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My son with ASD is 10 now and we started potty training when he was almost 3. We used the “Oh Crap! Potty Training book but stretched out the 3 days to 5. We picked out underwear and then had him go without a diaper or anything the first couple days, just pants the third and then underwear for a couple days. I learned his cues and told him when it was time to go. I didn’t ever ask him if he needed to go because he wouldn’t realize it. He also loved the potty books we got for him. I think the only reward we have him was watching a video. For #2, it was harder to teach him and I am not sure how he finally got it. He also regressed during Covid and we had to get him more on a schedule at that time.
My Autistic son had many sensory issues. He was not ready until 4 1/2 years and trained day and night with a reward system. He was high functioning even though he had melt downs and ADHD. We rewarded him with a prize. Started out with about a $8.00 prize and then working its way down to smaller prizes then rewards of doing something he liked. He was trained in 2 weeks. I also left him in his underwear. It is better not to use a pull up because it is absorbent and feels to much like a diaper. Soggy or poop 💩 filled underwear are uncomfortable and making them want to hurry to the potty so that doesn’t happen. He graduated from High School in the year 2000 and works as a cashier with no assistance at Walgreens. He had two much older brothers who are neurotypical. My sons are 41, 37 and 21 and all have summer birthdays. My youngest son was born when I was 45 years old. I also have 4 Grandchildren. Two Grandsons and two Granddaughters. Ages 6,5,3 and 1.
Andrea Olson just uploaded a video to RUclips (based on one of her blog entries with the same title as her video) titled “How to tell when it’s potty time”. The tips in that video are primarily for infants and for young toddlers but they might potentially work for any child who is not speaking or signing yet (or even just not speaking or signing yet about needing to “go”). I just watched that video a short time ago this morning and it seems to me that it might be a good supplement to this video especially with children who are either not yet verbal or who are still early in the toilet training process.
I just remembered this morning after having a serving of two squares of dark chocolate and a couple of granola bars that sometimes after emptying the bladder it is necessary a short time later to do a movement. Sometimes this can happen after standing up and taking a few steps. This happened with me most often when I was younger (for example during training). From what I remember this would happen with me most often on days when my reflux acted up. For someone in training this can manifest itself as follows. First the bladder is emptied and the toilet is flushed. Later on (often during or shortly after handwashing) the person in training will pause for a few moments and possibly bend the knees. If the parent notices what is beginning to happen it is sometimes possible to get the person in training to finish on the toilet. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. It might depend on whether the person in training is having a good day or a bad day. Even though I was trained enough for kindergarten by just before age six this is something that I would still struggle with quite a bit until I was between six-and-three quarters and seven years old. I probably continued to have good days and bad days with this because I was still level two at that point (I’m currently level one). For someone who is level three this can occur until around age nine (or sometimes even a bit longer). Even on a bad day, though, such events can be used as an opportunity to learn about the cleanup process and how to assist with that in a manner that one is developmentally ready for. For example, from what I remember I was able to assist in the cleanup process after such mishaps by about age six. By age seven mishaps of that kind started to become less common. By age nine they were quite rare (usually only occurring if I was sick, unusually tired, or under an unusual amount of stress). I figured these observations would be relevant for anyone reading this who is in the process of training someone and is part of the way there, but not all the way there.
Thank you so much for this video. My daughter is 3, autistic and nonverbal, and this has been a massive struggle. There is almost no content out there for how to go about this with a kid on the spectrum and this is the first one I have found. Thank you!
I think you mentioned in an earlier video that Ezra has some places in the house where he likes to hide to “do his thing” (as it were). From the sound of it he seems to be experiencing some level of embarrassment or self-consciousness especially when it comes to “going”. Almost all neurotypical children and many who are level one do this at some point during their toddler years. In my case (being level two when I was younger) I never went through the “hiding” phase. My sister is level one and she started hiding when she was no older than three-and-a-half to four according to my parents. I wasn’t born yet for most of this and was too young to remember her training for the small amount that I was around for. I think her training was pretty much finished (at least during the day) by the time I was six months old. If Ezra still likes to hide when he uses his diaper you could try getting either a camping or medical type potty chair in his size and placing it in one of his favorite hiding spots. With any luck you might already have some supplies for this left over from your RV days. If not, you can probably find what you need at a larger-sized pharmacy, at a medical supply store, or in a store that sells camping supplies. You can even have Ezra make the potty chair his own in some way even if it’s just something as basic as decorating it with stickers. As for what he should wear at home for this portion of his toilet training you should have him wear something with an elastic waistband like sweatpants or most of the pajama bottoms on the market for someone his age. Some other options include more regular style pants or shorts that just happen to have an elastic waistband. Under that he can wear underwear, a goodnite, a ninjamas, or pretty much anything that he can put on and take off himself. Goodnites (and similar products) can be a bit cheaper if they are bought in packages that contain a large number of them. Despite their name Goodnites are said to work well at nighttime and during the day. Also they come in enough sizes that Ezra will likely be able to fit in them for as long as he needs them (Goodnites go all the way up to around 140 pounds, currently). Ezra’s existing diapers will probably continue to work well enough when you are out and about (if they still fit). This pretty much sums up my observations on this subject for the time being.
My autistic boy is 5years now and non verbal, he keeps hiding in specific spots when he wants to pee or poo, it's been so difficult to handle him potty wise, this comment is of great help, thank you!
It’s good to hear that Ezra’s urine training seems to be pretty much complete. It looks like you went with the urine training first method with Ezra like what my mother did with me back in the late 1970s (back when I was three-and-a-half to four years old). My bowel training started at age four shortly after my parents decided that I was too old for the potty chair and threw it away. Now it’s time to get him bowel trained. If Ezra is struggling with the mechanics of having a bowel movement sitting down (or if he’s too nervous to do this on the toilet right now) you may need to have him practice this initially in other locations where he is more comfortable doing this than sitting on the toilet. Places where you can have him practice initially are in his high chair, in the car, or on your lap (e.g. on walks around the neighborhood). In order to keep things relatively clean you will want to put a diaper on him for this. Pull-on style diapers don’t work well for this (due to not having the best leak guards) so you will need to use the ones with Velcro fasteners(some vendors use the term “hook and loop” instead) or tape-on-style diapers for this. In the event that he doesn’t “go” right away you might be able to save money on diapers by looking for a product with tapes that can be refastened so you can try again later without wasting a clean diaper. Also to keep his clothes clean you will want to use a product with tall standing leak guards in his size. To determine the correct product size you will need to weigh him and measure his waist size. Sometimes correct product selection might require some additional measurements. The website for whichever product you are considering should have some details on this. If you are having him practice on your lap on walks around the neighborhood you may want to give him a snack to help things along. At this point you can have him push his feet against a large rock, a tree stump, or even your hands. If he still won’t poop in his diaper at this point you may need to give him verbal permission (and perhaps a small reward of some kind) to get him to “go”. If he does “go” he will probably also wet his diaper while doing this. Don’t worry about it, it won’t set his urine training back all that much. To keep his urine training on track during this process as much as possible you will want to put him right back into underwear after you clean him up. If your goal is to try for bowel training in a month or just over a month, you could do what I describe for two weeks. After the two weeks you can do essentially the same thing but have him “go” on the toilet with his diaper on at a time of day when he usually has a movement. Just like before you clean him up afterward and put him right back into underwear to keep his urine training as on track as possible. After the one month is over you then have him sit on the toilet without a diaper on in order to practice using the toilet the conventional way. After my urine training was completed this was fairly close to what my mother did to get me bowel trained. I took longer than this to get there but in my case I was dealing with level two autism (I’m level one now), mild cerebral palsy, and the effects of a right hemisphere stroke at birth. As far as I know Ezra is only dealing with autism so you may see results in as little as a month or so (with any luck). Given that he’s level three you may need to have him practice on the toilet without a diaper on for an extra month or two before he completely masters it. This process is one of the rare instances in which diapers can actually be used successfully as a toilet training tool. If Ezra has already outgrown the tape-on diapers in his size you can probably find something suitable in a medical supply store. If not then you can do some web searches for incontinence web sites. In this fashion you will likely find what you need in his size in the quantity that you would need. If there are any extras left over they could come in handy for long road trips, traffic jams, and certain other unusual situations where a rest room might not be readily available when one is needed.
@@7AheadfamilyThen Simon was just starting his training around the time that he saw the doctor to have a new strap put on the braces on his feet (and on his first day of preschool). That would explain why he was still working more on the mechanics of “going” than the specific location. That was still a very good first step in his training (including that initial step of learning to “go” sitting down in a car seat or on a lap). Since then he has made excellent progress in the “where to do it” part to the point where he is completely toilet trained (for all intents and purposes) during the day or very nearly so. That’s a lot of progress to make in just four months. The remaining steps (it would seem) consist of learning some communication skills, how to use a toilet, tree, or urinal standing up (if he hasn’t learned this yet) and (eventually) nighttime training. Technically there’s no rush on the nighttime portion of his training. Even if he doesn’t master that in the next year or two it doesn’t really matter in the long run. From what I remember from my own childhood kids don’t really start making fun of other kids all that much for not being nighttime trained until at least second grade (if not third or even fourth). And that was all the way back in the 1980s when it was much more stylish for kids to make fun of this.
A step stool and training seat with a step ladder would have been a good thing for my parents to have back when I was training in the late 1970s and into the early 1980s. If these were available back then I might have trained months or even a year or so more quickly than I did.
Parents who are in the middle of toilet training or whose kids have recently trained may find it helpful when they are out and about to stop at a Starbucks for some of their bathroom breaks away from home. I seem to remember the Starbucks app having a store finder feature. In addition this time of year they have snowman cookies at many store locations that most kids will probably enjoy. The above is mostly true of standalone Starbucks locations. If a specific Starbucks is in a store or hotel then all bets are off (as the expression goes). Most Starbucks at standalone locations that I have been to have a toilet that is a good height for most sizes and ages. Also the toilets flush manually and quietly compared to most public toilets which is a plus especially when someone has auditory sensitivities. The one downside though is that you may need to remember to ask a Starbucks employee for the bathroom code (for the combination lock on the door) that changes as often as daily. Therefore in an absolute emergency this might not always work. This is a better option for routine bathroom breaks. Other small coffee shops might work in this scenario in most urban locations on the off chance that a Starbucks is unavailable. These coffee shops can be located using certain apps like Apple Maps and Google Maps.
If you want to work specifically on the standing up portion of urine training with Ezra you could have him use the bathtub instead of the toilet for this portion of his training. This could allow him to make the transition to using urinals in public restrooms (or at school) much more easily. My parents did not do this with me but I have read on some miscellaneous sites around the internet that some people have had some success with this when absolutely nothing else has worked. Also a friend of mine managed to get one of her grandsons just toilet trained enough for school in this fashion. He is in first grade now and most of the time he seems to manage well enough toilet-training wise. In addition if he is given a large breakfast early enough in the morning he will generally poop in his diaper in a timely enough fashion to be changed before he needs to go to school. Therefore his lack of bowel training is not actually a deal-breaker when it comes to him going to school (at least at his current grade level). He does still need to wear an Easy-Up, Goodnite or Ninjamas to school just in case. On the plus side he’s able to change himself if he’s only wet so in practice his incomplete toilet training is currently not as much of an issue as one might expect. If all else fails (or if you need to work with a very short deadline for some reason (such as possible enrollment in a new school)) maybe this could be enough to get Ezra to the point of being well-enough-trained for current purposes until he eventually completes his toilet training at a later date.
Underpants with designs on them are definitely a good idea. When I was training my parents did not think of this and they bought me plain white underwear. Due to being on the spectrum and some other developmental conditions I confused these underpants with diapers for quite some time because to me they looked and felt a lot like diapers. I think I only really started training in a significant way when I had a combination of underpants with colors other than white that I could choose from and underpants with designs on them. Back when I was growing up they had underoos (or however they spelled it).
On the subject of being uncomfortable when wet if you decide to have Simon wear a diaper when he sees Santa (preferably in the evening close to bedtime) you will want to make sure that it is not something too absorbent like a Pamper or a Huggies. If you have ever seen the movie a Christmas Story you may remember that a kid who looked be around Simon’s age (give or take) was implied to have had an accident just before Ralphie sat down. When Ralphie was growing up disposable diapers would not have been invented yet, so what happened in that instance cannot be blamed on disposables. The bottom line is that accidents on Santa’s lap are quite common at Simon’s age (even for neurotypical children who have been trained for a while). Therefore you will probably want to have Simon wear a diaper this time around when he sees Santa. To minimize the effects of this on his daytime training you will want to have him see Santa in the evening in his pajamas with his nighttime diaper on. That way even if he “goes” one or even both ways it shouldn’t be enough of a departure from his usual nighttime routine to set him back all that much (if at all) in his daytime toilet training. If you ever tried the name brand products mentioned above with Simon you may have found them to be too dry (at least after the first bladder void). I don’t have any kids and haven’t used Pampers or Huggies myself since the 1980s but I have read in some online reviews that the main issue with these name brand product for kids who are still training (or are very recently trained like Simon is) is that they work too well and kids might lose some of their toilet training if these products are overused. You will also want to remind Simon that the diaper is just there for accidents. If he has an accident (or even appears to have an “on purpose”) of either or both kinds in this situation don’t punish him. After all even kids as old as Ralphie in A Christmas Story can be afraid of Santa sometimes. Instead tell him that if he stays clean and dry until he gets home he can have a special snack or dessert. This should give him a good incentive to not use the diaper unless he actually needs to.
I was recently watching a video on Andrea Olson’s Elimination Communication RUclips channel (I forget which video) but in any event she mentioned some of the reasons that babies, toddlers, and sometimes even older kids will wet (or perhaps even soil) instead of using the toilet in no particular order as follows: 1. Babies, toddlers, and even older kids will rarely (if ever) hold it to the point of pain let alone loss of muscle control. This means that most wettings and soilings are technically voluntary whether in a diaper or clothes. Basically kids typically hold it until it gets more uncomfortable for them than they would like and then they let go. That being said most kids will cry, scream, potty dance, or give some other indication of their needs (often at least one or more minutes in advance) before they choose to let go. Therefore when they do it rarely if ever truly counts as misbehavior. This applies to neurotypical kids as well as those who are on the spectrum. When someone becomes verbal it is often easier to tell that someone needs to “go” before he or she does. 2. Wetting out of anger,spite, or as a manipulation tactic (while not unheard of) is actually quite rare. 3. Wetting will sometimes occur as a way to relieve stress. 4. Toddlers will sometimes wet when they are tired because it is easier than using the toilet. 5. Babies, toddlers, or even older kids can wet (or even soil) because they are bored and it gives them something to do. 6. Kids can get involved in an activity and not notice their need for a long time. 7. Wetting during sleep is usually automatic/involuntary. Soiling during sleep may be involuntary as well but opinions seem to vary somewhat on this. These considerations apply to “#1” and “#2”. I think she mentioned other reasons in addition but I forget what they are right now. In any case I listed these because they might explain some of the wettings, etc that Simon and Ezra have had over the years. I suspect that in Simon’s case he usually “goes” because he is tired or stressed out (or scared/nervous). Getting too involved in an activity can also be an issue. For Ezra “boredom wetting” and/or getting too involved in an activity when he’s not feeling bored are probably more significant factors.
I was just reading something online a short time ago about the connection between the sound of running water and related sounds (like the sound of putting gas in the car) and accidents. This is something that happens during (and for a while after) toilet training. It also happens when people get older and bladder control begins to weaken (starting as early as the mid-to-late forties or early fifties for some people). This means that even though Simon has been daytime trained since at least November accidents are still possible. For example, if Simon is not yet consistently verbalizing when he needs to go and you put gas in the car on a long shopping trip or after a picnic or a trip to the park a car seat wetting is possible (or even fairly likely) in that situation. Even if Simon doesn’t do this on a particular shopping trip, etc. in this situation Ezra might because he’s still very much in training at this point. If my experience is anything to go by accidents like this are quite common for at least a year after daytime training at home has been completed.
If you have seen the Rugrats episode “Chuckie vs the Potty” Chuckie mentioned that the things that he tried to do instead of using the potty included pooping in his room and hiding it in his toy box, putting napkins in his pants and using them like a diaper, and trying to stop pooping altogether. It sounds like Simon at least didn’t do the first two of these but he did do the third. I have read in books, articles, and blogs that many kids (including some neurotypical ones) get confused for a while during toilet training and think that they are not supposed to poop at all so they just hold it and become constipated. Maybe that’s what happened to Simon in the part of the video about regression. I don’t remember doing this myself when I was younger, but who knows, I might have.
Yesterday I was in an ice cream shop and a kid who looked like he was about Simon’s age said to his father “I have to go potty!”. His father showed him where the bathroom is and he made it. A short time later when they ordered the ice cream they added some extra toppings as a reward for letting them know that he needed to “go” and making it. The parents mentioned that it was only about his third or fourth time using a toilet outside the house. It probably worked out this well because many small shops and small restaurants tend to have toilets without the automatic flush (and with the toilet tank) that are more like what people usually have at home. I don’t actually know if the kid that I saw yesterday is on the spectrum (I didn’t ask.). I did see some repetitive hand movements with him that might be stims but it’s also possible that he’s younger than he looks. The ideas above might be useful for working on Ezra’s training when you are outside the house.
I have read that multiple signs exist for indicating a need to “go”. I don’t know much sign language but I have read that a sign exists for “toilet” that sort of looks like the letter “T”. Maybe Ezra can learn that sign as he comes along more with his training.
I just randomly remembered a few moments ago that when I was growing up (starting around Simon’s current age) that one thing that would often cause me to have wetting accidents (and sometimes even the other kind) was losing my balance and falling down. This would be even more likely if I ended skinning my left elbow, my left knee, or both. The right side of the brain is connected to the left side of the body (generally speaking, but the specific details are somewhat complicated). Given the damage to my right hemisphere from a stroke at birth this would often trigger sensory meltdowns that would sometimes lead to a wetting accident, a mess, or both. In my case this was definitely not just a result of getting distracted by the pain of a skinned elbow or a skinned knee. From what I remember skinning my right elbow or my right knee would virtually never have this effect. Therefore while being on the spectrum causes me to sometimes experience sensory overload in general the right side of my brain is more vulnerable to this than my left. This wasn’t just a result of being young either. One time when I was home during the college years (some time in my late teens or early twenties) I sprained my left ankle in my parent’s backyard and I started crying and my bladder started to empty. Fortunately I noticed this and I managed to stop the flow after maybe five seconds or so. The bottom line is that this is (I suspect) a symptom of right hemisphere damage that other people probably have also. I have yet to see anything in the literature on this topic, though. I’m guessing that this isn’t just something that I experienced. If you notice that Simon is more likely to have accidents (of either type) when he experiences pain on the left side that could indicate that he has damage and/or underdevelopment of his right hemisphere in addition to being on the spectrum. If he does turn out to have this a neurologist could suggest any additional steps that should be taken from here. Most likely he would have speech therapy and social skills training just like he has now. In addition they would probably add on physical and occupational therapies to improve right hemisphere development (which might provide some additional improvement in the understanding of body language and social skills). While doing this they will want to make sure that his speech and social skills continue to progress. For all I know (at the other extreme) overdevelopment of the right hemisphere might negatively affect speech so that is also something to be on the lookout for. You might need to go over some additional vocabulary with Simon (but without causing him too much stress) if his speech seems to regress a bit over the next couple of years. For the moment this pretty much sums up my thoughts and recollections on this specific topic.
I was just looking at a new video on Andrea Olson’s RUclips channel about Elimination Communication and she showed how a product works that covers up the automatic flush sensor on public toilets. This could be useful for Ezra if you are working on his toilet training when you are out of the house if he is still afraid of the automatic flush. It could also be useful if Simon starts to regress a bit off and on and his fear of the automatic flush returns. According to the video description on her channel the product is called FlushHush.
I was just talking to my parents and my sister this evening and I was mentioning my memories of a family trip to Old Saybrook Connecticut in a cottage belonging to a friend of the family when I was very young. I mentioned that I must have been very young at the time because I remembered that one of my uncles bought his pickup truck shortly before that trip. My sister confirmed that this was in the Summer of 1980 but she couldn’t give an exact date because she wouldn’t start remembering specific dates and times for any new events for about another couple of years. Apparently her memory for dates developed over time. In the summer of 1980 I was about four-and-three quarters years old. I was mostly daytime trained at home but my training had not yet become generalized. That would only begin to happen about nine months later when I was in preschool. My parents and sister knew that I remembered this trip because I mentioned that the laundromat that we went to on that trip was the first time that I saw coin-operated washers and dryers. I even mentioned that I remembered that the reason there was so much laundry was because they were trying to generalize my toilet training at the cottage that we were staying at and it wasn’t working at all. If anything I was regressing a bit. Before that I would at least do a potty dance if I needed to go but on that trip I wasn’t even doing that. I am mentioning all of this because I was level two at that age and at the time of diagnosis Simon was level two on his social communication (or something like that, from what I remember from that video). This means that if you go on any trips to beaches or the like over the course of this Summer Simon can and probably will regress a bit in his toilet training (even though he is daytime trained right now, and has been for probably at least four months by now). Therefore on a trip like this you will probably want to have Simon use the restroom before getting ready to swim (if possible) and then put a Little Swimmers, Splashers, or other swim diaper on him just in case. They will probably still fit him at that age but you will want to check the Pampers and Huggies web sites for the weight limits on these products to make sure they will be workable. If they are not products both cloth and disposable exist for all sizes (including adult sizes). These are mostly available from various companies online. Also you will want to reinforce toilet usage as much as possible (even if you might need to temporarily go back to a reward system during the trip). Also (if at all possible) you will want to keep these trips to the first half of Summer just in case Simon and/or Ezra’s toilet training slides a bit and a certain amount of retraining is needed before the next school year begins in the Fall. This is important because my sister and I both had some level of Summer regression during preschool, kindergarten, and at least most of the grade school years. I have also seen in a number of online videos that Summer Regression (of varying degrees) is quite common at all autism levels. For example I think autism family made a reference or two to it in some of their videos (at least regarding speech and social skills), but currently I don’t remember much beyond that.
I was just reviewing software defined networking and virtualization (including network virtualization) and one concept that came up over and over again was the concept of a container. The simple explanation is that a container is like a virtual machine but more lightweight. A virtual machine is (essentially) a computer within a computer. It is a program (such a virtualbox , VMware, or Parallels) that makes it possible to run one operating system on top of another operating system. For example if you needed to run MacOS and Windows on a Macintosh at the same time (for application compatibility reasons, for instance) a virtual machine would allow you to do that. Now back to the concept of containers. In an IT (Information Technology) context a container contains an application that needs to run and just enough of the operating system to run that one application (or perhaps in some instances a small group of applications). Now onto the concept of containers more generally and how I learned about them in everyday life. I first learned the word “container” and a few examples of it on a family vacation to Nantucket, Massachusetts when I was somewhere around three-and-a-half years old (give or take). At this point I was not yet toilet trained. In fact I had not even used the potty chair for the first time even though I had been introduced to it some time in the eighteen to twenty-four month range. I think by age two or two-and-a-half to at least three I knew the phrase “potty chair” but I didn’t know what it was for let alone how to use it. It was only after the trip to Nantucket that my mother was able to teach me the concept of what “peeing” was. Basically she would hold me on her lap (fully clothed, but without a diaper on) with the TV on (or when reading me a story) and she would make sure that I was well-hydrated. At some point my bladder would empty and she would sometimes essentially say “Look, Tommy you’re going pee-pee! Can you say pee-pee?” (Without any commentary or judgment). After a while (maybe a week or two?) I learned to repeat that. After that she would continue on with this but now whenever I went (or whenever it seemed like I needed to go) she would say something like “Go pee-pee Tommy! Go pee-pee!”. After a while of this training on her lap (maybe an additional week or two (for a total of two weeks to a month of practice)) she had me sit on the potty chair to practice. I think she could tell that I was still confused about what the potty chair was for because she told me to sit on it and then she explained that it was a container for holding my pee (which she explained means “pee-pee”) that I could use instead of her lap or a Pamper. After her explanation she said essentially “Go pee-pee Tommy, Go pee-pee!” and then completely by accident (I would later learn (in college Freshman year in the mid-1990s) that it was by conditioned reflex (sort of like Pavlov’s dogs)) I did. I still didn’t know how to use it voluntarily yet (that would come later) but at least I knew what it was for. After I turned four my mother had to do exactly the same process with me again to transition me from the potty chair (which was thrown away on my fourth birthday because I was now “too old for it”) and to teach me the mechanics of the bowel portion of my training. This included learning words and phrases like “poo-poo” and “Go poo-poo!” and “push/pushing”. This probably took me up to another month. After that I was ready to try it on the toilet instead of her lap. At this point it was explained to me that the big toilet was a container for holding my pees and poops (and an explanation of what that meant in terms of words that I already knew). Then it wouldn’t be long before I started using the big toilet voluntarily but I was still very much in training (even at home) for another year-and-a-half or so. Generalization (and learning to flush every time , always wash and dry my hands, etc.) would take quite a while after that. The bottom line is that I am on the spectrum (level one now, but I was level two when I was younger) and I had to be trained in the most concrete and step-by-step way possible to get there. For Ezra to learn what either a potty chair in his size or the big toilet is for he may need to learn other concepts (such as the concepts of “peeing”, “pooping”, “pushing”, and “containers” and some other concepts as well). Simon is fully toilet trained during the day but in order to understand what a portable urinal is for he might need to learn the concept of a container in a more general sense before he understands what to do with it. Until he reaches that point daytime wetting accidents are still possible (and even likely) in traffic jams or in any other situation where a rest room may not be readily available when it is needed.
It’s good that you used Oreo cookies as a reward for Simon instead of M&Ms. If you had used M&Ms instead mishaps like the one on that shopping trip to Dollar Tree some months back would have likely been much more common and Simon might not have reached his current level of training as quickly as he did.
Yea, Simon! My boys HATED being wet or messy. One morningmy wife noticed that number 1 son had not peed yet, so she put him on the potty and amused him till he did. When he discovered he could go without getting wet, he was all for it. He is 31 now.
Thats a pretty castle thing in your wedding photos. What is it? Is there a way for my wife and i to maybe enter that building one day? Maybe there are steps or something? Maybe if we could meet with someone first. Best case scanario they would be maybe younger adults so it's less intimading.
Sometimes when kids are in the middle of toilet training (or have just started) (or occasionally even after being trained for a while) wetting and/or soiling can be a coping mechanism or a form of stress relief. For example this could be what was happening after Simon’s first day of preschool, and just before the doctor’s visit when the strap on the braces for his feet needed to be adjusted. As Simon’s training improved (e.g. by the time of his preschool field trip) he understood (at least at that particular moment) the difference between diapers and underwear and he realized that he was no longer supposed to “go” in his car seat when he was stressed out. Therefore that’s likely why he was chewing on his plastic sandwich bag about a minute into that video. Simon is level one and likely doesn’t typically experience as much stress as Ezra does and therefore doesn’t chew as often as Ezra. You probably already know that Simon and Ezra are not the only autistic kids who deal with stress by chewing (or biting) on things. For example, if you have been watching some of the Autism Family’s recent videos you will notice that Alistair has been toilet trained for a bit over a year (maybe about a year-and-a-half now). That’s good, but now that he no longer has wetting or soiling available as coping mechanisms that he can draw on he is chewing more than he used to. This includes chewing or biting on his hand. Incidentally with Simon being recently toilet trained you will need to watch him for this and intervene if he begins to perform this type of stimming. This will likely be especially true as his nighttime toilet training progresses. As soon as he no longer has bed-wetting (or even perhaps nighttime soiling) available as a stress relief mechanism you may notice a significant increase in stimming (in all of its forms) with Simon. On one of the Autism Family’s videos I suggested in one of the comments that Alistair could possibly suck on a lollipop (such as a Tootsie Roll Pop) or chew on some chewing gum as an alternative to biting his hand. This is also a tip to keep in mind in the event that Simon begins to do this. By the way it just occurred to me that Alistair may be chewing on his hand instead of his chew toys due to dental pain. This is likely the case if Alistair has gum recession or any exposed dentin. You may want to mention this at some point to the autism family when you meet or other talk with them if the subject comes up for any reason. I have noticed that Alistair’s speech seems to have come along quite a bit lately but this doesn’t necessarily mean that he can communicate about dental pain, stomach aches, ear aches, headaches, and the like. It has been a while since they have uploaded a video about where Alistair is verbally so I don’t know how well he can communicate these things. From what I remember he talks more than Simon does but that may or may not include an improved ability to verbally communicate if he is in pain versus where Simon is at this point (for example). Conceivably (despite their age difference) they might both still use phrases like “No Owie” even though Alistair is in Elementary school and has a larger vocabulary than Simon and speaks in sentences more often than Simon does. When I was six years old in kindergarten I knew the names of many objects and was able to say some sentences, and even ask some questions here and there but I still wasn’t able to tell people when I was in pain (let alone what was hurting). For example at age six I had an ear infection but I wasn’t able to tell my parents what was hurting. I was just able to put my hand over my ear and cry until my mother knew what was wrong and took me to a local hospital that evening. Within a hour or two after that I was home with some liquid Tylenol and a liquid antibiotic that sort of tasted like bananas. Since Alistair started talking about one to years later than I did (as I recall) his verbal communication could be about where mine was at age six. If so then his family, school, and any therapists might need to work on this aspect of verbal communication with him. Chances are they are already working on this, but they haven’t uploaded all that many videos lately so who knows? Also if Ezra has any gum recession and/or exposed dentin it may hurt for him to chew on things that are hard. This may be why he chews on his shirt and perhaps other soft things like blankets, towels, and perhaps even picnic blankets or table cloths. Ezra is not talking yet so we can only guess about this for now. This pretty much sums up my observations on this for the moment.
It looks like Ezra’s social skills are coming along very well and it might be helping him with his own potty training. Specifically, I just rewatched the latest morning routine video where you were getting ready for church and at one point when Simon was upset because it looked like Ezra broke his toy bus and he was sitting in the corner against the wall and crying he looked down and had one of his hands on the front of his pajamas. It seems to me that a good chance exists that Simon was quite likely wetting his nighttime diaper one last time before breakfast (probably as a way of coping with the situation). If Ezra saw what was happening from his safety bed and understood that Simon didn’t make it to the potty that time (understanding this either at that moment or later on during breakfast) it might explain why Ezra was motivated to use the toilet independently for (it would seem) the first time. Hopefully if this is what happened that time Simon’s daytime toilet training isn’t slipping too much. The next time you see Simon doing something like this you might want to gently say something along the lines of something like the following: (pick one and only one of these on a specific occasion (to keep from overwhelming Simon (which is important between his level one autism and his PDA) or come up with your own variation) I. “Simon are you wetting your diaper?” II. “Simon, are you taking a diaper break?” You do not want to call it a potty break (only use that phrase to refer to using the actual toilet), it might confuse him otherwise. If the phrase “potty break” is already in his vocabulary he will most likely understand what you mean when you use the phrase “diaper break”. III. “Simon, are you going diaper?” You don’t want to use the phrase “going potty” unless he’s using the actual toilet. It might be confusing for him. If Simon understands the phrase “going potty” chances are he will quickly understand the fairly unfamiliar phrase “going diaper”. You will probably want to resist changing that to “going diapie” (or anything similar) because that might put him into more of a babyish/toddlerish state and cause his training to slip even further. IV. If Simon “goes” in the corner instead of using the toilet (He might not do this but I figured that I would mention this hypothetical in the interest of completeness) you don’t want to yell at or punish him but you will want to say something along the lines of “Uh-oh (or Oh no) Simon you’re “going corner” instead of going potty!”. Beginning of tangent: I did not invent the phrase “going corner” one of the boss baby episodes that I rewatched recently already used that phrase when Boss Baby asked another character the question “Are you going corner in my cubicle?”. In that situation Boss Baby handled that situation by saying the other character’s first name and then asking the question above. It turned out that the other character was doing that because Boss Baby’s boss put a rest room sign in Boss Baby’s cubicle and the other character apparently got confused. If you see the episode it makes sense in context. End of tangent. The key thing here is to make it clear that while you are not mad at him you do understand what is happening and you are pointing it out to him to improve his own awareness of what he is doing so he can continue working on his ability to control it and hopefully do it in the right place next time. Hopefully events like this are relatively rare and Simon’s daytime training is still continuing to move forward overall.
I was just reading online that kids on the spectrum (including kids with level one autism) need an average of 1.6 years of training to stay dry during the day and over two years of training for bowel accidents to end (even during the day). Since Simon started training at age three-and-a-half that means that on average you could expect him to have some daytime wetting accidents even after his fifth birthday. In addition, based on those same figures you could expect Simon to have some bowel accidents even at age five-and-a-half during the day (or slightly older). If Simon continues to perform significantly better than this during the day even up to that point it either means that you are very lucky with how things went with him or that the toilet training methods that you have used with him are much better than the alternatives that people usually use. I found the figures above using some AI and the main source that it cited was Autism Speaks so you might want to take those figures with a grain of salt but it at least gives an idea of the average figures for this that are out there on the internet (for what it’s worth).
@@7Aheadfamily I found this information with Microsoft Copilot using the Microsoft Edge app on my iPad after many searches. The searches would probably look quite strange to any human who looks at them due to the unusual number of toilet training related searches, for example. Hopefully I won’t be mistaken for an automated system/bot. Also I hope my searches on there were within the limits of what Microsoft allows. The wording of their TOS is vague enough that I can’t be one hundred percent sure. I feel like I would need to be a lawyer to fully understand the terms of service on most web sites. I did some additional searches today to see if I could find additional information including information about the developmental levels of various fictional characters (from Arthur, Rugrats, and other cartoons, as well as characters that the AI made up)(both autistic and neurotypical ones) to see how they would react to various situations (toilet training related or otherwise) that most people would be embarrassed by as well as what various characters would do either with or without concern, anxiety, embarrassment, etc. at various ages and developmental levels under various circumstances and the effect that it would have on the outcome of a situation. I guess I did too many of those searches because in several instances the AI told me that it couldn’t answer my question or that it wasn’t allowed to. I think the AI probably thought that I was trying to break one or more rules in some way even though I actually wasn’t. In addition I also reached the number of searches that I am allowed to perform in 24 hours. Before that point I did manage to perform some non-toilet-training-related searches on subjects such as routing protocols, Cantor’s continuum hypothesis, Traveling Salesman, and the P vs. NP problem so I found some useful information on there during that time. If my Microsoft account is still working later on and I am still able to use the AI I think I will limit my Copilot and Bing searches to news, weather, and recipes, and maybe some math-related topics for the foreseeable future. In short, AI can be useful but it’s best to limit one’s use of it for now. AI still has multiple pluses and minuses in several areas, and still needs to be perfected.
While potty chairs (and the like) are usually not all that helpful when it comes to toilet training they might be helpful for some children (whether autistic or neurotypical) who might not use a toilet initially for whatever reason despite all of a parent’s best efforts. Earlier today I saw a picture of a urinal that is green, sort of looks like a frog, and attaches to a bathroom wall with suction cups that kids can use while learning to “go” standing up (specifically when they are learning how to use a urinal). The product is listed on some sites as being suitable for kids ages six and under but it might work for someone as old as Ezra if the product has sufficient capacity. I do not know how many milliliters (let alone cups) of liquid it can hold, though. Depending on where Simon is in the process of learning to “go” standing up it might also be helpful for him to practice with if he has not already learned this from his father or one of his older brothers. To put things in perspective I only started to learn this at about age four-and-a-half (a good six months older than Simon is right now). But then again I was level two at that age and Simon is level one so he will likely master this standing up part of the process sooner than I did (if he hasn’t already). I forget the specific name of this product but you can often find it on most of the popular e-commerce sites by simply searching for the phrase potty chair and scrolling down until you find it.
I’d join ASD club, because I’m autistic, except for the fact that I’m still learning money responsibilities (because of intellectual problems), and I have a lot of impulse control issues on top of that because I have ADHD as well, so my mom isn’t letting me get a credit card for those reasons.
When I was training my parents did not know to look for “the potty dance”. Therefore I was just taken to the potty chair (and later the toilet) randomly. I eventually trained but it took much longer than it probably needed to.
Im new to the channel, thank you for all the helpful information that you have provided. You guys are really kind and patient. Im a father of a 3 and a half years old boy with lvl 2 autism and at the moment our boy just learned to go to potty🤩🤩 and we finally removed the nappies during day time. Any advise how to remove it from night time too? Does Simon use nappies during sleep time?
With Simon having PDA is there anything special that you needed to do to get him daytime potty trained and keep him daytime trained at a roughly normal level for his age then and now?
@@7AheadfamilyIt looks like you are mostly right about this with a few caveats. It looks like what Simon doesn’t like is primarily wet hands and wet feet. For me (especially up to about age eight or so) wet feet was the most uncomfortable sensation for me, but wet hands were often a fairly close second. Assuming that Simon is the same way in this regard as I am (which is fairly likely because it seems to me that his right brain hemisphere has about the same level of development as mine did at that age right down to forgetting to put his left arm through the strap on the left side on his backpack). Incidentally that is a mistake that I made fairly regularly right up through about fourth or fifth grade (age ten or eleven). This could be nothing but definitely mention it to his doctors. If his right hemisphere is underdeveloped for any reason he may need some additional speech therapy (or they may need to fine tune it a bit), and he may need some physical and/or occupational therapy as well. In any case back to wet hands and wet feet as it relates to potty training: It looks like Simon is actually not bothered when his “middle” gets wet (as it were). There are two indicators of that. 1. If you look back at (at least most) of the videos of morning routines (even including the ones during and after the potty training video) you will notice that Simon and Ezra’s diapers are pretty puffy (as a result of any liquid that has been absorbed over the course of the night). In most instances neither Simon nor Ezra (even during potty training) seems to be bothered by this. You can even see this in some of the most recent morning routine videos. This is not unusual for kids whether autistic or neurotypical. It is a result of how most disposable diapers made in 1986 and later are designed. When people picture a diaper they usually picture either an old-fashioned cloth diaper with rubber or (more recently) plastic pants over the top or they picture the older disposables like the ones that I wore during the day back when I was still learning that are just paper and plastic and always felt very wet after use (sort of like a paper towel that has been used to clean up a spill on a table or a floor (for example). Today’s disposable diapers on the other hand have (among other components) a fluid-repelling top sheet (yes, you read that correctly (even though it’s quite counterintuitive)), an absorbent core (consisting of a superabsorbent polymer (usually Sodium Polyacrylate), and a layer of plastic to keep everything on the outside dry and to keep the supabsorbent polymers inside. This also means that for a disposable diaper to work properly the liquid needs to hit the fluid-repelling top sheet at a speed of at least five miles per hour (or perhaps even six miles per hour in order to go through the top sheet and into the absorbent core). This means that (even though it is counterintuitive) urinating too slowly can actually cause leakage (because the liquid in this case will run along the diaper and out the leg openings). This is also why some web sites indicate that diaper leakage even with a good quality properly fitting diaper can a fairly reliable sign of potty training readiness. It could indicate that that the child is beginning to control the rate of flow when he or she does let go. 2. In the most recent morning routine video Simon has his hand on the front of his pajamas when he (presumably) has a bladder void while crying about the (seemingly) broken toy school bus (which his father was fortunately able to fix). He was probably doing this so he could feel the diaper warming up through his pajamas with his right hand when he opted to let go. That may have been comforting for him and perhaps (or even probably) helped his autism meltdown (which some people might mistake for a temper tantrum) in that situation to end. If this is what occurred (which is more likely than not) the bladder void did not bother him. In fact (even though he is pretty well potty trained during the day) it probably comforted him. The reasons for this are twofold: I. The bladder void is accompanied by a feeling of warmth that may be comforting for him. This probably helped with ending his meltdown in that situation. II. As long as the liquid hits the fluid-repelling top sheet at the necessary five or six miles per hour it gets absorbed by the absorbent core. When the core puffs up it can produce a comforting sensation similar to a hug (as some people online have been known to describe it in their descriptions of similar situations, based on their own recollections of their childhoods in the 1990s or early 2000s). This probably further helped Simon with coming down from his meltdown. By the time Holly picked him up the meltdown seemed to be mostly resolved. He probably only needed a little comforting at that point given the amount of self-soothing that he was already able to give himself in that situation. On a related note could diaper wetting be a form of stimming? Online opinions seem to vary on this, but maybe. If so, then Simon and Ezra’s diapers should definitely stay on first thing in the morning until any “drama” has been adequately resolved. This also why for Simon (and perhaps for Ezra as well) nighttime potty training is one hundred percent optional. If they show signs of wanting to be clean and dry at night (for example if Simon verbalizes this at any point or asks to use the toilet at night (Night-time training pants (such as Huggies Night-time pull-ups (these currently go all the way up to size 5T-6T) (or something like Huggies Goodnites or Pampers Ninjamas) could be a good thing for Simon if he wishes to experiment with sometimes using the toilet at night when he chooses to). Don’t pressure him on this though, and never force him. Especially considering his PDA it may be best to allow him to use his nighttime diaper (even if he is fully awake) for anything that he might need to do whenever he chooses to do so (at nighttime or even right after he wakes up just before breakfast) and does not want to use the toilet at that particular moment. In short, don’t force it and choose your battles wisely.) you can begin to work on this one step at a time. But until then you probably don’t need to even worry about beginning the nighttime toilet training process. After any drama has been resolved and before breakfast begins it is a good idea to change both Simon and Ezra into their underwear and regular clothes (after any necessary clean-up). This may cause some accidents at the breakfast table for one (or even both) of them, especially initially but don’t worry it’s all part of the process. As long as you have enough time set aside for any additional cleaning everything should work out. One final set of observations: The selection of clothes that are worn during toilet training is very important. For example on that Dollar Tree shopping trip last September Simon was wearing long pants. Given that he was probably getting tired towards the end of the shopping trip it is likely that he had his hands resting on his pant legs (probably around knee level). This is what I would often do (up to at least age five-and-a-half) when I was tired while sitting in my car seat. The reason this is important it that when Simon emptied his bladder that time (probably after mistakenly remembering that he had a diaper on instead of underpants) he would have felt one or both hands getting wet. This is probably what led to Simon being uncomfortable and the most likely reason why he said “Oh no, potty!” in that particular instance. On a related note in order to keep him as well-trained as possible during the day you will probably want to limit any unnecessary experiences that will lead to him getting used to (or even enjoying hand or foot wetness). Swimming, bathing, and hand washing are fine but you might want to hold off a bit on finger-painting and similar activities. When I was in preschool, kindergarten, and first grade I had some degree of daytime potty regression and needed some retraining (using methods similar to EC (Elimination Communication) but with cueing words or short cueing phrases (such as “go pee-pee” or “go poo-poo” (These are technically baby-talk but in this context don’t worry about that, the emphasis here (for best results) should be on short easily-understandable words and phrases even at the preschool through kindergarten or first-grade level) given a higher priority than cueing noises (given my level of language development and verbal skills at that point)) when I started to get too used to hand wetness as a result of finger painting. You shouldn’t be too surprised if you see the same thing with Simon over the next one to two years. Also if (and more likely when) you see this Simon’s PDA will likely create some additional challenges in this regard. Somehow you will need to prepare yourself for that. When the time comes his teachers, therapists, and doctors will hopefully have some good tips for that. I also wonder (thinking back) if that might have been one of the factors in Ezra’s first potty training regressions when he was around kindergarten age. This pretty much sums up my observations and recollections on these topics for the time being.
You may start to see some results if you limit fluids around bedtime and maybe wake him up once or twice during the night to use the toilet. That being said many kids (including many neurotypical ones) are not nighttime trained at that age and you probably don’t need to worry about it all that much at this point. Many kids don’t finish training at night until age five or even six.
I was told no electronics because the get too zoned in and don’t even notice if they go pee or pop. 5 year old here starting school in September and we will be starting soon. At the moment he is petrified
How do you get your child to switch from a diaper to pull ups and underwear? My 3 year old only wants to wear a diaper. He won’t let me put underwear or pull-ups on him. Refuses to wear them .
That is really difficult. A lot of times we just have to wait till the child decides to wear underwear. When he is ready. I am sure it’s different for each child, though. Perhaps you could try to motivate him by some thing he’s very motivated by. Is there something that he loves more than wearing a diaper? My kids will do a lot for screen time or for the ability to have certain toys. Good luck with that. I know that’s very difficult.
What my mother did with me was to put a Pamper inside my underwear without taping it in place. This was back in the early 1980s before pull-ups were invented. I trained late because I was born about three months prematurely and there were some complications. Also I am on the spectrum (current level one) but I was level two when I was younger so toilet training basically lasted from about eighteen months to two years for me until nearly age six. My mother kept at it and I eventually got there. While I was pretty much daytime trained at home by age four-and-a-half or so (including standing up) I was still not able to use any public toilets yet. Therefore I sometimes wore a diaper in this fashion if I was going to be out of the house and indoors for an extended period of time. This is how my mother got me into preschool at age five-and-a-half even though I was only toilet trained at home at that point. My toilet training would only begin to become more generalized between that time and nearly age six when I started kindergarten. When I started kindergarten I was only wearing diapers during the day if I was home on a sick day. Another thing you could try is something more underwear-like such as Pampers Easy Ups. If your kid likes Bluey you could try the new Easy Ups with the Bluey designs on them. For now these are the only suggestions that come to mind.
I got my ASD 4 year old pee trained during the day. Sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of night to pee. Sometimes he’ll be so deep into sleep he won’t wake up to go potty. Now poop training??? It’s impossible!
If you have him sit on the toilet for up to five minutes after he eats anything you will probably begin to see your first results with this. It will probably take a while to get him all the way there but this is a good way to start with his bowel training.
@@7Aheadfamily it can be very scary when your staff wipes your private parts to hard it made me cry so hard now i hate being touch there now dont like it when the doctor touch me there for a exam
That is actually quite common for kids on the autism spectrum to do before they are toilet trained. For example, I seem to remember (on a related note) that Temple Grandin mentioned in one of her books (maybe her first book) that she liked to sculpt (in the way that you are probably visualizing, around the age of three). Someone in her family noticed that she was doing this and fortunately bought her some clay (or something similar) so that she could begin to sculpt with a material that was socially acceptable for her to work with. I think she mentioned that she toilet trained not long after that (but I forget the specific details (if any were mentioned)).
@@7AheadfamilyMaybe you can get him some play d’oh or something similar for him to sculpt with if you think he would be interested in it. This would be especially important if he regresses at some point and that behavior begins to return for any reason.
Sometimes kids on the spectrum are more conscious of events and what they mean than neurotypical people around them realize. For example, I reached some of my toilet training-related milestones (like being able to say “uh-oh” or “Oh no, potty!” when I was either about to have an accident or (more often) just started having one) when I was between two and three older than Simon was when he reached the same point. Simon is level one. I was level two (by today’s criteria) at his age (I’m currently level one). That’s probably why I finished my training a bit later. I was first diagnosed in the late 1970s just after my two-year checkup. Even so when my parents tell the story of my toilet training they use such words as “stubborn”, “independent”, “oblivious”, and “apathetic”. This pretty sums up my observations on this topic for now.
For our son, Ezra we are having a difficult time potty training him. We still have hope, but we feel he needs to grow a little and he needs to hit an age where he responds to his accidents. Right now it seems that if he notices, he doesn’t really care that much.
I was a bit like this myself. I was five-and-half in preschool before I was even close to getting all the way there myself. Basically I was trained just in time for kindergarten just before age six. I am currently level one but back then my symptoms were pretty much level two (and they would be at that level at least through grade school).
@@7AheadfamilyHave you tried taking Ezra’s diaper off and having him be otherwise fully clothed and having him sit on someone’s lap until an accident happens? There will be a lot of extra laundry but at this point it might be the only way to get Ezra to the finish line (as it were). If you have tried this then how recently have you tried it and how did he respond? You might try this with him as often as once (or even twice) a day (and point out what is happening while it is happening). From my own memories that helped quite a bit with my own training (especially the “#1” portion of it (since I could see and feel the liquid coming out)). My mother started doing this with me when I was 3 and a half and sometime after I turned four (up to three months after that) my mother started to see regular and consistent results from this. My mother had to deal with at least nine months of wet laps (for example) during this process but in the end it paid off. Also (when it comes to the “#2” portion of it) you will need to determine if Ezra knows the mechanics of how to push it out in a sitting position. This is actually the most unnatural position for the act of defecation so it takes some time and practice to get used to. If he doesn’t know how to do this then you will need to teach him how to do it. It may be too overwhelming for Ezra to learn the mechanics of how to do this while sitting on the toilet initially. Therefore you will need to break the process up into individual parts and do it in stages. You might need to teach him how to do this first in other locations like in his high chair, while sitting on your lap, or even on that booster seat in his size that he uses in the car. After he gets the mechanics of it down in the correct position you will then want to have him practice on the toilet at least once or twice a day (especially after meals or snacks). This is what I remember my mother doing with me and it eventually worked. This is the part that I struggled with the most. It took me from about age four to five-and-a-half to get there fairly consistently (just in time for preschool). By the way if you rewatch the older videos with Simon’s first day of preschool and the doctors visit to put the new strap on the braces on his feet it looks like Simon learned the mechanics of this in pretty much the same way that I described here. In the doctor’s visit video it looked like Simon was perhaps pushing his feet against the back of the driver’s seat shortly before he said “poo poo”. Could Simon have perhaps been pretending to use the toilet at this moment? Only he knows for sure but it’s possible. Also in the scene in the first day of preschool video Simon appears to be actively pushing while drinking his smoothie (or whatever it is) near the end of the video. Again maybe he’s pretending that he’s on the toilet, but then again only he knows. If this was what Simon was doing then it would actually represent an important form of mental rehearsal that helped him to reach the point in the daytime toilet training process where he is now (even though one or more commentators at the time (wrongly in my opinion) dismissed it as toilet training resistance). Either way if you can teach Ezra the mechanics of what Simon was doing in those two videos that could be a good starting point and then with time have Ezra do more of this practice on the toilet and less of it in other places until he eventually gets to where he needs to be.
This is so amazing to hear another parent understanding the daily struggles of potty training with a autistic child. Definitely glad you pointed out the rewards and incentives. Most importantly the way you said they don't like to stop what they're doing when it's time to go. Great job breaking this down love your videos
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Please dont show kids on the potty. I feel like that is an invasion of privacy... i no id be embarresed if it was me and my parents did that! Also you have no idea who is watching this there are lots of preditors out there. Im not trying to be rude or mean i do like your vlogs but i feel like kids deserve privacy too and the bathroom should always be private. Its fine to give tips and talk about how to help them but please dont show it.
How’s he at night for he still where pampers at night still or does he get up if needs to go. Accidents will happen here and there the number 2 might be harder to work on I bet is he afraid of the flush when I was his age the flush really scared me it was sensory I guess at the time
@@7AheadfamilyThat’s good. Don’t worry if it takes a while. Some kids (even neurotypical ones) don’t finish their nighttime training until age five or even six (or a bit later). Some years ago when I was in college (in the late 1990s (over twenty years ago)) one of the cafeteria workers mentioned matter-of-factly to another worker that she needs to buy diapers for her four-year-old son because he still uses diapers at night. From what I recall he was not autistic but he did have ADHD. The other worker asked her if she was worried about this. She said that she was at first so she asked his pediatrician about it. He told her that they don’t even begin to worry about nighttime diaper usage (let alone call for any medical tests to determine the cause) until after the child’s sixth birthday. That means that what Simon is doing at night is technically within the norm for at least another year (if not two years).
I was just asking Microsoft Copilot about ways in which a toddler who is three years old (for example) might try to get a bath if he isn’t yet able to ask for one. One of the possibilities that is listed is making a mess with food, paint, or dirt. Based on where Ezra’s communication skills are right now I wonder if that might explain some of the things that Ezra does. Maybe if you add an option for “bath” to his communication app you will begin to see a decrease in mess making of all kinds and his potty training might improve as well. I also wonder if some of Simon’s accidents as recently as about a year ago (even after he started using some sentences here and there) might have been a result of wanting to take a bath but not being able to ask for one yet. I asked Copilot questions about things that a toddler who isn’t yet able to ask for a bath might do because I was recently talking to my mother on the phone and I mentioned that a kindergarten-age kid in my neighborhood who is level two will sometimes use his car seat instead of the toilet (even as soon as right after he has been strapped in) and my mother suggested that maybe he’s doing this because he likes baths but can’t ask for them yet. Copilot also seems to recognize this as a possibility for kids who are struggling with communication in that type of situation (even if it’s currently somewhere between the twentieth and fortieth item down on its list).
Great video, i was going to mentioned what also helped us to have him go in public places we bought a fold up seat on amazon. so it folds up small for a purse or diaper bag and we always take it or to grandmas. Plus we used a potty watch at first he loved wearing it and you can set the timer and then it sings a potty song and lights up.
These were all great tips. The only thing I did differently was to use a potty chair with all 3 of my children. It was something wide, sturdy, and short so they could easily get on and off by themselves. It also allowed me to use the big toilet while they used their little potty at the same time. Seeing what other people do while in the bathroom is a big help to some kids. We also had a potty chair in the back of the suv which was great when we were out and about or on road trips. Also, having books or electronics in the bathroom was so distracting to my kids that they wouldn’t successfully potty. We had to concentrate on what we were there to do. 😊 So every kid really is different.
Thankyou so much for these awesome tips so helpful and a life saver. We tried one in particular with our 4 year old son who is also ASD/ ADHD and it was a success. Thankyou love all your videos.
At first, we had to watch him. And we would help him go sit on the potty every 30 minutes for a while. It took a while, but eventually he learned to go on his own. Now, he is fully potty trained, even in the middle of the night he will get up and use the potty. 😊
@@7Aheadfamily Having more traditional pajamas that are easy to put on and take off (like in the most recent video) probably helps with this. If Simon is able to put on and take off his nighttime diapers he can use the toilet when he needs and wants to during the night and he will still be covered should a mishap happen closer to morning (for example). I read an article a while back (I forget where) that mentioned that according to sleep studies people (pretty much regardless of age) who wet the bed will urinate at least two times over the course of the night. This shows that it’s mostly a result of low levels of anti diuretic hormone.
Hi! My son is 8 years old & he still doenst want to use the toilet doing job no 2. He passed the on peeing in the toilet but still he doesnt wanna use the toilet to poop. We knew the cues when he is about to go no 2 but once we put him on the toilet, he'll just sit and wait. I have no idea on what else to do. Any suggestion anyone? Thanks ❤
It is very good that Simon is already saying thank you. I was at least nine years old (if not ten) (right around the age that I started to be able to experience embarrassment fairly consistently in certain situations) before I could say “thank you” (even with a reminder (like Simon does in this video)).
Neurotypical people that I know tell me that they get used to the feeling of underwear and clothes shortly after putting them on. As someone who is on the spectrum who does not experience this I don’t know what that is like. On a related note diapers and underwear can sometimes feel very similar to the person who is wearing it especially at an early age. This means that if someone who is on the spectrum is in the middle of potty training and notices the tightness of the waistband and/or leg elastics of a pair of underwear while sitting in a car seat and doing a potty dance he or she may erroneously think that he or she is wearing a diaper just long enough to let go too early, leading to saying something like “Oh no, Potty!” when he or she notices the mistake. That might be what happened with Simon that time when you were on that shopping trip to Dollar Tree.
@@7Aheadfamily If Ezra does that in a similar situation (e.g. on a long car ride or a shopping trip) it could be a result of underwear/diaper confusion like what probably happened in that instance with Simon last year. You can probably address that by having Ezra wear sweatpants without underwear underneath so that he won’t get confused, mistakenly think that he has a diaper on and possibly make a mistake as a result. I seem to remember my mother doing this with me just before I started kindergarten (at age five, almost six) when I was still often making the same type of mistake mentioned here and that seemed to help my toilet training quite a bit on car rides and other short to medium trips outside the house. Results weren’t perfect but my training did start to improve at the point on short to medium car rides, shopping trips, trips to some local parks, etc.
Many kids don’t understand time well enough until age two-and-a-half to three (or even four) to respond to timers but when they are ready something like a timer app or a potty watch can be effective when they are ready. Many kids who have either level one or level two autism might not respond to timers until at least age three-and-a-half. Some children (especially if they are level three) might take even longer with this.
My 5 year old son has autism and is currently struggling to use restrooms at school, he never really liked public restrooms due to loud noises and sensory issues so it feels like we’re starting all over again but in school now 😢 headphones and safety item are not helping much unfortunately, but I won’t give up ❤
For me as someone with mild autism potty training took way longer for me. I think I was completely potty trained during the day at some point when I was 7 and became completely potty trained day and night when I was 8. I remember that I often wouldn’t even be able to communicate needing to use the bathroom at a lot of times and would often hold it during the day especially at school. Friends who were a few years younger than me were completely potty trained while I was still having accidents even during the day. Wheras for my older brother with severe autism he didn’t become fully potty trained until fairly recently. Even now he uses things as toilets that aren’t even toilets. He also went through a long phase of smearing #2 all over his room luckily he eventually learned not to do that by watching our dad clean it up. Hasn’t been doing it since. He also has a camping toilet in his room since he’s locked in his room at night. But I remember our parents would get very frustrated with us for constantly having accidents and sometimes even yell at us. One time a while back I was at a party that involved a sleepover that I couldn’t stay at because I was still having accidents pretty much every night and I was upset about that. I also had a chart about accidents I had at night and it varied for a while but eventually I got it and I’m glad that’s over with now.
One thing you could try to begin transitioning Ezra out of his high chair is to have him sometimes sit on your lap while eating. My mother started doing this with me when I was four years old and by age five I no longer needed my high chair. I was level two when I was growing up (I’m currently level one). By this point Ezra should be ready to begin this transition. You can start small by having him eat a snack while sitting on your lap. When you are away from the house (especially in an outdoor setting) you may need to have him sit in his stroller to eat so he doesn’t wander off. There are two benefits to transitioning him away from the high chair: 1. First, if he needs to use the toilet during a meal or a snack he might be able to sometimes get there in time if he is not in his high chair. If you need to get him out of his high chair there might not be enough time for this. At this point you might put him in his high chair in the morning (for breakfast) and right after school (for an after school snack) and let him do whatever he needs to in those situations if it makes him more comfortable (unless he shows signs of wanting to use the toilet before this such as pulling your arm and taking you to the bathroom like he did on that one Sunday morning). If he acts like he wants to get out of his high chair (even during those times) it could be an indication that he needs (and wants) to use the toilet and on those occasions you can take him to the bathroom. With this approach you’re not really aiming for one hundred percent toilet usage (even at this point) but over time you’re trying to get him there more and more. As time goes on he will probably indicate with his tablet more often when he needs (and wants) to go and that will reduce any guesswork about when you need to take him to the bathroom. On a related note Andrea Olson’s Elimination Communication blog and RUclips channel has a video about transition times in which it might make sense to offer a bathroom break (called a “pottytunity” in elimination communication). While you are not technically doing elimination communication with Ezra (given his age) some of her ideas such as offering a bathroom break at certain times like just before a meal, just after a meal, just before a bath, and just after a bath (and other similar transition times) might be helpful. You won’t get results every time but some results are better than none. You don’t necessarily need to offer a bathroom break every time. For example, first thing in the morning Ezra might be too tired, and right after school he might be too stressed out and/or too tired. During other times you will probably get some results when offering a bathroom break. 2. If his stomach becomes upset he might be able to make it to the sink before vomiting if he’s not in a high chair. Later on as he gets older and his nausea is less severe you can have him attempt to reach the toilet for this as well. Over time you will also begin to see results in this area. For now, this pretty much sums up my thoughts on this.
My daughter is diagnosed with F83...She's 2 year old and I plan to potty train her in summer...I would like to know how to easy teach her because she doesnt know to show me when she has to pee or poop.She speaks but its just babling,not words in comunicative way
Good luck! you'll do awesome. That is a big step in a toddler's life. We are planning on making more content to help parents in this chapter of their life. Thanks for letting us know what kind of content you are interested in.
You’re right about avoiding potty chairs if at all possible. Some kids do actually need to toilet train twice if one is used. I know I was one of them. Here is essentially what happened to me. My parents started potty training me with a potty chair between 18 months and 2 years. It took until I was about three-and-a-half years old before they saw any results. Shortly after that I was basically trained on the potty chair. Then I turned four and my parents decided that I was too old for the potty chair and they threw it away. At that point I didn’t use any toilets for a long time. It might have been as long as two or three months. Even after this my re-training was just beginning and it took well over a year after that for me to be trained well enough to get into kindergarten. But that’s another story.
I heard Ezra takes his clothes off to take off his diaper. He doesn’t seem to like it, besides I heard regular diapers affect potty training due to the child being unable to tell if they peed or pooped, have you tried cloth diapers or underwear. It seems like Ezra doesn’t like anything too bulky, so maybe change what he wears as diapers of regular material. This would help with not just Simon, but Ezra too. I actually worn a diaper as an adult for a week due to poor bladder control, and TMI alert, but I could tell what it felt like. Not only bulky, but physically annoying (the best I can describe it is like real sheep wool mixed with polyester and plastic shopping bags on your covered area, so itchy) and when I peed in it, I mistaken it for poop, and it took me back to when I was younger and wearing it at night and I soiled it in my sleep. Also have you identified why potty training such a problem with Ezra. Ask yourself these questions 1) Can Ezra communicate the need to go? 2) Can he tell when he needs to go? 3) Is there anything he doesn’t like about being in the bathroom (examples: cold floor toilet seat or water, hot water, slimy or icky soap, strong smelling soap shower supplies or even their own number one or two, the bathroom light being too bright, etc) 4) Does he show any of the signs of readiness you mentioned? 5) Any gut issues that may affect potty training such as diarrhea or constipation (you don’t have to tell me what they are, just say yes or no) 6) Does he have the gross motor skills and the self care skills to do so? I don’t mean to go in your business. Sorry
It’s good that Simon uses the toilet very well during the day. How is Simon with communicating his needs in this area? Does he know the following phrases (and perhaps some like them). 1.”I want potty.” 2.”I went potty.” 3.”I’m going potty.” 4.”I have to go potty.” 5. The above phrases but the words pee (or pee-pee) or poo (or poo-poo) instead of “potty”. These phrases can be useful especially in unfamiliar locations away from home. Later on he can learn to ask where the bathroom is if he doesn’t already know the location of the bathroom (e.g. in a new park,store,etc.)
Regarding the use of the word “independent”: When I was younger one mistake my parents (especially my mother, but not exclusively) made was to almost exclusively use the word “independent” to mean “stubborn”. Therefore it was not uncommon after I had an accident (at any age) and was cleaned up for my mother to pick up the phone, call her mother, and tell her that I was probably never going to be toilet trained and that I was being really “independent” lately. For most of the time that this happened I was not embarrassed by this just confused. My ability to feel embarrassed only started to work when I was about nine years old and became more consistent around ten or so. I guess this is probably a result of being level two on the spectrum back then. Even at that age I was still having some daytime accidents of both kinds and my mother would call her mother to complain about it and say some things along the lines of “I thought he was finally potty trained but I guess I was wrong!”. Those accidents were actually embarrassing but not the ones when I was younger. I finally stopped having daytime accidents (of both kinds) by the end of grade school (about age eleven). Many of those were a result of getting too involved in playing or other activities. Before that with each year accidents became less common but they still happened from time to time. In short if you use the word “independent” try not to use it to mean “stubborn” at least not when you are toilet training at least one kid. At best it is confusing. As you might imagine I only ended up learning the main use of the word “independent” many years later when I learned about the Declaration of Independence in eighth grade history at about age fourteen. I previously heard the primary use of the word independent from the elf who visited the island of misfit toys with Rudolph in the Rankin Bass special each Christmas season but even though I remembered the special pretty much verbatim after only a viewing or two that particular use of the word “independent” still didn’t register with me for a long time. That pretty much sums up my observations on the use of the word “independent” for the time being.
When I was growing up I had some regressions at a later age than usual. I remember having a regression similar to what Simon had in this video when I was in third grade (age nine). This was just at the point when I was beginning to experience embarrassment. My mother noticed that I was constipated because I was at a garage sale and I was squatting down next to a tree and trying to soil my underwear. A short time after that I was still trying to “go” when I was sitting in the back seat of the car on the way home. Fortunately (in a way) neither effort produced any results. One of the last times that I did that previously (from what I can remember) was about three years earlier at age six under similar circumstances. I think it happened this late for me because I was level two by today’s standards. I was pretty much back to normal (or my version of normal) after my constipation was cleared up with a combination of drinking some prune juice and being given an enema.
As a child we had no clue that id possibly got aspergers but at 3 id say pot pot gir potty or toilet but when i started school fine during day but mum had to put covers for me to lsy on at night but i think i grew iut of it at about 9 or 10 years old now i think rrmembering to dronk enough water or fruit and veg to help with no twos ❤
Some suggestions regarding potty training, bike riding, and keeping things on track: It is good that Simon is both potty trained during the day and learning to ride a bike. One issue that I had when I was learning to ride a bike was getting too involved in what I was doing and not making it to the bathroom in time. I was about eight years old at the time (so twice as old as Simon). Part of the reason that this happened with me is likely that I was level two when I was younger. Simon is level one but even being trained for as long as he has it would not be uncommon for something like this to happen especially on longer bike rides. You can reduce the frequency of any such accidents by buying Simon a portable urinal (available at pretty much any drug store) and having it available for him to use should it be necessary in any location where restrooms may not be readily available. Something like a large towel or picnic blanket could help in any situations where he would need some level of privacy. That way he can be out of view when necessary to minimize any embarrassment (for example). A portable urinal might also help with Simon’s nighttime training when he starts to wake up dry. If for any reason (including not being able to get the bedroom door open in time, fear of the dark, etc.) Simon wakes up dry and can’t make it all the way to the bathroom the portable urinal will give him something that he can use instead of a pull-up, diaper, or something similar in these circumstances. That being said there will probably be some accidents anyway (for a while at least) just like in the bike riding scenario but this will make it possible to minimize these enough to avoid any significant regressions and at Simon’s age that’s the main objective. In Ezra’s case you will probably want to continue his toilet training at home for about another two or three weeks. Depending on where Ezra is in his training by then you might also want to have him ride the bike without a diaper on and get him a portable urinal of his own that he can use on bike rides (and other outdoor settings where a restroom might not be available) to keep accidents to a minimum. Maybe Simon and Ezra’s urinals can be kept in a back pack (or something similar) and they can use them during breaks after the bike stops as needed. For long car rides there are urinal bags available (usually on a drug store’s incontinence aisle) that can be placed inside the urinal to keep the risk of spills fairly low. I noticed those bags on the incontinence aisle at a Walgreens last year when I was walking down that aisle during the time that I was dealing with an 8 millimeter kidney stone and the wide variety of symptoms that it was causing. But that’s a whole other story. For now I think this covers the main observations that I have on this topic.
Possible potty seat safety issues: I just looked at the Amazon reviews for the potty seat that Simon is using (using the link provided in the video description for this video) and one of the reviews states that the product fell apart after no more than 6 months and that it resulted in their two-year-old being injured in a fall. That review warns users about the potential dangers of this product. In addition, other users (and the product description) mention that this product doesn’t fit all toilets. Therefore this product might be good for some people (at least in the very short term) but not others. Hopefully Simon will outgrow this product before it wears out. If the more negative product reviews are even remotely accurate you will want to check Simon’s potty seat on a regular basis for any signs of wear and tear and consider replacing it if you have any questions about it.
My parents (and probably some other relatives) could tell any number of stories about my regressions (some as late as when I was in kindergarten). Such regressions are part of the reason why I needed to change over to a different kindergarten class in the same school with a smaller class size where the teacher could read my cues (e.g. the potty dance). Fortunately I was pretty much back on track before first grade and able to start first grade on schedule.
Two toilet training suggestions that might help someone who is on the spectrum: 1. Get siblings (especially younger siblings) involved in the process. This is a good idea as long as the sibling is willing to help out and any help given is completely voluntary. A little over a day ago I rewatched the video about the shopping trip to Dollar Tree. This time I rewatched the video on my TV using the Chromecast. Only then did I realize how much better my TV’s sound is than my iPad even with good headphones. I am mentioning this because toward the very end of the video I noticed a detail that I missed on previous viewings. In the scene when you are in the garage just before you mentioned that he is “still training” (or something to that effect) and that “it comes with the territory” I noticed Marie saying something about helping Simon. To me this means at least one of two things. First, Marie might have been willing to help Simon to clean up after what happened earlier. Second, Marie might had Simon sit on the toilet and practice his training for a short time (e.g. between one and five minutes (but not more than that)). Simon and Marie seem to be pretty close and he may have sometimes felt less pressure trying for her than he would sitting there trying for you. The fact that they are both young probably helps with this. This wasn’t really an option back in the late 1970s and early 1980s when I was training because my sister was not interested (despite only a four year age difference) but with Simon and Marie it seems to work (given that she seems to be interested in learning some of the basic details of taking care of a younger sibling). On a related note I am wondering if some of Ezra’s feeding issues could be worsened by “nerves”. I already know that he has acid reflux. If he is also nervous about having to eat in front of you that might sometimes worsen the situation. If Marie (for example) helps out with feeding Ezra from time to time he might be more willing to eat for her. Naturally you will want to have an iPhone or other camera set up nearby to make sure that he actually eats if no one else is watching at the moment. This way you will know if the food is eaten that Ezra is the one eating it. This is important because sometimes if a sibling eats some of the food to show the other sibling how delicious the food is (in order to motivate the other sibling to try some) it is possible to overestimate how much food the one you are tying to feed actually eats. This was probably never an issue in my case because my sister rarely (if ever) got involved with either my toilet training or my feeding (or even feeding the family dog (or the Guinea Pig, for that matter) but that’s another story) but in some instances it can be important. Second 2. Celebrate and reward partial successes (if any occur). There are two ways that partial successes can occur. First: Especially if the child is close to being fully daytime trained he or she may have a partial wetting accident and be able to cut the flow maybe up to halfway through. In this instance the parent (or perhaps a sibling) can have him or her sit on the toilet and try to finish if possible. It is possible (especially if Simon only emptied himself out partway in his car seat and managed to cut the flow) that maybe Marie did this with Simon after the shopping trip to Dollar Tree. If so, then maybe he was able to “go” a little bit (perhaps even up to half way) for Marie and got an Oreo cookie (or other reward) in combination with a “good boy Simon!”, etc. from Marie. I noticed that Simon’s daytime training seemed to wrap up not long after this (aside from at least one one or two minor regressions in the scheme of things) so maybe events unfolded more or less how I pictured them. On a related note you could perhaps encourage such partial successes with Ezra and use them as part of his training. As soon as you are confident that Ezra understands the concepts of “peeing” and “pooping” you could have him sit on your lap (without a diaper on (so will know right away if he starts or stops going)) if he hasn’t “gone” in a while. While he is sitting there you could read a story to him about toilet training or perhaps watch a short video about it. During this video or story (or slightly after) you could have him try to wet on your lap for maybe about five seconds (to the count of five) and then see if he can stop the flow after starting. This might be useful if Ezra still doesn’t mind being wet (or perhaps even likes it). This way the wetness itself could actually serve as a reward. A little while after this (if he is able to successfully cut the flow after starting) you can have him sit on the toilet and finish there and get a cookie (or other reward) for finishing on the toilet. On a related note you will want to go over the concepts of “wet” and “dry” with Ezra (if you are not already doing this). Also in the regression section of this video you mentioned a “puddle in the corner”. Does this mean that Simon was beginning to hide before going shortly before he finished training? It is not quite clear from what was mentioned. Or did he just sometimes get too involved while playing with toy cars, blocks, legos, etc. while playing in the corner sometimes and have an accident here and there for that reason? If Simon was starting to hide then it’s possible that Ezra might start making some progress (however minor) soon (since he likes to hide before “going” sometimes and that is often described in books and articles (as well as many blogs) as sign of toilet training readiness. While I was training back in the late 1970s and early 1980s this was not an option for me because I only learned how to cut the flow after starting when I was about one to two years older that Ezra is now. Yes, I was actually nine to ten years old when I figured out how to do this even though most neurotypical kids learn this any time between ages two and five. This is probably because I was level two on the spectrum (I’m now level one) when I was younger. In addition I also have a very mild form of cerebral palsy and that also might have had some effect on this (although some doctors, nurses, etc. who I have talked to over the years don’t really know if that played a role in this or not). I have noticed that only a small number of toilet training books and articles (or even blogs) seem to mention the importance of celebrating partial successes. I have heard and read that the reason for this is that most toilet training books and articles (as well as many blogs) are geared toward getting a neurotypical child toilet trained. Since (typically) a neurotypical child will be more devious than an autistic child (although a few rare exceptions exist here and there there, especially in some instances of level one autism) the concern is that a neurotypical child will play games and maximize their rewards by “going” a little bit, finishing on the toilet, getting a cookie or other reward, and frequently repeating this to get as many cookies (or other rewards) as he or she wants. This type of devious behavior is quite rare for kids on the spectrum (even at level one) so for current purposes it is probably almost a non-issue unless a parent absolutely one hundred percent knows for a fact that a child on the spectrum is doing this. Second: The other way to celebrate partial successes is to have the child try to poop on the toilet after either a full or partial wetting accident. There shouldn’t be any pressure to this and he or she will only need to try for maybe five minutes at the most regardless of whether there are any results. If he or she is able to poop he or she can be rewarded for this (e.g. with a cookie). For now that’s about all I can think of on this subject.
Some of my early memories of using the big toilet in the downstairs bathroom at my parents house consisted of sitting on my mother’s lap and having her hold me while I was on the toilet. Back then they didn’t have potty seats (or something more basic like a potty ring) like they have today. I also wonder if something like a step stool and a potty ring might be a safer alternative to the potty seat that he is using right now, given that at least one product review questions whether Simon’s potty seat is safe to use even for as little as six months (even for someone only two years old). Some parents might find this (sitting on mom’s lap) technique to be useful if they don’t have a potty seat yet. Back in the late 1970s this type of product might not have existed yet (or at least my parents didn’t know about them) and my mother had to resort to this technique even when I was up to two or three months past my fourth birthday. You might need to get Simon used the lap method that I mentioned above if his current potty seat begins to show signs of wear and tear before he outgrows it. Also, I’m probably not the only person wondering if you take Simon’s potty seat on trips to the park, grocery stores, malls, department stores, etc. or whether you have some alternative method for dealing with that situation without having to resort to diapers or training pants during daylight hours.
Here’s another toilet training skill that parents sometimes (or even often) overlook: Children are usually taught fairly quickly that “#1 and #2” go into the toilet. Then one day the child experiences nausea and vomiting and doesn’t know what to do. This can lead to some fairly predictable results. Sometimes one or more parent will erroneously think that knowing what to do in this situation is “just common sense” because they know what to do and they don’t remember a time when they did not know what to do in this situation. This happened to me on Thanksgiving when I was six years old and I was car sick and also the dinner did not agree with me. After that I knew that it was necessary to head to the bathroom if I felt nauseous.
The thing that Simon is drawing on reminds me of an Etch-a-sketch. I started using one of those when I was very young. It might have been during potty training, or it might have been later. I’m not completely sure which at the moment. This might be a good toy to consider if you want a child to be able to draw while sitting on the toilet without the possibility of dropping a pencil, crayon, or stylus into the toilet.
A note about toilet training, training pants, and traveling (e.g. over Thanksgiving or Christmas): It not uncommon for parents to use disposable training pants (such as pull-ups or easy ups) while traveling (on long road trips) on kids who are as recently trained as Simon is because a rest room may not always be available the minute that it is needed. Here are some tips that I have heard from parents and grandparents of recently trained kids that can be useful for keeping the car clean while minimizing any toilet training regressions. 1. Bring plenty of underwear and changes of clothes. You will likely need these even if it’s just because of possible motion sickness. 2. Another reason to bring plenty of underwear: To minimize the chance of a recently toilet trained child simply using the training pants like a regular diaper it is best to put a pair of underwear inside the training pants so that he or she will feel wet if he or she “goes”. To minimize the chance of leaking it is best to make sure that the underpants are completely inside the training pants including waistband and leg elastics (if at all possible). 3. Even if the child will mostly be using his training pants during trip it is best to maintain as much toilet training as possible by taking him to the toilet after meals and snacks at any rest area even if you are pretty sure that he has already “gone”. He doesn’t necessarily need to “go” but it necessary to try each time for up to three or even five minutes. 4. If at all possible only use diapers at night at the destination. 5. If the child will be swimming use swim diapers such as Little Swimmers or Splashers. These look like a bathing suit (sort of) while still providing any protection needed for any accidental “movements” (as it were) while swimming. This pretty much sums up what I have to say about training pants and traveling.
I was just reading an article online about potty training regression and the article mentioned that one of the changes that can cause a regression is moving from a crib (for example) to a new bed. Even though Simon seemed to like his new bed I wonder if maybe that was what might have triggered the potty training regression in the regression section of this video (especially if the dog bed was comforting for him). I’m not sure because I don’t know when that regression happened. Fortunately that regression seemed to have been fairly short-lived (probably lasting less than a week). From the sound of it Simon’s daytime potty training was back on track soon after that. Regarding Ezra’s possible fear of the flush: Either that article or another article on the same site mentioned two things that parents can do to help kids to overcome their fear of the flush. One is to have the child stand next to the toilet and flush some toilet paper in order to become familiar with the flushing process. Another suggestion made is to have the child (at least initially) stand up before flushing so that the fear of being flushed down the toilet won’t be an issue. On a similar note the related fear of going down the drain is a common enough one that Mister Roger’s Neighbor has an episode about it. More recently (I think all the way back in the 1990s) Rugrats also had an episode where Chuckle was afraid of going down the drain during bath time. According to TV Tropes that Rugrats episode (titled “Down the Drain”) is Season 2 episode 19. I should note, though, that Chuckie’s fear started after Angelica told him a story so that episode would probably not be the best for Simon or Ezra (at least until they eventually have a better understanding of the differences between fact and fiction). The Mister Roger’s Neighborhood 1996 episode “You Can Never Go Down the Drain” would be much better for them if at least one of them has this fear. The PBS RUclips channel also has this Mr Roger’s song. The song was also in some Mr Roger’s episodes going back to at least the 1970s (or perhaps the late 1960s) so in other words this fear seems to be one that kids have had for a long time.
It’s good that Marie was pointing to various objects in the bathroom and asking Simon “Is this the potty?” and waiting for an answer. For children who are able to understand some questions and who are beginning to communicate verbally like Simon is this is a very important step for reinforcing relevant memories of what a toilet is (and what it isn’t) and clearing up any confusion/misconceptions that the child might have about this. Also if a parent has decided to use training pants of any kind and the child is at least as verbal as Simon is in this video it is important to ask him or her questions to make sure that he or she understands the difference between underpants, training pants, diapers, and what each one is for. I know someone who has a grandson who is in at least his second year of kindergarten who has level two autism and only recently became as verbal as Simon is now. He is good at math and reading for someone his age (He actually does math and reading on up to a second grade level (at least on good days)) but he’s still in kindergarten in the morning because of some struggles with both toilet training and socializing. In the afternoon he does math and reading in more advanced classes in a first or second grade classroom) but he still gets certain concepts like (“potty chair” and “car seat”) and (“underwear” and “training pants”) mixed up fairly often. He sometimes uses the toilet and can even usually change himself after a wetting accident (he still wears either pull-ups or easy ups pretty much all the time). If reminded he will often use the toilet but he’s not really completely independent yet. It is at least possible that if he were asked questions similar to the ones that Marie asked Simon like “Is this a potty?” on a regular basis that some of his current misunderstandings might have been cleared up already, but then again who knows? On a related note by about age five to five-and-a-half after I was training for a while (for me a while was a year or so) (back in the early 1980s) if I started “going” in the wrong place my mother would say (if I was sitting on her lap at the time and starting to “go”) “Silly Tommy, Mommy’s not a potty!”. If I was wetting my car seat (or having any type of accident) at the same age my mother would say things like “Uh-oh (or oh no) Tommy you’re going potty in your car seat”. Other times she would say things like “Silly Tommy that’s not a potty that’s your car seat!”. Given where I was socially at that age (I was level two/“moderate” on the spectrum by today’s criteria) I wouldn’t experience embarrassment on anything like a regular basis until at least age nine (if not ten) but mild corrections like these after a genuine misunderstanding leading to an “accident” of either type still worked pretty well for me without any time outs. For me time outs (typically one minute for each year of age) followed by a brief explanation of why I was put in time out were typically reserved for any obvious “on purposes” such as wetting or soiling as part of a temper tantrum. I only rarely did this, but it did happen from time to time even at age five or so. No other punishments were ever needed for me to complete my toilet training. For now that pretty much sums up my observations on this.
Simon (usually) doesn’t like getting wet. If his feelings about this change and his daytime potty training starts to slip as a result you might want to show him some Paw Patrol episodes featuring Rocky. Rocky is the Gray puppy who doesn’t like being wet and says “Green means go!”. I happened to think of this when I watched some episodes of Paw Patrol from Season Three and the 2021 Paw Patrol movie last night. If you want to refresh your memory on the characters on Paw Patrol and some of the funniest and otherwise memorable moments in the series TV Tropes has a pretty good list. I figured I would mention this because in the event that Simon’s daytime potty training begins to slip you might need to try a few things that are subtle to get things back on track. Also, some of the best potty training episodes that I have seen are the two Rugrats episodes “Chuckie vs the Potty” and “Potty Training Spike”. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood also has some pretty good episodes on potty training (especially in regard to the importance of stopping what you are doing if you need to “go”). On a related note the Cocomelon Lane episode “JJ’s Gotta Go” covers the same theme. Daniel Tiger on Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and JJ on Cocomelon Lane seem to be somewhere around Simon’s age. I figured I would mention these things because given Simon’s (possible) PDA he might need something somewhat subtle but still direct enough to get things back on track if his daytime toilet training begins to slip (which could happen during a less structured time of year (like Summer Vacation) or perhaps something like a family vacation/family road trip.
I probably would have finished my training more quickly if my parents worked on generalization with me. Instead I was only trained on the potty chair initially. Then the downstairs toilet at home. Next the downstairs and upstairs toilets. About a year later at age five-and-a-half I was able to at least sometimes use the toilets at preschool. By kindergarten at almost age six I was able to use the toilets mentioned above and the toilets at both of my grandparents houses (as well as the ones at the school where my kindergarten class was). Using other toilets was something that I needed to learn one toilet at a time until I started first grade (at almost age seven). By that point I was pretty much able to generalize at least when it comes to this area of my development.
The next toilet training areas you can work on with Simon are using the toilet standing up, followed by nighttime training. There is no rush with either of these. My father started working on the “going standing up” skill with me when I was tall enough to get on the toilet and use it without assistance. For me this was around age four-and-a-half. When Simon is a bit older his father or one of his older brothers can show him how to do this. Regarding nighttime training one thing that Simon can work on (which ties in with becoming more independent) is being able to put on and take off his own nighttime diapers. Also being able to put on and take off his own pajamas can help in this regard (provided that he wakes up in time). The rest of it just comes down to a combination of bladder capacity and waking up in a timely enough fashion. For the vast majority of kids this eventually comes in time. Usually there’s not much (if anything) that can be done to speed this up to any significant degree.
Ive only been following your damily for a short time. Did these steps work for Ezra? My son is very similar to Ezra, and potty training feels like it may never happen.
Ezra is on his own journey. There have been some things with him that have helped, but he is still learning. We hope to make another video here soon about Ezra’s journey getting potty trained. It will look different than this one. It will be more for level 3 Autism. And yes, we are dealing with that right now, with Ezra. It is hard, for sure. ❤️ -Holly
I remember when I was younger and still using a potty chair (so before age four) I wasn’t able to undo the button on my shorts and I didn’t know how to ask for help yet so at least three times I felt the need to “go” and sat down on the potty chair with my shorts still on. Needless to say I needed a bath whenever this happened. One time when this happened my mother was in the kitchen making spaghetti and meatballs. Another time when I wasn’t feeling well (I think I had a cold) my mother was in the kitchen making chicken noodle soup for me. And yet another time my mother was taking a nap on the couch. In all three instances that I can remember I ended up having a bath just before dinner. I have read on various blogs that it is not uncommon for kids in general to do this off and on when they are toilet training.
We get that all the time, Simon is level 1 Autism and has been getting a lot of early intervention that has helped him learn a lot these past two years. Here is a video that tells his story when he was first diagnosed, it was really surprising. ruclips.net/video/uGl3bLiDHJg/видео.htmlsi=L34YnI--RxvywJW_
Regarding generalization: From what I remember of my own training generalization of training has several parts. First there is the understanding that stores, restaurants, and other places have toilets. I’m guessing that even as late as age four this doesn’t come easily for many kids (even some neurotypical ones) given that Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood has a whole episode about this. After this point there is the ability to verbally communicate a need first at home, then out and about. Simon seemed to understand by last September that bathrooms existed outside the house and he would generally make it if you noticed him doing a potty dance and took him to the bathroom. If this did not occur he would either try to wait until he got home or wait until he was somewhere comfortable (such as his car seat) before doing whatever he needed to do (only he knows for certain which one he was attempting to do in those instances. Also only he knows for certain whether he knew in those instances whether he had underwear or a diaper on. Maybe when his communication gets better he will be able to tell you this if he remembers the events and his thought processes well enough at that time.). Late last year or even earlier this year we haven’t heard much about the development of Simon’s verbal communication and how it has come along. From videos and comments I know that Simon is able to tell you what he needs at home. I have to wonder, though what happens if (for example) you are on a long shopping trip (e.g. to Target, Walmart, or a local grocery store) with the entire family and you are watching to make sure that no one wanders off but maybe you’re not specifically watching for potty dances in those situations. In those instances (even in an unfamiliar store) is Simon able to verbalize that he needs to “go” and wait for the rest room or is that still something that will come later? By way of reference since I was level two when I was growing up (I’m currently level one) I didn’t consistently verbalize when I needed to “go” when I was out and about until I was at some point past my sixth birthday. In fact one of my first memories of being able to do this (if not my first) was on a family road trip to Niagara Falls at age six and three quarters (not long before I started first grade). Prior to that I would usually try to wait until I got home. Whenever that wasn’t option for any reason and before being able to verbalize my need (shortly after turning six when I was no longer in diapers during the day) I would then try to wait for the car seat instead. By that point I understood that the car seat wasn’t a toilet. I also understood that it had a checkerboard style car seat protector that was there for sippy cup spills and the like. Looking back this was probably a car seat protector made by the manufacturer specifically for that car seat since it had the same pattern on it as the car seat itself. Fortunately I didn’t need to use this option all that often (although it was there if I needed it, and my mother was usually pretty understanding about it when those situations came up (even at that age (shortly after I started kindergarten (I started kindergarten just before I turned six.)))) because my control was pretty good by then (I could usually wait for at least an hour-and-a-half, sometimes two hours if I limited my fluid intake (I think I started to understand about limiting fluid intake around the time that I turned six.)). By the time of the Niagara Falls family road trip/vacation I was bigger and no longer in a car seat (presumably because I had outgrown it by then). Therefore given the absence of a car seat protector I needed to learn to generalize my verbalization of my needs by that time and (at least for the most part) I was there by then. From what I remember I was better able to do this on the second half of the trip than the first half (without going into any unnecessary detail). Looking back I think fatigue and/or stress levels played some role in my ability to do this even at that point. I’m guessing that Simon is either pretty much there or at the very least coming along in this area since he’s level one and getting fairly close to four-and-a-half by now. For Ezra you will probably want to work more with having him communicate with his iPad not only at home but also in other settings like restaurants, picnics, etc. This will become especially important when you add options to his iPad for “Pee”, “Poop”, and “Potty”. If battery life issues are effecting Ezra’s iPad you may want to get a car charger and/or a battery pack for it. When the iPad is charging you will want to watch Ezra closely to make sure that he does not chew on the charger or the charging cable. Without going into too much detail it would not be safe for him to do this. The Apple Web Site should have more information about electrical safety when it comes to iPads and other Apple devices. Having some good charging options for Ezra’s iPad (provided that all proper precautions are taken) will allow you to use in it more locations when you are out and about. This should help greatly with Ezra’s communication and potty training (especially when it comes to generalization in those areas).
I was just looking at a recent web page about the subject of euphemisms and while I was reading it I remembered certain euphemisms like “going to the bathroom” and “going potty” that used to be confusing for me. During this I remembered one mistake that resulted from such a misunderstanding. Due to the fact that I am on the spectrum (originally level two, currently level one) this confusion would sometimes cause me to make mistakes even when I was “old enough to be trained”/“old enough to know better” (according to the criteria used by some people in my family). This mistake happened during a doctor’s visit when I was at least four-and-a-half years old but I could have been older (perhaps even five). What happened that day was that I was at the doctor’s office and the usual doctor wasn’t there because he was sick that day. First they measured my height, weight, and vital signs like they always do. A short time later while I was sitting on the table in just my Pampers diaper (I was pretty much potty trained at home by then but didn’t know how to use toilets outside the house just yet.) the doctor looked at me and asked me in a soft voice (but loud enough for both my mother and I to hear if I “know how to go potty”. At that moment I misunderstood what he was asking and I looked down at my diaper and tightened my stomach. After I managed to finish “going” the doctor looked at me again and said to me “I see that you know the mechanics of this” (or something very close to that). The doctor knew that I am on the spectrum (having read my chart) but probably didn’t expect me to do that. I had to be at least four-and-a-half years old by then because before that I was not able to make myself “go” if I didn’t need to. By the way if Simon doesn’t yet know how to “go before leaving the house” when he doesn’t actually need to “go” yet maybe he can start learning this. His PDA will probably make this more difficult but it might help if you make a game out of it. For example, I have heard from parents and read online and in some books and articles that the “Cheerio (or fruit loop) in the toilet bowl trick” can help with this in addition to helping with “aim” while learning how to use the toilet standing up. My father taught me how to do this (minus the cheerio or fruit loop part of the process) when I was four-and-a-half years old. I don’t remember exactly when Simon’s birthday was but (as I recall) Simon is pretty close to that age and if he isn’t working on this yet he is almost certainly ready to start working on this part of his training. Don’t worry if he doesn’t completely get it right away and makes some mistakes. The important thing is that he get started with this part of the process if he hasn’t already. On the subject of potty training and PDA it just occurred to me that if Simon had made a mistake similar to the one that I described above during one of his medical exams and his doctor attributed it to spite instead of understanding that it is a result of his autism it might explain how he ended up with his PDA diagnosis. It might have happened differently for him than what I am picturing. If so, maybe you can go into more detail about how Simon came to be diagnosed with his PDA and the pros (and any cons (and how you deal with any of those)) of Simon having that diagnosis in addition to his autism diagnosis. I should mention that on a related note that even though Simon’s autism diagnosis is level one with no intellectual delay the diagnosis video about his autism diagnosis mentioned something about him being social (or socially) level two. This means that even though Simon is pretty well toilet trained during the day that mistakes like the one that I made (described above) are presumably possible for Simon for another year or so at least. Therefore even if you don’t decide to have Simon wear a pull-up, easy-up (both of these currently go up to size 5T-6T) or other “backup” an extra change of clothes in a separate bag would be a good thing to have (in the car for example) for situations like doctor’s appointments where he might potentially have either have accident due to nervousness and a momentary loss of muscular control (In addition being ticklish and laughing can also cause accidents. (This used to happen to me well into my grade school years.)) or he could potentially get confused (e.g. getting underwear and diapers mixed up, like I used to and like I see with some kids on the spectrum even up to kindergarten age or slightly older from time to time) for one reason or another and “let go” at the wrong time. Such confusion (if it still occurs) should become less common with time but it’s always a possibility especially in the event or fatigue and/or stress. This pretty much sums up my observations and recollections on this subject for the time being.
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My son with ASD is 10 now and we started potty training when he was almost 3. We used the “Oh Crap! Potty Training book but stretched out the 3 days to 5. We picked out underwear and then had him go without a diaper or anything the first couple days, just pants the third and then underwear for a couple days. I learned his cues and told him when it was time to go. I didn’t ever ask him if he needed to go because he wouldn’t realize it. He also loved the potty books we got for him. I think the only reward we have him was watching a video. For #2, it was harder to teach him and I am not sure how he finally got it. He also regressed during Covid and we had to get him more on a schedule at that time.
Thanks for sharing. This is great!
Former preschool teacher here. All the advice in this video is spot on. 😊
Thank you!
I don't have any children but love how close your family is. You have an amazing family!! God bless you all!
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
My Autistic son had many sensory issues. He was not ready until 4 1/2 years and trained day and night with a reward system. He was high functioning even though he had melt downs and ADHD. We rewarded him with a prize. Started out with about a $8.00 prize and then working its way down to smaller prizes then rewards of doing something he liked. He was trained in 2 weeks. I also left him in his underwear. It is better not to use a pull up because it is absorbent and feels to much like a diaper. Soggy or poop 💩 filled underwear are uncomfortable and making them want to hurry to the potty so that doesn’t happen. He graduated from High School in the year 2000 and works as a cashier with no assistance at Walgreens. He had two much older brothers who are neurotypical. My sons are 41, 37 and 21 and all have summer birthdays. My youngest son was born when I was 45 years old. I also have 4 Grandchildren. Two Grandsons and two Granddaughters. Ages 6,5,3 and 1.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Andrea Olson just uploaded a video to RUclips (based on one of her blog entries with the same title as her video) titled “How to tell when it’s potty time”.
The tips in that video are primarily for infants and for young toddlers but they might potentially work for any child who is not speaking or signing yet (or even just not speaking or signing yet about needing to “go”).
I just watched that video a short time ago this morning and it seems to me that it might be a good supplement to this video especially with children who are either not yet verbal or who are still early in the toilet training process.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
It’s good to see that this video has been uploaded and parents or guardians can begin to benefit from the tips in this video.
Thanks! You gave us some good ideas.
You helped us out with a lot of these ideas. :-) Thanks for all your comments on the subject. 😊
I just remembered this morning after having a serving of two squares of dark chocolate and a couple of granola bars that sometimes after emptying the bladder it is necessary a short time later to do a movement.
Sometimes this can happen after standing up and taking a few steps. This happened with me most often when I was younger (for example during training). From what I remember this would happen with me most often on days when my reflux acted up.
For someone in training this can manifest itself as follows. First the bladder is emptied and the toilet is flushed. Later on (often during or shortly after handwashing) the person in training will pause for a few moments and possibly bend the knees. If the parent notices what is beginning to happen it is sometimes possible to get the person in training to finish on the toilet. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. It might depend on whether the person in training is having a good day or a bad day.
Even though I was trained enough for kindergarten by just before age six this is something that I would still struggle with quite a bit until I was between six-and-three quarters and seven years old. I probably continued to have good days and bad days with this because I was still level two at that point (I’m currently level one).
For someone who is level three this can occur until around age nine (or sometimes even a bit longer). Even on a bad day, though, such events can be used as an opportunity to learn about the cleanup process and how to assist with that in a manner that one is developmentally ready for.
For example, from what I remember I was able to assist in the cleanup process after such mishaps by about age six. By age seven mishaps of that kind started to become less common. By age nine they were quite rare (usually only occurring if I was sick, unusually tired, or under an unusual amount of stress).
I figured these observations would be relevant for anyone reading this who is in the process of training someone and is part of the way there, but not all the way there.
Thank you so much for this video. My daughter is 3, autistic and nonverbal, and this has been a massive struggle. There is almost no content out there for how to go about this with a kid on the spectrum and this is the first one I have found. Thank you!
We are happy to help!💕💕
We also have this video that might help!🩷🩷
My Child has Autism. Now What?
ruclips.net/video/ka7dVqGs-cI/видео.html
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I think you mentioned in an earlier video that Ezra has some places in the house where he likes to hide to “do his thing” (as it were). From the sound of it he seems to be experiencing some level of embarrassment or self-consciousness especially when it comes to “going”. Almost all neurotypical children and many who are level one do this at some point during their toddler years. In my case (being level two when I was younger) I never went through the “hiding” phase. My sister is level one and she started hiding when she was no older than three-and-a-half to four according to my parents. I wasn’t born yet for most of this and was too young to remember her training for the small amount that I was around for. I think her training was pretty much finished (at least during the day) by the time I was six months old.
If Ezra still likes to hide when he uses his diaper you could try getting either a camping or medical type potty chair in his size and placing it in one of his favorite hiding spots. With any luck you might already have some supplies for this left over from your RV days. If not, you can probably find what you need at a larger-sized pharmacy, at a medical supply store, or in a store that sells camping supplies. You can even have Ezra make the potty chair his own in some way even if it’s just something as basic as decorating it with stickers.
As for what he should wear at home for this portion of his toilet training you should have him wear something with an elastic waistband like sweatpants or most of the pajama bottoms on the market for someone his age. Some other options include more regular style pants or shorts that just happen to have an elastic waistband. Under that he can wear underwear, a goodnite, a ninjamas, or pretty much anything that he can put on and take off himself. Goodnites (and similar products) can be a bit cheaper if they are bought in packages that contain a large number of them. Despite their name Goodnites are said to work well at nighttime and during the day. Also they come in enough sizes that Ezra will likely be able to fit in them for as long as he needs them (Goodnites go all the way up to around 140 pounds, currently). Ezra’s existing diapers will probably continue to work well enough when you are out and about (if they still fit).
This pretty much sums up my observations on this subject for the time being.
Love that! Thank you for the great ideas ❤️.
My autistic boy is 5years now and non verbal, he keeps hiding in specific spots when he wants to pee or poo, it's been so difficult to handle him potty wise, this comment is of great help, thank you!
It’s good to hear that Ezra’s urine training seems to be pretty much complete. It looks like you went with the urine training first method with Ezra like what my mother did with me back in the late 1970s (back when I was three-and-a-half to four years old). My bowel training started at age four shortly after my parents decided that I was too old for the potty chair and threw it away.
Now it’s time to get him bowel trained. If Ezra is struggling with the mechanics of having a bowel movement sitting down (or if he’s too nervous to do this on the toilet right now) you may need to have him practice this initially in other locations where he is more comfortable doing this than sitting on the toilet.
Places where you can have him practice initially are in his high chair, in the car, or on your lap (e.g. on walks around the neighborhood). In order to keep things relatively clean you will want to put a diaper on him for this. Pull-on style diapers don’t work well for this (due to not having the best leak guards) so you will need to use the ones with Velcro fasteners(some vendors use the term “hook and loop” instead) or tape-on-style diapers for this. In the event that he doesn’t “go” right away you might be able to save money on diapers by looking for a product with tapes that can be refastened so you can try again later without wasting a clean diaper. Also to keep his clothes clean you will want to use a product with tall standing leak guards in his size. To determine the correct product size you will need to weigh him and measure his waist size. Sometimes correct product selection might require some additional measurements. The website for whichever product you are considering should have some details on this.
If you are having him practice on your lap on walks around the neighborhood you may want to give him a snack to help things along. At this point you can have him push his feet against a large rock, a tree stump, or even your hands. If he still won’t poop in his diaper at this point you may need to give him verbal permission (and perhaps a small reward of some kind) to get him to “go”. If he does “go” he will probably also wet his diaper while doing this. Don’t worry about it, it won’t set his urine training back all that much. To keep his urine training on track during this process as much as possible you will want to put him right back into underwear after you clean him up.
If your goal is to try for bowel training in a month or just over a month, you could do what I describe for two weeks. After the two weeks you can do essentially the same thing but have him “go” on the toilet with his diaper on at a time of day when he usually has a movement. Just like before you clean him up afterward and put him right back into underwear to keep his urine training as on track as possible.
After the one month is over you then have him sit on the toilet without a diaper on in order to practice using the toilet the conventional way.
After my urine training was completed this was fairly close to what my mother did to get me bowel trained. I took longer than this to get there but in my case I was dealing with level two autism (I’m level one now), mild cerebral palsy, and the effects of a right hemisphere stroke at birth. As far as I know Ezra is only dealing with autism so you may see results in as little as a month or so (with any luck). Given that he’s level three you may need to have him practice on the toilet without a diaper on for an extra month or two before he completely masters it.
This process is one of the rare instances in which diapers can actually be used successfully as a toilet training tool. If Ezra has already outgrown the tape-on diapers in his size you can probably find something suitable in a medical supply store. If not then you can do some web searches for incontinence web sites. In this fashion you will likely find what you need in his size in the quantity that you would need. If there are any extras left over they could come in handy for long road trips, traffic jams, and certain other unusual situations where a rest room might not be readily available when one is needed.
Thank you for sharing your insight!🩵🩵🩵
It's so good to see Simon doing so well. At what age he started saying "Yes/No" to your questions? When did you start potty training for him?
He started saying yes and no when he just turned 3. When he was 3.5
@@7Aheadfamily Thanks for the response. Keep up the good work
Thank you ❤️
@@7AheadfamilyThen Simon was just starting his training around the time that he saw the doctor to have a new strap put on the braces on his feet (and on his first day of preschool). That would explain why he was still working more on the mechanics of “going” than the specific location.
That was still a very good first step in his training (including that initial step of learning to “go” sitting down in a car seat or on a lap). Since then he has made excellent progress in the “where to do it” part to the point where he is completely toilet trained (for all intents and purposes) during the day or very nearly so. That’s a lot of progress to make in just four months.
The remaining steps (it would seem) consist of learning some communication skills, how to use a toilet, tree, or urinal standing up (if he hasn’t learned this yet) and (eventually) nighttime training.
Technically there’s no rush on the nighttime portion of his training. Even if he doesn’t master that in the next year or two it doesn’t really matter in the long run. From what I remember from my own childhood kids don’t really start making fun of other kids all that much for not being nighttime trained until at least second grade (if not third or even fourth). And that was all the way back in the 1980s when it was much more stylish for kids to make fun of this.
Thank you so much for sharing.
A step stool and training seat with a step ladder would have been a good thing for my parents to have back when I was training in the late 1970s and into the early 1980s. If these were available back then I might have trained months or even a year or so more quickly than I did.
Yes! They are very nice. 😊
Parents who are in the middle of toilet training or whose kids have recently trained may find it helpful when they are out and about to stop at a Starbucks for some of their bathroom breaks away from home. I seem to remember the Starbucks app having a store finder feature. In addition this time of year they have snowman cookies at many store locations that most kids will probably enjoy.
The above is mostly true of standalone Starbucks locations. If a specific Starbucks is in a store or hotel then all bets are off (as the expression goes).
Most Starbucks at standalone locations that I have been to have a toilet that is a good height for most sizes and ages. Also the toilets flush manually and quietly compared to most public toilets which is a plus especially when someone has auditory sensitivities. The one downside though is that you may need to remember to ask a Starbucks employee for the bathroom code (for the combination lock on the door) that changes as often as daily. Therefore in an absolute emergency this might not always work. This is a better option for routine bathroom breaks.
Other small coffee shops might work in this scenario in most urban locations on the off chance that a Starbucks is unavailable. These coffee shops can be located using certain apps like Apple Maps and Google Maps.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Great video, thanks for the tips. Always enjoy your videos. ❤
Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
If you want to work specifically on the standing up portion of urine training with Ezra you could have him use the bathtub instead of the toilet for this portion of his training. This could allow him to make the transition to using urinals in public restrooms (or at school) much more easily.
My parents did not do this with me but I have read on some miscellaneous sites around the internet that some people have had some success with this when absolutely nothing else has worked.
Also a friend of mine managed to get one of her grandsons just toilet trained enough for school in this fashion. He is in first grade now and most of the time he seems to manage well enough toilet-training wise. In addition if he is given a large breakfast early enough in the morning he will generally poop in his diaper in a timely enough fashion to be changed before he needs to go to school. Therefore his lack of bowel training is not actually a deal-breaker when it comes to him going to school (at least at his current grade level). He does still need to wear an Easy-Up, Goodnite or Ninjamas to school just in case. On the plus side he’s able to change himself if he’s only wet so in practice his incomplete toilet training is currently not as much of an issue as one might expect.
If all else fails (or if you need to work with a very short deadline for some reason (such as possible enrollment in a new school)) maybe this could be enough to get Ezra to the point of being well-enough-trained for current purposes until he eventually completes his toilet training at a later date.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Underpants with designs on them are definitely a good idea. When I was training my parents did not think of this and they bought me plain white underwear. Due to being on the spectrum and some other developmental conditions I confused these underpants with diapers for quite some time because to me they looked and felt a lot like diapers. I think I only really started training in a significant way when I had a combination of underpants with colors other than white that I could choose from and underpants with designs on them. Back when I was growing up they had underoos (or however they spelled it).
That’s a great point, some thing I would have never thought of. Thank you for sharing that again ❤️. Many people will benefit from your comments ❤️.
On the subject of being uncomfortable when wet if you decide to have Simon wear a diaper when he sees Santa (preferably in the evening close to bedtime) you will want to make sure that it is not something too absorbent like a Pamper or a Huggies.
If you have ever seen the movie a Christmas Story you may remember that a kid who looked be around Simon’s age (give or take) was implied to have had an accident just before Ralphie sat down. When Ralphie was growing up disposable diapers would not have been invented yet, so what happened in that instance cannot be blamed on disposables. The bottom line is that accidents on Santa’s lap are quite common at Simon’s age (even for neurotypical children who have been trained for a while). Therefore you will probably want to have Simon wear a diaper this time around when he sees Santa. To minimize the effects of this on his daytime training you will want to have him see Santa in the evening in his pajamas with his nighttime diaper on. That way even if he “goes” one or even both ways it shouldn’t be enough of a departure from his usual nighttime routine to set him back all that much (if at all) in his daytime toilet training.
If you ever tried the name brand products mentioned above with Simon you may have found them to be too dry (at least after the first bladder void).
I don’t have any kids and haven’t used Pampers or Huggies myself since the 1980s but I have read in some online reviews that the main issue with these name brand product for kids who are still training (or are very recently trained like Simon is) is that they work too well and kids might lose some of their toilet training if these products are overused.
You will also want to remind Simon that the diaper is just there for accidents. If he has an accident (or even appears to have an “on purpose”) of either or both kinds in this situation don’t punish him. After all even kids as old as Ralphie in A Christmas Story can be afraid of Santa sometimes. Instead tell him that if he stays clean and dry until he gets home he can have a special snack or dessert. This should give him a good incentive to not use the diaper unless he actually needs to.
Thank you for sharing. We didn’t do Santa this year. It’s not a big tradition in our house.
I was recently watching a video on Andrea Olson’s Elimination Communication RUclips channel (I forget which video) but in any event she mentioned some of the reasons that babies, toddlers, and sometimes even older kids will wet (or perhaps even soil) instead of using the toilet in no particular order as follows:
1. Babies, toddlers, and even older kids will rarely (if ever) hold it to the point of pain let alone loss of muscle control. This means that most wettings and soilings are technically voluntary whether in a diaper or clothes. Basically kids typically hold it until it gets more uncomfortable for them than they would like and then they let go.
That being said most kids will cry, scream, potty dance, or give some other indication of their needs (often at least one or more minutes in advance) before they choose to let go. Therefore when they do it rarely if ever truly counts as misbehavior. This applies to neurotypical kids as well as those who are on the spectrum.
When someone becomes verbal it is often easier to tell that someone needs to “go” before he or she does.
2. Wetting out of anger,spite, or as a manipulation tactic (while not unheard of) is actually quite rare.
3. Wetting will sometimes occur as a way to relieve stress.
4. Toddlers will sometimes wet when they are tired because it is easier than using the toilet.
5. Babies, toddlers, or even older kids can wet (or even soil) because they are bored and it gives them something to do.
6. Kids can get involved in an activity and not notice their need for a long time.
7. Wetting during sleep is usually automatic/involuntary. Soiling during sleep may be involuntary as well but opinions seem to vary somewhat on this.
These considerations apply to “#1” and “#2”.
I think she mentioned other reasons in addition but I forget what they are right now.
In any case I listed these because they might explain some of the wettings, etc that Simon and Ezra have had over the years. I suspect that in Simon’s case he usually “goes” because he is tired or stressed out (or scared/nervous). Getting too involved in an activity can also be an issue. For Ezra “boredom wetting” and/or getting too involved in an activity when he’s not feeling bored are probably more significant factors.
Thank you for sharing!💙💙💙
I was just reading something online a short time ago about the connection between the sound of running water and related sounds (like the sound of putting gas in the car) and accidents. This is something that happens during (and for a while after) toilet training. It also happens when people get older and bladder control begins to weaken (starting as early as the mid-to-late forties or early fifties for some people).
This means that even though Simon has been daytime trained since at least November accidents are still possible. For example, if Simon is not yet consistently verbalizing when he needs to go and you put gas in the car on a long shopping trip or after a picnic or a trip to the park a car seat wetting is possible (or even fairly likely) in that situation.
Even if Simon doesn’t do this on a particular shopping trip, etc. in this situation Ezra might because he’s still very much in training at this point. If my experience is anything to go by accidents like this are quite common for at least a year after daytime training at home has been completed.
Thank you for your insights!🩵💕🩵
If you have seen the Rugrats episode “Chuckie vs the Potty” Chuckie mentioned that the things that he tried to do instead of using the potty included pooping in his room and hiding it in his toy box, putting napkins in his pants and using them like a diaper, and trying to stop pooping altogether. It sounds like Simon at least didn’t do the first two of these but he did do the third.
I have read in books, articles, and blogs that many kids (including some neurotypical ones) get confused for a while during toilet training and think that they are not supposed to poop at all so they just hold it and become constipated. Maybe that’s what happened to Simon in the part of the video about regression. I don’t remember doing this myself when I was younger, but who knows, I might have.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I remember that tv show and that particular episode too
Yesterday I was in an ice cream shop and a kid who looked like he was about Simon’s age said to his father “I have to go potty!”. His father showed him where the bathroom is and he made it. A short time later when they ordered the ice cream they added some extra toppings as a reward for letting them know that he needed to “go” and making it.
The parents mentioned that it was only about his third or fourth time using a toilet outside the house. It probably worked out this well because many small shops and small restaurants tend to have toilets without the automatic flush (and with the toilet tank) that are more like what people usually have at home.
I don’t actually know if the kid that I saw yesterday is on the spectrum (I didn’t ask.). I did see some repetitive hand movements with him that might be stims but it’s also possible that he’s younger than he looks.
The ideas above might be useful for working on Ezra’s training when you are outside the house.
Thank you so much for sharing!💕💕 It is great insight!🩵🩵
I have read that multiple signs exist for indicating a need to “go”. I don’t know much sign language but I have read that a sign exists for “toilet” that sort of looks like the letter “T”. Maybe Ezra can learn that sign as he comes along more with his training.
Thank you for sharing your idea!💕💕💕
I just randomly remembered a few moments ago that when I was growing up (starting around Simon’s current age) that one thing that would often cause me to have wetting accidents (and sometimes even the other kind) was losing my balance and falling down.
This would be even more likely if I ended skinning my left elbow, my left knee, or both. The right side of the brain is connected to the left side of the body (generally speaking, but the specific details are somewhat complicated). Given the damage to my right hemisphere from a stroke at birth this would often trigger sensory meltdowns that would sometimes lead to a wetting accident, a mess, or both. In my case this was definitely not just a result of getting distracted by the pain of a skinned elbow or a skinned knee. From what I remember skinning my right elbow or my right knee would virtually never have this effect.
Therefore while being on the spectrum causes me to sometimes experience sensory overload in general the right side of my brain is more vulnerable to this than my left. This wasn’t just a result of being young either. One time when I was home during the college years (some time in my late teens or early twenties) I sprained my left ankle in my parent’s backyard and I started crying and my bladder started to empty. Fortunately I noticed this and I managed to stop the flow after maybe five seconds or so.
The bottom line is that this is (I suspect) a symptom of right hemisphere damage that other people probably have also. I have yet to see anything in the literature on this topic, though. I’m guessing that this isn’t just something that I experienced. If you notice that Simon is more likely to have accidents (of either type) when he experiences pain on the left side that could indicate that he has damage and/or underdevelopment of his right hemisphere in addition to being on the spectrum. If he does turn out to have this a neurologist could suggest any additional steps that should be taken from here.
Most likely he would have speech therapy and social skills training just like he has now. In addition they would probably add on physical and occupational therapies to improve right hemisphere development (which might provide some additional improvement in the understanding of body language and social skills). While doing this they will want to make sure that his speech and social skills continue to progress.
For all I know (at the other extreme) overdevelopment of the right hemisphere might negatively affect speech so that is also something to be on the lookout for. You might need to go over some additional vocabulary with Simon (but without causing him too much stress) if his speech seems to regress a bit over the next couple of years.
For the moment this pretty much sums up my thoughts and recollections on this specific topic.
Thank you for commenting😊😊😊
I was just looking at a new video on Andrea Olson’s RUclips channel about Elimination Communication and she showed how a product works that covers up the automatic flush sensor on public toilets. This could be useful for Ezra if you are working on his toilet training when you are out of the house if he is still afraid of the automatic flush. It could also be useful if Simon starts to regress a bit off and on and his fear of the automatic flush returns.
According to the video description on her channel the product is called FlushHush.
Thank you for your insight!❤️❤️
I was just talking to my parents and my sister this evening and I was mentioning my memories of a family trip to Old Saybrook Connecticut in a cottage belonging to a friend of the family when I was very young.
I mentioned that I must have been very young at the time because I remembered that one of my uncles bought his pickup truck shortly before that trip.
My sister confirmed that this was in the Summer of 1980 but she couldn’t give an exact date because she wouldn’t start remembering specific dates and times for any new events for about another couple of years. Apparently her memory for dates developed over time.
In the summer of 1980 I was about four-and-three quarters years old. I was mostly daytime trained at home but my training had not yet become generalized. That would only begin to happen about nine months later when I was in preschool.
My parents and sister knew that I remembered this trip because I mentioned that the laundromat that we went to on that trip was the first time that I saw coin-operated washers and dryers. I even mentioned that I remembered that the reason there was so much laundry was because they were trying to generalize my toilet training at the cottage that we were staying at and it wasn’t working at all. If anything I was regressing a bit. Before that I would at least do a potty dance if I needed to go but on that trip I wasn’t even doing that.
I am mentioning all of this because I was level two at that age and at the time of diagnosis Simon was level two on his social communication (or something like that, from what I remember from that video). This means that if you go on any trips to beaches or the like over the course of this Summer Simon can and probably will regress a bit in his toilet training (even though he is daytime trained right now, and has been for probably at least four months by now).
Therefore on a trip like this you will probably want to have Simon use the restroom before getting ready to swim (if possible) and then put a Little Swimmers, Splashers, or other swim diaper on him just in case. They will probably still fit him at that age but you will want to check the Pampers and Huggies web sites for the weight limits on these products to make sure they will be workable. If they are not products both cloth and disposable exist for all sizes (including adult sizes). These are mostly available from various companies online.
Also you will want to reinforce toilet usage as much as possible (even if you might need to temporarily go back to a reward system during the trip).
Also (if at all possible) you will want to keep these trips to the first half of Summer just in case Simon and/or Ezra’s toilet training slides a bit and a certain amount of retraining is needed before the next school year begins in the Fall.
This is important because my sister and I both had some level of Summer regression during preschool, kindergarten, and at least most of the grade school years. I have also seen in a number of online videos that Summer Regression (of varying degrees) is quite common at all autism levels. For example I think autism family made a reference or two to it in some of their videos (at least regarding speech and social skills), but currently I don’t remember much beyond that.
Thank you for your insight!❤️😊❤️
I was just reviewing software defined networking and virtualization (including network virtualization) and one concept that came up over and over again was the concept of a container.
The simple explanation is that a container is like a virtual machine but more lightweight.
A virtual machine is (essentially) a computer within a computer. It is a program (such a virtualbox , VMware, or Parallels) that makes it possible to run one operating system on top of another operating system. For example if you needed to run MacOS and Windows on a Macintosh at the same time (for application compatibility reasons, for instance) a virtual machine would allow you to do that.
Now back to the concept of containers. In an IT (Information Technology) context a container contains an application that needs to run and just enough of the operating system to run that one application (or perhaps in some instances a small group of applications).
Now onto the concept of containers more generally and how I learned about them in everyday life. I first learned the word “container” and a few examples of it on a family vacation to Nantucket, Massachusetts when I was somewhere around three-and-a-half years old (give or take). At this point I was not yet toilet trained. In fact I had not even used the potty chair for the first time even though I had been introduced to it some time in the eighteen to twenty-four month range. I think by age two or two-and-a-half to at least three I knew the phrase “potty chair” but I didn’t know what it was for let alone how to use it. It was only after the trip to Nantucket that my mother was able to teach me the concept of what “peeing” was. Basically she would hold me on her lap (fully clothed, but without a diaper on) with the TV on (or when reading me a story) and she would make sure that I was well-hydrated. At some point my bladder would empty and she would sometimes essentially say “Look, Tommy you’re going pee-pee! Can you say pee-pee?” (Without any commentary or judgment). After a while (maybe a week or two?) I learned to repeat that. After that she would continue on with this but now whenever I went (or whenever it seemed like I needed to go) she would say something like “Go pee-pee Tommy! Go pee-pee!”. After a while of this training on her lap (maybe an additional week or two (for a total of two weeks to a month of practice)) she had me sit on the potty chair to practice. I think she could tell that I was still confused about what the potty chair was for because she told me to sit on it and then she explained that it was a container for holding my pee (which she explained means “pee-pee”) that I could use instead of her lap or a Pamper. After her explanation she said essentially “Go pee-pee Tommy, Go pee-pee!” and then completely by accident (I would later learn (in college Freshman year in the mid-1990s) that it was by conditioned reflex (sort of like Pavlov’s dogs)) I did. I still didn’t know how to use it voluntarily yet (that would come later) but at least I knew what it was for.
After I turned four my mother had to do exactly the same process with me again to transition me from the potty chair (which was thrown away on my fourth birthday because I was now “too old for it”) and to teach me the mechanics of the bowel portion of my training. This included learning words and phrases like “poo-poo” and “Go poo-poo!” and “push/pushing”. This probably took me up to another month. After that I was ready to try it on the toilet instead of her lap. At this point it was explained to me that the big toilet was a container for holding my pees and poops (and an explanation of what that meant in terms of words that I already knew). Then it wouldn’t be long before I started using the big toilet voluntarily but I was still very much in training (even at home) for another year-and-a-half or so. Generalization (and learning to flush every time , always wash and dry my hands, etc.) would take quite a while after that.
The bottom line is that I am on the spectrum (level one now, but I was level two when I was younger) and I had to be trained in the most concrete and step-by-step way possible to get there. For Ezra to learn what either a potty chair in his size or the big toilet is for he may need to learn other concepts (such as the concepts of “peeing”, “pooping”, “pushing”, and “containers” and some other concepts as well).
Simon is fully toilet trained during the day but in order to understand what a portable urinal is for he might need to learn the concept of a container in a more general sense before he understands what to do with it. Until he reaches that point daytime wetting accidents are still possible (and even likely) in traffic jams or in any other situation where a rest room may not be readily available when it is needed.
Thank you for sharing
It’s good that you used Oreo cookies as a reward for Simon instead of M&Ms. If you had used M&Ms instead mishaps like the one on that shopping trip to Dollar Tree some months back would have likely been much more common and Simon might not have reached his current level of training as quickly as he did.
Agreed. 😊
Yea, Simon! My boys HATED being wet or messy. One morningmy wife noticed that number 1 son had not peed yet, so she put him on the potty and amused him till he did. When he discovered he could go without getting wet, he was all for it. He is 31 now.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thats a pretty castle thing in your wedding photos. What is it? Is there a way for my wife and i to maybe enter that building one day? Maybe there are steps or something? Maybe if we could meet with someone first. Best case scanario they would be maybe younger adults so it's less intimading.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sometimes when kids are in the middle of toilet training (or have just started) (or occasionally even after being trained for a while) wetting and/or soiling can be a coping mechanism or a form of stress relief.
For example this could be what was happening after Simon’s first day of preschool, and just before the doctor’s visit when the strap on the braces for his feet needed to be adjusted.
As Simon’s training improved (e.g. by the time of his preschool field trip) he understood (at least at that particular moment) the difference between diapers and underwear and he realized that he was no longer supposed to “go” in his car seat when he was stressed out. Therefore that’s likely why he was chewing on his plastic sandwich bag about a minute into that video.
Simon is level one and likely doesn’t typically experience as much stress as Ezra does and therefore doesn’t chew as often as Ezra.
You probably already know that Simon and Ezra are not the only autistic kids who deal with stress by chewing (or biting) on things. For example, if you have been watching some of the Autism Family’s recent videos you will notice that Alistair has been toilet trained for a bit over a year (maybe about a year-and-a-half now). That’s good, but now that he no longer has wetting or soiling available as coping mechanisms that he can draw on he is chewing more than he used to. This includes chewing or biting on his hand. Incidentally with Simon being recently toilet trained you will need to watch him for this and intervene if he begins to perform this type of stimming. This will likely be especially true as his nighttime toilet training progresses. As soon as he no longer has bed-wetting (or even perhaps nighttime soiling) available as a stress relief mechanism you may notice a significant increase in stimming (in all of its forms) with Simon.
On one of the Autism Family’s videos I suggested in one of the comments that Alistair could possibly suck on a lollipop (such as a Tootsie Roll Pop) or chew on some chewing gum as an alternative to biting his hand. This is also a tip to keep in mind in the event that Simon begins to do this.
By the way it just occurred to me that Alistair may be chewing on his hand instead of his chew toys due to dental pain. This is likely the case if Alistair has gum recession or any exposed dentin. You may want to mention this at some point to the autism family when you meet or other talk with them if the subject comes up for any reason. I have noticed that Alistair’s speech seems to have come along quite a bit lately but this doesn’t necessarily mean that he can communicate about dental pain, stomach aches, ear aches, headaches, and the like. It has been a while since they have uploaded a video about where Alistair is verbally so I don’t know how well he can communicate these things. From what I remember he talks more than Simon does but that may or may not include an improved ability to verbally communicate if he is in pain versus where Simon is at this point (for example). Conceivably (despite their age difference) they might both still use phrases like “No Owie” even though Alistair is in Elementary school and has a larger vocabulary than Simon and speaks in sentences more often than Simon does.
When I was six years old in kindergarten I knew the names of many objects and was able to say some sentences, and even ask some questions here and there but I still wasn’t able to tell people when I was in pain (let alone what was hurting). For example at age six I had an ear infection but I wasn’t able to tell my parents what was hurting. I was just able to put my hand over my ear and cry until my mother knew what was wrong and took me to a local hospital that evening. Within a hour or two after that I was home with some liquid Tylenol and a liquid antibiotic that sort of tasted like bananas. Since Alistair started talking about one to years later than I did (as I recall) his verbal communication could be about where mine was at age six. If so then his family, school, and any therapists might need to work on this aspect of verbal communication with him. Chances are they are already working on this, but they haven’t uploaded all that many videos lately so who knows?
Also if Ezra has any gum recession and/or exposed dentin it may hurt for him to chew on things that are hard. This may be why he chews on his shirt and perhaps other soft things like blankets, towels, and perhaps even picnic blankets or table cloths. Ezra is not talking yet so we can only guess about this for now.
This pretty much sums up my observations on this for the moment.
Thank your comments!❤️❤️❤️
It looks like Ezra’s social skills are coming along very well and it might be helping him with his own potty training.
Specifically, I just rewatched the latest morning routine video where you were getting ready for church and at one point when Simon was upset because it looked like Ezra broke his toy bus and he was sitting in the corner against the wall and crying he looked down and had one of his hands on the front of his pajamas. It seems to me that a good chance exists that Simon was quite likely wetting his nighttime diaper one last time before breakfast (probably as a way of coping with the situation). If Ezra saw what was happening from his safety bed and understood that Simon didn’t make it to the potty that time (understanding this either at that moment or later on during breakfast) it might explain why Ezra was motivated to use the toilet independently for (it would seem) the first time.
Hopefully if this is what happened that time Simon’s daytime toilet training isn’t slipping too much.
The next time you see Simon doing something like this you might want to gently say something along the lines of something like the following: (pick one and only one of these on a specific occasion (to keep from overwhelming Simon (which is important between his level one autism and his PDA) or come up with your own variation)
I. “Simon are you wetting your diaper?”
II. “Simon, are you taking a diaper break?” You do not want to call it a potty break (only use that phrase to refer to using the actual toilet), it might confuse him otherwise. If the phrase “potty break” is already in his vocabulary he will most likely understand what you mean when you use the phrase “diaper break”.
III. “Simon, are you going diaper?” You don’t want to use the phrase “going potty” unless he’s using the actual toilet. It might be confusing for him. If Simon understands the phrase “going potty” chances are he will quickly understand the fairly unfamiliar phrase “going diaper”. You will probably want to resist changing that to “going diapie” (or anything similar) because that might put him into more of a babyish/toddlerish state and cause his training to slip even further.
IV. If Simon “goes” in the corner instead of using the toilet (He might not do this but I figured that I would mention this hypothetical in the interest of completeness) you don’t want to yell at or punish him but you will want to say something along the lines of “Uh-oh (or Oh no) Simon you’re “going corner” instead of going potty!”.
Beginning of tangent:
I did not invent the phrase “going corner” one of the boss baby episodes that I rewatched recently already used that phrase when Boss Baby asked another character the question “Are you going corner in my cubicle?”. In that situation Boss Baby handled that situation by saying the other character’s first name and then asking the question above. It turned out that the other character was doing that because Boss Baby’s boss put a rest room sign in Boss Baby’s cubicle and the other character apparently got confused. If you see the episode it makes sense in context.
End of tangent.
The key thing here is to make it clear that while you are not mad at him you do understand what is happening and you are pointing it out to him to improve his own awareness of what he is doing so he can continue working on his ability to control it and hopefully do it in the right place next time.
Hopefully events like this are relatively rare and Simon’s daytime training is still continuing to move forward overall.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with us!💕💕💕
I was just reading online that kids on the spectrum (including kids with level one autism) need an average of 1.6 years of training to stay dry during the day and over two years of training for bowel accidents to end (even during the day).
Since Simon started training at age three-and-a-half that means that on average you could expect him to have some daytime wetting accidents even after his fifth birthday. In addition, based on those same figures you could expect Simon to have some bowel accidents even at age five-and-a-half during the day (or slightly older). If Simon continues to perform significantly better than this during the day even up to that point it either means that you are very lucky with how things went with him or that the toilet training methods that you have used with him are much better than the alternatives that people usually use.
I found the figures above using some AI and the main source that it cited was Autism Speaks so you might want to take those figures with a grain of salt but it at least gives an idea of the average figures for this that are out there on the internet (for what it’s worth).
Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with us!💕💕💕
@@7Aheadfamily I found this information with Microsoft Copilot using the Microsoft Edge app on my iPad after many searches. The searches would probably look quite strange to any human who looks at them due to the unusual number of toilet training related searches, for example. Hopefully I won’t be mistaken for an automated system/bot. Also I hope my searches on there were within the limits of what Microsoft allows. The wording of their TOS is vague enough that I can’t be one hundred percent sure. I feel like I would need to be a lawyer to fully understand the terms of service on most web sites.
I did some additional searches today to see if I could find additional information including information about the developmental levels of various fictional characters (from Arthur, Rugrats, and other cartoons, as well as characters that the AI made up)(both autistic and neurotypical ones) to see how they would react to various situations (toilet training related or otherwise) that most people would be embarrassed by as well as what various characters would do either with or without concern, anxiety, embarrassment, etc. at various ages and developmental levels under various circumstances and the effect that it would have on the outcome of a situation. I guess I did too many of those searches because in several instances the AI told me that it couldn’t answer my question or that it wasn’t allowed to. I think the AI probably thought that I was trying to break one or more rules in some way even though I actually wasn’t. In addition I also reached the number of searches that I am allowed to perform in 24 hours.
Before that point I did manage to perform some non-toilet-training-related searches on subjects such as routing protocols, Cantor’s continuum hypothesis, Traveling Salesman, and the P vs. NP problem so I found some useful information on there during that time.
If my Microsoft account is still working later on and I am still able to use the AI I think I will limit my Copilot and Bing searches to news, weather, and recipes, and maybe some math-related topics for the foreseeable future.
In short, AI can be useful but it’s best to limit one’s use of it for now. AI still has multiple pluses and minuses in several areas, and still needs to be perfected.
Thank you for sharing!🩷🩷
While potty chairs (and the like) are usually not all that helpful when it comes to toilet training they might be helpful for some children (whether autistic or neurotypical) who might not use a toilet initially for whatever reason despite all of a parent’s best efforts.
Earlier today I saw a picture of a urinal that is green, sort of looks like a frog, and attaches to a bathroom wall with suction cups that kids can use while learning to “go” standing up (specifically when they are learning how to use a urinal).
The product is listed on some sites as being suitable for kids ages six and under but it might work for someone as old as Ezra if the product has sufficient capacity. I do not know how many milliliters (let alone cups) of liquid it can hold, though. Depending on where Simon is in the process of learning to “go” standing up it might also be helpful for him to practice with if he has not already learned this from his father or one of his older brothers.
To put things in perspective I only started to learn this at about age four-and-a-half (a good six months older than Simon is right now). But then again I was level two at that age and Simon is level one so he will likely master this standing up part of the process sooner than I did (if he hasn’t already).
I forget the specific name of this product but you can often find it on most of the popular e-commerce sites by simply searching for the phrase potty chair and scrolling down until you find it.
Thank you for your insight!💕💕
I’d join ASD club, because I’m autistic, except for the fact that I’m still learning money responsibilities (because of intellectual problems), and I have a lot of impulse control issues on top of that because I have ADHD as well, so my mom isn’t letting me get a credit card for those reasons.
Sounds like a wise mom to help you out. 😊
When I was training my parents did not know to look for “the potty dance”. Therefore I was just taken to the potty chair (and later the toilet) randomly. I eventually trained but it took much longer than it probably needed to.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Well, The potty dance looks different on different kids
@@7Aheadfamily That’s true but over a one-and-half or two year period one would think that the pattern would be noticeable for a specific child.
Possibly
Im new to the channel, thank you for all the helpful information that you have provided. You guys are really kind and patient.
Im a father of a 3 and a half years old boy with lvl 2 autism and at the moment our boy just learned to go to potty🤩🤩 and we finally removed the nappies during day time. Any advise how to remove it from night time too? Does Simon use nappies during sleep time?
I seem to remember that he still wears them at night and he’s usually dry when he wakes up.
With Simon having PDA is there anything special that you needed to do to get him daytime potty trained and keep him daytime trained at a roughly normal level for his age then and now?
He was highly self-motivated to be potty trained, because he hated messes. He didn’t like messes on his hands or anywhere.
@@7AheadfamilyIt looks like you are mostly right about this with a few caveats.
It looks like what Simon doesn’t like is primarily wet hands and wet feet. For me (especially up to about age eight or so) wet feet was the most uncomfortable sensation for me, but wet hands were often a fairly close second. Assuming that Simon is the same way in this regard as I am (which is fairly likely because it seems to me that his right brain hemisphere has about the same level of development as mine did at that age right down to forgetting to put his left arm through the strap on the left side on his backpack). Incidentally that is a mistake that I made fairly regularly right up through about fourth or fifth grade (age ten or eleven). This could be nothing but definitely mention it to his doctors. If his right hemisphere is underdeveloped for any reason he may need some additional speech therapy (or they may need to fine tune it a bit), and he may need some physical and/or occupational therapy as well.
In any case back to wet hands and wet feet as it relates to potty training:
It looks like Simon is actually not bothered when his “middle” gets wet (as it were). There are two indicators of that.
1. If you look back at (at least most) of the videos of morning routines (even including the ones during and after the potty training video) you will notice that Simon and Ezra’s diapers are pretty puffy (as a result of any liquid that has been absorbed over the course of the night). In most instances neither Simon nor Ezra (even during potty training) seems to be bothered by this. You can even see this in some of the most recent morning routine videos.
This is not unusual for kids whether autistic or neurotypical. It is a result of how most disposable diapers made in 1986 and later are designed. When people picture a diaper they usually picture either an old-fashioned cloth diaper with rubber or (more recently) plastic pants over the top or they picture the older disposables like the ones that I wore during the day back when I was still learning that are just paper and plastic and always felt very wet after use (sort of like a paper towel that has been used to clean up a spill on a table or a floor (for example).
Today’s disposable diapers on the other hand have (among other components) a fluid-repelling top sheet (yes, you read that correctly (even though it’s quite counterintuitive)), an absorbent core (consisting of a superabsorbent polymer (usually Sodium Polyacrylate), and a layer of plastic to keep everything on the outside dry and to keep the supabsorbent polymers inside. This also means that for a disposable diaper to work properly the liquid needs to hit the fluid-repelling top sheet at a speed of at least five miles per hour (or perhaps even six miles per hour in order to go through the top sheet and into the absorbent core). This means that (even though it is counterintuitive) urinating too slowly can actually cause leakage (because the liquid in this case will run along the diaper and out the leg openings). This is also why some web sites indicate that diaper leakage even with a good quality properly fitting diaper can a fairly reliable sign of potty training readiness. It could indicate that that the child is beginning to control the rate of flow when he or she does let go.
2. In the most recent morning routine video Simon has his hand on the front of his pajamas when he (presumably) has a bladder void while crying about the (seemingly) broken toy school bus (which his father was fortunately able to fix). He was probably doing this so he could feel the diaper warming up through his pajamas with his right hand when he opted to let go. That may have been comforting for him and perhaps (or even probably) helped his autism meltdown (which some people might mistake for a temper tantrum) in that situation to end. If this is what occurred (which is more likely than not) the bladder void did not bother him. In fact (even though he is pretty well potty trained during the day) it probably comforted him.
The reasons for this are twofold:
I. The bladder void is accompanied by a feeling of warmth that may be comforting for him. This probably helped with ending his meltdown in that situation.
II. As long as the liquid hits the fluid-repelling top sheet at the necessary five or six miles per hour it gets absorbed by the absorbent core. When the core puffs up it can produce a comforting sensation similar to a hug (as some people online have been known to describe it in their descriptions of similar situations, based on their own recollections of their childhoods in the 1990s or early 2000s). This probably further helped Simon with coming down from his meltdown. By the time Holly picked him up the meltdown seemed to be mostly resolved. He probably only needed a little comforting at that point given the amount of self-soothing that he was already able to give himself in that situation.
On a related note could diaper wetting be a form of stimming? Online opinions seem to vary on this, but maybe. If so, then Simon and Ezra’s diapers should definitely stay on first thing in the morning until any “drama” has been adequately resolved. This also why for Simon (and perhaps for Ezra as well) nighttime potty training is one hundred percent optional. If they show signs of wanting to be clean and dry at night (for example if Simon verbalizes this at any point or asks to use the toilet at night (Night-time training pants (such as Huggies Night-time pull-ups (these currently go all the way up to size 5T-6T) (or something like Huggies Goodnites or Pampers Ninjamas) could be a good thing for Simon if he wishes to experiment with sometimes using the toilet at night when he chooses to). Don’t pressure him on this though, and never force him. Especially considering his PDA it may be best to allow him to use his nighttime diaper (even if he is fully awake) for anything that he might need to do whenever he chooses to do so (at nighttime or even right after he wakes up just before breakfast) and does not want to use the toilet at that particular moment. In short, don’t force it and choose your battles wisely.) you can begin to work on this one step at a time. But until then you probably don’t need to even worry about beginning the nighttime toilet training process.
After any drama has been resolved and before breakfast begins it is a good idea to change both Simon and Ezra into their underwear and regular clothes (after any necessary clean-up). This may cause some accidents at the breakfast table for one (or even both) of them, especially initially but don’t worry it’s all part of the process. As long as you have enough time set aside for any additional cleaning everything should work out.
One final set of observations:
The selection of clothes that are worn during toilet training is very important. For example on that Dollar Tree shopping trip last September Simon was wearing long pants. Given that he was probably getting tired towards the end of the shopping trip it is likely that he had his hands resting on his pant legs (probably around knee level). This is what I would often do (up to at least age five-and-a-half) when I was tired while sitting in my car seat. The reason this is important it that when Simon emptied his bladder that time (probably after mistakenly remembering that he had a diaper on instead of underpants) he would have felt one or both hands getting wet. This is probably what led to Simon being uncomfortable and the most likely reason why he said “Oh no, potty!” in that particular instance.
On a related note in order to keep him as well-trained as possible during the day you will probably want to limit any unnecessary experiences that will lead to him getting used to (or even enjoying hand or foot wetness). Swimming, bathing, and hand washing are fine but you might want to hold off a bit on finger-painting and similar activities. When I was in preschool, kindergarten, and first grade I had some degree of daytime potty regression and needed some retraining (using methods similar to EC (Elimination Communication) but with cueing words or short cueing phrases (such as “go pee-pee” or “go poo-poo” (These are technically baby-talk but in this context don’t worry about that, the emphasis here (for best results) should be on short easily-understandable words and phrases even at the preschool through kindergarten or first-grade level) given a higher priority than cueing noises (given my level of language development and verbal skills at that point)) when I started to get too used to hand wetness as a result of finger painting. You shouldn’t be too surprised if you see the same thing with Simon over the next one to two years. Also if (and more likely when) you see this Simon’s PDA will likely create some additional challenges in this regard. Somehow you will need to prepare yourself for that. When the time comes his teachers, therapists, and doctors will hopefully have some good tips for that.
I also wonder (thinking back) if that might have been one of the factors in Ezra’s first potty training regressions when he was around kindergarten age.
This pretty much sums up my observations and recollections on these topics for the time being.
Thank you for sharing your observations!💕💕
Potty training can help infants and toddlers learn how to use the toilet at home, or in a public bathroom. 🚽
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
My son is a 4 year old non verbal autistic, but we have potty trained him during the day but not a night yet…. Any tips??
You may start to see some results if you limit fluids around bedtime and maybe wake him up once or twice during the night to use the toilet.
That being said many kids (including many neurotypical ones) are not nighttime trained at that age and you probably don’t need to worry about it all that much at this point. Many kids don’t finish training at night until age five or even six.
Maybe after Thanksgiving you can do a video about Thanksgiving. Also, after Christmas you can do a Christmas video.
Yes. Just you wait. They’re coming soon. ❤️❤️❤️
I was told no electronics because the get too zoned in and don’t even notice if they go pee or pop. 5 year old here starting school in September and we will be starting soon. At the moment he is petrified
Thank you for your insight❤️
How do you get your child to switch from a diaper to pull ups and underwear? My 3 year old only wants to wear a diaper. He won’t let me put underwear or pull-ups on him. Refuses to wear them .
That is really difficult. A lot of times we just have to wait till the child decides to wear underwear. When he is ready. I am sure it’s different for each child, though. Perhaps you could try to motivate him by some thing he’s very motivated by. Is there something that he loves more than wearing a diaper? My kids will do a lot for screen time or for the ability to have certain toys. Good luck with that. I know that’s very difficult.
What my mother did with me was to put a Pamper inside my underwear without taping it in place. This was back in the early 1980s before pull-ups were invented. I trained late because I was born about three months prematurely and there were some complications. Also I am on the spectrum (current level one) but I was level two when I was younger so toilet training basically lasted from about eighteen months to two years for me until nearly age six. My mother kept at it and I eventually got there.
While I was pretty much daytime trained at home by age four-and-a-half or so (including standing up) I was still not able to use any public toilets yet. Therefore I sometimes wore a diaper in this fashion if I was going to be out of the house and indoors for an extended period of time. This is how my mother got me into preschool at age five-and-a-half even though I was only toilet trained at home at that point. My toilet training would only begin to become more generalized between that time and nearly age six when I started kindergarten. When I started kindergarten I was only wearing diapers during the day if I was home on a sick day.
Another thing you could try is something more underwear-like such as Pampers Easy Ups. If your kid likes Bluey you could try the new Easy Ups with the Bluey designs on them.
For now these are the only suggestions that come to mind.
How often did you put him on the potty when you started?
About every other hour. (During the day.)
Aww
❤️
I got my ASD 4 year old pee trained during the day. Sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of night to pee. Sometimes he’ll be so deep into sleep he won’t wake up to go potty. Now poop training??? It’s impossible!
You got this!❤❤
If you have him sit on the toilet for up to five minutes after he eats anything you will probably begin to see your first results with this. It will probably take a while to get him all the way there but this is a good way to start with his bowel training.
@@thomasschoeck9080 doesn’t work on my kid
How old is your son? And have your son seen Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous?
Simon is 4 now. And he has Mr seen Jurassic world camp Cretaceous. Is it a movie?
@@7Aheadfamily It's a tv show. It's on Netflix, so do you have Netflix, so1 your son can see Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous show?
We do, we'll have to look that show up! Simon does like dinosaurs.❤️❤️❤️
@@7Aheadfamily Let me know you have been look it up
Will do!😊
i have some austium and i was potty when i was about ten because my real patients wouldnt do it im adoped now
Best of luck. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@7Aheadfamily it can be very scary when your staff wipes your private parts to hard it made me cry so hard now i hate being touch there now dont like it when the doctor touch me there for a exam
I’m sorry. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@7Aheadfamily i been having problems with myself nightmares
🤐
My oldest nonverbal when he was 2yo (last year) would play in his poop! A few times he ate it! 🤢
Ezra used to do that too. ❤️
That is actually quite common for kids on the autism spectrum to do before they are toilet trained.
For example, I seem to remember (on a related note) that Temple Grandin mentioned in one of her books (maybe her first book) that she liked to sculpt (in the way that you are probably visualizing, around the age of three). Someone in her family noticed that she was doing this and fortunately bought her some clay (or something similar) so that she could begin to sculpt with a material that was socially acceptable for her to work with. I think she mentioned that she toilet trained not long after that (but I forget the specific details (if any were mentioned)).
@@7AheadfamilyMaybe you can get him some play d’oh or something similar for him to sculpt with if you think he would be interested in it. This would be especially important if he regresses at some point and that behavior begins to return for any reason.
Good idea!💕💕
Simon is more or less conscious child. My son doesn't have that much consciousness.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Sometimes kids on the spectrum are more conscious of events and what they mean than neurotypical people around them realize. For example, I reached some of my toilet training-related milestones (like being able to say “uh-oh” or “Oh no, potty!” when I was either about to have an accident or (more often) just started having one) when I was between two and three older than Simon was when he reached the same point. Simon is level one. I was level two (by today’s criteria) at his age (I’m currently level one). That’s probably why I finished my training a bit later.
I was first diagnosed in the late 1970s just after my two-year checkup. Even so when my parents tell the story of my toilet training they use such words as “stubborn”, “independent”, “oblivious”, and “apathetic”.
This pretty sums up my observations on this topic for now.
Potty training is a good thing for a toddler. but for Kids who are on the severe side of the spectrum, potty-training is almost impossible.
For our son, Ezra we are having a difficult time potty training him. We still have hope, but we feel he needs to grow a little and he needs to hit an age where he responds to his accidents. Right now it seems that if he notices, he doesn’t really care that much.
I was a bit like this myself. I was five-and-half in preschool before I was even close to getting all the way there myself.
Basically I was trained just in time for kindergarten just before age six.
I am currently level one but back then my symptoms were pretty much level two (and they would be at that level at least through grade school).
@@7AheadfamilyHave you tried taking Ezra’s diaper off and having him be otherwise fully clothed and having him sit on someone’s lap until an accident happens? There will be a lot of extra laundry but at this point it might be the only way to get Ezra to the finish line (as it were).
If you have tried this then how recently have you tried it and how did he respond? You might try this with him as often as once (or even twice) a day (and point out what is happening while it is happening). From my own memories that helped quite a bit with my own training (especially the “#1” portion of it (since I could see and feel the liquid coming out)). My mother started doing this with me when I was 3 and a half and sometime after I turned four (up to three months after that) my mother started to see regular and consistent results from this. My mother had to deal with at least nine months of wet laps (for example) during this process but in the end it paid off.
Also (when it comes to the “#2” portion of it) you will need to determine if Ezra knows the mechanics of how to push it out in a sitting position. This is actually the most unnatural position for the act of defecation so it takes some time and practice to get used to. If he doesn’t know how to do this then you will need to teach him how to do it.
It may be too overwhelming for Ezra to learn the mechanics of how to do this while sitting on the toilet initially. Therefore you will need to break the process up into individual parts and do it in stages.
You might need to teach him how to do this first in other locations like in his high chair, while sitting on your lap, or even on that booster seat in his size that he uses in the car. After he gets the mechanics of it down in the correct position you will then want to have him practice on the toilet at least once or twice a day (especially after meals or snacks). This is what I remember my mother doing with me and it eventually worked. This is the part that I struggled with the most. It took me from about age four to five-and-a-half to get there fairly consistently (just in time for preschool).
By the way if you rewatch the older videos with Simon’s first day of preschool and the doctors visit to put the new strap on the braces on his feet it looks like Simon learned the mechanics of this in pretty much the same way that I described here. In the doctor’s visit video it looked like Simon was perhaps pushing his feet against the back of the driver’s seat shortly before he said “poo poo”. Could Simon have perhaps been pretending to use the toilet at this moment? Only he knows for sure but it’s possible. Also in the scene in the first day of preschool video Simon appears to be actively pushing while drinking his smoothie (or whatever it is) near the end of the video. Again maybe he’s pretending that he’s on the toilet, but then again only he knows. If this was what Simon was doing then it would actually represent an important form of mental rehearsal that helped him to reach the point in the daytime toilet training process where he is now (even though one or more commentators at the time (wrongly in my opinion) dismissed it as toilet training resistance).
Either way if you can teach Ezra the mechanics of what Simon was doing in those two videos that could be a good starting point and then with time have Ezra do more of this practice on the toilet and less of it in other places until he eventually gets to where he needs to be.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for all of the advice. ❤️❤️❤️
This is so amazing to hear another parent understanding the daily struggles of potty training with a autistic child. Definitely glad you pointed out the rewards and incentives. Most importantly the way you said they don't like to stop what they're doing when it's time to go. Great job breaking this down love your videos
Thank you so much! ❤️
@@7Aheadfamily the stuff had stuggles with me pottying training well getting mm and a figet very fun so i went every time they give a toy
Thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️
😀Hey Friends! We would love ❤ for you to join us in our ASD club, where we get on a video chat every week, answer questions, and talk all things Autism. Learn More Here ➡ www.7-ahead.com/asdclub
Please dont show kids on the potty. I feel like that is an invasion of privacy... i no id be embarresed if it was me and my parents did that! Also you have no idea who is watching this there are lots of preditors out there. Im not trying to be rude or mean i do like your vlogs but i feel like kids deserve privacy too and the bathroom should always be private. Its fine to give tips and talk about how to help them but please dont show it.
Thank you for your concern. We made sure not to show anything. But I see your point. Thank you
How’s he at night for he still where pampers at night still or does he get up if needs to go. Accidents will happen here and there the number 2 might be harder to work on I bet is he afraid of the flush when I was his age the flush really scared me it was sensory I guess at the time
He did used to be afraid of the flesh, but he isn’t anymore. He still wears diapers at night. We are still working on that.
@@7AheadfamilyThat’s good. Don’t worry if it takes a while. Some kids (even neurotypical ones) don’t finish their nighttime training until age five or even six (or a bit later). Some years ago when I was in college (in the late 1990s (over twenty years ago)) one of the cafeteria workers mentioned matter-of-factly to another worker that she needs to buy diapers for her four-year-old son because he still uses diapers at night. From what I recall he was not autistic but he did have ADHD.
The other worker asked her if she was worried about this. She said that she was at first so she asked his pediatrician about it. He told her that they don’t even begin to worry about nighttime diaper usage (let alone call for any medical tests to determine the cause) until after the child’s sixth birthday. That means that what Simon is doing at night is technically within the norm for at least another year (if not two years).
❤️
Glad you potty trained Simon but what about Ezra
That is a good question. Ezra is still on his journey of potty training. We hope to make another video soon of what helped him.
I was just asking Microsoft Copilot about ways in which a toddler who is three years old (for example) might try to get a bath if he isn’t yet able to ask for one. One of the possibilities that is listed is making a mess with food, paint, or dirt.
Based on where Ezra’s communication skills are right now I wonder if that might explain some of the things that Ezra does. Maybe if you add an option for “bath” to his communication app you will begin to see a decrease in mess making of all kinds and his potty training might improve as well.
I also wonder if some of Simon’s accidents as recently as about a year ago (even after he started using some sentences here and there) might have been a result of wanting to take a bath but not being able to ask for one yet.
I asked Copilot questions about things that a toddler who isn’t yet able to ask for a bath might do because I was recently talking to my mother on the phone and I mentioned that a kindergarten-age kid in my neighborhood who is level two will sometimes use his car seat instead of the toilet (even as soon as right after he has been strapped in) and my mother suggested that maybe he’s doing this because he likes baths but can’t ask for them yet.
Copilot also seems to recognize this as a possibility for kids who are struggling with communication in that type of situation (even if it’s currently somewhere between the twentieth and fortieth item down on its list).
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Gratulation Simon no Diaper day and no diaper Night! And Ezra gratulation no diaper day and no diaper Night!
Thank you ❤️
Great video, i was going to mentioned what also helped us to have him go in public places we bought a fold up seat on amazon. so it folds up small for a purse or diaper bag and we always take it or to grandmas. Plus we used a potty watch at first he loved wearing it and you can set the timer and then it sings a potty song and lights up.
That's a great idea!
These were all great tips. The only thing I did differently was to use a potty chair with all 3 of my children. It was something wide, sturdy, and short so they could easily get on and off by themselves. It also allowed me to use the big toilet while they used their little potty at the same time. Seeing what other people do while in the bathroom is a big help to some kids. We also had a potty chair in the back of the suv which was great when we were out and about or on road trips.
Also, having books or electronics in the bathroom was so distracting to my kids that they wouldn’t successfully potty. We had to concentrate on what we were there to do. 😊 So every kid really is different.
Thank you for sharing. 💜❤️💜
Thankyou so much for these awesome tips so helpful and a life saver. We tried one in particular with our 4 year old son who is also ASD/ ADHD and it was a success. Thankyou love all your videos.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Great job Simon and parents 🎉
Thank you for sharing. 💜❤️💜
How did he tell you he needs to go? Or you have to keep on watching him?
At first, we had to watch him. And we would help him go sit on the potty every 30 minutes for a while. It took a while, but eventually he learned to go on his own. Now, he is fully potty trained, even in the middle of the night he will get up and use the potty. 😊
@@7Aheadfamily Having more traditional pajamas that are easy to put on and take off (like in the most recent video) probably helps with this.
If Simon is able to put on and take off his nighttime diapers he can use the toilet when he needs and wants to during the night and he will still be covered should a mishap happen closer to morning (for example).
I read an article a while back (I forget where) that mentioned that according to sleep studies people (pretty much regardless of age) who wet the bed will urinate at least two times over the course of the night. This shows that it’s mostly a result of low levels of anti diuretic hormone.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing!
Hi I have a question for you. What frequency of taking him to the potty did you start with.
We took him probably about once an hour until he got used to it and started going on his own.
@@7Aheadfamily Thanks
Potty training is hard!
You got this tho😊
Agreed! Thank you ❤️
Hi! My son is 8 years old & he still doenst want to use the toilet doing job no 2. He passed the on peeing in the toilet but still he doesnt wanna use the toilet to poop. We knew the cues when he is about to go no 2 but once we put him on the toilet, he'll just sit and wait. I have no idea on what else to do. Any suggestion anyone? Thanks ❤
It is very good that Simon is already saying thank you. I was at least nine years old (if not ten) (right around the age that I started to be able to experience embarrassment fairly consistently in certain situations) before I could say “thank you” (even with a reminder (like Simon does in this video)).
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Neurotypical people that I know tell me that they get used to the feeling of underwear and clothes shortly after putting them on. As someone who is on the spectrum who does not experience this I don’t know what that is like.
On a related note diapers and underwear can sometimes feel very similar to the person who is wearing it especially at an early age.
This means that if someone who is on the spectrum is in the middle of potty training and notices the tightness of the waistband and/or leg elastics of a pair of underwear while sitting in a car seat and doing a potty dance he or she may erroneously think that he or she is wearing a diaper just long enough to let go too early, leading to saying something like “Oh no, Potty!” when he or she notices the mistake.
That might be what happened with Simon that time when you were on that shopping trip to Dollar Tree.
Yea, you are definitely right about that when Simon needed to go to the bathroom.
@@7Aheadfamily If Ezra does that in a similar situation (e.g. on a long car ride or a shopping trip) it could be a result of underwear/diaper confusion like what probably happened in that instance with Simon last year. You can probably address that by having Ezra wear sweatpants without underwear underneath so that he won’t get confused, mistakenly think that he has a diaper on and possibly make a mistake as a result.
I seem to remember my mother doing this with me just before I started kindergarten (at age five, almost six) when I was still often making the same type of mistake mentioned here and that seemed to help my toilet training quite a bit on car rides and other short to medium trips outside the house. Results weren’t perfect but my training did start to improve at the point on short to medium car rides, shopping trips, trips to some local parks, etc.
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If they had potty training videos back in the 1970s and 1980s I might have trained more quickly than I did.
Probably. ❤️❤️
How does Ezra go to the washroom ?
Ezra is still in the learning stages. We hope to make another video soon about how we potty trained him.
Many kids don’t understand time well enough until age two-and-a-half to three (or even four) to respond to timers but when they are ready something like a timer app or a potty watch can be effective when they are ready.
Many kids who have either level one or level two autism might not respond to timers until at least age three-and-a-half. Some children (especially if they are level three) might take even longer with this.
Interesting.
My 5 year old son has autism and is currently struggling to use restrooms at school, he never really liked public restrooms due to loud noises and sensory issues so it feels like we’re starting all over again but in school now 😢 headphones and safety item are not helping much unfortunately, but I won’t give up ❤
Yes, that can be one of the most difficult things for sure! We are here for you! You will get there eventually. :)
Very important topic!!!
Agreed! Thank you ❤️.
For me as someone with mild autism potty training took way longer for me. I think I was completely potty trained during the day at some point when I was 7 and became completely potty trained day and night when I was 8. I remember that I often wouldn’t even be able to communicate needing to use the bathroom at a lot of times and would often hold it during the day especially at school. Friends who were a few years younger than me were completely potty trained while I was still having accidents even during the day. Wheras for my older brother with severe autism he didn’t become fully potty trained until fairly recently. Even now he uses things as toilets that aren’t even toilets. He also went through a long phase of smearing #2 all over his room luckily he eventually learned not to do that by watching our dad clean it up. Hasn’t been doing it since. He also has a camping toilet in his room since he’s locked in his room at night. But I remember our parents would get very frustrated with us for constantly having accidents and sometimes even yell at us. One time a while back I was at a party that involved a sleepover that I couldn’t stay at because I was still having accidents pretty much every night and I was upset about that. I also had a chart about accidents I had at night and it varied for a while but eventually I got it and I’m glad that’s over with now.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
One thing you could try to begin transitioning Ezra out of his high chair is to have him sometimes sit on your lap while eating.
My mother started doing this with me when I was four years old and by age five I no longer needed my high chair. I was level two when I was growing up (I’m currently level one). By this point Ezra should be ready to begin this transition. You can start small by having him eat a snack while sitting on your lap. When you are away from the house (especially in an outdoor setting) you may need to have him sit in his stroller to eat so he doesn’t wander off.
There are two benefits to transitioning him away from the high chair:
1. First, if he needs to use the toilet during a meal or a snack he might be able to sometimes get there in time if he is not in his high chair. If you need to get him out of his high chair there might not be enough time for this.
At this point you might put him in his high chair in the morning (for breakfast) and right after school (for an after school snack) and let him do whatever he needs to in those situations if it makes him more comfortable (unless he shows signs of wanting to use the toilet before this such as pulling your arm and taking you to the bathroom like he did on that one Sunday morning). If he acts like he wants to get out of his high chair (even during those times) it could be an indication that he needs (and wants) to use the toilet and on those occasions you can take him to the bathroom. With this approach you’re not really aiming for one hundred percent toilet usage (even at this point) but over time you’re trying to get him there more and more.
As time goes on he will probably indicate with his tablet more often when he needs (and wants) to go and that will reduce any guesswork about when you need to take him to the bathroom.
On a related note Andrea Olson’s Elimination Communication blog and RUclips channel has a video about transition times in which it might make sense to offer a bathroom break (called a “pottytunity” in elimination communication). While you are not technically doing elimination communication with Ezra (given his age) some of her ideas such as offering a bathroom break at certain times like just before a meal, just after a meal, just before a bath, and just after a bath (and other similar transition times) might be helpful. You won’t get results every time but some results are better than none.
You don’t necessarily need to offer a bathroom break every time. For example, first thing in the morning Ezra might be too tired, and right after school he might be too stressed out and/or too tired. During other times you will probably get some results when offering a bathroom break.
2. If his stomach becomes upset he might be able to make it to the sink before vomiting if he’s not in a high chair. Later on as he gets older and his nausea is less severe you can have him attempt to reach the toilet for this as well. Over time you will also begin to see results in this area.
For now, this pretty much sums up my thoughts on this.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️ That’s an interesting idea.
My daughter is diagnosed with F83...She's 2 year old and I plan to potty train her in summer...I would like to know how to easy teach her because she doesnt know to show me when she has to pee or poop.She speaks but its just babling,not words in comunicative way
Good luck! you'll do awesome. That is a big step in a toddler's life. We are planning on making more content to help parents in this chapter of their life. Thanks for letting us know what kind of content you are interested in.
You’re right about avoiding potty chairs if at all possible. Some kids do actually need to toilet train twice if one is used. I know I was one of them. Here is essentially what happened to me. My parents started potty training me with a potty chair between 18 months and 2 years. It took until I was about three-and-a-half years old before they saw any results. Shortly after that I was basically trained on the potty chair.
Then I turned four and my parents decided that I was too old for the potty chair and they threw it away. At that point I didn’t use any toilets for a long time. It might have been as long as two or three months. Even after this my re-training was just beginning and it took well over a year after that for me to be trained well enough to get into kindergarten. But that’s another story.
Thank you for sharing ❤️ yes that transition can be tough.
I heard Ezra takes his clothes off to take off his diaper. He doesn’t seem to like it, besides I heard regular diapers affect potty training due to the child being unable to tell if they peed or pooped, have you tried cloth diapers or underwear. It seems like Ezra doesn’t like anything too bulky, so maybe change what he wears as diapers of regular material. This would help with not just Simon, but Ezra too. I actually worn a diaper as an adult for a week due to poor bladder control, and TMI alert, but I could tell what it felt like. Not only bulky, but physically annoying (the best I can describe it is like real sheep wool mixed with polyester and plastic shopping bags on your covered area, so itchy) and when I peed in it, I mistaken it for poop, and it took me back to when I was younger and wearing it at night and I soiled it in my sleep. Also have you identified why potty training such a problem with Ezra. Ask yourself these questions
1) Can Ezra communicate the need to go?
2) Can he tell when he needs to go?
3) Is there anything he doesn’t like about being in the bathroom (examples: cold floor toilet seat or water, hot water, slimy or icky soap, strong smelling soap shower supplies or even their own number one or two, the bathroom light being too bright, etc)
4) Does he show any of the signs of readiness you mentioned?
5) Any gut issues that may affect potty training such as diarrhea or constipation (you don’t have to tell me what they are, just say yes or no)
6) Does he have the gross motor skills and the self care skills to do so?
I don’t mean to go in your business. Sorry
No problem! Thanks for the ideas and tips! Yes, Ezra is on his own journey, we will do a video about that soon as well. 😊
It’s good that Simon uses the toilet very well during the day. How is Simon with communicating his needs in this area? Does he know the following phrases (and perhaps some like them).
1.”I want potty.”
2.”I went potty.”
3.”I’m going potty.”
4.”I have to go potty.”
5. The above phrases but the words pee (or pee-pee) or poo (or poo-poo) instead of “potty”.
These phrases can be useful especially in unfamiliar locations away from home.
Later on he can learn to ask where the bathroom is if he doesn’t already know the location of the bathroom (e.g. in a new park,store,etc.)
Thank you so much for sharing!
Regarding the use of the word “independent”:
When I was younger one mistake my parents (especially my mother, but not exclusively) made was to almost exclusively use the word “independent” to mean “stubborn”. Therefore it was not uncommon after I had an accident (at any age) and was cleaned up for my mother to pick up the phone, call her mother, and tell her that I was probably never going to be toilet trained and that I was being really “independent” lately.
For most of the time that this happened I was not embarrassed by this just confused. My ability to feel embarrassed only started to work when I was about nine years old and became more consistent around ten or so. I guess this is probably a result of being level two on the spectrum back then. Even at that age I was still having some daytime accidents of both kinds and my mother would call her mother to complain about it and say some things along the lines of “I thought he was finally potty trained but I guess I was wrong!”. Those accidents were actually embarrassing but not the ones when I was younger. I finally stopped having daytime accidents (of both kinds) by the end of grade school (about age eleven). Many of those were a result of getting too involved in playing or other activities. Before that with each year accidents became less common but they still happened from time to time.
In short if you use the word “independent” try not to use it to mean “stubborn” at least not when you are toilet training at least one kid. At best it is confusing. As you might imagine I only ended up learning the main use of the word “independent” many years later when I learned about the Declaration of Independence in eighth grade history at about age fourteen.
I previously heard the primary use of the word independent from the elf who visited the island of misfit toys with Rudolph in the Rankin Bass special each Christmas season but even though I remembered the special pretty much verbatim after only a viewing or two that particular use of the word “independent” still didn’t register with me for a long time.
That pretty much sums up my observations on the use of the word “independent” for the time being.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
When I was growing up I had some regressions at a later age than usual. I remember having a regression similar to what Simon had in this video when I was in third grade (age nine). This was just at the point when I was beginning to experience embarrassment.
My mother noticed that I was constipated because I was at a garage sale and I was squatting down next to a tree and trying to soil my underwear. A short time after that I was still trying to “go” when I was sitting in the back seat of the car on the way home. Fortunately (in a way) neither effort produced any results. One of the last times that I did that previously (from what I can remember) was about three years earlier at age six under similar circumstances.
I think it happened this late for me because I was level two by today’s standards. I was pretty much back to normal (or my version of normal) after my constipation was cleared up with a combination of drinking some prune juice and being given an enema.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
As a child we had no clue that id possibly got aspergers but at 3 id say pot pot gir potty or toilet but when i started school fine during day but mum had to put covers for me to lsy on at night but i think i grew iut of it at about 9 or 10 years old now i think rrmembering to dronk enough water or fruit and veg to help with no twos ❤
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Some suggestions regarding potty training, bike riding, and keeping things on track:
It is good that Simon is both potty trained during the day and learning to ride a bike.
One issue that I had when I was learning to ride a bike was getting too involved in what I was doing and not making it to the bathroom in time. I was about eight years old at the time (so twice as old as Simon). Part of the reason that this happened with me is likely that I was level two when I was younger. Simon is level one but even being trained for as long as he has it would not be uncommon for something like this to happen especially on longer bike rides.
You can reduce the frequency of any such accidents by buying Simon a portable urinal (available at pretty much any drug store) and having it available for him to use should it be necessary in any location where restrooms may not be readily available. Something like a large towel or picnic blanket could help in any situations where he would need some level of privacy. That way he can be out of view when necessary to minimize any embarrassment (for example).
A portable urinal might also help with Simon’s nighttime training when he starts to wake up dry. If for any reason (including not being able to get the bedroom door open in time, fear of the dark, etc.) Simon wakes up dry and can’t make it all the way to the bathroom the portable urinal will give him something that he can use instead of a pull-up, diaper, or something similar in these circumstances. That being said there will probably be some accidents anyway (for a while at least) just like in the bike riding scenario but this will make it possible to minimize these enough to avoid any significant regressions and at Simon’s age that’s the main objective.
In Ezra’s case you will probably want to continue his toilet training at home for about another two or three weeks. Depending on where Ezra is in his training by then you might also want to have him ride the bike without a diaper on and get him a portable urinal of his own that he can use on bike rides (and other outdoor settings where a restroom might not be available) to keep accidents to a minimum.
Maybe Simon and Ezra’s urinals can be kept in a back pack (or something similar) and they can use them during breaks after the bike stops as needed.
For long car rides there are urinal bags available (usually on a drug store’s incontinence aisle) that can be placed inside the urinal to keep the risk of spills fairly low. I noticed those bags on the incontinence aisle at a Walgreens last year when I was walking down that aisle during the time that I was dealing with an 8 millimeter kidney stone and the wide variety of symptoms that it was causing. But that’s a whole other story.
For now I think this covers the main observations that I have on this topic.
Those are some really good ideas and insights. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Possible potty seat safety issues:
I just looked at the Amazon reviews for the potty seat that Simon is using (using the link provided in the video description for this video) and one of the reviews states that the product fell apart after no more than 6 months and that it resulted in their two-year-old being injured in a fall. That review warns users about the potential dangers of this product.
In addition, other users (and the product description) mention that this product doesn’t fit all toilets. Therefore this product might be good for some people (at least in the very short term) but not others.
Hopefully Simon will outgrow this product before it wears out. If the more negative product reviews are even remotely accurate you will want to check Simon’s potty seat on a regular basis for any signs of wear and tear and consider replacing it if you have any questions about it.
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My parents (and probably some other relatives) could tell any number of stories about my regressions (some as late as when I was in kindergarten). Such regressions are part of the reason why I needed to change over to a different kindergarten class in the same school with a smaller class size where the teacher could read my cues (e.g. the potty dance).
Fortunately I was pretty much back on track before first grade and able to start first grade on schedule.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Two toilet training suggestions that might help someone who is on the spectrum:
1. Get siblings (especially younger siblings) involved in the process. This is a good idea as long as the sibling is willing to help out and any help given is completely voluntary.
A little over a day ago I rewatched the video about the shopping trip to Dollar Tree. This time I rewatched the video on my TV using the Chromecast. Only then did I realize how much better my TV’s sound is than my iPad even with good headphones.
I am mentioning this because toward the very end of the video I noticed a detail that I missed on previous viewings. In the scene when you are in the garage just before you mentioned that he is “still training” (or something to that effect) and that “it comes with the territory” I noticed Marie saying something about helping Simon.
To me this means at least one of two things.
First, Marie might have been willing to help Simon to clean up after what happened earlier.
Second, Marie might had Simon sit on the toilet and practice his training for a short time (e.g. between one and five minutes (but not more than that)). Simon and Marie seem to be pretty close and he may have sometimes felt less pressure trying for her than he would sitting there trying for you. The fact that they are both young probably helps with this.
This wasn’t really an option back in the late 1970s and early 1980s when I was training because my sister was not interested (despite only a four year age difference) but with Simon and Marie it seems to work (given that she seems to be interested in learning some of the basic details of taking care of a younger sibling).
On a related note I am wondering if some of Ezra’s feeding issues could be worsened by “nerves”. I already know that he has acid reflux. If he is also nervous about having to eat in front of you that might sometimes worsen the situation. If Marie (for example) helps out with feeding Ezra from time to time he might be more willing to eat for her. Naturally you will want to have an iPhone or other camera set up nearby to make sure that he actually eats if no one else is watching at the moment. This way you will know if the food is eaten that Ezra is the one eating it.
This is important because sometimes if a sibling eats some of the food to show the other sibling how delicious the food is (in order to motivate the other sibling to try some) it is possible to overestimate how much food the one you are tying to feed actually eats. This was probably never an issue in my case because my sister rarely (if ever) got involved with either my toilet training or my feeding (or even feeding the family dog (or the Guinea Pig, for that matter) but that’s another story) but in some instances it can be important.
Second
2. Celebrate and reward partial successes (if any occur).
There are two ways that partial successes can occur.
First: Especially if the child is close to being fully daytime trained he or she may have a partial wetting accident and be able to cut the flow maybe up to halfway through.
In this instance the parent (or perhaps a sibling) can have him or her sit on the toilet and try to finish if possible. It is possible (especially if Simon only emptied himself out partway in his car seat and managed to cut the flow) that maybe Marie did this with Simon after the shopping trip to Dollar Tree. If so, then maybe he was able to “go” a little bit (perhaps even up to half way) for Marie and got an Oreo cookie (or other reward) in combination with a “good boy Simon!”, etc. from Marie. I noticed that Simon’s daytime training seemed to wrap up not long after this (aside from at least one one or two minor regressions in the scheme of things) so maybe events unfolded more or less how I pictured them.
On a related note you could perhaps encourage such partial successes with Ezra and use them as part of his training. As soon as you are confident that Ezra understands the concepts of “peeing” and “pooping” you could have him sit on your lap (without a diaper on (so will know right away if he starts or stops going)) if he hasn’t “gone” in a while. While he is sitting there you could read a story to him about toilet training or perhaps watch a short video about it. During this video or story (or slightly after) you could have him try to wet on your lap for maybe about five seconds (to the count of five) and then see if he can stop the flow after starting. This might be useful if Ezra still doesn’t mind being wet (or perhaps even likes it). This way the wetness itself could actually serve as a reward. A little while after this (if he is able to successfully cut the flow after starting) you can have him sit on the toilet and finish there and get a cookie (or other reward) for finishing on the toilet.
On a related note you will want to go over the concepts of “wet” and “dry” with Ezra (if you are not already doing this).
Also in the regression section of this video you mentioned a “puddle in the corner”. Does this mean that Simon was beginning to hide before going shortly before he finished training? It is not quite clear from what was mentioned. Or did he just sometimes get too involved while playing with toy cars, blocks, legos, etc. while playing in the corner sometimes and have an accident here and there for that reason? If Simon was starting to hide then it’s possible that Ezra might start making some progress (however minor) soon (since he likes to hide before “going” sometimes and that is often described in books and articles (as well as many blogs) as sign of toilet training readiness.
While I was training back in the late 1970s and early 1980s this was not an option for me because I only learned how to cut the flow after starting when I was about one to two years older that Ezra is now. Yes, I was actually nine to ten years old when I figured out how to do this even though most neurotypical kids learn this any time between ages two and five. This is probably because I was level two on the spectrum (I’m now level one) when I was younger. In addition I also have a very mild form of cerebral palsy and that also might have had some effect on this (although some doctors, nurses, etc. who I have talked to over the years don’t really know if that played a role in this or not).
I have noticed that only a small number of toilet training books and articles (or even blogs) seem to mention the importance of celebrating partial successes. I have heard and read that the reason for this is that most toilet training books and articles (as well as many blogs) are geared toward getting a neurotypical child toilet trained. Since (typically) a neurotypical child will be more devious than an autistic child (although a few rare exceptions exist here and there there, especially in some instances of level one autism) the concern is that a neurotypical child will play games and maximize their rewards by “going” a little bit, finishing on the toilet, getting a cookie or other reward, and frequently repeating this to get as many cookies (or other rewards) as he or she wants.
This type of devious behavior is quite rare for kids on the spectrum (even at level one) so for current purposes it is probably almost a non-issue unless a parent absolutely one hundred percent knows for a fact that a child on the spectrum is doing this.
Second: The other way to celebrate partial successes is to have the child try to poop on the toilet after either a full or partial wetting accident. There shouldn’t be any pressure to this and he or she will only need to try for maybe five minutes at the most regardless of whether there are any results. If he or she is able to poop he or she can be rewarded for this (e.g. with a cookie).
For now that’s about all I can think of on this subject.
Thanks.
Some of my early memories of using the big toilet in the downstairs bathroom at my parents house consisted of sitting on my mother’s lap and having her hold me while I was on the toilet. Back then they didn’t have potty seats (or something more basic like a potty ring) like they have today.
I also wonder if something like a step stool and a potty ring might be a safer alternative to the potty seat that he is using right now, given that at least one product review questions whether Simon’s potty seat is safe to use even for as little as six months (even for someone only two years old).
Some parents might find this (sitting on mom’s lap) technique to be useful if they don’t have a potty seat yet. Back in the late 1970s this type of product might not have existed yet (or at least my parents didn’t know about them) and my mother had to resort to this technique even when I was up to two or three months past my fourth birthday.
You might need to get Simon used the lap method that I mentioned above if his current potty seat begins to show signs of wear and tear before he outgrows it.
Also, I’m probably not the only person wondering if you take Simon’s potty seat on trips to the park, grocery stores, malls, department stores, etc. or whether you have some alternative method for dealing with that situation without having to resort to diapers or training pants during daylight hours.
Yeah, he can go by himself in a public place, we just try to help him not touch anything. 😊
Here’s another toilet training skill that parents sometimes (or even often) overlook:
Children are usually taught fairly quickly that “#1 and #2” go into the toilet. Then one day the child experiences nausea and vomiting and doesn’t know what to do. This can lead to some fairly predictable results. Sometimes one or more parent will erroneously think that knowing what to do in this situation is “just common sense” because they know what to do and they don’t remember a time when they did not know what to do in this situation.
This happened to me on Thanksgiving when I was six years old and I was car sick and also the dinner did not agree with me. After that I knew that it was necessary to head to the bathroom if I felt nauseous.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
The thing that Simon is drawing on reminds me of an Etch-a-sketch. I started using one of those when I was very young. It might have been during potty training, or it might have been later. I’m not completely sure which at the moment. This might be a good toy to consider if you want a child to be able to draw while sitting on the toilet without the possibility of dropping a pencil, crayon, or stylus into the toilet.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
A note about toilet training, training pants, and traveling (e.g. over Thanksgiving or Christmas):
It not uncommon for parents to use disposable training pants (such as pull-ups or easy ups) while traveling (on long road trips) on kids who are as recently trained as Simon is because a rest room may not always be available the minute that it is needed.
Here are some tips that I have heard from parents and grandparents of recently trained kids that can be useful for keeping the car clean while minimizing any toilet training regressions.
1. Bring plenty of underwear and changes of clothes. You will likely need these even if it’s just because of possible motion sickness.
2. Another reason to bring plenty of underwear:
To minimize the chance of a recently toilet trained child simply using the training pants like a regular diaper it is best to put a pair of underwear inside the training pants so that he or she will feel wet if he or she “goes”. To minimize the chance of leaking it is best to make sure that the underpants are completely inside the training pants including waistband and leg elastics (if at all possible).
3. Even if the child will mostly be using his training pants during trip it is best to maintain as much toilet training as possible by taking him to the toilet after meals and snacks at any rest area even if you are pretty sure that he has already “gone”. He doesn’t necessarily need to “go” but it necessary to try each time for up to three or even five minutes.
4. If at all possible only use diapers at night at the destination.
5. If the child will be swimming use swim diapers such as Little Swimmers or Splashers. These look like a bathing suit (sort of) while still providing any protection needed for any accidental “movements” (as it were) while swimming.
This pretty much sums up what I have to say about training pants and traveling.
Thank you for sharing. 💜❤️💜
I was just reading an article online about potty training regression and the article mentioned that one of the changes that can cause a regression is moving from a crib (for example) to a new bed.
Even though Simon seemed to like his new bed I wonder if maybe that was what might have triggered the potty training regression in the regression section of this video (especially if the dog bed was comforting for him). I’m not sure because I don’t know when that regression happened. Fortunately that regression seemed to have been fairly short-lived (probably lasting less than a week). From the sound of it Simon’s daytime potty training was back on track soon after that.
Regarding Ezra’s possible fear of the flush:
Either that article or another article on the same site mentioned two things that parents can do to help kids to overcome their fear of the flush. One is to have the child stand next to the toilet and flush some toilet paper in order to become familiar with the flushing process.
Another suggestion made is to have the child (at least initially) stand up before flushing so that the fear of being flushed down the toilet won’t be an issue.
On a similar note the related fear of going down the drain is a common enough one that Mister Roger’s Neighbor has an episode about it. More recently (I think all the way back in the 1990s) Rugrats also had an episode where Chuckle was afraid of going down the drain during bath time. According to TV Tropes that Rugrats episode (titled “Down the Drain”) is Season 2 episode 19. I should note, though, that Chuckie’s fear started after Angelica told him a story so that episode would probably not be the best for Simon or Ezra (at least until they eventually have a better understanding of the differences between fact and fiction). The Mister Roger’s Neighborhood 1996 episode “You Can Never Go Down the Drain” would be much better for them if at least one of them has this fear. The PBS RUclips channel also has this Mr Roger’s song. The song was also in some Mr Roger’s episodes going back to at least the 1970s (or perhaps the late 1960s) so in other words this fear seems to be one that kids have had for a long time.
Thank you for sharing!💙💜💙
It’s good that Marie was pointing to various objects in the bathroom and asking Simon “Is this the potty?” and waiting for an answer. For children who are able to understand some questions and who are beginning to communicate verbally like Simon is this is a very important step for reinforcing relevant memories of what a toilet is (and what it isn’t) and clearing up any confusion/misconceptions that the child might have about this.
Also if a parent has decided to use training pants of any kind and the child is at least as verbal as Simon is in this video it is important to ask him or her questions to make sure that he or she understands the difference between underpants, training pants, diapers, and what each one is for.
I know someone who has a grandson who is in at least his second year of kindergarten who has level two autism and only recently became as verbal as Simon is now. He is good at math and reading for someone his age (He actually does math and reading on up to a second grade level (at least on good days)) but he’s still in kindergarten in the morning because of some struggles with both toilet training and socializing. In the afternoon he does math and reading in more advanced classes in a first or second grade classroom) but he still gets certain concepts like (“potty chair” and “car seat”) and (“underwear” and “training pants”) mixed up fairly often. He sometimes uses the toilet and can even usually change himself after a wetting accident (he still wears either pull-ups or easy ups pretty much all the time). If reminded he will often use the toilet but he’s not really completely independent yet.
It is at least possible that if he were asked questions similar to the ones that Marie asked Simon like “Is this a potty?” on a regular basis that some of his current misunderstandings might have been cleared up already, but then again who knows?
On a related note by about age five to five-and-a-half after I was training for a while (for me a while was a year or so) (back in the early 1980s) if I started “going” in the wrong place my mother would say (if I was sitting on her lap at the time and starting to “go”) “Silly Tommy, Mommy’s not a potty!”. If I was wetting my car seat (or having any type of accident) at the same age my mother would say things like “Uh-oh (or oh no) Tommy you’re going potty in your car seat”. Other times she would say things like “Silly Tommy that’s not a potty that’s your car seat!”. Given where I was socially at that age (I was level two/“moderate” on the spectrum by today’s criteria) I wouldn’t experience embarrassment on anything like a regular basis until at least age nine (if not ten) but mild corrections like these after a genuine misunderstanding leading to an “accident” of either type still worked pretty well for me without any time outs. For me time outs (typically one minute for each year of age) followed by a brief explanation of why I was put in time out were typically reserved for any obvious “on purposes” such as wetting or soiling as part of a temper tantrum. I only rarely did this, but it did happen from time to time even at age five or so. No other punishments were ever needed for me to complete my toilet training.
For now that pretty much sums up my observations on this.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Simon (usually) doesn’t like getting wet. If his feelings about this change and his daytime potty training starts to slip as a result you might want to show him some Paw Patrol episodes featuring Rocky.
Rocky is the Gray puppy who doesn’t like being wet and says “Green means go!”.
I happened to think of this when I watched some episodes of Paw Patrol from Season Three and the 2021 Paw Patrol movie last night.
If you want to refresh your memory on the characters on Paw Patrol and some of the funniest and otherwise memorable moments in the series TV Tropes has a pretty good list.
I figured I would mention this because in the event that Simon’s daytime potty training begins to slip you might need to try a few things that are subtle to get things back on track.
Also, some of the best potty training episodes that I have seen are the two Rugrats episodes “Chuckie vs the Potty” and “Potty Training Spike”. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood also has some pretty good episodes on potty training (especially in regard to the importance of stopping what you are doing if you need to “go”). On a related note the Cocomelon Lane episode “JJ’s Gotta Go” covers the same theme. Daniel Tiger on Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and JJ on Cocomelon Lane seem to be somewhere around Simon’s age.
I figured I would mention these things because given Simon’s (possible) PDA he might need something somewhat subtle but still direct enough to get things back on track if his daytime toilet training begins to slip (which could happen during a less structured time of year (like Summer Vacation) or perhaps something like a family vacation/family road trip.
Good idea! Paw Patrol is a great show!😊😊😊
I probably would have finished my training more quickly if my parents worked on generalization with me. Instead I was only trained on the potty chair initially. Then the downstairs toilet at home. Next the downstairs and upstairs toilets. About a year later at age five-and-a-half I was able to at least sometimes use the toilets at preschool. By kindergarten at almost age six I was able to use the toilets mentioned above and the toilets at both of my grandparents houses (as well as the ones at the school where my kindergarten class was). Using other toilets was something that I needed to learn one toilet at a time until I started first grade (at almost age seven). By that point I was pretty much able to generalize at least when it comes to this area of my development.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
The next toilet training areas you can work on with Simon are using the toilet standing up, followed by nighttime training.
There is no rush with either of these. My father started working on the “going standing up” skill with me when I was tall enough to get on the toilet and use it without assistance. For me this was around age four-and-a-half. When Simon is a bit older his father or one of his older brothers can show him how to do this.
Regarding nighttime training one thing that Simon can work on (which ties in with becoming more independent) is being able to put on and take off his own nighttime diapers. Also being able to put on and take off his own pajamas can help in this regard (provided that he wakes up in time). The rest of it just comes down to a combination of bladder capacity and waking up in a timely enough fashion. For the vast majority of kids this eventually comes in time. Usually there’s not much (if anything) that can be done to speed this up to any significant degree.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Ive only been following your damily for a short time. Did these steps work for Ezra? My son is very similar to Ezra, and potty training feels like it may never happen.
Ezra is on his own journey. There have been some things with him that have helped, but he is still learning. We hope to make another video here soon about Ezra’s journey getting potty trained. It will look different than this one. It will be more for level 3 Autism. And yes, we are dealing with that right now, with Ezra. It is hard, for sure. ❤️ -Holly
I remember when I was younger and still using a potty chair (so before age four) I wasn’t able to undo the button on my shorts and I didn’t know how to ask for help yet so at least three times I felt the need to “go” and sat down on the potty chair with my shorts still on. Needless to say I needed a bath whenever this happened.
One time when this happened my mother was in the kitchen making spaghetti and meatballs. Another time when I wasn’t feeling well (I think I had a cold) my mother was in the kitchen making chicken noodle soup for me. And yet another time my mother was taking a nap on the couch. In all three instances that I can remember I ended up having a bath just before dinner.
I have read on various blogs that it is not uncommon for kids in general to do this off and on when they are toilet training.
We keep Ezra is sweatpants for that reason, so it’s easier for him to be independent (you have a very good memory)
I know it a spectrum, but maybe because this is the first video I clicked on from, but it don’t seem like her kids is on the spectrum.
We get that all the time, Simon is level 1 Autism and has been getting a lot of early intervention that has helped him learn a lot these past two years. Here is a video that tells his story when he was first diagnosed, it was really surprising. ruclips.net/video/uGl3bLiDHJg/видео.htmlsi=L34YnI--RxvywJW_
Regarding generalization:
From what I remember of my own training generalization of training has several parts. First there is the understanding that stores, restaurants, and other places have toilets. I’m guessing that even as late as age four this doesn’t come easily for many kids (even some neurotypical ones) given that Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood has a whole episode about this. After this point there is the ability to verbally communicate a need first at home, then out and about.
Simon seemed to understand by last September that bathrooms existed outside the house and he would generally make it if you noticed him doing a potty dance and took him to the bathroom. If this did not occur he would either try to wait until he got home or wait until he was somewhere comfortable (such as his car seat) before doing whatever he needed to do (only he knows for certain which one he was attempting to do in those instances. Also only he knows for certain whether he knew in those instances whether he had underwear or a diaper on. Maybe when his communication gets better he will be able to tell you this if he remembers the events and his thought processes well enough at that time.).
Late last year or even earlier this year we haven’t heard much about the development of Simon’s verbal communication and how it has come along. From videos and comments I know that Simon is able to tell you what he needs at home. I have to wonder, though what happens if (for example) you are on a long shopping trip (e.g. to Target, Walmart, or a local grocery store) with the entire family and you are watching to make sure that no one wanders off but maybe you’re not specifically watching for potty dances in those situations. In those instances (even in an unfamiliar store) is Simon able to verbalize that he needs to “go” and wait for the rest room or is that still something that will come later?
By way of reference since I was level two when I was growing up (I’m currently level one) I didn’t consistently verbalize when I needed to “go” when I was out and about until I was at some point past my sixth birthday. In fact one of my first memories of being able to do this (if not my first) was on a family road trip to Niagara Falls at age six and three quarters (not long before I started first grade).
Prior to that I would usually try to wait until I got home. Whenever that wasn’t option for any reason and before being able to verbalize my need (shortly after turning six when I was no longer in diapers during the day) I would then try to wait for the car seat instead. By that point I understood that the car seat wasn’t a toilet. I also understood that it had a checkerboard style car seat protector that was there for sippy cup spills and the like. Looking back this was probably a car seat protector made by the manufacturer specifically for that car seat since it had the same pattern on it as the car seat itself. Fortunately I didn’t need to use this option all that often (although it was there if I needed it, and my mother was usually pretty understanding about it when those situations came up (even at that age (shortly after I started kindergarten (I started kindergarten just before I turned six.)))) because my control was pretty good by then (I could usually wait for at least an hour-and-a-half, sometimes two hours if I limited my fluid intake (I think I started to understand about limiting fluid intake around the time that I turned six.)).
By the time of the Niagara Falls family road trip/vacation I was bigger and no longer in a car seat (presumably because I had outgrown it by then). Therefore given the absence of a car seat protector I needed to learn to generalize my verbalization of my needs by that time and (at least for the most part) I was there by then. From what I remember I was better able to do this on the second half of the trip than the first half (without going into any unnecessary detail). Looking back I think fatigue and/or stress levels played some role in my ability to do this even at that point.
I’m guessing that Simon is either pretty much there or at the very least coming along in this area since he’s level one and getting fairly close to four-and-a-half by now.
For Ezra you will probably want to work more with having him communicate with his iPad not only at home but also in other settings like restaurants, picnics, etc. This will become especially important when you add options to his iPad for “Pee”, “Poop”, and “Potty”.
If battery life issues are effecting Ezra’s iPad you may want to get a car charger and/or a battery pack for it. When the iPad is charging you will want to watch Ezra closely to make sure that he does not chew on the charger or the charging cable. Without going into too much detail it would not be safe for him to do this. The Apple Web Site should have more information about electrical safety when it comes to iPads and other Apple devices.
Having some good charging options for Ezra’s iPad (provided that all proper precautions are taken) will allow you to use in it more locations when you are out and about. This should help greatly with Ezra’s communication and potty training (especially when it comes to generalization in those areas).
Great ideas for potty training!❤❤❤
I was just looking at a recent web page about the subject of euphemisms and while I was reading it I remembered certain euphemisms like “going to the bathroom” and “going potty” that used to be confusing for me. During this I remembered one mistake that resulted from such a misunderstanding. Due to the fact that I am on the spectrum (originally level two, currently level one) this confusion would sometimes cause me to make mistakes even when I was “old enough to be trained”/“old enough to know better” (according to the criteria used by some people in my family).
This mistake happened during a doctor’s visit when I was at least four-and-a-half years old but I could have been older (perhaps even five).
What happened that day was that I was at the doctor’s office and the usual doctor wasn’t there because he was sick that day. First they measured my height, weight, and vital signs like they always do. A short time later while I was sitting on the table in just my Pampers diaper (I was pretty much potty trained at home by then but didn’t know how to use toilets outside the house just yet.) the doctor looked at me and asked me in a soft voice (but loud enough for both my mother and I to hear if I “know how to go potty”. At that moment I misunderstood what he was asking and I looked down at my diaper and tightened my stomach. After I managed to finish “going” the doctor looked at me again and said to me “I see that you know the mechanics of this” (or something very close to that). The doctor knew that I am on the spectrum (having read my chart) but probably didn’t expect me to do that. I had to be at least four-and-a-half years old by then because before that I was not able to make myself “go” if I didn’t need to.
By the way if Simon doesn’t yet know how to “go before leaving the house” when he doesn’t actually need to “go” yet maybe he can start learning this. His PDA will probably make this more difficult but it might help if you make a game out of it. For example, I have heard from parents and read online and in some books and articles that the “Cheerio (or fruit loop) in the toilet bowl trick” can help with this in addition to helping with “aim” while learning how to use the toilet standing up. My father taught me how to do this (minus the cheerio or fruit loop part of the process) when I was four-and-a-half years old. I don’t remember exactly when Simon’s birthday was but (as I recall) Simon is pretty close to that age and if he isn’t working on this yet he is almost certainly ready to start working on this part of his training. Don’t worry if he doesn’t completely get it right away and makes some mistakes. The important thing is that he get started with this part of the process if he hasn’t already.
On the subject of potty training and PDA it just occurred to me that if Simon had made a mistake similar to the one that I described above during one of his medical exams and his doctor attributed it to spite instead of understanding that it is a result of his autism it might explain how he ended up with his PDA diagnosis. It might have happened differently for him than what I am picturing. If so, maybe you can go into more detail about how Simon came to be diagnosed with his PDA and the pros (and any cons (and how you deal with any of those)) of Simon having that diagnosis in addition to his autism diagnosis.
I should mention that on a related note that even though Simon’s autism diagnosis is level one with no intellectual delay the diagnosis video about his autism diagnosis mentioned something about him being social (or socially) level two. This means that even though Simon is pretty well toilet trained during the day that mistakes like the one that I made (described above) are presumably possible for Simon for another year or so at least.
Therefore even if you don’t decide to have Simon wear a pull-up, easy-up (both of these currently go up to size 5T-6T) or other “backup” an extra change of clothes in a separate bag would be a good thing to have (in the car for example) for situations like doctor’s appointments where he might potentially have either have accident due to nervousness and a momentary loss of muscular control (In addition being ticklish and laughing can also cause accidents. (This used to happen to me well into my grade school years.)) or he could potentially get confused (e.g. getting underwear and diapers mixed up, like I used to and like I see with some kids on the spectrum even up to kindergarten age or slightly older from time to time) for one reason or another and “let go” at the wrong time. Such confusion (if it still occurs) should become less common with time but it’s always a possibility especially in the event or fatigue and/or stress.
This pretty much sums up my observations and recollections on this subject for the time being.
Thank you for sharing your observations with us💙💙