WHY BLACK MEN Don't Want Marriage @HardlyInitiated
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- Опубликовано: 27 авг 2024
- Welcome to Season 2 of The Single Season with Alison Wellington! Alison is the dating coach you've been dreaming of, even if you didn't know you needed her! She's on a mission to help as many women as possible navigate dating that leads to healthy marriage! In this episode, she's has the fellas from @HardlyInitiated in the studio to find out how men really feel about marriage in this modern day.
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#HardlyInitiated
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Walk in the park, coffee, bike ride, etc. People lack the ability to organically connect minus the aesthetics. IMO we need to get back to the basics
🎯
I think people focus too much on the negative instead of speaking on positivity, what’s working in healthy relationships and emphasizing that type of information.
From what I'm seeing, hearing, reading there's more negative about marriage and relationship than positive.
There is nothing wrong with a coffee date. A nice coffee shop with lite bites. 💛
Love relaxing informal dates. No expectations.❤
That is all women get from me now. That or meet me at the gym
You can forget about a coffee date with a BW thTs fact. Gotta go to the Latino, White, or Central Americans.
I personally think a coffee date is fine! Because if we’re not feeling a connection or attraction to each other, I would rather do something quick and be on my way not sitting down at a restaurant waiting on a meal to come!
@MB-iv4mq 💯💯
The female host isn't hearing what the men are saying. She's just waiting for her turn to speak
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As usual
Yea.
She had the interlect to control the narrative, but she seemed intimidated & clearly doesn't want to ask certain questions so not to frighten these guys & they don't want to come back.
She is totally correct about the paperwork. My parents split decades ago and both of them were too lazy to do the paperwork work. Over 30 years separated in 2 different states
Maybe it was a cost thing. Cost $60 to get married and a min of $600 to split.
Exactly
Ryan I so enjoyed your feedback in this message !!!!! Very enlightening
This is a much needed interview. We need to be addressing these kind of subjects.
I like how the questions were direct, and the responses that were given.
I'm 36 years old, I meet my man since I was 15 years, married for 9 years to the same man, and i had to inlearn somethings and learn somethings in order to make my relationship work because I was brought up in the same household described. What these fellas are saying is what need to be said and I hope ladies who need it take the advise.
We got issues...We just can't be beautiful together...And take care of each other...
Keywords that hit the notes: combative, argumentative, uncooperative, heady, self-centred, me, my needs,my bills, on and on.
Black men stop explaining and trying to convince these women of anything.
Just move the way you like. Go where you're respected.
Exactly!
Absolutely brother
💯💯💯💯
Some report came out recently about black people having the highest divorce rate in America.
And you ask the question...why don't black men want to get married ?
Consider who files for divorce and you have your answer.
Also add
1. High obesity rates in women
2. Bad attitudes
3. Lack of femininity and submission
4. Consumerism mentality, want fine dining luxury lifestyle.
5. Want 6, 6, 6. Muscular, hyper masculine men. Superman. Some of the Other races of men can look like crap or be complete beta males but still Got An obedient wife.
6. All want the alpha male type
7. Refuse to build with men they want the finished product.
Its a bad deal all around, Brazil is all
Black men need. USA is for money latin america is for the next generation of family. There is millions of black women in latin america which are lot of people dont realise.
Men don’t file because they are either too lazy or already off cheating or making their 2nd, 3rd family
@@emac1286 Wrong. Men dont file because it rarely works out equitably or fairly for men.
The men who are cheating dont need to file. Think about it.
Ryan... so eloquently escorted her back into position(her place) without getting into a heated debate. He got her attention to see herself. To me that was real love, to help her see herself and how we as black women sometimes show up. Her points were valid but her delivery was aggressive and hard. Ladies we are trying to attract men , not be the man! Guys great job. Thank you!
Yes, she delivered and spoke very aggressively. I didn't enjoy it and I'm a woman.
1. If she has a problem with a cheap/free date, give her back to the game. If she tries to re-direct the date idea, give her back to the game.
2. If she's a hastle or headache in any way, give her back to the game.
3. Women have lost the plot. Marriage is on the decline and will continue to do so because women refuse to listen.
4. Men understand that if a woman likes them, they'll be happy with just coming over and netflix and chill. So if she has an issue with a coffee date, then you're just not a guy she's really into.
Black male here:...there's a balance to it...too many men using "Netflix and chill" as justification to not put in real effort....too many men are broke, complacent and lack motivation
Facts!!
Fax and Printer
@@janushomer9111LOL
The female host has mirrored why black men are getting their passports
💯 🎯 . It's amazing how easy it is now to walk away from them even if they are one of the few that are fit. They open their mouth, reveal that demeanor, and you think "thank Goodness I'm not in a relationship with her"
She did mention the man being creative.
She appeared to be uninformed about how men think. Sometimes women go to women for advice about men and men go to men with for advice about women, but I think it's helpful that men and women go to the opposite sometimes for a different perspective or advice. The guys helped her. She asked questions that provided information she needed.
She is so true my fiancé was separated over 16 years before he met me and had plenty relationships between them years until I came along and had to help him file for divorce 😂😂😂
Marriage counseling in America is biased in seeing men as the problem.
Often they are. Immature and selfish.
@@DIAMONDGIRL57 Immature and selfish typically describes women. And women are that way because BW tend to be the women that over-secksualizes themselves the most & care about nothing more in life than having fun and frequent secks as a way to emulate what they think the majority of men are doing-and that perception couldn't be any further from real life. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of BM are not out there having secks like that & they're exercising good judgment when protecting both their image and their seeds. One major indicator that you're wrong is men's willingness to accept correction and accountability. BW rarely do that. BM and men in general offer up apologies & corrective actions far more readily than BW and women in general do. Men accept accountability bcuz we know it makes us better people-and men know that accountability would make women better as well-but the problem is women would rather dye than to admit they were wrong. They'd rather take their chances with the bear than to apologize to a man. They conflate feeling bad about being wrong with going through surgery without anesthesia-as if their insides are on full display and the entire world is staring at them when in reality the world doesn't care & has moved on. That's what men do everyday yet women haven't yet figured out that that is men's secret to their superior self-discipline, self-control, and their overall maturity in general. Biologically women develop faster-but in the long-run and over a lifetime, men are more mature because we have to be.
It sounds like these guys see women as the problem.
💯💯💯
Yes because they don’t know how to have relationships lol. And often time the woman actually wants to fix the problems but the man avoids deflects and gaslights
There's a video or two out where black women are blaming dating apps for not being selected by non white men, calling it discrimination.
I don't see anything wrong with a coffee date. This is a great way to find out if you are attracted to this person, determine if you like them, or want to get to know them.
God bless these brothers. The host is super argumentative and not hearing much if anything that these men are saying and that's the problem.
In my opinion people are focusing too much on where dates are being conducted when the whole purpose of the date is to get to know each other. My current boyfriend and I did a coffee date early on when we first met and honestly it was one of our best dates because we had no distractions we just laughed, talked, and enjoyed each other!
A lot people talk about "marriage" so much but forget about the most important thing, "Holy Matrimony"! To understand Holy Matrimony, is to understand the definition of "Holiness"! To understand the definition of "Holiness" is to live a life that is Holy! Marriage is just a legal contract! A holy sanctified covenant union is Holy Matrimony!!!!! To be a holy person is to be a godly person! When a lot of people go to church and say all these vows, they are really liars to their own selves!!
Black women should consider living abroad and dating cross culturally. Were viewed negatively in the US and our men tend to perpetuate that negativity
Just listening to her. She has no accountability. It is blame men. Like KS said Accountability to BW is like kryptonite! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
If “..I am the table” was a person. She’s repeatedly proving the points of her own questions being asked. You can make this 💩 up!
Most Black men want everything their way. They have difficulty connecting, emotional vulnerability, mom/dad unresolved issues. Yet . . . Refuse to go to counseling.
I have been fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with my SO.
I guess because most women want them to pay for things. If you pay for stuff you tend to want it your way.
Congratulations on your relationship. As someone who works in mental health, I'd say with all sincerity that in many instances men going into counseling isn't more important than maintaining a standard of personal accountability. Emotional vulnerability is for women-that's the arena that women thrive in while men are fixers & problem-solvers-but there's a key difference between the two: the overwhelming majority of men will ALMOST ALWAYS be the first one in a relationship to offer an apology, to accept some responsibility, and to make overt gestures to make the relationship smooth again. Why? Because he is biologically wired to protect his woman & that's not just against foreign intruders-that's against ALL enemies both domestic or self-inflicted. This however does NOT work in reverse. Women ALMOST NEVER are the first to apologize and often times they never do because their feelings tell them that they did nothing wrong-they're more upset that the man is upset-but they don't connect his upset to what they personally did. This is a big problem. Even when a man tells them he's upset and what she did to contribute to the conflict, he still also needs to hear a remorseful and authentic apology w/the accompanying restorative action to go with it-(For example: From a man to a woman, the restorative action isn't secks-it's buying flowers. From a woman to a man, what is the restorative action that you know your man needs that has nothing to do with secks but would mean the world to him that you cared enough to do it? Women need to figure out what that is. Make-up secks isn't good enough). Why is this so important? Because this is the only way to confirm that whatever the ongoing problem is/was, it is now OVER. It's DONE. The feeling of relief knowing that a woman "gets it" is the same intuition that a woman applies when she expects a man to somehow figure out how to meet her every need without her having to spell it out for him. Men have to figure that out & they're always willing to put in the work-but women do not-they'd much rather figure out a way to wiggle away from accountability without having to apologize and take the restorative/corrective action to save the relationship.
Amen brother on stopping the premarital activities!
Marriages should be based on spirituality first .They must understand about being equally yoked , so they can pray together in times of trouble.
Howww many times is this same interview gonna be posted as new?!?
Thinking the same thing 😩
Ça c'est du vrai podcast.... Touse les hommes et la Femmes devons écouter ça ! c'est vraiment educative. You are all doing an awesome job Brothers and sister. You..
Dunno why the guys are there she should just have a monologue
There’s too much emphasis placed on the date destination rather than with who you are sharing the date. It makes you seem superficial. She won’t make a good impression.
Stating that women initiate most of the divorces bothers the host.. Then she proceeds to justify made-up reasoning for these women divorcing their husbands. There is a cultural divide between men and women, and most women are on a crusade to empower women rather than connecting with a man. Just think, if they can't accept a coffee date, how/why should any man in his right mind, intertwine his life with such a person. The old saying, "Wanting a wedding ceremony, but not the husband." Also, women totally dismiss the legal atmosphere for men, as family courts are hostile towards men, but beneficial for them.
There is also an intelligence, honesty and good faith divide, The made up reasoning proves it,
Bet she's not married!
Feminism, and social media has detached our social interaction. Most importantly a detachment from The Most High GOD
You know with her mindset most women will fail unfortunately. Most men that have options, with some business about himself and all the top characteristics…. tell women what we want and how to essentially “win” at the dating game. Literally give them the manual and they will still fight against it with this modern mindset. Let’s be real here, men are the ones that need to “feel” a certain way to want to extend his hand and get on a knee. Yes the women needs to feel mutual sure/secure but it’s a two way street. I think more men have waken up and realize they shouldn’t be the only one “proving” their worth. Lastly, no matter what people say, due to the laws, men typically are taking a bigger risk signing a marriage certificate. We need to stop acting like it’s negativity when addressing what at stake with marriage. I promise you if marriage meant you couldn’t take your spouse life or half of it and leave, you would see more people doing it. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze. I’m pro love but in 2024 I just don’t see how a man would sign a marriage certificate knowing it’s a one way/sided contract if it goes wrong.
Their vanity won't allow them to listen and follow. They are bossbabes.
If you fear to be married because you think your spouse will divorce you don’t give them a reason to divorce you. There is always a reason to file for divorce. Hell, it’s required for the court documents.
Everything in life is a risk and gamble. If you can’t take the heat don’t enter the kitchen AT ALL. Decenter men/woman out of your lives. Everything that comes out of people mouths when it comes to love and relationships is negative minded. It’s no wonder nobody is successful in dating these days. I never hear any hopeful and excited rhetoric.
Y’all be striving for perfection you will NEVER have because you are not and will never be the man above. Every senior citizen that has lasting marriages says theirselves that marriage isn’t easy. Only you know your temperament. Don’t waste your thoughts on marriage if you know you gonna walk out. It’s that simple.
Spoken like a delusional feminist female in her feelings. When it comes to women divorcing, the man doesn't have to give them a reason. Women will find an excuse on their own to initiate a divorce and say that it was due to irreconcilable differences. Look at how many women that have filed for divorce due to them not being attracted to their husband's anymore.
Womens guiding principles are your feelings, which gets you in more trouble than anything else. You FEEL like your husband isn't making as much money as you think he should, divorce. You FEEL like your husband isn't putting it down in the bedroom the way your girls tell you how their men do them, divorce.
By in large, women strive for perfection more than men. Just look at the 666 requirement. The shopping list of what a man needs to do for a woman. Ridiculous.
The juice isn't worth the squeeze, especially with you black women.
Yeah, be together for the next 50 yrs while i run these streets. Smh that is why women file for divorces more than men do.
can’t file for divorce if we won’t marry you
That’s actually false, the most reported reason given for divorce is money or related to finances and you can look that up, you ladies are very materialistic
I agree with Ryan a woman shouldn't be against a guy taking her on a coffee date for the first date. He doesn't know her. I see nothing wrong with that. But I agree with the host also get to know her first by talking her and getting to know her before you even take on a date. Conversation is always the best way to get to know someone. I did that alot before I got married. It works
Lol the question should be "is she married" dont take marriage advice from a single woman 😅
After my first wife set me up for a beat down at my home and stealing my firearm, I filed the next morning .
Wife two I was experienced enough not to have Yt mans papers.
I just fired her. She made no investment so no property issues.
I’m a 78-year-old lesbian who found this conversation very interesting. I came out in 1958 when I was 13 and, frankly, I never thought marriage was an option for me - even after the marriage equality act was passed. I had for many years thought of marriage as a “petty bourgeois institution.” But somehow I have romanticized it and made it a goal for my last relationship. In hindsight, this may have been the cause of the relationship’s ultimate demise. My partner had already been married for 25 years and was not interested in repeating that process.
Although it’s clear that this program is designed for heterosexuals I will keep listening. Discussion is good. So is an alignment of realistic expectations.
Appreciate you opening up and sharing your truth....interesting
Great job mens 💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Ty thanks for acknowledging that men have an opportunity to do better. Appreciate your transparency and honesty. And thanks for sharing your one piece of advice for women. Spot on!
I do I did and I have. Like my wife we're both caribbean british. We've been happily married for over 15 years. The mortgage is paid off and we go annual holidays. We're still in love with each other. I guess people of caribbean heritage are very different to African americans and especially ghetto hood people.
The men know that it is cheaper to keep her than to file for divorce that's why they don't initiate the paperwork. The woman's motivation to get divorced is to get the money "I will fix him attitude". You really want to find out if men will file for divorce Guarantee that their money won't be affected. I believe that most men will not file because they want the woman they have chosen. They just want their women to act right.
The host isn't having a discussion, she's having a meeting, telling us what's what abs any time the brothas say something about why we dint want marriage she moved the goal post and deflects
She’s learning and will get better. She is the same way on social media.
She listening to answer back not listening to have awesome dialogue.mam women got a long way to go
@@OrwinSmithSr She will never learn. I am willing to bet money on that.
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She asked the same questions I had in mind . So on point
Profound talk!❤
Ryan...Chillwsex for self improvement!!!❤️🔥🔥
Ty - If they don't accept your purpose for abstinence, they're not for you!!!🔥
Great show‼️
Aint going on a coffee shop as a first date. We can just sit at the bar . I want to see his effort .
There's a difference between the nature of men and women. Men have a tendency to get comfortable and complacent in relationships because they think nothing will change. But that's just not true. It's not pretty, but divorce can never be taken off the table.
If they can't afford a date, can they afford a quality partner?
Nubian Women need to watch & observe these guys because they'll have you on their journey towards their objective, then discard using infidelity as a get out clause & THEN deliver their successful selves to others, including marriage TO OTHERS.
This discussion really wasn't right & accurate. When he spoke about aggressive women, knowing that they are stereotyping black women. I personally don't fit the stereotype of aggressive, loudmouthed, scantily dressed etc . Black men need to take accountability for being very promiscuous men & really not wanting marriage regardless of age and have serious narcissistic characteristics.
The presenter seemed controlled, obviously wanting these guys back.
Black men seem to have no problem with other types of successful women...black women? No 👎
adult woman have a life of her own no time for husband so a partnership is started
Correction to my earlier typing eror:
Black women have married but few if any have ever honored their marriage vows.
What’s with the constant reference to “taking instruction”, are you a teacher? I feel like taking advice or recommendation is more appropriate when referring to an adult on an equal level with you.
So you understand exactly what is being said but let your feelings for a word have you pay attention to the message?
@@alfredhayes6153who said I wasn’t paying attention to the message? What are you even talking about.
in the good old days woman got married before 12 woman didn't go to school work church she focused on her husband only
Unfortunately, $150k does nothing in the DMV area.😢
Nothing at all
outside of onlyfans, stripping and hooking, do YOU make 150k?
😂😂150k definitely does something
Yeah if you're single and no kids it definitely does something @kevikev214
True dat!
so marriage has turned into a partnership like 2 men
Facts or the man is the wife
😂😂😂
This woman want you to go all in on the first date. She’s tripping,you can talk and try to learn one another over coffee. You can’t hide behind nothing with that, both of you are exposed and have the opportunity to really talk. Work your way up sweetheart work your way up. Listening to her women are going to die alone.
This was great
Hm. Why is the host doesn’t let them even finish answering the questions.
I don’t know if this advice but what I ask a black woman who’s successfully is what are you willing to sacrifice to be in a relationship with a man?
You will have to give up something to be in a relationship and very few people want give up anything.
I dint think you can talk to most women and they understand what men are talking about. They lack heavily in the accountability department
These women damn sure lack accountability today is right
Because they scared they will loose money they dont have lol
These guys misunderstand what marriage is
Here's what they are not saying, the "Monetary" windfall that most "Women" stand to gain in a "Divorce"! The "Woman" on the podcast is giving her two cents on some of the nuances on why "Women" file for "Divorce" as she's issuing "Outlier" reasons and not the standard reason why most "Women" file for "Divorce" as most "Women" are acutely aware of what they stand to gain in a "Divorce" that's the main reason why "Women" are the first to initiate "Divorces" as I think the "Men" on the podcast are trying to hard to remain "Politically Correct" and stay away from "Confrontations"!
The higher the expectation, the lower the serenity....What are the standards of Pookie, Ray Ray, and Pee Wee ? Vetting takes time and patience...
dont like coffee. go get a milkshake then. Dam! I don't want to talk on the phone I want to feel your vibe in person. she is missing the point. its not about coffee.
Not my problem, never falling in that government trap!
marriage lasted 90 years because she was a virgin girl under 12 and had 27 children
❤🔥🔥🔥👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Need to take time to take care of me.
First off, you can't really know someone over phone calls & text, no matter how much you communicate. Secondly, let's be realistic, women don't know how men feel when it comes to sex. If women injected 30% of the testosterone men have, they would always be uncomfortably horny all the time. Women in the past understood this and worked with a man even if he cheated. If wives are willing to have sex with their husbands 10 to 15 times in a month, cheating would almost be non-existent.
The lady hosting she needs to cover her chest, very inappropriate.
This feels rushed. Transition between questions is fast.
Super....I agree. A frantic feel to it
Like everytime she responds with "umm hmmm" I feel frantic
What is LOC ? In nursing it means Lack of consciousness 😅
This masculine host asks the men questions just to tell them what they should do or be from a woman's point of view, pointless interview
But why can't she express her opinion? You don't have to agree.....just listen and think. She's masculine because she's assertive?
@@ronalddowdell9231 she is masculine. she has nothing to assert
First of all, both the man and woman need to have their own personal relationship with God. Then, seek the Lord to work on them first. While God is working on them individually, when the time is right, God can put that man and woman together in a relationship leading to marriage. However, God has to be first at the center. Which, it seems as if this is the problem because both the man and woman are not seeking God first. Ladies, put God first, and let God put you with the right man who is right for you. Men, put God first, and let God put you with the right woman who is right for you. My husband and I put God first, and allowed God to work on us both individually before we got married. Now that we are married we still put God first and have God guiding, directing, and helping us. We pray together and value and respect each other. We even give each other space even during arguments and disagreements. We know how to let each be the husband and wife that God Purposed us to be. I let my husband lead because he seeks the Lord first, and I am his helpmate, and we work as a team, along with us having each other's back.
So this is a "program " for the top 1%? Then you aren't addressing the thoughts snd needs of the .ajority. So
...
Where is Kevin Samuels when you need him?
The solution to the divorce problem in regard to the Christian blk comm in particular; is understanding that the Hierarchy is: God, Jesus, Husband, Wife, Children (in that order). That's how we report "up". God didn't ordain "partnerships", 50/50, happiness etc. He ordained duty and all of the fruitful things that come with that are a byproduct of that understanding. Anything outside of that understanding will not work at all. You can't have successful marriages and not know your place in the system of marriage. Divorce was ordained for the most egregious of treatment, not for irreconcilable differences. Purposeful Men of today all over the country are just a bit more reluctant to commit to women who were not raised in a nuclear environment.
😂😂😂😂
@@DIAMONDGIRL57 Welcome to this teaching. Glad to have you.
That's easy they don't want accountability
Truth
You marry mostly to have children.
Back in the day, men and women started out with "talking" on the telephone to get to know one another. Then, they would decide to go steady b or not. Part of the problem is most men are not used to having a female having agency and control over her own life than in the past generations. This seems to have created a dynamic where men can't exert the the former power dynamic that they are used to in relationships. Also, the current culture has mostly adopted a microwave fast paced lifestyle where they don't understand the importance and impact of waiting. Men don't like to be accountable nor transparent...a lot.
Wrong. Men don't care about how much money a woman makes-never have never will because we know she's still going to expect her man to handle the lion's share of expenses. Women are the problem and here's just one example -The divorce rates between gay men is around 30% while the divorce rate for two lesbian women is 70%. Even when you remove men from the equation women are still filing for divorce at an extremely high rate. It's because of accountability that men have continued to evolve and improve, still out-earn the majority of women, and have been far more careful with protecting themselves from STDs and unwanted children. With all of this newly-acquired agency and control over their own lives, women haven't protected their image or kept their body counts down to the same degree as the majority of men. Most of the women with agency and free will have wasted their power on trying to live the way they think men live by being in the streets and being promiscuous-the majority of women move that way but the majority of men DO NOT. Men don't want to control women-men want women to control themselves.
but in oneness the woman has no life no mind no way to be independent so she puts more energy time into her husband
That analogy was the stupidest
This host was so azz she damn masculine
Why are we so quick to criticize and tear down black women because they're assertive and confident?
She's not assertive, she's ducking, deflecting& scapegoating... n yes a bit demanding n masculine
She is masculine, but she is also good interviewer.
No, I'm an older black man who grew up with both parents. A woman can be assertive and still be a lady. My mother was a southern belle, but you didn't cross her. You young brothas are scared of any woman you can't control.
I just want a hareem of wet wet box
make sure to get some non-diseased box
@@janushomer9111 of course they don't leave the hareem
@@genovasquez8361 they don't have to leave, to find to side-diseased-D
@@janushomer9111 you know what I mean any way all men cheat on their women no men are faithful..y'all just don't know how many women are secretly sleeping with your men