So true, Petra. My decades friendship was like this. She was taking me for granted & because of the history of friendship. I was jumping through hoops to please her. Once I started calling her out. The friendship was over.
I am sending this to my daughter to give her a better understanding of her father's (now my ex) behaviour towards her and why she feels the way she does, guilt etc. Thank you Petra... very timely advice!! ❤
thank you so much for bringing light to people pleasing and friendships with a narcissist. i was friends with one for 8 years until i started gaining self-respect. not only did it open my eyes to other behaviors i couldn’t see, but it also allowed me to finally stand up for myself. there isn’t much content out there for covert narcissistic friendships like these, thank you for helping me understand a big part of my life i had to let go.
After a friendship of 20 years, I called out my narcissistic friend and set a very firm boundary. I haven't heard back from her yet, but I am in fear of her reaction. I feel ashamed about it but I can't shake this feeling
so proud of you. i know this was extremely hard for me too. the shame, guilt are repercussions of all the manipulation she’s ingrained in you over years intertwined with your struggle to stand up for yourself. it won’t be easy, but you’re on your way out. :)
Besides people pleasing which is bad enough (believe me I know firsthand), there is also society/status pleasing and peer group/mass consciousness pleasing. I recently have met two Narcissistic women and I have examined their behavior and how they want to shut me up so they can run monologues over me. So, it comes across to me as if they are attempting to train me like a little dog. Actually they don't regard me as highly. I've learned a lot so I see it for what it is!
Not being comfortable with silence is another people pleasing symptom. Feeling obligated to fill the gaps in conversation. People pleasing is dreadfully exhausting!
How to improve this relationship, I have this relatinship with my coworker, I feel she is using me, because I was in a difficult sitaution and she helped me during adapting on new work environment.
@@PetraVanDeijl doing her service like, changing work shifts with her on her request, although she also did for me, but she has suportive family and I am alone. Also sh doesnt ask to do work together but just determine, like we will to this now, even though my shift has ended. I will need to reflect my boundaries. I told her my personal problems, now i feel she is somehow using this. I will take a day off instead than ask her to favour.
Correction: At 2:45 minutes I say "to dim THEIR light" I meant to say "dim YOUR light".
So true, Petra. My decades friendship was like this. She was taking me for granted & because of the history of friendship. I was jumping through hoops to please her. Once I started calling her out. The friendship was over.
We can be people pleasers with just anyone! Not only narcissist. Just people in general can take our peace if we let them!❤
Welcome back, Petra. Very sage words.
I am sending this to my daughter to give her a better understanding of her father's (now my ex) behaviour towards her and why she feels the way she does, guilt etc. Thank you Petra... very timely advice!! ❤
thank you so much for bringing light to people pleasing and friendships with a narcissist. i was friends with one for 8 years until i started gaining self-respect. not only did it open my eyes to other behaviors i couldn’t see, but it also allowed me to finally stand up for myself. there isn’t much content out there for covert narcissistic friendships like these, thank you for helping me understand a big part of my life i had to let go.
…Only please the pleasant ones…
Definitely requires practice after abuse. Such an important topic.. Thank you Petra. ❤
Full circle of not pleasing. That is something to strive for, especially after abuse. 🌺
funny i woke up thinking about this same topic on the day you posted it 😁
Telepathy 😉
After a friendship of 20 years, I called out my narcissistic friend and set a very firm boundary. I haven't heard back from her yet, but I am in fear of her reaction. I feel ashamed about it but I can't shake this feeling
so proud of you. i know this was extremely hard for me too. the shame, guilt are repercussions of all the manipulation she’s ingrained in you over years intertwined with your struggle to stand up for yourself. it won’t be easy, but you’re on your way out. :)
Besides people pleasing which is bad enough (believe me I know firsthand), there is also society/status pleasing and peer group/mass consciousness pleasing. I recently have met two Narcissistic women and I have examined their behavior and how they want to shut me up so they can run monologues over me. So, it comes across to me as if they are attempting to train me like a little dog. Actually they don't regard me as highly. I've learned a lot so I see it for what it is!
Thank you ,Petra! Im in the middle of a healing process now and your videos are my guidance and give me tranquility
Love to hear your openness 🎉🎉🎉
Not being comfortable with silence is another people pleasing symptom. Feeling obligated to fill the gaps in conversation. People pleasing is dreadfully exhausting!
And not voicing your needs!!! Because you believe they are not important enough!!
Your needs are valid and absolutely important!!!
How to improve this relationship, I have this relatinship with my coworker, I feel she is using me, because I was in a difficult sitaution and she helped me during adapting on new work environment.
What behaviour on her part are you tolerating?
@@PetraVanDeijl doing her service like, changing work shifts with her on her request, although she also did for me, but she has suportive family and I am alone. Also sh doesnt ask to do work together but just determine, like we will to this now, even though my shift has ended. I will need to reflect my boundaries. I told her my personal problems, now i feel she is somehow using this. I will take a day off instead than ask her to favour.
❤🙏💚💐
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