I have a letter written by my grandfather to his mother in 1893. It was passed on to his daughter, [my mother,] then to me, and through this, my eldest daughter has now become interested in family history. The letter is heart wrenching in that while being docked in Malta, he got word from another ship nearby that his brother, while on shore leave in Valetta, Malta had been stabbed. It was an case of mistaken identity, but his young brother of nineteen, died in Bighy Hospital. I went to The Archives In Kew, London and found the log book. My grandfather also copied word for word the newspaper report and I can't imagine how hard that must have been. The perpetrator was hanged three months later. I am really enjoying the stories from Sydney and Rachael tonight. Thank you Roots! Jillian
When most of your family are gone and you grew up without a mother, I found peace in finding her family and peace! I lost my mother when I was 4yrs old and I never knew my mother’s family and I started my family search I started looking for her and her other family, it took a while but I never gave up and one day I found a group of her family and found out that they were people I knew! Thank you Family Search for helping me find the routs!
@@lightyagami3492 Wow, this post is quite old. Martz is my husband's surname. It is of German origins. My in father in law's family was from Bessarabia Russia. They were part of the people called Germans from Russia. They had migrated from various places in the Germanic states to the designated Baltic region of Russia that had been organized by Catherine the Great for them. Martz literally means March (the month). It was spelled Marz, or März depending on the language. My grandfather in law used all the variations interchangeably. I bet you didn't expect all that when you asked me that question, did you? ☺
@@DonnaMM6361 I love all the information explaining the origins of the surname. My surname is Metz so i was thinking that my surname might be a changed version of Martz. 🤷
@@lightyagami3492 It could be. There were so many languages spoken in Bessarabia, not to mention dialects, you never know what descendants ended up with.
So glad to have found this discussion. It has given me a number of ideas of how to approach the painful subjects of suicide and sexual abuse with other family members; hopefully, to get them to open up, share, and heal.
Family Search currently has (2) settings for Stories, Documents and Photos 1) Public and 2) Private. Family Search needs a 3rd Option to mirror the U.S. Census Rules, "Private for now, but after 72 years Public." The U.S. Census records contain information found in most Phone Books, there are subjects much more sensitive to Families than Name, Address and Phone Number.
My grandfather did some really bad things. Because of them, I learned forgiveness. I learned that while we do judge the act, we do not judge the person. Thru the years, I have learned things from his childhood that most likely contributed to the man he became, good and bad.
This is not the conversation I was expecting. In a couple of Facebook groups, there are regular posts in which folks find ancestors who were not good people. Typically, it is something along the lines that they found out that a grandfather committed rape or incest against someone who may or may not be living, but definitely have close family members who are still living. The question being whether to include that information (usually a newspaper article) in their tree. Most of the other Facebook group members adamantly state that these stories need to be not only included in the tree but made public and viewable by anyone who happens to see it. Personally, I feel like it is more important to not bring unnecessary trauma to the living.
I'm kind of feeling like you. This chat did not truly resonate with me. I felt that the three young girls simply didn't appear as though they'd had enough life experiences to even be discussing this. Wendy seemed WAY too cheerful. Maybe they wanted to just talk about sad or discouraging things, but what about incest, sexual abuse, rape, murder, children in prison, difficult addictions. I would not want to share these stories with my children!
Subsequent generations feel this pain whether it is openly addressed or not. This is the nature of generational trauma and epigenetics. When it is addressed it can be dealt with with awareness. That being said, this kind of work needs to include support like trauma informed therapy.
Sometimes I go on youtube when I go lay down. I put it on my tv, it lets you search for different things that you might be interested in. I have watched about missing children, also about murderers. they have a lot of different kinds. smiles, just a thought.
Honoring loved ones who may have passed after difficult times - find a project that will be cathartic. For me, it was to create a book through verse and photographs and make sure a copy could be in a place my loved one always said he could stay forever. For me this action created in me new hobbies that continue to help in difficult times.
My great grandparents were murdered by the Mafia in Sicily in 1923. They would not pay for protection or give up their store. I am trying to find documentation on this. Newspaper clipping? I have their death certificates.
My stepfather had Parkinson's and eventually he was pretty much confined to his bed and my mother had to feed him and clothe him and do other things for him as if he was a baby and over a weekend he lost consciousness and never regained it. And while he was in that state I wondered if maybe he was no longer aware of the present or even of any of us and that he actually regressed in his age and in time and that to him he was in his early 20's again and playing cards and drinking beer and raising hell with his buddies in Wisconsin. And it made me smile to think that he was alive and active LIVING life again in the late 1960s or early 1970s in Wisconsin not laying in a bed just waiting to die in the late 2000s in Tennessee. And that at the moment that he stopped breathing and "died" in this time and place where he really was in that time and place he just felt something strange and told his buddies about it and then went back to the game. And I even wrote a song about it, "Song for Butch" that was inspired by that image that I had of him: "I'm so far away from you. I don't care what you do. 'Cause me and all my buddies here. We're playing cards and drinking beer. And there'll be another fight. There's one here most every night. And I'm driving down that road. I don't care where it goes. There's a light straight up ahead. Where I'll find...an empty bed."
I am a museum curator, and extensively research the family of my Historic House museum. I found out that the man who lived here had a cousin, who he was close to, and the cousin ended up cheating on his wife with another lady. When the other woman decided to go back to her husband and moved back to Chicago, the cousin went bonkers and ended up seeking her out, and then broke in and hid in her apartment until she got home. He then killed her and committed suicide. It is a very compelling story. I often think about how that experience affected the man I discuss on tours. I am having a difficult time deciding if I will include the story on tours. I also think it could be an interesting thing to post on our social media on National Suicide Awareness Day.
HELLO, IF YOU DECIDE TO TELL STORIES WHILE GIVING A TOUR OF THE MUSEUM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE IT A LITTLE LONGER AND HAVE THE STORIES ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SHOWING THEM.
My name is also Sydney. I am trying to find my great grandfather, who probably was enslaved in my ancestry. I'm also interested in writing a book about my family.
What about shameful experiences that I have found about an ancestor? It changes my family tree yet do I want to make this public? Although no one in that generation is alive there are many descendants who I am meeting through DNA matches. I have spoken with a couple of newly found cousins who know the story but don't think it should be made public, but it isn't their direct ancestor and it doesn't effect their direct family tree. I want to be sensitive to others yet I also want to be truthful. How do I handle this?
what about summarizing a life history of a family affected by mothers early death and then the dad remarried and both he, his child and granchildren bullied by second wife.
Younger generations learn from the experiences of their elders. My siblings did not allow my mother to tell their kids about my father. I let Mom tell her stories. When they were of dating age they drew on her experiences and were able to avoid marrying men like my father. The truth has to be told but the negative doesn’t have to be dwelt on. The ugliest truth is better than the best dressed lie.
When you hear someone else's story sometimes you can help them by finding answers, such as medical reasons that are not true. Such as the baby who died because of hydrocephalus, which most likely had nothing to do with not having a C-section. As a health professional I have seen so many women who thought their child was damaged by something they did , which is not true
My great-grandparents and two of their children were living in the Channel Islands when the Nazi's invaded. They were later held in a Nazi interment camp for an extended period of time. They thankfully all lived, but no one talked about their experiences. My great-aunt is the last living person from that group of family members. Several years ago, my mom and aunt asked her if she would write down her experience there for a comprehensive family history book they were working on. It took a long time for my great-aunt to agree to do it. She would write little bits at a time and then stop because of the pain it brought up. Slowly, she was able to write it all down. The book was finished and made available to my family members just over a year ago, and her account has been such a blessing for us all.
This was a great chat. I enjoyed the stories and felt moved to have my children bring their stories to share with their children at the next family reunion. I agree with everything these ladies have shared. It is because I loved my mother family reunions that I have made them a part of my children's and grandchildren's lives. We have so much to learn from sharing and enjoying our family histories and stories.
In a different perspective, I found a record that could have been very impactful in my mother's family. My mother died when I was 13. My folks were divorced and my Mom got breast cancer. My mother's mom died early, at the age of 42, just after my parents were married. She left an 18 month old daughter who was in the bed with her when she died. My mom and dad took both her little sister and 12 year old brother home. My parents were 18. My mother's father was a drunken sort, although he was LDS. He was not around to care for his children. My uncle lived with them until he joined the Navy. My parents formally adopted my sister. I mean my mom's baby sister. That caused a little grief and annoyance amongst close family members. But, my adopted older sister who is my biological aunt never suffered from feeling the lack of a mother. She went straight from her deceased mother's death bed into her older sister's embrace. Judy does not remember her mother. She never met her father. She grew up with a secure mother figure. She was 25 when my mom died. She had her a lot longer than I did. But, Judy is my rock. We are good. That is the background I needed to portrait in order for the importance of this next thing to make sense. Or at least I think it is an impactful discovery. When my grandparents were first married in Idaho, they were both from large happy families (that come from LDS pioneers). I thought that my mother was their first born child. But, then I found the death certificate. There was a son born first. He has a grave and a grave marker. The death certificate states that the cause of death was the use of forceps during birth. Because of the grave, my mother must have known about this first child. But, maybe not. The family moved from Idaho to Seattle before 1940. My mother didn't spend as much time in Idaho as I thought she did. In any case, as a parent myself, I cannot imagine losing a child in such a manner. Can you ever recover from such a loss? Is this why my grandfather basically abandoned his family? Is this why he never saw his youngest child? He committed suicide by gun to his head in his sister's kitchen. I remember the telegraph guy bringing the notice. I cannot say if losing their first born to the incompetence of a delivery room doctor did not have dramatic and life changing effects on these two newlyweds. No one is alive to ask. But, it gives me something to think about.
The family struggles are more teaching and interesting than stories of life full of smooth sailing. I learned more and understood better my sweet difficult mother, knowing how devastating her poverty and starvation as a child.
I really want to say thank you for making this experience open to everyone who hopes to come to grips with a hard life, I love the part about healing amid the adventure of doing family history through genealogy; I made up my mind many years ago to learn about my family and discover why and how them became who and what, in my case, who and what they became and how we all have been shaped by our experiences and how differently each sibling has a different perspective of the same incidents, "We are those stories!" Death marks almost everyone in my family tree as does suicide. I've written much about my life and my mother and now that both of the half sisters I was raised with, to tell their stories from my perspective; because I've been the one to surrender to the Lord who has given me His courage to take baby steps through the pain and blame and abuses, I would like to have a conversation or communicate with Rachael. How do I do that? Also, to Daniel Romero. Your words make me think of my Peggy who recently died; I am an only child; my birth father did not want children by either marriage; yet my half siblings of that marriage are still alive and still stuck. I am stronger and more confident because I lean on the Lord's strength, because my own is never enough. I too am wordy, yet my story is so relatable; not one of us who walks this earth is wounded; we are here to perfect self; yet we will never become perfect in this life; there are always do overs; and as long as we wake up in the morning, we can rest assured that we can take whatever that day hands us; we do not have to do tomorrow because it is always tomorrow. I am 84 years old! And this is 2021! That is huge, because my life has been spared more than once. This opportunity offers so much; May Heavenly Father bless each one of us on our journey through this earthbound life is my ever present prayer.... To Dave Johnson, my surviving son lives near you...
How about sad family events when the people involved are deceased? I don't know how to tell my children about my in laws and the sad life they led. It was so encompassing of their whole lives. They withdrew from life a lot because of it. The whole family has been torn apart because of these events. It's hard to think about their good qualities when their bad events overshadow everything else. What do you suggest? So many lives have been hurt and the people have suffered their entire lives because of it. Please respond.
I am so sorry about the pain that you and your family has been through. I am not an expert, just thinking about what was said in this video and other things I've learned about dealing with hard life experiences. I think it is important and helpful to talk about the past because of exactly what you said, people suffer their entire lives because of what happened. Understanding the stories that led us to where we are now can help us to work through the emotions and the life choices that were made, heal from the pain and learn from the past to make better choices in the present. I would take the advice in this video about being patient and respecting other people's wishes in terms of inviting them to the conversation but not forcing it if they aren't ready to work through it. But truth is healing even if it is unpleasant. Just my two cents. Best wishes!
I tell my story of my mother's death in stages depending on who is listening. I start like it's a headline in a newspaper, then if more detail is needed I can tell of the situation. Because I have been able to view documents of her accident i then know and can tell of some of the sadder/bad parts of her story. Not everyone I speak to wants to know all the details.
when you have something in your past that you need to explain it is hard to know how to approach it. i been wondering how i could do that for my grandchildren and have it be appropriate on family search
my family has this idea that bad things should stay behind closed doors and with me my mothers dont beleive anything that I tell here my sisters and I was melested but my mother wont beleive that the men toucher me she tells me that they only touch my sisters how can i get her to beleive me and do i tell this in family search
It's probably not appropriate to put the story in Family Search, but you should certainly see if someone can help your believe you. If she is gone, write the story elsewhere so others can learn from your situation. Family Search is not really the place for a sensitive story such as this one. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have someone to talk to who can help you work through all the issues this has brought into your life. Saying a prayer for you, Charlene.
Just know that there are people out there that will believe you. You may want your mother to believe you the most but there are many others that will listen to your story and be able to empathize with you. I was molested by an older special needs student when i was in elementary school. I made the mistake of never telling anybody to the point where I cant prove what happened anymore but I do get healing from taking about it with others in support groups online. I havent told my family yet and i hope they dont find out about it before im ready to talk about it but I just hurts so much to think about how much it would destroy them to know what happened to me... In short I believe you and many others will to. I hope you have found peace and acceptance with what happened to you.
What if you are doing research and you find out someone went to prison. Do you include that? What do you do if someone does something that is really imbarasing to the family? Do you include the trial, prison sentence, and release? I know that the person learned and grew from the event, but most of the family wants to forget it happened.
It was part of that person's life. If they continued to have problems, yes, add it. If it was a small incident and they have moved on, then let the past lie. Let them move on as a new person. It is a touchy subject.
@@luannwalters3268 Thanks for your input. The people involved have moved on, so I didn't want to include the time he was in prison, but what if people in the future want to know what caused him to become the person he was (you know, our great, great, grandchildren?) I understood what you were trying to say in your "talk," but I'm not sure what to do in this situation. I grew in strength from what I went through, he changed and became a better and stronger person, and I think it affected our children in a positive way. I can't speak for my children, but I can talk about what I went through. I know my husband CAN'T write about it still. It's been more than 20 years, but it's still hard to talk or write about. I know that you help people write their family histories. I was impressed that you talked about writing a little at a time. I think it's time for me to start writing something and to put it up on Family Search. Since I am still living, no one else has access to it, do they? My parents have passed. I spent the 18 months after my mother died and before my father died writing his "story." I put it aside because I couldn't listen to the tapes from his funeral to finish it. I found it recently (I couldn't find a digital copy, but I found one that I printed out and edited it.) but I have to retype it. I have been watching many of the classes from RootsTech and yours. I noticed that no one wrote a story with the pictures imbedded in the narrative. I learned how to do that using Word Perfect. I use Microsoft Word now, and don’t know how to do it in this program. Do I just put the pictures on the same page and put a caption under them? Should I use a different program for the picture pages? I really hate to bother you about these things, but I’m not sure who else to ask. Please answer me when you are able. I am not in a hurry. Thanks! Jan Gibbons
@@jangibbons In Microsoft Word, you could put the pictures on the same page. Shutterfly also has easy to lay out option for books that include pictures and text as does Blurb.
I believe it is important to share this with family. Typically not a secret, but a life lesson for my children and myself. One grandfather was an alcoholic, but I never saw him abusive or drunk. I loved him, but learning of his situation helped me understand why my grandparents divorced.
I agree with Lynette that it should be put in the family stories, whether or not on Family Search depends on the situation. If there are problems with addictions of any kind, that passes down through the DNA. The descendants can benefit by knowing to be extra careful and learn from their relatives' mistakes.
Yes, it is part of your family story. Don't have to bring up every horrible story, but be clear that drinking was there & how it affected you or that person's life. You could help prevent future generations with your info.
My daughter is firm about not wanting the ugly stories not to be published in even a private story. My father was a terrible person and I have no direct positive memories. Yet he made my siblings and I a big swing set and sandbox but it did not justify the violence.
Maybe you could tell your father's story, touching on his violence. Can you say for sure why he was violent? (Personality; medical, alcohol, etc.) But also include the facts----where he grew up, schools, work ((job, trade), places he lived, his direct family, the good things like the big swing set & sandbox.
Wendy..you're too cheerful for this topic! Things happen in families that SHOULD NOT BE SHARED! I'm not going to tell children about rape, murder, incest, prison to close family members. None of these topics are gentle.
I have a letter written by my grandfather to his mother in 1893. It was passed on to his daughter, [my mother,] then to me, and through this, my eldest daughter has now become interested in family history. The letter is heart wrenching in that while being docked in Malta, he got word from another ship nearby that his brother, while on shore leave in Valetta, Malta had been stabbed. It was an case of mistaken identity, but his young brother of nineteen, died in Bighy Hospital. I went to The Archives In Kew, London and found the log book. My grandfather also copied word for word the newspaper report and I can't imagine how hard that must have been. The perpetrator was hanged three months later.
I am really enjoying the stories from Sydney and Rachael tonight. Thank you Roots!
Jillian
I am so, excited to participate virtually. Love to do this.
When most of your family are gone and you grew up without a mother, I found peace in finding her family and peace! I lost my mother when I was 4yrs old and I never knew my mother’s family and I started my family search I started looking for her and her other family, it took a while but I never gave up and one day I found a group of her family and found out that they were people I knew! Thank you Family Search for helping me find the routs!
That's very interesting.
@@DonnaMM6361 Where does your last name come from if you dont mind me asking?
@@lightyagami3492 Wow, this post is quite old. Martz is my husband's surname. It is of German origins. My in father in law's family was from Bessarabia Russia. They were part of the people called Germans from Russia. They had migrated from various places in the Germanic states to the designated Baltic region of Russia that had been organized by Catherine the Great for them. Martz literally means March (the month). It was spelled Marz, or März depending on the language. My grandfather in law used all the variations interchangeably. I bet you didn't expect all that when you asked me that question, did you? ☺
@@DonnaMM6361 I love all the information explaining the origins of the surname. My surname is Metz so i was thinking that my surname might be a changed version of Martz. 🤷
@@lightyagami3492 It could be. There were so many languages spoken in Bessarabia, not to mention dialects, you never know what descendants ended up with.
So glad to have found this discussion. It has given me a number of ideas of how to approach the painful subjects of suicide and sexual abuse with other family members; hopefully, to get them to open up, share, and heal.
Family Search currently has (2) settings for Stories, Documents and Photos 1) Public and 2) Private.
Family Search needs a 3rd Option to mirror the U.S. Census Rules, "Private for now, but after 72 years Public."
The U.S. Census records contain information found in most Phone Books, there are subjects much more sensitive to Families than Name, Address and Phone Number.
Good afternoon to you all
My grandfather did some really bad things. Because of them, I learned forgiveness. I learned that while we do judge the act, we do not judge the person. Thru the years, I have learned things from his childhood that most likely contributed to the man he became, good and bad.
IS HE STILL ALIVE?
This is not the conversation I was expecting. In a couple of Facebook groups, there are regular posts in which folks find ancestors who were not good people. Typically, it is something along the lines that they found out that a grandfather committed rape or incest against someone who may or may not be living, but definitely have close family members who are still living. The question being whether to include that information (usually a newspaper article) in their tree. Most of the other Facebook group members adamantly state that these stories need to be not only included in the tree but made public and viewable by anyone who happens to see it. Personally, I feel like it is more important to not bring unnecessary trauma to the living.
I'm kind of feeling like you. This chat did not truly resonate with me. I felt that the three young girls simply didn't appear as though they'd had enough life experiences to even be discussing this. Wendy seemed WAY too cheerful. Maybe they wanted to just talk about sad or discouraging things, but what about incest, sexual abuse, rape, murder, children in prison, difficult addictions. I would not want to share these stories with my children!
Subsequent generations feel this pain whether it is openly addressed or not. This is the nature of generational trauma and epigenetics. When it is addressed it can be dealt with with awareness. That being said, this kind of work needs to include support like trauma informed therapy.
Sometimes I go on youtube when I go lay down. I put it on my tv, it lets you search for different things that you might be interested in.
I have watched about missing children, also about murderers. they have a lot of different kinds. smiles, just a thought.
Our family just put a headstone on this babys grave. It was a very spiritual experience.
Honoring loved ones who may have passed after difficult times - find a project that will be cathartic. For me, it was to create a book through verse and photographs and make sure a copy could be in a place my loved one always said he could stay forever. For me this action created in me new hobbies that continue to help in difficult times.
My great grandparents were murdered by the Mafia in Sicily in 1923. They would not pay for protection or give up their store. I am trying to find documentation on this. Newspaper clipping? I have their death certificates.
My first Roots Tech Conference. Always wanted to attend. Virtual is the next best thing. Thanks.
So glad to have you join us!
Cleveland, OH- this is my first conference. Enjoying it so far!
My stepfather had Parkinson's and eventually he was pretty much confined to his bed and my mother had to feed him and clothe him and do other things for him as if he was a baby and over a weekend he lost consciousness and never regained it.
And while he was in that state I wondered if maybe he was no longer aware of the present or even of any of us and that he actually regressed in his age and in time and that to him he was in his early 20's again and playing cards and drinking beer and raising hell with his buddies in Wisconsin. And it made me smile to think that he was alive and active LIVING life again in the late 1960s or early 1970s in Wisconsin not laying in a bed just waiting to die in the late 2000s in Tennessee. And that at the moment that he stopped breathing and "died" in this time and place where he really was in that time and place he just felt something strange and told his buddies about it and then went back to the game.
And I even wrote a song about it, "Song for Butch" that was inspired by that image that I had of him:
"I'm so far away from you. I don't care what you do. 'Cause me and all my buddies here. We're playing cards and drinking beer. And there'll be another fight. There's one here most every night. And I'm driving down that road. I don't care where it goes. There's a light straight up ahead. Where I'll find...an empty bed."
Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
I am a museum curator, and extensively research the family of my Historic House museum. I found out that the man who lived here had a cousin, who he was close to, and the cousin ended up cheating on his wife with another lady. When the other woman decided to go back to her husband and moved back to Chicago, the cousin went bonkers and ended up seeking her out, and then broke in and hid in her apartment until she got home. He then killed her and committed suicide. It is a very compelling story. I often think about how that experience affected the man I discuss on tours. I am having a difficult time deciding if I will include the story on tours. I also think it could be an interesting thing to post on our social media on National Suicide Awareness Day.
HELLO, IF YOU DECIDE TO TELL STORIES WHILE GIVING A TOUR OF THE MUSEUM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE IT A LITTLE LONGER AND HAVE THE STORIES ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SHOWING THEM.
My name is also Sydney. I am trying to find my great grandfather, who probably was enslaved in my ancestry. I'm also interested in writing a book about my family.
What about shameful experiences that I have found about an ancestor? It changes my family tree yet do I want to make this public? Although no one in that generation is alive there are many descendants who I am meeting through DNA matches. I have spoken with a couple of newly found cousins who know the story but don't think it should be made public, but it isn't their direct ancestor and it doesn't effect their direct family tree. I want to be sensitive to others yet I also want to be truthful. How do I handle this?
what about summarizing a life history of a family affected by mothers early death and then the dad remarried and both he, his child and granchildren bullied by second wife.
Younger generations learn from the experiences of their elders. My siblings did not allow my mother to tell their kids about my father. I let Mom tell her stories. When they were of dating age they drew on her experiences and were able to avoid marrying men like my father. The truth has to be told but the negative doesn’t have to be dwelt on. The ugliest truth is better than the best dressed lie.
When you hear someone else's story sometimes you can help them by finding answers, such as medical reasons that are not true. Such as the baby who died because of hydrocephalus, which most likely had nothing to do with not having a C-section. As a health professional I have seen so many women who thought their child was damaged by something they did , which is not true
Could you say more about this?
Thank all of you; just listening to discussion was healing. Keep on!!!
We're so glad you got value from this session, Margaret! Thanks for tuning in to RootsTech this year.
My great-grandparents and two of their children were living in the Channel Islands when the Nazi's invaded. They were later held in a Nazi interment camp for an extended period of time. They thankfully all lived, but no one talked about their experiences. My great-aunt is the last living person from that group of family members. Several years ago, my mom and aunt asked her if she would write down her experience there for a comprehensive family history book they were working on. It took a long time for my great-aunt to agree to do it. She would write little bits at a time and then stop because of the pain it brought up. Slowly, she was able to write it all down. The book was finished and made available to my family members just over a year ago, and her account has been such a blessing for us all.
This was a great chat. I enjoyed the stories and felt moved to have my children bring their stories to share with their children at the next family reunion. I agree with everything these ladies have shared. It is because I loved my mother family reunions that I have made them a part of my children's and grandchildren's lives. We have so much to learn from sharing and enjoying our family histories and stories.
Love to hear that!
In a different perspective, I found a record that could have been very impactful in my mother's family. My mother died when I was 13. My folks were divorced and my Mom got breast cancer. My mother's mom died early, at the age of 42, just after my parents were married. She left an 18 month old daughter who was in the bed with her when she died. My mom and dad took both her little sister and 12 year old brother home. My parents were 18. My mother's father was a drunken sort, although he was LDS. He was not around to care for his children. My uncle lived with them until he joined the Navy. My parents formally adopted my sister. I mean my mom's baby sister. That caused a little grief and annoyance amongst close family members. But, my adopted older sister who is my biological aunt never suffered from feeling the lack of a mother. She went straight from her deceased mother's death bed into her older sister's embrace. Judy does not remember her mother. She never met her father. She grew up with a secure mother figure. She was 25 when my mom died. She had her a lot longer than I did. But, Judy is my rock. We are good.
That is the background I needed to portrait in order for the importance of this next thing to make sense. Or at least I think it is an impactful discovery. When my grandparents were first married in Idaho, they were both from large happy families (that come from LDS pioneers). I thought that my mother was their first born child. But, then I found the death certificate. There was a son born first. He has a grave and a grave marker. The death certificate states that the cause of death was the use of forceps during birth.
Because of the grave, my mother must have known about this first child. But, maybe not. The family moved from Idaho to Seattle before 1940. My mother didn't spend as much time in Idaho as I thought she did. In any case, as a parent myself, I cannot imagine losing a child in such a manner. Can you ever recover from such a loss? Is this why my grandfather basically abandoned his family? Is this why he never saw his youngest child? He committed suicide by gun to his head in his sister's kitchen. I remember the telegraph guy bringing the notice. I cannot say if losing their first born to the incompetence of a delivery room doctor did not have dramatic and life changing effects on these two newlyweds. No one is alive to ask. But, it gives me something to think about.
My mother had a sister who died as a baby. Rachael' s experience is the same as my mothers!
Sydney Walker is a such an impressive person and skilled writer. Love her insights.
The family struggles are more teaching and interesting than stories of life full of smooth sailing. I learned more and understood better my sweet difficult mother, knowing how devastating her poverty and starvation as a child.
My father has boxes of journals , knowing the stories in those are going to be amazing as he still writes daily at 86!
That is amazing! That will be so great to save those stories and learn from his experiences.
Wow! What a treasure.
Some family stories have had terrible lies ,some are just lies to cover Secrets 🤔🙄😥
What an interesting way of keeping track of experiences in our life.
There are so many different ways to share our stories and our ancestors stories. We hope this inspired you to document all stories.
I really want to say thank you for making this experience open to everyone who hopes to come to grips with a hard life, I love the part about healing amid the adventure of doing family history through genealogy; I made up my mind many years ago to learn about my family and discover why and how them became who and what, in my case, who and what they became and how we all have been shaped by our experiences and how differently each sibling has a different perspective of the same incidents, "We are those stories!" Death marks almost everyone in my family tree as does suicide. I've written much about my life and my mother and now that both of the half sisters I was raised with, to tell their stories from my perspective; because I've been the one to surrender to the Lord who has given me His courage to take baby steps through the pain and blame and abuses, I would like to have a conversation or communicate with Rachael. How do I do that? Also, to Daniel Romero. Your words make me think of my Peggy who recently died; I am an only child; my birth father did not want children by either marriage; yet my half siblings of that marriage are still alive and still stuck. I am stronger and more confident because I lean on the Lord's strength, because my own is never enough. I too am wordy, yet my story is so relatable; not one of us who walks this earth is wounded; we are here to perfect self; yet we will never become perfect in this life; there are always do overs; and as long as we wake up in the morning, we can rest assured that we can take whatever that day hands us; we do not have to do tomorrow because it is always tomorrow. I am 84 years old! And this is 2021! That is huge, because my life has been spared more than once. This opportunity offers so much; May Heavenly Father bless each one of us on our journey through this earthbound life is my ever present prayer.... To Dave Johnson, my surviving son lives near you...
Hi from Vancouver Washington.
Enjoying Rootstech from St. George, Ut.
How about sad family events when the people involved are deceased? I don't know how to tell my children about my in laws and the sad life they led. It was so encompassing of their whole lives. They withdrew from life a lot because of it. The whole family has been torn apart because of these events. It's hard to think about their good qualities when their bad events overshadow everything else. What do you suggest? So many lives have been hurt and the people have suffered their entire lives because of it. Please respond.
I am so sorry about the pain that you and your family has been through. I am not an expert, just thinking about what was said in this video and other things I've learned about dealing with hard life experiences. I think it is important and helpful to talk about the past because of exactly what you said, people suffer their entire lives because of what happened. Understanding the stories that led us to where we are now can help us to work through the emotions and the life choices that were made, heal from the pain and learn from the past to make better choices in the present. I would take the advice in this video about being patient and respecting other people's wishes in terms of inviting them to the conversation but not forcing it if they aren't ready to work through it. But truth is healing even if it is unpleasant. Just my two cents. Best wishes!
ASK YOURSELF IF THEY NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT. DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL THEM AND THEIR AGE.
Hello I just found you guys and sometime I'd like to join in on the conversation you'll be hearing more from me later on
This is my 1st time on Roots Tech so I’m just exploring and really enjoy it. I’m excited to get fresh perspectives and how to do family history.
Thanks for joining us this year, Susan! We're so glad you're enjoying RootsTech.
I tell my story of my mother's death in stages depending on who is listening. I start like it's a headline in a newspaper, then if more detail is needed I can tell of the situation. Because I have been able to view documents of her accident i then know and can tell of some of the sadder/bad parts of her story. Not everyone I speak to wants to know all the details.
when you have something in your past that you need to explain it is hard to know how to approach it. i been wondering how i could do that for my grandchildren and have it be appropriate on family search
my family has this idea that bad things should stay behind closed doors and with me my mothers dont beleive anything that I tell here my sisters and I was melested but my mother wont beleive that the men toucher me she tells me that they only touch my sisters how can i get her to beleive me and do i tell this in family search
It's probably not appropriate to put the story in Family Search, but you should certainly see if someone can help your believe you. If she is gone, write the story elsewhere so others can learn from your situation. Family Search is not really the place for a sensitive story such as this one. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have someone to talk to who can help you work through all the issues this has brought into your life. Saying a prayer for you, Charlene.
@@steadybetty thank you
Just know that there are people out there that will believe you. You may want your mother to believe you the most but there are many others that will listen to your story and be able to empathize with you. I was molested by an older special needs student when i was in elementary school. I made the mistake of never telling anybody to the point where I cant prove what happened anymore but I do get healing from taking about it with others in support groups online. I havent told my family yet and i hope they dont find out about it before im ready to talk about it but I just hurts so much to think about how much it would destroy them to know what happened to me... In short I believe you and many others will to. I hope you have found peace and acceptance with what happened to you.
What if you are doing research and you find out someone went to prison. Do you include that? What do you do if someone does something that is really imbarasing to the family? Do you include the trial, prison sentence, and release? I know that the person learned and grew from the event, but most of the family wants to forget it happened.
It was part of that person's life. If they continued to have problems, yes, add it. If it was a small incident and they have moved on, then let the past lie. Let them move on as a new person. It is a touchy subject.
Were there any lessons learned by anyone? I think it's important to include lessons learned. That seems to be the point to me.
@@luannwalters3268 Thanks for your input. The people involved have moved on, so I didn't want to include the time he was in prison, but what if people in the future want to know what caused him to become the person he was (you know, our great, great, grandchildren?) I understood what you were trying to say in your "talk," but I'm not sure what to do in this situation. I grew in strength from what I went through, he changed and became a better and stronger person, and I think it affected our children in a positive way. I can't speak for my children, but I can talk about what I went through. I know my husband CAN'T write about it still. It's been more than 20 years, but it's still hard to talk or write about.
I know that you help people write their family histories. I was impressed that you talked about writing a little at a time. I think it's time for me to start writing something and to put it up on Family Search. Since I am still living, no one else has access to it, do they?
My parents have passed. I spent the 18 months after my mother died and before my father died writing his "story." I put it aside because I couldn't listen to the tapes from his funeral to finish it. I found it recently (I couldn't find a digital copy, but I found one that I printed out and edited it.) but I have to retype it. I have been watching many of the classes from RootsTech and yours. I noticed that no one wrote a story with the pictures imbedded in the narrative. I learned how to do that using Word Perfect. I use Microsoft Word now, and don’t know how to do it in this program. Do I just put the pictures on the same page and put a caption under them? Should I use a different program for the picture pages?
I really hate to bother you about these things, but I’m not sure who else to ask. Please answer me when you are able. I am not in a hurry. Thanks!
Jan Gibbons
@@jangibbons In Microsoft Word, you could put the pictures on the same page. Shutterfly also has easy to lay out option for books that include pictures and text as does Blurb.
Regards from Finland
Hi from England
Could I get a link to the higher self esteem studies for children that know their life stories.
Excellent ideas! Thanks for sharing!
I love All the Stories, it pulls a list of stories from family search that makes it easy to find and read stories,
From Michigan. I have 2 difficult stories.
San Lorenzo, California. This is my first Roots Tech, although have have viewed online parts of past conferences.
But should we journal difficult issues? Such as drinking ?
I believe it is important to share this with family. Typically not a secret, but a life lesson for my children and myself. One grandfather was an alcoholic, but I never saw him abusive or drunk. I loved him, but learning of his situation helped me understand why my grandparents divorced.
I agree with Lynette that it should be put in the family stories, whether or not on Family Search depends on the situation. If there are problems with addictions of any kind, that passes down through the DNA. The descendants can benefit by knowing to be extra careful and learn from their relatives' mistakes.
Yes, it is part of your family story. Don't have to bring up every horrible story, but be clear that drinking was there & how it affected you or that person's life. You could help prevent future generations with your info.
My daughter is firm about not wanting the ugly stories not to be published in even a private story. My father was a terrible person and I have no direct positive memories. Yet he made my siblings and I a big swing set and sandbox but it did not justify the violence.
How interesting that you remember the one good thing. Life is messy and people are messy. I thank God we have a Savior. Bless you!
Maybe you could tell your father's story, touching on his violence. Can you say for sure why he was violent? (Personality; medical, alcohol, etc.) But also include the facts----where he grew up, schools, work ((job, trade), places he lived, his direct family, the good things like the big swing set & sandbox.
You could also take a different angle by sharing your stories and who helped shape you into the person you are today and how.
Orange County California and first time “at” roots tech.
Welcome to RootsTech!
Wendy..you're too cheerful for this topic! Things happen in families that SHOULD NOT BE SHARED! I'm not going to tell children about rape, murder, incest, prison to close family members. None of these topics are gentle.
You want a young girl to share her story of rape with her photo?
American Fork, Utah. I attended my first Roots Tech 3 years ago.
Where are the articles that Sydney wrote published?
Karen, let us know if this helps you find her articles: www.thechurchnews.com/author/sydneywalkerdeseretnews-com.
Hello from Los Angeles
Still haven't addressed whether to include these hard stories on family search memories.
Stories of these who have passed , not those still living
Hello from Rochester New York
Hi. Elaine from London UK origins |- Jamaica
Mississippi
Belgian malianios
What is a "4th Grade Grandmother"??
4th great grandmother
I believe she said 4th great grandmother 😊
Repeat your words about asking our kids about what they remember that was traumatic? difficult?
california
Great help. Thank you.
Glad you found value in it.