This is going to sound para social as hell, and I’m ONLY going on what was said in this video… It feels like Matara may have dated some really really awful dudes in the past. At the end when she was acting like it’s some sort of wild courtesy to tell a person what you do in a day? That’s like a bare minimum. If you can’t tell your significant other your work schedule? Especially if you LIVE with that person? That’s a huge red flag. And if you ask your person if they worked today, and they accuse you of smothering? I say run away as fast as you can.
honestly i also thought "wanting to talk about your day with the person your dating" .... isnt that just like the basic? might sound cliché as fk buuuut shouldnt you want to talk about anything and nothing about the person your dating?
i once had my ex-fiancé (together for 7 1/2 years) vanish for 2 weeks with no communication watsoever (i basically try texting her everyday too) and when she got back she wouldnt even tell me wat happened or where she disappeared to...all she said was "I was just really busy" ... and after letting her know how worried i was and stuff, that she could at least tell me shes gotta go somewhere for X amount of time...she promised that she would tell me ahead of time, i told her i take promises very seriously and she claimed she was serious abut her promise.... She vanished for 2 months...and in that time i found out that no one else outside of her immediate friend group knew we were gonna get married(they were there when i proposed)...her parents just thought we were just really close friends and almost lost their shit being kept in the dark about it for over 3 months when i told them about the engagement, and it seems like this was a developed habit of hers to not tell anyone anything about wat shes doing or going in her life (her parent either give her too much freedom when she was younger or trust her far too much to question her).... so when she came back from disappearing after 2 months and she tried to give the the "i was just really busy" excuse, i told her we're breaking up and to hand the ring back cuz she broke her promise and i cant trust her no more. She gave it back with a very dead "okay" response...thats it....she didnt try to explain herself or even make better excuses on her disappearances...so i left broken hearted and decided to cut all ties/connections to her, burn/deleted her stuff she left, didnt say goodbye to friends/family there, i just disappeared like she did and moved to the other side of the country...no one came asking or looking for me the whole time i was getting ready to leave....wats worse is that she didnt hurt me the most....
Help me understand this behavior since I have never been in a relationship before. So, tell me that letting your bf/gf know at least what you are doing up to as a head up is a basic thing in a relationship, right? If so, I ask her what she is doing up to. She gets defensive like "Why do you want to know?" and she accused me of smoldering. Is that a red flag, right?
I get that, I feel like a puppy waiting for attention until “my person” comes back and tells me how their day was. Being single is the nicest thing ever but sometimes I can't help but wonder what a nice love would feel like.
I have a good relationship with my brother. So I already know what I want from a lover. We can both hang and say nothing over a dinner table. Or I can ramble about the same crap he's heard me say before and not care. I don't understand his motivations or psychology. Not completely. I don't think I ever can or will. That's just the nature of the human condition. And it doesn't matter. We're completely different people but the best of friends. I'd give up my life for his in a second. When we play video games, we cooperate seamlessly without ever fighting or needing to use words to communicate. It's just brotherly vibing. We're a well-oiled machine. He lives in a different state, but that doesn't matter to us. We can pick up where we left off. When I have that with a woman I'm attracted to, then that's the ideal relationship. Except more cuddles.
@@ved2360 bro I hear you and respect your feelings and wish with all sincerity that you find that person but please understand that starting with those first two specific sentences is absolutely unhinged.
Mood, like single is so laid back but when I'm with someone and if they go away for like a weekend trip or something I just sit around waiting for them to get back, it's crazy lol
My girlfriend and I have each other’s location and it’s SO CONVENIENT! I’m a pilot, so she only contacts me when she sees that I’m in a hotel. If she sees I’m moving at 300+ mph she knows I’m flying, or if I’m at the airport, or a restaurant she knows I’m with co-workers. She’s not annoying about it either. She never questions why I am here for a certain amount of time or why I haven’t contacted her, she just waits until it’s her time and when it comes, she has my attention and I share my day with her.
low key awakening some core memories for me. I always thought I was super needy when I was younger (college age), but thinking back, I just wanted to talk and spend time in with my girlfriend just like the girls are discussing here. I think she just lost interest or got busy and didn’t know how to talk to me about it until it had gotten so bad we broke up.
I'm 23 and I'm currently going through that, I thought I was needy but just wanted to spend time with her, but I guess she didn't like that or something, so she left before the holidays. It's interesting how things like this happen but it just how some things go
@ I know how much it sucks when you’re in the middle of it, but I learned a lot from that experience, and I’m a better person for it. And if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that if a relationship doesn’t work out, it doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault. You both tried, and now you can both try again with someone else until you find people that push you to be better and really care about you. With the right perspective, it’s actually a lot of fun. Good luck, buddy 👍
That is such a mood, needing to be friends before dating. Ive never really understood people who meet people for the sole purpose of dating without knowing each other prior. That being said, I've been through 4 relationships and never been on a proper date before. Also, the thing about needing space. My ex-BF was VERY controlling when it came to the whole "tell me what you're doing" thing. It's one thing to like, at least want to know when you go out to do something outside the norm and your work schedule. But he demanded to know when i woke up, when i left for work, when i got to work, when i left work, when i got home, when i would go to sleep, and he'd get very upset when I didn't. I asked him to give me more breathing room, since I'm VERY introverted and it was still a relatively new relationship, and this kind of overbearing "in my business 24/7 and never getting a moment to myself", among other similar things, was really smothering and off-putting.
100% with Mata about "knowing what your partner is up to." After a point, it's really damaging to not communicate small, daily things no matter how important it is. Even if it's just saying the day was boring.
Aye it’s nice nice when a partner who loves and cares about you is genuinely interested in you and what you get up to. I think some people just panic and assume the worst jumping to the conclusion of “oh they are being controlling” which is sad and I feel prevents those people from forming genuine trust and connection to their partners
I enjoy being single and being alone, but the idea of coming coming and gushing about something I did with my hobbies or in a game I am playing with someone and not get eye rolled at and for them to be excited with me sounds absolutely beautiful.
I just got out of a relationship, and it was rough on me. The biggest things that we built it on were trust first and foremost. Every day we talked, we said good mornings, and every day we talked about the little things and did what Matara talked about. Sometimes, i play in tournaments online for stuff, and I would let her know im going to be kinda here and there for some hours. Being able to talk about every issue was nice as well. If we had an issue, it was never insulted. It was "let's take a break and talk about it later." The best advice i can give someone is to do those things and just enjoy being around each other.
If you don't want to share even the absolute basics of what you're doing in your life what kind of foundation can any intimacy be built on? I don't get it at all
The more i hear Matara speak the more i agree with her, i dont want something casual and in addition for me personally, i dont want to feel like im wasting my time and effort. The more time goes by the stronger i feel about it.
I've always had a question for this type of topic, when it comes to vtubers, streamers, etc. and I'm not meaning it in a mean or aggressive way... I truly would love to hear their take on it. The question is (I'll frame it as if asking Mouse & Matara, _"How do you plan on or think you are going to find a partner organically? With streaming, content creation, and the work you do BTS how would that happen-while having to keep the fact of who you are and what you do a secret potentially. Would it be another streamer/vtuber or someone field adjacent?"_ There are just so many questions that spring up from that one topic.
@@aveshlutchman8573 They might have to keep it a secret because of crazy fans. You tell the wrong person just enough info about yourself, they can extrapolate it and possibly find out where you live and dox you. Potentially a very scary situation.
@@aveshlutchman8573 Well, for someone like Mouse and Matara, it is a topic that would need to be skirted around and kept vague until that report and trust are built-just because of how high-profile they are. Of course, eventually, it wouldn't be a secret, but in the beginning, it's more of a safety concern.
im not anywhere remotely close to how well known either of them are, but i can actually answer this stuff like that is the reason youd want to find someone you work with just as friends before romance even becomes a part of it, thats usually a safe period to try and figure out if someone is gonna have the right intentions you might go for someone else also in the field, or a similar field, or someone through friends you already have; go about it the same way youd find regular friends, just planning to take it a bit farther later on. in my case i made a friend in early 2022 that had the same kind of interests and i actually met him specifically BECAUSE we both do art, we took time to actually get to know each other first and build up that trust, and then in october of this year we locked it in and its been fantastic i feel like part of what helped a lot with that as well was that i started modding for his server pretty early on and am on the team for a larger scale project of his, so if there was gonna be any kind of weird imbalance happening, it has had several opportunities to take hold and never did none of that feels transactional, obviously its still a level of work so youd have to not overload yourself if you go for something similar, but its work in the sense "hey im doing this thing with someone i care about" and the one time there was a slight roadblock we talked it out in like 20 minutes, not even to the point of an argument, and we good we're both ace and most likely wont ever have kids so i like to joke that being part of a project that means as much to him as it has since ~2017 is like being accepted by his children and watching them grow as their new other parent and it all works because we took the time to build up a solid friendship thats been able to survive stuff a lot of friendships wouldn't tldr someone else in the field of a similar size or friends of friends would be the safest move, and take some time to make sure yall are actually compatible and not gonna abuse any kind of power dynamic nor put attention on someone that doesnt want it it sounds complicated but when you find the right person its not anywhere near as bad as it would seem based on that description
Networking. It's always networking. It's why Hollywood celebrities often wind up dating each other. Same experiences, lifestyle goals -- and most importantly -- regular social contact. I've met more people sticking with a hobby on a disciplined schedule than anything else. It also doesn't matter if the one-degree of separation in your social network is a complete sausage-fest. Because those guys are dating or are married or have female friends. So going out another degree of separation means there are date-able people around. The pleasant side effect of using your hobby to build networks is that you're usually going to find like-minded people that way. If you love Dungeons and Dragons and love creatives, guess what? That's a near one-to-one overlap on the Venn Diagram. Artsy hoes _love_ D&D. You like the type of the girl who draws her OC or can put together a cosplay? There ya go. And getting into one social network opens up others organically. I guarantee there's a pretty nonzero chance that D&D people are into video games, anime cons, cosplaying, ren fairs, etcetera, etcetera. I just never pursue these opportunities because I'm a self-isolating hermit by temperament. (Which is kind of a problem if you're into nerdy girls who are also self-isolating hermits, which describes like 70% to 80% of V-Tubers, but this this is a different subject of conversation.) Matara is an extrovert who loves poking at people and is usually the one to get things moving. I don't think she'll have a hard time tapping a social network with how outgoing she is. She'll probably wind up with some guy from some chick she knows, who knows a guy, who also knows a guy. I would not be surprised if most V-Tubers you know wind up with dating people adjacent to art and streaming spaces in some way. Even if it's just with people who work the back-end technical support or draws fanart or furry porn or something. And that'll partly be because it just won't be a parasocial relationship, they're in some way involved with the "industry" and there's legitimate reasons to associate for both work and shared hobbies. Matara says she likes nerdy men. Well, she's in the exact right social space for it. So doubt she'll remain unattached for long.
There’s different unspoken types of dating depending on what you’re looking for but ultimately underneath it all it’s just testing compatibility. Whether you got a date because you asked a friend out after developing feelings, you matched on a dating website or you asked out a stranger, the point of dating is to find out if you like each other romantically and if you two are compatible in a romantic relationship. Dinner dates prioritise talking, getting to know each other via conversation. Activity dates like the arcade or playing video games test can you have fun together and how’s your chemistry in a competitive or cooperative way. I made it sound simple but it’s not, some people are afraid of negative reaction so judge silently then ghost, sometimes you will realise that the person you had great dates with is a better friend than romantic partner, you will encounter people who are bad at communicating, have different expectations, who aren’t compatible and sometimes just straight up terrible people. I know your comment was likely a joke but I feel there’s a lot of people (especially nerdy or neurodivergent folk) who genuinely struggle to know how dating works
Networking. It's a lot like the job market. It's fundamentally broken and nobody will explain what networking is to you, but it really does come down to who you know, not what you know. You _can_ get a date on a dating app, the same way you can get job on a job board. But the endemic problems of the system will make you miserable by its nature and getting around it any way you can by organically meeting people will shortcut the process by a significant amount. It's not the answer you want to hear, I know. But the reason it's not easy to explain is because there's no formula for success. Some people are just born lucky. Others have to work at it. And our society used to be structured so it was easier to get both jobs and dates, but I won't go into length about it here. Also: Nobody knows how anything works. We're all just faking it. People are way to willing too extrapolate some grand cosmic secret to success from their own individual circumstances. And that's just not how anything in life goes. I said networking is important, but some people do find success going on the standard job board or dating app. And you won't network in the same way I do even if we both agree that it's important. Play to your strengths.
I say watch cinema therapy one of the guy is a relationship therapist also they give good advice but with movies not just relationships but other things
As a man, I do not speak for all men however I feel like I can give some insight in to why SOME guys may not want to talk about their day. My entire day at work are spent thinking about what I am going to do when I get home. I find work tiresome but necessary and usually done on autopilot. The truth is I rarely want to think about work when I get home and quite frankly I wasn't even really thinking about work at work. My wife asks this kid of stuff too and I don't know what to say; I went to work, did work things and now I'm home can we focus on that instead? Now that may not what they are talking about, like someone else comment started a work schedule should be the bare minimum you share with your partner especially if you live together. I find what I do at work is uninteresting and I think a lot of guys generally do not want to talk about uninteresting things.
When they ask how was work they're not asking literally what you did. They just want to get a general feel for how your day was and initiate some small talk. It's pretty simple to go "It was alright" or "same as usual" and then pivot into whatever you want to talk about. I think you're just taking a pretty surface level question too literally.
I feel like i had bad experiences as a teen and low self worth and never fixed it. I cant date as a 26 year old now. I don’t feel worthy of anyone i don’t wanna waste anyones time i don’t wanna get hurt or hurt anyone. I don’t know how to love or be loved. Im at a point where i feel ill always be alone which is fine im used to it now but every now and then i think about what could be and feel alone.
You never learn how to fix low self esteem. You accomplish things (small and big) and realize you CAN do it. So be proud. Fix that first, because women can smell a sad boy and unless they are a “I can fix him type” (run!), they will look down upon you and reject you. (pain I know) Just try and level your self up bud, there are about a billion single people out there just like us.
You got this my dude. Stop eating junkfood and drinking monster energy, start eating veggies, drink tons of water, get off the internet and read a book, work out (for yourself, not for others) and just enjoy life as it comes to you. You'll be ripped, have good conversation material and more self esteem. Sitting around moping and hoping will easily get you preyed upon, which will only lead to more heartache. Once your mind is solid and know how to crack a joke or two you'll be golden.
@@Justa_Clipper I don't know how. I tried to go on three dates during college and they all failed. Really put me off of the whole process. I'm not very proactive and don't know WHERE to go in my town to try to pick up women. I don't want to use dating apps either. Call me old fashioned. I'm just a coward. I'm afraid to try for fear of failing. 😮💨
@@Justa_Clipper Friends. HA, again. 😅 I really only have work associates. I have one IRL friend who I rarely see and my other one lives half a state away. I never had many friends in high school and don't have any connection with the few friends I had in college. I'm just very introverted and don't like interacting with people. I can do just fine in convo's like this or other places online, but in person? I just feel like I get tedious to talk to. And I've got a communications degree. Ironic.
You are likely being a bit too hard on yourself to some extent dude, but I would also say that the fear of rejection is absolutely holding you back. And while the whole "worst they can do is say no" thing is both overstated and not entirely true it's also true to say both "nothing ventured, nothing gained" and "fortune favours the bold". So yeah you may well have to go out a bit outside of your comfort zone and take a few risks. Either way I am rooting for you dude, ten thousand percent and I sincerely hope you find someone who loves you for you and gives you the type of relationship that you want. I am in a somewhat similar boat, but for me it's not that I couldn't find someone if I really wanted to (and I am sorry to go all humble brag here) and I am fortunate enough to both be conveniently attractive enough to get approached by women now and then and to have grown enough to actually recognise it when it's happening (like I was utterly oblivious to it for the entirety of my teens and 20s), my issue is that I am both for the most part mostly uninterested in it and secondly incredibly suspicious of anyone who expresses that kind of attention towards me (stems back to some really cruel things that girls did to me back in highschool). So yeah while I do occasionally lament my situation and often feel very lonely, I am also kinda content with going my own way, working towards being the best me I can be and helping those that need it that I am able to. Apologies for the tangent about myself there, I just wanted to state that I can relate to your situation somewhat but also recognise that my issues are not likely to be your issues. Regardless of all that I truly do wish you all the best with it all and I hope you are able to overcome your self doubt and fears to be able to at least be proactive in finding someone.
I kinda share the similarities of wanting my space but being able to be able to peek in on them and ask how is it going and what is going on while maintaining respectful boundries. Long distance wouldnt be that much of an issue if you are communicating with someone who matches your level of communication, life can get very busy and as long as we can message each other 3ven something as simple as a ❤ or something cheesy like "hey, i saw this item on a shelf and i instantly thoguht of you!" I also am getting too old to play around anymore i want to play for keeps. Bleh, what are the odds though? 2025 is gonna be the year though, lets all make our best year yet!
In general, there should always be someone who knows approximately where you are, and how long until you come back. If that someone is a spouse, that's great. If you don't have one, use friends and family. The difference between a person who cares and a control freak is how they respond to you changing the plan. An hour of overtime at work or stopping by the store on the way home should not be suspicious or worrying in any way, but you should tell them as soon as possible.
Do me and Matara have the same kind of ex husband? Ahaha that hit too close to home. I’m in my 30’s now and single for two years. And it’s like. I’ve learned so much and I’m still learning and working on myself. I knew I wasnt gonna grow with my ex. We didn’t have the ability to grow together. I didnt see him growing FOR ME, WITH ME. I felt like I wasnt good enough. Not that I hate myself but its like. As a disabled person who can’t work. Who had so many expectations on them to get better and do more and BE more. I just felt trapped and like I was in a tunnel of bad. I’m not a casual person either too. And sometimes I wish I was but it’s like. Someday I’ll find that someone and learn and grow past my old traumas and be happy. Not that I’m not happy now. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. But also more traumatized than I’ve ever been. It’s a complicated thing. But I’m excited for my future. So there’s that. I wanna be brave and try new things and have fun. I dont NEED someone. But it would be nice to have someone. (Also for context when I left my ex I moved back in w my parents who love me since I cannot live on my own.) I’m doing better and better slowly. I went into this video not expecting to relate to Matara Kan so much on that aspect but omg. The whole thing with making me cry and feel bad then apologizing after and being guilty about it it’s like. What? But hey. I’m better than needing someone like that. I feel bad sometimes like I made it happen “oh he never woulda done that without me.” But it’s not on me. I tried. I did my best. Maybe I didnt. But I tried and did what I felt I could. We worked so well until it jusy sorta faltered and crumbled. It just. Happened slowly so I didn’t realize until I felt like I would rather die. Constantly cursing myself or my ex. Feeling angry and unwanted always irritable. Not to mention all the health issues the stress caused plus living in a place full of black mold for two years. All of that lead to me now. A once almost 7 year marriage. I left. I decided to divorce him. I cried for months. I’m recovering. It’s tough. Not gonna lie. I wanted to die so many times. But now I’m rebuilding myself and my life and it’s not easy or stable. But I am housed and fed and people that come home to me everyday who love to have me here. I know this is a super long comment (we can blame the TISM for not being concise but. I felt like maybe this would benefit someone who had a similar experience. Or something. Either way, I am glad to be alive, grateful to be here.
In conclusion…. i dont know if I have one actually. But I learned what I like and dont like and realized I dont NEED someone romantically as much as I used to think I did. life aint easy. Working on sorting my many health issues next year hopefully. Or starting to. Might do therapy again. Maybe I’ll even go on fun adventures and maybe even find romance? I dunno! It’s a great bog mystery and I wanna read my story to the end and not cut it short. That is all for now.
But what about having a partner to come home to who breaks your bed, not your heart, goes down on you after a bad day, makes you a snack after you lose all braincells, and tells you no matter what they'll love your butt? I feel like those men are underrated. My hubby is one of them thankfully, and he worked hard to become the kind of man who can listen to me yap and just appreciate that I want to confide in him, and vice versa. My cute little nerdy autsy boi. They're out there ladies. But you both gotta be willing to tell each other what you NEED, and act on it.
What mouse says about having to have a friend to make someone attractive to you hit because in my mind, I can’t imagine just dating someone off bat. Ik it works for most people but I don’t know I need to know know the person first before I even get comfortable thinking of them as a great friend, let alone a lover. Might be the inexperience but it’s an interesting conversation to have. Like doing casual dating someone you’ve barely met to me sounds unappealing even if they’re super hot
Listening to this makes me feel bad, I've haven't always been bad at messaging until years ago and when I'm depressed, usually most of the time, I don't message anyone, friends, family and her. Hearing them say not an open line of communication, I reply when I feel like it sometimes days or even weeks later and I'm just thinking I should let her go because I don't think I can change, I've tried but the same thing always happens. Ahhh man I think it's just better to be alone.
Be alone and work on yourself so when you're together with someone, you are a better version for them and yourself. Career spreadsheets, not spreading on sheets. Figure out root causes of paun, hurt, trauma, and depression. Your feelings come from somewhere
Its ok to need time to yourself, but you should at least tell your loved ones that you need that time so they can know boundaries and you can all learn the best ways to support each other while respecting them.
That shit is a major red flag. Im a person that needs space but if the person I'm with ask me what I'm doing I have no problem answering because I have nothing to hide. The only time Ive ever had a problem with that was when it was out of control issues or jealousy Im not going to stay in that relationship for long and I told them that. I let them know I understood why they were doing it but I wasn't going to cheat on them like their ex did and if they couldn't get over it we were never going to work. But yea one of the most important pillars of a relationship is communication.
Never had a girlfriend. Been alone for years, don't even have high school or college friends anymore. Just studied my craft and read my Bible to establish the kind of healthy relationship to have.
I want to find the right one for me but I thankfully I've not had to go through divorce. I've never been married obviously but I would feel bad if the relationship didn't work out
YEAH see i was trying to explain this to my dad a few weeks ago and he just didnt get it i would want to at least be friends with my partner first, just like i was with my now bf, and my dad insisted that was just how you get stuck in the friendzone like??? brother i dont want to date a stranger only to find out later that they're a piece of crap after i already feel stuck and guilty for leaving and what do you know !! its worked out fine for me
It's NORMAL to talk about how your day went. Why would you not want to connect with your partner at the end of the day and touch base? Anybody who wouldn't want that would be a red flag to me. How would you know when it's time to send the cops out to look for your loved one if something bad happened to them? I get that there's a point where it can be controlling, but there is a healthy amount of communication, and concern. If I got abducted, or lost driving around somewhere without a cellphone, I would hope my partner would worry, and be like, "This is not normal...I need to call the police, or go look for them...etc."
I almost had a boyfriend and eventually when we got caught at school, they stopped talking to me. Eventually, I said my piece to me and he never apologized, he never explained his side, nothing. I'm over him now so I still remain single, I'm happy being single but I still feel lonely. I would rather have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that can talk to me first before we can start dating, I NEED a connection with someone before I can date them. If someone were to just walk up to me and we don't know each other and they ask me "Hey wanna go on a date with me?" (This may sound very rude or petty but it's just me ok?) I will be like "I'm sorry, who are you?" Sure, a date would be a good way to connect BUT, if you don't know my interests, my name even, sorry no date. I feel like you gotta know me first before making a move. In my life, only 1 dude has ever asked me out, I rejected him because he was a walking red flag and he told me that I reminded him of one of his ex-girlfriends, yeah, disgusting. The guy I almost dated was my childhood friend. And I say "was", because we are no longer friends because he ghosted me. Yeah, dating is weird for me and I hardly have experience. (Sometimes I pray I find someone😢)
Being friends before dating is the antithesis of "But dating will ruin our friendship", which a lot of ladies solely believe is a good reason to pass up on a good, healthy relationship these days because some Tiktok guru told them they can do better.
I wish both of them success in their private love lives! As a woman I relate to what Matara has said a lot. I've like nearly given up but a lot of what she said is what I'd like in a relationship. I can't do casual either, moreso because it's very easy for me to catch feelings lol I had guys tell me they like me then poof. Or they tell me my age and my weight are a "problem" but then go into Discord VC im in with a friend and complain about how cold/lonely/hungry they are the night after. One walked out on me claiming commitment issues but he announced having a new gf on Facebook a week later. I giveth men the shrug now. Like what do you want from me just friendship? Cause flirting with women and sending them dick pics gives the wrong vibe lol
Guys "Hey, we have been good friends for years. We should date." Girls "But I don't want to ruin our friendship!" Same girls a few days later... Girls "I only want to date a guy that I am friends with." Hmmm...
would you date every girl you've been friends with? if so, are all the girls you're friends with someone you could see yourself not losing your mind if you ever had to live with them (leave dirty dishes at their desk, other annoying habits)? also, do you only befriend girls that are attractive to you?
Dating is hell, but it's also simple. Just treat others how you wanna be treated. Like if you want a mommy who will dress as a maid, and feed you and make you feel loved after a hard day of work... then you gotta be willing to learn to cook, and be supportive, and put on that trashy outfit yourself.
40 yr old I like to know where you are all the time so you dont disappear for 4 days, (have free time or be spontaneous) Alao mata Goes off to conventions for whole weekends, goes on work trips and girls vacations, (ex. Mint) not being afraid of her drive... Notice how its he gets a leash and a tracker but she can go around the world at her liesure. I see exactly why shes single. No offense to her but i totally see iy T
I don't think knowing where your partner is or knowing what they're doing during the day is a bad thing but if you have to know everything everyday then it's sounds controlling, like going to work and doing the same thing everyday and having to say what you're doing sounds tiring and sounds like there's not a great level of trust.
Just how fucked up were their previous relationships for them to be happy with just the bare minimum? Is it an America thing? A thing with their exes? A thing with themselves? (Maybe not the last one because they have very reasonable demands for a relationship.)
I'm sure Matara understands this, but there a lot of Me Me Me, My My My, I I I's. Yes, there are the women who wants things in a man, but the other side wants peace, love, commitment, acknowledgement, and respect. To you dudes out there, dont be bums and dont be dumb.
This captures dating at 20 vs dating at 40 The 20yr old I gotta have the friend connection but im not attracted to youvif we are friends 40 yr old I cant do casual at all
See, this is why I don’t date. Because I think they’re both being entirely reasonable, but I also know that I myself would get irritated having someone constantly expecting me to actually talk about my workday with them. I don’t want to be an emotionally distant partner that’s making my partner miserable, so I just don’t date. And I don’t like sex enough for casual hookups either. It’s weird, because I DO want romance to a certain extent, I’m just not interested in sex and I don’t want the super “clingy” type of relationship everyone else wants out of being In love (and I don’t blame others for wanting that, it sounds nice to actually WANT that and then get it). My interests are just way less committed in every way than anyone I’ve ever met.
The dilemma of working online/ socializing online/ living in a remote area. Interacting with the opposite sex enough to MAYBE ask one out. Get out of the house, go to Conventions, make some more IRL friends. Shower 2x a day at a con and Don’t creep on the ladies. If you struggle speaking with them like a normal human you need to quit porn.
I don't really do anything though so nothing to report ? Maybe i'm just supposed to be alone then or with a girl who doesn't need to yap all the time but still likes time together lol
I get that personality and compatibility are important in relationships, but from my experience interacting with women, they're usually not interested in dating their male "friends". They want an exceptional man who will sweep them off their feet and that usually means meeting random men at clubs or on dating apps.
Matara sounds like she wants to get claimed by someone she likes. Mouse sounds the same way. They also both have their alloplastic defenses going overtime. Before either of them gets anywhere on that front, they gotta ask themselves if they actually have space in their inner selves for commited relationships to people who don't have contempt for the human experience.
this smells like you having verty harmful expectations that ALL friendships CAN turn into relationships. Doesn't work that way, and it's very entitled and selfish to assume so. Rejection will happen in life, thems the breaks.
@@gigitrix - be me, hs - have no idea how to interact with girls - female classmate tells me "you got to befriend them first" - do just that - finally gain some really nice female friends - start to like one of them - decide to her how i feel and maybe be something more - autorejecto, says im like a brother to her and it would be weird - ask same female friend what i did wrong - "you cant just date a female friend, thats so awkward" - ?????????????? when i say thats horseshit, i actually have proof of that. also, this female friend who gave me this advice? single mom with an verbally abusive MARRIED boyfriend. so yes. terrible advice from equally bad people relationship-wise.
Sometimes but mostly no. I've had friends who grew to have crushes on me and vice versa. There's good reasons to keep someone as a friend but not a lover. - They're at a different life stage/clashing goals in life. - They have bad habits or addictions that you can tolerate in a friend but not a partner. - Their values don't align well with yours.
@@jetstrike28you DO realise you are drawing from and quoting a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL??? do you think ANY hs kid knows wtf they're doing/saying?? If you are out of high school then you NEED to be done with the high school mindset
Its so hard to listen to this. As someone who is a high functioning Autist, listening to someone talk for 10 minutes and cover virtually no ground, is so uncomfortable.
This is going to sound para social as hell, and I’m ONLY going on what was said in this video… It feels like Matara may have dated some really really awful dudes in the past. At the end when she was acting like it’s some sort of wild courtesy to tell a person what you do in a day? That’s like a bare minimum. If you can’t tell your significant other your work schedule? Especially if you LIVE with that person? That’s a huge red flag. And if you ask your person if they worked today, and they accuse you of smothering? I say run away as fast as you can.
I agree. Disappearing for four days sounds insane
honestly i also thought "wanting to talk about your day with the person your dating" .... isnt that just like the basic?
might sound cliché as fk buuuut
shouldnt you want to talk about anything and nothing about the person your dating?
i once had my ex-fiancé (together for 7 1/2 years) vanish for 2 weeks with no communication watsoever (i basically try texting her everyday too) and when she got back she wouldnt even tell me wat happened or where she disappeared to...all she said was "I was just really busy" ... and after letting her know how worried i was and stuff, that she could at least tell me shes gotta go somewhere for X amount of time...she promised that she would tell me ahead of time, i told her i take promises very seriously and she claimed she was serious abut her promise....
She vanished for 2 months...and in that time i found out that no one else outside of her immediate friend group knew we were gonna get married(they were there when i proposed)...her parents just thought we were just really close friends and almost lost their shit being kept in the dark about it for over 3 months when i told them about the engagement, and it seems like this was a developed habit of hers to not tell anyone anything about wat shes doing or going in her life (her parent either give her too much freedom when she was younger or trust her far too much to question her)....
so when she came back from disappearing after 2 months and she tried to give the the "i was just really busy" excuse, i told her we're breaking up and to hand the ring back cuz she broke her promise and i cant trust her no more. She gave it back with a very dead "okay" response...thats it....she didnt try to explain herself or even make better excuses on her disappearances...so i left broken hearted and decided to cut all ties/connections to her, burn/deleted her stuff she left, didnt say goodbye to friends/family there, i just disappeared like she did and moved to the other side of the country...no one came asking or looking for me the whole time i was getting ready to leave....wats worse is that she didnt hurt me the most....
Help me understand this behavior since I have never been in a relationship before. So, tell me that letting your bf/gf know at least what you are doing up to as a head up is a basic thing in a relationship, right? If so, I ask her what she is doing up to. She gets defensive like "Why do you want to know?" and she accused me of smoldering. Is that a red flag, right?
@@Op_Gator I would say that if that happens the relationship is falling apart. But, idk, it can be different in different cultures.
I get that, I feel like a puppy waiting for attention until “my person” comes back and tells me how their day was.
Being single is the nicest thing ever but sometimes I can't help but wonder what a nice love would feel like.
well fuckin said.
I have a good relationship with my brother. So I already know what I want from a lover. We can both hang and say nothing over a dinner table. Or I can ramble about the same crap he's heard me say before and not care. I don't understand his motivations or psychology. Not completely. I don't think I ever can or will. That's just the nature of the human condition. And it doesn't matter. We're completely different people but the best of friends. I'd give up my life for his in a second. When we play video games, we cooperate seamlessly without ever fighting or needing to use words to communicate. It's just brotherly vibing. We're a well-oiled machine. He lives in a different state, but that doesn't matter to us. We can pick up where we left off.
When I have that with a woman I'm attracted to, then that's the ideal relationship. Except more cuddles.
@@ved2360 bro I hear you and respect your feelings and wish with all sincerity that you find that person but please understand that starting with those first two specific sentences is absolutely unhinged.
Mood, like single is so laid back but when I'm with someone and if they go away for like a weekend trip or something I just sit around waiting for them to get back, it's crazy lol
My girlfriend and I have each other’s location and it’s SO CONVENIENT! I’m a pilot, so she only contacts me when she sees that I’m in a hotel. If she sees I’m moving at 300+ mph she knows I’m flying, or if I’m at the airport, or a restaurant she knows I’m with co-workers. She’s not annoying about it either. She never questions why I am here for a certain amount of time or why I haven’t contacted her, she just waits until it’s her time and when it comes, she has my attention and I share my day with her.
Gunrun is about to start a dating show for Matara lol
they will need a separate datacenter for the database to process the sheer number of applicants.
Doesn’t she have mint
Dating advices?! 🤔 mmmh I wonder what kind of monsters people enjoy to date NOWADAYS, ehehehe!!!
low key awakening some core memories for me. I always thought I was super needy when I was younger (college age), but thinking back, I just wanted to talk and spend time in with my girlfriend just like the girls are discussing here. I think she just lost interest or got busy and didn’t know how to talk to me about it until it had gotten so bad we broke up.
She was probably avoidant from what it sounds like. I had a similar experience once
I'm 23 and I'm currently going through that, I thought I was needy but just wanted to spend time with her, but I guess she didn't like that or something, so she left before the holidays. It's interesting how things like this happen but it just how some things go
@ I know how much it sucks when you’re in the middle of it, but I learned a lot from that experience, and I’m a better person for it. And if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that if a relationship doesn’t work out, it doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault. You both tried, and now you can both try again with someone else until you find people that push you to be better and really care about you. With the right perspective, it’s actually a lot of fun. Good luck, buddy 👍
That is such a mood, needing to be friends before dating. Ive never really understood people who meet people for the sole purpose of dating without knowing each other prior.
That being said, I've been through 4 relationships and never been on a proper date before.
Also, the thing about needing space. My ex-BF was VERY controlling when it came to the whole "tell me what you're doing" thing. It's one thing to like, at least want to know when you go out to do something outside the norm and your work schedule. But he demanded to know when i woke up, when i left for work, when i got to work, when i left work, when i got home, when i would go to sleep, and he'd get very upset when I didn't. I asked him to give me more breathing room, since I'm VERY introverted and it was still a relatively new relationship, and this kind of overbearing "in my business 24/7 and never getting a moment to myself", among other similar things, was really smothering and off-putting.
Bro same. I wanna be friends with my future gf before dating. Those relations are really intimate
A lot of people say vtubers are strange in a lot of ways. I feel like this is one of the most normal conversations I've ever heard on any stream.
100% with Mata about "knowing what your partner is up to." After a point, it's really damaging to not communicate small, daily things no matter how important it is. Even if it's just saying the day was boring.
Aye it’s nice nice when a partner who loves and cares about you is genuinely interested in you and what you get up to. I think some people just panic and assume the worst jumping to the conclusion of “oh they are being controlling” which is sad and I feel prevents those people from forming genuine trust and connection to their partners
I enjoy being single and being alone, but the idea of coming coming and gushing about something I did with my hobbies or in a game I am playing with someone and not get eye rolled at and for them to be excited with me sounds absolutely beautiful.
I love clips like this, a bit longer form that get what the streamers are chatting about
Thanks 😊
I just got out of a relationship, and it was rough on me. The biggest things that we built it on were trust first and foremost. Every day we talked, we said good mornings, and every day we talked about the little things and did what Matara talked about. Sometimes, i play in tournaments online for stuff, and I would let her know im going to be kinda here and there for some hours. Being able to talk about every issue was nice as well. If we had an issue, it was never insulted. It was "let's take a break and talk about it later." The best advice i can give someone is to do those things and just enjoy being around each other.
Sounds like you had a nice relationship with this person, what happened? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.
If you don't want to share even the absolute basics of what you're doing in your life what kind of foundation can any intimacy be built on? I don't get it at all
Agree, at that point why being in a relationship
The more i hear Matara speak the more i agree with her, i dont want something casual and in addition for me personally, i dont want to feel like im wasting my time and effort. The more time goes by the stronger i feel about it.
I've always had a question for this type of topic, when it comes to vtubers, streamers, etc. and I'm not meaning it in a mean or aggressive way... I truly would love to hear their take on it. The question is (I'll frame it as if asking Mouse & Matara,
_"How do you plan on or think you are going to find a partner organically? With streaming, content creation, and the work you do BTS how would that happen-while having to keep the fact of who you are and what you do a secret potentially. Would it be another streamer/vtuber or someone field adjacent?"_
There are just so many questions that spring up from that one topic.
Well, I'm not a vtuber. However, I do think they shouldn't keep what they do a secret. Maybe not the first date topic, but not a secret.
@@aveshlutchman8573 They might have to keep it a secret because of crazy fans. You tell the wrong person just enough info about yourself, they can extrapolate it and possibly find out where you live and dox you. Potentially a very scary situation.
@@aveshlutchman8573 Well, for someone like Mouse and Matara, it is a topic that would need to be skirted around and kept vague until that report and trust are built-just because of how high-profile they are. Of course, eventually, it wouldn't be a secret, but in the beginning, it's more of a safety concern.
im not anywhere remotely close to how well known either of them are, but i can actually answer this
stuff like that is the reason youd want to find someone you work with just as friends before romance even becomes a part of it, thats usually a safe period to try and figure out if someone is gonna have the right intentions
you might go for someone else also in the field, or a similar field, or someone through friends you already have; go about it the same way youd find regular friends, just planning to take it a bit farther later on. in my case i made a friend in early 2022 that had the same kind of interests and i actually met him specifically BECAUSE we both do art, we took time to actually get to know each other first and build up that trust, and then in october of this year we locked it in and its been fantastic
i feel like part of what helped a lot with that as well was that i started modding for his server pretty early on and am on the team for a larger scale project of his, so if there was gonna be any kind of weird imbalance happening, it has had several opportunities to take hold and never did
none of that feels transactional, obviously its still a level of work so youd have to not overload yourself if you go for something similar, but its work in the sense "hey im doing this thing with someone i care about" and the one time there was a slight roadblock we talked it out in like 20 minutes, not even to the point of an argument, and we good
we're both ace and most likely wont ever have kids so i like to joke that being part of a project that means as much to him as it has since ~2017 is like being accepted by his children and watching them grow as their new other parent
and it all works because we took the time to build up a solid friendship thats been able to survive stuff a lot of friendships wouldn't
tldr someone else in the field of a similar size or friends of friends would be the safest move, and take some time to make sure yall are actually compatible and not gonna abuse any kind of power dynamic nor put attention on someone that doesnt want it
it sounds complicated but when you find the right person its not anywhere near as bad as it would seem based on that description
Networking. It's always networking.
It's why Hollywood celebrities often wind up dating each other. Same experiences, lifestyle goals -- and most importantly -- regular social contact. I've met more people sticking with a hobby on a disciplined schedule than anything else. It also doesn't matter if the one-degree of separation in your social network is a complete sausage-fest. Because those guys are dating or are married or have female friends. So going out another degree of separation means there are date-able people around.
The pleasant side effect of using your hobby to build networks is that you're usually going to find like-minded people that way. If you love Dungeons and Dragons and love creatives, guess what? That's a near one-to-one overlap on the Venn Diagram. Artsy hoes _love_ D&D. You like the type of the girl who draws her OC or can put together a cosplay? There ya go.
And getting into one social network opens up others organically. I guarantee there's a pretty nonzero chance that D&D people are into video games, anime cons, cosplaying, ren fairs, etcetera, etcetera. I just never pursue these opportunities because I'm a self-isolating hermit by temperament. (Which is kind of a problem if you're into nerdy girls who are also self-isolating hermits, which describes like 70% to 80% of V-Tubers, but this this is a different subject of conversation.)
Matara is an extrovert who loves poking at people and is usually the one to get things moving. I don't think she'll have a hard time tapping a social network with how outgoing she is. She'll probably wind up with some guy from some chick she knows, who knows a guy, who also knows a guy. I would not be surprised if most V-Tubers you know wind up with dating people adjacent to art and streaming spaces in some way. Even if it's just with people who work the back-end technical support or draws fanart or furry porn or something. And that'll partly be because it just won't be a parasocial relationship, they're in some way involved with the "industry" and there's legitimate reasons to associate for both work and shared hobbies.
Matara says she likes nerdy men. Well, she's in the exact right social space for it. So doubt she'll remain unattached for long.
I still have no idea how dating works.
There’s different unspoken types of dating depending on what you’re looking for but ultimately underneath it all it’s just testing compatibility. Whether you got a date because you asked a friend out after developing feelings, you matched on a dating website or you asked out a stranger, the point of dating is to find out if you like each other romantically and if you two are compatible in a romantic relationship. Dinner dates prioritise talking, getting to know each other via conversation. Activity dates like the arcade or playing video games test can you have fun together and how’s your chemistry in a competitive or cooperative way. I made it sound simple but it’s not, some people are afraid of negative reaction so judge silently then ghost, sometimes you will realise that the person you had great dates with is a better friend than romantic partner, you will encounter people who are bad at communicating, have different expectations, who aren’t compatible and sometimes just straight up terrible people. I know your comment was likely a joke but I feel there’s a lot of people (especially nerdy or neurodivergent folk) who genuinely struggle to know how dating works
Networking. It's a lot like the job market. It's fundamentally broken and nobody will explain what networking is to you, but it really does come down to who you know, not what you know. You _can_ get a date on a dating app, the same way you can get job on a job board. But the endemic problems of the system will make you miserable by its nature and getting around it any way you can by organically meeting people will shortcut the process by a significant amount.
It's not the answer you want to hear, I know. But the reason it's not easy to explain is because there's no formula for success. Some people are just born lucky. Others have to work at it. And our society used to be structured so it was easier to get both jobs and dates, but I won't go into length about it here.
Also: Nobody knows how anything works. We're all just faking it. People are way to willing too extrapolate some grand cosmic secret to success from their own individual circumstances. And that's just not how anything in life goes. I said networking is important, but some people do find success going on the standard job board or dating app. And you won't network in the same way I do even if we both agree that it's important. Play to your strengths.
I say watch cinema therapy one of the guy is a relationship therapist also they give good advice but with movies not just relationships but other things
As a man, I do not speak for all men however I feel like I can give some insight in to why SOME guys may not want to talk about their day. My entire day at work are spent thinking about what I am going to do when I get home. I find work tiresome but necessary and usually done on autopilot. The truth is I rarely want to think about work when I get home and quite frankly I wasn't even really thinking about work at work. My wife asks this kid of stuff too and I don't know what to say; I went to work, did work things and now I'm home can we focus on that instead? Now that may not what they are talking about, like someone else comment started a work schedule should be the bare minimum you share with your partner especially if you live together. I find what I do at work is uninteresting and I think a lot of guys generally do not want to talk about uninteresting things.
When they ask how was work they're not asking literally what you did. They just want to get a general feel for how your day was and initiate some small talk. It's pretty simple to go "It was alright" or "same as usual" and then pivot into whatever you want to talk about. I think you're just taking a pretty surface level question too literally.
Don't eat me. Hope for the best. Expect the worst.
I feel like i had bad experiences as a teen and low self worth and never fixed it. I cant date as a 26 year old now. I don’t feel worthy of anyone i don’t wanna waste anyones time i don’t wanna get hurt or hurt anyone. I don’t know how to love or be loved.
Im at a point where i feel ill always be alone which is fine im used to it now but every now and then i think about what could be and feel alone.
You never learn how to fix low self esteem. You accomplish things (small and big) and realize you CAN do it. So be proud.
Fix that first, because women can smell a sad boy and unless they are a “I can fix him type” (run!), they will look down upon you and reject you. (pain I know)
Just try and level your self up bud, there are about a billion single people out there just like us.
You got this my dude.
Stop eating junkfood and drinking monster energy, start eating veggies, drink tons of water, get off the internet and read a book, work out (for yourself, not for others) and just enjoy life as it comes to you.
You'll be ripped, have good conversation material and more self esteem.
Sitting around moping and hoping will easily get you preyed upon, which will only lead to more heartache.
Once your mind is solid and know how to crack a joke or two you'll be golden.
Can't have any problems in dating if you don't ever attempt dating.
Thirty two and still going strong...sadly.
Started dating at 20. HA. I'm 37 and never been on a date. T_T
It's never too late
@@Justa_Clipper I don't know how. I tried to go on three dates during college and they all failed. Really put me off of the whole process. I'm not very proactive and don't know WHERE to go in my town to try to pick up women. I don't want to use dating apps either. Call me old fashioned. I'm just a coward. I'm afraid to try for fear of failing. 😮💨
@@KhoroShogun mm maybe ask friends to introduce you to someone
@@Justa_Clipper Friends. HA, again. 😅 I really only have work associates. I have one IRL friend who I rarely see and my other one lives half a state away. I never had many friends in high school and don't have any connection with the few friends I had in college. I'm just very introverted and don't like interacting with people. I can do just fine in convo's like this or other places online, but in person? I just feel like I get tedious to talk to. And I've got a communications degree. Ironic.
You are likely being a bit too hard on yourself to some extent dude, but I would also say that the fear of rejection is absolutely holding you back. And while the whole "worst they can do is say no" thing is both overstated and not entirely true it's also true to say both "nothing ventured, nothing gained" and "fortune favours the bold". So yeah you may well have to go out a bit outside of your comfort zone and take a few risks.
Either way I am rooting for you dude, ten thousand percent and I sincerely hope you find someone who loves you for you and gives you the type of relationship that you want.
I am in a somewhat similar boat, but for me it's not that I couldn't find someone if I really wanted to (and I am sorry to go all humble brag here) and I am fortunate enough to both be conveniently attractive enough to get approached by women now and then and to have grown enough to actually recognise it when it's happening (like I was utterly oblivious to it for the entirety of my teens and 20s), my issue is that I am both for the most part mostly uninterested in it and secondly incredibly suspicious of anyone who expresses that kind of attention towards me (stems back to some really cruel things that girls did to me back in highschool). So yeah while I do occasionally lament my situation and often feel very lonely, I am also kinda content with going my own way, working towards being the best me I can be and helping those that need it that I am able to.
Apologies for the tangent about myself there, I just wanted to state that I can relate to your situation somewhat but also recognise that my issues are not likely to be your issues.
Regardless of all that I truly do wish you all the best with it all and I hope you are able to overcome your self doubt and fears to be able to at least be proactive in finding someone.
I kinda share the similarities of wanting my space but being able to be able to peek in on them and ask how is it going and what is going on while maintaining respectful boundries. Long distance wouldnt be that much of an issue if you are communicating with someone who matches your level of communication, life can get very busy and as long as we can message each other 3ven something as simple as a ❤ or something cheesy like "hey, i saw this item on a shelf and i instantly thoguht of you!"
I also am getting too old to play around anymore i want to play for keeps.
Bleh, what are the odds though? 2025 is gonna be the year though, lets all make our best year yet!
The things they want... To be honest, for me those things are the bare bones basics, the things you need to even have a chance on me.
The more you know.
In general, there should always be someone who knows approximately where you are, and how long until you come back. If that someone is a spouse, that's great. If you don't have one, use friends and family.
The difference between a person who cares and a control freak is how they respond to you changing the plan. An hour of overtime at work or stopping by the store on the way home should not be suspicious or worrying in any way, but you should tell them as soon as possible.
Do me and Matara have the same kind of ex husband? Ahaha that hit too close to home. I’m in my 30’s now and single for two years. And it’s like. I’ve learned so much and I’m still learning and working on myself. I knew I wasnt gonna grow with my ex. We didn’t have the ability to grow together. I didnt see him growing FOR ME, WITH ME. I felt like I wasnt good enough. Not that I hate myself but its like. As a disabled person who can’t work. Who had so many expectations on them to get better and do more and BE more. I just felt trapped and like I was in a tunnel of bad. I’m not a casual person either too. And sometimes I wish I was but it’s like. Someday I’ll find that someone and learn and grow past my old traumas and be happy. Not that I’m not happy now. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. But also more traumatized than I’ve ever been. It’s a complicated thing. But I’m excited for my future. So there’s that. I wanna be brave and try new things and have fun. I dont NEED someone. But it would be nice to have someone. (Also for context when I left my ex I moved back in w my parents who love me since I cannot live on my own.) I’m doing better and better slowly. I went into this video not expecting to relate to Matara Kan so much on that aspect but omg. The whole thing with making me cry and feel bad then apologizing after and being guilty about it it’s like. What? But hey. I’m better than needing someone like that. I feel bad sometimes like I made it happen “oh he never woulda done that without me.” But it’s not on me. I tried. I did my best. Maybe I didnt. But I tried and did what I felt I could. We worked so well until it jusy sorta faltered and crumbled. It just. Happened slowly so I didn’t realize until I felt like I would rather die. Constantly cursing myself or my ex. Feeling angry and unwanted always irritable. Not to mention all the health issues the stress caused plus living in a place full of black mold for two years. All of that lead to me now. A once almost 7 year marriage. I left. I decided to divorce him. I cried for months. I’m recovering. It’s tough. Not gonna lie. I wanted to die so many times. But now I’m rebuilding myself and my life and it’s not easy or stable. But I am housed and fed and people that come home to me everyday who love to have me here.
I know this is a super long comment (we can blame the TISM for not being concise but. I felt like maybe this would benefit someone who had a similar experience. Or something. Either way, I am glad to be alive, grateful to be here.
In conclusion…. i dont know if I have one actually. But I learned what I like and dont like and realized I dont NEED someone romantically as much as I used to think I did. life aint easy. Working on sorting my many health issues next year hopefully. Or starting to. Might do therapy again. Maybe I’ll even go on fun adventures and maybe even find romance? I dunno! It’s a great bog mystery and I wanna read my story to the end and not cut it short. That is all for now.
But what about having a partner to come home to who breaks your bed, not your heart, goes down on you after a bad day, makes you a snack after you lose all braincells, and tells you no matter what they'll love your butt? I feel like those men are underrated. My hubby is one of them thankfully, and he worked hard to become the kind of man who can listen to me yap and just appreciate that I want to confide in him, and vice versa. My cute little nerdy autsy boi. They're out there ladies. But you both gotta be willing to tell each other what you NEED, and act on it.
I volunteer as tribute.
What mouse says about having to have a friend to make someone attractive to you hit because in my mind, I can’t imagine just dating someone off bat. Ik it works for most people but I don’t know I need to know know the person first before I even get comfortable thinking of them as a great friend, let alone a lover. Might be the inexperience but it’s an interesting conversation to have. Like doing casual dating someone you’ve barely met to me sounds unappealing even if they’re super hot
Listening to this makes me feel bad, I've haven't always been bad at messaging until years ago and when I'm depressed, usually most of the time, I don't message anyone, friends, family and her. Hearing them say not an open line of communication, I reply when I feel like it sometimes days or even weeks later and I'm just thinking I should let her go because I don't think I can change, I've tried but the same thing always happens. Ahhh man I think it's just better to be alone.
Be alone and work on yourself so when you're together with someone, you are a better version for them and yourself. Career spreadsheets, not spreading on sheets. Figure out root causes of paun, hurt, trauma, and depression. Your feelings come from somewhere
Its ok to need time to yourself, but you should at least tell your loved ones that you need that time so they can know boundaries and you can all learn the best ways to support each other while respecting them.
I think matara would love mid western relationships, because even if that people doesn't speak a lot their family will make up for that 10 fold
That shit is a major red flag. Im a person that needs space but if the person I'm with ask me what I'm doing I have no problem answering because I have nothing to hide. The only time Ive ever had a problem with that was when it was out of control issues or jealousy Im not going to stay in that relationship for long and I told them that. I let them know I understood why they were doing it but I wasn't going to cheat on them like their ex did and if they couldn't get over it we were never going to work.
But yea one of the most important pillars of a relationship is communication.
I think everyone really does want someone to be with for life. The problem is people make things needlessly complicated.
You always be my favorite person in the whole world Matara 💛 💕 ❤️
Never had a girlfriend. Been alone for years, don't even have high school or college friends anymore. Just studied my craft and read my Bible to establish the kind of healthy relationship to have.
Your Creativity and unique ideas always amaze Matara 💖
✨️ ❤️ 💕
I want to find the right one for me but I thankfully I've not had to go through divorce. I've never been married obviously but I would feel bad if the relationship didn't work out
Fun fact matara truths hurt a lot
There's alot of people who think that cannibalism is the purest form of love so that's definitely something that can happen
YEAH see i was trying to explain this to my dad a few weeks ago and he just didnt get it
i would want to at least be friends with my partner first, just like i was with my now bf, and my dad insisted that was just how you get stuck in the friendzone
like??? brother i dont want to date a stranger only to find out later that they're a piece of crap after i already feel stuck and guilty for leaving
and what do you know !! its worked out fine for me
At 31, the problems in dating are why i dont like trying. The communication sucks and so many couldn't hold a conversation if it was a newborn baby.
It's NORMAL to talk about how your day went. Why would you not want to connect with your partner at the end of the day and touch base? Anybody who wouldn't want that would be a red flag to me. How would you know when it's time to send the cops out to look for your loved one if something bad happened to them? I get that there's a point where it can be controlling, but there is a healthy amount of communication, and concern. If I got abducted, or lost driving around somewhere without a cellphone, I would hope my partner would worry, and be like, "This is not normal...I need to call the police, or go look for them...etc."
I almost had a boyfriend and eventually when we got caught at school, they stopped talking to me. Eventually, I said my piece to me and he never apologized, he never explained his side, nothing. I'm over him now so I still remain single, I'm happy being single but I still feel lonely. I would rather have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that can talk to me first before we can start dating, I NEED a connection with someone before I can date them. If someone were to just walk up to me and we don't know each other and they ask me "Hey wanna go on a date with me?" (This may sound very rude or petty but it's just me ok?) I will be like "I'm sorry, who are you?" Sure, a date would be a good way to connect BUT, if you don't know my interests, my name even, sorry no date. I feel like you gotta know me first before making a move. In my life, only 1 dude has ever asked me out, I rejected him because he was a walking red flag and he told me that I reminded him of one of his ex-girlfriends, yeah, disgusting. The guy I almost dated was my childhood friend. And I say "was", because we are no longer friends because he ghosted me. Yeah, dating is weird for me and I hardly have experience. (Sometimes I pray I find someone😢)
@@AvsLuvinCelly Many of us men will keep u in the friend zone if you try and pull that hun. You wonder why you're single
@@soundrogue4472pull what exactly? What did they do wrong? Expound.
@soundrogue4472 I forgot to mention that what I would do, has never happened and has yet to happen, I'm just explaining what would happen.🙂
@@soundrogue4472 dont do this.
Being friends before dating is the antithesis of "But dating will ruin our friendship", which a lot of ladies solely believe is a good reason to pass up on a good, healthy relationship these days because some Tiktok guru told them they can do better.
I wish both of them success in their private love lives!
As a woman I relate to what Matara has said a lot. I've like nearly given up but a lot of what she said is what I'd like in a relationship. I can't do casual either, moreso because it's very easy for me to catch feelings lol
I had guys tell me they like me then poof. Or they tell me my age and my weight are a "problem" but then go into Discord VC im in with a friend and complain about how cold/lonely/hungry they are the night after. One walked out on me claiming commitment issues but he announced having a new gf on Facebook a week later.
I giveth men the shrug now. Like what do you want from me just friendship? Cause flirting with women and sending them dick pics gives the wrong vibe lol
Guys "Hey, we have been good friends for years. We should date."
Girls "But I don't want to ruin our friendship!"
Same girls a few days later...
Girls "I only want to date a guy that I am friends with."
Hmmm...
would you date every girl you've been friends with?
if so, are all the girls you're friends with someone you could see yourself not losing your mind if you ever had to live with them (leave dirty dishes at their desk, other annoying habits)? also, do you only befriend girls that are attractive to you?
The entity known as "Girls" definitely said this, all women are just the same amorphous blob and not individuals so you're definitely reasonable
I can't do the casual thing either!
Listening to this really made me think about my previous relationships.
There were not good. Prefer having a 2D Husbando.
Dating is hell, but it's also simple. Just treat others how you wanna be treated. Like if you want a mommy who will dress as a maid, and feed you and make you feel loved after a hard day of work... then you gotta be willing to learn to cook, and be supportive, and put on that trashy outfit yourself.
40 yr old
I like to know where you are all the time so you dont disappear for 4 days, (have free time or be spontaneous)
Alao mata
Goes off to conventions for whole weekends, goes on work trips and girls vacations, (ex. Mint) not being afraid of her drive...
Notice how its he gets a leash and a tracker but she can go around the world at her liesure.
I see exactly why shes single.
No offense to her but i totally see iy
T
I mean sounds like we're approaching vore territory. I dont hate it but dont love it, it is what it is 😂
I don't think knowing where your partner is or knowing what they're doing during the day is a bad thing but if you have to know everything everyday then it's sounds controlling, like going to work and doing the same thing everyday and having to say what you're doing sounds tiring and sounds like there's not a great level of trust.
So how do I become Matara and Mouse's friend? 🤣
Jus like Dadris
no noooo that never goes the way you thing especially everyone with their BSdar up these days. 1:53
Am i the only one here that is perfectly happy single. I have no desire to date i have games to play
Just how fucked up were their previous relationships for them to be happy with just the bare minimum? Is it an America thing? A thing with their exes? A thing with themselves? (Maybe not the last one because they have very reasonable demands for a relationship.)
I'm sure Matara understands this, but there a lot of Me Me Me, My My My, I I I's. Yes, there are the women who wants things in a man, but the other side wants peace, love, commitment, acknowledgement, and respect.
To you dudes out there, dont be bums and dont be dumb.
This captures dating at 20 vs dating at 40
The 20yr old
I gotta have the friend connection but im not attracted to youvif we are friends
40 yr old
I cant do casual at all
Wait i thought Matara is already married. Im so confused now.
Even if your busy it takes a sec to text I was thinking about you
See, this is why I don’t date. Because I think they’re both being entirely reasonable, but I also know that I myself would get irritated having someone constantly expecting me to actually talk about my workday with them. I don’t want to be an emotionally distant partner that’s making my partner miserable, so I just don’t date. And I don’t like sex enough for casual hookups either.
It’s weird, because I DO want romance to a certain extent, I’m just not interested in sex and I don’t want the super “clingy” type of relationship everyone else wants out of being In love (and I don’t blame others for wanting that, it sounds nice to actually WANT that and then get it). My interests are just way less committed in every way than anyone I’ve ever met.
The dilemma of working online/ socializing online/ living in a remote area.
Interacting with the opposite sex enough to MAYBE ask one out.
Get out of the house, go to Conventions, make some more IRL friends.
Shower 2x a day at a con and Don’t creep on the ladies. If you struggle speaking with them like a normal human you need to quit porn.
I don't really do anything though so nothing to report ? Maybe i'm just supposed to be alone then or with a girl who doesn't need to yap all the time but still likes time together lol
I get that personality and compatibility are important in relationships, but from my experience interacting with women, they're usually not interested in dating their male "friends". They want an exceptional man who will sweep them off their feet and that usually means meeting random men at clubs or on dating apps.
I nominate myself as a friend to boyfriend candidate. Or if not, just a goofy buddy 😁
Matara sounds like she wants to get claimed by someone she likes. Mouse sounds the same way. They also both have their alloplastic defenses going overtime. Before either of them gets anywhere on that front, they gotta ask themselves if they actually have space in their inner selves for commited relationships to people who don't have contempt for the human experience.
This.
Video reminder for the young men that A.W.A.L.T
I would, the problem is even meeting her in the first place, lol... Life can be cruel sometimes.
RICKY DO YOUR JOB WIFE HER UP
Uh uhmmm. Good luck with that. 😶
Me. Please. Matara. Please. I’m an incredible catch. Legit. I tick all the boxes, emphatically. Puh-lease.
@@GODZILLAmonsoon Dude she isn't going to pick a simp
Just be bi. You double the pool! (I say as i remain stubbornly straight)
Holy shit, I'd be the best Husband for Matara.
But....my family is Volga German, and I'd be betraying Grandma if I married a Russian.
And this fucking sucks. She'd totally get along with my special needs baby brother
She's Ukrainian though.
Basically the same thing mate, why do ya think putin wants kyiv.... they lost it@@Earliersphere
@@Earliersphere oh well that's true, that changes everything!!
please. "have to be friends before lovers" is one of the biggest lies ive been told.
this smells like you having verty harmful expectations that ALL friendships CAN turn into relationships. Doesn't work that way, and it's very entitled and selfish to assume so. Rejection will happen in life, thems the breaks.
@@gigitrix
- be me, hs
- have no idea how to interact with girls
- female classmate tells me "you got to befriend them first"
- do just that
- finally gain some really nice female friends
- start to like one of them
- decide to her how i feel and maybe be something more
- autorejecto, says im like a brother to her and it would be weird
- ask same female friend what i did wrong
- "you cant just date a female friend, thats so awkward"
- ??????????????
when i say thats horseshit, i actually have proof of that. also, this female friend who gave me this advice? single mom with an verbally abusive MARRIED boyfriend. so yes. terrible advice from equally bad people relationship-wise.
@@gigitrixYeah so one shouldnt find a love relationship with someone you are friend with? You ate just confirming what the dude is saying.
Sometimes but mostly no. I've had friends who grew to have crushes on me and vice versa.
There's good reasons to keep someone as a friend but not a lover.
- They're at a different life stage/clashing goals in life.
- They have bad habits or addictions that you can tolerate in a friend but not a partner.
- Their values don't align well with yours.
@@jetstrike28you DO realise you are drawing from and quoting a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL??? do you think ANY hs kid knows wtf they're doing/saying?? If you are out of high school then you NEED to be done with the high school mindset
Its so hard to listen to this. As someone who is a high functioning Autist, listening to someone talk for 10 minutes and cover virtually no ground, is so uncomfortable.
4:55 yeah because your biological clock is ticking.
We love hags(?)
therapy is not real
Nah, id therapy
Therapy in the water is turning the friggin caterpillars gay
it can't hurt you
Factually incorrect.