The ONLY 2 Options If You Are Unhappy in Singleness
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- Опубликовано: 11 окт 2024
- In this video I will give you 2 of the most important ways to walk through a season of unwanted singleness with God as a Christian. At the end, I will give you the one biblical word (it's "hope") that connect these two truths.
(Book) The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness www.amazon.com...
(Video) Is It Wrong to Want to Be Married? • Is It Wrong to Want to...
(Article) Unwanted Christian Singleness: applygodsword.c...
FREE eBook: The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: applygodsword.c...
PAPERBACK books and small group Bible studies by Mark Ballenger:
The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness www.amazon.com...
Intertwined: Our Happiness Is Tied to God’s Glory www.amazon.com...
Redeemed Like David: How to Overcome Sexual Temptation www.amazon.com...
Never Quit: A 5 Week Small Group Bible Study on the Power of Prayer www.amazon.com...
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Hope ... yeah. Every year I pray in the new year and I ask God for a word for the new year. "Hope" was the word that He gave me for this year. Not gonna lie; I was hoping His word for this year was "Love." haha. I've been in a season of unwanted singleness for five years now, but the more I study and pray about "hope" the more excited I get. The Hebrew word for hope is "Yakhal," which means to wait; the other word is "Qavah," which has the sense of a cord being pulled to the point of breaking; it's the tension of anticipation. So God's been showing me some beautiful stuff in this wait ... how He's growing me during this time. The beauty of anticipation has been huge for me so far this year. God's shown me how all of creation is full of waiting and anticipation--the anticipation of spring when the trees start budding, the anticipation of morning as the sun starts rising on the horizon, the anticipation of music that builds to crescendo ... heck, even the anticipation that builds in the act of intimacy. So I am full of hope and anticipation, though some days I still feel the pain of singleness and loneliness. The bible says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." So when my hope deferred is making my heart sick, I bring the pain to God and He restores my hope. Thanks so much for this teaching.
Wow Samantha, this was great insight. Thank you for sharing, I learned something new here :)
Hope? Does that solve the problem or do you still have the same results.
Remember, maybe God has someone that is the best for you but that person is still unready to meet you or so, it's better to hope for the best than living a worse life than you probably will in the future. 😊👍🏻
This was really beautiful 😊
Loneliness leads me to sin but the Lord our God is faithful and steadfast He always brings me back to Him by His word, praise the Lord for the hope that is unseen
Mark, You're on the right path with these videos. I appreciate you trying to address the issue. I'm happy you're not stating it's sin, unforgiveness, or "God's will" for you. We all want to be loved and partnered. We have a real problem in society. Maybe address the culture lies that block us, traps to avoid, scams/how to not be taken advantage of, or prayers that could help, or how to be involved in church when theres no professional aged singles there, (or only women singles), how to handle society pressure & shame. Thanks for always sharing scripture to support your talks.
For every person who is not hopeful God has another person out there who wants the same thing and has priorities straight I believe God gives unwanted singleness to us to get back on track with our spiritual life lst priority love God. Next love people and God will bless you with or without a spouse he still has a plan. Trust him
Mary Swenson amen. I’m only 18 but I had my first real relationship and I wasn’t a loyal Christian. I was dumped and he moved on very very quickly. The relationship wasn’t built on the rock of God and I knew that wasn’t good when I was dating him. After the break up, I became so much closer to God and now it’s amazing and my priorities and mind have changed. At one point I was envious of my ex finding who he called his “soulmate” right after dumping me, but I realize that I’ve grown on another level now and this is all perfectly guided by God.
There is one sad aspect of it and hate the fact that my ex now at a point where he doesn’t believe in God Fully if at all now. He said that he has opens his mind to other religions and the possibility that God isn’t real, and he will change his mind wants he has proof to back up that God is real. It’s so sad but God protected me. I pray that my ex believes again though.
Praying for him is the only thing you can do God changes people you can't wait until you find a man who wants to encourage your commitment to God and supports you
Mary Swenson, amen, great advice :)
Mary Swenson thank you so much. I will continue to pray for him.
All this singleness... I'm sorry, loneliness is bringing me is pain and anger and frustration.
How old are you? How long have you been in unwanted singleness? You say loneliness is causing pain , anger, and frustration for you. I used to beat my fists bloody with frustration, but you learn to live with it.
I refuse to live with it.
No, praise the Lord.
@@g-ratstickler3107 glory be to God
@Tony Rowan my point was not to compare but to make a brother in christ understanding that we sometimes have a will different that God's will. Sometimes the answer is delighting in God's sovereignty
Thank you so much..very profound....I am very hopeful that one-day ,I'll be married..
Amen, I haven't watched this yet, but this guy's pretty candid and seems to do his research and resonates with me.
This was just what I needed to hear. Thank you for the biblical advice. God bless you brother.
Glad it was helpful, God bless!
Thank you brother Mark in particular for this video. I hv listened/watched your videos but they always seemed to point at singles in the process of dating or these young- young pple. The unwanted singleness; you hv done all, i say all you can (can not explain everything here) everything as a child of God and still single at your 40s🤔. Everyone you knew (relative and friend) gone to their families. Now left 🐈 alone to wonder. One of the hardest moments on this planet. This video somehow was bending to such singles. Thank you.
I've found that not looking for a spouse so desperately and not being so obsessed with the idea is... refreshing. Just live day by day, love God and trust Him with all you have. I know, I hated this advice too. But Mark is right - happy people attract happy people. Not that I've attracted anyone recently, but I have a lot of issues to deal with - issues that would not benefit any marriage. Like, last girl I've met... I did not talk with her... at all? Maybe once? Yeah, I'm not good at this. But hey, I recognized the problem, now I can work it out and do better next time. Do not treat every person as "the one", don't force yourself to date everyone and just gather experience by meeting new people - said by an introvert who isolated himself from everyone, including his church. Anyway... enjoy your life, I guess? Singleness is not that bad, you know.
God bless you!
God bless you too!
I do feel hopeless at times because Jesus is the only person in my life who truly loves me. Spiritually mature men have never wanted me and I have learned to accept that. I am trusting in God's will for my life, and I'm learning to be content in my singleness.
Hi Mark, could you please do a video about hopelessness and how to overcome it? I feel hopeless like you mentioned and I don't know what to do honestly, please help, I believe it'll help many other people too 🙏
God is with you, always remember that. Look up the Bible verse. Proverbs 3:5-6
I've struggled with rejection and just recently overcome (Jesus healed me, I mean). I recommend Derek Prince's talks on rejection. Also, I have struggled with hopelessness, but Isaiah 54 and Joel really stave that off. Got to focus on the promises! Do you consider Him who promises faithful?
Singleness Is tuff ugh especially with God given desires a daily struggle that’s for sure!
I will never accept singleness when everyone around me has some one.I don't want to be alone but I am.It is a punshment for something I did.Contented after I have waited for 35 years and no date in 20 years.There will never be a husband because I am old now.No man wants an old christain women.The men of the world would want me but not christains.I ended a relationship with a christain man 20 years ago because we were disobedient.Here I thought God would give me a husband.No he didn't.I will bet you that man is not alone.So here I am at 70 years old.I am depressed and cry a lot.
Sorry to hear you are depressed. If you are open to advice, then I would say maybe you should try hope. Hope for the future. Gratitude for what you have. Also, you never know what God kept you from. My heart aches for you if you wanted children. Maybe you can help younger women who want to be married somehow amd maybe they have a GP or know a widower or someone who wants to me (re)married. You never know. People get married again in their 60s plus, you can get into a social community and/or join a website. My mom wants to be remarried and she joined a dating site it can happen. Have hope and trust God.
Marsha - I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's not a punishment for something you did wrong, but possibly the consequence of former living. Why have you not dated in 20 years? Yes 70 is up in age, but seniors do still marry. You have to reach out to other people.
Rich words. Very good- I had to keep stopping the video to write down the ideas.
I've been single for 12 years. How am I supposed to find acceptance in that? I want a wife and a family someday, preferably sooner rather than later. I've been proactive in dating, both online and offline, yet nothing works out for me. I have a strong deep desire within me to be married. I don't ever want to be single for the rest of my life. It's not in me, and I know I'm not built like that. So tell me...what do I do?
I hope God lead you to your wife destined 4 u Roger
@Mandy Gee amen 🙏
I want to be married to
good topic. When I was a teen, I was lonely and wanted to be married. Same thing into my 20s. Got engaged at 22 but, it did not work out and we did not marry. It was depressing time, was lonely and insecure. My life was that way until about 35. Sometime around then, I became much, much more comfortable with myself as a single. I still dated and wanted companionship and marriage but, it was less of a priority. I became very comfortable with myself on my own. I came close to marriage a 2nd time but, this time she was divorced ( acutally divorced twice ) and had 2 kids. That was a huge change for this single guy. That one did not work out either. So, have dated and come close to marriage twice. The one thing bad about getting older is it is about impossible to find someone in your age range with less 'miles' as I have yet to marry and have no kids. So, the one option seems to be a younger, or much younger gal. Some show interest, others do not but, I think it is doable. Another issue with me is I like my life and freedom so much, I do not make marriage and relationships a priority. I sleep very well, have no debts, have a good retirement program in place for later years and I have a lot of stuff and 2 small acreages. As an example, I was able to ride my snow board close to 100 days this last winter! I could never do that with a family. So, I do pray about it and , yes, I do burn so, I do think the Lord's will for me is marriage. hmmm
Hmmmm great video and great advice. I have tried some of these before and didn’t work but I am not giving up yet. I know god wants me married one day. I will look into more these directions that you have provided in this video. God bless.
God bless!
Brothers and sisters, it's difficult, but God has our best interest at His heart. We have to believe that.
And His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), His grace being sufficient for us.
Would you actually understand how 'singleness' is while you have found your wife at the age of 19?
i just believe that if it the will of God....he will make everything possible..just have faith in HIM.
So i was hopeless couple of times and rehoping too for couple of times, but it keeps giving me heartache. By being hopeless i just felt more secure right now. I know someday I'll cheer up again,but right now i just faithless to hope
I'm unhappy with being single. The one who I thought was never going to fail, did recently. I'm 30 years old. I'm running out of time. It just doesn't seem right. I honestly can't see anything good coming from this
I'm a 39 yr old Asian woman, never married, no kids. I have a long, complicated, windy story up to this point in life, but it's the future that I'm worried and anxious about. I turn to God and I know that I have to trust Him but I've been scared and I've also been growing in depression. I think that Asians (especially females) get stigmatized more for being single and childless. I pray to God to take me home to Him. But I know that I can't tell God what to do. And I must be obedient and live my life for Him. But I'm suffering. I'd love some advice on what the future will be like and how to handle the long life ahead. Thanks in advance.
Hmm not just asians. All women are stigmatized for not having someone. Ur not alone.
If I was forced, I would choose Jesus and God over a relationship 100%. Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be and I am much happier single and trying to put Jesus first.
Oh Mark, this is so good preach it 😊🙏
Mark, there is something that I have noticed in churches that I have attended in the last decade: The demographics of men is young (0- college age), married men and senior citizens. Matured single men are not in church....why?
That's so true. My church has over 100 members but there's only 2 single young men in their 20s who come regularly, yet there are lots of young women in their 20s who are regulars. I think a lot more males than females lose interest in God as they reach adulthood, but I don't know why
I think that's true. It's probably bc there is not a culture of mentoring and discipleship that caters to men. Men don't like talking and sitting in groups as much as women and most churches use that form all the time. I don't think the church focuses on reaching those types of guys thus they are dwindling more and more....that's my opinion
How/where can we meet the single men? I'm single and do not know where else to meet a Christian man and could also use tips.
Rose Home, good people are out doing good things. Sometimes the best way to meet someone is by serving. I met my wife on a missions trip.
Rose Home Pray. Ask God. One day I prayed to God about my single life situation before I went shopping, After leaving my home I went out to a local store. As I waited in line to pay for my items a Christian gentle that I knew surprised me and paid for my items. How kind he was. Then as I left the store and was walking toward my car the same man greeted me in the parking lot and asked for a date. We talked and eventually exchanged phone numbers. I thought to myself. Wow! God heard my prayer. You never know how or when God is going to move in your situation. And the word of God says that "God can do exceedingly all that we ask or think."
Best approaches. Well done !
As a guy thats never been in a real relationship...singleness can be a thing for working on yourself but it can also be hard too.....its also more hard when ur a guy like me ...staying away from the worldly type of fun
As long as you accept that your life is a journey, as long as you look forward to Jesus, as long as you hope and pray you will succeed eventually. Life is a journey, sometimes the road is damaged so you have to slow down to pass that damaged part, sometimes you stuck in a traffic jam, so you have to be patient but sometimes there are just beautiful parts of highway that you can enjoy... You must believe that almost everything in this life is a temporary and not permanent, that with trust in Jesus everything can turn around, that view helped me a lot in my life because it helped me to defeat major wrong desires in my life, it just shaped my expectations, it helped me to just move forward and not getting disappointed with a life because I know it's a journey, I hope I helped someone... 😊👍🏻
"I lost.. a lot of Hope." Almost Maine
God DOES SAY though " man is not MEANT to be ALONE" 🤨🤨🤨
When I was a teenager, I knew my desire for a girlfriend was a good thing ! God gave men a desire for a woman ! If a man doesn't want a woman, it's because he's a homosexual and he wants a boyfriend !
In the meantime, let us be content with food and clothing (1 Tim. 6:8).
while I hate being single, there are definate advantages. No arguments, no jealousy and the freedom to do what you like...how you like. Its not nice explaining why you are single, people spring to conclusions. After fooling about in several romances over the years, I can only reckon that (approaching middle age) I have destroyed all my chances. I deserve it, quite frankly, it serves me right. The biggest disadvantage right now? when I get ill....that sucks, being alone and ill. No one to take care of you, no company save for daytime TV shows. Oh well!!!!
Jesus paid the price for you’re past and future sins. Ask Him for forgiveness then repent. You don’t have to feel you don’t deserve a good spouse because you are forgiven by God. There are many people in Christian marriages that live in sin such as gossiping , or manipulating their spouse for example. All people fall into sin because we are human but God does not punish us with singleness because of past sin otherwise nobody would be married. Conviction is from God , condemnation is not.
The first time I am feel lonely...I pray God will help me in this ..in all this year's I focus my attention in others things such a carrers and right know all I want is to love and be loved.I have a question:Should we search for love?
Hi stoica how are you?
Enjoy being single. Simple.....
There is nothing wrong with wanting marriage eventually, but if you don't enjoy your own company that is a issue I think. I know people that cant stand being single, and will avoid it like it's a disease. Being single really isn't bad. I actually love being single. People that act like gods going to just put something in their lap with no work, forget that they have choices to. People forget about free will to. Don't get me wrong I think god can lead us to certain places, people ect, but people also still have their own free will. There are people that act like they need to pray before they need to do anything, make any decision even if it is a no brainer decision. LOL
I purpose to enjoy my singleness though trusting more on Him coz it's not that easy without His cover... Thanks am being blessed by Marks' teachings..
How does one accept mental illness that did tremendous damage? What are your thoughts on this? I really respect your guidance...
Jee Jee Band, acceptance means not denying it. We have to accept our mental and biological conditions so we can treat them the best way possible and learn to live with them when they won't get better.
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger God bless. Thank you. Do you have articles or information on your thoughts on mental illness?
Jee Jee Band, not at the moment but I'm going to add that to my list right now.
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger thanku. I'd love to hear your thoughts. God bless you my friend.
God bless you too :)
Hello, I sent you an email because I would like to know your perspective on my situation.
Lois Evora, sound good, I'll read and respond soon :)
Acceptance. Hope
What if you don't trust God because you feel you're constantly punished and your Christian wife divorced you claiming it was Gods will?
We have to trust what God says to us and not what others say. Here's what the Bible says about that topic: applygodsword.com/the-biblical-difference-between-discipline-punishment-and-consequences/
Unwanted lifelong singleness equals torment
That's not true! Yes it's not easy, but if you hope in Jesus and ask him for contentment until your circumstances change, then you won't be living in torment. But if you fight against God and don't have hope you may indeed be living in torment.
@@Anthony-yy3kc My hope has always been in Jesus and I have always prayed for contentment, I have never fought against God. I don’t know but you sound like a young person who has been force fed the everything will be alright if you never get married message that so many ministries are teaching now but are never taught about the negative consequences of getting old without having ever been married and not having children like me. What I see from so many ministries is an easy dismissal of unwanted singleness as suffering and eventually those singles become disconnected from the church that cannot empathize with their life situation. Long term singleness is only increasing and the end result of this is not going be a good thing.
@@johnz4328 I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I thought you were fighting against God. I was trying to paraphrase what the speaker was teaching. Yes I know that many ministries are too dismissive of those people who are in longterm, unwanted singleness. I am trying to figure out if there is a way to overcome those negative effects you mentioned. The problems of getting old without a partner and not having children is indeed serious because as you age you need more support. I know some singles in their 60s who joined retirement communities after they retired because they don't want to risk living alone if something were to happen to them. But the churches should be caring for them. My church family is supportive of older single people and we have a group home for men who are single. But it's only for men. But it's a start...women seem to handle singleness better than men.
its a curse
@@susannameade6156 I understand how you feel.
Excellent video! 🙏🙏
Thanks Lisa C!
Change and acceptance...ummmmm...thanks Pastor Mark...
Sure :)
It makes me doubt God.
There is anything when we can connect 😭
i got used to it...
until I heard this. I didn't realize just how ugly and selfish people are. no one is christ like anymore huh. why would anyone want to be with a person that's so uncareing and selfish?
Yea walk a mile in my shoes pal.
I'm not really trying at all : (
If you're happy being single, why do you need a marriage partner ? I want a woman who hates being single !
So it's idolatry to be lonely. Got it.
No it's idolatry to put a relationship with humans in front of your relationship with God. If you are seeking a relationship with the opposite sex more than you are seeking God ( studying his word, spending time in prayer, fasting, serving in the church) then that is idolatry. Loneliness is a feeling. Feelings come and go. If you focus on other things besides a relationship, you will find out that you are ok. You will not feel so lonely. What you focus on becomes magnified/over the top, too much. Turn all that Energy towards God and see what will happen. He will give you joy. He will give you peace. You will find yourself content. It's when we allow ourselves to become distracted on other things that are not about God. God wants to be first priority in our lives. Until that happens, you will not only feel lonely but alone as well. Feeling lonely and being alone are two totally different things! Blessings to you!!!
I'd like to share my point of view. So many singles are looking for spouses. But we are living in very sinful times! And sadly many churches are accepting sin and corruption of doctrine. We see many professing believers living in sexual sin and acting as if God doesn't mind! They see God as a cosmic Santa Claus and think he will just forgive their lifestyle and accept them into Heaven. Sadly most people are deceived and will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire! Marriage is a good thing, I get that. But should the real Christians be so focused on this when we urgently need to let people know the full truth of salvation, not the easy believism of so many worldly pastors. As the Apostle Paul says in Corinthians "I wish to spare you much difficulty." God bless you all!
Are you Seventh-Day Adventist??
Nope, u?
👍👏🙏
Embrace it...
L. Patrick, amen, lean in and learn what God has for you in singleness is the best approach :)
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger I totally agree.
This whole advice on "change your circumstances", or "fix it yourself", etc etc, is stuff any atheist can do. The question is, where is this all powerful Jesus Christ in all of this? All this vain labor, vain worship, vain evangelism, and we get exactly what out of it? Any atheist can take this exact advice, being we're responsible for what we control, with out the redundant religious appendage and get the same results. Where is is this Jesus guy when you need him? I thought he said he was powerful. Thanks for nothing Christ.