Actually there are people who have such a high pain tolerance, they hardly feel it especially when they are dissociated. And some people more do it for the blood. Seeing the blood calms them. To me personally it was sumtimes the pain, sumtimes the blood and sumtimes both. But yes it hurts! A lot sometimes. But a few times it became numb and I couln't feel it any more. And it is very uncomfortable. And messy. And so itchy. My scars itch every day....they've been itching for years! And omg it is really no fun at all when it gets infected.. and u don't want to make the experience to have to see a doc for ur self harm! Yeah ur videos are great. Keep up the work!
Rain Fairy I respect what you’re saying, like I said in the video; there will be people who have different opinions. This is personal experience, and admittedly there have been plenty of times where the cutting didn’t inflict any pain, but on the whole it hurt, because I wanted it too. I just want to be open and put people off it with this video. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to watch this and share your own experience. 🤗
Youth Potential yeah I get what u say. The pain kinda is the purpose. Cause otherwise the endorphins wouldn't be released. Didn't mean to offend u in any way.
Oh no you didn’t offend me lol. I appreciate all the opinions and experiences that people share with me on my videos. I’m interested in what people have to say. The more I hear (or read) the more I learn and the more it helps me reach an understanding of the topic of self harm.
My mind doesn't ask for more pain once I did the first cut, it asks for more blood. It wants to watch the blood come out of my arm/leg. The first cut is mostly supposed to be some kind of punishment for doing something wrong or not being good enough, but after that the fascination and obsession with blood takes over. I've been clean for a few months now, which is good, but sometimes my mind just wants to see blood and I end up playing with the knife in my hand, trying not to do it. A few days ago a friend and I met to go donate blood together. Watching the blood go from my arm into that bag was amazing. And that might be a way to deal with that fascination with blood, try to conceal and hold the urge to cut and go donate blood as often as I can.
I feel like shit right now but I am really trying to hold it together. These videos are kind of the only thing that keeps me going. I really appreciate how you get into the topic at hand .
Hey there. Thank you for your kind and supportive comment. I’m sorry to hear that you’re low. Don’t feel ashamed of that at least. If you want to talk it’s best to DM me on Instagram. Follow me on @youth_potential stay strong
I felt so understood when watching this video I am recovering from depression and I felt like I wasn’t alone when I heard you struggled with cutting . I watched your last video going out in public with scars , I also have scars you gave me the confidence to go out and not care if anyone is looking or judging , I really like your channel and how you are spreading awareness of mental health your amanzing 🙂
As a former cutter from the ages of 19-20. Once you start cutting. it becomes less painful and more addictive and very hard to stop. Now 30 turning 31. I'm ashamed of what I've done. My scars fill up my right forearm and right thigh like a ladder. I hate myself for it since I there is no way to not see them when use my right hand, take a shower, or ANYTHING!!! To this very day I don't go out in public without a hoodie or jacket. Everyday I still have the want to do it all over again since the emotional and mental pain haven't left. PLEASE to those thinking about cutting or any self harm. DON'T DO IT!!
I've never listened to a more accurate description of what self harm feels like.... thank you so much for making this video. I wish more people would see it. I've been struggling with self harm for the past 3 years and the urges and intrusive thoughts never seem to go away. I discovered your channel very recently and it's really helped :) so thanks again
For me it hurts, but I like watching the blood dripping out of the cuts. I also like the burning sensation I get when I'm laying in bed after cutting. I've only been cutting for 5 months, and my aunt has already found out and she said if I do it again she would take me to the hospital, so I have to cut other places she doesn't know about Update. I ended up going to the mental hospital for a week and it didn't do anything😌
This the most accurate description of what self harm feels like the emotional and physical pain everything I love ur videos and I hope your mental health and self harm addiction/habit is getting better too ❤️
Just found your channel and gained crazy respect for you and what you’re doing here on RUclips. The build up feeling is really similar to a panic attack or anxiety attack (in my opinion anyway). And it really does suck, glad you’re trying to prevent people from doing it for the first time. Stay strong
Giana Occhiuzzo thank you so much for your comment. If you use Instagram follow me there as I use that a lot. @youth_potential you’re right the build up does feel like anxiety, it seems to have different approaches depending on the trigger I believe as well.
Youth Potential I’ll go follow you now :) and yes it definitely depends on the trigger and the person. Sometimes it can even come with no trigger, you know? I think it’s really good to try and prevent people from starting, because it really does send you down a hole.
Giana Occhiuzzo you’re right. The urge can come from no where. It’s weird and I’m trying to understand it to make use of the facts to help people. Thank you for your support. Means so much to me
Youth Potential of course, thank you for doing what you’re doing. Just a suggestion, but maybe talk to others who have been through it, get their point of view, it might help you see different angles of it (if you can, don’t do it if it’s triggering to you).
Your description is extremely spot on when I cutted myself. I had been harboring extremely negative emotions and experiences in my past. Be it past break ups, rejection of a girl I loved and had a connection with, social isolation (as an 🇺🇸 in 🇷🇺), lack of financial stability as I currently have no job and live off an allowance, anhedonia in virtually all activities that I loved, a lack of purpose in my life, and resentment to my conception. Like extreme anger and shame for breaking up my mother and father when they loved each other 20+ years ago.
Could you do a video about the point of no return (the point where it gets extremely hard to recover on your own) with self harm? I relapsed recently and I have been really just trying to learn more and understand more because I don’t want to get to that point. Also thank you so much for your videos! I watched the overdose one the day I wanted to take my life and you stopped me and I really appreciate it 🫶
I've been clean for a year now and its getting so hard, like the relapse is inevitable. I'll sit there with the blade knowing that I don't want to relapse but also wanting to so badly. It's a constant battle and I sometimes find myself talking myself into cutting which is super fucked up. I feel less alone watching this video, like I'm not crazy or wrong for feeling this way. Thank you for your words 💕
I wish I found this a while ago. (TW) I've been cutting myself for a while, and I have found it very hard to stop. I keep getting really close (recently I was 4 weeks clean, and I was 1 week clean 5 minutes ago), but whenever they start to heal, I feel like I am such a failure that I can't even cut myself correctly, and then spiral into extreme suicidal feelings, and even plan and daydream about committing suicide for hours each day. I can't go to a therapist or anything, since I am absolutely terrified of being put into a psych ward, and I am completely undiagnosed, which also makes me feel like a failure, since no doctors have noticed that anything is wrong, and I don't feel like I have a valid reason to feel the urge to hurt or kill myself.
Thank you for making this video. I've recently had a cutting relapse after more than two years of being clean, and I'm being reminded that the worst part of self-harm is the isolation and embarrassment. It is an experience that's hard for non-self-harmers to understand. When I talk about it, even though I try to keep it surface level and they have usually prompted me to do so, I end up feeling I've introduced a topic so weird, scary and uncomfortable for them that I've done some kind of damage to our relationship just by discussing it at all. It's nice to watch videos made by other people who have this same experience and aren't scared of it. I hope you're well. ❤
Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by others who can at least try to understand or empathise with you. In almost all cases these at least one person you can confide in, I hope you can open up to at least one person? I know it can feel weird or like we are a burden to others but have to be a little selfish in that respect. If someone doesn’t want to be trauma dumped on we have to respect that but when they suggest that we open up its in our best interest to take that opportunity. I’ve recently got back into uploading regularly so I hope I can make some more useful content for you, feel free to suggest ideas my way
I've been self harming for 13 years and I wish this is what I was told just as I was starting. All the things you talked about that's pretty much what I say, when I'm trying to prevent people from starting or trying to get them to quit.
You discribed what goes on in my head so well. I couldnt believe how absolutely relatable it was. I have had people tell me the feeling that i need to cut will pass if i just dont give in. You explained so well why it is not that simple.
i jus wanna say i started cutting myself when i was 7 until i was 17, so for the people who feel they can’t stop. you can, it’s not easy but i promise it’s possible. it’s an addiction, and you’ll get past it. so don’t give up on yourself !!
The only thing I hated about it when I used to cut was when I would make the gash, how the air would feel as soon as it opened. Such an uncomfortable feeling.
You have some really great videos, its really cool of you to take the time to share all of this with us. I hope that some people thinking of self harming will watch this video and change their minds. It's much too late for some of us obviously, um.. When I started doing this, it was actually completely different to that. I had absolutely no clue self harm was a thing, I was like 12, I had no idea what I was getting into. I didn't cut, I used a pin and what I did hurt- that was the entire point. I didn't want to damage myself, only feel the pain. I was well aware of what I was doing and I can only say it felt like the world was quiet. I always did it in the dead of night, sometimes when I was half asleep. I never even watched what I was doing, I only felt it. I pushed it in further every time I did it and left it there as I slept. As if... It was a comfort. My eyes closed, my brain half asleep, the world dark and silent, everyone else slept. I just wanted to be cared for I suppose, and somehow it make me feel yes, I was hurt and even if I couldn't let anyone know about this, I could feel now like I was almost equal to everyone else. Because now although I couldn't say it, I knew for myself that I had felt pain before, regardless of what anyone else said, even if no one would believe me when I was hurt, in future I could reassure myself it was real, so I felt at ease. It didn't feel like a bad idea, I was lucky that was so easy to hide because I thought in my lifetime, no one would ever find out, it would have messed me up bad if someone did. It never occurred to me that someone else may have done the same thing. Thanks so much for sharing what it was like for you, it was interesting to hear another side to it :) hope you are doing well, stay healthy
T.Y. .. I hurting so badly again. I just made another Foolish mistake,.. i just lost my major structure in my life, i lost my career job i loved of 20yrs. Im hating myself again, I got anxiety, insomnia, and the dreaded depression. Ive called the hotlines. I just want this torture to end.
When I was SI , I was remembering that I would be triggered by frustration and depression with my life situation where I lost my father, which SI and the only reason I was alive still is because my friend found me and rushed me to the emergency Department hospital back in 2017 . Even though I tried to call for help by my own boyfriend which turned out he had been cheating on me even before my father passed away and for 8 years of lies 😢. Because I also have OD along with physical Self Harm which just made me felt depressed for not being able to get the support which I was and still dealing much pain and grief and loss .
Looks like we share a similar experience in being “found” too. I’m sorry that you had to experience all that😢 If you don’t mind me asking what services/therapies were you trying to get support from?
@@YouthPotential I have a therapist , have been working with my medication management doctor. I also had a program for mental health that I was attending before I had a falling out with my brother n I was left homeless after he had kicked me out which . I now am safe as of the ex bf who next dumped me after I tried texting his cell phone for asking if he could help me that same night he, actually dumped after just basically telling me he and I were not together anymore after 2016 yet he would still gaslight me and tell , oh he loves me and how I should be grateful when I was homeless to even have him answer his cell phone . And then was using my own father who they had the Man - Man Sit down before my father lost his fight with stage 4 cancer. My father was hoping for this person who he had seen with his and he was even sitting down for dinner with me and my parents and then my ex would just basically get upset and then condo after he had dinner with us . And I already texted that time saying keep going and cheating on and see where it will take . Which he even would on all truth told if he n I had daughter and that our daughter's bf who might get that same man -man sit down with that now ex bf he told me it was because of our own daughter issues and maybe she could not give him aka fake boyfriend . I told him it was over because I never blame my own children for a male just shown how he would disrespect the daughter .
I am still been needing to find a in person psychiatrist since during the telehealth doctors appointment session have not seem to help which I was able to hopeful find a new therapist and start with sessions in few weeks. Thank you for helping me remember my real reason for living .@@YouthPotential
I feel this so much Thank you for finally explaining how I feel, my arms are covered with cuts and scars. Also I subscribed I love ur videos ❤️I keep watching so many of ur videos I cut myself in the girls bathroom at school today and I was wearing a jumper in my maths class and it itched and aches like hell
If I had seen this video over a year ago when I had a mental breakdown, things might have turned out different. I might not have started. This is why it's important to talk about self-harm.
I started out using nail clippers. I wouldn’t bleed, but it would leave marks that lasted a couple of days. After about 2 months I started using an actual blade. Let me just tell you the nail clippers hurt worse, but the satisfaction of watching the blood come out is way better.
@@laurenhauer2118 not great, honestly I am planning on doing something drastic in like a week if things keep getting worse, but you don't need to worry about me, i'll probably change my mind like usual
I had to laugh when you said it hurts, I don't cut, I burn and yes it fucking hurts but it's a double edged sword because when I'm doing it and I can feel the pain, that's all my mind is on for the moment.
for me, i get really angry at times and so the only thing that would calm me down is cutting. i just feel numb while i do it but at the same time it feels like all my anger is just coming out through that blade and it makes me feel relaxed somehow? it doesnt really hurt a lot but i can still feel the pain. it hurts more when its healing and it itches a lot
I started self arming by biting my arm in the 3rd grade. I was very angry when I did. I wasn't even thinking when it happened. Once I did, I felt so calm. Now, I'm about to be a senior and it's gotten to where I have cut but stopped. Yet, there were other things I've done that I still take part in. I'm not going to say I'm clean because I only stopped cutting. The weird thing is, now I like seeing my bruises whether they were self-inflicted or accidental.
I’m having like withdrawal symptoms from sh. Whenever I go even two days without doing it I spiral down into this numb and suicidal pit where I go completely numb and it usually results in extremely deep cuts.
It's so weird the difference between cutting and bruising/punching. With cutting, I experience most of what you said here. I do it to punish myself or to be spiteful towards someone who keeps hurting me(even though they don't know), so once I start, I just keep going until there's too much blood. But with punching, it's almost like a feeling of being high as fuck, especially when I manage to punch hard enough or directly on bone. So most of the time, I stop at one or two punches before I go numb, both mentally and physically. Or if I really need to be entirely numb for as long as possible, I keep going until my skin feels almost.. hard? I'm fucked. I know I need to stop. But I stopped for 7 years & now that I'm back on my bullshit, I'm once again aware that it's the only way I'll stay alive.
for me, the urge to cut just feels like a hunger. something triggers me, and i get that hunger to cut. it doesn't go away, until i do. i can try to ignore the hunger, but i've only succeeded on that like 2 times. i've been cutting for over a year now, and im just 15. not trying to be one of those "oh yeah i like cutting, im edgy uwu" 15 year olds. and i agree with you, when i cut, i get a sense of control. also, i cut probably because i have depression caused by severe gender dysphoria. and it's not going to ease anytime soon, since in my country minors cant transition. i don't know if im gonna live to get the chance to transition, but im trying to keep on living. thank you for your videos, i really appreciate them. they're honest, and that's hard to find nowadays. sorry about ranting. ps. there might be some grammatical errors, english isnt my first language.
Yeah when I get back to these videos it helps me feels less alone. Right now I'm in University but I'm "by myself". I have friends that care about me, but I feel like a burden on them. It's strange how the mind works.
I recently started self harming.. today i had a razor against my stomach.. I'm still fighting.. i don't want to hurt myself.. but at the same time i do.. i wanna fight.. but i really feel like just giving up.. i feel like i can't talk to anyone.. i feel lost and i don't know what to do..
I dont cut but I do, do other forms of self harm like sctratching, bruising, pulling hair. I even give myself paper cuts. I only do this when I feel like I'm not good or someone is better than better than me.
Trigger warning self harm/suicidal thoughts: This is so far from what I experience in some ways. It does calm me and slows or stops the alter personalities from flipping in and out so much. But I don't get that addiction to pain issue. At times I do it out of hatred of myself, as a sort of punishment. It really depends of who I am at the time. Usually I do it when I am super upset and the emotional pain is too much and I want to die. In a way it keeps me from suiciding. As I really am ready to go Home to Heaven, but God doesn't answer my prayers to let me come home. I almost always cut my outer thighs. But I'm out of room now. I am thinking about trying using a safety pin now. I hate needles, could never have become an IV drug user! lol. As a disabled/retired RN I've given many shots, started many IV's, but never could think about IV drug use. I now have to give myself a biological medication for my psoriasis, but it doesn't hurt. Thank you for the frank talk today. I just found you and so far I like to listen to you. I wish I had someone to talk to in my own life. When you get old nobody cares. When I was young nobody cared either. I used to look forward to getting older thinking I would be real to others once I reached certain ages...but I never really mattered much to anyone. I have been blessed with a loving husband who is my caregiver. But he doesn't want to talk or listen and just wants me to be here yet invisible for the most part. If I get upset, or need support he tells me to go to sleep or something. Whatever. I just can't wait for this suffering life to be over with without killing myself. Not sure if I did if my life insurance would pay off for him. But I also don't know how much longer I can exist here. Jesus is probably so tired and disgusted with my prayers to let me come home. What else is there? Isolated and alone except for my poor older dog...that breaks my very soul to watch her age. To know how little time we have left with her. Life for me sucks. I wish it didn't, but I'm stuck in this room in isolation and despair and in constant severe pain. when will I deserve to go Home?
God will NEVER be tired of your prayers!! He loves when we talk to him he loves that we want to communicate with him. When you pray don’t only ask him for what you want but tell him how grateful you are that he takes care of you and for another day to live . Sometimes when we pray we most likely wait to gain but we in fact lose most of the time. And I’ll tell you what we lose : the anger the sadness the loneliness our anxiety etc. Remember God loves you ❤️if you want to ask me something pls do !
Ive never rly felt guilty after self harming. Ive self harmed since i was 7. Im 20 now. It just feels normal to me, and i dont care. Im already covered in scars so it doest matter anymore if i cut etc. I feel pain then and there, and it dissapears shortly after. I just find it therapitic to know what i can do to myself and the blood. I think my brain has just adapted and learned to censor out the pain when clothes etc touch and rubbing it
Cut for 2 years Was clean for a year Then clean for a month Then a week Then I relapsed today And I think I’m in control, It was just once, it doesn’t count, I’m not getting into it again, that was justified, It burns i realise it never went away Because every time I need it my wrist fucking burns anyone else get this? My wrist burns with a white fire in want oh my god
I wanted to post a pic of my cuts but i realised i wil get hate. I don't wanna get hurt again. It really does hurt. I wanna cut again. I wanna fricking overdose. I tried to 3 times but they all failed
@@gregsmith8977 hahahaha well uhmm I decided to go to the gym as a healthy alternative, also feels great if not better and I can do it whenever those silly thoughts manage to crawl back into my head.
Sometimes when I were cutting I just wanted blood.I just want to see a hole in my arm.I just wanted to feel better my mind wanted control and the pain didn't feel like normal pain when you have an adccident.The pain felt good. Yes it hurts. But the pain were drowning in my mind and after the blood...It's just make the war stop. 1hour/30mins later when it stopped having blood I wanted to cut more.Sometimes I had to yelled at me to stop it but I can't. That's why I stopped selfharm. First I was feeling like I had control but after I couldn't stop me I where crying and yelling but I couldn't.I lost myself and I almost killed myself I had a plan. Hopefully, somethings happened and I stop selfharming.Yes I relapsed.Yes sometimes I have flashes of cutting. When I were cutting deep,sometimes I wanted to puke. Burns hurt. Not eating hurts. Scratches hurts. Doing holes in you skin hurts.Punching you wall hurts.Putting your nails into your skin hurts.I tried all of them and sometimes I kinda wish I didn't but I don't regret.It makes me who I am now.A non-binary proud teenager
I only every cut myself once. Couldn't do it again, ewwwww blood! I took to burning myself instead. I'd keep a metal lighter lit until it got so hot I couldn't hold it any more, then press it hard against my skin. I started on the top of my arms and my calf muscles so it wouldn't show, but by the time I'd managed to stop I'd also started burning my face. It was very painful, but it was a physical pain and I could understand it, unlike the emotional pain that I still don't really understand 20 years later
It really hit me when you said: you wouldn’t do it if it didn’t hurt.. for some reason I never thought about it like that
I love your user name and profile pic!!! ❤❤
Unless you just like watching your blood drip, drinking blood, or like seeing the scar.
I don't feel it anymore tho
I think people forget that self harming is a sort of addicton
Actually there are people who have such a high pain tolerance, they hardly feel it especially when they are dissociated. And some people more do it for the blood. Seeing the blood calms them. To me personally it was sumtimes the pain, sumtimes the blood and sumtimes both. But yes it hurts! A lot sometimes. But a few times it became numb and I couln't feel it any more. And it is very uncomfortable. And messy. And so itchy. My scars itch every day....they've been itching for years!
And omg it is really no fun at all when it gets infected.. and u don't want to make the experience to have to see a doc for ur self harm!
Yeah ur videos are great. Keep up the work!
Rain Fairy I respect what you’re saying, like I said in the video; there will be people who have different opinions. This is personal experience, and admittedly there have been plenty of times where the cutting didn’t inflict any pain, but on the whole it hurt, because I wanted it too. I just want to be open and put people off it with this video. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to watch this and share your own experience. 🤗
Youth Potential yeah I get what u say. The pain kinda is the purpose. Cause otherwise the endorphins wouldn't be released. Didn't mean to offend u in any way.
Oh no you didn’t offend me lol. I appreciate all the opinions and experiences that people share with me on my videos. I’m interested in what people have to say. The more I hear (or read) the more I learn and the more it helps me reach an understanding of the topic of self harm.
@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 it's really part of the healing process. But honestly I don't know why some of them itch even years and years later...
I’m 18..I’ve been self harming for over 4 years. I’ve been clean for awhile now. The urges are so hard.
Oi! Come find me. American in Kansas. It sucks hard. I'll do my best to contact you
It's been 2 years now! I hope you are doing well?!:)
My mind doesn't ask for more pain once I did the first cut, it asks for more blood. It wants to watch the blood come out of my arm/leg. The first cut is mostly supposed to be some kind of punishment for doing something wrong or not being good enough, but after that the fascination and obsession with blood takes over. I've been clean for a few months now, which is good, but sometimes my mind just wants to see blood and I end up playing with the knife in my hand, trying not to do it. A few days ago a friend and I met to go donate blood together. Watching the blood go from my arm into that bag was amazing. And that might be a way to deal with that fascination with blood, try to conceal and hold the urge to cut and go donate blood as often as I can.
Same! I don’t necessarily do it for pain, but for some reason I like watching the blood come out. I find a sort of comfort in it.
Yes absolutely same
I dont wanna be cheesy and all but like thanks for existing your videos really do help
Not cheesy at all my friend
@@YouthPotentialhow’s the pain compared to tattoos?
god, i wish i would’ve watched this before i started.
I feel like shit right now but I am really trying to hold it together. These videos are kind of the only thing that keeps me going. I really appreciate how you get into the topic at hand .
Hey there. Thank you for your kind and supportive comment. I’m sorry to hear that you’re low. Don’t feel ashamed of that at least. If you want to talk it’s best to DM me on Instagram. Follow me on @youth_potential stay strong
I'm a month and a half clean. I've never heard someone describe it as perfectly as this.
I felt so understood when watching this video I am recovering from depression and I felt like I wasn’t alone when I heard you struggled with cutting . I watched your last video going out in public with scars , I also have scars you gave me the confidence to go out and not care if anyone is looking or judging , I really like your channel and how you are spreading awareness of mental health your amanzing 🙂
As a former cutter from the ages of 19-20. Once you start cutting. it becomes less painful and more addictive and very hard to stop.
Now 30 turning 31. I'm ashamed of what I've done. My scars fill up my right forearm and right thigh like a ladder. I hate myself for it since I there is no way to not see them when use my right hand, take a shower, or ANYTHING!!!
To this very day I don't go out in public without a hoodie or jacket. Everyday I still have the want to do it all over again since the emotional and mental pain haven't left.
PLEASE to those thinking about cutting or any self harm. DON'T DO IT!!
Omg he gets it , he honest to God gets it
I've never listened to a more accurate description of what self harm feels like.... thank you so much for making this video. I wish more people would see it. I've been struggling with self harm for the past 3 years and the urges and intrusive thoughts never seem to go away. I discovered your channel very recently and it's really helped :) so thanks again
I’m glad you found my channel💪😌Thank you
For me it hurts, but I like watching the blood dripping out of the cuts. I also like the burning sensation I get when I'm laying in bed after cutting. I've only been cutting for 5 months, and my aunt has already found out and she said if I do it again she would take me to the hospital, so I have to cut other places she doesn't know about
Update. I ended up going to the mental hospital for a week and it didn't do anything😌
This really hits home for me....Especially the beginning where you mind is screaming at you from two different sides. Made me tear up.
This the most accurate description of what self harm feels like the emotional and physical pain everything I love ur videos and I hope your mental health and self harm addiction/habit is getting better too ❤️
It is intense it’s on a different level then just being depressed
Im a new self harmer once i do it i wont stop but then once i stop im afraid of doing it again because of the pain all in one day
i really wanna ruin my sober time right now but listening to you talking about self-harm kind of calms me and i thank you for that
I’m glad I could be of use🖤
Just found your channel and gained crazy respect for you and what you’re doing here on RUclips. The build up feeling is really similar to a panic attack or anxiety attack (in my opinion anyway). And it really does suck, glad you’re trying to prevent people from doing it for the first time. Stay strong
Giana Occhiuzzo thank you so much for your comment. If you use Instagram follow me there as I use that a lot. @youth_potential you’re right the build up does feel like anxiety, it seems to have different approaches depending on the trigger I believe as well.
Youth Potential I’ll go follow you now :) and yes it definitely depends on the trigger and the person. Sometimes it can even come with no trigger, you know? I think it’s really good to try and prevent people from starting, because it really does send you down a hole.
Giana Occhiuzzo you’re right. The urge can come from no where. It’s weird and I’m trying to understand it to make use of the facts to help people. Thank you for your support. Means so much to me
Youth Potential of course, thank you for doing what you’re doing. Just a suggestion, but maybe talk to others who have been through it, get their point of view, it might help you see different angles of it (if you can, don’t do it if it’s triggering to you).
Your description is extremely spot on when I cutted myself. I had been harboring extremely negative emotions and experiences in my past. Be it past break ups, rejection of a girl I loved and had a connection with, social isolation (as an 🇺🇸 in 🇷🇺), lack of financial stability as I currently have no job and live off an allowance, anhedonia in virtually all activities that I loved, a lack of purpose in my life, and resentment to my conception. Like extreme anger and shame for breaking up my mother and father when they loved each other 20+ years ago.
Could you do a video about the point of no return (the point where it gets extremely hard to recover on your own) with self harm? I relapsed recently and I have been really just trying to learn more and understand more because I don’t want to get to that point. Also thank you so much for your videos! I watched the overdose one the day I wanted to take my life and you stopped me and I really appreciate it 🫶
I've been clean for a year now and its getting so hard, like the relapse is inevitable. I'll sit there with the blade knowing that I don't want to relapse but also wanting to so badly. It's a constant battle and I sometimes find myself talking myself into cutting which is super fucked up. I feel less alone watching this video, like I'm not crazy or wrong for feeling this way. Thank you for your words 💕
I love this. There are people I want to show this to because you explain my pain so well.
I wish I found this a while ago.
(TW)
I've been cutting myself for a while, and I have found it very hard to stop. I keep getting really close (recently I was 4 weeks clean, and I was 1 week clean 5 minutes ago), but whenever they start to heal, I feel like I am such a failure that I can't even cut myself correctly, and then spiral into extreme suicidal feelings, and even plan and daydream about committing suicide for hours each day. I can't go to a therapist or anything, since I am absolutely terrified of being put into a psych ward, and I am completely undiagnosed, which also makes me feel like a failure, since no doctors have noticed that anything is wrong, and I don't feel like I have a valid reason to feel the urge to hurt or kill myself.
Thnx for great vid, i scratch, quite deep, love the blood, hate the healing and scars fainting
Finally, someone who has actually helped me make sense of it all. I've only ever been able to describe it as conflict and confusion.
Thanks for being so compassionate, supportive and understanding ❤
Thank you for making this video. I've recently had a cutting relapse after more than two years of being clean, and I'm being reminded that the worst part of self-harm is the isolation and embarrassment. It is an experience that's hard for non-self-harmers to understand. When I talk about it, even though I try to keep it surface level and they have usually prompted me to do so, I end up feeling I've introduced a topic so weird, scary and uncomfortable for them that I've done some kind of damage to our relationship just by discussing it at all.
It's nice to watch videos made by other people who have this same experience and aren't scared of it. I hope you're well. ❤
Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by others who can at least try to understand or empathise with you. In almost all cases these at least one person you can confide in, I hope you can open up to at least one person? I know it can feel weird or like we are a burden to others but have to be a little selfish in that respect. If someone doesn’t want to be trauma dumped on we have to respect that but when they suggest that we open up its in our best interest to take that opportunity. I’ve recently got back into uploading regularly so I hope I can make some more useful content for you, feel free to suggest ideas my way
Amazing description, thank you for putting my feelings into words
I've been self harming for 13 years and I wish this is what I was told just as I was starting. All the things you talked about that's pretty much what I say, when I'm trying to prevent people from starting or trying to get them to quit.
Saddest thing is known exactly how feels like, I did it again, yesterday. But I will continue to fight, I want to be happy
I've been in that dark place before I have never self harmed and I hope I never do
Stay strong mate 💕💕 I am proud of you
Trust me don’t
I selfharm and it just so messed up and it messed up friendship and relationships
You discribed what goes on in my head so well. I couldnt believe how absolutely relatable it was. I have had people tell me the feeling that i need to cut will pass if i just dont give in. You explained so well why it is not that simple.
i jus wanna say i started cutting myself when i was 7 until i was 17, so for the people who feel they can’t stop. you can, it’s not easy but i promise it’s possible. it’s an addiction, and you’ll get past it. so don’t give up on yourself !!
The only thing I hated about it when I used to cut was when I would make the gash, how the air would feel as soon as it opened. Such an uncomfortable feeling.
thank you, i just want you to know that it’s been 5 years and you are still helping people. thank you so much this means a lot
Thank you 🙏 I’m going for as long as I can
When I’m triggered my stomach feels like a black hole, my chest feels tight and my mind is just full of ear bleeding screeching white noise.
You have some really great videos, its really cool of you to take the time to share all of this with us. I hope that some people thinking of self harming will watch this video and change their minds. It's much too late for some of us obviously, um.. When I started doing this, it was actually completely different to that. I had absolutely no clue self harm was a thing, I was like 12, I had no idea what I was getting into. I didn't cut, I used a pin and what I did hurt- that was the entire point. I didn't want to damage myself, only feel the pain. I was well aware of what I was doing and I can only say it felt like the world was quiet. I always did it in the dead of night, sometimes when I was half asleep. I never even watched what I was doing, I only felt it. I pushed it in further every time I did it and left it there as I slept. As if... It was a comfort. My eyes closed, my brain half asleep, the world dark and silent, everyone else slept. I just wanted to be cared for I suppose, and somehow it make me feel yes, I was hurt and even if I couldn't let anyone know about this, I could feel now like I was almost equal to everyone else. Because now although I couldn't say it, I knew for myself that I had felt pain before, regardless of what anyone else said, even if no one would believe me when I was hurt, in future I could reassure myself it was real, so I felt at ease. It didn't feel like a bad idea, I was lucky that was so easy to hide because I thought in my lifetime, no one would ever find out, it would have messed me up bad if someone did. It never occurred to me that someone else may have done the same thing.
Thanks so much for sharing what it was like for you, it was interesting to hear another side to it :) hope you are doing well, stay healthy
How old are you now? Do you still do it?
T.Y. .. I hurting so badly again. I just made another Foolish mistake,.. i just lost my major structure in my life, i lost my career job i loved of 20yrs. Im hating myself again, I got anxiety, insomnia, and the dreaded depression. Ive called the hotlines. I just want this torture to end.
When I was SI , I was remembering that I would be triggered by frustration and depression with my life situation where I lost my father, which SI and the only reason I was alive still is because my friend found me and rushed me to the emergency Department hospital back in 2017 . Even though I tried to call for help by my own boyfriend which turned out he had been cheating on me even before my father passed away and for 8 years of lies 😢. Because I also have OD along with physical Self Harm which just made me felt depressed for not being able to get the support which I was and still dealing much pain and grief and loss .
Looks like we share a similar experience in being “found” too. I’m sorry that you had to experience all that😢 If you don’t mind me asking what services/therapies were you trying to get support from?
@@YouthPotential I have a therapist , have been working with my medication management doctor. I also had a program for mental health that I was attending before I had a falling out with my brother n I was left homeless after he had kicked me out which . I now am safe as of the ex bf who next dumped me after I tried texting his cell phone for asking if he could help me that same night he, actually dumped after just basically telling me he and I were not together anymore after 2016 yet he would still gaslight me and tell , oh he loves me and how I should be grateful when I was homeless to even have him answer his cell phone . And then was using my own father who they had the Man - Man Sit down before my father lost his fight with stage 4 cancer. My father was hoping for this person who he had seen with his and he was even sitting down for dinner with me and my parents and then my ex would just basically get upset and then condo after he had dinner with us . And I already texted that time saying keep going and cheating on and see where it will take . Which he even would on all truth told if he n I had daughter and that our daughter's bf who might get that same man -man sit down with that now ex bf he told me it was because of our own daughter issues and maybe she could not give him aka fake boyfriend . I told him it was over because I never blame my own children for a male just shown how he would disrespect the daughter .
I am still been needing to find a in person psychiatrist since during the telehealth doctors appointment session have not seem to help which I was able to hopeful find a new therapist and start with sessions in few weeks. Thank you for helping me remember my real reason for living .@@YouthPotential
I feel this so much
Thank you for finally explaining how I feel, my arms are covered with cuts and scars. Also I subscribed I love ur videos ❤️I keep watching so many of ur videos
I cut myself in the girls bathroom at school today and I was wearing a jumper in my maths class and it itched and aches like hell
If I had seen this video over a year ago when I had a mental breakdown, things might have turned out different. I might not have started. This is why it's important to talk about self-harm.
I started out using nail clippers. I wouldn’t bleed, but it would leave marks that lasted a couple of days. After about 2 months I started using an actual blade. Let me just tell you the nail clippers hurt worse, but the satisfaction of watching the blood come out is way better.
do you need someone to talk to? if you do, we are here for you
@@gregsmith8977 i really appreciate this. Thank you so much. I am currently 15 days clean
@@laurenhauer2118 I'm super proud of you. please, just keep trying to stay clean. I know it's hard a lot of the time, but you can do this :)
@@gregsmith8977 because you were so kind I feel like I have to ask. How are you doing?
@@laurenhauer2118 not great, honestly I am planning on doing something drastic in like a week if things keep getting worse, but you don't need to worry about me, i'll probably change my mind like usual
Love your energy ⛮. Nothing but compassion for you. Love, kindness and healing thoughts from Kent. Keep strong
I can see you writing a Song or Poetry..... 😊
My God... you described it the exact way it used to go with me. I haven't cut in 2 years, but sometimes the urge comes back real strong.
I had to laugh when you said it hurts, I don't cut, I burn and yes it fucking hurts but it's a double edged sword because when I'm doing it and I can feel the pain, that's all my mind is on for the moment.
for me, i get really angry at times and so the only thing that would calm me down is cutting. i just feel numb while i do it but at the same time it feels like all my anger is just coming out through that blade and it makes me feel relaxed somehow? it doesnt really hurt a lot but i can still feel the pain. it hurts more when its healing and it itches a lot
This video is amazing and so helpful. I relate to all of this. Thank you.
I can relate to all you said
I dont know if Im the only one but I feel kinda proud of myself after doing it, it kinda makes me feel beautiful ;-;
Such a great video, really on the point explained it. Sadly a little to late for myself but I hope it could help others out
I started self arming by biting my arm in the 3rd grade. I was very angry when I did. I wasn't even thinking when it happened. Once I did, I felt so calm. Now, I'm about to be a senior and it's gotten to where I have cut but stopped. Yet, there were other things I've done that I still take part in. I'm not going to say I'm clean because I only stopped cutting. The weird thing is, now I like seeing my bruises whether they were self-inflicted or accidental.
I’m having like withdrawal symptoms from sh. Whenever I go even two days without doing it I spiral down into this numb and suicidal pit where I go completely numb and it usually results in extremely deep cuts.
It's so weird the difference between cutting and bruising/punching. With cutting, I experience most of what you said here. I do it to punish myself or to be spiteful towards someone who keeps hurting me(even though they don't know), so once I start, I just keep going until there's too much blood. But with punching, it's almost like a feeling of being high as fuck, especially when I manage to punch hard enough or directly on bone. So most of the time, I stop at one or two punches before I go numb, both mentally and physically. Or if I really need to be entirely numb for as long as possible, I keep going until my skin feels almost.. hard? I'm fucked. I know I need to stop. But I stopped for 7 years & now that I'm back on my bullshit, I'm once again aware that it's the only way I'll stay alive.
for me, the urge to cut just feels like a hunger. something triggers me, and i get that hunger to cut. it doesn't go away, until i do. i can try to ignore the hunger, but i've only succeeded on that like 2 times. i've been cutting for over a year now, and im just 15. not trying to be one of those "oh yeah i like cutting, im edgy uwu" 15 year olds. and i agree with you, when i cut, i get a sense of control. also, i cut probably because i have depression caused by severe gender dysphoria. and it's not going to ease anytime soon, since in my country minors cant transition. i don't know if im gonna live to get the chance to transition, but im trying to keep on living. thank you for your videos, i really appreciate them. they're honest, and that's hard to find nowadays. sorry about ranting.
ps. there might be some grammatical errors, english isnt my first language.
This hit home 😕
Does it help anyone else when they want to sh to watch yt were they’re comforting in a way
Yeah when I get back to these videos it helps me feels less alone. Right now I'm in University but I'm "by myself". I have friends that care about me, but I feel like a burden on them. It's strange how the mind works.
I recently started self harming.. today i had a razor against my stomach.. I'm still fighting.. i don't want to hurt myself.. but at the same time i do.. i wanna fight.. but i really feel like just giving up.. i feel like i can't talk to anyone.. i feel lost and i don't know what to do..
Thanks for taking time and talk about such an important subject
I dont cut but I do, do other forms of self harm like sctratching, bruising, pulling hair. I even give myself paper cuts. I only do this when I feel like I'm not good or someone is better than better than me.
@Pate69 -_- ?
@Pate69 -_- I'll try but I keep coming back to it. I'm going to The Brook or CenterStone they'll try to get me better.
Trigger warning self harm/suicidal thoughts:
This is so far from what I experience in some ways. It does calm me and slows or stops the alter personalities from flipping in and out so much. But I don't get that addiction to pain issue. At times I do it out of hatred of myself, as a sort of punishment. It really depends of who I am at the time. Usually I do it when I am super upset and the emotional pain is too much and I want to die. In a way it keeps me from suiciding. As I really am ready to go Home to Heaven, but God doesn't answer my prayers to let me come home. I almost always cut my outer thighs. But I'm out of room now. I am thinking about trying using a safety pin now. I hate needles, could never have become an IV drug user! lol. As a disabled/retired RN I've given many shots, started many IV's, but never could think about IV drug use. I now have to give myself a biological medication for my psoriasis, but it doesn't hurt. Thank you for the frank talk today. I just found you and so far I like to listen to you. I wish I had someone to talk to in my own life. When you get old nobody cares. When I was young nobody cared either. I used to look forward to getting older thinking I would be real to others once I reached certain ages...but I never really mattered much to anyone. I have been blessed with a loving husband who is my caregiver. But he doesn't want to talk or listen and just wants me to be here yet invisible for the most part. If I get upset, or need support he tells me to go to sleep or something. Whatever. I just can't wait for this suffering life to be over with without killing myself. Not sure if I did if my life insurance would pay off for him. But I also don't know how much longer I can exist here. Jesus is probably so tired and disgusted with my prayers to let me come home. What else is there? Isolated and alone except for my poor older dog...that breaks my very soul to watch her age. To know how little time we have left with her. Life for me sucks. I wish it didn't, but I'm stuck in this room in isolation and despair and in constant severe pain. when will I deserve to go Home?
God will NEVER be tired of your prayers!! He loves when we talk to him he loves that we want to communicate with him. When you pray don’t only ask him for what you want but tell him how grateful you are that he takes care of you and for another day to live . Sometimes when we pray we most likely wait to gain but we in fact lose most of the time. And I’ll tell you what we lose : the anger the sadness the loneliness our anxiety etc. Remember God loves you ❤️if you want to ask me something pls do !
Ive never rly felt guilty after self harming. Ive self harmed since i was 7. Im 20 now. It just feels normal to me, and i dont care. Im already covered in scars so it doest matter anymore if i cut etc. I feel pain then and there, and it dissapears shortly after. I just find it therapitic to know what i can do to myself and the blood. I think my brain has just adapted and learned to censor out the pain when clothes etc touch and rubbing it
Thank you
For some reasons I don’t really like the pain like others do but I do it mostly bc of the blood or the scars. I even smile when I’m cutting bruhh
Im usually in tears b4 or after. Remember to sterilize your cutting items guys!!!! Ive been clean a few months
I still cut it minuscule just to feel pain and little blood but it's so addicted every single day
Too me it is more making my mental pain physical
Cut for 2 years
Was clean for a year
Then clean for a month
Then a week
Then I relapsed today
And I think I’m in control,
It was just once, it doesn’t count, I’m not getting into it again, that was justified,
It burns i realise it never went away
Because every time I need it my wrist fucking burns anyone else get this? My wrist burns with a white fire in want oh my god
I wanted to post a pic of my cuts but i realised i wil get hate. I don't wanna get hurt again. It really does hurt. I wanna cut again. I wanna fricking overdose. I tried to 3 times but they all failed
I hope you are doing better
That's all I want to do!!
Feels fucking amazing
it's been a year. how's it going?
@@gregsmith8977 hahahaha well uhmm I decided to go to the gym as a healthy alternative, also feels great if not better and I can do it whenever those silly thoughts manage to crawl back into my head.
@@max3eey I'm glad to hear that you're doing better :)
@@gregsmith8977 the mental state hasn't changed I just found an alternate more constructive way of dealing with it
@@max3eey well, at least you aren't doing sh anymore. have you seen a therapist or anyone who you could talk to about your mental state?
For me only some hurt conventionally, and others kinda just feel nice but in the healing process all of them hurt like a b*tch
I have been selfharming for a year now and i got a really Sharp blade and im scared to cut really Deep but i feel like i have to
Sometimes when I were cutting I just wanted blood.I just want to see a hole in my arm.I just wanted to feel better my mind wanted control and the pain didn't feel like normal pain when you have an adccident.The pain felt good. Yes it hurts. But the pain were drowning in my mind and after the blood...It's just make the war stop. 1hour/30mins later when it stopped having blood I wanted to cut more.Sometimes I had to yelled at me to stop it but I can't. That's why I stopped selfharm. First I was feeling like I had control but after I couldn't stop me I where crying and yelling but I couldn't.I lost myself and I almost killed myself I had a plan. Hopefully, somethings happened and I stop selfharming.Yes I relapsed.Yes sometimes I have flashes of cutting. When I were cutting deep,sometimes I wanted to puke. Burns hurt. Not eating hurts. Scratches hurts. Doing holes in you skin hurts.Punching you wall hurts.Putting your nails into your skin hurts.I tried all of them and sometimes I kinda wish I didn't but I don't regret.It makes me who I am now.A non-binary proud teenager
I only every cut myself once. Couldn't do it again, ewwwww blood! I took to burning myself instead. I'd keep a metal lighter lit until it got so hot I couldn't hold it any more, then press it hard against my skin. I started on the top of my arms and my calf muscles so it wouldn't show, but by the time I'd managed to stop I'd also started burning my face.
It was very painful, but it was a physical pain and I could understand it, unlike the emotional pain that I still don't really understand 20 years later
I want to self harm I have been self harming two year I am teenager
Self-harm is better than harming others.
you wouldn’t do it if it didn’t hurt cause what’s the point your doing it to feel pain i do it i know
self harm feels like a sting and burning when you're in the shower. Other than that you don't really feel it