Why Pirates Were Nothing Like You Think - Hilarious Helmet History
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Thinking of being a pirate for Halloween? Well, you can keep the peg leg, but lose the gold, and perhaps consider a privateer’s charter from a European power. Historical accuracy always goes over great at parties!
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![Yailin La Mas Viral, @kreizyk.official - Dale 2 (Remix) [Video Oficial]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/JaYHBzgqz94/mqdefault.jpg)
Wait, so pirates didn't wear eye liner and mascara? This is news to me...
dudeinco liner yes mascara no sun no the sea is hell
Apparently they did wear eyeliner in like a sunscreen kind of way
Soot from the candles or lanterns. Come to think of it, that's not far off from the modern recipes for eyeliner/mascara.
Some did, it came from african traditions dating as far back as the egyptians. It was called Kohl and helped those staring across blinding sands, and similarly it aided sailors with the gleaming water and bright sun. Much in the same way football players mark the upper cheek. In Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp never wears eyeliner or mascara, but a roughly applied eyeshadow around, which is basically Kohl. Eyeliner runs too easy and doesn't do enough due to how thin, and mascara is only used to make lashes more full, so neither of those have an application, or were used.
The purpose of the eyepatch was to be able to adjust to the darkness below deck where gunpowder was stored and therefore flames were highly discouraged.
Exactly!
It's been largely shot down as a theory ever since the eyepatch episode of Mythbusters brought the idea to the foreground of the public. As a whole it seems a modern invention to justify the idea of eyepatches and making it fit with history. After the Mythbuster episode, everyone was all "oh that's cool, thats why!" and watched them succeed in their test. The overall historical consensus is that the idea of wearing one eyepatch, depriving yourself of depth perception while working rigging, working the sails, squeezing through cramped quarters below deck, using spyglasses, aiming cannons etc, is a bogus claim. The idea does work for the dark scenario, but the lead up of wearing all day is crap. But yes, perhaps in a very cornercase scenario like you mentioned 'might' have been used.
But why would you wear it all day? It would only be useful when you’re about to attack a boat. You’ll only have to wear it for five minutes or so. The rest of the time who cares how long your eyes take to adjust to the darkness. There’s no hurry. I think you misunderstood it’s use.
My great grandfather, who was a rigger on a ship, wore one because he actually lost an eye. He had a glass eye but that was for when he was ashore.
They should do a historically accurate Pirate movie. Seriously, the men who took to crime after being official English sailors were pretty much Rambo when you think about it.
I would love that something like a naive official of a privatee ship that from one day he can´t serve his country anymore and he is forced to be from a respected officer to a criminal in one day
+gkghlgflkgf .gfgffggf
+Jaime Subias Perez -- I recommend you guys try giving Moby Dick a read. The main character gets press-ganged into working on a whaling ship where half the crew are criminals and have crazy stories about the ships they've worked on.
Manpower for ships was so scarce in the 1600s that about a third of the time you had guys firing cannons at their home country's ships. Usually because forging false documents to avoid impressment was so common that some Captains would just pull up alongside a fishing or whaling ship and haul aboard as many crewmen as he needed.
Then there's the lovely tradition of dropping a silver coin into someone's beer to get them to "accept" their signing bonus. Now you know why glass-bottomed mugs are a thing and what it literally means to get "Shanghied."
They never served their country. They basically had an official license to rob, and murder. They were more like the Blackwater mercenaries in Iraq and Rambo, except much worse. They did what mercenaries in history have always done when they stopped being paid by the government- they kept on doing what they were good at, but "illegally".
Go watch Black Sails
butt sex.... lots and lots of butt sex.
'Burying treasure is weird and stupid.'
*smacks table*
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE. WHY BURY STUFF?
I'm sure there were some reasons to stash valuable stuff you stole, either to temporarily separate you from the things you stole or as convenient storage. It makes more sense nowadays than back then. But yeah I generally agree, hiding treasure is a bit stupid.
usually pirates turn that gold (actually most of the treasures are rum and sugar, sometime spices) into homestead and quit the job. because sailing for years without vitamin C isn't the best job ever.
Supposedly, I think it was Blackbeard that, while working for the English to plunder Spanish ships, kept a portion buried somewhere so that when he arrived back on dock, he would say 'There was only X amount'. Doing this over and over, would accumulate a decent amount of stash.
Going with Blackbeard (I think...) He spun this story to get out of being executed and suggesting he'd show them where it was if it would save his life.
Story goes something like that, been a while since I saw the doco. But it was to avoid trying to hide any on the ship when the British Navy came aboard to take the loot. And it had to be buried on an island nobody would really ever visit.
If that makes sense. But it wasn't common norm and this specific story was very interesting.
Well, there is one known case of buried pirate treasure (and not Blackbeard, because he was most likely lying about his), and that’s of Captain Kidd. Captain Kidd’s history is rather complex and it’s debatable whether he was actually a pirate (he certainly didn’t believe himself to be one), but the relevant part is that he found himself facing charges of piracy in a political climate very unfavorable to him. He sailed back to Boston (his main activities were in the Indian Ocean btw, not the Caribbean) where the colonial governor was a good friend of his, hoping he could leverage that connection to get the charges dismissed. However, Kidd was a fairly cautious type, and so stopped at a small island off of Long Island first and buried most of his gains. He figured if his friendship and a few gifts (bribes) weren’t enough, he could use the location of the buried wealth as a bargaining chip for his freedom.
Now, the political climate had changed in England so that Kidd and his financial backers were out of favor, and the Massachusetts governor was greatly fearful of losing his position, so he was too afraid to support Kidd and had him arrested upon arrival in Boston. Kidd’s bargaining tactic failed, as most of his buried loot was easily found and recovered by the authorities and Kidd himself was ultimately sent back to London, put on a highly politicized trial and eventually hanged.
even in Assassin Creed Black Flag the protagonist says that he wants to make enough money to retire comfortably at home in England!
Pirates actually still exists. They are just more modern
Yup
Yea
How
They carry AKs now
@@char6081 they rob ships that's how
he says that european pirates were only a small portion of the actual pirates but does actually go over or even talk about non-european pirates
Ik he didnt show what we wanted
gallegos most famous pirates were from Europe tho
He didn't even go over European pirates that pre-dated the Caribbean pirates. Pirates existed way back in the time of King Henry VIII and Elizabeth's time. But you know, whatever... Pirates of the Caribbean, Yo!
@@jaredgillenwater4221 There's a big difference though.Before the ''golden age'' of piracy,these men were sanctioned by the goverment(mostly France and England)to raid and harass spanish and portuguese vessels and settlements.They were privateers/coursairs.But as time passed the said goverments signed piece treaties with the Spanish/Portuguese and no longer needed them,so these raiders ended up without an employer.So they relied on their own afterwards.Thus were the pirates born.
@@hebanker3372 Pirates have existed as long as there have been enough merchant ships for them to prey on.
Wow.... AC black flag was waaaaayyyy more historically accurate than I thought
Yeah and more accurate then this video. Ubisoft does their research but something's are changed or not mention to fit the narrative.
"Charles Johnson had no sources" .... "Charles Johnson used newspapers from his time as sources" lol okk
citation needed
:^)
He used "FOX News" as his source 🤣😂
@@bobyberry8394 Everything you said sounds made up. FOX and News should never go anywhere near each other and if it did it should never be sourced. If you cite FOX News on a paper I am sure the teacher will just say "I will accept Wikipedia over FOX News."
5:19 did you forget about Nassau ?
Zachary Cox To be fair, Tortuga lasted much longer than Nassau. Nassau was occupied by the pirate republic from 1802 to 1818 (and it might have been 1812 to 1818, I'm not sure anymore) before the British took Nassau back , pardoned a few pirates and had them hunt down the others. That was pretty much the death knell of the Golden Age of Piracy.
Or Ometepe in Lake Nicaragua, or the Louisiana islands of Barataria and Grande Isle, or New Providence also in the Bahamas, or Cancun in Mexico, or the swamps near Galveston, Texas, and the Mosquito Coast of Honduras and Nicaragua.
Its 1706 to 1718. You got zour dates wrong
@@robertcorbell1006 And Ile St. Marie, and Hai Tac and Clew Bay. This video is surprisingly really poorly researched for something that's trying to teach people history, there are even more glaring errors than just that.
*This* is the quality CRACKED content I subbed for!
Stone Bull 0728 ~ Damn skippy!
I am just glad they stoped with the power point presentations.
Not political enough. UNSUBBED!
Stone Bull 0728 yes this guy always makes great content.
Same. Alex is doing such a great job on the podcast, too.
2:50 *Bane voice*"Its born in the dark"🤣
Hmmm... according to "The Black Ship" - slaves captured by pirates were offered places in the ranks, not treated as cargo.
Yeah damn right I want Thomas Jefferson fighting pirates. Why is he even asking?
Lorryslorryss weird that they made abraham lincoln zombie killer before the real life thomas jefferson vs pirate film
Ikr
I know you usually don't do more than one hilarious helmet history on one subject but I would love to see you do a historically accurate hilarious helmet history that includes Somali pirates. Pretty much every culture or community is misrepresented by western media, which is why these videos aren't just "hilarious," they're important. I love Cracked & I think that you should focus more on this series. Thank you for the wonderful content, as always!(:
Jesse Rudolph as I live in a western society, it is. If only because that is the first-hand experience I have.
Ching Shih is such a badass :') It's honestly a crime that she doesn't have her own film / TV series / ANYTHING come ON film industry I thought you were cool
ExtraCredits did a couple of videos on her in their ExtraHistory series.
And a series on the greatest admiral who ever lived, Korea's Yi-Sun Shin.
If you haven't watched them, give it a try. They shine a light on a lot of amazing people ignored by Western media.
6:15 not true. Some pirates, such as Samuel Bellamy, would recruit slaves seized from enemy ships into there crew commonly
This series is the best thing on cracked
I love this series so much. As a history teacher I love this kind of content, debunking common beliefs and setting the record straight.
Doesn't mention anything about pirates being 57% percent freed slaves and, how there were many black pirate captains. Doesn't metion... A lot of stuff actually. If your interested in pirates and stuff check this podcast out, It has a good one on BlackBeard. timesuckpodcast.com/episodes/28-blackbeard-the-pirate/
Or the Mosquito Zambos of Nicaragua and Belize, for that matter. They were the mixed-race culture of runaway slaves and the Mosquito and Carib tribes much like the Seminole Freedmen in Florida or the Gullah of South Carolina and their canoe-based coastal attacks and piracy similar to the Dayaks in Indonesia was so frequent and brutal it got to the point it terrified the Spanish to the point of many abandoning Nicaragua. Plus there was even a massive assault instigated by the British (who gave them guns and rum) on the Fortress de San Juan in Nicaragua of over 2000 against a few dozen soldiers and a few hundred townspeople under the inexperienced lieutenant who was second-in-command and his girlfriend who was the former leader's teen daughter who was the only literate person besides the priest to read his orders (something that needs to be made into a movie badly).
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miskito_Sambu
Having a BA in History I'm glad you's stuck to facts and not stretching them to make the video more interesting. Good work, nice video.
Assassin creed 4 got it right.
Not the colour of the flag though
You're god damned right!
Omg the sailing in that game. I could sit around just listening to shanties and sailing the waves for hours!
TheQuyman except it overinflated the significance of Edward "Blackbeard" Thatch. In reality, he was just a crazy guy who set his beard on fire for a very brief time before being overthrown and exiled by Samuel Bellamy, who was vastly more successful and ruled the seas for far longer than Blackbeard did.
How does it overinflate Blackbeard's importance? He was personally important to Kenway, sure, but that's fiction. Other than that he was a flashy guy who failed at most things he tried, had a big badass ship, and got killed by a sneak attack while he was in port. Just another friend Kenway had to watch as he died.
"Samurai Pirates" would be AN AMAZING MOVIE TITLE.
Wait, THIS WAS their last episode. RIP, Alex, you're my favourite cracked bae.
What about Ireland ?
We have a rich history of piracy throughout a lot of the islands records,
My surname "Foley" comes from the old Irish meaning plunderer or pirate, and our surnames have been around a lot longer than the 1700's.
Not to forget Grace O’Malley
Sean Foley point
And the Scotland
"Most pirate moves"
Yet only shows Pirates of the Carribean
I never knew there was National Talk Like a Pirate Day. How funny and Interesting.
Hits us up with videos of the China and Mediterranean pirates yo
I love the style of this video and the host. I want more like this, gj 👍
PLEASE make more of these. Your awesomeness is great.
Port royal was an English port in Jamaica that was owned by the crown. Nassau was the pirate town that you're talking about.
I like how you destroyed my childhood
Under the Black Flag is a really good book. I'm glad you referenced it in this video.
2:50 they weren't used for night vision, they were used to see in the dark bowels of ships. They didn't have electric lights, and you couldn't really have open flames in a wooden ship, so they needed an eye prepared for the dark.
Does anyone know which Cracked podcast talked about China's pirate fleets?
You're awesome, Alex. This made my day.
*Cue Pirates of the Caribbean theme music*
I absolutely love this series!!!! I want more!!!
So glad you mentioned the Barbary Corsairs!!!
"Because gold is heavy" fucking killed me
7:40 OMG! Alex! Cal Ripken Jr. is in the last row of your boat!
Why are there only eight episodes of Hilarious Helmet History? There should be so many more! Please make more! I really enjoyed watching these eight.
Sam O’ Nella Already covered this.
Dont know if his comparable, sam comes at everything with a joke sooooo.
Captain Kidd & Sir Francis Drake. Legendary pirates. Look them up!!
I have used the eyepatch trick myself, and I can assure you, it wasn't used for nighttime vision. Eyes only take a few minutes to adapt to darkness.
If you are in a bright or dark place for a prolonged period of time, this trick is useless.
However, it is perfect for situations where you go from a brightly illuminated place to a dark one very suddenly, and/or switch back and fourth in short periods of time.
Such as going from the upper to lower deck on a ship to grab something.
Host is adorbs! 10/10 would press him... into service! - ALSO excellent series! 11/10 desert island memory card!
Take a shot every time he says "White European" like it's an insult.
......and now I'm drunk
Colin Jackson get help you racist turd. Not everything started with whites
When did he say anything remotely racist? The guy in the video just keeps talking about and down to "white Europeans". It was really weird and contrived.
white europeans,it is redundant.
PD:before the shitstorm buries me, most people on youtube thinks europeans are deeply in love with ourselves. it is not the case.
Eh, he's not saying it as an insult. He's just saying that we associate the term "pirate" specifically with white, European pirates, when in fact there were (and are) pirates from all over the world.
Love the presentation here. Not over the top like most Cracked videos are.
Text: "Wokou"
Basic japanese knowledge: "Wo-koh" or "Woh-koh"
Voice: "Wookoo"
Eye twitch intensifies.
i really like the host
he is hilarious
im sure the writer get credit too :D
WHERE'S MY HILARIOUS HELMET HISTORY! I WANT HILARIOUS HELMETS
I think they were violent criminals but on boats.
Bogwedgle More like hired criminals with boats.
They were cool outlaw bikers with boats
Watch black sails, you'll get an idea.
Thats the defintion of pirate...
Well done on your Jeopardy winnings Alex !!!
Pirate War absolutely sounds awesome!
The French: Jolie Rouge = Beautiful Red
The English: Oi...who the fock's that happey Roger lad?
oh great now i'm addicted to *CRACKED*
My fav cracked sketch!
The eye patch trick also works when going from the bright sunny deck of a ship to below deck where it was dark and not stumbling over everything.
Need to get me some of that Chinese pirate treasure ship stuff. Does anyone have a link to the appropriate Cracked podcast?
That "history of pyrates" book you mentioned has quite longer title than you said. The whole front page shown in the video is basically it's title, up to "By Captain Charles Johanson". Yup, that's the title of this book.
I'm charles johnson
I promise
NO, I AM DIRTY DAN!
"[T]hey were mad at a phenomenon that the British government created". Oh, boy. That sentence can be used on so many other issues.
Lmao this is awesome.
Wait, so you're saying that the white Europeans weren't really pirates except in the bad sense and were even employed by the white European government and were horrible and had slaves but the diverse romantic pirates who obviously established the practice because they're cooler than the white Europeans were the ACTUAL cool pirates and never had slaves and fought against the white European government (who wasn't even there at the time) because social justice? Wow, when you put it that way, you must be right, because - well - social justice. Even though you never cited any sources either and could be making the entire thing up.
Oh, sweet. Cracked videos on Amazon! Oh, guess what! Not available in my area!!! Well, at least there is RUclips...and, wait for it...pirates!
the pseudo intellectual obnoxiousness displayed makes these tough to watch
i always wish these were longer T_T
i miss this segment/sketch....helmet history rocks
Poorly done,historical perspective lacking in an attempt to be PC👎
Yea
"Because words are hard"
It was the Templar who first flew the Jolly Roger in the crusades. It didn't get famous until it was flown by rogue privateers. It was not called the Jolly Roger during the Templar's time. It was however a skull and crossbones on a flag. Used the same way, as the final warning to your enemies, that no mercy was to be given.
Great Idea, you guys should do one about ninjas!
The traditional skull and cross bones flag did exist, but not used by every pirate. Jack Calico used a skull and swords black flag, while "Black Sam" Bellamy used the skull and cross bones. Also, the red flag was generally used by French Privateers
Lol I feel like the goal was to make me all disappointed that what pirates weren’t what’s portrayed but according to you guys it’s a lot closer than even I thought XD
I love history, and learning about it and this helmet series is awesome to me!!! Love how you explained the "Jolly Roger" origins from the french "Jolie rouge" !!! I was expecting to hear something about buccaneers... Keep it up!!!
Plus, they were brutal. He never mentioned the torture. But then also, maybe length of time isn't a good measure of coolness either. They were short lived but they were still pretty cool.
If were talking Barbary pirates, we ought to include mention of the battle of Lepanto.
I find the parallels between pirates and the outlaws of the wild west to be particularly striking
This is like the the 5th video this mouth that come out on RUclips about how pirates aren't what you think
2:25 thats captain flint!
😂😂”because words are hard”
They didn't flip the eye patch up, they switched eyes. This was so if they went below deck, where there was no light, they could see instead of waiting 20 minutes to become acclimated to the dark. Then when going above deck, they switched back so they weren't blinded by the light. This was particularly useful when attacking another ship.
You forgot that pirates created the first health insurance system in the world: They were getting paid according to which part of the body they lost in the battle, the eye being the most expensive one.
Bring back helmet history!
Blackbeard - Edward Teach - was from Bristol. Do a quick RUclips search for someone speaking in that accent. It's about as terrifying as a Miniature Yorkshire Terrier.
this is exactly what i how i thought pirates were
that dig at johny didint age well did it now?
quality content, finally
You're interesting and entertaining. Never stop to give us your stuff
The eye patches were not for nighttime. They were for going down below the decks during the day from sunlight to darkness
Miss the golden age of Cracked 😢
This did less to disillusion me with romanticized piracy and more to make me want to replay Assassins creed black flag
So then pirates were exactly like I thought. Well, not too surprised I already knew most of this, stayed up late reading Wikipedia way too much!
As for the "pirate party town" there was also Nassau, the end of which also was more or less the end of the golden age of piracy, and a lot of times they would just stop on uninhabited "safe" coast for careening which could take some time. Also the black flag was a sign that they'd grant the crew of the ship they're attacking mercy if they willingly surrendered their goods, and a red flag meant no mercy.
Well done, Mr. The-Clam, keep up the good work
More pirates!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:00 You could say the same for any government that has used conscription. And I doubt the kidnapping was worldwide, the Royal Navy wasn't the French foreign legion, and I'm sure press gangs in the UK had plenty of conscripts. I'm sure many people on all sides in WWI and WWII didn't want to fight in a life limiting war.
How come I never learned of the wokou in school they sound much more awesome
Ahh finally. I've missed your voice
Piracy is something that has existed about as long as humanity. Vikings were pirates and that was hundreds of years before the 16th and 17th century. Definitely not a “blip” on the radar. Piracy even exists today.
What about the Knights of Malta? CRUSADER PIRATES!
Fuck yes