very intimidated by our power so they discourage you in all your affairs. so stay low and keep having babies for him thinking he loves you. such a mistake
It’s all a mirage. Nothing about them is real except for the hate you eventually see. My ex in a final act of betrayal after so many times before watched me cry in pain about his behavior...... looked at me and laughed. And in that moment I had finally met the REAL man I had been living with for 3 years.
The GUT feeling!!! I think that literally everybody experienced it and didn't listen to it because they are blinded by the "logical" explanation that this is a great person!
Vassy Rng True with me. I swear that I will never go against my intuition again. Lesson learned. My gut pain was excruciating one evening when we were talking over the phone. His voice became very deep, and I swear he sounded and spoke like Satan. Seriously.
I've had several friendships that never made sense to me. I never would have picked them out as friends but they somehow latched onto me. Then when they were done, they completely cut me off. I always felt like a schmuck...but now I understand that I was dealing with narcissists. Now I feel like I'm less vulnerable to them...thx!!!
This is what my narc ex coworker did to me. When I first started this job, something just didn’t sit right with me about her. This woman practically stared daggers at me, like she was trying to figure out what made me tick. She did this for the first few days, and it really put me off. By the next week, her personality had done a total 180-from boorish and crude to gentle and ladylike (which is my natural demeanor). Then she started to latch onto me, trying to become best friends. I thought it all was weird, so I didn’t take the bait. She started copying everything I did and followed me around the office, like my shadow. I really knew it was time to cut her off when she showed up to work a week later-she had gone out and had gotten her hair done just like mine! This was my boiling point. Even after I chopped her, she still copied everything I did, and still tried to get close to me! She eventually quit her job... good riddance! These people are vipers-trying to catch you when you’re vulnerable, so they can strike you and take you down.
GetRealz Yikes! What an awful thing to go through! I'm so sorry you had to go through that foolishness. I honestly believe that these people truly are demons, sent from the devil, and they will stop at nothing to make our lives miserable, because THEY are miserable. It messes them up because they want to be us so bad, and they know they never will.
@GetRealz Might be a feeling of being engulfed within an evil that can't be seen - but is felt ? Also a type of confusion - the confusion is said to be a warning & a stage...
This applies to all relationships - narc friends and relatives were never committed to a relationship with you either. And once a crisis occurs for them I've noticed how quickly they show their true colours and even project blame for their deeds or feelings - about a totally unrelated situation that doesn't involve you - onto you. Thereby making you their punching bag. Very bizarre. If they had any underlying jealousy towards you all along then it can be vicious.
Spot on ! Not all empaths are co-dependents. I got the mirroring a LOT in the bedroom. He would do to me EVERYTHIN I would do to him. I saw it SO clearly. I nearly commented " can you do something different ?" . LOL.
Now that I think about it, my ex narc did act like a totally different person on the 1st day I talked to him, but once he found out I was Christian all of a sudden he was a god fearing Christian. But I forgot about on day 1 I told him I had to get off the phone & take a shower & get ready for work. Then he asked me take a pic of myself in the shower & send it him. I thought he was joking & brushed it off. Even his voice sounded different on day 1. But after that day, he became very Christ like & all of sudden he could barely talk about sex without feeling ashamed. I definitely missed that red flag.
One narcissistic sibling sabotaged humiliated me my entire life. I didn’t know what is was. Grew up and had two narcissistic long term boyfriends. The last one literally killed me spiritually. I had to go to the church and had deliverance from him only then was I able to see him clearly. I know he did not luv me. He married someone else but had multiple lovers men and women . He is divorced now and continues on .
Hey Petra...hope you are ok...i didnt fancy my ex covert at all, but because he was my best friend for 20 years...that was a huge thing for me...hes my friend..of course i trust him...he then reflected the perfect person to me, and i saw the person i wanted...but...he was a vile pathological liar, !that had no empathy, and..blamed everything going wrong in his life on me, i saw the true person...but the pain of being used by my best friend, who i trusted with my life, killed something in me 🙁thanks Petra. Love to you 💕
Toxic Free Doing great dear Val, thanks! The worst stabs in the back are from friends and family unfortunately. Enjoy the rest of your holiday beauty 😚
Blame is a useless emotion darling. Turn that sentence around and say "I responded to my level of knowledge at that time, now that my knowledge has improved, my game is phenomenal"
I just adore you. The way you talk is so calming and puts one at ease. You're so clear in explaining topics and give all of us survivors hope. Keep making videos please!
Exactly right, every word that you just spoke. I will never question that gut feeling again. Never again. I'm no contact going on 3 months now. If he breathes my way, I will still remain No Contact. No Contact For Life. Thank you!
Great video. We need to take the lessen and own it All is not as it seems. Yes they are securing you. When we put someone on a high pedestal it's not realistic in the long run. We will need too show we love ourselves more by respecting ourselves and following our own instincts and protecting our boundaries so the relationship can develop in the most natural way.
Very well said, Petra. In fact when he and I were together, I actually held a mirror before him, when he was in a mild state of injury, this was before I was even aware of narcissism. Of course I know now it was truly a hall of mirrors, while confusing, really has helped in my healing. It was a hard pill to swallow with realizing it was all an ego trip for him, yet when I finally caught on to the pattern, I see it clear as day. Been on low or no conta t now after many stops and starts, yet it has been cemented for me now and I've begun to feel confident in moving forward where I left off before him. So challenging yet one of the best life lessons I've ever received. While he wand I were mirroring each other, I gained vast and valua me insight into what I needed to do to work on myself to become whole again. Today was a defining turning point for me. Thank you so very much for your wisdom and experience. Wow it has fast tracked my healing. Blessings and Love to you.
They literally do!!! He messaged me “ I can’t get past you, I can’t look at any other girl” He I believe already has a new love source but he said what he knew I was feeling 🥺 Doing research about the Narcissist I worked out this is what he was doing. Yeh I didn’t want him in the beginning I waited 3 weeks before I contacted him after meeting him the first time. He convinced me he was genuine and really ‘liked’ me. I wish I’d never ever contacted him, I believed he was my twin soul / soul mate. People use the word Narcissist when it actually isn’t at all, it’s absolutely unbelievable....you know when you’ve been intrapped by one.
This is so true and I wish I would have trusted my intuition. When we first started talking, I thought he was kind of cute, that was it. As we talked a bit more, he was alright, but never someone I thought I would end up dating because we seemed pretty different. The way we looked at the world was different. However, the more we started talking and he was very interested in asking me questions and all that when we first started talking (which stopped after a while because I guess he had all the information he needed), plus I just talk too much about myself, I noticed we had a lot in common and we became much better friends. I realize now, he was just showing me myself and I fell hard. I know it's fruitless to dwell on it, but I saw so many signs and just ignored so many of them because I couldn't believe I had been lucky enough to just find such a great guy so randomly.
I should have listened to my gut feeling...from the beginning, part of me felt like it wasn’t right when I was with my ex narc...the last time we spoke, yes this person even told me that he wasn’t being himself the whole time for 4.5 years together...of course at first, his interests were almost exactly as mine...
Thank you dear again. Yes, there were so many gut feelings in the very first words his had said even, but I wanted to love, and that put me right into his hands! Seductiveness yes, but that is not love, it is to seduce and take into the web.. indeed They want you because you are beautiful, smart, having values, good friends, aspirations, that is their target. They don't need low quality supply, they go for the best, which is so quite sad. I loved his jokes, i did. But later to realize they were insensitive, demeaning and coming from anger. wow
Thank you Petra, for all your kind and wise explanations about abusers in the NPD spectrum. You bring us some mourning message in this video, of a personality that apparently never loved you..but pretended! It is difficult to understand the narcissist's lovemask, for an empath or maybe codependent like me. I hope I'll never get into it again!!! My intuition is so damaged in my early childhood and my intuition is exactly what I should have learned to trust, but it has completely decreased. I hope that in this life, my live, I can still learn to get confidence in my own intuition. Your videos support me .. and I'm glad I found you!
Thank you Petra, This video was very soothing and comforting. It also emphasize the importance of intuition. That is something I've repressed and denied throughout my life. The sexual magnetism seems to over ride the higher instinct of intuition. After my last narc relationship my attitude about sex have changed.
Dawson About three months or so my wife of 38 year's left and tried to lock me up and I have never been one who has been physical with any woman and I don't think anyone can call themselves honorable for a fight turned into a physical altercation. She's wanted to come home and I can not even consider it at the present time. I'm scared. She's caused our own child,our daughter to cut her contact with me. This is a great video with lots of good points.
You always explain and elaborate on Narcissistic people so clearly. I always enjoy your vlogs and learning to understand human behaviour better.Such an open and honest and caring lady. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom..
Your a beatiful charming lady. Thank you Petra:) for your kindness and guidance this has been the 5th time I've let my narc "frenemy" back in and it's been hard.. but I know I'm done for good this time. I've not only had several friends that are narcs but partners and even family members. Im.also a empath not sure if it's something in me that's brought these people to me or if it's just conditioning from childhood but I am promising myself that I'm my greatest project and love. Thank you again..💜
bee free Thank you for your warm words Bee Free! Every relationship we have is based on our (subconscious) beliefs about love, respect and what we are worthy of. I invite you to look at, and acknowledge what you witnessed about relationships and friendships while you were growing up. That's where your answers are! We repeat patterns taught to us in childhood until we become aware of them. Love to you x
My narc ex friend was very charming and we seemed to just click. It was amazing how much we had in common. Now, she acts like we never were friends at all. Thankfully, now I see I was just supply and when I no longer was, for whatever reason, I was lied about and discarded. She seems to be constantly on the go having “fun” and thrives on being the ringleader of a group. She is ok unless you get too close and then she turns on you. This happened to another person I know, so I can step back and see a pattern with her. As Long as you are superficial with her, you are safe, but if you are empathic and more sensitive, you will be blindsided by her.
Yes!! When you get to close to the real them, they don’t like it and start the discard. I also see how this person aligns themself to people they think have prestige of some sort. As if it will rub off on her!! So many times this narc friend came to me for ego strokes and I fell for it almost every time....until I didn’t. Like the video says, once I stopped stroking and gave constructive criticism...that was the beginning of end..
I'm so happy to have found your videos Petra. You are truly a person who has been through the rigors of what we all who sourced your videos have so desperately needed. Thankyou for your strength of self, of which I'm sure is still internally questioned, because of the abuse you recieved. It helps the rest of us and enables you to produce such wonderfully empowering content. Please continue, and stay empowered. XOX.
Point well taken. Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom! This is an eye opening learning experience. I am ready to get on with my life. You are right. Why am I so upset, angry and depressed? The pretender was not all that and neither did he ever love me or know what love was. He will not change so moving on and focusing on healing are the best things I can do.
What ppl don't understand is how dangerous and evil a life with a narc is it is worst than physical abuse it is watching it soul leave your body slowly u are on the brink of insanity thank u for our videos the word to express seem so hard but u have done that for us all thank u
Narcissists are not "all smart" When we are angry with how we are treated we are unable to have compassion for the person who has been our victimizer. We need to be more aware of these red flags, so we can protect ourselves. But we also remember that the victimizer, the narcissist is also a victim bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/is-narcissism-a-mask-for-depression
NX instilled fear into me and my young children on a daily basis and in that timeframe I didn't know anything about vampires and narcissist, so now I know much more about these toxic beings and their ability to use "black magic" to put an evil spell on the unsuspecting individuals to trick them. The Spider and the Fly analogy. Making them believe they have "magic powers" like a "magician" does.
Ms Petra; very good, your presentation is timely and informative. I honesty thought the problem was me...but only to fine out I was being mimic in what I said and mirror in my behavior. Sad..but your information is power. THANKS
I went no contact with my ex narc for three years and found myself broken and isolated myself for almost three years and started to feel better about myself and opened myself to love again and here I am again with another narcissist..... This man I met had a good game of lovebombing me .... I'm so disappointed in myself I feel so stupid and angry and broken heated with myself of being fooled!!! This man im with literally copies everything like everyone I do say and wear I didn't see this before and all the alarming flags are becoming so vivid with me!!!
This was explained beautifully. I have just exited one of the weirdest most degrading relationships of my life. I will never go back. I am going through grief right now. He mirrored the family life with me. I thought I was truly blessed. I was deceived.
I have several people mirroring me, it's quite strange actually. I wouldn't want to have a friendship or relationship with someone who is just like me.....if that's the case I might as well be alone. Different from me is definitely a good thing....I mean of course I would want to have some things in common but not everything.
Do narcissists mirror interests? I'm wondering because my ex bff who was a narc found me on social media (I had changed my username and blocked her so she deleted her account and made a new one) and tagged me in a photo. She had dyed her hair the same green as mine and as I looked at other photos, I noticed she adopted many of my interests! I noticed these were things she had told me she didn't like previously. In fact she had hated them and now suddenly she is in love with them. She said that cannabis has changed her and made her accepting of these things. I am just wondering if this is a typical narc tactic to get me to talk to her again?
Forest Que Yes! They mirror everything you do. Don't forget that a narcissist has pathological envy and this will drive them to mimick everything you do and then trash/bad mouth that very same thing. Do not engage your frenemy, she did a hoovering on you. Block her, wish her peace and move on with your life. X
Thank you Dulce, so sweet. I see you're a Swedish viking 😉 I lived in Sweden for 3 years, such a beautiful country with a great mentality. Great dance video's by the way!
I started dating my ex-narcissist when I was 16 and now in the middle of a divorce at 47. I was emotionally immature when I met him to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, I became emotionally codependent on him, and I'm an empath. When he asked me to marry him at 18, he was going through an extremely tough time in his life, I was his only friend that stood by him during this time. I was fine being his GF but had no idea how to tell him I wasn't ready to be someone's wife. I went through with the marriage because I didn't want him to think he had no one. I look back at that time in my life and think, "Holy crap! I made a life changing decision for myself at a very young age and I didn't have the guts to tell him, no!" Strangely, after many, many years of self awareness, research, group meetings for Al-anon and codependency, and therapy, I've finally gotten the strength to leave and not regret it for one second! I feel free for the first time in a long time. He's laying a guilt trip on me saying I threw him away, trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him in hope that I will ask him to come home, telling me he's going to tell people what kind of person I am, blah, blah, blah! I'm thankful I'm wide awake now! Manipulation game over!
It is funny when I first met him when we worked together. I couldn't stand him. I didn't know why. I just knew I didn't like him. At the time I was with my son's dad, and he was with one of his ex's supposedly. He came into my life about nine years later after I broke up with my ex. He did act like he was my soul mate. That is why I fell in love with him.
My ex narc will be visiting this area in a couple of weeks. We broke up 6 months ago. Can't wait for him to see how well I'm doing without him. Now I know what he was I realize he only used me for a place to lay his head. I look at him as a lesson. Never to be repeated.
Yes, great lesson to take away from a toxic relationship! How about you stop calling him "my ex narc"? You're attaching too much credit to his person by putting "my" and "narc" in the same sentence ;-) ……….just saying
Great video! Following my intuition is what I'm doing fully now after the narcissistic abuse (work relationship), dare to realize now that I have a strong one. It's 'something' which is given to us for a reason. By my intuition but above all, I believe, by educating in narcissism, I think I recognized pathological narcissism in a woman after meeting her 2 times. Then in a conversation she told me that she has been narcissistic abused by her narcissistic father...I know that maybe 9 out of 10 times when someone has been narcissistic abused by parents or by one of the parents he/she will become a pathological narcissist her/himself. Is this true, Petra? Unfortunately I noticed that she's trying now to come into my social/musical network through all kind of sources, because I don't let her get in myself. But I'm aware of it this time! Thank you again, Petra!
Sigrid Secherling That's true. Sometimes they themselves can either become narcissists or scapegoats. Protect your peace and keep educating yourself on the traits of this disorder. Love to you
Narcissists can do the right things for the wrong reasons. My ex husband would go out of his way to help people, but I now believe he did it for praise and compliments. He didn't end up taking care of me and our daughter, which should have been his focus.
I'm here because a classmate has been showing interest but my gut says something isn't right for several reasons. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him deliberately making sure he was mirroring me in a social situation. It felt contrived and also emotional blackmail. I've missed my last train so stay out, lovely company etc. The female friends he hands out with are mousey types who like to drink. I'm different. I feel he sees me as someone he wants to be. Been too much too soon. Slowly backing away. On paper he looks perfect but my gut is telling me something different.
A genuinely good partner would not make you feel like crap, devalue you, play mind games, intimidate you and have you constantly second guessing your thoughts, words, actions and intentions.
Does she or he ever really loved me? That question is asked because, you have never experienced love with the narcissist partner! There is no other reason to asked for something you know!! In the beginning that‘s just an act to reel you in ✌🏻
Dealing with at least 3 or 4 of these types who, unfortunately are very close to me and sometimes unavoidable. I think the word 'Narcissist ' would be too flattering for them. Chances are that they don't fully know what the word implies and just choose to make it mean someone who's rather vain and good looking. Itd be so nice to figure out a way to make them back off. Even better: a way to out-intimidate them, as I am always treated as a piece of insignificant fluff under their shoe.
He told me he was breaking up with me because, he loved and reacted me to much to cheat on my. He was just keeping me on hold. 😎😻 What was wrong with me? 😂 I see him now. I see so many things in the past in the light. 🌑🌓🌕
One difference between the new supply and me, is that I really enjoyed spending time with him alone, in the beginning of course, it really looks like every time they are together they have to make a big show out of it and put it on face book. When I was together with him I felt no need for that. I wanted our privacy in my relationship with him. It was between us, so I thought. Any ways , it looks like this women gets a big high from advertising this relationship which is showing me, this is not a love relationship at all, though I know she thinks it is. I caught him mirroring her voice while she was like baby talking a dog to get a ball so she could throw it and the dog would fetch it. . Get the ball get the ball!!! shed say and right at the same time the Narcissist was mimicking her to the point where he got his voice to sound in all most perfect unison to hers!!! Repeating sentences that came out of her mouth ,word by word... It was crazy!! He was intentionally mirroring her and I all most fell out of my chair. Its subtle, but yet again it was not subtle at all. Then I watched his behavior with out the sound down and he was purposefully knocking up against her, they were in boats, and hitting the side of her boat with his paddle and laughing like it was a joke. He was intentionally ignoring her as well, and she was like oh he just likes to play with me additude. For the first time I was seeing everything different. I dont think they feel feelings of love at all. I thinks he hates her!!!!but with the mirroring he gets her to think he loves her, like they are so bonded. but his under lying behavior with in this scene was quite hostal....
A friend at work is mirroring me because the person she is having an affair with .. she thinks he finds me attractive .. she accused me theee times of messing with him .. any way she’s taking my words.. mannerisms .. even hair.. haha .. anyway I don’t talk to her anymore but we have to keep a cordial relationship at work .. however I let her hear me talking .. she wants to copy me .. I’ll give her bullshit .. I let her hear me talking about good sales and send her on wild goose chase haha ... she even wants to buy what I buy .. really messed up
Not sure i understood the last bit reflecting happiness when you move on what does that do to or for their ego if they dont care how does targets happiness affect them
Wit play is their game, but it's not funny, it's all toxic. These individuals are lazy, unproductive and liars. Some have no money, because they don't work. Some are millionaires and are one way street signs. Guiding them step by step, helps. They have to want to help themselves, that's one way to deal with them. Tell them straight up, bottom line don't help them it's a toxic game, but if you do then, get your game plan. Don't accept their bullshit. One wanted to put his dog in my car, the answer is no. They will try and work you into allowing it, over and over. Just say no. They can't save money so that makes them target one.
The Narcissist mirrors you yet despises you in their minds...
They are actually intimidated by our power and they start putting you down before you realize your power. It's also on society level.
very intimidated by our power so they discourage you in all your affairs. so stay low and keep having babies for him thinking he loves you. such a mistake
He hates any kind of criticism but gives it to me.
Scout Mcg same as my ex narc
It’s all a mirage. Nothing about them is real except for the hate you eventually see. My ex in a final act of betrayal after so many times before watched me cry in pain about his behavior...... looked at me and laughed. And in that moment I had finally met the REAL man I had been living with for 3 years.
Red flags are instantly there when you meet toxic personality: too perfect to be true !!
I had the first impression of dislike immediately and ignored it because he hid his true self.
The GUT feeling!!! I think that literally everybody experienced it and didn't listen to it because they are blinded by the "logical" explanation that this is a great person!
Vassy Rng True with me. I swear that I will never go against my intuition again. Lesson learned. My gut pain was excruciating one evening when we were talking over the phone. His voice became very deep, and I swear he sounded and spoke like Satan. Seriously.
Vassy Rng I remember the gut feeling well.
My gut told me no one was there
I love being an educated empath. One day, their supply will be very little to nil... Education is power. Thank you.
I've had several friendships that never made sense to me. I never would have picked them out as friends but they somehow latched onto me. Then when they were done, they completely cut me off. I always felt like a schmuck...but now I understand that I was dealing with narcissists. Now I feel like I'm less vulnerable to them...thx!!!
So true. I said the same, "I just won the lottery!" And yes, the intimacy was intoxicating and mind blowing.
Mine physically mirrored me too
This is what my narc ex coworker did to me. When I first started this job, something just didn’t sit right with me about her. This woman practically stared daggers at me, like she was trying to figure out what made me tick. She did this for the first few days, and it really put me off. By the next week, her personality had done a total 180-from boorish and crude to gentle and ladylike (which is my natural demeanor). Then she started to latch onto me, trying to become best friends. I thought it all was weird, so I didn’t take the bait. She started copying everything I did and followed me around the office, like my shadow. I really knew it was time to cut her off when she showed up to work a week later-she had gone out and had gotten her hair done just like mine! This was my boiling point. Even after I chopped her, she still copied everything I did, and still tried to get close to me! She eventually quit her job... good riddance! These people are vipers-trying to catch you when you’re vulnerable, so they can strike you and take you down.
Mairi M You’re absolutely right about that!
GetRealz Yikes! What an awful thing to go through! I'm so sorry you had to go through that foolishness. I honestly believe that these people truly are demons, sent from the devil, and they will stop at nothing to make our lives miserable, because THEY are miserable. It messes them up because they want to be us so bad, and they know they never will.
@GetRealz Might be a feeling of being engulfed within an evil that can't be seen - but is felt ? Also a type of confusion - the confusion is said to be a warning & a stage...
your voice is so relaxing. :)
This applies to all relationships - narc friends and relatives were never committed to a relationship with you either. And once a crisis occurs for them I've noticed how quickly they show their true colours and even project blame for their deeds or feelings - about a totally unrelated situation that doesn't involve you - onto you. Thereby making you their punching bag. Very bizarre. If they had any underlying jealousy towards you all along then it can be vicious.
Spot on ! Not all empaths are co-dependents. I got the mirroring a LOT in the bedroom.
He would do to me EVERYTHIN I would do to him. I saw it SO clearly. I nearly commented " can you do something different ?" . LOL.
I had a real uneasy feeling after our very first date. But i didn't listen to it. Next time i will definitely listen to that inner voice.
Now that I think about it, my ex narc did act like a totally different person on the 1st day I talked to him, but once he found out I was Christian all of a sudden he was a god fearing Christian. But I forgot about on day 1 I told him I had to get off the phone & take a shower & get ready for work. Then he asked me take a pic of myself in the shower & send it him. I thought he was joking & brushed it off. Even his voice sounded different on day 1. But after that day, he became very Christ like & all of sudden he could barely talk about sex without feeling ashamed. I definitely missed that red flag.
One narcissistic sibling sabotaged humiliated me my entire life. I didn’t know what is was. Grew up and had two narcissistic long term boyfriends. The last one literally killed me spiritually. I had to go to the church and had deliverance from him only then was I able to see him clearly. I know he did not luv me. He married someone else but had multiple lovers men and women . He is divorced now and continues on .
Hey Petra...hope you are ok...i didnt fancy my ex covert at all, but because he was my best friend for 20 years...that was a huge thing for me...hes my friend..of course i trust him...he then reflected the perfect person to me, and i saw the person i wanted...but...he was a vile pathological liar, !that had no empathy,
and..blamed everything going wrong in his life on me, i saw the true person...but the pain of being used by my best friend, who i trusted with my life, killed something in me 🙁thanks Petra. Love to you 💕
Toxic Free Doing great dear Val, thanks!
The worst stabs in the back are from friends and family unfortunately.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday beauty 😚
Petra Van Deijl thanks hun 💕
This is so true and once you see this and finally put ur finger on it !! It’s a sadness
I can totally relate.
@@carolineb7796
+z .
He lied n made me cry. In our family women were never appreciated or helped. I was disgusted with his undermining my ability to judge.
Now,I'm traumatizing ...i want to live alone.💐
i have few ones some times...
i feel good by myself, a kind of Hermit.Thx
Its a hard lesson indeed but your gut will never ever steer u wrong.
Thank you its so spot on!! I just met a man immediately my gut told me steer clear from him I felt really sick very quickly I have kept away from him.
Danielle Heggie That's the way to go!
Danielle Heggie Good for you for catching on to it so fast!
I still blame myself because I felt something was wrong from the beginning. It makes me hate myself for being so stupid.
Blame is a useless emotion darling. Turn that sentence around and say "I responded to my level of knowledge at that time, now that my knowledge has improved, my game is phenomenal"
I just adore you. The way you talk is so calming and puts one at ease. You're so clear in explaining topics and give all of us survivors hope. Keep making videos please!
Exactly right, every word that you just spoke. I will never question that gut feeling again. Never again. I'm no contact going on 3 months now. If he breathes my way, I will still remain No Contact. No Contact For Life. Thank you!
More power and courage to you Susan xxx
I am going through no contact right now too with my ex narc...
Petra you are describing my abusive Narcissist fully tfs I truly appreciate you have a great weekend
Great video. We need to take the lessen and own it All is not as it seems. Yes they are securing you. When we put someone on a high pedestal it's not realistic in the long run. We will need too show we love ourselves more by respecting ourselves and following our own instincts and protecting our boundaries so the relationship can develop in the most natural way.
It's like we created an imaginary friend, and if things go off script, it feels like an exorcism.
Very well said, Petra. In fact when he and I were together, I actually held a mirror before him, when he was in a mild state of injury, this was before I was even aware of narcissism. Of course I know now it was truly a hall of mirrors, while confusing, really has helped in my healing. It was a hard pill to swallow with realizing it was all an ego trip for him, yet when I finally caught on to the pattern, I see it clear as day. Been on low or no conta t now after many stops and starts, yet it has been cemented for me now and I've begun to feel confident in moving forward where I left off before him. So challenging yet one of the best life lessons I've ever received. While he wand I were mirroring each other, I gained vast and valua me insight into what I needed to do to work on myself to become whole again. Today was a defining turning point for me. Thank you so very much for your wisdom and experience. Wow it has fast tracked my healing. Blessings and Love to you.
They literally do!!!
He messaged me “ I can’t get past you, I can’t look at any other girl”
He I believe already has a new love source but he said what he knew I was feeling 🥺
Doing research about the Narcissist I worked out this is what he was doing.
Yeh I didn’t want him in the beginning I waited 3 weeks before I contacted him after meeting him the first time.
He convinced me he was genuine and really ‘liked’ me.
I wish I’d never ever contacted him, I believed he was my twin soul / soul mate.
People use the word Narcissist when it actually isn’t at all, it’s absolutely unbelievable....you know when you’ve been intrapped by one.
This is so true and I wish I would have trusted my intuition. When we first started talking, I thought he was kind of cute, that was it. As we talked a bit more, he was alright, but never someone I thought I would end up dating because we seemed pretty different. The way we looked at the world was different. However, the more we started talking and he was very interested in asking me questions and all that when we first started talking (which stopped after a while because I guess he had all the information he needed), plus I just talk too much about myself, I noticed we had a lot in common and we became much better friends. I realize now, he was just showing me myself and I fell hard. I know it's fruitless to dwell on it, but I saw so many signs and just ignored so many of them because I couldn't believe I had been lucky enough to just find such a great guy so randomly.
I should have listened to my gut feeling...from the beginning, part of me felt like it wasn’t right when I was with my ex narc...the last time we spoke, yes this person even told me that he wasn’t being himself the whole time for 4.5 years together...of course at first, his interests were almost exactly as mine...
Thank you dear again. Yes, there were so many gut feelings in the very first words his had said even, but I wanted to love, and that put me right into his hands! Seductiveness yes, but that is not love, it is to seduce and take into the web.. indeed They want you because you are beautiful, smart, having values, good friends, aspirations, that is their target. They don't need low quality supply, they go for the best, which is so quite sad. I loved his jokes, i did. But later to realize they were insensitive, demeaning and coming from anger. wow
it has me to the point of feeling as if I'm the one doing wrong as if I'm the one who is the narcissist
Thank you Petra, for all your kind and wise explanations about abusers in the NPD spectrum. You bring us some mourning message in this video, of a personality that apparently never loved you..but pretended! It is difficult to understand the narcissist's lovemask, for an empath or maybe codependent like me. I hope I'll never get into it again!!! My intuition is so damaged in my early childhood and my intuition is exactly what I should have learned to trust, but it has completely decreased. I hope that in this life, my live, I can still learn to get confidence in my own intuition. Your videos support me .. and I'm glad I found you!
Thank you Petra, This video was very soothing and comforting. It also emphasize the importance of intuition. That is something I've repressed and denied throughout my life. The sexual magnetism seems to over ride the higher instinct of intuition. After my last narc relationship my attitude about sex have changed.
Dawson About three months or so my wife of 38 year's left and tried to lock me up and I have never been one who has been physical with any woman and I don't think anyone can call themselves honorable for a fight turned into a physical altercation. She's wanted to come home and I can not even consider it at the present time. I'm scared. She's caused our own child,our daughter to cut her contact with me. This is a great video with lots of good points.
@@emokiriemiabednegoabed2844 Thank you my friend. That's sounds amazing that you did that. Congratulations! I'll keep that information on hand
It's always feeling of a strange presense
You always explain and elaborate on Narcissistic people so clearly. I always enjoy your vlogs and learning to understand human behaviour better.Such an open and honest and caring lady. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom..
Your a beatiful charming lady. Thank you Petra:) for your kindness and guidance this has been the 5th time I've let my narc "frenemy" back in and it's been hard.. but I know I'm done for good this time. I've not only had several friends that are narcs but partners and even family members. Im.also a empath not sure if it's something in me that's brought these people to me or if it's just conditioning from childhood but I am promising myself that I'm my greatest project and love. Thank you again..💜
bee free Thank you for your warm words Bee Free!
Every relationship we have is based on our (subconscious) beliefs about love, respect and what we are worthy of.
I invite you to look at, and acknowledge what you witnessed about relationships and friendships while you were growing up. That's where your answers are! We repeat patterns taught to us in childhood until we become aware of them.
Love to you x
My narc ex friend was very charming and we seemed to just click. It was amazing how much we had in common. Now, she acts like we never were friends at all. Thankfully, now I see I was just supply and when I no longer was, for whatever reason, I was lied about and discarded. She seems to be constantly on the go having “fun” and thrives on being the ringleader of a group. She is ok unless you get too close and then she turns on you. This happened to another person I know, so I can step back and see a pattern with her. As Long as you are superficial with her, you are safe, but if you are empathic and more sensitive, you will be blindsided by her.
Yes!! When you get to close to the real them, they don’t like it and start the discard. I also see how this person aligns themself to people they think have prestige of some sort. As if it will rub off on her!! So many times this narc friend came to me for ego strokes and I fell for it almost every time....until I didn’t. Like the video says, once I stopped stroking and gave constructive criticism...that was the beginning of end..
I'm so happy to have found your videos Petra. You are truly a person who has been through the rigors of what we all who sourced your videos have so desperately needed. Thankyou for your strength of self, of which I'm sure is still internally questioned, because of the abuse you recieved. It helps the rest of us and enables you to produce such wonderfully empowering content. Please continue, and stay empowered. XOX.
Point well taken. Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom! This is an eye opening learning experience. I am ready to get on with my life. You are right. Why am I so upset, angry and depressed? The pretender was not all that and neither did he ever love me or know what love was. He will not change so moving on and focusing on healing are the best things I can do.
He can have his happiness but he won’t allow me too
So very true. Great insights!
I didn't Have any feelings but good ones in the beginning. It wasn't until later that I started to have doubts. He mirrored me so well.
What ppl don't understand is how dangerous and evil a life with a narc is it is worst than physical abuse it is watching it soul leave your body slowly u are on the brink of insanity thank u for our videos the word to express seem so hard but u have done that for us all thank u
He calls me being honest bullying.
Adel Bush He is not worthy of your time or energy.
Thanks I really enjoyed your video! It was spot on describing my ex and our relationship
Its so easy to fall for these things.. They have no empathy, but are incredibly smart.
Yeah wouldn't say smart. Incredibly dumb when up against a rational person with strong self esteem in my experience.
Narcissists are not "all smart" When we are angry with how we are treated we are unable to have compassion for the person who has been our victimizer. We need to be more aware of these red flags, so we can protect ourselves. But we also remember that the victimizer, the narcissist is also a victim bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/is-narcissism-a-mask-for-depression
I would never follow my gut feeling........now I do
NX instilled fear into me and my young children on a daily basis and in that timeframe I didn't know anything about vampires and narcissist, so now I know much more about these toxic beings and their ability to use "black magic" to put an evil spell on the unsuspecting individuals to trick them. The Spider and the Fly analogy. Making them believe they have "magic powers" like a "magician" does.
Your have answered so so much thank you
Ms Petra; very good, your presentation is timely and informative. I honesty thought the problem was me...but only to fine out I was being mimic in what I said and mirror in my behavior. Sad..but your information is power. THANKS
I went no contact with my ex narc for three years and found myself broken and isolated myself for almost three years and started to feel better about myself and opened myself to love again and here I am again with another narcissist.....
This man I met had a good game of lovebombing me .... I'm so disappointed in myself I feel so stupid and angry and broken heated with myself of being fooled!!!
This man im with literally copies everything like everyone I do say and wear I didn't see this before and all the alarming flags are becoming so vivid with me!!!
Dont be hard on yourself. We all do it, it just means you have more to learn 🙂
So ACCURATE‼️‼️‼️
Have a most wonderful day🌬🙏🏾💜🕉💜🙏🏾
Gosh these are sick people
This was explained beautifully. I have just exited one of the weirdest most degrading relationships of my life. I will never go back. I am going through grief right now. He mirrored the family life with me. I thought I was truly blessed. I was deceived.
Thank you Hun.your so on point .I so love your platform .great job. please more videos.love them.😀😀😀😀💖💖💖💖
I have several people mirroring me, it's quite strange actually. I wouldn't want to have a friendship or relationship with someone who is just like me.....if that's the case I might as well be alone. Different from me is definitely a good thing....I mean of course I would want to have some things in common but not everything.
Do narcissists mirror interests? I'm wondering because my ex bff who was a narc found me on social media (I had changed my username and blocked her so she deleted her account and made a new one) and tagged me in a photo. She had dyed her hair the same green as mine and as I looked at other photos, I noticed she adopted many of my interests! I noticed these were things she had told me she didn't like previously. In fact she had hated them and now suddenly she is in love with them. She said that cannabis has changed her and made her accepting of these things. I am just wondering if this is a typical narc tactic to get me to talk to her again?
Forest Que Yes! They mirror everything you do. Don't forget that a narcissist has pathological envy and this will drive them to mimick everything you do and then trash/bad mouth that very same thing. Do not engage your frenemy, she did a hoovering on you. Block her, wish her peace and move on with your life. X
Petra Van Deijl Thank you! I will do that.
Love you so much Petra. Thank You! We have had the same experience.
Oance again! Thank You Petra! You are so Beautiful! 😀❤🙏🙏🙏
Thank you Dulce, so sweet. I see you're a Swedish viking 😉 I lived in Sweden for 3 years, such a beautiful country with a great mentality. Great dance video's by the way!
I started dating my ex-narcissist when I was 16 and now in the middle of a divorce at 47. I was emotionally immature when I met him to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, I became emotionally codependent on him, and I'm an empath. When he asked me to marry him at 18, he was going through an extremely tough time in his life, I was his only friend that stood by him during this time. I was fine being his GF but had no idea how to tell him I wasn't ready to be someone's wife. I went through with the marriage because I didn't want him to think he had no one. I look back at that time in my life and think, "Holy crap! I made a life changing decision for myself at a very young age and I didn't have the guts to tell him, no!" Strangely, after many, many years of self awareness, research, group meetings for Al-anon and codependency, and therapy, I've finally gotten the strength to leave and not regret it for one second! I feel free for the first time in a long time. He's laying a guilt trip on me saying I threw him away, trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him in hope that I will ask him to come home, telling me he's going to tell people what kind of person I am, blah, blah, blah! I'm thankful I'm wide awake now! Manipulation game over!
For once more your video reflects to my story .....tears tears tears ..I was so stupid and still I am. So on the spot what you said ..
You are NOT stupid. You were in the fog, now the fog is lifting and you are becoming more aware.
Oh...all that you say is all so true Petra... I went through past 5 years
Your videos are really good. Keep them coming.
It is funny when I first met him when we worked together. I couldn't stand him. I didn't know why. I just knew I didn't like him. At the time I was with my son's dad, and he was with one of his ex's supposedly. He came into my life about nine years later after I broke up with my ex. He did act like he was my soul mate. That is why I fell in love with him.
That’s one the best of yr vids !!! Thank U
Thank you
My ex narc will be visiting this area in a couple of weeks. We broke up 6 months ago. Can't wait for him to see how well I'm doing without him. Now I know what he was I realize he only used me for a place to lay his head.
I look at him as a lesson. Never to be repeated.
Yes, great lesson to take away from a toxic relationship! How about you stop calling him "my ex narc"? You're attaching too much credit to his person by putting "my" and "narc" in the same sentence ;-) ……….just saying
Amazing video!!! I needed this!
Great video! Following my intuition is what I'm doing fully now after the narcissistic abuse (work relationship), dare to realize now that I have a strong one. It's 'something' which is given to us for a reason. By my intuition but above all, I believe, by educating in narcissism, I think I recognized pathological narcissism in a woman after meeting her 2 times. Then in a conversation she told me that she has been narcissistic abused by her narcissistic father...I know that maybe 9 out of 10 times when someone has been narcissistic abused by parents or by one of the parents he/she will become a pathological narcissist her/himself. Is this true, Petra? Unfortunately I noticed that she's trying now to come into my social/musical network through all kind of sources, because I don't let her get in myself. But I'm aware of it this time! Thank you again, Petra!
Sigrid Secherling That's true. Sometimes they themselves can either become narcissists or scapegoats.
Protect your peace and keep educating yourself on the traits of this disorder.
Love to you
Petra, I love your videos!
Narcissists can do the right things for the wrong reasons. My ex husband would go out of his way to help people, but I now believe he did it for praise and compliments. He didn't end up taking care of me and our daughter, which should have been his focus.
Your perspective on this situation is crystal clear! Let your intuition lead you.
I'm here because a classmate has been showing interest but my gut says something isn't right for several reasons. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him deliberately making sure he was mirroring me in a social situation. It felt contrived and also emotional blackmail. I've missed my last train so stay out, lovely company etc. The female friends he hands out with are mousey types who like to drink. I'm different. I feel he sees me as someone he wants to be. Been too much too soon. Slowly backing away. On paper he looks perfect but my gut is telling me something different.
Listen to your gut Clare!
Not as easy to spot when it's covert narcs. But behind everything there is a devil.
Yes yes yes me too, me too, 1 to 1 i been through it just like it.
Petra you are Awsome!👍👍👍👍👍👍
This much you say is true
Is that like saying that the Vampiristic Narcissist is drawing fuel from your good energy to drain you!
Thank you for this it was like looking in the mirror... Really.
how do you separate a narcissist from a genuinely good romantic partner. i think i could easily classify my partner as a narcissist.
A genuinely good partner would not make you feel like crap, devalue you, play mind games, intimidate you and have you constantly second guessing your thoughts, words, actions and intentions.
...Plus a genuinely good partner would not discard you like a piece of garbage..
You are very wise.
So true, now what do I do😭
Does she or he ever really loved me? That question is asked because, you have never experienced love with the narcissist partner! There is no other reason to asked for something you know!!
In the beginning that‘s just an act to reel you in ✌🏻
Dealing with at least 3 or 4 of these types who, unfortunately are very close to me and sometimes unavoidable. I think the word 'Narcissist ' would be too flattering for them. Chances are that they don't fully know what the word implies and just choose to make it mean someone who's rather vain and good looking. Itd be so nice to figure out a way to make them back off. Even better: a way to out-intimidate them, as I am always treated as a piece of insignificant fluff under their shoe.
Thanks Petra
If. You. Tell. Them. You like. Ducks. They. Start. Acting. Like. Ducks...if. you. Tell. Them. Blue. Is. Your. Favorite. Color. They. Have. Blue. Eyes
...if. you. Tell. Them. You. Like. Pizza. They. Will. Tell. You. They. Like. Pizza. Too....they. tell. You. Stories. Beyond. Belief....they. tell. You. They. Love. You. A. Million. Times.....these. people. Dont. Mean. A. Word. They. Say
.......they. look. For. Reaction.......ect.. great. Video
I do this, bit not Intentionally. I'm struggling to have my own conscience...
I had that gut feeling of dislike and ignored it because she's my mom.
Thank you!
He told me he was breaking up with me because, he loved and reacted me to much to cheat on my. He was just keeping me on hold. 😎😻 What was wrong with me? 😂 I see him now. I see so many things in the past in the light.
🌑🌓🌕
So. Relateble omg
One difference between the new supply and me, is that I really enjoyed spending time with him alone, in the beginning of course, it really looks like every time they are together they have to make a big show out of it and put it on face book. When I was together with him I felt no need for that. I wanted our privacy in my relationship with him. It was between us, so I thought. Any ways , it looks like this women gets a big high from advertising this relationship which is showing me, this is not a love relationship at all, though I know she thinks it is. I caught him mirroring her voice while she was like baby talking a dog to get a ball so she could throw it and the dog would fetch it. . Get the ball get the ball!!! shed say and right at the same time the Narcissist was mimicking her to the point where he got his voice to sound in all most perfect unison to hers!!! Repeating sentences that came out of her mouth ,word by word... It was crazy!! He was intentionally mirroring her and I all most fell out of my chair. Its subtle, but yet again it was not subtle at all. Then I watched his behavior with out the sound down and he was purposefully knocking up against her, they were in boats, and hitting the side of her boat with his paddle and laughing like it was a joke. He was intentionally ignoring her as well, and she was like oh he just likes to play with me additude. For the first time I was seeing everything different. I dont think they feel feelings of love at all. I thinks he hates her!!!!but with the mirroring he gets her to think he loves her, like they are so bonded. but his under lying behavior with in this scene was quite hostal....
I felt bull shit immediately
Thank you
Bless u ❤❤❤
A friend at work is mirroring me because the person she is having an affair with .. she thinks he finds me attractive .. she accused me theee times of messing with him .. any way she’s taking my words.. mannerisms .. even hair.. haha .. anyway I don’t talk to her anymore but we have to keep a cordial relationship at work .. however I let her hear me talking .. she wants to copy me .. I’ll give her bullshit .. I let her hear me talking about good sales and send her on wild goose chase haha ... she even wants to buy what I buy .. really messed up
Not sure i understood the last bit reflecting happiness when you move on what does that do to or for their ego if they dont care how does targets happiness affect them
The narcissist does not like to see you happy. They prefer you being saddened, hurt and trodden on.
Wit play is their game, but it's not funny, it's all toxic. These individuals are lazy, unproductive and liars. Some have no money, because they don't work. Some are millionaires and are one way street signs. Guiding them step by step, helps. They have to want to help themselves, that's one way to deal with them. Tell them straight up, bottom line don't help them it's a toxic game, but if you do then, get your game plan. Don't accept their bullshit. One wanted to put his dog in my car, the answer is no. They will try and work you into allowing it, over and over. Just say no. They can't save money so that makes them target one.