Even if the husband was cajoling towards an abortion at first, you need to address that trauma in couples counseling, NEVER in front of your child. That said, I think she's blaming herself for the near-abortion as well and trying to shift it onto the husband 100%.
Yes. It sounds like she has unhealed trauma bc of it, and is proyecting in on him. That being said, its manipulative to say so, cause she is wanting to see him hurt as much as she probably is
That part was what bothered me the most. Like yeah it's horrible that she said that stuff to him but why do it in FRONT of the daughter they "almost killed"?? I swear it's like she wanted her daughter to know. She was petty and wanted to hurt her feelings. That's all I can think of
The second she said she STILL regrets having her daughter and doesn't want to be a mom and resents her husband so much for being a good dad, I'd want a divorce and I'd want full custody
I wouldn’t trust her around daughter , girl I went to school with had postpartum depression, then she just became child abuser never got over depression or resentment .. kid finally got taken away at 4 years old
I don't think he's regretting having the kid, that isn't the problem here. They BOTH agreed to abort, she changed her mind and told him to take it or leave it and he choose to stay. SHE needs to quit mentally abusing him. I was in a similar situation, my daughter is 10 now, she doesn't know her bio. But I don't rub it in his face or talk bad about him to her even tho she doesn't actually know him. I honestly think wife is in some negative head space and needs to LET IT GO.
This woman sounds unhinged. She’s being awful to him and very cruel to her own daughter. My mom used to tell me she would send me back to the orphanage when I was young and she would get frustrated with me. I lived in fear as a child and didn’t understand why she was saying this, but thought all parents try to scare their kids a little bit. Nope - turns out I am adopted (she’s never had this converstation with me, I found out from everyone else) and it just hurts so much to know how cruel she actually was being.
I had a kind of similar issue growing up. My mom was a single mom for a very long time and was already divorced by the time I was born and my older brother was like 1 1/2. Whenever she would get frustrated with us, which was often as she was often pretty stressed, she would say, “do you want me to take you to your father’s house? I don’t even know what to do with you guys... you can always go live with your father instead!” We heard this for years growing up.
It's crazy to hear other people having similar problems. My mom in anger would say to my dad "it's me or her. Someone is leaving this house tonight." Or to me"if I'm so bad let's see what family will take you. Kids in foster care get treated way worse so good luck ".
Reminds me of when my mom said she’d sell us on eBay. 😂 however whenever she tried to sell things on eBay they would never sell. So we would say in your dreams.
100% wife was way out of line. Even thought she’s going through her own mental struggles with motherhood, doesn’t mean she can say these things/ throw the appointment in her husbands face like that. It does make me wonder though, if they were child-free before and she has the appointment scheduled, what changed her mind? I can’t help but wonder if she got a lot of pressure (not from OP, but from other like maybe family) about keeping the baby. I know personally as someone who plans to be child-free (or at least never give birth myself), it’s so exhausting hearing people tell me all the time “you’re young, you’ll change your mind”. I can’t help but wonder if she kept the baby due to pressure and thought she’d be fine with motherhood, only to realize it’s not what she thought and now the pressure of actually having a child has caught up to her. And as she said, she regrets it. Everyone wants to tell you that you should have kids. No one knows what to tell you when you do have kids, but you regret it.
I'm the same, I don't want kinds, and I know that I wouldn't enjoy having my own biological children. My cousin (42) is child free, and just finished getting approval to be a foster parent, and she has no regrets about her decisions. It's so freaking validating for me. I hate that people tell me that it's "different" to adopt or foster, and that it's "better" to have your own. I could flip a table. People who only care about a child bc it has their DNA don't deserve to have kids.
@@Victoria-dh9vb your cousin sounds awesome, congrats to her for becoming a foster parent!! And yea, I wish we had that conversation more about people who have kids literally just for the sake of "passing on genes" and don't actually care about the kids should not get to be parents.
My mom told me all the time as a child my dad never wanted kids and that he told my mom he only had us cause that's what she wanted and it made me think my dad didn't love me and distanced me from him for a long time. I felt like a burden on his life and a problem. I recently told him about this and he almost cried it hurt him so bad. He says now that he just didn't know he wanted kids and that us kids are his best friends. I still feel like I don't really belong and my dad didn't want me even with the reassurance from everyone else. Those comments will follow her for the rest of her life.
It’s unfortunate your relationship with your dad was impaired because of that, but mostly super unfair that your mother said that about him knowing it was supposed to make you view him differently. Hope you’re able to see through the negative words your mom ingrained in you about your father and have a good relationship with him.
Yeah, on the update, I think we need to acknowledge that there are people out there who are absolutely happier not having children. And everyone needs to accept that that is a freaking reality. I have so many people telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I can't be happy without having kids, when the truth is, I hate children. Even as a child, I preferred the company of people older than me. I would never take those feelings out on a child, but being kind to kids/being good with kids doesn't change the fact that I don't like them or want them. People need to stop shoving their personal agendas onto other people. What makes any given person happy isn't a going to have the same affect for everyone else. It's insane to assume that everyone will have the same wants and needs. Part of the problem for the mom is that huge pressure and expectation to feel connected and happy about being a mother. She has to manage not only the disconnect, but the shame of having a disconnect in the first place. It makes it twice as hard to move forward and be happy
We can acknowledge that some people don't want to have children and aren't happier with them, but this situation isn't acceptable. This is verbal abuse directed at a 6 year old child and her husband. Once you decide to keep the child and realize you aren't happy still, you need to find a way to not put that on the child. She had 6 years to learn to live with it in a healthy way or take herself out of that situation and instead she decided it would be best to say things about how the daughter's father wanted to kill her within earshot over the course of 6 YEARS. Absolutely not ok in any way and considering she was in therapy from the beginning (again, 6 YEARS) and wasn't exactly lacking mental health resources or a willing co-parent for the physical and emotional demands of the child, this can't be explained away.
As a mother with an extremely difficult pregnancy, there were many times when I thought I couldn't continue on. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, gestational diabetes, and ended up with pre-e and my daughter was born prematurely. I lost weight and had severe fluctuations between hypo and hyperthyroidism and mental health struggles. I vocalized my fear and discussed abortion with my husband. He kept bringing up after she was born that I wanted an abortion and would shame me for being a lazy mother. We divorced because he was just incredibly unbearable to deal with and was not supportive when I was diagnosed with postpartum PTSD/cptsd, he ended up telling everyone that I wanted to abort my daughter on Facebook and told his whole family.
Well, at least you aren't tethered to that piece of actual human refuse anymore. I would have chosen violence it I were you. I wish nothing but bodily harm on him and people like him
What an easy thing for him to say since he didn’t have to deal with everything you went through during your pregnancy plus child birth. You are so strong and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, I hope you’ve healed/are healing now.
I agree that the decision to set up the abortion appointment and to go through with the pregnancy was a two way conversation between those two; and that the wife has no right to hang that over her husband’s head like he’s solely the one who was calling all the shots. I also think it is very irresponsible for the wife to make remarks like that in front of her child. Who does that!? I hope it’s not a red flag for her potentially using this information as blackmail or as a form of manipulation over husband’s head, but she needs to filter herself around her kid more. Edit: nvm, she’s totally trying to manipulate him
My parents taught marriage prep courses for a long time in the 90s, and the #1 rule they said you should always follow if you want your relationship to work out and be healthy and happy for both of you is: NEVER BRING UP THE PAST. If you have already come up with a solution for something, or you have already moved passed something, never bring it up. It doesn't matter if it's in anger or a joke. It will cause your partner to feel like they can never make a single mistake or you will hold it over them forever, and that can sew things like distrust and lying to prevent further issues.
I want to know what happened in the abortion office. It’s very common for offices to be forced to use manipulation tactics to guilt potential mothers into not aborting. If she was guilted into having the baby in the office it makes sense for this resentment to build when not being properly addressed.
@@marissabryan3521 I hope this doesn’t come off as rude but ppd can last anywhere from months or years, and if left untreated due to lack of getting diagnosed or misdiagnosis then it can be lifelong
"Its very common for offices to be forced to guilt potential mothers in to not aborting," sitation needed. Abortion clinics make money from abortions. They don't guilt anyone in to not aborting, and noone forces them to. That's pure fiction.
@@brenthunter5078 do you know what entails going to a clinic tho? they suggest other options, have you watch videos, etc. so yeah there’s quite a few women that “change” their mind
This is such a cruel and heartless thing to do. He clearly is glad they had their daughter. Why would his wife do this? Oh shit the update, it got so much worse than I could expect.
Especially when she's six years old. I remember things from when I was four. Six years old remember things and can even understand things. This is cruel to both her husband AND her daughter because any day now she's going to start asking questions and she will have effectively ruined a healthy father/daughter relationship.
@@Athasin Completely agree, I definitely remember a lot from when I was 6. I bet she'll remember this growing up and it will be a really painful memory that will likely take therapy to deal with.
At a very young age my mom told me every person who wanted her to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with me. It definitely put a doubt in my mind about those people even loving me after I was born, if people wanted me around (something I still deal with), and feeling like it's easy for people to push me aside. I sincerely hope the daughter hasn't retained any of the words her mom has said and can go into life with no harbored emotions from it. That's not okay to say around your child, or tell your child, I feel like no matter how old or young they are.
Random question……..or maybe not. I have two sons one is 18 and the other is 1. I didn’t want anymore kids because my first pregnancy was hard and then he was a difficult baby so I made up my mind of no more kids. My husband always wanted a big family but he settled for having one more and we used to have big arguments about it because I refused. Anyway I got pregnant accidentally and I often say he is an unplanned baby or a whoopsie baby, am I emotionally damaging him? I say this because most people assume I struggled to have more kids because of the big age difference
@@erikaperez5516 personally, I don't think so. I think comments like that are light hearted and as long as you aren't saying it in a hurtful way it isn't the same as saying you don't want him.
This is heart breaking. This is one of those things that doesn’t need to be said or ever talked about with the child. This is between mom and dad and should have been left in the past. The decision was made to keep baby and that’s it. Don’t talk about it again. If you are still dealing with it, deal in therapy or couples counseling. Not in front of said baby. Wow.
Morgan, I appreciate you bringing up the baby in the car story and your opinion on it! I'd love a 'do-over' episode where you do updates and share your thoughts on things you've already spoke about. Especially if you sometimes find it difficult to voice your opinion when you're trying to be kind to a guest, which totally makes sense!
I had 2 miscarriages before I had my son. A friend of mine had decided to remain childfree, but wondered about her choice. She asked me why I would want to continue to try for a baby, and I simply told her that I felt a biological and maternal need to have a child, that I wanted that to feel fulfilled, and had taken years to think about it. She said she didn't have that urge, and I told her that's perfectly fine, no matter what kind of pressure she gets. You don't HAVE to have a child, but people make you feel like you should and that a woman is incomplete without a child, and it's not true.
Many women feel this way to be honest. I’ve read thousands and thousands of women’s comments on tiktoks discussing this. Having children is so normal and expected of women that many women have children out of expectation and not truly wanting them. They don’t not love their children, but if they could choose again, they would choose to be child free. Women also really aren’t supported in motherhood. It takes a village to raise a child, not one (sometimes 2) active parents. The moment a woman gives birth her role and identity in society changes in an instant.. that’s hard to wrestle with.
I definitely think it sounds like some kind of resentment & probably a little guilt on the wife’s part. Resentment like that can be so insidious, and she clearly has a narrative going on in her head about what happened. She’s maybe trying to diminish her role in it all because of her own guilt, and I imagine she gets some kind of catharsis in digging at her husband & making him suffer/upset. Need to get into couples & individual therapy asap before it causes permanent damage to the father & his relationship with his daughter.
I’m an Asexual and am on the spectrum that is sexually repulsed so essentially I don’t want sex or kissing so having biological children is out of the question but I do want to be a mom so I’m thinking about becoming a foster parent so that I can provide a safe and loving environment for any and all kids that come into my home. So it always bothers me when I see people saying that abortion is horrible when they don’t even think about the child’s life because imagine how much pain and suffering the child would go through knowing that one or both parents didn’t want them so if anyone doesn’t want kids then I’m all for it! It doesn’t make sense to keep a child when u doubt u will love it.
She can’t keep doing that to him. It’s abusive! Especially after 7 years. They need marriage counseling and if she can’t let go of the past, then he needs to set himself free. She’ll end up projecting that onto their child and that’s not fair to any of them.
What's sad is that divorce wouldn't spare his daughter from those comments in fact they'll probably increase. His daughter is 6, that's first grade, that's "have enough memory to know how to read," that's old enough to repeat what your parents say like it's your own words. People say his daughter will grow up hearing them, but the thing is his daughter *has* grown up hearing them she just doesn't realize what exactly she's hearing.
The whole motherhood thing, yeah. It's crazy how much we're expected to instantly love and understand your child. And I used to want to have kids, I wanted to be Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. But after having substituted in elementary and middle school, and babysitting my niece and nephew, 4 & 5, I don't think I want kids now. And if I somehow got accidentally pregnant I'd be very upset about it now. And I know that no one in my family would understand that because they all have kids. So not only would I be struggling with the regular pressures of being a mom from strangers but then my family on top of that wondering why I don't love it. I would go nuts too.
I feel you, ever since I turned about 20 (I’m turning 25 now) my family asks me every time they see me when I’m having kids. Not are you dating. Not when are you getting married. Just, when are you having kids. And I feel like with my family history there is so much I could unpack in therapy sessions, it makes me not want to have kids. And people don’t think about the responsibility, they think 18 years and your done…no if you actually bond and care for your child…ITS FOR LIFE ! 🙃
don't forget the husband also has depression, which often can twist your perspective and also cause low self esteem and other issues. excess feelings of shame and guilt are common too. the anxiety "what if" thoughts may also be coming back, and making him struggle to move forward
About the update- I would not want to leave the daughter alone with mom after her saying that😳 Seriously consider about whether or not she'd be safe around her
she might be jealous of the attention the husband is giving to the daughter .. might be too early to judge but a narc mom would definitely feel that way
my mom definitely kept romanticizing motherhood and childbirth to me - and still does. everytime we're on the topic she's constantly going on and on about how she loved being pregnant and having babies and how it was the most magical experience in the world. and i think that's perfectly fine and great for the people who experience it, but it's more than time that we start to validate people who *don't* feel that way about giving birth. i've known since i was a kid that i didn't want children and at 22 i still haven't changed my mind - i doubt i ever will. i know tons of parents out there who don't even love their babies (and that's a discussion and a problem for another day) - the point is that these people exist and we should stop trying to act like they don't, and like getting pregnant and having a baby will solve all of life's problems or whatever. being a parent and having a kid are HUGE responsibilities and not something we should pressure onto anyone who isn't actively wanting to have said responsibilities, in my opinion.
When it comes to having children, I do actually think it should be a mandatory class at school because 99.9% of kids are going to have a kid and not know what to do, how to be a good parent, what pregnancy is like, possibly even talk about Postpartum Depression etc. It would be handy for them to know as they get older.
Don't have anything to say regarding the story that no one else has already touched on, so I just want to say that Morgan's mid-sentence exclamation when she realized there was an update was priceless 😂
This husband is so sweet and way more empathetic than me. I’m not a mother but was raised by a narcissistic abusive parent and my heart broke knowing that not only was this cruel manipulation on the parent but also abuse to the child. He has worked himself into a depression making a better life for his wife and child. I’m glad they are all in therapy and I really want to sympathize with the mom but she approached her insecurity’s and doubts in the most hurtful way I can imagine. SHE MADE COMMENTS FOR YEARS to her partner who struggled with their mental health. It would be ✨curtains✨ for me. Although maybe she can really grow from this and be the partner her husband deserves… I hope 🤞🏼
Being childless shouldn't be seen as taboo. I got fibromyalgia at 20 and decided at 25 to not have kids. I can barely look after myself, I'm super selfish and I don't have a maternal bone in my body. But the amount of people who have tried to convince me to have kids is seriously fucked up.
One of the biggest reasons I don’t want kids is because I’ve never been around them in my tenn/adult life. I’d never know whether i’d enjoy it or even be a good dad. It’s scary to think about going into blindly.
I KNEW IT!!!!! Projecting regret out of jealousy. Women can be the most awful thing on the planet. Hopefully she actually gets help. That little girl will pay the price if not. So sad.
I think everyone should have to take care of other people's kids for an extended period of time, because let me tell you, it's an eye opening experience. I didn't really want kids, but assumed I would have some someday bc that's what everyone told me would happen.... then I worked as an au pair (think live in nanny, but basically no money for it) and that was a rude awakening. I'm glad I figured out that kids weren't for me without having made that gamble with actual skin in the game
There are in a lot of places it's just not public information. If you have a center for nonviolence or a women's shelter they might offer classes for cheap or for free
My highschool had a "life class" where we had to get fake married to other students, run fake jobs and have fake children. Definitely opened some people's eyes lol
She wasn’t the child you ended up having, she was a ball of cells. Both parents talked and agreed to not let the ball of cells inside the wife to turn into a living breathing baby girl. I think she feels guilt about agreeing to get an abortion but she’s taking it out in the husband and abortion as a whole, which IS NOT innately an immoral thing. He gave her space to choose what to do with her body, which yes is the bare minimum but shouldn’t be punished. I mean, did she attend her appointment at all? Because people are abortion clinics often make the mother feel horrible about choosing to get an abortion, so maybe guilt was instilled in her in that moment and she’s projecting that on the husband
I would take her to another room, away from the child and say "So did you. We made the appointment together, and you wanted to keep the baby and I supported that choice." What an awful thing for this woman to say and do. She seems very unhealthy.
Regretting Motherhood is such a taboo topic that I think she couldn’t express it any other way. Doesn’t make it right or okay *how* she addressed it, don’t get me wrong. But I get her. You can do anything but regret your motherhood. If you do and dare to tell anyone you’re shunned. A bad mother and a bad human being altogether. But why? Motherhood is such a huge decision that you can’t reverse so why isn’t it possible to regret it? It’s real and it’s happening. To a lot of women. Again how this women addressed it was absolutely fucked up. But there are so many women who get shamed for regretting it or wishing that they never had kids, it’s awful. Doesn’t help that our society absolutely glamorises pregnancy and motherhood. Like … look at how young of a phenomenon the true / open conversation about kids and life is - mainly because of social media. It’s so damn young. And even now if you go into the wrong spaces they hold a lot of - well mainly conservative - traditional views. Facebook groups for example. This entire thing is just so so sad. And, to get back to this particular couple, I’m glad they talked it out and took steps to continue their life so that the kid is happy.
Sounds like to me wife never wanted a abortion but made the appointment cause she didn’t want to lose her husband and then she stood her ground and was shocked that he supported her. I think she needs therapy clearly him saying that really effected her. She shouldn’t keep shoving it in his face that he didn’t want his kid at first. It’s a scary moment when you find out your pregnant and didn’t plan it.
Completely agree. I dont think what she is saying in front of the kid is excusable, that is awful to do. That being said, his first word was "we're going to abort right?" he just assumed she wanted it too without asking what the woman truly wanted. She probably agreed at first because she didnt want to lose him and then had second thoughts, and leading into your point then stood her ground and is shocked he said yes. Plus i wonder if they ever talked about what would happen if an surprise baby occured or if that was just what he assumed would happen.
Hit the nail on the head, communities are eroding I had no idea the resources In activities that were going on in my town until I started a very community center job.
Yeah this was my dad with me. He had two children already, and never really wanted any kids to begin with. My mom never brought this up to me or my dad, I only learned about it after a fight with my older brother. Much as it hurt growing up, I'm at a point where I get it now. It's such a huge responsibility to have kids, that choosing not to is so understandable and sometimes really for the best. That being said, she needs to stop throwing it in his face. It's not face and dangerous to everyone's mental health
I knew that was going to be what the wife was feeling. You don't bring stuff like that up constantly unless you're the person with an issue. I hope they can resolve it for the sake of the child.
Canadians and people from many other countries around the world also file taxes though, same as the US. Would you believe the government if they just told you a number anyways? 100% taxes should be taught in school!
Hey I'm from New Zealand, and I've never done taxes before. Our employers dose our taxes when they do our paycheck. (And kiwi saver) Then we got told if we get a tax return or have to pay tax. So do you get a paycheck without tax deduction? I'm always soooo confused of why everyone needs/have to know how to do taxes?
@@zuppaloppagus37 yes, the employer takes money off every paycheck for taxes and we pay taxes on pretty much everything we buy or do. But, when we file our yearly tax returns, we may wind up owing or getting a return based on total income, deductions (like union dues or retirement savings), charitable contributions, dependants (like children), etc. Even depending on the property you own, many can write off x amount of dollars as non-taxable if they are considered a farm or whatever. Many of these things, the government would know about to decide what our taxes should be but not everything. Plus, if we do it ourselves, the government 1) doesn't have to pay employees to calculate everything and 2) it's a more transparent process to the citizens, I assume. I'm not familiar with the New Zealand tax system, however.
If she’s doing this in front of their daughter it sounds like she’s trying to drive a wedge between op and daughter out of anger or guilt. She shifts the blame onto op to prove she loves the daughter more or resents daughter’s existence and is stirring the pot out of spite
Sooo, my father never wanted kids and DEMANDED my mom get an abortion. I'm most likely the reason they broke up in the long run - and my mother made sure I knew all about it when I was young enough that it's in my earliest memories. My dad always told me he was proud to have me as his daughter, but no matter what he said, I always thought about what I was told. It definitely influenced how I interacted with him. He unalived himself when I was 15 and I'll always regret the way I acted so distant towards him, no matter all the circumstances of our difficult relationship. I did love him, but I always doubted his love. And the kicker? After his death, my mom gave me the journal page that he wrote the day I was born, it was all about how he was in awe that he wanted such a "little wonder" to not exist, that he was glad my mom refused to let me go. It doesn't hurt so much these days, but the thought does make me go into deep contemplation from time to time. I truly hope that little girl somehow didn't register what her mother was saying, but that's unlikely considering her mom's personality. I wish her the best, and that poor father as well.
Wow....what a B. That poor daughter and dad. My mom did this with my sister, and she's an addict and suicidal as an adult. Some mothers dont deserve the title.
A child is a whole responsabilatie and people always tells how beautifull and magical it is, but its not! realy wonder why she kept the baby in the first place....
It takes a village! With the growth of our country, community, humanity (however you want to word it), we have moved away from a community. It's hard because we hear the horror stories of trusting your children with others, kidnapping, etc but it's removed us from being a community. I grew up 11yrs younger than my brother, no cousins, no nieces/nephews, etc. I big part of why I don't have kids is because I don't know what to do and don't care enough to take the time to learn it. I fear messing up a child
23:58 no she was absolutely excusing leaving the child in the car. she was giving "reasons" why its okay- like saying maybe the mom needs that break. she also didn't really outright denounce that behavior, and overly focused on gender and blamed others reactions on the fact it was the mother doing the neglect not the father.
My ex asked if abortion was an option and then dipped out for the next 6 years. I can’t believe that poor man being so guilted over a conversation for so long. He did exactly what he should have been doing the entire time and still had to carry something that heavy. My heart breaks for him. My daughter was iugr and the dr told me after she was born that if we had waited to induce instead of bringing her into the world 4 weeks early, that she’d have been stillborn. It was an impulse decision to take her early. I carried that for months. It was absolutely awful.
When my bestie found out she was pregnant and told her mom, her mom's response was you better get an abortion before you ruin someone else's life. Now she dotes on them(turned out to be twins) and always goes on about loving "her babies"....it makes me sick to think about but I would NEVER EVER EVER say anything in front of the girls. How could you say that in front of a child?!?! She's disgusting. I am adopted. When I was 16 my mom told me she wanted to return me and get her money back. Like I was a faulty product from a store. It hurts to this day and I'm almost 40. Those things can stick with you. She needs to think about her daughter, not about placing some sort of sick blame on her husband.
Seems like she has pushing her own internal guilt onto him. Oh damn that update. It’s actually so sad. I feel so bad for both of them actually. The wife should have never ever ever done that but I can imagine how hard it must have been with those feelings inside of her
I think this is stupid, so what if he didn't want her? What he wanted then clearly has no bearing on how he feels now. He doesn't need to feel guilty for it. He's making the best of the life he currently has. I maintain that people need to understand that a lot of things are just different, not better. The things you enjoy about having a child are better than not having a child, they are just different. As someone who has so many negative things happen in my life, I've learned that what you wanted before doesn't matter. The person that you were in that moment doesn't exist anymore. You only have what's in front of you in the present, so it's best not to waste the happiness that you have by fixating on decisions that you didn't make. Edit- holy shit the update tho
I know that's not the main topic in this video but taxes in US really sucks. I live in Poland and if you're just a regular employee (not like a firm owner etc.) it's basically 5 clicks on the governmental website and you're done. You receive a pdf file or a letter from your employee where you have everything calculated and on the website you only have to confirm that's your only income or add stuff if you have to. There you can also choose from various tax refunds, it's basically all listed and you just have to pick. Sometimes US really feels like it's way behind other countries when it comes to online banking and governmental issues.
Oh sure blame the husband, but not herself? She agreed to it from the start too, and even made the appointment! The fact of the matter is they BOTH agreed to an abortion and they BOTH changed their minds, so why only blame him? She is as much to blame if she is pulling that shit on him 🙄 I honestly don’t understand some women! The manipulation!
Sounds like she could've also manipulated the pregnancy as well. Also, normalize the conversation about how life changing it is to have children. Would never hold any grudge to my parents if they were doubting on having me.
Birth can be horrible! I wanted both of my loving children and they were planned but my first birth was one of the most horrible experiences in my life! It caused severe ptsd and ppd. I needed to go to therapy to deal with all the damage I was dealt emotionally. My second was also traumatic but the doctors and nurses were so amazing that it made a huge difference from my first. Also miscarriages are horrible! I had 3 losses between my boys and it seriously messed me up mentally so bad I felt broken.
If she wasn't clearly manipulating him I would come back with "Well you changed your mind, he isn't allowed to change his?". You're allowed to change your mind in life, you can go from someone who doesn't want kids to someone who doesn't mind their own kids, my Mom is someone who still doesn't like kids but loves her own. I feel sad for this guy, it's good that she's recognizing her feelings but it sucks that she's taking it out on him.
One thing I don't get just listening to the initial post (and knowing what happens in the updates) is that it wouldn't be OP 'killing the baby'. It would be her. She's the one carrying the foetus. Her body, her choice. I'm not going to call her (or anyone) an asshole for not being comfortable with having an abortion, but it would be her choice at the end of it all. I know in the update it comes out she's dealing with PPD and whatnot, but still.
She literally considered it herself as well so It sounds more like she’s letting some jealousy get to her and she’s saying it in a condescending/passive aggressive way, as if to say she should have just gone thru w it so she wouldn’t have to feel the way she does when she sees her husband giving attention to his daughter…
I don’t blame the mom for feeling that way there have been times where I don’t want to be a mom anymore it gets hard and it’s a struggle but I do love my kids and it was my choice.
It sounds like SHE is questioning her decision. Like she needs the validation that she did the right thing. When I’m insecure, I ask dumb shit over and over until I feel valid. This is obviously an extreme of that but maybe she thinks she didn’t make a good decision.
Post-partum depression and having a hard time connecting is valid but it stops being valid when the child is 6 years old. At that point, if she's still acting on it, it's just plain abuse. She's saying these things in front of her 6 year old daughter. That's verbal abuse and her daughter is being traumatized. Her father needs to get her away from her mother until she learns to fix this or she shouldn't be allowed to interact with her daughter.
She’s saying it because she has to remind herself. She’s not actually saying it to him. She needs therapy. She shouldnt talk like that in front of their child.
This is absolutely sickening. First, I agree with some of the commentors. I wonder why she decided to change her mind about the abortion. It seemed as though she wanted one, and the husband wanted one. Maybe she needed more counseling about it prior to making the appointment. Secondly, It’s disgusting how she is treating her husband. Even if he wanted the abortion 6 years ago, doesn’t mean that he does not love his daughter now. The fact that she continually throws this in her husband’s face while he is with their daughter is horrific. Prior to listening to the update, makes me think that she resents having the daughter, and is taking her misery out on her child and husband. Maybe she feels as though she has to be the perfect mom to her family and friends, so her misery is exacerbated at home because everyone else thinks she is so great. If I were the husband, as much as he may “love” his wife, I think it would be in everyone’s interest for him and the wife to divorce, and he be granted full custody of his daughter. Then she can move on with her life, kid free and get the “mental help” that she clearly must not be getting enough of with her current therapy. Because the 6 year old will end up extremely damaged as she gets older hearing constantly how her parents didn’t want her.
To add, I honestly do not think this is something that she will be able to fix with therapy. She genuinely does not seem happy in being a mother (whether something traumatic happened or not). I mean, if it works, good for them. But I think the damage to him and the daughter has been done.
Its my opinion the modern society actively avoids the topic of children, like Morgan said " I've never changed a diaper." The question is why? Why haven't you taken a more active role in the lives of your family or friends with kids? We play around these real issues in life, waiting for schools to teach kids. I think we as a society need to stop shunning children, parents and pregnancy. We want child free weddings, child free events, we look to give our pregnant friends/new mothers gifts rather than really sit with them in times of struggles. My mind is all over the place, maybe my comment is a bit rambly but I hope the message comes across. I have real conversations with my friends, I give them the good, the bad and the ugly. Some close thier eyes, and then when they had a child it was like "oh my gosh, I didn't think you were serious when you said this, this and this."
That's ridiculous, she also wanted the A at the beginning, so she can change her mind but he can't? He can't be a good dad because he had an agreement with his wife?
My husband learned how to change a diaper from the nurse in nicu. He was 30 at the time. I was like, “ok, now show me because the last time I changed one was 13 years ago with a girl, not a boy.” lol 🤦🏻♀️ pregnant 🤰🏼I can’t wait to have more babies, out of CA! Lol
She is manipulative and trying to twist it and throw it to her face, I personally believe that she cannot forgive herself nor can she forgive him. This call is coming from inside the home she’s projecting
Is there any way to link the stories to Reddit in the description box? I don’t know about others but I’m a comment reader and I’d love to see comments outside of the ones you focus on
I think she felt guilty for originally making that decision and just puts all the blame on him. I think its wrong of her to continually barade him for something they chose together. It's also not like he was uncaring for what I hear it seems that he is so I feel she is out of line.
This may be a very tricky thing to say here But I think him asking that question was fair…he should get to at least ask this question…..especially considering the circumstances. maybe abortion is a triggering word. So any guy who doesn’t want this responsibility can frame it a little differently but they should be allowed to clarify their stance. If someone knows they can’t be a parent we shouldn’t force the child to live in tht environment. It’s not good for anyone. No one should be able to just shrug off responsibility and run off, but after having ensured both parties have made a mutual decision and they should get to make a clean break.
Nope, this is not something a parent should say infront of their child. If she has a problem with the fact he wanted her to abort in the past then she needs to take that up with him in therapy rather than constantly mention it infront of their kid. I could never imagine saying this infront of my baby. I know they wouldn’t understand now but if they grow up and figure it out…just think of the effects it could have on the relationships between parents and child
![NLE Choppa - Or What ft. 41 (Orchestra Mix) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/biOFASEgSOM/mqdefault.jpg)
Even if the husband was cajoling towards an abortion at first, you need to address that trauma in couples counseling, NEVER in front of your child.
That said, I think she's blaming herself for the near-abortion as well and trying to shift it onto the husband 100%.
Yes. It sounds like she has unhealed trauma bc of it, and is proyecting in on him.
That being said, its manipulative to say so, cause she is wanting to see him hurt as much as she probably is
That part was what bothered me the most. Like yeah it's horrible that she said that stuff to him but why do it in FRONT of the daughter they "almost killed"?? I swear it's like she wanted her daughter to know. She was petty and wanted to hurt her feelings. That's all I can think of
@@cinnarenaroll1292six is way to old. This child will remember and be damaged. This woman is awful.
The second she said she STILL regrets having her daughter and doesn't want to be a mom and resents her husband so much for being a good dad, I'd want a divorce and I'd want full custody
Honestly if my spouse betrayed me like this and tried to turn my child against me i don’t think id be able to forgive it.
I wouldn’t trust her around daughter , girl I went to school with had postpartum depression, then she just became child abuser never got over depression or resentment .. kid finally got taken away at 4 years old
Honestly it’s too much. He’s regretting it but you don’t have to keep shoving it in their face. Especially in front of your child
I don't think he's regretting having the kid, that isn't the problem here. They BOTH agreed to abort, she changed her mind and told him to take it or leave it and he choose to stay. SHE needs to quit mentally abusing him. I was in a similar situation, my daughter is 10 now, she doesn't know her bio. But I don't rub it in his face or talk bad about him to her even tho she doesn't actually know him. I honestly think wife is in some negative head space and needs to LET IT GO.
This woman sounds unhinged. She’s being awful to him and very cruel to her own daughter.
My mom used to tell me she would send me back to the orphanage when I was young and she would get frustrated with me. I lived in fear as a child and didn’t understand why she was saying this, but thought all parents try to scare their kids a little bit. Nope - turns out I am adopted (she’s never had this converstation with me, I found out from everyone else) and it just hurts so much to know how cruel she actually was being.
I had a kind of similar issue growing up. My mom was a single mom for a very long time and was already divorced by the time I was born and my older brother was like 1 1/2. Whenever she would get frustrated with us, which was often as she was often pretty stressed, she would say, “do you want me to take you to your father’s house? I don’t even know what to do with you guys... you can always go live with your father instead!” We heard this for years growing up.
It's crazy to hear other people having similar problems. My mom in anger would say to my dad "it's me or her. Someone is leaving this house tonight." Or to me"if I'm so bad let's see what family will take you. Kids in foster care get treated way worse so good luck ".
@@cassandracarranza2397 I had the same exact thing happened to me too!
Look at us, all sharing similar traumas 😌✨
Reminds me of when my mom said she’d sell us on eBay. 😂 however whenever she tried to sell things on eBay they would never sell. So we would say in your dreams.
100% wife was way out of line. Even thought she’s going through her own mental struggles with motherhood, doesn’t mean she can say these things/ throw the appointment in her husbands face like that.
It does make me wonder though, if they were child-free before and she has the appointment scheduled, what changed her mind? I can’t help but wonder if she got a lot of pressure (not from OP, but from other like maybe family) about keeping the baby. I know personally as someone who plans to be child-free (or at least never give birth myself), it’s so exhausting hearing people tell me all the time “you’re young, you’ll change your mind”. I can’t help but wonder if she kept the baby due to pressure and thought she’d be fine with motherhood, only to realize it’s not what she thought and now the pressure of actually having a child has caught up to her. And as she said, she regrets it. Everyone wants to tell you that you should have kids. No one knows what to tell you when you do have kids, but you regret it.
I'm the same, I don't want kinds, and I know that I wouldn't enjoy having my own biological children.
My cousin (42) is child free, and just finished getting approval to be a foster parent, and she has no regrets about her decisions. It's so freaking validating for me.
I hate that people tell me that it's "different" to adopt or foster, and that it's "better" to have your own. I could flip a table. People who only care about a child bc it has their DNA don't deserve to have kids.
@@Victoria-dh9vb your cousin sounds awesome, congrats to her for becoming a foster parent!! And yea, I wish we had that conversation more about people who have kids literally just for the sake of "passing on genes" and don't actually care about the kids should not get to be parents.
My mom told me all the time as a child my dad never wanted kids and that he told my mom he only had us cause that's what she wanted and it made me think my dad didn't love me and distanced me from him for a long time. I felt like a burden on his life and a problem. I recently told him about this and he almost cried it hurt him so bad. He says now that he just didn't know he wanted kids and that us kids are his best friends. I still feel like I don't really belong and my dad didn't want me even with the reassurance from everyone else. Those comments will follow her for the rest of her life.
It’s unfortunate your relationship with your dad was impaired because of that, but mostly super unfair that your mother said that about him knowing it was supposed to make you view him differently. Hope you’re able to see through the negative words your mom ingrained in you about your father and have a good relationship with him.
Yeah, on the update, I think we need to acknowledge that there are people out there who are absolutely happier not having children. And everyone needs to accept that that is a freaking reality.
I have so many people telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I can't be happy without having kids, when the truth is, I hate children. Even as a child, I preferred the company of people older than me. I would never take those feelings out on a child, but being kind to kids/being good with kids doesn't change the fact that I don't like them or want them.
People need to stop shoving their personal agendas onto other people. What makes any given person happy isn't a going to have the same affect for everyone else. It's insane to assume that everyone will have the same wants and needs.
Part of the problem for the mom is that huge pressure and expectation to feel connected and happy about being a mother. She has to manage not only the disconnect, but the shame of having a disconnect in the first place. It makes it twice as hard to move forward and be happy
This. All of this.
We can acknowledge that some people don't want to have children and aren't happier with them, but this situation isn't acceptable. This is verbal abuse directed at a 6 year old child and her husband. Once you decide to keep the child and realize you aren't happy still, you need to find a way to not put that on the child. She had 6 years to learn to live with it in a healthy way or take herself out of that situation and instead she decided it would be best to say things about how the daughter's father wanted to kill her within earshot over the course of 6 YEARS. Absolutely not ok in any way and considering she was in therapy from the beginning (again, 6 YEARS) and wasn't exactly lacking mental health resources or a willing co-parent for the physical and emotional demands of the child, this can't be explained away.
As a mother with an extremely difficult pregnancy, there were many times when I thought I couldn't continue on. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, gestational diabetes, and ended up with pre-e and my daughter was born prematurely. I lost weight and had severe fluctuations between hypo and hyperthyroidism and mental health struggles. I vocalized my fear and discussed abortion with my husband. He kept bringing up after she was born that I wanted an abortion and would shame me for being a lazy mother. We divorced because he was just incredibly unbearable to deal with and was not supportive when I was diagnosed with postpartum PTSD/cptsd, he ended up telling everyone that I wanted to abort my daughter on Facebook and told his whole family.
This is so horrible and sounds like a nightmare. I hope you and your daughter are doing well now!
Well, at least you aren't tethered to that piece of actual human refuse anymore.
I would have chosen violence it I were you. I wish nothing but bodily harm on him and people like him
What an easy thing for him to say since he didn’t have to deal with everything you went through during your pregnancy plus child birth. You are so strong and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, I hope you’ve healed/are healing now.
I agree that the decision to set up the abortion appointment and to go through with the pregnancy was a two way conversation between those two; and that the wife has no right to hang that over her husband’s head like he’s solely the one who was calling all the shots. I also think it is very irresponsible for the wife to make remarks like that in front of her child. Who does that!? I hope it’s not a red flag for her potentially using this information as blackmail or as a form of manipulation over husband’s head, but she needs to filter herself around her kid more.
Edit: nvm, she’s totally trying to manipulate him
My parents taught marriage prep courses for a long time in the 90s, and the #1 rule they said you should always follow if you want your relationship to work out and be healthy and happy for both of you is: NEVER BRING UP THE PAST. If you have already come up with a solution for something, or you have already moved passed something, never bring it up. It doesn't matter if it's in anger or a joke. It will cause your partner to feel like they can never make a single mistake or you will hold it over them forever, and that can sew things like distrust and lying to prevent further issues.
I want to know what happened in the abortion office. It’s very common for offices to be forced to use manipulation tactics to guilt potential mothers into not aborting. If she was guilted into having the baby in the office it makes sense for this resentment to build when not being properly addressed.
At end of the day it was still her choice and her child here now it’s been 6 years .. that no long ppd
@@marissabryan3521 I hope this doesn’t come off as rude but ppd can last anywhere from months or years, and if left untreated due to lack of getting diagnosed or misdiagnosis then it can be lifelong
"Its very common for offices to be forced to guilt potential mothers in to not aborting," sitation needed. Abortion clinics make money from abortions. They don't guilt anyone in to not aborting, and noone forces them to. That's pure fiction.
@@brenthunter5078 do you know what entails going to a clinic tho? they suggest other options, have you watch videos, etc. so yeah there’s quite a few women that “change” their mind
This is such a cruel and heartless thing to do. He clearly is glad they had their daughter. Why would his wife do this?
Oh shit the update, it got so much worse than I could expect.
Especially when she's six years old. I remember things from when I was four. Six years old remember things and can even understand things. This is cruel to both her husband AND her daughter because any day now she's going to start asking questions and she will have effectively ruined a healthy father/daughter relationship.
@@Athasin Completely agree, I definitely remember a lot from when I was 6. I bet she'll remember this growing up and it will be a really painful memory that will likely take therapy to deal with.
At a very young age my mom told me every person who wanted her to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with me. It definitely put a doubt in my mind about those people even loving me after I was born, if people wanted me around (something I still deal with), and feeling like it's easy for people to push me aside.
I sincerely hope the daughter hasn't retained any of the words her mom has said and can go into life with no harbored emotions from it. That's not okay to say around your child, or tell your child, I feel like no matter how old or young they are.
Random question……..or maybe not. I have two sons one is 18 and the other is 1. I didn’t want anymore kids because my first pregnancy was hard and then he was a difficult baby so I made up my mind of no more kids. My husband always wanted a big family but he settled for having one more and we used to have big arguments about it because I refused. Anyway I got pregnant accidentally and I often say he is an unplanned baby or a whoopsie baby, am I emotionally damaging him? I say this because most people assume I struggled to have more kids because of the big age difference
@@erikaperez5516 personally, I don't think so. I think comments like that are light hearted and as long as you aren't saying it in a hurtful way it isn't the same as saying you don't want him.
@@Bamsler Agree. I also heard I was NOT wanted as a kid. That is different from saying someone was an oopsie baby
the 6yr old child isnt too young to understand...what a disgusting thing to say to someone and with the child in the room
Even if she is 4 or 5, hearing that constantly will leave an imprint in her mind.
This is heart breaking. This is one of those things that doesn’t need to be said or ever talked about with the child. This is between mom and dad and should have been left in the past. The decision was made to keep baby and that’s it. Don’t talk about it again. If you are still dealing with it, deal in therapy or couples counseling. Not in front of said baby. Wow.
Morgan, I appreciate you bringing up the baby in the car story and your opinion on it! I'd love a 'do-over' episode where you do updates and share your thoughts on things you've already spoke about. Especially if you sometimes find it difficult to voice your opinion when you're trying to be kind to a guest, which totally makes sense!
Are you a mind reader :) That's exactly what this weeks episode is all about
@@TwoHotTakes So looking forward to it!!!
Everyone should make sure they keep watching at 12:30. There is a rather unsettling update.
I had 2 miscarriages before I had my son. A friend of mine had decided to remain childfree, but wondered about her choice. She asked me why I would want to continue to try for a baby, and I simply told her that I felt a biological and maternal need to have a child, that I wanted that to feel fulfilled, and had taken years to think about it. She said she didn't have that urge, and I told her that's perfectly fine, no matter what kind of pressure she gets. You don't HAVE to have a child, but people make you feel like you should and that a woman is incomplete without a child, and it's not true.
Many women feel this way to be honest. I’ve read thousands and thousands of women’s comments on tiktoks discussing this. Having children is so normal and expected of women that many women have children out of expectation and not truly wanting them. They don’t not love their children, but if they could choose again, they would choose to be child free. Women also really aren’t supported in motherhood. It takes a village to raise a child, not one (sometimes 2) active parents. The moment a woman gives birth her role and identity in society changes in an instant.. that’s hard to wrestle with.
I definitely think it sounds like some kind of resentment & probably a little guilt on the wife’s part. Resentment like that can be so insidious, and she clearly has a narrative going on in her head about what happened. She’s maybe trying to diminish her role in it all because of her own guilt, and I imagine she gets some kind of catharsis in digging at her husband & making him suffer/upset. Need to get into couples & individual therapy asap before it causes permanent damage to the father & his relationship with his daughter.
I’m an Asexual and am on the spectrum that is sexually repulsed so essentially I don’t want sex or kissing so having biological children is out of the question but I do want to be a mom so I’m thinking about becoming a foster parent so that I can provide a safe and loving environment for any and all kids that come into my home. So it always bothers me when I see people saying that abortion is horrible when they don’t even think about the child’s life because imagine how much pain and suffering the child would go through knowing that one or both parents didn’t want them so if anyone doesn’t want kids then I’m all for it! It doesn’t make sense to keep a child when u doubt u will love it.
She can’t keep doing that to him. It’s abusive! Especially after 7 years. They need marriage counseling and if she can’t let go of the past, then he needs to set himself free. She’ll end up projecting that onto their child and that’s not fair to any of them.
You shouldn’t hold things over the head of someone you love. It’s annoying, unfair, and a great recipe for resentment.
Mann it’s been 6 years leave him alone get over it or get a divorce
What's sad is that divorce wouldn't spare his daughter from those comments in fact they'll probably increase. His daughter is 6, that's first grade, that's "have enough memory to know how to read," that's old enough to repeat what your parents say like it's your own words. People say his daughter will grow up hearing them, but the thing is his daughter *has* grown up hearing them she just doesn't realize what exactly she's hearing.
The whole motherhood thing, yeah. It's crazy how much we're expected to instantly love and understand your child. And I used to want to have kids, I wanted to be Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. But after having substituted in elementary and middle school, and babysitting my niece and nephew, 4 & 5, I don't think I want kids now. And if I somehow got accidentally pregnant I'd be very upset about it now. And I know that no one in my family would understand that because they all have kids. So not only would I be struggling with the regular pressures of being a mom from strangers but then my family on top of that wondering why I don't love it. I would go nuts too.
I feel you, ever since I turned about 20 (I’m turning 25 now) my family asks me every time they see me when I’m having kids. Not are you dating. Not when are you getting married. Just, when are you having kids. And I feel like with my family history there is so much I could unpack in therapy sessions, it makes me not want to have kids. And people don’t think about the responsibility, they think 18 years and your done…no if you actually bond and care for your child…ITS FOR LIFE ! 🙃
don't forget the husband also has depression, which often can twist your perspective and also cause low self esteem and other issues. excess feelings of shame and guilt are common too. the anxiety "what if" thoughts may also be coming back, and making him struggle to move forward
About the update- I would not want to leave the daughter alone with mom after her saying that😳 Seriously consider about whether or not she'd be safe around her
she might be jealous of the attention the husband is giving to the daughter ..
might be too early to judge but a narc mom would definitely feel that way
my mom definitely kept romanticizing motherhood and childbirth to me - and still does. everytime we're on the topic she's constantly going on and on about how she loved being pregnant and having babies and how it was the most magical experience in the world.
and i think that's perfectly fine and great for the people who experience it, but it's more than time that we start to validate people who *don't* feel that way about giving birth. i've known since i was a kid that i didn't want children and at 22 i still haven't changed my mind - i doubt i ever will. i know tons of parents out there who don't even love their babies (and that's a discussion and a problem for another day) - the point is that these people exist and we should stop trying to act like they don't, and like getting pregnant and having a baby will solve all of life's problems or whatever. being a parent and having a kid are HUGE responsibilities and not something we should pressure onto anyone who isn't actively wanting to have said responsibilities, in my opinion.
When it comes to having children, I do actually think it should be a mandatory class at school because 99.9% of kids are going to have a kid and not know what to do, how to be a good parent, what pregnancy is like, possibly even talk about Postpartum Depression etc. It would be handy for them to know as they get older.
Don't have anything to say regarding the story that no one else has already touched on, so I just want to say that Morgan's mid-sentence exclamation when she realized there was an update was priceless 😂
Definitely think life skills classes should be mandatory. I don't know anything about how to be an adult from school.
This
This husband is so sweet and way more empathetic than me. I’m not a mother but was raised by a narcissistic abusive parent and my heart broke knowing that not only was this cruel manipulation on the parent but also abuse to the child. He has worked himself into a depression making a better life for his wife and child. I’m glad they are all in therapy and I really want to sympathize with the mom but she approached her insecurity’s and doubts in the most hurtful way I can imagine. SHE MADE COMMENTS FOR YEARS to her partner who struggled with their mental health. It would be ✨curtains✨ for me. Although maybe she can really grow from this and be the partner her husband deserves… I hope 🤞🏼
Being childless shouldn't be seen as taboo. I got fibromyalgia at 20 and decided at 25 to not have kids. I can barely look after myself, I'm super selfish and I don't have a maternal bone in my body. But the amount of people who have tried to convince me to have kids is seriously fucked up.
One of the biggest reasons I don’t want kids is because I’ve never been around them in my tenn/adult life. I’d never know whether i’d enjoy it or even be a good dad. It’s scary to think about going into blindly.
This is heartbreaking. I don't even have words.
I KNEW IT!!!!! Projecting regret out of jealousy. Women can be the most awful thing on the planet. Hopefully she actually gets help. That little girl will pay the price if not. So sad.
I think everyone should have to take care of other people's kids for an extended period of time, because let me tell you, it's an eye opening experience.
I didn't really want kids, but assumed I would have some someday bc that's what everyone told me would happen.... then I worked as an au pair (think live in nanny, but basically no money for it) and that was a rude awakening. I'm glad I figured out that kids weren't for me without having made that gamble with actual skin in the game
i think there should be public school for adults. free parenting night classes and stuff
There are in a lot of places it's just not public information. If you have a center for nonviolence or a women's shelter they might offer classes for cheap or for free
My highschool had a "life class" where we had to get fake married to other students, run fake jobs and have fake children. Definitely opened some people's eyes lol
I imagined one IRS worker that might be a fan of this podcast getting bambozzled in this hot take hahaha
She wasn’t the child you ended up having, she was a ball of cells. Both parents talked and agreed to not let the ball of cells inside the wife to turn into a living breathing baby girl. I think she feels guilt about agreeing to get an abortion but she’s taking it out in the husband and abortion as a whole, which IS NOT innately an immoral thing. He gave her space to choose what to do with her body, which yes is the bare minimum but shouldn’t be punished.
I mean, did she attend her appointment at all? Because people are abortion clinics often make the mother feel horrible about choosing to get an abortion, so maybe guilt was instilled in her in that moment and she’s projecting that on the husband
I would take her to another room, away from the child and say "So did you. We made the appointment together, and you wanted to keep the baby and I supported that choice." What an awful thing for this woman to say and do. She seems very unhealthy.
The mother wants an apology.
Regretting Motherhood is such a taboo topic that I think she couldn’t express it any other way. Doesn’t make it right or okay *how* she addressed it, don’t get me wrong.
But I get her. You can do anything but regret your motherhood. If you do and dare to tell anyone you’re shunned. A bad mother and a bad human being altogether.
But why? Motherhood is such a huge decision that you can’t reverse so why isn’t it possible to regret it? It’s real and it’s happening. To a lot of women.
Again how this women addressed it was absolutely fucked up. But there are so many women who get shamed for regretting it or wishing that they never had kids, it’s awful.
Doesn’t help that our society absolutely glamorises pregnancy and motherhood. Like … look at how young of a phenomenon the true / open conversation about kids and life is - mainly because of social media. It’s so damn young. And even now if you go into the wrong spaces they hold a lot of - well mainly conservative - traditional views. Facebook groups for example.
This entire thing is just so so sad.
And, to get back to this particular couple, I’m glad they talked it out and took steps to continue their life so that the kid is happy.
Sounds like to me wife never wanted a abortion but made the appointment cause she didn’t want to lose her husband and then she stood her ground and was shocked that he supported her. I think she needs therapy clearly him saying that really effected her. She shouldn’t keep shoving it in his face that he didn’t want his kid at first. It’s a scary moment when you find out your pregnant and didn’t plan it.
Completely agree. I dont think what she is saying in front of the kid is excusable, that is awful to do. That being said, his first word was "we're going to abort right?" he just assumed she wanted it too without asking what the woman truly wanted. She probably agreed at first because she didnt want to lose him and then had second thoughts, and leading into your point then stood her ground and is shocked he said yes. Plus i wonder if they ever talked about what would happen if an surprise baby occured or if that was just what he assumed would happen.
Glad they got to the bottom of it. That was some serious protection of repulsive thoughts
Hit the nail on the head, communities are eroding I had no idea the resources In activities that were going on in my town until I started a very community center job.
Thank you for speaking on the not talked about side of pregnancy and motherhood. There is so much that is not talked about enough.
There are tons of parenting books out there! No one reads them! We offer so many classes at the hospital for free, so few people attend.
Yeah this was my dad with me. He had two children already, and never really wanted any kids to begin with. My mom never brought this up to me or my dad, I only learned about it after a fight with my older brother. Much as it hurt growing up, I'm at a point where I get it now. It's such a huge responsibility to have kids, that choosing not to is so understandable and sometimes really for the best. That being said, she needs to stop throwing it in his face. It's not face and dangerous to everyone's mental health
I knew that was going to be what the wife was feeling. You don't bring stuff like that up constantly unless you're the person with an issue. I hope they can resolve it for the sake of the child.
Canadians and people from many other countries around the world also file taxes though, same as the US. Would you believe the government if they just told you a number anyways? 100% taxes should be taught in school!
Hey I'm from New Zealand, and I've never done taxes before. Our employers dose our taxes when they do our paycheck. (And kiwi saver) Then we got told if we get a tax return or have to pay tax. So do you get a paycheck without tax deduction? I'm always soooo confused of why everyone needs/have to know how to do taxes?
@@zuppaloppagus37 yes, the employer takes money off every paycheck for taxes and we pay taxes on pretty much everything we buy or do. But, when we file our yearly tax returns, we may wind up owing or getting a return based on total income, deductions (like union dues or retirement savings), charitable contributions, dependants (like children), etc. Even depending on the property you own, many can write off x amount of dollars as non-taxable if they are considered a farm or whatever. Many of these things, the government would know about to decide what our taxes should be but not everything. Plus, if we do it ourselves, the government 1) doesn't have to pay employees to calculate everything and 2) it's a more transparent process to the citizens, I assume. I'm not familiar with the New Zealand tax system, however.
she's deflecting! and he cannot physically understand her decision making process-- it's impossible, so, he's absorbing. they both need therapy.
If she’s doing this in front of their daughter it sounds like she’s trying to drive a wedge between op and daughter out of anger or guilt.
She shifts the blame onto op to prove she loves the daughter more or resents daughter’s existence and is stirring the pot out of spite
Dead “ that’s a big word for Elmo “
Sooo, my father never wanted kids and DEMANDED my mom get an abortion. I'm most likely the reason they broke up in the long run - and my mother made sure I knew all about it when I was young enough that it's in my earliest memories. My dad always told me he was proud to have me as his daughter, but no matter what he said, I always thought about what I was told. It definitely influenced how I interacted with him. He unalived himself when I was 15 and I'll always regret the way I acted so distant towards him, no matter all the circumstances of our difficult relationship. I did love him, but I always doubted his love. And the kicker? After his death, my mom gave me the journal page that he wrote the day I was born, it was all about how he was in awe that he wanted such a "little wonder" to not exist, that he was glad my mom refused to let me go. It doesn't hurt so much these days, but the thought does make me go into deep contemplation from time to time. I truly hope that little girl somehow didn't register what her mother was saying, but that's unlikely considering her mom's personality. I wish her the best, and that poor father as well.
Wow....what a B. That poor daughter and dad. My mom did this with my sister, and she's an addict and suicidal as an adult. Some mothers dont deserve the title.
BTW 6 years old?!! She definitely understands whats being said. Wow wow.
A child is a whole responsabilatie and people always tells how beautifull and magical it is, but its not! realy wonder why she kept the baby in the first place....
It takes a village! With the growth of our country, community, humanity (however you want to word it), we have moved away from a community. It's hard because we hear the horror stories of trusting your children with others, kidnapping, etc but it's removed us from being a community. I grew up 11yrs younger than my brother, no cousins, no nieces/nephews, etc. I big part of why I don't have kids is because I don't know what to do and don't care enough to take the time to learn it. I fear messing up a child
23:58 no she was absolutely excusing leaving the child in the car. she was giving "reasons" why its okay- like saying maybe the mom needs that break. she also didn't really outright denounce that behavior, and overly focused on gender and blamed others reactions on the fact it was the mother doing the neglect not the father.
My ex asked if abortion was an option and then dipped out for the next 6 years. I can’t believe that poor man being so guilted over a conversation for so long. He did exactly what he should have been doing the entire time and still had to carry something that heavy. My heart breaks for him. My daughter was iugr and the dr told me after she was born that if we had waited to induce instead of bringing her into the world 4 weeks early, that she’d have been stillborn. It was an impulse decision to take her early. I carried that for months. It was absolutely awful.
When my bestie found out she was pregnant and told her mom, her mom's response was you better get an abortion before you ruin someone else's life. Now she dotes on them(turned out to be twins) and always goes on about loving "her babies"....it makes me sick to think about but I would NEVER EVER EVER say anything in front of the girls. How could you say that in front of a child?!?! She's disgusting.
I am adopted. When I was 16 my mom told me she wanted to return me and get her money back. Like I was a faulty product from a store. It hurts to this day and I'm almost 40. Those things can stick with you. She needs to think about her daughter, not about placing some sort of sick blame on her husband.
Seems like she has pushing her own internal guilt onto him. Oh damn that update. It’s actually so sad. I feel so bad for both of them actually. The wife should have never ever ever done that but I can imagine how hard it must have been with those feelings inside of her
She wanted an abortion at first too, she’s just as guilty as he is.
It hurts less to blame other people, i think she is projecting her thoughts of the situation and blame the other part to not feel the pain herself.
I think this is stupid, so what if he didn't want her? What he wanted then clearly has no bearing on how he feels now. He doesn't need to feel guilty for it. He's making the best of the life he currently has.
I maintain that people need to understand that a lot of things are just different, not better. The things you enjoy about having a child are better than not having a child, they are just different.
As someone who has so many negative things happen in my life, I've learned that what you wanted before doesn't matter. The person that you were in that moment doesn't exist anymore. You only have what's in front of you in the present, so it's best not to waste the happiness that you have by fixating on decisions that you didn't make.
Edit- holy shit the update tho
Sounds like internal guilt being taken out on her husband
I know that's not the main topic in this video but taxes in US really sucks. I live in Poland and if you're just a regular employee (not like a firm owner etc.) it's basically 5 clicks on the governmental website and you're done. You receive a pdf file or a letter from your employee where you have everything calculated and on the website you only have to confirm that's your only income or add stuff if you have to. There you can also choose from various tax refunds, it's basically all listed and you just have to pick. Sometimes US really feels like it's way behind other countries when it comes to online banking and governmental issues.
Oh sure blame the husband, but not herself? She agreed to it from the start too, and even made the appointment! The fact of the matter is they BOTH agreed to an abortion and they BOTH changed their minds, so why only blame him? She is as much to blame if she is pulling that shit on him 🙄 I honestly don’t understand some women! The manipulation!
Sounds like she could've also manipulated the pregnancy as well.
Also, normalize the conversation about how life changing it is to have children. Would never hold any grudge to my parents if they were doubting on having me.
Ooo I've never been this early! Love your guy's show
God no one should have to take on 3 jobs
Here’s the thing.. they both came to a decision to abort then decide to keep and raise her. The fact she says this is so manipulative and wrong.
Birth can be horrible! I wanted both of my loving children and they were planned but my first birth was one of the most horrible experiences in my life! It caused severe ptsd and ppd. I needed to go to therapy to deal with all the damage I was dealt emotionally. My second was also traumatic but the doctors and nurses were so amazing that it made a huge difference from my first. Also miscarriages are horrible! I had 3 losses between my boys and it seriously messed me up mentally so bad I felt broken.
With regard to the baby in the car story, I actually liked that guest, even though her opinions were controversial. Consider bringing her back
She’s punishing him, that’s torture. And she shouldn’t say it in front of the child!!
If she wasn't clearly manipulating him I would come back with "Well you changed your mind, he isn't allowed to change his?". You're allowed to change your mind in life, you can go from someone who doesn't want kids to someone who doesn't mind their own kids, my Mom is someone who still doesn't like kids but loves her own. I feel sad for this guy, it's good that she's recognizing her feelings but it sucks that she's taking it out on him.
Does no one else’s school have personal finance class?
She’s 100% projecting
One thing I don't get just listening to the initial post (and knowing what happens in the updates) is that it wouldn't be OP 'killing the baby'. It would be her. She's the one carrying the foetus. Her body, her choice. I'm not going to call her (or anyone) an asshole for not being comfortable with having an abortion, but it would be her choice at the end of it all.
I know in the update it comes out she's dealing with PPD and whatnot, but still.
She literally considered it herself as well so It sounds more like she’s letting some jealousy get to her and she’s saying it in a condescending/passive aggressive way, as if to say she should have just gone thru w it so she wouldn’t have to feel the way she does when she sees her husband giving attention to his daughter…
I don’t blame the mom for feeling that way there have been times where I don’t want to be a mom anymore it gets hard and it’s a struggle but I do love my kids and it was my choice.
It sounds like SHE is questioning her decision. Like she needs the validation that she did the right thing. When I’m insecure, I ask dumb shit over and over until I feel valid. This is obviously an extreme of that but maybe she thinks she didn’t make a good decision.
Post-partum depression and having a hard time connecting is valid but it stops being valid when the child is 6 years old. At that point, if she's still acting on it, it's just plain abuse. She's saying these things in front of her 6 year old daughter. That's verbal abuse and her daughter is being traumatized. Her father needs to get her away from her mother until she learns to fix this or she shouldn't be allowed to interact with her daughter.
She’s saying it because she has to remind herself. She’s not actually saying it to him. She needs therapy. She shouldnt talk like that in front of their child.
This is absolutely sickening.
First,
I agree with some of the commentors. I wonder why she decided to change her mind about the abortion. It seemed as though she wanted one, and the husband wanted one. Maybe she needed more counseling about it prior to making the appointment.
Secondly,
It’s disgusting how she is treating her husband. Even if he wanted the abortion 6 years ago, doesn’t mean that he does not love his daughter now. The fact that she continually throws this in her husband’s face while he is with their daughter is horrific. Prior to listening to the update, makes me think that she resents having the daughter, and is taking her misery out on her child and husband. Maybe she feels as though she has to be the perfect mom to her family and friends, so her misery is exacerbated at home because everyone else thinks she is so great.
If I were the husband, as much as he may “love” his wife, I think it would be in everyone’s interest for him and the wife to divorce, and he be granted full custody of his daughter. Then she can move on with her life, kid free and get the “mental help” that she clearly must not be getting enough of with her current therapy. Because the 6 year old will end up extremely damaged as she gets older hearing constantly how her parents didn’t want her.
To add, I honestly do not think this is something that she will be able to fix with therapy. She genuinely does not seem happy in being a mother (whether something traumatic happened or not). I mean, if it works, good for them. But I think the damage to him and the daughter has been done.
Its my opinion the modern society actively avoids the topic of children, like Morgan said " I've never changed a diaper." The question is why? Why haven't you taken a more active role in the lives of your family or friends with kids? We play around these real issues in life, waiting for schools to teach kids. I think we as a society need to stop shunning children, parents and pregnancy. We want child free weddings, child free events, we look to give our pregnant friends/new mothers gifts rather than really sit with them in times of struggles.
My mind is all over the place, maybe my comment is a bit rambly but I hope the message comes across.
I have real conversations with my friends, I give them the good, the bad and the ugly. Some close thier eyes, and then when they had a child it was like "oh my gosh, I didn't think you were serious when you said this, this and this."
That's ridiculous, she also wanted the A at the beginning, so she can change her mind but he can't? He can't be a good dad because he had an agreement with his wife?
My husband learned how to change a diaper from the nurse in nicu. He was 30 at the time. I was like, “ok, now show me because the last time I changed one was 13 years ago with a girl, not a boy.” lol 🤦🏻♀️ pregnant 🤰🏼I can’t wait to have more babies, out of CA! Lol
Nah, that's just diabolical.
She is manipulative and trying to twist it and throw it to her face, I personally believe that she cannot forgive herself nor can she forgive him. This call is coming from inside the home she’s projecting
Is there a link to this story?
Maybe the wife regrets wanting to abort in the beginning or regrets not aborting and by telling her husband these things makes her feel better.
For the dad, my mom told me she was going to abort me but changed her mind and she is happy she kept me and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest
Is there any way to link the stories to Reddit in the description box? I don’t know about others but I’m a comment reader and I’d love to see comments outside of the ones you focus on
I think she felt guilty for originally making that decision and just puts all the blame on him. I think its wrong of her to continually barade him for something they chose together. It's also not like he was uncaring for what I hear it seems that he is so I feel she is out of line.
This may be a very tricky thing to say here
But I think him asking that question was fair…he should get to at least ask this question…..especially considering the circumstances.
maybe abortion is a triggering word. So any guy who doesn’t want this responsibility can frame it a little differently but they should be allowed to clarify their stance. If someone knows they can’t be a parent we shouldn’t force the child to live in tht environment. It’s not good for anyone. No one should be able to just shrug off responsibility and run off, but after having ensured both parties have made a mutual decision and they should get to make a clean break.
I think she is projecting her self hate and guilt onto her husband. I think she needs to address her own feelings of guilt and self hate.
Nope, this is not something a parent should say infront of their child. If she has a problem with the fact he wanted her to abort in the past then she needs to take that up with him in therapy rather than constantly mention it infront of their kid.
I could never imagine saying this infront of my baby. I know they wouldn’t understand now but if they grow up and figure it out…just think of the effects it could have on the relationships between parents and child
My mom told me my dad didn't want me. My dad loved me and I always resented her and not him.