I agree that people’s feelings are always valid. Feelings come from somewhere. We may not be able to pinpoint the exact source of our reaction/feeling immediately... sometimes we quickly default to a more shallow reason. And when we do that, people might dismiss us. But when we explore deeply, we find that a feeling, a reaction, is always understandable, or, valid. Validating someone is understanding them. Enabling them is creating an avenue for the harmful behaviors to continue.
I'm not sure if I'm up for sharing much right now, but I wanted to let you know I appreciate the effort you put into these videos and they've been very helpful, both for myself and I'm sure many other people . Thank you
This is a great topic. I noticed my feelings of invalidation when my friend constantly kept interrupting my stories to suggest alternative reasons to what I’m saying when I didn’t ask for him to counter my story. I struggled to even finish my story before he interjected and zoomed in on what was not the point. I think we tend to want to be understood more than anything. We have a position that made us feel a certain way and we want the feeling to be shared first. It’s not until after we feel it’s understood can we listen to an alternative but I think in the moment when we have a persistent narrative to match the feeling we don’t want an “interesting” discussion of dissecting the topic. It’s possible that that is what avoidants do. They feel what they feel to push someone away but decline to communicate because they don’t want to get into these painful feelings and pick them apart so they disengage completely. Those emotions are painful to begin with and they have trouble with others if they have to come to their defense when they know they’ll feel attacked for them.
Ryan Liberty, I agree that validation is important when we relate to people, I believe honestly that if people would validate people's feelings more then, I feel that there would be less strife and stress to people. Alot less hostility.
I think part of the problem is this idea of agreeing. I don’t usually have that in my head when someone is talking to me. Your position when someone starts talking to you is to understand their position. Sometimes I even have fun with them by mirroring their emotion. If they lost a job I don’t jump in and be the hero to save them by coming up with problem solutions. If they say “screw that boss! I hate him”. I’d say “yea! How could he?!” Because you are not the investigator to their life, you are listening to a story handed to you and you are responding to that story. So in the context of that story and how the person feels then his feelings and thoughts are valid. You can obviously ask more questions about it because it’s important that you are also authentic about it. But the truth is, not everything is from your POV, sometimes we are just people receiving an emotional story that is handed to us because we are being trusted. The more you explore and dissect it the more you’re invalidating it. Your responsibility as a partner or even a friend is to support first.
Uh oh, I may have an issue. Maybe I don't validate people, because I seem to put people off, I find it's like I always say the wrong thing, maybe that's the problem. Also maybe I don't feel validated by people as well which leads to me feeling misunderstood
I don't get why you don't get more views/subs. This is good stuff.
Thanks for the video Ryan, really interesting topic.
I agree that people’s feelings are always valid. Feelings come from somewhere. We may not be able to pinpoint the exact source of our reaction/feeling immediately... sometimes we quickly default to a more shallow reason. And when we do that, people might dismiss us. But when we explore deeply, we find that a feeling, a reaction, is always understandable, or, valid. Validating someone is understanding them. Enabling them is creating an avenue for the harmful behaviors to continue.
I'm not sure if I'm up for sharing much right now, but I wanted to let you know I appreciate the effort you put into these videos and they've been very helpful, both for myself and I'm sure many other people . Thank you
This is a great topic. I noticed my feelings of invalidation when my friend constantly kept interrupting my stories to suggest alternative reasons to what I’m saying when I didn’t ask for him to counter my story. I struggled to even finish my story before he interjected and zoomed in on what was not the point. I think we tend to want to be understood more than anything. We have a position that made us feel a certain way and we want the feeling to be shared first. It’s not until after we feel it’s understood can we listen to an alternative but I think in the moment when we have a persistent narrative to match the feeling we don’t want an “interesting” discussion of dissecting the topic. It’s possible that that is what avoidants do. They feel what they feel to push someone away but decline to communicate because they don’t want to get into these painful feelings and pick them apart so they disengage completely. Those emotions are painful to begin with and they have trouble with others if they have to come to their defense when they know they’ll feel attacked for them.
Ryan Liberty, I agree that validation is important when we relate to people, I believe honestly that if people would validate people's feelings more then, I feel that there would be less strife and stress to people. Alot less hostility.
I think part of the problem is this idea of agreeing. I don’t usually have that in my head when someone is talking to me. Your position when someone starts talking to you is to understand their position. Sometimes I even have fun with them by mirroring their emotion. If they lost a job I don’t jump in and be the hero to save them by coming up with problem solutions. If they say “screw that boss! I hate him”. I’d say “yea! How could he?!” Because you are not the investigator to their life, you are listening to a story handed to you and you are responding to that story. So in the context of that story and how the person feels then his feelings and thoughts are valid. You can obviously ask more questions about it because it’s important that you are also authentic about it. But the truth is, not everything is from your POV, sometimes we are just people receiving an emotional story that is handed to us because we are being trusted. The more you explore and dissect it the more you’re invalidating it. Your responsibility as a partner or even a friend is to support first.
I miss you :) I hope you are feeling better.
Really I miss seeing you in your videos x
Really really fantastic content- I appreciate having these thoughts to roll around in my head today.
Great tool to use in relationships ! Thanks a lot
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Man Ryan I really enjoyed your video. You are great at making a solid point bro. Keep up the great work
Uh oh, I may have an issue. Maybe I don't validate people, because I seem to put people off, I find it's like I always say the wrong thing, maybe that's the problem. Also maybe I don't feel validated by people as well which leads to me feeling misunderstood