Truth. Over 15 yrs ago I had a gay co worker seeing a DL man living with his girlfriend. My coworker wanted him to leave his woman for him, and threatened to tell her about their relationship if he didn't. The man STABBED him to death to keep his secret!!!! Before he died, he was able to tell 911 who stabbed him. DANGEROUS!!! He's doing serious time now in prison.
Ladean Graham You seen the episode where the married lawyer was having sex with his gay colleague? The boyfiend wanted the married man to leave his wife but he ended up killing. Come to find out, the gay boyfriend was infected with the package, gave it to the married man, and the married man gave it to his wife.
yep, we've got to.....us straights are always loud as hell and taking up space...I realize this aint even my time to give an opinion...just to give a listen. @morgan carroll
My husband's uncle has a boyfriend that he's been with for over 12 years. My husband's family calls the guy "John's friend". The uncle and his boyfriend live together and they go to family gatherings all of the time. Nobody will say that he's John's partner or boyfriend. People act like they're not together. John doesn't acknowledge the guy as his partner when he's around his family. It's pitiful to watch. My husband briefed me on not saying that the guy is John's boyfriend. I told him that I won't be lieing for anybody. I just won't comment or say anything about them. It's really annoying because they're both in their 40s.
I thought about stirring the pot. It's so fucking sad. The boyfriend is the sweetest man. He's always helpful and caring to other people in the family. I'm the type of person that believes people should live in their truth. I hate being around fakeness.
ohhh my lord that is the shit i hate , we as black people are the most with that mess oh that johns friend oh that is linda friend ..no granny if they been around coming to every thing the fam does in the last 20 years they are more friends and if john or lindas friend does for you more than some of you grandkids and family you should make everyone respect them
Sarah Eli maybe that’s how they want their relationship to be. You feel bad for the boyfriend and that’s sweet but if they have been together that long it’s probably by choice.
I was in the closet until my 26th birthday. But one thing I never did and made sure not to do is use ANY woman as a beard. I have too much respect for women to play with their emotions or waste their time. It is not fair, so I suffered in silence and kept my distance from people. So glad that I am out now; honest with myself and others.
I see, this is 2 yrs old, but TODAY, I want to say thank you for your pure honesty, and honesty. The fact you acknowledge a women's feelings and sincerely take into consideration her heart is the most noble thing to date! You are truly the essence love, and on behalf of all women, who sincerely LOVE, BM, and want nothing but, your happiness, again I day thank you. Remain, blessed.
I am so glad you did this video. What really pissed me off was a guy who was after me something crazy...but I knew he was gay. Thank GOD I NEVER got attached. I asked him if he was bi or gay after he kissed me at a party...and he said "fuck no!" Two years later (after being immediately assigned to the friend zone) he admitted to me he was gay and wanted to sleep with me in the past because he wasn't ready to come out. He missed out on a real friendship with me, and I would have been there for him to support his coming out. Instead he lied to me and tried to use me as his alibi. Not cool. It low key hurt my feelings. But I understood and forgave him because he was terrified of coming out. Now he is out and living his gayest best life. What would have happened if we had started dating? Inevitably, I would have been hurt in the end when I caught him sneaking around. Very selfish...
Thank you FD! I can’t stand fake phony people who are into playing multiple characters. Not just in terms of DL gay men, but anyone who can’t or are unwilling to live their truth.
I understand and completely agree! Straight people play a similar game of pretense. People need to learn to be safe and content with themselves. I know a 50 something gay man whose mother keeps after him about getting married and giving her grandchildren. The mother is in denial!
It's not really about not being content with yourself, it's about surviving in a bigoted environment. Gay kids are still getting beaten and thrown out of their homes for coming out of the closet. Gay marriage may be legal and we have openly gay celebrities, but we still have a long way to go.
As a former "trade chaser" I can honestly say that it is a form of self hate and holding on to the idea that masculinity is defined by sexuality. Anyone who can't stomach the idea of being with you in the light of day, definitely doesn't deserve you at night. Lust for a man/woman should never compromise your self worth. Q someone need this video! Thanks for all that you do!
People wouldnt have to do that if we lived in a more accepting society. LGBT folks are still getting disowned by their loved ones, losing their jobs, and even being harassed and sometimes killed for being themselves. Walking your own truth isnt an option for everyone.
I Love Listen to you ,you are inteligente,and know how to Express your thought and ideas so Well ,since i Fall in your Channel By surprize i have been listening to you Always...and im everyday more surprise and i admire you very much ...from Germany
I agree with everything that you just said. As a straight cis woman, I always thought it was weird that a flamboyantly gay man will be so excited over the prospect of having sex with, essentially, a down low man. A DL man is a problem for the gay community AND the straight. DL men not only affect the health of our bodies, but also our emotional and mental states. It's a serious issue that I think both the straight and gay community needs to come together and address. *Edit: See comment below where I explain what 'affect the health of our bodies and emotional and mental state' means because apparently, my point wasn't clear. Thank you.
Jae D I'm a straight biological woman. Lol. Cis basically means, I was born a woman, and I am cool with it. I find that dealing with gender and sexuality online, you got to make those distinctions sometimes. Even though I find it easier to just say I'm a straight woman.....but you know, 2018 and all.
I was with you until you continued to perpetuate this stereotype about these men putting your health at risk. If a man sleeps with a woman then sleeps with you, why are the health concerns ultimately thrown out of the window? Please stop spreading this narrative.
Dionte Brown There are a lot of men out there who do not believe that you can catch an STD through sex with another man. I have met them. I was.....SHOCKED. After all of the information, after the whole AIDS epidemic, people still believe that you can not get an STD or an STI from anal sex. DL men are living in a false reality shrouded in lies. What are the chances that they are wrapping it up each time they have sex? They are a concern for both the gay community and the straight.
This was much needed, my ex was DL and hid it well for a long time, eventually they slip and you see who they really are. Usually thats after a lot of damage has been done.
Latise Wilson We met at the age of 25 and his friends said things like, we never met any of his girlfriends, he had a male bestfriend/roommate when we met. His apartment was decorated in all black and white ( a gay friend told me those are colors a lot of gay men use to represent 69 or yen and yan) He was very inquisitive about my male gay friends and asked me questions about their sex lives and made snide remarks about them. Lastly he asked me for anal, That was the last straw, one day at a company Christmas party he got drunk and started twerking. I could go on, it all added up but it a slow process. My gay male best friend told me the signs to notice.
Meghan darlin No its not, as a straight heterosexual I had no clue what signs to look for and all this signs happened years down the line as he was a very good pretender.
Hey Dineva!!🏵️🌼🌸💮🌻...A lot of people may not agree, but this is a great topic for both straight and gay relationships... it's not right when men and women flip flop on you playing on folks feelings because this is how some ppl get hurt or kilt...ijs😒😒the main ones that say they hate gays and gay banging gays which mean hurting them physically...be the main ones that are flip floppin😒😒
I have never considered the division in the LGBTQIA community. Thank you for the lesson, I think it is very important for everyone to understand the complexity that exists in the community.
PREACH ... it's a lot of masculine guys in the community that look down on others with a sense of superiority and think solely because of that, they can treat others in the community any kind of way...not know that those ppl could be the ones signing their next paycheck or approving them for that next apartment/mortgage they want, etc. We need more conversations like these 👏
ima stay in my lane. i hv gay male friends and i dt always understand bt its made me conscious that every culture has a sub culture n a sub sub culture. thx for sharing dineva!!
There's a nothing to be scared about. The law json your side, live your truth, and it's far more courageous than living a lie and hurting serveral people in the process. Anyone unble yo understand that is a malignant abuser and potentially fatal.
The allure of “straight” or DL men to me is something that younger gay men gravitate towards. It’s the thrill of the chase/conquest. He’s got a gf or wife at home but you still get to have your way with him behind closed doors. There are exceptions but generally speaking, I tend to think that gay men evolve with age and eventually cut ties with trade. It’s risqué and fun when you’re young and in the streets, but as time goes on you realize that if he’s legitimate trade, women will ALWAYS come first, no exceptions. They’ll leave your ass stranded on a roadside in bumfuk if the gf or wife calls. Mature gay men have this thing figured out and opt for something real because trade is like a lease. They get what they want from you (money, weed, transportation, sex etc.) then bring the spoils of their come-up to their main chick. Now if you’re content playing second fiddle (realistically, this is the best that some guys can do) then you’ll be fine with this scenario, but at some point most guys want their own man who genuinely has their best interest at heart. Trade will never be that, ever.
NorthDeKalb Nah, I’ve never liked DL/straight men. I’ve been flattered when they approach, but I’ve never chased them. I’ve spent my whole childhood hiding who I was, when i came out it was liberating. And I never could appreciate/respect a man who was hiding in the closet. I’ve avoided them. Just something about their spirit turns me off.
Eloy I know someone who knew her child was gay when he was in elementary school..found gay porn on his phone etc. . Refused to address it...the child was on the DL, and was in the streets BAD...well at 22 he caught HIV and a host of other STDs, and although her insurance is paying for his treatment they still don't address the fact that he is gay...I mean they BOTH refuse to discuss ANYTHING ABOUT IT...I'm like WTH!!…..it's so sad, I'm like how can y'all go on like this...nothing about this is safe or healthy...
Michelle Ramsey Hi Michelle, thank you for sharing that story with me...it gave me perspective I hadn’t thought enough about regarding why some people may stay closeted. I should be more compassionate and less judgmental of the people around me. Coming out is Not Easy. Sometimes we have to choose to remove people from our lives, which can be very painful, but living our Truth is worth it. I hope that young man finds self acceptance and self love 💚
MsChrissie B yep. My neighbor has a woman and 3 kids and he fcks men while she’s at work. The girls caught him just this week and I heard him threatening them to not tell their mom. Smh. Shitty kitty life
I know someone that's dating a guy and the guy he's dating is in the closet right... But the guy that's in the closet really treats his partner kind of bad when they are around certain ppl and I think it's crazy because, if you're ashamed of what you're doing or Who you are then you shouldn't be doing it...... Be you because I am a straight woman, but I refuse to deal with Fake ass ppl so I do agree!
I respect anyone's right to privacy as long as privacy is the issue and not self hate. It's one thing to not be comfortable acknowledging your sexual preference--it's a different (and sad) case when you can't acknowledge your preference and simultaneously bully, disrespect, or insult those who do.
Giirl 🙅🙅no time for those kind of women in 2018 or any year after. Im 29 and have run into those same type of older women too. I pay them dust everytime
Lachasity Brown I'm for sure a 90's baby raised by parents born in the 60's and I'll NEVER compromise my sanity and peace of mind by hiding my life. Idc who I lose, I die alone.
Yesssss girl! My life my happiness. I hate the closet. They more we hide the more fear we allow other parties to intimidate us. Including family. It's sad
Wow, I never knew some out gay men love DL men. I don't personally know any gay men; my only experience with gay men are through social media like IG and RUclips. I just always assumed out gay men wouldn't want to be in relationships with someone that chooses to hide them. I am a plus size woman, so I make certain to only date men that are comfortable with taking me out and showing me off. As many may know fat women are hidden fetishes as well, so that is why I compared the two. Thank you for this video.
Hi Dineva, 4 year listener here. So I agree with about 3/4s of what you said. I’m an out gay man on that masculine side, and that’s what I’m attracted to. Feminine traits don’t do anything for me, and I feel that’s just a chemical reaction. I spend a lot of time around straight guys, because I relate better. My life is literally sports, work, and fitness. When im around my gay friends I do quote every drag race line and nene leaked quip I know. However my straight friends know that side of me as well...it just doesn’t come out with them because it isn’t relevant to the situation and surrounding. All in all, people who don’t know me perceive me as straight or DL. One look at any of my social medias and it’s clear that I’m not
12 minutes into this video and I had to pause this video and say THANK YOU!!! As a 28 year old openly and proud gay black male raised in Atlanta since age 4 this is GOSPEL!!!!! We have many shared experiences you spoke on in this video. It’s nothing like going to bed and waking up in the morning with a clear conscious knowing you are being the person you were meant to be! Thanks Dinevea ❤️
it's a guy I went to school with and Still hang out with sometimes, He think no one knows he's Gay, But EVERYBODY know he Gay, He we don't care, cause he cool as hell. I told him that, but he think no one know but few of us. EVERYONE KNOWS
Yes yes yes!!!!! Too many dangers behind it. A lot of men leave jail and their secret life and start messing with ladies on the street it’s not fair it’s selfish! Many black men still struggle with their sexuality and it’s crazy.....
Preach it!! If they can’t stand in their truth, you can’t do it for them. If you can’t be authentically YOU, then who are you pretending to be?? Be you and stand in it!!
no name theres gotta be signals in which pretenders/liars do that others dont. I am interested in what he was saying about dude in the barber shop. I usually mind my business but i know do understand after a marriage and a relationship afterwards that i need to listen and pay attention to significant others more. Listen to not only what others say, but stop divulging so much and watch more. I learned a little from a sneaky person that liked to get into alliances
There aren't any (visual) signs. Use the intuition that you use to figure out if someone is lying. For some straight women, being extremely desperate is how you get fooled. DL men or any other good for nothing dude look for that type of woman. If that's not u, ur safe.
J. C. I sat my parents and the dog down and gave them the tumultuous news....Mom, Daddy, Sparky......Im straight. I realized it in the 2nd grade. Now that im in 3rd grade im going to live my truth.😳😁😂
DINEVAAAA this video was EVERYTHINGGGGG! u hit the nail on the head about the safety & trades. I'm from New Orleans where these DL men are getting gay and transgender people killed because they're afraid of being outed. So many gay men messing with trades and brag about it alllll day. BE YOU AND LIVE OUT LOUD!! great video!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thank you! I feel similarly and I'm a straight woman... I love and adore my gay friends who can be themselves and I have empathy for the ones who for whatever reason can't. It's your choice. But it's too tricky for me to navigate. I had a gay friend who tried to use me to play straight to his fam...I was actually hurt when I realized why he brought me to ALL the family functions and THAT was when I let it slip that he slayed my make up😢
You're so good at giving examples for us to understand the point you're trying to make, without being disrespectful or coming off insensitive. It's Not Easy but You do it Effortlessly!
I feel you 100 percent. I've dated closeted/DL men. I will never do it again in my life. There was one dl man who was a minister. I told him I didn't want to date a man of the cloth and he lied to me. I was even seeing on and off a married man, who was a deacon, his wife was a evangelist and they had 5 kids one grand child. He had a body like Superman, he was 50yrs old and looked 30yrs old. He wanted to get serious with me. He was working on getting a divorce, but I really didn't feel right about it. Mind you, I actually dated him when I was 19 and he only had one kid, not married, was not into the church and was doing his do. But when he got married to a church going woman, it turned out he wasn't happy. Oh well, all well that ends well.
The way you articulated the analogy of the DL/closeted gay and out gay to the light skin passing black person absolutely broke it down for us straight black people so that we can truly just "get it"! People have to realize that being authentically yourself will be what truly gets you what you want because can't nobody beat you at being you...so just own your essence! Thank you for the insight, Q!
I believe everything that you said Q. I've had them same experiences with dl men at the time that I didnt know any better just straight up fooling my own self but after dealing with one I never did again. The problem was i thought i could be a hero and help the man that was dealing with come out and be himself as much as he lied to me. But I realized u cant for any one to be real with themselves especially if their sneaky minded
🏳️🌈 Lmao you got me on the floor. I so relate to this. Once I found freedom I don't want to be a slave to the closet anymore. It's still hard because you will always have prejudice assholes that won't accept you, and it hurts twice as much when the prejudice comes from family or other people of color. We all have our own journey, so I hope everyone finds their way in their own time. Also to the Straight people watching please also remember that the world has not been nice to the LGBT community and that our fears are real when it comes to finally finding the courage to come out. We do not have to come out and put our lives, jobs, and careers in danger just to make Straight people (especially straight women) happy. If you want to help then assist us in getting these laws and rules on discrimination changed. Teach your kids to stop bullying . Speak up when others are being homophobic. Before you judge someone for not coming out (especially a family member) you should ask yourself why we don't trust you and what type of environment did you create in the home for us. When aunty, uncle, and cousins were being homophobic at the dinner table who stepped in to stop it? When gay jokes were made by brothers and sisters who intervened? You better believe that every time your gay child see's you roll your eyes on the topic, or turn your head at the gay characters on TV that we're taking a mental note of it, and that mom and dad is a threat to our own safety. Yeah we love you because you're mom and dad, but you're still a threat. Kids are committing suicide and men are still afraid to come out at age 50 and yet straight people still don't want to take any accountability.
My lunch breaks be so lit when Dineva post a new vid! 🙌🏾😍 I agree wholeheartedly like how can you be comfortable and confident in a relationship with someone who can’t be comfortable and confident with themselves?!
I'm a middle age woman , you are teaching me so much . I understand what you are saying and enjoy listening to you . You are so knowledgeable about things l did not know . Thank you young man . You are so Beautiful inside and out .
I really love how you are touching on some many different topics. I'm a married Straight female, However I love that you are showing more and more that Dineva/Q can teach, preach and educate the world. So many Vloggers have nothing to bring outside of TV show reviews. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
S_Hutchinson I agree Q is 💯 PERCENT 😍 on point. His COMMENTARY offers us so many talking points and information, be it relationships, sexuality, politics ect. Q is truly a blessing, I love Q dearly. Peace.
Dineva, something happen to me yesterday, that I just have to share with you. I just told you 2 days ago, how much I love watching your videos and I don't really know why except your words are full of Love and wisdom. So when I saw this video I wanted to shut it down because, I'm a single, heterosexual black woman who loves Yahweh, I have no knowledge of the homosexual community and I do not judge ANYONE!!!! My love for you has grown with each video even this one because as I listened having total "TMI" moments I really learned a lot. Thank you. God brought a blessing into my life. I love to sing gospel music and a brother I met at a church program heard me sing and asked me to be a part of his singing group. I went to the meeting which was yesterday and while walking me to my car. He (this brother) dropped this on me..... and I quote. "I've been praying to God to send me a Man that will love me". At this very moment, I immediately thought about you!! Wow!!! Why would he say this to me. I had no idea he was gay and I would never judge. However, I ask God as I drove off, what was that???? What should I do? I Love you Dineva, and I responded to him like I would respond to you. Thank you for listening. God bless
I appreciate you being so real about this topic Funky Dineva! I have been hurt in several relationships, in my younger years where men lied to me. They were closeted men that used me to get through college and after. I felt hurt, disgusted and it made me mad! I mean these are men that were introduced to my family and talked about marriage and all. I lost some friends taking up for them, because they would say they weren’t, so I would fuss at my friends and dismiss them because they would talk about them. Your video sheds so much light on the type of guys that are out here. I’m glad that you’re taking a stand. I really respect everything you’re saying.
I just simply have to say Thank You Q. This conversation has allowed me to find the words, and to identify with how I feel about DL/ Closeted men. Specifically from a frustration/ confusion/ and even pity to a degree.
I'm not gay, but I totally agree with you. What they don't know is that we already know. You know who is gay when your in elementary school. That person thinks we don't know, but we do! They need live their best lives and enjoy themselves. Your sexuality doesn't change who you are as a person. Some gay and straight people I don't like because of their personality not their sexuality.
Today's commentary was a perfect example of why I tune into you. I feel similar to the way you do about this subject. When "Trade" tells me that they are straight looking and acting in my mind that statement tranlates into: I am a liar, I do not like who I am, and I am a thief. What I really find interesting is the fact that no matter how well hidden they think they are everybody knows their secret...... and talks about it. Whether self imposed or external DL men catch a whole lot more hell than I do. There is NOTHING wrong with me, and I will not lie about who I am.... period. When you behave as though there is something wrong with you, people will have a tendency to treat you that way. I don't always agree with your point of view...... but I am so truly greatful you have one. You are thought provoking as well as entertaining. Thank you for educating and sharing.
I ALWAYS KNEW MY SON WAS GAY ,I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE FINALLY TOLD ME,HE WAS 25 & THAT WAS 11 YEARS AGO, HE HAS A PARTNER AND IS MUCH HAPPIER NOT HIDING FROM HIMSELF ANYMORE!😀😀😀
It is so important that you acknowledge needing to come out and and being identifiable gay like yourself. This is related to me knowing there is underlying frustration with the fact that you cannot nor have ever been a gay man that could live in a moment where you are not so visible. But it is crucial that it is understood that being black and out is more complex than this. I must first start out by stating that I am not DL nor hyper masculine but can and am passing in my work life specifically and only. In my previous work I have existed in environments were I have had the support and structure needed in order to co-exist as an openly gay man. But presently I am working in a Blue Collar environment were it is essential for not only my safety but more over my livelihood that I attempt to remain closeted. It is the most unpleasant and the most disingenuous moment that I have ever had in my 34 years of living. As you mentioned I am privileged to some of the most atrocious statements made about gays as well I am harassed daily by women with no ability to grieve or complain to management. An inability to grieve which is related to not my feelings or comfort level but rooted in the fact that while we live in a liberal city (Atlanta) we are not a protected class. In addition I have had live experiences were I have "come out" to stop a females advances but it backfires. I am either met with prolonged unusual and embarrassing question or in worse cases I have had females lash out and attack me. Attacked me because even though I initiated no type of advances they are disgusted that I have ability to not be visible. And therefore am convinced that I purposely tried to trick them. With all that being said I think is extremely important that individuals like yourself tread lightly when discussing and labeling "DL". This issue has women particularly black women extremely paranoid and seeking out information that is not always correct. In addition while you may be entitled to share what your experience and disappointments your comments below are problematic. And it show you are giving a lot of incorrect confirmation on what the black gay experience is or isn't for some of us.
Dineva I've followed u for a years now and ABSOLUTELY understand what u saying. It's not that they just don't want to be seen out with an "openly gay" man...they don't want to be seen out with anyone most times because they're so damn confused....we can talk OFFLINE no lol.....I'm here for it.....
I'm not gay nor do I have nor have I ever had those tendencies but Truth is universal. This dude is TALKING THAT SH*t! Walk in the light and live your Truth...un-Ashamedly.
Q as a fellow open SgL male u was totally in the correct spirit with this topic.Gospel yesz Sir.I have always went up for u from time to time But this here the transparency is breathtaking.love u bro.😘😘😘
I dont think you don't like the people, you just dont like their behavior. But you brought up a great point. Hanging with them puts you back in the closet.
Ms. Dineva you snapped! Thank you for making sense. The questions I’ve asked myself about the obsession with straight men, and for you to make it make sense. I’m proud! ❤️
Omg u absolutely right,, I had a guy that used to tell me when we around his family to "act straight". I felt so horrible while doing it. Like my high school days. Never again.
Once again, you have knocked it out of the park!!!!! Too many gems were dropped to highlight a few. It was a home run from beginning to end!!💯💯💯💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
I don’t blame you one bit, Dineva. I couldn’t be with someone who is in the closet or who wants to allow people to go on thinking their straight. This requires too much energy and the person in the closet expects you to make all these concessions for their own discomfort and insecurity. I can’t be bothered with that. I have been in a relationship for 13 years, and both my wife and I live openly and without apology. We are both “out” at work, in our families, and in the world. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Wow! Eye opening! My cousin is gay and he can't stand drag queens, or fishey guy's I have no idea what that is. But I guess if u, are gay or bisexual, straight we all have issues with relationships.
Some of these DL men will KILL to keep their secret so I'm glad you brought up the safety aspect.
kecola like that episode of svu
That was exactly my comment , that I left earlier
Truth. Over 15 yrs ago I had a gay co worker seeing a DL man living with his girlfriend. My coworker wanted him to leave his woman for him, and threatened to tell her about their relationship if he didn't. The man STABBED him to death to keep his secret!!!! Before he died, he was able to tell 911 who stabbed him. DANGEROUS!!! He's doing serious time now in prison.
Ladean Graham You seen the episode where the married lawyer was having sex with his gay colleague? The boyfiend wanted the married man to leave his wife but he ended up killing. Come to find out, the gay boyfriend was infected with the package, gave it to the married man, and the married man gave it to his wife.
@@mwiggins0014 that's sad
As a straight person,
I want to say thanks for making a vid like this to teach us about things going on.
*Stays quietly in lane and learns*
EclecticFlavor. 😂 *quietly joins you in the straight lane*
EclecticFlavor....❤
*I'm with you! Quietly blows bubbles with GUM, without popping* 😆👈💕
yep, we've got to.....us straights are always loud as hell and taking up space...I realize this aint even my time to give an opinion...just to give a listen.
@morgan carroll
EclecticFlavor....❤
*That's almost EVERYBODY, it's NOT my lane or my Marriage.. Thanks, for the comment* 🏆👈💖
@Michelle Martinez lol!!! cackling at the thought of an old lady getting mad at you for popping your gum!!! and thank you!
I'm a straight female and understood your sentiments. The lightskin privilege analogy helped also.
Jazsmine Brown I always say it like the Kardashians. They hang out with whatever group is popping until they get bored and move on
THIS 👏🏾 RIGHT 👏🏾 HERE 👏🏾 A message right here!
You just can't trust someone that is not true to who they are, and I don't blame you for not dealing with them.
THIS CAN NOT BE SAID ENOUGH... THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO.. IF SOMEBODY SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE YOU BETTER BELIEVE THEM 😌
My husband's uncle has a boyfriend that he's been with for over 12 years. My husband's family calls the guy "John's friend". The uncle and his boyfriend live together and they go to family gatherings all of the time. Nobody will say that he's John's partner or boyfriend. People act like they're not together. John doesn't acknowledge the guy as his partner when he's around his family. It's pitiful to watch. My husband briefed me on not saying that the guy is John's boyfriend. I told him that I won't be lieing for anybody. I just won't comment or say anything about them. It's really annoying because they're both in their 40s.
wow that is so sad say something and let shit hit the fan.
I thought about stirring the pot. It's so fucking sad. The boyfriend is the sweetest man. He's always helpful and caring to other people in the family. I'm the type of person that believes people should live in their truth. I hate being around fakeness.
ohhh my lord that is the shit i hate , we as black people are the most with that mess oh that johns friend oh that is linda friend ..no granny if they been around coming to every thing the fam does in the last 20 years they are more friends and if john or lindas friend does for you more than some of you grandkids and family you should make everyone respect them
Wow that is a long time
Sarah Eli maybe that’s how they want their relationship to be. You feel bad for the boyfriend and that’s sweet but if they have been together that long it’s probably by choice.
I was in the closet until my 26th birthday. But one thing I never did and made sure not to do is use ANY woman as a beard. I have too much respect for women to play with their emotions or waste their time. It is not fair, so I suffered in silence and kept my distance from people. So glad that I am out now; honest with myself and others.
I see, this is 2 yrs old, but TODAY, I want to say thank you for your pure honesty, and honesty. The fact you acknowledge a women's feelings and sincerely take into consideration her heart is the most noble thing to date! You are truly the essence love, and on behalf of all women, who sincerely LOVE, BM, and want nothing but, your happiness, again I day thank you. Remain, blessed.
Thank you ❤
“Don’t tell me nothing if you don’t want me to repeat it when I’m drunk” - words to live by
I am so glad you did this video. What really pissed me off was a guy who was after me something crazy...but I knew he was gay. Thank GOD I NEVER got attached. I asked him if he was bi or gay after he kissed me at a party...and he said "fuck no!" Two years later (after being immediately assigned to the friend zone) he admitted to me he was gay and wanted to sleep with me in the past because he wasn't ready to come out. He missed out on a real friendship with me, and I would have been there for him to support his coming out. Instead he lied to me and tried to use me as his alibi. Not cool. It low key hurt my feelings. But I understood and forgave him because he was terrified of coming out. Now he is out and living his gayest best life. What would have happened if we had started dating? Inevitably, I would have been hurt in the end when I caught him sneaking around. Very selfish...
ALWAYS BE TRUE TO SELF! BE HATED FOR WHO U TRULY ARE, RATHER THAN BE LOVED FOR WHO U ARE NOT.
J T 👊👊
PREACH
J T 💯💯
J T 👏👏👏👏👏 PREACH!!! 👏👏👏
Round of applause for Dineva please 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
"or both can just _be"_
preach, Dineva! 🙌
Justin Sánchez Right! That part spoke to me!!!!
..... Baby, he told the gospel truth in this video!
derlamtay i said so many amens
Thank you FD! I can’t stand fake phony people who are into playing multiple characters. Not just in terms of DL gay men, but anyone who can’t or are unwilling to live their truth.
cestmoisheila ....❤
*Applause.👏👏. Life is to short for that "Double-Life" stuff* 👍💕
im glad you called right before I went into work!
That chocolate skin is reflecting beautifully in this video!!!
I understand and completely agree! Straight people play a similar game of pretense. People need to learn to be safe and content with themselves. I know a 50 something gay man whose mother keeps after him about getting married and giving her grandchildren. The mother is in denial!
It's not really about not being content with yourself, it's about surviving in a bigoted environment. Gay kids are still getting beaten and thrown out of their homes for coming out of the closet. Gay marriage may be legal and we have openly gay celebrities, but we still have a long way to go.
As a former "trade chaser" I can honestly say that it is a form of self hate and holding on to the idea that masculinity is defined by sexuality. Anyone who can't stomach the idea of being with you in the light of day, definitely doesn't deserve you at night. Lust for a man/woman should never compromise your self worth. Q someone need this video! Thanks for all that you do!
whats trade mean??
I agree. Always walk in your truth. All that faking and fu la laing and carrying on is time consuming and exhausting.
SuperPhdiva hey Super. Idk you liked dineva too🤗
SuperPhdiva
People wouldnt have to do that if we lived in a more accepting society. LGBT folks are still getting disowned by their loved ones, losing their jobs, and even being harassed and sometimes killed for being themselves. Walking your own truth isnt an option for everyone.
I Love Listen to you ,you are inteligente,and know how to Express your thought and ideas so Well ,since i Fall in your Channel By surprize i have been listening to you Always...and im everyday more surprise and i admire you very much ...from Germany
Maria Seidi Alright nah...A beautiful brown from Germany 👋👋... Welcome to the REALEST channel ever #Live fearless 📣
I agree with everything that you just said. As a straight cis woman, I always thought it was weird that a flamboyantly gay man will be so excited over the prospect of having sex with, essentially, a down low man. A DL man is a problem for the gay community AND the straight. DL men not only affect the health of our bodies, but also our emotional and mental states. It's a serious issue that I think both the straight and gay community needs to come together and address. *Edit: See comment below where I explain what 'affect the health of our bodies and emotional and mental state' means because apparently, my point wasn't clear. Thank you.
Indiegirl007 what do you mean by straight “ cis woman”?
Jae D I'm a straight biological woman. Lol. Cis basically means, I was born a woman, and I am cool with it. I find that dealing with gender and sexuality online, you got to make those distinctions sometimes. Even though I find it easier to just say I'm a straight woman.....but you know, 2018 and all.
Indiegirl007 hey
I was with you until you continued to perpetuate this stereotype about these men putting your health at risk. If a man sleeps with a woman then sleeps with you, why are the health concerns ultimately thrown out of the window? Please stop spreading this narrative.
Dionte Brown There are a lot of men out there who do not believe that you can catch an STD through sex with another man. I have met them. I was.....SHOCKED. After all of the information, after the whole AIDS epidemic, people still believe that you can not get an STD or an STI from anal sex. DL men are living in a false reality shrouded in lies. What are the chances that they are wrapping it up each time they have sex? They are a concern for both the gay community and the straight.
This was much needed, my ex was DL and hid it well for a long time, eventually they slip and you see who they really are. Usually thats after a lot of damage has been done.
Eve Farrah what were some of the signs looking back?
Latise Wilson We met at the age of 25 and his friends said things like, we never met any of his girlfriends, he had a male bestfriend/roommate when we met. His apartment was decorated in all black and white ( a gay friend told me those are colors a lot of gay men use to represent 69 or yen and yan) He was very inquisitive about my male gay friends and asked me questions about their sex lives and made snide remarks about them. Lastly he asked me for anal, That was the last straw, one day at a company Christmas party he got drunk and started twerking. I could go on, it all added up but it a slow process. My gay male best friend told me the signs to notice.
Eve Farrah sis that's ur fault.....
Meghan darlin No its not, as a straight heterosexual I had no clue what signs to look for and all this signs happened years down the line as he was a very good pretender.
Wow I'm so sorry to hear this I don't understand how people can ruin their lives let alone others.
Hey Dineva!!🏵️🌼🌸💮🌻...A lot of people may not agree, but this is a great topic for both straight and gay relationships... it's not right when men and women flip flop on you playing on folks feelings because this is how some ppl get hurt or kilt...ijs😒😒the main ones that say they hate gays and gay banging gays which mean hurting them physically...be the main ones that are flip floppin😒😒
I have never considered the division in the LGBTQIA community. Thank you for the lesson, I think it is very important for everyone to understand the complexity that exists in the community.
ALL of the truth dropped in this video!!!!! Thaaaaank you!!!!!!!
PREACH ... it's a lot of masculine guys in the community that look down on others with a sense of superiority and think solely because of that, they can treat others in the community any kind of way...not know that those ppl could be the ones signing their next paycheck or approving them for that next apartment/mortgage they want, etc. We need more conversations like these 👏
THANK YOU!!
ima stay in my lane. i hv gay male friends and i dt always understand bt its made me conscious that every culture has a sub culture n a sub sub culture. thx for sharing dineva!!
Thank you for calling because my workload needs a break. Love you.
queenreggi 😫😩😂 same
I love this convo. We have to also address the reason why they are so scared to come out. Especially in the black community.
Autumn West BINGO!!!
There's a nothing to be scared about. The law json your side, live your truth, and it's far more courageous than living a lie and hurting serveral people in the process. Anyone unble yo understand that is a malignant abuser and potentially fatal.
I never understood the love gay boys have for “trade”.
Tay Hamilton I'm slow but what does "trade" mean?
ebony jaja, a person who trades STDs.
ebony jaja down low straight men.
Tay Hamilton oh ok thank you for the quick response ❤
Apple Candy 😫😩💀💀💀💀💀😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭 bissshhh u wrong for that.... Fuuuuuccck i spat out my cabbage
The allure of “straight” or DL men to me is something that younger gay men gravitate towards. It’s the thrill of the chase/conquest. He’s got a gf or wife at home but you still get to have your way with him behind closed doors. There are exceptions but generally speaking, I tend to think that gay men evolve with age and eventually cut ties with trade. It’s risqué and fun when you’re young and in the streets, but as time goes on you realize that if he’s legitimate trade, women will ALWAYS come first, no exceptions. They’ll leave your ass stranded on a roadside in bumfuk if the gf or wife calls. Mature gay men have this thing figured out and opt for something real because trade is like a lease. They get what they want from you (money, weed, transportation, sex etc.) then bring the spoils of their come-up to their main chick. Now if you’re content playing second fiddle (realistically, this is the best that some guys can do) then you’ll be fine with this scenario, but at some point most guys want their own man who genuinely has their best interest at heart. Trade will never be that, ever.
NorthDeKalb
Nah, I’ve never liked DL/straight men. I’ve been flattered when they approach, but I’ve never chased them. I’ve spent my whole childhood hiding who I was, when i came out it was liberating. And I never could appreciate/respect a man who was hiding in the closet.
I’ve avoided them. Just something about their spirit turns me off.
Trade and DL are not straight there gay but afraid to come out
Closeted individuals can Absolutely put us in peril. Those entanglements are Not worth the risk.
Eloy I know someone who knew her child was gay when he was in elementary school..found gay porn on his phone etc. . Refused to address it...the child was on the DL, and was in the streets BAD...well at 22 he caught HIV and a host of other STDs, and although her insurance is paying for his treatment they still don't address the fact that he is gay...I mean they BOTH refuse to discuss ANYTHING ABOUT IT...I'm like WTH!!…..it's so sad, I'm like how can y'all go on like this...nothing about this is safe or healthy...
Michelle Ramsey Hi Michelle, thank you for sharing that story with me...it gave me perspective I hadn’t thought enough about regarding why some people may stay closeted. I should be more compassionate and less judgmental of the people around me.
Coming out is Not Easy. Sometimes we have to choose to remove people from our lives, which can be very painful, but living our Truth is worth it. I hope that young man finds self acceptance and self love 💚
I came across your comment and thought it was so funny that you used the word entanglement lol. So ahead of everyone.
This outfit is so cute
Tatyana Najee right!! Felt like the 90’s
That’s a sad life to live. Protect yourself!
Meghan darlin 🤨
MsChrissie B yep. My neighbor has a woman and 3 kids and he fcks men while she’s at work. The girls caught him just this week and I heard him threatening them to not tell their mom. Smh. Shitty kitty life
Kat B wow. Wats the update on that?
GREAT video...everyone should listen to this.
KIKI I agree... I'm straight but find this advice relevant... I'm dealing with a man now who I think on DL , closeting his true self.
KIKI same thing I was thinking . Made me to realise some shit.
KIKI exactly
Love Bug Yes Hun I’m straight too and hopefully this video brings clarity to those who are living the closet life.
Shavonne Jefferson Girllllll ok have you like 🤔hmmmmm.
I know someone that's dating a guy and the guy he's dating is in the closet right...
But the guy that's in the closet really treats his partner kind of bad when they are around certain ppl and I think it's crazy because, if you're ashamed of what you're doing or Who you are then you shouldn't be doing it...... Be you because I am a straight woman, but I refuse to deal with Fake ass ppl so I do agree!
As a lesbian I relate 1000000% I'm only 23 and I find older woman I date are still hiding from their parents. I can NOT respect or understand it.
tellit2tia girl, no grown ass woman should still be hiding. especially, when you have your own life and live under your own roof!
I respect anyone's right to privacy as long as privacy is the issue and not self hate. It's one thing to not be comfortable acknowledging your sexual preference--it's a different (and sad) case when you can't acknowledge your preference and simultaneously bully, disrespect, or insult those who do.
Giirl 🙅🙅no time for those kind of women in 2018 or any year after. Im 29 and have run into those same type of older women too. I pay them dust everytime
Lachasity Brown I'm for sure a 90's baby raised by parents born in the 60's and I'll NEVER compromise my sanity and peace of mind by hiding my life. Idc who I lose, I die alone.
Yesssss girl! My life my happiness. I hate the closet. They more we hide the more fear we allow other parties to intimidate us. Including family. It's sad
Wow, I never knew some out gay men love DL men. I don't personally know any gay men; my only experience with gay men are through social media like IG and RUclips. I just always assumed out gay men wouldn't want to be in relationships with someone that chooses to hide them. I am a plus size woman, so I make certain to only date men that are comfortable with taking me out and showing me off. As many may know fat women are hidden fetishes as well, so that is why I compared the two. Thank you for this video.
Hi Dineva, 4 year listener here. So I agree with about 3/4s of what you said. I’m an out gay man on that masculine side, and that’s what I’m attracted to. Feminine traits don’t do anything for me, and I feel that’s just a chemical reaction. I spend a lot of time around straight guys, because I relate better. My life is literally sports, work, and fitness. When im around my gay friends I do quote every drag race line and nene leaked quip I know. However my straight friends know that side of me as well...it just doesn’t come out with them because it isn’t relevant to the situation and surrounding. All in all, people who don’t know me perceive me as straight or DL. One look at any of my social medias and it’s clear that I’m not
12 minutes into this video and I had to pause this video and say THANK YOU!!! As a 28 year old openly and proud gay black male raised in Atlanta since age 4 this is GOSPEL!!!!! We have many shared experiences you spoke on in this video. It’s nothing like going to bed and waking up in the morning with a clear conscious knowing you are being the person you were meant to be! Thanks Dinevea ❤️
Awww
The 11 people who disliked this video, are the same trade Q is talking about. Live your truth n stop being doing crazy things.
it's a guy I went to school with and Still hang out with sometimes, He think no one knows he's Gay, But EVERYBODY know he Gay, He we don't care, cause he cool as hell. I told him that, but he think no one know but few of us. EVERYONE KNOWS
Shelia Mcgowan aww Lord
Shelia Mcgowan it’s none of your business anyway
Yes yes yes!!!!! Too many dangers behind it. A lot of men leave jail and their secret life and start messing with ladies on the street it’s not fair it’s selfish! Many black men still struggle with their sexuality and it’s crazy.....
Preach it!! If they can’t stand in their truth, you can’t do it for them. If you can’t be authentically YOU, then who are you pretending to be?? Be you and stand in it!!
Dineva, you speak the truth hunty!!!!!!!! I love your videos!!!!!! Keep doin what you do🙂🙂😃😃
I agree totally. Please give us a lesson in how to recognize the DL brothers so both groups(cis hetero women and gay men) will not be fooled
gospelevans yes. Pls
no name theres gotta be signals in which pretenders/liars do that others dont. I am interested in what he was saying about dude in the barber shop. I usually mind my business but i know do understand after a marriage and a relationship afterwards that i need to listen and pay attention to significant others more. Listen to not only what others say, but stop divulging so much and watch more. I learned a little from a sneaky person that liked to get into alliances
gospelevans It takes years of practice honing your gaydar.
There aren't any (visual) signs.
Use the intuition that you use to figure out if someone is lying.
For some straight women, being extremely desperate is how you get fooled. DL men or any other good for nothing dude look for that type of woman. If that's not u, ur safe.
Its easy pay attention to hands motions and the way they walk and talk you'll see the gay with the quickness.
“Or both can just be”... Sometimes we forget how things can be simple. Humans love to label and complicate things.
Dineva can you tell us how you “came out”
not being shady, but I don't think she was ever truly in...
Nays Wai oh must have missed it
Nays Wai what podcast
J. C. I sat my parents and the dog down and gave them the tumultuous news....Mom, Daddy, Sparky......Im straight. I realized it in the 2nd grade. Now that im in 3rd grade im going to live my truth.😳😁😂
Nays Wai what podcast?
DINEVAAAA this video was EVERYTHINGGGGG! u hit the nail on the head about the safety & trades. I'm from New Orleans where these DL men are getting gay and transgender people killed because they're afraid of being outed. So many gay men messing with trades and brag about it alllll day. BE YOU AND LIVE OUT LOUD!! great video!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you! I feel similarly and I'm a straight woman... I love and adore my gay friends who can be themselves and I have empathy for the ones who for whatever reason can't. It's your choice. But it's too tricky for me to navigate. I had a gay friend who tried to use me to play straight to his fam...I was actually hurt when I realized why he brought me to ALL the family functions and THAT was when I let it slip that he slayed my make up😢
You're so good at giving examples for us to understand the point you're trying to make, without being disrespectful or coming off insensitive. It's Not Easy but You do it Effortlessly!
I feel you 100 percent. I've dated closeted/DL men. I will never do it again in my life. There was one dl man who was a minister. I told him I didn't want to date a man of the cloth and he lied to me. I was even seeing on and off a married man, who was a deacon, his wife was a evangelist and they had 5 kids one grand child. He had a body like Superman, he was 50yrs old and looked 30yrs old. He wanted to get serious with me. He was working on getting a divorce, but I really didn't feel right about it. Mind you, I actually dated him when I was 19 and he only had one kid, not married, was not into the church and was doing his do. But when he got married to a church going woman, it turned out he wasn't happy. Oh well, all well that ends well.
The way you articulated the analogy of the DL/closeted gay and out gay to the light skin passing black person absolutely broke it down for us straight black people so that we can truly just "get it"! People have to realize that being authentically yourself will be what truly gets you what you want because can't nobody beat you at being you...so just own your essence! Thank you for the insight, Q!
I believe everything that you said Q. I've had them same experiences with dl men at the time that I didnt know any better just straight up fooling my own self but after dealing with one I never did again. The problem was i thought i could be a hero and help the man that was dealing with come out and be himself as much as he lied to me. But I realized u cant for any one to be real with themselves especially if their sneaky minded
You better give us Little Rascals realness with the overalls
kayla eddings Lmfaooo!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
🏳️🌈 Lmao you got me on the floor. I so relate to this. Once I found freedom I don't want to be a slave to the closet anymore. It's still hard because you will always have prejudice assholes that won't accept you, and it hurts twice as much when the prejudice comes from family or other people of color. We all have our own journey, so I hope everyone finds their way in their own time.
Also to the Straight people watching please also remember that the world has not been nice to the LGBT community and that our fears are real when it comes to finally finding the courage to come out. We do not have to come out and put our lives, jobs, and careers in danger just to make Straight people (especially straight women) happy. If you want to help then assist us in getting these laws and rules on discrimination changed. Teach your kids to stop bullying . Speak up when others are being homophobic. Before you judge someone for not coming out (especially a family member) you should ask yourself why we don't trust you and what type of environment did you create in the home for us. When aunty, uncle, and cousins were being homophobic at the dinner table who stepped in to stop it? When gay jokes were made by brothers and sisters who intervened? You better believe that every time your gay child see's you roll your eyes on the topic, or turn your head at the gay characters on TV that we're taking a mental note of it, and that mom and dad is a threat to our own safety. Yeah we love you because you're mom and dad, but you're still a threat. Kids are committing suicide and men are still afraid to come out at age 50 and yet straight people still don't want to take any accountability.
My lunch breaks be so lit when Dineva post a new vid! 🙌🏾😍 I agree wholeheartedly like how can you be comfortable and confident in a relationship with someone who can’t be comfortable and confident with themselves?!
I'm a middle age woman , you are teaching me so much . I understand what you are saying and enjoy listening to you . You are so knowledgeable about things l did not know . Thank you young man . You are so Beautiful inside and out .
I really love how you are touching on some many different topics. I'm a married Straight female, However I love that you are showing more and more that Dineva/Q can teach, preach and educate the world. So many Vloggers have nothing to bring outside of TV show reviews. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
S_Hutchinson I agree Q is 💯 PERCENT 😍 on point. His COMMENTARY offers us so many talking points and information, be it relationships, sexuality, politics ect. Q is truly a blessing, I love Q dearly. Peace.
I love how you unapologetically live your truth!’ That is what makes me luv ya and luv to watch you!! Keep living your life on your own terms !! 💕💕
Thank you for articulating what a lot of my friends and I have been saying!!❤️❤️
I love this bro!! This was everything!! #Preach!!🙌🏾👏🏾
I’m a heterosexual woman who can appreciate this message!👏🏽❤️
That's right.....I play one character too!!! Stay true to who YOU are always!!!
I just sit and listen and see what color the wall gon' be. Dineva you had a word on your soul today!
I am loving this new Funky Dineva. Talking about the shit we should be talking about with some sauce when needed. Keep up the good work!!!!!
Baby u are so real today... Thanks for the info....It's hella of em out here in Cali..
Eyvonne Fin girl plz DL nigga everywhere
JAY ZIDOR OK!!😒😒
Dineva, something happen to me yesterday, that I just have to share with you. I just told you 2 days ago, how much I love watching your videos and I don't really know why except your words are full of Love and wisdom. So when I saw this video I wanted to shut it down because, I'm a single, heterosexual black woman who loves Yahweh, I have no knowledge of the homosexual community and I do not judge ANYONE!!!!
My love for you has grown with each video even this one because as I listened having total "TMI" moments I really learned a lot. Thank you.
God brought a blessing into my life. I love to sing gospel music and a brother I met at a church program heard me sing and asked me to be a part of his singing group. I went to the meeting which was yesterday and while walking me to my car. He (this brother) dropped this on me..... and I quote.
"I've been praying to God to send me a Man that will love me".
At this very moment, I immediately thought about you!! Wow!!! Why would he say this to me. I had no idea he was gay and I would never judge.
However, I ask God as I drove off, what was that???? What should I do?
I Love you Dineva, and I responded to him like I would respond to you.
Thank you for listening. God bless
Thanks for the call, Sis!
I appreciate you being so real about this topic Funky Dineva! I have been hurt in several relationships, in my younger years where men lied to me. They were closeted men that used me to get through college and after. I felt hurt, disgusted and it made me mad! I mean these are men that were introduced to my family and talked about marriage and all. I lost some friends taking up for them, because they would say they weren’t, so I would fuss at my friends and dismiss them because they would talk about them.
Your video sheds so much light on the type of guys that are out here. I’m glad that you’re taking a stand. I really respect everything you’re saying.
"back of the bar getting your booty tweedled with" 🤣🤣🤣 DEAD .
I just simply have to say Thank You Q. This conversation has allowed me to find the words, and to identify with how I feel about DL/ Closeted men. Specifically from a frustration/ confusion/ and even pity to a degree.
I'm not gay, but I totally agree with you. What they don't know is that we already know. You know who is gay when your in elementary school. That person thinks we don't know, but we do! They need live their best lives and enjoy themselves. Your sexuality doesn't change who you are as a person. Some gay and straight people I don't like because of their personality not their sexuality.
Do you know who is trade in elementary too?
You think all gay and bi men are queens? You're in huge trouble. Nothing can be further from the truth.
I'm with you on this Funky Dineva. They are a headache, liars, scam/con artists, cheaters, and in denial.
This was GOOD and enlightening
Today's commentary was a perfect example of why I tune into you. I feel similar to the way you do about this subject. When "Trade" tells me that they are straight looking and acting in my mind that statement tranlates into: I am a liar, I do not like who I am, and I am a thief. What I really find interesting is the fact that no matter how well hidden they think they are everybody knows their secret...... and talks about it. Whether self imposed or external DL men catch a whole lot more hell than I do. There is NOTHING wrong with me, and I will not lie about who I am.... period. When you behave as though there is something wrong with you, people will have a tendency to treat you that way.
I don't always agree with your point of view...... but I am so truly greatful you have one. You are thought provoking as well as entertaining. Thank you for educating and sharing.
I ALWAYS KNEW MY SON WAS GAY ,I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE FINALLY TOLD ME,HE WAS 25 & THAT WAS 11 YEARS AGO, HE HAS A PARTNER AND IS MUCH HAPPIER NOT HIDING FROM HIMSELF ANYMORE!😀😀😀
DINEVA, you had me DYINNNNNNNN 😂😂😂....I had to pause this video sooo many times!
This was SO GOOD I had to watch the video TWICE!!!
It is so important that you acknowledge needing to come out and and being identifiable gay like yourself. This is related to me knowing there is underlying frustration with the fact that you cannot nor have ever been a gay man that could live in a moment where you are not so visible. But it is crucial that it is understood that being black and out is more complex than this.
I must first start out by stating that I am not DL nor hyper masculine but can and am passing in my work life specifically and only. In my previous work I have existed in environments were I have had the support and structure needed in order to co-exist as an openly gay man. But presently I am working in a Blue Collar environment were it is essential for not only my safety but more over my livelihood that I attempt to remain closeted. It is the most unpleasant and the most disingenuous moment that I have ever had in my 34 years of living.
As you mentioned I am privileged to some of the most atrocious statements made about gays as well I am harassed daily by women with no ability to grieve or complain to management. An inability to grieve which is related to not my feelings or comfort level but rooted in the fact that while we live in a liberal city (Atlanta) we are not a protected class. In addition I have had live experiences were I have "come out" to stop a females advances but it backfires. I am either met with prolonged unusual and embarrassing question or in worse cases I have had females lash out and attack me. Attacked me because even though I initiated no type of advances they are disgusted that I have ability to not be visible. And therefore am convinced that I purposely tried to trick them.
With all that being said I think is extremely important that individuals like yourself tread lightly when discussing and labeling "DL". This issue has women particularly black women extremely paranoid and seeking out information that is not always correct. In addition while you may be entitled to share what your experience and disappointments your comments below are problematic. And it show you are giving a lot of incorrect confirmation on what the black gay experience is or isn't for some of us.
#NotificationGang 🙌🏾❤️ love you dineva
I appreciate your words because they are informative and they open dialogue about how this behaviour can be/is dangerous and hurtful.
Don't need to bake no longer!!🤣🤣🤣
Dineva I've followed u for a years now and ABSOLUTELY understand what u saying. It's not that they just don't want to be seen out with an "openly gay" man...they don't want to be seen out with anyone most times because they're so damn confused....we can talk OFFLINE no lol.....I'm here for it.....
I'm not gay nor do I have nor have I ever had those tendencies but Truth is universal.
This dude is TALKING THAT SH*t!
Walk in the light and live your Truth...un-Ashamedly.
Q as a fellow open SgL male u was totally in the correct spirit with this topic.Gospel yesz Sir.I have always went up for u from time to time But this here the transparency is breathtaking.love u bro.😘😘😘
I dont think you don't like the people, you just dont like their behavior.
But you brought up a great point. Hanging with them puts you back in the closet.
I highly respect you because of this. When you keep it as real as you do, you can't be fake. Thank you!!
and i hate downlow in the closet woman like u can miss ya soulmate hiding
I’m glad you said it! What gets me is that when you try to bring shit like this up, people wanna get all mad and act bothered
Is this sortta like dating a "happily" married man?
Janice Quinn right! how the hell you happy but trynna sleep with other folk?
@@thelovely1553 they're happy that their beard/cover up wife doesn't suspect anything and is keeping his secret by being naive.
Ms. Dineva you snapped! Thank you for making sense. The questions I’ve asked myself about the obsession with straight men, and for you to make it make sense. I’m proud! ❤️
I truly enjoyed this, very good information! please have more videos like this because this topic is extremely relevant keep up the good work!
I love listening to this man speak. He gets it! I’m about to get rid of some many connections via social network.
Omg u absolutely right,, I had a guy that used to tell me when we around his family to "act straight". I felt so horrible while doing it. Like my high school days. Never again.
Awww
Once again, you have knocked it out of the park!!!!! Too many gems were dropped to highlight a few. It was a home run from beginning to end!!💯💯💯💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
"y'all both could be the man, y'all both could be the woman, or y'all both can just BE....let's all just BE" 🧡🧠🌻🌈✨🦋🚀👏🏿💛
I don’t blame you one bit, Dineva. I couldn’t be with someone who is in the closet or who wants to allow people to go on thinking their straight. This requires too much energy and the person in the closet expects you to make all these concessions for their own discomfort and insecurity. I can’t be bothered with that. I have been in a relationship for 13 years, and both my wife and I live openly and without apology. We are both “out” at work, in our families, and in the world. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Wow! Eye opening! My cousin is gay and he can't stand drag queens, or fishey guy's I have no idea what that is. But I guess if u, are gay or bisexual, straight we all have issues with relationships.