STOP Physical Conflict! 8 Signs to See Aggression BEFORE IT HAPPENS!
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- Learn how to see early signs of tension and immediately de-escalate the situation and avoid physical conflict using scientifically proven psychology techniques. What signs did Derrell Brooks, Kourtney Kardashian and Angela Deem (90 Day Fiancé) display just before they resorted to a physical altercation? How can you immediately spot the signs of aggression and de-escalate the situation? Find out now!
How to Recognize and Stop Manipulation:
• Become IMPOSSIBLE to M...
Original Analysis of Darrell Brooks:
• Body Language & Legal ...
"What Every Body Is Saying" By Joe Navarro:
amzn.to/3h4pAVH
"Understanding Body Language" By Scott Rouse
amzn.to/3zInotw
"The Definitive Guide to Body Language" By Allan and Barbara Pease
amzn.to/3NDOZC6
THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE Teaching the Lowline Method of De-escalating!
cdn.ps.emap.com/wp-content/up...
"What is Anger" By the Paul Ekman Group
www.paulekman.com/universal-e...
STUDIES
Sell, A., Cosmides, L., & Tooby, J. (2014). The human anger face evolved to enhance cues of strength. Evolution and Human Behavior, 35(5), 425-429
www.cep.ucsb.edu/papers/2014S...
Godinho, R.M., Spikins, P. & O’Higgins, P. Supraorbital morphology and social dynamics in human evolution. Nat Ecol Evol 2, 956-961 (2018)
www.nature.com/articles/s4155...
Ledger, H. (2013) 'The effect cognitive load has on eye blinking', The Plymouth Student Scientist, 6(1), p. 206-223.
pearl.plymouth.ac.uk/bitstrea....
Spontaneous Eye Blink Rate during the Working Memory Delay Period Predicts Task Performance
www.frontiersin.org/articles/...
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facebook: / spideymagic
twitter: / spideyhypnosis
TIMESTAMPS
03:00 What is the Universal “Angry Face?”
05:30 What can the Eyebrows Tell Us?
07:00 The Jaw and Lips
08:30 The Biggest Sign of Aggression on the Face
12:50 Why Does our Nose do This?
14:45 The Most Common Sign of Aggression
19:24 The Posture of Pre - Aggression
23:00 The Aggressive Illustrators
27:00 What do the Eyes reveal about anger?
32:12 How to De-escalate a Tense Situation
38:10 How to Calm Someone Down with Your Body Language
#bodylanguage #psychology #readpeople #howtoreadpeople #nonverbalcommunication #paulekman #anger #conflictresolution #kardashian #kourtneykardashian #kimkardashian #90dayfiance #darrellbrooks #safety #selfdefense 
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Really helpful and informative. I used to work with people experiencing difficulties and when you did the LOWLINE I realised that's the way me and my colleagues worked. However, it was something that took years to develop. It's great that there are now researched methods that people can use immediately. Being able to recognise when to use such methods is essential so thankyou for bringing all the information about how to recognise aggression and de-escalate, to people's attention.
I love when people with experience in the field realize that there is cross over between what they learned and what is being taught. Thanks for commenting ❤️
@@TheBehavioralArts Yes, so true, and even with experience there is always more to learn. Thankyou
@@TheBehavioralArts hi I am a librarian and this information is very useful in working with the public. Is it OK if I share this with colleagues?
@@jk-ke6gz absolutely! Please do 😊 glad you enjoyed it!
@@TheBehavioralArts Thank you, this video is so helpful! 👍🏽
I'm neurodivergent, and I'm MUCH less fluent in reading human facial cues, compared to neurotypical people. It's weird, because I've always been really good at reading body language and audio cues of some NON-human animals (like dogs and cats) but people communicate so much with their faces! And that's something I've had to work on, all my life.
Apparently I do SHOW the same facial cues as neurotypical people do (according to my friends and family) but if I see a picture of myself, I can't easily read even my own facial expressions. . . i.e., if I don't remember what kind of mood I was in when a photo was taken, I can't look at it and easily tell whether I was happy, or angry, or whatever.
If you imagine yourself speaking a language other than English, which you know somewhat, but not fluently -- that's how it feels for me to read facial cues. It takes concerted mental effort, and gets exhausting if I have to do it for a long time with no breaks.
Spidey, you know one thing that really sets you apart from any other people in videos like this that I've seen, is that you are able to mimic all these expressions yourself, and to top not off it's so spot on EVERY time! It makes it so much easier for the layperson to understand. Love your videos and your compassion and ethics as well. ❤
Haha thanks for the kind words. I think being a stage performer really helps on that front 🤗
@@TheBehavioralArts @The Behavioral Arts Just saw a RUclips short of a comedian where he describes once being interviewed for entry to theatre school. He was sure he was to be rejected when he responded "I don't" to the question "Why do you want to act?" He was accepted because his follow-up was "I want to be a great comedian and someone once told me to be a great comedian, you have to know how to act" :-) Applies in a lot of professions! Great teaching Spidey!
Agreed!!
Tanya
Hes a Master of Behavioral Expressions... He knows How to be 🤣🤣... Nah but Still GREAT video! 💪 Sigue pa lante
I worked in a State Hospital with mentally disordered offenders, which in layman's terms means the "criminally insane." I've never seen this information broken down so thoroughly, and I'll be recommending the video to any and all of my friends and former coworkers, because it may very well prevent assaults, which are not uncommon. Many work in that environment long enough that they start to have pretty good instincts about when things are going to get violent, but newer staff and students can really benefit from this style of information breakdown, as I'd obviously prefer they don't learn the hard way (as many of us old timers have). One thing of note that I think is pertinent given where I worked, is that a flat affect (impassive or unemotional facial expression) can be pretty common with people who suffer from various mental illnesses, so in some cases, an attack/assault happen with basically zero visible facial cues. With that said, I do feel like this information is very valuable to anyone that works in forensics, corrections, etc. This comment isn't meant to suggest that we don't receive adequate training to work where I did, but rather to praise Spidey's method of teaching, because as another commenter pointed out, he clearly demonstrates every cue in a way that most visual learners can benefit from.
Wow. This means more than you know ❤️ I’m so glad you enjoyed it
I took mobile X-rays in a place like that with no advice except “Don’t let the patient get behind you “ then the attendant left the room
Same! I took Non-Violent Crisis Intervention as part of my training at a psychiatric facility. Shockingly, there was no training given on how to spot pre-aggression. We were taught how to handle the patients once we were being attacked physically, and how to deescalate, but that seems a little late in the progression of the threat.
True, and sometimes it's not the verbose behavior, exaggerated movements or yelling that say's the person is about to go off.
Some people will have a very vapid facial expression but there is a certain type of body language that belies their true intent. And you can tell that they are on the verge of doing really bad things.
Those people frighten me a bit.
My abusive ex used to have that insane and violent stare when pushed to his breaking point. Luckily, he’s serving a 13 year sentence now, but unfortunately he went on to abuse others in order to get that time. Prosecutors need to stop allowing domestic violence to be pled down to misdemeanors. There needs to be zero tolerance for it. If he had gotten a felony for my abuse, beating, kidnapping and attempted arson instead of getting misdemeanor spousal abuse because he has a drug problem. The State cared more about the drug offense than the physical, emotional, financial, sexual abuses.
I noticed that in the guy in the court doing this even from the start. His eyes were absolutely locked on that judge. It was like a death stare. I also noticed his deadly stillness and the tension in his whole body and his arms, like he’s really ready to attack but barely restraining himself.
I think it's called the predatory stare. Most seen in sociopaths, narcs and psychopaths. Hope you are safe now.
Another key point to remember when dealing with a person who is very aggressive and/or angry is to NEVER tell them to calm down. I worked as a 911 call taker for a little bit and that was one phrase that would get anyone cussed out. My advice to calm that situation even for a minute is to tell them (in a softer or neutral voice) to take a breath. Obviously, that won’t work every time, but it works about 85% of the time. Great video, Spidey!
Thanks, this is a very good tip that I have to remember!
I used to have a coworker who had a very short fuse, and very long emotional "hang-fire".* Since we had to work together, I learned to beware of things that would trigger her anger, and I noticed that whenever anyone told her to calm down, that had the opposite effect, it would make her even angrier.
It's interesting to hear how widespread that reaction is!
*In the fireworks industry, "hang-fire" is the time between the end of the fuse, and the explosion itself. So when you can no longer see any fuse, but inside, it's still burning.
When hang-fire is longer than usual, sometimes people will think the fuse has burnt out, and they'll pick up the firework. . . and it'll explode in their hands.
As a hospice nurse, I work with patients who have dementia, and they often have aggressive behaviors and become combative. I don’t think they display the same cues that patients who are fully oriented. I’m going to re-watch this and see if maybe I missed something. I’m often caught by surprise when a fist flies or a patient starts kicking, or tries to bite. If you could comment I would appreciate it.
Commenting so this gets seen by more people. I hope you get a reply, it would be very insightful
Thank you! I’ve also seen a correlation between the blink rate and respiration rate. We breathe 16-20 times per minute. When we get irritated, or angry, or have fear - respiration rate goes up.
They can be reactive aggression. Looks different to proactive aggression
Kristine, I am a caregiver to my mom who has Alz.. She’s been battling alz for 6 years now, still knowledgeable, thou when she focuses on something, she doesn’t let it go, she’ll ask the same question thinking we didn’t give her the answer, thou after the 5th time giving her the answer she does get either uptight or remorseful. Depending on how we answer the question. I’m gonna try some of the low line Solutions see how she reacts.
@@gunnysreviews9411 yes they are reactive. Especially when they have advanced dementia and are dealing with audible and visual hallucinations. We’re obviously trained to expect that, but seeing a short distance into the future and being able to duck and cover would be helpful. I also have from experience seen that this can be a very individual thing and maybe generalizations can’t be made.
You're right about hitting/ punching/ kicking/ slamming things being aggression. I was told that when people hit/ kick objects, it's them trying to tell you how much they want to hit/ kick you
Yes I have the same unspoken understanding.
My daughter recently had a situation in that she went into a fawning reaction and then later was so mad at herself but I told her it had kept her safe. I’m sending her this video so she can more fully understand what happened - thank you for your amazing work
I'm so sorry for your daughter's situation! But you can research into the fawn response, it has actually recently been discovered to be one of the trauma responses, just like fight, flight, and freeze. So, if she was in a situation with someone potentially aggressive, it makes complete sense!
I never heard of the fawning. My CPTSD I probably've done it but I'm not quite sure. Definitely gonna look up
On the topic of harming objects, my ex husband used to love to throw furniture. Namely, coffee tables. He always claimed that he wasn't being aggressive because he "controlled" himself and took it out on the furniture. We lost several.
Makes me realize why people find me intimidating when seeing me:
1) My eyebrows naturally are in a angry state lol, everyone on my fathers side eyebrows are like that.
2) I have TMJ and have a tight jaw so it always looks like I’m tense in the jaw area.
4) I just have a good size nose and nostrils.
I need to get a shirt that says I’m friendly 😂🤣!
Great Video!
Same
I think I really enjoy your channel because of the parallels with my own field. I’m a trauma veterinary nurse- body language is HUGE in my field, since our patients are usually in pain or terrified or both AND we they can’t verbally communicate. Your eyelid lift was instantly evident to me because that’s something we look for in dogs and cats- that wide eye means “back up and reassess your approach” to me and my fellow nurses. Before someone loses their face. 😂 It’s fascinating, the similarities and differences in body language among various species.
Oh wow that's so cool!
Loved your input!
Amazing. I work in veterinary medicine, where the rate of suicide is amongst the highest of all fields. Speaking personally and for a lot of my colleagues, the main source of anxiety leading to chronic stress in my job is dealing with conflict. I have over 10y experience in my field and many more years experience in customer service, and until the pandemic I was the one everyone at work turned to for handling difficult, escalating conversations and conflict. I had pride that I could de-escalate people and communicate in a way that brought everyone to agreement. However, during the pandemic I experienced so much conflict and "pre-aggression" from people, a handful of incidents that occured within a short time, that I became very fearful of interactions of any type, I experienced dissociative episodes, and after a 3 month break from talking to clients all together, I noticed when I did speak to them, the argumentative, aggressive behaviour escalated a lot quicker. It has occured to me, after watching your video, Spidey, that the trauma I experienced has severely impacted my former skills in connection and de-escalation. I believe now, after you have laid out all these pre-agressive behaviors, that being in a permanent state of fight-or-flight at work and being unable to remove myself from the situation (other than subtle avoidance behaviors like not answering the phone when I see it's a known difficult person calling, etc) I am constantly being forced into a triggering situation where my only option for self protection is fight. Because of this, I believe I subconsciously display some of the pre-aggression behaviours you have just illustrated and thus I escalate the situation instead of using the LOWLINE techniques I used to use. I no longer feel comfortable enough to express the vulnerability required for LOWLINE. This video has been very informative to me in highlighting the subtle facial expressions in a "what NOT to do" lesson for me. I'm not sure if I can ever go back to not being fearful and expecting the worst, but perhaps with these tools I can fake it till I make it. I long for the times when I didn't feel like I had to fight everyone who walks through the front door 😞
Jessi, I realise that I’ve come across this comment seriously late but I’m not sure what aggression vets or their staff experience. At a glance since I’ve never encountered this idea before and I’d guess that it has to do with vet bills. Is that right? I suppose I understand. My beloved cat has medical problems that my insurance won’t cover and I just can’t afford to pay for her treatment. But it doesn’t make me angry, it just breaks my heart. She’ll die because I can’t afford to save her and it kills me inside that her condition is fixable. It could be fixed if I had money. But while it’s incredibly sad and horrible, well vets are a business and there are thousands of pet owners with animals they desperately wish they could save but can’t. Vets wouldn’t make a profit if they took pity on every animal that needs them. It’s just sad. Or I suppose where I’m sad, others might feel anger.
You are my favorite discovery during the Depp trial and have remained bc your content is magnificent. Ty!
Thank you 🤗 that’s so sweet
TO AMBITIOUS ONES
Sometimes, the hardest thing in life is simply to take the first step. As Neil Armstrong’s famous quote goes: “it’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Just like walking on the moon, you can achieve anything once you get started.
But when it ALL feels a bit overwhelming, drop everything and focus one thing after achieving success with it then attach others.
*hope this save a soul, if yes, I’ve achieved a big success*
I love you ....
Thank you, I needed this today 🌟
As an EMT who works on an ambulance and responds to 911 emergencies, this is super helpful. Everyone that we respond is in distress, and that distressed feeling can lead to a number of things. Including a physical altercation. I personally feel like LOWLINE is something that you subconsciously learn after years of being in my industry or something similar. But it was really awesome to learn there is an actual term for attempting to deescalate someone who is in distress along with hearing some of your key points that had never really crossed my mind.
But, agreed with your last point. When dealing with someone in distress, no matter the setting, never put yourself in a position in which you can’t escape. Always be mindful of your egress points.
This video is so valuable! I’ve dealt with physical abuse growing up and it’s left me with a constant feeling of being unsafe when a conflict arises with others. This makes that physical element more predictable and informs me on how to de-escalate and protect myself if something heads that way. This helps me feel more in control of my safety and understanding what danger actually looks like. THANK YOU! so so so valuable.
I was only able to watch a short part of this video so I don't know much about the court case, but that first guy was not just mad OR trying to be intimidating. Not only was he beyond anger, he was past being livid. He was maniacal.
He had an intensity in his eyes and upper lift that says that he has lost ANY type of self control and if given the opportunity he could do something on a level past being upset.
I was raised Jehovah's Witness (no longer) and went to people's door talking (not just on weekends but all different times and places) for about 55 years. In SECONDS I had to understand people's body language and know how to deescalate things if need be or be jovial, which is my nature.
Also I am an ENTP. Because of the "Intuitive" aspect of my personality, I went into sales, which furthered my ability to read people on a daily basis. I can't really read dog's or horses very well AT ALL, but I could go up to a gangster or person in a fight and know how far I can go, as I have intervened in fights before. I can calm down a VERY angry person, but not someone like this!
THIS GUY was not in the right mindframe. He would scare me and I'm about 6' 200lbs. A person that looks like this WANTS to cause intense pain beyond just hitting you and given the opportunity, he would not stop.
This is not anger or rage, it's "Evil"!
I'm currently getting my masters in social work and we talk about how to handle moments where individuals may get aggressive. It's good to know how to recognize and diffuse these situations. This is super helpful, thank you!!
Spidey, you'd be a great professor! You make everything clear and easy to understand
Such a great post Spidey!
As a pub landlord, I occasionally have to de-escalate situations and this helps immensely with my approach.
For me, intervening as early as possible is key to a safe outcome for all.
Okay now we need to see a 90 day fiance analysis! I always wondered how genuine the feelings they claim they have for each other are.
Spoiler alert: they were genuine in the first two seasons. They get harder and harder to watch as the franchise goes on.
This SuperThanks is fulfilling my commitment for SuperThanks for this video.
The fact that you turned around this video around so quickly is AMAZING!
haha. I hadn't seen the original commitment but thanks for your support! I'm glad I was able to cover this :)
@@TheBehavioralArts- just because you didn't see/remember my comment committing to support this video doesn't mean I shouldn't keep the commitment.
This video allows people to learn some crucial skills needed to recognize when dangerous conditions are imminent. This video is great work that has legitimately earned some money from me.
Oh wow! I figured you'd do this at some point, but didn't expect it so soon. You are awesome! :)
It seemed important 🤗
Love this! I have 23 years teaching experience in aggression/challenging behaviour management; prediction, assessment and response to violence. I teach professionals to step back (balancing) and turning onto their side to protect their vital organs. I have personally spent thousands of man hours dealing with aggression and violence - I absolutely love this and with my experience you have still managed to teach me. ❤️ I kinda like the LOWLINE, however, it's not just healthcare considerations we have to remember (looking) but also cultural backgrounds (which you know). Thank you!
That’s so awesome! I’m so glad that the information lines up with your extremely valuable experience 😊
The LOWLINE method for addressing aggression and diffusing it reminds me of a method I read in a parenting book about 20 years ago. It’s called the SALVE method and it’s in a book entitled Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort. The breakdown of SALVE is Separate, Attention, Listen, Validate, Empower. She developed this method when working with toddlers having tantrums. When a child is upset you would want to give them your full Attention but you have to Separate your emotions first as a parent which is why the first step is just that. As you are actively Listening you want to use the “Fast Food order guideline” and repeat the persons order back to them so they understand that you understand. This is where the validation comes in: “oh I see that your toy got broken and that’s very disappointing for you”. After the child is Validated, they are moved into being Empowered by the parent because they’re safe to express their anger and sadness over the situation and their parent has expressed full confidence in them that this situation can be grieved over yet you will move through it just fine.
I had troubles looking at the a and b faces because when i used to get abused by my father, i saw that he was about to explode when he opened the eyes like that. Thank you for this video. I learned a lot ❤ you’re saving me
I've been a nurse for 26 years and you just 100% broke down the technique of being an active listener and showing empathy, compassion for someone during conversation.
I think the worst thing would be to show disinterest or be disregarding.
And the example i have of the best active listener in my life is my German shepherd, that head tilt is unparalleled ❤
Love your videos!
I hit the like button because this info needs to be learned. I'm a teacher, not very experienced in the streets. Spidey, I've said this before, you are an amazing teacher.
I'm at the beginning of the video, but I'm super excited that you are doing pre-aggression. It's something I've wanted to look at. This is great to know as someone going into psychology.
Also, OMG I didn't know Griffith was doing facial expression research! I'll be following up what they are working on, that's neat!
In B eyes are wider.
Thank you so much for this, I saw the comment on the previous video and hoped that you'd upload something.
Oh my goodness I haven’t even watched it yet but I saw the title and knew I had to see it. Thank you so much Spidey. Part of the reason why I started watching your channel was to learn more about deception and manipulation to protect myself when dating. My family has a very serious generational pattern with toxic, aggressive and abusive men and I really want to stop the cycle once and for all. This is exactly the video I needed and I really would appreciate more content like this. Huge fan! Thank you so much ❤❤
Same!
Thank you ❤️ very interesting and valuable information. I'm glad you took the suggestion of that person and made this video!!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Spidey! I was one of the commenters asking for this lesson.
I saw the notification for this video yesterday during school and was shocked, excited, & thrilled you produced it so quickly!
I recognized many of the signs but so appreciate your insights & explanations as they add so much more understanding to the behaviors. I WILL be sharing this with teacher friends & others.
I found the LOWLINE strategies to be very compatible with the Win-Win training we have received for dealing with conflict while adding very helpful understandings & behaviors to exhibit while working to avoid escalation or de-escalate a situation.
1 - in a private conversation, identify & acknowledge the person's perspective of the problem (allow time to settle)
2 - identify the non-negotiables
3 - brainstorm possible/acceptable solutions
4 - allow person to choose between solutions that satisfy the non-negotiables
5 - resolution/restoring conversation
Of all the emotions, anger is the one that I have the least amount of comfort with. I suspect because situations can be unpredictable and escalate quickly. This content builds my confidence and skills when I encounter people who are experiencing anger. Thanks!
PS. Love this style of educational videos the most.
Your confession has really changed the way I think about you. First it was Ekat, now you. Now I'm picturing you and Ekat watching the latest episode and just hanging out talking about 90 day fiance lol.
Darrell staring down the judge reminded me of my dog staring at my kitten the first time I introduced them. At first, I thought she was going to attack because she was so fixated on staring. She didn't blink and was absolutely still for about 15-20 seconds. After I removed the kitten she started whining and howling because I was denying her the cat.
I have done taekwondo as a sport, usually with the same people at the place where we train. Because it is always a friendly thing, I forgot that a fighting stance is a sign of aggression. If someone is in a position where the other person is looking like they are about to attack, I would recommend keeping their hands up. Open hands, palm out to show you aren't on the offensive and try to back away. That way they aren't entirely unprepared if the other person swings at them, it makes it easier to cover themselves or block the hit.
This was a great analysis as always. It's great that you are hearing what people want to see and you covering those topics.
In reference to photos A & B, the difference was in the visibility of the whites of the eyes, and therefore intensity of stare. I feel that when we are confused or curious while trying to understand something, generally we may furrow our brows and squint/narrow our gaze to concentrate closer to the subject material. When really angry, (I know from even my own personal experience of being angry) we tend to open our eyes much wider, for what I feel is to allow us to 1) appear bigger and more dominating in a round about way and 2) to be able to take in more stimuli and be prepared in your surroundings before potentially pouncing! haha (Which you then pretty much went on to explain after I finished typing this comment! lol) Thanks Spidey for doing what you do, learning more and more about body language is truly changing people’s lives!
Thanks Spidey! I just wanted to say how much I appriciate your channel. I'm a social work undergraduate student in Norway and I've been following you a long time. Thanks to you I got very interested in body language and social behaviour, I might even consder getting a master degree on it in the future. I gotta admit it really gives a boost to the psychology part of my study. I also love that you give good resources for us to further invenstigate the topic if we wish. You are more interesting than most of my lecturers. I'm not even gonna get into how facinating you are as a mentalist. Thank you for the knowledge and the inspiration you give!
Great video !! As a nurse i can t agree more about LOWLINE method...
With family in pediatric cares in the beginning of my career and now working as coordinator... I think it is a must when working with customer/partner/patients. From experience I feel 99% of the time it works. In my personal situation, It seems the anger come from a feeling of injustice or fear of health impact. Truly understanding what they want to get to us and staying calm usually saved a lot of dangerous situation.
Ohh and your tips on knowing the demographic we are working with is something we often forget in the beginning and really important. I learned it when a family from nunavut took the time to teach me some basis on there way of interacting and body language.. I was without even knowing it provocating them by looking at them in the eye when speaking... And by looking around me they were showing me respect (they compared it to me as if they were looking after me to protect me from what's around). Since then I started to read. Since then it made me less reactive to non agressive behavior that could brings bad reaction from me... it opened my eye on myself 😅.
Thank you for this awesome video and all your work !!!
Haha. So glad your experience supports the material here 😊. Fun fact I’ve performed in Nunavut for the staff of the gold mines many times. Mentalism FREAKED THEM out! lol 😂 good times
You are so amazing, thank you for sharing this.
When I was years younger I realized I walked around with my hands in a fist and also had anger issues, so I started to recognize it and force myself to stop making a fist, and would say "open hands" kind of as a mantra, amazingly those anger issues started decreasing because I wasn't allowing myself to walk around always tensed up.
I am always being introspective and analyzing myself, and finding ways to improve and always be the best version of me. Wanted to put this out there for anyone else that never noticed they are always walking around with fists 🤗 "open hands"
I'm doing it! I paused to comment for the first time! The slight, subtle difference is your eyes are larger in B, also linking to a slightly increased tilt up of your eyebrows at the outside edges.
Thank you 💜 (for all you do!)
It's a great video, thank you so much. I'm a psychologist, and I have worked with people with schizophrenia, paranoia, addictions, bipolar, and so on... And it's very important to know what's uncomfortable to them and know how to work with them and with your own body language. As you said, a key is patience and keeping calm, it really works a lot for them to calm down and breath, more when they come very angry or agitated, and they don't know how to handle it.
Love your work 💗
Thanks 😊 always great to hear from the pros.
Thank you Spidey. This is really helpful for me in understanding why I tend to fawn for survival reasons, and also ways to de escalate it. Great job breaking it down 🙏🏼
As a person with autism spectrum disorder and have a very hard time reading social cues; this was presented in a way that really helps me to understand what’s really going on with someone. Too often it’s too late before I realize that the other person is angry enough to attack. Good thing I don’t do roommate situations anymore.
I can really relate to what you wrote here. I just discovered Spidey channel yesterday so I haven't watched much, and yet I'm already very impressed.
I want to ask him to do more instructional videos that aren't as sensational as physical violence that would be helpful to people with ASD - to search for the signs of attraction, sympathy, belong used, being lied to and being mocked, being able to differ between when people are interested in what you have to say and not interested etc.. That would be so useful for thousands of us.
This is an incredibly valuable video! I'm a social worker in juvenile justice, and I feel like half of my job is watching for/managing aggression. This info is in line with my own observations, but also helps me put these things into words so I could explain it to someone else. "Lowline" is great stuff. Thank you!!!!
Thanks Samantha! So glad you enjoyed it! Yeah Lowline is terrific, I’m so glad we were able to talk about it on the channel 😊
Fascinating video. As a security officer, this has definite application in my work.
Thank you for making this video. I volunteered at a food bank a few months ago and experienced a man become angry and aggressive. He was verbally abusive and pointed his finger at me and my colleague. I wish I had known about Lowline then. Very useful for people who don't deal with this often.
I never knew the exact de-escalating system, but I’ve always been good at de-escalating disruptions at work and personally. Even had a person hold me at gun point once and I did a lot of these methods unknowingly which saved my life. He was upset bc I mistaken his truck for my friends since it was dark. Once I opened the door I saw it wasn’t his truck, shit the door and tried to walk away. When I turned around he there holding up a gun yelling, “What the fuck are you doing in my truck? Are you stealing from me?!” I returned him w a calm tone, “No that was never my intention.” Then listened to what he had to say. I offered him to search his truck before I left since what he was upset about was me possibly stealing from him. I was patient and gave him eyebrow flashes w a understanding tone throughout the whole thing and he ended up apologizing and letting me go. I also prevented coworkers from fighting doing this as well. I confirm it works
Thank you, that de-escalation method might help me when dealing with my sister who has some pretty aggressive disorders. I think I'm already incorperating half, or over half of those steps, but being aware of things that might help will likely help me to see if I'm on the right track, however odd that might sound, I suppose...
Although if she were to look at me like Derell Brooks looked at the judge I'd probably just back away slowly and put a couple of doors and a few roads in between us... because that was genuinely terrifying.
Oh seriously that look was scary. I don’t blame that judge on calling a recess at that point, nor the security guard behind him standing up. I’m sure that he saw that aggression and got ready.
Commenting 3 mins after upload for the algorithm.
Spidey, I laughed so hard when you said you watch 90 Day Fiancé. Not that I care at all, I was just expecting some super serious announcement. 🤣
I'm a security guard, so this is great information for me too. Thanks for the video!
The thing I appreciate most about this is when you explain the other reasons for these signs. I am profoundly nearsighted and some people interpret my squint with anger.
I generally only get angry if I'm verbally or physically attacked or used, or if someone I know is. I'm overall a friendly, loving person, but if you F with someone I care about, then I will rip into you.
I've never used anger to get what I want. It's a defense mechanism.
Hey Spidey, great video! The part that I actually found to be most interesting was the idea that you were validating the realism of these reality tv shows. I tend to think shows like this are mostly scripted, so I would love to see a video with you pointing out real vs acted scenes from reality tv, and how to spot real emotions vs poorly acted ones.
I appreciate you using general anger emotion. I work with cases of learned behaviors so it can be much different with the precursor behaviors, but universally, this is a great way to identify an individual that may become aggressive, physically or verbally, and help de-escalate the behavior.
For aggression, I definitely think we open our eyes wider for awareness and alertness. Your strategies for de-escalating behaviors is similar to the strategies we use in my field, with a focus on therapeutic rapport after they have calmed down. :)
Eye contact is a tricky one, because individuals on the spectrum are vastly different when it comes to this, so it is quite different person to person.
Yes, excellent point. Eye contact is exhausting for me. I've taught myself to be able to do it when necessary (like with TSA, who seem to think lack of eye contact is suspicious) but it'll NEVER feel natural for me like it feels for most people.
One of my favorite examples is with couples who are in love, and like gazing into each other's eyes. Neurotypical people can find that to be romantic. But for me, it feels "prickly", uncomfortable, creepy, and exhausting. . . even when I love the person (like with my BF).
Thank you for the amazing breakdown. I've always heard the wide eyes called "flashing eyes." As in ,don't flash your eyes at me! When my Mom would say, "Don't you dare give me that look," I instinctively knew what she meant. We all instantly knew to settle down when she gave us "the look." You validated much of my early learning. Thanks again.
I just saw the live "body language bad takes" in the channel of Eric Hunley and love you Spidey, you pass on your knowledge with passion,things that others have not passed on to me.
You've kept me glued to the screen for hours for a month and I take notes of what you teach in your videos just because I think you are a good mentor and I like you because you are honest, when you don't know something you admit it, you always ask questions when you are live with other people and love it! Now I'm going to watch this video and takes other notes thank you for everything that you share with us!
Just came here to say, yet again you've really changed my life. Watching some of the Darrell Brooks case and you could literally see a witness pacify as he recalls in surprise the incidence! I love this channel! Keep it up!
Lowline is actually amazing to use with our kids regularly (not just to de escalate!) validation
Thank you so much for your advice on this and your genuine wanting to help people. Your passion shines through and to some, you are a lighthouse of hope xx
Thank you so much ❤️ 🤗
I saw the person who requested this video and I am so happy you did this! I know there will be a lot of people will be helped by this video!
honestly love your channel. literally one of the best things that happened in my 2022
Awesome! Thank you so much for doing this! I saw someone working with prisoners requested this after the last video and I legit think this can help protect people from harm. Cheers, Spidey!
P.S. loved the reveal of your guilty pleasure TV show! Yes, we all have one! 😁
I was wondering if this video was in response to that comment! 🤔
@@fromscratcheewithstef same
It’s so refreshing to have a video that is actually information based and scientifically backed as opposed to so many personal opinion commentary videos that generate sensationalism. I know I have a seen a few videos online over the years where a cop has used these tactics to not only deescalate someone who is about to cause harm but also took care of the person by just giving them a hug or getting them something to eat after as well. It would be cool if you did a video with compilations of those kinds of videos actually showcasing these tactics as it’s easier to learn with a visual. Thanks for all the hard work & love you give to your community. It really comes through in your videos. ❤
Spidey, love your videos and I have learnt alot.
Where I worked in as a nurse assistant we learn something called low affective behaviour (a straight translation from Swedish to English) and is something we need to have when working in eldercare and ppl with disability so we can de-escalate a situation and not go up in affect and mirror the persons agitated state. This skill have saved me so many times both at work and privately from confrontation and violent situations, and also have de-escalated many situations.
It's such a great skill to have when working with people especially in healthcare and mental care. So I get why that comment got so much likes. ❤️
I would like to see more videos on different topics regarding topics like this. Keep up the good work and educating people!
You are a fantastic teacher Spidey! You keep me engaged & have such a clear way of conveying information. I’m always disappointed when the video is over 😄
First and foremost, thank you! This was very interesting & educational. I would love to see you do one maybe (with Rob) on what you ended with. More so how to recognize this pattern early on in a relationship. I am in a group where I truly believe that type of video could be extremely beneficial. Having factual information and guidance is extremely important in those situations. I must say though, this probaby should have come with a trigger warning as it caught me off guard at times. Yes, I am a survivor of DV and SA and use my experiences to help when it seems to be beneficial. Thank you again! As we head into the holiday season, this can be extremely helpful with those who have customer service jobs. Loved the collab with Rob, Chase & Eric yesterday!! Fantastic!
This is very interesting and helpful....the "just wait" part should help me with my kiddo's tantrums... It triggers me so hard it's very difficult to not react right away (and yell back) 🙁
Brilliant as always, Spidey. I appreciate that final caution, I was becoming anxious that you hadn’t yet distinguished between a pattern and an occasional event. The LOWLINE method is a new (and valuable) resource for me, thank you!
Omgosh... You are one of my favs to watch and the fact that 90 Day is a guilty pleasure of yours too just makes my day!!!
This was superb. Saved. Thank you, Spidey. It's funny, our Hospital just sent out a 'code of conduct' to all patients due to the dangerous escalation of aggression and abuse toward our healthcare workers. This is a great video tool that may help.
Thank you Spidey so much for this, its awesome to have validation for things you observe. I have a family member who has paranoid schizophrenia. While on medication and their condition mostly stable, they have also developed Parkinson's disease and as one of the primary care givers to them I have observed these tells. They rarely escalate to violence but there is aggression in how they communicate and now and again they will attempt lashing out. I've learned over the years lots of it is symptomatic in that, not only does their mental state contribute to these behaviors but also their illness. Frustration and fear all adds to it, so I've kind of by experience learned a lot of the longline method without even knowing there was a name for it. The way you communicate with someone stuck in this situation goes a long way to preventing that escalation. So I can attest those things help in reducing tension and decreasing the likelihood of an aggressive outburst. I've also now picked up a few extra helpful tips to try.
Unfortunately the other primary care giver also has tendencies to 'lose their cool' and unfortunately they don't understand these concepts the way I've grown to understand them so tend to be pretty volatile to be around. I try to be the example though of how better to deal with that aggression, in the hopes that it rubs off on the other care giver. I think most of their issue comes with the stress of being a care giver when they have physical health issues too. And I think a lot of my understanding with how they both act and react comes from being an empath/INFJ personality. But nevertheless I just want to say I appreciate this so much and also hope to use a lot of the other nuggets of wisdom I didn't know about to continue to care for this family member. Thank You Spidey!!!!!!
I'm so glad you mentioned 90 day fiance and how it's a great show to portray universal body language! I love that show and I love your channel, I watch both all the time!
Thank you so much! Recognizing is one thing, knowing what to do is even better.
Thank you for listening to your subscribers!! We freaking LOVE you!!!
Love that you posted this, per one of your viewer's request!
Thanks for this Spidey. It's great for everyone to know this stuff. I am familiar with the methods you spoke of, but its good to be reminded because I have PTSD and when I see someone become even a little angry I get very frightened and can't think straight. Hopefully if I am ever in a situation that calls for using it I will remember LOWLINE and it will help me use it. Keep up the excellent work.
I used to work in mental health and I learned so much about body language. I think I’m pretty naturally intuitive and pick up on body language naturally, but for those who may not, this is an excellent, excellent video. I also like how you state to do your research about specific disorders etc. for some a great deescalation tool is distraction little eye contact. Just being quiet. Awesome video as always!!! ❤️⭐️❤️⭐️
I work at a store and sometimes there are unsatisfied customers, most of the time they become angry that they don't get what they want, and they'd leave upset.
Having this LOWLINE thing helps, I'll probably use it next time.
Also, you make everything so much easier to understand, loved every second of this💪
I love you ❤ Putting so much effort to help others is very rare. I am very, very greatfull 🙏 Being a DV survivor it has been very difficult to let anyone close. Now I find something valuable to learn and maybe I learn to trust again. Thank you from my ❤
Loved this! When I was a workplace trainer and managed customer complaints I taught the HEAT principles which is very similar to LOWLINE. H = hear them out E= empathise A = Acknowledge and T = take action. I really loved the emphasis on Empathy. It is so important in de-escalation
Oooooo I like HEAT. Awesome 😊
Thank you for doing this video! I’m a healthcare worker as well and my state requires yearly training on dealing with aggressive patients/visitors/colleagues. Unfortunately violence seems to be becoming a daily occurrence in some healthcare settings so this type of training is so valuable.
Also you should watch the psychology in Seattle RUclips channel. Dr Honda discusses 90 day fiancé episodes and it’s amazingly interesting! Tons about Angela and Michael!!!! 😂
I teach de-escalation (not this method, but there are only so many ways, so basically the same), and I think "express" probably gets across better to people than "empathize". Of course I agree with you Spidey, this is what empathizing means. :-) But sometimes when people are thinking about handling agressive situations, they don't WANT to feel empathy, they just want to calm the person down, even though their behavior is really triggering to them. So, avoiding the word empathize was probably a conscious decision on the author's part.
Using a word that implies emotion like "empathize" actually puts some people off, because they think that they somehow have to agree with this agressive person (not true, empathizing is not about agreeing), or feel with them (again, not true, we can acknowledge others feelings without feeling the same just as we can acknowledge others thoughts or opinions without agreeing with them).
The word simply makes people upset about what I am trying to teach them, and since this is a life saving skill, when this happens, I change words. When the point I am trying to get across does not need specific language, but the people who need to accept and incorporate it into their skillset do, I simply might have to empathize enough to use a different word. ;-)
With time, my students will mostly come to see what I see, that this stuff works and that they don't have to match other's emotions, they can instead take the lead on creating a calmer setting. And at that point, most people will start to see empathizing as an acceptable word for what they are doing.
Great video, Spidey!
You do a lovely job explaining this stuff for someone who's autistic, like me. Fantastic resource. I definitely need to learn to read people better than I do, and you make it easy to understand and - more importantly - memorable.
If you notice a person is getting angry, especially a man, what worked for me is to give a look of confusion and slowly start nodding as you're listening and understanding their anger. You cannot show fear or sadness. And, you must let go of your ego.
I’m a behavioral health specialist and deal with this on a regular basis, thank you! I’d love more of this.
This video is so cool! I saw the comment on the last brooks video by a nurse, asking you to make a breakdown like this. 👍 I love that you are listening to your audience! 😊
Thanks for another entertaining and informative video, Spidey!
When I used to work in EDI (Equity, Diversity and Inclusion), some of the biggest challenges I experienced had to do with individuals who were appropriating the experiences of victims and marginalized people. These people take resources away from those who need it, and they often put themselves forward as "spokespeople", drowning out and silencing the voices of actual victims. Sometimes, they really hurt people. This sort of thing is frustrating to say the least for anyone who works in EDI. It's a widespread and growing problem that no one wants to talk about because we're all so worried that drawing attention to the liars will make it harder for real victims to be believed. Meanwhile, self-identified Social Justice activists are being manipulated by these Munchhausens into attacking innocent people - often the very people that they are claiming to support. It really sucks.
I would love to see a video that tackled this issue specifically. I don't know what that would look like, but I think it would be really valuable. A lot of very real, very serious social justice issues have been made to look ridiculous in the public perception by people who appropriate the experiences of victims and survivors for their own personal gain (do I need to mention the Mermaid who Murdered the Me Too Movement?). Is there any way to spot these people that doesn't involve subjecting real victims and survivors to undue scrutiny? Anyone who works in EDI has heard the horror stories about terrible things that have happened to victims who weren't believed - I certainly would not want to take any action that would contribute to a situation like that - but I've also seen with my own eyes the awful things that can happen when an abuser succeeds in weaponizing the good intentions of social justice activists to go after their victims. It's a tough subject to tackle without getting caught up in the whole left/right political quagmire, so I'd completely understand if you don't want to touch it, but if anyone could do it properly, I believe you can, Spidey!
Just a thought I wanted to put out there. You can consider it if you're ever short on subjects for videos. 😊
"Empathize" is so much the better word for the "E," Spidey. This was extremely helpful and informative. I am about to watch it again in order to solidify the information a bit more. Thanks again; you've done a public service with this video for sure, Spidey.
Love your work, Spidey! As an empathic communicator, you score 100% always (as far as I’ve seen) - and delivering such essential information. Thank you! 🙏🏽😊💖
I laughed so hard at your 90 day fiancé confession!! You are hilarious... and makes so much sense... now we know your baseline for shameful admissions... 🤣🤣🤣 jus kidding... Seriously, I play your 'How to not be manipulated' video in my fire photography for fire investigators class. Just cause of the photographic "evidence" used to convict that guy... if he knew just a little about photography, it might have gone a different way...
love your videos!
Good job Spidey! I’m happy to see you took the feedback from your subscriber and ran with it!
You’re videos are so great. Thank you for taking the time you spend, giving us such a clear outline on how we act and react. I read the original Bill Peach book nearly 30 years ago and this talk eclipses the lessons learnt then. Keep ‘‘em’ coming !!!
This is excellent!! Not just for healthcare, but for literally everyone. Thanks so much, Spidey. 😘💞
This is paramount information, Thank You!
It's also very validating for myself, when I see this in certain ones I know.
Thank you so much for giving us your time to help us blossom to be great body language readers. I really like the fact you take your time to explain. That is heard in the intonation and infliction of your voice as well as your body language. Gracias!
thank you so much for your kind words and support :)
Very useful . Love the way you educate us in a very clear way.
Wow, what a program among many other strong, powerful, positive and kind programs. I am watching from France where non verbal communication is more pronounced than in my previous world. Thank you for bringing your skills and passion to the table, it is wonderful not to mention helpful to me
Thank you! Spidey. You are so interesting and full of empathy. I really love your channel. You have so much expertise. Again, thank you for sharing with us. Love from Montreal. 😊
I paused this at 7:43 because this is definitely in my wheelhouse and I feel like I’m going to have a lot of comments, positive, of course lol. I spent most of my career working in corrections with a brief stent working in inpatient treatment centers and I can’t tell you how many times, as a result of my training, I was able to not only be aware of possible aggression, but, as you’re teaching, stop it before it starts. Physical aggression or even verbal aggression is generally a result of a crisis that has been building up and we were taught how to recognize when a crisis actually begins and for this man his crisis began when he got arrested then locked up It is increasing in the courtroom so, kudos to the judge for recognizing that this could be a potentially dangerous situation. He was already angry in jail, he was even angrier in the courtroom when he saw things weren’t going his way and his body was so rigid he would have shattered if someone had hit him! Never mind him previously banging on the table and then, the fact that he is staring her down. Both of those things are signs of anger and possible aggression. This Judge is amazing. And so are you Spidey!
Great vid, yours, TBP, BelievingBruce, Observe & BodyLanguageGuy are the best behaviour & expression channels.
Thank you for all your knowledge whilst keeping it entertaining 🎉