ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT: 4 WAYS "HYPER-ACTIVATION" HURTS OUR RELATIONSHIPS | DR. KIM SAGE
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- Опубликовано: 23 ноя 2024
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This video is from a new series about healing our childhood and relationships called "Healing Love," and describes 4 ways Anxious Attachment can impact our relationships through hyper activation of different aspects of our attachment pattern.
Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(***This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
Guided journal to help direct healing from childhood coming soon!
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
*** Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
Please visit my website www.drkimsage.com to obtain info on fees, treatment, resources, etc!
Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)
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Yes, as the more avoidant one with an anxious partner, mutual healing is very important. From my perspective, it involves learning to stay present during conflict, not taking questioning personally (i.e., as implied criticism) and acknowledging that I need unplanned quiet time each day to recharge, so that I can give my partner the gift of quality time and be a better friend.
Beautifully put. I’m hoping to get there!!
I relate to this so much and it has almost completely ruined my current relationship. I am now determined to heal this anxious attachment so I don't lose another amazing person in my life.
Excellent information. This anxious attachment describes me completely. I was doing good not being “hyper” until I fell in love again, and my partner started to change the way he was taking to me, my anxiety went up.
I’ve been looking for info about how to regulate myself. Thank you for this video and the other ones about anxious attachment. They are helping me a lot.
This is my Mother. I just turned 58 and her intrusive, always worried about me and past lies and abandonment has profoundly affected me and my paths in life. I certainly wish I had known before now why I am hyper vigilant. I'm hopeful that I can learn and do what is necessary to become secure, even at this age.
Also: it's been shown through research that avoidant parents didn't just leave their babies in the crib to cry. They are actually faster to respond BUT they don't soothe or provide emotional comfort. They just attend to basic physical needs. The crying makes them uncomfortable, so they do pick up the baby but only try to make the crying stop through practical care, not emotional soothing/bonding.
Omg olive is a good color on you!
Your videos are extremely helpful for me!! I was raised by a BPD parent and even though I have moved out and been on my own for years; I still see how that parenting style has affected me and in turn my relationships. It’s good to have these little words of wisdom reminding us what to look for and how to avoid potential land mines in our current relationships. Your insight is appreciated!!!
I’m so grateful for this video, I’m learning why I’m anxious, because of this videos, I’m now in the next level of my healing, so maybe I’m not to old to heal and change, 🙏
These videos are really helping me come to terms with the things I do that push people away. Thank you!
God do I need help in this department!
I just blew up a month long relationship due to the anxious attachment leading me to be critical of the guy so I could protect myself. I didn’t know it when I was doing it. I ended up walking away but he had already pulled back. My anxiety went through the roof.
I was abandoned, taken away from, my primary caregivers before I was two years old. Twice. Through therapy I know this, but I still have abandonment fears. I didn’t ever see it coming, and I’m always looking for signs of being left. Hyper sensitive to signs of rejection-right!
No wonder it was so much "work" for me to be in a relationship. I remember one day walking to school and this feeling of butterflies in my gut and not knowing what it was. I get anxious more than id like to admit. Going to do your vagus nerve exercises which will also help my afib. Thankyou Dr Kim. And happy belated mother's day from all ur baby chicks. 🎉🎉🎉 🎉🎉🎉
I remember going through something really difficult when i was 12-13 and all i wanted to hear was someone telling me that "everything will be okay." But i never heard it and didn't even know i could do that for myself.
thank you, appreciate the share of knowledge. Im learning how not to fuck up all my relationships and i feel this is really helping.
Dr. Thank you so much for you teaching this topic I am both avoidant and anxious. It’s horrible to have I am just discovering all of this and finally understand myself, I am determined to heal and learn to managed this for one day I can have a healthy relationship.
Thank you, Kim. This has been so helpful to me, you have totally described me. It's a very painful and misunderstood way to be. Thank you so much!!! ❤
A relationship with a narcissist makes it way worse
I was looking for this comment!
I come from a little village. On a Sunday morning there would be a market our mum used to take us to. My sis and I were little and only 11 months apart from each other. I would be 3 max 4 and my youngest sis of the time a new born. My mum used to leave me behind. Not on purpose, not very often. She would go back home and I would be found by a neighbour who in my memories would take me home. Or rejoin me to my mum once met in the market. Perhaps my memories are not accurate but it happened
How long it takes to become secure when you are anxious?
This has helped me so much. Thank you 😊. I found you today when I really needed to hear this ❤️
I have Complex PTSD and anxious attachment. I've been in therapy for 5 years and have worked to soothe my anxiety. I do give away my power and I especially have a hard time with certain relationships if they remind me of my abuser. Like I wind up ruminating about that person and my husband says I get stuck in a distorted view of a person. Then I look to him to validate that view.. it's so hard to not use my husband as a perspective regulator or an anxiety soother because I can't tell if my view is distorted. I'm so confused. How do I regulate myself if I'm so confused?
I beleive they recommend to cultivate a sense of safety in your body when you are not dysregulated so u can use it as a resource when u do. Also inner child work is great for that. Check out heavening tecnique too. But basically its about building an internal soothing muscle u can use when u need to lift those heavy weights when u go tru the anxiety episodes. Also trying to remember that life is only happening in present moment..so focus on the breath to ground urself. Our body keeps all the memories when our nervous system got activated in childhood and nobody was at hand to help us soothe and regulate..so maybe remembering that more than often its the past invading the present moment rather than a true reflection of whats happening in the present moment. Its sounds like a lot of work i know but we need to undo what was done to us over many many years.
@@Polina-hn7hu thank you so much. This makes a lot of sense.
@Habibe Boyraz cbt has its place I've been doing it now for 6 years but it has to be done with a good therapist. The trauma therapist I have now just gives me advice and seems to try to change my worldview which does not help me with my ptsd. I can't do emdr because I'm pregnant but I've definitely been wanting to do that. I have not tried other methods besides CBT yet really.
I enjoy listening to your videos. Your voice calls me down. I like to put a Playlist on and fall asleep listening to you. ♡
Could you make a video on the flight-freeze hybrid? Would be really helpful! Thank you so much for this eye-opening content.
Thank you so so much for these videos, I am learning so much!!!
Wow, this is exactly my situation. Do you have a video on protest behaviors for anxious attachment?
Intrusive thought: Why aren’t there candles on the candlesticks.
Dr. Sage: We overthink everything.
Intrusive thought: There’s a candle next to the candlesticks.
Dr. Sage: Tendency to ruminate.
Intrusive thought: THE CANDLESTICKS!
Me: :/
🤣 yep. Me.
thank you so much for these videos. i found them when i really needed them and im learning a lot on how to regulate myself and how to be a better friend. i really appreciate you uploading them and making this kind of guided self care more accessible!
Thank you for this. This makes so much sense . I understand myself more now
I am predominantly anxious but I have a hard time letting people in and helping them stay in. Is this disorganized attachment?
I feel seen ❤. Thank you. Deeply thankful
Your videos are extremely insightful and brilliant ! Thank you ❤
Thank you for this informative video, Dr. Kim! :)
A great summary..thank you Dr Sage!
Looking forward to this series! You’re videos are so informative and helpful. Thank you!
How do we stop ruminating?!?
you are so helpful, thank you so much
I wonder how this type deals with being cheated on. I have anxious attachment style and I'm not very good at managing it and I'm dealing with this situation and I'm pretty sure I will never be able to work things out with my partner.
Kim you’re so pretty 🤩
Does anyone have advice on how to start to manage this type of anxiety? I'm in therapy (took me forever just to find one covered by my insurance) and my therapist is not helping. He doesn't have a clue what I go through or how to manage it because he's never felt it. He gives me generic, basic, textbook strategies to manage mild anxiety. Which is not what I have.
These videos are great for feeling validated for once, but that can only take me so far when I really need to be learning how to cope with this stuff and I can't find someone who is able to teach me.
I had fantastic success with an online therapy group called Love Addicts. It was a true game changer, worth every penny. Hope that helps, good luck on your journey.
Being an anxious man is a curse.
Me