Exclusivity Does NOT Mean Relationship or Commitment
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
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Was committed to a woman who claimed she was more committed and in love than I was. We were planning on marriage. She broke up with me and blamed me for her breaking up with me and immediately jumped into the sack with the next dude. It's been a year and I'm still working on being emotionally available to date the next person. To this day, she still claims to have been more committed in our relationship. Utterly psychopathic.
Not psychotic, just fucked up and broken. People like these should listen to, if they say they don't want a lable or relationship but still want the relationship aspect and want you to act like a couple but don't want to sacrifice or compromise. You tread them like a last priority because thats what they want. That's what they deserve.
@@UserUnkn0wn-t8v She was/is what is called a vulnerable or covert narcissist. I was not aware of that during our relationship. I actually didn’t even know that was an actual thing. I’ve done a ton of research and learned quite a bit since. I’ll be sure to steer clear of those types in the future now that I understand it.
@@MapleBar777 the story of the scorpion and the frog starts to make sense more and more ay?
@@UserUnkn0wn-t8v more like the wolf in sheep’s clothing. I actually ended up reading (listening to on Audible) a really good book called “In Sheep’s Clothing” by George K. Simon that does a deep dive on the subject. Painfully eye opening and at the same time it was cathartic for me. Described her tactics to a T.
A little late for me so I learned the hard way.. But thank you! I wish you were around years ago. 😊
Thank you, Matthew! Your advices are always immensely helpful. This will surely help me in evaluating where I stand in my relationships.
why any woman nowadays would go with a man without a ring baffles me.
Preach
A problem of westerners
That's why I'm considering only rotational dating currently. Both can date other people until a man is ready to settle down and propose me. Commit to me 1000%. That means I can keep myself safe and maybe even find better option and at the same time see if that spesific man is right to me. If he really wants me to be his final and only woman in his life, he has to propose me. Doesn't matter if it happens after 5 months or more, but once it happens I will be taken woman. And he has to understand that before it there won't be gf benefits.
Absolutely over a year later and he said he was exclusive with me but didn’t love me.
Matthew he’s off the dating sites for over a year and we’ve been together 2 years. Neither of us wants marriage. Agree with you but my guy is French. He never asked. But his actions are powerful. We’ve been together for two years and spends al his free time and resources on me.
In Brazil if you are exclusive it means you are in a relationship. It doesn’t exist exclusivity in this sexual country if you are not is a relationship 😂 Please. That’s relative.
That's what a lot of women in America think too... I'm just giving you a better mindset to use. If all you want is exclusivity, that's fine. But if you want something more, remember that exclusivity is not a full, committed, relationship.
I haven’t seen you do what to do & not do when he’s dealing with grief/loss of a loved one yet. Thought it’d be a good idea
I'm confused, then. Please please define commitment, committed relationship 🙏
I think what he's saying is that there are levels to commitment, where the first phase is "I'm interested enough to talk to you and get to know you in a general way. I'm single and can come/go/do as I please." = Talking/Dating
Then "I want to focus on getting to know you and only you in a more romantic way because I see potential, but it's too early to know for sure (or the circumstances aren't right yet, etc). We are still single but being careful about protecting ourselves sexually and/or emotionally." = Exclusively dating
Then would be "Now that we've had the make or break convos and I see a real possibility of spending forever with you, let's move to the next level of commitment where we focus on building that life together. We are no longer single." = Committed relationship
From there, if you're a couple who believes in marriage, those levels of commitment would be next. = Engagement to Marriage
Marriage usually involves forsaking all others along with pledged alliance i.e committed relationship. Whether you marry in traditional sense or the metaphorical sense, if a man is married to you his words and actions will reflect it. You will know your in a committed relationship when you experience it. Anything can be deceptive.
M thankful to u for saving me. I was exactly thinking what u said but it's not what I thought. U saved me. ❤️🙏.
I'm so glad! You are so welcome ❤️
Matthew I love your work but feel you are being a bit vague. Especially for mid life relationships. Neither of us wants to get married at this point. We’ve been exclusive for two years, met family, he talks about our future and puts most of his free time and resources toward me. You keep mentioning “ring” or “commitment” and then say if he’s doing all the things I just described it doesn’t matter. well??? Wtf Matthew! Be more clear please :) I’m talking mid life. People are not always looking for marriage. What would you want my guy to say to let me know we are committed? His actions show me daily. As I said he’s French. I’m really more confused after your video rather than having clarity. Please define “commitment” for those of us that don’t want marriage. Thanks!
Committed means that he will do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Many men will show you everything through their actions but, in their head, they're not really committed... they're waiting for something else to come... they're only half in it. It could be that he's committed but you don't want to assume that. If you haven't talked about it, you should assume that you're not committed.
And that is a no-go for me that's the whole thing I was saying in the first damn place the person to understand that where I was coming from. Considering nobody has been with me for 18 years meaning nobody else my ex-spouse was the last person or years ago that's ever been with me and I don't think I'm being mean when I say when somebody is not even sleeping with me or anything ever nothing at all offline they shouldn't be malfunctioning anything to do with my account or my microphone keyboard everything else that the person does not even pay for
my male friend who has been on dating sites has deleted his profiles for online dating. he has kissed and hugged her and they have both been to each others houses. I am not sure what the boundary is between dating and relationship. I asked him if they were exclusive or in a relationship and he said they were just dating.
Also wish I'd seen this sooner...
Then I think it's fair to say if his actions aren't in alignment with being exclusive to you. Then there is no exclusivity. I would make it very clear exclusive relationship. Because some reason y'all think you can manipulate this word. Because exclusive means that you're only seeing one person. It's as simple as this you both have talked verbally, either you're dating or you're not. You've either talked about it or not. You're either said hey that's being a committed relationship and exclusive relationship or not.. easier together or you're not either you're dating or you're in a relationship one of the two.
Hi Matt, So do you ask him to let you know if he is going to be with someone else, sexually?
Very true
Exactly
This makes no sense to me
Only dating once person but not in a relationship
What kind of confusing Gen Z shit is this. I wanna be born in 1914