I am already familiar with Alain de Botton and I admire him a lot. But I never heard about Ayishat before. And i am quite taken by her wisdom and intelligence. I will definitely look for more videos by her on RUclips.
Watching content like this is so refreshing. I wish I had more people in my life that I could just sit down with and talk about the topics they discussed
I love the question at 20:22 about having empathy towards racists. I can see how being the victim of oppression makes it incredibly difficult to have an empathetic approach to other people, but in my own experience I've noticed I get peace of mind when I choose to not let racism/racists have power over me and my emotions. Like Ayishat said I prefer "removing the power of racism in my own life", by having empathy towards people like that I believe that it allows you to see that they're just using racism as a mask for their insecurities.
Exactly! I like how you worded that. And i often think there is a misconception on that of, when i have compassion for the person who did me wrong, i say it was okay for them to do that and i am no longer entitled to feel very angry or sad about it. But i think both can exist together, sometimes i am sad or angered at a comment and then later i think about the person and i can see how they came to say that mean thing and i start to feel compassion. AND i can still feel hurt by it, the compassion for them is not more or better than compassion for myself.
That is a lovely way to word that concept. When my son was about 5, he asked me one day, Mama, what's the difference between me and Joseph? (His mixed race cousin.) I didn't understand, and he said, well. I'm white, he's black. Does that mean I'm better than him? Is he better than me? I laughed, and told my sweet boy, honey, you know how when we go to the pool to swim, and I smother you with sunscreen, and Aunt Pat doesn't really make Joseph wear much at all? He said, yeah..... I said well, there you go. It is really just a difference I how much sunscreen you have to wear, darling. He thought about that for a minute, then smiled and said, okay. And they went to play. Idk what made me say that. But I wanted my baby to understand, it doesn't matter! He is your cousin. Skin tone is kind of beside the point. Wish everyone in government knew that, lol.
That's what we get told,or used to,not much now. If I educate you on every aspect and nuance of my rare health condition or on every detail of the sexual practice I need to engage in,in order to feel fulfilled and whole then you will UNDERSTAND and you won't loathe,hate,fear and isolate me. Actually NO,it doesn't work like that.
wauw indeed. The final two minutes gave me goosebumps: some people get ill because they are too selfless which stands in their way to live authentically🍀♥️ Beautiful video, I want more Haha
Ahhhhh! What a relief! Thank you 💚 I am not the only one. I have been watching so many speakers who seem so happy and free from suffering that I have felt ashamed and weird. Now I feel okay about feeling lonely and weird. I'm about to publish a book and I am terrified that it's rubbish, but it is really authentic, and I don't regret this, whatever happens. Please keep on helping us with your honesty and integrity. X
Compassion is a privilege (that comes from loving parents, education and so on..)- therefore you can't blame others for not having it - but if you have the privilege of being compassionate and understanding - you should always do your best to use it. In this way you can possibly plant a seed of compassion and love in people who doesen't have the same sufficient mental resources as you.
@@rosielele I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't believe that people can surpass their conditions. I'm saying that instead of blaming people for their conditions, you should use your own abundance of love - and hereby help others surpass their conditions. I think it's wrong that we in the western world tend to think that moral responsibility should only be attached to the individual instead of the collective. We all have responsibility for each other, and those who has the most resources should give to those who doesen't. The practice of giving, is something you need to create as an individual, but by using the gifts (love and compassion) from your circumstances.
Just because you extend compassion towards other people doesn't mean they will return it,or love and respect or gratitude either. Its not like a commercial exchange. I do something kind for someone,they are perfectly entitled to hate me back and be rude to show they have on obligation or debt towards me. I may not be rude to that black person but that doesn't have to stop them being rude to me and laughing at my discomfiture.
I agree. And love that the message is that we are all beautiful--and flawed. We must maintain the capacity for forgiveness, toward others and mostly toward ourselves.
These two are amazing!!! Love them for the honesty, and truth they put out into the universe. Empathy, and understanding is what our society completely lacks. These two are starting a new wonderful conversation! Thank god!
How's it going? Do you still think this? You seemed quite cynical and angry enough to insult someone over the internet who is brave enough to put their face and name to their words. I hope you might look at your comment and feel like it's not you and that you've changed your mind. Sending you love either way
Was it Joseph Campbell who said “If you want to understand what's most important to a society, don't examine its art or literature, simply look at its biggest buildings,” in that case it’d not be banks (“tallest”), but Amazon fulfilment warehouses. We are consumerists.
This is the best I will say that because I am so grateful everyday for simple things like running water, indoor bathrooms and electricity, magical things like knowing how to play an instrument, being able to push a button and hear music, having information easily accessible at libraries and now the internet blow my mind everyday and I truly am happy even in the midst of deep deep disappointments and sadness. I feel privileged & fascinated when going through the anguish suffering so I may have a better connect to more kinds of people & their experiences I’ve learned that people connect and feel less alone when you share your anxieties, but in the end compared to many places even now, but most certainly almost all cultures throughout history I am doing wonderful.
22:44 "It's not so much that I'm saying that I want to sit down with KKK members, but what I am saying is that I won't allow them the privilege of making me think that they're evil." That is a brilliant quote. I only discovered Ayishat today and I love her already.
This is so inspiring. I try to watch this video every few weeks, in a way to center my self. Thank God people like this are out there in the world. I just wish there were more people in the United States thought this way.
30:55 - Here's a weird question. Are you lonely? - Yes, in many ways, yes. - Me too. The fact that this kind of exchange can be seen on TV is fulfilling.
Evil. . . it stops the conversation where it should begin. Very profound. That's true of every label, isn't it? She's just crazy. She's a CEO. He's a bartender. He's introverted. She's a conservative. He's liberal. . . we think we know everything about someone when we can label them. There may be people who see that this video is presented by Al Jazeera and just can't watch it. But when we label, we miss the nuance. Why might she have anxiety issues. Why is he liberal? Why is he introverted. Once we start looking with love or curiosity, we can being to understand our selves and each other..
I agree with nearly every word of that, except we should never question something like introversion. I see it as an essential trait of myself and others.
Also, there's no harm in the pursuit of happiness, there's simply a need to recognize that dreams may go unfulfilled but we must be satisfied/content with what we have too. There's a need for balance will striving for improvement/personal development.
Depends on what is driving the personal development, it's not always a positive aspect of our lives. Only you know what's right for you, but speaking personally it's not easy to get the balance you referred to right. To quote a film “A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.”.
This was really interesting. I hope to be able to watch more and more talks like these, particularly with Alain de Botton who is so impressive, and whose books I am now reading. I'd simply adore to sit with him alone in a cafe and chat about all and sundry. It would be such fun, and truly enlightening!!!!
My takeaways: Evil is a concept human beings invented to simplify their reality. Monsters are real, but only in a relative sense (and all of them were once scared children, and perhaps still are). The need for an enemy is the need for a scapegoat. To give in to such a need is to foster an unlivable world. Impressed by this young woman.
I’m economizing this conversation! I watch it part by part because I don’t wanna finish it any sooner! I need to be out there, hoping that when I get to my room, I’ll watch a part of the conversation! There’s too much wisdom in this, and I love wisdom!
What a very beautiful and sincere interview. You both are my kind of people...I read a lot, and I am lonely because I do not seem to find the people I am looking for in the outside world. God bless you both.
Two open-minded poeple speaking truths , I really appreciate it! Have you ever thought about giving them some other "everyday life problems" or mental health issues not so understood from all of us , and letting them express some thoughts about it? could be eye-openning for some of us to see this type of programm put forward a bit in our every days life. Thanks all for reading , stay healthy.
I am amazed that Alain reports that he is insecure. I hold him to brilliant, eloquent, thoughtful, and down to earth. Naturally, his admission of being unsure makes him even more relatable. And well, isn't that the point in all of this. I make it a practice of being vulnerable in many situations. I have long found that in this practice lies true connection.
A reflection of yourself will often lead to profound growth. I came to a realization later than I would have liked, that the things I was taught as a child need to be unlearned. Our parents, grandparents, etc. taught us what they knew, but much of that has been detrimental to our emotional level of intelligence. The majority of people's ideologies stem from their childhood. However, very few change or challenge those beliefs once they are adults. Sadly, this has led to the continuation of many negative views and beliefs.
I understand people being cautious about the word religion but Jesus was the epitome of radical love 💕 I love that this conversation is being had even when it’s not within the Christian context. The topics discussed by these amazing people are really necessary right now.
1. We condemn too much and understand too little 2. We can treat adults with the same patience and understanding of treating children 3. Remember we are ALL anxious 4. Most of the bad behavior is coming out of fear or anxiety 5. Practice love of someone that is not perfect and nice 5. Vulnerability is hard, practice it often 6. Be cynical, but don't lose your joy.
wow! two great souls in one space! RESPEKT!!! and at 9:50 ... facing murder nearby our heart, is another level of diving deep, deeper... i faced it as well, a few years ago... respect and many thanks for this very inspiring dialogue being posted.
I loved the question about romantic comedies. I've seen some humbling Korean dramas that challenged my perception of romantic love and love in general. Because It's My First Life (realistic challenges/benefits that come with marrying a person) When The Camelia Blooms (mother and son's love, love for your own blood, love for yourself.) It's Okay Not To Be Okay (self-love) Righteous Love (the lady does a lot, A LOT of laundry) Save Me (Friendship, Hope and Courage) My ID is Gangnam Beauty (External beauty and Inner beauty) Indeed, romance plays a role in most of the shows but I was challenged by these stories to explore my own values and what I look for in life.
*_Love can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when we know what we love for most and hold it like a light within us, we can make things happen, almost like magic._*
Look at the section of conversation at 12:42. The red-haired woman asks a question to Alain, and they right after that the bald man asked one to Ayishat. Listen very carefully to how Alain makes his points by constructed clear and sound arguments. You can tell that he has really things about his ideas and has sculpted responses. It was a real pleasure listening to him. And also I enjoyed Ayishat as well. It's great to see great thinkers talking to each other.
What made people be “alienated “ and lonely , in modern world, that’s what we need to understand to find a solution which is going to be a long process .
I like to see them having a good and healthy intellectual talks...I learnt that kindness came from our sins that we commit and instead to condemn and despise those evil, find the reason why he commit. Therefore, I affirm to Alain De Botton's statement in his conversation.
i think the idea of bullies being so weak and small is very parallel to an idea I had about people who are extremely rigid. People who have very rigid ideologies or very rigid personalities and who appear to be strong but also very judgemental and seem very unemotional. From my own experience with such people, and being called very sensitive by them. I started realising that the opposite is actually true. That they are in fact the most emotional, the most sensitive..and i think they are so extremely sensitive that their sensitivity made them build walls upon walls to defend themselves from those emotions and it's what turned them to become so rigid and immovable when in fact if you have the right words you can very easily break all their walls with a few words if you know how to aim them...problem is as i grew up i lost some of my insensitivity and grew more empathic to break these types of people around me who in fact tried to criticize my own sensitivity that i just decided to break away from them completely.
I hate when people say the bully is the fat ugly one no one talks to when it's not true but as no in one likes the fat ugly one it's easy to pin the blame on. The bully is the normal attractive one who runs the situation and they get away with it.
You weren't strong enough. Why not re-group and try again? I agree with your premise. The more insecure someone is, and the less they've come to terms with their own vulnerability, the more need they will have for some type of control.
rigid people have a fear of the unknown hence why they try to constantly control their environment. its a result of a grandoise fantasy, usually subconscious and compartmentalised. The rigid person finds emotional regulation in their fantasy of perfectionism and control. A rigid person may fabricate the truth in order for reality to align with the fantasy in their head.
She said the keys... of Buddhist principles which are raw truths that free us.... is a threat to capitalism. And i just..... fell in love a little bit more.
Empathy absolutely HAS to go hand-in-hand with compassion and kindness. Without these elements it becomes cognitive/intellectual empathy. As an example. There are people who possess high levels of cognitive empathy - psychopaths, sociopaths, people who are highly intelligent, who pick it up as a skill through life experiences, etc. But because this form of empathy isn't rooted in compassion for them, it becomes a powerful and dangerous tool that can easily be used for toxic manipulation, and worse. My two cents.
😂😭 I wasn't prepared. I was so focused on the speaker's seemingly anxious expression that I missed it. I also feel guilty for laughing, hopefully she wouldn't be offended. Thanks, I needed that laugh.
Ok... I'm a fan of Alain, but not a fanatic of his ideas. I do believe there is a place in this world for good and evil, perhaps not from a moral or philosophical standpoint, but from a practical and developmental standpoint. Adults with a secure attachment coming from a position of power and abundance can afford to debate the existence of good and evil. But psychoanalysts and scientists have always known that toddlers think of the world in black and white terms, or in good and evil terms, and this way of thinking is deeply embedded within us to aid survival and self-preservation. The root of most if not all evil deeds is self-preservation. To say that good and evil is not helpful (or it doesn't exist) is to deny our innate need for self-preservation. And although I believe that humans can transcend the need for self-preservation and in turn, become compassionate and altruistic, this unfortunately only applies to a small number of people in current existence. We are still 99.9% protectionists at heart. Maslow was very clear on this with his triangle of needs. We can forget about self-realisation if we can't even feel safe in our homes. I know Alain and his work, and I'm pretty sure that he's aware of the wider issues that affect our world and he didn't mean to exclude those living in conditions that simply DO NOT afford them the luxury of debating the meaning of good and evil, but he ought to be careful when addressing a large audience on a platform like Al Jazeera and RUclips. The danger is to come across as being too disconnected or out of touch with the world and there goes the rest of his teachings.
Often the good vs evil narrative in each of our cultures is set by a handful of leaders, who do have the means to see the world's nuances. Narratives set by national leaders and religious leaders, and propapated by the media apparatus. If the leaders were more compassionate, the rest would take notice.
The moral and philosophical always lead to the practical(action). Thus are fundamental in changing the practical. The concepts of Good and evil/Self realization have come from cultures that have been much less materially resourceful than us today. How a toddler and an adult think of the self is different. Showing that the idea or understanding of the self is fluid. Toddlers are limited to their individual body as the self. Adults can incorporate, a loved one, a nation, culture into the psyche that make up the self. Men have fought wars to protect women and children, to protect a culture a nation. People have families and give all to raise kids. Not possible if the concept of self preservation was only to do with the individual human body. If Maslow's ideas were all encompassing then most of self-realized spiritual gurus and ideas would come form the EU or US ( Maybe Donald Trump is one). But we see these ideas coming from the east. Discussion of these ideas and concepts is fundamental in some cultures that are much much poorer than the west.
This is truly insightful. I have lived the first half of my life in a poorer country and now I am in a more developed one. The longer I have been here the greater the big gaps of the type of narrative between me and my family and friends who are still back home. Even on social media I can see that self-actualisation is still far from their reach as they are still struggling with the basic level according to Maslow’s. I’m not comparing status but merely reflection why I and family and friends find ourselves estranged in our lives despite the continued communication. I begin to realise that there is not much opportunity to be creative or even have time to think and debate about concepts and ideas if the society is just merely getting through putting food on the table one day at a time. Notice the great arts and infections ever produced are from a culture of higher status and progressive era and place. I once had a visitor from The poorer Arab countries who himself has a higher professional status back there but was in awe of the events and activities that are available to people here and amazed how much time we have here to produce and appreciate and enjoy culture, arts, Leisure hobbies and nature. It is farfetched for those who merely survive from day to day.
So how do you deal when there are actually wrongs being done? When someone's partner is deeply overbearing and harsh? What are the limits to understanding and empathy?
There has but not with the meaning and context that Alan is pointing at. One scene that for sure you won't find is the one in which the romantic is cleaning his or her toilet with the scrubber. 🤔
In the first question they look at how we can be uncharitable towards out-groups by being to empathetic towards some other group. Alain starts setting up a scenario between people who live together, not really what she meant but perhaps he’s illustrating the idea that we have too high of expectations, and he’s just using a handy example without getting into politics too much. Wise move to not polarize it too much off the bat. However not getting at what her beef was which is polarization blows. My own answer is people are encouraged to be polarized by the media. However to respond to what Alain said, the reason why we respond less charitably towards our partner than the child, is because we feel responsible for the outcome of the child’s upbringing and we believe that if we are too demanding and vicious that the kid will be messed up later, so they get more leeway. However when we meet our partner the relationship is based on transactions usually, especially if they are raising a family together. It sounds good but I think he’s off. Like most of his videos, he’s good at saying stuff that sounds good. Scratch too deep and it’s not really nailing it. Aiyshat on the other hand is on point as usual. I’m impressed by her. We will see how this unfolds.
When they were talking about 'evil' (that's where I am listening as I write) it reminded me of the time I thought about whether or not people who are paid to assassinate other people, have partners, friends, relatives and children who they love dearly and will always want to protect. Is it possible for a person who calls putting a bullet in some one else's head and walking away their work, to love and care for a particular someone or particular group of people, like the ordinary person does? Because I would wonder if people like that are sociopathic. And from what I've read it's impossible for them to feel genuine emotion for other people.
Almost all soldiers could be put in that category. They are willing to kill to protect something they love. Often the thing they love is their fellow soldiers beside them.
"At the root of anger there is optimism that has been frustrated."
Is this Einzelganger?
@@joana50 by alain
@@flishry So we need to be realistic first for optimism to be effective?
OR...success that has been thwarted.
I am already familiar with Alain de Botton and I admire him a lot. But I never heard about Ayishat before. And i am quite taken by her wisdom and intelligence. I will definitely look for more videos by her on RUclips.
See her latest interview on Triggernometry RUclips Channel. She's awesome
I can't get enough of her now either after watching a recent interview on the Rebel Wisdom channel! :-)
Agreed!
She is amazing
Why was you taken by her wisdom and intelligence?
this conversation made me feel a little less lonely
I feel this every time I hear Ayishat speak.
I feel the same way.
Same
So true when I watch this I feel less lonely
Watching content like this is so refreshing. I wish I had more people in my life that I could just sit down with and talk about the topics they discussed
capn kirkie I so agree.
same here. over a glass of wine and maybe popcorn
@@dianamitchell57 If only the 3 of us knew each other 😂
Me too! IG Group? Lol
@@amanda008 I'm down if y'all are!
I love the question at 20:22 about having empathy towards racists.
I can see how being the victim of oppression makes it incredibly difficult to have an empathetic approach to other people, but in my own experience I've noticed I get peace of mind when I choose to not let racism/racists have power over me and my emotions.
Like Ayishat said I prefer "removing the power of racism in my own life", by having empathy towards people like that I believe that it allows you to see that they're just using racism as a mask for their insecurities.
Exactly! I like how you worded that. And i often think there is a misconception on that of, when i have compassion for the person who did me wrong, i say it was okay for them to do that and i am no longer entitled to feel very angry or sad about it.
But i think both can exist together, sometimes i am sad or angered at a comment and then later i think about the person and i can see how they came to say that mean thing and i start to feel compassion. AND i can still feel hurt by it, the compassion for them is not more or better than compassion for myself.
Wish I’d had that perspective back in the day. My life, quite possibly, would be different today. Just sayin.
Exactly! Or terrorism for that matter!
That is a lovely way to word that concept. When my son was about 5, he asked me one day, Mama, what's the difference between me and Joseph? (His mixed race cousin.) I didn't understand, and he said, well. I'm white, he's black. Does that mean I'm better than him? Is he better than me? I laughed, and told my sweet boy, honey, you know how when we go to the pool to swim, and I smother you with sunscreen, and Aunt Pat doesn't really make Joseph wear much at all? He said, yeah..... I said well, there you go. It is really just a difference I how much sunscreen you have to wear, darling. He thought about that for a minute, then smiled and said, okay. And they went to play.
Idk what made me say that. But I wanted my baby to understand, it doesn't matter! He is your cousin. Skin tone is kind of beside the point. Wish everyone in government knew that, lol.
I love her. Lots of memorable quotes from this talk. "We think that understanding something is the same as condoning it."
That's what we get told,or used to,not much now. If I educate you on every aspect and nuance of my rare health condition or on every detail of the sexual practice I need to engage in,in order to feel fulfilled and whole then you will UNDERSTAND and you won't loathe,hate,fear and isolate me. Actually NO,it doesn't work like that.
the world needs more people with this kind of thinking.
and with the courage to express it
I think many of us think in this nuanced and deep way, but as discussed, perhaps are not willing to be vulnerable enough to speak up...
wauw indeed. The final two minutes gave me goosebumps: some people get ill because they are too selfless which stands in their way to live authentically🍀♥️ Beautiful video, I want more Haha
two of my favourite minds in one video? wow, never thought I'd see this day...
I never thought you would be interested in this kind of discourse.
Breeny Lee , i love your channel ♥️♥️
Well yeah this is the video you were looking for. This is a video of both of your favorite minds talking to each other about various subjects.
Love these two too
must be a British thing lol
Ayishat is one of the most enlightened figures Ive seen
@Roberto Varial lol same. dont understand the praise but good for her.
@Roberto Varial social media doof indeed
I agree she’s completely my inspiration
The generosity, the independence and the honesty shown by these two people is refreshing and sorely needed in our world!
Ahhhhh! What a relief! Thank you 💚 I am not the only one. I have been watching so many speakers who seem so happy and free from suffering that I have felt ashamed and weird. Now I feel okay about feeling lonely and weird. I'm about to publish a book and I am terrified that it's rubbish, but it is really authentic, and I don't regret this, whatever happens. Please keep on helping us with your honesty and integrity. X
Pauline Burke good luck Pauline!
Best ever is Byron Katie .
It so true! We need more conversation like this out there in the world.
Compassion is a privilege (that comes from loving parents, education and so on..)- therefore you can't blame others for not having it - but if you have the privilege of being compassionate and understanding - you should always do your best to use it. In this way you can possibly plant a seed of compassion and love in people who doesen't have the same sufficient mental resources as you.
@@rosielele I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't believe that people can surpass their conditions. I'm saying that instead of blaming people for their conditions, you should use your own abundance of love - and hereby help others surpass their conditions. I think it's wrong that we in the western world tend to think that moral responsibility should only be attached to the individual instead of the collective. We all have responsibility for each other, and those who has the most resources should give to those who doesen't. The practice of giving, is something you need to create as an individual, but by using the gifts (love and compassion) from your circumstances.
Just because you extend compassion towards other people doesn't mean they will return it,or love and respect or gratitude either.
Its not like a commercial exchange. I do something kind for someone,they are perfectly entitled to hate me back and be rude to show they have on obligation or debt towards me. I may not be rude to that black person but that doesn't have to stop them being rude to me and laughing at my discomfiture.
This was a beautiful talk by two beautiful people.
Kindness, listening, intelligence, humour. What more can one ask for?
@@martycrow absolutely that 🙏🏾
I agree. And love that the message is that we are all beautiful--and flawed. We must maintain the capacity for forgiveness, toward others and mostly toward ourselves.
@@bewhole1556 Such a beautiful message
martycrow.
How about..
Hard work
Freedom of speech
Personal Responsibility
& many more issues humans
constantly need to maintain & develop.
These two are amazing!!! Love them for the honesty, and truth they put out into the universe. Empathy, and understanding is what our society completely lacks.
These two are starting a new wonderful conversation! Thank god!
Alain is my dad! What a mind. What a man.
he is the dad i never had!
15:43 vulnerability = strength
"behind cynicism is usually anger" , great talk
Behind not cynicism is usually naivines or stupidity which is one an the same.
^^^ is a perfect example of the sentence
Yes i agree from foto he is kind a naively stupid looking guy.
How's it going? Do you still think this? You seemed quite cynical and angry enough to insult someone over the internet who is brave enough to put their face and name to their words. I hope you might look at your comment and feel like it's not you and that you've changed your mind. Sending you love either way
Was it Joseph Campbell who said “If you want to understand what's most important to a society, don't examine its art or literature, simply look at its biggest buildings,” in that case it’d not be banks (“tallest”), but Amazon fulfilment warehouses. We are consumerists.
Labeling people as "consumerists" seems to be missing the point of the talk.
The entire economy depends on sales. One persons spending is another’s income.
This is the best
I will say that because I am so grateful everyday for simple things like running water, indoor bathrooms and electricity, magical things like knowing how to play an instrument, being able to push a button and hear music, having information easily accessible at libraries and now the internet blow my mind everyday and I truly am happy even in the midst of deep deep disappointments and sadness. I feel privileged & fascinated when going through the anguish suffering so I may have a better connect to more kinds of people & their experiences
I’ve learned that people connect and feel less alone when you share your anxieties, but in the end compared to many places even now, but most certainly almost all cultures throughout history I am doing wonderful.
This conversation made me feel less alone. Truly beautiful.
Soooo true
22:44 "It's not so much that I'm saying that I want to sit down with KKK members, but what I am saying is that I won't allow them the privilege of making me think that they're evil."
That is a brilliant quote. I only discovered Ayishat today and I love her already.
"if you want to know what a society values, look at the tallest buildings in that society, what are they devoted to?" love it
On a Ayishat Akanbi binge at the moment, very interesting thinker.
This is so inspiring. I try to watch this video every few weeks, in a way to center my self. Thank God people like this are out there in the world. I just wish there were more people in the United States thought this way.
that's a great idea I just saved it and want to incorporate it into my morning routine
I never thought I would hear by Alain himself “how am I crazy”, when she asked I was like, NO WAY. Awesome
30:55
- Here's a weird question. Are you lonely?
- Yes, in many ways, yes.
- Me too.
The fact that this kind of exchange can be seen on TV is fulfilling.
This gives me hope in our hyper-mediated, outraged times, thanks to these amazing humans for such a compassionate and kind conversation.
Love this conversation too. Thank God there are people like them out there on the Internet
One of the most underrated discussions in Aljazeera! Wow! Love the wisdom here!
I wish the world talked to itself like these two people do.
Absolutely loved it. And pleased to see Alain's face. Student of School of life
Finally got to see the face behind school of life! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
How am I discovering this right now !!
So refreshing !
Evil. . . it stops the conversation where it should begin. Very profound. That's true of every label, isn't it? She's just crazy. She's a CEO. He's a bartender. He's introverted. She's a conservative. He's liberal. . . we think we know everything about someone when we can label them. There may be people who see that this video is presented by Al Jazeera and just can't watch it. But when we label, we miss the nuance. Why might she have anxiety issues. Why is he liberal? Why is he introverted. Once we start looking with love or curiosity, we can being to understand our selves and each other..
I agree with nearly every word of that, except we should never question something like introversion. I see it as an essential trait of myself and others.
The Perfect Conversation. And what a Beautiful Audience.
Alain please post more wonderful lectures we need you today 😊😢
I wish our families taught us these things! Anyhow, thank you for this visceral conversation.
Also, there's no harm in the pursuit of happiness, there's simply a need to recognize that dreams may go unfulfilled but we must be satisfied/content with what we have too. There's a need for balance will striving for improvement/personal development.
Depends on what is driving the personal development, it's not always a positive aspect of our lives. Only you know what's right for you, but speaking personally it's not easy to get the balance you referred to right. To quote a film “A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.”.
Alain de Botton is a brilliant person... lot to learn from him and we must follow his teachings
He's not a cult leader
This was really interesting. I hope to be able to watch more and more talks like these, particularly with Alain de Botton who is so impressive, and whose books I am now reading. I'd simply adore to sit with him alone in a cafe and chat about all and sundry. It would be such fun, and truly enlightening!!!!
My takeaways:
Evil is a concept human beings invented to simplify their reality.
Monsters are real, but only in a relative sense (and all of them were once scared children, and perhaps still are).
The need for an enemy is the need for a scapegoat. To give in to such a need is to foster an unlivable world.
Impressed by this young woman.
Totally agree!! Love and compassion needs to be cultivated. Yes, to help make our world a better place.
I’m economizing this conversation! I watch it part by part because I don’t wanna finish it any sooner! I need to be out there, hoping that when I get to my room, I’ll watch a part of the conversation! There’s too much wisdom in this, and I love wisdom!
Alain's eyes see through your soul. I love this warm exchange of ideas.
One of the best conversations I’ve ever watched.
What a very beautiful and sincere interview. You both are my kind of people...I read a lot, and I am lonely because I do not seem to find the people I am looking for in the outside world. God bless you both.
Two open-minded poeple speaking truths , I really appreciate it!
Have you ever thought about giving them some other "everyday life problems" or mental health issues not so understood from all of us , and letting them express some thoughts about it? could be eye-openning for some of us to see this type of programm put forward a bit in our every days life.
Thanks all for reading , stay healthy.
I am amazed that Alain reports that he is insecure. I hold him to brilliant, eloquent, thoughtful, and down to earth. Naturally, his admission of being unsure makes him even more relatable. And well, isn't that the point in all of this. I make it a practice of being vulnerable in many situations. I have long found that in this practice lies true connection.
A reflection of yourself will often lead to profound growth. I came to a realization later than I would have liked, that the things I was taught as a child need to be unlearned. Our parents, grandparents, etc. taught us what they knew, but much of that has been detrimental to our emotional level of intelligence. The majority of people's ideologies stem from their childhood. However, very few change or challenge those beliefs once they are adults. Sadly, this has led to the continuation of many negative views and beliefs.
Amen.
please more about alain in the internet. i just like looking at him talking. so comforting.
I understand people being cautious about the word religion but Jesus was the epitome of radical love 💕 I love that this conversation is being had even when it’s not within the Christian context. The topics discussed by these amazing people are really necessary right now.
Anything with Ayishat I love 🥰🥰.
P.S First time I've heard of Alain and I love him already.
Oh my God I wish I was taught this when I was in my teens and 20s, just love this talk.
Thank you for this beautiful discussion
1. We condemn too much and understand too little
2. We can treat adults with the same patience and understanding of treating children
3. Remember we are ALL anxious
4. Most of the bad behavior is coming out of fear or anxiety
5. Practice love of someone that is not perfect and nice
5. Vulnerability is hard, practice it often
6. Be cynical, but don't lose your joy.
Alain needs to let Ayishat speak more it sounds like he is leading the conversation all the time let Ayishat talk........ let it unfold.
I have only just started watching the video and I already love what Alain's saying. Watched many other videos with him.
I need to watch more vids with alain. He’s amazing
wow! two great souls in one space! RESPEKT!!! and at 9:50 ... facing murder nearby our heart, is another level of diving deep, deeper... i faced it as well, a few years ago... respect and many thanks for this very inspiring dialogue being posted.
I loved the question about romantic comedies.
I've seen some humbling Korean dramas that challenged my perception of romantic love and love in general.
Because It's My First Life (realistic challenges/benefits that come with marrying a person)
When The Camelia Blooms (mother and son's love, love for your own blood, love for yourself.)
It's Okay Not To Be Okay (self-love)
Righteous Love (the lady does a lot, A LOT of laundry)
Save Me (Friendship, Hope and Courage)
My ID is Gangnam Beauty (External beauty and Inner beauty)
Indeed, romance plays a role in most of the shows but I was challenged by these stories to explore my own values and what I look for in life.
this is by far the best video I've seen in a very long time
I can’t thank you enough Alain !
My best relationships are with people with whom there is no pretending to be all okay and not crazy. You two are so great.
This video gave me chills so much knowledge and intellect
*_Love can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when we know what we love for most and hold it like a light within us, we can make things happen, almost like magic._*
gosh so many gems in this talk !
20:22 Their answers are just so spot on! 🎯
29:40 THAT is SO me! 😂🙏
2 of my favourite talkers in one show! 👌
Look at the section of conversation at 12:42. The red-haired woman asks a question to Alain, and they right after that the bald man asked one to Ayishat. Listen very carefully to how Alain makes his points by constructed clear and sound arguments. You can tell that he has really things about his ideas and has sculpted responses. It was a real pleasure listening to him. And also I enjoyed Ayishat as well. It's great to see great thinkers talking to each other.
This was an inspiring conversation ! Uplifting
What made people be “alienated “ and lonely , in modern world, that’s what we need to understand to find a solution which is going to be a long process .
I wish I could have company of one or two friends in my life like these people to sit and enjoy talking with them!
I like to see them having a good and healthy intellectual talks...I learnt that kindness came from our sins that we commit and instead to condemn and despise those evil, find the reason why he commit. Therefore, I affirm to Alain De Botton's statement in his conversation.
Gotta love Botton - I’m a huge fan.
I am a big fan of him too
Cynicism and compassion are not mutually exclusive. If you scratch the surface of any cynic, you’ll find a disappointed idealist.
Amen to that. I don't think every cynic is a disappointed idealist but many are.
Before even watching I can tell it's going to be an interesting conversation from the title. Late to the party but I'm glad I found this
This is why Taj Mahal is a Wonder of the World. A monument epitomising love 😊
The lighting is HEAVEN! ORGASMIC!! Good God almighty!
"anyone can love something that is terrific, but can you love something that is not terrific?" dayum
What a wonderful discourse between two perceptive minds! 🙏😀
i think the idea of bullies being so weak and small is very parallel to an idea I had about people who are extremely rigid. People who have very rigid ideologies or very rigid personalities and who appear to be strong but also very judgemental and seem very unemotional. From my own experience with such people, and being called very sensitive by them. I started realising that the opposite is actually true. That they are in fact the most emotional, the most sensitive..and i think they are so extremely sensitive that their sensitivity made them build walls upon walls to defend themselves from those emotions and it's what turned them to become so rigid and immovable when in fact if you have the right words you can very easily break all their walls with a few words if you know how to aim them...problem is as i grew up i lost some of my insensitivity and grew more empathic to break these types of people around me who in fact tried to criticize my own sensitivity that i just decided to break away from them completely.
I hate when people say the bully is the fat ugly one no one talks to when it's not true but as no in one likes the fat ugly one it's easy to pin the blame on. The bully is the normal attractive one who runs the situation and they get away with it.
You weren't strong enough. Why not re-group and try again?
I agree with your premise. The more insecure someone is, and the less they've come to terms with their own vulnerability, the more need they will have for some type of control.
rigid people have a fear of the unknown hence why they try to constantly control their environment.
its a result of a grandoise fantasy, usually subconscious and compartmentalised.
The rigid person finds emotional regulation in their fantasy of perfectionism and control. A rigid person may fabricate the truth in order for reality to align with the fantasy in their head.
I really crushed on someone in the audience I juse wana say hi...she asked alain what makes him crazy in a black cap
This was amazing, we need more of this!
Beautiful conversation that flowed smoothly from one topic to another.
She said the keys... of Buddhist principles which are raw truths that free us.... is a threat to capitalism.
And i just..... fell in love a little bit more.
To answer one of the ladies' questions: The movie "Marraige Story" is a great depiction of how romance and partnership is in real life
So much wisdom in their words. I think I'll keep coming back to this video. :)
Ayishat in Joe Rogan podcast, who is with me !
Very very good idea, that would be fantastic
Empathy absolutely HAS to go hand-in-hand with compassion and kindness. Without these elements it becomes cognitive/intellectual empathy. As an example. There are people who possess high levels of cognitive empathy - psychopaths, sociopaths, people who are highly intelligent, who pick it up as a skill through life experiences, etc. But because this form of empathy isn't rooted in compassion for them, it becomes a powerful and dangerous tool that can easily be used for toxic manipulation, and worse. My two cents.
41:22 the lady in gray. I can't stop laughing! I know that probably just her resting face, I feel mean. But again, I can't stop! :D
I think that's my exact face when I'm sooooo tired but trying hard to stay awake and follow because of the sheer wisdom being served in the room 😅
😂😭 I wasn't prepared. I was so focused on the speaker's seemingly anxious expression that I missed it. I also feel guilty for laughing, hopefully she wouldn't be offended. Thanks, I needed that laugh.
Honestly, I'm much more scared of the faces that seem calm nowadays. 🤔
I know that expression !
A face of deep understanding with psychotic tendencies. In reality I bet she’s a lovely person. 🙏🏽
How do we find these events to go to?
A beautiful conversation between beautiful people. Even comments r so good like wtf
Worth my time!
Interesting discussion, they are effectively describing a secular society christian philosophy and freedom of speech.
I bless today that I found this video ☺️
Excellent conversation, bit cringy how many times alain cut off ayishat... Put me off a bit, but definitely refreshing nuanced conversation
Ok... I'm a fan of Alain, but not a fanatic of his ideas. I do believe there is a place in this world for good and evil, perhaps not from a moral or philosophical standpoint, but from a practical and developmental standpoint.
Adults with a secure attachment coming from a position of power and abundance can afford to debate the existence of good and evil. But psychoanalysts and scientists have always known that toddlers think of the world in black and white terms, or in good and evil terms, and this way of thinking is deeply embedded within us to aid survival and self-preservation.
The root of most if not all evil deeds is self-preservation. To say that good and evil is not helpful (or it doesn't exist) is to deny our innate need for self-preservation. And although I believe that humans can transcend the need for self-preservation and in turn, become compassionate and altruistic, this unfortunately only applies to a small number of people in current existence. We are still 99.9% protectionists at heart.
Maslow was very clear on this with his triangle of needs. We can forget about self-realisation if we can't even feel safe in our homes.
I know Alain and his work, and I'm pretty sure that he's aware of the wider issues that affect our world and he didn't mean to exclude those living in conditions that simply DO NOT afford them the luxury of debating the meaning of good and evil, but he ought to be careful when addressing a large audience on a platform like Al Jazeera and RUclips.
The danger is to come across as being too disconnected or out of touch with the world and there goes the rest of his teachings.
Who... are... YOU?! Well written.
Often the good vs evil narrative in each of our cultures is set by a handful of leaders, who do have the means to see the world's nuances. Narratives set by national leaders and religious leaders, and propapated by the media apparatus.
If the leaders were more compassionate, the rest would take notice.
The moral and philosophical always lead to the practical(action). Thus are fundamental in changing the practical.
The concepts of Good and evil/Self realization have come from cultures that have been much less materially resourceful than us today.
How a toddler and an adult think of the self is different. Showing that the idea or understanding of the self is fluid. Toddlers are limited to their individual body as the self. Adults can incorporate, a loved one, a nation, culture into the psyche that make up the self. Men have fought wars to protect women and children, to protect a culture a nation. People have families and give all to raise kids. Not possible if the concept of self preservation was only to do with the individual human body.
If Maslow's ideas were all encompassing then most of self-realized spiritual gurus and ideas would come form the EU or US ( Maybe Donald Trump is one). But we see these ideas coming from the east.
Discussion of these ideas and concepts is fundamental in some cultures that are much much poorer than the west.
This is truly insightful. I have lived the first half of my life in a poorer country and now I am in a more developed one. The longer I have been here the greater the big gaps of the type of narrative between me and my family and friends who are still back home. Even on social media I can see that self-actualisation is still far from their reach as they are still struggling with the basic level according to Maslow’s. I’m not comparing status but merely reflection why I and family and friends find ourselves estranged in our lives despite the continued communication. I begin to realise that there is not much opportunity to be creative or even have time to think and debate about concepts and ideas if the society is just merely getting through putting food on the table one day at a time. Notice the great arts and infections ever produced are from a culture of higher status and progressive era and place. I once had a visitor from The poorer Arab countries who himself has a higher professional status back there but was in awe of the events and activities that are available to people here and amazed how much time we have here to produce and appreciate and enjoy culture, arts, Leisure hobbies and nature. It is farfetched for those who merely survive from day to day.
Hands down the most amazing conversation I have ever listened to
So how do you deal when there are actually wrongs being done? When someone's partner is deeply overbearing and harsh? What are the limits to understanding and empathy?
14:00 Great observation! Never been a laundry scene in a romance movie. Has there?
There has but not with the meaning and context that Alan is pointing at. One scene that for sure you won't find is the one in which the romantic is cleaning his or her toilet with the scrubber. 🤔
There HAS however been a romance scene in a laundry. My Beautiful Laundrette?
I get his point but I think these films did have romantic laundry scenes: My Life Without Me & 40 Days and 40 Nights.
Friends- rachel and ross
A lot of laundry scenes in BiG Bang Theory lol
In the first question they look at how we can be uncharitable towards out-groups by being to empathetic towards some other group. Alain starts setting up a scenario between people who live together, not really what she meant but perhaps he’s illustrating the idea that we have too high of expectations, and he’s just using a handy example without getting into politics too much. Wise move to not polarize it too much off the bat. However not getting at what her beef was which is polarization blows.
My own answer is people are encouraged to be polarized by the media. However to respond to what Alain said, the reason why we respond less charitably towards our partner than the child, is because we feel responsible for the outcome of the child’s upbringing and we believe that if we are too demanding and vicious that the kid will be messed up later, so they get more leeway. However when we meet our partner the relationship is based on transactions usually, especially if they are raising a family together. It sounds good but I think he’s off. Like most of his videos, he’s good at saying stuff that sounds good. Scratch too deep and it’s not really nailing it. Aiyshat on the other hand is on point as usual. I’m impressed by her. We will see how this unfolds.
"I just want my children to be safe" Mother of all tragedies.
When they were talking about 'evil' (that's where I am listening as I write) it reminded me of the time I thought about whether or not people who are paid to assassinate other people, have partners, friends, relatives and children who they love dearly and will always want to protect. Is it possible for a person who calls putting a bullet in some one else's head and walking away their work, to love and care for a particular someone or particular group of people, like the ordinary person does? Because I would wonder if people like that are sociopathic. And from what I've read it's impossible for them to feel genuine emotion for other people.
Almost all soldiers could be put in that category.
They are willing to kill to protect something they love. Often the thing they love is their fellow soldiers beside them.
@@MrAnperm you have a point. Thanks for the response! 😊