What your "Attachment Style" says about You w/ Dr. Matthew Breuninger
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- Опубликовано: 24 авг 2024
- Full Episode: • Ask a Catholic Therapi...
In Psychology terms, your "attachment style" is how we see and handle ourselves in loving relationships. Dr. Breuninger explains how our attachment style, healthy or unhealthy, can also affect our relationship with God.
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Sir, please start a youtube channel or podcast. This type of content, in a catholic perspective, is gold!
Behold: ruclips.net/channel/UC9MwJyySI7a8wrAUDCyfqRA
@@magnusmoron thanks!
Definitely check out Dr Peter Malinowski, another faithful Catholic clinical psychologist with a very informative podcast, quite similar in style to Dr. B.
@@magnusmoron behold!!! 😂😂😂
@@magnusmoronthanks!
I grew up in what I would say was an emotionally distant relationship with my parents. “Kids should be seen but not heard”. I grew up afraid of my dad and he was never someone I ever went to when I was distressed.
As a kid I never viewed God as my father, nor did I feel that was as a younger adult.
Now my relationship with God is completely different. In my worst times of life I have turned to my faith for support. And that relationship has gotten way stronger than I had thought possible.
As a dad, I have been there for my kids in every way that my own dad was not. In fact my dad has looked at my relationship with my kids and said that he is sorry he never told me that he loved me when I was growing up, because I say it all the time to my kids. My dad said his own father didn’t tell him that he loved him either. But my dad wanted to let me know he loved me. And that he is sorry for the corporal punishment that he used when we annoyed him.
So don’t be afraid of what attachment style you grew up with. You can change it and have a different style for others. You can break the chain and have a healthier attachment style than the one you grew up with or are used to.
Insecure attachment: anxious, leans in
Avoidant attachment: pulls back
Secure attachment: attuned, warmth, empathic, consistently. Lower rates of depression mental health. Better relationships
Learn about your attachment style and know you can act your way into another attachment style. Repair the raptures.
A disorganized / fearful-avoidant attachment: develops when the child’s caregivers - the only source of safety - also become a source of fear.
People with this attachment style are inconsistent in their behaviour and have a hard time trusting others.
"The disorganized attachment style is believed to be a consequence of childhood trauma or abuse. Perceived fear is the central aspect of its development.
The survival of the infant/child depends on the caregivers. The child knows that subconsciously, so he or she seeks safety in the caregivers. A problem arises when the source of safety becomes a source of fear.
If the caregivers show highly contrasting behavior, which is inconsistent and unpredictable, the child can start fearing his or her own safety.
The child does not know what to expect. Nor does the child know when the caregiver will meet their needs, if at all.
Another reason for fear is having or witnessing a traumatizing experience that involves the attachment figure.
(...)
"Adults with a disorganized attachment style lack a coherent approach towards relationships. On the one hand, they want to belong. They want to love and be loved.
While on the other hand, they are afraid to let anyone in. They have a strong fear that the people who are closest to them will hurt them.
Adults with a disorganized attachment style fear intimacy and avoid proximity, similar to individuals with an avoidant attachment style. The main difference for disorganized adults is that they want relationships.
These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable.
They do not reject emotional intimacy; they are simply afraid of it. Adults with a disorganized attachment style continue to view the attachment figure (once, their caregiver, and now, their partner) as unpredictable.
They have trouble believing that their partner will love and support them as they are. These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable.
This mindset can turn into a form of self-sabotage, causing the disorganized adult to end a relationship prematurely.
It might also be a type of self-fulfilling prophecy. So, the disorganized adult expects and predicts that they will be rejected by their partner. Even when there are no such signs, he or she starts behaving in a way that leads to fulfilling the expectations (the end of the relationship).
It is also a self-fulfilling prophecy when an individual with a disorganized attachment style chooses partners that induce fear. Thus confirming their perception that they can’t trust other people (emotionally or physically), no matter what."
From the Attachment project: Disorganized Attachment: Causes & Symptoms
Great summary!
Thank you posting the notes
For all their limits and mistakes, I was so lucky to have parents who helped me feel safe. Until I went off to school I was convinced I was beloved. There were a lot of bumps along the way and they had plenty of warts, but until I grew up and saw what others had (or didn’t have) that I realized how blessed I’d been!
Thank you this. I've heard and realized it in myself, that how my attachment and how I percieved my father to be is how I see God to be.
But know, you made me realize that this is also how I am attached to God.
One of my favorite videos this far. I have studied attachment theory but I love when psychology is applied with a Catholic perspective. This helped heal some wounds. God bless
This is A-MA-ZING!!!!!
In so many levels.
Thank you to both of you!
This is such wonderful information and I love getting it from a Catholic perspective. This is VITAL info for everyone.
So interesting about attachment styles and our relationship with God. That explains so much about our current society and our struggles.
This explains so much is incredible how much we don’t know about ourselves and how this little information can help so much to become a better person, parent, Christian. Thank you
I bought the Attachment book you mentioned, and it's amazing how much it shows me about my youngest daughter and her recent breakup with her first boyfriend. I'm also sending a copy of it to my son who wants to be a Catholic psychologist when he finishes his work in the military.
Wow. The host started crying. He wants to be a better parent. We all want to be better. I was secretly wanting the doctor to say...its about noticing and saying sorry..
Then Bam! At the end he said we always rupture. The difference is the good and healing parents REPAIR. Or attempt to do so. 🤗🌹☘
Thank you. i NEEDED THIS. I just ordered the book 'Attached' by Levine.
Wow.... This helps me understand my challenges with growing closer to God. God bless you both🙏
That guy has an awesome voice
Guaau, very insightful about attachment style! Thanks and God bless 🙏
Thank you, thank you!!!! This should be taught from the pulpit on a regular basis, from pediatricians, from families, etc. I wish my parents had known about this.
This was excellent!!!
You have such interesting topics. Thank you and GOD BLESS
This is gold.
Looking forward to more episodes with this great man. Thank you and God bless!
I like learning about psychology cause I get to understand way I am. But unfortunately it also makes me resentful to my parents for their mistakes and it's unfair. I don't want to be mad at them.
I went through the same thing when I started understanding that so many of my wounds came from my parents. Anxious attachment here 🙋🏻♀️
I resented them for a few years, but as I grew in my relationship with God (knowing that he wasn’t disappointed, dismissive, or demanding as I thought he was growing up) I began to realize that I both acknowledge they hurt me AND live in forgiveness. Having my own kid changed my relationship with them as well. I now can see that while they hurt me, they did their best, and I can turn to God with the trust that he’ll supply what is lacking.
Right on time for me. Great podcast.
I'm a really anxious guy. Really worried that God will leave me. Good to know that yea, this is how I am currently. Lord help me please
AMAZING talk and very helpful.Thank you so much. God bless you gentlemen.
Wish I knew this information before I became a parent decades ago
Thank you! I needed this reminder today! I really hope you would include more videos on catholic parenting!
So helpful! Thanks for bringing in the psychological perspective with our Catholic faith.
Thank you!! That was so amazing and helpful! 💕
Hmm this is very interesting. I never would've thought about this.
Great content, loved this!
Oof… I most likely am avoidant then. Also, so much of this is very interesting and useful to think about
I see how to change your interactions with your children, but for those who did not have a secure attachment style or who had childhood emotional neglect, how can they relate differently with God?
This was awesome, more of this please!
That was beautiful.
Hello, I hope you are having a wonderful day!
We just had our first child and This interview got me interested in the theory of attachment. Is “attached” the main book Dr. Matthew Breuninger recommends on the top or is that just the first that came to his mind? I just looked up attachment books on Amazon and they have a lot as usual hahaha.
Also, I really appreciate all the work you and your crew do. You are amazing, keep it up stud muffin 😁!
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
Wow this is gold!
Can a person have a different attachment style for each parent?
great
Awesome!
Focusing on our “attachment-style” to things of this world seems to me to be a very bad approach.
There was a day when I examined my religious feelings and followed them back in time, and suddenly saw - and deeply experienced - that all my religious emotions were connected to early experiences with my parents, and that my feelings about God were projections of my early feelings for my mother and father. I saw the feelings for what they were, and the projections lifted and dissolved. And seeing that, I was suddenly free from forcing myself to believe in dogmas that didn't make sense, or believing in an old book full of - let's be honest - a lot of horrible scriptures that I used to overlook or try to explain away (and in between them some very poetic and nice ones, as well).
It was like recovering from a kind of mind rape that had been going on for years. I could think clearly and freely again without being subconsciously ruled by projections. My ethics didn't change much (except I didn't have to believe that homosexuality in a loving relationship between consenting adults was a sin, even though it hurts no one), and if the dogmas and the Bible had made sense, I'd have kept them.
To meet the world without the thick sheet of dogma between me and the experiences ... It was both wonderful and scary, but so much more real.
I suggest you address some of these dogmatic or scriptural problems with Dr. David Anders. I think he can help you resolve what you believe to be dogmatic based on the readings of the Old Testament. He is on at 2 pm central time. The show is Called to Communion, here on RUclips. Good luck
@@fernandocavuto1449 When I say dogmas I am just referring to the basic Christian doctrines, that is the Credo.
My leaving the Church was much more about the basic doctrines/dogmas than about the Old Testament , as the O.T. was never central for me as a believer. (Edit: I saw the O T as a history of the beliefs and religious developement of fallible men, and not as an infallible text giving a true description of God, but it was still problematic that it was seen as "spiritual food" and often described as true stories meant to give inspiration to the believers, though I know the Catholic Church doesn't take everything as literal as many Evangelicals do)
But since you mention it, if you do see the Old Testament as a true story about God and his people, and if you see all the prophecies and rules in the Old Testament as God's actual will at the time for the Old Pact (and not as primarily man made), I don't think that is possible without a lot of cognitive dissonace.
Like 1. Samuel 15:2-3
"This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt. 3 Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.’”
And this is just one of the places in the OT where God is ordering the killing of babies.
Check out Jeff Cavins' Bible Timeline resources to knit it all together.
@@mailill --So what are you now, if I may ask?