If you enjoyed the music, Ryan Probert has graciously made all of it available on his channel. Here's the credits track, as I'm sure plenty of people are looking for it: ruclips.net/video/Rxrzoc35cpU/видео.html If you don't have time to watch the full video, all you need is at 45:17.
You're rad as hell. Thanks for your entire catalogue of work. You talent and dedication to this art is a beautiful display. Thank you for sharing it with the world! :^)
*"What's reality? I don't know. When a bird was looking at my computer monitor I thought, "That bird has no idea what he's looking at." And yet what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. The bird is okay even though he doesn't understand the world. You're that bird looking at the monitor, and you're thinking to yourself, I can figure this out. Maybe you have some bird ideas. Maybe that's the best you can do."* - Terry Davis
I think he's talking about himself when he said that...like he can't tell what's real or not cause of his sickness and he is a little aware of it sometimes but all he can do is try to live safe and do the best he can even though he can't fully understand the world
1:12:20 "Forgive me I have to try and figure out why I remembered.... That I love you" Damn it's heartbreaking hearing him trying to come back to his senses after his episode.
Having owned many birds through my life, I was wondering why his parrot was singing such an annoying tune. Then I realized: it’s always been listening to Terry’s randomly-generated hymns and was imitating their arrhythmic tunes.
It sounds like a cockatiel to me-- my own likes to "remix" things we've whistled to him into his own songs; I wonder if Terry's was doing that, too? Music randomized by a computer, randomized by a bird...
@@johndcoffee632 That's how you deal with people suffering from schizophrenia. Constructive conversations and interest around things they are passionate about. It essentially distracts them and pulls all of their attention to the one topic. He needed more of that, less of the online LOLCOW crowd bs that pushed him over the edge.
"Forgive me, I have to try and remember why I love you." This guy was an untreated Schizophrenic for sure. I hope the people that know his story will show more compassion on people that have altered minds. I truly believe that a lot of the egregious things Terry did and said he had absolutely no control over. I think the challenge for us is to love these people despite the flaws that their diseases make so apparent.
The scariest part is that he was being treated. Just it wasn't enough. The American healthcare, and mental healthcare system is pathetic. He was getting support, but it simply wasn't enough, and he ended up still falling through the cracks. Truly tragic, but also truly preventable.
In these kinds of situations i believe it'dbe very real and valid to send him to a psych ward until the right treatment is found and his condition can be stabilized. My brother also has schizophrenia but is living alone in peace & indefinite medication that works. edit: in Finland.
@@AoE2_Ice I might have come off a bit misleading, my brother isnt being held at a ward or anything, he lives alone merrily in arguably better mental health than me 🤣But thank you in any case.
The part wheres hes screaming at his parents and becomes lucid enough to realise what hes doing is heartbreaking. Even in that moments hes having a break he says i need to figure out why the hate came in, poor guy needed support not the harrasment he received .
When i was in a mental hospital i knew this kid who was similar to him. If you talked to him about math or science he could just go on and on about all the things he knew and it was amazing. He was only about 16 and he knew so much and seemed very passionate about learning. All the kids were banned from discussing God or religion, we were also banned from discussing things that dealt with "unreality" because it would trigger him. Some little asshole thought it would be really funny to start talking to him about how "god doesnt love you". He started freaking out and losing his shit, he pushed people then climbed onto a table and kneeled on it screaming to the ceiling "I REPENT I REPENT PLEASE FORGIVE ME I REPENT". They had to bring in 3 of the biggest nurses to give him this shot called "booty juice" that knocks you out cold. Schizophrenia is no joke, and people really shouldnt feed into because it so harmful to the person with it.
That’s kinda funny. I know someone who came out of a mental hospital recently and one of the things I remember them telling me about is the stuff called booty juice that they had to give to someone.
@Seth Gore i was in a mental hospital for a period of 45 days before i was transferred, i think it's quite unethical now that i look back on it, but there was a particularly violent little girl, maybe the age of 7 or 8. i heard from some of the other kids and maybe the staff about some speculations on what was wrong with her. it usually boiled down to abusive living conditions. frequently, if i recall correctly around at least once a day, there would be some incident, she would cause a scene, all the kids would be cleared out, and we'd sit either in another room for a duration usually around 30 minutes while they got her under control. being the age of 15, and the others around the same, we found it funny that they would essentially tranquilize people who would do this sort of thing. we never saw what they did after the kid was "neutralized" i guess they would just fall asleep for a few minutes. there was a room in the center of the ward separate from the other rooms they would put people in that needed that sort of isolation. for example, anyone who had needed to be calmed down after a violent episode, or one specific case that may sound strange. she rarely spoke, and maybe had a serious speech impediment, or minor mental deterioration. this person would join us for daily activities and such at their discretion, but always had to go back to that one room that was isolated. apparently they would have some violent episodes just like the other kid, but much less frequently. i don't recall witnessing any.
I had to stop eating my spaghetti and started crying while watching this.I have never cried this much from a youtube video. This man had so much wasted potential and went through so much torment caused by his own mind. I hope he found peace.
@@sumwon1575 i mean you clearly have no valid points since you are replying to every comment saying the exact same thing, probably making you laugh because finally you see someone in a worse state than yours 🙃
Grohlvana in some way i found it very uplifting. I guess it was his sheer vision, dedication and talent/creativity. Sadly along with mental illness that got the best of him... but has inspired me to work harder on my projects and strive for the level of achievement he was chasing
The current Pope is very well educated and almost certainly knows what a compiler is. He probably couldn't write one though, so it's still 1-0 to Terry.
Wow. This is the kind of documentary you'd normally have to pay for. Kudos to the creator, this was respectful, researched, clear, and well-formatted. I really have nothing negative to say.
Yeah. Over an hour of content, and all of it is in a neat, clean, package that doesn't waste your time anywhere. Just finished seeing a video of him explaining the Hurdy Gurdy machine. He talks about being able to give information about it because he's learned to play it. From what I understand, a feat in itself. When you look at this guy's videos it's pretty obvious he's an educated, talented guy
And the narrator is probably one of the best around! I swear, RUclips is a hot bed of raw talent in just about every area if you can wade through the hollow corporate drivel to find the gold.
I hate to be a downer here, but I think his experience is not isolated in the slightest, at least in the US. I bet for each of the people like him, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar people that go unnoticed by society. It's kind of heartbreaking, knowing they used to have families and friends...
Schizophrenia is a degenerative mental illness - much like Alzheimers progression can be slowed down but not stopped or reversed. At the point where Terry became unemployed effective treatments were virtually nonexistent and even today there is little that can be done about advanced Schizophrenia.
orian cunningham stupid point, you’re missing the big picture, yes he did great, remarkable things, but there are thousands out there just like terry that are failed because of the world we live in
The moment he goes briefly lucid and talks about remembering "that I love you" is heart breaking. When episodes get bad it really is like that, you forget the way you really feel.
also as someone who isn't schizophrenic but is borderline and has some delusions relating to the people in my life, i cant attest to the schizophrenic experience but i can attest to the borderline one. and sometimes when you get so, so angry at someone over something so, so small, and internally wish violent death upon them and wonder why youre still friends and why you ever saw anything good in them -- wonder what the good you saw even *was* -- and then come back down two hours later bawling your eyes out because you legitimately forgot that you loved someone. you forgot everything good about your closest friend and you wanted them to die. what kind of friend even are you? arent you a bad person for thinking that way just because you were convinced for a fleeting moment that that person might leave you...? well, i do that maybe three times a week.
I can totally agree with that. As a schizophrenic, when I end up in a bad episode, there are moments of lucidity where I become overtaken with the realization of what is actually happening and it's really crushing.
Moments of lucidity can be heartbreaking. Sometimes they know they will eventually degrade back into insanity and it is sad when they realize that they will return to their own paranoid delusions. It is also sad because that is them, whenever they have moments of lucidity, you have them in their true form, but, soon, they will return to their insane behaviors, and it is heartbreaking.
109 Imps is on the Brutal Doom guys list from this day I think ^^ for the mortal sin on confusing large narrow sighted publisher decisions with the end all be all of fps's ;)
@@shupperwomp duuuuude. Have a side bar that shows where the piece will go while doing a battle royal, you can change it's position by a jump slam or something (can kill people) and a charging run (can also kill) to move it over a lane. That would be huge for a week 🤣
"I'm high priest of God's official temple, and my job is to look after the code." Not gonna lie, those words out of context would be pretty cool in a sci-fi "virtual reality" setting.
Man... That moment where Terry is in the midst of a schizophrenic episode, screaming at his mother, and he suddenly becomes lucid and remembers that she's a good person and he loves her... Makes me fucking tear up... What a horrible mental illness.
Remember one schizophrenic patient who would end up screaming at some of the nursing staff, then stops dead, walk to the little kitchen bit in the ward makes a cup of tea then drink it in one gulp, have a pleasant chat with any other patient about then walk back over and continues as if nothing happened. Miss working on the wards, glad of everyone I met there, was a really interesting time.
"So uh, who am I talking to? Um, I don't know. What's reality? I don't know. When my bird was looking at my computer monitor I just thought, whoa; that bird has no idea what he's looking at. And yet, what does the bird do, does he panic? No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. Yeah, he can kind of live, usually the bird's okay even though he doesn't understand the world, he can learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, uh, that's where I've been living."
@@buddygang9834 You dont code an entire OS by being a total idiot. Sucks a lot of genius's tend to have these mental problems. A little lack of a chemical in the brain and any one of us could have turned out that way.
1:12:19 "Forgive me. I'm trying to figure out why that... I remembered that I love you." This is where it hit me in the gut. What a tragedy for everyone involved.
Exactly. Is really frustrating knowing that so much angry or violent people, with any degree of mental problems, are trying to get a grip of love. And we can't help them.
martín escorcia just love them. Let them see that they can trust you. I know it sounds stupid and simple but it’s true. It won’t fix their mental problems or anything of the sort, but it comforts them. I know, because before I did exercise and sports, I was like that. I wandered around, wanting to be loved by anybody, yet I was rejected. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t see the family that supported me or my awesome friends. I focused on getting too much love from others, especially from a romantic relationship. I’ve grown, now. I’m a big boy who weightlifts, runs, did wrestling and rugby and I’m about to try out Krav Maga. It took all of that to recognize that I don’t need much love, and whatever I did need, I had a massive surplus within my best friends, my family, my fellow teammates and my coaches. When I struggled, people showed me patience. When I cried, people showed me grief. I was no longer alone. I thought a lot clearer and I was better. Show these folks some love. Let them know that you care about them. It’s not going to fix them, but try to make their existence a little easier :)
“I think I’m like a bizarre little person who walks back and forth. Whatever...haha, peace” -His last words on his last video, which was uploaded a few hours before he died
@@fatisdead7150 there is a reason why people who are mentally insane do not receive the death penalty or go to prison for committing murder, but rather go to psychiatric hosptials: its because they cannot be held accountable for their actions, as they do not hold proper control over them. Do you even understand what schizophrenia is? Its a very powerful psychosis that can't be fully controlled, even with drugs. If anyone is a filthy, immoral and ignorant pig, then it must be you for thinking that a cripplingly psychotic person should be held accountable for their racist statements and judged harshly.
Okay this is sad but Terry grumbling "Don't even know what a compiler is.... fuckin pope." under his breath remains to be the funniest fucking thing lmao
1:05:12 That was one of his lucid moments. He realizes he doesn't have a grasp of reality, and was able to make a truly beautiful metaphor to explain it. He realizes how lost he is and how much he struggles to make sense of it. It's heartbreaking.
During the clips of his livestream when comparing the early hours and the caffeinated "30+ hours awake" moments, it's almost night and day. While obviously not healthy or sane, you see little glimpses of self-realization of his behavior. I'm.. sad now.
Its so strange because I couldnt really get what he was trying to say basically 100% of the time but this moment was really eye opening which in itself is really confusing because we all consider this guy to be delusional yet he has able to provide a big revelation to me
I have to agree. I have a lot of "bird ideas" of life and nature of the globe and universe. But from this day on I will keep calling them Bird ideas, only to answer honestly if someone asks me why I call them that.
@gabriel I don't care, I have no respect for him. He wasn't saying the n word randomly he used it in a controlled manner when talking go people. People who are schizo can't control the words they say often repeating the same word. I don't think he's schizo. He's just a POS who think he's the smartest
1:12:10 "I'm sorry. I made myself... I don't know. You were good. I think I made myself... hatred, for some reason. I don't know. I... Forgive me, I'm trying to figure out why I... Remember, that I love you." Damn
This part made me cry, he has no control over his own psychotic mind but he has moments of lucidity when he can see how he's hurt her and apologizes, saying he's remembered he loves her. Tears.
Up until that point I viewed Terry as tragic but comical figure. After that I was like 'ohh man...' didn't find him amusing at all afterwards. Only tragic.
"When my bird was looking at my computer monitor, I thought, woah, that bird has no idea what he's looking at. And yet, what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can't really panic. He just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't even have a choice. Yes, he can kinda live, usually the bird's okay even if he doesn't understand the world, and he can kinda learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, uh, that's where I've been living. I think, if I had to guess, I think I'm in a mental program, I have had a fake internet, and I've been struggling to tell them it's God, but they don't listen. You're that bird looking at the monitor, and you're thinking to yourself, 'I can figure this out'. And maybe, you have some bird ideas, that are... maybe that's the best you can do." (Terry A. Davies, january 2017) "A caged bird in spring knows very well that there's something he can do, feels strongly that there's something to do, what is it? He can't remember, then he has some vague ideas and he tells himself, 'the other birds build their nests and have their chicks and they incubate their eggs'. Then he smashes his head against the bars of the cage. And the cage is still there and the bird aches in pain. 'That's an idler' says another bird, 'that's some kind of tenant'. Nevertheless the prisoner is alive, not dying, none of what happens inside him shows in the outside, his health is good, he's somewhat happy in the sunlight. But then the season of migrations comes. Melancholy strikes. 'But, ' say the kids who care for him in his cage, 'he has all he needs in here'. But he looks outside at the darkened sky, bloated in storm, and inside of him he feels the rebellion against fatality. 'I'm caged. I'm caged, therefore, I can't miss anything. You idiots! I have all I need, eh! Oh please, the liberty! To be a bird, just like all the other birds!'" (Vincent Van Gogh, july 1880)
“A bird can look at a computer monitor, but it can’t understand it… a bird is forced to live in a world it can’t understand” So sad, Terry had to live every day in a world he didn’t understand. It’s hard watching him struggle with his own mind so severely. I bet all he ever wanted was peace, to live in a world he understood.
That part really broke me, its like you can see on his face hes becoming lucid and almost seeing himself, then he immediately falls into a state again. heart breaking to watch.
I feel like that 24/7. I've been recently telling my mother how confusing and contradictory the world is in my eyes... It's hard to communicate to somebody how it feels to never be comfortable in your own skin
No bullshit , the part where he says "forgive me... I'm trying to figure out why I remember that I love you" stopped me for a while. I had to pause the video and grasp the vastness of Terrys' sickness. The part is grim and deep. EDIT: Also something you may consider. People who have this kind of disorder are not always blabbering about nothing. Most of times there are hints of truth in their paranoic talk. They are just exaggerating, but some things might be underlined and truly considered.
I think pratically all his blabbering was a desperate call for help, from a somewhat sanner part. the worse thing is that nobody was there to help him, and he started devolving more and more. may his soul find peace in a beatifull land, because in this one, he suffered too much.
Amid the vastness of his delusion there is a clarity in his vision, although it is punctuated with an occasional falter that resembles lucidity...I have to wonder how many other prolific and worshipped creators and artists suffered similar fates
I am a caregiver and previously worked in a home with an individual very much like terry. In these moments, it’s almost like they start to come out of a haze and realize they’re not making sense, they’re being manic and aggressive...only to find something to rationalize it again. It’s a very vicious cycle and it’s heartbreaking.
Poor bastard. Actually started to tear up at the end, watching him going deeper and deeper into a spiral of madness was too heartbreaking. Trying to remember why he loved his parents, having moments of clarity when meeting with fans. Just...RIP
@Reunite The British Empire or he could have been so delusional that he thought the train couldn't hurt him. I know a person very similar to this and 70 percent of the time he is fine.
Seeing him speak to that man at a McDonald’s is incredibly heartbreaking. You can see how smart he is and how much potential he had, if it weren’t for his complete loss of sanity.
@@HamguyBacon not to mention that, in a way, he was RIGHT- there WERE people trying to hurt him, though not for any meaningful reason past petty human cruelty i...wouldn't be surprised if whoever it was was impersonating the woman he was obsessed with was urging him to stop taking his medication....
It’s so crazy to see him be so out of it in his videos, but seeming much more lucid in conversation with someone that was genuinely curious in him and his bizarre projects. I’m sure it helped him to know their were people that genuinely took interest in him in a non-malicious manner
this video is longer than most movies a time marker would've been nice but fine ill just watch the whole thing to seen what your talking about no problem
the way he talks about the moses game is honestly kind of charming. He seemed pleased with what he made and when he laughed it seemed genuine. It honestly makes me sad because if it wasn't for the schizophrenia and all the symptoms that came with it, he might've been a really inspired person. its sad how mental illness can rule a persons mind to make them so delusional, and I hope that care for the mentally ill improves as time goes on.
It's weird. You see him having these profound moments of lucidity sometimes. Him talking about the bird looking at the computer really hit home with me. I dunno. Rest in peace my man, at least now you won't have to suffer.
Right? At first I thought "this fool is talking about a bird looking at a monitor" and dismissed it. Then he came full circle and used it as a comparison of his intellect to the common person. I was shocked at how well he wove that story.
That bird discussion got me too. He clearly was thinking about and working through concepts that are difficult for neurotypical people to wrestle with, let alone someone with schizophrenia. It's also amazing how skilled he was at programming such to the extent that he basically created an operating system from scratch. It also seems like his birds were well cared for and lived for a long time. Sometimes people with even severely debilitating mental illnesses can perform and even excel at certain specific tasks. His operating system may be bizarre and created for nonsensical reasons, but nobody can take away from the dedication and even intelligence needed to complete them. It sounds kind of cliche, but I hope he's happy now, wherever he is.
What really got me was the moment he was arguing with his parents and then suddenly stopped and apologized. Like it was such a 180 that it really got me.
A lesson can be learned from this, as with a lot of Fredrik's videos: _When you knowingly antagonize a person with known mental health issues, you're just going to make things worse._
Now that I think about it... isn't that what happened with etika? He seemed to suffer from some mental health issues and seemed to refuse to get help. Then he made a post about asking people when he should kill himself and people started messing with him and giving him actual dates. There's even a screenshot with someone asking on a specific date and etika killed himself near that date. Man, really wish people aren't dicks and realize poking at someone with mental illness can actually instigate something awful
Nick Jones I totally agree Nick. The trolls absolutely destroyed Chris Chan. He had issues, he loved toys and making his comics. Trolls blackmailed him, baited him into paedophilic issues (for just having a conversation with someone young, no image sending, no dirty talk.) He was broken by trolls. They’re also a She now as they’ve come out as transgender. Trolls should seriously get a taste of their own medicine. Sick, twisted motherfuckers.
Some people just love to pick on someone who is below them. It is a bad thing, and bad people enjoy it. In the end the bad people are looked down and if possible, punished. No one likes a bad person.
Jack Evans - Dobson For real, especially looking back there were some huge assholes. Though there were trolls that were trying to atleast get him to realize where he is and stuff. especially considering before everything he had a job. people like blue spike or the idea guys are just flat out terrible people. There’s always someone trying to get something out of her. just wish people would just stop and observe, if that happened i wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually moved on. obviously that will never happen, because of the constant feeding into her “dimensional merge” delusions and weens who think it’s still 2008.
This is one of the saddest, most pitiful stories I've ever heard. And I don't mean pity in some menacing way, I mean I truly feel sorry for Terry. The last years of his life were truly the most difficult for him. What a sad story.
I dunno, god told terry to build him an OS and... the crazy bastard went out and did it. If Terry went out knowing that he had fulfilled the purpose that god had given him, he has the rest of us beat.
The american heath care system with mental heath is really sad. He never got the attention he needed. And help of capable psychologists and/or psychiatrists.
This is honestly so depressing. We more or less have the time line of someone's dealing with severe schizophrenia up until the day he died. It really puts into perspective how destructive mental illness can be. It's a real life tragic story that we have pretty good evidence of as a result of the Internet coming into existence. Isn't that crazy?
@@user-xz4og4xo3j I agree. A lot of what he did was things we think, but just don't act on because we know it's crazy.. they never knew they were being crazy and fall into a pit
Hundreds upon hundreds of comments and literally nobody has mentioned how a weird loyalty to some 'Murican Evangelist hyper-Christianity probably pushed him WAY beyond the pale 🤔
@@alexritchie4586 although I will admit the major "Christian" evangelists use the same mental tricks a psychic uses. Along with using mentalism to profit and ruin the psyche of thousands. He probably ran into that as a kid for sure
This video doesn't really explain how much of a feat this was for him to make his own OS by himself, compiler, graphics engine, sound engine libraries etc. this is something that most people couldn't dream to achieve in their lifetimes. It would be similar to someone building a car entirely from scratch, including digging up the iron and forging it into ingots, then machining those into parts and finally putting them together into a design they entirely dreamt up themselves. This guy was truly a genius on another level.
That's overstating it significantly. Terry didn't write a full modern OS, he wrote essentially a 64-bit version of DOS32 with a barebones thread scheduler and terminal/GUI on top. It's not even in the same ballpark as something like Windows 3.1. In your car analogy, he hand built a 1 cylinder lawnmower engine with the crankshaft connected straight to the wheels and 2 lawn chairs duct-taped on top. His JIT compiler is actually more impressive from a programming perspective. The rest of it -- the graphics library/software tools/games/etc. are not particularly spectacular when you realize a talented programmer had 10 years of free time with nothing to do but sit in front of his computer. Not pissing on the guy, just keeping things in perspective.
@@funkyfedora5972 You realize that Terry didn't lookup on the internet how to code any of it tho right. He believed it was a sin against god to research that sort of thing because he wanted to find new ways of doing things so he would have essentially written it all himself and then he could finally phone home to god via the software. That was the whole point of it, a modern day noahs ark. He was instructed by god how to code it allegedly.
@@Runescape.I'm not too deep into the lore, but I don't know how true that is. The guy had been on the internet for years, had a masters in EECS and had apparently worked on embedded systems code for one or more companies before he became too disabled to work. He therefore not only had formal education in the basic theory of OS design and systems level programming, he also had experience with the actual low-level code of one or more commercial systems. Now if you told me he built his OS and compiler without ever seeing assembly code or consulting the Intel x64 developer docs, then I'd say he was a real genius. But as far as I can tell, he was just a talented programmer with a decade of time on his hands. All of the really tough parts of OS design -- preemptive multitasking with synchronization, efficient virtual memory management, a framework for drivers, a security architecture, asynchronous interprocess and network communication -- he sidestepped completely. He also seems to have retconned a lot of things in a self-serving way. The "God commanded 640 4-bit" stuff was originally "My screen painting algorithm is too simplistic to run 8 or 24-bit without maxing out the CPU." It's also worth pointing out that, as far as I know, nothing he wrote was ever really validated or alpha tested. There are almost certainly major issues with his code that will never be known, and it seems he went out of his way to avoid implementing things that would have made validating his work easier. OS keeps crashing? Well, there's no process separation and everything is ring 0, so maybe it's the program's fault. Does it adhere to network protocol standards or does it fail to communicate with other devices? No network stack, so no way to tell. Etc. Again, I'm not pissing on the guy's programming ability. But I don't think he was Mozart with schizophrenia.
I know this video is almost two years old, but I find myself periodically coming back to it because Terry's story is so oddly compelling, and ultimately so heart-breaking. Fredrik, I know you probably won't ever read this, but thank you for treating Terry (and everyone you cover, really) with such respect and tact. You've given this man more dignity than he was ever really given in life. I've seen a lot of comments blaming Terry for not taking his medication, but I think many people fail to realize that reluctance to stay medicated is oftentimes a part of schizophrenia and other psychotic illnesses in and of itself. Even when you know, rationally, that your meds are meant to help you, your delusions try and tell you otherwise. Sometimes people don't even realize that they're ill, and won't take their medication because they don't even think they need it. Not to mention that the actual side effects of anti-psychotics can be so unpleasant that some people feel like the cons outweigh the pros. At the end of the day, you just can't force someone to do something that they don't want to, even when it's for their own good. A childhood friend of mine ended up having a psychotic break a few years ago and was diagnosed as schizophrenic. He was given anti-psychotics but at one point or another he stopped taking them and started spiraling almost immediately. I only found out he had gone off his meds because there was a news article being passed around as a typical 'wacky Florida man' article about a guy who drove his car onto an airport runway. I was horrified when I realized that was someone I knew. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but he was obviously arrested and last I heard he was awaiting trial over federal property damage. All this to say, look out for your loved ones who may be struggling. Schizophrenia doesn't have to be a death sentence. But a support network is so essential and this is something Terry clearly did not have.
Yeah, not nearly enough people understand how mental illness can affect you taking your medication. Some blame the person, but what you should really blame is the illness, and it doesn't take psychosis to make you not want to take it
I have been using clozapine for 5 years along with some other medications and despite their side effects, i am very glad to function normally again. Treatment is hard but please don't give up, try changing your doctors but don't stop taking your medications. As science progresses we will have better cures for mental disorders with less side effects.
This is a valuable lesson on the profound cruelty in which 4chan and other online harassers are capable of. Many focus on the donations given to him in his final months, but overlook the manipulative behavior by the same community that had driven him to that point.
is always the same. they dont care about the person they are laughing at, they just dont want their source of entertainment to die. they will " help " them, the same a jackass throw a banana to a monkey in a cage, is just for their own amusement.
@@theepicduck6922 They are definitely not as viscious on twitter. As much as it goes for appearences, and the youtube videos you've seen, twitter hardly compares to 4chan. The most youll get is some 12 year old white girls saying "kys" and "grow and change as a person", with you maybe being doxxed. On 4chan, you will definitely be doxxed.
Really makes you remember how much foundation has been laid over decades for programmers. Taking it all away makes it a nightmare to make anything yet this man manage to basically do all that
@@D00000T I’ve seen programmers who don’t even have basic understanding of how a compiler works All they do is pressing the green arrow inside their IDE
@@martinsauer8856 I've seen construction workers who don't even understand the chemistry behind concrete All they do is press the green button on their big truck that goes brrrr
Honestly, the “40 years in the desert” joke was pretty good. Thanks for all your many contributions to the world, Terry. Probably best that you went when you did.
Whoever you are that sat down with him in McDonald's and treated him with the respect a human being deserves, well done. You did a good thing that day.
And he even recorded it so his good deed wouldn't go unnoticed by random strangers on the Internet. I mean what's the point of doing a good deed if you can't tell everyone about it?
That's the thing, having people to talk to has a major effect on a mental patient's ability to cope and recover. Especially with cognitive deterioration. If he'd had more people willing to listen to him, even if they didn't agree with him, he might not have ended up where he was.
"Who am I talking to? I don't know? What's reality? I don't know. You just have to, um... When my bird was looking at my computer monitor, I thought 'whooooa' that bird has no idea what he's was looking at. And yet was does the bird do? Panic? No, you can't really panicked. He just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. Yeah, he can kinda live. U-usually, the bird's ok, even though he doesn't understand the world. And, um, he can kinda learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, um, that's where I've been lately..." Probably one of the sanest things ever from Terry A. Davis (TempleOS creator).
When you have a serious mental illness there can be occasions where you find a break in the dark fog where you see this one little thing or chain of things with extreme clarity. It’s just an odd thing that happens every now and again. I’ve come to notice that perspective can shift radically moment to moment which I’m sure is at least part of what triggers these epiphanic moments. If you’re wanting a source, I’m just speaking from experience. I have generalized anxiety, bipolar, depression, and ADHD. I go through bouts of deep suicidal depression about every 18 months roughly and the resulting stresses can lead to near psychosis. I’m not a doctor by any means, but I’ve spent enough time as a patient to pick up on the bare basics.
@@2st486 Elon isn't crazy, he's just a rich arsehole. Hangs out with lots of crazies though, like the one dude who consumes the blood of the young in an effort to be immortal.
35:30 "For the next thousand years, first person shooters are going to get boring. Tetris looks good" is a surprisingly lucid point about simplicity in design.
This is by far the most uncomfortable one you've done so far. I usually rewatch all your videos every month or two, but I don't think I can watch this one again. It's great but it's terrifyingly disturbing that your mind can abandon you like that.
I like that the people who took him out to mcdonalds didn't just buy him a massive stack of food to appear generous and get a reaction, they sat and ate with him like a human being, they may have gotten him extra food after but i really like and respect that they sat and ate with him, he probably really needed that, just to feel normal and on the same level as everyone, to share a meal. Edit: we love you Terry you were a strange but brilliant and very miss-understood person.
They were from either 4chan or kiwifarms. they were just farming a lolcow. just because they were being pleasant doesn't mean they weren't still using his mental health/notoriety for their own amusement.
What's so sad is that this isn't just a story about Terry and the internet, but also it's a microcosm of the horrific reality for many people with schizophrenia, who frequently get bullied, lose insight/stop taking meds due to illness, family falls apart due to lack of support, homelessness and death.
Exactly, this is what saddens me the most. It’s like watching a man trapped in a room, all his thoughts splitting off from him, begging to get out of the room, and all you see are the shadows of one man trapped in a room, all screaming to escape, but all trapped by their own mental sickness. It’s… horrifying.
I can't, and quite frankly don't, wanna imagine how many Terries we lost to this void. How many lost geniuses, misunderstood artists, and unsung heroes have fallen away into the breeze of time, due to our lack of understanding. Where all that could've saved them was the right advice from the right company at the soonest of appropriate times. But I hope that in honor of their memory, we choose to be better. It's not gonna seem like that with the contemporary state of things, but hope in that is not a bad thing to hold on to.
And the fact that edgy fucks from stupid websites think it's some sort of joke and add to it. It's so perverse? I find sitting in a room and egging on a mentally ill person and fucking around with him to be at the same level as a cheering spectator at the Colloseum.
@@rohanp1227 the funny part is the same people who egged on him probably are spitting images, in a room with nothing better to do than to bring someone down because they themselves are incredibly sad with their life
This was very sad. His fate was worse than death. He could have helped the software/CNC industry so much if it wasnt for mental illness. This is so sad. thank you for making this video. i'd never heard of him.
"Terry also believes god to be playing pranks on him." . . Terry: "He gave me a booger and i went to the store with a booger....... motherfucker!" i laughed.
@@marcus9441 If you read the comments under the video, that was actually taken from a concert film, as in high budget Hollywood production. Very well preserved 35mm film. The Woodstock movie is kinda similar.
Given Terry mentioned being sexually abused as a kid in a few streams, it makes me wonder if him going "really punish" to the child-on-child adultery is a hint as to what may have transpired. That poor man...
That feeling of being completely alone in the world fucking hurts. Especially when Terry was surrounded by people who either could not relate to him or were actively working against him. I'm happy that his story exists for us all to see, though. We've done him justice and he did the best he could, making something that's admirable despite suffering. It gives a bit of solace to suffering, that there's some kind of hope underneath all the bullshit that is life. Thank you, Terry. I hope you're at peace now.
1:12:10 Is some of the saddest shit I've ever seen. You can see him snapping out of his delusions and apologizing to his parents for his crazy ness.. RIP Terry God bless him; poor guy.
He also had some self recognition in not stating dianas name because he felt she might not want to be connected to him, truly something rare in these cases
@@squirt4059 The fact you went for those words first to describe people who use the chans shows your more of the pathetic type of people on sites like twitter, instagram, resetera and the like to do worst things then the people who use 4/8/ectchan. On those sites you get called names, on the sites YOU frequent ruin the lives of people for a word 10 to 20+ year ago and get companies to silence and drop people. 4chan can be BAD, but the other "Safer" ones can be straight fucking evil.
This story was so unrelentingly grim. I feel working on it took part of me with it, it is easy to get lost in someone else's madness but I hope it was channelled into my music.
Sad because you can tell he was an extremely intelligent person, especially in those brief moments of coherence, but his mind was just such a mess. What a fascinating human.
@@misspoppyseed3909 I don't remember exactly what he said on this comment. But you guys got me intrigued. So I went looking for his comments, I found some, but most are gone like you said. From the looks of it it seems like he was just some little troll or very angry kid who really hated Terry Davis, among other people. People replying to him give me hints to him telling people death threats, undermining Terry's life/intelligence, calling people every slur in the book, and saying everyone doesn't have a working brain. Here are some of his surviving comments "Log Maggot 2 months ago He wasn’t smart... he wasn’t caring.. You’re an idiot" "Log Maggot
2 months ago @Iumasz if I spent 17 fucking years on it I could do way more " "Log Maggot 2 months ago ¡ЪσЪ 012 you must be as dumb as terry then because I’m sorry but it’s obvious" "Log Maggot 2 months ago Weeb it’s not inpressive..17 years. If I was autistic and spent 17 years on one project, it’d turn out better than temple OS did by miles" "Log Maggot 2 months ago Funny, all I could think was “ please tell me this scumbag dies at the end”" If I had to guess who this person really is, I'd say it is one of the jogging black CIA workers that Terry might have ran over with his car. You can still get to his channel by pasting UCFb74-Jg8Guhno1RrzAZkfw/featured into a regular RUclips channel URL (youtube(dot)com/channel/) He never got terminated he is alive and well probably infecting more comment sections by the hour. Godspeed to that magnificent bastard...
The purpose of TempleOS wasn't at all unclear, he stated numerous times that his goal was to make a system like the early PCs of the 70s and 80s where you could mess around with anything you want on the system without it stopping you.
1:05:12 - That allegory about the bird looking at the computer monitor, and how it relates to his reality, was hauntingly lucid considering his past [deranged] musings. It's almost like a younger, healthier Terry-trapped inside a tiny prison cell his own mental illness constructed for him-had resurfaced, and was screaming for help at the top of his lungs. What a deeply troubled and tragic man, and what a cruel and confusing world he must have seen on the other side of that computer monitor.
Sadly that's the schizophrenic's reality, a shattered barrier separating him from the rest of us. Watching Terry's deteriorating ability to communicate gave me such a sensation of absolute loneliness. I had a psych prof that said their paranoia actually bears out in reality: think about it. Someone like Terry sees the rest of us interacting in a multitude of communications and attitudes because we can access a shared reality. What's left for him? A tiny spectrum ranging from indifference to hostility, peppered with mockery, so uniformly cruel and disrespectful, such a thoroughly organized spirit of rejection thrust at him. But when that rejection makes its journey across the shattered barrier to the schizophrenic's world, I can see how it would look like a conspiracy: shadowy, deviant, relentless, purposefully obscure in its motives but ruthlessly precise in its executions. EDIT: To be fair, I'm not condemning anybody who grew exasperated with a guy who spoke in a mixture of hucksterism, arrogant superiority, and literal word salad. Nobody likes a spammer with a chip on his shoulder. But people absolutely need to be educated on schizophrenia in a sociological context in order to see the full spectrum of its ramifications for the individual, rather than the ruthlessly clinical communique of Medical journals and whatnot.
It was insanely deep.... I'm glad I seen this post I came back to this video to rewatch it just to see this part again... It was a very deep concept of his own mental health making it hard to understand reality
Look up "Terry A. Davis on reality (RIP)" for probably the most lucid and self aware moment from Terry documented, which came much later than the bird clip. Terry explains, and I quote "There's something not right about my reality" and he elaborates further.
I keep coming back to this video just for that part, it's so insightful and lucid. It hits me in the weirdest way, especially knowing so many of Terry's struggles and delusions. I wish we lived in a world where people with (mental) issues get the help they need. Terry deserved better.
I know I’m way late to this but I recently was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it’s terrifying how going untreated can completely take away a personality and replace it with something so much darker, he wasn’t just a whack job he was sick and desperately needed help he didn’t get
Terrence McKenna stated once that while on a heavy DMT trip some entity told him; “did you know, during a single day there is actually for days”. Which is the same thing the time cube guy kept saying. MCKenna had that trip long before the time cube guy came around. Make of that what you will.
@Simon András Péters shit, somebody else has picked up on that explanation for the TimeCube Guy that I have been giving. I was hoping that explanation would not make sense to anybody but myself. xD
What's reality? I don't know. [...] When by bird was looking at my computer monitor I though "That bird has no idea what he's looking at". And yet what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. [...] The bird is OK even though he doesn't understand the world. [...] You're that bird looking at the monitor and you're thinking to yourself, "I can figure this out". Maybe you have some bird ideas. Maybe that's the best you can do. -Terry A. Davis 1:05:10
Another one, at 7:22 "What is it about computer science people and atheism huh? brain = computer, I imagine. That's what once made me an atheist. Still not too sure about that. I think the answer lies in going beyond the notion of causality as we typically think of it. There can be incredible synchronicity in the world which makes causality quaint." I've been staring at that one because I've recently come to the same conclusions myself (though I've not gone around bible-thumping as a result, quite the opposite actually). My family has a history of some kind of mental illness, on my dad's side. It makes me think. Though maybe my bias makes it sound more profound or more relevant.
Weirdly, it sounds almost like hes subconciously talking about himself. That in his unstable and sadly human mental state, he is a bird, doing the best he can in his mind in a strange world that only becomes more foreign with time.
@@bilibilibd2598 Yeah, what Alt acc said. Maybe if it was someone slightly in their right mind, but Terry was most definitely afflicted by a mental illness. Yeah, everything he did, he did, but based on everything we can see, he was hardly in the mental capability to make moral judgments.
I genuinely hope that the person who trolled Terry into believing he was married to a RUclipsr realizes what they contributed to and feels immense shame. Like they essentially manipulated a schizophrenic man into assaulting his father leading to him committing suicide
For that to happen, you'd have to assume they thought about things more than themselves. I don't know. But if there's a sliver of doubt, it's gonna carry them to the grave.
Some of this was Terrys own decisions as a person with and who loves many relatives with mental disorders I’ve learned while they can be a burden they also cannot be used as blank checks as excuses for bad behavior or decisions. At the same time they did contribute to his cycles of mania/episodes, so you’re statement is correct I just want more people to know about not using your mental disorder as an excuse ❤
@@Colonel_RamRod I also have a lot of family with different forms, flavors, and degrees of mental health issues. But this man was an unmedicated schizophrenic man in the midst of an episode. Blaming him at that point you might as well be shaming a brick wall someone crashed into instead of the people actively snickering while installing spikes on and oil slicks near.
4 года назад+445
"forgive me, I need to remember that I love you" -this is so strong. I feel like it is the sane part of the monster he has become, trying to escape the insanity.
That’s one of the most saddening parts of dealing with someone with schizophrenia or Alzheimer’s. Generally these people with severe forms of these diseases, sound so crazy that it’s hard to be able to rationalize their condition. You then see brief flashes of the person that was before, and that reminds you of how much these diseases have taken, and that is what’s devastating.
My girlfriend had schizophrenia and it was like this. When we first met, she was more lucid. Towards the end, she would have little breaks in her madness where she remembered we were in love. I eventually brought her to a mental hospital, but now they won't let me talk to her. I can only hope she'll take the meds and become lucid again. The day I left her, she didn't look at me and wouldn't hug me. Yea... I can barely type this without crying. I wish so much we had a system that was better equipped to help these people. Terry's story is so tremendously sad. I wonder if there was any way he could have been helped.
@@kaseybrown7664 Aww maan, huuuge internet hugs. You are an amazing person. Maybe she doesn't realize it or rather can't but she's so incredibly lucky to have that support behind her. Studying psychology atm and I can safely tell you, people like you, having a circle of close people who are willing to be patient, support and help are one of the most important aspects. They may not let you talk to her atm (which is understandable from a treatment perspective) but you've already done more than most would. Stay the way you are. If ya need anything pm me on reddit, steam or something. I use the same username on most platforms. (usually blue-black profile píc)
It hits fucking hard seeing him in that McDonald’s perfectly lucid. Talking about the thing he loves the most with people interested in his work. It’s almost like a window into what could have been man
this is just depressing. the internet has become a place where schizophrenics and other mentally ill people are put on display like in a circus and just become the entertainment of the masses. on the surface the things he says and does arent good, but they all happen because he is so severely trapped within his own ill mind where everything makes sense to him and i feel like the internet has done more harm than good to people who suffer from schizophrenia.
We've moved on from the freak shows of physical deformities of the past to freak shows of mental deformities. It is progress, in a certain way. At least the mental freaks aren't rounded up and locked away, out of sight out of mind.
Alternatively we are in an age where more attention is brought to people suffering from mental disabilities while increasing advances are being made in treatment. The people who need to know are more likely to notice the signs if they or a loved one start to degrade, and they are more likely to receive treatment now.
the segments showing Terry speaking about TempleOS itself make me incredibly sad. he seems so excited and proud of creation that it kind of breaks my heart in weird way. it's got the same feeling of like, listening to an old relative talk about when they were a child.
To be fair, while it was an ugly mess, what he did required an extremely precise understanding of what he was doing. The fact that it was done in C _and_ 64 bit is basically like building a full sized house out of gelatine - technically possible but both way harder than necessary and of little practical use.
@@OtakuUnitedStudio After this video I watched a video, I think by Linus, and while they also fully say it's a mess, they're still interested in its features and how he made the thing
He was a very smart person and skilled in programming. Even when his mind went to the state it went to, he still knew how to type code and build an OS.
Unfortunately alcoholism+drug use go hand in hand with schizophrenia and mental illness in general. Its sad that Terry is gone but atleast his online presence will ensure he is never forgotten 💛
It's sad about what happened to him, but his mental state was certainly something else. Imagine trying to live your life, but your mental health keeps blinding you to reality, making it harder and harder to do anything "normal" as the line between reality and your own delusions get foggier and foggier and makes you act out in ways you never intended too. It's a terrifying thought. Take care of your mental health, whether it's through medicine or other doctor prescribed means. And of course, RIP Terry. I hope the fog in your mind cleared up up there.
If you enjoyed the music, Ryan Probert has graciously made all of it available on his channel. Here's the credits track, as I'm sure plenty of people are looking for it: ruclips.net/video/Rxrzoc35cpU/видео.html
If you don't have time to watch the full video, all you need is at 45:17.
😎
Fredrik is an angel and we don’t deserve him
You're rad as hell. Thanks for your entire catalogue of work. You talent and dedication to this art is a beautiful display. Thank you for sharing it with the world! :^)
Lmao
I need the whole video, fredrik senpai ^_^
*"What's reality? I don't know. When a bird was looking at my computer monitor I thought, "That bird has no idea what he's looking at." And yet what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. The bird is okay even though he doesn't understand the world. You're that bird looking at the monitor, and you're thinking to yourself, I can figure this out. Maybe you have some bird ideas. Maybe that's the best you can do."* - Terry Davis
@@mirmir8116 ok
@@mirmir8116 chill they had the same idea, care for a cup of tea?
He was a minor genius.
Something about his English makes me feel like even Satan would keep a good distance away from him
I think he's talking about himself when he said that...like he can't tell what's real or not cause of his sickness and he is a little aware of it sometimes but all he can do is try to live safe and do the best he can even though he can't fully understand the world
1:12:20 "Forgive me I have to try and figure out why I remembered.... That I love you" Damn it's heartbreaking hearing him trying to come back to his senses after his episode.
I had to momentarily disconnect myself from what had just happend there because of how heartwrenching it was
That was pretty fucking insane, yeah.
Having owned many birds through my life, I was wondering why his parrot was singing such an annoying tune. Then I realized: it’s always been listening to Terry’s randomly-generated hymns and was imitating their arrhythmic tunes.
ahaha XD
that’s kind of sweet 😢
It sounds like a cockatiel to me-- my own likes to "remix" things we've whistled to him into his own songs; I wonder if Terry's was doing that, too? Music randomized by a computer, randomized by a bird...
It sounded like normal cockatiel banter to me? What part is odd?
Sarah H No way did that sound normal. The normal squawking sounded normal, but the 8-bit sounding monotonous repeating song didnt
Seeing him just having a normal conversation with a fan at McDonalds near the end of his life was heartbreaking :c
That bit always kills me. He's so vibrant and lucid... He deserved so much more from the world than what he got
@@johndcoffee632 That's how you deal with people suffering from schizophrenia. Constructive conversations and interest around things they are passionate about. It essentially distracts them and pulls all of their attention to the one topic. He needed more of that, less of the online LOLCOW crowd bs that pushed him over the edge.
"Forgive me, I have to try and remember why I love you." This guy was an untreated Schizophrenic for sure. I hope the people that know his story will show more compassion on people that have altered minds. I truly believe that a lot of the egregious things Terry did and said he had absolutely no control over. I think the challenge for us is to love these people despite the flaws that their diseases make so apparent.
The scariest part is that he was being treated. Just it wasn't enough. The American healthcare, and mental healthcare system is pathetic. He was getting support, but it simply wasn't enough, and he ended up still falling through the cracks. Truly tragic, but also truly preventable.
In these kinds of situations i believe it'dbe very real and valid to send him to a psych ward until the right treatment is found and his condition can be stabilized.
My brother also has schizophrenia but is living alone in peace & indefinite medication that works.
edit: in Finland.
@@TheZINGularity Good luck to you and your brother, divergency can be a struggle, but everyone is important in my eyes.
@@AoE2_Ice I might have come off a bit misleading, my brother isnt being held at a ward or anything, he lives alone merrily in arguably better mental health than me 🤣But thank you in any case.
@@TheZINGularity Of course!
"I like elephants and God likes elephants. So here is a a realistic elephant."
Yeah I saw that part of the video too
how would God even know what a elephant even is since even the Pope doesnt even know what a compiler even is
Pure poetry
I know it sounds weird to say, but, that single quote sounds so wholesome and peaceful- despite his situation. Poor man.
It really does
The part wheres hes screaming at his parents and becomes lucid enough to realise what hes doing is heartbreaking. Even in that moments hes having a break he says i need to figure out why the hate came in, poor guy needed support not the harrasment he received .
"I have nothing to do but this, and its not something i want to do" is the most depressing thing i've heard in a while
Me too. The face he made while saying that breaks my heart
The Virgin Yandere Dev vs The Chad Terry Davis
I see what you did there
imagine if chalex made his own OS. it would run like windows 98 on library computer lmao
@@waifu_png_pl6854 holy shit you called him chalex im laughing so fucking hard
Lmao nice 🤣
To be honest Terry is like The God
The moment that i actually realized that this man was really damn intelligent was the functioning random music generator.
The guy had a lot of potential. If he hadn't been hit by such a debilitating mental illness, I think there's a good chance he'd be a household name.
Same I like the music
yeah ok, so it wasn't the fact that he wrote his own compiler that did it for you.
@@innocuousmerchant8766 i mean, that is impressive, but no one had made decent random music
@@plutarcouranus4200 fair point tbh
When i was in a mental hospital i knew this kid who was similar to him. If you talked to him about math or science he could just go on and on about all the things he knew and it was amazing. He was only about 16 and he knew so much and seemed very passionate about learning. All the kids were banned from discussing God or religion, we were also banned from discussing things that dealt with "unreality" because it would trigger him. Some little asshole thought it would be really funny to start talking to him about how "god doesnt love you". He started freaking out and losing his shit, he pushed people then climbed onto a table and kneeled on it screaming to the ceiling "I REPENT I REPENT PLEASE FORGIVE ME I REPENT". They had to bring in 3 of the biggest nurses to give him this shot called "booty juice" that knocks you out cold. Schizophrenia is no joke, and people really shouldnt feed into because it so harmful to the person with it.
Who came up with the name "booty juice?"
That’s kinda funny. I know someone who came out of a mental hospital recently and one of the things I remember them telling me about is the stuff called booty juice that they had to give to someone.
@Schottky I said "Who" not "why."
@Seth Gore i was in a mental hospital for a period of 45 days before i was transferred, i think it's quite unethical now that i look back on it, but there was a particularly violent little girl, maybe the age of 7 or 8. i heard from some of the other kids and maybe the staff about some speculations on what was wrong with her. it usually boiled down to abusive living conditions. frequently, if i recall correctly around at least once a day, there would be some incident, she would cause a scene, all the kids would be cleared out, and we'd sit either in another room for a duration usually around 30 minutes while they got her under control. being the age of 15, and the others around the same, we found it funny that they would essentially tranquilize people who would do this sort of thing. we never saw what they did after the kid was "neutralized" i guess they would just fall asleep for a few minutes. there was a room in the center of the ward separate from the other rooms they would put people in that needed that sort of isolation. for example, anyone who had needed to be calmed down after a violent episode, or one specific case that may sound strange. she rarely spoke, and maybe had a serious speech impediment, or minor mental deterioration. this person would join us for daily activities and such at their discretion, but always had to go back to that one room that was isolated. apparently they would have some violent episodes just like the other kid, but much less frequently. i don't recall witnessing any.
I know someone who was in a mental hospital, and they mentioned "booty juice" as well. Is it really THAT common of a nickname for it?
I had to stop eating my spaghetti and started crying while watching this.I have never cried this much from a youtube video. This man had so much wasted potential and went through so much torment caused by his own mind. I hope he found peace.
Wtf? Made me laugh my ass off
@@sumwon1575 That's a bit horrible, don't you think...?
He somehow got killed by a train this year.
@@sumwon1575 i mean you clearly have no valid points since you are replying to every comment saying the exact same thing, probably making you laugh because finally you see someone in a worse state than yours 🙃
I cried for the first time in years just now.
1:11:03 His poor parents. I cannot imagine what it's like to see how your child has lost their mind 😢
and the fact that he had to say “i have to remember why i love you”
This entire story was so sad...
I swear this is eventually gonna happen to that Gypsy Crusader dude someday
Jeffrey Epstein VEVO fuck you too
They become people you don't know but still love deeply.
I feel a deep profound sadness over this.
1:05:17 - this was actually a profound, intelligent observation about our ignorance of the nature of the world.
The bird analogy is brilliant.
It reminded alot of exurb1a's video
He seemed like an incredibly smart guy
That hurt me the most in the video
@@ericrenquist6494 Indeed. If his mental ilness was treated, he could have lived a happy useful life.
The "bird ideas" quote will always hold a special place in my heart, i quote it at least once a month. RIP terry
Down the Rabbit Hole: THE MOVIE
Down the Rabbit Hole: THE MOVIE: THE GAME
Well, this was an incredibly depressing and expertly-done video.
Grohlvana in some way i found it very uplifting. I guess it was his sheer vision, dedication and talent/creativity. Sadly along with mental illness that got the best of him... but has inspired me to work harder on my projects and strive for the level of achievement he was chasing
I have schizophrenia. I'll be sure to kill myself before it goes that far.
That’s rather dark.
This just makes me feel sad. I'm hurt that no one was able to help this poor man.
@@informitas0117 schizo disorders aren't progressive. getting regular, effective treatment can manage your condition for life. good luck.
Well, you gotta admit he was right about onething. The Pope probably doesn’t even know what a compiler is.
At least he knows how to play undertale
@@Flavlav but thats just a theory
@Serpico THANKS FOR WATCHING
The current Pope is very well educated and almost certainly knows what a compiler is.
He probably couldn't write one though, so it's still 1-0 to Terry.
Plans for the Creative Commons wow the current communist pope is educated 😂
Wow. This is the kind of documentary you'd normally have to pay for. Kudos to the creator, this was respectful, researched, clear, and well-formatted. I really have nothing negative to say.
Yeah. Over an hour of content, and all of it is in a neat, clean, package that doesn't waste your time anywhere.
Just finished seeing a video of him explaining the Hurdy Gurdy machine. He talks about being able to give information about it because he's learned to play it. From what I understand, a feat in itself.
When you look at this guy's videos it's pretty obvious he's an educated, talented guy
John Harman my only criticism is that he is overly generous with the fading to black.
Yeah its amazingly done. Beats most TV documentaries. It has great narration and even great production value for such a long piece.
And the narrator is probably one of the best around! I swear, RUclips is a hot bed of raw talent in just about every area if you can wade through the hollow corporate drivel to find the gold.
I know, dtrh is kiulitee kontent
I'm glad that he was able to have some meals with people who cared about him at the least. I really wish he had gotten the help he needed.
I hate to be a downer here, but I think his experience is not isolated in the slightest, at least in the US. I bet for each of the people like him, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar people that go unnoticed by society. It's kind of heartbreaking, knowing they used to have families and friends...
Schizophrenia is a degenerative mental illness - much like Alzheimers progression can be slowed down but not stopped or reversed. At the point where Terry became unemployed effective treatments were virtually nonexistent and even today there is little that can be done about advanced Schizophrenia.
@@WahotsW yeah but how many of them wrote their own compiler? and OS?
orian cunningham stupid point, you’re missing the big picture, yes he did great, remarkable things, but there are thousands out there just like terry that are failed because of the world we live in
@@thewuthgraad685 r/woooosh
The moment he goes briefly lucid and talks about remembering "that I love you" is heart breaking. When episodes get bad it really is like that, you forget the way you really feel.
also as someone who isn't schizophrenic but is borderline and has some delusions relating to the people in my life, i cant attest to the schizophrenic experience but i can attest to the borderline one.
and sometimes when you get so, so angry at someone over something so, so small, and internally wish violent death upon them and wonder why youre still friends and why you ever saw anything good in them -- wonder what the good you saw even *was* -- and then come back down two hours later bawling your eyes out because you legitimately forgot that you loved someone. you forgot everything good about your closest friend and you wanted them to die. what kind of friend even are you? arent you a bad person for thinking that way just because you were convinced for a fleeting moment that that person might leave you...?
well, i do that maybe three times a week.
I can totally agree with that. As a schizophrenic, when I end up in a bad episode, there are moments of lucidity where I become overtaken with the realization of what is actually happening and it's really crushing.
Moments of lucidity can be heartbreaking. Sometimes they know they will eventually degrade back into insanity and it is sad when they realize that they will return to their own paranoid delusions. It is also sad because that is them, whenever they have moments of lucidity, you have them in their true form, but, soon, they will return to their insane behaviors, and it is heartbreaking.
8w9hf89hw you’re a living person. And that, is beautiful.
@@P4brotagonist keep on trekking man.
"For the next thousand years, first-person shooters are going to get boring. Tetris looks good"
A true prophet
109 Imps is on the Brutal Doom guys list from this day I think ^^ for the mortal sin on confusing large narrow sighted publisher decisions with the end all be all of fps's ;)
holy shit, Tetris battle royale...
@@shupperwomp duuuuude. Have a side bar that shows where the piece will go while doing a battle royal, you can change it's position by a jump slam or something (can kill people) and a charging run (can also kill) to move it over a lane. That would be huge for a week 🤣
he's kinda right. Tetris boomed up again for awhile and modern FPS are pretty mediocre.
Modern FPS is one game genre that will probably keeps till eternity...
"Mental hospitals suck but disability checks are cool."
Relatable humour at its best.
This cracked me up, sounds exactly like something my least stable friends from college would say lol
Metallica knows about mental health
"I'm high priest of God's official temple, and my job is to look after the code."
Not gonna lie, those words out of context would be pretty cool in a sci-fi "virtual reality" setting.
I actually quote from him a lot.
That sounds like stuff you would see a corrupted AI tell in a distopic futuristic fiction novel
Warhammer 40k
@@Enots7 straight up adeptus mechanichus
@@pedroitalo8105 Praise be to the Omnissiah
Man... That moment where Terry is in the midst of a schizophrenic episode, screaming at his mother, and he suddenly becomes lucid and remembers that she's a good person and he loves her... Makes me fucking tear up... What a horrible mental illness.
My best friend in high school went on to develop schizophrenia in his 20s and I can't talk to him anymore. It breaks my heart. I miss him
@@joshuakuehn who says you can’t?
@@wolfetteplays8894 the voices
Remember one schizophrenic patient who would end up screaming at some of the nursing staff, then stops dead, walk to the little kitchen bit in the ward makes a cup of tea then drink it in one gulp, have a pleasant chat with any other patient about then walk back over and continues as if nothing happened.
Miss working on the wards, glad of everyone I met there, was a really interesting time.
@@wolfetteplays8894 the schizophrenia
“I like elephants and god likes elephants.”
A true prophet
I like fried chicken and so does god
Adultery? Can be good.
smelling farts? "Sodom"
:D
Classic god complex
@@StarsWithScars Are you implying God doesn't like elephants?
Fabian Kehrer you heard it here first! No more eating ass lol
"So uh, who am I talking to? Um, I don't know. What's reality? I don't know. When my bird was looking at my computer monitor I just thought, whoa; that bird has no idea what he's looking at. And yet, what does the bird do, does he panic? No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. Yeah, he can kind of live, usually the bird's okay even though he doesn't understand the world, he can learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, uh, that's where I've been living."
Solophent II this gave me an existential crisis
this Is actually super deep as crazy as he was, he makes some sense
Basically how it feels like to be trapped
@@Sly_Spy "I have no mouth, and I must scream."
@@buddygang9834 You dont code an entire OS by being a total idiot. Sucks a lot of genius's tend to have these mental problems. A little lack of a chemical in the brain and any one of us could have turned out that way.
1:12:19 "Forgive me. I'm trying to figure out why that... I remembered that I love you."
This is where it hit me in the gut. What a tragedy for everyone involved.
Exactly.
Is really frustrating knowing that so much angry or violent people, with any degree of mental problems, are trying to get a grip of love. And we can't help them.
It's like he were himself for a moment. A glimpse of lucidity.
martín escorcia just love them. Let them see that they can trust you. I know it sounds stupid and simple but it’s true. It won’t fix their mental problems or anything of the sort, but it comforts them.
I know, because before I did exercise and sports, I was like that. I wandered around, wanting to be loved by anybody, yet I was rejected. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t see the family that supported me or my awesome friends. I focused on getting too much love from others, especially from a romantic relationship.
I’ve grown, now. I’m a big boy who weightlifts, runs, did wrestling and rugby and I’m about to try out Krav Maga.
It took all of that to recognize that I don’t need much love, and whatever I did need, I had a massive surplus within my best friends, my family, my fellow teammates and my coaches. When I struggled, people showed me patience. When I cried, people showed me grief. I was no longer alone. I thought a lot clearer and I was better.
Show these folks some love. Let them know that you care about them. It’s not going to fix them, but try to make their existence a little easier :)
@@gibraltar2843 You're a good guy
Mat Turner thank you! ^_^
“I think I’m like a bizarre little person who walks back and forth. Whatever...haha, peace”
-His last words on his last video, which was uploaded a few hours before he died
@@fatisdead7150 What an awful thing to say.
@@fatisdead7150 u re fucking asshole u know
@@fatisdead7150 bro, the guy was obvs delusional, theres no way to tell what he actually thought
fatis dead 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@fatisdead7150 there is a reason why people who are mentally insane do not receive the death penalty or go to prison for committing murder, but rather go to psychiatric hosptials: its because they cannot be held accountable for their actions, as they do not hold proper control over them. Do you even understand what schizophrenia is? Its a very powerful psychosis that can't be fully controlled, even with drugs. If anyone is a filthy, immoral and ignorant pig, then it must be you for thinking that a cripplingly psychotic person should be held accountable for their racist statements and judged harshly.
Okay this is sad but Terry grumbling "Don't even know what a compiler is.... fuckin pope." under his breath remains to be the funniest fucking thing lmao
1:05:12 That was one of his lucid moments. He realizes he doesn't have a grasp of reality, and was able to make a truly beautiful metaphor to explain it. He realizes how lost he is and how much he struggles to make sense of it.
It's heartbreaking.
During the clips of his livestream when comparing the early hours and the caffeinated "30+ hours awake" moments, it's almost night and day. While obviously not healthy or sane, you see little glimpses of self-realization of his behavior. I'm.. sad now.
Its so strange because I couldnt really get what he was trying to say basically 100% of the time but this moment was really eye opening which in itself is really confusing because we all consider this guy to be delusional yet he has able to provide a big revelation to me
ruclips.net/video/5-SJKJnZ9cg/видео.html Here is also a very good moment where he spoke quite lucidly about his life experiences.
Very sad
I have to agree. I have a lot of "bird ideas" of life and nature of the globe and universe.
But from this day on I will keep calling them Bird ideas, only to answer honestly if someone asks me why I call them that.
1:05:31 “That bird has no idea what he’s looking at, and yet, what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he just does the best he can.”
oh man, this is part of the video which makes your hair stand on end
Oh yeah, that moment almost made me cry.
This person makes me sick and the quote is interesting, its like a racist talking philosophically about life. 1:10:00
Yeah, that part let me thinking too
@gabriel I don't care, I have no respect for him. He wasn't saying the n word randomly he used it in a controlled manner when talking go people. People who are schizo can't control the words they say often repeating the same word. I don't think he's schizo. He's just a POS who think he's the smartest
1:12:10
"I'm sorry. I made myself... I don't know. You were good. I think I made myself... hatred, for some reason. I don't know. I... Forgive me, I'm trying to figure out why I... Remember, that I love you."
Damn
That clip was heartbreaking
dispite it all, all the delusions and bullshit. he was a son. he was a brother.
I heard it differently. ''I'm trying to figure out why I remember that I love you'' meaning that he couldn't remember the reason he loved her
@@dom_MillenniuM I think he was saying he does remember that he loves her, he just didn't understand why he suddenly remembered
What? Lol?
“I like elephants and God likes elephants.”
I’d like to think there’s plenty of elephants in heaven. Rest in peace, Terry.
This is damn dark especially when you consider how scientists estimate elephants will be extinct by some point.
@@normanmai7865 We’ll all be extinct at some point
@@normanmai7865 we're within a few years of cloning mammoths, I'm sure there's at least enough Elephant DNA to bring them back if we need to. I hope.
@@fartquaviasdingle7876 we can replicate the DNA, we are very far away from cloning of any kind.
@@allistairkumaran3582 Scientists made a huge meatball of mammoth meat like a month ago
Every single Down the Rabbit Hole video:
"Hahah this guy/girl/thing is funny!"
"....Oh."
"Oh.... :("
:(
@@idontcareanymore7078 you're not supposed to care XD
@@2st486 aw shit you caught me
These videos are disturbing and scary =/
These stories would make great psychological thrillers...
Down the Depression Hole
"Forgive me for having to remember that I love you."
Jesus, dude...
That's just real
This part made me cry, he has no control over his own psychotic mind but he has moments of lucidity when he can see how he's hurt her and apologizes, saying he's remembered he loves her. Tears.
Up until that point I viewed Terry as tragic but comical figure. After that I was like 'ohh man...' didn't find him amusing at all afterwards. Only tragic.
I mean, all domestic abusers are like that.
@@iliketurtles2531 true but here it's about mental ilness more than just abuse
"When my bird was looking at my computer monitor, I thought, woah, that bird has no idea what he's looking at. And yet, what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can't really panic. He just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't even have a choice. Yes, he can kinda live, usually the bird's okay even if he doesn't understand the world, and he can kinda learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, uh, that's where I've been living. I think, if I had to guess, I think I'm in a mental program, I have had a fake internet, and I've been struggling to tell them it's God, but they don't listen. You're that bird looking at the monitor, and you're thinking to yourself, 'I can figure this out'. And maybe, you have some bird ideas, that are... maybe that's the best you can do." (Terry A. Davies, january 2017)
"A caged bird in spring knows very well that there's something he can do, feels strongly that there's something to do, what is it? He can't remember, then he has some vague ideas and he tells himself, 'the other birds build their nests and have their chicks and they incubate their eggs'. Then he smashes his head against the bars of the cage. And the cage is still there and the bird aches in pain. 'That's an idler' says another bird, 'that's some kind of tenant'. Nevertheless the prisoner is alive, not dying, none of what happens inside him shows in the outside, his health is good, he's somewhat happy in the sunlight. But then the season of migrations comes. Melancholy strikes. 'But, ' say the kids who care for him in his cage, 'he has all he needs in here'. But he looks outside at the darkened sky, bloated in storm, and inside of him he feels the rebellion against fatality. 'I'm caged. I'm caged, therefore, I can't miss anything. You idiots! I have all I need, eh! Oh please, the liberty! To be a bird, just like all the other birds!'" (Vincent Van Gogh, july 1880)
This is a well drawn correlation. As he was talking about his bird I had that familiar feeling and you nailed it down for me. 👍
André Breton his brilliance did shine through a few places for certain
Log Maggot hello there speciman
Woah. That's how they feel
Log Maggot And what did you do, bub? Insult someone who made a connection smarter than you'll ever be?
“A bird can look at a computer monitor, but it can’t understand it… a bird is forced to live in a world it can’t understand”
So sad, Terry had to live every day in a world he didn’t understand. It’s hard watching him struggle with his own mind so severely. I bet all he ever wanted was peace, to live in a world he understood.
That part really broke me, its like you can see on his face hes becoming lucid and almost seeing himself, then he immediately falls into a state again. heart breaking to watch.
And you’re such a master of understanding. King douche
We live in a world only Terry could understand
I feel like that 24/7. I've been recently telling my mother how confusing and contradictory the world is in my eyes... It's hard to communicate to somebody how it feels to never be comfortable in your own skin
You made me cry man, literally
No bullshit , the part where he says "forgive me... I'm trying to figure out why I remember that I love you" stopped me for a while. I had to pause the video and grasp the vastness of Terrys' sickness. The part is grim and deep.
EDIT: Also something you may consider. People who have this kind of disorder are not always blabbering about nothing. Most of times there are hints of truth in their paranoic talk. They are just exaggerating, but some things might be underlined and truly considered.
I think pratically all his blabbering was a desperate call for help, from a somewhat sanner part. the worse thing is that nobody was there to help him, and he started devolving more and more. may his soul find peace in a beatifull land, because in this one, he suffered too much.
Amid the vastness of his delusion there is a clarity in his vision, although it is punctuated with an occasional falter that resembles lucidity...I have to wonder how many other prolific and worshipped creators and artists suffered similar fates
oh, im sure it makes total sense in his own mind. Its just neurtons firing in the brain and being transcribed through his words...every thought.
I am a caregiver and previously worked in a home with an individual very much like terry. In these moments, it’s almost like they start to come out of a haze and realize they’re not making sense, they’re being manic and aggressive...only to find something to rationalize it again. It’s a very vicious cycle and it’s heartbreaking.
Exactly, if you note it, Terry knew most of the time who he was dealing with or what he was saying, amazingly enough.
Poor bastard. Actually started to tear up at the end, watching him going deeper and deeper into a spiral of madness was too heartbreaking. Trying to remember why he loved his parents, having moments of clarity when meeting with fans. Just...RIP
One of the few lolcows that was generally a decent person going though tough times.
He will be missed.
carcotasu081 same here. I don’t remember the last time I cried sad tears over something from the Internet. This one cut me deep.
@Reunite The British Empire or he could have been so delusional that he thought the train couldn't hurt him. I know a person very similar to this and 70 percent of the time he is fine.
"Forgive me, I forgot to remember why I love you" That's really heartbreaking
That literally made me tear up
1:12:07
@@boardlife27 same, I felt his anguish
@@Huacayan 🥺
"You are good, and I think I've made myself hatred for some reason"
Seeing him speak to that man at a McDonald’s is incredibly heartbreaking. You can see how smart he is and how much potential he had, if it weren’t for his complete loss of sanity.
he was being alienated and people refused to let him talk because they believe forums are big buisness.
@@HamguyBacon not to mention that, in a way, he was RIGHT- there WERE people trying to hurt him, though not for any meaningful reason past petty human cruelty
i...wouldn't be surprised if whoever it was was impersonating the woman he was obsessed with was urging him to stop taking his medication....
@@HamguyBacon Yeah, social media and forums are way too strict
It’s so crazy to see him be so out of it in his videos, but seeming much more lucid in conversation with someone that was genuinely curious in him and his bizarre projects. I’m sure it helped him to know their were people that genuinely took interest in him in a non-malicious manner
this video is longer than most movies a time marker would've been nice but fine ill just watch the whole thing to seen what your talking about no problem
Whoever pretended to be Physics girl may very well have helped kill him. The man needed help and was tormented instead. What a sad story
He was a racist fuck him
the way he talks about the moses game is honestly kind of charming. He seemed pleased with what he made and when he laughed it seemed genuine. It honestly makes me sad because if it wasn't for the schizophrenia and all the symptoms that came with it, he might've been a really inspired person. its sad how mental illness can rule a persons mind to make them so delusional, and I hope that care for the mentally ill improves as time goes on.
Hard to tell what his genuine laughs mean. He laughed at his bird dying.
It's weird. You see him having these profound moments of lucidity sometimes. Him talking about the bird looking at the computer really hit home with me.
I dunno. Rest in peace my man, at least now you won't have to suffer.
Right? At first I thought "this fool is talking about a bird looking at a monitor" and dismissed it. Then he came full circle and used it as a comparison of his intellect to the common person. I was shocked at how well he wove that story.
It also hits really hard as it seems that in that moment he seemed to have had a short realiziation that something was wrong with him.
That bird discussion got me too. He clearly was thinking about and working through concepts that are difficult for neurotypical people to wrestle with, let alone someone with schizophrenia. It's also amazing how skilled he was at programming such to the extent that he basically created an operating system from scratch. It also seems like his birds were well cared for and lived for a long time. Sometimes people with even severely debilitating mental illnesses can perform and even excel at certain specific tasks. His operating system may be bizarre and created for nonsensical reasons, but nobody can take away from the dedication and even intelligence needed to complete them. It sounds kind of cliche, but I hope he's happy now, wherever he is.
What really got me was the moment he was arguing with his parents and then suddenly stopped and apologized. Like it was such a 180 that it really got me.
LockeRobster can you give me a time stamp
God really told Terry "make an entire operating system from scratch" and he obliged with no hesitation
As a Christian, I understand that he had mental problems, but I definitely cannot fault him his devotion.
A lesson can be learned from this, as with a lot of Fredrik's videos:
_When you knowingly antagonize a person with known mental health issues, you're just going to make things worse._
@Milkias Simon And there's no real reason to do it in the first place other than, "Because I can."
Now that I think about it... isn't that what happened with etika? He seemed to suffer from some mental health issues and seemed to refuse to get help. Then he made a post about asking people when he should kill himself and people started messing with him and giving him actual dates. There's even a screenshot with someone asking on a specific date and etika killed himself near that date. Man, really wish people aren't dicks and realize poking at someone with mental illness can actually instigate something awful
Nick Jones I totally agree Nick. The trolls absolutely destroyed Chris Chan. He had issues, he loved toys and making his comics. Trolls blackmailed him, baited him into paedophilic issues (for just having a conversation with someone young, no image sending, no dirty talk.)
He was broken by trolls. They’re also a She now as they’ve come out as transgender. Trolls should seriously get a taste of their own medicine. Sick, twisted motherfuckers.
Some people just love to pick on someone who is below them. It is a bad thing, and bad people enjoy it. In the end the bad people are looked down and if possible, punished. No one likes a bad person.
Jack Evans - Dobson For real, especially looking back there were some huge assholes. Though there were trolls that were trying to atleast get him to realize where he is and stuff. especially considering before everything he had a job. people like blue spike or the idea guys are just flat out terrible people. There’s always someone trying to get something out of her. just wish people would just stop and observe, if that happened i wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually moved on. obviously that will never happen, because of the constant feeding into her “dimensional merge” delusions and weens who think it’s still 2008.
This is one of the saddest, most pitiful stories I've ever heard. And I don't mean pity in some menacing way, I mean I truly feel sorry for Terry. The last years of his life were truly the most difficult for him. What a sad story.
I dunno, god told terry to build him an OS and... the crazy bastard went out and did it.
If Terry went out knowing that he had fulfilled the purpose that god had given him, he has the rest of us beat.
The american heath care system with mental heath is really sad. He never got the attention he needed. And help of capable psychologists and/or psychiatrists.
This is honestly so depressing. We more or less have the time line of someone's dealing with severe schizophrenia up until the day he died. It really puts into perspective how destructive mental illness can be. It's a real life tragic story that we have pretty good evidence of as a result of the Internet coming into existence. Isn't that crazy?
@@user-xz4og4xo3j I agree. A lot of what he did was things we think, but just don't act on because we know it's crazy.. they never knew they were being crazy and fall into a pit
Hundreds upon hundreds of comments and literally nobody has mentioned how a weird loyalty to some 'Murican Evangelist hyper-Christianity probably pushed him WAY beyond the pale 🤔
@@alexritchie4586 yeah but anyone who's crazy will take what's said to them and use it to rationalize their behavior. It could've been anything
@@alexritchie4586 although I will admit the major "Christian" evangelists use the same mental tricks a psychic uses. Along with using mentalism to profit and ruin the psyche of thousands. He probably ran into that as a kid for sure
Nice kira pfp btw
This video doesn't really explain how much of a feat this was for him to make his own OS by himself, compiler, graphics engine, sound engine libraries etc. this is something that most people couldn't dream to achieve in their lifetimes. It would be similar to someone building a car entirely from scratch, including digging up the iron and forging it into ingots, then machining those into parts and finally putting them together into a design they entirely dreamt up themselves. This guy was truly a genius on another level.
That's overstating it significantly. Terry didn't write a full modern OS, he wrote essentially a 64-bit version of DOS32 with a barebones thread scheduler and terminal/GUI on top. It's not even in the same ballpark as something like Windows 3.1. In your car analogy, he hand built a 1 cylinder lawnmower engine with the crankshaft connected straight to the wheels and 2 lawn chairs duct-taped on top. His JIT compiler is actually more impressive from a programming perspective. The rest of it -- the graphics library/software tools/games/etc. are not particularly spectacular when you realize a talented programmer had 10 years of free time with nothing to do but sit in front of his computer. Not pissing on the guy, just keeping things in perspective.
@@funkyfedora5972 You realize that Terry didn't lookup on the internet how to code any of it tho right. He believed it was a sin against god to research that sort of thing because he wanted to find new ways of doing things so he would have essentially written it all himself and then he could finally phone home to god via the software. That was the whole point of it, a modern day noahs ark. He was instructed by god how to code it allegedly.
@@Runescape.I'm not too deep into the lore, but I don't know how true that is. The guy had been on the internet for years, had a masters in EECS and had apparently worked on embedded systems code for one or more companies before he became too disabled to work. He therefore not only had formal education in the basic theory of OS design and systems level programming, he also had experience with the actual low-level code of one or more commercial systems. Now if you told me he built his OS and compiler without ever seeing assembly code or consulting the Intel x64 developer docs, then I'd say he was a real genius. But as far as I can tell, he was just a talented programmer with a decade of time on his hands. All of the really tough parts of OS design -- preemptive multitasking with synchronization, efficient virtual memory management, a framework for drivers, a security architecture, asynchronous interprocess and network communication -- he sidestepped completely. He also seems to have retconned a lot of things in a self-serving way. The "God commanded 640 4-bit" stuff was originally "My screen painting algorithm is too simplistic to run 8 or 24-bit without maxing out the CPU." It's also worth pointing out that, as far as I know, nothing he wrote was ever really validated or alpha tested. There are almost certainly major issues with his code that will never be known, and it seems he went out of his way to avoid implementing things that would have made validating his work easier. OS keeps crashing? Well, there's no process separation and everything is ring 0, so maybe it's the program's fault. Does it adhere to network protocol standards or does it fail to communicate with other devices? No network stack, so no way to tell. Etc. Again, I'm not pissing on the guy's programming ability. But I don't think he was Mozart with schizophrenia.
@@ptolemaic3238holy cringe
@@funkyfedora5972 you're saying a lot of nothing
we're all just birds looking at a screen getting bird ideas, doing the best we can do.
maybe you've been watching too many kurzgesagt videos lately ? ;)
I can't do my best. I can only panic.
We are just birds in the large perspective of reality.
I'm an expert in bird law.
KICE: We don’t know what we’re looking at
I know this video is almost two years old, but I find myself periodically coming back to it because Terry's story is so oddly compelling, and ultimately so heart-breaking. Fredrik, I know you probably won't ever read this, but thank you for treating Terry (and everyone you cover, really) with such respect and tact. You've given this man more dignity than he was ever really given in life.
I've seen a lot of comments blaming Terry for not taking his medication, but I think many people fail to realize that reluctance to stay medicated is oftentimes a part of schizophrenia and other psychotic illnesses in and of itself. Even when you know, rationally, that your meds are meant to help you, your delusions try and tell you otherwise. Sometimes people don't even realize that they're ill, and won't take their medication because they don't even think they need it. Not to mention that the actual side effects of anti-psychotics can be so unpleasant that some people feel like the cons outweigh the pros. At the end of the day, you just can't force someone to do something that they don't want to, even when it's for their own good. A childhood friend of mine ended up having a psychotic break a few years ago and was diagnosed as schizophrenic. He was given anti-psychotics but at one point or another he stopped taking them and started spiraling almost immediately. I only found out he had gone off his meds because there was a news article being passed around as a typical 'wacky Florida man' article about a guy who drove his car onto an airport runway. I was horrified when I realized that was someone I knew. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but he was obviously arrested and last I heard he was awaiting trial over federal property damage.
All this to say, look out for your loved ones who may be struggling. Schizophrenia doesn't have to be a death sentence. But a support network is so essential and this is something Terry clearly did not have.
Yeah, not nearly enough people understand how mental illness can affect you taking your medication. Some blame the person, but what you should really blame is the illness, and it doesn't take psychosis to make you not want to take it
medication also is bullshit, it’s like chemo drugs. it does an infinite and unknown amount of things, oh and maybe the thing you want it to do
I have been using clozapine for 5 years along with some other medications and despite their side effects, i am very glad to function normally again. Treatment is hard but please don't give up, try changing your doctors but don't stop taking your medications. As science progresses we will have better cures for mental disorders with less side effects.
being very smart and also mentally ill is difficult.
@I am the one who controls the sun Is your name a Ween reference?
This is a valuable lesson on the profound cruelty in which 4chan and other online harassers are capable of. Many focus on the donations given to him in his final months, but overlook the manipulative behavior by the same community that had driven him to that point.
Certainly isn't unique to 4chan. Seen death threats ranging from Twitter and any number of places. People act really out there on the web.
Daniel Larson is one that I feel particularly bad for. Same situation
is always the same. they dont care about the person they are laughing at, they just dont want their source of entertainment to die.
they will " help " them, the same a jackass throw a banana to a monkey in a cage, is just for their own amusement.
@@theepicduck6922 They are definitely not as viscious on twitter. As much as it goes for appearences, and the youtube videos you've seen, twitter hardly compares to 4chan.
The most youll get is some 12 year old white girls saying "kys" and "grow and change as a person", with you maybe being doxxed. On 4chan, you will definitely be doxxed.
Lol was that black guy who threatened to brutalize him from 4 chan?
the thing is, that's 16 colours, 2d and 3d sprites, games, music, all running on what's basically a text file. He managed to pull off some insane shit
True
Really makes you remember how much foundation has been laid over decades for programmers. Taking it all away makes it a nightmare to make anything yet this man manage to basically do all that
@@D00000T
I’ve seen programmers who don’t even have basic understanding of how a compiler works
All they do is pressing the green arrow inside their IDE
@@D00000T *by programmers
@@martinsauer8856 I've seen construction workers who don't even understand the chemistry behind concrete
All they do is press the green button on their big truck that goes brrrr
Ngl, the “God wants 20%” thing made me chuckle a little.
It was the “they wandered in the desert, so this must be what they did”
Wasn’t expecting to get a laugh.
The 1st tech priest Magos
Yeah the “that’s in the smallprint of the bible” I found funny
Idk why but it actually kinda freaked me out.
He got a few chuckles out of me.
Honestly, the “40 years in the desert” joke was pretty good.
Thanks for all your many contributions to the world, Terry. Probably best that you went when you did.
When you said the next Down the Rabbit Hole was a big undertaking, I wasn't expecting a feature film.
Helps when someone else had done a lot of the filming for you. Still massive amount of work to tie it all together.
"Forgive me, I have to try and figure out why I remember...that I love you."
Damn. Schizophrenia's a bitch.
@Nathaniel Francois Ojastro 1:11:00
1:12:15
He is wasted potential. I feel sorry for the dude. If only he got the help he needed.
Karma is too
Whoever you are that sat down with him in McDonald's and treated him with the respect a human being deserves, well done. You did a good thing that day.
And he even recorded it so his good deed wouldn't go unnoticed by random strangers on the Internet. I mean what's the point of doing a good deed if you can't tell everyone about it?
i really don't know if you're trolling, but if that's really your philosophy about doing the right thing, you're a horrible person@@JaredConnell
@@JaredConnellshut up
@@JaredConnellTo be fair, it looked like he was more or less interviewing him about his coding knowledge, nothing wrong with that
@@JaredConnellarchiving a rare moment when Terry was lucid. Not everyone does things for selfish reasons, soften your heart
Just found out this guy is the son of my great aunt. So, my cousin, I guess.
you need to learn HolyC
😭wtf
Gaah, that McDonald's interview broke me. It was so obvious there was still a part of him that was incredibly lucid and brilliant.
That's the thing, having people to talk to has a major effect on a mental patient's ability to cope and recover. Especially with cognitive deterioration. If he'd had more people willing to listen to him, even if they didn't agree with him, he might not have ended up where he was.
"Who am I talking to? I don't know? What's reality? I don't know. You just have to, um... When my bird was looking at my computer monitor, I thought 'whooooa' that bird has no idea what he's was looking at. And yet was does the bird do? Panic? No, you can't really panicked. He just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant? Well, he doesn't really have a choice. Yeah, he can kinda live. U-usually, the bird's ok, even though he doesn't understand the world. And, um, he can kinda learn what's safe and what's dangerous. So, um, that's where I've been lately..."
Probably one of the sanest things ever from Terry A. Davis (TempleOS creator).
That's genuinely deep and insightful.
When you have a serious mental illness there can be occasions where you find a break in the dark fog where you see this one little thing or chain of things with extreme clarity. It’s just an odd thing that happens every now and again. I’ve come to notice that perspective can shift radically moment to moment which I’m sure is at least part of what triggers these epiphanic moments.
If you’re wanting a source, I’m just speaking from experience. I have generalized anxiety, bipolar, depression, and ADHD. I go through bouts of deep suicidal depression about every 18 months roughly and the resulting stresses can lead to near psychosis. I’m not a doctor by any means, but I’ve spent enough time as a patient to pick up on the bare basics.
@@Catman2123 just want to I appreciate your comment and openness on this your experience
@Lillie Does Stuff Me too!
Roman Villegas I’m so sorry you’ve had to suffer through that. Thank you for providing your insight and experience.
"You're probably Linux cultists." That's...A little bit funny.
As a Linux cultist, it indeed is.
Being crazy doesn't preclude being funny.
Why? Isn't ubuntu different
@@QwertyCaesar i agree. look at elon musk
@@2st486 Elon isn't crazy, he's just a rich arsehole. Hangs out with lots of crazies though, like the one dude who consumes the blood of the young in an effort to be immortal.
35:30 "For the next thousand years, first person shooters are going to get boring. Tetris looks good" is a surprisingly lucid point about simplicity in design.
My birds went nuts over whatever Percival was saying in the background. Maybe he was saying bird slurs.
Based on Terry's use of language, I'd say that bird was really foul-mouthed...
I lol'd at 'bird slurs.'
top KEK
Dude is birdist
ahahahah i love this idea, he was probably absolutely filthy
“They wandered 40 years in the desert, so this must be what they did” as they circle around way too fast. Terry had his moments of pure comedic genius
Why is it that reddit teenagers take every little brainfart from mentally ill people as underrated world changing memey meme humor?
@@greenblood2313 who hurt you?
@@greenblood2313 shush
@@greenblood2313 deez nuts lol
@@greenblood2313 why is it that you are reducing a person’s creative and comedic insights to a little brainfart just because of their mental illness
This is by far the most uncomfortable one you've done so far. I usually rewatch all your videos every month or two, but I don't think I can watch this one again. It's great but it's terrifyingly disturbing that your mind can abandon you like that.
Tell me about it. This story was shocking, especially towards the end.
I've mostly been watching around the portion of his live streams up to his demise, the music used in those parts are very impacting
Yeah this was an amazing video but I can't watch this again, it's so disheartening and leaves you with a feeling of sorrow.
@@EvilMastermindPeter im 30 mins in and this is kinda suffocating. Wonder if I can make it to the end.
@@JoshuaJadeMcCoskrie make some tea for yourself, and watch some cat videos afterwords. it gets real depressing
I like that the people who took him out to mcdonalds didn't just buy him a massive stack of food to appear generous and get a reaction, they sat and ate with him like a human being, they may have gotten him extra food after but i really like and respect that they sat and ate with him, he probably really needed that, just to feel normal and on the same level as everyone, to share a meal. Edit: we love you Terry you were a strange but brilliant and very miss-understood person.
They were from either 4chan or kiwifarms. they were just farming a lolcow. just because they were being pleasant doesn't mean they weren't still using his mental health/notoriety for their own amusement.
The person trolling him pretending to be Diana was more sick than he was. A really sad story.
What's the link to his story?
Do you have more info on the fake Diana?
@@PoleTooke I dont think he means the troll has his own story as well, but that he's just another fucked up part of Terry's story.
@Kid From 21 Jump Street Oh....
Agreed
What's so sad is that this isn't just a story about Terry and the internet, but also it's a microcosm of the horrific reality for many people with schizophrenia, who frequently get bullied, lose insight/stop taking meds due to illness, family falls apart due to lack of support, homelessness and death.
Exactly, this is what saddens me the most. It’s like watching a man trapped in a room, all his thoughts splitting off from him, begging to get out of the room, and all you see are the shadows of one man trapped in a room, all screaming to escape, but all trapped by their own mental sickness. It’s… horrifying.
I can't, and quite frankly don't, wanna imagine how many Terries we lost to this void. How many lost geniuses, misunderstood artists, and unsung heroes have fallen away into the breeze of time, due to our lack of understanding. Where all that could've saved them was the right advice from the right company at the soonest of appropriate times.
But I hope that in honor of their memory, we choose to be better. It's not gonna seem like that with the contemporary state of things, but hope in that is not a bad thing to hold on to.
And the fact that edgy fucks from stupid websites think it's some sort of joke and add to it. It's so perverse? I find sitting in a room and egging on a mentally ill person and fucking around with him to be at the same level as a cheering spectator at the Colloseum.
The key to life is to hopefully not get any of this type of stuff when you’re being created.
@@rohanp1227 the funny part is the same people who egged on him probably are spitting images, in a room with nothing better to do than to bring someone down because they themselves are incredibly sad with their life
This was very sad.
His fate was worse than death.
He could have helped the software/CNC industry so much if it wasnt for mental illness.
This is so sad. thank you for making this video. i'd never heard of him.
if only terry had been at PARC, our computers would have been so much better
I’ve seen pictures of him being used in memes, but never knew who he was
He may not have revolutionized things, but he could have gotten help.
abuse was the problem here
He sadly died recently.
"Terry also believes god to be playing pranks on him."
.
.
Terry: "He gave me a booger and i went to the store with a booger....... motherfucker!"
i laughed.
Seeing modern events recorded with old cameras is always so trippy
@PiK
Just how?
(Er du dansk btw?)
@PiK,
haha, how they got that high resolution back then
Just fuck up my shit
@@marcus9441 If you read the comments under the video, that was actually taken from a concert film, as in high budget Hollywood production. Very well preserved 35mm film. The Woodstock movie is kinda similar.
lol
In all fairness, "God wants 20%" is actually pretty funny.
Should become a T-shirt
@@l0sts0ul89 Absolutely
@@birchbellehumeur6185
One day one day
"God Saves - But takes 20%"
@@homegrowntwinkie
Lol
27:18
>Hold Court
>"A woman commits adultery to a child"
>Punish
>Hold Court
>"A child commits adultery to a child"
>Really Punish
GOD
WANTS
20%
Given Terry mentioned being sexually abused as a kid in a few streams, it makes me wonder if him going "really punish" to the child-on-child adultery is a hint as to what may have transpired. That poor man...
Morgan Naviaux I just feel really sad for him and disgusted at the people who tormented him
That feeling of being completely alone in the world fucking hurts. Especially when Terry was surrounded by people who either could not relate to him or were actively working against him. I'm happy that his story exists for us all to see, though. We've done him justice and he did the best he could, making something that's admirable despite suffering. It gives a bit of solace to suffering, that there's some kind of hope underneath all the bullshit that is life. Thank you, Terry. I hope you're at peace now.
Terry's creation will last forever as one of the most impressive projects. His knowledge and creativity is boundless, like heaven.
1:12:10 Is some of the saddest shit I've ever seen. You can see him snapping out of his delusions and apologizing to his parents for his crazy ness.. RIP Terry God bless him; poor guy.
Really, unbelievably sad
He also had some self recognition in not stating dianas name because he felt she might not want to be connected to him, truly something rare in these cases
Imagine being the CIA agent keeping tabs on this guy lol 'oh fuck he's onto me'
plot twist, he actually is a black man too
this guy is so nuts that I wouldnt be surprised if a cia agent backed off this case...
the agency has to create a Davis Department with its own HR just to manage the daily turnover of new ones being caught
Imagine being the CIA agent he hit with a car in 1999
In real life he probably doesn't even registered as a potential domestic terrorist
You know. The people that know someone has a mental illness, and still "mess" with him are really evil people.
Typical 4/8chan users. Virgins, Incels, whatever you wanna call them.. You should see what they do to Women online.....
@@squirt4059 His fanbase was mostly 4chan/8chan folks, what crack are you smoking?
@@squirt4059 What XD You know that they were the only one watching him and supporting, right?
@@squirt4059 The fact you went for those words first to describe people who use the chans shows your more of the pathetic type of people on sites like twitter, instagram, resetera and the like to do worst things then the people who use 4/8/ectchan.
On those sites you get called names, on the sites YOU frequent ruin the lives of people for a word 10 to 20+ year ago and get companies to silence and drop people.
4chan can be BAD, but the other "Safer" ones can be straight fucking evil.
@@theADHDotaku My god could you possibly be any more boring and unoriginal to listen to
The pope ain’t never make a compiler
This story was so unrelentingly grim. I feel working on it took part of me with it, it is easy to get lost in someone else's madness but I hope it was channelled into my music.
It absolutely was fantastic work!
@@Arcaxon Cheers Arc, I hope so, layering noise over a man arguing with his parents is pretty soul destroying.
Eh. It’s all right.
Your music made my stomach turn in the best possible way. You did a lovely job. The story would be much lesser without your contribution.
Take a drink everytime he says loosethose.
This went from funny to incredibly sad very slowly.
Like most ww2 documentaries
@@FirstLast.69 what ww2 documentaries do you watch that start off funny? lmao
@@smolpp585 google "looney toons ww2 training cartoons."
They are are pretty good exsmple
Sad because you can tell he was an extremely intelligent person, especially in those brief moments of coherence, but his mind was just such a mess. What a fascinating human.
@@PrinceTancred wtf?
@@gwiz6955 this log maggot person seems to be everywhere but all his comments or replies were deleted. What did he say?
@@gwiz6955 what did he say
@@gwiz6955 Do you remember what that person you replied to said?
@@misspoppyseed3909 I don't remember exactly what he said on this comment. But you guys got me intrigued. So I went looking for his comments, I found some, but most are gone like you said. From the looks of it it seems like he was just some little troll or very angry kid who really hated Terry Davis, among other people. People replying to him give me hints to him telling people death threats, undermining Terry's life/intelligence, calling people every slur in the book, and saying everyone doesn't have a working brain. Here are some of his surviving comments
"Log Maggot
2 months ago
He wasn’t smart... he wasn’t caring..
You’re an idiot"
"Log Maggot
2 months ago
@Iumasz if I spent 17 fucking years on it I could do way more
"
"Log Maggot
2 months ago
¡ЪσЪ 012 you must be as dumb as terry then because I’m sorry but it’s obvious"
"Log Maggot
2 months ago
Weeb it’s not inpressive..17 years. If I was autistic and spent 17 years on one project, it’d turn out better than temple OS did by miles"
"Log Maggot
2 months ago
Funny, all I could think was “ please tell me this scumbag dies at the end”"
If I had to guess who this person really is, I'd say it is one of the jogging black CIA workers that Terry might have ran over with his car.
You can still get to his channel by pasting UCFb74-Jg8Guhno1RrzAZkfw/featured into a regular RUclips channel URL (youtube(dot)com/channel/)
He never got terminated he is alive and well probably infecting more comment sections by the hour. Godspeed to that magnificent bastard...
watching your kid fall apart like this and yell at you has to be so mortifying. you love them the best you can and they end up hurting you. :(
The purpose of TempleOS wasn't at all unclear, he stated numerous times that his goal was to make a system like the early PCs of the 70s and 80s where you could mess around with anything you want on the system without it stopping you.
A message that was unfortunately lost due to his schizophrenia.
He said "to have fun". Pretty damn simple statement of it's purpose.
And then his mental State detoriated and it became „Solomons Temple“
It was aimed to be a commodore 64, as he stated in one of his videos
@@beanofknowledge2125 literally because his TempleOS was his only place to find peace.
1:05:12 - That allegory about the bird looking at the computer monitor, and how it relates to his reality, was hauntingly lucid considering his past [deranged] musings. It's almost like a younger, healthier Terry-trapped inside a tiny prison cell his own mental illness constructed for him-had resurfaced, and was screaming for help at the top of his lungs. What a deeply troubled and tragic man, and what a cruel and confusing world he must have seen on the other side of that computer monitor.
Sadly that's the schizophrenic's reality, a shattered barrier separating him from the rest of us. Watching Terry's deteriorating ability to communicate gave me such a sensation of absolute loneliness. I had a psych prof that said their paranoia actually bears out in reality: think about it. Someone like Terry sees the rest of us interacting in a multitude of communications and attitudes because we can access a shared reality. What's left for him? A tiny spectrum ranging from indifference to hostility, peppered with mockery, so uniformly cruel and disrespectful, such a thoroughly organized spirit of rejection thrust at him. But when that rejection makes its journey across the shattered barrier to the schizophrenic's world, I can see how it would look like a conspiracy: shadowy, deviant, relentless, purposefully obscure in its motives but ruthlessly precise in its executions.
EDIT: To be fair, I'm not condemning anybody who grew exasperated with a guy who spoke in a mixture of hucksterism, arrogant superiority, and literal word salad. Nobody likes a spammer with a chip on his shoulder. But people absolutely need to be educated on schizophrenia in a sociological context in order to see the full spectrum of its ramifications for the individual, rather than the ruthlessly clinical communique of Medical journals and whatnot.
It was insanely deep.... I'm glad I seen this post I came back to this video to rewatch it just to see this part again... It was a very deep concept of his own mental health making it hard to understand reality
Look up "Terry A. Davis on reality (RIP)" for probably the most lucid and self aware moment from Terry documented, which came much later than the bird clip. Terry explains, and I quote "There's something not right about my reality" and he elaborates further.
I keep coming back to this video just for that part, it's so insightful and lucid. It hits me in the weirdest way, especially knowing so many of Terry's struggles and delusions. I wish we lived in a world where people with (mental) issues get the help they need. Terry deserved better.
@@MelancoliaI +
"he would wait until they were finished singing to speak again"
*Terry:* SHUT UP BIRD
@CloudNIN420 fr LOL
at 41:25
Birds drive him mad
lmfao
Tbf I would have said shut up bird lol
I know I’m way late to this but I recently was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it’s terrifying how going untreated can completely take away a personality and replace it with something so much darker, he wasn’t just a whack job he was sick and desperately needed help he didn’t get
Hey man I'm also way late to reply, but I hope you're doing well. Schizophrenia is a bitch. Peace
21:03 "Runs on a Time Cube."
Now that's a reference and a half.
It's the Down the rabbit hole cinematic universe.
THE LORE RUNS DEEP
Terrence McKenna stated once that while on a heavy DMT trip some entity told him; “did you know, during a single day there is actually for days”. Which is the same thing the time cube guy kept saying.
MCKenna had that trip long before the time cube guy came around. Make of that what you will.
@Simon András Péters shit, somebody else has picked up on that explanation for the TimeCube Guy that I have been giving. I was hoping that explanation would not make sense to anybody but myself. xD
Also the word "fun" is used a lot. What else uses "fun" a lot? SCP-2030, WE GOT LORE!
What's reality? I don't know. [...]
When by bird was looking at my computer monitor I though "That bird has no idea what he's looking at".
And yet what does the bird do? Does he panic?
No, he can't really panic, he just does the best he can.
Is he able to live in a world where he's so ignorant?
Well, he doesn't really have a choice. [...]
The bird is OK even though he doesn't understand the world. [...]
You're that bird looking at the monitor and you're thinking to yourself, "I can figure this out".
Maybe you have some bird ideas.
Maybe that's the best you can do.
-Terry A. Davis 1:05:10
Sounds like Jordan Peterson except it actually makes sense.
wilson mccoy deep shit from a crazy guy possibly?
sounds like its his sanity talking to his detreating mind trying to guide it before it spirals out of control
Another one, at 7:22
"What is it about computer science people and atheism huh? brain = computer, I imagine. That's what once made me an atheist. Still not too sure about that. I think the answer lies in going beyond the notion of causality as we typically think of it. There can be incredible synchronicity in the world which makes causality quaint."
I've been staring at that one because I've recently come to the same conclusions myself (though I've not gone around bible-thumping as a result, quite the opposite actually). My family has a history of some kind of mental illness, on my dad's side. It makes me think. Though maybe my bias makes it sound more profound or more relevant.
Weirdly, it sounds almost like hes subconciously talking about himself. That in his unstable and sadly human mental state, he is a bird, doing the best he can in his mind in a strange world that only becomes more foreign with time.
I remember 8chan's /cow/ board changed their entire layout to resemble Temple OS in honor of Terry.
That's honestly beautiful
Wholesome
@Savage Cabbage a bit hard to look past the racism tho
@@bilibilibd2598 Yeah, what Alt acc said. Maybe if it was someone slightly in their right mind, but Terry was most definitely afflicted by a mental illness. Yeah, everything he did, he did, but based on everything we can see, he was hardly in the mental capability to make moral judgments.
@@bilibilibd2598 genuine question - do you think he's actually racist, or just using inflammatory language?
I genuinely hope that the person who trolled Terry into believing he was married to a RUclipsr realizes what they contributed to and feels immense shame. Like they essentially manipulated a schizophrenic man into assaulting his father leading to him committing suicide
For that to happen, you'd have to assume they thought about things more than themselves. I don't know. But if there's a sliver of doubt, it's gonna carry them to the grave.
Some of this was Terrys own decisions as a person with and who loves many relatives with mental disorders I’ve learned while they can be a burden they also cannot be used as blank checks as excuses for bad behavior or decisions. At the same time they did contribute to his cycles of mania/episodes, so you’re statement is correct I just want more people to know about not using your mental disorder as an excuse ❤
The CIA n*ggers got him, he didn't commit suicide
@@Colonel_RamRod I also have a lot of family with different forms, flavors, and degrees of mental health issues. But this man was an unmedicated schizophrenic man in the midst of an episode. Blaming him at that point you might as well be shaming a brick wall someone crashed into instead of the people actively snickering while installing spikes on and oil slicks near.
"forgive me, I need to remember that I love you"
-this is so strong. I feel like it is the sane part of the monster he has become, trying to escape the insanity.
pratically everything he says, you can take some bits of a still sane part, in whatever his mind had become.
That’s one of the most saddening parts of dealing with someone with schizophrenia or Alzheimer’s. Generally these people with severe forms of these diseases, sound so crazy that it’s hard to be able to rationalize their condition. You then see brief flashes of the person that was before, and that reminds you of how much these diseases have taken, and that is what’s devastating.
My girlfriend had schizophrenia and it was like this. When we first met, she was more lucid. Towards the end, she would have little breaks in her madness where she remembered we were in love. I eventually brought her to a mental hospital, but now they won't let me talk to her. I can only hope she'll take the meds and become lucid again. The day I left her, she didn't look at me and wouldn't hug me. Yea... I can barely type this without crying. I wish so much we had a system that was better equipped to help these people. Terry's story is so tremendously sad. I wonder if there was any way he could have been helped.
@@kaseybrown7664 Aww maan, huuuge internet hugs. You are an amazing person. Maybe she doesn't realize it or rather can't but she's so incredibly lucky to have that support behind her. Studying psychology atm and I can safely tell you, people like you, having a circle of close people who are willing to be patient, support and help are one of the most important aspects. They may not let you talk to her atm (which is understandable from a treatment perspective) but you've already done more than most would.
Stay the way you are. If ya need anything pm me on reddit, steam or something. I use the same username on most platforms. (usually blue-black profile píc)
@@kaseybrown7664 stay strong brother.
It hits fucking hard seeing him in that McDonald’s perfectly lucid. Talking about the thing he loves the most with people interested in his work. It’s almost like a window into what could have been man
This is what the 4chan mobs and their analogues will do to anyone vulnerable. Savage, uncivilized people.
@@mikicerise6250 ...buy them lunch & respectfully engage them in dialogue?
@@WhompingWalrus that was only the people who met in person.
The poor guy impulsively streamed or recorded himself when he was having psychotic episodes, he must have been more lucid when he wasn't streaming
@@mikicerise6250
Maybe just dont let anyone, especially not people with mental issues or otherwise, on the internet.
this is just depressing. the internet has become a place where schizophrenics and other mentally ill people are put on display like in a circus and just become the entertainment of the masses. on the surface the things he says and does arent good, but they all happen because he is so severely trapped within his own ill mind where everything makes sense to him and i feel like the internet has done more harm than good to people who suffer from schizophrenia.
We've moved on from the freak shows of physical deformities of the past to freak shows of mental deformities.
It is progress, in a certain way. At least the mental freaks aren't rounded up and locked away, out of sight out of mind.
Yeah, this is disgusting, even the comments here are mostly jokes about his delusions.
He needed help, and instead got the internet.
Alternatively we are in an age where more attention is brought to people suffering from mental disabilities while increasing advances are being made in treatment.
The people who need to know are more likely to notice the signs if they or a loved one start to degrade, and they are more likely to receive treatment now.
It's sad, he should have gotten help. Instead he died hit by a train, only remembered as a jester for 4chan and kiwifarms...
You ever laugh when your friend trips and falls?
Dont mistake morbid curiosity and dark humor for malice
the segments showing Terry speaking about TempleOS itself make me incredibly sad. he seems so excited and proud of creation that it kind of breaks my heart in weird way. it's got the same feeling of like, listening to an old relative talk about when they were a child.
To be fair, while it was an ugly mess, what he did required an extremely precise understanding of what he was doing. The fact that it was done in C _and_ 64 bit is basically like building a full sized house out of gelatine - technically possible but both way harder than necessary and of little practical use.
@@OtakuUnitedStudio After this video I watched a video, I think by Linus, and while they also fully say it's a mess, they're still interested in its features and how he made the thing
He dedicated his entire life to that project.. whatever it was, it was the work of his whole life, and he died for it.
He was a very smart person and skilled in programming. Even when his mind went to the state it went to, he still knew how to type code and build an OS.
or like hearing a kid talk about something they really like
Man listening to Terry's speech slurred and heavily degraded at the end was legit heartbreaking.
What specific condition does this though? Anybody have an idea?
@@Droedelzak Heavy alcohol usage can do that. I know some alcoholics, and even when they are sober, their speech is slurred and sounds weird
This whole story is pretty sad. This guy needed more help then he was getting too be honest.
Droedelzak schizophrenia, plus alcoholism
Unfortunately alcoholism+drug use go hand in hand with schizophrenia and mental illness in general. Its sad that Terry is gone but atleast his online presence will ensure he is never forgotten 💛
It's sad about what happened to him, but his mental state was certainly something else. Imagine trying to live your life, but your mental health keeps blinding you to reality, making it harder and harder to do anything "normal" as the line between reality and your own delusions get foggier and foggier and makes you act out in ways you never intended too. It's a terrifying thought.
Take care of your mental health, whether it's through medicine or other doctor prescribed means.
And of course, RIP Terry. I hope the fog in your mind cleared up up there.