This was very very timely because: 1. I'm learning the skill of regulating my emotions as i make tough decisions 2. I'm a perfectionist which makes it even harder to make decisions 3. I'm healing from anxiety and depression which makes me feel like everything is an insurmountable task
I share the exact same 3 points, all 3 have been weights that have put me down for years, years that could have and should have been the complete opposite
@David Perez I hear you, just today I was talking to my aunt in tears saying how it feels like I'll never beat this disease, it feels hopeless to try. Today I'm not in fighting mode, let's see how tomorrow goes. I have just prayed for you as I did me for victory over our mental battles. Rest easy
I am a perfectionist and have to research every dang decision to death for fear I will make a wrong decision and put myself in a worse financial situation for the future. When you don't have much money, wrong decisions can be expensive. So then I just procrastinate of course. And that results in the situation I am in now - paralysis, with about a hundred decisions to make and feeling too overwhelmed to think. Sometimes I feel completely unsuited to this modern life. No. All the time.
And I think it's so much harder to do this alone. As a verbal processor, I find myself going around in circles endlessly if I don't have someone to talk things through with: even if I don't need someone's advice, just talking about it brings clarity.
I totally relate to everything you said but as a perfectionist who is no longer in her 20s I have become better at not having to research everything to death in fear of making the wrong decision hence becoming a little bit more at home with the consequences of making decisions faster. In a funny way depression has also helped me to relax a whole lot more and take in more "disorganization" or relaxation as I literally can't do most of the stuff I did when I was well, because thinking is harder, I just go for what I can do and it has made life easier in that way; quite the paradox right!
I'm exactly the same, and am in a terrible position because of it. Ten years ago, I started dating a lady who lived 30 miles away. I was living with my mother at the time, as I was saving up to buy a house. I didn't want 'any' house, it needed to be the 'right' house. I lived frugally and saved a lot, and was doing really well. I cycled to my girlfriend's every weekend, stayed at hers, we went to church together and had mutual friends. When my mother died, I needed to leave her house quickly. I could have bought somewhere, but then I wasn't sure where to live - near my job (which was near my mother's), or near my girlfriend. She wanted me to buy somewhere near her, but I wasn't sure. My girlfriend invited me to live with her, so I bought a car so that I could commute each day and lived with her. When I received some inheritance a few months later, I was overwhelmed by what I could afford. I also found out that my job was likely to move to nearer to my girlfriend's (but I wasn't sure). In any case, 'my' job probably wouldn't exist any more and my employer would need to find me an alternative. I would look at houses near my work and wonder 'but what if my job moves?', then look at houses near my girlfriend's and wonder 'but what if my job doesn't move'? I waited to find out about my job, always thinking I might be about to find out, but never did. Then covid hit the world and people were paying silly money for houses they hadn't even viewed. I wasn't going to get involved in that - I would wait for things to return to 'normal'. When they did, my job had changed and moved, I was priced out of the market, so I continued to save so that I could 'catch up' and afford the type of house I could buy when I inherited. Eventually, my girlfriend decided she had waited long enough, so dumped me, making me homeless. My mind has 'calmed down' now. I have bought a house two hours from work (that's all I could afford). I hate my job. I'm single, too old to have children, too late for my ex to have children (that was her ultimate goal, which she made quite clear at the start of our relationship), I'm depressed, living two hours from my friends and church, and full of remorse at how I treated my ex. If I had realised I was so anxious and watched videos such as this before, both of our lives could be so different now. I was so paranoid about making a wrong decision and buying the 'wrong' house, I had convinced myself that it would be an expensive mistake if I bought the 'wrong' one. Friends encouraged me to just buy any house, but I wanted the 'perfect' one, completely blind to the fact that longer I waited, the more expensive they were getting. I got lifts to work sometimes, and was really pleased with myself for saving the £6 per day it would have cost me in petrol, oblivious to the fact that houses were increasing in price by £30-£40 per day. I can see now that my emotions were all over the place. I liked where I worked, although there were no promotion prospects. I didn't like the commute, as it was a 45 minute drive in each direction (when I lived with my mum, it was a 15 minute cycle). But the 'new' work location has lots of opportunities, it's a thriving city (instead of a commuter town). I 'knew' all the pros and cons of buying a house near work or near my girlfriend when I inherited, but I was so overwhelmed by the pressure to make decisions (should I marry my girlfriend? If so, when/where do I propose? When/where do we get married? When should I ask her parents for permission to marry her? Where should I buy a house? What's going to happen with my job?) that I just froze. I feel like such an idiot now, for being so blind to reality.
@@kwilson5832 I'm so sorry to read your story : ( You're not an idiot: you were doing the best you could with the resources you had available (including your own understanding of yourself, which wasn't as great as it is now). It's completely understandable that you froze under that kind of pressure: these are not just "what household chore do I do first today?" kinds of questions! They were huge, life-impacting decisions. I'm so sorry for how things turned out. May you be comforted and blessed with peace about the things you can't change (the past), and may you be directed and guided for each step ahead. You mentioned church, so I'll remind you of an incredibly comforting passage from Scripture: "We know that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord." That's not just true about good things: that's true about the hard things, the mistakes we make, everything. He sees you and He knows and He cares. Sending love and care from the US ❤😌
4:30 Limit your number of options when possible 5:15 To support your working memory make things visual 6:00 Break it down 7:51 Clarify what's actually important 9:23 Set a time limit
This week was one of my worst, re decision paralysis. I have many complex work and home projects and feel like I have short circuited. I am having trouble with my discernment and processing. I call it the "do nothing" phase. The fatigue has been soul crushing. I learned that even doing one little task, gets me on my way; it is the beginning that is so difficult. Thank you for this perfectly timed video!
So sorry it's been such a rough week. I hate the feeling of overwhelm that comes when I'm just walking in circles from one impossible task to the next, unable to face any of them. I totally agree that the first step, no matter how tiny, is HUGE. Have you gotten the one little task done yet? Or are you still in the "do nothing" phase?
I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday and she mentioned how her husband, who also has ADHD (like me) has such a hard time with decisions, too. I want to say: these tips are helpful but, for me, I've rarely been able to use tips like these, because I do get stuck in not seeing what is actually important or not; and then I get into the fear that paralyzes me... So, yeah, I think some of us need a little more help, and it can take years before something finally seems to work. You had another video about taking action when in fear mode and that one was very helpful to me in this regard.
I can’t get on board with mental health channels on RUclips that are still promoting better help. I tried their service and then found out that they were selling peoples information to Meta at which is really not okay.
She has the best videos and is sponsored by better help!? They charge you even if your counselor is not available that week for a session. My counselor left the platform and me with out help and fighting charges with their billing department. Never would go back to better help.
My therapist is on Better Help so that's why I'm still there. And honestly, with my terrible executive dysfunction at this point in time, I would likely not be able to find another one anytime soon if it ever came down to that. I'm moreso shocked that their sponsorship is being used here when this channel has over 1 million subscribers.
Some of these skills I've had to teach myself for the sake of doing my job but outside of that I still struggle a lot. I totally understand "Omar" checking out on RUclips instead of taking action; that is so me!! Sometimes I put so much effort into staying caught up at my job that I just don't have the mental energy for anything else afterwards. It's definitely been a struggle my whole life, but as you said, learning to accept the imperfections to get something completed can really help you get there.
Might seem a bit tangential... BUT if you check out any of the "writing advice" channels, from Film Courage to various popular authors giving classes/courses or just the Tedx talks and seminar presentations, the advice is pretty unilateral. "Don't get it right. Get it WRITTEN!" That means that you can refine just about anything, which is ALWAYS the bulk of the work between "an inspired idea" and "a final product". You won't write a perfect "first draft" no matter how good you are, how well educated or read you are, or how much experience you have. Stephen King's turned out dozens of best sellers and books that STILL hold up to the tests of time for their popularity... He's as good as we've got. He still "Spends 8 hours a day in front of the typewriter and just flailing away at the g** d*** thing." in his own words. Most of us spend our whole lives "winging it" because we're just as lost and stumbling through the decisions with "the best we've got" no different from you. It's okay. I've created a great many beautiful things, from fine leather garments to armor to furniture that one might expect in a Palace from the Victorian Era... Not a single piece was quite "perfect" to the vision in my head when I began. It's probably never going to be "right"... Just abandoned at or about "good enough for government work" as I frequently still say it. In any case, I hope this helps... maybe it's only amusing. At least, you (or someone) might get a good chuckle out of it... and that's okay too. ;o)
Oh my yeah!! Takes me so long getting ready, prepping for..anything and decisions are off the table - by the time I've made one, the opportunity's passed. Have even dreamed about this!!
I came to the realisation that I have always had problems deciding what to do in my free time or just overall what to do next. All I did was thinking about the next logical step, what I should do next and imagining the smallest tasks like grocery shopping or taking out the trash. It was always a challenge to manage my free time, when I wasnt at work or school. It all leads back to the moment when I was eleven and I had to decide either to stay with my father or leave with my mother. It was the middle of the night and my mom started packing and telling me to get my things, my dad cried and begged me to stay saying that if I didnt go neither would she. But my mom told me that she would go with or without me. This is such a core memory that I remember so clearly even after all those years. It blocks and hinders me even till this day of persuing what I want to do with my life and becoming the person I want so be, because of overthinking each little decision on a daily basis. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming and tiring a can`t even leave my room. It hinders me from living in the present because my mind is always thinking about the next possible thing, not in a necessay negativ way, but it just goes on and on and sucks the life out of me. But me knowing this now and being aware when these thoughts come up to just realise that this is the trauma talking, trying to protect me. But me being aware that it is its own thing and not me, I can learn to let it go.( english isn`t my first language but i still hope you can understand what I am writing;)
This is precisely what happened to me after a frontal lobe brain injury. The part of my brain required to make decisions made it difficult. I would stand in a store simply overwhelmed by the number of choices. Then I would panic, then I would panic if I walked out the store without buying something. One thing I learnt from dad was that no matter what decision you make, you will always have made a better one in hindsight..but we don't have hindsight. So just make a decision, stick with it, see how it goes, then reassess.
Reminds me of what some former citizens of East Germany told me about going shopping after the fall of the Berlin Wall. They were overwhelmed with options, and they developed some sort of mild anxiety.
Thanks Emma, currently camping in Sedona and was overwhelmed with decision of where to stay or keep going to find the best spot, all that mattered really was the joy of it all.
Wow thanks for sharing how much preparation work goes into each video! As an academic, I can totally see myself spending 10-20 hours on a task like this, but I always thought that others were way more efficient, so that kind of discouraged me from a lot of projects.
Finding out there's such a thing as decision fatigue actually helped me a lot in college. I figured it's the reason people with money to spare or don't really think their daily decisions through have an easier time in life. If you have to make 100 decisions before the afternoon chances are your brain will get fried. So my solution was always to plan ahead. Even my meals and my routes. Choosing whether to study in the library or a coffee shop no longer needed to be added to the list of things I have to think about. It's those little things that make a lot of difference tbh. Just make things easier for your future self and plan ahead.
My therapist has on many occasions stopped me after explaining a current inability to do some small things, send an email, call back a voicemail- and just made me do it right then. I always appreciate it.
I just realized how the steps for supporting your executive function is the same with S.M.A.R.T. goals template : Limiting your choices = Specific (less is more) Making decisions visual = Measurable (it's easier to measure in visual for our brain) Breaking tasks down into smaller steps = Achievable Clarifying your values = Relevant Setting a time limit = Time-bound But I feel like I understand it better in the video because you break it down on why I struggle and also giving each part a specific solution, so it gives me new insights. Thank you for the video! 🥰
Thank you for this. Decision making is one of my most difficult issues, and it doesn't matter if it's where to go for a walk (once I decide to get out the door), or something big. It all feels big in the moment. So glad this appeared today. Just what I needed. I paused the video to gather stuff I needed to do my taxes. Yes, do my taxes. It's my "golf ball" today. Every year I say I will not leave this until the last minute, and yet... But, I do have it methodically organized, so it's not that bad once I get into it. Piece by piece, bit by bit, it will get done. Thank you.
Hi, Emma! I watched this when you first posted it and it helped me a lot. Watching it again now to help with another decision. I've just noticed that at 10:39 it says, "3. You can handle imperfect decisions" (instead of "You can build up tolerance to fear of making the wrong choice.") followed by "4. You can handle imperfect decisions." 😛😂🙈 Just wanted to beat anybody else to pointing that out. I've scanned the comments and haven't noticed anyone mentioning it. Thank you again for everything!! I am in the middle of your Emotions Processing course, too. I wish that you were my therapist. ❤️✌️
Good video and solid advice! I reacted to the example of Omar: even though he broke the task into a smaller part, he still couldn’t finish the smaller task (resume) without help from a therapist/coach.
It absolutely did come at the right time. I'm trying to decide on whether to move house and have been so overwhelmed! Thank you so much for this video ❤
Another great video! the time you spend , Emma, in making these videos is incredible--& it shows in their quality. You are helping so many of us! Thank you. Love "better done than perfect!"
Operating from Executive Dysfunction is my special interest... at least one would think! And if you have a couple of "things ending in D," like ADHD.... you sure think of even more options!
Sometimes I forget to make physical notes to myself to get things done. It truly helps me get things done when it’s down on paper. Thanks for the reminder!
This is perfect timing. I need to decide whether to stay in Texas in my vintage travel trailer or go to New England for the summer like I want to. Logically, I should stay put because of weather and other issues I’ve had with travel lately. Emotionally, I miss my family terribly.
Thank you for this excellent video! I personally, though, would first clarify my values before doing other things you suggested. For example, since I am a cancer survivor, i must put my health first. 😊
Thank you for this and the previous video. You addressed a huge challenge in my life…..making decisions! This issue has stalled me for way too long. Your videos have helped me so much in many areas. Thank you and God bless you!
Hi. I'm in Utah too. I love your videos! This video is so timely. We are dealing with stresses in literally every area of our lives including health issues and a potential move cross country. This video was so helpful! Thanks for the advice.
Thank you so much for making this video in Spanish! I’ve been wanting to share your videos with some friends and family but they don’t speak much English
Hi Emma! GREAT TOPIC and super important, and I'm sure I'll love this video as soon as I finish watching it, but for now I'm just letting you know I paused it at 28, 29, and 30 seconds to scrutinize your list, and am DELIGHTED to see that Emotional Dysregulation is #2! 😂😂😂 And coming back after watching the whole thing to say YES to limiting the options! That's one of the reasons why I love shopping at Aldi: it's a really tiny grocery store chain with only about 1 option of most items, or at the most two. SO much easier! Plus the square footage is minuscule compared to your average grocery store, so much less time just navigating the four aisles!
In hindsight of past therapy, executive dysfunction has come up a lot. One of the things we discussed and maybe I should review some of my notes and journal entries on is "Values". It's difficult to prioritize when I'm so out of touch with what's important to me, deep down. For the reason, it's hard to attribute meaning to completing particular tasks.
Write down what you value most on paper. Rewrite it a day later. Start reading about identifying your values. Keep editing and refining what your have written every day or two. After a month or two you will have a list of values that you strongly identify with.
It helps to break down tasks to a minute level to avoid being overwhelmed. So if writing a resume is a big task for you, set a new smaller task that you KNOW is EASY.... Today I will Google 'resume template PDF free' and click Images, then I'll download a template I like. THAT'S ALL. Get the emotional rush of achieving that small step. When it's time to do the next small step (30 seconds later or 3 days later), set another tiny goal that you know you can complete. Stacking the positive emotions becomes your flywheel of progress.
As somebody who has the inkling that they may be medium support needs ASD, this is extremely helpful to me. Living on my own with the overwhelming daily tasks of keeping things tidy and cooking for myself and leaving enough time to relax is something that comes with time, but the golf ball analogy really helps, I believe.
I work at Michigan Works and if a client wants to work with a Career Coach they can guide you with career choices, helping with your resume ect. We also offer free workshops to help get you ready for the workforce. I love your videos. Thank you so much.
I would like to donate to Therapy in a Nutshell. Perhaps you don't need the financial support. However, I want to do this. The reason for this is because... this may take a while to explain. Google is always watching. For example if I say that I'd someday like to travel to Europe, then I will be spammed by travel bargains. However, google doesn't sell my info to businesses only. They also sell to politicians that are looking for voters. This is why I feel like I am voting everyday. In order to make a long story short, I want politicians to know that I support programs which encourage personal development.
Hi Donald, you can financially support you tube channels by clicking on the 3 dots under the video. There you will find a thanks button. You can click on that to donate.
Thank you for your videos. You make them so well. Love that is direct to the point, simply explained and even your voice is really calming and nice. I’m sure there’s a lot of work behind and wish you a great continuation! About this video particularly: so helpful to understand this and listing it. By understanding it, clears away the big fog with the stamp of “why?” on it. Thank you again! ^^
Adhd and trauma are incredibly hard to decipher. At least is seems that way to me. How does one know the diff? Or do I just have both? More than likely…I have both.😆
Lately I’ve been approaching my own mental health without worrying about labeling broad disorders. I’m trying to just focus on poor coping mechanisms and bad habits and shifting them to more healthy behaviors. Ultimately I don’t want to identify with any mental illnesses I have as part of my identity, you know? Modern society is all about labeling identities and what aspects pf yourself you can label. Culture, race, gender, sexuality, religion, political affiliation, even mental health kind of gets into it as a byproduct of disorders already being named and labeled for convenience and ease of research/treatment. I don’t really think that’s a healthy way to develop a sense of self. I’d rather focus on my principles, values, hobbies, and passions.
@@WASDLeftClick I think it’s important to know what your dealing with so you get better treatment options. But if it works for you, that’s fine. I was just joking around. Cause that’s what I do.
I needed this! I’m in the process of job hunting & attempting to return back to work, so staying focused on achieving the goal has been a challenge 💯🫶🏾
After struggling with decision-making almost all my adult life, now I think I need a husband to make decisions for me. I’m 49 and quit my job 3 years ago and started my own business which is driving me nuts- I miss being an employee doing what they’re told. That of course doesn’t happen all the time but decisions big or small give me great anxiety that I can’t shake off easily and I don’t want to continue living like this. I love Emma’s work on this channel but I don’t learn anything new- in fact now I’m almost sure I don’t want to learn how to make decisions I want someone else to make them for me.
So sorry to hear your struggle. It sounds like you might need emotional and psychological support. Seeking out a husband is not the solution. Great if you get one that’s right for you, but don’t expect that he will want to be making your decisions. The fact that you started your own business speaks volumes about your innate determination, strength and courage. I think you are facing a hard time and lacking confidence, which is affecting your decision making. If at all possible try reach out to a life/ business coach who could give you input. Also a therapist if you need emotional support. Wishing you hope and peace
This was very very timely because:
1. I'm learning the skill of regulating my emotions as i make tough decisions
2. I'm a perfectionist which makes it even harder to make decisions
3. I'm healing from anxiety and depression which makes me feel like everything is an insurmountable task
I share the exact same 3 points, all 3 have been weights that have put me down for years, years that could have and should have been the complete opposite
@David Perez I hear you, just today I was talking to my aunt in tears saying how it feels like I'll never beat this disease, it feels hopeless to try. Today I'm not in fighting mode, let's see how tomorrow goes. I have just prayed for you as I did me for victory over our mental battles. Rest easy
@@Rhenadhis Thank you... I'm entering the stage where at least 50% of the reason I'm still going on is to prove to myself and others that I can
@David Perez at least it is a reason to keep fighting, we find any and all reasons to keep fighting
I hope both of you see positive progress soon. I'm dealing with the same thing too.
I am a perfectionist and have to research every dang decision to death for fear I will make a wrong decision and put myself in a worse financial situation for the future. When you don't have much money, wrong decisions can be expensive. So then I just procrastinate of course. And that results in the situation I am in now - paralysis, with about a hundred decisions to make and feeling too overwhelmed to think. Sometimes I feel completely unsuited to this modern life. No. All the time.
And I think it's so much harder to do this alone. As a verbal processor, I find myself going around in circles endlessly if I don't have someone to talk things through with: even if I don't need someone's advice, just talking about it brings clarity.
I totally relate to everything you said but as a perfectionist who is no longer in her 20s I have become better at not having to research everything to death in fear of making the wrong decision hence becoming a little bit more at home with the consequences of making decisions faster. In a funny way depression has also helped me to relax a whole lot more and take in more "disorganization" or relaxation as I literally can't do most of the stuff I did when I was well, because thinking is harder, I just go for what I can do and it has made life easier in that way; quite the paradox right!
You're not alone! ❤ 🫂 hugs to all of you
I'm exactly the same, and am in a terrible position because of it. Ten years ago, I started dating a lady who lived 30 miles away. I was living with my mother at the time, as I was saving up to buy a house. I didn't want 'any' house, it needed to be the 'right' house. I lived frugally and saved a lot, and was doing really well. I cycled to my girlfriend's every weekend, stayed at hers, we went to church together and had mutual friends.
When my mother died, I needed to leave her house quickly. I could have bought somewhere, but then I wasn't sure where to live - near my job (which was near my mother's), or near my girlfriend. She wanted me to buy somewhere near her, but I wasn't sure. My girlfriend invited me to live with her, so I bought a car so that I could commute each day and lived with her.
When I received some inheritance a few months later, I was overwhelmed by what I could afford. I also found out that my job was likely to move to nearer to my girlfriend's (but I wasn't sure). In any case, 'my' job probably wouldn't exist any more and my employer would need to find me an alternative. I would look at houses near my work and wonder 'but what if my job moves?', then look at houses near my girlfriend's and wonder 'but what if my job doesn't move'?
I waited to find out about my job, always thinking I might be about to find out, but never did. Then covid hit the world and people were paying silly money for houses they hadn't even viewed. I wasn't going to get involved in that - I would wait for things to return to 'normal'. When they did, my job had changed and moved, I was priced out of the market, so I continued to save so that I could 'catch up' and afford the type of house I could buy when I inherited. Eventually, my girlfriend decided she had waited long enough, so dumped me, making me homeless.
My mind has 'calmed down' now. I have bought a house two hours from work (that's all I could afford). I hate my job. I'm single, too old to have children, too late for my ex to have children (that was her ultimate goal, which she made quite clear at the start of our relationship), I'm depressed, living two hours from my friends and church, and full of remorse at how I treated my ex.
If I had realised I was so anxious and watched videos such as this before, both of our lives could be so different now. I was so paranoid about making a wrong decision and buying the 'wrong' house, I had convinced myself that it would be an expensive mistake if I bought the 'wrong' one. Friends encouraged me to just buy any house, but I wanted the 'perfect' one, completely blind to the fact that longer I waited, the more expensive they were getting. I got lifts to work sometimes, and was really pleased with myself for saving the £6 per day it would have cost me in petrol, oblivious to the fact that houses were increasing in price by £30-£40 per day.
I can see now that my emotions were all over the place. I liked where I worked, although there were no promotion prospects. I didn't like the commute, as it was a 45 minute drive in each direction (when I lived with my mum, it was a 15 minute cycle). But the 'new' work location has lots of opportunities, it's a thriving city (instead of a commuter town).
I 'knew' all the pros and cons of buying a house near work or near my girlfriend when I inherited, but I was so overwhelmed by the pressure to make decisions (should I marry my girlfriend? If so, when/where do I propose? When/where do we get married? When should I ask her parents for permission to marry her? Where should I buy a house? What's going to happen with my job?) that I just froze. I feel like such an idiot now, for being so blind to reality.
@@kwilson5832 I'm so sorry to read your story : ( You're not an idiot: you were doing the best you could with the resources you had available (including your own understanding of yourself, which wasn't as great as it is now). It's completely understandable that you froze under that kind of pressure: these are not just "what household chore do I do first today?" kinds of questions! They were huge, life-impacting decisions. I'm so sorry for how things turned out.
May you be comforted and blessed with peace about the things you can't change (the past), and may you be directed and guided for each step ahead. You mentioned church, so I'll remind you of an incredibly comforting passage from Scripture: "We know that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord." That's not just true about good things: that's true about the hard things, the mistakes we make, everything. He sees you and He knows and He cares. Sending love and care from the US ❤😌
I love the ADHD-oriented content! I would love to see more of this
Me too, but it's hard to focus on. haha just kidding. Got more in the works :)
@@TherapyinaNutshell Yay!!! SO happy to hear this! Thank you!
Another fantastic ADHD resource is How to ADHD. Very helpful. I'd love to see a collaboration with these two ladies.
Yes, please! More ADHD content from my favourite MH RUclips Channel🙏♥️✨️🕊
@@Weeds_and_Wishes@howtoadhd
4:30 Limit your number of options when possible
5:15 To support your working memory make things visual
6:00 Break it down
7:51 Clarify what's actually important
9:23 Set a time limit
What about ADHD feeling afraid of life, anything really?
This week was one of my worst, re decision paralysis. I have many complex work and home projects and feel like I have short circuited. I am having trouble with my discernment and processing. I call it the "do nothing" phase. The fatigue has been soul crushing. I learned that even doing one little task, gets me on my way; it is the beginning that is so difficult. Thank you for this perfectly timed video!
So sorry it's been such a rough week. I hate the feeling of overwhelm that comes when I'm just walking in circles from one impossible task to the next, unable to face any of them. I totally agree that the first step, no matter how tiny, is HUGE. Have you gotten the one little task done yet? Or are you still in the "do nothing" phase?
@@runningmama4793 Thanks for understanding 👐 I am in the start up again stage. I hope it's a better week coming, for all of us 🙏
@@ginny1068 Good for you! And yes, here's trusting for a better week ahead: one (maybe tiny) step at a time!
I'm there too, and woke up very discouraged. This video definitely helped to remind me to take steps, even baby ones.
@@terryg4415 I hope better days ahead for all of us 👍🙏
I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your videos! they profoundly positively affect so many people, myself included! ❤
Wow, thank you!
I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday and she mentioned how her husband, who also has ADHD (like me) has such a hard time with decisions, too. I want to say: these tips are helpful but, for me, I've rarely been able to use tips like these, because I do get stuck in not seeing what is actually important or not; and then I get into the fear that paralyzes me... So, yeah, I think some of us need a little more help, and it can take years before something finally seems to work. You had another video about taking action when in fear mode and that one was very helpful to me in this regard.
I can’t get on board with mental health channels on RUclips that are still promoting better help. I tried their service and then found out that they were selling peoples information to Meta at which is really not okay.
Thank you for the info 🙏🏻
Omg thanks for sharing
She has the best videos and is sponsored by better help!? They charge you even if your counselor is not available that week for a session. My counselor left the platform and me with out help and fighting charges with their billing department. Never would go back to better help.
❤❤❤
My therapist is on Better Help so that's why I'm still there. And honestly, with my terrible executive dysfunction at this point in time, I would likely not be able to find another one anytime soon if it ever came down to that.
I'm moreso shocked that their sponsorship is being used here when this channel has over 1 million subscribers.
Some of these skills I've had to teach myself for the sake of doing my job but outside of that I still struggle a lot. I totally understand "Omar" checking out on RUclips instead of taking action; that is so me!! Sometimes I put so much effort into staying caught up at my job that I just don't have the mental energy for anything else afterwards. It's definitely been a struggle my whole life, but as you said, learning to accept the imperfections to get something completed can really help you get there.
Might seem a bit tangential... BUT if you check out any of the "writing advice" channels, from Film Courage to various popular authors giving classes/courses or just the Tedx talks and seminar presentations, the advice is pretty unilateral. "Don't get it right. Get it WRITTEN!"
That means that you can refine just about anything, which is ALWAYS the bulk of the work between "an inspired idea" and "a final product". You won't write a perfect "first draft" no matter how good you are, how well educated or read you are, or how much experience you have. Stephen King's turned out dozens of best sellers and books that STILL hold up to the tests of time for their popularity... He's as good as we've got. He still "Spends 8 hours a day in front of the typewriter and just flailing away at the g** d*** thing." in his own words.
Most of us spend our whole lives "winging it" because we're just as lost and stumbling through the decisions with "the best we've got" no different from you. It's okay. I've created a great many beautiful things, from fine leather garments to armor to furniture that one might expect in a Palace from the Victorian Era... Not a single piece was quite "perfect" to the vision in my head when I began. It's probably never going to be "right"... Just abandoned at or about "good enough for government work" as I frequently still say it.
In any case, I hope this helps... maybe it's only amusing. At least, you (or someone) might get a good chuckle out of it... and that's okay too. ;o)
"Done is better than perfect"
Oh my yeah!! Takes me so long getting ready, prepping for..anything and decisions are off the table - by the time I've made one, the opportunity's passed. Have even dreamed about this!!
Haha. I was working on my resume while
listening. My resume that I have put off updating for MONTHS! Good info! As always. Thanks
I came to the realisation that I have always had problems deciding what to do in my free time or just overall what to do next. All I did was thinking about the next logical step, what I should do next and imagining the smallest tasks like grocery shopping or taking out the trash. It was always a challenge to manage my free time, when I wasnt at work or school. It all leads back to the moment when I was eleven and I had to decide either to stay with my father or leave with my mother. It was the middle of the night and my mom started packing and telling me to get my things, my dad cried and begged me to stay saying that if I didnt go neither would she. But my mom told me that she would go with or without me. This is such a core memory that I remember so clearly even after all those years. It blocks and hinders me even till this day of persuing what I want to do with my life and becoming the person I want so be, because of overthinking each little decision on a daily basis. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming and tiring a can`t even leave my room. It hinders me from living in the present because my mind is always thinking about the next possible thing, not in a necessay negativ way, but it just goes on and on and sucks the life out of me. But me knowing this now and being aware when these thoughts come up to just realise that this is the trauma talking, trying to protect me. But me being aware that it is its own thing and not me, I can learn to let it go.( english isn`t my first language but i still hope you can understand what I am writing;)
This is precisely what happened to me after a frontal lobe brain injury. The part of my brain required to make decisions made it difficult. I would stand in a store simply overwhelmed by the number of choices. Then I would panic, then I would panic if I walked out the store without buying something.
One thing I learnt from dad was that no matter what decision you make, you will always have made a better one in hindsight..but we don't have hindsight. So just make a decision, stick with it, see how it goes, then reassess.
Reminds me of what some former citizens of East Germany told me about going shopping after the fall of the Berlin Wall. They were overwhelmed with options, and they developed some sort of mild anxiety.
I like the way you talk, the way you sound. Your voice is soothing 🙂
Interesting. I was thinking the opposite.
Thanks Emma, currently camping in Sedona and was overwhelmed with decision of where to stay or keep going to find the best spot, all that mattered really was the joy of it all.
Wow thanks for sharing how much preparation work goes into each video! As an academic, I can totally see myself spending 10-20 hours on a task like this, but I always thought that others were way more efficient, so that kind of discouraged me from a lot of projects.
Yay for validation, and for finding out others are like us! No more discouragement needed! : )
Finding out there's such a thing as decision fatigue actually helped me a lot in college. I figured it's the reason people with money to spare or don't really think their daily decisions through have an easier time in life. If you have to make 100 decisions before the afternoon chances are your brain will get fried. So my solution was always to plan ahead. Even my meals and my routes. Choosing whether to study in the library or a coffee shop no longer needed to be added to the list of things I have to think about. It's those little things that make a lot of difference tbh. Just make things easier for your future self and plan ahead.
My therapist has on many occasions stopped me after explaining a current inability to do some small things, send an email, call back a voicemail- and just made me do it right then. I always appreciate it.
I just realized how the steps for supporting your executive function is the same with S.M.A.R.T. goals template :
Limiting your choices = Specific (less is more)
Making decisions visual = Measurable (it's easier to measure in visual for our brain)
Breaking tasks down into smaller steps = Achievable
Clarifying your values = Relevant
Setting a time limit = Time-bound
But I feel like I understand it better in the video because you break it down on why I struggle and also giving each part a specific solution, so it gives me new insights. Thank you for the video! 🥰
Thank you for this. Decision making is one of my most difficult issues, and it doesn't matter if it's where to go for a walk (once I decide to get out the door), or something big. It all feels big in the moment. So glad this appeared today. Just what I needed. I paused the video to gather stuff I needed to do my taxes. Yes, do my taxes. It's my "golf ball" today. Every year I say I will not leave this until the last minute, and yet... But, I do have it methodically organized, so it's not that bad once I get into it. Piece by piece, bit by bit, it will get done. Thank you.
Hi, Emma! I watched this when you first posted it and it helped me a lot. Watching it again now to help with another decision. I've just noticed that at 10:39 it says, "3. You can handle imperfect decisions" (instead of "You can build up tolerance to fear of making the wrong choice.") followed by "4. You can handle imperfect decisions." 😛😂🙈 Just wanted to beat anybody else to pointing that out. I've scanned the comments and haven't noticed anyone mentioning it. Thank you again for everything!! I am in the middle of your Emotions Processing course, too. I wish that you were my therapist. ❤️✌️
I noticed that, too, but just took it as perhaps emphasising a very important point- I CAN handle imperfect decisions, I can!! LOL
Good video and solid advice! I reacted to the example of Omar: even though he broke the task into a smaller part, he still couldn’t finish the smaller task (resume) without help from a therapist/coach.
This video is pure gold. I used to just do brain dumps, now I have a structured approach and that’s definitely what I need.
It absolutely did come at the right time. I'm trying to decide on whether to move house and have been so overwhelmed! Thank you so much for this video ❤
Definitley relate to Omar's career dilemma. I'm at a crossroads in my life and don't know where I am going.
Another great video! the time you spend , Emma, in making these videos is incredible--& it shows in their quality. You are helping so many of us! Thank you. Love "better done than perfect!"
Absolutely agree, physical lists and breaking up into small tasks. The art of accepting imperfect decisions continues to escape me though....
Operating from Executive Dysfunction is my special interest... at least one would think! And if you have a couple of "things ending in D," like ADHD.... you sure think of even more options!
Sometimes I forget to make physical notes to myself to get things done. It truly helps me get things done when it’s down on paper. Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks for talking about faith and how it effects every aspect of our walk.
Right on time Emma, THANK YOU❤️🙏
Perfect timing! ADHD having stay at home mom/military wife with a move coming up this summer. So many decisions I need to make!
This is perfect timing. I need to decide whether to stay in Texas in my vintage travel trailer or go to New England for the summer like I want to. Logically, I should stay put because of weather and other issues I’ve had with travel lately. Emotionally, I miss my family terribly.
Thank you for this excellent video! I personally, though, would first clarify my values before doing other things you suggested. For example, since I am a cancer survivor, i must put my health first. 😊
I literally just saw a reel on executive dysfunction but I couldn’t remember the term so that I can look more into it. And ‘bam’, here it is. 🙌🏻
Thank you for this and the previous video. You addressed a huge challenge in my life…..making decisions! This issue has stalled me for way too long. Your videos have helped me so much in many areas. Thank you and God bless you!
Hi. I'm in Utah too. I love your videos! This video is so timely. We are dealing with stresses in literally every area of our lives including health issues and a potential move cross country. This video was so helpful! Thanks for the advice.
Thank you so much for making this video in Spanish! I’ve been wanting to share your videos with some friends and family but they don’t speak much English
You do a world of good for so many people, thanks so much for your dedication. 👍👍
Thank you SO much for all of your content. This video is a great example of practical help that can make a difference . You are the best! ❤
I love your videos. I get more from these than therapy
Hi Emma! GREAT TOPIC and super important, and I'm sure I'll love this video as soon as I finish watching it, but for now I'm just letting you know I paused it at 28, 29, and 30 seconds to scrutinize your list, and am DELIGHTED to see that Emotional Dysregulation is #2! 😂😂😂
And coming back after watching the whole thing to say YES to limiting the options! That's one of the reasons why I love shopping at Aldi: it's a really tiny grocery store chain with only about 1 option of most items, or at the most two. SO much easier! Plus the square footage is minuscule compared to your average grocery store, so much less time just navigating the four aisles!
Thank you so much for this timely information!!!
🙏🏼Thanks for the summary at the end! Wouldn’t you know it… PTSD comes with short term memory loss, so a summary helps my brain, thx 🙏🏼
You're so awesome and everyone that follows this channel!
I love this video thank you Emma. This is so useful and a skill we need so much. This needs to get taught more in schools and at home.💕
This video was VERY helpful, and came at just the right time! Thank you, Emma!
In hindsight of past therapy, executive dysfunction has come up a lot. One of the things we discussed and maybe I should review some of my notes and journal entries on is "Values". It's difficult to prioritize when I'm so out of touch with what's important to me, deep down. For the reason, it's hard to attribute meaning to completing particular tasks.
Write down what you value most on paper. Rewrite it a day later. Start reading about identifying your values. Keep editing and refining what your have written every day or two. After a month or two you will have a list of values that you strongly identify with.
This womaan is genuinely a sweetheart, which is why I always defend her from trolls. 😅
It helps to break down tasks to a minute level to avoid being overwhelmed. So if writing a resume is a big task for you, set a new smaller task that you KNOW is EASY.... Today I will Google 'resume template PDF free' and click Images, then I'll download a template I like. THAT'S ALL. Get the emotional rush of achieving that small step. When it's time to do the next small step (30 seconds later or 3 days later), set another tiny goal that you know you can complete. Stacking the positive emotions becomes your flywheel of progress.
As somebody who has the inkling that they may be medium support needs ASD, this is extremely helpful to me. Living on my own with the overwhelming daily tasks of keeping things tidy and cooking for myself and leaving enough time to relax is something that comes with time, but the golf ball analogy really helps, I believe.
Thank you so much!!! Therapists like you are a rare treasure.
Thank you for this video your video and Tracy mark are real good
I work at Michigan Works and if a client wants to work with a Career Coach they can guide you with career choices, helping with your resume ect. We also offer free workshops to help get you ready for the workforce. I love your videos. Thank you so much.
❤ Thank You ❤
You're welcome 😊
Thank you so much for the wonderful content you post!! ❤
Emma, this good! especially since you gave me a list what to do.
I would like to donate to Therapy in a Nutshell. Perhaps you don't need the financial support. However, I want to do this. The reason for this is because... this may take a while to explain. Google is always watching. For example if I say that I'd someday like to travel to Europe, then I will be spammed by travel bargains. However, google doesn't sell my info to businesses only. They also sell to politicians that are looking for voters. This is why I feel like I am voting everyday. In order to make a long story short, I want politicians to know that I support programs which encourage personal development.
That is a great perspective you have about our system. I understand that after reading your comment
Cool! I think she has a Patreon page (yep, I just checked) linked to up in the description, and you can donate there.
Hi Donald, you can financially support you tube channels by clicking on the 3 dots under the video. There you will find a thanks button. You can click on that to donate.
Another awesome presentation to help people. Thanks for your work.
Love this channel man
Thank you so much for all you do!
I don't know how but you always know what i need to hear at the exact time I'm going through it. Thanks ❤❤❤
Your videos are a godsend! Thank you so much!
THANK YOU 🎉🎉🎉
Do you offer zoom sessions? We love your channel! Thank you for all you do!
No, she is booked and not taking new patients. She runs her own business and youtube channel. She doesn't have time for other things.
i love your videos so much, you're my comfort youtuber!! your video are incredibly helpful and cozy, thank you!
You forgot one thing for certain people; Medication.
I just want to let you know that I love your channel. You are in my top two for therapy stuff.
This video is so helpful, lots of thanks!❤❤❤
Therapy in a nutshell is so AMAZING ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for your videos. You make them so well. Love that is direct to the point, simply explained and even your voice is really calming and nice. I’m sure there’s a lot of work behind and wish you a great continuation! About this video particularly: so helpful to understand this and listing it. By understanding it, clears away the big fog with the stamp of “why?” on it. Thank you again! ^^
yes, exactly what I am struggling with! lol I enjoy knowing more about ED and you have made this so much easier for me! thank you for helping!
Another great video!! Thank you so much, you’ve helped me grow more than you’ll ever know 🙏
You are the best I have been waiting for this… thank you so much
Adhd and trauma are incredibly hard to decipher. At least is seems that way to me. How does one know the diff? Or do I just have both? More than likely…I have both.😆
👍🏻
Your adhd might just be misdiagnosed
It could all just be a trauma response
Lately I’ve been approaching my own mental health without worrying about labeling broad disorders. I’m trying to just focus on poor coping mechanisms and bad habits and shifting them to more healthy behaviors. Ultimately I don’t want to identify with any mental illnesses I have as part of my identity, you know? Modern society is all about labeling identities and what aspects pf yourself you can label. Culture, race, gender, sexuality, religion, political affiliation, even mental health kind of gets into it as a byproduct of disorders already being named and labeled for convenience and ease of research/treatment. I don’t really think that’s a healthy way to develop a sense of self. I’d rather focus on my principles, values, hobbies, and passions.
@@WASDLeftClick I think it’s important to know what your dealing with so you get better treatment options. But if it works for you, that’s fine. I was just joking around. Cause that’s what I do.
@@FriskyTendervittles yep. Could be! Wouldn’t surprise me at all.
I needed this! I’m in the process of job hunting & attempting to return back to work, so staying focused on achieving the goal has been a challenge 💯🫶🏾
❤ Thank you
Thank you for this very informative and helpful video! Your hard work in helping others is so much appreciated!
This is super helpful! I have learned some of this and use the skills which helps. I will try the new helpful hints, thanks for sharing all of this!
I have a huge decision, whether to accept a job offer or keep applying. This helped me feel better about it.
Love ya, Love your videos!
Thank you for this video I am In the process of making a pretty big decision great timing!
You must be a witness, I've heard that illustration a bunch of times, lol 😊
Many thanks… I so need this. Have been struggling with the decision to relocate to a new country 🙈
Thanks
Needed this as I have been torturing myself trying to decide on a graduate school!
Thanks! Could you add time stamps?
Good channel
Aww, thanks
Thank you for sharing this. Yes and yes.
After struggling with decision-making almost all my adult life, now I think I need a husband to make decisions for me. I’m 49 and quit my job 3 years ago and started my own business which is driving me nuts- I miss being an employee doing what they’re told. That of course doesn’t happen all the time but decisions big or small give me great anxiety that I can’t shake off easily and I don’t want to continue living like this. I love Emma’s work on this channel but I don’t learn anything new- in fact now I’m almost sure I don’t want to learn how to make decisions I want someone else to make them for me.
So sorry to hear your struggle. It sounds like you might need emotional and psychological support. Seeking out a husband is not the solution. Great if you get one that’s right for you, but don’t expect that he will want to be making your decisions. The fact that you started your own business speaks volumes about your innate determination, strength and courage. I think you are facing a hard time and lacking confidence, which is affecting your decision making. If at all possible try reach out to a life/ business coach who could give you input. Also a therapist if you need emotional support.
Wishing you hope and peace
I'm watching this as part of my procrastination
love ur videos ..great
This is some GREAT advice-THANK U! I appreciate u! 🙂
I really needed to hear this ,thank you
Thank you so much for these videos.
Thank you. Emma
Excellent work! Great video
Oh, Lord, the resume story! Therapist mom!!! [Smiles!!!]
I know right 😂😂