The Dangerous Myths of Black Men's Sexuality
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- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2024
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For generations black men have either enthusiastically celebrated or quietly disregarded the rampant and unchecked objectification of our bodies by... well pretty much everyone. In this video F.D tries to investigate how this came to be, how some black men have tried to address it in different ways, and the dark realities that we usually look past when it comes to black men and s*x.
00:00 A dm to set the tone
09:03 ad read
10:43 The flattening of black men's s*xuality
26:17 How black men reclaimed agency over their s*xuality
42:32 Hip Hop as a stumbling block
1:07:47 Stigma, dysfunction, and sa
1:30:15 Final thoughts
1:42:41 Patrons crawl
Patreon - www.patreon.com/fdsignifier?f...
twitter - @fdsignifier
IG- @fdsignifier
Edited by @Needless check his videos out • Dissecting Deathloop -...
Guest Interviews
Malcom Lovejoy- / malcolmlovejoy
TahoeTV- tahoe_tv?h...
Phoenoissseur (search on OF)
D (aka Messiah Equiano)
Featuring-
Hariyanna Hook- / inickel
@Frank Laundry • The Cult of Fresh and Fit
@HirotheKid • Mourning in Masculinity
@Professor Flowers • Could This White Rappe...
Further Reading
The Man Not by Tommy Curry
We Real Cool by bell hooks
Racism Without Racist by Eduardo Bonilla Silva
Soul On Ice (Trigger Warning for graphic discussions of SA) by Eldridge Cleaver
S*xual Debut study- ajph.aphapublications.org/doi...
Black women SA study- journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/...
Assaults false reports- www.law.umich.edu/special/exo...
Home Team History (African History Channel)- / @hometeamhistory806
Barry Wood Meme- • The Man Bigger Than th...
Intelexual Media's Black Femic**e Video- • Black Femicide and Int...
Lil Bill's Black Women's Lives Matter Video- • Video
Pertinent Video from Tee Noir- • Masculinity, Submissio...
Pertinent Video From Khadija Mbowe - • Are "black girls less ...
outro track - • Daniel Fridell, Sven L...
Hey guys Adam and Eve doesn't want hyperlinks in the description so just type in the web address and use the code for access. Also monetization is looking good so feel free to skip the ads lol, although there is some other clown ish going with the title but we'll circle back to that.
That seems counterintuitive... is there a reason why? Does it mess with the algorithm or something?
@@deadlymelody27 It's really strange. I always thought affiliate links needed to be clicked-on in order to do their affiliate marketing thing...
@@InventorZahran i think sometimes just putting the code in works. I think affiliate links are more like when they just put the link in and you dont have to put a code in. Thats like when its not a full on ad but only being paid a small from any purchases, like on beauty/skincare. I think.
Like a skincare person I watch puts links in the description and puts a star by any that he may receive money for if you click, for full transparency, even if its not a sponsored video. I dont think they make a lot from those style of links though.
hi! where's the link to or the username of the african history youtube page please?
Comment on sexual debut: A huge predictor on early debut is a LACK of early sexual education. The more and earlier parents educate their kids on sex and consent, safe sex, and the emotionality of physical intimacy, the LATER and safer the teens have sex. This could also be related to the early debut, and problems related to that, that the kids aren't well-informed...😓
Man is directly calling out race-play kink people and I’m all here for it.
They deserve so much more smoke from everyone imo
But what's the goal? You think they are gonna stop? No, they are too busy fucking at Hedonism II.
@@sefflikejeff1917 Honestly, so much nasty shit is normalized and viewed as acceptable just because its a fetish or kink
It's the same with misogynistic kinks
@@user-xr4nw3pt2v how bout you just stay in your lane 😂 worry about your gentials
As an Asian man I can relate to what you said through the hypersexualization and objectification of Asian men. We’ve been hypersexualized in almost the complete opposite way. For years we were portrayed as soft, small feminine men who couldn’t please a women. Stereotypes were made about the size of our dicks, with the ultimate goal of painting us as less than ideal male partners. Now the femininity and sensitivity portrayed by K-pop stars has reshaped how people view East Asian people, to the point where now were being fetishized for our perceived “perfect skin”, “youthful features”, and “unique facial structures”. I can only see the K-pop movement backfiring for Asian Americans.
For sure. Im an asian dude with a big dick, and women are always surprised. I have a lot of "black" male stereotypes, and ive had some girls jokingly say "youre black, youre not asian". Its very annoying and degrading in a way.
Interesting. I can relate in some way... The 90s/2000s saw a "Latin Explosion" in pop culture- J-Lo, Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias etc. The "Latin Lover" gained prominence again. I was in my 20s. I was in a club dancing in a group. No distinct pairings. I moved away from a white woman, when she grabbed my arm and said, "get your sexy Spanish a$$ back here." I'm thinking, lady I'm Peruvian 🙄
I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT equating that incident to historic objectification of black males... or asian men. For one thing, Latinx people can sometimes have a proximity to whiteness that allows them to be seen as "exotic rico suave", but also be "safe" enough to bring home. Other groups don't have that advantage. I'm simply saying white people for their own pleasure are not the least bit ashamed to flatten the identities of all non-white people right in front of you. It has far-reaching effects.
Not to mention you are targeted by other men that likes to dominate. I'm an Indian and I notice this by talking to my friends from all different asian backgrounds.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I married an Asian man and he’s the best partner I could ever ask for.
The “asian men have small members” is f’d up and I hate it. One of my friends was Korean growing up and he was super insecure because he was asian. I hated that. I hated him putting himself down because of it, I hated the jokes they made about it. I will never forget the hurt on his face a few times. As a man being mocked because of your member can be devastating. Especially when it’s a constant. I hate it, all of it. Best wishes bud, and nothing but love. Don’t ever let that nonsense get into your head ever brother. Ever ✌🏻
Being a black German this hits home on many levels. I feel like coming home, finally being understood. In 9/10 initimate situations with girls, being one night stands or relationships, I had girls tell me I’m not acting „black“ or disliking that my favourite song wasn’t from Tupac, to the point of calling me fake. I also notice that many girls expect me to be some kind of gangsta persona. The racism is real.
you're not german. u probably some lost carribean/african immigrant
@@browninjun5504 nope, sry to disappoint
@@GetgainzDe Not trying to be offensive, but what is your connection to the German identity?
@@AndrewArminRyan born and raised, white mother and family, no connection to black culture until late 20s. prob know and have more german culture then the average white german guy. anything else?
@@GetgainzDe Fair enough.
I’m Japanese-American. The amount of people making fun of me for being Asian with the “tiny d-ck” stereotype is amusing. Asian men have stereotypes that are the opposite of black men’s. We are seen as very timid, sexually unattractive, shy, and even there are people who denied having intercourse with asian men because of the stereotype. We are seen more feminine and not appealing to women as well. In some LGBT themed medias, asians are often described as submissive who depend on non-asian men. This is tiring.
Do you think being depicted differently in American media would change that?
Yeah, speaking as a Habesha-American, that is something that always occurred to me. The stereotypes of Black people and East Asians are almost exact inverse parallels. Like, in terms of how we're viewed, we're basically treated as the two opposite ends of a spectrum with the White "default" in the middle.
Now there seems to be a reversal because of Kpop. It shows how easily people are influenced by media. People don't think for themselves.
it's always white people setting these labels for other people to maintain them at the top of everything and make poc people doubt themselves and believe or accept the way they're treated
@@SawChaser bruh K-pop just reinforce the stereotype because the males look so feminine and submissive lol
Honestly, sometimes I feel like there are white women who forget that slavery is over and still think they can just walk up and demand the time and attention of any black man in their vicinity.
ON GOD!
THIS
True. (I've also experienced this with other non-black/poc women as well).
Facts! Start touching us like we will accept anything
Do you ever wonder why they feel that way?
I remember when Terry crews talked about being sexually molested at a party and people criticized him because he's so muscular how could you let someone do that to you...but what people dont realize is that those situations can freeze you.
When I was in grad school my roommates had a small gathering at our apartment, and one of the guys there started trying to caress me as a joke and my mind went blank. All I could think of was that I dont want him doing this but I couldnt verbalize it or physically respond. It took my roommate telling him to stop before the guy realized that I didnt like the homoerotic joking stuff that some people like to do.
I'm not nearly the size of Terry crews, but I'm still a high school athlete who played sports recreationally. But people just dont understand the psychology of these things.
It s call SIDERATION, same réaction in r ape situation where the victim want to scream but can not. It s shock and survival intinct
@@didy6235 and people like DL hughley, who has frequently joked about male sexual abuse victims, only understand the flight or fight aspect of defense mechanisms.
@@didy6235 now the situation wasnt exactly the same as terry crews. The person wasnt a hollywood exec who could exercise power over me. It was more like the guy was an acquaintance who was friends with my friends. However, the guy had issues understanding personal boundaries and in college was somewhat enabled because (and I'm no mental health expert) he had some mental health issues whose details I dont know. He could get away with doing that to people who knew him because they accepted it as part of his personality. Whereas for me, i was uncomfortable but it took time for me to process what was happening and I didnt know how to say stop.
The way Terry describes the situation he didn't really freeze it's that the man who did it was high in the social ladder and he's at a party with tons of other Hollywood bigwigs. Him going off in that situation would have been very bad.
@@benjaminpeters6729 lot s of people dont understand human’s body /mind , and it s primitives reactions. That is why they ask victims ’’ why you did not scream when he was harming you’’ ....etc. but we are créatures of instinct before sophistication. I May shock, but some victims during r a pe have org asm. Not because they enjoy being molested but because it s a mechanic reaction to the simulation. And have nothing to do with the horror that the situation is. This reaction, purely because body is a mechanic add shame to their trauma. And they dont press charges. Without knowing that it s not their fault, but a functional reaction. I understand you perfectly about him not being superior. But that has nothing to do with the status of the people involved. A person in power can be the victim, and the person hierarchically below, the aggressor. It's a normal reaction when someone accesses to your body without your consent, and it is worst especially when it comes to your private parts. If the guy you're talking about has mental issues, these guys should teach him boundaries, or someone will kick his ass in defense against his touching. and that person will be right. for example, i am a woman, and few weeks ago, I went to a store to get a bra. The employee, to explain to me how the bra was going to look on me, started touching my bo obs. Out of nowhere. For several seconds, i was so shocked that I did not reacts immediately. I had frozen before shifting myself slowly.i was angry against her but i said nothing because she was a woman and I said to myself in my head, wtf? it was after getting out of there that I got very angry, but just after the situation and during it, i was just shocked. it's a normal reaction, i guess we just had to learn to sharpen our reflexes to be able to get out of the torpor of sideration and defend ourselves.
That Terry Crews thing was so upsetting. It was already career suicide for him to come out with his story, and knowing that he still forged ahead because he knew it was the right thing to do. I'm so happy he did; he expressed a true form of courage that can be so rare to find these days.
Unfortunately, experiences like his help build a resentment against Gay men because of the fetishization that exists within the community. A Black friend once told me that white men feel empowered when they come out as Gay, because they are finally a part of something. Some interpret that as a license to "never hold back" again...but that doesn't entitle you to exploit other communities or cross the line like what happened with Crews. We are not the enemy, but we are in a poisonous situation that superficially appears to be getting better but is in some ways just becoming more efficient at commodification of a new mainstream. Tie this to so much "post-Racial" humor, and a lot of bad actions get justified.
Yeah it's so weird how bad the public tried to emasculate him knowing he's where most of us wanted to be: vulnerable without recourse and essentially _just like everybody else as themselves_ .
This part of the video actually brought me to tears; the idea that someone would be so brave to come forward about something so vulnerable and the response from the public would be shaming him for not "protecting himself" as a "big strong man." It's unfathomable to me the lack of empathy the public can have for a victim of assault.
The way people turned positive, empowering traits he possesses against him as weapons was disgusting. Especially when those same traits, racialized by the colour of his skin and gender stereotypes, so shackled his recourse to the violence inflicted on him. Having your valuable traits, in his case as an actor things he literally gets paid for, turned into chains dragging you down is so deeply disempowering.
It's also a good example of the way that patriarchy inflicts gendered violence indiscriminately. Terry Crews' experience of sexual assault is not identical to a woman's, but it sure as hell rhymes, and they're both built on the same foundations.
I remember when my parents moved us to a very white town in northern Ireland and it was horrible ☠️☠️. Everything you addressed is 100% accurate, all the white northern irish students always made jokes about me having a “bbc” and always asking me why i’m not “tall and muscular” like “other black men” like bro… im just a skinny, short 15 year old sudanese kid who just wants to get through secondary school 😭😭. Unfortunately as time passed in that town, i grew more insecurities and felt pressured to assimilate into their version of “what a black man should be like” 🥴. Fast forward, my family moved us to Sudan after covid and I’m grateful that i don’t need to be around that kind of environment on a daily basis anymore
Sorry you went through that I'm happy you're doing better ❤️
@@princessriahyokai thank youu ❤️❤️
As an Irishman, albeit the Republic, I'm really sorry that you went through this my friend. Glad you're doing better now !
@@ben.spicebag7552 thank you so much ❤️❤️ and btw, i was born and raised in the republic and i just want to say how beautiful of a country Ireland is and that the Irish people are one of the kindest and most welcoming out of all the Europeans i met ❤️🇮🇪
Did they ask for an N word pass too 24/7?🤢🥴
Being a mixed dude in a white community, my friends growing up always asked me which half of my body was black, upper or lower. I didn't realize how fucked up this was until just now. Thank you for bringing this to light
Wow🙄
Wait what??
Damn.
Shoulda murked em on the spot
I’m sorry that happened to you ❤️❤️❤️
You almost cannot bring this topic up in the gay community without making every white gay uncomfortable.
What’s crazy about this is that they’ve made us feel like we ain’t allowed to voice how bad it is there’s a gay dude on the RUclips channel Cut who literally says a madness regarding black males
They need to be uncomfortable. 😒
we'll leave a tissue box out for em
@@xxBrokenDreams666xx lmao
So what.. who cares?
I saw a twitter thread this passing week which was really an eye-opener for me on a particular topic, that being women, specifically older white women coming from western countries, participating in sex tourism is a lot more common than you think. They travel to developing countries, namely those Africa and the Caribbean, to have sex with young black men, and a lot of the times these “men” are actually underaged. it’s just so appalling to me and really goes to show that white women are just as culpable in dehumanizing black men as their male counterparts
Meanwhile men go to South-east asia for the same thing.
Yes, this. I saw a whole documentary about it, women coming from Germany and Scandinavia acting like entitled predators on their "holidays". It's heartbreaking.
Thank you for sharing!
I found out from a prior partner that he'd developed a fetish for white women... because his babysitter slept with him while he was way too young... like 12 (he didn't seem ready to admit that it was r@pe).
As a white woman, it hurt my heart to know that a woman had fetishized him as a CHILD. It still makes me angry. Since that conversation, I've really tried to take time to ensure that the men I date, regardless of their skin color, feel respected and safe.
@@moustik31 Do you remember it’s name? What an interesting topic.
@@wick7201 I found several:
- Man Hunters: Our Turkish Toyboys
- Man Hunters: Sex trips for girls
- Sex on the Beach
But I think, the one I must have watched (either dubbed or subbed on regular tv back in the day) was:
- Nachtgefragt: Schöner Fremde Mann from the Am Schauplatz tvshow.
I'm mixed race (not black, however) so my experience is limited. On my second day at college/uni I was groped by a girl after telling them I was half Persian and she said "you must be packing". To be honest I went home after that and cried because I know if I said anything as a 6'2 hairy half middle Eastern person I would be seen as the agressor. And if I told any guys they would congratulate me and say they were jealous. It's a terrible feeling being exoticised. Thank you for making this video and I hope me sharing this experience isn't me taking away space from folks, solidarity.
Sorry it happened to you. People are heartless and assholes... :/
@@flazeda8743 I appreciate that, thank you. Fortunately I'm now surrounded by good people :)
@@zapptuff5186 Great to hear! :D
to know that no matter what you do people won't react with compassion is so fucked up and scary. hope youre doing ok
I am so sorry, that is disgusting. I hope you've been able to kinda unpack that or at least can start now. You must have felt so alone. But you aren't alone ok 💜
The part about mostly white men fetishizing black men is so damn true. Being in the Army with mostly white guys, I would hear those stereotypes constantly. Funny enough, I'm a nerdy, quiet dude who (at the time) wasn't really in to sex. Till this day I still have insecurities because I may or may not reach the expectations of what a "black man" supposed to be. It's annoying really.
Figure out who celebrates you for you. May not make you popular, but you'll be loved without having to pretend or lay awake sick about what you may not be doing well enough.
I've never fetishised,I don't think lol, but I've definitely grown up with assumptions which are not healthy regarding black men and their physiques and sexual habits etc. 🤔 good video and really great to have the perspectives so honestly told
Especially when a mixed chick dumps u for her super dark skin tall dreaded baby father smh (I’m light skin regular height)
Like damn I ain’t black enough or some shit??? Makes me wanna say fuck it all together and chop off my dick n not worried about sex or relationships again man
ITS FROM THE TALMUD
This is why white men are so obsessed with us. This is the root cause of the racism, is the closet homosexuality l there are some men who get extremely angry towards their object of desire, because they think that if they get rid of it, it’ll help them cope with their curiosity. White peoples in general are just obsessed with blck people and blck sexuality. It was always the case.
Your statement about white men fetishizing black men's bodies the most is on point. As someone who's grown up and socialized a lot in white spaces, I never cease to be amazed with how many straight white men ask or make assumptions about my sex.
In many of the cuckold videos, the white man always talks about how big the black man's personal area is while the black guy is doing the white man's wife. I always think that a lot of white men are secretly gay
Yep even my white make friend used to before he truly got to know me.
Yeah... Especially in the IDW. The Joe Rogans and that crowd, are obsessed, jealous and in awe of black men's bodies, all at the same time. It's honestly very grotesque to witness... White men who do this are weird and pathetic
Making an assumption is not a fetishization.
@@bbbbbbb51 it’s beyond that and if you haven’t been black your can’t tell us how to discuss it. White men do more then assume at times. I’ve had a few claim straight and invade my privacy in a wild way
I’ve felt for a long time that being a black man and being a human were not synonymous. It feels great to have those feelings acknowledged
Your post deeply affected me.
Unfortunately dehumanization is something a lot of POC have in common.
Keep your head up brother. Stay strong. Never having met you I can still tell you are a very valuable human!
Me too. It's exhausting. Whether you fit the stereotype you dehumanized even when you don't fit the stereotype you also dehumanized. Exhausting
I remember this show called “passion” back in Chile, in one episode they invited a black man (black immigrants were new in Chile back then) and he said he was bothered about woman being so interested in his penis size… so the woman interviewer proceeded to ask if “the myth was real” making him evidently uncomfortable on national tv
Omg!
god that’s so dehumanizing..
As a young black woman who attended a white high school and now attending a PWI college I noticed how white women and white men fetishize black men and women. I also notice when it’s done to our face black men usually except it as a compliment or them desiring them. A lot of time I overhear them saying they only dating black guys just for the s*x because it’s better. It’s really dehumanizing for black men to be known for their male organ or just a sexual object
They are proud.
@@tadmira127dreamuvtadmir2 i would be too if i was..
@@kanewarren8759 ok incel🤡
I just knew that a black woman would be in the comments showing concern when you know damn well the vast majority of bm don't care about fetishization.
@@durranofthetower7306 the F word u~~~
I really appreciate the fact that you made this video. I'm still making my way through it but I just want it to say that I think it's absolutely amazing that you're having this conversation as a black man. When I hosted my call-in show about race play it was really interesting to speak directly to black men about this because on one hand it sort of confirmed a lot of my suspicions about race play and how black men interpret it. A lot of black men feel incredibly undesired outside of the context of being sexually fetishized. So if they meet an embodiment of the ideal a white man or a white woman, who is willing to praise and worship them for being black men, to them this doesn't fully feel like a negative thing.
It's interesting because as a transgender woman I sort of experience a combination of the race place stereotypes. People often digest me as dominant and domineering because I'm a black woman who is confident in herself and if they know that I'm transgender, the first thing they will ask me is how big my genitalia is and whether or not I want to use it on them. Without getting into too much detail about my shit. Being on hormones for over a decade makes some dramatic impacts on your genitalia and even before that happened I would never be able to claim BBC status lol but none of that really matters. These people have a very particular idea of the kind of person I am the sort of body I have because I was designated mail at birth.
White men are uncomfortably fixated on black penis to the degree in which even heterosexual ones fetishize the idea of black men overtaking their partner. And a lot of black men are excited at the idea of essentially sticking it to the white man by fucking his woman and so you have a lot of black men who don't really examine a lot of the complexities around how they're being fetishized. It feels complimentary to them but I especially see it as not so complimentary because I know that at the other end of this is dehumanization. But I have sex quite dramatically differently than the black men in these conversations so I don't exactly benefit from those exchanges and I struggle to say they really do either, but that's certainly not how many of them feel .
I think that it's going to take a lot of black men having conversations with themselves about the stuff for things to shift and change. As a person in the kink community, I observe quite frequently that people have not really examined this ism. I know a lot of liberal white women who are fully into BBC fetishism and if they told you it was connected to racism they would probably point to the fact that they keep a black man on the side for a sexual play thing as an example of them not being racist. Which is funny, because that's exactly what the conservative woman would say. I've ran into more than a few conservative couples with a BBC fetish. People who would absolutely go out of their way to detract and downplay black experiences and pain often get off on the idea of sexually exploiting black folks. It's quite dark out there and it's unfortunate to me that more men haven't examined this because part of the reason it happens so frequently is because these people who do it are often never told no. I'm the sort of person who will yell at you if you come to me with that race play bullshit and so many people are so shocked and surprised when I do it because they're so used to just outright fetishizing someone and them going for it.
I appreciate your content too.
Appreciated you race play video and hopefully more black men do stand up, but unfortunately that will only change till black men find value in themselves that isn’t tied to our sexualized/fetishized image.
@@imanigordon6803 true, good place to start is us valuing each other, and valuing black women
Wow great breakdown!
Hey, two people l like combining on the same thing! I function in many of these alternative sexuality spaces, and I've heard much of the same thing. I think stuff like this is unhealthy. That said, I can only do so much to open them up to it. There's this whole idea of Black male invulnerability that we all swallow, and until Black men internalize that we can be victims of the BS, the BBC types will still prosper.
I broke up with my 69 year old, white, French Canadian, best friend because she spoke about black men like flavors of ice cream she wanted to try. She would say things like, "Black men are more aggressive." Etc. SMFH the feminist mask dropped HARD. The white tears, caucasity and rage that came next was the last straw. We were DONE in an instant when I calmly explained how hurt I was by what she said. That shouldn't have happened. She was over twice my age. I thought she was smart. She pretended to be cultured, but she was really just collecting information for her further prejudice. She had traveled far and assumed to know something about every culture she encountered. But she really just shared her blind views. Generational wealth problems be like...
Yo the girl I just dated was like that
@@Someguywithalotoftism ugh. Sorry u went thru that.
@@GentleJungle thanks bro. They left me cause they stopped being attracted to me for those reasons and so they could do cocaine and drink every night
😂
@@Someguywithalotoftism yikes that is sad. Hope you do ok
Lets talk about it. Background: I am half black and half asian.
I feel like black men are fetishized for every part but their brain. There is no support for mens black features aside from whats down there. And the fetishization of Asian men is ridiculous because it also taps into colorism- but are KPop stans/Asian fetishists ready for that convo? The whole soft face, infantilism....all towards a grown 30 year old man, and it only drives up the demand to look "perfect".
As a blasian male, I haven't seen a comment I agree with so much until now. Thank you for sharing.
The "exaggerated swagger" line about Miles Morales always felt weird to me, and I realized it's because they attribute his swagger to his blackness, not to him individually. They don't say "Because miles has this desire to look cool he has this exaggerated swagger".
What's worse, the writer was black 🤦🏿♂️
The guy who wrote that review is also a black man, makes the whole statement even more unsettling
People thought that kid had swagger? I remember being on tumblr when Miles was the mascot for teenage awkwardness
@@raydgreenwald7788 that was the into the spider verse version
@@ericosagie3046 i have a feeling that i don't need to read the comics to know which version of Miles I like better....
I’m so glad that people are talking about this. Fetishization and hyper sexualization around race is nasty. It’s like our culture no longer dates or finds people attractive just because they are attractive….it’s as if people have started to become porn categories. Separating people into race, age or body types. It’s as if people are becoming products you can pick out at a store and not human beings.
It's almost like everyone has specific taste in the people they inherently find attractive... weird
@@sneedmasters "seeing someone as a human being only due to the length of their penis" lmfao
Becoming products? Already were products :/
It is okay to have preferences. I personally prefer brunettes with athletic or slender builds. It's always been this for me so that is what I lean towards when I was single. I don't feel it becomes a fetishism until stereotypes are brought into the mix. It's like someone cam prefer black athletic men but once you start stereotyping all black men can dance, have a big package are animals in bed then it begins to be a big ridiculous. Person I have avoided people who lean towards stereotypes because it can sometimes show a lack of intelligence. It's like I prefer brunettes as I said earlier but I don't assume all brunettes with olive skin or a tan are mysterious.
@@tattoodrdoke it's gotta be hard when people think your dick is huge, you're good in bed, and can dance
Also I'm jk it's just funny to me because most men would love for someone to think that of them
The Terry Crews bit and how people downplayed it just reminded me of how the Tokyo police's App that came out this year, meant to help with molestation on trains. The app quite literally just alerts everyone surrounding the victim and perp by saying "Please Stop" loudly while also alerting authorities... and all the victim has to do is press the screen. There's a reason it was designed like that - victims freeze no matter how "strong" they seem/are. I wish more people understood it like the creators of that app do...
Wow that's a very good idea for an app! I wish it had something like that in my country
There’s a molestation problem on trains? How?
@@mrjonsey various forms of sexual assault on trains in Japan are known fact and kink material for decades now, but the problem about Tokyo trains is that they are so unbelievably full people are literally dense-packed inside them, then groping and not being identified became too easy. In smaller cities or late at night there are even older women who pretend to be passed out drunk to be groped by strangers as a form of kink, since culturally women are raised to be demured.
@@TRaWi Geesh that’s awful
@@mrjonsey ikr very sad. but this app is a real godsend, considering how SA uses to be swept under the rug by Japanese authorities, this may be the small start of a shift.
That's exactly what happens in Brazil, both with people from another parts of the country and with foreigners. Sex tourism is one of the main crimes committed here, with people coming from abroad to "enjoy the tropical bodies" of black men and women. It's disgusting
Thanks for sharing. I always read comments about guys need to go to Brazil if they want to hook up with beautiful women. They make the women sound real cheap and easy.
Y'all bless the sponsor link in the description cause ain't no way this monetizated but fingers crossed 🤞🏿
Bonus points to whomever could understand me in the tik tok cause it wasn't made with the American gaze in mind 😅
Lastly, as always, Unc has taken an age old issue and still provided novel insights.
A lot of recutting and blurring lol
@@FDSignifire may the algorithm be with yuh, mi genna 🙏🏾 also made a neologism with "monetizated" but ima leave it for transparency 😂
@@ForeignManinaForeignLand You're here! Your're there! You are everywhere!!!
I support you and I love that your channel is blowing up. But my brain is too pea-sized to pierce through the dialect and accent, even when you're trying. Still, keep it up.
And yeah, F.D. is literally incapable of not posting bangers.
F.D & Foreign; Thanks so much for your content. You're helping me understand a much wider range of issues from perspectives I don't have insights on. Seriously appreciate it.
I'm not black and I'm not an adult yet
But conversations like this make me reflect on my experiences
And help prevent me growing up into a trash person
you're a good one
Good job man
Keep on keeping on
Perfect perfect perfect 👌🏽
Awesome
As a 20 year old black man, the amount of times ive heard “dont mess with that snow bunny she’ll scream rape in a second” is wild
@@RedVelvetBlackleather I was told a long time ago that "every black guy wants a white girl. He might not say it but he do"
@@RedVelvetBlackleather lol generalization
@Complex Ez that isn’t true at all, and I’m very interested in why you’ve decided to single out Somalia and Ethiopia out of all of our African nations without any basis.
@Complex Ez as a child of Africans I definitely admire the black American spirit and feel we have a lot to learn from you all.
But at the same time, the same thing goes with average white guys with black American women too. Especially in the younger generation. Not to same extreme.
And the horners still pedestalise white people, they just won’t date other Africans. So same thing would happen there
My friends don’t do me like that, at least not in my face. But for me my strength is often a highlight. I kinda like to workout as I am losing weight and getting stronger. If I don’t pull off some ridiculous feat of strength or play the intimidating one I often am left with disappointing faces and comments. Kinda makes me sad at times that not only am I “poor” sexually as a black man but not strong and don’t fit the strength stereotype as much.
White guy with black best friend, saw this play out every single night at the bar when the women saw us walk in. Back then we were both too drunk and stoned to care, but now that we are older we both see it.
Saw what (part of the video) play out?
@@timhughes3684 women who wanted to sleep with my hpmie just because he was black, and they heard a bunch of stereotypes about black guys
I was 11 when my Female baby sitter had her way with me, I was beaten and called a liar, for 13 years I thought I was wrong, it was when I was 25 when my family found out how nasty she was, she was doing it to her own kids and was sent to jail. No one said sorry or anything, I could of became a Pedo due to this because no one talks about when a woman does that shit and break a man mindset into becoming that kind of monster. TBH no one cares when it happens to a man because we wanted it in the 1st place, does not matter what age or anything... I am now. Look get help if you are a Male Victim please seek help.
TBH I do not know what it means to be a black man because growing up I was never seen has black even tho I grew up in the Hood until I got into foster care.
We don't need a new EDP running around
So sorry that happened to you
I am sorry this happened to You, I pray the Lord heals You from this abuse 💖🙏
Praying for you brother. No one deserves to have that happen to them. I'm 20 and I'm trying to figure out the answer to that question. We'll just have to persevere and find a positive answer. 🙏
thats a stereotype but not a racial one
As an asexual black man, the discourse of black male sexuality has always been a very tricky subject to navigate. Sometimes I feel I don't have much to contribute to since I don't have much experience sexually. But I do recall the IDEA of my sexual prowess being topic of discussion, mainly from white men and black women. But it was always about my body. Almost like I could be a mannequin and they'd still have the same discussion around it
As an asexual person myself, i think your voice is important in this discussion about black male sexuality! Especially with that last sentence where you said you felt your body was being openly objectified like a mannequin. Speaking about sexuality and sexual objectification doesn't really require actual sexual experience in the bedroom. And in fact, being sexually harassed is a kind of sexual experience :(. your voice as an asexual black man matters.
See now I'm genuinely interested in your perspective and how the intersection of asexuality and the objectification of black men collide.
Genuine question: How did you come to know and understand that you are asexual? Ive been doing research for myself but i would love a personal perspective.
I agree as a black man that's gone between calling myself celibate and asexual. I notice that mannequin-esque quality to being sexualized as a black male. Oddly enough i feel as tho, I've likely gotten the least objectified by black women as compared to literally every other category of person. Be it a white man black man or white women. Which i find interesting for myself personally, which may have a lot to do with my "flamboyant" way of presenting myself... I don't remember where i was gonna take this. I said my peace.
Fellow asexual black male here 🙌🏿
Im a black woman and as a child I went to a predominantly white school. I remember in high school I was with my boyfriend at the time (nonblack) and his friends were snickering in the back. And I asked what it was about and he was like “oh yeah they’re impressed I got with a black girl”. I think he thought I’d take it as a compliment but I felt so weird about it
Ew tf was that supposed to mean? I also usually hear the opposite and hear negativity about none-Black Men/Boys getting with a Black Woman/Girl. I wondering what they meant, that just made me mad.
I really hope you had the talk with him
The problem with fetishizing anyone is that you place them in a box . When I am seen I am viewed as dangerous, unpredictable, unprincipled, unintelligent and undeserving . These sentiments unfortunately define how black men are treated within society when they interact with the white power structure .
Black men like men from other groups are complex . I have had white women startle when they see me. These are people that I work with but they may have looked back and saw a black man.I am not a large man . They have been taught that black men are dangerous. I had a client tell a coworker that I looked shady .
Black men who revel in the stereotypes that are held about black men have to realize that these stereotypes were created to subjugate us .
Excellent video .
fetishize in moderation
@@POOMPLEX2 that's your takeaway. Wow
@@POOMPLEX2 bruh
@@POOMPLEX2 ➕ Kink, ➖ Objectification 👍
Thank you. I feel your pain and have gone through what you went through my brother. Stay strong, even though it's hard...I try and it's hard every single day
This especially hurts for Black Men or Women who are victims of sexual assault and trauma when society literally shames you for not being this Hyper-sexual being.
One of my friends told me I was lame and boring for not being a “hoe” like him. He literally said I should be sleeping around because I’m a “Big Black Dude”. I’m not one to shame people for sleeping around, if you like healthy sex, explore it to your hearts desires with multiple people, but no one should feel pressure to be intimate or not because of societal pressures. It angers me that because I’m not being a thuggish fuckboy chasing ass all the time, that I’m less valuable as a Black man.
What if I want more of a connection than just being used a toy to satisfy a historical and damaging fetish? Why should I be expected to be hypersexual?
Thank you for making a detailed discussion on this.
Or even worse when you don’t fit the social stereotype of the black man in demeanor or appearance, you become damn near invisible as a sexual entity. I’m a cis het dude but I’m light skinned, skinny, clean shaven (can’t even grow a mustache) and I let my hair grow out so I’m pretty androgynous. I’m not really licentious or aggressive with my sexuality and I’m pretty reserved. It’s my best look honestly, I don’t look right with short hair
Never really felt like many women were interested except for women I knew that were bisexual, they were super into me but straight women usually are not. Sucks man. If you defy hegemonic masculinity as constructed, you will pay the price.
Or women will be interested at first and then their interest slowly melts away when they realize I’m not the stereotypical swaggering hyper sexual man (especially with white girls). The girls that like my look *really* like it and their interest is very obvious but this is usually not the case.
It’s a different kind of issue if you’re a tall and well built dark skinned man because lots of women fetishize it and only see you as sexual vs subverting the stereotype and women not seeing you sexually *at all.*
Exactly please don’t let any man or woman bully you. Your life and existence is yours to experience and express as you desire
@@FoxyChariot I personally like the androgynous look, and when you said something about the women that are attracted to you being bi, I laughed because I’m pan. I’ve always found men of different shades, aesthetics, etc attractive, but I know what your talking about. I have heard a lot of black women (mostly African-American women, in my experience), talk about how they are sexually attracted to darker skinned men. It seems like the darker the better for these women.
I think my experience may be different because I am a dark skinned woman, who’s ethnic group is mostly dark skinned. And most black American men either don’t desire me at all or sexualize my body ( I hav wider hips and larger chest). And this come from different types of men, including the ones who describe themselves as nerdy, like anime, etc. I have also observed that the complexion usually matters more to them than features. It’s pretty clear that light skin is perceived as feminine and dark skin is perceived as masculine, which explains your experience and mine. I think it’s been a blessing disguise for me anyways, cause I wouldn’t ever want to be with a colorist partner.
@@nomaadi3514 This is a really good comment! There’s an aspect of colorism that affects us lighter skinned men that kinda goes under the radar, just like you said people see lighter skin as the embodiment of femininity even in men. The amount of times in my life that I’ve been asked at random if I was gay has been innumerable, I tried to check all bases to understand where people are coming up with this perception and I could find nothing. Similar to the comment above I’m a lot more reserved with my sexuality, very timid, introverted, very nerdy, a pacifist, and interested in “white hobbies.“ I tried and tried to find a reason still and couldn’t find one until I realized that everyone has this perception of how a light skinned black boy should act, it’s a stereotype that we’re players and constantly ready to express ourselves sexually so for them to see a boy who didn’t do that…..I think it was enough to assume that I wasn’t straight. In their minds I had already deviated so much from the ideal of masculinity that I in no way could be a straight boy. Often times the people who assumed this were black women(who also suffered from the same colorism on the opposite end of the spectrum) like the comment above said I soon found that perceived “feminity” and my willingness to be more gentle was seen as less sexually attractive as a black boy, I was expected to carry myself with this sort of “swag” that I have never had. I get awkward reactions when I’m straightforward about the fact that I don’t want to express my sexuality. It’s seen as abnormal to not be very ready to talk about it, they expect me to be very open and detailed about the things I’ve done or want to do. People think I’m lying when I say I don’t want to jump into any situation sexually, they think I’m joking when I say I like the smooth sailing and that there’s “no pressure.” It ties in with the assumption that men and teenage boys are rabid dogs amped and ready to find themselves in sexual encounters, an assumption that hurts women especially but it also hurts boys like me who don’t want to jump into those encounters. The reactions I get when I tell people I’m a virgin, but not insecure about that fact are crazy, people are bewildered even. Almost as if I SHOULD care.
I agree but remember men like to control other men they want to be dominant and try to be pimps to other men so that You can become like them it’s all about control dude how long we kings but you’re controlling another king that don’t make any sense think about that
My tall black brothers played varsity sports in high school. I used to hold my breath in fear whenever I saw an over-eager white girl flirt openly with them, publicly grope them and so much more. Now I understand why I felt the way I did . Thanks for providing vocabulary and a framework.
You just knew what was happening!
Chile that's sexual harassment, where's the police?
@@ITEEZ- the police were probably their fathers. My brothers would just try to stand still and give hints that they were uncomfortable or not interested. They had tot be careful because if a big black guy and a petite white girl told their version of what happened, we all know which version would be believed.
@@omowhanre They would have definitely believed the white girl, brings back memories of the handsome late emmet till.
I will say as a woman sometimes my nurturing is physical. I want to push your hair out your face or rub your back or shoulder. Not sexually but warmly. And I don't do it because I fear it being taken weird. So I come off atoic or colder than I feel Inside. To be white in America is to be largely unaware of how you R effecting others and these women are not practicing consent. I think it's so deeply rooted they aren't considering it consciously.
I have heard from men I have dated, as well as men whom are just good friends of mine, multiple stories of women not respecting their right not to give consent. My ex used to apologise in advance before telling me that he wasn't in the mood for sex tonight as if anticipating me being angry at that, when if the roles were reversed his anger at my denial of sex would undoubtedly be viewed as abusive. This always surprised me that he should feel the need to apologise just for exercising bodily autonomy and setting boundaries. Society has so ingrained in women that their sexual desirability to men is what gives them worth, and that men always want sex, so when men don't want to have sex it's common for women to feel rejected and worthless and instead of owning and acknowledging that insecurity, they lash out at the man who declined sex, or guilt them into agreeing to it anyway. There is an under appreciation for how many women ignore or take offence to men trying to set sexual boundaries, because they have been taught by society that if a man doesn't want them 24/7 there must be something wrong with them (or the man). This is a pervasive problem which is undoubtedly the result of patriarchy, and it seems to (sadly unsurprisingly) be even more prominent a problem for black men.
Yep. Everybody loses.
I'm thinking about the fetishization I've received as a Trans Woman, and how a lot of Cis Men and Woman see me as a "Sissy" or just another form of effeminate man, or a girl with "something extra". and how difficult it became for me to define myself because of all that. I was groomed by older people at 15-16 online when I was at my lowest and loneliest, because I just wanted to be seen and loved as a woman. To this day, all the people I have had sex with (besides people I fooled around with online) are also Trans and/or Nonbinary. I just always have that worry of people seeing me in a different way than I see myself. and honestly, Until I saw other Trans feminine people reclaiming their sexuality for themselves, did I realize that I could feel "sexy". that it didn't matter what genitals I had, I could live and love how I wanted to as long as I had folks who would see me and love me for who I am. I am still intimidated when it comes to any possible sexual or romantic interaction with a Cis person, because I feel like I don't have to worry as much with t4t relationships.
So while I can't relate to folks who get racially fetishized, I got serious empathy for all y'all and I'm sorry that you were made to feel dehumanized and depersonalized. Nobody deserves to feel like that, and as a White person I try to find a balance between appreciating non-white folks I find attractive, and fetishizing them. the last thing I want to do is make someone feel like an Object.
i think this is a huge value of intersectionality, because the first couple times i was asked by black convo partners about what i thought was up with white folks who only get on with black folks, i was totally thrown off balance. doesn't seem like a place where i have any thoughts or analysis of value, other than agreeing that something was up, and that something ain't all right. i'm a white, asexual enby... back of the line for who should be asked. but i'm glad they asked, i needed the check.
like, i don't have the experience of racialised fetishism, but i do have the experience of trans fetishism--either it's transmisogynistic chasers (through the filtering of trans folks afab and trans masc erasure in my case), or being sexualised but i have no fucking idea what this person (almost always cis men) is expecting and it seems like the appeal to them is that if they get lucky, they'll get to explore the uncharted territory of the one androgynous weirdo and get to return with the genital confirmation report.
(because even with slots rigged heavily in my favour, T-HRT didn't do the expected and instead all i do is confound the cishets.)
and it's like, well, i know of the history of shit like 'exotic' sexualisation and objectification and it's like, lookit there, that second gaze is not so unlike that conceptualisation. it's not a 1:1, of course, but it definitely started a clicking into place some critical analysis of the power dynamics, historical aspects and fetishism into something of a framework that was more of a thought than 'i don't know but there's something fucked up about centring race as a type'.
the levels of fucked up multiplication from racial fetishism is nightmare fuel and i am thankful for FD and everyone who spoke in to go in on this topic.
All women and "others", mainly those seen as feminine, are objectified in patriarchy. It would be great if we could all have the freedom to define our own sexuality without being reduced to objects by mainly the male gaze.
Yep, I'm a trans woman just like you, I've only ever dated T4T and I think I that's all I ever want to do. Not only do so many cis people not really understand, they don't even make the effort to in the first place, or worse, see us being different as some kind of free pass to ignore the boundaries they would respect in cis people. As if my genitals being unique gives them free reign to talk about it in the open just because it's something they're fixated on. Dealing with cis people is such a consistent risk that I can only ever imagine being intimate with other trans people (trans non-men to be precise).
So I’m guess you’re White trans?
Who asked?
Hey everyone. So I made a pretty big mistake in the video identifying Arthur Ashe as openly gay. This seems to be untrue or at least in question. It is likely a result of rumors caused by him contracting HIV. I should have double checked that info and just wanted to clarify. Will probably cut that small blurb from the video eventually.
Thanks for the clarification! This video is bomb btw thank you, on my 2nd watch
He got HIV from a blood transfusion. It was a medical mistake.
As a VA resident, I believe he contracted it during blood transfusion while having heart bypass surgery. He has a daughter
Fyi the Adam and Eve link doesn’t seem to be in the description box so please add so you don’t lose your coin!
@@DoraWinifred Ya it's not hyperlinked. Don't make people copy and paste. Remove all barriers possible.
Black sexuality can be as predatory as it is enthralling for black men to participate in.
Like you said the caricature we embody is the same one that devoid us of our perceived humanity.
I never really had a problem getting women but having sex is another story of complicated emotions. Everytime I’m in the act I feel like I need to over-perform to reaffirm my masculinity.
“Yea my dick is big”, “yea I am handsome”, “yea I am pretty”, “yea I do, do it best”.
At the end of the day it boils down to feeling wanted and a lot of black men, like myself, begin to be trapped in the cycle of being wanted only for sex. But this has nuances too because sex is the only way a lot of us ever feel appreciated for ourselves.
(Btw I’m not pushing fetishization as a means of emotional/physical security. I’m just stating how insecurities and lack of emotional/physical affection can feed into the need for sex)
This is very deep thanks for sharing
Damn, that's real
Thank you for sharing this🙌🏾‼️
BIG MOOOOOOD
Like yeah I love sex but damn it be a performance sometimes and its killing me
This is where I am at as a black woman carrying trauma around sex. I attract equally wounded sexual partners. I noticed I was reenacting my trauma and having to recognize I have never known what intimacy is. I have never felt worthy or empowered to define and explore my body. I was violated and colonized so long ago... I noticed that I am performing the culture's expectation of sexual congress. Through the lens of trauma, conservative religious indoctrination, violence and abuse.
I am starting over again. Taking the time to unlearn and heal.
I don't understand this. I'm half black, and I've never dated or anything. Never been approached by a woman unless it was for her to ask me to reach for some dog food off of the top shelf. I am tall. I was a fat kid growing up. I wanted to have a girlfriend but never could because I was fat and hated myself for it. So, I joined the Marine Corps in hopes I'd lose weight and get a girlfriend. Only the former Happened. I got discharged for being a depressed loser and then went to prison at the age of 19. I never saw myself as black, because I was mixed and raised in a white household, but the world saw me as black. This was further reinforced when I was in prison and all the black guys were instantly calling me brother and the n word. Some got mad at me for acting too white, or only hanging out around white people. I got out of prison at 21 and immediately started gaining weight. I had given up. I was a loser who went to federal prison before he even lost his virginity or kissed a girl. To put things into perspective, I'm 6'5, and in my prime I was 220. Now I'm over 400. My rationale was that no woman wants me, so why even try? I feel dejected from society. I don't understand my place in this world and I hate it. I'm a big guy but I'm scared. I'm scared of people, I'm scared of being beat up or shot, and I'm scared of talking to people. I have no friends. They all dissipated into the void when I got arrested. They now live great lives, and I'm glad. I understand why they don't associate with me anymore, I'm a fucking loser. I don't hate them for that. I cry out yet no one hears my plea or takes me seriously. If I had a weaker constitution, I'd self delete, but I can't. I won't allow myself to. As arrogant as it sounds, I'm too strong for that. If you read all this, I just want you to live a good life. Don't hurt other people. Don't be like me. Have a good day.
So sorry that the enviroment and the system couldn´t provide a safe space for you to develop. :´( Sending lots of wishes of you feeling better about yourself, and hope you found a community that helps you feel supported. 🌼🌻🌸Saluts from DR
I am an indian woman and even for me, this was eye-opening and informative! it is always interesting to hear about different communities and their respective issues.
It's false and the comments are full of lies. Nobody fetishises them but each other. It's an excuse for their prejudice and hatred
Bhav don't listen to "TheBody", they're a troll.
Thanks pooja🇮🇳😂
@@Willowtree82 😂😂😂
It's a bunch of bullshit really
The amount of men who I love in my life who have experienced sexual violence in their youth at the hands of grown women makes me genuinely cry when I think about it. As someone who experienced sexual assault in my childhood as well, it broke my heart when my dad told me that when he was in the Philippines, his own uncle had one of his grown female "salon workers" "make him a man" when he turned fourteen. Fourteen, and he still maintains that it was not a bad thing that happened. It just happened. I am in no place to tell another person how to feel about their body, their autonomy, or something as intimate as their sexual experiences/ traumas - but holy shit that's never going to be okay.
Whew I totally feel this comment!
Reminds me of lil wayne talking about his early cash money years or what boosie did to his son, or even Terry cruise.
Э
This hurts my soul, I keep telling these men (an alarming amount of them) that they are victims and that they were m0lested. But its jarring how every single one disagrees.
Damn fourteen what a lucky bastard
In my own history of objectification. When I was in my early 20s I met a woman who I had a big crush on at my job. I had been working there for about nine months but never said anything to her I always thought she was cute as hell 🥰 but I really had this feeling that she only dated white people. We were both black and amazingly we were both alternative, I liked punk rock she liked death metal. I would wear Misfits shirts she wore Obituary they would match our permanent scowls lol. She finally approached me one day and we hit it off. I had felt like God had sent my match who knew. First date we kiss she can’t stop talking bout how soft my lips were. We were immediately physical but not yet to …”home base”(I’m So sorry I did not have a better way to phrase that)All the attention she gave me had me on cloud 9 ❤️until I realized it was more because I was black rather than me as a person. Sex was more of the topic of our discussions rather than the bands we liked or our experiences(What I was more interested in)After our first date she just really started being excited about the sex we would have together and bringing up how BIG I was…not because I showed her or anything thing she just assumed it’s cuz I was black. Some rides in the car she would ask “will it hurt me”, “are you dominant or submissive” or state openly “It’s been a long time since I had some black dick” she sounded more like all she knew of black men was from BBC videos, and it’s not that I didn’t want to smash it’s just that I was virgin.
It really got uncomfortable when at work she would bring up how she could see it through my pants, wanting to make out when nobody was looking and one instance after a date she wanted me to pull it out in a parking lot so she could just look at it(I didn’t do it but she was mad about it)
With all the attention she also has a tendency to be very toxic to me. If I made plans when the time approached I’d call and get no pick ups, willing to hit me at work cuz she wants to play fight(We are in a white part of town I am not doing that shit), calling me out my name LOUDLY, If I ever Wanted to take a picture with us she would immediately decline and avoid showing her face. This shit went on about 2 months. Her birthday was approaching. She REALLY wanted to have sex on her birthday. We went to the beach, I took her home and dropped her off. The next week later she asked if I was a virgin I confessed that I was. Her response really stuck with me at first she thought I was joking while slowly gaining a look on her face like I had told her I was “Casper the friendly ghost” repeatedly asking me “are you serious?” about 20 times.(I guess I never gave off virgin energy I was “over”sex at a time)
She asked why I said I just never found the right person, truth was that but what I didn’t tell her the sexual abuse I went through as a child. I personally wanted to share the moment with someone special. After my confession our relationship was never the same. She never took me seriously after that. Stopped hanging out, stopped laughing at jokes, it got to a point where I decided to stop taking her to work because we weren’t acting like friends at all.
Problem was I then internalized her reaction thinking something was wrong with me still being a virgin, I ended up losing it later on that year, but not for me, not cuz I wanted too, it was for the thought that she would “like me” she would have to take me seriously after I lost it, but this unfortunately led me to hurting people that actually liked me, feeling more empty in my soul after every encounter, and I would lie about my body count out of fear of being looked at how she looked at me again.
It took me a long while to get over it, to heal. To realize I shouldn’t be putting myself and women that like me in such a terrible position.
I used to hate her for what she did but I knew she was dealing with her own trauma’s, from the day I met her, while I live most to all my life in the hood she had been in relationships with white people in the death metal community spent most of her time with them. No she never personally told me about any bad experiences but I know they exist in that community not all of them are friends to black people, I usually get in the thought of I wish we had gotten to know each other earlier in life, not to fall in love but to know we were not alone in our experiences… But some of that changes when I found out she was living with her white boyfriend the whole time she was toying with me. To this day I regret every sexual encounter I’ve had and I’ve decided to live a life of celibacy so I can be honest with the right one if she ever comes. Oh and my wife will be BLACK. ✌🏾
You've obviously had a lot of trauma in your life, and my one suggestion is that you see a good psychiatrist, or failing that then at least a good friend, and unload and unpack that stuff. It is awful that you went thought that, and I sincerely hope life has better things in store for you in the future.
Until you deal with this stuff, self-enforced celibacy and seeking only black partner might not truly solve the problem, I'm afraid. Not that either is a bad thing, but just be careful that your trauma doesn't hurt you in future relationships. Finally, please be aware that you have done nothing wrong in the story above. NOTHING wrong. It is not your fault. But, unfortunately the world is not fair and even when OTHERS break us it still falls to US to pick up the pieces and fix ourselves as best we can.
Sorry if that was long and unwarranted. As always, take comments from strangers on the internet with a grain of salt.
@@fpedrosa2076 I appreciate you. ❤️💚🖤🥰
It’s cool, I can say I have healed from my trauma enough that I could let this go…
I have enough good friends that I’ve come out to about the situation and others in my life. I understand myself more coming from the situation. I love myself enough to be alone or at least love myself enough to know who should I let love me. The Celibacy is there just so no lines can ever be blurred, it’s also I realized I never really cared about the sex I cared about the person, Someone I could be honest with so I can give them all of myself, my true self with no shame. If they accept me then that’s great and if they don’t it’s cool I already love myself enough.
Oh and I only care about spreading black love. Not against people interracially dating, but I care about being with a black woman. I’m not looking for the relationship to fix me, I’m looking for the one I want.
@@pestyobsrvr4278 I am so very happy to hear this. It sounds like I projected a bit on you and you actually have your shit together much better than I first thought. Not to give TMI, but I've been through some stuff and carried that baggage into other relationships and made a mess of things. It took me painfully long to realize what you just said here: finding a relationship will not necessarily fix my issues.
Sorry again for the unwarranted advice. And I am incredibly happy that you've moved forward and I really hope that you'll find a wonderful person to share your life with one day. All the best, random internet stranger in the youtube comments.
@@fpedrosa2076 😁🤣🤣🤣 Same to you random stranger I hope you get thru, what you got too, to be the best you. ✌🏾
@@pestyobsrvr4278 Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with us.
Andre3000 is such a wise man. There is nothing wrong with stillness and silence. I respect that choice over someone making noise just to be seen.
This vid hits home for me. The amount of women I've met who've blatantly told me they were only interested in me or are only with me because I'm black is absurd.
It sucks because I'm like the complete opposite of the typical black man. Into games, anime and manga, I like to bake, etc. Don't like sports, I do work out but more for health versus anything. Introverted and quiet. Sex isn't a big thing for me either. Being blunt, Im not the black dude with the "Mandingo" that everyone expects me to have. Have been met with disappointed faces from women multiple times because I'm not rocking a porn star dick and it really does suck. Had a huge impact on my mental at the time.
@@RedVelvetBlackleather if you are referring to the girl in the thumbnail, the guy who directed + runs the company is white. And I promise you most consumers of that brand of content are also white men.
@@RedVelvetBlackleather trust me, the numbers wouldn’t be split. WM are more obsessed with the BBC than BM. No BM pay other BM to smash their wives/women in front of them.
But I agree that we do need to talk about the other side of this, it’s a two way street for sure. However, in this individuals experience there’s no proof he did that. He treated them like individuals from what we know, and they fetishised him.
So let his experience be without generalising.
@@RedVelvetBlackleather some bm, not all i find it disgusting as a bm myself that others speak that way. we are all humans, lets act like one
You need to realize that there is no such thing as a 'typical black man'. The sooner you get that into your head, the better because you're still internalizing racism and having an air of self-hatred with that view of yourself and black people. All of that is based on racist stereotypes from white people who think they know what we're like. I don't think I've met many black person, white person, Asian or any other race that I've come across who is close to me in age that doesn't like games, anime and manga, it is hugely popular regardless of race for people of our generation (games have come a long way and manga and anime have been more mainstream to worldwide audiences since 2000s)
It’s ironic that are complaining about being stereotyped while stereotyping other black men
I am a black man who grew up a predominantly black community most of the guys I knew loved anime and manga, were gamers and read comics and plenty of the them were quiet and or introverted including myself
Your comment reeks of self hatred and is pathetic and offensive
I wish parents raised their sons like they raise their daughters instead of encouraging them to get out there and get some at an early age. That caused a lot of stress and bullying on my brother because he was shy and felt pressured to do it early though he wasn't ready yet..he wanted a wife. The double standards causes a lot of problems believe it or not.
And the encouragement leads to boys getting despair for sex to a point of disrespecting people. I was a lot like your brother I didn't rush into sexual activities and was called gay and learned at.
I somewhat agree, but it's also foolish for boys to think that they shouldn't push past that discomfort and actually get some. Let me explain, people only find men attractive when they provide something, whatever that something is. If a boy becomes a man(legally I mean) and has had next to no dating experience with women(plural), then he won't know what to do, won't be desirable, and won't find that one good woman he's looking for as his wife.
@@GameBang666 at what age is this appropriate because I'm sure having a kid at 18 is more undesirable than being celibate.
Fr fr
That’s why I hate when people call boys easier
They’re not easier you just don’t wanna be responsible
Picking up on one thing you mentioned briefly in the video: The erasure of different European identities to create a one sence of whiteness is ongoing in Europe, as a child I was still punished for speaking my native dialect in school, my native dielect is dead now, I don't remember more than a few words. People don't even know that less than 100 years ago you used to be able to know which specific valley in the Alps a woman came from and her martial status based on the unique headpieces she would wear. Capitalism played a role as well, but the fact that the slogan "we have made Italy, now we have to make the Italians" chanted by the government of the time and the gradual disappearance in hyper-local dress and identities coincided with italy's ventures into colonialisation of the global South, I think is no coincidence.
Vero, non so se parli del Ladino o di un altro dialetto, ma in tutta la nazione chi parla il proprio dialetto o lingua, almeno nei grandi centri urbani più "globalizzati" o "europei" è visto come un cafone. Sono ascolano e ogni volta che sento un dialetto marchigiano nei media è sempre associato ad una macchietta comica ignorante e paesana . I miei genitori e amici non lo parlano più e ne scoraggiano l'uso, soprattutto quando mi esprimo con termini e cadenze che ho imparato negli anni a scuola, dai nonni e lavorando in campagna. Sembra strano e superfluo, ma da un forte senso di appartenenza.
@@edoardopulcini9432 hai ragione i dialetti sono vilificati eppure in Italia tutti hanno la paranoia verso gente immigrata o comunque non di cultura italiana/cattolica. Ma non hanno nessun problema col perdere le nostre lingue e la perdita di tradizioni locali. Non habbiamo amore per le nostre culture ma invece solo odio per le persone straniere. I dialetti sono la chiave a un tesoro di cultura e letteratura che stiamo perdendo, e molto triste.
I feel the same way, though it happened more recently. There used to be a dialect in every little town or village in Russian Empire... maybe the Empire was not good, but at least it respected culture.
With the Soviet Union? Everyone had to learn Moscow dialect and now there are only 3 dialects in Russian left, and those are quickly fading away too. It is so sad that I will never know what my town people used to sound like, what words they invented, the melody of their words..
@@LancesArmorStriking And then city people move to villages and completly destroy them, as it become a pseudo village. No community, no tradition, no heritage, no culture. Just city people living in homes in a rural area. If you are in a village/ have family there, do your part. Research your local traditions, dialects and write them down. Talk to the oldest women you know.. Me and my siblings are doing our parts
Europei=Bianchi: non è un invenzione ma un dato di fatto ed è inevitabile venendo a contatto con altre culture il voler rafforzare la propria,stabilire dei paletti, è un orgoglio nn una vergogna. Le identità particolaristiche svaniscono nel momento che ci si trova davanti a una novità, un nemico comune, che può essere un pensiero, un sistema o un gruppo di persone.
Honestly I am very thankful you addressed this topic which I haven't seen people bring up Because the way Black men are sexualized is creepy and disgusting as A black teenager It just really disgusting how people just want to have sex with us because were popular to have sex with and not to form proper relationships not to mentioned how were protrayed as men who break up other peoples marriages , relationships and cause affairs
True, they fetishize us but never gave us a chance to begin with to show we are more than what they think of us
Racism comes in many forms. Yet a lot of people don't want to acknowledge it, I'm thankful that people like you are calling stuff out like this and many people from different races who experience our objectification. Nobody cares for people's culture and focus solely on racial attributes and the way we look.
It's crazy how much stigma is around black men's sexuality. People really need to start seeing black men and black people in general as PEOPLE, not sexual objects.
That point about being sexually harassed/assaulted by white women is spot on. It was a regular occurrence at university, and during my late teens - early twenties I minimised it with “they’re drunk”.
I've seen a few videos circulate of a BM's space being inhabited by a WW without the BM's consent.
@@500sensationalsalads5 u guys should go out more. white women are pummeling white guys just as much. moreso
Beastiality.
@@500sensationalsalads5 and they just laugh it off but would punch a bw
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you need to figure the other way around to know what danger is
This was REALLY interesting to watch. I’m a black teen who has been aware of things like this, but this vid really helped me put it into perspective and gift me new lots of knowledge. I skipped lunch just to finish it. Incredible video, thank you. I hope to get as well spoken and intelligent as you one day.
Awesome ! Share with your friends and don’t believe any adult woman who tells you you mature for your age - you ain’t that mature for no grown ass lady
Hi F.D. I'm so happy I found this video at this important moment in my life.
I'm a 27 year old gay black guy. I grew up in a Christian home with first generation Sierra Leonean immigrants. I came out to my parents when I was nine, and since then I've been heavily emotionally, verbally and physically (and after I started university, financially) abused by my parents. Just to give you a sense of how bad things got - when I was 12, my mum locked me in my sisters bedroom with her, a cook's knife, a belt, wire hanger. Her intention was to castrate me because she saw no use for my penis as I wouldn't use it to procreate.
I have a very sharp long-term memory and a busy mind. I am also an empath and a highly sensitive person (HSP). My dad would often tell me to stop being sensitive and, at one point, my mum asked me to spend time with my uncle so I could become less sensitive and more 'gangster' in my mannerisms.
For the past fifteen years, I have been planning how to disown my parents. They have been energetically suppressing my natural, god-given talent (aka my sensitivity - I now see my sensitivity as a gift to heal others and myself, rather than a curse) since I was young, and I don't think I can become the person I am meant to be if they are involved in my life. However, this video has made me less angry at my parents and more compassionate towards them. I blame the societal objectification of black men (as well as their own toxic and abusive upbringing) for their own warped perception on what it means to be black.
Regardless, my parents are quite stubborn. Despite my repeated attempts to speak to my parents about the consequences of their toxic parenting (mostly because my parents both have children under the age of 8 and I don't wish them to go through what I went through), they continue to gaslight me.
Anyway, I'm an optimist, so I'm looking forward to a future without my family!
Please PLEASE stay safe and take care of yourself. I really appreciate your cultivating your empathy and sensitivity. I have a similar time with that and while it can be a curse it ultimately is a blessing for the rest of the world, so try not to let them chase it out of you. And thank you for trying to protect your siblings. You and they deserve so much better, and someday soon I hope you will have that and be free 💜
I'm having a similar struggle right now (I'm a queer trans guy), but my parents arent as violent as yours. I havent come out to them yet, I tried once when I Was 12 but my mother dismissed it as a Phase. My parents claim to love me and want the best for me, but they only say it because they dont know the real me. They only know the child that they raised from age 1 to 10. I used to love them at that age, because I didn't have anything to hide. But they slowly showed how racist, sexist, queerphobic and classist they were. I can relate to having my parents force me to act like a girl. I'm very emotional, but I just have very manly interests and act "boyish" in mannerisms and for example the way I dress and walk (for my parents at least). My mom threatened that I would be dead to her if she found out I was gay/trans (she found my youtube search history). She used to beat me a lot, but it wasnt really related to being queer. It Was often so bad that I would have Marks on my body for days. Thankfully she doesnt do it that often. But even while she doesnt realise it, she verbally abuses me every day. Makes me feel guilty for making it obviously clear that I do not love her, that I do not want to hug or kiss her, and that I find it painful to speak to her. I'm scared to have conversations with her because she might try to be extremely racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, or just a piece of shit. So I often just tell her that I'm not interested in listening, and she blames me for thinking she Was so annoying. Everytime I have tried to defend my principles, she insults and threatens me for caring more about complete strangers than my own family. I tried to change her mind, but she wont stop being bigotted and I feel so fucking drained after getting into so many fights with her I just started avoiding her alltogether. She sees me as someone egoistic, and thinks I act in this way with everyone else I speak to, but how can she blame me for being a fucking asshole. How can I act happy with bigots??? I cant pretend to love her when she spews nothing but hate and makes me feel suicidal by calling me a beautiful girl and telling me to act like a proper lady. I'm still a teenager, so I have no choice but to live with my parents. I'm really sorry that your parents did that to you, my experience wasnt that terrible, but I have immense empathy for anyone who has to experience violence for simply existing.
Your parents need to be in jail. They need to be behind bars. No child should have gone through what you had to. You should have ended up in foster care. What you said has much less to do with this video and more so to do with homophobia in religious families as a black person. You were going to get physically castrated. I can't believe this. You should have much more resentment towards them and no compassion. Any parent who does this to their child is not deserving of ANY compassion, like I said they should be in jail. They will die despising you no matter what you do so let them go. They need to know the damage they have caused and realize all of their mistakes and if they don't, they can take it to the grave with them. How awfully disgusting. You cannot let them off lightly especially if they REFUSE to apologize for what they did and also for not changing their treatment towards you as you became older. I am sorry you had to deal with all of this. It is absolutely pathetic from them. I feel very fearful for your siblings.
@@TheProletariat321 Seek some help IMMEDIATELY even if it is difficult to get it. You should NOT be living with such an abusive family. You need to make a plan for independence as soon as you get the opportunity. It is disgraceful that you are suffering so much abuse at the hands of your family and your disgraceful mother who doesn't deserve to be called a mother. You are so young yet are going through a lot, I had an abusive mother who was hateful and nearly murdered me. If I stayed with her, I would be dead. I was taken into foster care when I was 12 and it was hell being moved place to place with people who never cared about me but at least I'm still alive which is more than I can say if I still lived with my mother. You are not safe to come out to her but you must leave soon because she will NEVER change. She will take her hatred, bigotry and defend her abuse till she ends up in the grave, no matter how many years go by and that's the sad truth. Call any helpline and organization you can and explain your situation, even if the help is a long shot because I know it's very hard to get help these days from strangers who don't really know you and the world revolves around money sadly. You need to be protected. You don't deserve to live with such an abusive, hateful, transphobic, homophobic and racist mother, it will DESTROY your mental health and you are still vulnerable to getting physically assaulted by her. It is not right you have to go through all of this by yourself. If there is anything I could do to point you to the right direction and give a little support to help you through this then I will definitely send help your way. Stay strong, thank you for telling your story, you are helping others going through the same thing you are right now.
RUclips really isn't gonna like this one, it's def something that needs to be talked about tho
If content isn’t friendly to advertiser sentiments and thus is not as profitable for RUclips, RUclips will always go out of their way to fuck over content creators like FD Signifier, regardless of the historical, scholarly, and societal merit content like this has.
It’s tragic things are this way, because we need more content like this to address the societal issues we’re still facing. Especially when it comes to the issue of race.
fd not getting a goddamn dime for this one
It's so unfair that youtube suppresses content creators. This is so important.
Does it tho lmao???
@@unapologeticallyblack4159 yeah, unintentionally it does
I have to wonder, too, how asexuality fits in with all of this. I know from my own experience that asexuality is a double-edged sword of being looked at as either a prude or in need of liberation, but I imagine that the experience of asexuality as a man-and especially as a black man-comes with its own issues of shame, feelings of incompleteness and brokenness, and dynamics of power in a relationship.
I can say as a trans men there is still a prevalent attitude of asexuality being a sign that you need to be "screwed straight" because then you'll know you're really a woman. That's a whole other can of worms though.
Hit the nail on the head. Asexuality only amplifies the self destructiveness of internalized toxic masculinity.
In my country I always draw the parallel between sex and alcohol, people will be dismissive and weirdly angered if you imply you don't want to partake especially as a guy, I was always made to feel less than for not constantly wanting to have sex and drink even though it doesn't impact anyone else.
This is a really good comment! There’s an aspect of colorism that affects us lighter skinned men that kinda goes under the radar, people see lighter skin as an embodiment of femininity even in men. The amount of times in my life that I’ve been asked at random if I was gay has been innumerable, I tried to check all bases to understand where people are coming up with this perception and I could find nothing.
Similar to the comment above I’m a lot more reserved with my sexuality, very timid, introverted, very nerdy, a pacifist, and I’m also interested in “white hobbies.“ I tried and tried to find a reason still and couldn’t find one until I realized that everyone has this perception of how a light skinned black boy should act, it’s a stereotype that we’re players and constantly ready to express ourselves sexually so for them to see a boy who didn’t do that…..I think it was enough to assume that I wasn’t straight.
In their minds I had already deviated so much from the ideal of masculinity that I in no way could be a straight boy. Often times the people who assumed this were black women and they’ve even told me straight up that they wouldn’t date certain boys because “you know how light-skins are” (they also suffered from the same colorism on the opposite end of the spectrum) I soon found that perceived “femininity” and my willingness to be more gentle was seen as less desire-able as a black boy, I was expected to carry myself with this sort of “swag” that I have never had so I really relate to what you said.
I get awkward reactions when I’m straightforward about the fact that I don’t want to express my sexuality. It’s seen as abnormal to not be very ready to talk about it, they expect me to be very open and detailed about the things I’ve done or want to do. People think I’m lying when I say I don’t want to jump into any situation sexually, they think I’m joking when I say I like the smooth sailing and that there’s “no pressure.”
It ties in with the assumption that men and teenage boys are rabid dogs amped and ready to find themselves in sexual encounters, an assumption that hurts women especially but it also hurts boys like me who don’t want to jump into those encounters. The reactions I get when I tell people I’m a virgin, but not insecure about that fact are crazy, people are bewildered even. Almost as if I SHOULD care. As a black boy it’s as if I’m supposed to have no conscience about my sexuality, as if I’m inherently less because I’m not conforming to stereotypes.
This has led to me on multiple occasions being confused about my sexuality, many times wondering if I was asexual because something was “wrong” with me not being able to easily express myself that way. Eventually I came to the conclusion that nothing was wrong with me and that my unwillingness to express myself that way is because I felt other people had devalued it and gave it a negative connotation in my head making me uncomfortable with even simple discussion of it.
Sexual people that don't like degrading stuffs in sex are seing as prude too. I hate anal, and people say I am vanilla and, so men are vanilla too, becouse they are terrified with the touch of a woman sticking something in their butts.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. As a white kid from small town USA, I always found it odd that the same kids who were probably racist were big rap fans. But I think you opened it up to me; they don’t like black men, they like the idea of them. Like Cole said, white kids wanna be black. I’ve always felt a weird guilt for enjoying hip hop and the culture despite spending most of my childhood in a well off white family. It wasn’t until my dad left and my mom was forced to try to finish raising us on a minimum wage job that I slowly stopped listening to rap. Everybody has a weird attraction to the struggle. And when you don’t have any struggle as a young white kid with money, you want to try and relate to hip hop, even if you don’t. It’s a strange thing. And I can see why black culture might not take very kindly to that; because I’ve tried to always be respectful and just be a viewer, but there are a lot of white kids where I’m from that are a vulture. Plain and simple. They’d listen to the music, but whenever a black kid would move into town they’d fee threatened by him and talk shit behind his back. Idk. I just try to learn about this as a quiet observer. Great video and great channel
I’ve seen “raceplay” based servers and I was stunned and disgusted. It just sounded and felt racist asf.
There are kids under 18 doing raceplay on Discord and Tiktok. It's awful how some spaces aren't critically analyzing any of the obvious implications and just treating it as normal.
@@morganqorishchi8181 the normalization is gonna get pretty bad , our views on sex positivity that in some who believe that it shouldn't be criticized and corrected are being exploited and are exploitative of the problems themselves. Kinkshaming and being not too keen on supporting problematic fetishes are seen as problems themselves by ignorant and privileged people whom are often than not are common. Erotica audios (i.e Gonewild audios) are one of the perpetrators of this issue, they promote ped0philia, racism, and unsurprisingly r@pe culture. Even if you include all of the warnings of not clicking/entering the space of a specific fetish itself, the implication and principle itself is still a problem as it's being spread publicly and say "it's within a fictitious realm therefore not harmful" type of mentality as there are context of the gratification being increased to acting on it onto others with malintent. (its a dumb rant, im pretty sure it has tons of contradictory statements.)
I'm glad you discussed this. The interracial dynamic with bm and ww is definitely degrading. The ww I grew up with would discuss bm and only date them to be “blacked” and to collect them like trophies. It's definitely not a compliment. Now dating a black man is just a trend to make mixed children because it's cool to do. Plus some of them are secretly racist and date bm for a ego stroke bc bm will worship ww. Definitely carries a low level undertone
God that shit makes me shudder. I've never encountered such people in the real world, thank god, but I've encoutered a few online, and I've seen the same thing.
I almost disliked your comment as a visceral reaction to the "blacked" thing 😰 so horrible
@@14styrofoampackingpeanuts88 Then I don't want those people around. They don't fight because it's the right thing to do, they fight cos they hope by putting "BLM" in their Twitter or Tinder bio they get to bed a black man.
It hurts the average black man the most. Any black man that doesn’t live up to those stereotyped standards are seen as “less than”.
@@ralphwilsin Thats what I hate the most about it. It not only leaves no room for seeing each bm in his uniqueness but also dehumanizes. Everyone isn't the same. If you don't emulate that image then they call you lame or a square.
When we were watching TV, when an attractive black man would appear on screen, my wife used to say, "Ooh, sexy black man." Clearly there was a fantasy there which I respectfully didn't press her on (because whatever the fantasy, I wouldn't personally be able to fulfill it). It happened often enough where I would point out when there was a "sexy black man" in a show that she failed to comment on. One day she just said to me, "I'm not going to say that anymore" and I understood immediately that she recognized something I hadn't even given much thought to, that by saying "sexy black man" she was fetishizing.
I'm guessing you're not black yourself. The question is, why are you still with your wife? I'd leave. Lol.
Wow, it could've been completely normal if she just said "sexy man" instead of "BLACK man". This always bothers me. Especially while reading, the white characters are always described in a neutral way, but any other race is "the man with skin as dark as night, the girl with slanted eyes, the tall bronze woman with straight black hair" etc etc etc. Like there's nothing wrong with describing skin, but why not do the same for everyone?
@@zvezdoblyat what would be more appropriate, black or African American? Most people say “that’s a hot Latina” “that Russian guy is hot af” “oh my god that’s a nice looking black guy” “that’s a spicy African American” “I think Asian girls are cute”.
There’s so many different ways of saying someone is attractive, hilarious how people with fetishes ruin it for others, highly doubt he has a wife. Sounds like p
@@zvezdoblyat Tbf white women are often described in books with phrases like alabaster skin, marble skin, skin like snow, ivory skin etc. Light colored eyes even more so.
@@bendover7841 I only see that if she's remarkabley white. But for everyone else it's just automatic
Bro, you're killing it. The scholarship is impeccable, on so many levels. The degree to which you acknowledge the limitations of your point of view and your effort to balance it by both bringing in other voices and pointing the viewer towards other videos and channels is a testament to your character, your degree of self awarenes, your concern for your viewer's academic well being, and the importance you place on fairness and balance in, it seems, all things. SO we'll done. 👊
As a black gay male this is nothing but true i find it very wierd even in adult films gay or straight they do this and even in real life i have had white olx men objectify me wich felt very wierd and creepy …. The first question they ask is oh how big are you.
As a Mexican man living in America, I can't help but to draw parallels to the experience of black men again. Of course our experiences are widely different, but our points of marginalization often overlap. It always pains me that our communities struggle to get along at times, and that a big portion of mine doesn't understand the fact that if a white cop is willing to shot a black man with little provocation, he's likely to be willing to do the same thing to them.
There is much we can learn from each other
Órale. As a mixed man this issue has always bothered me, my peoples should realize how close we really are and we share alot of the same struggles. I wish we got on the same page more often than we do, but sadly that is a much deeper and much needed conversation.
That mentality that is usually taken up by upper middle class Mexican,usually whitexicans, is white supremacists ideology that was passed on to Mexican culture by the spanish empire. Unfortunately, like America, Mexico has to face it's past as a society founded as a colony
I didn’t realize the communities were so at odds. Are you from the west coast?
AGH, true, I've seen it happen even in places considered very safe
There are many parallels between the two groups. The belief is that white women have to be “protected” from all men who aren’t white. KD Signifier focuses on Black men. If you do more research, you’ll find that Mexican men, Asian men, and Middle Eastern men are viewed the same and that white women need to be “protected” from them as well. American racism something else.
I grew up never thinking myself traditionally masculine or attractive. Even after I got put on game and adopted the appropriate cultural signifiers of Black masculinity I didn't feel like "that nigga". An odd thing kept happening after middle school, especially in high school and college. There was this assumption that I knew more about sex and was doing it and A LOT. This attitude was especially prevalent amongst my white peers.
There was also assumed promiscuity on my end by girls/women. One girl in high school was convinced I was a whole hoe with a kid with a girl at another school. I assured her that seeing as I was a virgin that was highly unlikely and that I'd never even met this chick she was talking about. Even my own mother assumed I was just out here clapping cheeks left and right. Smh. Man, I was a church boy. But because I looked a certain way, was a certain age, etc. even those in my own community couldn't see ME beyond their paradigms.
It's funny to look back on now, because if I was getting it like they swore I was I'd have had no time for dinner and sleep. A college girlfriend who I was super serious about and courting hard didn't really give me much energy until she asked about my body count and was shocked that it was less than double digits by my JR year of college. She said she felt a little intimidated at first because of my reputation around campus and some assumptions she had just made about me. Black men rarely get to own our own sexuality in a meaningful way. We are either assessed as a threat or tool for others' pleasure/consumption. I wanna give you props for using your platform to further the discussion on this vital topic. A brother I know once stated we need to "divest of our BBCs" to evolve as Black men and discover then redefine ourselves and your video is definitely making me revisit that conversation.
What does BBC mean? English is not my first language
@@jayneb6053 look it up on Urban Dictionary
"We are either assessed as a threat or tool for other's pleasure/perception." Both my lived experience and an apt summary of this essay.
@@jayneb6053 Clue: it's NOT the British Broadcasting Corporation.
thank you so much for this comment and sharing your perspective, it’s vital and i appreciate it so much!!
Thank you for this video! This is stirring up more of my creative juices for my dissertation and an article I’m working on to publish. I’m unpacking rock n roll and how a Black lesbian (or bisexual) woman, Sister Rosetta Tharpe is the creator of Rock n Roll but was erased due to being Black, a woman, and queer. Without her, there would be no rock. She coined the term “rock” in one of her songs and her guitar style (distortion) was re-created by her male contemporaries including Elvis. What I find interesting about her story is that her proximity to Black maleness due to her sexuality affected her being erased. This aligns with your topic in Black male sexuality and queerness, Christianity (she was also a gospel artist) and colonization. Thank you so much for your content! I am fired up all over again!!!
Please share when your article available , I would love to read it ! Congratulations 🎉 from one writer to another
I lost my virginity at 16 and I'm just recently have talked to someone about it and I'm trying to come to terms with it being a problem, I've always convinced myself that it couldn't have been bad if it was something I was actively seeking but in restrospect not being happy with the way things went I guess is evidence enough that it wasn't a positive experience
I'm sorry you went through that. Your first time should've made you feel safe.
@@nunyabusiness164 thanks, I'm dragging my feet on getting therapy even though i know I need to work through whatever this is
🙏
@@Rei_Oni_ I hope you can find a therapist at some point so a professional can help you unpack everything, and I hope in the meantime you're hanging in there and taking care of yourself. Thanks for being vulnerable with your feelings out here man, it's really hard 💜
It's very common to go through a period of denial and trying to recontextualize your experience into something that was not traumatic. I hope you know that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, now or then. Your mind was trying to protect you. It's not a sign of being messed up or anything. In a society that does not allow you to admit vulnerability, your subconscious does what it needs to in order to keep you from being further traumatized. Now that you're ready to process what happened, you can move forward. As a victim of CSA I know it's hard, but I wish you nothing but joy and peace in your future. You deserve it.
As a Hispanic, I see a lot of this too. It also stretches to other ethnicities. We’re pretty close to like Pacific Islanders and native Americans. “Oh cabana boy!” Or the hot stupid Mexican gardener. Or even Hawaiian girls in hula skirts. Or “hola señorita”. Not only is it objectifying, but it’s blatant bigoted racism.
I likme taco
@@alecgurney9305 obsessed
Lotta buzzword
African American people do not see Latinos as equal in understanding racial injustice. They feel they have suffered the most and been far worse . You're commenting on the wrong video buddy lol
Lmao, lemme guess, you live in California? Or Texas? We don’t add stupid into the Mexican gardener stereotype in Georgia lmao, we know how hard those mf’rs work, they usually have to fill out their teams with a few white guys anyway. Dudes who haven’t worked on a crew for roofing, carpentry, landscaping, or any physical labor are just as ignorant as dudes who haven’t even seen the inside of college.
The generational unprocessed trauma around their ( our- as a black woman) sexuality is an enormous weight around our collective necks- this is so present when you are in relationship and start doing healing work.
It really should be talked about way more in Black-Black relationships. Which I think can be hard when Black folks tend to come from religious backgrounds that generally demand maintaining the problems that this video is about. Like traditional gender roles, the man being a man not showing weakness. A lot of Black folks haven't even really had the opportunity to think openly or more different. Can't comment on white-Black relationships and don't really want to. But when it comes to Black-Black relationships, we (as a Black dude) really do got to work on being more our own allies in relationships with helping process trauma.
One area that stands out for me is honestly praise. In an interracial relationship, a girl talking about liking my skin would be just weird. It connects to trauma and white people admiring Black men as an animal. But if a Black woman praised me for my color, talking about how she loves my Blackness, I'd LOVE that. I feel like other Black dudes might too. We get fetishized by white folks, but being genuinely praised for our color by one of our own is something completely new. It breaks the mold that colonizers have built around Black people and demonizing our color in any way that can. How many Black men, whether straight or anything else, can say they've been called beautiful? Not manly, not badass. Just Black and beautiful for being exactly who they are? Not many I bet.
On the other side I think I'd love to praise my Black partner if I had one for her Blackness too. Since I hear a lot how they get basically told they're less desirable the Blacker they are. That's just one of the ways IMO. There's many others, like making sure it feels like a safe place for each other sexually, emotionally, and everything else.
My favorite RUclipsr! I want to share this with everyone if I can. This topic is so important. I also do believe that the 80s crack epidemic pushed young Black men and boys to numb themselves due to all of the disparity around them thus creating that HipHop we grew up with, oppressing not just self but Black women as well in a desperation to regain a sense of power. Really set us back in progress just like it was intended to do. Think about Black masculinity makes me so emotional. I read We Are Real Cool by bell hooks and I highly recommend. Changed my relationship not just with my father and grandfather but all the Black men in my life. It softened me so much to see that while Black men were objectifying and sexualizing me the same was being done to them and it was all a perpetuation of pain. We all have femininity and masculinity within ourselves. That book brought to light how as a Black girl I was tomboyish out of some sense of protection of self, I saw that hardened emotional unavailable masculinity as protection, while it later in life in my late teens violated me and my peers, tore apart friendships and connections trying to uphold that objectification. Topic brings me to tears. I have so much love for us all.
If we’re going further femininity and masculinity wasn’t created and will never actually include Black Ppl. No matter how much we want it to.
I love how open and honest everyone was, thank you for bringing this to light. Huge kudos to the vulnerability and courage it takes to actually say this out loud
I never really considered fetishized being a real thing until it happened to me. I live in a predominantly white country, one with a lot fewer black folks than USA. However the influence of increased accessibility of pornography via the internet has seen interracial fantasies became quite common and a lot more mainstream these days. That became quite apparent after I hooked up with a friends sister. Now this particular friend is an outspoken white feminist who is against all forms of bigotry, so it was kinda strange to overhear her talking to someone else about the discussions she had with her sister about that hookup. Hearing her build up to whether or not I lived up to “what they say about the bruthas” being true was a little bit stressful in a way. Time kinda seemed to freeze as I awaited to hear if I measured up to the fantasy. It was a huge relief to hear that I didn’t let down that fantasy and was able to keep it going in the minds of a group of horny white women.
But afterwards something about that experience left me feeling like I was seen less as a person and more as a prop in material for someone else’s spank bank.
And then like a year later I learned from that same friend that her sister was not against the idea of carrying a child with my DNA. And she didn’t mean it in a way that was like both people deciding to become parents because they’re ready to become a family situation. I mean more a way where she said to her sister “you know I’d really like to have a black baby” with me being a seemingly convenient sperm donor/ promising child support target. Knowing that put into context why she didn’t insist on protection and was happy to get it raw. Lucky for me I was saved by my haki. If it weren’t for that I’d be have been bled dry by child support many times over.
Before that whole experience I did occasionally joke about BBC with my friends but did so with the mindset of referencing a particular stereotype seen in porn and how ridiculous it is. But once I realized that whenever I did they weren’t thinking the same thing as me, they assumed I was making references to myself.
As such I scaled that back a lot. If nothing else I don’t wanna put that much pressure on my back. I don’t want friends and potential partners expecting me to be Mandingo. I’d rather they have reasonable expectations and are either satisfied or pleasantly surprised.
Oh yeah and gangsta rap really set things back for us. The modern expectation of black guys to all be hyper masculine, aggressive thugs owes a lot to the braggadocio and machismo that gangsta rap popularized in the nineties. Something that interracial porn capitalized on and burned into people’s consciousness.
@James Furey oh Reginald......I DISAGREE!!!!!
@James Furey unfortunately, you take away porn, you are going to get a lot more shooters with pent up energy.
Hey i agreee with everything other then a genre of music setting us back... it deffo has negative points and I feel we as a people have alof of issues, ideals and thoughts processes amung us that hinder our growth but nothing we do will make anyone look at us any better or different.. people with those mindsets will still see what they want..
@@ogkush1916 yeah that’s fair. My feeling is that gangsta rap really promoted and glamorized a particular image of black males that although flattering in some ways ended up being reductive overall. And in my younger years when I was into gangsta rap a lot more I did lean into that and even tried to live up to the image of black guys that it promoted.
But nowadays that’s not as much of an issue as gangsta rap now feels a lot more antiquated than it did ten years ago. Nowadays “black nerds” are a lot more common in media as well as black intellectuals. Which is a good thing. I’d say nowadays there are likely fewer instances of whites folks responding to an educated and knowledgeable black person with a sense of shock and awe like they’ve found something extremely rare.
@@unstoppableExodia true you are right... tbh as someone from London gangster rap didn't influence me as much but then even as I type this i must acknowledge that music was very influential but I feel that the music just represented the reality.. so for me growing up you subconsciously learn what it is to "be a black man" or a man in general. N being bad, tough, hard, was deffo something I learned socially more so then via entertainment, but your right entertainment deffo reinforces and pushes it... but yh im happy that social media allows for more narratives of black men, also i feel this era more ppl are real and honest with themselves and their experiences. Even us having these convos is rare, most guys in person would brush this stuff off.
There's so many facets to what makes us, I've always felt most of what us black guys do is to fit in and not stray from the crowd as said in the video, even freaky sex with a woman was called gay, we have such strict confides to operate in emotionally, sexually, socially its crazy.
Honestly, this is one of those things people don't even acknowledge but that we feel.
Black and queer, here... And essentially, despite my prefer roles in sexuality, I have pretty much been forced into being the dominant as every pale gay dude looks at me and immediately thinks that I'm something I'm not.
Heck, I had a 'friend' in 8th-10th grade who would KISS ME ON THE LIPS out of nowhere without my permission.... and this white girl would say "oh it's okay you're my gay black boyfriend." Shit hurts my feelings to this day and is why I generally avoid most white women.
There’s women that are down with gay men they just don’t admit it on the Republican side
jesus christ, I’m so sorry that happened to you.
@@Tomatonator thanks dude. It's all good... Maybe. Well I mean I coped and now I know certain reg flag behavior to watch for from white women.
Yooo wtf that's fucked up
I'm sorry man
I'm glad this is finally being talked about because I've tried to ask men in my family about it but they take it a a macho/alpha/compliment thing
Men want to be desired for something, that’s what it boils down to. We also have emotions to be validated
@@themarathoncontinues4211 The issue is deriving validation only from being fetishized and using that validation to justify it on principle rather than a means to your ends (assuming your ends are ego fulfillment).
@@wildfire9280 I never said it’s healthy, my point is there’s a reason many are willing to accept it.
It's funny but as a black woman who has male black friends I have seen the ignorant ones who take all of that in and allow it to feed their ego .. I have also watched as some of these men have realized it and come to an epiphany. It also happened with me in college. I didn't even realize that it was happening to me with some white men until then.
This was such an important and hard video, I really admire how you can walk the line between condemnation and empathy even when handling the toughest of subjects--that's *hard* and is incredibly emotionally draining so I hope you were able to take care of yourself during and after the making of this video. And all the interviews were phenomenal, I really appreciate all the different things each interviewee brought to the discussion, thank you to each and every person for sharing their thoughts and experiences with such emotionally fraught topics.
When I was getting started in college, I knew this White girl who claimed to have a thing for Black men. The weird thing was, she was always rather racist in how she addressed Black people. For example, she habitually referred to this middle-aged Black male tutor we both knew as "Jay-Z", she once said that San Francisco "had a lot of chocolates", and even screamed "THEM!" at a African-American family while we were visiting an amusement park. I always had a hard time understanding how someone could be so disrespectful to a group of people whose men she claimed to be physically attracted towards.
The weird thing is, though, I've also seen plenty of Black dudes endorsing the BBC stereotype. For example, one time I drew a picture of Michelangelo's David as an African man, mainly because I wanted to see how a classic Renaissance European sculpture would look like with a Black face. A Black male friend of mine complained that my portrayal's dick wasn't big enough. Considering how pro-Black he generally is, I would think he'd be aware of the stereotype's racist history.
Most of these pro blacks don't read or read history.
Wow that last part is such a good point, I've met a few people like that girl you mentioned. Simply put, she views black people as inferior to her. It's the same way a man can be a mysoginist and still like sleeping with women.
There are actually a lot of classic Renaissance European sculptures of black people. Renaissance Italy had a large enough black and mixed race population to feature quite prominently in the art work of that time. I suggest you take a trip to Florence and Rome. There is a great sculpture of the first Duke of Florence , who was a black man, Alesandro De Medici in Florance.
Isnt weird, once you understand its a mechanism to get what they want . I actually see no problem with it, if all you want is sex, sex is a raw desire. Its very unfiltered and ulgy or it came be.
@Clement McKenzie If there was a lot to prove your point it should be easy to name 3 examples (google), This is historical revisionism at its finest. I good saying i once heard is "A mouse born in a stable is not a horse".
Just got to your point about white women invading personal space in the club. The last time that happened to me I was out for my cousin's birthday. I was on the dance floor with two of our homegirls and as I was walking off these two coeds rolled up and started grinding and groping me. Some brothers I didn't know started hooting, hollering and cheering. I just froze though. I was in a relationship and wasn't feeling the situation. I mean AT ALL! But I very much knew that how I reacted in that moment could be the difference between me being seen as a threat by the crowd of onlookers or security. Luckily my homegirls saw and quickly got them out of the paint and talked to me about it because they saw on my face how the shit made me feel. I hadn't really processed that moment until watching this video.
Because for the most part wyt people especially wyt women feel they think it's okay to treat anyone black as an object.
You have great friends for keeping you company man🙌🏾‼️
@@nathanxxvii and then the added benefit of being male sooo. they just feel license to do anything sexual do us and in their worldview we should oblige
I’m so sorry that happened to you, you existing in your body is not an invitation for any kind of contact and what they did was assault. It’s perfectly normal to process that kind of experience a lot later because it’s so disturbing to consider your brain tries to help you out by suppressing it. ❤️
@@jahfaricoumarbatch3947 and if you don't? They get mad and confused that you aren't letting them do what they want. They are mad at your own agency.
This was a fantastic video, and thank you for the work you put into creating it.
I can't help but feel that there's a parallel between the way that Black men are fetishized as hyper masculine and the way Asian women are fetishized as hyper feminine, and the corresponding stereotypes about "effete" Asian men and "mannish" Black women. It's like Arthur de Gobineau's ideas about gender being an innate property of race are still with us, we've just shifted which races have which genders.
Your conversations and interviews and the time and thoughtfulness you put into your work are incredible. I really, really really hope your work is shared and talked about far and wide because I think it’s such an antidote for cynical and dead dialogue.
Recently dated a guy who was genuinely shocked I wanted to hang out with him for him and not $ex. I had reassured him that I like just sitting next to him watching him play video games. It was upsetting knowing that he also has felt so objectified to where he didn’t think someone could like him. I drove from one city to another to just sit down with him. I don’t deserve a medal for the bare minimum, and I hope this anecdote doesn’t come off wrong.
It’s not wrong at all
Lmao more dudes out there need to know there's no medal for the bare minimum.
Driving a long ways is above bare minimum, but it's very sweet of you!
Your offense is noted but this issue is bigger than you and that's the lesson you didn't grasp from this video.
If you really cared about him, you'd have asked him about it and come to understand his position.
Instead, you chose to get offended at something you don't understand
@@kingozone I was not offended Also thank you for your insight
Aaaaw
I'd recommend Kat Blaque's videos on race play. She's a Black woman in the BDSM scene here on youtube and she has some interesting, insightful personal experience and commentary on the matter that connects with a lot of the points made in this video
Thanks for the recommendation! Checking it out now
Kat Blaque is amazing
She had a call in show where people who have participated in it talk about liking/disliking it. Some of the calls were very... interesting
Absolutely.Kat has many important videos regarding the intersection of race and sexuality
Aw 💖
As a brown Indian men, this shit blew my mind. I was completely unaware about these fetishisation things regarding black man. It's even horrifying for me if someone start judging me because of my race instead who i am as a person. This hyper sexualisation of everything and anything is f**king dangerous.
As a straight white man, this is such an interesting/strange topic to me. Never watched you before, but youtube recommended it to me. Ive never thought about any of these things and im glad to have learned about such a touchy topic from you.
I’m a black man with an average D. Imagine not living up to the stereotypes. I learned of our fetishization early in my sexual life, because of the disappointment I’d see in a white girl’s face (when younger only white girls noticed me because I read books and played sports) when she saw I wasn’t huge. Never dealt with white women again after this realization. I’ve had difficulty with black women because they’re used to the stereotype. Maturity level is linked to how much this matters but sadly a lot of women, or at least the ones I’m meeting, aren’t mature.
fly to another country
@@kanewarren8759 et al This fellow was sharing, not asking for advice- and it honestly sounds like they've got everything put together anyway-
#1 It's a maturity thing on the part of the woman.
#2 Sex appeal has various nuances and flavors, many of which don't involve a massive wang.
I'm not sure it's necessarily about maturity, I used to be concerned about dick size until I realized it doesn't make that much of a difference, the real problem is that many men aren't willing to do much to satisfy a woman's needs and insist that penetrative sex that makes them come should be enough so that at least for me I got the hope that a larger dick size would compensate the lazyness.
right, if it's not a third leg its too small
@@rebeccarambo2893 ay ay ay goodies upfront, tell us what you've got 👀
I am a black person who unfortunately growing up had to spend time in a lot of white spaces and the amount of times I've had to explain to people that no, black men do not always want sex is so horrifying.
In general, the way men feel that "saying no to sex = saying no to being a man" is horrifying and not addressed enough. I still remember the first time I heard a guy talk about sex he had forced himself to have to avoid emmasculation, despite the fact that he didn't really want to have it. And it is like self-coersion, self-r4pe, if you will. It breaks my heart.
But you also have to understand that some of us DO want sex, but can’t get it.
@@ralphwilsin My dude we get it you’re manosphere
@@ralphwilsin This really isn't the comment to engage in Incel talk tho, also it's kinda unhinged that you think "sex should be evenly distributed accross the population". I get it, you are horny, perhaps lonely. Maybe you say you want "sex" when all you really want is partnership or companionship that include sex (but that doesn't sound as cool and makes you feel more vulnerable to express) or maybe you truly only want sex and nothing more. But regardless neither sex nor partnership is owed to you or anyone. And people, their bodies and their affection certainly aren't something to be "distributed". I hope you'll see this someday, somehow :)
@@imanigordon6803 What’s a manosphere? Is it like a fancy shape?
Love the opening discussion about you and your friend in college. As a white, shy, late bloomer throughout University I had similar perspective towards my guy friends who I assumed were getting more luck than me. It wasn't until we discussed it in hindsight that I learned the truth. It's interesting how much you can put yourself down comparing yourself to the people around you and how much easier it is to do that instead of just looking at yourself and figuring out what you need to change to achieve what you want romantically.
Love how real this channel is. You have mastered the balance between education/personality/humor
Yep we are either fetishized or feared or both.
Or totally ignored 😔
@@cheyemily6066 I think that it is because Black men that don’t meet the stereotype are seen as lame.
@@ralphwilsin Yeah, you're right actually I didn't consider that! Thanks :)
@@ralphwilsin Yeah it is the Carlton Banks Pookie Robinson dynamic. There just is no middle ground it seems.
@@ralphwilsin *sad black nerd noises
Something I've noticed in these long form YT videos: Whenever you're able to interview a sex worker, I'm just so impressed by their opinions and general insight. I'm always left with such new and interesting things to think about. They are uniquely qualified and positioned to speak on the many facets of human nature, in a way that the most "decorated" professors never even approach. It's a shame they have to fight against so much constant violence and stigma, when they clearly provide services as necessary as any other in this world. I hope you continue to include them in as many of your videos as possible.
2nded in that! I hate the stigma behind sex work even when it's done in a transparent, safe, and non-exploitive way. The work they do could be life-changing for a lot of folks, Black folks too, who could benefit from sexual healing that they otherwise would never be able to get. Men, especially Black men can bottle up so much internal trama, especially something sexual that could be seen as emasculating. I truly believe trauma-conscious sex-work/sex surrogacy should be accepted and accessible in the mainstream.
all the sex workers I know are comrades
@@jamirr100 It would be a very popular and successful venture if someone could get something like that more mainstream. It can also be a great resource for people who've had surgery and realize they can't have sex like they used to or people with natural deformities who are made to feel like they can't enjoy sex of any kind. Of course you'd have to be careful with a couple predators poisoning the whole well too.
@cuzIcan no, it's sex volunteering /joke
@@cryptbeast3222 not to say too much but i had an ex who was incredibly insecure in his sexuality. He was super against my past as a SWer.. Until we broke up and his insecurity led him to hire a SWer. The biggest thing i remember is him mentioning how they talked about his insecurities and she made him feel better. sex work is such an important profession imo.
I’m a black male in my early 20’s and I loved this video and the way you explained everything. Hopefully I can come to terms with my internalized homophobia and truly embrace myself as the man I truly am until then I’m still in the closet. Loved the video ❤
This was really insightful, thank you. The comments under this video also add that additional perspective.
I am Asian (specifically Indonesian) and though I have not experienced this kind of fetishisation (yet), I find it disturbing just how the objectification of people with darker skin tones, especially and even moreso towards black people, remains super ingrained in societal norms. Like people just assume that a black man has to always like sex and be aggressive (not helping is how this mindset has been internalised and the stereotype has been used by racist white people to demonise black men).
Also, like for whatever reason, relationships between black people and white people are often scorned at or just straight-up fetishised, one example being if it's between a black man and a white woman. Like adding on to the point of black men being aggressive and hypermasculine, white women would just date a black man not out of love, but simply because it's a fetish for them (and vice versa for black men wanting "submissive" and typically "feminine" white women). Also, the stuff about black men being false accused of raping a white woman when that's not what happened (worse is if it is white women themselves doing the false accusation towards their partners). Like can't people just be in a relationship with someone out of genuine love? And people of different races can just love each other normally? I feel like for whichever reason, even though interracial relationships are legal and normal, the stigma or stereotype attached to it still persists.
Also, the weird stereotype of black women being masculine and like "ugly" (especially ones with darker skin tones), because of the idea that "darkness = masculine" and apparently, black woman are "less perfect" than white woman for it (and even when a black woman does choose to express herself in a more masculine way, it's NEVER because of skin colour).
Not helping is that the objectification and demonisation of people with darker skin is a pretty common mindset in Asia (and I've known for sure that racism is still alive and well, so antiblackness is unfortunately still common, even if they're not "overt" about it).
(Edit: Elaborated and simplified on the second paragraph just so it's more clear about what I'm saying and the infornation about how black women are stereotype are separated from the 2nd paragraph)
And these ideas came from somewhere. Gee, I wonder where. We (the tribal peoples) have a common enemy.
Well, part of why Black women couldn’t be seen as desirable is because slave masters would take advantage of them. Their wives hated it and would punish the Black female slaves in deprived ways. So the status quo had to be maintained in part because women produce children. Children mean a claim to inheritance. The children born from Black female slaves were automatically slaves (a new change as slavery was never something you inherited). So they could do whatever they wanted to the women without any consequences and without risking their wives children’s inheritance.
Literally everything was about uplifting the beauty of White women. They were part of the machine that produced hundreds of years of propaganda. But they were still treated like property so Black men couldnt be with them. So they must be “taking” it. Thats what a lot of adult interracial material is about and reinforces.
Thanks for sharing.
In Indonesia are there black people?
@@sloppygirlz In regards to black Africans, they make up quite a small minority.
However, there are also Papuans (who are Melanesians, not Africans) who are considered black and they're common. And unfortunately, yes they do experience a lot of racism from other Indonesians.
Definitely off topic but I loved seeing F.D chat with an old friend. I'm always fascinated by the affect and energy change that comes when someone is talking to a friend they have a shared history with. It's infectious.
That was really one of my favorite parts too
i’ve gotta say, this is the first time i’ve watched a content creator where i’ve watched one video and subscribed mid video. A lot of the information here I wish I had been told when i was younger.
When D described his upbringing as the only child, I paused the video because I was taken aback by how much I related. I also grew up as the quiet kid not getting girls but then the quiet personality starts becoming attractive as you grow older. That’s crazy
Bro I was looked at as weird but these want my attention all of the sudden and it’s kind of mind boggling to me
wow this video brought me to tears, as a black man, victim of sexual assault, and the often fetishizing of my body at my PWI the depths of this video are something to truly behold. I became a fan after your video on The Boondocks & White Suburbia and you’ve yet to miss for me yet. Great job once again.
Shout out to u bro. I can identify with things u mentioned..sending u healing king.🙏🏼💯
I’m at a pwi right now. It’s my first time in life attending an all white school. Shit ain’t for the weak.
🙏🙏
@@Thatbul 😂😂 joining black student unions help
Man thank you for opening up about your experience and emotion, I hope you've been able to heal as much as you can and that you're doing ok. Thank you for being a visible survivor man 💜
Glad you made it through RUclips filters. Extremely important topic. I wrote my thesis on black men in p0rn0. I chose the topic based on my own creepy DMs. When some people only experience black people through sexualized media, they assume that's who we are and interacting with us that way is normal.
(why it's dangerous to _only_ engage with any group through p0rn0)
26:00 this is what my thesis was about. How do "thugs" in videos look different when they're for white men's pleasure vs black men's pleasure?
Hello, could you please share the link to your thesis here? I would love to read it 😊.
I would love to read this thesis
Thank you for bringing this topic to a broader audience. This is my first video I have seen of yours and I liked and followed not even halfway through the video. As a black woman, I know this exists and is a real issue. It’s seldom to find men, especially black men willing to have this discussion so openly. I have a black son who will be growing up in a world that is maturing with him. I want him to have full autonomy of his body, feelings and emotions.
Had a girl I was into for a while and I'm still friends with to this day. She mentioned somewhat out of the blue that she wasn't sure if she could ever date a black dude because of how big they were. It really confused me when she said that a few months ago but now I think I know where she got that idea.
She wants you to stick it in, dummy. Just do it and blow her mind and then leave if she gets on some goofy racist shit. Win-win.
This is why I was just as protective over my sons as I was my daughter!
Because of things that happened to me as I child it created a helicopter mom.
They are all grown up now but I will still protect them all.
you're a good mom
@@nunyabusiness164
No one’s perfect. All I did was try to give my very best though I know I fell and still do fall short. What I can’t help with, I turn over to God.😊
Thank you. That is good parenting. My mom was the same way with my older brothers (we're Black.) She would ALWAYS have conversations about predators and strangers with them just as she did with me. She would even get questioned on it and her response would be "They go after boys too!"
@@ayanna6327 Precisely!
Mom was correct and right to be vigilant and proactive.🙏🏿
This is such an amazing point. I know you were just doing what you know as right and this should be the norm but next time I hear something about being hesitant to have a daughter or protecting a daughter, I’m gonna ask why not your sons, too! They are just as at risk.
I remember talking to two white women one approached me initially asking me if I liked dark jokes but later in the night another white girl joined and asked me if my sister and I call each other the N-word. Also asking if I was black everywhere and If I was big etc and asked me to come up to their room with them, I couldn't describe the disgust I felt in myself that night.
sorry you had to go through that, disturbing asf
Why tf didn't u immediately check them? Stop letting other ppl feel like they can just disrespect us like that, we're not fucking animals. That's beyond degrading
I'm sorry thay happened to you but keep it real they were both not the least bit attractive, were they? The good looking types stay with their own if you catch my drift my nigga.
I wonder if it was two black women saying disgusting things to you, would you have reacted the same way? It’s really something I notice how black people can a lot of the time treat each other worse than we do other races, and I wonder why. Sometimes fetishization feels good but we need to recognize it for what it is
@@Kmama801 I don’t see why we would? Fetishizing comments like that stem from people’s limited experience (and racism of course) of black men, through the lens of p0rn. Typically people date people from their environment, so BW who are around and date BM know this stereotype isn’t always true. That doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of objectification, but this sort of ignorance and dehumanization would most likely come from a clear person
deeply interesting and nuanced content. so glad I discovered your channel today. thank you!