Autoandrophilia
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
- I finally figured out what the Hell is wrong with me (part one of three).
Autoandrophilia is a rarely discussed or studied phenomenon, much like anything else regarding women's health.
Citations:
Illy, P. (2023). Autoheterosexual: Attracted to being the other sex.
Kolk, B. V. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin.
Lawrence, A. A. (2012). Men trapped in men's bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic transsexualism. Springer Science & Business Media.
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Your candor is extremely refreshing.
Most people could only dream of being this self aware and honest.
Really appreciate hearing your story. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve noticed how Yaoi has influenced a lot of FtM transitions. A lot of detransitioners talk about being obsessed with yaoi.
From my experience, most in the cosplay community are influenced with Yaoi (including shipping)
It’s so so so strange. Cause like he’s sure straight boys like to watch lesbian porn….but their not running around wishing they were these beautiful young girls who have too much powers and emotions to explains.!!soooo we must anime fight brother! We are a steedless stock desperately drowning in hormonal ovulatory hysterics Kween we must
It's really weird, from a male perspective. I suppose it's what women feel like when a MtF's is highly influenced by mainstream pornography and is obsessed with porn, except there is even less interest among most men (even gay men) in yaoi than women's interest in mainstream porn.
Put another way: imagine a Japanese person wanting to become Christian on the basis of the cool visuals they saw in Neon Genesis: Evangelion.
Straight cis woman here. Love yaoi. And Queer as Folk. And watching gay sex.
Wow, you’re speaking my experience to a T. It’s so interesting. You’re the only other person I’ve seen talk about this but it’s very accurate. It’s been frustrating trying to explain to therapists and friends what it feels like to have this obsessive urge to “become” certain men. Most of my life I thought it was a weird quirk only I had. Though I never considered myself to be trans I relate so hard.
YESSS SAME!!
Interesting that you mention anime. Despite the implications of my YT name, I'm a straight man. When I was around 12, I got in to pr0n mostly through watching hentai. Through many different factors, that being one, I developed autogynophelia... I wanted to be a lipstick lesbian.
It wasn't really until about 16 when I got in to a very wholesome and intimate relationship that that impulse fully went away.
Back then, actually becoming a woman wasn't an option anyone ever presented to me. It wasn't part of the zeitgeist. I'm very glad for that, because it's not impossible that I could have been talked in to pursuing that path.
For me, it was a phase brought on during the advent of puberty. It's probably that way for the majority of people becoming trans these days.
Women around that age often have struggles accepting femininity as well. My girlfriend during that period also had similar issues; both of us resolved our gender issues by experiencing them with one-another.
Today, intimacy rates are decreasing, larger amounts of people are dating less and having less sex, and where transitioning is such a trendy and 'easy' option, those kinds of issues are going to be unresolved in far more people. If I'd been an incel, or even had a less wholesome first relationship, I'd be a much more troubled and insecure person.
I do believe that's a major factor. Humans are meant to pair up, we need touch and love, but these days those things are so rare. People are losing their virginity later and later. I'm struggling to find anyone who will even show up for one date, let alone a second.
I'm a male with autogynophilia. All of these similar conditions boil down to a simple and intense biological drive or attraction accompanied by some form of "dissociative" disorder, of which there's many. Your biological urge forces you to think about something while your disorder makes it hard to see you as you are, therefore the only subject in the equation you can see clearly you start to associate with.
Thank you for mentioning the dissociative disorder aspect of it, I really wish this part was talked about more. I liken it to 'partial DID', as there is no loss of memory, but in a very real sense it feels like two people fighting over the same body. At least for me it does.
I felt myself nodding along to a lot of this. I’m a butch lesbian and I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I’m AAP bc I thought they were all heterosexual women, similarly to how AGPs are straight men. Being in butch4butch relationships and engaging in that sort of media really worked with both my attraction to women and to masculinity in a way that didn’t feel “emasculating”, if that makes sense. I also heavily related to projecting onto fictional male characters and imagining yourself as them without being attracted to men. Really glad you’re voicing this.
As a woman i grew up felling disconnected from femininity because of the examples presented to me at the time, they were all vastly hyperfeminine and stereotypical. So i thought femininity as a whole wasn't for me; at 12 i started dressing up as a man but didn't feel good either, I felt like i was pretending to be something i was not, and that people could tell by looking at me that even though i didn't want to be a man, i was reflecting that i was the caricature of one, which for me was deeply degrading. Also i only admired male fictional characters, their fashion style, their charisma and perfect balance, but never admired a real man. For me, being called a man was never a compliment because i knew people were coming from the perspective of what a real man is, not the fictional ones. I wanted to receive compliments that people rarely gave to woman, like how i was smart, capable to the point other people could depend on me. i just wanted to be respected in a way i felt that people didn't respected hyper feminine woman, maybe cause people felt threatened by them, or couldn't relate so there was always this huge distance between them. I stopped feeling this way when at 20, i got a buzzcut with light bangs and started dressing non revealing clothes, baggy skirts with pants underneath with some sick platform sneakers/boots vests, jackets, high collar shirts, blazers etc. minimal makeup, never in a style that appeals to hyper femininity or appeals to the male gaze. people give me genuine compliments on my personality now, like they like that im not appealing to either side, nor masculine nor feminine. one thing that i couldn't understand was that, most people do not dress for themselves, they dress for the people they want to sexually attract. they always put their sexual identity indicator through appearances first, not waht they really like to wear who reflects who they really are. the lesson i learned was that, only being yourself before anything else will make you feel comfortable in your body, not dressing up in whatever you think your ideal counterpart would like you to; only being your true self will make you attract people who are also truly themselves, and evolve into true connections. my mbti is the commander and i think delicate and gentle puppy like man are fun, and they like my assertiveness and guidance. woman like me more too, they like how i do not depend on other people's views of me to assert and validate the idea i have of myself. be yourself unapologetically and you'll attract people that do not give a damn about what you are and do not give a damn to try to think about which stereotype you are, they won't understand you at first and they're gonna love you for it :)
Man, I could have written that, we are identical. I'm even a commander type too.
are you also a capricorn by any chance? if so we were separated at birth indeed fr@@CourtneyCoulson
You calling me out with the Legolas comment. He is the reason I always wanted to take up archery.
i’m a detransitioned lesbian but i totally romanticized men in fiction especially the quiet nerdy type who is also a badass (i guess Connor in Detroit Become Human). or, just straight badasses like Leon Kennedy (still love that guy). in fiction, men can be humans, but women are objects and “women” first in fiction. i grew up very lonely and “weird”, i had some mental disabilities and i was the sped kid, all that. also the “tomboy”. it became this subconscious goal of mine to become a man so i can get a girlfriend and my masculinity would look good on me. looking back when i was 15 and discovering my “trans identity” it probably was somewhat erotic. but now i’m happily a butch lesbian. it just took a second.
Seems a lot of us lesbians go down that same path these days.
First of all, love that Connor Cosplay.
Second, it's interesting that you mentionned cosplay and autoandrophilia because many young women in the cosplay community are obsessed with effiminate men, especially for shipping. It's not only from manga, but also video games(Genshin Impact for example) and Asian Drama.
Most of these girls would end up as pansexuals (Aka Bisexual), "ace" (which doesnt male sense), "non-binary" (aka androgynous) or would transition into transmen.
What scares me, and it's my opinion after seeing it for about 8 years, is that their fandom will lead them to a road of no return.
Most of those cosplayers, that are just fans, want to be the same as their counterpart. As a way to escape the hardship of reality. But the price to pay at the end will be high once they reach their 30s.
And I feel bad for them.
Transitioning is just extreme cosplay now.
@@CourtneyCoulson it is. Worst part are friends of mine who may end up like this. One person ended up as non binary in 2020 and I fear she'll go through HRT while her health is not the best of it.
And some others...I hate to say it but they're lost causes.
This is so weird... I relate to a lot of this stuff. Maybe not to the same extreme as you, but there are definite similarities. It's kind of weird for me, though, because I don't think I'm gay.
I think it's mostly that I find masculine attributes / androgyny to be attractive and therefore a part of me always wants to emulate that. Because that is what I find physically beautiful in others.
I am also bugged out by the idea of being objectified and not being in control. My sexual fantasies are also (I think exclusively) from the perspective of whatever male character or whoever that I'm fixated on. Never female.
I wish I was taller, and had a sharper jaw, and other more masculine features. I often find myself fantasizing about having male genitalia. I would not describe these feelings as dysphoria/dysmorphia of any kind, just sort of an... Idealization of myself, I guess? I don't know how to explain it.
I also find myself feeling inferior for my more feminine attributes. I feel weak and small and stupid and like I can't be taken seriously.
It's strange because in personality and a lot of my body language and things, I am a naturally feminine person... I relate a lot to what you said about sort of wanting to fit the "man" role ("here, let me make this fire for you and open this jar" lol) but in actuality I'm weak and have girly mannerisms and don't fit that profile even though I really want to.
Edit: I also never really had issues with this stuff pre-puberty to my recollection. I was never wholly a tomboy, or wholly a girly, I just kind of vibed and did my own thing as a kid. I would play act as both male and female characters depending on my mood, I guess... All my favorite fictional characters were guys and I never really connected to the female ones. idk.
Wow, another one like me, I can't believe it!
Thats because female characters were often written without any "masculine" qualities...who wants to be boring and lack character? Nobody
Same.
That's almost exactly like me
feelings can be a full time job
Boy, are they. Sometimes I miss having emotional analgesia.
@@CourtneyCoulson I mean you don't have to kill the damn things, its like riding a horse, a beast with a mind of its own you sort of dance with on the long journey
Oh my gosh the part about Michael Fassbender? I think i had an obsession with him as well at some point. As a little kid though growing up watching movies and TV i would always relate more to the male characters and would want to "be" them. I felt as though this was weird and a secret i kept to myself for a long time- playing with my female and male cousins, none of the other girls showed any interest at all in playing as a boy character instead of a girl- but i WANTED to- i suppose it all started then. Anime reaaally drove it farther, I didnt like the super feminine male characters either? I liked Inuyasha, Koga (also from Inuyasha), Natsu Dragneel from Fairytail, stuff like that. And at 13 i came out as transgender- i got on testosterone last year for a little over a month and detransitioned in december. I am almost 20 now and i'm pretty sure i have AAP its just crazy how i didnt know all this before! Being attracted to a guy but also wanting to b e him. I still struggle with this i think on a deep level, im more attracted to androgynous men and I myself am a bit androgynous, im try to be more feminine at times but it makes me unhappy. So i just wear jeans t shirts and a leather jacket, put on some dark eyeliner and eyeshadow and call it a day. I feel most comfortable that way at least, i dont know if its because im really being myself or because ill have less of a chance of being sexualized, but still seen as female.
If you are interested in learning about the biological causes for homosexuality I would recommend Dr. Debra Soh or generally looking into the field sexology. This field also includes research about paraphilias such as AAP and AGP.
Fascinating video btw, I've never seen someone affected by AAP talk so openly about it.
I've noticed how a lot of Fujoshis wanting to participate in yaoi ships themselves end up adopting a more masculine look.
"I'll start this fire, I'll climb that tree, whatever you need" LOL 😂
You're seriously hilarious. That was the moment where I had to comment for sure.
Great video overall. Very insightful.
When you point about how we're "not allowed to have these discussions anymore".. that is important.
Why can't we have these talks about why we are gay?
Good on you for being brave enough to discuss with your audience. I think this is something many gay women experience, but just wont talk about.
Reddit mods are the worst.
Also amazing cosplay.
I'm obsessed. ❤
I might need to make a bigger costume at some point!
@@CourtneyCoulson oh yeah, the arms haha
Well you're very talented, so I have confidence in whatever you plan to do with it haha
aag is something i’ve been trying to learn about recently and it connects with me quite a bit. though there are some areas i am confused about. i have always been a larger women, broad shoulders, large hands, big feet and considered tall-ish for a girl (5’7). femininity has always felt like a costume i’ve been forced into, and i avoided as much as possible, but at the same time i felt jealous of feminine women cause it always appears so nature for them. though as I’ve gotten older (28 turning 29 now) i’ve been able to admit to myself that when im in sexual situations (usually with men, even though I’m attracted to women i’m terrible with them and men will fuck anything) i imagine myself as a man who’s been forced feminized, like i am a man in costume as a women (a barely convincing enough) duping men into sleeping with me. it feels icky, i don’t like it.
when you mentioned the aversion to hyper femininity due to is the strong tie to capitalism really spoke to me. i had never thought of it that way.
I truly appreciate how open you’re about this! I myself am a lesbian which was something my family wasn’t very happy to admit. But it still take me a long time be comfortable with who I am. I rather be looked at for my heart my soul and my poems. I wish there was a way to share some of them with you sometimes I feel like people forget the connection and not just the sex. ❤
I relate really hard to some of this. Not so much the wanting to be masculine (quite the opposite in fact), or being attracted to androgynous males, but the lack of depth in female characters more generally.
8:09 Yeah and the book also acknowledges the link between serial murder, sex crimes, and AGP.
Goodbye horses.
I think you look like Cillian Murphy here!
Thanks, I get that a lot. Here's my Barbenheimer shoot: instagram.com/p/CydewOJPe6p/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
No one is interested in _fixing_ these conditions. They just want attention for _having_ these conditions.
Great video on the subject so many try to deny is a thing.. I am a Male to female back to male detransitioner and it’s crazy how common AGP is.
CONNER 💖
Btw. Love the hour long videos of you talking 😂
learned something today, thanks for sharing your journey.
You pose some really interesting questions. While I can't relate to your exact feelings and experiences, watching your videos is still really insightful, mainly because it only proves that there are always gonna be people who do not fit any of the specific labels created by society (whether it is sexuality or a mental disorder), which makes one wonder if the way we label things in psychology is the best way to see them at all, furthermore, how much are we influenced by genetics, environment etc. Nothing really is absolute at the end of the day, and I think the way people are obsessing over labels these past few years is very unhealthy (lot of self-diagnosed ADHD, autism...or the 50 different genders type of thing).
Funny thing is, the whole woke movement, usually Gen Z people, usually autistic or super shy filled with anxiety, and usually into anime...that could be a category of it's own...that could technically be a label, or a diagnosis. I have a friend who fits the profile you described almost perfectly: She is really into anime gay stuff pretty boys. She's technically a lesbian irl, but wishes to be a man (and specific male characters she likes). She told me that if she were a male, she would be gay too, but she can't imagine being with a man as a female (real men kinda scare her too apparently), so she identifies as a lesbian...(and is into girls too, which kinda confuses me, cause doesn't that make her bisexual if the conditions were different?) She also had some trouble with the men in her family, so honestly, her situation makes sense, and can be explained.
Now, I have largely different experience than...well anyone that I know of or met. I don't feel different or weird or isolated from society, I feel very normal (I am actually considered weird at times, because I _don't_ feel weird). But I can't relate to anyone in anything, which is why I've never had deep emotional connections with people. I have a lot of friends, but it's never anything deep (never had a best friend who I could tell everything or that kind of thing, but the friends that I have are fun and nice, can't complain). These things aren't an issue for me, and the reason I feel very normal is precisely because I don't really have mental issues as much as my peers or anyone these days (then again that's partly a product of the modern age we live in). But it makes me wonder, how is it that the way I experience the world and the issues that I have are nothing like the stuff other people have. And then there's the fact that I was actually diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 10, but now I firmly believe it's bullshit XD (it wasn't all that official, no tests or anything, the psychologist just talked to me???), because I just don't have any of the issues associated with ASD, specifically the social issues, and need for routines or rules (I actually can't stand rules or routines, especially when someone makes me follow them)...never had that even though officially that should be the _basis_ of autism...But I do think differently, similarly to what we now call neurodivergent people. I once met a girl with ADHD, and it surprised me how her thinking patterns were similar to mine, plus I am kinda hyperactive and do everything fast at times...but I can't have ADHD, cause I don't have the attention deficit (I am actually pretty awesome at focusing), or any of the issues associated with ADHD (I read up on it, it just doesn't fit).
So yeah, it's interesting that you mentioned at one point how autism played role in your life, in a way that was very much different to what we view as "standard" or "accurate" (makes you wonder what even is accurate). Then there is this whole trans thing, good for you on figuring that out XD, like I honestly believe autoandrophilia could be the valid cause for a lot of people to be feeling this way. Like I said, my situation is very different from yours, and yet in some sense I feel like I really understand you, considering I can't really explain why I am the way I am by using modern psychology. One could argue there's really no point in analysing things like that. I largely live by the philosophy: Just do what makes you feel happy, live the way you want to live. And I generally don't overanalyse things like this, cause I don't think our brains are capable of fully understanding everything. There isn't always one clear answer that makes sense. Regardless, it's still very interesting, and I can't help but wonder about me and other people, cause let's be honest, it's kind of human nature to forever wonder.
Sorry for the long comment, I literally have no one to discuss these things with...
Legolas is uniquely beautiful
Im a cisgender guy but i have a congenital disorder that nukes my T production, and basically everything here is literally me
Only thing to add is, with me theres an addictional fulcrum of ethnicity/culture. I'm a first generation african immigration, and always felt alienated from the typical black American machismo, in addition to a general failure to perform heteronormativity. I always felt a link between my rather cold, distant, characteristically demeanor and fictional characters, particularly in anime. I don't know if theres a link between the shame culture of the Japanese and my own. My username comes a book by a japanese American author that i strongly identified with. Basically while most guys are idolizing andrew tate, I'm idolizing zhenya from codename anastasia
Oh my gosh! AAP exists?
I am a male with AutoGynePhilia. I fight against it due to religious reasons. (I am a Christian). I wish I had a female friend that has AutoAndroPhilia so as to share experiences and help each other out.
I imagine we as buddies in a casual talk saying: “hey, if only we could change bodies eh?! 😅.
Anyway, as a kid i thought being a boy sucked and it seemed that being a girl was the most wonderful thing. Girls were pretty, they were flowery and enchanting. Whereas us boys were ugly and rough. That was my perception.
I wonder what causes females to perceive the being male as better.
This is a major character arc moment, we need some filler after this.
The season finale!
will there be a finale sequel?@@CourtneyCoulson
This completely mirrors my experience as a FtMtF detransitioner myself, and I saw plenty of other FTMs in fandom spaces who were just like this--wanting to become the male characters they adored.
In terms of dating, I've had decent luck by searching actively for submissive men. I just don't date normal guys. I'm bisexual but with a preference for men, and I'm just frankly not very turned on by vanilla hetero sex.
I do think I acquired this fetish by consuming lots of yaoi at a young age. I remember when I was very young, I fantasized about vanilla sex. I think yaoi actively changed what I get off to. It may be related to the fact that I was molested when I was a toddler--it's hard for me to know since I was so young and this stuff is unconscious, but the number of FTMs who were sexually abused is astronomically high.
One thing that has helped me is writing my own characters--female characters that embody what I like. It doesn't have to be realistic, but there's something freeing about writing a 6ft tall ripped futa with a submissive and breedable boyfriend.
Thank you so much for making this video. I have Autoandrophilia as well as a Yaoi fetish. I think Yaoi and just poor female representation made me start to identify with the male characters. I never fantasized about being with my favorite male character I wanted to be the him.I now settle for my natural androgyny. I even practice doing a male voice for voice acting and I never thought I could deepen my natural voice that much. I had to turn this infliction into a positive, I suppose.😅
As a homosexual male I fully agree with you except for one thing. Not all homosexual males want to be with a manly man. Some do, but not all. I don't care about my boyfriend's manliness. He needs to be a biological male however as that is what makes me homosexual. More people like you need to speak up about this. The extremists don't want to hear this at all.
This was an incredible video. I enjoyed learning about this.
Yeah same goes for autistics who are male. pretty obvious AGP going on with me too. Wish people would be more willing to talk about it.
Yeah, seems a lot of autistic boys either get into crossdressing or furries, not sure why that is.
The experience one gets of transmen, as a natal male, is people identifying their way into your group and then criticising every aspect of it and demanding accommodations must be made for them: which is the most female behaviour I can think of, ironically.
LMAO you mean like what AGPs do to lesbian spaces? and women's spaces in general? Seems to me like a very masculine behavior.... a bit of projection, perhaps?
Whenever I see a man claiming to be a lesbian trapped in a man's body, I must fight the temptation to tell him "no honey, you just want good ole pegging."
Jokes aside, have you ever considered femdom before transitioning? Or is that much more about masculinity for you than dominance?
Frankly, I didn't have any bad experience with a boy. It just didn't do much mentally and it couldn't compete with fantasies of being the dominant one with a guy who would want me that way. Let's put it that way, if you have a kink and they want the normal thing, it's just..not there. You'll get bored and it's awkward and even if it might work physically, mentally it's meh. Maybe I'm somehow damaged and some hormone doesn't get released as it should but I really can't relate to other women's experiences with euphoria and good feelings.
Because of this, I can relate a bit to not wanting my body being touched, well, at certain place anyway, but I'm not a butch and definitely never considered transition. I consider myself quite feminine and I love how my body looks. The problem is that I don't represent my wants through my looks or outward expression in any way so I often feel like an imposter, a fake and attract men that seem to be of little or no use to me in the bedroom, just romantically and I'm of no use to them. What am I, supposed to walk around in a dominatrix suit or something?
I found a guy that maybe is AGP and maybe have had an experience with AAP and tried roleplaying gender reversal with me online but it just felt ridiculous. :D That was the point I figured I definitely wasn't AAP. I realized I wanted to be seen as I am. With my name, my anatomy and physique with realistic expectations, neither as some Johnny or a strong muscular badass woman. Yes, it would be cool to be strong enough to carry a guy in my arms but let's be realistic.
One last thing, it happened to me very often throughout the years that whenever I didn't put my gender on display, people often assumed I was male and I always enjoyed it. Not because I would want to be seen as a man but because they were constantly disproving stupid stereotypes about how a girl or a woman should behave, think, talk, what interest she should have. I never tried to be anyone else in online space, I just expressed my thoughts or talked about what interested me - movies, games, music bands, yet, here we come. Apparently if you have something else than your selfie or some fictional female character as a profile pic and talk about something else than beautifying products or Korean drama then you're male in their brains. Hm...
Yes, I consider myself dominant. I haven't found anyone who wants me because of that though.
You say women in anime and such are vapid and empty therefore no one wants to be them, but I had the opposite experience. I wanted to be like them. But there's a weird paradox where on some level women are seen as 'receptacles' but on the other hand women can manipulate men just by showing a bit of skin.
As strong and powerful as a man can be, a woman can have him wrapped around her little finger. A sexy woman can bring a million men to their knees. I don't see women as weak. Women are men's kryptonite.
There's something oddly fascinating about how a few simple curves can be so disarming. I fail to see it as a weakness.
That's exactly why girls don't relate, they aren't in touch with their bodies or sexuality. That's terrifying to them. Men's power has nothing to do with sex, women's power seems only to revolve around sex.
@@CourtneyCoulson Right, I can see how that could be quite daunting. Specially growing up without good role models. Engaging in that power might feel like its making the problem worse.
Would you be open to discussing the topic on livestream?
yes I WISH TO DISCUSS THIS WITH OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, open forum with serious participants both ftm and mtf
@@priwncessAh dang, I’m cis but am open to having anyone on to discuss topic!
If you’d like, I’m open to discussion.
@@thecomedyclub9615 awesome! I’m not sure if I follow u on X what’s ur @ or a good way to get in touch ?
Isn’t Autoandrophilia the same thing as Freud’s penis envy, coupled with the euphoria of role-reversal and the love of masculine energy and emotion?
I assert that Androgynephilia as far deeper and more appropriate to the male than penis envy is to the female. Freud took the easy path…
All psychological labels are just human beings trying to categorise observed phenomena, the lines between concepts are subjective at best and arbitrary at worst.
@@CourtneyCoulson Arbitrary? As in random? You’ve gone to far. More like objective at best and subjective at worst.
The categorization of observed phenomenon is a necessary convenience by which we are able to discuss complex topics. We can’t just throw out labels if we want to create understanding and agreement, no?
I feel pretty attracted to you. Love your voice ❤ but totally understand what you’re talking about. You named every early 2000 male fixation I’d forgotten.
I think you are very attractive perfectly androgynous but still very “pretty” imo
This might be a longcomment and I'm just gonna kind of ramble.
I think the biggest thing for me is that I want everything to be equal between me and whoever I imagine my partner to be. Growing up I never thought about gender as being important, I wasn't a girly girl but I wasn't a Tom boy either I was just me. I'm just a soul trapped in a body that has been labeled as female but I never got to choose that and I don't really identify with it I don't give a crap. So a few years ago I got into some yaoi stuff (fluff but still) and I was just pissed that every relationship in every movie the woman was always just sexualized or a prize to the men. So in yaoi it was equal. At this point I was also sex repulsed and considered myself ace. I was obsessed with the concept of a Queer platonic relationship even though that's like, any healthy relationship basically. So yeah it's mostly a dislike of how society sees females that made me dysphoric. Coupled with what I think is AAP which I still have. I think I'm more into the twink types(?) buy I was never into anime. Guys like leon kennedy, dante from dmc, v from dmc, and any fem guys I see on Pinterest and stuff. I'm weirdly obsessed with like non passing trans girls and fem boys and stuff because gender politics are a hyperfixation of mine. I wish I could be equal to men i wish i could protect a guy and help him. Religious upbringing hasn't helped either with the feeling of being inequal to men.
Also I'm kind of terrified of men in real life and I can't bring myself to imagine sexual stuff with men even though I am very attracted to them romantically. I can see women sexually and imagine that but like I have never seen women romantically. It's just mismatched.
You look like a young Elizabeth Taylor
No she doesn't. And she sounds like a man
You're like link from Zelda you can be both genders and still look good.. why?
Androgyny, baby!
Have you seen Helena's discussions/presentations with Stella and Sasha on Shipping? She goes into a lot of the comic/lit scene per young girls dysphoria.
Who?
I've tried replying twice, not sure why it's not taking, maybe I shud never have edited the first one. If three replies end up appearing here, oh well! You can find this discussion start at the 37 : 40 minute mark of Gender: A Wider Lens, EPISODE 45 - "Helena Part I: Social Justice, Fandoms & FTM Gay Boys"@@CourtneyCoulson
I learned about AAP and now I’m reevaluating my sexuality. I would masturbate to both women and men since middle school. I fantasized about being the man while having sex with women and with having sex w men I fantasized that I was him having sex with me. I always had a strong affinity with male characters and if I liked a guy I would try to copy his mannerisms and style to slowly become him. I’m certain that I’m not trans but I do have an affinity with masculinity and kink for it as well. Not sure if my attraction to either men or women are genuine now lol.
You are mixing up MEF (masochistic emasculation fetish) and AGP. "Extreme submisiveness" is not in any way part of the definition of AGP, and while there is a tendency for AGPs to be submissive, there is also a tendency for AAPs to be submissive (see, the sheer number of FTMs with feminization fetish, the defunct r/ftmpunish subreddit etc.
AGP is simply love of oneself as a woman.
There is an unfortunate tendency for people who discuss the phenomenon to have a deeply incomplete knowledge of the issue, and to only know of it from internet propaganda rather than actual studies from Blanchard, Lawrence, Bailey, Hsu, Ellis etc.
I disagree, any sexual fantasy that involves wanting to be a woman is AGP to me. But categories are all arbitrary anyway, there is no objective truth, simply interpretations.
@@CourtneyCoulson AGP is a specific phenomenon (just like AAP and other autosexualities) which involve the inversion of attraction toward oneself.
As Havelock Ellis said, "Sexo-Aesthetic inversion".
MEF is not an inversion. It is simply an expression of submissiveness and an humiliation fetish in males, who see being a woman as humiliating. Literally nothing to do with being aroused at the idea of being a woman/ man because of autosexuality.
You are being deliberately obtuse.
No they're not??
@@priwncess hm?
I wouldnt look to male agps to look for changes in behavior or learning normalcy.....women have a much better ability to change and grow towards their partner.
thank you for being against auto philics wh do not have gender dysphoria.
im a trans woman and i have auto andro philia. it's a bit weird having both but i also can see from both sides due to this.
Regarding stone butch lesbians and ftms who are uncomfortable with their bodies being feminine, is it that much of a strech to considered the possibility that there is a behavior in all people which i believe is referred to as gender identity. And this Behavior is 99 percent of the time in line with birth sex so its not noticed in the way a fish doesn't notice the water they swim in. But only for the 1 percent for whom gender identity is not in alignment with birth sex does this behavior lead to discomfort as a fish out of water
Life long tomboy. Now, I'm non-binary,& an a moon elf. 🌙 🧝♂️
Lmao, what are your pronouns?
I have never played Detroit but the picture you show of Big Boss reminded me of Snake Bliskin played by Kurt Russell in Escape from New York and Escape from Chicago. I find your story interesting because when I was growing up, way before the internet, I read a lot of science fiction and wanted to be those characters. I also watched a lot of the old black and white movies with Cary Grant, Danny Kaye, Gary Cooper. You know the suave cool gentleman and I sought of fashioned my life on their projected personas. At 14 when dating girls I would take them to restaurants and dress more formally than kids do today, oh and I am also a Whovian. I should also add that I am what many would call a boomer but not really, I have had many gay and trans friends but remain hetero. Anyway my point is that the idea of wanting to be who you see is not limited to one type of person. Although I admit having it become an obsession I see can be problematic. I have tried through my life to see others and myself as human and no matter what they consider their self to be they are a wonderful expression of their humanity and the Universe in which we live.🙂🌻🧡
Heh, it's Snake Plissken from Escape from New York and LA, he was the inspiration for the Snakes in Metal Gear Solid. Carpenter initially wanted to sue Kojima, but after he met him, he realised Kojima was cool and that it was a loving homage.
@@CourtneyCoulson As I said Boomer but not really. I guess some details fade with age even if I could have googled. I also never played Metal Gear either. I am more of the solo player in adversity type of gamer. Metro series, Ark, Tomb Raider, Borderlands, I even play GTA online solo🤣
@@jvebarnesthen it sounds like Metal Gear is exactly the kind of game you'd like. It's primarily a solo game.
@@CourtneyCoulson Thank you, I guess I will have to look into it. I had always assumed it was a multiplayer mob sort of thing. I will let you know how it goes. May you have a joyous weekend 🙂🌻🧡
do you think you have genuine same-sex attraction, or do you think it’s all meta-attraction?
Guess we will never know, no one will touch me with a ten foot pole, lolrip me.
@@CourtneyCoulsonwell do you have a clear “type” of girl or do you just picture a faceless girl
Great video. The only thing i related to was liking yaoi for a span of like. 3 months. Back when i was cis. Anyway this helped me figure out i am definitely not an autoandrophile. Jai Hind 🇮🇳
Back when you were cis, lol.
@@CourtneyCoulson yea? I mean like back when i identified as my birth gender. Then i kinda stopped liking it n got bored and realsied i was trans thru other things going on in my life
@@CourtneyCoulson not sure if my phrasing is wrong cuz im not a native english speaker
Goddamn!!...what a story. Imma have to binge watch now 😂
good video. that was a good video
Interesting that you say when you're dating someone the AAP comes back. From what I've heard of Phil Lily and one other AGP males say that it's the opposite when they are is in a relationship the AGP tendencies seem to subside..hmmm 🤔
I've heard both, such cases are mentioned in Ily's and Blanchard's books. Partners become accessories to the fetish.
@CourtneyCoulson Just curious, you agree with Blanchard's theories?
I think I'm AAP and being in a relationship makes it subside. I still prefer to be dominant and enjoy pegging and whatnot, but being desired as a woman makes me okay with having a female body.
Is transitioning harder than method acting?
Obviously
Im a bisexual trans woman and it didnt take much for me to start passing but anyways I am autoandrophilic, yes I am autoandrophilic and I am AMAB ok I get sexually aroused by wearing mens clothes I wear mostly mens clothes and barely wear amy female clothing.
So you're a dude who looks like a lady (by choice), but he's turned on by being a dude? Righto, champ. You do you.
❤
Or maybe u were always lesbian but didn't know it cuz of alexithymia
Maybe.
8:42 Symptoms of T aren't the same as being autistic. The way you describe symptoms of "autism" cross asross vastly different then what I deal with being autistic. Being autistic is not "being a emotionless robot" as much as a case of me struggling to present my emotions in way non-autistics can understand. I'm constantly told my emotions don't exist or are delusional, because fail to grasp them unless I make the effort explain my emotions in terms they can understand. Just because a deaf person can't speak in a way most hearing people can understand, doesn't mean they have anything less to say. Instead of looking at the symptoms of T and conflating then with "symptoms of autism" take the time to compare the roots of the symptoms. The symptoms of autism are sensitivity to stimulus and difficulty excessing their emotions. The latter symptom actually isn't unique to autistics, autistics are just able to excess their emotions with other autistics, as much as non auts can with other non auts. I really I think if had a non-aut live around autistics his whole life he would have the same iusses expressing his emotions. Non-aut are more sensory tolerant then autistics, I honestly joke about them being "sensory retarded" because that's how their symptoms whould described if was treated the same as autism. A large of detransitioners are autistics that were undiagnosed and told that "transitioning" help with their symptoms. For your part I wish I leave this on a more positive note, as do think that diet is can help with dealing with symptoms of autism. This is purely speculation on my part, but I autistics are more sensitive when it comes to diet and there are of things I started avoiding that has helped me a lot. But at no point i stop being autistic, maybe for you the symptoms reduced to the point where you "stopped being autistic" atleast were symptoms are concerned. But for me being autistic goes beyond the symptom i deal with, in lot of ways you still have traits that are similar of the more neutral or positive symptoms of autism. I don't know you personally, and I don't want to across comes "egg cracking". As I've dealt with egg culture "diagnosing" as "trans" do my struggle to grasp certain arbitrary sex roles or "gender". I do feel like the term "autism spectrum" falls the problem as "trans umbrella" in that it whitewashes anything beforehand like Asperger's or Crossdressing as being "Autistic" or "Trans". I feel the way "autistic" is used today is similar to "trans". "Autistic symptoms" and "Transgenderism" I think are just manifestations of larger things that we lack proper terms to describe. AAP and AGP are closer to getting to that root then "trans" is, but I really have is the wide shovel of "autism" or maybe closer Asperger's to refer to what I believe is a much larger root. If you took the time to read this entire reply thank you and I would love to hear your thoughts.
You're not an authority on autism nor is your experience of autism the only possible one. It's a spectrum of vastly different people.
@@CourtneyCoulson I don't believe there is an "authority" on autism. Most "authorities" on autism are organizations like autism speaks. The leading "authorities" on autism, assume that we lack emotions because they can't read them.
Someone suffering any other root issue could be diagnosed "autistic" if the symptoms fit. Intersex syndromes like Klinefelter are often diagnosed by "authorities" as autism even the actual cause is completely different.
It's not hard to diagnose poor diet and T as "autism" and act like it's "cured" once you fix those iusses. Simply changing diet isn't going to "cure" autism, it's definitely preferable to ABA or Prozac, but autism is not something like diabetes that you develop and recover from.
@@CourtneyCoulson Also I don't like the "spectrum" model. It enables the type of behavior you see from people claim that "everyone has a bit of ADHD". And as I said it falls under the trap of the "trans umbrella". It looks at a set of symptoms and go from the top down claiming that are all "autism" or "trans".
ROGD, HSTS and AGP/AAP are all just "trans" and Crossdressing or anything else is retrofitted to that label. Asperger's is now just "high functioning autism" and Klinefelter is "mid-low functioning autism". And the unfortunate thing is that we don't have the proper terminology to go beyond "autism" or "Asperger's".
It's hard to really pin down what your talking in a discussion because the definition of autism really can mean anything under the "current" model. As of recent I heard of "Monotropism" model, which is closer to an actual definition than the "spectrum" model.
A Polytropic person focuses processing multiple thoughts and topics at a time, and switches between them offen, which is more beneficial to farming and tending to livestock. Polytropism manifests as nuerotypicals and ADHD.
A Monotropic person will put all focus on one thought or topic at a time and doesn't easily switch focus more beneficial for hunting and gathering. Which manifests as Autism, Asperger's and OCD.
That's why I think that monotropic people benefit from a meat diet, as apposed to polytropic people whould were likely farmers and benefit more from grain.
We don't we see more of cases of autism or OCD diagnosed in hunting cultures like Inuits. Yet the inuits that have shifted from a mostly meat diet, suffer from from worse health. Which makes me that a lot of the symptoms that we use to diagnose autism or OCD are due to monotropic people adopting polytropic diets. And why we see a higher of digestive issues in those diagnosed as autistic.
Hence why under the current "spectrum" model, autism can be "cured" by changing diet. Yet monotropism, the root is still there. Similar to someone who detransitions, yet the root cause HSTS or AGP/AAP is still there.
I really disagree being a natal male who is MtF, I think testosterone and maleness absolutely embody traits associated with autism. I'm also autistic, and so is the video uploader
@@priwncess So a polytropic (ADHD) male whould be more "feminine" then a Monotropic (autistic) male. So the more estrogen someone has the less "autistic" they become?
Then I had to ask why bodybuilders or anyone taking testosterone does not become more "autistic", especially since I have lower natural testosterone then most males, yet still I'm more autistic/monotropic then the average male with higher testosterone?
Also the uploader does not consider herself autistic. I don't really know her personally enough to say she is or isn't, but I don't think the symptoms of poor diet and excess Testosterone have the same cause of "autistic" symptoms.
You know what just get some experience. You haven't done it with a chick? GO go do stuff, GO LIVE!
I've been trying! I've been on the dating apps, I get nowhere with women, and men pretend to be women or they lie or they never show up. It's extremely hard to get laid, turns out.
@@CourtneyCoulson go to a gae bar
@@CourtneyCoulsontake my advice as a bisexual women and do nt share anything about your past fantasys involving male characters or any of the autoandrophilia things for a long while...maybe wait until you know they are very into your sexually..if a lesbian thinks you may be bisexual she likely wont be too interested. Im constantly regected by lesbians because I have fucked and dated men.
GOTTMIK
According to BBL, there is no such thing as autoandrophilia and there is no autogynephilia in non-trans women. The first time I read about this autogyne nonsense, it must have been in the mid-nineties, many men around me declared they were autoandrophiles and many women, trans or non-trans alike said they were autogynephiles, so that's for the "theory" at least.
I have to go train more muscle, because people are a lot, astronomically, weirder than I ever thought they were, and in a sexual way.
BBL= Brazilian butt lift?
thats only trans activists who try desperately to negate aap and agp exist ... but you cannot anymore lie not too many evidence out there
@@alemusicgirl It is not so much about their existence, but autogyne as a dodgy motive for transitioning.
is not is litteraly why majority of men become women there is not Born trans narrative ... @@stasacab
omg Connor