As someone from Hawaii, thank you for mentioning Queen Emma! And for touching upon the close relationship between the English and Hawai'ian monarchies in general! Just a quick fun fact, in 1887 then Princess Lili'uokalani represented the Kingdom at Queen Victoria's Golden Jubilee and was depicted in the official sketch of the celebration seated only four seats away from Victoria herself, which portrayed the closeness of their relationship diplomatically and personally.
@@josephinemiller68 Just a quick clarification, Emma was her given name. ☺At this time in Hawaiian history, the aliʻi (chiefs) were usually wearing European attire in public outings/appearances. When they would wear holokū (Hawaiian dress) they would usually do so at home, or in the company of close friends in private gatherings. Not to said they didnʻt wear holokū in public, just not at these types of affairs. At the time of her meeting Queen Victoria she would still be dressed in mourning for her husband and son, very akin to what Victoria would have been wearing. As this video mentioned (itʻs been some time plz forgive me 😅) the fact that she was wearing her "widowʻs weeds" endeared her to Victoria who saw herself in Queen Emma and empathized with her grief. This meeting cemented their life long friendship. 🥰
I wish we still had a societally-accepted mourning period. Obviously, one can wear black if they desire but society does not understand it to be part of mourning anymore since it is worn as everyday wear these days. I think it would help people process their grief better and signal society to be kind and gentle with these types of people who are grieving. When my best friend died, I mourned for the better part of a year but no one around me knew or remembered. Somehow this hurt because I was expected to go along as normal as if my entire world had not completely collapsed around me...
Grief is usually associated now I think with social isolation, substance abuse, and letting you and your living quarters to get messy. Same as with depression. We look for decay and deterioration when we want to see if someone’s grieving, especially since it’s hard to tell people that you’re grieving or depressed, especially with the taboo about being too emotional. Sunglasses are an eccesory that may be worn though, to cover eyes reddened from crying.
Deep mourning dress was practiced by my great-grandmother, grandmother, and great-aunt well into the 1970s in the US south. Wearing deep, matte black daily with a lace collar was something I witnessed as a toddler as these elder family members aged. Some of these traditions carried on well into the modern era.
In rural towns in Portugal, of Catholic faith, matte black or dark grey clothing after becoming a widow is still the norm. An apron of a sombre colour (not forcibly black, but not very colourful) may be used when cooking or working outside. It's not well accepted to ever stop using mourning clothing. There's some tolerance if the widow was young when she lost her husband. But older women will frequently become widows and use mourning clothes the rest of their lives.
As someone that has been through the grief that the loss of a close loved one brings (as many others have) I actually think being able to wear something that said to the world , I am mourning, I am feeling sad and delicate and am not over it yet would be nice. Too many people expect you to be back to normal 2 weeks afterward and it would scare away those that expected you to act as if nothing had happened. Some outward way to mark inner grief would be nice in todays society.
@@TheCoutureCourtesan I’m trying to outline a story idea I have, and while some personal character circumstances might not be historically accurate, I wanted everything else to be, especially how a young mid-Victorian woman would express her mourning. This helped sooo, so much!
When my daughter died, I REALLY wished we still wore mourning and veils. It would have made external the losses with which I was struggling to adapt. And veils would have been fabulous when a grief wave 'hit' in Church or Walmart. We give up too much tradition sometimes, not understand there was a reason for the rituals.
I’m sure you could have found a veil if you REALLY wanted one? No need to stick to current traditions, especially since mourning and grief are such a personal thing.
It is unfortunate that our culture now does not continue some of these practices... not exactly, but in a modern way. Without these types of rituals, or even intentions of new rituals, grief is not fully processed...
Whoops, accidentally it “post”! Just wanted to add I am grieving the 2nd major loss in my life and as I am stuck at home I feel I have been “stuck” with processing grief because I need to reinvent how I express it... what I did during my first loss I cannot do today.....lots to untangle in the time of Covid. Probably should just go back to wearing black. Thanks for this video!!
So agree...I wish we still had some "mourning practices" that expressed itself through clothing. After I lost my sweet Mom, back in the Spring of 2017, I felt like an emotional "walking wounded"💔. I had the deep urge to tell any & everyone I had just lost my beloved Mom (and best friend😔). But nowadays there is no one that notices that you are mourning a close Family member. When my 88 year old Dad, also passed away, in the Spring of 2019, I felt like wearing a sign saying: "Please treat me gently - I have now lost all the and only Family I ever had"😢. Would have "loved" to go in full-mourning. Just like my Grandfather & Grandmother (born in 1874 & 1889) would have done, when they lost a close Family member.
Dear @@kathryncoelho2249, so sorry for you loss. I hope you will find a creative & healthy way, to grieve your great loss. Once we emerge from this Pandemic and Worldwide "lockdown". I've "attended" 4 Online Funerals, of the Parents of very close friends of mine. Where only 30, or even only 15, people were allowed to attend in person (with very strict social distancing rules in place 😷 & no touching). I know my 4 friends struggled with the fact that they weren't able to organise a very public farewell for their Loved Ones. Under the strict Covid-19 Lockdown rules that were still in place, here in The Netherlands 🇳🇱. I remember 😭 crying: when I saw newsfootage of "funerals", in Italy🇮🇹 & America🇺🇸. Where there was NO family Funeral Service at all😔....only a closed & sealed coffin. That no one was allowed to touch or accompany to a graveside. Truly 💔😢.
Death rituals vary a lot from region to region. Where I live death is still a big deal, sometimes too much so. When my mother-in-law passed away my wife was overwhelmed by the amount of work she had to put into the funeral. People came from all over. She had to find places for everyone to stay, make sure they were fed and even had to provide entertainment. She was never alone and barely had time to sleep because of all the visitors wanting to see her. By the time the funeral was over and everyone went home she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She has said that she felt like she was on stage and everyone she ever met came to watch. That is a traditional funeral where I'm from. Honestly, it's just too much.
Thank you for a very thought provoking presentation on mourning. I found it very interesting that the origins of the widow's veil were in allowing private grief, especially since when my husband passed away unexpectedly I was given a black veil for the funeral Mass, which I wore. It did make it much easier to grieve without sharing my face with everyone - it gave me privacy and I appreciated that. It seems unfortunate that it became more of a matter of custom and tradition than genuine grief for too many people. Also, I think that in the 19th Century our society as a whole had a much better way of dealing with the death of loved ones - today we do our best to deny any grief and "get over it" as soon as possible rather than allowing people to truly grieve. There should be some place between the two extremes. Thank you also for your comments around not devaluing the genuine grief of those wearing mourning in the 19th Century by reducing it to "costume"
I am very interested in how Jewish custom compares and contrasts to Victorian mourning dress! There are the times away from society, the degree of which relating to your relation to the deceased, and the change in clothing, although that is usually a torn piece of clothing. I'm sure Victorian Jews also observed the traditions of those around them, as well, which is fascinating to think about! Thank you for this interesting and in-depth look at a much mythologized part of history!
LOVE the time and research you put into this! Obviously not Victorian, but I have a photo of my great-great grandmother in her mourning ensemble around 1910 -- matte black skirt, black blouse, black turban/bonnet (I can't tell), and black veil. She wore mourning dress from her husband's death in the 1890s until she also passed away. Feelings really did take precedence over form for some.
Thank you for this wonderful video! It's wonderful to have all the mourning practices in one area, as they are heavily spread out all over the internet which makes some of the finer details you mention easy to forget if they aren't all in one solid resource like this video. Much appreciated 😊
I came here at the speed of 'me-clicking-the-like-button-before-even-one second-of-footage-plays-out' Thank you so much for this video! It's clear you put in a lot of effort in making it and I love it!
I read "Gone with the Wind" when I was 13 and it forever changed how I saw things in so many ways. One of the biggest things that really stuck with me was the mourning rituals and the rules for clothing. It ended up being really helpful for coping with some deaths of people I was especially close to, like my grandparents. I felt like I was honoring them by wearing black, plain shoes, no jewelry, no-nonsense hair, etc. Not quite as dramatic as in "Gone with the Wind" but it was cathartic for me. I really appreciated this video and in the new insights you gave me into this whole topic! Thank you so much and also thank you for your sensitivity at the end about people being in mourning. It was all very beautiful and thoughtful :)
When I was a Civil war reenactor (many years ago), I did a mourning impression. I took it seriously and respectfully. I wish the other reenactors and spectators did. It was thought by some to by sexy or funny. When my Father died, I did mourning in his honor while reenacting. I soon stopped, as others wouldn't taken it seriously, even when I explained why I was wearing it. "Why are you wearing black?" "My Father died." "Yeah, but still..." And this was a friend of mine. Another time a group of young male reenactors accosted me. One put his arm around my waist, saying to his friends. "I got me a widow woman!".
Enjoyed this video a lot, even though I personally dislike wearing mourning (I’m part of the Chinese diaspora so it is still obligatory) as I do not prefer external expressions of grief. Loved the in-depth analysis!
Mourning is both personal and communal. We should respect one another in choices of mourning rituals. Thank you for respectfully imparting your research on this subject. I found it informative, in proper taste, and most encouraging to hear your charge to historical costume wearers to have proper reverence.
Thank you for this video! I don't know a lot about the Victorian era, nor the fashions of the period, so this was a really interesting and informative video. Also, I loved the cutaways to you wearing Victorian garb while you were reading contemporary quotes, I thought that was a great touch! 💖
Such a good video! Very informative! It might be my gothic heart, but I love the mourning fashion. It's quite a statement. Interesting to hear the hardship behind the fashion (staining, cost, social arrogance concerning the "right" fabric). In Germany we had beautiful handmade grave decor pieces called Perlkranz (wreath of pearls). From 1870 up to the 1950s they were common decor. Later redeemed kitsch, there is now a small museum dedicated to this long lost art.
Could you maybe make a video on extra collar, Undersleeves or chemisettes. How to fasten them to the dress and how to wear. I always see them in magazines but never seen a graphic or description how they are attached.
That's a great idea! Short answer for the time being, collars are often basted to the dress. Under sleeves can be basted into the armseye (my preference) but some have drawstrings and elastic to fit around the arm.
I loved this video! It really sheds light on the variation in mourning traditions in the US and UK in this period. I had a really cathartic experience with wearing mourning black for a month earlier this year. A father figure I worked with passed away suddenly (BLEEP cancer), and at work, we were allowed *one hour* to close the door and morn my coworker (who had worked there for almost as long as I have been alive) and then it was back to "normal" and greeting customers with a (very) fake smile. I'm not sure if any of my coworkers noticed (I wear a lot of black but normally with pops of color), but for me it turned into a way of crying via clothing. Since my face wasn't allowed to look anything other than blandly happy during my work day, it helped to have that alternate way to express myself. It also really helped with decision fatigue since all my black clothing matched. I normally LOVE color, but for most of the month I was...numb and really didn't miss it. I could tell I was starting to recover several weeks in when I started counting down the final days before I could wear color again. Having that something to look forward to helped, too.
watching this something came back to me from the early eighties when my grandmother dies, my mom and I went to a shop especially for mourning clothing , which meant as far as I can remember all grey and black garments, to go to the funeral. At that time, when most funerals took place in a catholic church it was only appropriate for the family to wear black or grey at the funeral (not after anymore); This was in 1980 in Flanders, Belgium
I can't help but flash on the iconic scene from "Gone With The Wind"......where, Scarlett hits the dance floor with Brett Butler -- dressed in full mourning! The details you provide really add depth of understanding as to how shocking this scene was.
We are so far away from death and grieving in our society that I really feel as though grief is yet another thing we are currently 'not allowed' to feel or express. Allowing ourselves to fully feel the weight and force of grief is so important for our own healing. People are entirely entitled to their privacy and no-one can teach or tell us the 'best' way to grieve, but I really feel that those of us who need to can't chose to express their mourning.
Thank you for the time and effort you put into researching and presenting this topic. And, thank you, especially, for reminding all of us that mourning attire isn't a costume to be donned lightly. Kudos to you!
Thank you for mentioning people of color, and including them in your example pictures. I would love to learn more about how customs differed (or not) among communities of color.
Love, love, LOVE this video! Thank you for this dive with so much details and nuance in this borad topic. I just love the excerpts of you reading in semi-mourning attire, it's so immersive, like a direct conversation with the past. Thanks again and take care.
I love how your videos are basically essays, complete with sources and quotes. You present it in a very calm, informative way that is really nice to listen to. Other unrelated things I love: your beautiful backdrop (and the arrows in the corner!); the on-point song lyric quote; and you reading the citations in full historical outfit. Beautiful!
That was both very interesting and well presented - very well done! It's not something, I ever thought to look into, but it gives so much insight into both the fashion and general customs of the time.
Beautifully presented. I vaguely remember a photograph of my 5x removed(?) great grandmother in mourning clothes and she looked exquisite as much as she looked sad with loss.
This video is SO interesting and of SUCH high quality!! I love to see videos essays that show such fabulous research and expertise! Keep it up, please!! 👏
I truly appreciate not only the content of your video (which is of superior quality) but also the respectful tone you use. Regarding the usage of dies, that explains then also why some orders of nuns in the Caribbean islands were issued a lighter color habit. They were said to become sick and that the “dark colors” were to blame. I always assumed it was because they would overheat in the sunny weather under layers upon layers of dark clothing but your explanation makes far more sense. Thank you for the wonderful content!!
Thank you for this!! I love hearing the history behind the “thing” !! Very informative, very interesting to hear the reasoning behind why something was worn and made. Could you imagine tho, being literally poisoned by your clothing?!?! Crazy 😝
Thank you! I think it's so important to remember, because those clothes really mean something. Even though we don't wear them today, it feels like it would be a slap in the face to anyone experiencing loss to make light of it.
Thank you so very much for this information. I never knew the extent and expectation of mourning dress or that there were stages. I very much appreciate your presentation on this subject and your sensitivity to it as well. Again, thank you!
Nice video and amazing dresses. I particularly liked the parts with you in period clothing reading those quotes. I'd love to learn more about both outfits you were wearing as well.
What a wonderful journey into the particulars of those wacky Victorians, an age of empire, repression and poetry. Thank you for the deep dive that respected the various periods we lump together as “Victorian”.
It’s wonderful to see someone doing it right. My wife has studied the mourning custom for years and has quite an exquisite collection that she shows off at a Southern plantation every October. She has dresses, hats, pictures, jewelry, etc.
I am hoping to do that some day! There isn't as much information out there because it wasn't as common as it was later in the 19th century, but it still was worn. Jane Austen mentions mourning clothing a couple times in her letters.
Thank you, I am looking forward to it! I agree the mourning customs were not written about as commonly they were in the Victorian period, but there were some fashion plates from 1795-1820 of mourning and half mourning attire. I am using those as inspiration to create an outfit for an 1800-1810 event.
I think it was (in some ways) a better ritual over death. In modern times, people host a funeral and sometimes a memorial. After that people are supposed to go back to normal and not remind people of the loss. I think it would be much more helpful, for some, to be able to express their pain in an extended and obvious way. The pain lasts so why doesn't the ritual.
The habit of showing your grief to the world and thus quietly asking for respect went on through the 20th century although in a more discreet manner. When my maternal grandfather died in 1956 my mother (b 1902) wore a black arm band for year. She also wore a black veil on her hat. Not large, but short, skimming her hair and forehead. Any recently deceased relative caused relatives to wear a black arm band. I remember this up until the mid 1960-ies.
Thanks for post this very informative video on mourning clothing. I remember a very close friend of our family though he was more like family to us told me that when he was a young man he remembered very well people wearing black when there was a death in their family especially when it was in their immediate family......
This is such an interesting topic and I loved watching this video. My only question would come about what men would wear in morning. I don't know if it was expected for men to morn the same way but I would find it interesting to hear about those specifics and protocols too. Anyway, the video was so informative and packed with information that I am going to watch it again. Thanks for the time and effort put it. So much fun to watch.
In Jane Eyre, the coachman of Gateshead Hall wore a (presumably black) crepe band around his hat for mourning when the young man of the house died. The actual time period of the book is debatable, though. It was written in the 1840s, so most movies set it in the 1830s (near the end, the writer notes that ten years have passed since the events in the novel), but a reference within to a recently published book (Marmion, which the author, born in the 1810s, grew up reading, and would know when it was published) would set the main portion of the book between around 1808-1810. Unnecessary infodump over.
Got off a 13 hour flight and this was my 1st alert. Could not be happier. Edit: this video was amazing! The depth you went into in regards to materials, customs, and, most fascinatingly to me, how burdensome the pressure to mourn "properly" could be on people was fascinating! Makes me wish I had stayed on the funerary archaeology track back at University.
Thank you so much for this. I learned so much. Is it true that Half/Demi Mourning Clothes were shown to be what they were by it being a Light Lavender? I’m very much into Royal History & remember HRH Princess Mary, The Princess Royal & HM Queen Elizabeth II’s Aunt, saying in a letter to a close Family Friend of how much she was looking forward to changing to Light Lavender after having worn Black so long for her Mother, HM Queen Mary. So I’ve always been curious about that. Thank you again for all the hard work you do to do these Videos for us & really looking forward to the next one on the Queen Anne Boleyn Dress Reconstruction. Anne has always been someone I’ve been fascinated by since I was a little girl & someone I also greatly admire as well. She was a very brave Lady, but especially on that horrific day we just marked the Anniversary of last month. Once again, Thank You so much!! Take Care & Stay Safe!! 😊😷
This is one of those historical phenomena I am so of two minds about. Extreme codification and social enforcement especially regarding socializing just doesn’t seem particularly healthy (sometimes we need to process by ourselves, others any distraction is welcome to jus think about something else for 10 minutes). That said, a way to signal ‘ I am going through something awful, please show me a bit of the kindness you’d want’ without having to speaking could definitely be a relief. I think most of us have been told by a well meaning stranger at some time or another ‘smile, it can’t be that bad!’ Sometimes it is.
This was really good- I am curious if what I read in a novel was accurate (I can’t recall the title for now, though)- it described the levels of mourning required for an aristocratic/ very well-to-do woman’s loss with a fair bit of detail - mourning for immediate relatives could be up to three years, & Russian nobles (she was a Russian who’d married an Englishman as a second husband) had an additional fourth year...
@@TheCoutureCourtesan You are very welcome. I admire your work. I am in the midst of transplanting maybe 100 volunteer plants. (Busy, focused... got 2 hours until sundown, I think)
I got them done, 150, or so, actually. Plus some various domestic chores, including a long-needed mending/appliqué. Still doing chores, watched your video somewhat distracted. Nonetheless, I appreciate all the research, cinematography & hard work you put into your presentation. Thank you for such a succinct, informative and respectful video.
I think this touches on one of the most misunderstood points about fashion from c.1500-1900. People wore a lot of black and white not to look sombre, but because black wool and silk and white linen were two of the most expensive colours to achieve. By the same token mourning clothes weren't so much about looking as _sombre_ as possible as about looking _formal_ as possible
When I was 13 I saw a beautiful dress in a store window as I walked down the street with my grandmother. It was lavender. My grandmother told me she hated lavender and wouldn't own anything with lavender in it. When I asked her why, she went into an explanation of mourning dress, and during her childhood, she was forced to wear lavender for over a year on several occasions.
I dress between 1890-1912 only therefore if someone passes in my family I follow these mourning practices as closely as I can. I'm planning to get some dead black fabric to make a gown for the inevitable and so I'd have proper attire
My great-aunt's godmother wore full mourning clothes well into the mid 20th century. I never met her, nor saw any pictures, but my great-aunt passed to me her jet brooch and black lace collar as family heirlooms. I keep these preciously along a few other clothing items and pictures from this side of the family. I find 19th century mourning customs very interesting with how openly death was part of life, especaially compared with how death and mourning are almost taboos in modern, western society.
This was *SO GOOD*! 😭😭
As someone from Hawaii, thank you for mentioning Queen Emma! And for touching upon the close relationship between the English and Hawai'ian monarchies in general! Just a quick fun fact, in 1887 then Princess Lili'uokalani represented the Kingdom at Queen Victoria's Golden Jubilee and was depicted in the official sketch of the celebration seated only four seats away from Victoria herself, which portrayed the closeness of their relationship diplomatically and personally.
Did Queen Emma wear her traditional Hawaiian dress or did she adopt English attire like the name Emma?
@@josephinemiller68 Just a quick clarification, Emma was her given name. ☺At this time in Hawaiian history, the aliʻi (chiefs) were usually wearing European attire in public outings/appearances. When they would wear holokū (Hawaiian dress) they would usually do so at home, or in the company of close friends in private gatherings. Not to said they didnʻt wear holokū in public, just not at these types of affairs. At the time of her meeting Queen Victoria she would still be dressed in mourning for her husband and son, very akin to what Victoria would have been wearing. As this video mentioned (itʻs been some time plz forgive me 😅) the fact that she was wearing her "widowʻs weeds" endeared her to Victoria who saw herself in Queen Emma and empathized with her grief. This meeting cemented their life long friendship. 🥰
Thank you for calling out how this style should be respectfully worn. Grief is not merely the servant of an aesthetic.
Very well put!
I could not have said it better.
I wish we still had a societally-accepted mourning period. Obviously, one can wear black if they desire but society does not understand it to be part of mourning anymore since it is worn as everyday wear these days. I think it would help people process their grief better and signal society to be kind and gentle with these types of people who are grieving. When my best friend died, I mourned for the better part of a year but no one around me knew or remembered. Somehow this hurt because I was expected to go along as normal as if my entire world had not completely collapsed around me...
Grief is usually associated now I think with social isolation, substance abuse, and letting you and your living quarters to get messy. Same as with depression. We look for decay and deterioration when we want to see if someone’s grieving, especially since it’s hard to tell people that you’re grieving or depressed, especially with the taboo about being too emotional. Sunglasses are an eccesory that may be worn though, to cover eyes reddened from crying.
Deep mourning dress was practiced by my great-grandmother, grandmother, and great-aunt well into the 1970s in the US south. Wearing deep, matte black daily with a lace collar was something I witnessed as a toddler as these elder family members aged. Some of these traditions carried on well into the modern era.
In rural towns in Portugal, of Catholic faith, matte black or dark grey clothing after becoming a widow is still the norm. An apron of a sombre colour (not forcibly black, but not very colourful) may be used when cooking or working outside. It's not well accepted to ever stop using mourning clothing. There's some tolerance if the widow was young when she lost her husband. But older women will frequently become widows and use mourning clothes the rest of their lives.
Also, as an ugly crier, there have been many times I've wished I could do my groceries with a veil on haha
You could
I burst out laughing when you read the description of Bostonian mourning practices xD even in the 1870s, us Bostonians do whatever we feel like.
As someone that has been through the grief that the loss of a close loved one brings (as many others have) I actually think being able to wear something that said to the world , I am mourning, I am feeling sad and delicate and am not over it yet would be nice. Too many people expect you to be back to normal 2 weeks afterward and it would scare away those that expected you to act as if nothing had happened. Some outward way to mark inner grief would be nice in todays society.
It’s like you knew I’ve been searching for an in-depth explanation of *specifically* mid-Victorian mourning fashions and traditions
Glad I could be of service!
@@TheCoutureCourtesan I’m trying to outline a story idea I have, and while some personal character circumstances might not be historically accurate, I wanted everything else to be, especially how a young mid-Victorian woman would express her mourning. This helped sooo, so much!
When my daughter died, I REALLY wished we still wore mourning and veils. It would have made external the losses with which I was struggling to adapt. And veils would have been fabulous when a grief wave 'hit' in Church or Walmart. We give up too much tradition sometimes, not understand there was a reason for the rituals.
I’m sure you could have found a veil if you REALLY wanted one? No need to stick to current traditions, especially since mourning and grief are such a personal thing.
It is unfortunate that our culture now does not continue some of these practices... not exactly, but in a modern way. Without these types of rituals, or even intentions of new rituals, grief is not fully processed...
Whoops, accidentally it “post”! Just wanted to add I am grieving the 2nd major loss in my life and as I am stuck at home I feel I have been “stuck” with processing grief because I need to reinvent how I express it... what I did during my first loss I cannot do today.....lots to untangle in the time of Covid. Probably should just go back to wearing black. Thanks for this video!!
So agree...I wish we still had some "mourning practices" that expressed itself through clothing. After I lost my sweet Mom, back in the Spring of 2017, I felt like an emotional "walking wounded"💔. I had the deep urge to tell any & everyone I had just lost my beloved Mom (and best friend😔). But nowadays there is no one that notices that you are mourning a close Family member. When my 88 year old Dad, also passed away, in the Spring of 2019, I felt like wearing a sign saying: "Please treat me gently - I have now lost all the and only Family I ever had"😢. Would have "loved" to go in full-mourning. Just like my Grandfather & Grandmother (born in 1874 & 1889) would have done, when they lost a close Family member.
Dear @@kathryncoelho2249, so sorry for you loss. I hope you will find a creative & healthy way, to grieve your great loss. Once we emerge from this Pandemic and Worldwide "lockdown".
I've "attended" 4 Online Funerals, of the Parents of very close friends of mine. Where only 30, or even only 15, people were allowed to attend in person (with very strict social distancing rules in place 😷 & no touching). I know my 4 friends struggled with the fact that they weren't able to organise a very public farewell for their Loved Ones. Under the strict Covid-19 Lockdown rules that were still in place, here in The Netherlands 🇳🇱. I remember 😭 crying: when I saw newsfootage of "funerals", in Italy🇮🇹 & America🇺🇸. Where there was NO family Funeral Service at all😔....only a closed & sealed coffin. That no one was allowed to touch or accompany to a graveside. Truly 💔😢.
Death rituals vary a lot from region to region. Where I live death is still a big deal, sometimes too much so. When my mother-in-law passed away my wife was overwhelmed by the amount of work she had to put into the funeral. People came from all over. She had to find places for everyone to stay, make sure they were fed and even had to provide entertainment. She was never alone and barely had time to sleep because of all the visitors wanting to see her. By the time the funeral was over and everyone went home she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She has said that she felt like she was on stage and everyone she ever met came to watch. That is a traditional funeral where I'm from. Honestly, it's just too much.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 My heart hurts for her. That would be a lot to do for a happy occasion, let alone while grieving.
Thank you for a very thought provoking presentation on mourning. I found it very interesting that the origins of the widow's veil were in allowing private grief, especially since when my husband passed away unexpectedly I was given a black veil for the funeral Mass, which I wore. It did make it much easier to grieve without sharing my face with everyone - it gave me privacy and I appreciated that. It seems unfortunate that it became more of a matter of custom and tradition than genuine grief for too many people. Also, I think that in the 19th Century our society as a whole had a much better way of dealing with the death of loved ones - today we do our best to deny any grief and "get over it" as soon as possible rather than allowing people to truly grieve. There should be some place between the two extremes. Thank you also for your comments around not devaluing the genuine grief of those wearing mourning in the 19th Century by reducing it to "costume"
What a fascinating & well put together study of culture & costume. I love how you call for reenactors to wear the clothing with respect & reverence.
Thank you!
I am very interested in how Jewish custom compares and contrasts to Victorian mourning dress! There are the times away from society, the degree of which relating to your relation to the deceased, and the change in clothing, although that is usually a torn piece of clothing. I'm sure Victorian Jews also observed the traditions of those around them, as well, which is fascinating to think about! Thank you for this interesting and in-depth look at a much mythologized part of history!
LOVE the time and research you put into this! Obviously not Victorian, but I have a photo of my great-great grandmother in her mourning ensemble around 1910 -- matte black skirt, black blouse, black turban/bonnet (I can't tell), and black veil. She wore mourning dress from her husband's death in the 1890s until she also passed away. Feelings really did take precedence over form for some.
How special that you have that photo!
Thank you for this wonderful video! It's wonderful to have all the mourning practices in one area, as they are heavily spread out all over the internet which makes some of the finer details you mention easy to forget if they aren't all in one solid resource like this video. Much appreciated 😊
THIS VIDEO Contain lot of mistakes
I came here at the speed of 'me-clicking-the-like-button-before-even-one second-of-footage-plays-out'
Thank you so much for this video! It's clear you put in a lot of effort in making it and I love it!
Thank you so much!
As a new widow you did a wonderful job of making it real. The loss is huge and the clothes are stunning. The clothes also show the pain in the loss.
I read "Gone with the Wind" when I was 13 and it forever changed how I saw things in so many ways. One of the biggest things that really stuck with me was the mourning rituals and the rules for clothing. It ended up being really helpful for coping with some deaths of people I was especially close to, like my grandparents. I felt like I was honoring them by wearing black, plain shoes, no jewelry, no-nonsense hair, etc. Not quite as dramatic as in "Gone with the Wind" but it was cathartic for me.
I really appreciated this video and in the new insights you gave me into this whole topic! Thank you so much and also thank you for your sensitivity at the end about people being in mourning. It was all very beautiful and thoughtful :)
When I was a Civil war reenactor (many years ago), I did a mourning impression. I took it seriously and respectfully. I wish the other reenactors and spectators did. It was thought by some to by sexy or funny. When my Father died, I did mourning in his honor while reenacting. I soon stopped, as others wouldn't taken it seriously, even when I explained why I was wearing it. "Why are you wearing black?" "My Father died." "Yeah, but still..." And this was a friend of mine. Another time a group of young male reenactors accosted me. One put his arm around my waist, saying to his friends. "I got me a widow woman!".
That is very disheartening. We attempt to educate the public, but still.
We need to take. Morning seriously!! It HURTS!
Truly sorry!
Perhaps they were trying to cheer you? I realize it is not an excuse....
That’s pretty rude. You’d imagine reenactors to be more sensitive and serious than that.
Enjoyed this video a lot, even though I personally dislike wearing mourning (I’m part of the Chinese diaspora so it is still obligatory) as I do not prefer external expressions of grief. Loved the in-depth analysis!
Mourning is both personal and communal. We should respect one another in choices of mourning rituals. Thank you for respectfully imparting your research on this subject. I found it informative, in proper taste, and most encouraging to hear your charge to historical costume wearers to have proper reverence.
Excellently researched and presented, and with great sensitivity too
Thank you for this video! I don't know a lot about the Victorian era, nor the fashions of the period, so this was a really interesting and informative video. Also, I loved the cutaways to you wearing Victorian garb while you were reading contemporary quotes, I thought that was a great touch! 💖
Thank you so much!
Such a good video! Very informative!
It might be my gothic heart, but I love the mourning fashion. It's quite a statement.
Interesting to hear the hardship behind the fashion (staining, cost, social arrogance concerning the "right" fabric).
In Germany we had beautiful handmade grave decor pieces called Perlkranz (wreath of pearls). From 1870 up to the 1950s they were common decor. Later redeemed kitsch, there is now a small museum dedicated to this long lost art.
Could you maybe make a video on extra collar, Undersleeves or chemisettes. How to fasten them to the dress and how to wear. I always see them in magazines but never seen a graphic or description how they are attached.
That's a great idea! Short answer for the time being, collars are often basted to the dress. Under sleeves can be basted into the armseye (my preference) but some have drawstrings and elastic to fit around the arm.
I loved this video! It really sheds light on the variation in mourning traditions in the US and UK in this period. I had a really cathartic experience with wearing mourning black for a month earlier this year. A father figure I worked with passed away suddenly (BLEEP cancer), and at work, we were allowed *one hour* to close the door and morn my coworker (who had worked there for almost as long as I have been alive) and then it was back to "normal" and greeting customers with a (very) fake smile. I'm not sure if any of my coworkers noticed (I wear a lot of black but normally with pops of color), but for me it turned into a way of crying via clothing. Since my face wasn't allowed to look anything other than blandly happy during my work day, it helped to have that alternate way to express myself. It also really helped with decision fatigue since all my black clothing matched. I normally LOVE color, but for most of the month I was...numb and really didn't miss it. I could tell I was starting to recover several weeks in when I started counting down the final days before I could wear color again. Having that something to look forward to helped, too.
I’d love to see a video on the outfit itself. It is very pretty!
watching this something came back to me from the early eighties when my grandmother dies, my mom and I went to a shop especially for mourning clothing , which meant as far as I can remember all grey and black garments, to go to the funeral. At that time, when most funerals took place in a catholic church it was only appropriate for the family to wear black or grey at the funeral (not after anymore); This was in 1980 in Flanders, Belgium
KINDLY NOTE LISA DALBY'S "KIMONO: FASHIONING CULTURE" ON THE UBJECT OF TRADITIONS OF PRE-MEJI PERIOD MOURNING.
Thank you!
I can't help but flash on the iconic scene from "Gone With The Wind"......where, Scarlett hits the dance floor with Brett Butler -- dressed in full mourning! The details you provide really add depth of understanding as to how shocking this scene was.
Excellent "Deep Dive"! Respectful, educational & fascinating!
Thank you!
We are so far away from death and grieving in our society that I really feel as though grief is yet another thing we are currently 'not allowed' to feel or express. Allowing ourselves to fully feel the weight and force of grief is so important for our own healing. People are entirely entitled to their privacy and no-one can teach or tell us the 'best' way to grieve, but I really feel that those of us who need to can't chose to express their mourning.
Thank you for the time and effort you put into researching and presenting this topic. And, thank you, especially, for reminding all of us that mourning attire isn't a costume to be donned lightly. Kudos to you!
Thank you for mentioning people of color, and including them in your example pictures. I would love to learn more about how customs differed (or not) among communities of color.
Vey enlightening. The depth and knowledge of your research is true dedication. Thank you!💜
This has been so thoughtfully put together with a wealth of information. Wonderfully done!
This was such an excellent video. I could tell it was really, really well-researched!
This was super fascinating! Really enjoyed it 😊
Such great info! There was so much that I wasn’t aware of
Amazing video! It's clear you put so much effort and time into researching all the interesting facts that were mentioned in this video!
Thank you for your hard work. Wonder research. Great production.
Love, love, LOVE this video! Thank you for this dive with so much details and nuance in this borad topic. I just love the excerpts of you reading in semi-mourning attire, it's so immersive, like a direct conversation with the past. Thanks again and take care.
This was so amazing-the research, the language, everything! Well done!
I love how your videos are basically essays, complete with sources and quotes. You present it in a very calm, informative way that is really nice to listen to. Other unrelated things I love: your beautiful backdrop (and the arrows in the corner!); the on-point song lyric quote; and you reading the citations in full historical outfit. Beautiful!
What a beautiful & moving video about this fasciniting subject 🖤
this was amazing! Now you've gotten me interested in looking into mourning in my own periods of research
That was both very interesting and well presented - very well done!
It's not something, I ever thought to look into, but it gives so much insight into both the fashion and general customs of the time.
I commend you for the sensitivity and respect shown for this topic. I learned a lot and look forward to your next video.
Really interesting and well presented. I enjoyed this very much, thanks. ☮️
LOVE your well fletched sheaf of arrows.
Also fascinating topic.
Beautifully done with consideration and sincerity! Wonderfully well put together both in the filming and the research.
Beautifully presented. I vaguely remember a photograph of my 5x removed(?) great grandmother in mourning clothes and she looked exquisite as much as she looked sad with loss.
Incredibly interesting and well researched
Very interesting and informative. Thank you.
This is fantastic! Thank you so much!
beautifully stated. I enjoyed presentation very much.
Thank you for this presentation -- it is clear and caring. I appreciate the effort put into your work.
Thank you!
This video is SO interesting and of SUCH high quality!! I love to see videos essays that show such fabulous research and expertise! Keep it up, please!! 👏
Thank you so much!
Very interesting and beautifully told 🥰
I truly appreciate not only the content of your video (which is of superior quality) but also the respectful tone you use. Regarding the usage of dies, that explains then also why some orders of nuns in the Caribbean islands were issued a lighter color habit. They were said to become sick and that the “dark colors” were to blame. I always assumed it was because they would overheat in the sunny weather under layers upon layers of dark clothing but your explanation makes far more sense. Thank you for the wonderful content!!
Thank you for this!! I love hearing the history behind the “thing” !! Very informative, very interesting to hear the reasoning behind why something was worn and made. Could you imagine tho, being literally poisoned by your clothing?!?! Crazy 😝
Very Well Done!! I enjoyed this immensely!!
Thank you!
Beautifully done, as always!!!
Thank you so much 😊
Saw your mourning clothing blog post awhile back, this video is very informative and I like that you mention to wear these with respect.🖤
Thank you! I think it's so important to remember, because those clothes really mean something. Even though we don't wear them today, it feels like it would be a slap in the face to anyone experiencing loss to make light of it.
I am in the middle of making one of these, so thank you so much for this video.
Wonderful job! Thank you!
That was great! Very informative!
Oh this was wonderful! Thank you!
Thank you so very much for this information. I never knew the extent and expectation of mourning dress or that there were stages. I very much appreciate your presentation on this subject and your sensitivity to it as well. Again, thank you!
Thank you!
Nice video and amazing dresses. I particularly liked the parts with you in period clothing reading those quotes.
I'd love to learn more about both outfits you were wearing as well.
Thank you! I will keep that in mind for a future video or short!
What a wonderful journey into the particulars of those wacky Victorians, an age of empire, repression and poetry. Thank you for the deep dive that respected the various periods we lump together as “Victorian”.
The reference to The Smiths was very much appreciated by this Smiths fan!
Maybe veils need to make a comeback. I'd love to "repel impertinence" on public transit 😂
Haha yes!
Yes, along with a sturdy hat pin in case of extra-impertinent behaviour.
Agreed!
Hat pins are excellent for repelling.
I think they did make a comeback. Now we call them face masks. ;-)
It’s wonderful to see someone doing it right. My wife has studied the mourning custom for years and has quite an exquisite collection that she shows off at a Southern plantation every October. She has dresses, hats, pictures, jewelry, etc.
This was so informative thank you
Awesome video!!
Thank you for having my aesthetic in an outfit! Widowcore is 100% me and i always see dresses in bright colours when all you want is black or grey
Commenting to feed the algorithm. This was so interesting, thanks to the hosts of dressed for sending me this way
Thank you!
Thank you for another wonderful video! If ever possible, I would love to see one on 18th and early 19th century mourning clothing and customs : )
I am hoping to do that some day! There isn't as much information out there because it wasn't as common as it was later in the 19th century, but it still was worn. Jane Austen mentions mourning clothing a couple times in her letters.
Thank you, I am looking forward to it! I agree the mourning customs were not written about as commonly they were in the Victorian period, but there were some fashion plates from 1795-1820 of mourning and half mourning attire. I am using those as inspiration to create an outfit for an 1800-1810 event.
Really well done video.
I think it was (in some ways) a better ritual over death. In modern times, people host a funeral and sometimes a memorial. After that people are supposed to go back to normal and not remind people of the loss.
I think it would be much more helpful, for some, to be able to express their pain in an extended and obvious way. The pain lasts so why doesn't the ritual.
The habit of showing your grief to the world and thus quietly asking for respect went on through the 20th century although in a more discreet manner. When my maternal grandfather died in 1956 my mother (b 1902) wore a black arm band for year. She also wore a black veil on her hat. Not large, but short, skimming her hair and forehead. Any recently deceased relative caused relatives to wear a black arm band. I remember this up until the mid 1960-ies.
Thanks for post this very informative video on mourning clothing. I remember a very close friend of our family though he was more like family to us told me that when he was a young man he remembered very well people wearing black when there was a death in their family especially when it was in their immediate family......
This is such an interesting topic and I loved watching this video. My only question would come about what men would wear in morning. I don't know if it was expected for men to morn the same way but I would find it interesting to hear about those specifics and protocols too. Anyway, the video was so informative and packed with information that I am going to watch it again. Thanks for the time and effort put it. So much fun to watch.
In Jane Eyre, the coachman of Gateshead Hall wore a (presumably black) crepe band around his hat for mourning when the young man of the house died. The actual time period of the book is debatable, though. It was written in the 1840s, so most movies set it in the 1830s (near the end, the writer notes that ten years have passed since the events in the novel), but a reference within to a recently published book (Marmion, which the author, born in the 1810s, grew up reading, and would know when it was published) would set the main portion of the book between around 1808-1810. Unnecessary infodump over.
Amazing video!
Got off a 13 hour flight and this was my 1st alert. Could not be happier.
Edit: this video was amazing! The depth you went into in regards to materials, customs, and, most fascinatingly to me, how burdensome the pressure to mourn "properly" could be on people was fascinating! Makes me wish I had stayed on the funerary archaeology track back at University.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
This was fascinating
Thank you so much for this. I learned so much. Is it true that Half/Demi Mourning Clothes were shown to be what they were by it being a Light Lavender? I’m very much into Royal History & remember HRH Princess Mary, The Princess Royal & HM Queen Elizabeth II’s Aunt, saying in a letter to a close Family Friend of how much she was looking forward to changing to Light Lavender after having worn Black so long for her Mother, HM Queen Mary. So I’ve always been curious about that.
Thank you again for all the hard work you do to do these Videos for us & really looking forward to the next one on the Queen Anne Boleyn Dress Reconstruction. Anne has always been someone I’ve been fascinated by since I was a little girl & someone I also greatly admire as well. She was a very brave Lady, but especially on that horrific day we just marked the Anniversary of last month.
Once again, Thank You so much!! Take Care & Stay Safe!! 😊😷
Wonderful, thank you
This is one of those historical phenomena I am so of two minds about. Extreme codification and social enforcement especially regarding socializing just doesn’t seem particularly healthy (sometimes we need to process by ourselves, others any distraction is welcome to jus think about something else for 10 minutes). That said, a way to signal ‘ I am going through something awful, please show me a bit of the kindness you’d want’ without having to speaking could definitely be a relief. I think most of us have been told by a well meaning stranger at some time or another ‘smile, it can’t be that bad!’ Sometimes it is.
This was really good- I am curious if what I read in a novel was accurate (I can’t recall the title for now, though)- it described the levels of mourning required for an aristocratic/ very well-to-do woman’s loss with a fair bit of detail - mourning for immediate relatives could be up to three years, & Russian nobles (she was a Russian who’d married an Englishman as a second husband) had an additional fourth year...
Nice. I hope to watch this after chores today! For now, boosting view & algorithm.
Thank you so much!
@@TheCoutureCourtesan
You are very welcome. I admire your work. I am in the midst of transplanting maybe 100 volunteer plants. (Busy, focused... got 2 hours until sundown, I think)
I got them done, 150, or so, actually. Plus some various domestic chores, including a long-needed mending/appliqué.
Still doing chores, watched your video somewhat distracted. Nonetheless, I appreciate all the research, cinematography & hard work you put into your presentation. Thank you for such a succinct, informative and respectful video.
There was a department store for mourning?! I needed to know this. I don’t know why I needed to know this, but I needed to know this.
I love that you include photos of women of color from this time! It’s important to show the variety of experiences that existed.
I think this touches on one of the most misunderstood points about fashion from c.1500-1900. People wore a lot of black and white not to look sombre, but because black wool and silk and white linen were two of the most expensive colours to achieve. By the same token mourning clothes weren't so much about looking as _sombre_ as possible as about looking _formal_ as possible
Your home is lovely. I especially covet your carved wooden chair. ❤
When I was 13 I saw a beautiful dress in a store window as I walked down the street with my grandmother. It was lavender. My grandmother told me she hated lavender and wouldn't own anything with lavender in it. When I asked her why, she went into an explanation of mourning dress, and during her childhood, she was forced to wear lavender for over a year on several occasions.
I dress between 1890-1912 only therefore if someone passes in my family I follow these mourning practices as closely as I can. I'm planning to get some dead black fabric to make a gown for the inevitable and so I'd have proper attire
My great-aunt's godmother wore full mourning clothes well into the mid 20th century. I never met her, nor saw any pictures, but my great-aunt passed to me her jet brooch and black lace collar as family heirlooms. I keep these preciously along a few other clothing items and pictures from this side of the family.
I find 19th century mourning customs very interesting with how openly death was part of life, especaially compared with how death and mourning are almost taboos in modern, western society.