Thank you, that's very kind. I'm so glad the videos are hitting the mark. It's great that something positive is coming from nearly 50 years of mental torment. I'm good now by the way, much healthier x
Circling back around to disclose a bit more brevity to my previous message thanking you. You touched on so many important key points here. And you did so with such a depth and element of total self-acceptance that I feel most, if not all, late-diagnosed autistic women can and will relate. Much gratitude -
Thank you. I've spent the longest time feeling like such an oddity - a curious creature that is either loved or hated with a passion that scares me. Making this content helps me as much as it seems to be helping others. I finally feel I can stand comfortably in my power. I hope you feel that too
@@suddenlyautistic Yes. I do - A good bit of the time, anyway, which is largely accredited to the generous contributions such as yours and others alike. It comes in waves - the radical acceptance and the "Wow. I'm tired..." Optimism and a healthy desire for our children to experience a most deserving quality life are the "bounce-backs" needed.
In my opinion, these videos are of exceptional value, you are providing information that is vital and cannot be found in mainstream literature. Something to remember is that for another Autistic person, this information and the way it is presented is actually easier to understand and is relatable in a way that hits the mark and is adding to the formation of a general acceptance of Autistic culture. However, you must put yourself first in terms of the weight of responsibility you could be taking on - it is not more important than your own well-being and self care.
Thank you for your generous comment, for taking the time to watch and for the care you are extending to me. I am doing very well, have processed much of my desperation, and am very well supported both personally and via my mental health team. It's because of this I feel an intense drive to extend myself to others. For my privilege and safe space to be broadened to include you and others like you. I feel no personal responsibility to 'save' or help others in order to save, cleanse, or earn my right to be here. Instead, I'm just paying it forward in a low-key take- what- you- need kind of way. I'm thrilled that the content is being received as I intended. That's the reward. Take care x
@@suddenlyautistic I wasn’t meaning quite that about ‘saving’ people, more about possibly feeling you ‘have to’ keep making content (the ‘responsibility’ of having a RUclips channel) because many other channels say things sometimes about getting burned out from it. That’s not really the impression I get from yours though, I just said that out of respect and to not put pressure on.
@tracik1277 I think I got what you were meaning. I extended my response as I do know people who create content like this can fall into the 'help/ save' trap. In terms of feeling it's necessary to keep creating content, also no, not really. I write my truth as and when it comes. I've had successful blogs before and did come close at one point to feeling trapped by the need to keep creating, but even then, I found it surprisingly easy to let it go when it no longer felt right to continue. I think that's the key. It keeps everything more raw, authentic and true. Thank you for the opportunity to explain.
I really appreciate the most these longer videos because there is a clarity that comes from experiencing your thinking out loud about your own life. Here are at least a couple of thoughts about some of the things you are discussing. If I can speak of people in the general population (I won't say neurotypical as of yet, just statistical averages) they tend to do two things. They overead people and assume an almost clairvoyant stance towards others when in fact they are not reading with much accuracy anything about others, and this is further complicated by the fact that they are in an energetic connection with others and yet still getting it wrong. (This combination is really tricky since there is a presumption that such connecting will translate to accuracy). A lot of research has indicated this. But it comes from overreading or overanalyzing based on their own psychologies and individuals differ much more from one another than is usually realized. . All of the psych research, and it is considerable, tells us that misunderstanding others is the norm. The other thing that is common is an inability to understand human psychology that is not terribly ambitious, or power seeking, as in curiosity without ambition. I hope all of that makes sense. As always your videos are great!
Thanks for the feedback and your thoughtful contribution to the topic. I agree with the over-reading part. I struggle with how readily many people turn their perceptions into their reality, often without even a second thought. I guess I do that too to a point but for me it's always flowered by active inquiry
I have had quite a violent reaction to being falsely accused since I was a kid and I think I finally understand it. I think it's exactly that feeling of being misrepresented and misunderstood. Thank you again for this excellent video. 😊
❤ you have touched on so many points that I can relate to so deeply. Motherhood and feminism being just a couple of them. I am 30 and last week my psychiatrist, that I haven't talked to in 2 years, has questioned the possibility of me being autistic. 2 years ago he himself diagnosed me with ADHD, infact he noted " I've never met someone who has scored so highly in an ADHD test. I dont know how in the hell no body has diagnosed you until now" Since being diagnosed ADHD I justified all my struggles to be due to the apparent ADHD. Then this year after multiple anxiety attacks and increased struggle to cope i started questioning if infact i actually have ASD or both. I was briefly (researched into it but not to the extreme as I usually would) looking into it and quickly dismissed the idea after questioning my own theory by reverting back to stereotypes of communication, socialisation , savant like skills or difficulties transitioning. After my psych suggested this idea of ASD I said yeah i thought I might but I can talk to strangers and initiate conversation so probably not. Took another trip down the research rabbit hole and realised I was completely missinterpreting my own inner experience. I realised my anger outburst were adult tantrums, and my anxiety attacks were all because of sensory overload and not being mentally able to keep up with social expectations. Iv almost subconsciously created this almost permanent mask that Iwear even for my close family and it can get exhausting, so exhausting that I've almost lost the ability to keep partaking in this frustrating, difficult and tortuous activity that people call 'life' . Back to femininity... So many times iv been told by people including ex partners that im not being lady-like. I was always angry thinking what the hell does lady-like mean or even look like? Whats wrong with what im doing? How dare they tell me im not lady-like when I am infact a woman, so I must be. In my late teens I even began to believe I was lesbian because I would "obsess" over who ever was my best friend at the time and get very attached and did not handle it very well if anyone else was to 'take them away from me' (which applied to each and every best friend I ever had during childhood and adolescence) also because I would observe females, the way they behaved or talked or looked and thought oh I must be attracted to women if I always do this. Which I've realised is far from the truth. I lost all of those friends because i was too much, or cared too much, defended them when apparently they didnt want me to. So I started sticking to male friends which was easier but also came with challenges in itself. I think if I dont stop writing now then I probably won't know when to stop. The point was, I can relate but in my own personal way ofcourse.
Thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely see myself in what you see describing too. I've never known how to 'woman' in the stereotypical way. I have long since stopped trying and now just enjoy being me. I do hope you find some answers that help you support yourself better
I am v grateful for this. I'm 61 and self diagnosed. My gp was extremely dismissive but I'm not in doubt. I have watched vast numbers of videos and read countless articles about autism and your description of your experience is the one I related to best. I even have your experience of gender norms but for men. I also feel like that probably held me back. The despair though. 😑
Thanks for the feedback Phil. I'm glad to hear you've 'found' yourself in the autism community. Best of luck with the rest of your journey and yes, gender norms have a lot to answer for too!
Diagnosed at 58.....I just thought it was due to being the youngest child till I was with peers the same age and sex and nationality I didn't feel the same as them and they all got along!
I'm really su*c*dal at the moment, and thank you very much for this video. I am constantly sticking my head in the sand (escaping reality) just to try not to k*ll myself. Videos like these are the thin silk thread that keep a seed of hope alive insode of me
I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with such feelings. I hope you take that thread and knit yourself a protective blanket with it. There's beauty amongst the struggle, and I do wish you well xxxx
I really hope you are feeling a little better today. I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. I agree with the person who mentioned hobbies - I genuinely believe my hobby was one of the main things that got me through when my depression was at its worst - although I realise that we're all different.
Welcome to an understanding that Albert Camus wrote in Sisyphus; much of your post today sounded like it could be dialogue from it. Seeing and interrupting reality is not an easy task when one’s autism seems inconsequential to the madness of modernity as seen in a patriarch authoritarian paradigm steeped in racism and xenophobia. As an autistic person with my point of view, I am not a person most people would want to hang out with. Most people I meet for example have no interest in Albert Camus. In the same token I have no interest in seeing smartphone images of where they vacationed or a reciting of family achievements and credentials. Being autistic you can pilot yourself by looking ahead with a reference to the rearview, but not as its main reference for navigation. An object can re drawn by one of two ways. The most obvious is to draw the out line of the object, but another is draw the negative space that is around the object. As an autistic person many can find me abrasive, but it is this very fact that sharpens my awareness. Greta Thunberg utilizes her autism and writer Emily Dickinson did not even bother to publish her work and wrote to a publisher that she is happy with her ‘barefoot rank’. She published just a few selections before her death.
@@cupofteawithpoetry Other writers who were autistic are James Joyce, Virginia Woolf, Hans Christian Andersen, Emily Bronte, Janet Frame, and Lewis Carroll. You do not need to be diagnosed to be autistic but to trust your insight, claim it, step out, and embrace it. 👍
I'm so happy to see this comment. I read The Myth of Sisyphus about 3 years ago and was reading it because I was quite suicidal (ideation; I visualise suicide but I don't actively plan on doing it) at the time. At first it made things worse for me but I took away the "Live creatively, but without hope" message and it turned the whole book around for me. I'm still pretty miserable but I'm definitely more hopeful in a hopeless way. More positive about myself less so about the outside world I think. I just want other people to understand and let me be creative without interrupting my flow. 😉🙄 Editing this because I just read my first Emily Dickinson poem and it was coincidentally... Hope’ is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all - And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard - And sore must be the storm - That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm - I’ve heard it in the chillest land - And on the strangest Sea - Yet - never - in Extremity, It asked a crumb - of me.
![[Special Clip] ATEEZ(에이티즈) 홍중 'Why Do You Love'](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I6XYXQKN_pY/mqdefault.jpg)
![Eminem - Somebody Save Me (feat. Jelly Roll) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Vwa0HenQMi4/mqdefault.jpg)
Very powerful and honest description of living as an Autistic person. Certainly resonated with me. Thank you.
I relate. Fantastic video thank you so much.
Wish I could give you a million likes for this video - your ability to verbalise thoughts and concepts from an autistic viewpoint is simply wonderful.
Thank you, that's very kind. I'm so glad the videos are hitting the mark. It's great that something positive is coming from nearly 50 years of mental torment. I'm good now by the way, much healthier x
Circling back around to disclose a bit more brevity to my previous message thanking you. You touched on so many important key points here. And you did so with such a depth and element of total self-acceptance that I feel most, if not all, late-diagnosed autistic women can and will relate. Much gratitude -
Thank you. I've spent the longest time feeling like such an oddity - a curious creature that is either loved or hated with a passion that scares me. Making this content helps me as much as it seems to be helping others. I finally feel I can stand comfortably in my power. I hope you feel that too
@@suddenlyautistic Yes. I do - A good bit of the time, anyway, which is largely accredited to the generous contributions such as yours and others alike. It comes in waves - the radical acceptance and the "Wow. I'm tired..." Optimism and a healthy desire for our children to experience a most deserving quality life are the "bounce-backs" needed.
In my opinion, these videos are of exceptional value, you are providing information that is vital and cannot be found in mainstream literature. Something to remember is that for another Autistic person, this information and the way it is presented is actually easier to understand and is relatable in a way that hits the mark and is adding to the formation of a general acceptance of Autistic culture. However, you must put yourself first in terms of the weight of responsibility you could be taking on - it is not more important than your own well-being and self care.
Thank you for your generous comment, for taking the time to watch and for the care you are extending to me. I am doing very well, have processed much of my desperation, and am very well supported both personally and via my mental health team. It's because of this I feel an intense drive to extend myself to others. For my privilege and safe space to be broadened to include you and others like you. I feel no personal responsibility to 'save' or help others in order to save, cleanse, or earn my right to be here. Instead, I'm just paying it forward in a low-key take- what- you- need kind of way. I'm thrilled that the content is being received as I intended. That's the reward. Take care x
@@suddenlyautistic I wasn’t meaning quite that about ‘saving’ people, more about possibly feeling you ‘have to’ keep making content (the ‘responsibility’ of having a RUclips channel) because many other channels say things sometimes about getting burned out from it. That’s not really the impression I get from yours though, I just said that out of respect and to not put pressure on.
@tracik1277 I think I got what you were meaning. I extended my response as I do know people who create content like this can fall into the 'help/ save' trap. In terms of feeling it's necessary to keep creating content, also no, not really. I write my truth as and when it comes. I've had successful blogs before and did come close at one point to feeling trapped by the need to keep creating, but even then, I found it surprisingly easy to let it go when it no longer felt right to continue. I think that's the key. It keeps everything more raw, authentic and true. Thank you for the opportunity to explain.
Thank you!
I really appreciate the most these longer videos because there is a clarity that comes from experiencing your thinking out loud about your own life.
Here are at least a couple of thoughts about some of the things you are discussing. If I can speak of people in the general population (I won't say neurotypical as of yet, just statistical averages) they tend to do two things. They overead people and assume an almost clairvoyant stance towards others when in fact they are not reading with much accuracy anything about others, and this is further complicated by the fact that they are in an energetic connection with others and yet still getting it wrong. (This combination is really tricky since there is a presumption that such connecting will translate to accuracy). A lot of research has indicated this. But it comes from overreading or overanalyzing based on their own psychologies and individuals differ much more from one another than is usually realized. . All of the psych research, and it is considerable, tells us that misunderstanding others is the norm.
The other thing that is common is an inability to understand human psychology that is not terribly ambitious, or power seeking, as in curiosity without ambition. I hope all of that makes sense. As always your videos are great!
Thanks for the feedback and your thoughtful contribution to the topic. I agree with the over-reading part. I struggle with how readily many people turn their perceptions into their reality, often without even a second thought. I guess I do that too to a point but for me it's always flowered by active inquiry
I have had quite a violent reaction to being falsely accused since I was a kid and I think I finally understand it. I think it's exactly that feeling of being misrepresented and misunderstood.
Thank you again for this excellent video. 😊
How upsetting to have to go through so much. I hope you can keep yourself safer now. X
Great video thanks
❤ you have touched on so many points that I can relate to so deeply. Motherhood and feminism being just a couple of them.
I am 30 and last week my psychiatrist, that I haven't talked to in 2 years, has questioned the possibility of me being autistic. 2 years ago he himself diagnosed me with ADHD, infact he noted " I've never met someone who has scored so highly in an ADHD test. I dont know how in the hell no body has diagnosed you until now"
Since being diagnosed ADHD I justified all my struggles to be due to the apparent ADHD.
Then this year after multiple anxiety attacks and increased struggle to cope i started questioning if infact i actually have ASD or both. I was briefly (researched into it but not to the extreme as I usually would) looking into it and quickly dismissed the idea after questioning my own theory by reverting back to stereotypes of communication, socialisation , savant like skills or difficulties transitioning.
After my psych suggested this idea of ASD I said yeah i thought I might but I can talk to strangers and initiate conversation so probably not.
Took another trip down the research rabbit hole and realised I was completely missinterpreting my own inner experience. I realised my anger outburst were adult tantrums, and my anxiety attacks were all because of sensory overload and not being mentally able to keep up with social expectations. Iv almost subconsciously created this almost permanent mask that Iwear even for my close family and it can get exhausting, so exhausting that I've almost lost the ability to keep partaking in this frustrating, difficult and tortuous activity that people call 'life' .
Back to femininity... So many times iv been told by people including ex partners that im not being lady-like. I was always angry thinking what the hell does lady-like mean or even look like? Whats wrong with what im doing? How dare they tell me im not lady-like when I am infact a woman, so I must be. In my late teens I even began to believe I was lesbian because I would "obsess" over who ever was my best friend at the time and get very attached and did not handle it very well if anyone else was to 'take them away from me' (which applied to each and every best friend I ever had during childhood and adolescence) also because I would observe females, the way they behaved or talked or looked and thought oh I must be attracted to women if I always do this. Which I've realised is far from the truth.
I lost all of those friends because i was too much, or cared too much, defended them when apparently they didnt want me to.
So I started sticking to male friends which was easier but also came with challenges in itself.
I think if I dont stop writing now then I probably won't know when to stop.
The point was, I can relate but in my own personal way ofcourse.
Thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely see myself in what you see describing too. I've never known how to 'woman' in the stereotypical way. I have long since stopped trying and now just enjoy being me. I do hope you find some answers that help you support yourself better
I am v grateful for this. I'm 61 and self diagnosed. My gp was extremely dismissive but I'm not in doubt. I have watched vast numbers of videos and read countless articles about autism and your description of your experience is the one I related to best. I even have your experience of gender norms but for men. I also feel like that probably held me back.
The despair though. 😑
Thanks for the feedback Phil. I'm glad to hear you've 'found' yourself in the autism community. Best of luck with the rest of your journey and yes, gender norms have a lot to answer for too!
😊😊
Diagnosed at 58.....I just thought it was due to being the youngest child till I was with peers the same age and sex and nationality I didn't feel the same as them and they all got along!
I do hope that like me you find your autism diagnosis enriches your life. Thank you so much for commenting and taking the time to watch.
I'm really su*c*dal at the moment, and thank you very much for this video. I am constantly sticking my head in the sand (escaping reality) just to try not to k*ll myself.
Videos like these are the thin silk thread that keep a seed of hope alive insode of me
I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with such feelings. I hope you take that thread and knit yourself a protective blanket with it. There's beauty amongst the struggle, and I do wish you well xxxx
Fokus on walking everyday and your hobbies
I really hope you are feeling a little better today. I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. I agree with the person who mentioned hobbies - I genuinely believe my hobby was one of the main things that got me through when my depression was at its worst - although I realise that we're all different.
Clothing is optinal
Welcome to an understanding that Albert Camus wrote in Sisyphus; much of your post today sounded like it could be dialogue from it.
Seeing and interrupting reality is not an easy task when one’s autism seems inconsequential to the madness of modernity as seen in a patriarch authoritarian paradigm steeped in racism and xenophobia.
As an autistic person with my point of view, I am not a person most people would want to hang out with. Most people I meet for example have no interest in Albert Camus. In the same token I have no interest in seeing smartphone images of where they vacationed or a reciting of family achievements and credentials.
Being autistic you can pilot yourself by looking ahead with a reference to the rearview, but not as its main reference for navigation.
An object can re drawn by one of two ways. The most obvious is to draw the out line of the object, but another is draw the negative space that is around the object.
As an autistic person many can find me abrasive, but it is this very fact that sharpens my awareness.
Greta Thunberg utilizes her autism and writer Emily Dickinson did not even bother to publish her work and wrote to a publisher that she is happy with her ‘barefoot rank’. She published just a few selections before her death.
Thank you for introducing me to Camus and thanks for the comment. Life is indeed obsurd and beautiful. I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's so weird - I was just today saying to my partner how convinced I am that Emily Dickinson was autistic! 😊
@@cupofteawithpoetry
Other writers who were autistic are James Joyce, Virginia Woolf, Hans Christian Andersen, Emily Bronte, Janet Frame, and Lewis Carroll.
You do not need to be diagnosed to be autistic but to trust your insight, claim it, step out, and embrace it. 👍
@@artemisXsidecross Thank you, that's so interesting!
I'm so happy to see this comment. I read The Myth of Sisyphus about 3 years ago and was reading it because I was quite suicidal (ideation; I visualise suicide but I don't actively plan on doing it) at the time. At first it made things worse for me but I took away the "Live creatively, but without hope" message and it turned the whole book around for me. I'm still pretty miserable but I'm definitely more hopeful in a hopeless way. More positive about myself less so about the outside world I think.
I just want other people to understand and let me be creative without interrupting my flow. 😉🙄
Editing this because I just read my first Emily Dickinson poem and it was coincidentally...
Hope’ is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.