Story #4: NTA. So step-parents gets flak when they push boundaries (undestandable), but also for enforcing perfectly reasonable boundaries? No one has to be a punching bag
My baby was born at 28 weeks. The literal worst moments of my life, watching my child struggle, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I can't conceive what grandmas logic was saying "it gets worse" in that situation. Insane.
Because grandma has had a charmed life she thinks her experience and her experience only is the default for how things are, and she is all knowing, doncha know?
I absolutely love the comments at the end here where reddit is finally calling out that a child doesn't get to be abusive just because they had to go through their parents divorce and a step parent doesn't have to take that abuse. Bravo
Facts! However I think OP should give that little brat what she wants ONLY because the wife has shown OP she doesn't have his back or a spine at all! One question that has been jumping out at me: What was the wife's response to the stepdaughter putting all those pictures up around his house? She HAD to have known OP wasn't gonna like that!
@@Lillypop93 that’s how my siblings, cousins and I were raised and you know what? We turned out fine! Mainly because a) we had good parents and b) we weren’t infuriating little brats like the teenager is being here. Does she behave this way at her father’s house or is she besties with his gf and just being a little sh*t to OP for the brownie points? You can bet if the kids in our family had behaved this way we’d have been grounded for a year (one of us was mouthing off and their mother kept raising the time until it was at six months, the kid finally shut up but had to do every single day of those six months). But again, this was the 80s/90s back when there was no such thing as “vegan-friendly-gluten-free-facon” taking up the shelves. The problem is this generation are being raised without consequences then the parents are all Shocked-Pikachu Face when their little darling grows up to be a little hooligan!
@@jeannemclaughlin7978 Exactly! If you were part of the affair that broke up your stepchild's family, it is most _certainly_ their business. You helped ruin their life.
I had an "easy birth," and it was still so scary. Just a suggestion to anyone going to see any mother and new baby...bring smiles, congratulations, and nothing but positivity. You're lucky to be invited that soon. I did not want people visiting, it was too stressful.
Agree with you. My wife had a terrible birth so bad we decided one was enough. All her labor pain was in her back and this is no joke. I rubbed her back for almost 30 hours with two breaks that last 15 minutes maybe. I was a pain to the nurses cause I made them check her a bunch and as soon as she got to 3 they gave her the epidural. I could not lift my arms for 2 days and was so emotionally drained that I couldn't hardly function but once she got the shot she was fine and was able to sleep and I passed out immediately. She was induced but the meds cause the babies heart rate to drop and we all had a panic but they did a C-section and everything worked out. But like I said it was so bad we quit after one. We wouldn't trade it for nothing but it was horrible.
Thank you for sharing this… never seen it from that perspective. I’m glad moms and dads are opening up and sharing the realities of child birth and then on. I will for sure keep this in my mind for future moms in my life, and bring the most respect to them!
The comments on story 4 had my head spinning. Normally, we see stories of adults overstepping boundaries and trying to force themselves into a parental role where they are not wanted. Here, though, the stepchild is the one overstepping boundaries, the mother isn't doing anything to rectify the issue and OP is just supposed to take it? Reddit has some crazy double standards lol. If stepparents don't have equal parental authority under their own roof, how do you expect to have a cohesive family unit?
"Reddit had some crazy double standards", Yup that they definitely do. I love the ones where they are like "Step parents of people from when they were kids up until they are adults should not be suprised if they are not given X level of respect at big life event when they are not the bio parent" But when men find out a kid of a few months - a few years old is not their kid so they cut all contact (in some cases still needing to pay ridiculous amounts of child support ) they will say "The OP is an Ahole if they can suddenly cut off any love / connection to a child just because they find out they are not biologically related, They were the only dad the kid knows and they could not be mature enough to not punish someone for something out of their control. So what one is it people are broken for not wanting to continue a connection because they are not related or people are crazy if they do love children they watched grow up and just want a basic level of respect as someone who tried to support them growing up?
All he had to do was pretend the pictures didn't hurt because she wanted a reaction out of him. Psychologically children naturally resent their step father in the beginning just because. He should have had the mom deal with her because this is going to make her act out even more
Yeah it's always so bizarre when Reddit tells step-parent (sd or sm) cannot say anything or have any authority over the stepkid, like telling clean their room. They are adult of the household and an authority, even if the bio parents have bigger role. They can damn well demand reasonable things and punish. Not allowing to punish bad behaviour or demand things like doing chores us giving authority to the kid and kids running the household never goes well. With rights there's always responsibilities. Always. For parents and for kids. Biggest asshole of the story is enabling, doormat mother. Why OP needs to sit down and discuss? That is responsibility of the mother first. Commentators are basically saying OP has no rights but it's fully his responsibility to fix it.
This is precisely why you don't get involved with single parents. If you want kids great but make sure you choose the mother/father better. If you are a single parent then focus on raising your kid then once the kid is grown you can seek a new relationship. Stop dating single parents.
Last story, if the daughter has a room in the home she should keep the photos in her room not in the communal areas. She is rude and her mother is an enabler
Agreed. She can have the photos in her room but when she goes putting them around the house, she's just being an AH esp when she's commented that OP should divorce her mom. She was deliberately trying to stir up trouble.
@Ella M That comment wasn't "complete" bullshit only half bs if it was an affair but it wasn't. People praising the comment seem to be happy that there was an NTA rather then a YTA. Your just focused on the negative half and not the "complete" statement like you say you are
OP in that last story is SOOOOO NTA. Lemme get this straight: a 16 year old girl is cussing out her step father in his own house and purposely putting up pictures of her mother and her father SOLELY to hurt OP, then when he asks her to take them down she cusses him out again. Respect is a 2 way street, step parents don’t need to stand there and be yelled/cussed at just because the kid is “going through a lot” OP you’re NTA but tbh…your wife is, she should have your back on this one.
He just needs to take the photos, in their frames, and throw them away far from the house (perhaps in a dumpster at work). When she asks about them, he can say, "what photos"? He should not tolerate her swearing at him, and should feel free to tell her that she is not living in a democracy at HIS house, and if she does not know how or want to show decency towards him that she is free to go elsewhere. And tell his wife the same thing. You can't allow behavior like that to be normalized. Family therapy, yes, but in the meantime the daughter still has to act like she was raised somewhere.
When I was listening to the YTA reasons, I was thinking what the fuck are you people talking about, and the whole time I was thinking exactly what you said. You can bet if I had tried to behave like like this towards either of my step parents they both would have booted me 😅 Unfortunately nowadays almost any form of punishment is considered abuse 🙄
At least there was one sane comment on the last story. I was so confused before that last one. It doesn't matter of stepdaughter is upset about her parents divorce. She doesn't get to be disrespectful. And why can't step parents punish their step kids when they act out? If I'm taking care of you, yes, to an extent I will be listened to and respected. She could have put those photos in her bedroom. And the mother is just enabling the disrespect by seeping it under the rug.
@@demonic_myst4503 there was no infidelity. I really have no idea what the rest of your post is supposed to say, you might want to spell check a bit. That's not meant as a cut, just letting you know you've hit a bunch of the wrong letters. Even if they had cheated (which they did NOT) it's his home and he has every right to not be abused in his own home.
@@demonic_myst4503 But we have every right to judge aholes on the internet who abuse and defame people with no evidence. You make an accusation with no evidence or justification. You are a liar.
Story 1 NTA and good on OP!! Stepmom is panicking and crying cause she realizes how much on an AH she was to OP, realizes she a sh*t mom to her actual kids and now is worried what OP's mom will show her up to be the sh*t parent that she is/was!! OP has the half-sibs back and is totally justified rubbing it in her face and calling her out for being an AH
Story 2: "She just went through a massive trauma that almost killed her and the baby, and you assholes decided to make things worse. If you refuse to apologize to my wife for your horrible behavior, you will _NOT_ get to see our baby. *ever* "
Seriously, between "The worst has yet to come" and "Dont worry, the worst has past. It's going to get better here onward. We are all here to support you, should you need any help.", any sane person can see which one is the right thing to say in that situation...
You cannot outtalk an old person sometimes. The walk to school were more miles, the snows were deeper, the work harder, etc. This granny was actually bragging in an old-timey way. She still needed to hear that she was out of line even if not out of spite.
I am a great grandmother, and I wouldn't dream of saying anything like this! I'm 68 though, so she could be well into her seventies I suppose. Still no excuse.
@Ella M no you’d be surprised at how unreasonable people can be when hurt or angry. She was probably just lashing out like teenagers do out of anger and pain.
I’m gonna go NTA on story 4. Nancy really went too far with the pictures and she seems like a jerk, and punishing her was the move. The mom needs to step up and stop babying her out of fear of rocking the boat.
I agree. But nothing is going to change until the three of them sit down and work out boundaries. Specific to the photographs, the girl presumably has her own room or space and I think she should be allowed to hang the photos in that space with no pushback. But the photos are not the problem. If they can’t work out something that is reasonable for the whole family by themselves and they should spend a few hours with a family counselor.
@@thefilthycasual6402 Disagree. She is sixteen and knows exactly what she is doing. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I would toss the photos and then gaslight her into thinking she was crazy. "What photos? You mean you put up photos of your father with you and my wife? How rude! What made you think that was a proper thing to do? Where do you think they went"?
@@shells500tutubo that’s just makes you leagues worse and again isn’t proportional at all. You go from disrespect to straight up vindictive, and what does that do? At most all you do is start war with the daughter torpedoing the relationship leading to the wife more then likely leaving and you being labeled the abusive dad who got rid of someone else’s property. Again if you think that’s a reasonable respond you don’t need children.
Last story - NTA. Actions have consequences. If the step daughter is not punished for her action she will grow up to be a entitled AH who thinks the entire world should revolve around her.
Why because she was only telling the truth about how it's going to be to raise this child???? Because the grandma is right if she thinks any of this was gonna be a walk in the park she's wrong. Having children has always come with problems since not everyone can bear children. And not only that you're talking about having to raise and take care of a living human for 18 years...... you can't just give it away so easy and if you do then why are you having kids?
@@danielramirez-me6pn Imagine, Daniel, you are attacked and stabbed multiple times. You are recovering after this traumatic event and the surgery, and someone comes to see you and they tell you, well, that was nothing, you have grueling physical therapy waiting for you as well as possible disability and huge medical bills. You would be so grateful right? I mean it's so nice when someone doesn't even care about you at all except when they get an opportunity to put you down, not like these other empathetic losers, am I right?
@@reggiebrown4911 I understand both statements. Both OP's wife and child almost died. The kid is still in NICU and his wife is still recovering in the hospital. She had a traumatic birth experience that nearly killed her. This was the wrong time and wrong place for OP's grandmother to comment or even joke that the worse is yet to come. They need to understand that OP was very close to being a widower raising his child as a single parent or worse having to bury both his wife and child.
The YTA in the last stories surprised me. Almost eighteen but not quite yet may be legally a minor but people were acting like the daughter was seven not seventeen. She should have gone into therapy. I bet OP's wife will start to change her tune when OP starts to look into divorce.
Story 4: How is it not OP's place to punish the kid if she lives in his house? At least the last commenter had some common sense. Either way, he should get a divorce.
Story 2: Grandmother basically invalidated the wife's pain by saying "it's typical for a mother to struggle." Preeclampsia is a serious and deadly medical condition, her birth wasn't typical at all, it was traumatic for herself and her baby. They're both suffering and the wife's trauma is compounded by that fact. Good on OP for advocating for his wife and fuck his relatives for being completely inconsiderate of the situation. Grandma definitely saw the tragedy right in front of her, she basically jumped at the opportunity to make it about herself by trying to be the wife's savior with her "advice" and "wisdom" thinking it'll change the whole situation for the better instead she made it worse. Grandma owes the wife an apology.
Exactly. They should have waited until they had left the hospital to visit. I think is common sense to put the new mom and baby's comfort first. In-laws are only thinking of them and what they want.
So glad for that last response in the last story. 99% of the time, you hear a story where someone feels upset, and Reddit is like "you have feelings, that's valid". This guy's stepdaughter is treating him like trash for no reason other than marrying her mom, and he's not allowed to feel hurt? Maybe if she was five, but she's sixteen! 100% she should have been punished. Although, to be honest, I was seriously thinking "Where the hell is her mom?" throughout the entire story. Woman literally only showed up for one sentence, so either she's doing a shitty job parenting, or they have some serious communication issues. NTA
Last story I don't know about anyone else but I didn't think being a stepchild mattered as much to that story as it was made out to, even though it gave context to why she was doing it. Basically boiled down to one singular thing, as a 16 yo I would not have been allowed to make unilateral decisions about the decorations in the family home my own room being the exception. I would have to get my parents permission first and if they didn't give it for any reason at all that decoration wouldn't go up, end of discussion. Then if I started swearing and calling them names I would be in deep trouble.
This isn't the big issue but apart of it. She doesn't like the fact her mother is happy with op and is pissed at op for destroying her dream of her parents getting back together
@@AliceRinGameLand No but further comments on that story revealed OP and Mom got together really soon after the divorce (we're taking a couple of week not months). They didn't cheat but they met, got together and then moved in together at light speed. Everyone including the Mom family thinks it's a sign that they where together before the divorce. (look I know it's actually just a sign rebounding hard but that what the family thinks) Daughter isn't pulling this out of her a** everyone in that kids life is apparently pretty open about they're believe that OP and Mom cheated. I'd add a link but RUclipss been deleting any comments I make with Red-dit links lately I don't know why.
@@maishal7034 insisting a story should ESH because someone who's barely in the story was complicit in the bad action is something I don't like. ESH is (at least in my understanding) meant for when both sides are AH not just when two or more people who are on the same side are AH's. I don't think people should get out of a YTA just because they're SO (how these stories often get ESH over YTA) is as bad as them. It's the same if some goes from NTA to ESH for the same reason but you see that argument less in that case.
I was surprised by the YTAs on that last story. Stepparents absolutely have the right to punish their stepkids. It kinda sucks if the kid(s) still feel like the stepparent is an invader in the house/family, but it can work out beautifully, too. My stepdad was absolutely THE boss of the house, no questions asked. Kids are kids, not the ones in charge. It surprises me that this is even something people debate, lol
He's not an ahole, I have step parents one I tolerate but respect her opinions on what goes on at her and my dad's place. My stepfather is like an Uncle or dunkle, he gets that I'm cool with him and respect him. I may disagree with either step parent but we communicate. Op needs to leave this abusive relationship if Mom doesn't step up with explaining to kiddo its not cool accusing Op of breaking up her family. Kid needs therapy
BULLCRAP! The responder saying “adultery” isn’t an excuse to give your stepparent a hard is full of BULLCRAP! A cheater does not deserve respect. I will not respect a cheater and I will encourage others to not respect cheaters either.
And you know he cheated because....? Oh. The irrational, idiotic teenager thinks they must have because of COURSE her parents who divorced where sooooooo happy together. That's why they divorced. Cause they were happy. Really! Lil' Idiot needs to be moved in with her daddy dearest. See how long he puts up with her bullshit when he's trying to get laid and she's throwing these toddler fits because how could he betray Mommy like that?
Story1: Huge NTA. Stepmom wants sympathy? She's going to need a very big shovel! I like OP's clapback, sounds well-deserved! But she should save some of her ire for her dad, who let stepmom treat her like that. Takes two to tango here.
You let a 16 year old sell you that it was an abuse story because she didn't have her own room??? In her visitation home? Where was a spare room for her supposed to come from? If the room had to be SHARED, does it mean someone else had to share it with her and not have Thier own room either? Was the room that was shared with her supposed to be locked up in the 5 out of 7 days a week she wasn't there? Resulting in a half sibling not being allowed to occupy that room?
Gonna have to disagree with one part of the last comment on the last story. “It doesn’t matter if the relationship started with infidelity, that’s none of the kids business”. Yeah, no. If a parent cheats on their spouse and the breakup hurts and affects the life of kid too-their anger or resentment is a natural consequence of your own actions whether you like it or not. As a parent one of the first things that became quickly apparent was that my children are no “extension” of myself regardless that I brought them into this world. I do not own them in any way and they are very much their own person with their own feelings on everything in life. If I cheated and left their father, they absolutely would blame me and be hurt by that and have every right to feel exactly how they feel even if that’s inconvenient for me or makes me feel guilty. That’s just how it is regardless of who doesn’t like it. (And no I never did any of that). It doesn’t sound like that was the case here in this story though. It just sounds like the kid hates her moms husband and acts out all of the time and gets away with it. Mom feels guilty and deflects blame onto her new husband because it’s easier than having it on herself. Op has a wife problem, not a kid problem. That kid should be made to show respect (as long as she gets it herself which may not be the case here by the sounds of it, and that may be the root cause of it all). She should definitely be in counseling/therapy. She (and he) should not be allowed to fight uncontrollably amongst themselves with no outside intervention from the mother and a licensed therapist. Mom is enabling all of this and she sounds like a selfish person and not the greatest mother.
The kid most definitely has a problem. It takes 2 to cheat so if she’s targeting her stepdad she needs to go after her mother as well. She doesn’t have to like him because of the affair but the blatant disrespect is not ok. He’s not making unreasonable request.
@@lazarushernandez5827 OP said they didn’t cheat but that’s what the kid is claiming. So based upon the kids basis she’s wrong for only attacking OP for the alleged affair. If there wasn’t any cheating and the marriage ran it’s course that makes this situation worse because she blaming and abusing an innocent party for something beyond their control.
@@AliceRinGameLand which makes this situation all the more worse. He’s being abused and disrespected in his own home for absolutely nothing other than his stepdaughter being a brat and salty over the fact her parents are no longer together for whatever the reason.
You know that last story reminds me of a post from a while ago that had his last update I think this year. A woman married this guy he had a 13-year-old son when they were dating the guy and his ex-wife divorced 3 years before she and this guy even met let alone started dating. That sun was a monster he basically terrorized her for no other reason than he just wanted her out of his father's life. The father only talked to his son but never punished him and the mother actually tried to stop the Son but since she didn't live there she couldn't really do anything about it. Dude this boy actually stood up at his father's wedding as a 19-year-old and basically announced that she's a homewrecker and she's the reason that his family is broken. Knowing that's not the truth but just wanting to ruin the day for her. Speeding towards some of the last updates this boy actually stabbed her with the intent to kill her but failed she barely got to the hospital and her husband at that time still did nothing about his son. The end result was she divorced him trying to get away from his craziness and to get away from the Sun and had to move away just to hide from them. The reason I bring this up is it's a similar scenario to this girl she is doing whatever she can to break them up because she doesn't like him for no other reason than she wants her father and mother back together I guess. If he doesn't do anything now she'll just keep escalating until eventually she gets into the illegal territory that's where this leads of someone doesn't do anything about it.
I love the situation of the daughter being able to choose daily where she spends time that day. I could never do that with my ex because he would make it impossible. Though, I'd love to be able to know any potential stepmom and be friendly with her, if not actual friends. Hopefully, my ex finds himself a good woman that makes him want to get his crap together. OP NTA.
My question is how much of the op and bf relationship is separate from the ex. Since we live in a world polygamy is around this story kind of leaned that way in my mind.
@@user-de2wv8ri8n Lol that's on you that your mind went there. Polyamory is way less common than monogamy. They're most likely monogamous, and you just cant wrap your head around people being healthy, not toxic.
OP is TA, IMO though, for not allowing bf to have any kind of parental role. If she expects her and daughter to be a package deal, she doesn't also get to withhold parenting rights and privileges.
I generally disagree with parents who are not in an abusive situation getting a divorce. But in this case at least they tried to do what's best for their daughter. They are all still living under the same roof. They just have extra boundaries. Good job for them. I also understand how many girlfriends/ boyfriends in the situation would feel uneasy.
@@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother no not really since all posts are from op and thus bias in that it makes the op better looking so that they are not see and an ah. All stories have three side. In this case OP, BF, and the truth.
Story 4: every single one of those YTA comments came from selfish, entitled little brats.......just like OPs stepdaughter! I don't care what your issue is, you don't disrespect my home like that!
@Ella M Was he the affair partner? Because he said he wasn't. You all just trying to attack the if he was the cheater comments without uping the if he wasn't or admonishing the people being spiteful. Its cool remain in your little half filled world where you ignore the all the info.
@@Desvelar she's been spam posting that comment all over the comment section. she's ether a troll, or she wants to start an argument. Ether way, we should ignore her.
where's the dad in story 1? op can feel however she feels about her stepmom, but let's not pretend that her dad wasn't complicit in all this, and he had to be if the room thing wasn't sorted at all. why does he get a pass for not putting a stop to the favouritism and othering of his first child? why is it all the stepmom's fault?
Because he wasn't the personing causing the main harm. And she probably made it sound like op was lying. With no proof of how the step mother was treating her, op couldn't tell him. Also she could have stayed silent and only told her mother.
So.....Where was a spare bedroom supposed to come from so that she could have her own room.....? You realize she doesn't even live there. You would be on board with locking up on of the rooms 5 out of 7 days a week instead of letting your child stay in it? She sold on the B's about how it wasn't fair treatment cause she didn't have her own room, but that just meant her half sibling didn't get to have her own room either. She will definitely have her own bedroom and her half siblings won't...
@Williany Amill "sorting" the room thing could literally be just addressing it in a way that was satisfactory to everyone. making the child feel heard and respected. setting up part of a room to be her space and hers alone. you know, like functional families do. don't pretend like magicking an extra room out of thin air was the only way forward. it's disingenuous.
@@AliceRinGameLand you have no evidence of any of that. you're just making something up to fit your narrative. it's just as likely that dad DID know what was going on and didn't want to deal with it. making him complicit.
No guarantee that this guy would turn out to be abusive, but yeah, emotional manipulation is not a good first step. Even if it went no further, who wants to live with an emotionally manipulative partner?
Story 1: NTA. The former step mom sounds like a real piece of work. She can dish it out, but obviously can't take it. OP is NTA,, all she did was use the same line the "step mom" used on her.
Story 4: This is why men ain’t signing up to be step dads. Because no one is signing up to be disrespected in their own home. That teenager doesn’t want a relationship with him and is flat out emotionally abusive. And yet people want OP to bend over backwards to be disrespected
By that logic, this is why women aren't signing up to be step-parents, either. Nobody wants to be a nanny and f*ck maid, with a legal piece of paper saying you just have to deal with it. It cuts both ways, so rather than spouting outdated - frankly false - notions (plenty of families, including my own have a blended family dynamic that is fantastic), how about you start encouraging blended families to work together and ditch the internalised mysogonistic BS.
@@pansprayers they aren’t. Blended families aren’t the opportune. Women need to control their fertility and not have children outside of wedlock, couples need to work harder to keep the original nuclear families together, men need to be more circumspect with who they impregnate. Point blank period. Pointing out the reality of a situation isn’t misogynistic. If you were triggered just say that.
@@pansprayers I love how you just completely skipped the most important part. Which is that that teenager doesn’t consider him family. And the moms response to it was to essentially dismiss his feelings. And here you are spouting off a narrative of how YOUR blended family works. That’s great. What’s does that do for Op? Or people like OP? We are not speaking about your reality. We are speaking about what happens when children don’t want a new step dad/parent, and make it apparent. So let’s take the YOU out of it and stick to what was actually reported by OP.
@@pansprayers LOL misogynistic? You just reinforce his point. Yeah, the same reason men shouldn't aim to be step fathers is a reason that women shouldn't aim to be stepmothers, especially single people without their own kids. They gain absolutely nothing from this arrangement. The only reason men are single out in this warning is because the misandrist courts in most countries and states by default gives custody to mothers where the kid lives most with their time with. So consequently there are very few single fathers that live constantly with the children and stepmothers have to deal with them only on weekends and such. Second women in general tend to complete ignore this type of thing as deal breakers to a relationship.
@@terickastidbits2342 1. Death happens. 2. Kids out of wedlock aren't less than or more difficult than kids with both parents. 3. People complaining about being stepparents because it's not their kid are probably too immature to be stepparents.
The 3 story ... i will go with NAH . The situation is strange . Hard to build a new familly with that arrangement , hard to feel home and not just a guest... honestly i probably coulnd do it . But NAH for me
I agree to an extent. The guy was wrong but most people would feel like him in that situation. Most people wouldn't enter a relationship with someone in that situation. The comments stating otherwise is fooling themselves.
An actor in my country lived with his new wife next to his ex wife he moved ex there to be closer to the kids because just like op they doing this for the kids, he got ex wife pregnant few months his new wife gave birth to their child they divorced after that because he denied he was the father but new wife found the whole thing out and dumped him
story 2. the wife just had a traumatic experience and the grandmother had to tell her that things are going to get worse? how is that going to make her feel better? the wife was right to kick them out and the husband is right for taking the wife's side. they already knew this wasn't a normal birth experience where you get to go make jokes about being a new parent. the "advice" was uncalled for story 4. the classic double standard by reddit. it's clear that the stepdaughter has no respect for OP, and blaming OP for "breaking a family" for what? for marrying her mom? he wasn't even an AP so it's obvious that the girl is having some sort of delusion of her family coming back together again and because of OP, she has to wake up from that fantasy and she clearly wasn't having it. she'll definitely have the surprise of a lifetime once her dad starts his own family and she'll have two stepparents to treat as the villain in her fantasy world. bless the NTA comment. someone needs to call out the mom for letting the girl be a brat.
OP: The wife is having a hard time after a rough childbirth. Grandma: I'm about to make it 100 times harder. OP, you are as far from TA as possible. Well done, sir, you are a gentleman and a scholar.
Story #4: NTA. The thing that I don’t see a lot of people commenting on is that Nancy put those pictures in places she knew Op would see them. It would be a totally different situation if she had a framed picture of her parents in her room and Op took issue with it. I’d also like to add that her father is still very much alive and she seems to have regular contact with him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that Op would feel uncomfortable seeing pictures of his wife and her ex husband on display in public areas of the house. In my opinion it seems like Nancy was hoping her parents would reconcile and get back together but once her mom married Op she realized that wouldn’t be happening. Hence the “family you ruined “ comment.
Who the heck tells someone who had a tramatic birthing experience that "the worst is yet to come"? Basically shes saying your wifes experience is nothing and there shouldnt be any joy in having a child. What a bitter woman. Let me guess, grandma is one of those people who constantly trivializes others feelings and experiences.
I'm glad the last comment in the last story actually made some sense. OP definitely needs to adjust his attitude a bit (as I agree his mentality is a bit immature, but I'm also sure he's just really fed up at this point), but he has the right to punish her when she is his step-daughter to the point she lives in the home. It sounds like he picked the wrong family to become part of if the mother is also not doing anything to help. I say this as someone with a step-father who I hated and I'm still not a huge fan for legit reasons... They weren't legit as a kid but they are as an adult, but my mother also went about the whole 'divorce/telling the kids' thing wrong and I had to put two-and-two together myself about them dating and that left me sour as a child. As he likes to say, I was the only kid you couldn't make happy in a candy shop.
The more stories I see regarding step-parents and being involved with people who have kids, the more I agree with the view that 99% of the time it's a no-win for all parties involved -- even though many of the parties in these stories were AHs and NTA respectively, they did have points. They'll never be the priority compared to dating someone who doesn't have kids or other such baggage. You can't win either way on both sides of the argument.
While I agree with the last comment for Op being NTA, I don't agree with the "It's none of her business" whether it was infidelity or not. Why do people think the parents' relationship doesn't effect the kids?? It IS their business whether you want to acknowledge that or not. I honestly was worried that this was the case here, but seeing how it's not, the step daughter needs to see a therapist to properly address her hurt feelings with the situation and the mom needs to step up and handle her own child. Using Op as the scapegoat isn't cutting it and it's unfair to him.
Step-child OP, there is every need to rub it in! No, it does not negate therapy (def try that, at least for a little while. I am sure it will help.) But DO NOT stop rubbing it in until your former step-Mom has learned her lesson. It is great that your Mom is a much better person, who will never stoop so low as to treat an innocent child the way you were treated!
I agree with a lot of people in this comment thread about the step dad story. I don’t get how the commenters are labeling op the AH. How much is an adult supposed to put up with before they say “alright that’s enough”
S2: don’t you dare apologize on wife’s behalf. Grandma can dish it then she can take it. Your wife has been through a traumatic birth and grandma thinks she’s being a little princess. She doesn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Being old doesn’t entitle you to say sht and get away with it. S3: NTA but you do need to think about the future. Ie: hubby has children with new wife, daughter may lose her room in his house cause logically she has a room next door. This may not work long term but kudos on the hard work and efforts. S4: ESH, why in the world did you marry that woman? Quick marriage? These people who jump on the wedding bandwagon ASAP, without first interacting with the children to get a feel for how it may be. Smh. Honestly grown butt adults who can’t think further than the bed posts. This teen is a little witch. Teens are notoriously difficult but get an outspoken brat who doesn’t like you and you’ve got fireworks every day. The wife, a fkng idiot. Of course she’s not scolding her daughter cause her daughter isn’t faulting her, only op. But who made the decision to say yes without a care for her daughter’s mental health? Yeah all the fingers are pointing at op who should chalk it up to a very bad decision and get divorced. Either wifey will wake up to save her marriage or she’ll let him go easily.
Honestly I would be a terrible step parent. Unless you are there more than 50% of the time then you don’t get your own room unless we have extra rooms. There is nothing wrong with sharing a room and you will probably do that in college anyway so get used to it earlier on. Most of us growing up had to share a room so that’s not abuse. Within reason.
Story 4: NTA So... Stepdaughter is actively trying to break OP's and her mum's marriage because she somehow deluded herself into thinking that her parents will get back together? Since OP said that there's no cheating involved (on his part), that means that the parents just grew apart or realised that they are not in love with each other anymore. So the stepdaughter thinks that it's appropriate to play match-maker for her parents and rather see them miserable together instead of happy with their new partners? Not only that, but to disrespect OP in his own home? She's lucky that she hasn't been kicked out yet. As they said, that respect is a 2way street. She doesn't have to kiss the ground OP walks on to show respect🙄 she literally just need to be cordial to him. Think of it this way, would you act like this with any strangers you passed by? No? It's not appropriate to hurl insults at them left, right and center? Yeah there's your answer. Be cordial. It's way easier than putting in the effort to think of ways to hurt people
This just made me wonder if the wife didn't tell OP the whole truth when they got together. This doesn't sound like regular dislike when she's telling him he broke up a family a. Plus there's been those people who go "I've been cheated on and would never do that" just to do the same thing.
@@Rukiah1 or maybe just maybe op is telling the truth and his wife had cheated on her ex before she met op. Either way OPs NTA but the wife and daughter definitely are. Wife is the AH for letting op be used as an scapegoat for her daughters anger & daughter the AH for not taking it out on her mom who she should be angry with.
@Ella M Idk, im just making judgments based on what OP has told us. I don't feel like sleuthing around to piece the stories together🤣 Whatever it is, stepdaughter shouldn't be abusive to OP if she thinks that he broke up her parents marriage. Her mum played a part too. If there really is any affairs involved, her mum is just in the wrong as the OP is. Hell, wouldn't she wants to cut contact with her mum too and live with her dad? Why would she push her cheating mum onto her innocent dad? Wouldn't that hurt her dad even more? And to live together with mum and her supposed AF, doesn't that makes her feel.. Angry? Bitter? Gross? (Idk the word I'm not English😂) isn't it just easier to cut contact with mum and be happy with dad instead?
@@Rukiah1 Further comments on that story revealed OP and Mom got together really soon after the divorce (we're taking a couple of week not months). They didn't cheat but they met, got together and then moved in together at light speed. Everyone including the Mom family thinks it's a sign that they where together before the divorce. Daughter isn't pulling this out of her a**, everyone in that kids life is apparently pretty open about they're believe that OP and Mom cheated. No info from OP on what did brake up the marriage though. I'd add a link but RUclipss been deleting any comments I make with Reddit links lately I don't know why.
Story 4: Why did this guy even marry the woman? If her little hell spawn won't show some basic respect in his own home & she's unwilling to enforce an attitude adjustment then why be with her? Dude needs to sit her down for a come to Jesus moment & tell her he's done being disrespected by her daughter & if she won't enforce boundaries then this marriage was a mistake, they need to move out so he can file for divorce. Hopefully my dude has learned his lesson about getting involved with single moms.
OP who lives next to her Ex...NTA for putting your daughter first. But plan to not have a relationship of your own. And your boyfriend is allowed to have his opinion too. I would never live in that situation either. Step-dad with the pain in the A$$ stepdaughter. Nancy can have photos of a happy family in her room. Mom needs to handle her bratty daughter. And yes resect goes both ways...she needs to respect him too.
Last story OP IS NOT TAH! The daughter is a total AH and she is old enough to know that photos of her dad IS NOT welcome in OPs home! Daughter is 16 not 6 and it is his house his rules and daughter totally disrespected him and I would have taken the picture out with the trash! Daughter needs to know you play stupid games you win stupid prizes!
I do want to call out the "having my own room" privilege. It's nice to have your own room as a kid but depending on how many people are in one household and the income, that is a luxury. I was able to get my own room in both parents' households because I only have one sibling.
okay. no. privilege was not mentioned at all. it’s not about that. it’s about respect and treating a kid like a human being and giving them a room, which was already provided to every single other child in the household. every other kid, even those born after op and op’s dad moved in, had rooms. stepmom purposefully didn’t give op a room
I can’t believe nobody else called out the absurdity of the the step mother in the replies to that post. She forces her two daughters to share a room so the step son who is only there during the occasional holiday can have a whole room unto himself? Why do the children that live there full time not get their own room?
@@CrimsonBridges I was speaking generally. I've noticed there being a thing about a kid having their own room in many stories. Nowhere did I say stepmom wasn't an a-hole. Clearly she was. Edit: Actually, I take back stepmom being an a-hole. I'm going with non-judgment because I need more about stepmom's behavior. As I mentioned above, having one's own room is a luxury depending on income, number of people in one household, and affordable housing. The stepparent/divorced parent comment is true. And even though stepmom is not _the_ parent, if OP is a minor coming into her household that she contributes to, she should have some authority. OP didn't choose her but stepmom chose to marry a man with a kid.
@@captaincrunchycunt It depends on the house. Most desirable and sometimes affordable houses (at least in the US) are 3 bedroom with maybe a basement. If OP is from the US and there are at least three kids, two of the kids will be sharing a room since one room will be occupied by the parents.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 of course. There’s no issue with having to share rooms in general, you make due with what you have. My issue was that the children that lived there full time have to sacrifice for the one that’s barely present. So the daughters have to share a room when there’s one right down the hall that’s empty 90% of the time? Just doesn’t make logical sense.
Story 4: I hate everyone in that comment section. Just because life sucks, she’s allowed to get rude and disrespectful to the guy who puts a roof over hers and her moms head?? If it was me and a whole shitstorm started cause the DAUGHTERS ACTIONS, I would’ve kicked her out, or the wife out. 1 of the 2, either way that’s not something to tolerate
NTA! Boy grandma sounds like quite a peach! NTA but If OP apologizes for his wife YWBTA! Hurt resale value. If you can put a door in you can remove it! DTMFA! NTA! Once the kid called me weirdo in my house that kid would be gone! And this woman is not worth it! Move on dude! NTA!
---:RUB IT IN she deserves it. Glad you support your half siblings. --- You told your family how stressed your wife was, don't apologize. Granny was out of line, and should write an apology letter. --- NTA, he is not her father. Ulltimations never work, say good-bye. --- Let her keep the photos in her room. Your house, not your wife's or the child. Did you break up the family? Mother needs to step up.
Story 3- OP is the idiot not for the situation at hand but clearly his emotional needs arent being met. OP needs to continue her co parent relationship fine, but she has make room in her life for the needs of her partner or stop dating. I feel some ppl use the child as a excuse not to put the work in relationships. They can deflect everything of what's convienent for them And let's not even talk about how the BF clearly wants a child of his own. OP simply ignored the signs
1st story: OP almost lost both his daughter AND wife. They both almost died and grandma completely invalidated that trauma by saying the worst is yet to come as if almost dying is normal. I would've told her then and there that that wasn't ok to say and demand an apology.
He shouldn't be confronting his step daughter about the pics and her attitude. Her mother should be stopping this bs. It'll never be effective as long as it comes from someone who's not her parent.
Story 1- Had the same situation except they were emotionally abusive. I've cut them all off and they're still demanding apologies.. as if I'd apologize for being abused. The same down to the room, but not even having a bed. Wholeheartedly NTA. Wish I could've laughed in my stepmother's face as well.
Story 3: l don’t know why boyfriend is so upset that he won’t be able to father his future stepdaughter, she has a perfectly good, working father right there. Is he with the mom for her daughter or her? He needs to stay in his lane. Story 4: The OP is perfectly right that he doesn’t want pictures of his wife’s former ex strewn around his home (especially if he paid or is paying for it), nearly adult stepdaughter can keep them in her room. The girl is downright disrespectful and showing her dominance.
2nd story- Grandma told to behave. Grandma misbehaved and now has surprised pikachu face. Lol In all seriousness tho. Being old isn’t an excuse to not be accountable for one’s actions. Granny knew what she was saying was insensitive. She’s just pissed she got called out in her behavior. Like, how dare?
Stepdaughter sounds like trash in last story. Step parents need to leave when the disrespect goes unchecked. No reason to house and respect a child who isn't respecting you.
Yeah, you are allowed to provide, love and praise a stepchild but God forbid you ever punish them for their own absurd demeanor. And then they complain when people refuse to date people with children.
The OP in story #2 must get his wife a good therapist. She has PTSD from the traumatic birth experience. She can get beyond this but will need help to do so.
Why can't her daughter have 2 father and 2 mothers tho?? The more the merrier as long as there is no toxicity between any of them and the child genuinely care for the step parents
Story about the photos, NTA she insults you, she gets punished. No child should be allowed to decorate a home other th as n their own room. Let her put her photo in her room.
Also stories about step kids disrespecting step parents and people that say step parent has no right to punish, it’s a punishment not a whooping!!!! But she as soon as child start acting disrespectful they will no longer be allowed in my house until they get it together 🤷🏽♀️ don’t like it go with ur child
The last comment on the last story is exactly what I was thinking. Kids should always be taken into account in their parents' decisions and lives but they are not in charge. That girl was being deliberately hurtful and then when her actions had consequences she cried about it. Maybe it will help her realize that isn't the right way to express her feelings.
Grandma asked to be told to f*** off. They discharge mothers as fast as possible nowdays. The fact that she's still there 3 weeks later shows how dire the situation was and how long her recovery will be. Grandma was a jerk and she got what she deserved.
story 4: NTA she was openly disrespecting this man in his own house, also it's his house his rules he pays the mortgage and the bills, teenagers are to be giving a level of respect until they prove otherwise disrespecting someones choices behind whats appropriate in their house and cursing at them under your breath is not something a teenager is allowed to do without punishment personally I'd send her to her fathers for a few days and have a serious conversation with my wife about this.
4) Who are those people saying OP is the AH? I see a stepparent that is not forcing a relationship with his step daughter and the only thing he wants is mutual respect. Mother needs to step up and put daughter in therapy.
Forgive me, but in Story 2: I will say OP is firmly NTA and good on them for supporting his wife! Many guys will brush their feelings off. Screw your family, just because Granny is elderly doesn't mean she gets a free pass to be rude and forget common courtsey!! The world doesn't revolve around her ego!!
With step parents, I have never understood how you say you love somebody, or pretend you love somebody, but obviously hate their kids which are part of them. I don't get it and I never will. Even less do I understand parents who loved their children until they remarried and now they're just in the way. Actions speak louder than words in both cases. When I was 9 I found out I had an older halfbrother who never came to live with us even though my dad knew he was being abused and they hid that from us and even though we were in hell I will never forgive them for what my brother went through by himself. He can't even deal with talking to anybody now and we are all past grown. I miss him even though I don't miss my evil full siblings
To me it sounds irrational that because you love one human entity you must love every piece that came out of them inherently. It doesn't actually work like that period.
@@angelicakaufman7183 I don't think I in any way said you have to love their children I said how can you love somebody and automatically hate their children from the get-go. Maybe you should take up reading comprehension
Last story, Nancy is out of line. Glad the last few comments asserted that no, you cannot do whatever you want around a stepparent. OP didn't break up her family. Is he acting juvenile? Maybe a bit, but he's probably tired of not having any support from his wife. Family therapy is worth a try here. NTA
I’m actually a bit shocked that none of OPs family members had the awareness to see that they were wrong in this situation. I can’t help but feel like they’re only agreeing because wife “disrespected” their elder. This woman also died and her baby is struggling as well so to be told it’s only going to get worse is unbelievably inconsiderate.
She didn't die. Where did you get that? But grandma needs to be kicked out. And if I ever found out my husband "apologized" on my behalf he'd be out the door. I don't even know why he is even considering that.
So.... Story one was an abuse story because she didn't have her own room??? Where was a spare room for her supposed to come from? If the room had to be SHARED, does it mean someone else had to share it with her and not have Thier own room? Was the room that was shared with her supposed to be locked up in the 5 out of 7 days a week she wasn't there? Resulting in a half sibling not being allowed to occupy that room? Well she's going to get a whole bedroom to herself and her half siblings will have to share when they are with her mother and that's not even gonna be the issue that's gonna create such resentment because they love their own mother, they don't own the new stepmom anything, just as op feels about the woman she never has to have contact with again. Op needs to shut down her smuggery.
STORY #1 NTA. Stepmother made OP feel unwelcome in his father's house, so she doesn't deserve sympathy or understanding. STORY #2 NTA. Far from it; OP is a good husband. STORY #3 NTA. OP and her ex-husband both created a workable (if unusual) coparenting relationship with healthy boundaries, and neither of them is sacrificing their own mental health for the sake of the kid. This was close to being nah, as not everyone would be okay with this arrangement, but boyfriend wanting to be a father to OP's daughter pushes him into ah territory. STORY #4 NTA. Stepdaughter doesn't have to love OP, but she has to show him basic decency since they're living in the same space. OP didn't break up the family or cause a divorce, it would have still have happened anyway because OP's wife and her ex-husband don't love each other anymore. This reminds me of another reddit story where the op refused to buy his stepdaughter a plane ticket to see her father after she was consistently rude to him. In the update to that story the stepdaughter opened up and admitted to op she was upset that her father didn't want her and was taking it out on op. None of the replies to this story were any good. The yta votes were off and making unruly assumptions. As for the nta vote, the "It doesn't matter if that relationship started out of infidelity ... it's not any of her business" line is fucking wrong. If an affair between parents *IS* the children's business, especially if it breaks up the family. Cheaters and affair-partners deserve only scorn and hatred.
Story 3: I don't think that OP is the asshole, but in general, any self-respecting, decent man wouldn't be OK with the arrangement she has with her ex. The comment about it being a positive thing and 'emotionally mature' is just dumb internet posturing. I can't imagine anyone picking a partner with this sort of baggage if they had a choice.
So the stepdaughter should show a little common courtesy to the people putting roofs over her head and stop acting like she's the lead in a 60s disney flick.
A lot of step parent story talks about kids not having their own room, and I understand in some situations but what if that’s not an option??? What if step parents comes in with the same sex kids and 1 kid of opposite, shouldnt it make sense that the 1 kid that’s a different sex have their own which means the bio kid and step kid may have to share? Idk some of those stories got me thinking do we know the whole story
I really do hate Reddit's approach where Adults aren't allowed to have feelings and that they have to suck it up and take abuse from children. Respect goes both ways like that one redditor said, but it sounds like that redditor actually means that it doesn't matter whether the kid respects you or not, as long as you respect them, all is good.
Story 2: 3:04
Story 3: 7:56
Story 4: 12:49
Plprl)p)
L.p.
Story #4: NTA. So step-parents gets flak when they push boundaries (undestandable), but also for enforcing perfectly reasonable boundaries? No one has to be a punching bag
My baby was born at 28 weeks. The literal worst moments of my life, watching my child struggle, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I can't conceive what grandmas logic was saying "it gets worse" in that situation. Insane.
Because grandma has had a charmed life she thinks her experience and her experience only is the default for how things are, and she is all knowing, doncha know?
Yeah, telling someone who almost died and lost their baby "well, that's the easy part done" doesn't seem too smart.
I absolutely love the comments at the end here where reddit is finally calling out that a child doesn't get to be abusive just because they had to go through their parents divorce and a step parent doesn't have to take that abuse. Bravo
Facts! However I think OP should give that little brat what she wants ONLY because the wife has shown OP she doesn't have his back or a spine at all! One question that has been jumping out at me: What was the wife's response to the stepdaughter putting all those pictures up around his house? She HAD to have known OP wasn't gonna like that!
Yeah, but can we stop saying that infidelity is not a child's business. It most certainly is. Especially when it causes the end of a marriage.
@NeOnFaeRies "do what I say" and "because I said so" are great examples that literally everyone has heard
@@Lillypop93 that’s how my siblings, cousins and I were raised and you know what? We turned out fine! Mainly because a) we had good parents and b) we weren’t infuriating little brats like the teenager is being here. Does she behave this way at her father’s house or is she besties with his gf and just being a little sh*t to OP for the brownie points? You can bet if the kids in our family had behaved this way we’d have been grounded for a year (one of us was mouthing off and their mother kept raising the time until it was at six months, the kid finally shut up but had to do every single day of those six months).
But again, this was the 80s/90s back when there was no such thing as “vegan-friendly-gluten-free-facon” taking up the shelves. The problem is this generation are being raised without consequences then the parents are all Shocked-Pikachu Face when their little darling grows up to be a little hooligan!
@@jeannemclaughlin7978 Exactly! If you were part of the affair that broke up your stepchild's family, it is most _certainly_ their business. You helped ruin their life.
I had an "easy birth," and it was still so scary. Just a suggestion to anyone going to see any mother and new baby...bring smiles, congratulations, and nothing but positivity. You're lucky to be invited that soon. I did not want people visiting, it was too stressful.
I didn't even find it scary, I had two super easy births, but boy was it stressful. Positivity truly is the best thing to bring to the situation.
Anyone who seeks to lecture a brand new mother should be thrown out of the hospital and ,at least for a time, out of the family.
Agree with you. My wife had a terrible birth so bad we decided one was enough. All her labor pain was in her back and this is no joke. I rubbed her back for almost 30 hours with two breaks that last 15 minutes maybe. I was a pain to the nurses cause I made them check her a bunch and as soon as she got to 3 they gave her the epidural. I could not lift my arms for 2 days and was so emotionally drained that I couldn't hardly function but once she got the shot she was fine and was able to sleep and I passed out immediately. She was induced but the meds cause the babies heart rate to drop and we all had a panic but they did a C-section and everything worked out. But like I said it was so bad we quit after one. We wouldn't trade it for nothing but it was horrible.
Thank you for sharing this… never seen it from that perspective. I’m glad moms and dads are opening up and sharing the realities of child birth and then on. I will for sure keep this in my mind for future moms in my life, and bring the most respect to them!
The comments on story 4 had my head spinning. Normally, we see stories of adults overstepping boundaries and trying to force themselves into a parental role where they are not wanted. Here, though, the stepchild is the one overstepping boundaries, the mother isn't doing anything to rectify the issue and OP is just supposed to take it? Reddit has some crazy double standards lol. If stepparents don't have equal parental authority under their own roof, how do you expect to have a cohesive family unit?
"Reddit had some crazy double standards", Yup that they definitely do.
I love the ones where they are like "Step parents of people from when they were kids up until they are adults should not be suprised if they are not given X level of respect at big life event when they are not the bio parent"
But when men find out a kid of a few months - a few years old is not their kid so they cut all contact (in some cases still needing to pay ridiculous amounts of child support ) they will say "The OP is an Ahole if they can suddenly cut off any love / connection to a child just because they find out they are not biologically related, They were the only dad the kid knows and they could not be mature enough to not punish someone for something out of their control.
So what one is it people are broken for not wanting to continue a connection because they are not related or people are crazy if they do love children they watched grow up and just want a basic level of respect as someone who tried to support them growing up?
Seriously! This really bothers me, if it was the mom the daughter was going up against, everyone would be crying NTA; so two faced
All he had to do was pretend the pictures didn't hurt because she wanted a reaction out of him. Psychologically children naturally resent their step father in the beginning just because. He should have had the mom deal with her because this is going to make her act out even more
Yeah it's always so bizarre when Reddit tells step-parent (sd or sm) cannot say anything or have any authority over the stepkid, like telling clean their room.
They are adult of the household and an authority, even if the bio parents have bigger role. They can damn well demand reasonable things and punish. Not allowing to punish bad behaviour or demand things like doing chores us giving authority to the kid and kids running the household never goes well.
With rights there's always responsibilities. Always. For parents and for kids.
Biggest asshole of the story is enabling, doormat mother.
Why OP needs to sit down and discuss? That is responsibility of the mother first.
Commentators are basically saying OP has no rights but it's fully his responsibility to fix it.
This is precisely why you don't get involved with single parents. If you want kids great but make sure you choose the mother/father better. If you are a single parent then focus on raising your kid then once the kid is grown you can seek a new relationship. Stop dating single parents.
Last story, if the daughter has a room in the home she should keep the photos in her room not in the communal areas. She is rude and her mother is an enabler
Agreed. She can have the photos in her room but when she goes putting them around the house, she's just being an AH esp when she's commented that OP should divorce her mom. She was deliberately trying to stir up trouble.
Story 4: Thank god for that NTA comment I thought I was about to lose my mind, she's not acting out, she's being entirely irrational.
@Ella M he put in a reply he was not a affair partner did you not listen to the story or his comments
@Ella M That comment wasn't "complete" bullshit only half bs if it was an affair but it wasn't. People praising the comment seem to be happy that there was an NTA rather then a YTA. Your just focused on the negative half and not the "complete" statement like you say you are
OP in that last story is SOOOOO NTA.
Lemme get this straight: a 16 year old girl is cussing out her step father in his own house and purposely putting up pictures of her mother and her father SOLELY to hurt OP, then when he asks her to take them down she cusses him out again.
Respect is a 2 way street, step parents don’t need to stand there and be yelled/cussed at just because the kid is “going through a lot”
OP you’re NTA but tbh…your wife is, she should have your back on this one.
He just needs to take the photos, in their frames, and throw them away far from the house (perhaps in a dumpster at work). When she asks about them, he can say, "what photos"? He should not tolerate her swearing at him, and should feel free to tell her that she is not living in a democracy at HIS house, and if she does not know how or want to show decency towards him that she is free to go elsewhere. And tell his wife the same thing. You can't allow behavior like that to be normalized.
Family therapy, yes, but in the meantime the daughter still has to act like she was raised somewhere.
@@shells500tutubo she was raised in a barn apparently.
He needs run far away from this train wreck of a family.
Girl called OP a motherfucker in his own house; a better punishment would have been replying that her mother had no complaints.
When I was listening to the YTA reasons, I was thinking what the fuck are you people talking about, and the whole time I was thinking exactly what you said. You can bet if I had tried to behave like like this towards either of my step parents they both would have booted me 😅
Unfortunately nowadays almost any form of punishment is considered abuse 🙄
At least there was one sane comment on the last story. I was so confused before that last one. It doesn't matter of stepdaughter is upset about her parents divorce. She doesn't get to be disrespectful. And why can't step parents punish their step kids when they act out? If I'm taking care of you, yes, to an extent I will be listened to and respected. She could have put those photos in her bedroom. And the mother is just enabling the disrespect by seeping it under the rug.
She isbg owed anything libe and respect is earned nit owed and they have every rught to judge them for infidelity
@@demonic_myst4503 there was no infidelity. I really have no idea what the rest of your post is supposed to say, you might want to spell check a bit. That's not meant as a cut, just letting you know you've hit a bunch of the wrong letters. Even if they had cheated (which they did NOT) it's his home and he has every right to not be abused in his own home.
@@demonic_myst4503 But we have every right to judge aholes on the internet who abuse and defame people with no evidence. You make an accusation with no evidence or justification. You are a liar.
Story 1 NTA and good on OP!!
Stepmom is panicking and crying cause she realizes how much on an AH she was to OP, realizes she a sh*t mom to her actual kids and now is worried what OP's mom will show her up to be the sh*t parent that she is/was!!
OP has the half-sibs back and is totally justified rubbing it in her face and calling her out for being an AH
Op understand perfectly and now her ex stepmom understanding that she was the evil stepmom all the long
Story 2: "She just went through a massive trauma that almost killed her and the baby, and you assholes decided to make things worse. If you refuse to apologize to my wife for your horrible behavior, you will _NOT_ get to see our baby. *ever* "
YES, exactly THIS.
Seriously, between "The worst has yet to come" and "Dont worry, the worst has past. It's going to get better here onward. We are all here to support you, should you need any help.", any sane person can see which one is the right thing to say in that situation...
You cannot outtalk an old person sometimes. The walk to school were more miles, the snows were deeper, the work harder, etc. This granny was actually bragging in an old-timey way. She still needed to hear that she was out of line even if not out of spite.
I am a great grandmother, and I wouldn't dream of saying anything like this! I'm 68 though, so she could be well into her seventies I suppose. Still no excuse.
I hope that last comment on the fourth story gets a lot of awards. Hopefully there are other similar comments that acknowledge the real issue.
@Ella M but…he didn’t cheat. So that doesn’t apply.
@Ella M no you’d be surprised at how unreasonable people can be when hurt or angry. She was probably just lashing out like teenagers do out of anger and pain.
"If you love me, you'll do..."
Classic manipulative behavior.
I’m gonna go NTA on story 4. Nancy really went too far with the pictures and she seems like a jerk, and punishing her was the move. The mom needs to step up and stop babying her out of fear of rocking the boat.
I agree.
But nothing is going to change until the three of them sit down and work out boundaries. Specific to the photographs, the girl presumably has her own room or space and I think she should be allowed to hang the photos in that space with no pushback. But the photos are not the problem. If they can’t work out something that is reasonable for the whole family by themselves and they should spend a few hours with a family counselor.
I might have been tempted to destroy those photos in front of the brat.
@@madgevanness4011 If you think that's a proportional response then you don't need children
@@thefilthycasual6402 Disagree. She is sixteen and knows exactly what she is doing. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I would toss the photos and then gaslight her into thinking she was crazy. "What photos? You mean you put up photos of your father with you and my wife? How rude! What made you think that was a proper thing to do? Where do you think they went"?
@@shells500tutubo that’s just makes you leagues worse and again isn’t proportional at all. You go from disrespect to straight up vindictive, and what does that do? At most all you do is start war with the daughter torpedoing the relationship leading to the wife more then likely leaving and you being labeled the abusive dad who got rid of someone else’s property. Again if you think that’s a reasonable respond you don’t need children.
Last story - NTA. Actions have consequences. If the step daughter is not punished for her action she will grow up to be a entitled AH who thinks the entire world should revolve around her.
If she’s this angry teenager I would hate to see how she acts this way in the real world when she grows up to be an adult
Second story - don't you DARE apologize! Granny deserved it.
Why because she was only telling the truth about how it's going to be to raise this child???? Because the grandma is right if she thinks any of this was gonna be a walk in the park she's wrong. Having children has always come with problems since not everyone can bear children. And not only that you're talking about having to raise and take care of a living human for 18 years...... you can't just give it away so easy and if you do then why are you having kids?
@@danielramirez-me6pn Imagine, Daniel, you are attacked and stabbed multiple times. You are recovering after this traumatic event and the surgery, and someone comes to see you and they tell you, well, that was nothing, you have grueling physical therapy waiting for you as well as possible disability and huge medical bills. You would be so grateful right? I mean it's so nice when someone doesn't even care about you at all except when they get an opportunity to put you down, not like these other empathetic losers, am I right?
@@margaritap.9459 You don't even understand the statement he's trying to make.
@@reggiebrown4911 I understand both statements. Both OP's wife and child almost died. The kid is still in NICU and his wife is still recovering in the hospital. She had a traumatic birth experience that nearly killed her. This was the wrong time and wrong place for OP's grandmother to comment or even joke that the worse is yet to come. They need to understand that OP was very close to being a widower raising his child as a single parent or worse having to bury both his wife and child.
@@MrJpaynebb I wasn't talking to you.
The YTA in the last stories surprised me. Almost eighteen but not quite yet may be legally a minor but people were acting like the daughter was seven not seventeen. She should have gone into therapy. I bet OP's wife will start to change her tune when OP starts to look into divorce.
Stepmom is getting karma hard lol.
Story 4: How is it not OP's place to punish the kid if she lives in his house? At least the last commenter had some common sense.
Either way, he should get a divorce.
And then the little idiot can watch her move on to another man who isn't her father, and possibly realize that she doesn't live in The Parent Trap.
Story 2: Grandmother basically invalidated the wife's pain by saying "it's typical for a mother to struggle." Preeclampsia is a serious and deadly medical condition, her birth wasn't typical at all, it was traumatic for herself and her baby. They're both suffering and the wife's trauma is compounded by that fact. Good on OP for advocating for his wife and fuck his relatives for being completely inconsiderate of the situation. Grandma definitely saw the tragedy right in front of her, she basically jumped at the opportunity to make it about herself by trying to be the wife's savior with her "advice" and "wisdom" thinking it'll change the whole situation for the better instead she made it worse. Grandma owes the wife an apology.
Sounds like grandma did a piss poor version of trying to boost her confidence.
Exactly. They should have waited until they had left the hospital to visit.
I think is common sense to put the new mom and baby's comfort first. In-laws are only thinking of them and what they want.
So glad for that last response in the last story. 99% of the time, you hear a story where someone feels upset, and Reddit is like "you have feelings, that's valid". This guy's stepdaughter is treating him like trash for no reason other than marrying her mom, and he's not allowed to feel hurt? Maybe if she was five, but she's sixteen! 100% she should have been punished. Although, to be honest, I was seriously thinking "Where the hell is her mom?" throughout the entire story. Woman literally only showed up for one sentence, so either she's doing a shitty job parenting, or they have some serious communication issues. NTA
Last story
I don't know about anyone else but I didn't think being a stepchild mattered as much to that story as it was made out to, even though it gave context to why she was doing it.
Basically boiled down to one singular thing, as a 16 yo I would not have been allowed to make unilateral decisions about the decorations in the family home my own room being the exception. I would have to get my parents permission first and if they didn't give it for any reason at all that decoration wouldn't go up, end of discussion.
Then if I started swearing and calling them names I would be in deep trouble.
This isn't the big issue but apart of it. She doesn't like the fact her mother is happy with op and is pissed at op for destroying her dream of her parents getting back together
Also before antone ask, op did NOT cheat.
@@AliceRinGameLand No but further comments on that story revealed OP and Mom got together really soon after the divorce (we're taking a couple of week not months). They didn't cheat but they met, got together and then moved in together at light speed. Everyone including the Mom family thinks it's a sign that they where together before the divorce. (look I know it's actually just a sign rebounding hard but that what the family thinks)
Daughter isn't pulling this out of her a** everyone in that kids life is apparently pretty open about they're believe that OP and Mom cheated.
I'd add a link but RUclipss been deleting any comments I make with Red-dit links lately I don't know why.
If the Mom and OP were having an Affair, then how dafruk is OP the only TA?? I mean, it takes 2 to have a bloody affair right???
@@maishal7034 insisting a story should ESH because someone who's barely in the story was complicit in the bad action is something I don't like.
ESH is (at least in my understanding) meant for when both sides are AH not just when two or more people who are on the same side are AH's.
I don't think people should get out of a YTA just because they're SO (how these stories often get ESH over YTA) is as bad as them.
It's the same if some goes from NTA to ESH for the same reason but you see that argument less in that case.
I was surprised by the YTAs on that last story. Stepparents absolutely have the right to punish their stepkids. It kinda sucks if the kid(s) still feel like the stepparent is an invader in the house/family, but it can work out beautifully, too. My stepdad was absolutely THE boss of the house, no questions asked. Kids are kids, not the ones in charge. It surprises me that this is even something people debate, lol
He's not an ahole, I have step parents one I tolerate but respect her opinions on what goes on at her and my dad's place. My stepfather is like an Uncle or dunkle, he gets that I'm cool with him and respect him. I may disagree with either step parent but we communicate. Op needs to leave this abusive relationship if Mom doesn't step up with explaining to kiddo its not cool accusing Op of breaking up her family. Kid needs therapy
Those are definitely from step children that have done or do exactly the same... There's no other explanation...
BULLCRAP! The responder saying “adultery” isn’t an excuse to give your stepparent a hard is full of BULLCRAP! A cheater does not deserve respect. I will not respect a cheater and I will encourage others to not respect cheaters either.
And you know he cheated because....?
Oh. The irrational, idiotic teenager thinks they must have because of COURSE her parents who divorced where sooooooo happy together. That's why they divorced. Cause they were happy. Really!
Lil' Idiot needs to be moved in with her daddy dearest. See how long he puts up with her bullshit when he's trying to get laid and she's throwing these toddler fits because how could he betray Mommy like that?
Story1: Huge NTA. Stepmom wants sympathy? She's going to need a very big shovel! I like OP's clapback, sounds well-deserved! But she should save some of her ire for her dad, who let stepmom treat her like that. Takes two to tango here.
Which begs the question as to why OP's mom wants to be with him. He let your child be tormented, woman.
You let a 16 year old sell you that it was an abuse story because she didn't have her own room??? In her visitation home?
Where was a spare room for her supposed to come from?
If the room had to be SHARED, does it mean someone else had to share it with her and not have Thier own room either?
Was the room that was shared with her supposed to be locked up in the 5 out of 7 days a week she wasn't there? Resulting in a half sibling not being allowed to occupy that room?
@@WillianyAmill Glad I wasn't the only who saw threw the bs
Gonna have to disagree with one part of the last comment on the last story. “It doesn’t matter if the relationship started with infidelity, that’s none of the kids business”. Yeah, no. If a parent cheats on their spouse and the breakup hurts and affects the life of kid too-their anger or resentment is a natural consequence of your own actions whether you like it or not. As a parent one of the first things that became quickly apparent was that my children are no “extension” of myself regardless that I brought them into this world. I do not own them in any way and they are very much their own person with their own feelings on everything in life. If I cheated and left their father, they absolutely would blame me and be hurt by that and have every right to feel exactly how they feel even if that’s inconvenient for me or makes me feel guilty. That’s just how it is regardless of who doesn’t like it. (And no I never did any of that). It doesn’t sound like that was the case here in this story though. It just sounds like the kid hates her moms husband and acts out all of the time and gets away with it. Mom feels guilty and deflects blame onto her new husband because it’s easier than having it on herself. Op has a wife problem, not a kid problem. That kid should be made to show respect (as long as she gets it herself which may not be the case here by the sounds of it, and that may be the root cause of it all). She should definitely be in counseling/therapy. She (and he) should not be allowed to fight uncontrollably amongst themselves with no outside intervention from the mother and a licensed therapist. Mom is enabling all of this and she sounds like a selfish person and not the greatest mother.
The kid most definitely has a problem. It takes 2 to cheat so if she’s targeting her stepdad she needs to go after her mother as well. She doesn’t have to like him because of the affair but the blatant disrespect is not ok. He’s not making unreasonable request.
@@bautistalover What if it wasn't the OP and the mom that cheated? Mom may have left her ex because that marriage ran its course, or he cheated.
@@lazarushernandez5827 OP said they didn’t cheat but that’s what the kid is claiming. So based upon the kids basis she’s wrong for only attacking OP for the alleged affair.
If there wasn’t any cheating and the marriage ran it’s course that makes this situation worse because she blaming and abusing an innocent party for something beyond their control.
@@bautistalover thing is op did NOT cheat
@@AliceRinGameLand which makes this situation all the more worse. He’s being abused and disrespected in his own home for absolutely nothing other than his stepdaughter being a brat and salty over the fact her parents are no longer together for whatever the reason.
The divorced parents one is NTA but in all honesty is freaking bizarre and me personally would walk away from a relationship like that.
You know that last story reminds me of a post from a while ago that had his last update I think this year. A woman married this guy he had a 13-year-old son when they were dating the guy and his ex-wife divorced 3 years before she and this guy even met let alone started dating.
That sun was a monster he basically terrorized her for no other reason than he just wanted her out of his father's life. The father only talked to his son but never punished him and the mother actually tried to stop the Son but since she didn't live there she couldn't really do anything about it. Dude this boy actually stood up at his father's wedding as a 19-year-old and basically announced that she's a homewrecker and she's the reason that his family is broken.
Knowing that's not the truth but just wanting to ruin the day for her. Speeding towards some of the last updates this boy actually stabbed her with the intent to kill her but failed she barely got to the hospital and her husband at that time still did nothing about his son. The end result was she divorced him trying to get away from his craziness and to get away from the Sun and had to move away just to hide from them.
The reason I bring this up is it's a similar scenario to this girl she is doing whatever she can to break them up because she doesn't like him for no other reason than she wants her father and mother back together I guess. If he doesn't do anything now she'll just keep escalating until eventually she gets into the illegal territory that's where this leads of someone doesn't do anything about it.
Exactly.
I love the situation of the daughter being able to choose daily where she spends time that day. I could never do that with my ex because he would make it impossible. Though, I'd love to be able to know any potential stepmom and be friendly with her, if not actual friends. Hopefully, my ex finds himself a good woman that makes him want to get his crap together. OP NTA.
My question is how much of the op and bf relationship is separate from the ex. Since we live in a world polygamy is around this story kind of leaned that way in my mind.
@@user-de2wv8ri8n Lol that's on you that your mind went there. Polyamory is way less common than monogamy. They're most likely monogamous, and you just cant wrap your head around people being healthy, not toxic.
OP is TA, IMO though, for not allowing bf to have any kind of parental role. If she expects her and daughter to be a package deal, she doesn't also get to withhold parenting rights and privileges.
I generally disagree with parents who are not in an abusive situation getting a divorce. But in this case at least they tried to do what's best for their daughter. They are all still living under the same roof. They just have extra boundaries. Good job for them.
I also understand how many girlfriends/ boyfriends in the situation would feel uneasy.
@@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother no not really since all posts are from op and thus bias in that it makes the op better looking so that they are not see and an ah. All stories have three side. In this case OP, BF, and the truth.
Story 4: every single one of those YTA comments came from selfish, entitled little brats.......just like OPs stepdaughter! I don't care what your issue is, you don't disrespect my home like that!
@Ella M Was he the affair partner? Because he said he wasn't. You all just trying to attack the if he was the cheater comments without uping the if he wasn't or admonishing the people being spiteful. Its cool remain in your little half filled world where you ignore the all the info.
@@Desvelar she's been spam posting that comment all over the comment section. she's ether a troll, or she wants to start an argument. Ether way, we should ignore her.
@Ella M so guilty until proven innocent ?
where's the dad in story 1? op can feel however she feels about her stepmom, but let's not pretend that her dad wasn't complicit in all this, and he had to be if the room thing wasn't sorted at all. why does he get a pass for not putting a stop to the favouritism and othering of his first child? why is it all the stepmom's fault?
I was wondering that too. Like stepmother was a witch and he just....ignored it?
Because he wasn't the personing causing the main harm. And she probably made it sound like op was lying. With no proof of how the step mother was treating her, op couldn't tell him. Also she could have stayed silent and only told her mother.
So.....Where was a spare bedroom supposed to come from so that she could have her own room.....? You realize she doesn't even live there. You would be on board with locking up on of the rooms 5 out of 7 days a week instead of letting your child stay in it? She sold on the B's about how it wasn't fair treatment cause she didn't have her own room, but that just meant her half sibling didn't get to have her own room either.
She will definitely have her own bedroom and her half siblings won't...
@Williany Amill "sorting" the room thing could literally be just addressing it in a way that was satisfactory to everyone. making the child feel heard and respected. setting up part of a room to be her space and hers alone. you know, like functional families do. don't pretend like magicking an extra room out of thin air was the only way forward. it's disingenuous.
@@AliceRinGameLand you have no evidence of any of that. you're just making something up to fit your narrative. it's just as likely that dad DID know what was going on and didn't want to deal with it. making him complicit.
Story 4: the youtube comment section is why I like seeing these stories on youtube. More sanity.
nah check some of the replies to the comments you like. There is some wild ones
@@Desvelar Nah as in no, or NAH no a**holes here?
You'd be surprised. There are still some deranged half wits in the comments
Story 2 any story that has "we weren't sure if they would make it" has an automatic pass on "f##@ off grandma" moments.
"He told me if I loved him I'd move for him" 🚩 first thing abusers do is separate you from family and support system.
No guarantee that this guy would turn out to be abusive, but yeah, emotional manipulation is not a good first step. Even if it went no further, who wants to live with an emotionally manipulative partner?
@@JosieJOK that's why it's a red flag. It's not a definite mark that he's gonna abuse but a common behavior.
Story 1: NTA.
The former step mom sounds like a real piece of work. She can dish it out, but obviously can't take it. OP is NTA,, all she did was use the same line the "step mom" used on her.
Agreed. I like 1st OP's bio-mom, I mean, she's definitely a wonder woman.👍👍
Story 4: This is why men ain’t signing up to be step dads. Because no one is signing up to be disrespected in their own home. That teenager doesn’t want a relationship with him and is flat out emotionally abusive. And yet people want OP to bend over backwards to be disrespected
By that logic, this is why women aren't signing up to be step-parents, either. Nobody wants to be a nanny and f*ck maid, with a legal piece of paper saying you just have to deal with it. It cuts both ways, so rather than spouting outdated - frankly false - notions (plenty of families, including my own have a blended family dynamic that is fantastic), how about you start encouraging blended families to work together and ditch the internalised mysogonistic BS.
@@pansprayers they aren’t. Blended families aren’t the opportune. Women need to control their fertility and not have children outside of wedlock, couples need to work harder to keep the original nuclear families together, men need to be more circumspect with who they impregnate. Point blank period. Pointing out the reality of a situation isn’t misogynistic. If you were triggered just say that.
@@pansprayers I love how you just completely skipped the most important part. Which is that that teenager doesn’t consider him family. And the moms response to it was to essentially dismiss his feelings. And here you are spouting off a narrative of how YOUR blended family works. That’s great. What’s does that do for Op? Or people like OP? We are not speaking about your reality. We are speaking about what happens when children don’t want a new step dad/parent, and make it apparent. So let’s take the YOU out of it and stick to what was actually reported by OP.
@@pansprayers LOL misogynistic? You just reinforce his point. Yeah, the same reason men shouldn't aim to be step fathers is a reason that women shouldn't aim to be stepmothers, especially single people without their own kids. They gain absolutely nothing from this arrangement. The only reason men are single out in this warning is because the misandrist courts in most countries and states by default gives custody to mothers where the kid lives most with their time with. So consequently there are very few single fathers that live constantly with the children and stepmothers have to deal with them only on weekends and such. Second women in general tend to complete ignore this type of thing as deal breakers to a relationship.
@@terickastidbits2342 1. Death happens. 2. Kids out of wedlock aren't less than or more difficult than kids with both parents. 3. People complaining about being stepparents because it's not their kid are probably too immature to be stepparents.
The 3 story ... i will go with NAH .
The situation is strange .
Hard to build a new familly with that arrangement , hard to feel home and not just a guest... honestly i probably coulnd do it . But NAH for me
I agree to an extent. The guy was wrong but most people would feel like him in that situation. Most people wouldn't enter a relationship with someone in that situation. The comments stating otherwise is fooling themselves.
An actor in my country lived with his new wife next to his ex wife he moved ex there to be closer to the kids because just like op they doing this for the kids, he got ex wife pregnant few months his new wife gave birth to their child they divorced after that because he denied he was the father but new wife found the whole thing out and dumped him
story 2. the wife just had a traumatic experience and the grandmother had to tell her that things are going to get worse? how is that going to make her feel better? the wife was right to kick them out and the husband is right for taking the wife's side. they already knew this wasn't a normal birth experience where you get to go make jokes about being a new parent. the "advice" was uncalled for
story 4. the classic double standard by reddit. it's clear that the stepdaughter has no respect for OP, and blaming OP for "breaking a family" for what? for marrying her mom? he wasn't even an AP so it's obvious that the girl is having some sort of delusion of her family coming back together again and because of OP, she has to wake up from that fantasy and she clearly wasn't having it. she'll definitely have the surprise of a lifetime once her dad starts his own family and she'll have two stepparents to treat as the villain in her fantasy world. bless the NTA comment. someone needs to call out the mom for letting the girl be a brat.
OP: The wife is having a hard time after a rough childbirth.
Grandma: I'm about to make it 100 times harder.
OP, you are as far from TA as possible. Well done, sir, you are a gentleman and a scholar.
Story #4: NTA. The thing that I don’t see a lot of people commenting on is that Nancy put those pictures in places she knew Op would see them. It would be a totally different situation if she had a framed picture of her parents in her room and Op took issue with it. I’d also like to add that her father is still very much alive and she seems to have regular contact with him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that Op would feel uncomfortable seeing pictures of his wife and her ex husband on display in public areas of the house. In my opinion it seems like Nancy was hoping her parents would reconcile and get back together but once her mom married Op she realized that wouldn’t be happening. Hence the “family you ruined “ comment.
Nancy's dad might be behind this as well...(encouraging the daughter to act out).
Who the heck tells someone who had a tramatic birthing experience that "the worst is yet to come"? Basically shes saying your wifes experience is nothing and there shouldnt be any joy in having a child. What a bitter woman. Let me guess, grandma is one of those people who constantly trivializes others feelings and experiences.
No, you don't understand, all these good for nothing kids have it so easy these days! Back in grandma's time though.../s
I'm glad the last comment in the last story actually made some sense. OP definitely needs to adjust his attitude a bit (as I agree his mentality is a bit immature, but I'm also sure he's just really fed up at this point), but he has the right to punish her when she is his step-daughter to the point she lives in the home.
It sounds like he picked the wrong family to become part of if the mother is also not doing anything to help.
I say this as someone with a step-father who I hated and I'm still not a huge fan for legit reasons... They weren't legit as a kid but they are as an adult, but my mother also went about the whole 'divorce/telling the kids' thing wrong and I had to put two-and-two together myself about them dating and that left me sour as a child. As he likes to say, I was the only kid you couldn't make happy in a candy shop.
Sorry...i wouldn't want to live beside my partners ex forever. Let him go. He deserves someone who listens to him as well.
Oo never gonna be happy. No men wil accept that.
The more stories I see regarding step-parents and being involved with people who have kids, the more I agree with the view that 99% of the time it's a no-win for all parties involved -- even though many of the parties in these stories were AHs and NTA respectively, they did have points.
They'll never be the priority compared to dating someone who doesn't have kids or other such baggage. You can't win either way on both sides of the argument.
While I agree with the last comment for Op being NTA, I don't agree with the "It's none of her business" whether it was infidelity or not. Why do people think the parents' relationship doesn't effect the kids?? It IS their business whether you want to acknowledge that or not. I honestly was worried that this was the case here, but seeing how it's not, the step daughter needs to see a therapist to properly address her hurt feelings with the situation and the mom needs to step up and handle her own child. Using Op as the scapegoat isn't cutting it and it's unfair to him.
Story 4: NTA. If it's his house and he's paying the bills, he decides what does and does not go up on the walls
Step-child OP, there is every need to rub it in! No, it does not negate therapy (def try that, at least for a little while. I am sure it will help.) But DO NOT stop rubbing it in until your former step-Mom has learned her lesson. It is great that your Mom is a much better person, who will never stoop so low as to treat an innocent child the way you were treated!
I agree with a lot of people in this comment thread about the step dad story. I don’t get how the commenters are labeling op the AH. How much is an adult supposed to put up with before they say “alright that’s enough”
S2: don’t you dare apologize on wife’s behalf. Grandma can dish it then she can take it. Your wife has been through a traumatic birth and grandma thinks she’s being a little princess. She doesn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Being old doesn’t entitle you to say sht and get away with it.
S3: NTA but you do need to think about the future. Ie: hubby has children with new wife, daughter may lose her room in his house cause logically she has a room next door. This may not work long term but kudos on the hard work and efforts.
S4: ESH, why in the world did you marry that woman? Quick marriage? These people who jump on the wedding bandwagon ASAP, without first interacting with the children to get a feel for how it may be. Smh. Honestly grown butt adults who can’t think further than the bed posts. This teen is a little witch. Teens are notoriously difficult but get an outspoken brat who doesn’t like you and you’ve got fireworks every day. The wife, a fkng idiot. Of course she’s not scolding her daughter cause her daughter isn’t faulting her, only op. But who made the decision to say yes without a care for her daughter’s mental health? Yeah all the fingers are pointing at op who should chalk it up to a very bad decision and get divorced. Either wifey will wake up to save her marriage or she’ll let him go easily.
Your family should be appalled by their behavior, its sad when the only adult in the room is the you and wife. Your grandma had bad home training
Honestly I would be a terrible step parent. Unless you are there more than 50% of the time then you don’t get your own room unless we have extra rooms. There is nothing wrong with sharing a room and you will probably do that in college anyway so get used to it earlier on. Most of us growing up had to share a room so that’s not abuse. Within reason.
Exactly. It's just another bratty teenager.
story 2: the father needs the healing too, he almost lost wife and baby
Last story NTA last comment said it perfectly
Story 4: NTA
So... Stepdaughter is actively trying to break OP's and her mum's marriage because she somehow deluded herself into thinking that her parents will get back together?
Since OP said that there's no cheating involved (on his part), that means that the parents just grew apart or realised that they are not in love with each other anymore. So the stepdaughter thinks that it's appropriate to play match-maker for her parents and rather see them miserable together instead of happy with their new partners?
Not only that, but to disrespect OP in his own home? She's lucky that she hasn't been kicked out yet.
As they said, that respect is a 2way street. She doesn't have to kiss the ground OP walks on to show respect🙄 she literally just need to be cordial to him. Think of it this way, would you act like this with any strangers you passed by? No? It's not appropriate to hurl insults at them left, right and center?
Yeah there's your answer. Be cordial. It's way easier than putting in the effort to think of ways to hurt people
I don't necessarily trust his version of events, I've seen people say "it's not cheating" because the marriage was unhappy, stuff like that.
This just made me wonder if the wife didn't tell OP the whole truth when they got together. This doesn't sound like regular dislike when she's telling him he broke up a family a. Plus there's been those people who go "I've been cheated on and would never do that" just to do the same thing.
@@Rukiah1 or maybe just maybe op is telling the truth and his wife had cheated on her ex before she met op. Either way OPs NTA but the wife and daughter definitely are. Wife is the AH for letting op be used as an scapegoat for her daughters anger & daughter the AH for not taking it out on her mom who she should be angry with.
@Ella M Idk, im just making judgments based on what OP has told us. I don't feel like sleuthing around to piece the stories together🤣
Whatever it is, stepdaughter shouldn't be abusive to OP if she thinks that he broke up her parents marriage. Her mum played a part too. If there really is any affairs involved, her mum is just in the wrong as the OP is. Hell, wouldn't she wants to cut contact with her mum too and live with her dad? Why would she push her cheating mum onto her innocent dad? Wouldn't that hurt her dad even more? And to live together with mum and her supposed AF, doesn't that makes her feel.. Angry? Bitter? Gross? (Idk the word I'm not English😂) isn't it just easier to cut contact with mum and be happy with dad instead?
@@Rukiah1 Further comments on that story revealed OP and Mom got together really soon after the divorce (we're taking a couple of week not months). They didn't cheat but they met, got together and then moved in together at light speed. Everyone including the Mom family thinks it's a sign that they where together before the divorce.
Daughter isn't pulling this out of her a**, everyone in that kids life is apparently pretty open about they're believe that OP and Mom cheated.
No info from OP on what did brake up the marriage though.
I'd add a link but RUclipss been deleting any comments I make with Reddit links lately I don't know why.
Applause for the last comment
Story 4: Why did this guy even marry the woman? If her little hell spawn won't show some basic respect in his own home & she's unwilling to enforce an attitude adjustment then why be with her? Dude needs to sit her down for a come to Jesus moment & tell her he's done being disrespected by her daughter & if she won't enforce boundaries then this marriage was a mistake, they need to move out so he can file for divorce. Hopefully my dude has learned his lesson about getting involved with single moms.
OP who lives next to her Ex...NTA for putting your daughter first. But plan to not have a relationship of your own. And your boyfriend is allowed to have his opinion too. I would never live in that situation either.
Step-dad with the pain in the A$$ stepdaughter. Nancy can have photos of a happy family in her room. Mom needs to handle her bratty daughter. And yes resect goes both ways...she needs to respect him too.
Story 4 NTA . Loose the wife . Respect yourself
Last story OP IS NOT TAH! The daughter is a total AH and she is old enough to know that photos of her dad IS NOT welcome in OPs home! Daughter is 16 not 6 and it is his house his rules and daughter totally disrespected him and I would have taken the picture out with the trash! Daughter needs to know you play stupid games you win stupid prizes!
Just another example why you should never date a single mother it will not end well for you
I do want to call out the "having my own room" privilege. It's nice to have your own room as a kid but depending on how many people are in one household and the income, that is a luxury. I was able to get my own room in both parents' households because I only have one sibling.
okay. no. privilege was not mentioned at all. it’s not about that. it’s about respect and treating a kid like a human being and giving them a room, which was already provided to every single other child in the household. every other kid, even those born after op and op’s dad moved in, had rooms. stepmom purposefully didn’t give op a room
I can’t believe nobody else called out the absurdity of the the step mother in the replies to that post. She forces her two daughters to share a room so the step son who is only there during the occasional holiday can have a whole room unto himself? Why do the children that live there full time not get their own room?
@@CrimsonBridges I was speaking generally. I've noticed there being a thing about a kid having their own room in many stories. Nowhere did I say stepmom wasn't an a-hole. Clearly she was.
Edit: Actually, I take back stepmom being an a-hole. I'm going with non-judgment because I need more about stepmom's behavior. As I mentioned above, having one's own room is a luxury depending on income, number of people in one household, and affordable housing. The stepparent/divorced parent comment is true. And even though stepmom is not _the_ parent, if OP is a minor coming into her household that she contributes to, she should have some authority. OP didn't choose her but stepmom chose to marry a man with a kid.
@@captaincrunchycunt It depends on the house. Most desirable and sometimes affordable houses (at least in the US) are 3 bedroom with maybe a basement. If OP is from the US and there are at least three kids, two of the kids will be sharing a room since one room will be occupied by the parents.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 of course. There’s no issue with having to share rooms in general, you make due with what you have. My issue was that the children that lived there full time have to sacrifice for the one that’s barely present. So the daughters have to share a room when there’s one right down the hall that’s empty 90% of the time? Just doesn’t make logical sense.
Story 4: I hate everyone in that comment section. Just because life sucks, she’s allowed to get rude and disrespectful to the guy who puts a roof over hers and her moms head?? If it was me and a whole shitstorm started cause the DAUGHTERS ACTIONS, I would’ve kicked her out, or the wife out. 1 of the 2, either way that’s not something to tolerate
NTA!
Boy grandma sounds like quite a peach! NTA but If OP apologizes for his wife YWBTA!
Hurt resale value. If you can put a door in you can remove it! DTMFA! NTA!
Once the kid called me weirdo in my house that kid would be gone! And this woman is not worth it! Move on dude! NTA!
---:RUB IT IN she deserves it. Glad you support your half siblings.
--- You told your family how stressed your wife was, don't apologize. Granny was out of line, and should write an apology letter.
--- NTA, he is not her father. Ulltimations never work, say good-bye.
--- Let her keep the photos in her room. Your house, not your wife's or the child. Did you break up the family? Mother needs to step up.
Story 3- OP is the idiot not for the situation at hand but clearly his emotional needs arent being met. OP needs to continue her co parent relationship fine, but she has make room in her life for the needs of her partner or stop dating. I feel some ppl use the child as a excuse not to put the work in relationships. They can deflect everything of what's convienent for them
And let's not even talk about how the BF clearly wants a child of his own. OP simply ignored the signs
1st story: OP almost lost both his daughter AND wife. They both almost died and grandma completely invalidated that trauma by saying the worst is yet to come as if almost dying is normal. I would've told her then and there that that wasn't ok to say and demand an apology.
Might be the wrong OP since story 1 Op is a 16yr old female oof
@@sweetie-buns4394 I think he meant story 2
@@joimumu ..I know. I'm pointing out that he did the wrong story OP.
He shouldn't be confronting his step daughter about the pics and her attitude. Her mother should be stopping this bs.
It'll never be effective as long as it comes from someone who's not her parent.
Story 1- Had the same situation except they were emotionally abusive. I've cut them all off and they're still demanding apologies.. as if I'd apologize for being abused. The same down to the room, but not even having a bed. Wholeheartedly NTA. Wish I could've laughed in my stepmother's face as well.
Story 3: l don’t know why boyfriend is so upset that he won’t be able to father his future stepdaughter, she has a perfectly good, working father right there. Is he with the mom for her daughter or her? He needs to stay in his lane.
Story 4: The OP is perfectly right that he doesn’t want pictures of his wife’s former ex strewn around his home (especially if he paid or is paying for it), nearly adult stepdaughter can keep them in her room. The girl is downright disrespectful and showing her dominance.
2nd story-
Grandma told to behave. Grandma misbehaved and now has surprised pikachu face. Lol
In all seriousness tho. Being old isn’t an excuse to not be accountable for one’s actions. Granny knew what she was saying was insensitive. She’s just pissed she got called out in her behavior. Like, how dare?
Stepdaughter sounds like trash in last story. Step parents need to leave when the disrespect goes unchecked. No reason to house and respect a child who isn't respecting you.
Oh boy, the double standards of reddit commenters is showing with story 4.
Yeah, you are allowed to provide, love and praise a stepchild but God forbid you ever punish them for their own absurd demeanor. And then they complain when people refuse to date people with children.
The OP in story #2 must get his wife a good therapist. She has PTSD from the traumatic birth experience. She can get beyond this but will need help to do so.
Yes, I completely agree
Why can't her daughter have 2 father and 2 mothers tho?? The more the merrier as long as there is no toxicity between any of them and the child genuinely care for the step parents
Story about the photos, NTA she insults you, she gets punished. No child should be allowed to decorate a home other th as n their own room. Let her put her photo in her room.
Also stories about step kids disrespecting step parents and people that say step parent has no right to punish, it’s a punishment not a whooping!!!! But she as soon as child start acting disrespectful they will no longer be allowed in my house until they get it together 🤷🏽♀️ don’t like it go with ur child
The last comment on the last story is exactly what I was thinking. Kids should always be taken into account in their parents' decisions and lives but they are not in charge. That girl was being deliberately hurtful and then when her actions had consequences she cried about it. Maybe it will help her realize that isn't the right way to express her feelings.
Grandma asked to be told to f*** off. They discharge mothers as fast as possible nowdays. The fact that she's still there 3 weeks later shows how dire the situation was and how long her recovery will be. Grandma was a jerk and she got what she deserved.
story 4: NTA she was openly disrespecting this man in his own house, also it's his house his rules he pays the mortgage and the bills, teenagers are to be giving a level of respect until they prove otherwise disrespecting someones choices behind whats appropriate in their house and cursing at them under your breath is not something a teenager is allowed to do without punishment personally I'd send her to her fathers for a few days and have a serious conversation with my wife about this.
Did yall not get punish in story 4 as my mama would have slap me for everything thinking if pulling that shit nta
4) Who are those people saying OP is the AH?
I see a stepparent that is not forcing a relationship with his step daughter and the only thing he wants is mutual respect.
Mother needs to step up and put daughter in therapy.
Forgive me, but in Story 2: I will say OP is firmly NTA and good on them for supporting his wife! Many guys will brush their feelings off. Screw your family, just because Granny is elderly doesn't mean she gets a free pass to be rude and forget common courtsey!! The world doesn't revolve around her ego!!
I love the duplex idea for the divorced couple with the daughter. Great idea.
With step parents, I have never understood how you say you love somebody, or pretend you love somebody, but obviously hate their kids which are part of them. I don't get it and I never will. Even less do I understand parents who loved their children until they remarried and now they're just in the way. Actions speak louder than words in both cases. When I was 9 I found out I had an older halfbrother who never came to live with us even though my dad knew he was being abused and they hid that from us and even though we were in hell I will never forgive them for what my brother went through by himself. He can't even deal with talking to anybody now and we are all past grown. I miss him even though I don't miss my evil full siblings
To me it sounds irrational that because you love one human entity you must love every piece that came out of them inherently. It doesn't actually work like that period.
@@angelicakaufman7183 I don't think I in any way said you have to love their children I said how can you love somebody and automatically hate their children from the get-go. Maybe you should take up reading comprehension
Last story, Nancy is out of line. Glad the last few comments asserted that no, you cannot do whatever you want around a stepparent. OP didn't break up her family. Is he acting juvenile? Maybe a bit, but he's probably tired of not having any support from his wife. Family therapy is worth a try here. NTA
Glad I'm not the only one who agreed with that very last comment.
I’m actually a bit shocked that none of OPs family members had the awareness to see that they were wrong in this situation. I can’t help but feel like they’re only agreeing because wife “disrespected” their elder.
This woman also died and her baby is struggling as well so to be told it’s only going to get worse is unbelievably inconsiderate.
She didn't die. Where did you get that? But grandma needs to be kicked out. And if I ever found out my husband "apologized" on my behalf he'd be out the door. I don't even know why he is even considering that.
@@shells500tutubo oh snap, I didn’t realize I put she died lol. Scratch that 😅
@@ComaLies225 it looked like you tried to write almost died, but auto correct tried to help you 😆
Story 4 is a great warning against marrying single mothers. Probably the riskiest life choice a man could ever make.
So.... Story one was an abuse story because she didn't have her own room???
Where was a spare room for her supposed to come from?
If the room had to be SHARED, does it mean someone else had to share it with her and not have Thier own room?
Was the room that was shared with her supposed to be locked up in the 5 out of 7 days a week she wasn't there? Resulting in a half sibling not being allowed to occupy that room?
Well she's going to get a whole bedroom to herself and her half siblings will have to share when they are with her mother and that's not even gonna be the issue that's gonna create such resentment because they love their own mother, they don't own the new stepmom anything, just as op feels about the woman she never has to have contact with again. Op needs to shut down her smuggery.
STORY #1
NTA. Stepmother made OP feel unwelcome in his father's house, so she doesn't deserve sympathy or understanding.
STORY #2
NTA. Far from it; OP is a good husband.
STORY #3
NTA. OP and her ex-husband both created a workable (if unusual) coparenting relationship with healthy boundaries, and neither of them is sacrificing their own mental health for the sake of the kid.
This was close to being nah, as not everyone would be okay with this arrangement, but boyfriend wanting to be a father to OP's daughter pushes him into ah territory.
STORY #4
NTA. Stepdaughter doesn't have to love OP, but she has to show him basic decency since they're living in the same space. OP didn't break up the family or cause a divorce, it would have still have happened anyway because OP's wife and her ex-husband don't love each other anymore.
This reminds me of another reddit story where the op refused to buy his stepdaughter a plane ticket to see her father after she was consistently rude to him. In the update to that story the stepdaughter opened up and admitted to op she was upset that her father didn't want her and was taking it out on op.
None of the replies to this story were any good. The yta votes were off and making unruly assumptions. As for the nta vote, the "It doesn't matter if that relationship started out of infidelity ... it's not any of her business" line is fucking wrong. If an affair between parents *IS* the children's business, especially if it breaks up the family. Cheaters and affair-partners deserve only scorn and hatred.
11:42 That isn't the guy's ego speaking, that's emotional manipulation.
A step parent gets the right to discipline a step-child when they've adopted them and not before.
Story 3: I don't think that OP is the asshole, but in general, any self-respecting, decent man wouldn't be OK with the arrangement she has with her ex.
The comment about it being a positive thing and 'emotionally mature' is just dumb internet posturing.
I can't imagine anyone picking a partner with this sort of baggage if they had a choice.
“I apologize that you got upset & that none of you are able to show empathy, nor do you have the social skills that God have a gnat...”
"That's not what it was." So, um... What was it?
1st: how sweet it is!! 4th: so did u break up her parents!?!? “That’s not what it was,” what was it then?!?!
Respect is earned, not given.
You need to give people a reason to look up to you.
Stop confusing respect with common courtesy and basic human dignity.
So the stepdaughter should show a little common courtesy to the people putting roofs over her head and stop acting like she's the lead in a 60s disney flick.
A lot of step parent story talks about kids not having their own room, and I understand in some situations but what if that’s not an option??? What if step parents comes in with the same sex kids and 1 kid of opposite, shouldnt it make sense that the 1 kid that’s a different sex have their own which means the bio kid and step kid may have to share? Idk some of those stories got me thinking do we know the whole story
I really do hate Reddit's approach where Adults aren't allowed to have feelings and that they have to suck it up and take abuse from children. Respect goes both ways like that one redditor said, but it sounds like that redditor actually means that it doesn't matter whether the kid respects you or not, as long as you respect them, all is good.