Would love to get more episodes on gender roles and money. I’m a woman who was raised to be “self sufficient,” and earns significantly more than my partner, but admittedly, feels disheartened to see a pattern where other women take a more “traditional,” approach by pairing up with a “provider/bread-winner,” and seemingly experience less stress and shoulder less financial burden that allows them to pursue their passions whether that be raising a family or starting their own small business. Additionally, our society is still very patriarchal which makes it feel like I’m in an uphill battle to be successful in a corporate environment as a woman, and honestly, I’m tired. So it makes me wonder, maybe the women who prioritize finances when choosing an eligible partner are really on to something and that somewhere I went wrong.
Just because you’re able to, doesn’t mean you must or should. @manifestelle is almost too sassy for me, but she does advocate for women to make their own money while also letting a man take care of them -financially and more. The comments under her videos are a showcase of disillusioned women, calling the BS of “50/50” relationships with “below bare minimum low-effort” men. Some are 40, 50,…. they have experience. I myself have been in a relationship with a good man, not rich, but he pampers me in the ways he can, always picking up the tab when we go out, without expecting a return. He sucks at house chores and cooking, but he never expects me to help him out “because he paid for this and that”. I pay or help only when I can afford to AND want to. He supports my growth, is present, and shows up in the ways that matter to me. Life with such a partner is way more pleasant. I’m glad I dodged so many low-effort, cheap bullets.
I think, in the long run, self sufficiency is a good thing. What if something happens to the man who is the "provider"? What happens if you get a divorce or break up with your partner? It may seem easier to rely on someone else financially but that really gives them an awful lot of power over you if things go sideways. And, yes, I agree with you. It is an uphill battle to be successful. I say this as a 55 year old woman, single, never married, no children. I have always been responsible for myself as an adult and it was hard to watch other people seemingly have an easier life. But I'm really grateful for the life that I have and I have lived long enough to watch some of these seemingly perfect relationships fall apart (not that I would wish that on anyone). I have seen men totally flip the switch once they have a woman under their financial control. I never wanted that for myself. Remember, what you see on the surface with these relationships can be very different than the actual reality. With that said, if your partner isn't stepping up, maybe you should look at that. All the best to you.
Agreed with everything above, there is more than money that people can bring into the relationship. In a hétéronormative relationship, women are bringing in more service and skills, but there’s no reason it should be that way. If you feel like you’re being both the main financial and service provider, it warrants a talk I think.
I never really get how some people marry guys like that, like, they must've been like that for your entire pre-marriage relationship They have to be in denial or just very desperate to have a partner/children. Which are both awful when they aren't the right ones for you...
My partner (together for 10 years) has six figures of student loan debt, I have zero. We share all finances, I trust and respect them, we communicate honestly, and I have zero problem with part of my income going to paying off their debt. They carry a lot of shame about their finances, and the joy I get from helping them is 100x more than the joy I would get from a new car, bigger tv, or any other thing to spend my money on.
Good guest, good discussion. I wish Chelsea’s questions were more succinct, as this gives the guest a better opportunity to answer. Also, the guest occasionally gives really good nuggets. The host should take that opportunity to respond to that, expand on it. Not immediately jump to the next topic. :) Signed, former journalist
Idk if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I know on my first few dates with my current partner I definitely planned ahead on the how to pay thing. Our first date I made sure to go to a brewery I knew and start a tab before they got there. Second date was a free museum, but by the third, I was confident enough to talk ahead of time and say "I'm uncomfortable when people pay for anything for me, so please don't try to pay for me." Idk if that says something bad about me, but I was pretty proud of myself for just addressing it head on and dealing with it up front 🤣
Even in an incredibly loving and healthy partnership, knowing the numbers and knowing the how, etc. is a life skill and we unfortunately aren't guaranteed tomorrow. You just gotta know.
Also, I would like to add that having a very specific example to talk about when you ask a question helps so much. I’ve noticed in past interviews that broad questions are typically answered with “I need more details” or something along those lines. Having such a specific scenario really helped get the dialogue flowing. Thanks!
I learned that a lot of my thought processes, anxiety, depression triggers, money fears, and sense of insecurity was primarily passed down from family. When I say this, I couldn't unsee it. It then was a matter of overcoming anger towards those people, but then I realized they don't even know. Life is hard, but it's an opportunity to overcome habits and things that have been passed down. Mindfulness has helped me a lot. Books like 30 Days to Reduce Stress by Harper Daniels and Awareness by DeMello have helped me a lot.
Fro. a male perspective my wife gets stressed dealing with finances but I explained to her the budgeting software. Also once a year I create a family finacial report listing each account their value and change year over year, also use that time to set finacial goals as a family
If you’re open to it, I’d suggest sitting down with her every couple of months or so to check in. In my experience, sometimes when individuals have “money anxiety”, they can be avoidant about the topic. However, your wife is fortunate to have a supportive partner.
Thank you for having this guest! We may not have access to these counseling services but it definitely gives us access to information about dynamics so we can make better informed decisions in our relationships whether that means dealer breaker or grace.
I needed this. As a woman who despises talking to men about money because of the financial abuse that can take place yet is still planning on marrying a man, I needed this.
I dated someone briefly who had a monster amount of debt. Effectively a house worth of student loans. I ended the relationship, there was no way I could consider attempting to build a future with them.
Hey, love the channel, and would love if the guest had more opportunity to speak! Lots of great info from Chelsea, but it seemed like speaking her own thoughts took up most of the time and asking the guest questions was an afterthought
Both Izzy and Stacey were toxic. I don’t think debt itself is a problem. Not being open is a problem. I do think debts and assets prior to the marriage can be retained by the individuals. That’s just fair.
A good discussion of money conversations in relationships, but crucially missing conversations about capitalism and inequality. It's important to include as part of a broader picture because people have a lot of justified anger, shame, grief connected to the wider economic system.
As soon as you marry someone for money or financial necessity; the marriage is already doomed to fail and not set-up for success. Too many couples marry for the wrong reason; that is primary reason divorce happens. There is no shortage of "love" in the world; considering we ALL need it. There is a shortage of communication from the start and becoming comfortable talking about money to each other.
I know its gonna sound like "better than thou", but I've really cared about money. Currently in a relationship where my bf makes quite a bit more than me, when we're talking single digit amounts, i often just let it go, I'm not rich at all, but €5 more or less wont matter Dont give a shit about not having retirement, cause i sure hope to never get to that point And currently i can live quite comfortably, why would i want more money, keep it, if you have a plan for it 🤷♂️😂
I pay so much to get my nails done, hair done, makeup, clothes etc. as a woman who likes to date men that I am totally fine with them paying. I have yet to meet a man who spends more on his looks so I am fine with it 🤷🏻♀️
Would love to get more episodes on gender roles and money. I’m a woman who was raised to be “self sufficient,” and earns significantly more than my partner, but admittedly, feels disheartened to see a pattern where other women take a more “traditional,” approach by pairing up with a “provider/bread-winner,” and seemingly experience less stress and shoulder less financial burden that allows them to pursue their passions whether that be raising a family or starting their own small business. Additionally, our society is still very patriarchal which makes it feel like I’m in an uphill battle to be successful in a corporate environment as a woman, and honestly, I’m tired. So it makes me wonder, maybe the women who prioritize finances when choosing an eligible partner are really on to something and that somewhere I went wrong.
an episode on gender roles and money would be excellent. I second this!!!!!
Just because you’re able to, doesn’t mean you must or should.
@manifestelle is almost too sassy for me, but she does advocate for women to make their own money while also letting a man take care of them -financially and more. The comments under her videos are a showcase of disillusioned women, calling the BS of “50/50” relationships with “below bare minimum low-effort” men. Some are 40, 50,…. they have experience.
I myself have been in a relationship with a good man, not rich, but he pampers me in the ways he can, always picking up the tab when we go out, without expecting a return. He sucks at house chores and cooking, but he never expects me to help him out “because he paid for this and that”. I pay or help only when I can afford to AND want to. He supports my growth, is present, and shows up in the ways that matter to me. Life with such a partner is way more pleasant. I’m glad I dodged so many low-effort, cheap bullets.
I think, in the long run, self sufficiency is a good thing. What if something happens to the man who is the "provider"? What happens if you get a divorce or break up with your partner? It may seem easier to rely on someone else financially but that really gives them an awful lot of power over you if things go sideways. And, yes, I agree with you. It is an uphill battle to be successful. I say this as a 55 year old woman, single, never married, no children. I have always been responsible for myself as an adult and it was hard to watch other people seemingly have an easier life. But I'm really grateful for the life that I have and I have lived long enough to watch some of these seemingly perfect relationships fall apart (not that I would wish that on anyone). I have seen men totally flip the switch once they have a woman under their financial control. I never wanted that for myself. Remember, what you see on the surface with these relationships can be very different than the actual reality. With that said, if your partner isn't stepping up, maybe you should look at that. All the best to you.
Agreed with everything above, there is more than money that people can bring into the relationship. In a hétéronormative relationship, women are bringing in more service and skills, but there’s no reason it should be that way. If you feel like you’re being both the main financial and service provider, it warrants a talk I think.
Totally agree.@@AlicedeTerre
"You can't parent a partner." 👏🏼Please 👏🏼 say 👏🏼 this 👏🏼 louder!👏🏼
Seriously! It's hard enough parenting MYSELF! 😅
I never really get how some people marry guys like that, like, they must've been like that for your entire pre-marriage relationship
They have to be in denial or just very desperate to have a partner/children. Which are both awful when they aren't the right ones for you...
My partner (together for 10 years) has six figures of student loan debt, I have zero. We share all finances, I trust and respect them, we communicate honestly, and I have zero problem with part of my income going to paying off their debt. They carry a lot of shame about their finances, and the joy I get from helping them is 100x more than the joy I would get from a new car, bigger tv, or any other thing to spend my money on.
I am sure he enjoys your input too😅
Good guest, good discussion. I wish Chelsea’s questions were more succinct, as this gives the guest a better opportunity to answer. Also, the guest occasionally gives really good nuggets. The host should take that opportunity to respond to that, expand on it. Not immediately jump to the next topic. :) Signed, former journalist
The art of interviewing 😅.
Even as a listener with Chelsea’s questions in many videos I have to go back and relisten to what is being asked
Idk if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I know on my first few dates with my current partner I definitely planned ahead on the how to pay thing. Our first date I made sure to go to a brewery I knew and start a tab before they got there. Second date was a free museum, but by the third, I was confident enough to talk ahead of time and say "I'm uncomfortable when people pay for anything for me, so please don't try to pay for me." Idk if that says something bad about me, but I was pretty proud of myself for just addressing it head on and dealing with it up front 🤣
I think that says something really positive about you!
The communication is what matters, if your date disagrees, communication is the only way you'll know, be able to find a solution
Even in an incredibly loving and healthy partnership, knowing the numbers and knowing the how, etc. is a life skill and we unfortunately aren't guaranteed tomorrow. You just gotta know.
Also, I would like to add that having a very specific example to talk about when you ask a question helps so much. I’ve noticed in past interviews that broad questions are typically answered with “I need more details” or something along those lines. Having such a specific scenario really helped get the dialogue flowing. Thanks!
I learned that a lot of my thought processes, anxiety, depression triggers, money fears, and sense of insecurity was primarily passed down from family. When I say this, I couldn't unsee it. It then was a matter of overcoming anger towards those people, but then I realized they don't even know. Life is hard, but it's an opportunity to overcome habits and things that have been passed down. Mindfulness has helped me a lot. Books like 30 Days to Reduce Stress by Harper Daniels and Awareness by DeMello have helped me a lot.
Fro. a male perspective my wife gets stressed dealing with finances but I explained to her the budgeting software. Also once a year I create a family finacial report listing each account their value and change year over year, also use that time to set finacial goals as a family
If you’re open to it, I’d suggest sitting down with her every couple of months or so to check in. In my experience, sometimes when individuals have “money anxiety”, they can be avoidant about the topic. However, your wife is fortunate to have a supportive partner.
Thank you for having this guest! We may not have access to these counseling services but it definitely gives us access to information about dynamics so we can make better informed decisions in our relationships whether that means dealer breaker or grace.
Awesome guest, so many insights! I am going to revisit this interview and write down the tips :)
Love this conversation AND the chartreuse!!
Loved loved loved the point about HOW you communicate about your partner about paying for things being more important then who pays for them.
I needed this. As a woman who despises talking to men about money because of the financial abuse that can take place yet is still planning on marrying a man, I needed this.
This is so awesome!! Thank you for this interview. Easily one of my favorite TFC videos to date🥳
I dated someone briefly who had a monster amount of debt. Effectively a house worth of student loans. I ended the relationship, there was no way I could consider attempting to build a future with them.
Thanks for giving people a chance.
Hey, love the channel, and would love if the guest had more opportunity to speak! Lots of great info from Chelsea, but it seemed like speaking her own thoughts took up most of the time and asking the guest questions was an afterthought
Love love LOVED this episode and hope Wendy Wright returns in the future
This was a helpful discussion. Great questions and sharing.
This was a great conversation, I really enjoyed this episode!
I love this, Farnoosh's, and Ashley C Ford's episode!
This is a very beautiful conversation ❤
Both Izzy and Stacey were toxic. I don’t think debt itself is a problem. Not being open is a problem. I do think debts and assets prior to the marriage can be retained by the individuals. That’s just fair.
A good discussion of money conversations in relationships, but crucially missing conversations about capitalism and inequality. It's important to include as part of a broader picture because people have a lot of justified anger, shame, grief connected to the wider economic system.
As soon as you marry someone for money or financial necessity; the marriage is already doomed to fail and not set-up for success. Too many couples marry for the wrong reason; that is primary reason divorce happens. There is no shortage of "love" in the world; considering we ALL need it. There is a shortage of communication from the start and becoming comfortable talking about money to each other.
I know its gonna sound like "better than thou", but I've really cared about money. Currently in a relationship where my bf makes quite a bit more than me, when we're talking single digit amounts, i often just let it go, I'm not rich at all, but €5 more or less wont matter
Dont give a shit about not having retirement, cause i sure hope to never get to that point
And currently i can live quite comfortably, why would i want more money, keep it, if you have a plan for it 🤷♂️😂
I pay so much to get my nails done, hair done, makeup, clothes etc. as a woman who likes to date men that I am totally fine with them paying. I have yet to meet a man who spends more on his looks so I am fine with it 🤷🏻♀️
i just dropped by to say, damn Chelsea. u gotttaman? 🤪