My ex’s mum hated me on sight and it baffled me because I’d have made her son so happy: I had my own home, car, career (everything she never had) and then it clicked - she saw she wouldn’t be able to manipulate me like she could her son. He abandoned me (and I bet has regretted it ever since, the poor sap).
In-laws should stay out of their adult-children's relationships, on how to raise their children, and their lives. To Jo: Most estrangement between parents and adult children happen because of DILs. (according to Psychologists) Your son still loves you, but no doubt DIL is blocking him. My heart goes out to you.
In 2004 I married a wonderful woman. I am American of Asian Indian Tamil Iyer Hindu Brahmin background. This only maybe really means anything in India...but has no bearing in USA. My wife of 20 years is a South Vietnamese Roman Catholic. We married in a civil ceremony in Vietnam. I will say that it was initially a shock to many...my relatives more so then my parents. My parents just said, "Thanks to the gods...he finally found a nice woman!". I did have a few relatives in India refuse to ever speak to me again. Their loss. Over the years, most of my relatives and even my parents have come to like Duong. They have seen how nice my wife is. My in-laws in Vietnam and I are on great terms. My parents in law call me the 'son they never had'. They really have welcomed me, and the like me. They even keep asking me if I know of similar gentlemen like me whom my sister in law can meet. My sister in law is having a difficult time finding high quality men. So this is my life.
My husband and I lived with my mom and dad for eight years. It wasn't because we couldn't afford our own house-we did have one-but we chose to live with them because I was struggling to manage with my firstborn and my second child. My mom and dad were a great help in taking care of the kids while my husband and I worked. In return, we helped them with groceries and medical bills, which made us feel emotionally fulfilled knowing we could support and care for them. Living together was also a blessing for our children. Since my husband and I are Christians, it gave our kids the opportunity to learn more about the Christian faith and about Jesus from their grandparents. We often prayed together as a family, which helped instill good morals and values in our children. Now, we have moved to our own house, but my mom and dad still come by once a week to visit, or we go to see them. This allows us to maintain a close bond and continue supporting one another as a family.
If any in-laws moved into my house, my household would have rules to follow. The first rule concerns the child-care of grandchildren, as they won't be obligated to do that. The second rule is that we are the parents, not them when it comes to rearing up the grandchildren like their own children. The in-laws would also have reasonable allowable rules regarding her space in the house. My purpose of having the in-laws is for their health care as they age, not to rear up my children.
If possible, meet the in laws early on in the relationship, even over video conference or phones. This helps to get a feel of the dynamics between you and potential partners and whether or not they will be in your corner or mitigate conflicts should they arise
What a shame on the son and daughter-and-law for shutting the children's grandmother out! No spine on the son's part, and pure evil from the daughter-in-law.
So much love towards you Jo ❤️ & your family. I hope your grandchildren are given the opportunity to spend time with their grandma or any other grandparent.
Like most, my in-laws started off ok. My husband is wonderful, my mother in law is meddling and conniving and my father law left my husband with his paedophilic grandfather. Don’t know how the man I married turned out so absolutely beautiful inside and out.
Even reading the title gives me anxiety. There's no way. Of course, my in-laws were extremely toxic and unhelpful, so I can't imagine having them in my life.
Loved the vulnerability and insightful real conversation among grown ups sharing griefs and beautiful experiences of relationships between partners and in-laws... loved your beautiful accents too ❤❤
Omg no way I'd EVER have lived with my in laws. Horrible. My husband and my mum got on really well and we lived together and he loved it. But my mum would NEVER have interfered in any way. That poor man who's living with his in laws that the mother in law can't speak English. No way should that situation continue. His wife should always protect her husband.
I believe it’s best to try and get along with both sides of the family. I get along with my daughters partners in laws and my sons girlfriend s mother . I want my children and our families to be close . Not all people have that connection and it’s very sad . I love my family and they all love me
I'm curious as to the other side of the story behind the grandmother who had the stroke whose son and daughter have cut her off totally. Kids don't cut off a parent long term for frivolous reasons, there has to be much more to this family dynamic.
My son is now 54 and he is a only child. We have always been very close but I have always made it very clear that his partners or wife should become before me . Even though I have said this I have not always have a great relationship with his spouses.
On the first woman who had issues with her mother-in-law... I'd have to know more about their dynamic but at the same time I can imagine why the whole having her son's memorabilia from previous relationships and telling him to sort through it.... I can see why that might have been a bit of a misunderstanding or the mother-in-law not realizing how it impacts the daughter-in-law. I have a bunch of memorabilia that I shove in a closet put it away but if I ever want to look back on my life and see everything I've been through it's there. It doesn't undermine my current relationship but it is a part of who I am. If my mom found it while cleaning, she wouldn't just say well, she's married now so Let me throw it away. She would give it to me and say do you want this or not. So the whole situation.. It could have been that the mother-in-law was doing that and didn't realize that the daughter-in-law would be upset by that. I could imagine that without probing into why did she do that? It could have been the daughter-in-law was taking something personal that was just her asking her son. What do you want to do with your stuff? And maybe not being sensitive about it.
Sigh, the plural of daughter-in-law is daughters-in-law, not daughter-in-laws. The plural is for the noun daughter, not the noun law. One would think that Candace the Evolutionary Psychologist would know this. It is so very annoying to hear her make this basic error over and over again.
An interesting subject, but am I nit-picking when I say it irks me to hear the plural of mother-in-law etc., as mother-in-laws. There may be many mothers, but only one law. It should be mothers-in-law, so why doesn’t the expert know that?
I should have realised what life would be like with my in-laws when the first day of meeting them i was later accused of stealing a bag of carrots from their fridge, my husband to be later found the carrots in the fridge and threw them at her
Although it is important to take care of the parents in certain cultures, this is also why many marriages end in divorce. A couple should support one another and keep the lines of communication open. Allowing the grandparents to mix in regarding the children's upbringing is unacceptable. Even if they are living are living under the same roof. I strongly suggest marriage counseling, otherwise the marriage will end. The children will also have issues (they probably already do) because of the mixed messages. I hope things work out 🙏
If your children grow up with that kind of environment probably there are more happy in the life more success and probably they want to have their own family instead of new generation. who want to stay single
Mother-in-law are all ways intent on putting in there 10 cents worth about your marriage I learned early to put my foot down and tell her what I think before she rules the roost 😳😱😡🤪
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This has become my new favourite show
I feel so sorry for the lady who had brain surgery. I truly hope you find love and peace.❤
My ex’s mum hated me on sight and it baffled me because I’d have made her son so happy: I had my own home, car, career (everything she never had) and then it clicked - she saw she wouldn’t be able to manipulate me like she could her son. He abandoned me (and I bet has regretted it ever since, the poor sap).
The first family's dynamic is so amazing
In-laws should stay out of their adult-children's relationships, on how to raise their children, and their lives.
To Jo: Most estrangement between parents and adult children happen because of DILs. (according to Psychologists) Your son still loves you, but no doubt DIL is blocking him. My heart goes out to you.
In 2004 I married a wonderful woman.
I am American of Asian Indian Tamil Iyer Hindu Brahmin background. This only maybe really means anything in India...but has no bearing in USA.
My wife of 20 years is a South Vietnamese Roman Catholic.
We married in a civil ceremony in Vietnam.
I will say that it was initially a shock to many...my relatives more so then my parents. My parents just said, "Thanks to the gods...he finally found a nice woman!". I did have a few relatives in India refuse to ever speak to me again. Their loss.
Over the years, most of my relatives and even my parents have come to like Duong. They have seen how nice my wife is. My in-laws in Vietnam and I are on great terms. My parents in law call me the 'son they never had'. They really have welcomed me, and the like me. They even keep asking me if I know of similar gentlemen like me whom my sister in law can meet. My sister in law is having a difficult time finding high quality men.
So this is my life.
Kids who are close to grandparents are emotionally stable. Good family!
My husband and I lived with my mom and dad for eight years. It wasn't because we couldn't afford our own house-we did have one-but we chose to live with them because I was struggling to manage with my firstborn and my second child. My mom and dad were a great help in taking care of the kids while my husband and I worked. In return, we helped them with groceries and medical bills, which made us feel emotionally fulfilled knowing we could support and care for them.
Living together was also a blessing for our children. Since my husband and I are Christians, it gave our kids the opportunity to learn more about the Christian faith and about Jesus from their grandparents. We often prayed together as a family, which helped instill good morals and values in our children.
Now, we have moved to our own house, but my mom and dad still come by once a week to visit, or we go to see them. This allows us to maintain a close bond and continue supporting one another as a family.
If any in-laws moved into my house, my household would have rules to follow. The first rule concerns the child-care of grandchildren, as they won't be obligated to do that. The second rule is that we are the parents, not them when it comes to rearing up the grandchildren like their own children. The in-laws would also have reasonable allowable rules regarding her space in the house.
My purpose of having the in-laws is for their health care as they age, not to rear up my children.
If possible, meet the in laws early on in the relationship, even over video conference or phones. This helps to get a feel of the dynamics between you and potential partners and whether or not they will be in your corner or mitigate conflicts should they arise
What a shame on the son and daughter-and-law for shutting the children's grandmother out! No spine on the son's part, and pure evil from the daughter-in-law.
So much love towards you Jo ❤️ & your family. I hope your grandchildren are given the opportunity to spend time with their grandma or any other grandparent.
Like most, my in-laws started off ok. My husband is wonderful, my mother in law is meddling and conniving and my father law left my husband with his paedophilic grandfather. Don’t know how the man I married turned out so absolutely beautiful inside and out.
There are always 3 sides to every story but i feel so sad for Jo. Her daughter in law sounds evil and her son spineless.
Even reading the title gives me anxiety. There's no way. Of course, my in-laws were extremely toxic and unhelpful, so I can't imagine having them in my life.
Loved the vulnerability and insightful real conversation among grown ups sharing griefs and beautiful experiences of relationships between partners and in-laws... loved your beautiful accents too ❤❤
Omg no way I'd EVER have lived with my in laws. Horrible.
My husband and my mum got on really well and we lived together and he loved it. But my mum would NEVER have interfered in any way.
That poor man who's living with his in laws that the mother in law can't speak English.
No way should that situation continue. His wife should always protect her husband.
Relationship with the in laws can either make or break a marriage.
I believe it’s best to try and get along with both sides of the family. I get along with my daughters partners in laws and my sons girlfriend s mother . I want my children and our families to be close . Not all people have that connection and it’s very sad . I love my family and they all love me
Nanny Jo I don’t think we are getting the full story here
Eye opening!
I'm curious as to the other side of the story behind the grandmother who had the stroke whose son and daughter have cut her off totally.
Kids don't cut off a parent long term for frivolous reasons, there has to be much more to this family dynamic.
Louise needs to stop treating this like a joke, or she will lose her husband. Good luck to everybody.
Nanny Jo just broke my heart 💔
My son is now 54 and he is a only child. We have always been very close but I have always made it very clear that his partners or wife should become before me . Even though I have said this I have not always have a great relationship with his spouses.
Lalith, you can learn a few phrases.
On the first woman who had issues with her mother-in-law... I'd have to know more about their dynamic but at the same time I can imagine why the whole having her son's memorabilia from previous relationships and telling him to sort through it.... I can see why that might have been a bit of a misunderstanding or the mother-in-law not realizing how it impacts the daughter-in-law. I have a bunch of memorabilia that I shove in a closet put it away but if I ever want to look back on my life and see everything I've been through it's there. It doesn't undermine my current relationship but it is a part of who I am. If my mom found it while cleaning, she wouldn't just say well, she's married now so Let me throw it away. She would give it to me and say do you want this or not. So the whole situation.. It could have been that the mother-in-law was doing that and didn't realize that the daughter-in-law would be upset by that. I could imagine that without probing into why did she do that? It could have been the daughter-in-law was taking something personal that was just her asking her son. What do you want to do with your stuff? And maybe not being sensitive about it.
Unfortunately, Many M.I.Ls ( and F.I.Ls) believe it’s there Right to DOMINATE, It’s Not!
Respect, and LOVE should come first!
Sigh, the plural of daughter-in-law is daughters-in-law, not daughter-in-laws. The plural is for the noun daughter, not the noun law. One would think that Candace the Evolutionary Psychologist would know this. It is so very annoying to hear her make this basic error over and over again.
An interesting subject, but am I nit-picking when I say it irks me to hear the plural of mother-in-law etc., as mother-in-laws. There may be many mothers, but only one law. It should be mothers-in-law, so why doesn’t the expert know that?
that poor guy
I should have realised what life would be like with my in-laws when the first day of meeting them i was later accused of stealing a bag of carrots from their fridge, my husband to be later found the carrots in the fridge and threw them at her
I’m sorry. You need to give your kids their privacy!!!!!
Although it is important to take care of the parents in certain cultures, this is also why many marriages end in divorce.
A couple should support one another and keep the lines of communication open.
Allowing the grandparents to mix in regarding the children's upbringing is unacceptable. Even if they are living are living under the same roof.
I strongly suggest marriage counseling, otherwise the marriage will end. The children will also have issues (they probably already do) because of the mixed messages.
I hope things work out 🙏
The eternal question: does the spouse or parent/s take higher priority?
If your children grow up with that kind of environment probably there are more happy in the life more success and probably they want to have their own family instead of new generation. who want to stay single
🤗☹️🤔🤐😬
Mother-in-law are all ways intent on putting in there 10 cents worth about your marriage I learned early to put my foot down and tell her what I think before she rules the roost 😳😱😡🤪