Well, I think that is what makes it tough. All humans have a laundry list of traits they require in a mate...age, religion, height, body type, social class, attractiveness, ethnicity, values, energy levels, musical tastes, life goals,etc. This list of criteria does not take into account "intellectually stimulating" and you have already eliminated most of humanity. So, the dating pool is quite limited. However, INTJs are aggressive and strategic, so if they are relatively young and type aware they can set out to find their needle in a haystack soul mate.
Summary: - They have to select you. - Interact more than absolutely necessary. If go to social event because you will be there = interest. - Stalking from afar, on internet. This phase lasts a long time for risk assessment. - Learn about you and your patterns. - Struggle to take actions without enough system. - Feelings are uncomfortable, often time would retreat or disappear to deal with emotions. - No casual dating or shallow relationships. Once chose person, they're sure and committed. Often aim for marriage. - Don't beat the round the bush, if sure the other will agree. - Impress through intelligence and skills, that they're worth investing in. - Stagnation isn't an option. They seek out problems in the relationship to fix them. Do not sweep things under rug. - High standard. Vision of where they want the relationship would be. If not there, need to work on. - Hints of disloyalty would make them question long term viability. If see a pattern that they do not like, will bluntly severe the relationship.
I would like to modify a statement... "They prefer to get to know people slowly" to "They prefer to get to know people thoroughly ". The amount of info I gather happens very quickly ,but I just need A LOT MORE info to make my decisions. I have learned I'm a custom fit. I cannot get off-the-rack romance and have it work for me.
INTJs are extremely picky, for one because they play out the timeline of potential relationships in their head far into the future before they consider persuing the relationship. Perhaps this is why we are
Im a guy, I am here because I just had my first date with an INTJ guy ever. It was both (slightly) awkward and probably THE most intellectually stimulating, satisfying conversation I've ever had with another human being. I'm an ENFP 7w8 usually get told I'm a pretty smart guy, but no THIS GUY is like a whole d*mn x-men power level above my brain power. And one of the few people i really had a hard time reading, not in his face, voice, body language. HYPER practical, i think he programmed himself to socialize (God bless him). I left the date almost entirely unsure if it went well or not (my gut told me it had, but i CANNOT read him - yet!) but i heard from him today and it definitely went well. Wish me luck, I'm actually a tiny bit scared lol
When I was set up on a blind phone date with this girl because one of my coworkers was married to one of her coworkers, I talked with her on the phone and via text for months before finding the courage to ask if she wanted to have a date in person. I was so nervous about it, but it went great. We added occasionally meeting in person for dinner or a movie etc. about once a month to our almost daily calls and texts. Over the next two years, we very gradually met more often. It took me a while to figure out that she was someone I could have a relationship with. She was the first girl I'd met who made me feel like I could be myself. We got to know each other 'warts and all' through helping each other with health problems, difficulties at our jobs and other things like that. Our relationship was a friendship long before we realized that we had romantic feelings for each other. We've been married 16 years now. Neither one of us is into social events very much.
@@malakashraf2801 I'm not really sure because she's not as interested in typology as I am. As I recall, she has told me that she took the MBTI in college and got ISFP. The more I learn about type and the more I get to know her, the more I think it could be right.
I would say there are two main reasons the INTJ analyzes a person for such a long time before they make their approach. One, as was stated in this video, the INTJ needs to know with certainty the person they're interested in shares the same or compatible value systems, and this can only be established over time. In other words, there's no point jumping into something just because it seems good at the time. That's how relationships end in disaster. Secondly, the INTJ needs to understand the person on an individual level, what they like, what their preferences are, what are their interests, what type of food they like, where they are vulnerable, what do they despise, what upsets them, what they love, what inspires them, etc. All these things are important to know because then the INTJ can tailor or customize an approach to this person that will not fail. In other words, a highly-functional INTJ does not fail. There is no point wasting your time, devoting your intellect and effort to anything if you're going to come up empty handed. If something is worth pursuing, it's worth having, and if it's worth having, it is worth the time and effort it takes to make sure when that time comes, you will obtain whatever it is you set out to have.
As an INTJ this is very accurate and I will agree with rejection hurting. For me it is really hard to open up emotionally it sort of feels wrong and too vulnerable for me so I avoid it as much as possible so when I do open up that rejection feels like slamming my fingers in a door I don't open often and for them and it really doesn't help that I have never been successful at it so over the years I have become more shut off emotionally which I know is a bad thing. It's just I don't think more people pick up our style of affection because it is so different from the norm I don't know if other INTJs feel the same
I can relate. Although over the years, I've worked on not allowing myself to shut off. But I don't really put myself out there either much anymore (I've had two long-term relationships - one being a marriage). I'm so happy with my life as is now that I have no motivation to date. But if I do find someone I'm interested in (which is really rare) I do bite the bullet and tell them. I finally forced myself to do it because it has to be done. It does get easier with practice. As you get older/more secure/confident, you realize that people are lucky to have you so if they reject you, it's okay. You know there must be someone better for you out there and you dodged a bullet not being with them.
Same. I can make 50 different plans that will change my future life and make a very hard decision (like mooving to another country, change career 3 times, accept very hard work that will litererally kill you but you will earn money...) easely, but when it comes to another rejectuon after months of progress, i just loose my will to going on. At least i got some very good friends, but it really ruins my life for a month or two
I feel the same. Am going on a date with someone tonight, it took me 3 years to start dating again after having my fingers squished in a door a few too many times.
Can u share me some tricks that u understood intj because I'm intj and mi boyfriend is intj but we can't understood well so it's good if you can help me some hints
@@lilymohamedmohamed2660 Just say what you mean. Speak plainly and honestly, because they won't pick up any secret meanings from subtext. Don't interrupt, and stay on topic.
As an intj, We won't chase you. We won't compete for you. We won't buy you flowers because it's a holiday. Every day is the same to an INTJ. We will help you accomplish your goals. We will confront you about irrational behavior every time it comes up. If you just don't give a shit about being logical, I wouldn't recommend dating an intj. We will do nice things for you because we want to, not because it's a holiday. We hate societal norms, (holidays, expectations, saying excuse me after burping, dumbass shit like that. ) if you are going to pressure the intj to do this shit I recommend a different personality type.
Right? Like why the hell we gotta do a romantic thing just cuz it's valentines day? Like maybe I wanna do something nice for you in the middle of July or the beginning of November 😆
Generally, but if Fi goes on fire in a courting phase, then valentines day does have some uses. It was like a green light to bomb for me. We can be shameless authentic romantics.
Definitely agree with this assessment. Trying to figure out ways to "fix" INTJ behavior only causes friction and hurt on both sides. In trying to have a relationship with an INTJ you should learn what you are getting into for the long haul. It's definitely not for everyone. I appreciate this video for detailing some of the general issues people will have in said relationship. I was lucky enough to find an intelligent and caring woman to share my life with after missing and false starting some early relationships.
I was blessed with a 41 year relationship with my INTJ partner...I too am an INTJ. Recovering from widowhood, I am now in love with an INTP...similar in ways, but dissimilar too...mine is a great fit for me. My INTJ and I were like one person split apart at birth who somehow found each other. I never ever thought I would meet another man I could be attracted to and love, but it HAS happened. INTPs too are very real...mine is very intelligent he does have the INTP procrastination thing. He spent alot of time with me in my home in Latin America...he is a perennial snowbird spending 12 winters in my community where I have lived for 20 years. i own a large comfortable home there with two employees who keep everything neat and tidy..?NO CHORES! So he didnt need to lift a finger. We are spending the summer in his 2 US condos, one in Chcago now amd one in Portland later. I had my luggage unpacked settled in the next day...his luggage was in the middle of the living room floor for three days open so I could barely move around it. I decided this is HIS place and I would do the adapting. He finally got to it. I was proud at how I could just overlook it...younger it would have REALLY bugged me. Same with the overflowing trash. Now I just chuckle and finally he does get around to it. I do the cooking and cleanng up after ...I actually enjoy it sonce I do so little at home. So that I am willing to take responsibility for these things...the other stuff, well he will get to it eventually and he does. It is important to be tolerant and not a nag I think with this personality type...that isnt in my nature anyway. We really do get along exceptionally well considering we are not the same type. All this fell into place easily with my INTJ. But I have to honor this man's uniqueness. Other than the procrastination thing, our valies are totally alligned. I consider myself very very lucky.
As an INTJ myself I wouldn’t recommend dating an INTJ lol nor would I recommend dating to my follow INTJs. It’s all the things in life you don’t want to deal with.
I recently hit 50 years old, never been married. And after a poor experience a few years back I decided I would just stay off the market until I found the merchant I want to sell my attention to. It's been a little bit of a discipline not to engage with some folks, but the painful price I pay once I open up my tender heart to the wrong kind of person, is not worth any of the fleeting fun I may have. It was fine for me and my twenties, but definitely does not work now
I would say mental connection and having a partner that is patient is also very necessary. Plus not demanding or expecting a partner to act in a certain way. Especially if the only reason is just because that is how it’s been done for years. This definitely won’t work for any relationship. But from my experience as an INTJ woman, nothing has killed my emotions for someone faster, than them trying to make me act a certain way because “that’s what women/partners do” in a relationship.
As an INTJ-A, this is 100% accurate. It takes patience if you want the INTJ in your life. Most won't wait. Lol That's why we end up alone more often than not.
As an INTJ I can confirm this is almost entirely accurate. Also don't worry too much about "socially engineering" an INTJ. They're highly averse to social manipulation, and will probably shut you down hard if you try.
The first sentence was so accurate I just liked without realizing... I'm an intj and no one has ever described my view on relationships than how you did in the first 30 seconds.
You hit the nail right on the head when you said that INTJs would rather be alone than in bad company and that we see most people as bad company Yes, yes, yes!
I have watched numerous videos and could not for the life of me understand how a INTJ works emotionally?! I have been in love with one for 6 years and everything you just said clicked, makes total sense now, with the the way you were able to break it down. Thank you I’m so grateful to you. Also if you are reading this Luc please get a clue because I am not going to wait for you forever. Sincerely ~ INFP ❤️
Objectively look back to the interaction between you and Luc, and you find an answer to a possible outcome. If it's good, tell them. If not, prepare for emotional damage and tell them anyway. 6 years are a long time and if Luc really stayed inside your life that long, that's a good sign. INTJs won't commit to a person that long if they don't like that person, whether it being platonically or romantically.
INTJ here who was married to an INFP for 8 years and dated (sort of still with) another INFP for another 10 years. The whole INTJ/INFP dynamic is a beaut! And puleeeze, you know you'll wait for Luc. 😉 And not to worry, if Luc is attracted to you, then it can be a beautiful match. I ADORE INFPs (every INTJ I've known does and it seems mutual). Y'all are just soooo friggin' adorable and intriguing! 😍But since i know INFPs, make sure you actually TELL Luc you are interested. INTJs are the LAST ones on the planet to read your subtle signals. You're going to have to be direct.
I discovered him in a meeting and my interest was piqued. After a year of observation and learning patterns and talking every now and then and getting all the clues and information together. We've been a couple for 4 weeks now, we went straight into our getting to know phase with questions and long, deep conversations and then we both decided 100% for each other. He's an ISTJ and thought I didn't want anything from him because I seemed so reserved and a bit cold. Hahaha I knew from the first moment I saw him that we would get together and get married. I just had to gain clarity and security and then I was able to open up a little more at the right moment and use all the social skills I had learned, i.e. flirt. He immediately registered the signals and did his best not to let the connection to me break off. We are happy and grateful that it worked and we can now share our lives together and let our relationship grow.
My girlfriend is an intj and I adore her. We share Ni and get lost in it, we both laugh about our weakness the Se. When I get lost in Ni Ti loop she gets me out of it, cause her thoughts lead to somewhere and show me how I can get things done and not only live in my head. Fun thing, I selected her xD and then she was like, well you wanted me, you thought enough about it. Data collection and analyses done :) Haha
I'm so happy to hear an INTJ being successful with an INFJ. My first gf (30 years ago ) was an INFJ and although I was head over heals in love with her (we also had the most AMAZING discussions) it didn't work out but I've always adored INFJs. My Mom was one as well. But I always worry we'd be too intense together and have that Te/Fe clash too. How do you two fare with that?
Ah yes, our weakness The Se. I tried kicking a ball back once, but was thwarted by The Se. Wherever there is uneven ground, a wet patch on hard floor or an uneven stack of plates, there also shall lurk The Se. Confound and blast you, The Se...!
I agree with a lot of what you said, but I would never ask a guy out. Also, I don't mind being chased. The only way anyone has ever succeeded in dating me is chasing me with a rugged determination 😅
It doesn't hurt if the females take their chances as well if she feels attracted enough to her crush. Or else, you might miss your window of opportunity.
Well I’m certainly on the right path then😂-An ENTP who’s head over heels with an INTJ🙃 Don’t mind me doing the typical ENTP thing reading all the comments before watching the video 😅
I've seen plenty INTJ vids out there but this video takes the cake out of all of them. Really connect 2 a lot of what you said except for the asking a person out thing. Idk if an intj male would be into asking their person of interest but for myself I would never and I'm ok with that :)
i completely identify with this. casual relationships and one night stand type lifestyle has always digusted me. it is a waste of precious time, one could have used to do truely great things. it also speaks of a certain hedonism and drive by animalistic desire, a lower human class behavior. i often had this talk with people, what your single? as if i am the weird one for disliking shallow, set up to fail accidents, peer pressured into by this weak society
Yup!! Very accurate. The only things I'll say is I've learned to be OK with rejection. It's normal, life goes on, no expectations is my mentality now. And the other person needs to be intellectually stimulating.
This is so accurate haha. As an INTJ women, the people I was interested in knew right away cause I can’t hide my stare. I was told that when I like someone, I stare in a specific way and they know I like them directly. I wonder if other INTJs are like that.
I’m an ENFP and I’m currently pursuing an INTJ that obviously likes me. I began talking to him because we were at a big social gathering and I met his gaze and he stared at me with such an intensity that it gave me goosebumps. He didn’t look away when our eyes met and it gave me butterflies. So anecdotally, I think this is true lol.
So accurate ❤️. I would like to add that we pick very small things as patterns, like How do you treat me when I am in trouble ? If you are least interested or you give excuses. Thats a data point i will pick, and project it in the future. Once these sort of data points show up, INTJs at a mental level detach. They do it so subtly, that the person in front wont even realise it.
Unfortunately for me it is obvious that you guys are gathering data. I just dont like how INTJ use that data to judge people instead of clarifying whats actually happen. People have many circumtances that affects their behaviour. Pattern is important, but not always. Listening, communicating and clarifying why people are doing what they are doing is the better way than assuming. Well INTJ is indeed clever, but come on, brain is not enough to judge. It is multifactorial ...
@@masayuangelanggraini6144 Yes absolutely true. In fact I consciously try to practice communicating with people without judging them. Also I practice believing in possibilities. Thats a major risk and red flag, yet i try as much as i can.
@@arpansaha8323 Yess try your best to give "benefit of the doubts" to people. Most of INTJ I met these days who have reached some level of emotional maturity told me that they regret what they did in the past. Because it is like self sabotage, when they like someone, they dont give much chance to the person and judge them. Now I understand they have paranoia and pessimistic behaviour. For that reasons I understood why they are doing so, they are just afraid to be hurt. Ohh and one more ... be careful with narcissistic people. They know how to act and manipulate INTJ well. They will change their behaviour to suit what you like and you will take it as good patterns. Then that's it ... You can watch dr. Romani in med circle. She explains it very well. Good luck guys! I hope you wont feel the regret later in the future.
@@ACGLENCLAR Believe me, people who have experiences with INTJ will know it even though you ask indirect questions. No one really knows about other people even they know each other for years. Even your husband or your wife. And emotion and behaviour are more complex really. Just give people more chances and time to show themselves. It is hard for everyone these days, and no one is perfect :)
Great video. I am a 59 Year old INTJ. All your points are spot on, except the social media investigation approach. Systematic with everything is a bulls eye. The trouble is us INTJ really enjoy being alone.
Yes, the paranoia is very real. Ever since I've been a part of the MBTI community, I psychoanalyze everyone. You're right about the behavior patterns. I'm hypervigilant of any hint of cheating, infidelity etc. I don't play that game. If stories don't seem to match up or sounds fishy, I'll know. I watch body language and facial gestures for lies, nervousness, discomfort etc to tell if I'm being lied to. It's hard to discern between intuition and anxiety fear when it comes to getting hunches about partners cheating.
I thought I was a weirdo my whole life. I see myself in this description. I never new this was a thing. I only ever met one other INTJ-t in my ex-girlfriend.
As an INTJ my ideal date would be to show her the differences between OEM and aftermarket components in the transmission I just rebuilt in my basement....and then explain to her why I feel like she represents the aftermarket version more than the OEM. Everyone has the OEM, not everyone has the aftermarket...and it takes a lot of work to figure out the right clearances and install them correctly.
One of the reasons I like ESFJ’s are that they have so much information about people and as they talk they allow me to analyze people systems and structures instead of the natural world which I am usually drawn too. My feedback to them combined with their people skills are incredibly dynamic
I certainly didn’t chase my INTJ! I in fact learned to not chase anyone as I would never become successful with the guys I would incipiently crush on. -INTP
Depends on what you mean by chase. To me, it means getting almost annoying with them, to get them to date you, tongue hanging out, etc. But then there's the chase, and there is a less committed chase. This sort of chase is more what I think you're talking about, the art of reconnaissance. This can be a problem at times, and I experienced it, where somebody thinks you're in hot pursuit, but you're really just reconnoitering. There are some girls that just think when a guy talks to them, he's really in hot pursuit, and considering the Hallmark attitude towards love, it's no surprise. Hmmm, if I'm reading you correctly, you're saying you would never get anywhere with the crushes, because they were crushes. I figured that out rather recently in my own case. I always wondered, how in the world was it so easy for me to talk to girls at a certain stage, and yet in other cases I would freeze up? This is because with crushes, you have romance first in mind. IOW, you're putting the cart in front of the horse. The admiring somebody else's personality, and being able to converse with them, being able to therefore see red flags, is what enables possible romance later. Hallmark, OTOH, is 100% the other way round, as everybody allegedly just loves-at-first-sight and they're happy forever. There's a reason a lot of us, at least introverts, freeze up with the opposite sex that we crush on. Because we know deep down inside, something isn't right. We have nothing but looks to judge, and we're getting all goofy? Perish the thought.
WAY too close to the bone. I’m an INTJ married to another INTJ. I laughed, was embarrassed, recoiled saying that can’t be me (knowing it is). That was a real read
@ Kate. Very accurate. Well done. @ all INTJs. You should investigate your crush while dating and not prior to it. If you miss an opportunity because of that it was a waste of effort. Besides you will learn something during dating that can be applied on your next crush when the original plan fails.
For me I've learned that I need to vet better actually. But I definitely saw the point of view that opportunities can be missed with analysis paralysis
It’s interesting how accurate this is. What I love about it is that it explains why I differ from most people on some points and presents some of my thoughts in a clear way that makes sense to me.
my ex cheated on me - told him he made one mistake -- cheating on a woman smarter than him (and an INTJ who can put things together and spot lies a mile away)
Wow, you did a really good job on this. It is 99% accurate. I am an (INTJ 5w4 Sexual Subtype) though and I believe this changes the approach of the INTJ dramatically..I am much more comfortable in a relationship than most INTJs and do not get as cautious/nervous with a romantic partner as say a 5w6 SelfPres would..I am actually quite direct early on and I am far more comfortable with potential rejection than most INTJs. Also, I am fine with short term or long term romance, but I do have a preference for long term relationships, because I see my partner as an energy and time investment..When I first meet a woman I quickly analyze her within 3 meetings. I put her imidiately into either the short term or potential long term catagory. If I place her in the short term catagory I approach her differently and do not make promises or invest as much initially. I am open to seeing where it goes though, due to my preference for long term I will sometimes re-catagorize her into the long term zone. From her perspective it is usually seen as me going from more of a bold sexuality to a more open/caring/gentle response. Basically I can sum it up as...If she is short term my focus is to rock her world and blow her mind..If she is put into long term my focus is to optimize her life to make her life easier/happier and care for her in a way that she has never been cared for before.
@@naruhina1997 The subtypes are a measure of the Eneagram. I do not believe the MB 4 letter code is enough to represent someone fully, so you really need the MB code AND the persons Eneagram main type with wing and their subtype. You can get your Eneagram type with wing by taking an online test, but once you find your main type with wing you have to read about those subtypes yourself to determine which one you are. You can also be more than one subtype. Like when I am stressed/unhealthy I have a tendency to function as a Self Preservation sub type, but when I am healthy/calm I am naturally a Sexual Subtype.
Ha! As an ESTP I chased my gorgeous INTJ girlfriend now wife. I love the chase and challenge, and she was hard to get. This video is so accurate, she turned down a bunch of guys in her past because she is highly selective, and they were smart, athletic good dudes!
I'm not so sure about the serious relationship commitment and marriage stuff. I though I was like that but I don't think a lot of people are ready to deal with our weird introverted ways. Casual dating or a sex buddy who you care about seems to be more suitable lol
I’m an ENFP and recently met an INTJ online through a mutual friend. We are meeting next month and I just needed to know why he captivates me so much. I have my answers 😅
Wow, you nailed it. Either you're an INTJ yourself (though you don't come across that way at all --- good for you) or you're just darn good. While it was a little embarrassing hearing all this, you're spot on and know INTJs better than anyone I've ever seen.
I agree with what is said here and true, we may not like to be chased, but I do want the man to show an active interest otherwise my confidence recedes. I’m coming up to 67 and been alone for most of it although I’ve had many seeking after me. It’s a drag now that all the decades have gone by. 💛 Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so timid and let it be okay to make mistakes and not be so hard on myself. Perfect doesn’t exist, BTW.
Lmao, it's been 7 months, and I'm still doing the risk assessment 😂. I know he likes me, and while I'm attracted to him, I have to make sure he's the right one 💀
54-year old female INTJ here and OMG you ABSOLUTELY NAILED IT! Very nice!! Yep, that's EXACTLY me. I literally said all these things to my partner in my last relationship. The only one that didn't fit me was being insecure/anxious about loyalty. I've never been jealous type. I know I'm a catch and if you don't, and I find out you've not been loyal, then it's over and I move on. But I've never had anyone come close to being disloyal. They probably sense that it won't be tolerated and I don’t date people who haven’t got their values in order. :-). It didn't work out with my last gf because I'm an out lesbian (have been out for 38 years) and she was closeted and did not want anyone to know about us which led to "stagnation" (I literally CAN'T deal with stagnation - always must be moving forward). And I am absolutely not about to go back into the closet after being out since I was 16 years old (I came out for a reason) so I took it to the friend zone. We did date for several years before I changed the status of our relationship. But yeah, I remember explaining all of this to her. I think it's really cute that you're selling a dating guide for INTJs. We must be hard to figure out if people are willing to pay for that! 😂🥰. I'm totally sending her this video. She'll get a kick out of it. Oh, also after reading the comments, I must concur that I tend to actually end up in relationships when I am pursued. I'm a female who only dates females so it can be a bit tricky so I have developed the confidence needed to approach someone but it's just that I rarely ever make the effort to get out there and meet anyone. I'm so happy on my own so no motivation. But all my long-term relationships were with NFs who pursued me. Mostly INFPs (and INFJs/ENFJs). 🥰. That being said, I DO think you are correct that it is probably a better overall situation if the INTJ does the pursuing, at their own pace. I've noticed my feelings tend to be stronger when I'm the pursuer for reasons I won't get into (and no, it's not about the challenge).
Pretty much spot on, with the exception i don't chase women. However, I will move closer if reciprocal interest is shown - no man wants to go to jail or endure a lawsuit over a baseless sexual harassment allegation.
INTJ-A. Despite my high libido, I have no interest in the hook-up culture . It just seems like too much guess work and boundaries management. I would rather get either a sex friend with an a regular schedule or a girlfriend if the connection is right.
I value your insights very much. I have noticed your points are different from others and very accurate to my ENTJ and INTJ fellows 😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️ I love your channel so much! I hope you will post new videos again. Don’t give up your dream. You are very special! Yes you hear it from an ENTJ 🥰🥰🥰
Attending events with someone could also be wishing for the other person to do well and spend time with them in more platonic way while not seeing a relationship with that person as an option. But if that's the case, it's pretty much made clear by the INTJ, Bluntly so.
I have dated an INTJ for 8 months and they broke up with me recently and I’m here trying to understand what could have happened that caused it but I think I already know the answer within myself. They are very independent and goal focused as you said so in my case, they broke up with me right before school started and they said that they wanted to work hard this year and get to the university they like. We are not in the same school and he has a really busy schedule, he works after school and school is extremely draining for him so I understand that he needs his space right now. As an ENFP we are really different but I’m madly in love with them and I want to be there for them and I don’t want to lose them. Should I go talk to them about this and tell how I’m feeling and ask if there is still a possibility for us (they hinted in some discussions that it could work in the futur but they also said that they don’t see themselves being in a long term relationship at 17. Should I go talk to them ? I don’t want it to come across as if I was chasing them but I need to know if I should wait or should I really try to move on ? Because I’m not ready to move on.
Ask the intj if there's a way to work around the relationship, I am also an intj and Fe trickster is basically blind to others feelings so unless you don't vocalise intj will not understand, I hope you're aware of the functions.
No , don't. Either this is not even the real excuse , or if it is then they are so selfish, they didn't know that school would start in 8 months before dating you , they didn't know what their dream was and what university they wanted to go to before dating you , it just hit them in the middle of it and decided to break up , well I don't think so . They just had some hormonal problems and wanted to feel love, then move on . You are not a doormat. And they were honest , no long term at 17 , right ? Don't torture your si Inferior with unworthy people because it's so hard for you to let go and you never forget .
I really love INTJs they always stimulate me intellectually and push me to be the best version of myself I have an INTJ roommate and to be honest I don't know how she puts up with my eccentricities she just makes me feel like I'm not really an eccentric our conversations seem so natural even though they are eccentric and random I can literally discuss anything and everything with her and the weird thing is she always makes so much sense how can she be so logical like that... to me I'm always like "oh well ....uhm I mean point of view but you know it depends on... etc". Plus I'm an INTP and I have ADHD I get really impulsive and chaotic it kind of exhausts me sometimes to be honest but somehow she doesn't mind it that mach .well I think one day if I decide to get married from a man I'll find an INTJ is the right fit for me .
This is a problem, opportunity. Savoring the moment for to long. Not having enough time and chances to establish certainty. Fleeting moments are just distracting. Building attraction and anticipation is my ideal way of establishing a connection .
… I was briefly in a FB group of INTJ women … it was interesting to observe that the majority had at least one narcissist parent, usually the mother … AND most of them hated men … 🤷🏼♀️
Wish I'd known all of this about myself 40 years ago. Not just for personal life but work as well! Was almost at the end of my career when I learned about this.
As an INTJ myself most of the girls I met finds me to be interesting till they realise how numb I'm to their feelings and expectations (had 2 dates and 1 relationship of 3 years which wasn't the best from the day1 itself) so it's just not my type anymore It's better off by all myself :")))
It's really weird having known I am this way my whole life (44), thinking I should be different somehow, but not being able to win the battle of change. And then having to accept that it's just who I am because I'll be damned if I agree that we can't change! There's no hope. Lol
I'd actually say go ahead and approach if you're interested in an INTJ. It kind of like takes the pressure off us and the occasional unexpectedness can be a welcome break. The infatuation research thing is sort of true though lol. Kind of goes for anything of interest really.
Why do you have to expose me in that way?😂 Don't you understand that there are people who I'm trying to keep these away from their knowledge and that they can be watching this?😂😂😂(jokes aside, very nice video)
As an INTJ, I really struggle with relationships. Not sure how much is influenced by personality, but it feels impossible to find anyone. If it's a personality thing - anyone has any advice?
hey, sorry if i'm late. ENTP friendo here - i'll be as succinct as i can to give you some perspective as someone who struggles in a similar way. i'm from Brazil and for my whole life (25y) i have felt HUGE disconnect with mainstream culture here (music, sports, parties - never been quite the role model in any of the most popular topics). eventually dated an ISFJ girl for 3 years and missed intellectual stimulation. at some point it was like we were not even speaking the same language, so we couldn't communicate our needs very well. post-pandemic and a good while after it ended, i started dating online with global filter removed in UrMyType. got involved with a South African INFJ for some months until she door slammed me bc i wasn't planning to follow the same religion as her, and now - a year later with a lot of self reflection made - i'm falling for an Algerian INTJ. we write letters for each other and send them through photos. she's passively teaching me about the importance of silence and long intervals for proper communication, and i hope we meet one day. my whole point is: nowadays you can prioritize partners in dating by matching ideas rather than physical impressions. i'm still to find out if that's really a better strategy, but what i know for sure is that it doesn't make me feel like i'm settling for a locally imposed relationship leading to medium/long-term incompatibilities.
If you really want to open up your possibilities…. start tapping into SE (Extroverted Sensing)…. aka get out in the real world and find things you love to do in it!
Can confirm that the description is brutally accurate and covers the most important bases. There is only one huge error which is the "they select you" part. I think that comes from female privilege bias. Like people with BPD, they will ruminate on the introject for so long they'll destroy their chances because they seek for the ideal opportunity which doesn't exist. Yes, they will select you, but that doesn't mean they will necessarily take the initiative. Don't use this as an excuse to let them do all the hard work. If it's mutual and you're not capable of cutting the bullshit, use coherent, totally unambiguous clues. They genuinely don't care about presentation if what is underneath is substantial.
I was watching one of your older videos from 2 years ago. I guess im a INTP from the test haha. If i knew you in real life id definitely man up and ask you to hang out, you are to pretty lol
To the people saying "As an Intj Im like this...", I don't care if you're an Intj or not, you should learn the basic art of charming women and making friends. Don't just sit there and put yourself inside a box. Read books like How to influence people etc.
I will add that we really need the other person to be intellectually stimulating or it won't last, no matter how attractive they are
had to break things off with my lady, this was definitely one of the reasons.
100%. This is necessary.
So so important..
Well, I think that is what makes it tough. All humans have a laundry list of traits they require in a mate...age, religion, height, body type, social class, attractiveness, ethnicity, values, energy levels, musical tastes, life goals,etc.
This list of criteria does not take into account "intellectually stimulating" and you have already eliminated most of humanity. So, the dating pool is quite limited.
However, INTJs are aggressive and strategic, so if they are relatively young and type aware they can set out to find their needle in a haystack soul mate.
@@stevedavenport1202 Couldn't have said it any better! I am currently on such a mission. 😅
Summary:
- They have to select you.
- Interact more than absolutely necessary. If go to social event because you will be there = interest.
- Stalking from afar, on internet. This phase lasts a long time for risk assessment.
- Learn about you and your patterns.
- Struggle to take actions without enough system.
- Feelings are uncomfortable, often time would retreat or disappear to deal with emotions.
- No casual dating or shallow relationships. Once chose person, they're sure and committed. Often aim for marriage.
- Don't beat the round the bush, if sure the other will agree.
- Impress through intelligence and skills, that they're worth investing in.
- Stagnation isn't an option. They seek out problems in the relationship to fix them. Do not sweep things under rug.
- High standard. Vision of where they want the relationship would be. If not there, need to work on.
- Hints of disloyalty would make them question long term viability. If see a pattern that they do not like, will bluntly severe the relationship.
Typical INTJ SUMMARY
I was about to say the same. Was looking for a summary in the comments or write one myself.
What a great Summary.
Checks out. Although I'm not uncomfortable with feelings (after years of work and meditation), I have to process stuff in peace to re-strategize.
This woman knows me more than my own mother
Sheesh, tell me about it.
She has dated a few INTJ's
@@ladybluelotus 😂
It's probably because she doesn't know your mother's personality
ahaha thanks I laughed so hard :D - I'm INTJ :) and agree
We are worth it. We are committed and loyal. When we say "I love you" we do not say that lightly...we mean it.
I would like to modify a statement... "They prefer to get to know people slowly" to "They prefer to get to know people thoroughly ".
The amount of info I gather happens very quickly ,but I just need A LOT MORE info to make my decisions. I have learned I'm a custom fit. I cannot get off-the-rack romance and have it work for me.
exactly
It's a little embarrassing hearing this as a lot is painfully accurate. I love your content, I have been watching it for a few weeks now.
Thank you so much!
You don't chase them. They have to select you.
ENFPs: Hold my beer.
Funny thing is my girlfriend is an ENFP and I’m INTJ 😭
It’s funny how everytime I date a woman that I’m interested in she’s ENFP, it just works I guess😂
😂😂😂
INTJs are extremely picky, for one because they play out the timeline of potential relationships in their head far into the future before they consider persuing the relationship.
Perhaps this is why we are
Yeah, and then there's some half-alcoholic guy with 5 kids with three women with no care about anything.
Im a guy, I am here because I just had my first date with an INTJ guy ever. It was both (slightly) awkward and probably THE most intellectually stimulating, satisfying conversation I've ever had with another human being. I'm an ENFP 7w8 usually get told I'm a pretty smart guy, but no THIS GUY is like a whole d*mn x-men power level above my brain power. And one of the few people i really had a hard time reading, not in his face, voice, body language. HYPER practical, i think he programmed himself to socialize (God bless him). I left the date almost entirely unsure if it went well or not (my gut told me it had, but i CANNOT read him - yet!) but i heard from him today and it definitely went well. Wish me luck, I'm actually a tiny bit scared lol
Did it worked out for you?
How did it go? I’d love to hear an update.
You should see the interaction with a INFP woman. Pretty fun and scary at the same time.
When I was set up on a blind phone date with this girl because one of my coworkers was married to one of her coworkers, I talked with her on the phone and via text for months before finding the courage to ask if she wanted to have a date in person. I was so nervous about it, but it went great.
We added occasionally meeting in person for dinner or a movie etc. about once a month to our almost daily calls and texts. Over the next two years, we very gradually met more often. It took me a while to figure out that she was someone I could have a relationship with. She was the first girl I'd met who made me feel like I could be myself. We got to know each other 'warts and all' through helping each other with health problems, difficulties at our jobs and other things like that. Our relationship was a friendship long before we realized that we had romantic feelings for each other.
We've been married 16 years now. Neither one of us is into social events very much.
what is her type
@@malakashraf2801 I'm not really sure because she's not as interested in typology as I am. As I recall, she has told me that she took the MBTI in college and got ISFP. The more I learn about type and the more I get to know her, the more I think it could be right.
@@enfieldjohn101 cool , she could be an infp as they are very compatible with you , but anyways, wish you the best .
@@malakashraf2801 if she was an INFP, the dude would have been ghosted quick and would have had all his plans with her cancelled on.
@@iiii4271 why ? Si child makes infps loyal and patient .
I would say there are two main reasons the INTJ analyzes a person for such a long time before they make their approach. One, as was stated in this video, the INTJ needs to know with certainty the person they're interested in shares the same or compatible value systems, and this can only be established over time. In other words, there's no point jumping into something just because it seems good at the time. That's how relationships end in disaster. Secondly, the INTJ needs to understand the person on an individual level, what they like, what their preferences are, what are their interests, what type of food they like, where they are vulnerable, what do they despise, what upsets them, what they love, what inspires them, etc. All these things are important to know because then the INTJ can tailor or customize an approach to this person that will not fail. In other words, a highly-functional INTJ does not fail. There is no point wasting your time, devoting your intellect and effort to anything if you're going to come up empty handed. If something is worth pursuing, it's worth having, and if it's worth having, it is worth the time and effort it takes to make sure when that time comes, you will obtain whatever it is you set out to have.
As an INTJ this is very accurate and I will agree with rejection hurting. For me it is really hard to open up emotionally it sort of feels wrong and too vulnerable for me so I avoid it as much as possible so when I do open up that rejection feels like slamming my fingers in a door I don't open often and for them and it really doesn't help that I have never been successful at it so over the years I have become more shut off emotionally which I know is a bad thing. It's just I don't think more people pick up our style of affection because it is so different from the norm I don't know if other INTJs feel the same
I can relate. Although over the years, I've worked on not allowing myself to shut off. But I don't really put myself out there either much anymore (I've had two long-term relationships - one being a marriage). I'm so happy with my life as is now that I have no motivation to date. But if I do find someone I'm interested in (which is really rare) I do bite the bullet and tell them. I finally forced myself to do it because it has to be done. It does get easier with practice. As you get older/more secure/confident, you realize that people are lucky to have you so if they reject you, it's okay. You know there must be someone better for you out there and you dodged a bullet not being with them.
Same. I can make 50 different plans that will change my future life and make a very hard decision (like mooving to another country, change career 3 times, accept very hard work that will litererally kill you but you will earn money...) easely, but when it comes to another rejectuon after months of progress, i just loose my will to going on. At least i got some very good friends, but it really ruins my life for a month or two
I feel the same. Am going on a date with someone tonight, it took me 3 years to start dating again after having my fingers squished in a door a few too many times.
Yeah. It sucks for a long time and you will beat yourself up for months if the relationship was anything substantial.
I am an INTJ woman married to an INTJ man and this is very accurate!
Can u share me some tricks that u understood intj because I'm intj and mi boyfriend is intj but we can't understood well so it's good if you can help me some hints
@@lilymohamedmohamed2660 Just say what you mean. Speak plainly and honestly, because they won't pick up any secret meanings from subtext. Don't interrupt, and stay on topic.
All this time I thought I chased my INTJ, but he informed me that he allowed me to chase him haha
It all happens according to the plan.
Oops 😂😂😂
As an intj,
We won't chase you.
We won't compete for you.
We won't buy you flowers because it's a holiday.
Every day is the same to an INTJ.
We will help you accomplish your goals.
We will confront you about irrational behavior every time it comes up. If you just don't give a shit about being logical, I wouldn't recommend dating an intj.
We will do nice things for you because we want to, not because it's a holiday.
We hate societal norms, (holidays, expectations, saying excuse me after burping, dumbass shit like that. ) if you are going to pressure the intj to do this shit I recommend a different personality type.
tell 'em Dirk!!!!
Right? Like why the hell we gotta do a romantic thing just cuz it's valentines day? Like maybe I wanna do something nice for you in the middle of July or the beginning of November 😆
Generally, but if Fi goes on fire in a courting phase, then valentines day does have some uses. It was like a green light to bomb for me. We can be shameless authentic romantics.
Definitely agree with this assessment. Trying to figure out ways to "fix" INTJ behavior only causes friction and hurt on both sides. In trying to have a relationship with an INTJ you should learn what you are getting into for the long haul. It's definitely not for everyone.
I appreciate this video for detailing some of the general issues people will have in said relationship.
I was lucky enough to find an intelligent and caring woman to share my life with after missing and false starting some early relationships.
Excuse me Intjs don't burp@SimplySimpleTurtle
I was blessed with a 41 year relationship with my INTJ partner...I too am an INTJ.
Recovering from widowhood, I am now in love with an INTP...similar in ways, but dissimilar too...mine is a great fit for me.
My INTJ and I were like one person split apart at birth who somehow found each other. I never ever thought I would meet another man I could be attracted to and love, but it HAS happened.
INTPs too are very real...mine is very intelligent he does have the INTP procrastination thing.
He spent alot of time with me in my home in Latin America...he is a perennial snowbird spending 12 winters in my community where I have lived for 20 years. i own a large comfortable home there with two employees who keep everything neat and tidy..?NO CHORES! So he didnt need to lift a finger.
We are spending the summer in his 2 US condos, one in Chcago now amd one in Portland later. I had my luggage unpacked settled in the next day...his luggage was in the middle of the living room floor for three days open so I could barely move around it. I decided this is HIS place and I would do the adapting. He finally got to it. I was proud at how I could just overlook it...younger it would have REALLY bugged me. Same with the overflowing trash. Now I just chuckle and finally he does get around to it. I do the cooking and cleanng up after ...I actually enjoy it sonce I do so little at home. So that I am willing to take responsibility for these things...the other stuff, well he will get to it eventually and he does. It is important to be tolerant and not a nag I think with this personality type...that isnt in my nature anyway. We really do get along exceptionally well considering we are not the same type.
All this fell into place easily with my INTJ. But I have to honor this man's uniqueness. Other than the procrastination thing, our valies are totally alligned. I consider myself very very lucky.
Really liked to read your story. Sorry for your loss. I think INTP can be fun to be around and have nice conversations. They have a great humor.
As an INTJ myself I wouldn’t recommend dating an INTJ lol nor would I recommend dating to my follow INTJs. It’s all the things in life you don’t want to deal with.
As an INTJ I agree
As INTJ dating another INTJ it's painful to admit that this kind of pairing should be banned.
@@Braenn666 🤣🤣
@@Braenn666 😂😂😂
I recently hit 50 years old, never been married. And after a poor experience a few years back I decided I would just stay off the market until I found the merchant I want to sell my attention to.
It's been a little bit of a discipline not to engage with some folks, but the painful price I pay once I open up my tender heart to the wrong kind of person, is not worth any of the fleeting fun I may have. It was fine for me and my twenties, but definitely does not work now
I would say mental connection and having a partner that is patient is also very necessary. Plus not demanding or expecting a partner to act in a certain way. Especially if the only reason is just because that is how it’s been done for years. This definitely won’t work for any relationship. But from my experience as an INTJ woman, nothing has killed my emotions for someone faster, than them trying to make me act a certain way because “that’s what women/partners do” in a relationship.
As an INTJ-A, this is 100% accurate. It takes patience if you want the INTJ in your life. Most won't wait. Lol That's why we end up alone more often than not.
As an INTJ I can confirm this is almost entirely accurate. Also don't worry too much about "socially engineering" an INTJ. They're highly averse to social manipulation, and will probably shut you down hard if you try.
They will shut you down because they are better than others at pattern recognition and will spot it right away.
The first sentence was so accurate I just liked without realizing... I'm an intj and no one has ever described my view on relationships than how you did in the first 30 seconds.
You hit the nail right on the head when you said that INTJs would rather be alone than in bad company and that we see most people as bad company
Yes, yes, yes!
She knows us. She knows us well. This is concerning...
She’s too powerful to be kept online…
I almost hate how accurate you are with with this. As an INTJ I get it. I want progress. I do not mind disagreement, but trust matters most.
I have watched numerous videos and could not for the life of me understand how a INTJ works emotionally?! I have been in love with one for 6 years and everything you just said clicked, makes total sense now, with the the way you were able to break it down. Thank you I’m so grateful to you. Also if you are reading this Luc please get a clue because I am not going to wait for you forever. Sincerely ~ INFP ❤️
You'll probably have to Be Blunt to dear ol' Luc. He's not wired for romantic subtlety.
Just go tell him
Objectively look back to the interaction between you and Luc, and you find an answer to a possible outcome.
If it's good, tell them. If not, prepare for emotional damage and tell them anyway. 6 years are a long time and if Luc really stayed inside your life that long, that's a good sign. INTJs won't commit to a person that long if they don't like that person, whether it being platonically or romantically.
SIX years?! Did they have relationship during this time?
INTJ here who was married to an INFP for 8 years and dated (sort of still with) another INFP for another 10 years. The whole INTJ/INFP dynamic is a beaut! And puleeeze, you know you'll wait for Luc. 😉 And not to worry, if Luc is attracted to you, then it can be a beautiful match. I ADORE INFPs (every INTJ I've known does and it seems mutual). Y'all are just soooo friggin' adorable and intriguing! 😍But since i know INFPs, make sure you actually TELL Luc you are interested. INTJs are the LAST ones on the planet to read your subtle signals. You're going to have to be direct.
Saving this for later so I know what it's like to date me.
I stayed as friends with her for like 3 years tryin to analyse the risk 🙂
I had a similar situation. Eventually took the risk and that didn’t end well. Was going crazy in my head. But at least I have an answer.
No , your se inferior was afraid of rejection and it'll remain this way if you don't fix this problem.
What's the conclusion?
I discovered him in a meeting and my interest was piqued. After a year of observation and learning patterns and talking every now and then and getting all the clues and information together. We've been a couple for 4 weeks now, we went straight into our getting to know phase with questions and long, deep conversations and then we both decided 100% for each other. He's an ISTJ and thought I didn't want anything from him because I seemed so reserved and a bit cold. Hahaha I knew from the first moment I saw him that we would get together and get married. I just had to gain clarity and security and then I was able to open up a little more at the right moment and use all the social skills I had learned, i.e. flirt. He immediately registered the signals and did his best not to let the connection to me break off. We are happy and grateful that it worked and we can now share our lives together and let our relationship grow.
My girlfriend is an intj and I adore her. We share Ni and get lost in it, we both laugh about our weakness the Se.
When I get lost in Ni Ti loop she gets me out of it, cause her thoughts lead to somewhere and show me how I can get things done and not only live in my head.
Fun thing, I selected her xD and then she was like, well you wanted me, you thought enough about it. Data collection and analyses done :)
Haha
I'm so happy to hear an INTJ being successful with an INFJ. My first gf (30 years ago ) was an INFJ and although I was head over heals in love with her (we also had the most AMAZING discussions) it didn't work out but I've always adored INFJs. My Mom was one as well. But I always worry we'd be too intense together and have that Te/Fe clash too. How do you two fare with that?
Ah yes, our weakness The Se. I tried kicking a ball back once, but was thwarted by The Se. Wherever there is uneven ground, a wet patch on hard floor or an uneven stack of plates, there also shall lurk The Se. Confound and blast you, The Se...!
I agree with a lot of what you said, but I would never ask a guy out. Also, I don't mind being chased. The only way anyone has ever succeeded in dating me is chasing me with a rugged determination 😅
It doesn't hurt if the females take their chances as well if she feels attracted enough to her crush. Or else, you might miss your window of opportunity.
Well I’m certainly on the right path then😂-An ENTP who’s head over heels with an INTJ🙃 Don’t mind me doing the typical ENTP thing reading all the comments before watching the video 😅
I've seen plenty INTJ vids out there but this video takes the cake out of all of them. Really connect 2 a lot of what you said except for the asking a person out thing. Idk if an intj male would be into asking their person of interest but for myself I would never and I'm ok with that :)
i completely identify with this. casual relationships and one night stand type lifestyle has always digusted me.
it is a waste of precious time, one could have used to do truely great things. it also speaks of a certain hedonism and drive by animalistic desire, a lower human class behavior. i often had this talk with people, what your single?
as if i am the weird one for disliking shallow, set up to fail accidents, peer pressured into by this weak society
Yup!! Very accurate. The only things I'll say is I've learned to be OK with rejection. It's normal, life goes on, no expectations is my mentality now. And the other person needs to be intellectually stimulating.
This is so accurate haha. As an INTJ women, the people I was interested in knew right away cause I can’t hide my stare. I was told that when I like someone, I stare in a specific way and they know I like them directly.
I wonder if other INTJs are like that.
I’m an ENFP and I’m currently pursuing an INTJ that obviously likes me. I began talking to him because we were at a big social gathering and I met his gaze and he stared at me with such an intensity that it gave me goosebumps. He didn’t look away when our eyes met and it gave me butterflies. So anecdotally, I think this is true lol.
@@ckw4244 lmaooooo this is exactly me
So accurate ❤️. I would like to add that we pick very small things as patterns, like
How do you treat me when I am in trouble ?
If you are least interested or you give excuses.
Thats a data point i will pick, and project it in the future.
Once these sort of data points show up, INTJs at a mental level detach.
They do it so subtly, that the person in front wont even realise it.
Unfortunately for me it is obvious that you guys are gathering data. I just dont like how INTJ use that data to judge people instead of clarifying whats actually happen. People have many circumtances that affects their behaviour. Pattern is important, but not always. Listening, communicating and clarifying why people are doing what they are doing is the better way than assuming. Well INTJ is indeed clever, but come on, brain is not enough to judge. It is multifactorial ...
@@masayuangelanggraini6144 That is why i ask indrect questions to gather more data.
@@masayuangelanggraini6144 Yes absolutely true. In fact I consciously try to practice communicating with people without judging them.
Also I practice believing in possibilities. Thats a major risk and red flag, yet i try as much as i can.
@@arpansaha8323 Yess try your best to give "benefit of the doubts" to people. Most of INTJ I met these days who have reached some level of emotional maturity told me that they regret what they did in the past. Because it is like self sabotage, when they like someone, they dont give much chance to the person and judge them. Now I understand they have paranoia and pessimistic behaviour. For that reasons I understood why they are doing so, they are just afraid to be hurt.
Ohh and one more ... be careful with narcissistic people. They know how to act and manipulate INTJ well. They will change their behaviour to suit what you like and you will take it as good patterns. Then that's it ...
You can watch dr. Romani in med circle. She explains it very well.
Good luck guys! I hope you wont feel the regret later in the future.
@@ACGLENCLAR Believe me, people who have experiences with INTJ will know it even though you ask indirect questions.
No one really knows about other people even they know each other for years. Even your husband or your wife. And emotion and behaviour are more complex really. Just give people more chances and time to show themselves. It is hard for everyone these days, and no one is perfect :)
Great video. I am a 59 Year old INTJ. All your points are spot on, except the social media investigation approach. Systematic with everything is a bulls eye. The trouble is us INTJ really enjoy being alone.
To date me, just allow yourself to open up to me. Even if you don't at first I still pour out who I am. Opening up is all I want in return.
I am an Intj you nailed it long story short we don't fuck around we get after it!
Yes, the paranoia is very real. Ever since I've been a part of the MBTI community, I psychoanalyze everyone. You're right about the behavior patterns. I'm hypervigilant of any hint of cheating, infidelity etc. I don't play that game. If stories don't seem to match up or sounds fishy, I'll know. I watch body language and facial gestures for lies, nervousness, discomfort etc to tell if I'm being lied to. It's hard to discern between intuition and anxiety fear when it comes to getting hunches about partners cheating.
I thought I was a weirdo my whole life. I see myself in this description. I never new this was a thing. I only ever met one other INTJ-t in my ex-girlfriend.
As an INTJ my ideal date would be to show her the differences between OEM and aftermarket components in the transmission I just rebuilt in my basement....and then explain to her why I feel like she represents the aftermarket version more than the OEM. Everyone has the OEM, not everyone has the aftermarket...and it takes a lot of work to figure out the right clearances and install them correctly.
One of the reasons I like ESFJ’s are that they have so much information about people and as they talk they allow me to analyze people systems and structures instead of the natural world which I am usually drawn too. My feedback to them combined with their people skills are incredibly dynamic
I certainly didn’t chase my INTJ! I in fact learned to not chase anyone as I would never become successful with the guys I would incipiently crush on. -INTP
Depends on what you mean by chase. To me, it means getting almost annoying with them, to get them to date you, tongue hanging out, etc. But then there's the chase, and there is a less committed chase. This sort of chase is more what I think you're talking about, the art of reconnaissance. This can be a problem at times, and I experienced it, where somebody thinks you're in hot pursuit, but you're really just reconnoitering. There are some girls that just think when a guy talks to them, he's really in hot pursuit, and considering the Hallmark attitude towards love, it's no surprise.
Hmmm, if I'm reading you correctly, you're saying you would never get anywhere with the crushes, because they were crushes. I figured that out rather recently in my own case. I always wondered, how in the world was it so easy for me to talk to girls at a certain stage, and yet in other cases I would freeze up? This is because with crushes, you have romance first in mind. IOW, you're putting the cart in front of the horse. The admiring somebody else's personality, and being able to converse with them, being able to therefore see red flags, is what enables possible romance later. Hallmark, OTOH, is 100% the other way round, as everybody allegedly just loves-at-first-sight and they're happy forever. There's a reason a lot of us, at least introverts, freeze up with the opposite sex that we crush on. Because we know deep down inside, something isn't right. We have nothing but looks to judge, and we're getting all goofy? Perish the thought.
ENTP here and same.
WAY too close to the bone. I’m an INTJ married to another INTJ. I laughed, was embarrassed, recoiled saying that can’t be me (knowing it is). That was a real read
Ha ha ha, Let's hear it! I'm an INTJ dating an INTJ.
NICE! I bet that's fun 😅
@@TypeMatch it's quite interesting! 😅 Just finished the video. Yes, I think it's accurate. Well done!
wow
That’s the best kind of relationship!
I'm so jealous! I want that.
@ Kate. Very accurate. Well done.
@ all INTJs. You should investigate your crush while dating and not prior to it. If you miss an opportunity because of that it was a waste of effort. Besides you will learn something during dating that can be applied on your next crush when the original plan fails.
mams literally trying to teach intjs
For me I've learned that I need to vet better actually. But I definitely saw the point of view that opportunities can be missed with analysis paralysis
The accuracy . . . 💀
It’s interesting how accurate this is. What I love about it is that it explains why I differ from most people on some points and presents some of my thoughts in a clear way that makes sense to me.
I am an Intj, and this is very accurate. Thank you
I am an intj, and your assessment is spot on👍
my ex cheated on me - told him he made one mistake -- cheating on a woman smarter than him (and an INTJ who can put things together and spot lies a mile away)
Wow, you did a really good job on this. It is 99% accurate. I am an (INTJ 5w4 Sexual Subtype) though and I believe this changes the approach of the INTJ dramatically..I am much more comfortable in a relationship than most INTJs and do not get as cautious/nervous with a romantic partner as say a 5w6 SelfPres would..I am actually quite direct early on and I am far more comfortable with potential rejection than most INTJs.
Also, I am fine with short term or long term romance, but I do have a preference for long term relationships, because I see my partner as an energy and time investment..When I first meet a woman I quickly analyze her within 3 meetings. I put her imidiately into either the short term or potential long term catagory. If I place her in the short term catagory I approach her differently and do not make promises or invest as much initially. I am open to seeing where it goes though, due to my preference for long term I will sometimes re-catagorize her into the long term zone. From her perspective it is usually seen as me going from more of a bold sexuality to a more open/caring/gentle response.
Basically I can sum it up as...If she is short term my focus is to rock her world and blow her mind..If she is put into long term my focus is to optimize her life to make her life easier/happier and care for her in a way that she has never been cared for before.
what are these sexual subtypes? I've never heard of them
@@naruhina1997 The subtypes are a measure of the Eneagram. I do not believe the MB 4 letter code is enough to represent someone fully, so you really need the MB code AND the persons Eneagram main type with wing and their subtype. You can get your Eneagram type with wing by taking an online test, but once you find your main type with wing you have to read about those subtypes yourself to determine which one you are. You can also be more than one subtype. Like when I am stressed/unhealthy I have a tendency to function as a Self Preservation sub type, but when I am healthy/calm I am naturally a Sexual Subtype.
As an INTJ, this is accurate. Side note: Wow, that stripe on the wall is awesome interior design.
Ha! As an ESTP I chased my gorgeous INTJ girlfriend now wife. I love the chase and challenge, and she was hard to get. This video is so accurate, she turned down a bunch of guys in her past because she is highly selective, and they were smart, athletic good dudes!
Not even two minutes in, and you nailed it. That's me. That's me to a "T!"
I'm not so sure about the serious relationship commitment and marriage stuff. I though I was like that but I don't think a lot of people are ready to deal with our weird introverted ways. Casual dating or a sex buddy who you care about seems to be more suitable lol
Yeaaa I'm thinking that too. Plus a lot of people been "ran through" I don't deal with leftovers.
I’m an ENFP and recently met an INTJ online through a mutual friend. We are meeting next month and I just needed to know why he captivates me so much. I have my answers 😅
How did it go
Yes. Tell us more.
Wow, you nailed it. Either you're an INTJ yourself (though you don't come across that way at all --- good for you) or you're just darn good. While it was a little embarrassing hearing all this, you're spot on and know INTJs better than anyone I've ever seen.
I agree with what is said here and true, we may not like to be chased, but I do want the man to show an active interest otherwise my confidence recedes. I’m coming up to 67 and been alone for most of it although I’ve had many seeking after me. It’s a drag now that all the decades have gone by. 💛 Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so timid and let it be okay to make mistakes and not be so hard on myself. Perfect doesn’t exist, BTW.
This MBTI is crazy. You just described me the whole video
as an INTJ i swear everything she said TRUE !!! Lol that's a bit scary idk
Realest ishhh I EVER heard!!😆😆 and BELIEVE...we see ALLllllllll your patterns. Struggle taking action is real. We can wait you out fer everrrrr!!
I think I've been selected. She was dressed cute, feminine, asked questions and shared thoughts and feelings.
Lmao, it's been 7 months, and I'm still doing the risk assessment 😂. I know he likes me, and while I'm attracted to him, I have to make sure he's the right one 💀
Holy shit this is creepy accurate 😳 I thought I was unique but damm 100% my weaknesses is exposed, I've been predicted
This is accurate for my sub-early 20s self when under-developed.
Extremely accurate
54-year old female INTJ here and OMG you ABSOLUTELY NAILED IT! Very nice!! Yep, that's EXACTLY me. I literally said all these things to my partner in my last relationship. The only one that didn't fit me was being insecure/anxious about loyalty. I've never been jealous type. I know I'm a catch and if you don't, and I find out you've not been loyal, then it's over and I move on. But I've never had anyone come close to being disloyal. They probably sense that it won't be tolerated and I don’t date people who haven’t got their values in order. :-). It didn't work out with my last gf because I'm an out lesbian (have been out for 38 years) and she was closeted and did not want anyone to know about us which led to "stagnation" (I literally CAN'T deal with stagnation - always must be moving forward). And I am absolutely not about to go back into the closet after being out since I was 16 years old (I came out for a reason) so I took it to the friend zone. We did date for several years before I changed the status of our relationship. But yeah, I remember explaining all of this to her. I think it's really cute that you're selling a dating guide for INTJs. We must be hard to figure out if people are willing to pay for that! 😂🥰. I'm totally sending her this video. She'll get a kick out of it.
Oh, also after reading the comments, I must concur that I tend to actually end up in relationships when I am pursued. I'm a female who only dates females so it can be a bit tricky so I have developed the confidence needed to approach someone but it's just that I rarely ever make the effort to get out there and meet anyone. I'm so happy on my own so no motivation. But all my long-term relationships were with NFs who pursued me. Mostly INFPs (and INFJs/ENFJs). 🥰. That being said, I DO think you are correct that it is probably a better overall situation if the INTJ does the pursuing, at their own pace. I've noticed my feelings tend to be stronger when I'm the pursuer for reasons I won't get into (and no, it's not about the challenge).
This is very accurate. The patterns rule everything… if I can’t identify the patterns I do not engage.
It sounds like INTJ do not get very many opportunities to date with their personality getting in the way.
Pretty much spot on, with the exception i don't chase women. However, I will move closer if reciprocal interest is shown - no man wants to go to jail or endure a lawsuit over a baseless sexual harassment allegation.
INTJ-A. Despite my high libido, I have no interest in the hook-up culture . It just seems like too much guess work and boundaries management. I would rather get either a sex friend with an a regular schedule or a girlfriend if the connection is right.
Mind blowing. Thank you. I struggle to understand myself. Textbook INTJ here. 57m bachelor. Never intended to marry, never will.
Sometimes I want to and sometimes I don't want to, I don't understand myself. xD
I’m am INTJ and I approve this video. I think the way we (INTJ people) behave is absolutely normal
I value your insights very much. I have noticed your points are different from others and very accurate to my ENTJ and INTJ fellows 😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️ I love your channel so much! I hope you will post new videos again. Don’t give up your dream. You are very special! Yes you hear it from an ENTJ 🥰🥰🥰
I don't know where you got your experience of INTJs from, but I'd say anything can happen depending on what thread you pull. 😊
Attending events with someone could also be wishing for the other person to do well and spend time with them in more platonic way while not seeing a relationship with that person as an option. But if that's the case, it's pretty much made clear by the INTJ, Bluntly so.
Disloyalty disgusts me
I have dated an INTJ for 8 months and they broke up with me recently and I’m here trying to understand what could have happened that caused it but I think I already know the answer within myself. They are very independent and goal focused as you said so in my case, they broke up with me right before school started and they said that they wanted to work hard this year and get to the university they like. We are not in the same school and he has a really busy schedule, he works after school and school is extremely draining for him so I understand that he needs his space right now. As an ENFP we are really different but I’m madly in love with them and I want to be there for them and I don’t want to lose them. Should I go talk to them about this and tell how I’m feeling and ask if there is still a possibility for us (they hinted in some discussions that it could work in the futur but they also said that they don’t see themselves being in a long term relationship at 17. Should I go talk to them ? I don’t want it to come across as if I was chasing them but I need to know if I should wait or should I really try to move on ? Because I’m not ready to move on.
Ask the intj if there's a way to work around the relationship, I am also an intj and Fe trickster is basically blind to others feelings so unless you don't vocalise intj will not understand, I hope you're aware of the functions.
Them? Sound like you have multiple interests 🤣
@@jamalcole1985 they’re non binary :)
No , don't. Either this is not even the real excuse , or if it is then they are so selfish, they didn't know that school would start in 8 months before dating you , they didn't know what their dream was and what university they wanted to go to before dating you , it just hit them in the middle of it and decided to break up , well I don't think so . They just had some hormonal problems and wanted to feel love, then move on . You are not a doormat. And they were honest , no long term at 17 , right ? Don't torture your si Inferior with unworthy people because it's so hard for you to let go and you never forget .
@@malakashraf2801 Thank you for this. I’m trying to move on now
I really love INTJs they always stimulate me intellectually and push me to be the best version of myself I have an INTJ roommate and to be honest I don't know how she puts up with my eccentricities she just makes me feel like I'm not really an eccentric our conversations seem so natural even though they are eccentric and random I can literally discuss anything and everything with her and the weird thing is she always makes so much sense how can she be so logical like that...
to me I'm always like "oh well ....uhm I mean point of view but you know it depends on... etc". Plus I'm an INTP and I have ADHD I get really impulsive and chaotic it kind of exhausts me sometimes to be honest but somehow she doesn't mind it that mach .well I think one day if I decide to get married from a man I'll find an INTJ is the right fit for me .
Spot on. Very perceptive. Well done.
This is a problem, opportunity. Savoring the moment for to long. Not having enough time and chances to establish certainty. Fleeting moments are just distracting. Building attraction and anticipation is my ideal way of establishing a connection .
… I was briefly in a FB group of INTJ women … it was interesting to observe that the majority had at least one narcissist parent, usually the mother … AND most of them hated men … 🤷🏼♀️
Omg...had to really check history to see if this is true for me and I 😮..😅😂
Wish I'd known all of this about myself 40 years ago. Not just for personal life but work as well! Was almost at the end of my career when I learned about this.
As an INTJ myself most of the girls I met finds me to be interesting till they realise how numb I'm to their feelings and expectations (had 2 dates and 1 relationship of 3 years which wasn't the best from the day1 itself) so it's just not my type anymore It's better off by all myself :")))
not all people are bad company ... just company ... I don´t need it at all, good or bad 😂 for a longer time ...
This is very accurate. Good job!
Myself and my partner are both INTJ, and we’re so in sync that it sometimes drive me crazy. We keep reading each other’s mind and it weirds me out.
It's really weird having known I am this way my whole life (44), thinking I should be different somehow, but not being able to win the battle of change. And then having to accept that it's just who I am because I'll be damned if I agree that we can't change! There's no hope. Lol
I'd actually say go ahead and approach if you're interested in an INTJ. It kind of like takes the pressure off us and the occasional unexpectedness can be a welcome break. The infatuation research thing is sort of true though lol. Kind of goes for anything of interest really.
Wow you really explain INTJ dating precisely.🎉
Why do you have to expose me in that way?😂 Don't you understand that there are people who I'm trying to keep these away from their knowledge and that they can be watching this?😂😂😂(jokes aside, very nice video)
I feel like so much of this changes in midlife if the person is self aware.
As an INTJ, I really struggle with relationships. Not sure how much is influenced by personality, but it feels impossible to find anyone. If it's a personality thing - anyone has any advice?
hey, sorry if i'm late. ENTP friendo here - i'll be as succinct as i can to give you some perspective as someone who struggles in a similar way.
i'm from Brazil and for my whole life (25y) i have felt HUGE disconnect with mainstream culture here (music, sports, parties - never been quite the role model in any of the most popular topics). eventually dated an ISFJ girl for 3 years and missed intellectual stimulation. at some point it was like we were not even speaking the same language, so we couldn't communicate our needs very well.
post-pandemic and a good while after it ended, i started dating online with global filter removed in UrMyType. got involved with a South African INFJ for some months until she door slammed me bc i wasn't planning to follow the same religion as her, and now - a year later with a lot of self reflection made - i'm falling for an Algerian INTJ. we write letters for each other and send them through photos. she's passively teaching me about the importance of silence and long intervals for proper communication, and i hope we meet one day.
my whole point is: nowadays you can prioritize partners in dating by matching ideas rather than physical impressions. i'm still to find out if that's really a better strategy, but what i know for sure is that it doesn't make me feel like i'm settling for a locally imposed relationship leading to medium/long-term incompatibilities.
Look for compatible personality
If you really want to open up your possibilities…. start tapping into SE (Extroverted Sensing)…. aka get out in the real world and find things you love to do in it!
Can confirm that the description is brutally accurate and covers the most important bases. There is only one huge error which is the "they select you" part. I think that comes from female privilege bias. Like people with BPD, they will ruminate on the introject for so long they'll destroy their chances because they seek for the ideal opportunity which doesn't exist. Yes, they will select you, but that doesn't mean they will necessarily take the initiative. Don't use this as an excuse to let them do all the hard work. If it's mutual and you're not capable of cutting the bullshit, use coherent, totally unambiguous clues. They genuinely don't care about presentation if what is underneath is substantial.
Excellent feedback.
I feel seen and roasted.
Thank you.
I was watching one of your older videos from 2 years ago. I guess im a INTP from the test haha. If i knew you in real life id definitely man up and ask you to hang out, you are to pretty lol
Intj here , the first point is exactly what came first to my mind !!
Please don't Select and an approach intj
To the people saying "As an Intj Im like this...", I don't care if you're an Intj or not, you should learn the basic art of charming women and making friends. Don't just sit there and put yourself inside a box. Read books like How to influence people etc.
By the way I love this video. Multiple times watching! I think someone just telling me exactly what I do is completely attractive!