and bring your light into the world when you've regenerated.
Thank you for your thoughts. For me, alone-time often isn't a conscious choice but more like an addiction. ;) I for myself can say that I often just think "I don't have to offer anything for this world. How should it be that someone needs me and my advice?" I guess most INFPs are really aware about thier limitations, the transience of life (and how replaceable we kind of are because energies are going to balance each other out. Where we are not showing up someone or something else will). So, we are not important for others or the world therfore there isn't that big necessety that we interact with this world. From this perspective I guess alone-time isn't a good or bad thing. I really belive bad advise does more harm to people than no advise at all. I only want to help where I feel or think that I'm helpful in. I think there are so much ambiguites in INFPs. One of them is that even if a lot of us struggle with axieties around social situations (what hint that we not trust everybody), we tent to belive that everybody is good and capable (maybe somtims exept for ourselves). This belive in the capability of other people and the world at large lets us realise that there are so many options and still no need to get involed with them. So alone time and even clansing into space around people isn't selfish but detached from this real world actual stuff. If I act in reality I'm not at all good in setting bounderies or even holding myself accountable for tasks or stuctures I set for myself... But this detached few is somehow like I would be a ghost who has no bounderies and needs none because I somehow can slide through.
I have designed my life such that I have a significant amount of alone time. I am in my 60's and I feel significantly more comfortable with that than I did when I was younger. Sometimes I justify this to myself by saying, "I've done my time." What that means is that, I feel I often sacrificed my needs for others in the work, relationship and family arenas for years, and now I feel like I cant anymore. I don't think that is the course for all or perhaps the majority of INFPs I had a hard time coming to accept myself. Not sure why, that's just how it was for me. As you alluded to in your video, there are gifts to the outside world that can come from time spent alone. As I have aged, I am more inclined to want to contribute in that way, rather than using my sensitivity, insights and creativity in the hustle and bustle of daily human interations. This doesn't mean a retreat to a hermitage. It's just changing the mix between me alone and me and others.
Btw I've managed to make an INFP friend these days and he talk about himself and his opinions for hours while I just quietly listen finding it all interesting - but most of all how interesting he seems to be feeling about himself (so it seems so magical to me, cause I could never demonstrate anything sincere , hiding my feelings is what I do for a livivg) so, again, maybe you just need the right Friends.
Oh and like you have in your description, I am doing that. I'm going to live on a property (moving in two months) where I can grow my own produce, create new gardens and have my own dedicated art and writing studio......morning til night. Yay!
Thank you, Erik, for expressing exactly what I’ve been feeling lately, and at many times throughout my life. When expectations by others seems to be more than I can possibly give, if I’m to remain in equilibrium, I start to feel so bad about myself, and start wondering if maybe I don’t deserve to have the people I care about in my life. It’s not a good place to be, but a place many INFP’s find themselves in often through life; of not being enough. Usually, for me, this just means I need to renegotiate some boundaries until life feels comfortable again, and then I realize it’s not quite so dire. But, I hate it when I’m here. Thanks so much for expressing these feelings so well!
A good metaphor will be the instruction in the plane that we have to don our oxygen first before helping others. We need to take of ourselves before helping others. Great ideas and realizations come when we are alone sifting through our emotions and analyzing data and making sense out of them.
I love and appreciate your videos so much! You understand so much about being an INFP for not being one yourself. I very much enjoy my alone time and spent so much of my life feeling guilty for it, or weird that I enjoyed my own company over being with lots of people. Don’t get me wrong, I love social interaction with my good friends (in short bursts) - in fact, I could spend all day with my ISFJ bff and not feel overspent because we can sit in silence and just “be” without pressure to fill the silence with idle talk. That being said, I have to have alone time to recharge and unwind and gather my thoughts - and am often accused of being anti-social. It’s not that I’m anti-social at all, I’m just pro-solitude 😊 thanks for these videos and happy new year!
This so spot on!! We absolutely need the alone time. It's so hard to justify to others tho, right? I tried to tell a friend last week that I didn't want to do movie night and instantly her reply was "BUT WHY???" 🤦🏾♀️🥴🤣
I'm an older ENFP and I could completely relate to this. we get way more balanced with our introverted side as we get older and setting boundaries is still a huge challenge for me that I am working on.
I need alone time because I tend to find it more enjoyable. I have a lot of fun with the people I’m really close to however, and it’s more so those that don’t understand me (who think I’m cold), that make me tired and retreat. Being able to be myself isn’t and hasn’t ever really been a choice for me, I either am or I’m not. It can be super annoying sometimes, especially is there’s people I want to connect with but simply I can’t. Being alone is basically just my natural state lol.
For me being INFP-A alone time is recharging the batteries to heal,to take care of self, and be ready for when someone will know needs me ...they come to me cus I listen and help when I can ...my alone time sometimes can take days or months if I been hurt bad...I just want to do things by myself.. so I will be better for others when they need me...I am one to burn my candle at both ends all the time that's how one gets frazzled and burnt out...so they me that's not evil that utterly the best way to help everyone and be good to self too...evil to me is someone that totally doesn't care about nada, no morals, no respect if I set a boundary to a friend there is a reason it's not selfish or as a friend told me I'm controlling cus I set a boundary no it's not controlling it's safety and healthy to do especially when they are the reason I need the alone time...I work better with ideas and creating when it have that space ...I don't want to be alone all the time yet sometimes I just need to be around people even if I'm not really acknowledging people in conversation or other things...I will go read a book in area where people walk by and it works for me...that's just me...
TY TY Happy New Year 2021😘🎉 I'm happy that I learned my proper MBTI type. Now, life makes more sense. I clear the energy in my house and my own energy often. Alone time isn't done out of an insecurity for me. I'm totally relax when I'm alone. Alone time is absolutely necessary for me to recharge. I accept that I require much alone time as a processor to tune into myself to think and to recharge. I used to have issues with setting boundaries. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries with everyone is absolutely necessary. I absolutely love my personality and personally accepts my flaws and my strengths. I strive to learn something new about myself daily. #Self Worth #Self Care #Self Love #Infinite Possibilities #Angel 👼 Number# 432; 543
INFPs will spend 15 lost years sat in their room and ppl will think nothing is happening. Suddenly for the INFP everything comes together and they have a huge breakthrough which they’re able to share. To the outside it seems miraculous, to the INFP it is just another day.
You are so funny and I laugh because I can relate 100% and feel sorry for myself all the time...I could tell you were peeved at the very start. Love your videos and thank you for making these videos even when feeling bad.♡
Alone time helps process a backlog of residual emotions felt throughout the week, I try to give myself 2 days to process while working to stay grounded (cleaning, meal prepping, something productive without a timeframe or pressure to finish at a specific time). For me, I work as a massage therapist, self care is not negotiable since it personally impacts people when I'm overwhelmed and burnt out. Alone time isn't fun 100% of the time and that's important as well, it's gives you that space to feel the "petty" emotion of being frustrated that "ESTP Karen" spoke needlessly harshly over something mundane that may have been trivial to me and accepting that both our viewpoints have value and gives permission to let that feeling go so it doesn't get stuck (if that makes sense 😅)
I live alone all my life. I grow n stay true to all the things you pointed out in the video alot if healing too needed. My support believe needing alone time means I'm struggling n isolating. They really believe everyone is active n socialisers n do not get others are different. I hate that because I have to fight their pushy ways to have my alone time without them going psycho on me for it.
For me at least, the best-case scenario is being able to take all the alone time I need so I can regain energy, doing the things I like to do, thinking about this and that, but then being able to be with other people and be social whenever I feel like it. Being able to be alone without the worry of getting lonely is really rejuvinating and rewarding.
I think I really need peace and quiet to let emotions float to the surface, to get a chance to think about whare I am in life and to not have to adept to others for a wile. I also seam to need a lot of sleep.
Erik dont feel guilty for saying No n Being selfish in that way - it isnt being rude . Nikola Tesla said the most consistent Energy ~ Power is achieved with breaks in between , creating a continuous Continuum in thrust of renewed energy ( Entergy came up in my spelling bar 2xs , is that a word ?? ) in Momentum . N your not a robot ' ! Also that wouldnt be Living Your Life N that wouldn't be a Good example - I'm putting a guilt mech n tech of an alibi there for You to utilize if You choose to of course . I dont believe Dharma necessarily pertains to Your personal Life unless it's Your own Element to be Anchored here by Providence n Youd be frustrated , n shouldn' t feel at fault in the mess , not one person should carry on His own . I'm so Happy to see Yourself , taking in a Happy treat , the Pink cupcake ........ HopenWish You enjoy Your Holiday )
I need a lot of alone time but I'm constantly getting caught up in my own head about being more productive and keeping up with all the ideas I have. I start projects with part of an idea, and I go the end of the part I have in mind, then it sits and waits for me to get the next part. But until I have that next part, it feels like unfinished business and nags at the back of my mind. In a way, it's a good thing because that means I will usually return to it. Still very annoying though.
I’m an INFP, but I really struggle with people-pleasing, and wanting to do things with others when they ask me to. I have a hard time setting those boundaries.
So I watched this video titled "if you need space you are inauthentic". This was mainly about relationships and you or your partner needing time to think. Could you say whether or not this is could be true for true introverts? would it be that if I would be (more) authentic I don't need (as much) alone time anymore?
You understands me so well ...lol I have to find an INFJ bojfriend. I'm so over it...the lockdown doesn't help with the alone time either. Because I don't want to be alone...want to hug somebody :( ..mybe a cat.
When this video started, I thought, Uh oh, Erik really needs his coffee :-). My good INFP friend needs a lot of time alone, and she is usually pretty good about telling me so. It reminds me of the Swedish American actress, Greta Garbo, who said. "I want to be alone!"
Erik there's a corollary to needing to be alone: high quality time with others. Takes a bit of planning. I predict (INTJ as you know) that you will find a way to work at home in your private space. So, then you can plan your social life. Eat a cupcake for me.
As an INFP I'm just gonna say that my need for alone time is a factor of capacity and not insecurity. I like people. I like being in crowds. But when I'm in social situations, there's something in the back of my mind that's spinning at 3000 rpm. It's not a matter of shutting people out or staying emotionally safe. It's about interpreting the emotional state of everybody else in the room and shaping my behavior to reach them. Not as a people pleaser, really, but to meet them where they are. I'm not happy with being told that I shut people out in social situations. The opposite is true. I'm wide open and listening.
But here's the thing: I can't keep it up. After a while I hit what I call "social exhaustion" (NOT social anxiety. STOP! ... exhaustion). And the physical symptoms are real: I start stuttering. I can't finish sentences. I become very sleepy. These symptoms can develop in a matter of seconds, and once they occur, I'm pretty much done with communicating.
But I often stay present. I sit there with my friends, glassy smile on my face, hardly able to say a word. Because I still like people.
I won't recover until I get a ton of sleep and a nice long walk. But I'm not hating on people. I'm recovering.
I go to folk dance weekends and I always plan in a time to crash, a time to get away. That way I can be engaged with my friends the whole weekend. And I love these people to pieces.
So I'm asking youall to consider the possibility that alone time is not about insecurity or selfishness or misanthropy, but about recovery. Consider that that quiet person who's listening to you is actually thinking quite hard about what you say, and reading everyone else at the table concurrently. Have mercy on us after we crash, okay?
Jeff Laurence I completely resonate with this SO much!! As another INFP, I believe we have this deeply intuitive experience when we’re around and engaging with people! For me it’s not just what they’re saying but it’s like I can read all of their emotions at once! And sometimes this is communicated just within their eyes! And we do need to recover from this process, it can be very draining but it’s also connective and sometimes healing... but that time to recover is a necessity... we need time away to gain peace within in order to make sense of ourselves... we are our own mirrors. And other people can be interesting for sure! But there is a boundary, it’s not selfishness if we are only protecting our internal wellbeing!
Social exhaustion! Good point! That makes sense. 🤔 And definitely recovery time.
I know this SO well. I'm not afraid of people at all. When I'm in the right mood I love meeting up with people and even strat a conversation with new people. But after a while my brain just runs out of questions although I'm pretty good with smalltalk actually, it's the concentration. Sometimes I even forget what they just asked me what sometimes makes the whole situation just very weird. And that although I just got warmed up with a person.
That's why I'm not always feeling a 100% secure in such social situations cause I never know when it happens in advance.
Anybody who feels familiar whith that and knows a good way how to deal with it :)?
And yeah, INFP too.
uhh not to forget: I don't react the same when I'm feeling drained, physically and also with my speech.
I really don't feel as I would be with myself, I can't tap the whole potential of my social capabilities, which is very annoying :))
Just makes it so difficult to meet the right people and have the chance to get to know them better when you have to say "well, I'm out" after an hour.
And now I'll watch the video haha, sorry, I just scrolled into the comments and read this one above👆
I love being alone. I do feel guilty sometimes because I worry what other people are thinking... that I'm lazy, boring, antisocial or that I don't like them. The people who love and know me best accept me for who I am and understand my need for alone time... but often enough I will make up an excuse so I can be alone doing "nothing"
alone time is holy to me now. I guard it like a dragon guards his treasure. greedy
As an INFP, I know that the more time I spend alone, the healthier I feel. The problem is that any time I isolate myself or try to assert boundaries, people either worry about me or guilt trip me. The balance I've found is to be with someone while you both do whatever you want individually. I haven't found many people to do this with yet. If it's just me by myself, I feel guilty, and it just makes everything worse. Which honestly makes me really angry at people who don't understand this concept. And then I feel guiltier. This boils down to: taking care of *my* needs helps *me* feel better and I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do.
I hear you. I've felt a million times happier and more secure in myself since I realised that people were projecting their own fear of loneliness onto me. I internalised their messaging until I became aware of this and realised that those feelings of loneliness were very rarely my own but those of my surroundings and their discomfort in seeing me comfortable in my own state of being. Nowadays I refuse to absorb such feelings but it's taken a lot of work over decades to get here.
So it's really important to have good emotional boundaries to help you make sure you only take on your own feelings rather than other people's. It's all part of our individuation process.
INFP here. I love people and find them super interesting, but I feel soooo peaceful when I'm alone working on a project, or even just doing chores while listening to a podcast or an interesting RUclips video.
No pink frosting judgement here 🧁
INFP, empath, sigma female. Alone time is a must. I’m very comfortable in my own solitude!
When I’m alone too much I want to be with people. When I’m with too many people too long I want to be alone. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. I'm lucky because my best friend is an ENFJ, she lets me be exhausted in peace
@@nellautumngirl What do you mean with that? Does she leave you alone when you need to? Or can you be exhausted in peace with het around?
@Bella T Im a ENFJ but thats so ratable
Yup 😁 social exhaustion
@@SoManyColours Sorry, I just saw your answer. Both! She is super considerate and easily picks up on my mood. We can just chill together and watch a movie, but she is also understanding and not offended when I tell her I'm staying home today. She just gets me, I never have to worry about offending her 😁
Solitude is great especially when not having to bend over backwards while walking on hot coals to please obnoxious extroverts.
MrKillswitch88 well said!!!
Yeah... one on one I enjoy being with extroverts, and usually in groups they ignore me, but I can’t stand it when they tell me I need to talk more and be more entertaining, they are asking me to do something I literally can not do and am really self conscious about lol
@@shannonglaser2506 Exactly and I can't hardly stand sustained surface level interaction as it is often superficial.
A lot of Infp's wants to be helpfull and meet the needs of others. But we quickly notice that you cannot pour from an empty cup. We must first fill it, or we can't be as giving/helpfull or we will even start to 'take damage' and we can tell that we are in a bad headspace. We struggle to be giving while in this headspace because we're simply mentally exhausted, so much so that it makes us physically exhausted. It becomes harder to reach the empathic side while in survival-mode (and people start to get on our nerves, we try save our limited energy from what we may now percieve as "life-sucking leeches")
But then we get a break from the constant stream of information and demands, process all of this deeply, get the chance to be creative, and then we come bouncing back with new energy and replenished love for all.
I think it's probably our Si (Specifically the kombination of Fi-Si) that teaches us about our personal limits (perceiving our bodies from the inside out, constantly checking in on our emotions and authenticity- eventually it becomes a great tool for understanding the feelings and inner workings of others by knowing ourselves. And of course we need Ne, Te to counterbalance so that we realize that people are different and may not function exactly like we do). Anyway, we soon notice that people do not seem to pick up our limits and so we have to to tell them, no one else can do it for us. We need to stand up for ourselves just like everyone else (being natural people pleaser makes that hard, but we have to learn). And personally I want to know the boundaries of others so that I may honor them :-)
Perfect explanation!
Said like a true INFP 🤗
OMG, I Love you!
@@Anna-hc1yl Well thank you for spreading some love then ^^
I love me some solitude
So rejuvenating for me
When I was a kid my best friend would come over in the middle of the night and discover my "one person party." She would always say, "how can you party by yourself?" I need that time to express myself, freely, not having to pretend to be normal. In my everyday life I am calm and controlled, but inside I am tightly coiled. I need time to grow and fragment into different directions, so that later I am collected. ☀🌑
I’m 100% relaxed by myself. People generally feel like to help me they need to talk with me etc. However, for me when I’m super low on charge “any” kind of human interaction during my processing time actually slows the process of me bouncing back into the world with my Ne goggles shining bright. Boundaries are something I still struggle with as I’m a sucker for people in need so I will continue to give myself outwardly to those people. I feel this is a big reason why we tend to have such a small close circle of friends due to limiting the draining interactions that can come non-stop from people desiring your attention. I can sustain a lot, but when I can’t get those blips of “me time” in then I can become snappy towards others which I extremely dislike that state when I’m in it..
Great vid Erik!
Sean
Same for me (INTP). I keep my circle small intentionally for those reasons precisely. I've yet to master how not to overextend for people in need.
Yeah you INTPs are awesome - Nice to meet you! Sooo if you figure out how to better manage it all please let me know, and as well I will do the same 😂
Thank for your video Erik.
I am an older INFP and I used to not honour my need to process Life. I only recently say 'No' when I feel I am too tired. I try to have pauzes in my daily schedule. I try to not make promises I can not keep, because when I make a promise I tend to keep it, even if I exhaust myself in the process. You call it alone time, I call it time to listen to my intuition, do my creative writing, enjoy my musings...
It seems to me that balancing time for taking in Life's information and after that actually letting it 'sync in' fully is not dependent on personality type only. There is health issues and family issues involved in that balance.... and, in my view we live in crazy times. In the Western world we should have more time for ourselves than 50 years ago instead of less. I have the impression being 'busy' as in 'how much you rush through life' appears to have become a status symbol. A sign of 'success' instead of seeing to the quality of life, to depth of experience and maturing in a conscious way....
I would say: respect what your bodymind tells you about you, what you need, what makes your body hum, your heart sing and your mind clear. Others can't know you as well as you can when you would honestly pay attention to your physical sensations and to your inner, intuitive messages.... and don't blame or shame yourself into fitting into someo else's box of beliefs and expectations.....
Enjoy life :)
Mar
I love what you said re promises. Yes! I don't ever make them bc I won't feel free to break them if need be.
The part about how we should have more time because of technology is so true. It's ironic. I often think about quieter times, of course life was harder back then, but you also talked to people more, were outside more, did more manual labor. Seems more natural somehow to me. I get anxiety from walking in a loud, bright, Supermarket nowadays. Not natural.
I think the older I get as an INFP the clearer and more precise I can get about needing my alone time. I know now that I truly couldn’t function without it! And if others understood exactly the intense emotional processing we do everyday, they would be more understanding about just allow us this time without question. We are emotional processors... at least I know I am... I’m continually grateful for this gift but it can come at a cost! As a young girl I was constantly drained by it, and didn’t understand why no one else felt the way I did?! Why they didn’t take on other people’s internal thoughts and deep emotions like I do? But as an adult I’ve learned that it’s my only way of surviving through my gift of deep intuition... that my alone time is completely necessary for inner reflection and calming my mind! We see the world through a different lease and that’s 👌 we just need space in order to revive and emerge stronger! It’s not selfish it’s a healing tool... I refuse to feel guilty about it anymore!! Most of my family and friends are similar to me and so we all have a usual understanding of this! But trying to tell a new trusted friend about it is always a toss up, in hopes that they get it! Thanks for the topic!🙏🏻 Hope everyone has a great weekend✨🍁
My alone time is often used to analyze , reflect, and try to understand the events of my day / week / life with fewer distractions. Outsmart the conflict.
You've verbalized what I didn't have the ability to express]. "Masters of personal boundaries" is the perfect explanation of why others think we're standoffish and unpersonable. People think I'm aggressive and mean, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
This video is particularly interesting right now because alone time is currently seen as the most selfless act one can do. Now the tables have turned on this ESTJ world and everyone's forced to do things the INFP way. I love it haha
My dream is a tiny self sustainable house..if i have time to reflect only then can my best self, to give back to society and the world around me. I am working with people in need every day and if i am not connected to my beliefs I could not be intuitive around them. Being trapped in the hamster wheel is hell for an infp. An infp has to find their calling in their work life, thats why it takes ages to decide 😉but when we do what we really love.. Watch out 👊🤩
Sorry for the spelling I'm not English
I betrayed my need for alone time for far too long. God only knows how many hours I spent collectively at parties, events, or friends houses past my social limit🤯. From now on I’m letting my first or second yawn be my que to head home and respect my boundaries.
For me, ample alone time/privacy has become at least as important as eating, brushing my teeth, or sleep.
The more often I can be alone, the greater my personal gifts have room to blossom.
With time I think we become kinda shameless .people already think i am selfish. It kind of sad but also liberating because they are not gonna expect much from a selfish person. But the secret is if someone comes to me for some help or my time . I would be ready for action as long as I am able to
I'm an INFP with Tritype 459. I'm not sure but I think the reason for others not enjoying or needing alone time might be due to when you are alone then they are left alone with their own thoughts. This can sometimes be overwhelming for some.
I read somewhere about how INFP's feel useless. I think that could be a result of being an observant type. You see things that just don't sit right with you and feel like you are incapable of making an impact with others. I think our need for so much alone time has to do with our ability to internalize how we personally feel about a situation and how it affects us while also trying to put ourselves in their shoes. You can only do that for so long before it drains you. You have no control over others or events. Alone time is like a safe haven to peace and serenity.
I am an INFP-T aaand I struggle to set boundaries for myself, I'm a very anxious and self conscious person, and am a bit of a people pleaser who hates confrontation. Sure I can handle expressing my feelings online and even arguing with strangers online, usually when they say something awful or utterly ridiculous. But when it comes to the majority of the time, especially in real life and around people I like. like friends and family....I am always worried about embarrassing myself or sounding mean or stupid. But I can give good advice for others and how to set boundaries to an extent. I know this stuff it's just something I really struggle to do for myself. I take care of others better than I do myself....at least I hope I help others in some way.
As a teacher, I really need my alone time to have my mind at rest or to be able to think things through. I like having lunch with my colleagues but only for the first half then I need to gather my thoughts for the afternoon. I even turn the lights off in my room because they're buzzing and glaring florescent bulbs. If I don't get time alone, it's almost like I start feeling claustrophobic and a bit panicky. I love to drift and daydream which is hard in this world.
Thanks for expressing this. I am a teacher also. I too work in my room with the overhead lights off, before & after school. I can feel them when they are on & it exhausts me. Just having them off helps me save a bit more of my energy. Also having lunch with colleagues tires me; having to listen to all the talk & be present to the conversation. When I find myself alone in the lunchroom on rare occasions it's such a relief. I prefer eating alone. I need that time to rest my mind & regroup for the afternoon. 😊
@@mysticat7652 It's like your words are falling from my mouth! I, also, think it needs to be said that there are many students who like a quiet classroom where they can think and do their best work. It's unfair for any introvert to be made to feel "odd" - it's just the way we are. I'm social to a point, and then I need some quiet space.
interesting that you said infps Can disengage even in a crowd, I found myself doing that often growing up. I came from a large family where alone time was nonexistent, so I thought it was kind of neat that I could disengage from the clamour and noise of being around a lot of people. I often now think about it and feel like it was a superpower. My alone time now as an adult is so important to my physical and spiritual well being as much as to my mental well-being. I've gotten better at setting boundaries about how much time I spend with people. I no longer feel guilty when I need to be alone.
I love being alone and do not feel it’s selfish. Alone time is essential. i love people but it’s often sort of exhausting being with them. It’s easier with close friends. When I’m alone, I can just relax. No guilt!
Your videos are awesome!
Thank you for this insightful video :)
I have to admit, being an INFP myself, this alone time issue is far more difficult than simply going into “boundary guru“-mode.
I value deep, honest relationships more than anything else, so I always feel I miss the opportunity to nourish those really important relationships when I spend time alone.
This bad feeling gets worse when someone asks me out on a day I wanted to spend alone. I HATE hurting other people and the choice between hurting loved ones and keeping my own sanity is... hard. To be honest, I do the weirdest stuff to avoid this situation... Do not laugh about me, but sometimes I hide, I ignore the phone, I make up other appointments, work... I make compromises and shift the date (just to feel awful when this date approaches)... it is no fun at all and I do feel horrible each time I behave like that. So why do I do it?
If I do not have enough aöpne time I feel even worse :(. It is an every day struggle.
Very relatable.
A common thing for me to say when I'm overwhelmed is "I can't deal with this" as I leave.
INFP here- used to feel anxious alone. As I've healed, become healthy, I am completely at peace and happiness when alone. Far as seeing boundaries I don't really have any friends so it's not hard. Occasionally a family member will visit. In this case I spend extra time alone, making sure I have a full charge. Knowing it's only temporary I can get through a few days without my coveted alone time.
Why do we crave to be alone? I believe it is because alone time gives us time to be selfish and to focus on our own feelings and needs. Often, around other people. it can be hard to tune out and think for yourself. You might find yourself adjusting your behaviour and actions to other people, so much that you start neglecting yourself. That's why even the most extroverted types, like ENFJs, find the thought of alone time so liberating. And that's why INFPs love alone time more than almost any other type in the Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator Universe.
Is your example not mostly the way it works with particulary the Fe as 1st or second function? (INFJ/ENFJ/ISFJ/ESFJ), which basically "forces" them to adapt to the group and it's harmony and such? I am not sure if other extroverted functions have that same mechanism?
I don't feel like I adapt much to the group at all. Instead, I hope to inspire the individuals who make up the group to be their authentic selves - by leading by example. But I'm older so maybe this comes with experience and greater self-confidence.
Hm, partially true for me. But first and foremost, I crave alone time to process emotions, experiences and new insights on life in general and to calm down my nervous system which gets overwhelmed way too fast :)
I get the best thoughts and insights when i am alone. I am very sensitive to extroverted sensing and feeling and feel an sense of unease or overwhelm( for example in an environment like the military where i was or playing soccer). But when i am alone i not only think about myself but people close to me ( how they think, feel), trying to understand them and how i can communicate with them in a better way. And also philosophising about the big picture of the world. I have to be careful to not become too disconnected from reality but when it’s done in balance , solitude is very relaxing and refreshing.
:)
my alone time (sometimes months) is literally sacred to me! 💖
Maybe also INFP's and INTP's need alone time due to weak porl Se in 7th slot, which makes them easily overwhelmed by the concrete external world?
Yes this is a big factor
As an intp, I do find I 'need' to be a reliable friend to my intimate friends. It's probably due to that Fe in 4th slot. If a bestie needs me at 3am, I'm there. Yes, I need alone time, but I do sacrifice it in service of loved people in my life, which is probably why I choose to have a few and not many.
@@Chatoyancify that makes sense
I personally feel like that's a major factor for me. I just have no clue how to have that type of forward momentum unless there's something critical going on. Most people around me are STs--they have no problem telling me what I lack or suck at, and those things happen to neatly relate to Se.
I am an infp and you are right I need so much alone time. And sometimes people push me in social situations even if I know that it can't work because I need to be by myself. And it is always as I expected it to be that I can't be the best of myself because I couldn't recharge.
I want my family to be around. I just want them to leave me alone. I'll make dinner and chat. Watch a movie and chat. If they need me I'm there. But please don't ask me what I'm reading. Dont ask me what I'm watching. You don't really want to know what I think. You think you do but you don't like it when I tell you. Just leave me be.
As an infp, I can say the alone time is more of a necessity to survive. When I was younger as an infp t I was more stressed and overwhelmed so would have to take long stretches going off the grid. And switching off to get my anxiety balanced. As I got older, meditation helped a lot cos the alone time would be used better. I’m not a routine type of person but I know there are some things that work and don’t work for me. And now being in my 30s I know alone time is essential to recuperate. Infps take a lot of information and emotions in when being around people. I can meet someone and within 2 mins get exhausted and now I have to just let that feeling pass. But I know I can’t do weeks of hanging out with people like others.
And if you’re an infp in flow you can be around people easily but what I’ve found is no matter what, you need that alone time to be a better person around others and be in flow. We contribute in different ways, somewhat like a spark or kind of reminder for others to look at details of life away from material but closer to nature and creativity and imagination. It took me years to be ok with being an infp cos I just didn’t wanna be considered a waste and I guess to not be a bother. But now I love it.
I used to feel bad about it, but as I got older I learned that there was no other way for me. If I don’t want to truly help or be there I won’t be able to hide it. I would hurt myself and whoever I’m “helping” or being there for as well. I have become far more honest about my love for alone time and how much I truly need it.
Erik, I'm a 40yr old INFP, I think, and I can't tell you how relieved I was when I discovered that I wasn't crazy or the only person in the world who feels or behaves the way I do. When I 1st viewed your videos on INFP, especially the stages of an INFP, it brought me to tears. Maybe all the potential people saw in me at a young age vanished when I became an opiate addict @ 17 & struggled with hardcore until around 10yrs ago & I'm 40 so that's a little over 20 yrs. An INFP in addiction magnifies your negative traits times 100. So now I'm in the process of trying to find what it is I am meant to do. At the moment I have an 8yr old & 18mon old daughters so I can totally relate to what you're saying about how you can handle more than what you think you can. It is amazing how much you grow & how much wiser you become the more life experiences you have. The more you force yourself to venture outside of your comfort zone the more diverse experiences you will have & thus a better understanding of how life & people work & where your attributes can best be utilized to achieve whatever g7joal you set out to accomplish. I am so
I crave aloneness so much right now. Family and taking care of my loved one has swallowed my life (won't go into particulars). There is real and vital needs I am meeting.... But I find it hard to breathe.
The good news is that I am having to grow through this. I am accepting that I am not so much stuck as held in this place. I am looking to learn my limits and patience is being grown. I am still carving out time for myself a little here and there. I am having belief that this is a season that has come and will go.
Thank you for the videos. I find you very calming and encouraging.
I am am INFP and I have learned how to be unapologetic about needing alone time. I like what you said about being alone in a group of people. I zone out all the time and my friends ask of I'm ok. I tell them I'm introverting. It's good to have friends that understand and don't get upset when I turn down invitations.
I adore being alone, I can listen to the music I love as loud as I like. I can create for as long as I want without interruption, no awareness of time, no stopping because people need me to cook, clean or drive them somewhere. But when I've had enough of that creative space, I absolutely LOVE cooking, clean or driving people places. I fill my tank, then I can fill other's.......but....I'm terrible with boundaries. I usually don't put my needs first and can only get this fill up time when I've actually pushed myself too hard, fulfilling needs of my family...and I burn out/or feel like I'll have a breakdown if I don't stop soon, then I'll screech to a halt and completely withdraw, if I'm allowed to. INFJ (but after your story about your friend, maybe ENFJ......but I really don't recharge around people, I feel the sucking of dnergy, so I'm not sure....)
Hi! Fellow INFP here, I'm being led by the Holy Spirit to say this everythere....But if you haven't believed on Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please i urge you to do so, for we are living in the final moments of the last days and Jesus's return is right around the corner! Please give your life to Christ before it's too late! Jesus loves you so much that he died for you! Just hand all your worries, depression, circumstances, emotions and cares to Him and he will take you in His loving arms and console you! Believe on Jesus today and be saved!
writingdreams amen!
Amen
Amen
Thank you for this!!!! I have spent my ENTIRE life running around people please because I am an INFP who was brought up in a dysfunctional and abuse home. I am 28 years old and ONLY over the last few month have I been doing my best to be authentic and unwavering with what is good for me!!!!
Your videos have truly left me feeling like a superhero rather than a just a misfit ( I actually LOVE being unique and would NEVER have it any other way) but it can be FUCKING EXHAUSTING ‼️❤️ Thank you thank you thank you for helping me Release the GUILT I feel around doing what’s RIGHT FOR ME!
I am so looking forward to being unapologetically authentic while still being loving and compassionate. BUT I will and am currently putting myself first because I KNOW that that is how I recharged my superpowers 🤩🙏🏻🌈😂
Great video Erik and it is a question I been asking myself a lot lately as an infp. Just turned 28 yesterday and I’ve spent the past few years following friends I’ve perceived to be mentors to give me advice on how to live my life. While it was good to humble myself and listen and serve others, I was also doing it from a place of projecting my unmet fatherly needs unto them and therefore idolizing them and losing myself inside them. As an infp, this can be very damaging and traumatic when expectations aren’t met and things go south as a result. In the past couple years I been getting this sense of comfort from the idea of spending time alone and doing things on my own. Slowly and surely I started to do that and would receive some backlash as being labeled “selfish” by certain extroverted concrete types. I had a lot of guilt and still do have some level of guilt and heavy emotions toward spending time with myself. Paradoxically, it is precisely why I should spend time with myself to feel these emotions and reflect on my belief systems and who I’m being and to sit with my shadows in order to let go and integrate these things in ways I can’t necessarily do when I am involved with others. And there are moments of peace and serenity that come with being alone at times too. Im leaving my codependent phase of life and I’m now learning independence and Individualism therefore I’m at a point where I value alone time more than anything and I’ve accepted any judgements from others toward having solitude and just let it be regardless. Pretty soon there will be a point of interdependence where there’s a healthy line between serving others and self and I’m not at that point yet in my life. Solitude is what you make of it and to me it’s natural and beautiful. Peace
im 28 and you literally described my present journey. Im curious to know how you are one year later...
There's a huge overlap in this regard between ENFJs and INFPs (especially since many people exist in between these two orientations) - the INFP can often rather easily prioritise their emotional-processing time, wheareas while the more ambiverted ENFJs can need an equal amount of alone time they will often struggle to do this when in the midst (or vicinity) of human interaction. For this reason, as you say, the extraverted varient is in far more danger of burnout (whereas the INFP burnout tends to come from over-tolerance rather than overactivity/socialising).
The supposition of evil as the manifestation of a 'cognitive opposite' is very interesting, and I imagine this perspective/experience correlates with the extent to which someone overvalues (or even over-relies on) their dominant stack. Many INFPs I know have a great relationship with their Te-Ne axis, and these individuals would have a harder time reconcilising with unconscientiousness (various archetypal Ne and Se dominants, for example) than the ESTJ.
Our unhappiness arises from one thing only, that we cannot be comfortably alone in our room. ... That is why the pleasure of solitude is seen as so incomprehensible.
--Blaise Pascal, Pensees, 9. Diversions
I think with me it's because most places where I usually am are places I have to be, not necessarily want to be. And if I do want to be there, I usually prefer a much shorter time than I wind up being there. At home I don't HAVE to engage, interact or "perform." The feeling of obligation isn't there, and that's freeing.
I think it also has to do with the fact its hard to find a flow that we can synergize with and charge up with people But we do crave social interaction its just we have to... kind of go against our flow to try to alleviate feelings of a lack of human interaction.Atleast in my case.. its hard for me to find a mind that will actually write a book back every once in a while. Its rare to find those people in our day to day lives.. Or someone to research things with and share our discoveries and talk about our interests in the topic. Its hard to find people to match my flow. I guess really im the one who's against the flow. So when im alone and away from the people that are flowing in the opposite direction. Im charging up.. but if I could find that one person to match my flow I'd want to be around them because there would be a synergy and generating positive energy.
I'm dealing with a couple people now in my life who don't understand me and won't respect my need for space and keep making things worse and causing friction because I'm going crazy and they just keep trying harder and harder to get approval by giving me gifts and making me food and basically forcing their way into my heart and im like GO AWAY STOPPPPP JUST STOPPP LEAVE ME ALOOONE GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE.
I CANT THINK STRAIGHT.
driving me out of my own house basically
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Morality is concerned with doing the right towards people, with respecting their needs. You are a person. Therefore your needs need to be respected aswell. :)
Or if you want a more group-oriented argument in favour of alone time: as you said, people do need alone time to function well. If they don't, their help becomes counterproductive. So if your sole goal in life is to take care of others, even then you need to take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of you for others.
Or to use a metaphor: if you want to support someone, you need to make sure you are supported yourself. If you are the chair with a broken leg, don't offer support your you'll both fall and be off worse. Take care of that leg first!
Anyways, thanks for the vid. This INFP was touched watching it. ^^
I am the queen of alone time as INFP, this year even managed to drop my parents of at the Christmas party with the whole family (for which I was invited), say hello to everyone without taking my coat of, go immediately back home in my car, read a good book at home with my two dogs on every side of me, and after 6 hours, to go back to the Christmas Party to go and pick up my (slightly drunk) parents....the last years they have been very accepting of my sometimes odd behavior, cause this way, there is more peace and harmony in the family. I do go to movies in my hometown by myself. IF I go shopping, I always go by myself. I have a lot of matches on Tinder, but cannot seem to get myself actually meeting one of them. I think I will be without a relationship for a long time still, or have a distant relationship. When I am alone, I can fully engage in my quirky activities, reading fantasy, learning all weird things, study psychology, sleep, read more books about how to actually write, sing, make music...and just contemplate everything. I am a psychologist, and I give a lot of myself in the week, with clear boundaries, and this makes me not guilty at all when I take a lot of alone time.
My good value as an INTJ is self-development. So my instinctive judgement of INFP etc is not if they be alone but how they spend that time. I judge myself if I waste my life and the same with others.
Omg I can’t wIt to get away from people esp this crappy corporate job
haha same, gonna be soo good. Corporate is not for infp's
I am kinda interesting, (still not sure) I do need to be alone but its to create my dreams and if i want to be alone alone ill do an alone camping which is my favorite thing to do!!! and honestly one thing i have been doing is understand why i want to be alone don't want to do something is it cause im lazy is it cause im scared or comfortable. Sometimes i just need to do something new push myself. go to the club sober with my closest friends. Scare yourself and dare yourself. idk i have been happy by doing so
4 months into my self isolation and I finally feel ready to talk to my loved ones again 🙃👌 Honestly i needed that time though. Almost everything in my life dramatically changed in the last year and I've been in an emotional hurricane the whole time. I felt like I'd never known my own identity to begin with and this pandemic has only magnified that problem with the only visable solution being to either ignore my lack of self and wander through life in agonizing aimlessness or to hole myself away with nothing but my thoughts and time. I don't recommend anyone do this for nearly as long, though, because I did feel more depressed and anxious than usual and I'm sure going that long in relative isolation isnt good for anyone. But hey,...self discovery??
I agree with your ideas on needing time alone. its basically recharge time.
Infact, the only reason( most of the time at least) I go out with family or friends is because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I do it out of a sense of duty, rather than a genuine interest in the event. If I try to explain why I don't feel like going out, it usually ends up in a an argument/confrontation which I try to avoid at all cost....so instead I just tag along to avoid all the drama.
I like being alone because I can posses what i thinking but when I am alone for more that a day I start over thinking everything exsoecholy friendships and I get in these moods where I feel like I need to be alone but I need the opposite i need to be with friends
thanks for appreciating infps. Came to ur channel on days I feel misunderstood for being my natural self. And I’m learning to see my quirks in a positive manner 💜 Alone time is part of my hierarchy of needs :) If I don’t get any, I grow frustrated and easily annoyed 😄
As an INFP, I sometimes get the impression a lot of extraverts criticize those of us that want alone time and claim we are being selfish because they are projecting their own fears rather than there being anything intrinsically bad about spending time alone. I mean, are monks and nuns evil for spending their entire lives in seclusion from all other humans? If so, then St. Francis of Assisi etc., were the worst human beings whoever lived. I exaggerate, of course. I imagine many extroverts get rather antsy when they are forced to spend time alone and so our love of solitude reminds them of their own weakness which is why they are so quick to label our choice as bad or selfish. They may also be looking at those of us that actively seek to have time alone a bit like how some people look at a person with a disfigurement or disability. You know, they fear what they don't understand or that seems strange or different so automatically demonise it rather than trying to see if there might be something they could learn from our approach. In the end, we just have to follow our own values and intuitions and take as much alone time as we need because to do otherwise would be to betray ourselves, to live inauthentically. And we would pay a much bigger price for inauthenticity than what we suffer from the ignorance of others. After all, anything we do that feels inauthentic is like stabbing ourselves in the stomach. So, it's better to suffer the insults we get from others than inflict psychological wounds on ourselves. We will wound ourselves more deeply than anyone else ever could. So take your alone time and bring your light into the world when you've regenerated.
Thank you for your thoughts. For me, alone-time often isn't a conscious choice but more like an addiction. ;)
I for myself can say that I often just think "I don't have to offer anything for this world. How should it be that someone needs me and my advice?" I guess most INFPs are really aware about thier limitations, the transience of life (and how replaceable we kind of are because energies are going to balance each other out. Where we are not showing up someone or something else will).
So, we are not important for others or the world therfore there isn't that big necessety that we interact with this world.
From this perspective I guess alone-time isn't a good or bad thing. I really belive bad advise does more harm to people than no advise at all. I only want to help where I feel or think that I'm helpful in.
I think there are so much ambiguites in INFPs. One of them is that even if a lot of us struggle with axieties around social situations (what hint that we not trust everybody), we tent to belive that everybody is good and capable (maybe somtims exept for ourselves). This belive in the capability of other people and the world at large lets us realise that there are so many options and still no need to get involed with them.
So alone time and even clansing into space around people isn't selfish but detached from this real world actual stuff. If I act in reality I'm not at all good in setting bounderies or even holding myself accountable for tasks or stuctures I set for myself... But this detached few is somehow like I would be a ghost who has no bounderies and needs none because I somehow can slide through.
I have designed my life such that I have a significant amount of alone time. I am in my 60's and I feel significantly more comfortable with that than I did when I was younger. Sometimes I justify this to myself by saying, "I've done my time." What that means is that, I feel I often sacrificed my needs for others in the work, relationship and family arenas for years, and now I feel like I cant anymore. I don't think that is the course for all or perhaps the majority of INFPs I had a hard time coming to accept myself. Not sure why, that's just how it was for me.
As you alluded to in your video, there are gifts to the outside world that can come from time spent alone. As I have aged, I am more inclined to want to contribute in that way, rather than using my sensitivity, insights and creativity in the hustle and bustle of daily human interations. This doesn't mean a retreat to a hermitage. It's just changing the mix between me alone and me and others.
Btw I've managed to make an INFP friend these days and he talk about himself and his opinions for hours while I just quietly listen finding it all interesting - but most of all how interesting he seems to be feeling about himself (so it seems so magical to me, cause I could never demonstrate anything sincere , hiding my feelings is what I do for a livivg) so, again, maybe you just need the right Friends.
I appreciate the digs at infps. Lol I thought it was funny and true. 😂
I'm missing out on discussion of good and evil. Where is it at?
My last video, and on the forum :)
Oh and like you have in your description, I am doing that. I'm going to live on a property (moving in two months) where I can grow my own produce, create new gardens and have my own dedicated art and writing studio......morning til night. Yay!
Thank you, Erik, for expressing exactly what I’ve been feeling lately, and at many times throughout my life. When expectations by others seems to be more than I can possibly give, if I’m to remain in equilibrium, I start to feel so bad about myself, and start wondering if maybe I don’t deserve to have the people I care about in my life. It’s not a good place to be, but a place many INFP’s find themselves in often through life; of not being enough. Usually, for me, this just means I need to renegotiate some boundaries until life feels comfortable again, and then I realize it’s not quite so dire. But, I hate it when I’m here. Thanks so much for expressing these feelings so well!
A good metaphor will be the instruction in the plane that we have to don our oxygen first before helping others. We need to take of ourselves before helping others. Great ideas and realizations come when we are alone sifting through our emotions and analyzing data and making sense out of them.
omgosh you are just so cute thank you so much for being authentic like this it's beautiful
tack för att du ser oss och förstår oss. awesome video!
I love and appreciate your videos so much! You understand so much about being an INFP for not being one yourself. I very much enjoy my alone time and spent so much of my life feeling guilty for it, or weird that I enjoyed my own company over being with lots of people. Don’t get me wrong, I love social interaction with my good friends (in short bursts) - in fact, I could spend all day with my ISFJ bff and not feel overspent because we can sit in silence and just “be” without pressure to fill the silence with idle talk. That being said, I have to have alone time to recharge and unwind and gather my thoughts - and am often accused of being anti-social. It’s not that I’m anti-social at all, I’m just pro-solitude 😊 thanks for these videos and happy new year!
This so spot on!! We absolutely need the alone time. It's so hard to justify to others tho, right? I tried to tell a friend last week that I didn't want to do movie night and instantly her reply was "BUT WHY???" 🤦🏾♀️🥴🤣
I'm an older ENFP and I could completely relate to this. we get way more balanced with our introverted side as we get older and setting boundaries is still a huge challenge for me that I am working on.
I need alone time because I tend to find it more enjoyable. I have a lot of fun with the people I’m really close to however, and it’s more so those that don’t understand me (who think I’m cold), that make me tired and retreat. Being able to be myself isn’t and hasn’t ever really been a choice for me, I either am or I’m not. It can be super annoying sometimes, especially is there’s people I want to connect with but simply I can’t. Being alone is basically just my natural state lol.
For me being INFP-A alone time is recharging the batteries to heal,to take care of self, and be ready for when someone will know needs me ...they come to me cus I listen and help when I can ...my alone time sometimes can take days or months if I been hurt bad...I just want to do things by myself.. so I will be better for others when they need me...I am one to burn my candle at both ends all the time that's how one gets frazzled and burnt out...so they me that's not evil that utterly the best way to help everyone and be good to self too...evil to me is someone that totally doesn't care about nada, no morals, no respect if I set a boundary to a friend there is a reason it's not selfish or as a friend told me I'm controlling cus I set a boundary no it's not controlling it's safety and healthy to do especially when they are the reason I need the alone time...I work better with ideas and creating when it have that space ...I don't want to be alone all the time yet sometimes I just need to be around people even if I'm not really acknowledging people in conversation or other things...I will go read a book in area where people walk by and it works for me...that's just me...
Ugh I am not one to burn the candle at both ends word got left out oops
TY TY
Happy New Year 2021😘🎉
I'm happy that I learned my proper MBTI type. Now, life makes more sense.
I clear the energy in my house and my own energy often.
Alone time isn't done out of an insecurity for me.
I'm totally relax when I'm alone. Alone time is absolutely necessary for me to recharge. I accept that I require much alone time as a processor to tune into myself
to think and to recharge.
I used to have issues with setting boundaries. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries with everyone is absolutely necessary.
I absolutely love my personality and personally accepts my flaws and my strengths. I strive to learn something new about myself daily.
#Self Worth
#Self Care
#Self Love
#Infinite Possibilities
#Angel 👼 Number# 432; 543
INFPs will spend 15 lost years sat in their room and ppl will think nothing is happening. Suddenly for the INFP everything comes together and they have a huge breakthrough which they’re able to share. To the outside it seems miraculous, to the INFP it is just another day.
I feel as if that is what I was meant to do. I would lose myself without the time alone. I rarely feel bad about caring for my stability.
You are so funny and I laugh because I can relate 100% and feel sorry for myself all the time...I could tell you were peeved at the very start. Love your videos and thank you for making these videos even when feeling bad.♡
Sometimes its just therapy for me lol, making videos!
You understand infp so well it's mind blowing! 🧠💥😻
Alone time helps process a backlog of residual emotions felt throughout the week, I try to give myself 2 days to process while working to stay grounded (cleaning, meal prepping, something productive without a timeframe or pressure to finish at a specific time). For me, I work as a massage therapist, self care is not negotiable since it personally impacts people when I'm overwhelmed and burnt out. Alone time isn't fun 100% of the time and that's important as well, it's gives you that space to feel the "petty" emotion of being frustrated that "ESTP Karen" spoke needlessly harshly over something mundane that may have been trivial to me and accepting that both our viewpoints have value and gives permission to let that feeling go so it doesn't get stuck (if that makes sense 😅)
Cupcakes are the best down day treat, in the US we have Nothin' Bunt Cakes and they have pretty good mini bunt cakes.
I hope you feel a bit better :)
I live alone all my life. I grow n stay true to all the things you pointed out in the video alot if healing too needed. My support believe needing alone time means I'm struggling n isolating. They really believe everyone is active n socialisers n do not get others are different. I hate that because I have to fight their pushy ways to have my alone time without them going psycho on me for it.
For me at least, the best-case scenario is being able to take all the alone time I need so I can regain energy, doing the things I like to do, thinking about this and that, but then being able to be with other people and be social whenever I feel like it. Being able to be alone without the worry of getting lonely is really rejuvinating and rewarding.
I think I really need peace and quiet to let emotions float to the surface, to get a chance to think about whare I am in life and to not have to adept to others for a wile. I also seam to need a lot of sleep.
This is such lovely insight, thank you.
Erik dont feel guilty for saying No n Being selfish in that way - it isnt being rude . Nikola Tesla said the most consistent Energy ~ Power is achieved with breaks in between , creating a continuous Continuum in thrust of renewed energy ( Entergy came up in my spelling bar 2xs , is that a word ?? ) in Momentum . N your not a
robot ' ! Also that wouldnt be Living Your Life N that wouldn't be a Good example - I'm putting a guilt mech n tech of an alibi there for You to utilize if You choose to of course . I dont believe Dharma necessarily pertains to Your personal Life unless it's Your own Element to be Anchored here by Providence n Youd be frustrated , n shouldn' t feel at fault in the mess , not one person should carry on His own . I'm so Happy to see Yourself , taking in a Happy treat , the Pink cupcake ........ HopenWish You enjoy Your Holiday )
I really like lisstening to you you seem like a very intelegent and kind soul Thank you for making videos and teaching others
Charming... and True...
You are just so wonderful, I love your videos. 💖
I need a lot of alone time but I'm constantly getting caught up in my own head about being more productive and keeping up with all the ideas I have. I start projects with part of an idea, and I go the end of the part I have in mind, then it sits and waits for me to get the next part. But until I have that next part, it feels like unfinished business and nags at the back of my mind. In a way, it's a good thing because that means I will usually return to it. Still very annoying though.
I’m an INFP, but I really struggle with people-pleasing, and wanting to do things with others when they ask me to. I have a hard time setting those boundaries.
They can't crave it more than me, INFJ
So I watched this video titled "if you need space you are inauthentic". This was mainly about relationships and you or your partner needing time to think. Could you say whether or not this is could be true for true introverts? would it be that if I would be (more) authentic I don't need (as much) alone time anymore?
You understands me so well ...lol I have to find an INFJ bojfriend. I'm so over it...the lockdown doesn't help with the alone time either. Because I don't want to be alone...want to hug somebody :( ..mybe a cat.
7:18 kindness come from sadness, my friend.
I like going to concerts by myself!
You're so cute Erik! I love you ❤
When this video started, I thought, Uh oh, Erik really needs his coffee :-). My good INFP friend needs a lot of time alone, and she is usually pretty good about telling me so. It reminds me of the Swedish American actress, Greta Garbo, who said. "I want to be alone!"
You are great 😃
Erik there's a corollary to needing to be alone: high quality time with others. Takes a bit of planning. I predict (INTJ as you know) that you will find a way to work at home in your private space. So, then you can plan your social life. Eat a cupcake for me.
13:02 you are much more amasing then you've considered so far! Please see it
Eric, why are the comments disabled on your (old) video called "Wait, Extroverted Intuition Is Real?!"
I literally saved this video in a playlist named “just in case i need to explain this to someone without getting too emotional lol” djhfhdbs